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savoytrufflephd · 4 months

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The questions of Laurent’s being and behavior…

I have been informed, via @thickenmyblood’s asks (since mine were apparently not set to accept anonymous asks – which I have now changed) that my opinion about HIUH Laurent’s character is incorrect. I have been informed that he’s abusive.

My PhD isn’t in English (though it is in the humanities), but my wife was an English major and she has often told me that interpretations aren’t right or wrong, but they are stronger or weaker in the sense that they are supported by the text.

So, let’s go…

First things first. Let me be clear about the following:

The question of whether or not Laurent is abusive in this piece of fanfiction has no bearing whatsoever on whether any person you know in real life is abusive.

Similarly, any arguments that Laurent can change or that Laurent deserves a second chance have no bearing whatsoever on whether any person you know in real life can change or deserves a second chance.

Neither HIUH nor any fic should be taken as a life advice manual. Just because there are therapists in this fic does not mean that @thickenmyblood is a mental health professional or your therapist.

I am also not a therapist, nor am I trying to give you life advice when I speak of my enjoyment of HIUH.

But if I were to give you life advice, it would be this: If a piece of fanfiction makes you so angry that you feel the need to send abusive anonymous comments to the author and/or ask that author to pass on your comment “correcting” the opinion of a reader writing about that story, you should probably stop reading that fic. It is clearly not good for you. Metaphorically speaking, you are in an abusive relationship with that fic and you should end it. Write the story off and move on.

Okay, that said, the question of whether Laurent is abusive in HIUH is probably more of a series of questions:

Has HIUH Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

BONUS:

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

1. Has Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

Yes. Although we are limited by a potentially unreliable narrator (Damen), who does not believe Laurent is abusive, we are clearly and intentionally both told and shown in the text that Laurent has engaged in abusive behavior. We are told when Neo explains as much to a skeptical Damen:

“Then you must know I’m only trying to get a feeling on how educated you are on the subject of abuse between romantic partners.” “But why ? I just told you Laurent and I never—” “Do you know what emotional abuse looks like, Damen?” “Yes.” “Give me a definition.” It’s hot in the room, all of the sudden. “It’s… making someone. Feel bad.” “It’s consistent and repeated humiliation,” Neo says. “Gaslighting. Manipulation. Verbal abuse can sometimes overlap with this. Have you ever experienced this while in your relationship with Laurent?” “We weren’t abusive.” “Did you insult each other?” “No,” Damen says. It was so long ago, it was a lifetime back. He can’t remember. “It’s—not like that. Humiliation? We never—” “You’ve said that sometimes Laurent made you feel as though the things you were feeling were inadequate.” You’re being a fucking idiot, Laurent had said about the pink sweatshirt. “What if he was right?” “It’s never right to invalidate your partner’s feelings.” “We weren’t abusive.” “Damen,” Neo says, the soft caress before a blow. “What if we think about it from—” “There’s nothing to think about. I’m telling you, it wasn’t like that. How the fuck did you get to that conclusion? Because I complained about us arguing?” Neo ruffles his notes. “Contempt. Shame. Hurt. That’s what abusers thrive on. There’s quite a lot of those things in here.” “Laurent’s not an abuser,” Damen snaps. “Maybe not, but he grew up with one, didn’t he? These are learned traits.” Damen folds forward as though to vomit. That’s—He’s made a mistake. They argued, they yelled, they said things they didn’t mean, but they never hit each other or threw cutlery at each other’s heads. They went to bed angry, and Damen slept on the couch, and there would be rolling eyes and huffs and annoyance in the following days, but that’s not—Laurent is not— You’re sweet, Damen had said, hand to Laurent’s cheek. A sweetheart. He remembers meaning it, remembers Laurent not liking it. He also remembers Laurent’s sweetness, scarcer in the end and cloying in the beginning. Breakfast in bed, letting Damen pick what show to watch, giving up half his trail mix bag because he knew Damen liked the dried fruit pieces most. You’ll do great, you always do great. A protein shake prepped and ready to go, peace and quiet the nights before important court days. But also bigger things, biggest things. There was—and sharing a bed, and curling up under Damen to read, and letting Damen carry Nicaise up the stairs, and holding his hand under the table as firm functions, and kissing just to kiss, just because, just— He’s explained Laurent wrong.

And we are shown in the moments when Damen and Laurent talk and Damen expects a belittling response from Laurent:

“There are,” Laurent starts, stops. Starts again, “I didn’t.” He has both elbows on the table, which he used to despise. Tables are for cutlery and food, not limbs. Something about the way he rubs at the skin under his eyes makes Damen’s stomach cower as if expecting a blow. “Agnes recommended it months before you—came back. It wasn’t my idea.”

“I met him?” For once, Laurent doesn’t mock him for his question. “It was at that school play I couldn’t go to. The one Nicaise got that huge part in.”

“I want to know when the twenty-four hours are up,” Damen says, loudly, too loudly, “so we can go to the police station and report him missing. For fuck’s sake, Laurent, will you stop ? He could be seriously hurt, and you’re sitting here, berating me about the way I phrased a question. Do you even give a shit about him? Do you even—” He cuts himself off when he sees Laurent’s expression. Like he did last time with Nicaise, Damen braces himself for what’s to come, goes over the list of things Laurent can hurl at him, tries to minimize the inevitable damage. The comment will be about Nikandros, about his soft childhood in Ios, about the time he tried to discipline Nicaise by himself and ended up covered in vomit. Nothing happens. There’s only Laurent, turning his face to the side so Damen can’t stare at it any longer. In the silence of the car, Laurent’s breathing shakes.

“Is his name really Dog?�� Laurent says, sitting down next to Damen. Between them, the two cups of coffee and the small pile of croissants both steam. “I didn’t believe Nicaise when he told me.” “I,” Damen starts, lie ready on his tongue, and stops. It’s very meta. “I’m not good with names.” Laurent picks up his coffee instead of agreeing with Damen. Instead of mocking. The space between their bodies is comfortable enough—they’re not touching, not even their knees or thighs. They’re not looking at each other either, not with the entire park stretching green and busy in front of them.

2. If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

I take this to be one of the major points of contention on the part of the angry readers. As you can probably guess, I don’t think the text suggests that Laurent in inherently abusive. Besides the stuff coming in my answer to question 3, we have several reasons to believe that Laurent’s abusive behavior is the product of particular circumstances rather than a generalized personality dysfunction.

We know, and Neo just reminded us above, that abusive behaviors are learned behaviors. We know Laurent was abused in multiple ways before he was able to leave his uncle’s house. We know that he is still very young and that it has not been that long since his uncle’s trial. We know he has not been comfortable talking to Damen about his abuse, which gives us reason to believe he still experiences a great deal of shame. That shame is hinted at here:

“He respects you,” Laurent says before Damen has made up his mind about the yelling. “He looks at you and sees a standard to meet. Normalcy. It’s hard to disappoint people you respect. Especially people like you.” “Like me.” “You do things your way. Everyone else does them wrong.” “That’s,” Damen starts. The absolute inaccuracy of the phrase leaves him hanging. “What the fuck?” Laurent ignores him. “He doesn’t respect me, and he also knows I have no room to judge. It’s different. We’re—it’s just different.”

We also know that Laurent is specifically and intentionally not abusive toward Nicaise. We have seen that he has been absorbing a ton of anger, vilification, derision, denigration from Nicaise almost entirely without complaint and without lashing out at Nicaise in return. In fact, after the breaking of the paperweight, when Laurent feels that he might not be able to avoid reacting in a way he will regret, he calls Damen to safely remove Nicaise from the situation. Having taken the lock off Nicaise’s door for reasons many parents would no doubt consider justified, he realizes it was a mistake:

Damen doesn’t look down at the twisted little bolts on the floor. “Actually, you should watch this part in case you ever want to dismantle it again.” “I won’t.” Damen rubs his sleeve over a weird spot on the knob. “You’re betting a lot on Nicaise’s hypothetical good behavior.” “It was dumb, taking the lock away as punishment. I…” Laurent’s thumb glides over the edge of the glass. It traces a full circle before stopping and going white, digging in. His jaw twitches like he’s munching on something. “Privacy shouldn’t be a reward.” “Wasn’t this about safety? He locked himself in, wouldn’t come out or reply when you called…” Laurent’s reply is slow to come. After a while, Damen stops expecting it to come at all. He goes back to testing the lock—twice, waiting for that click sound—opens the door, closes it, and rattles the knob a bit. Just to be sure. “My uncle made it about safety too,” Laurent says. “Locks on doors were for adults. Not children.” The lonely ice cube in his glass floats around aimlessly, not quite touching its confines. “The first to go were the bedroom locks. What if there’s a fire and you can’t get out? What if someone breaks in through the window and—well.” Laurent smiles, small and ugly. “That kind of thing. You know.”

He ensures that Nicaise sees a therapist, meets with that therapist regularly, and follows professional advice about putting Nicaise on medication.

Laurent also maintains a strong friendship with Ancel, whose judgment the text has taught us to trust, through Damen’s evolving relationship with him. Laurent is capable of non-abusive, non-superficial relationships.

3. If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

From the moment we see Laurent interact with Damen in the present of this story, he is trying to treat Damen better. Not because he thinks he can get back together with Damen, but because he realizes he needs to make a relationship with Damen possible for Nicaise. We have already seen above that most of the time when Damen expects Laurent’s ridicule in this story, he does not actually receive it. In very stressful conversations, when Laurent does lash out, he now tends to pull back or even to acknowledge and apologize:

Coffee. Damen takes two long sips, trying to rinse the bad taste out of his mouth. They’ve had arguments in public before, probably louder than this one. For some reason, the thought isn’t as comforting as Damen would have once found it. They broke up to be better than they were together, didn’t they? They should be better. Except this doesn’t feel better. Or different. Laurent says, “That was out of line.” Now, cooled off, Damen feels clammy. Wobbly. He knows Laurent is right, and yet the thought of sitting through a reprimand makes him want to melt away. “It was.” “I—apologize.” Damen looks up from his coffee to Laurent’s profile. He’s facing the wrong way, Damen thinks stupidly, because the window is to their left. “You apologize.” Half a question. “Go ahead,” Laurent says. “Rub it in.” Damen doesn’t want to. Nausea is curling around him, closing in. “I was out of line too, so.”

And we know now that Laurent has thought through some of his past behaviors toward Damen:

“I was angry at you,” Laurent says, “all the time. Sometimes it was justified, but when it wasn’t I just—I found ways to justify it. That wasn’t fair. Of me.” Damen’s palm is numb around the glass. “Why were you angry?” “Nicaise.” “Justified,” Damen says. “And the rest of it?” Laurent is facing him again. “Paschal says I have a tendency to expect the worst from everyone. Especially you. You’d make comments, and I’d think you were being cruel instead of…” “Instead of what? Ignorant?” Laurent doesn’t reply. “That makes no sense,” Damen says. “We never argued about me being fucking sadistic. We argued about you acting like some things were obvious and I was simply too much of an idiot to get them.” “I never thought you were an idiot.” “You said it often enough.” “I’m—sorry,” Laurent says. “It doesn’t change anything, but—even if you had been the biggest idiot in the world, you didn’t deserve…” A blinking spree follows. “I’m sorry.”

We know that Laurent is still in therapy, and we know that he has been talking about his relationship with Damen there because Paschal has suggested couples counseling for them. And Laurent has invited Damen to do that couples counseling, showing that he wants them to build a better foundation for their relationship going forward.

4. If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

Damen is deeply in love with Laurent. At the beginning of the story, he is in denial about this fact, but the uncontrollable flow of his thoughts still shows us how much he feels the loss of their relationship. Once he and Laurent are speaking again, seeing improvements in their communication, and experiencing moments of comfort and fun in their interactions – and once Laurent has broken up with Maxime – Damen admits to himself that he wants to be back together. Neo, as usual, prompts the self-recognition:

“I’m asking you to think about what life might look like in two years,” Neo says, “for you and Laurent. Time does not only pass for you, Damen.” A smile, crinkling the corners of Neo’s eyes. “That’d be ideal, wouldn’t it?” Two years. Damen sits with the question for a while, looking at it, prodding it. In two years, Nicaise will have gone away to college. Maybe Laurent will move, relocate, start over somewhere closer to Vask. He’ll post about his new life on Instagram, or details of it will make it to Damen as second-hand gossip. They could still be friends, over text or the phone or fucking letters, Damen thinks, yet there’s something bitter in the back of his throat, filling up his mouth like vomit. Maybe Laurent will date again. Probably. Most likely. And Damen— When he looks up from the armrest, Neo is looking straight back. Damen can’t say it. Earlier today, as he typed his last email of the day at the office, he kept drafting a plan for today’s session. He’d explain his argument with Laurent, then the party at Ancel’s, then the way he keeps looking at Laurent in all the wrong lights, in all the wrong ways, and still finds himself wanting to kiss him. Neo would make a disapproving face, maybe, but it would be easy to brush off; anyone that doesn’t know Laurent would find it hard to understand how easy it is to want to kiss him. Except that isn’t all Damen wants. What Damen wants isn’t a settling of the score, a cleaning of the slate. He doesn’t want to do it once for old times’ sake, or twice out of gluttony. He doesn’t want to make any long-distance phone calls, write any letters, see any pictures on Instagram of Laurent and someone that isn’t him. He doesn’t want things to stay like this, in this careful antiseptic stage. He doesn’t want them to be friends. “It’s not what I want,” Damen says, at last. Neo leans back into his chair. He rolls his wrist once. “You think it’s what I should want, right? Letting go and all.” “I wouldn’t say that,” Neo says. “Should and shouldn’t are very loaded words. It also doesn’t matter what I think you should or shouldn’t do, in general. What is it that you want, since we’ve already established what it is that you don’t?” Don’t make me say it out loud. “I want,” Damen starts, and stops. The words look so stupid, jumbled inside his head. I want him back, like Laurent is a toy someone took away and won’t return. Like Damen is a child, begging. Don’t make me say it. Seconds trickle by, piling into a minute. Then two. “Do you want to be in a relationship with Laurent again?” “I thought I already was,” Damen says. “A friendship is a kind of relationship. You said that.” Neo closes his eyes, keeps them like that for a while. “I did, yes. Let me rephrase that—do you want to be in a romantic relationship with Laurent? Again?” There is no loophole this time, no two-meaning word Damen can latch onto. The truth sits heavy in him, not on his chest but somewhere deeper, inside a little crevice between some (probably important) organs. Saying no would be lying, saying yes would be diminishing. “I want things to be good,” Damen says. “That’s all.”

And in chapter 19, Damen is brutally honest with himself about how, even after everything, he still wants Laurent:

“You meet new people,” Neo says. “You go on dates, make new friends, find new interests. Despite what you might think right now, Laurent isn’t your only option. Dare I say, Laurent might not even be your best option.” The room is dark, darker than it was when the phone call started, but Damen’s eyes hurt like he’s been staring at a ball of light for too long. Everything hurts in a strange, modest way. A throb here, faint. An ache there, heatless. “I don’t want other options,” Damen says. “Well.” “How fucked up is that?” “Pretty fucked up,” Neo says. It makes Damen stop blinking. “Luckily, you’re already doing therapy. It’s only bound to get less complicated from here on. Or more, depending on how you look at it.” “I don’t even wanna look at it, to be honest.” “Then don’t. Take time off, let things cool down, think about what’s been said… No one is asking you to choose right this second.” It’s not that anyone is asking. It’s that it feels like he’s already made his choice.

“You didn’t tell me,” Damen says before he can think not to. “Tell you what?” “How bad it was.” Laurent’s thumb traces the t in team. It’s a bit crooked, even from Damen’s perspective. “It was pretty bad,” he says, slowly, “before you came back. Things were better once he started seeing you again.” “You call that better?” “Yes,” Laurent says. I would have come back, Damen thinks, if you’d told me. Except it’s not true; he would have come back for much less. He’s here now, sitting across from Laurent in this mediocre coffee shop, talking things out, making an effort, thinking of reaching out to finally, finally, hold Laurent’s hand. It’s strange, looking at Laurent and knowing he’s the only other person on earth that feels the same way he does. Where else would Damen go? Who else would he talk to? No one will ever get it, not the way Laurent does. And Laurent knows it. He must, or else he would not be sitting here either. There is only this, Damen thinks. At least for him, there will only ever be this.

So there is that. Damen is hopelessly devoted to Laurent. But that doesn’t make getting back together with him a good decision. Love would not be a good reason to return to an abusive relationship.

Another NOT good reason would be Damen believing the fact that he made mistakes cancels out Laurent’s harmful behavior. The text makes that explicitly clear through Neo:

Neo’s pen hops; a period appears at the end of a sentence. “Apologies can be hard to navigate. It’s sort of like… You’ve wronged me, and you know that you’ve wronged me, and now you’re apologizing for it while expecting me to forgive you. It’s quite a lot to put on a person.” “There are degrees to wrong,” Damen says. His chair feels smaller, like it’s locking him in instead of holding him up. The armrests keep getting in the way of his elbows. “And it’s not like I didn’t have stuff I had to apologize for too. I don’t get why you’re trying to make this seem like a bad thing.” “I’m not.” “Then why—” “Do you think you deserved an apology from Laurent?” Damen leans back and back and back, until his shoulder blades find something solid. Did he deserve…? He’d wanted one, once. In Nikandros’s guest room, with only beige and white and terracotta everything around him, he’d had staring matches with his own phone. He’d thought Laurent might call, at the very beginning. Apologizing. Begging. But Laurent never did. “Yeah,” Damen says. Neo’s head begins to tilt. “You don’t sound too sure about that.” “I am sure.” “All right,” Neo says. “Why do you deserve an apology?” “I told you already. He treated me like I was an idiot.” “How?” “How—what?” “How exactly did he treat you like you were an idiot? What were his actions towards you?” “I,” Damen starts, but something in Neo’s face makes him pause. “He’d say things when we argued.” “Such as?” “That I was an asshole.” Neo nods. “And how did you feel when you heard him say that? Did you feel like it was fair?” “I felt like he was an asshole,” Damen says. “Sometimes.” “Whereas now you feel like he was right?” He was right about Nicaise. And maybe about Ancel, too. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” “I don’t want you to say anything,” Neo says. “I’m just trying to get you to think about things from a different perspective. Laurent apologized, which is an important—not to say crucial—step in rebuilding any kind of relationship. But it seems to me that you’re holding onto this newly found belief that because you acted a certain way, because you made mistakes, you somehow deserved the way he treated you throughout the last stages of your relationship.” “That’s not what I think,” Damen says. “All right. Then you think you deserved the apology because the way he treated you was wrong.” “Yes. But…” “But…?” Damen’s face feels hot, the heat lodged right over his molars. “Doesn’t it kind of cancel out? Like, we both fucked up.” “Those are two different issues,” Neo says. “So no, they don’t cancel out. What he did to you and what you did to him are obviously connected, but someone doing something wrong or bad is not an excuse to do the wrong or bad thing back to them.” Neo gives his pen a tap. “Or it does, I suppose. It depends on your belief system. But you don’t strike me as an ‘eye for an eye’ fan.” I don’t want any eyes, Damen thinks.

I interpret the failed second try (or second strike) of Damen and Laurent’s relationship to have been somewhat based on the “cancel out” reasoning from above. The “cancel out” and move past approach did not work because they failed to address the many insecurities, communication failures, and problematic patterns that plagued the first time around. A discussion with Neo (again) makes this clear. Damen hasn’t yet learned to listen to what Laurent is saying without letting his insecurities and anger get in the way:

But Damen isn’t in Laurent’s position. You’ll never get it, Laurent had said about Nicaise. Maybe it’s true. “I get why he did it. I’ve been thinking, and it’s not—I get it. Nicaise being embarrassed, wanting Laurent in the room because he was the least angry of—” “I don’t think that’s why,” Neo says. “Or at least, that’s not what you’ve just told me Laurent said about the whole thing.” “What?” “Laurent talked extensively about roles. Did you notice that?” “No.” “He presents himself as the scapegoat for Nicaise’s anger, while you’re the one Nicaise admires and wants to impress.” Tap, tap, tap. Damen imagines Neo’s fingers flying across the keyboard. “It seems to me Nicaise wasn’t concerned about the different intensity levels of your—as in, yours and Laurent’s—anger. He knew you were both angry.” “Laurent was better at handling it.” “Was he?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about the guy,” Damen says. Guys, his brain supplies, helpful as ever. “I still can’t. Even now, I know it’s not—that’s not important. I was yelling at Nicaise. I wasn’t listening.” “And that’s why Nicaise didn’t want you to go with him to the clinic?” Damen closes his eyes. He needs to repaint his ceiling, do something about the lack of texture there. “Laurent said something about abandonment,” Neo tries. A nudge. “You’ve mentioned Nicaise doesn’t do well with change, that he’s got a tendency to latch onto routines and people. Do you think it might be possible that he was trying to preserve the relationship he has with you?” “By keeping me out of a medical examination room.” “Yes.” “That’s what Laurent said.” “Well,” Neo says. “It sounds plausible.”

Damen wanted magically for them to be over their past:

“Right,” Damen says. “You don’t do should and shouldn’t. I forgot.” “Are you upset?” Are you angry with me? “I don’t know,” Damen says. “We were supposed to be past this, and now it’s out there and I can’t—we can’t—” “How were you supposed to be past this, if this had never been discussed before today?” “You said it’s impossible to discuss everything.”

So, I don’t think it’s a strong interpretation of the text to say that @thickenmyblood is trying to present Damen in an unfairly negative light in order to excuse Laurent’s much worse behavior and thereby make it okay for them to get back together. Cancelling out isn’t what the HEA of the story is set up to be about.

That said – and given the fact that Damen is still in love with Laurent – what GOOD reasons might Damen have to try the relationship again?

For one, he is beginning to understand better what the fights with Laurent about Nicaise were about. Moreover, they have now explicitly acknowledged that they are co-parenting Nicaise and Laurent has expressed a clear commitment to them parenting Nicaise as a team.

For another, Damen has a much improved understanding of the role of therapy and the complexities of mental health. He has a long ways to go on this front, but I don’t think we’ll see him dismissing or belittling Laurent’s mental health needs. Moreover, Damen has ways of addressing his own mental health needs and talking things through with a person who doesn’t share his triggers and emotional investments around Laurent.

For a third, he has made a commitment to working through their issues in therapy and has concluded that he trusts Laurent to try just as hard as he will to repair and strengthen their relationship.

Crucially, Damen has also learned to stand up for himself when he feels Laurent is implying that he is incapable of understanding things. This means he can point it out and Laurent can recognize when he is retreating into a defensive, harmful pattern. This also allows Damen to indicate that something isn’t obvious to him and to ask Laurent to explain it kindly and clearly. I think that is the only way they can reconcile their very different life histories and relationships to social normativity.

ONCE AGAIN, believing this about HIUH Damen relative to HIUH Laurent does not mean that I believe this is something all (or even very many) real life people who were previously in unhealthy relationships should aim for or could achieve.

Which brings us to our bonus questions:

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

No, in fact, this is not a mischaracterization. Laurent abused Damen in canon. He took him as a slave. He sought Damen’s public humiliation. He had Damen whipped to an extent that would have killed most other people. He placed Damen in a situation that (for almost any other person) would have resulted in a violent public rape. He also forced Damen to engage in public and non-consensual oral sex. Later, when he understood Damen more emotionally and was feeling insecure or threatened, he lied about his feelings and motivations out of shame and self-hatred and with the aim of hurting Damen enough to drive him away.

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

Damen fell in love with Laurent after all that abuse because he came to understand its source and because he saw other sides of Laurent that were caring and honorable and expressed a commitment to achieving justice, even if not by fully honest means. He came to understand Laurent as a survivor, even before he became aware of what exactly Laurent had survived. He stuck with Laurent through all of Laurent’s attempts to push him away and fought for what should have been an impossible relationship. And throughout this process, he learned about his own naivete and to question key elements of his upbringing, like the quest for war glory and the belief that “perfect treatment” justified slavery.

Captive Prince is a seductive and enthralling trilogy. And we willingly suspend any disbelief about whether Laurent’s trauma can truly be overcome simply by Damen’s noble nature and magical healing cock.

Why not do the same for HIUH? (Or, you know, just stop reading it.)

Although I do think Maca may owe us some healing cock. Just sayin’.

#captive prince #captive prince fanfic #hiuh #damen x laurent #thickenmyblood #hand in unlovable hand #neither my wife nor child reads this fic and i suck at fandom these days but i need to talk about this masterwork #clearly when you are just about to finish your academic book you experience a sudden need to analyze the fuck out of other things

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tajmutthall · 3 months

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my absolute favorite Captive prince fanfictions.

I had hoped that simply marking "rec" for the ones I really liked would narrow it down for myself and others. But after doing that for a while, I am approaching 500 stories and I don't really want that many in my "absolute favoritest" list. So I am slowly going back through them and adding the ones that really stick with me to this collection , Taj MuttHall Capri favorite fanfiction. Enjoy!

(and let me know if there are stories I should check out that aren't on either of my lists.)

#captive prince #damen captive prince #laurent captive prince #laurent x damen #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #damen x laurent #lamen #favorite captive prince #my capri recs #captive prince recs #captive prince fanfic #intriguing stories or great writing or good sex or usually at least two of the above #taj original #taj mutthall

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pagemelt · 2 months

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Re: Kastor's bachelor party

Concordia by Ccainao3

#captive prince #capri #lamen #captive prince fanfic #fanfic

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tschulijulesjulie · 1 year

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the amount of times i almost accidentally tagged something as 'damen of vere' instead of 'damen of akielos' is truly astonishing

(there is a fanfic in this, i feel it...

"the first time it happened, it was truly accidental. a nervous courier stumbling over his own words while delivering the message.

'To King Damianos of Vere', he recited, stopped, flushed and continued with a wavering voice.

'To King Damianos of Akielos and Prince Laurent of Vere'.

It was all so new yet, it happened.

The second time it was decidedly not an accident. It probably wasn't the second time either, only the second time, Damen heard.

The Kyroi were speaking in hushed voices, arguing. Not all of them were equally convinced of the alliance.

"The King", one said.

"Damianos of Vere", another one interrupted. He spit the false name out like it was an insult.

Damen didn’t feel like it was.

There was the sound of an open hand hitting a face, hard.

"The King of Akielos", the first voice said.

Damen memorized who had argued for him and who needed some convincing, then turned and departed without his presence ever been noticed.

The third time it was spoken as a joke.

The men of the Kings guard - the Veretian Kings guard, although it weren't all Veretians anymore - were cramped into one corner of the great hall of Makedons humble home.

At the other side there were Laurent and Makedon engrossed in conversation and drink.

Damen had stealthily exchanged a couple of Laurents goblets with water but there still was a heavy blush on his cheeks.

The wine was good and heady and Damen would probably still have to carry Laurent to their bed later that night.

'It's alright, I can handle it', Laurent had said, privately, to him earlier. And then more quietly, 'I trust you.'

It had made Damen want to punch something, someone.

Now Lazar invited him to sit with them. Pallas, next to him flushed even more. It was edging on improper to invite a king like this.

But Damen had fought with these men, listened to their gossip over a campfire and cheap wine.

Their conversation was bawdy and Damen listened with a smile playing around his lips. There was an easy companionship with these men, that he couldn't find with anyone else.

'They call you Damianos of Vere', Lazar proclaimed, "behind your back." It was with a curiosity in his eyes, daring.

Pallas flushed even more, looking scandalized, his tanned skin not enough to hide any of it.

Jord threw Lazar a heavy look.

Damen had heard these and other men often enough refer to Laurent as a stone-cold son of a bitch. He had thought they could come up with better.

The fourth time it again was an accident. The villagers had never seen royalty before and were openly staring at them, high on their horses.

A Child, not even reaching to their mothers hip yet, peaked up at them and asked, 'Are you the King of Vere?'

Their mother flushed, opened her mouth to apologise, or correct it.

Damen smiled openly at the child. 'No, that is Laurent, the King of Vere. I'm Damianos of Akielos. But we rule this country together. Is there anything we can do for you?'

The fifth time it was a messenger again, rushed and without noticing his mistake.

Damen looked at Laurent when he said 'King Damianos of Vere'. There was a smile in his eyes that he carefully kept from his mouth.

---

They lay sated in bed, the sheets tangled around their limbs and the sweat cooling on their skin.

In a moment Laurent would get up to get something to clean up. In a moment Damen would let him.

Right now he was holding onto him a little longer.

'I like it, when they call me that', he said. 'Makes me feel like I belong to you.'

'Don't you?', Laurent asked, his fingers slipping to the gold cuff around Damens wrist.

'Yes. But i like the way it sounds.'

Laurent made a content sound when Damen pulled him a little closer, a little up, so he could bury his face in his neck.

He kissed him there, then moved up to his ear, where he bit carefully.

Laurent breathed out a laugh.

When he finally lifted his head to gaze at him, Damens eyes were sparkling.

'There is a nice ring to it', he said, eyes crinkled. 'maybe I'll put it on my official signature. Damianos of Vere, King of Akielos and Vere, Husband of Laurent, King of Vere and Akielos."

#5 times someone calls him Damianos of Vere and one time he calls himself that #damen of vere #finally i can actually tag it like this #damen of akielos #laurent of vere #damen x laurent #captive prince #lamen #captive prince fanfic #tschuli writes

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seasonsofcapri · 7 months

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Seasons of Capri 2023: Cycles & Circles - Masterlist!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the fest this year and made it such a success. Scroll down for the full masterlist, but here's a quick summary of what we did this year:

Fics submitted: 14

Fanart submitted: 3

Total number of words written: over 198,000, including four works in the 10,000-20,000 word range, and three that broke 30,000

We're so grateful to everyone who signed up and made all this incredible art. We couldn't do it without your love for these characters and this fandom! ❤️

And now, here are all of the wonderful creations for this year's fest:

Sexual Intercourse by antivillain

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.3k

Damen's healthy enough to engage in sexual intercourse. Laurent is (emotionally) healthy enough to tease Damen mercilessly for being so awkward and uncomfortable discussing the matter with Paschal. Paschal is not paid enough.

Tie Me Down, Set Me Free by @kiseopingu

Fic | 14.3k | Damen/Laurent

When Damen gets hired by his family's sworn rival to help track the man's younger brother, he doesn't expect the road to lead him to familiar places, and familiar faces. As for Laurent, his path to freedom is clear. It's only a matter of creating an opportunity to reach it.

As past and present slowly merge, both Damen and Laurent are forced to contend with their truths, whether they want to or not.

Jokeste’s Journey by @vmcgmidlifecrisis

Fic | Jokaste/OFC | 4.3k

Jokaste travels north, meets (original character) Drifa and gets some sexy fulfilment.

Beautiful, Beloved, Strong by bluehair

Fic | Erasmus/Kallias Erasmus/Torveld | 1.5k

My prompt for The Seasons of Capri Fest 2023 was: "Kallias schemes to save Erasmus with no hope of seeing him again--until one day, he does." Hope I did it justice! Because Kallias really would do anything for love.

Returning by flightinflame

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.4k

Damen knew the return to Arles would be hard for Laurent. He had not considered that it would be hard for himself.

The Stand-In Wedding Planner and the Obstinate Baker by penstrikesmidnight

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.8k

Auguste's wedding planner has decided to go on vacation a week before his wedding, leaving Laurent, the best man, to make sure everything is taken care of. If that's not enough, Laurent has to deal with an obstinate baker who seems intent on making his job as hard as possible.

There is absolutely no chemistry between them. At all.

Heat by @linecrosser

Art | Auguste/Laurent | Digital

While in the middle of a campaign in Delfeur with his older brother, the Crown Prince of Vere, Laurent goes into his first (late) heat at age 17 (totally triggered by the presence of Damen, the stupidly handsome Crown Prince of Akeilos). There are very few things more dangerous than having an Omega in heat while camping in enemy territory, and it's too late now for suppressants. Leaving Laurent to ride out the heat on his own would mean leaving it last for three days or more. Auguste has no option but to help Laurent through it by himself, so it will last no longer than a couple hours.

Red (like our spilled blood) by @pijulle

Fic | Kastor/Laurent Damen/Laurent Auguste/OFC | 39.6k

Akielos and Vere are at war, but maybe marrying the princess of Vere would help the two country finds a common ground - "The prince!" Auguste shouts. "Laurent is a prince!"

Star Crossed by @hephaest1on

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 35.2k

A story of Laurent Capulet and Damen Montague. A tale based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, of lovers who suffer because their families are feuding. A modern AU that leans on the themes and actions in Shakespeare's original play and plays on the issues young lovers face in a world where gossip is news.

if only to dream of you by @nv-md

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.4k

During negotiations with the Vaskians and Patrans, Laurent falls ill and Damen must leave him to lead their newly-forged kingdom.

After a week of quiet suffering, Damen returns to their bedchambers and attends his husband.

Ruin Your Salvation, Ruin Your Mind by pretend_i_dont_exist

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 10.2k

"I do not understand. I thought we had a truce, so I came here for peace." His voice had grown hard and dangerous. "Why?"

Silence for a moment. "You killed my brother. ------- Laurent has suffered a lot since his brother's death, but he survived to his wedding day, and he's looking forward to a quiet life with a man he appreciates. New life, new him, he decides to invite his brother' killer to the wedding to talk and make peace with himself (by murdering the guy).

In Another Life by @mosrael

Fic | Halvik/Jokaste | 43.8k

Jokaste is the pearl of Ios–beautiful, intelligent, revered–and the consort of the most powerful man in Akielos… Or so she thinks. When her chosen lover’s power is corrupted and usurped by a foreign faction, Jokaste must make the hardest decision of her life: remain in Akielos and meet a perilous fate–one she had a hand in crafting–or flee to seek her future elsewhere.

Or: when getting kidnapped, then kidnapped again turns out to be the best possible thing that could happen to a girl.

antidote by @banananamilks

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.7k

Auguste survives Marlas, but Damen still becomes our captive prince. Actually all three princes are kind of the captive prince. oops

Soldier, Poet, King by @bluebutter-art

Art | Damen/Laurent | Digital

Two years after the bells had rung, both Akielos and Vere celebrate the wedding of their two Kings, which coincidentally falls on Vere's Annual Autumn Festival.

Chasing Meridians; Or 26,00 Miles to Home by @not-a-coral-snake

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 17k

Laurent lives a life of quiet routine, until the day a few ill-chosen words, his uncle's malice, and his own inability to back down from a challenge see him wagering half his fortune on an impossible journey to the ends of the earth and back. Happily, or perhaps unhappily, his newly-hired valet is making the journey with him and has plenty of opinions about where they should go, what they should do, and de Vere himself.

An Around the World in Eighty Days au.

At the Drop of a Veil by @seekthemist

Fic | Damen /Laurent | 19.1k

The Battle of Marlas could have brought the relationship between Vere and Akielos to a breaking point, but it didn't. As the peace treaty is finally signed, King Aleron has a very clear idea of how to ensure the agreement is truly felt.

"Since the formal establishment of Vere and Akielos as independent reigns, there had been twelve peace treaties. The Peace of Marlas, signed by King Aleron and Theomedes-Exalted before the beginning of autumn, would be the thirteenth.

The thirteenth peace would not go down in the history of the Kingdom as an abject failure. Not if Laurent could help it."

By the Waterfall by @captaindamianos

Art | Damen/Laurent | Digital

Laurent is the god of winter, Damen is the god of summer. They only ever overlap in spring and fall. Is their love story doomed forever?

Don’t forget to kudos and comment to show our wonderful creators your love!

❤️ your mods!

#seasonsofcaprifest #seasonsofcapri 2023 #captive prince #capri #captive prince fest #capri fest #damen/laurent #jokaste #auguste/laurent #kastor/laurent #capri femslash #erasmus/kallias #erasmus/torveld #captive prince fanart #captive prince fanfic

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irregularcollapse · 11 months

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“You may do as you wish.”

“As I wish? I haven’t dared wish. I have prayed, in my weakest moments, and I have mindlessly coveted, but I haven’t dared to wish.”

even in another time

by phlegmatic

a Laurent x Damen time slip romance | read now on AO3

On holiday with his brother in Ios, Laurent bathes in a hot spring. Unfortunately, he drowns. Even more unfortunately, when he surfaces somehow, he finds himself thrust back in time. Dropped into the middle of a mythologised ancient war for the Akielon throne, he is determined to get back to the modern day - even after ending up kidnapped (or perhaps rescued) by the rightful King, Damianos.

updates every Sunday 🏛️

1. Alex Stoddard (2022) via twitter 2. Arch of Hysteria - Louise Bourgeois (1993) via MOMA 3. Statue of Marsyas - Roman (unknown) via World History Encyclopaedia 4. Hadrian’s Library, Athens - mine (2016) 5. A Man - Hawara (AD 125-150) via The Portrait Timeline 6. Orange tree - unknown via Pinterest 7. Theseus and the Minotaur - Antonio Canova (1781-83) via Flickr 8. Ouroboros, Goblet d'Alviella Mausoleum - Georges Houtstont (1887-1889) via Wikimedia Commons 9. Alex Stoddard (2022) via twitter 10. Sappho, translated by Anne Carson in If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho (2002)

#captive prince #laurent x damen #damen x laurent #lamen #captive prince fic #captive prince fanfic #my writing #yes we're doing fic moodboards like it's 2016 #[pats my fic proudly] you can fit so much motif and symbolism into this bad boy #if you like mythological romances #if you like stories where the end is set from the start #if you like characters pulled out of time #if you like a love that has a sense of being something greater #if you like prose that leans dangerously close to purple at times #maybe read it :)#someone said they're enjoying it and they're not even a capri fan #SO IF THAT ISN'T A GOOD REVIEW #idk what is #even in another time fic

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laurents-peach · 1 year

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I think college au lamen would be so funny if they were roommates and they absolutely can’t stand each other at first even though they secretly want to bang so bad. Till they hook up at a frat part. Neither of them are drunk but both of them act drunk. They try and pretend they were too drunk to remember what happened but they slowly start inching their way to being friends. Till another part where they are both actually drunk and confess to each other to not being drunk the previous time. And Damen is crying on the stairs with his face smooshed between the banister about how he knows laurent hates him but he likes Laurent’s smile so much and it’s just not fair. And laurent is petting his hair, all of it taking a half hour for it to sink in for both of them. After that they don’t even talk about it they just are together in the most committed loving relationship anyone has ever seen

#captive prince #laurent and damen #lamen #college au #idiots to lovers #captive prince fanfic

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therisingkings · 25 days

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The Witness

Auguste was dead, but his spirit lived on, watching over his brother, witnessing.

Read it on Ao3

TW: Heavily implied canon pedophilia.

*****

“Wait.” The word fizzled out into empty space. “Wait, not yet.”

He was watching the scene from outside his body—from somewhere beyond. He watched Damianos of Akielos pull the sword out of his gut, watched himself fall to the earth, watched his men come swarming in.

Auguste of Vere could do nothing but watch as he died. “This isn’t right,” he said. “This isn’t right.”

He was alone, though, nothing more than a whisper of wind, and no one could hear his pleas.

His body was brought to the royal tent and laid beside his father’s, who had fallen mere hours before.

“No,” Auguste said, and if he could have recoiled, he would have.

Laurent was brought into the room.

“There’s been a mistake. Laurent, I’m right here.” Auguste tried to reach for him, but he didn’t have a physical form in this strange in-between realm.

Laurent’s face crumpled, his knobby knees folding beneath him.

“Please,” Auguste begged anyone who could hear him. “Please, he’s just a boy. He doesn’t deserve to lose his brother. He’s just a boy.”

Laurent was alone in that tent, surrounded by the dead. His face was turned towards the ceiling, shoulders back as he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

“I don’t want to watch this,” Auguste said and his own heart, if he still had one, was breaking. No one had loved Laurent like Auguste did and no one ever would again.

Look, a voice whispered.

Laurent’s body shook with the force of his grief.

A figure opened the flap of the tent. It was their uncle, who, Auguste knew, would reign as Regent until Laurent was of age. Laurent, who would be king. Laurent, who would be content with a life of horses and books.

Look, the voice said.

Laurent turned on his knees, into his uncle’s embrace.

“It will be alright,” Uncle said, stroking his blond hair.

Something nasty twisted in Auguste, but he wasn’t sure where it came from.

“Please don’t leave me, Uncle,” Laurent begged, all wide blue eyes and puffy cheeks. He was barely growing out of his baby fat and into his new gangly limbs. His voice had not broken yet.

“I’ll never leave you,” Uncle promised.

Auguste tried to reach out, to scream at Laurent that he was still here, that he was not alone. “It’s all just a bad dream,” Auguste insisted to no one and nothing. “I’ll wake up and I’ll be king tomorrow.”

No, said that voice that was at once everything light and everything dark. This is not your story any longer. It is his.

*****

Auguste wished he had a stomach if only so he could vomit.

He’d trailed Laurent like a dog as the days turned into weeks, then into months. The battle was over. Delfeur was lost. Uncle took over as Regent and set up cleaning efforts. The dead were buried. The injured were mended.

Auguste watched his own funeral. His body was wrapped in fine linen, then cast out to sea. An archer—not Huet, who Auguste would have liked to light his pyre— drew back his bow and launched a flaming arrow onto the floating stack of wood and flesh.

Auguste felt none of it. That was not him, burning in the open ocean, that was a vessel.

And now he was adrift.

Laurent was crying again, getting snot all over Uncle’s jacket.

Uncle rubbed his jeweled hand down Laurent’s back. “It is alright, my boy. Come, you do not need to be here any longer.”

Then he led Laurent to the bedroom, and Laurent was only thirteen and achingly naive and didn’t yet have an instinct for wrongness. When Uncle asked, he obediently disrobed, then knelt and did as Uncle said with a confused knit to his brow.

“Get your filthy hands off of him!” Auguste roared, over and over again. “He is a child. He is your blood.”

Uncle couldn’t hear him as he took his sick pleasure from poor, innocent Laurent. Laurent, who didn’t know better. Laurent, who had just lost his brother and would do whatever Uncle, his only remaining family, asked if he promised not to leave too.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!” But all Auguste was here was a voice, and not even that could be heard.

Laurent cried once it was finished, then cried each and every time it happened again, even when Uncle poured unwatered wine down his throat. Uncle made him clean up, fetch them water, telling him that he would leave if Laurent kept acting like a child.

So, slowly but surely, Laurent quieted his tears to sniffles, and he grew. His voice began to break, his jaw sharpening, and Auguste felt the first glimpses of hope. Surely, Uncle would not want him now, when he was starting to look like a man.

And he was right.

Uncle got a new pet— a boy named Nicaise with startlingly bright blue eyes.

On the night Laurent found out, he collapsed outside of Uncle’s rooms and begged him to take him back. “I’ll do whatever you want,” he sobbed. “Please, please don’t leave me.”

Inside the room, Uncle fucked Nicaise until that boy cried too.

“Laurent, he’s manipulating you,” Auguste tried to tell him. “No adult should ever ask those things of a child, especially a grieving one. That is wrong. You’re a smart boy. You don’t need him.”

And Laurent didn’t. As it turned out, Laurent didn’t need anyone.

He became as sharp and as beautiful as cut glass. At fifteen, he reformed the broken Prince’s guard and took up the starburst banner. He trained with his guard every evening, out of the prying eyes of the palace.

Auguste wanted to tell him that there was no need, that the war was over, that he’d protect him, but what a foolish hope that was.

As Laurent grew into his shoulders and wit, he also grew into his anger. Auguste could see it festering in him. Anger at Damianos, at Uncle, at the world. Auguste couldn’t blame him for one bit of it.

Gone was the bright, shy boy that Laurent had been. That boy had died at Marlas too. In his place stood a man Auguste did not know, with glaciers for eyes and a tongue as sharp as a knife. All kindness had been brutally stamped out of him by Uncle, by the court, by himself. The only person he spared was the boy, Nicaise. Not even his guards, whom he showed respect to, were beyond his ire.

Laurent was sixteen the first time Auguste watched Nicaise stumble, stiff-limbed and wincing, into the physician’s office. His lip was split, the bruise taking up too much of his small face. His eyes widened when he was Laurent, who had sprained his ankle in training and was desperately trying to hide it.

Auguste watched Nicaise’s spine lock up, his little shoulders lifting. “I-I’ll come back some other time.”

“Nonsense,” said Laurent, waving a hand. “Have a seat.”

Pascal finished wrapping his ankle before gesturing Nicaise forward.

If Auguste could have held his breath, he would have had as Laurent’s cool gaze skimmed over the boy.

“Did my Uncle do that to you?”

Nicaise flinched. “N-no.”

“If you want to stay in court, you’ll need to get better at lying.”

And so it began.

Laurent poured all of his knowledge, all of his newfound wickedness into the boy. Nicaise began to follow him around like a lost puppy, eyes huge, hanging on his every word.

Auguste ached. Laurent used to look at him like that.

But just as surely as Laurent had changed, Nicaise did too. The moment there were other people around, he became a spitfire of a boy, vicious and calculating, a mirror of Laurent in every way.

But when they were alone… Laurent let Nicaise win at chess. Laurent held Nicaise while he cried. Laurent became his brother.

Auguste’s heart hurt in a different way now. Like a scar, rather than a wound.

Then came the Akielon slaves, and with them, their Prince.

#captive prince #captive prince fanfic #damen of akielos #damianos of akielos #kings rising #laurent #laurent of vere #my fanfiction #auguste #auguste of vere

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