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senacal · 4 years

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Hey! Would u wanna write one where right after cuba in the hospital charles asks her to sing to him, and all she can remember is an old song from sweden (slightly personalized in that, i hope you dont mind!!) called Flyktsoda by ebba grön, she sings in swedish and he translates lyrics by telepathy. she ends up kinda confessing with the line "dont be scared of me, i am so scared of you" bcz shes a bit scary and mad all the time but shes super weak for charles. then u can decide how it ends 🥺🥺

Request: Requested by Anon

Pairing: Charles Xavier x Fem! Reader

Prompt: Hey! Would u wanna write one where right after Cuba in the hospital Charles asks her to sing to him, and all she can remember is an old song from Sweden (slightly personalized in that, I hope you don’t mind!!) called Flyktsoda by Ebba grön, she sings in Swedish and he translates lyrics by telepathy. she ends up kinda confessing with the line "don’t be scared of me, I am so scared of you" bcz she’s a bit scary and mad all the time but shes super weak for Charles. then u can decide how it ends 🥺🥺

Warnings: self deprecation? Charles isn’t okay and neither is the reader

Author’s Note: I don’t mind at all ^.^ I listened to the song and it was super catchy, even better when I found out what the lyrics translated to (I speak no ounce of Swedish lol 😅) Sorry it took so long btw, I fell into a funk but here I am, forcing myself out 😬

Requests Are Open!

After the events of Cuba, Charles hadn’t been the same. He wasn’t to blame, of course, his whole world had changed with a single bullet. It was heartbreaking to witness the once cheerful man turn into this broken person. He plastered on a smile when he needed to and he pretended to be the same cheeky man, but (Y/N) knew it was an act. Not only had he lost his legs, but he also lost Raven and his best friend Erik that day. Despite Erik being capable of making his own choices, Charles blamed himself for what happened. He blamed himself relentlessly and it annoyed (Y/N) because she knew the turmoil it was giving the man. She hated seeing Charles putting himself through that self-inflicting guilt.

No matter how many times (Y/N) or Hank tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, Charles still continued to place the blame on himself. Charles did stop communicating that guilt out loud around them when they visited him in the hospital, but (Y/N) was willing to bet that it still resided in the back of his mind. She didn’t have to be a telepath to know that because she could easily see it in his eyes. She liked to think that she knew him well enough through everything they’ve gone through together.

Before Cuba, Charles and Erik had found her working a tireless job to keep herself off of the streets. She was barely scraping by and she lived in a crappy one-bedroom apartment. It was located in the bad part of town and the crime rates were skyrocketing, but the mayor didn’t care to fix that. So she suppressed her powers and forced herself to fight for what little she had. She couldn’t afford for her landlord to figure out that she was a mutant and kick her out. Thankfully her mutation was easy to hide, as long as her emotions were kept intact. The only hint at her mutant powers was the growing life around her wherever she went, meaning, she could manipulate plant life either with a thought or a simple touch. It aggravated her to see people treat the plants in her neighborhood soo poorly.

When Erik and Charles first went to collect her, she couldn't understand what they would want with a girl like her. She was on the verge of homelessness, worked a dead-end job, and had a criminal record. The charges against her weren’t too serious, a couple of shoplifting charges and she might have beat a guy up here and there who tried to attack her. But regardless, she knew she wouldn’t fit in with the others Charles and Erik had recruited. So when she met them, she glared her way through each conversation and ignored the CIA’s requests. But for some reason, Charles managed to worm his way into her heart. Maybe it was his charming smile that should have annoyed her or his eyes that were shockingly blue. Or maybe it was the fact that he understood her even though he was the complete opposite of her. Whatever it was, Charles was the only one who had seen her softer side.

It was almost funny seeing Hank’s shocked face when he witnessed her caring side for the first time. They had both decided to visit Charles in the hospital when Charles had asked for a small favor, some comfortable clothes, and (Y/N) had readily offered to get them. Hank was possibly more surprised than was necessary. (Y/N) did nice things! The other day she helped Erik with his powers, granted that was before he betrayed them and Hank wasn’t there to witness it. Now though, (Y/N) reserved her soft spot for Charles. Hank seemed to understand, he didn’t make any comments about it; but that was probably because when Alex did, (Y/N) manipulated the roots of a tree to keep him stuck for a whole night until Charles turned a disapproving eye on her. He learned his lesson after that though.

But that was all before Cuba. Now it was just (Y/N), Hank, Alex, Banshee, and Charles. But even Banshee and Alex went their own way. (Y/N) couldn’t say where they went, she wasn’t sure. But she did know that their departure had added to Charles’ grief and guilt. She made it her duty to stay by his side while he was in the hospital, a reassurance that she wouldn’t leave him. Charles had turned her into this soft mushy person and it scared her shitless. She couldn’t remember the last time she had loved someone. But the thought of him leaving or being taken away terrified her. Charles terrified her. But she pulled herself together so he wouldn’t realize anything was wrong, he didn’t need any extra guilt.

(Y/N) sat next to Charles's bedside, a book in her hands to keep her busy while Charles slept. She arrived early that day because of the construction happening on the street where the hospital was located and she didn’t want to be late. She wasn’t expecting Charles to be awake which was why she brought the book. She was immersed in the story when Charles woke up, which is why he surprised her.

“You’re here early,” He spoke groggily.

The flowers’ leaves on the other side of Charles’s bedside shot out of their vase and wrapped around Charles’s wrist, forcing it flush against the bed. (Y/N) might have gotten startled since she was distracted. She looked up with a guilty smile and released his wrist when he gave her an unamused look. “Sorry, you scared me,” She grumbled.

“It’s alright, love,” Charles rubbed his wrist. He hadn’t expected the grip to hurt since they were tulip leaves.

“How’d you sleep?” (Y/N) set the book in her hands aside and shifted so she could face Charles.

“Okay, I guess. I’m ready to get out of here,” He shrugged. He adjusted the bed so he could sit up.

“I can ask the doctor when you can be released if you’d like?” (Y/N) offered.

‘No, it’s okay,” Charles waved her off, “I’d much rather keep your company a little longer,” He smiled.

(Y/N) nodded, a faint smile on her lips. “Of course,” She drummed her fingers on her lap. “Did you need anything? The nurse? More medicine? Food?”

“I’m alright for now, thanks though… Can I ask you a question?” Charles hesitated.

“Yeah, anything.”

“Do you mind if, you can say no, but do you mind if I ask you to sing me a song? I’ve been quite bored here and the radio stations are rather crappy and there’s never anything good on the telly,” He rambled.

“Oh, uh,” (Y/N) furrowed her brows, what song would she sing?

“Never mind, it was weird of me to ask, you don’t-”

“No, I’ll sing for you uh, Is it okay if it’s in Sweden? I can’t really remember any songs right now,” (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed and her fingers began to fidget in her lap.

“I don’t mind,” He smiled kindly.

(Y/N) nodded and cleared her throat, here went nothing, “Lyckan kommer, lyckan går. Dom säger tiden läker sår. Jag släcker lampor. Jag öppnar fönster. Letar efter mönster. Jag kommer aldrig. Jag kommer aldrig, kommer. Kommer aldrig komma hem.”

‘Happiness comes, happiness goes. They say that time heals wounds. I turn off lamps, I open windows. Searching after patterns, I will never, I will never, will never come home,’ Charles lay back in his bed, his eyes closing as his mind translated the lyrics for him, one of the better aspects of his telepathy, the ability to understand any language.

“Flyktsoda, ta mig i hand. Sätt mig i brand, ibland ibland ibland. Flyktsoda ta mig i land. Sätt mig i brand, ibland ibland ibland,” (Y/N) could feel her stomach flipping, her chest filling with anxiety. She hadn’t realized how much this song actually meant until now. She hadn’t been happy before Charles came into her life. She was merely going through the motions, living because it was expected of her, but with Charles, hell even Hank, they gave her a reason to keep going. Only Charles was her reason for staying.

‘Escapesoda take my hand. Set me on fire, sometimes sometimes sometimes. Escapesoda bring me to shore. Set me on fire, sometimes sometimes sometimes,’ Charles inhaled deeply, (Y/N)’s voice soothing the ache in his chest. He appreciated everything she has done for him while he was hospitalized. If it weren’t for her, he was sure he wouldn’t have made it out in one piece. He barely made it with her there, but her persistent presence kept him grounded and kept him from falling into despair.

“Var inte rädd för mig. Jag är så rädd för dig,” (Y/N)’s voice stuttered over the words. They pierced her heart when she sang them. They rang true and she was afraid it revealed just how much Charles affected her.

“Don't be afraid of me. I'm so afraid of you,” Charles's eyes opened when he heard the vulnerability in her voice. He looked at her with questioning eyes, he almost felt bad when he read what she was thinking.

“Do you really think that I am afraid of you?” He asked softly.

“I, well, everyone else was, why not you too? I hurt you just a little while ago,” She pointed to his wrist.

Charles's wrist was rubbed raw from the leaf, but it wasn’t too bad, plus he had startled her, “I startled you, it wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s not the point Charles, I’ve done some bad things so why wouldn’t you fear me?”

“You fought to protect yourself. You are so much more than your powers, (Y/N). You’re magnificent, you’re amazing.” Charles wished he could reassure her and comfort her more, but his fucking legs couldn’t move. He shifted as best as he could, “Now why do you fear me?” He wondered.

(Y/N)’s heart was racing, she swore her heartbeat was louder than the heart monitor attached to Charles. “I- you don’t- why-” She ran her hand through her hair. “If I tell you, promise me this won’t change anything between us, okay? You’re all I have and I can’t lose you as a friend.” She spoke softly.

Charles nodded, “You could never lose me.”

(Y/N) bit her lip, wondering how to start. How does one even tell the person they love they fear them because of the hold they have on their heart? Charles managed to shove his way into her life and now she couldn’t picture her life without him in it. “I fear you because how easily you fit into my life,” She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, though she didn’t know why she was crying, shame maybe? “For a long time now it’s been just me, I had nobody, my parents didn’t want me, my landlord was looking for any reason to evict me, my co-workers were all selfish assholes, and I’ve been attacked countless times by men in the streets. I made sure no one could misuse my trust and I made sure no one could hurt me, but here you are,” She wiped a stray tear that ran down her cheek, “You pushed through the walls I’ve built and now I’m afraid to lose you.”

(Y/N) ran her hand through her hair again, she probably looked so pathetic to Charles.

“You could never look pathetic,” Charles reached his hand out to her which (Y/N) hesitantly took, “I know I said this wouldn’t change anything, but perhaps it can change just a little?”

(Y/N)’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Perhaps once I get out of here we can go on a date?” Charles asked nervously, “You don’t have to agree, and we can continue like normal, but now that I know for sure that you harbor feelings towards me maybe we can-”

(Y/N) stood from her seat to press her lips to Charles’s cutting off his ramblings. She pulled away from the kiss and smiled, “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

Charles grinned, almost looking like his old cheeky self. He might have lost some things in Cuba, but he gained something too. He’d be damned if he let (Y/N) be taken away from him too. “I hope you know you’re stuck with me now.”

“I guess I can live with that,” (Y/N) laughed, “But promise me one thing okay?” At Charles nodded, (Y/N) continued, “Never tell anyone that I sang to you.”

Charles laughed despite her serious look, “I promise not to tell anyone.”

#Charles Xavier #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier x fem reader #x men x reader #X-men #x-men x reader #x-men x fem reader #mutant reader

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unibrowzz · 3 years

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Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part IV: The 1980s

Ah yes, the 80s. One of my favourite decades for music overall, and one of the only decades in Eurovision where I wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to change most of the songs that won, the other decade being the 2000s.

But at least with the 80s there was more quality songs per year, whereas the 2000s was mostly drivel.

I also count the 80s as being somewhat of a turning point in the contest’s history, and by that I mean it always seemed to me like it was the decade where the UK really began to stop caring. Most people know the song that won in 1985, but nobody knows what won in 1986. Everyone knows Johnny Logan won twice, but couldn’t name his second song. Everyone knows Celine Dion competed, but can’t remember if she won or what she sang.

That and countries also started experimenting with more modern sounds and outfits towards the end. The early 80s is just an extension of the 70s I swear.

But that’s enough of all that, how do I find the winning songs?

1980- What’s Another Year?

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song that makes every 50something woman in the UK and Ireland all doey-eyed and rosy cheeked as they remember back to when they were a teenager watching this on TV and drooling at the lovely looking sad Irishman singing his sorrows into the microphone. Or that’s my experience with this song anyway. Another experience is that most vintage fans I know tend to dislike this song on the grounds of it beating out [insert song here] Everyone has their favourite from 1980 since it was honestly a pretty strong year, but even though this song isn’t my first place for that year I can still clearly see why it won. See, 1980 had a lot of pop songs, so a slow, sad song like this one was bound to stand out, whether it was popular or not. Luckily for this one, it turned out to be a popular choice. Other songs wouldn’t be so lucky… Back on track though. Like I said, this is a very sad and melancholy song with sad and melancholy lyrics, which not only made it stand out in its year, but also made it stand out amongst other Eurovision songs of its time. It’s strange to think, but at this point in the contest’s history there hadn’t been a winner with lyrics so solemn and personal. See, in modern Eurovision, every other song is the artist baring their soul about their horrible ex-boyfriend, or their depression, or past abuse, or whatever, so knowing there was a period where songs like that were so rare is just… surreal to me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Greece tbh, I don’t mind this one

If no, what is? Greece- Anna Vissi- “Autostop”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 23rd

1981: Making Your Mind Up

Country: United Kingdom

Artist: Bucks Fizz

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the UK winner that nobody really likes, but the BBC still forces at us anyway because they’re proud they came up with a gimmick that everybody remembers. Or maybe it’s not that well remembered, but nobody would know that because we’re reminded of it every year. This song is… alright. Just alright. The first listen of this one is always the best, because after a while it just gets kind of annoying. The singing ESPECIALLY starts to grate you for a while. Even in the studio version the two girls sound unbearably shrill and whiny, and I’m not sure if that’s their fault or the songwriter’s (since if I remember correctly only one of them was a professional singer). I’m seriously convinced there’s no way for a female vocalist to pull this off without sounding terrible. Again, this one’s perfectly fine and serviceable, but that doesn’t mask the fact it’s still the worst UK winner and the worst winner of the 1980s too.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Carlos Paião- “Playback”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 58th

1982: Ein Bißchen Frieden

Country: West Germany

Artist: Nicole

Language: German (Translation: “A little peace”)

Thoughts: This song gives me a really warm, nostalgic feeling, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know this one did well internationally, so it’s possible I just heard it as a kid, but given how I grew up in the early 2000s, “Eurovision is a shitty freak show full of weirdos from the USSR who gang up on the UK and don't vote for us on purpose” era Britain, that’s highly unlikely. Anyways, this is such a warm, fuzzy kind of song. It has a lovely… round-the-campfire, singalong kind of vibe, like this is meant to be sung by a load of long haired hippies with flowers in their hair and CND symbols drawn on their cheeks. And it’s… … Also kind of bland. If you’ve been reading my personal winners so far, you’ll have noticed I definitely have a soft spot for old German entries, so it’s a shame I find the one song they actually won with to be so… generic. It’s like they got tired of being unique so decided to send the same saccharine fluff everyone else was sending, and guess what, it paid off majorly, because this song was a huge hit at the time. Something about that kind of bothers me, like, out of all the entries they sent, it’s the one that’s the most “Eurovision-y” that ended up winning. And there’s something depressing in that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? United Kingdom- Bardo- “One Step Further”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 50th

1983: Si la vie est Cadeau

Country: Luxembourg

Artist: Corinne Hermés

Language: French (Translation: “If life were a gift”)

Thoughts: You want a tip on how to stand out amongst Eurovision fans? Say you like this song. Probably won’t make you very popular, but you’ll stand out at least. I will confess, I, too, was part of the hate-wagon for this song. Like most fans I knew, I’d complain about how boring and uninteresting it was and how it, ahem, “robbed” so many other entries, and how basic it was, et cetera, et cetera. But… honestly? It’s not even that bad. Sure I had other favourites from 1983 (the ones I could stand watching anyway, the host that year was so unimaginably terrible I gave up watching halfway through. I DARE you to watch the whole thing without wanting to neck yourself), but this song gets way more hate than it deserves. I honestly don’t think this song is half as bad as I made it out to be myself, or as bad as the fandom makes it out to be. It’s got a decent melody, some solid vocals, some appealingly 80s instrumental, like there’s a lot I like here. …Until you read the lyrics and realise they’re almost as half-assed and lazy as All Kinds of Everything’s, but I digress. Did I prefer other songs from that year? Of course. Am I going to complain about this one winning? Nah. It’s alright.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Sweden- Carola Häggkvist- “Främling”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 41st

1984- Diggiloo, Diggiley

Country: Sweden

Artist: Herreys

Language: Swedish

Thoughts: Whenever I was a younger fan I used to describe this song as being drunk-dad-at-a-wedding-music performed by three sentient Ken dolls, and I still stand by that statement. And I don’t really know how else to describe this one. It certainly has its charm, and it’s still a likeable song, but it also feels very… vapid. Like if this song were a person, they’d be a bit of a bimbo. And I mean, the song’s about how the singer’s oh-so-happy and prancing down the street in his brand new shoes, so that’s probably a fair description. Part of me wonders if that’s down to old Eurovision songs being vapid in general or if it’s down to the schlager genre itself requiring songs to be kinda neutered and happy-go-lucky, but even though I do like this song, it does come off as being a bit bland. A bit by-the-numbers and playing-it-safe. And I don’t mind songs like that, but I’d rather they didn’t win, y’know?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Italy- Alice & Franco- “Il Treni di Tozeur”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 15th

1985- La det Swinge

Country: Norway

Artist: Bobbysocks

Language: Norwegian

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song which finally hauled Norway into first place after years of being a regular last-placer. Maybe the UK should take some notes instead of blaming Brexit. Or Russia. Or Iraq. Or anything other than their own apathy, for that matter. But this is about La det Swinge and not the UK, so what are my thoughts on it? Well it’s… It’s the kind of song I imagine my mom and aunt would sing at a wedding if they ever attended one. It’s a very fun song, a little cheesy, sure, but it’s hard to not like a song that’s this upbeat and cheery. And yeah I know it’s because it’s schlager and that’s generally a really cheerful genre by default, I touched on that in the review above,

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Israel

If no, what is? Israel- Yizhar Cohen- “Olé Olé”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 14th

1986- J’aime la Vie

Country: Belgium

Artist: Sandra Kim

Language: French

Thoughts: This song is an enigma because I’m an absolute slut for 80s pop, yet, for some reason, I find this song painfully average and uninteresting. Now, I’ll get it off my chest and say that 1986 was also a painfully average and uninteresting year, and most of the time I just felt myself remembering the singer more than the song, and even then I struggle to remember what some of the acts even were. It was just such a boring blur of a year I’m surprised the juries even managed to stay awake to pick a winner. And I GUESS you could argue that this song is so upbeat and peppy that it woke them up, but that doesn’t excuse how bloody generic it is. Like, this is the most generic 80s song you can imagine, and not in a good way. It feels more like stock music than an actual publicly released pop song. Had it not won, I doubt it would’ve stood out to me at all; it would’ve just faded into the background with all the other muted, 80s-coloured mush from this year. Basically, there’s a reason the singer’s age is the only thing noteworthy about this song.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Luxembourg- Sherisse Laurence- “L’amour de ma vie”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 49th

1987- Hold me Now

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the superior Johnny Logan winner. And I’m not sure why everyone forgets this one because Mother of Mercy this song is in another league entirely compared to the other schlock Ireland’s won with. Like this is their best winner, no competition. One of their best songs overall as well. One of the best entries from the 80s, one of the best winners of the 80s, one of the best winners… Yeah, I really like this song. I’ll admit to sleeping on this one for too long myself, always dismissing it as some boring Irish ballad to go with all the other boring Irish ballads they somehow managed to win with (we’ll get to that later), and always agreeing with people who said XYZ country (always Yugolslavia) should have won instead. Basically I learnt the hard way to never judge a song on its country and genre. But one day I found myself in the midst of a revisiting trip, going back to winners I didn't pay much attention to, just to see if there was anything I’d missed the first time round. And something about the lyrics in this song resonated with me a lot more than I thought they would. In a strange way, it made me feel older; like I’d grown up and was able to relate to the words in a song and appreciate it more than I could when I was younger. The line “what do you say when words are not enough?” especially hits harder than it should; as someone with autism I tend to find showing emotions difficult, even in virtual conversation where I’m not using my voice or face, because… Well, what do you say when your words aren’t enough?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 2nd

1988- Ne Partez pas Sans Moi

Country: Switzerland

Artist: Céline Dion

Language: French

Thoughts: Telling people Céline Dion won this thing is a new favourite hobby of mine, just to see the confused reaction. And that’s the most interesting thing about this song because it’s… fine, I guess? It’s a perfectly serviceable 80s power ballad, but there’s no bells and whistles to make me sit up and declare it any better than just “okay”. It’s basically the ballad equivalent of J’aime la Vie from 1986, in that it’s extremely 80s and also in French, but there’s nothing to make it that memorable aside from the singer herself. And even then this isn’t the song that made her famous anyway. Even her singing doesn't make this one stand out, partially because the song doesn't do anything special with it, and partially because she just blends in with all the other good singers of this era. And that’s kinda sad to think about.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Hmmm....

If no, what is? Greece- Afroditi Frida- “Clown”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 22nd

1989- Rock Me

Country: Yugoslavia

Artist: Riva

Language: Croatian

Thoughts: So this is another song it really took me a while to get into (there’s lots of those, trust me) and one that was very briefly in my top three overall favourites. It’s slid down a few slots since then, though I would still say it’s… Somewhere in the top 15. I don’t really have a lot to say about this one, if I’m honest. It’s just a good, fun, solid song which stood out in a very dull and ballad-saturated year, nothing more, nothing less. The lyrics are nice too, being about a bored musician who learns to love music again by teaching himself how to play pop songs to entertain his friends. That’s a unique subject and I can imagine it resonating with a lot of people who’ve fallen out with a hobby they used to love because they took it too seriously (providing they either speak Croatian or have looked up the lyrics, of course). I mean, it resonates with me at least. All in all, I just like this song for its message more than anything else.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Da Vinci- “Conquistador”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 9th

#Eurovision #mod's winner reviews #posting now because the tag will be CHAOS come 7 lmao #esc winners

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louisewahlander · 7 years

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Journal 1998

OCTOBER 5 1998 – Farnham England Everyone has moved in to the house now. Ground floor: Charlotte, Rob, and Henry. First floor: Me, Abi, Pauliina, Ella and Emma…and Second floor is the kitchen. My room is awful, white painted brick walls, and it has the shape of…well, i dunno, it has no shape and yet it has a million and one shapes, i think i have 7 corners and none is in a 90 degree angle. Atleast i got the biggest room in the house, but then again, i have to pay most rent. I love the address though, Castle Field. We are right behind Farnham Castle and we can see it from our kitchen tower-window. Pauliina is nice, she’s finish so i guess we have more in common than i have with the rest in the house. They are actually a bunch of snobs! So obnoxious and loud and GIRLY…they are! I cannot believe how they can behave like this just because of a jumper or a pair of shoes: "They’re sooooo gooorgeous!!" And they giggle and jump up and down. OCTOBER 17 1998 – Farnham England Welcome to the house of fun… Aaah, how i love my house mates, they’re so…so, loud, and they never pick up their junk after themselves, and they never go to bed, they throw parties til 5am and don’t care about the ones who want to sleep, they yell and shout, and scream and uuuuuuugh! How can anyone be like them? All they care about is their hair and make up, clothes and shoes… And have any of them been into college yet? I doubt it cuz they are always shopping or just hanging in the kitchen with Henrys one and a million friends! Everytime you go out of your room there’s a new face in the hallway or kitchen, and they say Hi! I’m a friend of Henry’s…Oh yeah, kinda guessed you were! Oh and Char is sooo skinny i’ve never seen anything skinnier and yet she complains she’s so fat and all she eats is Kellogs Branflakes, and at the most a slice of toast with nothing on it… OCTOBER 18 1998 – Farnham England I hate Sundays in Farnham! They’re so ghost like. Everything is so quiet… And today Pauliina is in London. It’s only me and Gabrielle left. We went for the longest walk, it wasn’t meant to be that long… First we walked around town for an hour taking pictures for this stupid module i don’t understand, and neither does Gabi. She even asked Robin what the hell it’s about and he looked at her with those evil eyes saying You don’t know? Read the module book… She said I have, and then he looked totally annoyed and started to explain it. The thing is, the module book says one thing, Robin another, and John says another thing, and i refuse to ask Martin for he’ll probably say something totally different from everyone else… From what i understand we’re supposed to represent Farnham, while challangeing the rural myth and…yuck! Anyway, we were out taking pictures of Farnham, but both me and Gabrielle ended up taking pictures of trash near the shut down theatre. Then we went on to the cemetery, and there Gabrielle suggested that we should go up to the fields behind the art colege. Sure! We started walking and she said Let’s go up here, i know this is the way, this must be the right way… Ha ha ha, right… Eventually she found the right way and we walked out into the open fields… Beautiful, until Gabi started talking about her phobias with open fields. Saying: What if an axe murderer comes along or a wierdo who starts to follow you, where do one hide??? And she says i’m having wierd thoughts sometimes! I think we were out walking for 3 hours. OCTOBER 23 1998 – Farnham England Just came back from the union. It’s Emma’s birthday and she invited everyone in the house to come down to the SU for drinks. Sure she asked me to come along, and she asked Pauliina too…but when we came to the union they totally ignored us and said nothing to us except for: You allright? Like fifty times in a row. They took pictures and excluded me and Pauliina from everyone of them. Me and Pauliina had the advantage to slag them right infront of them…in swedish! Ha ha! Emma had on this skirt that was so short you didn’t need to look up it to see her knickers and Abi had on this top which showed most of her boobs, they were nearly falling out. There’s nothing wrong to show off your boobs if you have a nice pair but, you don’t have to think they’re the biggest and best looking pair in the world, and you don’t have to look down on them every five minutes to admire them, and you don’t shake them and then giggle because they move… They’re a bunch of tarts! Ella and Char are snobby too, but they are a lot better than Abi and Emma… Anyway, i left the union after a while, and by then Rob had left too, cuz they ignored him aswell, but they always do. They say he's’wierd and what not. But he's’a sweet guy, he's’only 17 and so what if he likes to keep to himself? OCTOBER 24 1998 – Farnham England Ha ha ha… Last night Charlotte lost her keys at the union, so she couldn’t get in. Henry did let her in to the house, but then she couldn’t get into her room, so she had to sleep on the kitchen floor. How hilarious! The thing is, she lost her keys, never asked anyone if they’d seen them, called the porters lodge and had them come and change the lock (the front door one, so we all got new keys, and the door to her room) and she had to pay £86 for it! Then ofcourse as soon as the locksmith was gone some guy showed up and said he had Char’s keys… She had given them to him at the union! So she payed £86 for nothing really!! Ha ha ha! I’m not an evil person, but i think she got what she deserved, for if you drink yourself stupid each night like she (and the other girls in this house) does… They all need to realise that they can’t go on like this, they dress like tarts and they are pissed stupid every night, they can hardly walk. Maybe i feel like this cuz i’m older than all of them, i dunno. But it’s not like i don’t drink, for i do, but i don’t drink so much that i pass out from it. And they should be careful, there’s been 3 rapes in Farnham the past month, and they’ve all been done with the help of the "rape drug"… OCTOBER 25 1998 – Farnham England There was a big fire in the house next to ours, joint with ours tonight! Me and Pauliina were down in the laundry when the alarm went off. First we didn’t care, thought it’s just another one of them false alarms. I mean, there’s been atleast 2-3 alarms each week since we got here, and they’ve all been false, the fire trucks has been here and all, but there’s been no fires! But in the end we did walk out of the laundry room and some girl came yelling at us to go to the fire assembly point, so we started walking up Castle Field when we saw smoke coming out of our house! Both of us panicked, and both said at the same time: My cameras!! Then we saw that it wasn’t our house but the one next door, so that felt abit better! But still, that house is joint with ours… The fire trucks came and they had smoke divers and everything! Scary! Apparantly a chip pan got over heated and exploded. And now they have no kitchen…it’s all burnt up…and our back yard is full of junk…the cooker, a melted kettle, a toaster, pots and pans… I can’t wait for tomorrow to take pictures of it all. One thing is for sure, i am never gonna ignore a fire alarm from now on. NOVEMBER 6 1998 – Farnham England I got the tickets to fly to Belfast today! £79 it cost for a return ticket, plus i need to get to Heathrow and back too…taxi? It’s £35 to go to Heathrow by taxi…expensive! I leave on the 12 th and stays until the 15 th. I’m really looking forward to this trip, i need a break! I did go to London 2 days ago, and it was fun. Me and Patricia went to photo galleries and the V&A. Had a delicious lunch at Govindas in SoHo. Then we did some shopping, but i didn’t buy much as i am going to Belfast!!! We had revies three days ago, and they went well, i got a good mark, and they loved my workbook! OH! And i finally got my tuition award. I was down at the registry asking if they’d heard anything from the Surrey County Council and they said no, and then this guy phoned them up and fixed it all and now i got a £1000 tuition grant which will cover my whole tuition for this year!! Yay! I called Emma and asked if i could stay there for the weekend i’m in Belfast and she said yes. They’re all looking forward to seeing me. When i called one of Emma’s daughters picked up the phone and i almost didn’t finish the Hi when she screamed Ooooh! Is it Louise? How you doing? Bla bla bla… It was great, then she asked, When are you coming over to see us, we haven’t seen you in a while, we missed you the last time you were over… And i told her i was coming over in a few days… And she said she’d have to tell Emma-Jane and Vicky… It was great, i’m so glad that they concider me a part of their family. Emma said she might not be home when i arrive but she said You got the key, let yourself in and make yourself at home, your room is there and you know where to find everything! NOVEMBER 13 1998 – Anditown Belfast I’m so happy i am here again! I love this place. The flight over went well and i sat next to some guys and one called me, what was it, not lady…madame or something and i nearly died, hey i’m only 22, and the guy couldn’t be younger than 20… i took the bus from the airport into the city centre and then i walked to Belfast Exposed and Sean gave me coffee in Gerrys mug that said "Horny little devil" ha ha, which i needed for it rained and rained! And they have made Belfast Exposed so beautiful now, they now have the place where the chippie used to be on King Street, and that’s where you enter the place, and it’s so nice, and there’s stairs up to the old premises. And everything was cleaned out and organised for once, and they have a brand new darkroom which i’m in love with! It’s great. And they let me print some pictures for free, those negatives from 96, when Sean took pictures of us at Kellys the night before me and Liz moved back to Sweden. They turned out great. Mark had sent me some of them, but there were so many other pictures i had not seen. It’s sad though cuz Kathy is no longer with the Belfast Exposed, there’s some new girl there instead. After that i went to Anditown and met Emma and one of her daughters, i can never remember her name, she’s got too many kids and grandkids… I do know Moira for she’s in Dublin and she’s the one who gave us a lift down there once…but the others i have no idea who they are, i just know them by faces… Then some lady i swear i have never seen came up to me hugged me and kissed me and said How wonderful to see you again, how are you dear? I don’t know who she was! (i still don’t, and it’s now March 11 99) And Emma’s friend the evil lady was there too, but she has altzheimers now so all she did was sit on a chair and sleep. She always used to stare at me and Liz and mumble words we couldn’t make out what they were… I have been to two exhibitions, Yoko Ono "have you seen the horizon lately" which was crap, she takes credit for alot of things that John Lennon made when he was alive, and that’s not right! Then i saw David Byrne’s "Strange ritual and Sleepless nights" which was amazing! I loved that one! I could’ve stayed looking at that forever. There was a Byrne book in the gallery shop but it was £40 so i couldn’t buy it for i had spent so much money shopping allready! Oh, i wanna see more of Byrne’s photography!! Ofcourse i missed the Clive Barker book signing! I was going to go there, but i was in my room and looked at the time, and realized that it had started 10 minutes ago, so i didn’t bother to try to get there… Oh i don’t wanna leave… NOVEMBER 20 1998 – Farnham England Me Charlotte and Emma cleaned our kitchen today…scrubbed it with bleach! It was so yucky! Emma cleaned out the fridge and gave out a loud scream of horror as she tossed a bag of chips on the floor… Me and Char had a look in it, and i swear, another day and those green furry chips would’ve walked away on their own. Why keep chips in the fridge, for weeks! It’s Henry’s chips and when he gets back he’s gonna hear about it! Atleast now the whole kitchen is clean. But for how long? Char came up with the idea of writing huge notes: Do your fucking dishes, NOW! Stuff like that, and we did put some up. The people in this house needs to take responsibility. It’s always me or Emma or Char who cleans up after everyone else! And when you have to use bleach all over it’s really bad! The kitchen is clean, but it has a yucky smell of Sainsburys white bleach instead!

#izan #louise wahlander #journal #1998 #farnham #rip #see about page

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