#but not to worry friends i think im gonna apply for a job with my department and then i can go buck wild in their garden | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

malboraslihan · 7 months

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hello friends <3 it's been a while since i posted a plotting call / interest post so i finally sat down today and wrote (more like assembled) plots / threads ideas i've been wanting to do. if you're interested in any of those LIKE THIS POST and i'll send you a message. just an important observation: we don't need to actually plot out most of these (some require working out details but that's it), if you want to write that plot with me just tell me which one and which muse you're interested and i'll write you a starter! so yeah basically, if you like any of those: * like the post * tell me which plot and which muse you want me to use (or which muse you think would work from your end so i can figure out who to use!) * i'll write you that starter

some need to knows... ig?

please do not worry about "making it fair" or anything like that, most of these plots are for my males and they're actual muses i want to develop so don't feel pressured to only choose one or all that.

on that same note, do not ask for a plot with one my girls just because you want one from my men. i honestly prepfer you pick plots you actually want to do instead of doubling threads and shit like that.

i'm open to plotting! but if we're gonna do it, i'd prefer we do it on discord cause the tumblr ims are always glitching to me and i keep losing tracks of things. so, if you wanna talk about things AND I'D LOVE TO, just lmk and i'll message you / give you my discord as well. (also, if we rp on discord and you wanna write some of these there, i'm obvs open<3)

these plots do not all need to be f/m ! i'm very open to make most of them f/f and while i'm a little more selective with who i write m/m plots, i'm willing to work things out if you have an idea :)

the bianchi reign

you're dating the mob boss / you're his sister / daughter and i'm his second in command but i can't stay away from you and you quickly realize it and we're flirting but if anyone finds out i'm dead

i'm infiltrating your gang to try and destroy it but we started sleeping together and it turns out there's feelings now but i just got an order to murder / kidnap you so now what

we were never close, i always thought you were annoying and now you fucked up big time on a mission and my father who's your boss wants to kill you but i marry you to stop him (insp)

i faked my own death to protect you/stop people from killing me/save our people and now three years later i send you a text asking you to meet me and at first you think it's a joke but then you come anyway and hi i'm alive (for noah!!!)

“we got framed for a crime we didn’t commit so now we’re on the run and having to kill and steal to survive and avoid arrest and now we really are dangerous criminals” au (maybe the crime was actually a fuck up inside the gang so now they're wanted <3) (for lorenzo or hazel)

the hawthorne family

you're dating my brother but he's constantly leaving you alone during events or even family trips to kiss my dad's ass and try to maintain his job so i keep you company until we're both drunk one night and i let it slip that i would love to kiss you

a plot where he’s a little too old for her but she doesn’t care. he thinks she’s immature and too reckless with her behavior. but she’s hellbent on proving him otherwise. so she applies for the position of his new personal assistant and he can’t help but appreciate her determination. of course he hires her but he does nothing short of giving her a hard time because this is her first job and she has no idea what she’s doing. but crap he finds her crying in the bathroom and his first instinct is to hold her and comfort her. he can’t believe he’s the cause of this and wises up fast. also maybe it has to do with his now urge to protect her. (for arthur)

not another rockstar by maisie peters.. just that toxic good old fangirl x stupid rockstar dynamic (for jean/hunter)

“you read one of my thirst tweets on a talk show and now my thirst is a minor internet sensation, so thanks for that” au (for hunter, jean)

‘we had a one night stand a couple of weekends ago and i really didn’t think i’d ever see you again but wow, now i’m sitting in your office interviewing for a job but all i can think about is the incredible s3x we had’ (for adam or arthur)

rich kids

a poly relationship, could someone who is just as rich as them or someone who isn't and they're spoiling the fuck out of them... someone who worked for one of them before or a friend idk (mostly for gigi, hunter and sara) (insp)

since i’m on a sugar baby phase imagine a plot where a college student is absolutely pampered by annoymous guy. all he asks in return is to be remained mysterious, occasion nudes, and all the attention he craves. she’s all too willing to give it for the pretty penny he’s offering. but her birthday comes around and he surprises her with a trip to see her favorite singer / actor with vip access / meet & oh hold a second, how does he know my name ? (for jean or hunter / hae park (nicha yontararak fc) / angel)

someone give me a thread where this rich dude falls for the normal down to earth girl nd introduces her to his world full of private jets nd yachts nd all that stuff and yES PLEASE

acotar/royal

we're fighting in different sides of a war and when we meet during a negotiation we find out we're mated

stuck in a mission together and we've always hated each other but then it's freezing cold and we have only one bed in this shitty cabin we're staying for the night so we should cuddle

you are supposed to get married to make peace between our countries/courts but we hate each other and we're constantly bickering and fighting and i think you might have actually tried to kill me once or twice (insp)

harbor springs

a plot based on ‘tis the damn season…. small town, childhood friends, one stayed put and the other moved away for college… now comes back for the holidays ten years later… pls

based on stick season by noah kahan: we were best friend since day one, dated during high school and broke up because you left for college / pursue your dreams and i stayed behind but one day i get a notification from you that you liked a photo or you shared a by pic and i liked and we just go back to talking and we're getting close again until you invite me to spend summer with you wherever you are and i actually been saving up money to leave town so i go and when i see you again i know i'm definitely still in love with you (for videl, keegan, ivy, patrick, angel, rani)

sports themed

(the nationals + tobias + gregory)

based on the trade by ki stephens: the hockey team has a tradition of trading dates during the end of season dinner and i invite you and make my best friend invite your roommate cause i wanna get with her but we actually start getting close and i fall in love with you but at the night of the dinner one of the guy spills everything (for benny or gael)

based on the deal by elle kennedy: i'll pretend i'm your boyfriend if you agree to tutor me and of course we fall in love (for benny, keegan or dane)

based on icebreaker by hannah grace: you hate hockey players and you say that to my face after i make a move on you so now i have to prove you wrong (bonus points if she's a figure skater and he has to help her after her partner bails or smt) (bonus points if they share the same rink so they're always bickering about late practices and shit) (for benny, keegan or gael)

he left his hometown to play professional and ended up breaking up with high school sweetheart because the distance and the busy schedule was just too much but a few years later he's won the superbowl and he's miserable and he meets her at some random party in his new town and wait she's engaged to someone else (for tobias, greg, benny, keegan)

plot where muse a is a star athlete on a professional team, and they go to a bar/pub after a great victory, where they meet muse b - a very attractive, bitter stranger wearing a fan jersey from the rival team.

a frat boy who’s like every normal frat boy. he drinks too much, he parties, and he sleeps with random girls but everything changes when he’s around the girl from back home. the girl that really matters to him. he doesn’t want to admit that he likes her a lot but, that’s what it comes down to when one of the guys in his frat house wants to hook up with her and she’s perfectly willing. (for benny or keegan)

horror plots

some spooky muses i made <3

muse a and muse b get stranded on a roadtrip and are offered a place to stay by a friendly looking local, only to find out they’re a serial killer looking to make them their next two victims. ( + bonus points if they’re exes who literally just broke up minutes before their car broke down??? the drama )

based on x, we're renting a farm house to film a college project / independent horror film / porn and one of our friends disappears on the first day and then our car disappears and now we don't know what to do cause there's no one around and the nearest stop was a forty minutes car drive away

i made you join a cult with me (recruited you / joined with you / made you join whatever) but now shit is happening and you're miserable and i can't bear to see you like this cause i actually grew too fond of you so i don't know what to do but i keep protecting you a little too much and people are going to realize at some point (for ubon or milo)

misc

popular girl x her best friend.. bonus points if the popular girl has a boyfriend or is constantly hooking up with different people (for ivy, giovana, madeline, rani)

church girl + unholy bf (for rani) and the opposite church boy + unholy gf (for jacob, videl)

lacy by olivia rodrigo: you're dating my ex boyfriend but i'm actually obsessed with you and not really sorry that i lost him. (bonus points if they're in the same friend group) (for giovana, madeline, anastasia, grace, hazal, saja)

i really want a plot based two weeks ago by maisie peters.. the whole vibe of being in love with someone and have it finally happen before they need to get on a plane and go somewhere else? really want to explore the long distance relationship situation with all the jealousy and missed calls, timezones that don’t match (for literally anyone.. but some that i could see this working with are: jacob, videl, benny thompson, gigi, rani, ivy, pinar)

i'm pretty sure my husband/boyfriend is cheating on me so i go out to do the same but i can't just sleep with a random but then i meet you, my long time friend and we end up talking and laughing until i kiss you and we hook up but now i'm trying to work things out with my husband/boyfriend but i can't stop thinking about you (insp) (for anastasia, fatma, grace, nari / arthur, finnley, keegan, tobias)

“your ex hired me to make you fall in love with me then break your heart but oops i think i fell in love and now i’m conflicted what the fuck is happening i’m supposed to hurt you ow what am i sUPPOSED TO DO” (for gigi, gael, theo hughes (kaden h fc))

he fucked up big time but he never forgot about her and was constantly trying to fix their relationship until at some point he gives up and that's when she finally texts back / shows up at his door (for jacob, patrick, videl, arthur / hazal, verda) insp

a nice, shy, nerdy boy who literally no one pays attention to asks the popular, outgoing, ray of sunshine out and she was so confused and didn’t think he meant it at first but she agrees anyway because she doesn’t want him to feel bad because she sees that he really tried so hard to ask her out? and maybe it didn’t work out so well at first but he tries again anyway? it doesn’t work a few times because of her schedule but he’s really sweet so she agrees to another more because it wouldn’t hurt and by the end of the date he works up the courage to ask if he could kiss her and she reluctantly says okay - and completely underestimates him but holy shit that wasn’t a chaste kiss? and before she knows it her clothes are on the floor and he’s fucking her like a whore but she’s so intO IT? (for sebastian aka my luke hemmings fc muse)

accidentally swapped phones with someone at a party and don’t realize until their mom calls in the morning and you spend like three hours talking to this hilarious woman about life and when you go to her house to return her kid’s phone wow the kid is the really good kisser from the party last night au (for maddie, videl, benny, aurora, tobias)

we dated in high school, i wrote a book about you five years later and now you’re at a fan event asking for an autograph.. (for the writer: maddie / for the ex: benny, benny hawthorne, tobias, videl)

“i’ve lost my memory and idk who you are but i just have this feeling that i’m supposed to trust you” (for arthur, videl, jacob)

“i’m in love with you and i just watched you get proposed to by your boyfriend right before my eyes and now i’m upset” (for jacob, patrick, keegan)

before trilogy inspired: we were the only ones waiting for a train but it was delayed for twelve hours / our next flight connection is not until tomorrow and we just decide to walk around the city and we end up kissing, i like you too much and i don't wanna lose this but it's time to go and we make a pact to come back here next month but we never actually do for different reasons and then 3/5/10 years later we meet again somewhere else.. (for ivy, rani, hunter or saja)

#so ! it took me ages to finally write this down but it's here HELLO #there's actually a few muses that i haven't been able to use and i want to so.. they're all around this list #it got long.. i'm sorry #but i also tried to separate by theme/verse so it's easier?#or idk if it actually makes it easier but oh well.#i just needed some “pre plotted” threads cause i've been missing them #so ig here it it #sorry for any gramma errors i just word vomitted and did not proof read anything #i'll shut up now #wanted plots

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rebelcaptain4life · 1 year

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The Rookie 4x01

Sooo many thoughts and even more tears. So imma just go through everything here I guess

Grey dealing with what happened 😭 grieving Jackson, but also needing to get Angela back. Grappling with sending in the rest of his team and potentially getting them killed, too, or waiting until they're sure the area is clear but waisting precious time

Jackson 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

Can't believe they all just had to watch their friend get killed like that 😔

"I lost a kid who's like a son to me" GREY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

"to show that we're not in America but in a third world country, we're gonna apply a beige filter to make everything look dusty" 🤡

I know Alyssa's just acting but I wonder what effect, if any, pretending to be in these stressful situations has on her real baby lol

Lucy is so smart, I won't stop saying it. She figured out why Lopez would be taken and still alive

GOOD JOB JACKSON OUR SMART COURAGEOUS BOY 😭😭😭

"Sir, we'll come up with a plan, it's not all on you" 😭😭😔😭😔 Grey has so much weight on his shoulders, he's the leader, he has to figure out what to do on top of his grief and worry. Nice moment of Tim telling him he's not alone

Bro seriously why did Nolan just ditch Lucy. I know it was for the Chenford but like they're supposed to be so close??? Also "you shouldn't be alone right now" again love the Chenford but what about Tamara??? Poor girl is also gonna be alone in that empty house

Ah so this is how Elijah came into the fold

*ehhem* AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED come on I'm sure you can both fit

That hug uhhh 👀👀👀 coming from S5, if the writers weren't setting up Chenford before (ie in the end of s3) they definitely were now

My personal speculation for what would've happened if Tim didn't get the phone call is a lot more angst and hurt/comfort. Like they whole point of her being there is to not be alone, but she's alone on that couch. I just picture Lucy going to Tim and breaking down sobbing. Tim holds her as long as she needs, until she falls asleep 🥲

LAPD doesn't have an air force but could Wesley borrow a private jet or something...?

I know it's not a great moment to acknowledge Nolan finished his training but I think it added some levity to a really dark episode, and also gave the team some much needed positivity

Noooo Lucy freaking out that maybe Gray was shot too cuz he wasn't answering 😭😭😭😭 NOT GREY GIVING HER THE SIDE EYE FOR IT poor girl just lost her bff to this guy 😭😭😭

Jackson's room😭😭😭😭😭

Didn't think Wesley had all this in him ngl 👏

Angela taking down a bad guy while in labour, so badass

"How do you feel about running" "IM IN LABOUR" can't Tim just carry her or something???

Angela looking around at her found family 🥹🥹🥹🥹 and the missing place where Jackson should've been 😭😭😭

Angela talking to Jackson 😭😭😭😭

Again coming from S5, I know the baby's name is Jackson but hearing it said in this episode, when it was the first time, is so special 😭😭😭

Btw when did Angela and Wesley officially get married?

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marcholasmoth · 11 months

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OSRR: 3217

happy clam!

i got the job!

i have a big girl job!

with my degree!

just my experience, education, interview, and writing skills involved - no nepotism this time! first job in..... seven years? that i've interviewed for! wild!

i'm so excited i have been jumping up and down and/or vibrating all day since i got the offer

also i'm floored that i got this far, this fast. i (really, genuinely searched for) applied for jobs for two weeks? had an interview two weeks after graduating, job offer two days after that. my momma said 2 must be my lucky number. i think it might be.

i'm so excited i got a big girl job, and i won't have to worry about my bills anymore, i'll get real insurance and stuff and i'm so excited

i told my mom, my best friends, and joel, in that order, rapidly, when i got the email.

so there's a whole host of things i need to do for that, including a bunch of paperwork that i'd like to do tomorrow afternoon but i'm gonna be busy all day, so rip me

i'm so excited

i feel like im jumping up and down in my head before like passing out, which is just about where i am in terms of exhaustion. im not looking forward to the exhaustion of a new job, but hopefully it's more fulfilling than taxing, because it's a small group and it's using my brain and it's the same people and it's fun for me, so that'll be nice. gotta figure out my limits with awareness and medications for night shift things and then day shift shifting for tutoring. so much to do, so little time.

anyway joel's off with friends this weekend for his birthday, so i have time to make his present which i hope i don't fuck up again lmao

i wanted to make that tomorrow, too, but i don't know when i'll make that. rip.

can i get a may 27½th? i need an extra day here, cmon my dudes.

but yeah. im happy.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3200s #sunshine boy

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tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r · 1 year

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I spend my life working up to something grand. I hope and dream of the future I'm going to have. Beautiful suburban, pretty wife, two adorable kids... But really I know it's going to amount to nothing. I'm probably going to die young, hated by people who used to call me friends. My dream job of being a teacher is almost impossible for me because I'm autistic. And truly the most amazing thing I've ever done is get a participation award. I hung it on my wall as if it was a reward for solving world hunger. Really what's gonna happen is Im gonna go to college and either burn out or work really hard. For a few years I'm gonna live with my parents, but they can't keep me there forever. I'm going to apply for jobs near my hometown, then my state, then my region, then my country. Nobody wants me. Nobody will ever fall in love with me and I'll spend my life slowly dying from health issues I can't pay off because I'm jobless and paying off thousands of dollars of bills. The economy is probably going to crash again, and I'll die sad and alone. If not from that than from global warming. Truthfully doing my homework and trying to get straight A's won't help me to avoid getting shot in a parking lot. Following all the rules in the hypothetical book won't help me pay medical bills. All I'll ever amount to is being that weird kid that nobody wanted to hang out with in school. People will see my death on gen z Facebook and just shrug. Maybe cheer. Maybe they'll think about that one time in first grade when I called them dumb for not knowing how to do a problem in math. I don't regret saying it but I shouldn't of. I know that. But I didn't back then. A select few might say they were friends with me. They'll remember a large fallout of our friendship, even though we said we'd be friends forever and ever and live in a mansion together until we die. Maybe it could've happened. I don't know. I'm just a teenager. A hopeless teenager who knows I'm going to die early. Dying at 40 doesn't feel scary until you're 20... Then 30... Then you hit 40. You live in fear. True 40 is years from now. But not enough. Why can't I live until I'm 90? Why isn't that possible for me? What about 60? Is that reasonable? Even 50. That would be splendid. Due to the American education system though it might be shortened even more due to stress, and maybe cut short by an intruder. I don't know. I'm just gonna cry into my pillow and forget I posted this so I can write "girl what- um.. anyways" on it tomorrow to dismiss my feelings because I shouldn't worry about this because I have a good life rn.

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dandeliicnsarchived · 2 years

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I’m gonna keep it real with y’all like I do - however it may get long, so I’ll stick it under read more and I won’t be formatting it either.

Today was not my best day, and I know y’all aren’t going to pressure me to write ( btw love y’all for sticking with me. ) However, I need to be honest and open and part of this is for myself.

Today, I had an emotional breakdown because I saw my ex boyfriend on my social media feed as a recommended. He’s living the life that I wanted, married, happy, a child - everything I wanted at one point he is living. That disgusting piece of SHIT doesn’t deserve it, he’s an abuser, he manipulates and he doesn’t care who he burns or hurts. He hurt me in the past and he didn’t care how it was would effect me.

Reason for not continuing my service in the Army? He’s one of the reasons - for the first half of my contract, we were planning on starting a life together, planning where to get stationed so we could be together - often called and video chatted but i noticed his behavior whenever I didn’t pick up a call. I was assumed to be cheating when he was one that did that. He cheated on me with multiple women state side and threw it in my face. He even had a women message me acting like it was him and trying to break us up.

I should have stopped there, I should have ended things but I didn’t because I was in love. I leave korea (as some people know I was stationed there first), I end up in Texas. I was looking forward to seeing him - reconnecting maybe even starting that life that we planned and dreamed about. He only used me for sex, I was nothing more than a body for him to use for his own pleasure and I didn’t know until I left the base he was stationed at. He married the girl he cheated on me with, cheated on her with me because he lied about his relationship with her.

He still did actively cheat and many women told that wife about his actions but apparently they’re living their best life. I don’t have any issues with that woman, but I am scared for her. The men I fell in love with used me, manipulated, isolated and abused me for months and almost years because he used my love as a weakness. I have nothing but pure hate for this man and I wish him nothing but the worse but he took things from me that I will never get back.

I hate living my life with scared, worried and wondering if I even deserve love or to be happy because of how i was treated in the past. I think I’ve purposely gained weight so I wouldn’t be appealing to anyone so there’s never that what if I end up with someone and they hurt me like that man did. it honestly SUCKS having memories pop up, vivid dreams of the guy who did nothing but abuse me for his own enjoyment but on the other side of the god damn fence, he’s living the dream I wanted but gave up on.

Honestly, I’m just venting - Im angry and sad, I cried, i bounced back but I’m so FUCKING emotional ( I can label it as just anger or just sadness because it’s everything NEGATIVE. )

I know for a fact, my time will come and I will heal if I really apply myself. I know I can and I will but this is just the hardest part. I back home, I’m safe, I have a job and I have my friends who matter. We all shared a meal today and I smiled and laughed but now that I’m alone again, I can’t help but reflect and wonder when do I get to be happy?. It comes at its own time and pace, I know but still - god dammit man. Abusers get live their lives and act as if they did nothing wrong but the victims stay stuck and having to build themselves again, tougher and stronger and just change; the person they were before the abuse is gone - now we have to be better and stronger but I deadass didn’t ask for this shit, the joke of “this is just my character development” is honestly sad and heartbreaking.

I’m not gonna curl up and let the depression and anxiety take over; I’m gonna push myself to be better and let myself feel because my emotions are valid but god damn, I need to let this out somewhere. Most likely I’ll make a personal blog just for myself but maybe my words can reach someone so they know that they’re not alone? we CAN and we WILL get through this shit - they throw us to the wolves and we’ll lead the god damn pack. FUCK EVERYONE who has ever hurt us because they WILL regret it.

#♥︎ ┆ ❝ im 5'2" & I'll go down swinging ❞ ⇢ out of chara #tw abuse mention #tw negative #( i promise y'all i'm okay - i just...i need to let this out or Imma be in a rut )

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 16 days

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#caint sleep because my brain wont shut off and also because its super hot #i just keep. thinking #a lot of it is fake scenarios of telling people off that i hate #other topics include: mentally applying to jobs. worrying about my financial state. remembering how much i love my animals #fantasy high. my summer camp job (a loooot of that). my friend that i have a crush on. my rats being incredibly loud #and more! and then it is so fucking hot in my room. like its all boiling. i might be dying of heat (not actually)#but it was raining earlier so i couldn't open my window (i just opened it so im dying less) and we dont have the ac on and i dont own a fan #its a difficult life that i lead #but most importantly: im moving in less than a month. back to my hometown. and im truly not prepared #very much not packed. the place is in a state of disrepair. its unclean #very sleepy. tired. overwhelmed. etc #but its okay! its all gonna be okay. there are things to look forward to and things that make it okay #in a few weeks im meeting one of my oldest friends who is also a tumblr mutual. i didnt know that could happen. but its happening!#so theres that. and also i have a friend i havent seen in a year but we're gonna be working together this summer!! i get to spend #the whole summer with her! and i have animals that i love. and birds exist. and i have a lot of cool friends #and i live with my sibling who is also moving so that's someone to share the burden with #so its all gonna be okay. it just never feels like that when its 6am and youve been trying to sleep for two hours but cant #okay have a good night everyone i love you

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bigjaws · 7 months

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These months have been the most horrible, traumatic moments I’ve had in recent times and they just keep coming.

I’m playing all my cards to stay afloat and it’s so very hard! Im trying to keep everything about my situation hidden from my friends and family because of embarrassment mostly. I’m an older sister and the ‘mom’ ‘no-nonsense’ person in my friend group and I just can’t be seen like this. Especially knowing it was all my doing, because it’s not my complete fault I’m in this situation but I let myself be pulled into it and I knew better. I’ve drifted away from my friends and it’s put me in situations I didn’t think I’d ever go back to. Walking two hours in the sun in soleless old shoes through unwalkable streets just because my account is in negatives and I didn’t want to tell anyone I needed an uber is hard, but I prefer to do it and just be silent to not worry my family or ask my friends for $10. I want to remain that person in their minds, I want them to still think of me as someone that has everything under control! I want my sister to feel safe in my home even though I am hiding rent isn’t paid, I don’t want my best friend to know I’m a delivery driver secretly at night when everyone has gone to sleep but I can’t do it anymore because my car broke. She would worry and she would help and she would get mad and scream and shake her head at me and I don’t want that!!! I want everyone to think wow, even though she’s not in the best of positions right now she’s doing it and she’s good, and she’s going after more. I’d rather die than to have people pity me. And I’ve been managing to keep it all looking okay for months now, since like March! I’m doing it! I thought it was going to be better and it was gonna be a peaceful time and that’s what I was signing up for but men lie and their promises are trash and now I’m here so I’m trying to get it all back!!! I’m applying for jobs again and trying to go back to my old life but it’s not happening as soon as I expected and that’s all! I don’t wanna ruin their version of me forever just because I believed lies in the name of love!!!!!

#keis personals

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talaxyan · 7 months

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hello from 2023

hiiiiiii

it's so funny to think that all the posts from this tumblr are all just for me in the future but I hope it's gonna be another good reflection to see what I was like in the past.

but let me give you a little update since the last time I was here ((THERE WERE A LOT!!!))

ok first of all. im unemployed now, I graduated college 4 months ago and still haven't been able to land a job- I'm on my last round of interview for this pharmaceuticals company tho and I REALLY HOPE I GET THE JOB BECAUSE IM DESPERATEEEE. if I don't get an offer soon my OPT might expires meaning it'll be harder for me to escape indo.

as much as i love being at home and spending most days with my nieces and having no worry at all, I miss doing something intelligent like doing all the academic weapon I was supposed to be doing. it was hard landing a job yall, I swear I've applied to at least 400+ job but still 0 offer. IM REALLY HOPING THIS PHARMA JOB WORKS OUT I REALLY WANNA GO BACKKKKKK I wanna live in city I can wander around please

anyway, on the fun part ((my nonexistant love life))

in 2022, i went for a semester abroad in LONDON AND IT WAS WILDDDDD like really good experience and I love london so much I wish to go back there again and visiting my london fam innit- it was surprising really good like i had a solid friendgroup in just a month of settling down (shout out to SHAIMA LOVE U SO MUCH GURL) i went travelling to edinburg and Stonehenge. it was a surreal experience.

oh and i was on dating apps while in London and I got the taste of love (a little bit). my first ever date was really good, i'd give it 7/10 I wasn't that attracted to this dude but he was smart and caring at least before he became annoying and called me a self-obsessed girl- like dude HOW CANT I BE OBSESSED OVER MYSELFF? anyway I didn't continue talking to him because I really thought I should give an ugly guy a chance just bc he seems nice personally but he really wasn't so I went to 7 more dates after that--- ND I GOT MY FIRST EVER KISS??? LIKE HELLO? this dude I kissed, we met on tinder and I went to his place the night I first saw him and I gave him a glockglock3000 it was crazy-- but after that night I learnt why people like dick- and he got a pretty one too and it tasted sweet?????? maybe from the lube he was using but we didn't do the full thing cuz I was kinda hesitant cuz I BARELY KNOW HIM OFC??? but yea I learnt some things but my experience with men in general wasn't really working out bc ALL I WANT IS LOVE and it seems like u cant really find that on dating app.

other than that, i cut off some people from my life. it was sad but I think its about time. this girl I really wanted to befriend with since freshman year, we ended became bestie and even lived together in the apartment, but I think it was really toxic tbh- it think the more I knew people, the more I feel like I withdrew myself form them.thats kinda scared me because I really wanted to accept people the way they are but it was really not good having her around- for some reason in social settings, everytime I spent time wth her, it just irritaes me more and that made me realize that friendship wasn't supposed to be like that, it shouldn't cost you your mental health to be living with your friend so yeah, after graduation, I never contacted her and she also never contact me either so it's mutual I think

my time at skidmore was overall fun, I went to typical college parties, got drunk and wasted but it was all really fun. i love my girl friends my bbygurl I love them so much and they made my time at skidmore 100000x so much better. i would be a lot more miserable if it wasn't because of them. there was rough patches along the way but we are good friends so I was able to let go everything and keep our friendship eventho now w graduated and harder to see each other but I really hope to meet them again<3 I love them thao kim connie rebecca and my isu babies<3

my plan now is hoping i land that job in Boston > lease an apartment > fly from jakarta and meet natan > relocate to Boston and get my stuff at Uhaul in Albany > starting working and getting the sense of really world > SAVE A LOT OF MONEY SO I CAN SPOIL MY LOVED ONES AND MYSELF

i think i can do it. delusion is the key and I quite frankly believe in myself. i really hope so I wish.

so yeah, thats mostly the update from me. hopefully in the next post I can give you a better news and more GOOD STORY FROM MY LOVE LIFE yea. ok goodbye for now and I see u later

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anandasamsara · 1 year

Text

few updates cause its been a while

first, and less exciting one: i went to the cinema with a friend today. after what, 3 years?? probably. but i forgot its carnaval for a moment, and was reminded by seeing so many boobs. so many. girls with boobs out. in public transport. panicked for 3 seconds, remembered where i live and what time of the year it was and everything was good again.

second, we might be able to buy the 4th floor apartment! im having a crisis tho, bc my new bedroom will be less than half the size of my current one and its been very difficult to plan where tf am i gonna fit everything. as i said in the last few updates, i sleep inside a print shop now, so i need to have my bed and also all the machinery i use, and my books, and the product inventory... and beyond the new room being smaller, it is also very VERY... diagonal? crooked? one of the walls goes on diagonal to the rest of the room, with one other being 1,97m long and another being 2,60m, and both the crooked and the remaining one are 3,10m. i'll update again with images eventually, but the whole place is way smaller.

third, we are both, me and mum now, on our last leg with dad. he doesnt contribute anymore, he spent all of our money, he made debts when i specifically told him not to and im very suspicious of him having an affair. i dont recognize him anymore. he hasnt been a dad, my dad, in a long while. i have my issues with mom, but she doesnt deserve this. in fact we've been way closer and getting along way better. we're at the point of maybe waiting for the new apartment to be bought and finished and telling dad to get his shit together and leave. i dnot have the mental fortitude to deal with his shit, and i wont be taking care of a person who does not take care of himself. one of my friends called me a caregiver, as im my parents only child, but i refuse to be one. i dnot want kids, i will not parent my parents.

fourth, and the most exciting news for me: was approved on the post grad interview! i might be reaching (no one else thinks so), but im trying to be logical an at the same time not get any expectations. But. if there were 40 openings, 32 people were selected to be interviwed, and only 30 attended, me being one of them, this may, maybe, mean that im in, right?? i sure hope so, but i also worry bc its paid, and i have no idea if i can pay for it. i cant get a grant, or a scholarship, bc dad's gross salary is high enough to take me out of those lists, even tho hes receiving less than half of it. i cant apply on my own bc my address is the same as my parents. and having no job other than the few cons im attending will get me not enough money for the monthly pay. it may sound stupid in dollars, as its less than 60usd per month, but thats 280brl and i make about 180 average per convention. a few cons i make more, but i dont have a con every month, or more than one per month most times, and i also have to pay for them anyways, an the material. anyways, im happy but slightly discouraged. i already had to give up the japanese classes, idk how im gonna keep up with my studies.

thats it for now. wish i could sell things internationally, but no one would buy and the mail service would be expensive anyway

#me #personal

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