#but yes i dont like to think of it being alw..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

izchone · 3 years

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tag game!

tagged by @eternallyhyucks thanks ma

whats ur favorite color? - green and blue

whats ur lucky number? - 444 and 7!

do you have any pets? - used to but it s worded

how tall are you? - 5’1😕 short story i used to be taller than everyone in my school but now the ppl that were shorter than me then are taller than me now🤣🤣🤣👎👎

how many pairs of shoes do u have? - i have 3 i think

favorite song? - I CANNING PICK ONE SONG OKAY it’s probz anywhere by june and like.. idk my whole playlist

favorite movie? - i do not watch many movies😓 but maybe like some disney movie idk that’s all i ever watch

what would ur ideal partner be like? - maybe someone like chenle and jisung😟 IF THATS EVEN POSSIBLE

do u want children? - too young 4 that

have u gotten in trouble w the law? - i hope not

bath or shower - shower

what color socks r you wearing? - im not wearing any socks🙏

favorite type of music? - r&b hiphop and citypop!

how many pillows do you sleep w? - 4 but like 2 of them are deflated or smn

what position do u sleep in? - all positions😁 but i start with legs up to my chest i think

what u dont like when ur sleeping? - when i forget to pray and when i remember i have to do another homework assignment👎

what do u have for breakfast? - it’s either a breakfast meat with rice or ramen👍 not the healthiest but ive been running on that since kindergarten 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

have u ever tried archery? - no but it looks interesting

favorite fruit? - oranges!!! and kor pears

favorite swear word? - f word😁

do you have any scars? - not that i can think of

are you a good liar? - no😕 i smile like a crazy person if i try

whats ur personality type? - isfp!

whats ur fav type of girl? - one that is nice🙌

innie or outie? - innie

left or right handed? - left

fav food? - hmmmmmm i think rice or like cheese

fav foreign food? - tenola!! it’s a filo dish it is yum

are u clean or messy? - i want to be clean but i end up messy😁

most used phrase? - ‘HELP’ ‘WHAT IS THIS’ ‘ma’ ‘shut up’

how long does it take u to get ready? - for school it takes like 40 min but if it’s not school then like 15

do u talk to urself? - YES who doesn’t

do u sing to urself? - yeah

are u a good singer? - no???? i wouldn’t consider myself like boss level singer but i can hit notes.. i hope

biggest fear? - a lot of fears

do u like long or short hair? - short!

fav school subject? - math😕 ONLY BECAUSE there’s a right and wrong to everything and because when i learn math i feel like im actually learning something (except if it’s word problems and estimation👎 like why need to estimate when we can figure the question out)

introvert or extrovert? - introvert but an extrovert so like ambivert😱

what makes u nervous? - when i get a low grade in math or any subject😓😓 or when something bad happens to ppl i like

who was ur first real crush? - in 1st grade🤣 tbh i wasnt trying to like hook up with him i just wanted to be close friends with him

how fast can u run? - i cant run that fast

what color is ur hair? - black! or dark brown idk

do u like ur own name? - hmm a little bit! my real name is a bit long and people alw ask me how 2 spell it which is a bit tiring but yeah i think it’s pretty :)

what makes u angry? - when people tell me to do something that i was about to do😟👊🏻

do u want a boy or girl as a child? - I DONT KNOW

what are ur strengths? - to switch from being super quiet to really talkative😁

what are ur weaknesses? - to switch from being super quiet to really talkative😕

whats the color of ur bedspread? - the sheets are blue and white

whats the color of ur room? - painted white with a lot of paintings and stuff

THIS WAS FUN MA THANK YOU AGAIN!!!

tagging @fcxryzen if u want to do!

#oh wow this one was long #i liked it tho!!#liannez.taggy.games #tagged!!

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doolkat · 3 years

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overall review of eurovision this year? i can tell you hated moldova and switzerland and said maneskin looks like the type of group to do drugs (which is... weird) but other than that what did you actually like

Good question anon! Also wow people really still read my esc posts from may.. huhu bit embrassing looking back at some of my reactions but I was in the moment ahahah. plus they are justified in my eyes pftt

Maybe I expressed myself too strongly on some things so they came off as very negative.Oops well I got a change to clean that all up now.

I didnt hate maneskin tbh I just dont get the hype.

Only one I truely hated was Moldova lmao cuz the song was geniuely so bad it shouldnt been in finale at all.

Switzerland was bad to me cuz of extreme sensory over load and I dont like french language. Idk I guess I dont have romantic ear but I honestly just dont like the language.

Also I enjoyed almost all songs besides the ones u mentioned!

Personal favorite song and unpopular af opinion is that I enjoyed Australias song technicolor. Also I somehow enjoyed Azerbaijan mata hari, idk it was catchy af!

I felt emotinal connection to Australias song and Azerbaijan was just catchy and kinda funny to me. Idk why it reminded me of Floppa lmaoo

Best stage performance with intresting song to me was Ukraine!Really cool visual and dance. SONG SLAPS WITCH ENERGY

Cool movie like performance and touching entry was by Norway to me.

Finland had some good emo rock song imo. I liked it much more than Italy actully maybe I dont like Italy that much cuz Im bitter that Finland didnt get super high place lol.(Im half finnish so I stand by my finnish emo rock boys)

Lithuania my fellow baltics friend did good performance too this year. I enjoyed their funny performance. If u want some thing funny check Germany and Lithuania. Germany seems kinda like troll entry this year. Lithuanias song was good plus it was funny too kinda.

Speaking of funny DENMARK! they didnt do very good but I loved their song and its catchy af and doesnt take itself too seriously plus if u read the lyrics its a NONSENSE. xd

Hosts this year - absolute ass. My least favorite part about esc this year. Nikkitutorials was there.. yeah but I feel like the hosts didnt make any funny comments and I felt like all the songs came on so so fast cuz there werent really any breaks. My ass had Hard time fully focusing on all songs because of that. I think some people can relate to that. I dont know if I didnt understand the jokes but the host imo didnt have any connection with the audience or viewers. Too many of them anyways to me. I missed Jon Olan Sand too.

Visuals and performances-

very cool and OVERWHELMING. I had at least 3 moments where my head hurted a bit. Could be cuz of the visuals itself being so flashy or just how eyes couldnt catch a break cuz the pauses this year were nonexistant or very very short so for my brain and eyes it was hard to progress. Nothing too Crazy happend on stage tho this time. Giant finger and Greece performance.

Greece performance was pretty cool btw. viusally at least. The song imo was alwful. lol

Voting - AS usual with few suprises. Our estonian host told us in begging of esc that fortune tellers say Italy will win.. and then quess what. So that was kinda boring maybe thats also why I cant seem to like their song. I wish the fortune tellers would be wrong sometime or I wouldnt know but our host Marko Reikop literally always tells us who fortune tellers will think will win so yeah. That always comes AS dissapointment if they are right.

Opinion on Italy : Typical rock stars who happen to bisexual so tumblr and other lgbt communities can pump them up but this time the song happens to be good. Thats what I think please dont take this AS offence but the hype is so overrated like yeah their good and HOT but like we get it.I havent seen this much hype over a winner in a while I dont know why they are so different from every other winner. I just feel like some of this is queerbiting.. idk some thing about lgbt community going so Crazy about bisexual performing is Crazy to me. I just dont get it. IT was good song tho ill give them that but not that much better than other songs in contest.

Over all it was good eurovision imo! I dont rember having this much songs that I liked and saved in my playlist in many years.

I liked the songs and performances I feel like lot of them were high quitaly this year with expection of few countries. The crowd was really seemed to enjoy esc and everyone here on tumblr and on esc reaction communities really seemed in the element! Which made me more hyped and excited to watch esc. IT was very enjoyable event to enjoy with other people from all over the world this year and everyone felt connectef after the pandemic! Thats whats best about it this year imo. Every really seemed to. enjoy themselves and I did too. Eurovision is connecting people and everyone was happy to have it back after last year it didnt happen.!

I dont know anon if u wanted me to do review on all the countries performances too. If yes please do let me know. U can be anonmyous. Illl gladly tell and can even make different post about it.

I know my Italy comment probaly is controversial but I just wanted to get it out.

Thanks for the ask! 💓IT was nice reflecting back on esc!!

#eurovision #eurovision 2021 #esc 2021 #dool answers #dooltalks #why did I wrote so. much omg #OK SORRY ANON IF THIS IS SO LONG TO READ I GOT BIT TOO EXCITED #I made in nold the most important stuff of over all tho.

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frywen-babbles · 5 years

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Sounds of Silence pt1

A/N: Modern AU with Mitsunari! This is loosely tied to Everything comes with a price, set over a year after it. Unlike before, there won’t be a set release schedule bc this fic isn’t completely finished yet. (I just need some validation and motivation oTL). A big thank you to @dear-mrs-otome for telling me this idea doesn’t completely suck <3

Also spoilers for Mitsunari’s route!

When he opened the door all he could do was stare.

Behind it stood a young woman. And not just any young woman but the one he had seen at the library countless times reading books to kids in sign language. The woman he secretly always hoped he’d see when he went to the library, whose smile he couldn’t stop thinking about.

***

At first, Mitsunari was annoyed by the voices coming somewhere out of sight. Libraries were supposed to be where you could study in peace, he had no idea what could cause such a ruckus.

The sound of laughter guided him to the children’s section of the library, but what he saw wasn’t what he expected.

A young woman was standing in front of a group of kids, a book open in front of her, animatedly reading the book in sign language. The kids were excited, laughing and giggling at the what he assumed were the exciting parts of the story.

Mitsunari felt enamoured, his annoyance long forgotten. He didn’t even realise he had stared until the story was over and all the kids were circling her, trying to talk to her all at once. Her smile brightened her face and she looked so natural and happy amongst the kids Mitsunari felt almost jealous.

Just then, she caught him staring. He felt his face heat up and he turned around sharply, stomping back to the table he had reserved for himself. He planted his face firmly on the book open in front of him.

Gods, that was embarrassing. Who goes around staring random women, when they were supposed to study. Ughh…

*****

He saw her walk towards the children's section from the corner of his eye and somehow his head turned to look after her. She stopped to wait for a boy in his teens to bounce all excited to her a book in his hands. They shared a greeting but Mitsunari couldn't follow the signs they spoke with. It didn't stop him from staring after them when they continued on their way towards the room where he had seen her read to the kids.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?"

Mitsunari turned to look at Sakon who looked at him a wide smile on his face.

"Or are you too busy staring after women to tutor me?"

"If you have time to lazy around and comment on everything I do, you must be ready for a quiz about all the important battles post-Honno-ji?"

"Ack! No! Don't you have any mercy, we just went through them 30 minutes ago?"

"Then what are you doing fooling around, you incorrigible dimwit. Get back to studying."

"I'm sure no one would have made me work this hard in the Sengoku period..." Sakon mumbled with a sigh.

"What was that?"

"I'm studying!"

When he was finally free of Sakon, he made his way to the children's section. But it was quiet, the children long gone. He was just about to turn around when he noticed a schedule on the wall. She would be back in an hour.

He could wait for that long.

Wait, maybe he shouldn't? Would that be weird? But he really did want to see her read again.

He didn't see her until he got up to get some coffee from a vending machine. She was sitting on the sofas next to it with the same boy as before, lost in an animated discussion he could only guess the topic off.

A part of him wanted to loiter so he could watch them talk, but the reasonable part of his brain forced him to return to his table.

As soon as he saw her followed by the silver-haired boy he stuffed his things to his bag and stood up to follow her. A group of excited kids were already waiting for her but he stayed behind until everyone had sat down. Then he stepped behind the parents by the door, his eyes following the movements of her hands taking in every sign.

Unlike before, this time when she was finished she kept glancing at the clock and hurried away as soon as possible, almost colliding with him. The silver-haired boy tried to stop her but after some hurried signs let her go. The look on the boys face looked a bit like a lost puppy and for some reason seeing her hurry away like that made Mitsunari feel a bit same.

He was brushing his teeth in the evening when he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket.

[23:12:45] <<bookshy>> do u evr feel like ur stuck in ur life? [23:12:52] <<bookshy>> like u shld hve accomplishd so much mor in ur life tn u hve?

He stared at the screen for a while before he typed a reply. He didn't know who bookshy was, not really. They had been talking with each other for years, but always with nicknames, always through messages in the internet. It felt more comfortable that way somehow. Knowing there was always a person willing to listen to you without judging.

[23:13:05] <<ManjuDreamer>> Are you feeling like that right now? [23:13:07] <<bookshy>> ya [23:13:11] <<bookshy>> i dunno wht ill do w/ my life [23:13:19] <<bookshy>> i thght id do so mch more u know? [23:13:22] <<bookshy>> and now i jst feel liek im stuck nd see no way out [23:13:23] <<bookshy>> is ths my life now? [23:14:50] <<bookshy>> evry1 says i shld b happy w/ wht i hve [23:14:59] <<bookshy>> i hve so much im feeling ungrateful whn i feel like ths [24:15:46] <<ManjuDreamer>> You still have plenty of time to accomplish your dreams. It's not for others to decide when you can be happy. [23:16:02] <<bookshy>> guess ur rite

He heard a knock on the bathroom door and quickly finished brushing his teeth. When he opened the door Hideyoshi was standing behind it already in his pyjamas.

"I thought you'd never come out," he commented with a yawn and pushed past him to the bathroom.

"Good night," Mitsunari wished to the closed door before he retreated back to his room.

[23:18:30] <<bookshy>> how was ur day [23:18:49] <<bookshy>> i saw the prettiest person today like hot damn [23:19:13] <<ManjuDreamer>> I saw an interesting person today too, I wish I get to see them again. Other than that, it was mostly my student being an idiot, so nothing new. [23:19:53] <<ManjuDreamer>> I tried to do some research on a paper I'm writing, but it didn't progress much. I was just about to go to bed so I have energy to study more tomorrow. [23:19:56] <<bookshy>> srry to keep u up [23:19:57] <<bookshy>> night! [23:20:10] <<ManjuDreamer>> Night.

***

Mitsunari tossed the wig from his head frustrated, running his hand over his face. He glanced at the mirror of the bathroom, at the perfectly drawn eyeliner, the perfect shade of blush, the perfectly applied foundation. The perfect set of lies, painted on his face.

[13:33:14] <<ManjuDreamer>> I went to see my mother.

He hesitated a bit before he sent the message. It didn't take long for his phone to bling with a reply.

[13:34:29] <<bookshy>> how did it go? [13:34:48] <<ManjuDreamer>> As well as you would expect. [13:34:51] <<bookshy>> u wanna t alk about it?

His fingers ghosted over the screen of his phone before he put it down and looked at the mirror again. He reached for the makeup removal wipes from his bag and scrubbed furiously at his skin until the last remains of the makeup were gone.

[13:36:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's there but I feel like I'm losing her. [13:37:01] <<ManjuDreamer>> Every time I visit she seems further and further away. [13:37:15]<<ManjuDreamer>> Sometimes I wonder if the mother I used to know is there at all.

He started to type his next message, but stopped, gripping his phone tight in his hand.

[13:38:34] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's my mother, but it's so hard. [13:38:42] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know what to do.

He glanced at the mirror to make sure his eyes weren't red before he pulled his shirt over his head and replaced it with one from his bag.

[13:38:47] <<bookshy>> ur doing plenty already [13:38:49] <<bookshy>> u dont have to push urself so hard [13:38:50] <<bookshy>> im sure shed understand [13:38:59] <<ManjuDreamer>> But I'm all she has. [13:39:02] <<bookshy>> i know [13:39:06] <<bookshy>> but u hhave 2 thnk abt urself frst [13:39:15] <<bookshy>> if u feel its too much u can keep a brek. ur not prfect. u dnt have 2 b [13:39:50] <<bookshy>> im alws hr 2 tlk if u need me [13:40:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> Thank you. It means a lot.

He put his phone on the side of the sink and wiggled out of his skirt. He really should buy a new one next time he got paid for tutoring. The zipper didn't work properly anymore and the hem was starting to fray. He kicked the flats from his feet and looked at the kneehigh socks on his feet. They wouldn't be visible under his pants anyway so he let them be and took his pants and shoes from his bag before showing the skirt and shirt in their place. He considered showing the wig in after them but realised making the wig presentable after that would be too much of a hassle. So he gently combed the wig with his fingers to sort out biggest tangles and folded it neatly in a mesh bag. Flats into a plastic bag, then into the bag.

Like countless times before.

He got dressed and made one final glance at the mirror before he put the bag on his shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Oh, Mitsunari! Here to see your mother?" a nurse greeted him when he tried to slip past the nurses' office without being noticed. What a nosy bunch of quidnuncs insistent of mothering him.

“Yes. I was just leaving.” He replied with a stiff bow.

“Come and have some tea with us! How did the test go you told me last time?” Another nurse poked her head from the office. Mitsunari resisted the urge to roll his eyes and offered another bow.

“I believe it went well. I still haven’t received the results.”

Half an hour later he was still stuck at the nurses' office surrounded by what felt like a flock of mother hens, all determined to squeeze every bit of information out of him they could. He was just getting up from his chair when a voice behind him froze him on the spot.

"Did my darling Saki leave already? She was just here... Such a dutiful daughter, coming to see her mother so often..."

His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the edge of the table, his head down. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to see his mother as himself. He wanted... needed to see if she'd recognise him this time.

"We saw her leave a while ago, Mrs Ishida. She's such a nice girl."

He heard a nurse walk his mother away and the sighs of relief from the remaining nurses.

"Are you alright, Mitsunari? You know we'll listen to you if you need to talk. Or we can help you find someone-"

"I need to go now. Goodbye," Mitsunari interrupted the nurse who had put her hand on his shoulder to calm him. He got up in such haste his chair fell to the floor with a rattle, but he just offered a quick bow before he fled the office.

He didn't stop until he arrived at the bus stop. There he sank on the bench, burying his face on his hands.

He took the bus to the library, staring idly out of the window.

[14:36:09] <<bookshy>> did u make it home [14:36:35] <<ManjuDreamer>> No. I'm heading to the library. The nurses got me again. [14:36:37] <<bookshy>> lol how did u mnage 2 escpe [18:36:56] <<ManjuDreamer>> Mother came to the office. [14:37:09] <<bookshy>> oh no [14:37:10] <<bookshy>> im so sorry [14:37:21] <<bookshy>> how r u feeling rn? [14:38:29] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know. I'll try to find some reading to distract myself with.

At the library, he searched for materials for his upcoming paper but when he sat down and tried to read, the words didn't make any sense.

When he had read the same page several times over and still remembered absolutely nothing he was interrupted from his reading by a book shoved on top of the one he was just reading.

"Can't you see I'm-!" the sharp words died on his lips when he saw the same woman who had read to the kids in front of him. She tapped on the note on top of the book and he looked down to read it.

'This is the book I was reading. You seemed interested'

She handed him a second book, a note on top of it too.

'I'll read this next'

When she shifted her weight from one foot to another clearly uncomfortable, he realised he was staring. He offered her a curt nod as a thank you and she bowed at him a small relieved smile on her lips. She seemed to hesitate before she signed something but he had to shake his head.

There was a slight shift on her smile, on her posture, and she took a step back.

'I'm sorry' she mouthed and offered him a bow before she all but fled, leaving him to sit alone, feeling like an idiot.

[16:19:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> I think I just made a complete fool out of myself. [16:29:59] <<bookshy>> lol rly? [16:30:00] <<bookshy>> wht did u do? [16:30:02] <<bookshy>> i thght fool wasnt in ur dicktionary [16:31:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> And for that terrible joke, I tell you nothing. [16:31:47] <<bookshy>> noooo hw wll i evr know how embarassng u can be if u don tell me? [16:32:32] <<ManjuDreamer>> You'll survive.

***

"She's not here today."

Mitsunari was startled from his thoughts by a familiar voice behind him. He turned around, vaguely aware of the frown his irritation had brought on his face.

"Who?" he asked as if he didn't know exactly who was the 'she' in question.

"I got this for you, I'm sure it holds some useful information." Mr Otani handed him a flyer for the children's activities in the local libraries. Mitsunari stared at the flyer blankly before he looked at Mr Otani, letting his irritation show.

"And what am I supposed to do with this?"

Mr Otani just smiled and pushed a book towards him as well.

"I'm sure you'll find this useful as well. Come find me if you need anything else."

Before he had time to protest Mr Otani left him with a wave, a wide smile on his face. He considered running or yelling after him, but changed his mind when he looked at the book in his hand.

'Sign language for beginners'

He tucked the children's program leaflet securely at the back of his calendar and checked the book out.

Something about the sign language intrigued him. She looked so graceful when signing. And so comfortable and she seemed genuinely love reading to the children.

At first, he thought he’d look up a few signs. Just in case some of the children needed help in the library. Just so he could talk to her. No, he meant the kids. So he could talk to the kids. But few turned into a few hundred. A few thousand. He was so lost.

***

#slbp #slbp fanfic #ishida mitsunari #toyotomi hideyoshi #voltage fanfic #frywen writes #sounds of silence fic

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trulyhopelessromantic · 4 years

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😧Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I almost ruined the surprise~ I was in such a rush that I didn't think to change to anonymous!~ I sadly didn't receive it back (if I did it didn't show) but if it's still okay, I'm going to re-ask my questions! I was curious to what your favorite POTO adaptation was, and in general what kinds of gifts have brought you lots of joy! So sorry again 😣 (they may not be the same questions but I hope they were close!)

Don't sweat it at all I did the same thing about 2 days into Secret Santa exchange luckily for me my giftee did not see my URL 😊

My favourite adaptation huh? Well that's difficult because the 2004 movie really pulled me into the Phantom -Phandom lol-and I love many of the stylistic choices they made for it. I like that the chandelier crashes in the end not in the middle but for the sake of the actual live show it makes sense to be where it is in the show!

I really enjoyed also the 25th anniversary. But, nothing compares to seeing it live. When I was in London I got to see John Owen-Jones as the Phantom I still can't believe it and Celinde Schoenmaker as Christine Daaé with Nadim Naaman as Raoul. they all did a spectacular job but I was also fortunate to see the alternates play the roles and they blew me away as well Emmi Christensson as Christine and Scott Davies as alternate Phantom ( I'm going to try to go back through my pictures and check because I took a picture of the cast list every time I went)... AH YES it was ^_^

I'm only going off of the ALW stage production. Other phantom adaptations I enjoy are the original novel and the 1974 Phantom of the Paradise! I've seen the 1925? the one from the 40s aaaand shoot I can't recall what else XD

What gifts have brought me joy? Honestly whenever I receive anything fandom related I get excited and happy: from a pencil or pen to an outright gorgeous figurine or ornament... From notebooks to books to read. From stickers or jewlery...

Around Christmas though my favourite things are ornaments and Nutcrackers. Two years ago I found Nutcracker ballet ornaments (I'll take pics when I get home) and those brought me joy! Homemade cards and presents also are deeply cherished for the thoughtfulness, time and effort that went into them. Not to mention that makes them unique ♡ I like unique looking (fan) art (or things like you might find on sites like Society6 or Redbubble because it combines a useful object with a bit of art 😄)

Twice in my life I have been gifted a bicycle for my birthday and cried both times 😅 mostly because in the weeks or month before that my previous bike was stolen and I was so moved to have people band together to get me a new one! ♡ I currently still have a bike though so fingers crossed no one breaks into the garage to steal it LMFAO 😆🤣

At all times though I am moved for being thought of so fondly even if I dont actually shed tears hehe

Thanks Santa for your questions! ♡

#poto secret santa

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phantomonabudget · 6 years

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Another anon user asked about being a phan if they havent read the original poto by Leroux. I have a kind of the same problem that i no longer feel welcome in this phandom because i dont know too much trivia or fit in to any clicks, but noone thinks this phandom has a problem with clicks or people being rly judgy so i feel v ery alone. How do i overcome it..?

First off nonny, you’re not alone.

Second, let’s not pretend that the Phantom of the Opera fandom (”phandom”) is without its share of issues. There are absolutely cliques and bullying in the fandom.

THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY CLIQUES AND BULLYING IN THE PHANTOM FANDOM.

I’ve seen it with any “purist” fan types out there - you know the ones, where only Leroux is good enough, anyone who thinks otherwise is not worthy. Or only the ALW stage musical is good enough, or only the restaged tour is good enough, etc. I’ve been guilty of being a purist in the past…eventually maturity takes over and you learn to accept people have other opinions, interpretations, and preferences, and that’s fine. But those purist types are annoying, and can certainly do enough to put other people off being a fan. I would say that is probably the vast majority of the clique-y behavior and bullying that we see. But it gets far more nefarious than that, unfortunately.

We’ve actually seen some very threatening behavior from “phans” to other “phans,” simply because they saw the Broadway production during He Who Shall Not Be Named’s recent run. Horrible assumptions and inappropriate accusations were flying around, folks were being called enablers of sexual assault and worse, simply because they saw the show during that couple of years. And THAT actor wasn’t even in the building on some of those occasions. Some people weren’t even aware of the issue, they’d just see the show in NYC during a family vacation, get hooked on the musical, and want to be part of the phandom. And they’d be openly threatened for supporting the Broadway production, not even knowing what was going on.

It got to the point where an entire population of fans couldn’t ever even mention the Broadway production at all, for any reason, for fear of being flooded with hateful asks/comments, or feeling threatened by other users.

No matter what you think of that actor, threatening another person is inappropriate. IT IS NOT OKAY. EVER.

And it sure as hell doesn’t make that person a better or more righteous individual.

If anyone is sitting here thinking “that’s not true,” or “I’ve never seen or experienced such a thing,” they’re either: 1) extremely fortunate in their peaceful corner of the fan group, or 2) part of the problem.

Now, I’m not really a part of other fandoms, so I can’t speak for how the Phantom fandom rates against others. I get the general impression that it’s a pretty great fandom, overall. And yes, I do agree that, for the most part, it is supportive and it is open and it is a happy place full of generous people passionate about the same story.

BUT…..

I have been around since the mid 1990s, from the days of the mailing lists and Yahoo groups. Then discussion forums. And other forums. And other forums. The great LiveJournal experiment. And then the last forum. And Facebook groups. Then tumblr. I’ve seen a lot. Most of my fellow long-time Phantom fans have also been around and seen a lot. There have always been cliques. There has always been bullying. There have always been “phans” who think they’re better than others because they know more, or seen more, or read more, or written more. Unfortunately, some of those “phans” get to that point because other fans put them up on a pedestal.

Even now, here on tumblr, there are “phan” groups where aspiring members feel they have to post their entire fan resume and prove their loyalty to the fandom in order to be accepted.

…what???

Loyalty?

….it’s a fictional story? We need to defend it all of a sudden? From what?

To each his own, I suppose. If it makes someone feel better because they “belong” to a fan group, then I don’t get to say whether that’s right or wrong. If it makes someone feel good, then they can go and do it, that’s fine. I just think it’s silly to have to prove anything in order to like or enjoy a subject. Again…there is no actual membership card when it comes to being a Phantom fan. If you like it in any of its forms, then congratulations, you are a phan.

So again…you are not alone. The Phantom fandom is generally great, but it has its share of issues, for sure. Those that deny it are either in a utopia corner or are contributing to the issues. You overcome it by accepting that you can’t please or impress everyone. And honestly, being a fan of anything is not about impressing or pleasing ANYONE ELSE except yourself. If Phantom makes you happy, then enjoy it. Enjoy it how you like to enjoy it.

Find some like-minded blogs, follow them, interact with them. Don’t feel like you have to belong to a group or apply for membership. You’ll find some others to talk about it with, and keep those like-minded people close. Not everyone will share your opinions, and that’s okay.

#phantom of the opera #phandom #phans #phantom phans #phamily #POTO #TPOTO #phantom #fans #fandom #fandom drama #acceptance #support #phantom but not tagging it

103 notes · View notes

youngtragedynutcase-blog · 7 years

Text

So many things on my mind.... Idk anymore...

Does he love me? Am i just there as a companion? Or am i just someone easily replaceable? Just what am i to him?

Shit happens and he doesnt give a fk if i walk away. Hes like "bij u wanna walk away, sure, lemme open the door for u" and no he din say that but it's how he had been towards me for the past few months. Things been slowly changing and soon BOOM we might not be in contact anymore, hell, hes moved on with someone new. I dont want that shit to happen. He successfully made me THINK that i AM the one for him. Full of myself huh.

Idk if it's true or not but i feel like im ALWAYS his back up plan. Like if he had to choose between his fam or me, itll be his fam. Or if its between his friends and me, itll be hid friends. Well shit, who he gonna marry then?? I know we r not linked by blood in any way but if he can voice out AND type out that HE WANNA WIFE ME UP, then shouldnt he actually show it? Cause it honestly feels like im there to keep him from being lonely. I just wanna feel special yknow. I mean who doesnt.

Im actually really fking honoured and happy that im the FIRST gf to have followed him back to his hometown, where his was born. And to MAYBE be the first gf he rode the bike with(idk about this but yeah). I could even be the first gf to have dinner with his aunties from thailand. It makes me feel like hes alr planning a future with me and we're in the process of getting to know each other even MORE.

But these days, we've been arguing a lot way more than we have. In fact, everyday. And he seems so tired of me and my shit and this rs that he secretly has given up. It's just what i feel. I mean he was right about me being fair and not telling my friends fam about us so this is thr only platform i have to vent it all out cause if i were to do it to him rn, we'll definitely argue and im trying alllll ways to avoid that.

I've been so upset. We fought real bad last night because he said he would tell me if he wants to sleep and that he said he was gonna shower, he'll brb. But guess what? Fellow din show up till an hour later. Suspicious much? Obviously with this insecure mind i got, i would think like oh he prolly went to wank off with another hoe and then had his fun and came back saying he dozed off. I just feel like what i thought happened, is actually true and even if it is, i just hope it made him happy at least. Even tho deep down it may hurt me or its alr hurting me but i try to push that thought away and trust his words.

So today, after he finished work, he asked if he could see me and obviously i needed some comfort so i said yes. But then, he was gonna help me collect my laptop from his friend before meeting me and i know that their meetup place would be on the other side of where i am and its gonna take long for him to come over and its alr late so i told him to head home first and he can pass the laptop to me another day EVEN THO I REALLY NEEDED HIM TO COME COMFORT ME BCUZ IVE BEEN FEELING SO FKING SHITTY AND I STILL AM BUT DUDE PREFERS TO HANG WITH HIS FRIENDS EVEN AFTER I SAID MULTIPLE TIMES THAT I NEEDED HIM. HE DIN MIND NOT COMING OVER. THR LAPTOP CAN FKING WAIT BCUZ I JUST REALLY NEEDED FKING COMFORT. I NEED HIM. He just doesnt understand that. And prolly doesn't even care.

I AM grateful tho that he went all the way to collect the laptop for me although i said no need. I appreciate that so much but rn its not the laptop that i need. Its him.

Yeah im fking stupid. People r probably mad at me and my decisions but i ASSUME i know what's best for me??? Bcuz no one knows the full story of our rs except for both of us. They only harp on the bad side of me or him. But wtv, cause IF we were to get married, these people wont be the ones making our baby, paying our rents bills and shit. Its us, him and me. And i hope he knows that.

I dont expect him to LITERALLY treat me like a queen but at least see me as the queen of his eyes.(i honestly dk if that makes sense but ya) i really just wanna be the ONLY person in his eyes. The min i need him, which is alw, he will drop and stop wtv just to come be with me. Its fking sweet. And HE IS THE KING IN MY EYES.

Yeah, this may sound so dramatic but cmon, thats love. We cant be enemies all the time arguing and shit. What kind of a rs is that right? Im so fking down and i just need someone to comfort me. I dont even know where he is.

(07/09/17 2332)

2 notes · View notes

peterwilliamrandall-blog · 7 years

Text

RACE YOU TO THE END

(Page 2)

RACE YOU TO THE END.

Zap fluid

Tattooied

Cape

Escapalar

Just come round

[]

Feliceline

Certitude

(Page 3)

I was not over there and I am home, to think of lying

Writing.

All is bare.

Here no change or clean for weeks, ashamed

Of my death drinking, no bush beating futilise meeting

To save life, when the lollipop Ludy is in more of a

Perils a swinger than the shore.

I stand up for the lost and the lonely.

Listen to not be lonely when

Lost, it can comfort, and it

Can provide love lost.

But not console in.

I feel sick. Everyone is thinking

Why does this bloke not just fuck off.

Like that treacle moose

Banger stranger

Hanging on tight

With the compose

Closed.

Doing it again

I must want to go.

I'm tired.

Piss-take

Masquerade.

In the night there's a star

Spaces few and far

And shining in the light.

Lean across the sky.

My demon.

The exile

Why be so superficial,

Ask how human unbecomes

Kings to see trees

Branch-leaf, clouds

All against togetherness

Why where I want now.

Uni-disconcern.

Fuck Fuck (sake) so easily ignored

If moodily read even this (excuse arrogant GH)

Elexus flunk grab town

And haunt demonic rumours

Above dusty old worlds

Listen to me all toward

A life that I can

(Page 4)

Afford.

A suck shock tight cock sick every night.

(Page 5)

Mincy fincey partwork and Mrs Rante can I go in your ship or)

lit a roll ran out of fags, got some killer so timeless litters the sense

or says courage is asking what am I doing here. Cushion, plate, lighter, fuel,

crackles in Gaza lesser morgue the radio queen again submit to have to make

critical list of the unwell and rubbish straight in at once. Mungo, Mary, Midge

more to confused be and more sensitive to refuse to the purpose of a man is to

love his woman and the purpose ofr a woman is to love her man. Agreeable

countenance is illustrious disasters in decision.

This year of suspenders, a garter, used up protection to be this

repulsed by day and night must have taken some slavish design. You are

not a cause, it causes you and are have the wreckage zoomed across the waves

I miss it but am aware of the foul consequence.

In their faces, voices, a caution of a tale I tell young pretty as ever be

lipstick, heels, Mick oni and heroin. rqbble with the rabble. Jim'll fix it

and he did twenty one and gone to be a celebrity in deadland auntie certain

suspects Alexkiss cross end round and round and aint royalty by lay or andalooseya

When care abundance greed vantage stealer, other things that life'll

kill ya.

No bones about its drug addict is the admiral compass conflict the original

all day sunday echoes, why are we not here with them. Dont even start

me on Monday in the case of inconsequence you find that guilt in a delay

a negligée one say one two many looks too true you toot, chop chop!

secret agent codename I am on story's of buses gloves cutlass tunnels disbelief

what was more was a glimpse of January 2010 its laast week, the premise

delerious. Then I always find out they dont understand about. Yet there is one

that can and it three times shade the Monday's mood. From anywhere in

the world sky, sea, earth fast as real.

that inception had a just thing for memo wolfe death

is in when you can't get out and you can fight I don't know what

happens if you give up in that place. Give up to get there Fuck that I

cant make a report. So everyone fuck off, death guaranteed.

(Page 6)

A suck shock tight cock sick every night.

How much.

I really wonder. For.

you and there's me.

Chicoola

Ngichlela ngo tando

Niacula Kelengi lungu

Nthando luyaboga

Jikele Kulombluba wethu

Left at that now

shall I cash in on my memories

I decided to a long time ago. ago

that is why

I have lived in a style

arty nemo starts from how I

where I, what I, it and so,

and then all the more, unbrace, trance

Tracy, then after the dance has gone.

Accordian go gringo, hombre, Bruv, Geez,

Thingy, An all that, if you are

Cark from Kryptonyour name sir cant even

even. greese fifteen, cobra car, the

blind eveal to fits of secret nits must be

another sight.

Fate Bastard, orphan or vicious chance, lapse cruise.

The use of alcohol and drugs

or the bond of lovebound for the coast

of the last moment if you can realise. When

that was

Grand and the deathspear is

someaside!

Tapdance to this struggle

lift from that desperate to the beauty

of course its ageless

I am in disgrace.

Still live with truth

No breaks in the sequence, I want

to accept my apologies

Nuck For you!

(Page 8)

What a widow handgun, see it repeat giveback. To charity that blaze

is only for teen, age is a ripped up early photograph of

Charles Pierre, guess I guess, Decisions and Banished bloodshot

eyes in fights and then what smoking and ravy swallow that

cheap old gravy. Fight for what you don't know about, don't

happen no more. Its a knockout.

No lost come there- where is that if you are in,

sight do trades in, panic and solving convertthat art that ain't it.

Grease the rope stake therfor who needs rejection,

this life is straight up gone, where

no-one knows.

The howl, evil flowers athe edge

A phony pinch on charles that said ham.sick of then, that.Confusion is the wisdom

we generally offer children to study.

You fucking fucker horrid arseholes.someone can have a say.

I'm well into my friend changing them.

Try to show off with a galloping Gee-Whizz.A musical say, say,

is interest cool, warm or

boiling hot, I dare to say that I do not

give up, on friends, loves, legends

scupper the timbre, class is out, in

Broke and scuppered and bucketing.

Under and in.

In a cruise age

glue, blew

it hurt the one armed

Bandit. Toby Chang.

Must be listening to

Someone watching Resevoir Dogs

No disrespect,

but what a fucking lot of shoot

this piece of shit and cough

up some green

vocabulary.

While I mean wayany rector

you cheap steal of a catapilla

what! slugs and slugs

The purpose of a man is to love his woman

And the purpose of a woman is to love her man

[IAM DYEING]

(Page 9)

I have made the grievous mistake

of thought that blazoned paper

is my answer.

What - keep control, do not

Fuck yourself, even that you become

sure its my fault. Come be, what

is the sunrise, the moon fades,

The seas do not rise no

speck smashes this earth into

not being cool.

The odds on that.

If you did not understand

a speck of dust, A incalculable

as has the size never been thought.

At more millions of miles per second,

lets just say it was half. Tell me, I told you

They said I can't help it.

Just by chance

They went to the neighbourhood dance

to be all young and lady

lary is ugly, used, old.

Lary is funny to avoid

as long as you do.

Assault Pike, giraffe.

\Cohorts, dolce vita

Downtown screwed on a bench

piping, people passing

Blinding.

Cancell the too nervous assassin

Ten Silk Cut on the way back.

Although

Lucky Strike

might

do the trick.

(Page 10)

A fight with death.

The first that I remember, I will describe as

Being paralysed .. in a dark room a floor down from where

I should be calling for help and [moirne] cowing for

A long time. I was scared angry and would have given

Anything that I did not have for someone to lift me

Out of there. More than a day in intense discomfort and

Despair – why could I not get out of there.

WORLD NEWS new years eve 2010 – The murder of a

Beautiful young girl early twenties. Strangled and dumped.

Against that nothing really abates my, and sure I,

Evidence of disbelieve, then more killing and rape

Around the world, floods, and sadness. But it’s

Alright they played games with balls without balls.

Oh how fucking sick am I. *

Cannot one take the hint –

Novice – The trajectory of this existence.

FUCKED.

Well and true. Could be any day now. We are

A race about to cross the line. Chequered flag

And past.

Why wait.

No excuses

Forgiveness

Un.

Calm as far too far and far too later

Than warned. Hamas up.

Black magic while if you can even

Rival a home of monstrous

Symbols. I’ll watch that

Filthy canal and waited. Gonna

Be cathartic. Cure abandoned by

It is my weight and Peter my

Mine how it justices. You

Did bring catastrophe. And I

Do not know fucking fuck cunting

Why. Eccentric Rakcer silence

Changes [burne]. You will be aware

Of the tidal magic. You careless

Chucked and kalashnikoved my world.

If I am mad kill me.

Suicidal unhappiness desperate yes OK and misfortune then since ever cat as trophy

kerchief

(Page 11)

I KONFRONTED THE ACCUSED WITH MY GAZE AGAINST ALL THE WORLD WILD MANIAC.

OLD GIT, UNFIT.

And very well

At illness

COUNTER

(drawing)

(Page 12)

CRAP CHAPTER TALKING SHIT

TO ALWE and of all the emotions more bold than have ever before

fought like fuck to hold on and for my life as close as the

dead of night when you wake up alone silence scary

how to feel as nearest and sick and ask your destruction

to take hold and answer bleak grim and cruelly shake

eyes on a ceiling nowhere to look. Cold no money

police addition regret cripple. Wait. A while hurt will

be fresh being prolific adulterer if hurt with

others in contortion.hurt with this time that one

Always a push toward the courage I want.

To show away is still here and was always

anyhow.

Nonsense is there. In every window street

sky person screen communication, words the whole

shebang.

If it were not for one other. And he

knows. I could be that I am not sure.

Unsure could come enough times to be so.

To be some authority or disappointment. My failures

are described as spectacular.. Thing is I like that kind of idiot.

Aspire to Olympianic hero. set

sail.Tell a beautiful story. music to

live to.

Or sit hunched, abusing poison corrupt and pollute every part of me and the time

I strangle - continue to demonstrate with

expertise being an arsehole.

The swagger staggering of the non-one-hit.

blunder.

"But he's really talented" - fuck off.

or we can shoot acid, crack heroin

have pills valium ecstasy any fucking thing there is,

drink a couple of bottles of cheap vodka

But, smoke some weed and chill.

A smashing day in, in your your flea infested

forget not to eat anything. Fortnight of

that and if the magic carpet carpet can't come.

This time will be that and that's that.

you fucking moron, moron me not any other moron.

Brief description as I am vain. Maloderous

skeletal schock of distress. Continual vomiting - flem

machine. That which I consider sane and joining in

daily or night time actions - discussions etc,

others, in fact everyone I have a contact with

considers repulsive anti-social and go as far

as to mention a kind of insanity that as

far as to be concerned could be the secret

agents of one or another afterlife.

Confirmed

when claims of previous acts so peculiar and

that I have no memory or hint of recognition

of their look name or outlandish tales. All

leads me to stick to my layout of events

Years are a confusion. And I can defend

my slight lapses of memory to age and

very hard and stressful work.

I can remember a couple of things, but live

in the moment, then the next one. Why care

making effort to memorise when you are getting on with it?

(Page 13)

Lets get at it from the pink panter pantin pink

My krum[] Im dark I be like

Wight. [] Bachs harmonys if I

Am mistaken the nature of Nienval Here

Together ever aware surier is that puer

At you + AVE, T, Geronimo fact old

Compassion I met romance I got love on me looking

out how can [] to be lured is all. Without

call imagined I love and be loved I laugh I

[]

Is to have all fear disappear the worry

The shape of the world and to be that

Hard cumid like no not love to know who

Woman is because then I could really be

The wall spreed brokos would put thain

Shirt on it. No exchange can bargain

In every gang in misunderstanding of the word

Blame mistrust

And they assumed me that I

Am a multimillionaire but they were that

Empty armchair.

Still, but that’s all aside you could try

To convince me that I have a Saturday

Night fever and the man with a golden gun is a kaleidoscope of

Gens looking at me was violin

Music.

I must amount a charge

Cut my path the say shit

Fluid.

Lattrapid yet reputed, for

Skullduggery, not lit but well

Bugger me

The eraze the age of

Me.

Curiosity

Egyptian in a gunpowder

What’s to say

Then was ever

And no invention.

(Page 14)

And I have to stay alive. The most simple,

Can even enjoy. For me this is a day to day I don’t

Want to. I’m not to write here about. I’m afraid

Sad .. to be called Frank or Ernie or just a drunk

Heroin crackhead. Delight hard open wicket there,

Balls remain. I gonna run. Or I ran. The rent

Run risk rough ripped rhode Londron, relic, rash

Rubbish.

I am glad to say I am as ill today as ever

Has before. Quite accomplished solutions intrude the

Bloodstream. Crooks and nanny aside I would not

Abide to fee fy falsify in certain terms, there is not

Motivation or need, my reputation a guarantee. Worth

Both make and believe.

And icy reflection patterns this room

In a late early new year blank laziness for

Uniform.

The where I have not the, exactly

Is what I cannot say. I would sleep fortune.

A life away .. Dishonesty weakly needless

Declare my passion the destiny. Then the glorious

And victory erased from language. Imprisonragbe

My sure staff wags crackling.

Discountry is dissinisterly

Endured it’s nare the creep creeping

Upon me, tired so tired. It begins to engage

Agree. Would be so easy. No more of that

Or of then and though and more so no more

Of this.

Discomfort I adore, sickness I make certain

Sure.

Accidents the luxurious claim of

Innocents, fact follow the accidentee with a brief

Study of past actions, the ban of acts or act

In not too far future will I doubt fail to unveil

That word accident came by stumble spill ink of

Most likely a greed to gain advantage of

Someones misfortune. Insurance a very chance relies

On accidentalance.

To why limit snap grot and furniture

Of nonsense. To waste time to fulfil a space to

Be over so a despond errant in my way.

That I will so called exist

There afar Gulliver, Crusoe, Hyde and Oliver I

Do not fear to relive my beautiful friends.

Catechism the word got rhythm, and you, make you and it

Rhymes with prison.

I can feel a mission coming into vision

Like dream for a religion I was living I was

Dying and soul I will revive the life

And try to describe as well as I can when

Fighting to survive to stay alive.

That’s later

I going to Gunter Grove – coming.

(another page)

I ain´t gonna make it. A reprise

Knew I was seirxing act dizguise. It was

Already no realise. Come that time that

art my life. The chat I-chat in mind

is it cause I could not replicate

The lives of the money makers

fame equalcors - so I had

to make my own original sound

That made me as the song says

Bohemian trinketá.

A required taste.

Drugs and boozer - loser

Refuse.

A guide on how to fail

And fuck the ass out

of how to lose

Because its real

Will be thirty pence

and second hand

Then used to wipe

The Ass Baboon.

What if it went the other way

And no more reborn; acknowledged

As past and future G. Yeah

Boy that rack everest need

A machine the size of God.

All ThEM BLOOD Red Painted

Wolfcitys. MAYhem is PEACE

AND education becomes

what it needs to be

Emotion, respect, love

Learning Lyric´fuckin´ly

Are you gettin me

Not from no ghetto

And thats not how I speak

All school should be to

a Killer beat.

The gift of posture

very thgm, energy.

#poetry #peterwolfe #wolfman #petedoherty

0 notes

frywen-babbles · 5 years

Text

Sounds of Silence pt4

A/N: TW: Mentions of abuse

“But why do I have to…” Mitsuhide tried to protest when he was pushed out of the car.

“We need a distraction. Unlike Hanbei, I trust you can do something if he gets aggressive.”

“I knew I had a reason why I hate you…” Hanbei mumbled from the driver’s seat, unable to see the glare Mitsunari shot him.

They had waited for hours for her or her boyfriend to leave the house, but neither of them did. The day was already starting to turn to evening and all of their patience was running thin.

Mitsunari watched as Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi walked to the front door of the house and rang the doorbell. He and Inuchiyo sneaked to the back, peeking through the windows to see if they could find her.

She was sitting in the kitchen, flipping through a magazine, her eyes flickering every now and then towards the door. She was wearing leggings and a hoodie and she had a scarf around her neck, so Mitsunari couldn’t see if she was injured. But at least there wasn’t any bruises on her face. Mitsunari waved to get her attention, but she didn’t notice him.

“We could knock on the window?” Inuchiyo suggested.

“I’m not even going to tell you how utterly idiotic that plan is,” Mitsunari replied, pulling out his phone.

[19:03:20] << ManjuDreamer >> Look out of the window.

She immediately glanced at her phone and her eyes shot to the window.

[19:03:19:03:39] << ManjuDreamer >> If you want to leave come to the backdoor asap.

[19:03:52] << ManjuDreamer >> Hideyoshi is distracting your boyfriend with a friend.

She nodded once and sneaked out of the kitchen. Mitsunari walked to the backdoor and to his surprise she was already there, only slippers in her feet, a small backbag in her hands.

[19:04:40] << bookshy >> hurry

He nodded to her and grasped her hand. They ran to the corner of the house, where they could see Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi at the door.

“Yeah, I think that’s all the info we need for now! Thank you for your time!” Hideyoshi said cheerfully and they heard the door slam shut. Mitsunari tightened his grasp on her hand and took off running towards the car. He opened the door and pushed her inside, climbing in after her. He pulled her down to lie on the seat, her head landing on his lap.

“Drive!” Mitsunari snapped to Hanbei, who immediately took off.

“H-hey!” Inuchiyo barely managed to sit down in the front seat, his door still open. He reached to slam the door shut. “You could have waited for me to sit down…”

“You’ll live,” Hanbei shot back, taking a sharp turn which nearly sent Inuchiyo off of his seat. “Fasten your seatbelt, I’m not paying your fine if we get pulled over.”

Mitsunari put his hand down and suddenly realised where her head was. He momentarily caught Hanbei’s eyes, which made him painfully aware of her proximity, of her hair against his palm, of the heat of her skin against his thigh. He turned his head aside, a blush burning hot on his face.

[19:16:32] << bookshy >> whr r we going [19:16:36] << ManjuDreamer >> A friend’s house. [19:16:53] <<ManjuDreamer >> He promised you can stay in one of their guest rooms for a while. [19:16:59] << bookshy >> u sure hes ok w/ that [19:17:08] << ManjuDreamer >> He suggested it himself. [19:17:36] << ManjuDreamer >> We need to lose your phone. [19:17:36] << bookshy >> NO! [19:17:37] << bookshy >> how am i sppsd to talk to ppl thn? [19:17:38] << bookshy >> i wont let u [19:17:46] << ManjuDreamer >> He tracks your phone, doesn’t he? [19:17:58] << ManjuDreamer >> That’s how he found you last time. [19:18:00] << bookshy >> i still need my phone [19:18:02] << bookshy >> i cant just toss it [19:18:08] << ManjuDreamer >> I’ll get you a new one [19:18:10] << bookshy >> u cant do that!

Mitsunari glanced up from his phone to the road ahead, before he dug through his bag for some pen and paper.

“Hanbei, pull over somewhere. We need to get rid of her phone.”

[19:18:27] << ManjuDreamer >> Write down all the important numbers you need. [19:18:40] << bookshy >> i need my phone

Despite her complaints, she took the offered stationery and scribbled down some numbers before she looked at him, holding tight on her phone.

“You sign, right?” Mitsunari asked, each sign slow and deliberate. She just stared at him, not replying. Her jaw tightened for a moment before her expression turned blank, her eyes searching his face. Finally, she nodded.

[19:22:04] << bookshy >> i can read lips but i dont alws get evrthng right [19:22:10] << bookshy >> i dont want to rely on it [19:22:12] << bookshy >> txtng is better [19:23:06] << bookshy >> i need my phone [19:23:22] << bookshy >> plz [19:23:31] << bookshy >> please

Her cool mask broke, anguish leaking into her features. Her brows furrowed and her jaw tensed and Mitsunari had no idea why she kept staring at him. Her stare made him feel self-conscious and he could feel his face starting to burn up again. He ripped his eyes from hers, opting to stare at his phone screen instead, a small frown between his brows he desperately tried to keep away.

[19:24:46] << ManjuDreamer >> We’ll get you a new phone ASAP [19:25:07] << ManjuDreamer >> I can’t let him find you. [19:25:29] << bookshy >> why r u doing this

Mitsunari took a deep breath, his fingers ghosting over the phone screen trying to come up with something. Why didn’t she understand what he was trying to do? She had accepted his help this far, why wouldn’t she do this? He could help her but she was being so stubborn for no reason at all!

“Mitsunari.” Hanbei’s voice startled him awake from his thoughts and he saw they had stopped at a gas station.

[19:27:45] << ManjuDreamer >> I want you to be safe.

She looked at her phone. Slowly, she removed the cover of her phone, several large bills dropping on her lap and finally, reluctantly handed the phone to him. Mitsunari stepped out of the car and unceremoniously dropped her phone on the ground, driving his heel several times through the screen until it was shattered and the phone bent beyond repair. He then tossed it in the nearby trash bin and sat back in the car.

Her head fell back into his lap, but this time she wasn’t looking up at him. Instead, she was staring ahead, but Mitsunari wasn’t sure if she was staring out of the car or into nothingness.

***

Mitsunari felt bad leaving her. He was sure Oichi would take good care of her, but she had looked so bewildered by her surroundings and the kindness that was shown to her, he felt absolutely horrible. She had held onto the back of his hoodie so tight he nearly had to pry her fingers open so he could leave.

Why did he feel such guilt? She was safe now, he shouldn’t feel guilty, right? Oichi was with her, she shouldn’t feel lonely. Didn’t girls want to talk to other girls about their problems?

He stepped into his apartment and closed the door with a heavy sigh, pressing his forehead against it. He should… he needed to study… But the image of her kept popping on his mind every time he tried to think anything else. He turned around and leant against the door, kicking his shoes into the corner.

“Mitsunari? You’re back already?” Hideyoshi’s voice startled him, but a frown quickly replaced his surprise.

“Yeah. I have to study for tomorrow…”

“Oh… just… go to see her as soon as you can, okay?”

“Um, yeah…” Mitsunari slinked to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

What was he doing? Every time he tried to concentrate all he could think about was how she had made sure no-one else saw and signed ‘don’t leave’. He was so going to fail the test tomorrow… and it would affect the final grade too…

***

He had been so distracted the whole day even that bake-crazy dullard with questionable taste in books AND men had asked him what was wrong. He stared at the door of the Oda residence debating if he should knock now or wait until he had cleared out his head when the security guard let him out of his misery and opened the door for him.

It couldn’t be helped then… He made his way to the wing where he knew her room was but stopped right outside. Was he supposed to knock? Wait until she came out? But what if she wanted to just stay in her room? Just open the door and wish she wasn’t naked just then? Oh gods, did he just imagine her naked?

“Mitsunari?” He heard Oichi’s voice behind him. He felt his face flush with embarrassment. He turned around, annoyed at being found out standing in the middle of the hallway like an idiot in the middle of the most embarrassing train of thought.

“What?”

“Aren’t you cheerful today, grumpy face. My friend wanted to know if you’re okay when I told her you’re supposed to come here,” Oichi said, lifting an eyebrow.

“Nosy dullards like her should stay out other’s business.”

“Uh huh.” Oichi dismissed his snark before she turned serious. “She was crying last night. I thought I’d go talk to her, but I didn’t know if she’d appreciate me going into her room. I left some chocolate for her in the kitchen.” She held a small break and smiled. “I have a gift for her I think she might appreciate. Come find me when you feel like it!”

And with that, she was gone. Mitsunari still felt awkward but knocked on her door anyway before stepping inside. She was inside, watching television, but her eyes flickered immediately to him. Momentarily, she looked surprised. But then she jumped up and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

Mitsunari had no idea what to do. Was he supposed to hug her back? Or just stand there being hugged or… He felt his face burning embarrassingly hot. His first thought was to push her away, but he knew he shouldn’t do that though. So, he opted to pat her back awkwardly until she let go and took a step back.

“Manju-boy, you came…” she said with slow deliberate signs, a faint smile on her lips.

“Yes… Wait, why am I manju-boy?”

“I can call you a fox too, you're sly enough to be one.” She poked her tongue out a smile on her face. “No, wait, I have even better one!” She practically gleamed with delight, bouncing on her heels, “You can be frowny face! I like that!”

“I am not frowning!”

“You so are!” She laughed. Mitsunari was mesmerized. Her laugh was so pure, so full of joy he couldn’t do anything but smile with her. Suddenly she smacked her hand over her mouth, her smile dying from her lips, her expression turning guarded. “Sorry.”

“Why do you apologise?”

“You heard my laugh. It’s ugly.” Everything in her posture seemed to shrink back, to apologise.

Her voice had been so full of unguarded joy, how could anyone call it ugly? He had no idea what he was supposed to say, how was he supposed to react. Hideyoshi was so much better at stuff like this. But he wasn’t here now and Mitsunari couldn’t ask him for advice. She turned away from him, her shoulders slouched, but he quickly reached to touch her shoulder.

“I liked it.”

I like you, his brain screamed at him. Screamed so hard he felt his face flush again. Great, like this wasn’t mortifying enough, now his face had to keep betraying his emotions. He wanted to hide, but hiding behind his hands was probably even more embarrassing than the blush on his cheeks.

“You don’t have to lie. It’s okay.”

I’m not lying, he wanted to shout. He wanted to shake her and make her listen to reason. But that wouldn’t probably be helpful in the slightest.

“Uh…” he said aloud, but continued to sign, “O-i-chi said she has something for you.” Didn’t gifts cheer girls up? Fuck, how could he be so bad at this…

"I couldn't possibly accept anything more from her! She's already letting me stay here!" She looked distressed even at the idea.

"...She said something about cho-co-la-te too..." he tried. It was a slow effort, the sign for chocolate escaping his mind completely.

"Chocolate?" she asked with the proper sign surprised before a smile lit her face again. "I'd kill for some chocolate right now!" She almost stepped towards the door, but stopped again and turned towards him, her expression serious. "Manju-boy, is this... was this the right thing to do? What if you get into trouble? What if your friends get into trouble?"

"Wait! Why would we get into trouble? You are free to go where you like, don't you?"

"But..." She started to protest, but Mitsunari waved her quiet.

"I want you to be safe. You called me to get help. Did you not?" She nodded as a response but didn't say anything. "I chose to help. So did Hi-de-yo-shi and the others. You can stay here until you find a place to stay."

"...What about work? I need to work tomorrow..."

"We call and tell you are sick."

"No!" She shook her head firmly, "I need the money! I can't afford to stay away! I need to get a new phone and money for a deposit for a new place and money for the rent and food and clothes!"

"I'll loan you the money!"

"Don't be stupid! I know you study on a scholarship! I've seen you tutor kids at the library so you can get your bills paid! This-" She waved around the large guest room they were in, "is not how neither of us lives! Will ever live! You can't afford to lend me anything!" Her hands were flying so fast from one sign to another it was hard for him to follow what she was saying but the angry frown in her face didn't leave much to interpret on her opinion of his suggestion.

A part of him wanted to beg, to grovel in front of her just to let him help. But a bigger, more prideful part of him just let out an angry huff. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"Why am I-?! You're the stubborn one!"

"Fine!" Mitsunari turned around and stalked out of the room. He heard her follow him but he didn't turn to look until they reached the kitchen.

His irritation vanished as soon as it had appeared when he felt her grasp the back of his shirt. He glanced at her when she offered a stiff bow at Oichi, who was looking at them with an amused smile.

"I just happened to switch phones a while back and I don't need this anymore. I thought you might want to have it." Oichi spoke slowly and pushed the shiny scratchless phone on the table towards her. She reached for the phone at first but pulled her hand back, glancing uncertainly at him. He nodded and she took the phone in her hands. It took only a moment for her eyes to widen, and she tried to shove the phone back to Oichi, shaking her head.

"No, it's yours now." Oichi lift her hand in denial and shook her head. "Oh! We need to get you a phone plan. And some other stuff too, you didn't bring much, did you." Oichi stood up and turned her back at them. She, however, pulled his sleeve, a panicked look on her face.

"Tell her I just need somewhere to do laundry!"

"Oichi, wait, she said she just needs to do some laundry." Mitsunari tried to interrupt Oichi, but she just laughed.

"Nonsense! It'll be fun, come on!"

Before they knew what hit them, Oichi had dragged both of them out shopping, a few grim looking bodyguards trailing behind them. One phone operator shop and some cosmetics shopping later they were in a clothing store where one glance at the price tags told Mitsunari he would have to get a way (way) better paying job if he ever wanted to shop there.

@masamunesmistress @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age @dreamfar628 (nooo tumblr won’t let me tag you ;A; @han-pan

#slbp #slbp fanfic #ishida mitsunari #oda oichi #voltage fanfic #frywen writes #sounds of silence fic

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