#but. babygirl i hate romance it grosses me out

[foraging-beast]

when uquizzes call me a hopeless romantic i laugh so so so hard

#i swear every single uquiz calls me a hopeless romantic #like. all of them #i do like to romanticize life so maybe that’s what it comes from?? #but. babygirl i hate romance it grosses me out #although i do like to ship…. #i’m suuuch an enigma #zosting

[natikoko]

Agent 4 (Adrian) character sheetzzz

I’m so sorry my baby I was procrastinating doing yours for like a week I’m so sorry

Adrian. Last Name unknown. 19 years old.

- 6’1ft

- From a lanky kid to almost 250 pounds of beef and gain. Had an extreme growth spurt in his teenage years, and combined with constant agent activity, made him into the guy he is today.

- Observant and calculating. Fueled by one single-minded determination at a time, he is easily one of the most effective agents in the NSS.

- Is selfish but selfless. His selfishness can be mistaken for heartlessness, and his selflessness can be mistaken for self sabotage. Make of that what you will.

- Insecure and vulnerable during splatoon 2, where he was fourteen. Helping Marie helped him boost his confidence plenty and made him feel needed when he was lost. His relationship with Marie is strong because of it.

• he doesn’t mention his life before meeting Marie often. It’s a sore spot.

- Confident and sensible. Manages to stay calm during the most stressful of situations. Meditates in his free-time helps. He’s very reliable.

- Can be a pushover at times. He just wants to help everyone!

- Enjoys literature and music. Is studying for a degree in music theory at Inkblot art academy. Takes up many extracurriculars (but has a hard time managing his time)

- Mains rollers, specifically Carbon’s or Krak-ons. Used to use dualies plentifully, but considers himself too tall to preform the evasive maneuvers he constantly did. Prefers strenuous weapons.

• Is ranked score is very high, despite him not playing often. Is probably really rusty now.

- Gets money funneled from his parents. Has a complicated relationship with them.

- He actually didn’t meet both 3(tilly) or 8(marlon) until almost half a year after Octo Expansion occurred. He was busy with his academics and Tilly and Marlon were both recovering from the deepsea metro, so they couldn’t meet right away.

• they instantly clicked when they met. They visited each other frequently and it strengthened their relationship.

• he “amazingly brought these two bumbling idiots together because they couldn’t confess” which is a complete lie, because Adrian is horrible with romance. They wouldn’t never started a relationship if Marlon didn’t state the obvious.

• Many sleepless nights trying to understand his feelings for those two…

- Is very good at shuffling cards, for some reason. But he’s horrible at card games, so…

- Physically the strongest out of all the NSS members. Marlon is strong, but wouldn’t last long without a weapon for aid. Tilly is his strongest competitor. It’s a debate amongst the NSS.

• he and Tilly fought to settle this debate. Adrian clotheslined Tilly so hard she momentarily passed out not even three minutes into the fight and it’s obvious who won

- Doesn’t cry. It’s an unhealthy habit that he’s trying to unlearn. When he does cry, it’s messy and snotty and it’s loud and gross

- But he will NOT let his girls bottle their emotions up. He will beat those feelings out of them if he has too. If he sees any ounce of repressed trauma he’s going therapist mode

• he sees a therapist! It’s nice to just have someone to talk to, yknow?

- Is the only one in the relationship who can remotely dress well. That’s not saying much

• wears plenty of shorts and plain t-shirts. Very much is a minimalist clothes kinda guy, but that’s on par with his shitty fashion sense (me tease)

- Huge fan of Hightide Era and Ink Theory

- Animals HATE him and he does not Know Why

- Speaks very loudly. Will ask the simplest question but shout it. He’ll ask “WHATS FOR DINNER‼️‼️” without knowing he’s shouting. Cannot control the volume of him voice

- Weird eating habits. Puts Ketchup in his tuna and peanut butter on his chips but he eats a lot of good home-prepared foods so it cancels out

- Tilly called him babygirl and I don’t think he’s been the same since

- Best hugger! They’re warm and comfortable and welcoming and he always rocks you back and forth, maybe even a firm pat on the back

- A big excitable guy! Don’t be mean to him!

#splatoon #agent 4 (adrian) #agent 4 #splatoon oc #splatoon headcanons #sorry for typos I’m not rereading this

[wordofrecall]

character playlists: ori

so. let’s do this. my playlists are long and scattered, but they make me happy, so i might as well share them and the thoughts behind song choices. so. here’s some songs for runaway knights & wannabe witches, and what have you.

something holy - childhood & riches & wonders

pearl diver - mitski - oh hunter, if you didn’t want the beautiful so badly, perhaps you would’ve found it in your spirit singing softly - look. it's on the nose, considering that her title is "the pearl hunter," but also, like, that rules. this is a song for wren, i think; ori in the present reflecting on her mother and the similarities between them.

icicles - the scary jokes - i can only be forgiven if i’m giving myself up to you on a silver serving tray / must i bare myself to the stabbing of your knife & gnashing teeth while our lovely company appears so entertained? - aaand a song for childhood. 99% of ori's socialization came from her parents having important guests over, so. uh. yeah. show off your reclusive child prodigy like a pageant whenever you have the opportunity. she probably won't grow to loathe you.

life: the cruel interlude (on god) - kilo kish - why do i dare believe in me when i bleed? - questioning was. always a big thing for ori. i don't think she ever believed that the mirzha was god, and i known that she never truster her father's patron, but. in her studies, in her passions, there's always this tiny sense of desperation for something to have faith in something. not herself.

bluejays & cardinals - the mountain goats - the stars come out of hiding for you, & i would too - there is. a lot, in ori's relationship with her brother. she was the favorite child, yeah, the one destined for great things in spite of her... troubles. but he never had those troubles! she didn't, doesn't understand how he went through life so unafraid. there's envy there. i also think that the line i quoted is terribly true, like, canonically. because. she sure did do that stupid shit.

be calm - fun. - take it from me, i’ve been there a thousand times--you hate your pulse because it thinks you’re still alive! - sometimes you have intense social phobia. and that's okay!

country death song - violent femmes - kiss your mother goodnight & remember that God saves, kiss your mother goodnight & remember that God saves - i think andrei is a much less pitiable or even sympathetic man than the narrator of this song, but. like. it's a country song about a father killing his daughter while preaching godliness. i had to.

i’m all bloody inside - liam lynch - inside me, well, it’s dark & gross as hell, i’m not a pretty sight - the family business!

the hazards of love 3 (revenge!) - the decemberists - but father, don’t you fear, your children are all here - fantasies. part of the fantasy is imagining a world where she doesn't feel terrible about the thought.

shankill butchers - sarah jarosz - they used to be just like me & you, they used to be sweet little boys - "blood hunters are ghost stories." "and also, they're fucking terrible. violent, cruel, zealous. the worst."

sparrow - st. vincent - & no eyes are on the sparrow, eyes are on the sparrow, how could that be the case? the lark keeps whistling his number, silly little number, as if he isn't prey - pity for the boy. sort of retrospective, but it's a thought that's been there since she was a child.

something burning - rituals & fire & running

starchild - ghost quartet - but i will transcend & vomit this loser out of me; i will become the next big thing, i will light myself on fire - maybe she is some kind of angel? bursting with radiance and terrifying to look upon.

arsonist’s lullabye - hozier - don’t you ever tame your demons, always keep them on a leash / when i was sixteen, my senses fooled me - oooor maybe she is a sixteen year-old who is having a panic attack and setting everything in sight on fire by accident.

blood - my chemical romance - i’m the kind of human wreckage that you love! - so she's broken.

girl anachronism - the dresden dolls - it’s not the way i’m meant to be, it’s just the way the operation made me - so she's failed and she's broken and she's sick, and there's no time to fucking think.

when the chips are down - anais mitchell - cast your eyes to heaven, you’ll get a knife in the back. - so she does what her mother did before her, and she runs from that which she has always known.

body terror song - ajj - i’m so sorry that you have to have a body / one that will hurt you, & be the subject of so much of your fear - feelings on being built Wrong; feelings on your mind's undue control upon your body.

in corolla - the mountain goats - & no one was gonna come & get me, there wasn't anybody gonna know, even though i leave a trail of burnt things in my wake every single place i go - very good as an ori song in general but this is her justification to herself in the water. under the docks, she says this to herself.

the harrowed & the haunted - the decemberists - will i be so brave? - just to get that oceanic vibe up.

luna - the mountain goats - rise through the flames & end again in flames at last - an inexplicable feeling.

unwhere - reeder - a song for leaving what you've always known.

something lonely - years & woods & dreaming

runs in the family - amanda palmer - run from their pity, from responsibility, run from the country & run from the city, i can run from the law, i can run from myself, i can run for my life, i can run into debt, i can run from it all, i can run 'till I'm gone - she is broken and all she can think to do is get as far away as possible

panic attack - liza anne - i hate that i can be seen like this

black eyes - david wirsig - my hammering heart hears the voices of spirits that tempt us, the scorn that they’ve spoken

for the departed - shayfer james - they will bury me alive, but i’m not inclined to care; i am too far gone now

hurt - johnny cash - everyone i know goes away in the end; you can have it all, my empire of dirt

my body’s made of crushed little stars - mitski - i work better under a deadline! i work better under a deadline!

blood in the cut - k. flay - guess i’m contagious; it’d be safest if you ran--fuck, that’s what they all just end up doing in the end

little pistol - mother mother - i think i might be scared of the world & the way it makes you feel afraid & how it gets in the way

villains pt. 1 - emma blackery - built to create, designed to destroy

the beer - kimya dawson - & the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared of burning in hell while i was already there [...] i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth

something safe - family & finding it & fighting together

haunted house - sir babygirl - i’m running just to hide & i’m hiding just to breathe & around every corner is the same night on repeat

your heart is a muscle the size of your fist - ramshackle glory - i love you & you make me glad to be alive; i promise that i’m gonna pay you back / you always know how funny everything is, even when i’m so serious that it’s gonna be the death of me

medicines - the taxpayers - o, but our rotting corpses lying there soon began to leak & grow these lesions that all smelled just like a rose / & all the blood & guts inside us germinated into timeless pages stained with lines of lovely prose

autoclave - the mountain goats - i am this great unstable mass of blood & foam

alligator skin boots - mccafferty - i’m cool to the touch, leap to my death, i’ll die for you all, i’ll die for my friends, it goes like this

100 years - florence + the machine - lord, don’t let me break this, let me hold it lightly, give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

tomorrow will be kinder - the secret sisters - but i feel warmth on my skin, the stars have all aligned

armour - rae spoon - you know i placed was to build a life for you

amy aka spent gladiator 1 - the mountain goats - play with matches if you think you need to play with matches; seek out the hidden places where the fire burns hot & bright / find where the heat’s unbearable & stay there if you have to--don’t hurt anybody on your way up to the light, and stay alive

curses - the crane wives - won’t you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?

something daring - islands & visions & loss

jane’s dream - janelle monáe

beekeeper - keaton henson - hear me, o woman that has gone astray, gone astray

fire - kimya dawson - i’m reading books about how they’re corrupt [...] as long as i’m burning, i’ll keep on yearning to save the world, not sure how, but i’m learning

cosmic hero - car seat headrest - i love you, but i can’t stand the touch, & of course i’m alright with death

turn the lights off - tally hall - everbody likes to get taken for turns to see how bright the fire inside of us burns [...] should be stronger, books abandoned

eat you alive - the oh hellos - child, i’m afraid for your soul; these things that you’re after, they can’t be controlled

cry for judas - the mountain goats - hallucinate a shady grove where judas went to die

o death - monica martin - no wealth, no land, no silver, no gold, nothing satisfies me but your soul

blood of angels - brown bird - and i would wage my soul to bet that there ain’t no one throwing lightning anyhow

the universe is going to catch you - the antlers - the arms of the universe kept you from falling [...] those arms did not come back

a burning hill - mitski - i am the fire & i am the forest & i am the witness watching it / i stand in the valley watching it

something terrifying - conversations & selfhood & divination

the lamb - dessa - but blood is blood, & what’s done is done; blood is blood, & its burden is a beast

going invisible 2 - the mountain goats - i’m gonna burn it all down today & sweep all the ashes away

the lion’s roar - first aid kit - she plays a tune for those who wish to overlook the fact that they’ve been blindly deceived by those who preach & pray & teach, but she falls short & the night explodes in laughter

the villain i appear to be - connor spiotto - even if you can’t see the good inside me, i don’t have the time to tell you why i do the things that i do, just please hold on & soon you’ll seem

up the wolves - the mountain goats - there’s bound to be a ghost at the back of closet, no matter where you live; there’ll be a few things, maybe several things that you’re gonna find really difficult to forgive

thursday girl - mitski - glory, glory, glory to the night that shows me what i am

at the bottom of everything - bright eyes - we must take all of the medicines to expensive now to sel; set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell

everybody does - julien baker - i know i’m a pile of filthy wreckage you will wish you’d never touched, but you’re gonna run when you find out who i am

tongues & teeth - the crane wives - i know that you mean so well, but i am not a vessel for your good intent 

a pearl - mitski - you’re growing tired of me and all the things i don’t talk about / sorry, i don’t want your touch--it’s not that i don’t want you

#original #this is. so long. and i will probably add more. but. Daughter. #ori #playlists

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sick Little Games: Twenty-Two

“I lost a lot of sleep over what I let happen to Y/N,” Peggy admitted. “When SHIELD contacted me about helping Coulson recruit her, I didn’t- I never believed that she’d be experimented on.”

She sighed and stirred her cup of tea gently, “I have a lot to answer for. I did a lot of things for SHIELD, believing we were the right side. But I think. I think Y/N is the one thing I’m the most afraid to answer for.”

Steve patted her hand, “If it helps, I don’t think she blames you. Or Coulson. Or really even Fury.”

“It doesn’t,” she sighed, “Because she should.” She looked up at Steve and smiled a little, “See, we knew some things. We knew where she came from. The Church of Life. Her time being homeless. Foster Care. Being a runaway. We had well-documented accounts of her abilities. We just- We didn’t count on just how... calmly she’d take everything. And to this day, I’m not sure if it’s faith or some ingrained belief that everything is her fault.”

“Both,” Steve ventured. 

“Perhaps,” Peggy allowed, “But... whatever happens out of all this, I’m glad she at least got something- someone to love her like she deserves. It’s appalling to me that anyone could look at such a sweet girl and declare her undeserving of love.”

Steve sighed, “As long as she doesn’t run off again and leave Barton in the lurch when it all gets a little too real.”

“He found her once,” Peggy said calmly, “He’ll do it again.”

_____________

When Clint opened the door to the suite, he set his tray of goodies down on the table and shut the door quietly. You’re sitting up at least, mostly awake. Trying to remember how to be awake. 

“Hey, Cupcake,” he says, smiling a little, “How're your feet?”

“How’s your face?” you murmur, catching his chin in your hand to inspect the damage.

Clint smiled a little and turned his head to kiss the palm of your hand, “Baby,” he soothed, “I’m okay. Nothing that won’t heal. And nothing too serious, okay? You didn’t do it on purpose. I know you didn’t.”

“Still did it,” you whisper, tears welling up. 

“No,” he scolded, “No crying, babe. And no apologies. I caught an elbow while you weren’t yourself... Literally not yourself. Even when you hit me, it wasn’t on purpose. You were flailing like a toddler at bedtime, trying to get away from a demi-god. It’s not like you just decided you were gonna pop me in the eye and shut me up.”

He smiles a little and kisses your palm again, “Just eat some food with me?” he presses gently. “We’ll eat and watch some stupid rom coms you can cry over instead.”

“Shut up,” you murmur, blushing, “Ever After is cute.”

“Not as cute as when you start tearin’ up a box of tissues at the end,” he teases as he scoops you up gently. It feels good when you slip your arms around his neck and snuggle close. 

“How do you always smell so good,” you murmur, nuzzling his neck.

“I stopped using Axe and had Nat help me find grown-up cologne,” he answers, kissing your head. “I wanted the hoodies you keep stealing to smell good until you gave ‘em back.”

“I am very spoiled,” you murmur, kissing his jaw.

“You’re a brat,” he chuckled, “But I love it.”

Once he gets you settled, feet propped up, and some food to nibble on, he takes a seat next to you and pushes play on the movie he queued up. He didn’t even know what it was. Just a movie. One that was probably gonna make you cry. 

This one had kids. And cutesy romance. And he wanted it to tug at your heartstrings. If you were engrossed in the movie, you weren’t gonna be feeling guilty about something that wasn’t really your fault. 

“Y/N,” he asked idly when you were about halfway through a sandwich.

“Hmm?” you answer, mouth full for the moment.

“Have you ever thought about kids?” he asked.

You pause for a moment. A little taken aback. Clint didn’t usually ask about the future. He was mostly focused on ‘now.’ At this moment. 

Clint’s cheeks colored, mistaking your surprise for a knee jerk pain reaction, “I mean before- with Bucky- I sorry-” He looked away, and you smiled a little.

“No, I-” you take a deep breath, “Bucky- That- that was a different situation. You just- I mean- we. We don’t usually talk about anything beyond our next date night.”

“I know,” he said, “I just. I’m just curious, I guess. My biological clock or something.”

You smile a little, “When I was younger. Really young. I thought about kids a lot. Cult, you know? I was supposed to be a good little wife. And have lots of babies. Because of Jesus. Or God. Or whatever.”

Clint nodded, “That’s- yeah.”

“It’s gross,” you supply, exhaling slowly. “When I was on my own... I thought for a little while if I had a baby at least I’d have someone to love me but... Some of the stuff from the Cult stuck pretty well. And I was too young to get married so. No baby for me... And then with time. I guess I just pushed it out of my head.”

“I just-” Clint felt his cheeks color.

“I know,” you answer, picking apart a pretzel. “When I got pregnant before... I was terrified. Like, how do you tell a guy that hates you that you’re having a baby and it’s his? And beyond that... I couldn’t. I knew that it wasn’t fair for me to have that baby. I wasn’t. I mean. If I had them, it was just... It was just going to mean I was fucking someone up like my parents did me.”

“Would you ever want kids?” he asked quietly. He knew you weren’t dodging the question. Just giving him some context. He’d never asked about this before. Kids were something he’d avoided asking about. He stayed careful about birth control and tried to just... not bring it up. But the kids in the movie were adorable. And he just- he’d been thinking. Some blonde babies with your freckles might be. Nice. 

“Maybe someday,” you answer, “But not until I retire from the superhero gig.”

“That’s fair,” Clint said, smiling a little, “But I meant. I mean- would you want kids with me?”

You smile, “I don’t think I’d be able to do it with anyone else,” you answer.

Clint lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and smiled wider, “Yeah?”

“I mean, yeah. Clumsy blondes with a love of shitty puns? I’m down.”

“Shitty puns and bad movies,” Clint amended with a dignified sniff, “I have more than one interest.”

You giggle and give the begging pets a little bite of the turkey left on your plate, “But for right now?” you tell him, “Fur babies are enough.”

“But when they’re not?”

“When the baby fever hits and can’t be cured with a new furry thing, you’ll be the first to know,” you tell him, kissing his jaw.

“Promise?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I promise,” you tell him, crossing your heart dramatically before tucking yourself into his side for a cuddle. 

Clint took your plate and set it aside, pulling you closer and letting you situate yourself how you wanted to be. In this case, you settle on his lap, nipping his neck when he popped you on the bottom affectionately. Clint shivered and tilted your chin up slowly, “Careful, Cupcake,” he teases, kissing your nose, “This is gonna turn into some NetFlix and chill pretty quick.”

“Doesn’t that just get you some practice in?” you ask innocently, carding fingers through his hair lovingly.

“Practice?” he hums, nuzzling the spot on your neck that makes you whimper, pondering sucking on it until you’ve got a pretty little mark shining. 

“For when the baby fever hits,” you clarify, arching into his touch with a soft needly sound.

The archer tightens his grip on your waist and chuckles, sucking a soft mark into your collar bone to make you pant for him. “I like the way you think, babygirl,” he rumbles, starting to work on the pretty mark on your neck. You were his and he didn’t want anyone thinking otherwise. 

Tags:

@lancsnerd, @thorfanficwriter @blameitonthecauseway @etherealwaifgoddess, @stevieang, @beautybyfire, @sunmoonandbucky @mrsfox79, @bbmommy0902, @mendes-fan, @iheartsebastianstan, @wtfcas @pinknerdpanda, @process-pending, @ladifreakingda, @leasly, @coldbookworm, @hv-chw3, @past-perfect-future-tense, @starkrobb @beardburnsupersoldiers, @petlaufeyson, @queenoftheunderdark, @potatoheadthewise, @thehyperactiveteen, @thefridgeismybestie, @boyett514, @an-awkward-human-1, @sunshine-and-riverwater

#clint barton #Bucky Barnes #asshole!Bucky #Clint Bartonx reader #Bucky Barnes x reader #fluff #angst #implied smut #domestic fluff #supportive boyfriend #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #backstory #Clint is a mess

[daddyspumpkin86]

BDSM: An Ethnography

Disclaimer: As always, this blog is written from the point of view of a brat submissive. Please keep this in mind, and just bugger off if you feel the need to be negative about my experiences.

This is an ethnography I wrote for my Rhetorics of Pop Culture class a couple of semesters ago. The assignment was to write an ethnography about a counter culture - in which we were to demonstrate our understanding of the concepts we discussed during class (hence the citations.)

The Ultimate Surrender: Living the Lifestyle

In early 2014, the hype for the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey motion picture began. I had heard of the steamy book series written by E.L. James, but had never really had an interest in it until I saw the preview for the movie. I am still somewhat embarrassed to admit that I actually like the book series, mainly because critics affectionately dubbed it “Mommy Porn.” Surely, as an English major, I was above reading that sort of thing. I normally turned my nose up at authors like E.L. James, because I thought their writing gave women unrealistic expectations of what relationships were supposed to be like. Fifty Shades of Grey totally fits that mold. But, one fateful day, completely out of the blue, my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded a bootlegged copy of the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. I finished it in two hours and read the other two over the rest of Christmas Break because the story reminded me of my husband and me, and all we’ve gone through over the last twelve years. That week, the BDSM rabbit hole opened, and I gladly jumped in with both feet.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline (BD), Domination & Submission (DS), and Sadism & Masochism (SM). The acronym, BDSM, helps those of us who live the Lifestyle bundle all of the possible avenues under one umbrella name so that we can teach others what it means. We call actively living this way living the Lifestyle instead of just saying, “oh hey, I practice BDSM,” because it helps us avoid having to endure the stigma that has been attached to our way of life by popular media, and others who oppose our subculture (Haenfler 2016). We also have our own set of rules, just like every subculture.

Titles & special names

When writing, most of us will capitalize words like: Lifestyle, Master, Mistress, Maitresse, Dom, Domme, Domina, Top, Daddy, Mommy, Sir, Ma’am, or whatever the title of the person who is the Dominant party in the relationship may be. The Dom/me or Top chooses their title depending on what kind of Dominant they want to be, or are, and there are many more titles than what I have listed here. Simple capitalization of a title while writing shows a sign of submission, and knowing one’s place in the BDSM Hierarchy. Submissives are called subs, bottoms, babygirl, babyboy, princess, little girl, little boy, little one, kitten, and many others that. Most have custom collars with their names on them, like the one pictured here.

Be Excellent to Each Other

We call non-kinky people vanilla because they don’t have any exotic flavors in the ice cream that is their life. When we have playtime some of us call it play and some of us call it scening. Just depends on what generation of the lifestyle you’re around at the time, and how structured the play session is. We use safe words, like red for stop and yellow for slow down, every time we play. We also do not follow proscribed gender roles; in fact, many of us challenge them with things like sissification (the feminization of a male, by a Dominant woman, at his request). If you’re non-binary, transgender, cis, asexual, or whatever and want to be a Dominant, do it! If you want to be a submissive, do it! If you want to be a switch (someone who does both), do it! That’s the beauty of this Lifestyle, you can be whatever you want to be and no one will judge you for it. If they do judge you, they’re an elitist prick and shouldn’t be part of the Lifestyle because they don’t belong there. We follow the credo, “Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.”

When someone who actively practices BDSM hears “I live the Lifestyle” in public, it tips us off, but not everyone in the room, and that’s the way most of us prefer it. We can also ask others “are you part of the Lifestyle,” without outing them in public, because if they aren’t they’ll ask, “what lifestyle?” Unfortunately, because of the controversial nature of our relationships, most of us have to stay behind locked doors and maintain a vanilla appearance. There have been many kinksters charged with assault and domestic battery over bruises, or loud noises that led to a welfare check, because of over-concerned vanilla neighbors, friends, or family, even though what we do is 100% consensual.

Disclaimer

Many of us have to hide our identities, and where we live, for our personal protection because some people really do hate the way we live, and have threatened to hurt us. This is why I have chosen to write under my pet name, Daddy’s Pumpkin. They either don’t, or don’t want to, understand how living the way we do enriches our lives, but that’s okay. It gives us things that we’re lacking, thereby making us feel whole, if even for just the hour or two scene we’re participating in. I have an anonymous Twitter, Tumblr, and WordPress blog because my family would never accept the way we live because they think anything like what we do is abuse. I need to be part of the Community, but I have to do it secretly so I can maintain a career outside of my personal life.

As a responsible member of the kink community, I have to write a disclaimer about this topic. First, I want to be clear that the Lifestyle is NOT what you see in porn videos, nor is it what you read about in romance novels, or on the Penthouse Forums. That’s why the kink community hates Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian Grey is abusive, and uses being a Dominant as justification to beat women because of his psychological issues. Yes, some people in porn today do live the Lifestyle outside of their careers, but most of them perform it for the money and don’t live their lives as strictly as the actual kink community does. Please remember that they are all paid performers.

I’ve learned a lot from www.kink.com, where all three of these performers work, and I am very impressed by what they do in creating our ultimate fantasies, and shipping together the performers in pretty amazing ways (Duffett 202-207). Everyone just needs to remember that porn is for entertainment purposes only, and do not try what they do in the videos at home unless you know how to do it correctly and safely. There are on-average 10 professionals involved with each shoot at www.kink.com to ensure the safety of the performers. I also follow Sunny Megatron, a well-known sex blogger, and her blog is http://www.sunnymegatron.com.

My Frame of Reference

Most of the people I know who participate in the Lifestyle live by the simple principles of Domination & submission, in which one partner is the Dominant partner, and the other is the submissive partner. Thusly, in this series of articles, I will only be discussing monogamous, Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships, as I am not familiar with polyamory and cannot claim to understand it. I will also do my best to remain gender neutral, as I know there is not just the typical male Dominant and female submissive mold as popular culture would have us believe (Nowell 2011). Many people in the community are non-binary, transgender, or cis, as well as pansexual and polyamorous, gay, straight, and lesbian and I do not discount their relationships at all. I’m just the most familiar with my niche in the Lifestyle. The rest of the acronyms usage depends the parameters of the relationship. There is always an agreement to which the Dominant and submissive have both consented, either verbally or in writing. It’s good to write the relationship parameters down whether you’re a newbie or a long-time kinksters, because sometimes we forget what we’ve agreed to, and that’s when things can go terribly wrong during a scene.

Contracts

Contracts typically include what the Dominant will and won’t do, and what the submissive will and won’t do, as well as what they’d like to try as they grow to trust their Dominant. The contract will also detail what words the Dominant prefers to use as safe words. The submissives portion of the contract normally has an intensity scale for each activity as well so that the Dominant knows how hard to push them during a scene. When something on the contract is an absolute no, it is called a hard limit. Hard limits are not to be broken, and both Dominant and submissive have the right to call anything they want to a hard limit. If either party breaks hard limits, it’s a gross violation of trust and can end a relationship immediately depending on the situation. When something is a maybe or they’d like to try it, but with provisions, it is called a soft limit. Limits can be re-negotiated at any time, and honestly should be gone over regularly as the partners get to know each other. A true Dominant will only do what the submissive has agreed to, and will not push them into anything they are not comfortable doing. A good resource for contracts is BDSM Contracts.org.

Types of Activities

Bondage & Discipline (BD) play a large role in many D/s relationships, as do Sadism & Masochism (S&M), for both punishment and fun. Most Dominants are also Sadists (they like to control and administer pain & punishment), as most submissives are Masochists, (they like to be controlled and receive pain). Most include punishment in their contracts for when the submissive breaks rules, or gets sassy with their Dominant so they can remind the submissive whose boss. That’s what floggers, riding crops, whips, canes, paddles, leather straps, hot candle wax, clothes pins, clamps, electricity, fire, needles, spanking, slapping, punching, ball gags, blindfolds, embarrassment, public humiliation, and uncomfortable or predicament bondage are for, most of the time.

Types of Dynamics

However, punishment can also be fun for major masochists, and some actually piss off their Dominant on purpose to get what they want. These submissives are called brats. So, if the Dominant finds themselves with a hardcore masochist, they really have to get to know their partner on a deep level, and find out what tool they really hate used on them so they can use it for punishment. For example: I have a friend who hates canes, so that’s what her Daddy uses. But it’s not just to make us cower in a corner. The whole point of using an implement that scares the submissive is to maintain control, but also to push their limits and help them to not be afraid of that implement any more.

I know this sounds insane to those outside of the Lifestyle, but the whole point of a D/s relationship is safety and structure for both the Dominant and submissive. It gives them a space in which they can explore their limits and needs together. True Dominants are very nurturing, squishy-hearted, people, and that’s what attracts submissives to them. They want a piece of property (yes I know that’s problematic to feminists, but remember the submissive has chosen this role) that they can spoil and do with as they please, which totally does it for submissives because that’s how they want to be treated. People who fall into the submissive mold are looking for security and safety from someone they can grow to trust with their life. Someone to fill their heart with love and feelings of being cherished; someone to fill the void they feel in their lives (Lacan quoted in Storey 2015).

Domestic Service Dynamic

However, there are many titles and dynamics within the D/s lifestyle, because there are many types of D/s relationships, some of which don’t even involve sex. Domestic service is one of the most popular types of non-sexual D/s relationships, and the one I use most as an example when talking to newbies or people who are curious, because it doesn’t make them as uncomfortable as talking about sexual servitude does. In a domestic service situation, the submissive can feel safe and cared for without worrying about being pressured for sex. Simultaneously, they can fulfill their desire to serve someone and be rewarded for a job well done. Often times, domestic servants exist alongside the Dominants full-time submissives, and don’t get a lot of one-on-one time with the Dominant because they’re usually performing their duties while the Dominant is at work, and they don’t typically live with the Dominant. Rewards for great service come in many forms, but the most common reward for domestic service is alone time with the Dominant, be it a date, shopping, or being spoiled. All most submissives want is to feel cared for, safe, and useful to whomever they are serving, as set forth in their contract.

The 24/7 Dynamic

A 24/7 live-in submissive performs all domestic and sexual duties for the Dominant, according to the contract they have arranged. Many of these submissives are actually wives and mothers, so these duties fit right in with their routine, but they have added significance because the Dominant has agreed to a much greater reward than, “thanks for buying the shaving cream I like babe.” A lot of what is required of a live-in submissive is expressed in daily rituals like (but not limited to): making breakfast, packing their Dominants lunch, setting out their Dominants clothes, doing laundry and putting it away correctly, making the bed, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, having dinner on the table when the Dominant comes home, making sure the kids have done their homework and are ready for school the next day, and tucking in the kids at night and reading them a bed time story. Many do have cages, like this one. Some are kept in them for long periods, and some are just used for play. After everything for the day is done, kids or no kids, the Dominant and submissive spend time together and the submissive is rewarded for a good days work as the Dominant sees fit. Actual recognition from your partner for your hard work every day, imagine that!

Why live this way?

I have often thought about why I chose to finally tell my Husband what I needed, and have concluded that living this Lifestyle really does fill a huge hole in my psyche. I grew up in an extremely disciplined, military home, and I was majorly missing that discipline. At the time of my inception to the BDSM world, I felt like things were spinning out of control with our life, with school, just with everything. Having my Husband take the reins and literally make me follow chore lists, a homework schedule, an exercise schedule, a cooking schedule, and a schedule for everything else we could think of (because I’m obsessive compulsive) has really helped me become a more disciplined person. It has also helped alleviate the major anxiety I used to get from not feeling like I was doing everything I was supposed to be during the day, because my compulsions were getting in the way.

BDSM provides structure for many people like me who suffer from emotional and mental health issues. It also provides a way for us to let go, and just be who we are without repercussion, or judgment from others. I trust my Husband more than ever, because not only can I trust him to take care of me and keep me safe, but now I can trust him to call me on my bullshit and keep me in line when I am not capable of doing it myself. We have become closer than I ever could have imagined over the past three years since we started exploring the world of BDSM together. I’m grateful every day for this wonderful thing we have found.

 

Works Cited

Duffett, Mark. Understanding Fandom: An Introduction to the Study of Media Fan Culture. Bloomsbury Academic. 2013.

Haenfler, Ross. Goths, Gamers, and Grrrls: Deviance and Your Subcultures. Oxford University Press. 2016.

Storey, John. Cultural Theory and Popular Culture: An Introduction. Routledge. 2015.

Nowell, Richard. "There's More Than One Way to Lose Your Heart": The American Film Industry, Early Teen Slasher Films, and Female Youth." Cinema Journal 51.1 (2011): 115-40. Web.