#catierambles personal

[catierambles]

I had to explain executive dysfunction to someone today. They thought it was just being lazy or forgetting.

No. You know you have to do a thing. You remember quite clearly that you have to do the thing. You may even want to do the thing. But you can't. Physically. Bring. Yourself. To do it.

You can't physically get out of your chair or get off the couch and do the thing. Your mind wants to, your mind knows it has to, but your body is fighting you, it's going dead weight.

It's not the "I don't wanna"s it's the "I physically can't"s and it's nothing to do with actual ability. You're perfectly capable of doing it when you actually do.

You try to start and it's like you're moving through sand and your body gives up. Your mind is screaming at you that you have to do the thing, that the thing is important, that you absolutely need to do the thing right now, but you're wearing 50lb lead weights on all your limbs and can't move.

So you just sit there, or you lay there, and the thing doesn't get done even though you tried, you tried all day to just do it, but you couldn't.

#executive dysfunction #catierambles personal

[swtorpadawan]

“It meant the galaxy to me, Ulannium.” The Hero of Tython had concluded. “The meditations, the studying, all of it. It helped me apply myself to something other than lightsaber training.”

The human had smiled across the table at the Mirialan.

“I’m a better Jedi today because of you.”

Ulannium had blinked at this revelation, then sipped his own drink. Taking a moment before setting the glass down, he looked back at Corellan, his bright green eyes looking into Corellan’s pale blues. If he’d ever questioned whether their friendship had survived into adulthood, those had been answered this day.

“I’m a better person today because of you.” He answered.

Tagging! @lhunuial @caelys @monocytogenes @pentacass @blueburds @catierambles @empire-at-war @raastredlegacy

#six sentence sunday #swtorpadawan writes #how we came to this point #oc: ulannium kaarz #oc: corellan halcyon

[monstersandmaw]

I don’t know where I was going with this but takeittakeittakeit

—

Stepping out into the bright sunlight, you blinked a couple times before slipping your sunglasses over your eyes, heading around the back of the building towards the smokers area. Normally empty at this time, there was only one other person sitting in the shaded area, sitting on one of the metal benches and hunched over his phone, a lit cigarette between his fingers.

“Hey dude.” You said as you walked past and he looked up from his phone.

“Hey.” He responded and leaned back against the stone wall as he took a took a pull of his cigarette, exhaling the smoke out slowly through his tusks.

“Didn’t know you smoked.” You said as you lit your own cigarette and he shrugged, his t-shirt straining over his massive shoulders.

“That kind of day.” He said and you hummed in sympathy. “Had another person hang up on me today.”

“What?” You asked with a scowl, “Why?”

“Because I’m an Orc.” He said, “Got a call, did the greeting saying my name was Turrock, and he was like “Turrock? That sounds like an Orc name.” I said that’s because I am an Orc and he hung up on me.”

“Racist ass.” You said and his eyes closed. “Did you tell a manager?” He nodded.

“They said I should choose a new name to say when I answer calls. Something human sounding.”

“That’s bullshit!” You exclaimed and he opened his eyes to look at you. “You shouldn’t have to pretend to be human for the sake of assholes.”

“The Naga and humans of India do it all the time.”

“But that’s India and they can’t exactly hide that accent.” You pointed out and he snorted, “You sound human over the phone, so what’s it matter if your name is Orcish?”

“Apparently it matters a whole lot.” He said and there was a pause. “You really think I sound human?”

“Yeah.” You said with a nod, “Your voice is a little deeper than most, and you lisp a little–”

“Damn.”

“Only on certain words, it’s the tusks, but for the most part, yes. You sound human.” You said and he smiled a little, “So what’re you going to? Are you going to be Steve now or something?” That got you a small laugh.

“I don’t know yet. I still have to think about it.”

“If it means anything, I like your name.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s awesome, just like you.” You could have sworn his tanned cheeks tinged red a little, but it might have just been the heat. “Let’s go inside before we melt.” Cigarettes were snubbed out and tossed in the trash and you both headed for the door.

“For what it’s worth, it means a lot that you like my name.” Turrock said and you gave him a small smile, bumping his leg with your hip as you went back inside.

______________

Thank you @catierambles for submitting this! I like Turrock!! 

#submission to ghosti #not my writing #orc #other people's writing #submission

[mandakatt]

About me - 20 Questions!

Rules: Answer these 20 questions and then tag 20 people you would like to know more about.

Tagged by: @protegoparacosm

~~

1. Name: Amanda 

2. Nicknames: Manda, Mao - You can call me anything you want to really, just don’t call me late for supper. =p

3. Height: 5′1 -- Look, I know I’m short, ok, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not going to glomp you. Prepare to be koala hugged forever....even if I only do it to your knees. X3

4. Orientation: Pansexual

5.: Nationality: American

6. Favorite Fruit: Star Fruit and Kiwi

7. Favorite Season: Fall

8. Favorite Flower: Carnations and Tiger lilies

9. Favorite Scent: Citrus - like Oranges and lemons

10. Favorite Color: Orange

11. Favorite Animal: Cat

12. Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Iced coffee 

13. Average Hours of Sleep: 4-5 hours maybe on a good day?

14: Cat or Dog Person: Kitters all the time, but I like Doggos too.

15. Favorite Fictional Character:  Cara Hunter

16. Number of Blankets You Sleep With: 2 sometimes one when I kick the other off... XD 

17: Dream Trip: Anywhere I can go without a true destination. Just wanna wander.

18: Blog Created: 2010

19. Number of followers: 448.....*spit-take* EXCUSE ME?! What in the name of... why are you all... I just.. omg I love you guys. TuT

20: Random fact: I used to have what my friends called the Crazy cat lady starter kit. When my grandmother passed away - I inherited her things, including....32... cats. Yes. It was quite the menagerie. I found homes for all of them though, so yeah. NEVER AGAIN.

I know I’m supposed to tag 20 folks but I always feel .. intrusive I guess? *fidget* ah, alright, I’ll take a few of ya, remember, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to! 

Tagging: @momokitty27 @major-artery @ugo-the-nerd @catierambles @kairakara101 @mrsgladaddy @indigochocobo @its-like-i-never-made-a-sound

#about me #I got tagged! #I guess this proves more and more that I'm quite the dorky individual huh? #and for as old as I am #I am coming to realize that I will never grow up past the age of 12 #XD

[catierambles]

you just left because henry cavill knocked up his girlfriend and not you lol

(its this shit is the reason I left)

let me speak slowly so you get it through your skull you absolute choad

I am asexual. I am not sexually attracted to Henry Cavill. I'm not sexually attracted to anyone. I find him aesthetically pleasing (sorry, I used a big word, it mean i think he look good) but I am not attracted to him, nor to I find him attractive. (If you find someone attractive, you are saying you find them sexually appealing)

I do not want children. In fact I am actively planning on getting myself sterilized. I don't want children. I never want to be pregnant. My bloodline ends with me.

Lastly, and this is the most important part so I'm going to need you to pay attention. Are you paying attention? Get close. A little closer. Just a bit closer, this is really important so I want to make sure you hear me. Okay close enough.

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

I don't care if his girlfriend is pregnant. Until it's confirmed it's all just speculation and rumor anyway. Yes, she has a bit of a bump, but maybe she was just bloated, or she had a big lunch that day.

But I don't give a flying fuck if she's pregnant.

If she is, congratulations to them both, I wish them the best.

BUT I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

it is their business and therefore none of mine or anyone's.

fuck

#henry cavill #catierambles personal

[catierambles]

I was engaged to be married once.

His name was Nick. I met him and was friends with him when we worked at the same place, but we didn't start dating until after I moved on from that job and we randomly met up to hang out, admitting to each other that we were interested in each other then, but figured it wasn't mutual.

He took me to my favorite sushi place for dinner for my birthday and asked me to be his girlfriend.

We dated for over a year before we got engaged. I asked him "Do you want to get married?" (Yeah, I proposed to him). He said yes.

Then things started to become clear. He liked that I played video games, but he didn't like the games I played. He liked that I was a metal head, but he hated the bands I listened to. He liked that I liked horror movies, but hated the movies I enjoyed.

He liked the idea of me, but not the reality.

He supported that I wrote, but made me feel like an idiot when I shared story ideas with him. I even hid stories from him, because I knew they would piss him off. He made fun of the things I enjoyed, made me feel stupid for liking them, and when I asked him to stop, he would always respond with "You know I just have to troll you."

I was confused as to why I didn't want to have sex with him. He was my fiance. One of the most handsome men I had ever met. Why didn't I want to do that with him? I vented this to my mom and what was her advice? "Get drunk."

I thought it was my medication that was tanking my sex drive, so I went off them. I went off my antidepressants and birth control because that's a common side effect of those. (I know now it's because I'm asexual, but that just wasn't a thing at the time that people knew about).

So my depression got bad again, really bad. I was sleeping 18+ hours a day, and when I wasn't sleeping, I was laying almost comatose on the couch watching Netflix.

He told me to stop being a "Debbie Downer Douchebag".

He made me feel like a bother and an annoyance at our engagement party. He made me feel like an idiot for getting excited about things. I was really into Dragon Age 2 at that time, but whenever I talked about it, he would roll his eyes or give me an annoyed look. He didn't like it when I talked about my friends. What very, very few friends I had.

So after a while, after almost two years we were together, I realized I just was never going to feel that urge around him, so I made the decision to break up with him. I would rather we parted then, than get married and hate and resent each other later.

We stayed friends after the breakup. Hung out every now and then. One time we were going out to eat, he held my hand, and said that it "still felt right".

Then I moved to Texas and three weeks later he was in a relationship. He eventually married her and they had a child. Then one night he got drunk after the cat he had since he was a child died and he texted me that he still loved me.

Sometimes I think I should have just sucked it up and married him. I should have just dealt with how he made me feel almost on the daily for his own amusement, and what I didn't feel for him.

#catierambles personal #sorry for the long post #reminder that you can blacklist my personal tag so you dont see them

[catierambles]

a coworker reached out to me a couple weeks back and asked if I knew anyone that would be able to take in her sisters' void cat, Shadow. Circumstances beyond their control arose and she could no longer keep him. I asked her how he was with other cats and dogs, letting her know that I could take him (after I discussed it with Morgan) or at the very least, foster him until we found a better home.

apparently I was the first and only person she thought of when the situation came up. she knew I loved animals and that I would be a perfect home for him, just based on the tiktoks I've posted of Ollie and my void kitty, Midnight.

so now I have a Shadow and Midnight. Shadow is currently decompressing in the computer room with Morgan and he's already punched me in the face with his face.

he'll fit in just fine

...although we may need to get different colored collars for the two void babies because dear gawd, Shadow is Midnight's twin.

#catierambles personal

[catierambles]

Blanket for coworker

Working through all my spare yarn

#catierambles personal #catierambles crochets

[catierambles]

Before

And five hours later

#catierambles personal

[catierambles]

My thoughts on Shadowkeep so far:

Chock full of psychological horror and intense feelings of dread. There are the spectres of dead Guardians everywhere that are replaying their last moments and that just adds to the spooky.

Mindfuck horror is my jam

On the other hand

CURSED THRALLS CAN EAT EVERY DICK IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE

Fucking exploding bastards.

#destiny 2 #catierambles personal

[catierambles]

so I've been reading the Horus Heresy (Warhammer 40K) books and I really like them. I've looked into maybe starting to play the tabletop game on Tabletop Simulator, but here's the thing: this is a strategy game. You have to out maneuver and plan ahead and form battle tactics and so on and so forth. My strategy when it comes to games is a Two Step Process

Step Number One: Hit it until it stops moving

Step Number Two: In the event that it is still moving, repeat Step Number 1 until the desired results are achieved.

....maybe that's why I like Warrior so much in ffxiv

#catierambles personal #warhammer 40k #horus heresy

[catierambles]

in that mindset to just nuke everything

you click the Keep Reading on my masterlist and it's just a gif of a mushroom cloud

whatever

#catierambles personal

[catierambles]

When I was in my 20s, I'd come home from working all day and play World of Warcraft until the sun rose.

I'm 35 now, it's 740pm, and I'm contemplating going to bed

#catierambles personal

[catierambles]

i was tagged by @sillyrabbit81 to make what color is your aura quiz and then make a moodboard with that color! Made it a new post because the original was getting long enough

Sage - herb clippings, macha, bullet journals, mini backpacks, needlefelts, pistachio, laptop stickers. your essence is sage: you are introspective and retreating. everything is organized and planned ahead; you are meticulous, stacking up a card tower you can't let fall. it is difficult for you to untwist your tongue and tell others you need them. you are the observer. you are the writer gone off alone. you find kinship in like-minded individuals of green, forest, honeysuckle, and seafoam, who share your guarded nature. you are also drawn to the self-expressive sky and apricot, who will help you grow and embolden you to say what you need. however, you may struggle to get along with the overly-emotional personalities of rose and cream who ask you to be too vulnerable.

no pressure tagging @wa-ni and @plaidcat4815

#catierambles personal

[catierambles]

this tunisian crochet pattern I found is itching my brain in all the right way

I have anxiety and adhd

I find it difficult to focus on things which then cranks my anxiety

how did I calm my brain down when this happened?

I counted

I counted my fingertips with my thumb 1 2 3 4

1 2 3 4

1 2 3 4

it gave my brain something to focus on and drowned everything out

1 2 3 4

1 2 3 4

backwards and forwards 1 2 3 4

how does this relate to the pattern? I'm counting to five over and over again backwards and forwards

pull up loops going forward 1 2 3 4 5

pull through two loops going back 1 2 3 4 5

fifth row, slip stitches going forward 1 2 3 4 5

and repeat

I'm counting and it makes my brain quiet

#catierambles personal #catierambles crochets #sorry for the separate lines

[catierambles]

So I know I posted the rundown of Feral Instincts, the werewolf Rogues Gallery fic, but if I'm being completely honest, my confidence when it comes to my writing has taken a severe beating.

Not because of Tumblr. Well not entirely because of Tumblr.

Upon request, I shared some of my writing with a discord I was in (past tense) and it was basically torn apart by more than one person. I was told that my ideas were shallow, my characters 1 dimensional and bland, and my OFCs carbon copy cliches of each other.

So writing for me beyond drabbles that don't really amount to anything or go anywhere is kinda tough for me right now. That and every time I start a new story, it just beats home that I can't stay focused and finish the ones that I currently have running. Some of whom have been in Google Doc purgatory for months. Which I know pisses people off.

So yeah, I'm trying. It's just tough for me right now.

#catierambles personal