#cause im fucking stupid that's what i am

[wolflyndraws]

i keep feeling like venting so much recently but i keep thinking that my freinds would think its their fault or theyre making it worse but litearlly i feel this way cause of me just me being stupid and fucking crazy and being my own biggest fuckign bully and hater

plus i really want to stop burdening everyone here and on twitter and my friends and moots or whatever with my stupid fucking vents i feel like such an annoying bitch of a burden and this feelings been going on like so consistently everyday for the past month self deprication jokes and talk is litearlly so unfunny im just being annoying and stupid

i thought i was getting better yesterday before i slept but that fuckign feeling is back again as soon as i fucking wake up

god this is so cringe and such a new fucking low for me imagine people saying that they love you and everything you make but being so stupid and fucked enough to litearlly be your own hater and convincing yourself to not believe any of it and let it affect everything in your life I'm never good enough for myself and never will be however hard i try

imagine not knowing the worth of your art like a crazy person

#vent #vent again sorry its been eating me alive for the whole month and i feel like im the most #unlovable most annoying stupid bitch in the whole world and im activly making it so that people dont have fun talking to me or just #find me annoying but talking to me out of pity but they just find me fucking annoying and taxing and a burden to talk to #maybe im better off just fucking kms or just staying alone for the rest of my life cause im just a fuckign burden cause i cant get through #any fucking conversation without feeling like shit because of myself #im so annoying god why am i litearlly such a fucking burden will delete later cause what the fuck even is this

[ilovethebittertaste]

went back to school after having 2 panic attacks after a school presentation and realizing i was doing WAy TOO MUCH like it’s not that serious

#what was i thinking #what the fuck #im sorry #i hate schoooool #i hate this #im stupid #why #idk why #why do i do this to myself #cause i am #an idiot

[slutdge]

day 3647388377437 of only existing to be a punching bag, somehow still alive

#yeah incoming breakdown pls fuck off i just remembered how meaningless my life is #outside of being used #my famtasy lately is journeying deep into the everglades and dying there and never being found. that seems like id finally feel peace. #ill be alone forever and im ok with that #as long as thats where i am #cause i cant fucking take waking up every day of my life and my only purpose being supporting everyone elses weight #what kind of a fucking life is that youd wanna die too if that was your life. if that was all you had to look forward to. #its camp anyways lolllll and all that other stupid shit i say to dimish how badly im suffering #at least if i go die out there i can benefit the earth #the conclusion: yes i am so embarrassed dont worry i am humiliated in ways you couldn't even imagine #im embarassed every second of my life for being like this #i know yall are tired of me complaining believe me so i am i and i feel guilty for just existing 24/7 #cant wait to finally be appreciated when alligators rip into my dead body

[possibly-eli]

once again posting a reminder (very gently, when you consider how fucking frustrated i am) that i am anti-kff! there are otherkin terms that people can use and, instead of educating themselves on this, they actively CHOOSE to belittle and bully otherkin folks, all while being a teensy tiny little bit ableist in how they go about it. its not a "erm these people are just minding their business and they're ALSO kin anyway" NO they are NOT. they are, by very fucking definition, either 'hearted or 'link (IF their connection is genuine ANYWAYS). that is NOT. KIN. and its kinda fucking telling if you think a community whose entire existence hinges on deliberate ignorance and harassment of a group is equal to the group theyre harassing and bastardising the terms and experiences of

#am i making ANY FUCKING SENSE #i swear to GOD #"dni antikin (this includes anti-kff) no the FUCK it does NOT #because kff ISNT. KIN #JESUS FUCKING! CHRIST!!! #kff “kins” are LINKTYPES and HEARTTYPES most often (again. if theyre not just being hashtag quirky on the internet) #also please please fuck off if you use the word “k/nn/e” i dont even care if you arent kff just. please go away #im stressed as balls man i dont like having to think about shit that stresses me out and annoys me but here i am! thinking about it! #this isnt directed at anyone btw i just keep seeing “omg this character is one of my biggest kins (kff)” and im so fucking tired of it #its mainly on tiktok anyways so im kinda shouting at air but fuck off #and like even when i see other ACTUAL otherkin/nonhuman/alterhuman folks say “oh yeah i 'kin' this character for fun” #it makes me so aggressively uncomfortable cause just. use 'link' man #use 'click' or 'heart' #stop Doing That cause thats not a fucking kintype and you are contributing to the problem (though minorly compared to other stuff) #theres also this one server wherein people would act and talk about their hearttypes as if they were kintypes despite outright saying - #- THEMSELVES “oh yeah this is a hearttype” #do you know what a fucking hearttype is? #are you stupid?

[todayisafridaynight]

theres no better place for my ichi ringtone to go off than during my exam tbh

#snap chats #i DO NOT want to talk about my exam <- is gonna talk about it #i get bad physiological reactions to tests itd be hilarious if it wasnt annoying #i hate taking tests cause ill know the answers 100% but then i go to take the official test and i 👁️👁️ i forget literally everything #LIKE AS IM FILLING IN THE ANSWERS I KNOW ITS WRONG BUT MY BRAIN JUTS REFUSES TO PUT THE RIGHT ONE #I REMEMBER THE INFO I JUST CANT PUT THEM IN THE RIGHT SPOTS I GET SO NERVOUS AND FOR WHAT i hate tests. #theres nothing i can do tests have been my bane for years and ill just have to live with my educators thinking im stupid <- i am #anyway. during my exam yeah. quiet-ass room and then you hear my dork-ass ringtone go off like HELP I WAS JUST 👁️👁️ #now the whole classroom knows youre a dweeb. jk no one at my school knows rgg its fine #anyway im upset and im fighting every demon telling me to go to the bar and get a drink #NO. BAD SNAP. BAD COPING MECHANISM. YOU ALSO HAVE NO MONEY ENOUGH #i have my last class of the day in twenty minutes i wanna curl up in a ball instead but thats not how life works now is it so BYE #wait can i talk bout my morning cause it was goofy #i called up my doc to get my DRUGS refilled and she was lookin over my doc like #'my man you have too much testosterone' My Sister In Christ No The Fuck I Don't LMAO if i hear one more 'sorry ma'am' i just might lose it #funny world innit.. ok my class starting soon thats all i wanted to share LMAO BYE

[24062]

anyone else in a deadend job and has no idea what theyre doing with their life. no? just me? okay great

#i dont know what to do. #how do you go from working customer service > to an office job or something IT #you have to go fucking study it and i dont want to go even more into debt than i already fucking am #i dont want to be in debt in the first place but i cant do anything about that #i wish i had just. not done lvl5 hospitality why did i do it? im so stupid like i fucking dropped out so its fucking useless to me anyways #i dropped it cause my fucking life went fucking down hill and it hasnt stopped #going downhill since then #ever since 2020 everything that could go wrong for someone it has happened to me #i just wish i had something nice going for me but i have nothing and i dont know how to get out of this situation because i am just stuck #speaking #im venting here and on twitter god i cant even afford a fucking therapist either to help with this situation

[permanentreverie]

i just got pulled over i want to fucking cry

#it was a stupid mistake cause i didn’t have my lights on and i was on the highway #i didn’t have them on cause i am only on the highway for 2 seconds before i turn off into my neighbourhood #and i was legit the only one on the highway #and ofc a cop was following me #i had to do a breathalyzer test and i had never done one before #and cause i was nervous i didn’t breathe deep enough or blow hard enough #and he started accusing me of playing games and saying i had alcohol #and if i messed up one more time we were gonna have a problem #and when i finally got it right he just said that this was routine and why i was so emotional #cause at this point i’m nearly crying #and i’m just so fucking done i’m so fucking tired and this is not helping me #i’m not making enough money i need another job and idk what im doing with my life and i have no one to fucking help me #and i’ve been so fucking depressed these last couple weeks and i’m trying to hold on and just take it one day at a time #and fuck idk why but this has just tipped me off #lindsay.text

[xxlethal-lunaxx]

If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking • #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years- #-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say. #I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks- #-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's- #-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am- #-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this. #(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you) #tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much) #(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me- #-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an- #-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.- #-therapist W)

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!! #or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head? #This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch. #No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings. #bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!! #and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck. #Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he? #was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board. #Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself?? #'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person?? #Are you just living in some other reality??? #callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

[anachronistic-falsehood]

grabbing my kidney in both hands and looking it dead in the eyes. if your infection comes back it is so over for you this is a threat

#whiskey yelling into the void #RAAAHHHGGH #if my infection returns once again i am going to fucking lose it #it might be coming back i can't tell #i will wait and see if it starts to hurt again and if it does i will get it checked out AGAIN #but i will ask for a different doctor this time because i think the doctor i saw was a little bit fucking stupid #no offence to him im sure he's a good doctor sometimes but idk if the mf knows what he's doing in this specific case #he said some of the pain might be from intestinal issues and he would like to see if that's the cause #like girl what no my fucking kidneys hurt and i had a uti why the fuck would this be a digestive issue

[todayisafridaynight]

Okay stream over and as such no one is safe anymore from my RGGJoposting (sorry in advance), HOWEVER I did want to say...

Of course Mine Himself At Present is the furthest thing from punk, but I believe the reason he has that belt is a nod to Nakamura, who is credited with bringing punk influences to the kabuki scene. (This particular photo was taken years after Y3, but...)

By the way, Nakamura is how I found out there's a lot of stigma against sons of kabuki actors who choose to play roles of a different gender than their fathers. He comes from an established line of onnagata, so it was a big deal for him to choose to play male roles.

Arakawa was a taishu engeki actor rather than a kabuki actor, which is less steeped in tradition than kabuki, so I don't know if it would've been the same for him doing the opposite to Nakamura. But it's Neat to think of it as a concerted choice for him in terms of feeling that strong of a connection to femininity.

oh fuck yeah punk in the kabuki world WORD UP TO THE LEGEND.....

#snap chats #tumblr told me to suck a dick and deleted my response THANKS ASSHOLE #i feel suddenly feel like really sick and tired like oh god what the fuck was in teh chicken my bro got me for lunch heeUGUH #i will muster up my strength to respond tho. god no i feel really sick i gotta hurl but i wont #in any case... i love learning #i wish i could say more but thats all i can say ive always been more of a listener than a speaker #what the ufck was in that shicken oh my fucking god #great to have yo in the inbox. ALWAYS happy to see yo in teh inbox even if im a dumbass soemtimes and words fail me #like right now like how my organs are failing me jesus lord #i will try to speak.. i can see peop #ok no i cant i dont hve the brain capacity right now forgive me #the enviroment surrounding 'cross dressing' in theater is. a topic #a topic im too stupid and sick for BUT IT IS ONE. #i know men would play as women in western plays since women werent allowed to act for a long ass while #uhhh wht am i tryig to say #oh like. like the role is 'necessary' like men would need to play women cause we aint got women #but that doesnt mean its a 'respectable' position #do we get what im sayig ?? good god i hope so. im dying. #first it was too cold now im too warm but i cant tell if thats from shame my house or the hoodie i put on #ok my head hurt BYE #soryr im stupid

[yo9urt]

started playing ball dur's gait 3

#mine #6.5h in (i may have stayed up past my bedtime) and i am beyond impressed #not only do i get the wish fulfillment of making myself a sick ass wizard who hangs out with cool fantasy people #and does cool fantasy stuff including hitting people with magic (my dream) #but like the whole world feels like REAL also it feels FUCKING HUGE OMG THERES SO MANY AREAS #I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET TO AND THERES LIKE LITTLE HIDDEN ITEMS EVERYWHERE #AND LIKE SHIT GOING ON ALL THE TIME LIKE WTF THIS PLACE IS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!! #i kind of like how directionless it is like obviously theres the main story and stuff but you can really dick around #and you can kind of set your own pace and do things your way which is very enjoyable #even for me as someone who is kind of stupid and needs to be told what to do in video games #i think that aspect of it and the combat system being kind of complicated (but in a fun and challenging way imo) #is hopefully going to make me not suck at video games so hard LMAO #i did die last night i got my ass beat in the overgrown ruins chapel area on the beach...embarrassing #so i had to reset my save to immediately post-crash which was a valuable lesson #anyway i really like how it feels like every dialogue and action choice has so much gravity to it #before i click anything im always like will this make someone mad at me... #will this make someone like me...will this cause something in my vicinity to explode...etc. it's kind of heavy but in a fun way #idk i'm super charmed by it lol i'm going to play like all day maybe #my tav is a high half elf wizard (transmutation school) if anyone was wondering :3 #hes a bit of a self insert lol he looks like a hotter fantasy wizard version of me #but hes also kind of a discrete guy (i say this because hes been doing more killing than i would want to) #(like when i went to the church and had to kill those guys i didnt wanna do it but i had to :( wah) #anyway.....fun game. all should play #o astarion kinda hates me too lol i need more points with him im just too nice #shart likes me and wyll likes me too i think (idk how to check approval on the steam deck lol) #i havent found the other companions i seriously have no fucking clue where they are #one of the goals for today is to go sniff them out lmao