#dirtbra1n

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

for our ask game enstars’ jun makoto. this is one permutation and it’s also foreshadowing for what I’m still coming up with to foist off on you. I love you malt…..

agreeing to this game and then immediately dipping is very on brand for me but nevermind that, i am here once more

junmako is for sure an i can see it it makes sense somewhat to me it can be compelling but also they are like maggots eating the inside of my mind. yknow.

also i find it funny to imagine them in a severely undercommunicated relationship. like they are a little too strange about each other and then bam romance, i want to see them fall into it and squirm and be embarrassing about it and also be lost about what they are forever. it would entertain me.

#ask game #malt asks #sunluvclub #dirtbra1n #also foreshadowing you say..... ominous i will be looking out for that #thank you for the ask love youuuuu #edit: i also think they would do that thing where they never know how to properly hold hands. anyways

[sunnnfish]

am deliberately going to avoid writing another entire paragraph in your askbox AGAIN but the way you recognized how I differentiate written voice and said that it’s all still clearly my writing style made me feel so SEEN. SUNNNFISH. I LOVE YOUUUU

Teehee :)) im glad u like my incessant rambling about ur writing. It’s all so GOOD and i love YOU !!!

#i do welcome entire paragraphs in my inbox tho i love them dearly #sunnfish.ask #sunluvclub #dirtbra1n

[sunnfish]

[ID: A digital illustration of Hanzawa Masato from Sasaki to Miyano. He is shown from a behind angle from the shoulders up, head hanging down wearily. The back of his neck and his cheeks and ear are angry shades of red and orange, as if badly sunburnt. His eye, barely visible from underneath his bangs, is an image of a photorealistic eye; it looks back towards the viewer. The background is a solid neon cyan. The artist's signature "sunnfish" is written in the corner. /End ID]

sunburn

#drew this a while ago but didn’t quite like it then but it’s grown on me now #weird and funky proportions and angles but. it kinda works #hanzawa masato #hanzawa to tashiro #oh yeah based on early @dirtbra1n river musings #an image ive never quite been able to get out of my head #hanzawa standing in the river head bent down as his skin burns under the summer sun. cicadas blare louder than the running river #sasaki to miyano #sasaki and miyano #<- every day i feel strange putting hanzawa masato weirdisms in the main tag #sorry to any normal person looking for sasaki and miyano. theyre not here right now #sunnfish.pdf #tw eyestrain #clip studio paint #my art

[x-endo]

something something hirano is all sharp edges and he realizes it more than anyone, he's self-aware more than anyone but his emotions... his emotions are soft and domestic and warm but they stab kagiura in the chest the most. no one is as hurt by hirano as kagi is, and no one ever will be.

while kagi is all round and soft and pudgy but his emotions are sharp and stabbing and big and not as domestic and innocent.

hirano will need him. hirano already does. he needs kagi to soften his edges. why else would hirano only smile like that with only kagi? that's the love of his life, and hirano may be too stupid to realize it yet, he's also smart enough to already know it, though he can't put it into those words. his love and kagi's love appear different, though they both mean the same love.

and i think they'll even out, i want hirano to be stabbed by his own feelings (or by kagi, symbolically...) and kagi to feel warmth and stability in return, and their feelings will mix and become one and the same and i think... i know because they're teens it feels big like the world will end but i think it will forever be like this with them. hirano will always be throwing up over the toilet bc kagi leaves him vomiting his soul out because he can't form words while kagi will always be crying in the dairy aisle holding hirano's favorite milk knowing hirano is one aisle over waiting for him to finish grocery shopping. and kagi will always swallow hirano's heart with his I love you I love You, you don't scare me, you will never scare me, while hirano will always bring kagi to his knees (over and over and over) with the way he always turns kagi's pillow to the cold side before bed (bc his own head was on it just a minute ago)

theyll always drink each other. they'll always never have enough. kagi will always Want Him and hirano will always Need Him. kagi comes home after work years from now and finds hirano asleep on kagi's side of the bed, nose in kagi's pillow (always chasing him). hirano wakes up in the morning and finds kagi's fingers in hiran's pajama shirt because he's always chasing him, too.

and hirano will always be sharp and scary and kagi will always be round and soft like the big bad wolf and red riding hood but riding hood kisses the wolf's nose and brings him flowers and the wolf protects the red riding hood from the evil forest. and in doing that, red hood will learn how to show sharp edges and the wolf will learn how to relax by a fire.

You square all the corners I straighten the curves You've got some nerve, Henry And I'm just all nerves

it's not give and take. it's give and give and mix, combine. kagi gives and hirano gives and slowly they mix it into an emotion they'll call love, but historians might call devotion; possession; worship. complete love, utter commitment.

#some things i talked with dirtbra1n about some things not yet #hirano to kagiura #hirakagi #kagihira

[dirtbra1n]

heyo dirtbrain I got two for you for that ship ask game. first is wangxian. second is zhongli & childe bc i know nothing abt genshin impact and also bc the opinions i do have kind of relate to both of these asks which is fun

hello kiri Really tickled by your second selection here. I will try to be brief, (1/137)

literally every single time I think about mdzs I have this constant incessant need to say out loud I DO LIKE WANGXIAN. to my ghost audience. because I really really do. but I’m not Compelled. there are things that compel me and wangxian’s not doing much of any of it. it’s all there already….. which is . where’s the fun in that for me…….. granted though I still haven’t read the properly localized novels yet. started reading the first one the other day but it’s at the bottom of the priority list I guess you could add this one. because there are other more pressing issues at hand. I guess it’s. I’m a terrible marriage (complicated definition) fan and wangxian are so Regular marriage. good for them! but come on guys…..

Also colored in large part probably by the way mdzs fandom was in like 2019/20 and the shredding of lan zhan’s character . different rabbithole different day I hope it’s gotten better in the time I’ve been away . I do still miss my friend wei wuxian though They could never make me hate you king…….

zhongli childe genshin impact though Ha ha. ohhh man.

boring people yaoi is the worlds most egregious crime to me and I’m NOT kidding. I think I’ve mentioned to you kiri my extensive personal genshin mindpalace. and these two are both in there as two of four major players. probably also mentioned the debaucherous tilt this entire mindpalace has happening.

the point I’m not getting at here but am steering towards anyway is that childe knows that zhongli has the power to crush him and the earth he stands on with a lifted pinky and is so into it because he’s a violence freak. and so he’s constantly trying to push zhongli’s buttons, trying to see if he can move the mountain if he just shoves hard enough, shoves in the right way, at the right time. not that there’s not also like. resentment. some complicated feelings bubbling. I wouldn’t care at all if there wasn’t. mindpalace wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t. another rabbithole for another day.

anyway zhongli feels far too old for this. consciously. he feels too old for this consciously I don’t think the boring yaoi people are wrong on principle when they put that old man in Situations. I do so myself. they’re just wrong because they’re not putting enough struggle into it. because I think that zhongli knows what childe’s after and is determined not to give him anything. and yet simultaneously will see him in the right lighting or covered in gore and think I want to eat him. no quicker way to feel your age. he was a martial god, you know. it’s not that he’s averse to violence or the eroticism of it on principle you can’t be a martial god who is Normal about violence. but if you see this twenty-something human being who is trying to rile you up, trying to get you where he wants you, and you let him… you have to be a much kinder, more feeble minded man than zhongli. work harder, gongzi. try harder.

he’s also just not immune to it is the thing. pride be damned the actual thing stopping him is probably the ‘feeling like a cradle robber’ thing

all that said on this topic I’m citing one of my favorite tweets ever

#the bookmark is me #you know who REALLY suffers from the fucking grumpy one/sunshine one curse. wangxian. BIG TIME. #anyway first thing is If you ever wanna know how depraved the mind behind blog dirtbra1n is then ask about the genshin mindpalace #i honestly probably won’t answer. i have my fun though #second thing is If you’re reading this about what terrible marriage is you can ask and immediately trigger epic-length unskippable dialogue #from a dirtbrain whose passion on the topic is something like three and a half years or so years old #i Am going to finish that fic someday. god willing or whatever #askbox #thank you kiri for asking. if i cared less about my public image i could probably keep going on the zhongli childe thing #still don’t call ‘childe’ that though. doesn’t matter i’ll go back to writing or something

[nateoldrin]

reposting my old kghr art pt1. the rest will be over the weekend. (since these are reposts i think i can put them here today)

for @dirtbra1n and @sunnfish esp :)

#hirano to kagiura #kagiura akira #kagihira #hirano taiga #hirakagi #fanart

[aranarumei]

ty for the tag @estradasphere !! i'm just slow about replying to things...

five shuffled songs from my favorite playlist (since i don't really have a favorite, i picked just my playlist of "stuff i'm currently listening to")

Kiro Akiyama - Caffeine

MaikiP - CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY

ARAKI - Dead End Salvation

yukkedoluce - POCKET MOON RABBIT

Kashii Moimi - Makeup

i will tag... hm, @kagiura-akira @sunnnfish @dirtbra1n @malt-rants-and-stuff? but if anyone wants to do it feel free. or feel free to not do it!

#kiri.txt #tag game

[hiranospiercing]

i love how veteran hirakagi extras from the sasaki to miyano manga crumbs enjoyers went from haha roommates in love so silly hirano is a brick to literally experiencing hell and now are residing in it with their own timelines, own aus (do you guys remember when that one ao3 fic resurfaced on here where kagiura literally dies), literally creating a complete new relationship dynamic(hanzawa to tashiro baby LESSGO!! shoutout to director @dirtbra1n for giving us the river and weird love and many other masterpieces) and so much more like we literally deserve a pay raise from miss harasuno shou (also therapy, also the post of the editor for the 1000 page long hanazawa lore)

#yeah i rest my case here #i have spent too much time on acquiring the hirakagi lore and iam gonna pass it down to my children #hirano to kagiura #is literally our bible

[kagiura-akira]

KAGI IS MADE OF LOVE AND IT HURTS

IT HURTS

@dirtbra1n this has been haunting me for over a week now it just keeps coming back to stab me thanks for that 😭

#to be specific i hurt #the kagi is made of love post haunts my every waking moment #kagihira #as a kagi variant i guess it makes sense that i hurt 😭

[gonzaburrow]

flow of the river (treading together)

I can’t stop thinking about Hanzashiro, and them and rivers (adding a tag to @dirtbra1n because you also inspired me greatly), and specifically this post from @sunnnfish about Tashiro being aroace-spec in the exact way I am. So I wrote 5k words like a madman, but I’m not fully done and my lizard brain wants to release the bit I like best into the wild now instead of later. (added context of this is like, middle of the story and their third time meeting and Tashiro saw Hanzawa enter the river but didn’t say anything).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tashiro finds himself in the middle of the river, spinning in place, searching. A sudden voice comes from behind him. 

“Did you have fun staring?” 

He screams. Backpedals, and the uneven sediment in the riverbed makes him slip backwards. A hand grabs his arm and pulls him forward. 

It’s all very familiar, he realizes. Even more so when he gains his bearings and sees that the figure in front of him was the exact person he’d been hoping to see for so long. 

“Hanzawa! What, why are you here?” 

“I could ask you the same. Not to mention,” Hanzawa starts, and his hand on Tashiro’s arm moves to the small of his waist. “You’re still wearing all your clothes.” 

Tashiro sputters, lost for words. The hand on his waist picks at his t-shirt under the water. “Taking them off felt like too much work. I think it’s weirder you took all yours off!”

“Do you think I’m weird, Tashiro?” Hanzawa’s tone lost its lilting quality.

Tashiro swallowed, he was sure the other man heard it. 

“No more than I am.” 

They were still standing seconds apart. Crickets whined in the distance, and their only light was the waning moon. They spoke in whispers.

“Are you sure of that? Ask me, Tashiro, ask me why I came to the river.” 

Was his mouth always this dry?

“Why did you come to the river, Hanzawa?” 

A finger brushed just under the hem of his shirt. 

“I like how the frigid water feels when you first give it all of yourself. How it cuts and stings and steals your breath on impact.” 

Tashiro’s hair was still down, now plastered to his face. Water droplets were rolling one by one down his cheeks. Hanzawa brought his other hand to push the offending hair back before speaking again. 

“Sometimes I dive beneath the surface to see how long I can stay there. To see if this is the time the water will claim me.” He released his hold on Tashiro, and took a step back. He laughed; it felt just shy of disturbing. 

Tashiro stole back the space between them, closing it and moving the hair out of Hanzawa’s face. With his forehead freed, eyes exposed, and moonlight highlighting every contour, he was mesmerizing. 

“Don’t you wanna know why I came to the river?” Tashiro asked. 

“Okay, Tashiro.” Hanzawa started, tilting his head into Tashiro’s hand; he hadn’t registered that he was still touching the other man. “Why are you here, fully clothed in the river?” 

“Promise you won’t think it’s stupid?” 

“Cross my heart.” 

“I’ve been coming here for months, hoping to see you again. I don’t even think I can like people like that, even though I want to more than anything. But I can’t stop thinking about you.” He sighed. “We’ve barely interacted and yet, it feels like you see through me better than any of my friends. I don’t know what that means, but I want to find out.” 

Hanzawa laughed. It was with his whole being, doubled over, one arm covering his eyes. He was half submerged in the water, and when he raised his head, Tashiro was hypnotized by the beads of water dripping from his hair. 

He reached out and moved the strands out his face once more. 

The laughter continued and Tashiro found himself pouting as if he hadn’t just bared his heart like he never had before. 

“My goodness,” Hanzawa chuckled out. “I’m not laughing because what you said was funny, but more how I can’t believe this is how this interaction is going.” 

Tashiro splashed a wave onto Hanzawa. “Y-you can’t just laugh!”

#hanzawa to tashiro #hanzashiro #hanzawa masato #tashiro gonzaburou #sasaki to miyano #i don't know if this is any good and it's not done ofc #but i need to free some part of this before i chicken out and never share any of it with anyone ever #i made a wholeass side blog because i have so many feelings about this universe and the characters #and it would be weird to start mega fanblogging on my main blog at this point i guess

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

hi malt I’m in the metaphorical kitchen stirring some crazy sludge together. in the meantime Let’s explode each other senajun style its practice for that big long we got married thing I still need to put together for you

hey db I am staring intently at that crazy sludge. don't mind that it took me like 40 minutes to reply to this I was doing totally not suspicious things

anyways I am a little sleepy so words are not my friend rn but like. you know that post that's like: [holds you in my shakey palms] 'if you brake what happens then?' 'you let my pieces burrow into your skin forever' ?

yeah. yeaahhh.

#malt asks #dirtbra1n #sunluvclub #does this make sense? maybe not #screen blurry brain melting aaaaa there I go

[anime-tech]

deliberating on Hanzawa again,.,.

masato is thinking about surgery today.

he's come to wonder why they call it a performance.

performing surgery

someone is going to perform surgery on him someday

probably

there's no escaping it at this point, he thinks.

his joints are always achier than he wants them to be

but that's a digression he doesn't have time for

what about surgery invokes performance exactly

masato doesn't know

but he wants to

a lot of things are like that

(but once again, a digression he doesn't have the heart for)

"hanzawa-senpai" / tashiro's voice is calling to him

he wonders why he can hear it through the anesthesia

"ta-shi-ro-kunn" / he replies like an instinct he doesn't remember never having

"are you planning on sleeping tonight?"

"eventually," / masato pauses cautiously, debating if he should finish speaking but the thoughts are spilling from him before he can even attempt to dam them up

"when the surgeon is done"

tashiro squints at him and for a moment masato wonders if anyone applies that same clench of disappointment that he does about the obstruction of tashiro's eyes to his own habits

well. probably not. one cannot be too disappointed in the fulfillment of expectation.

(which is to say, masato is always squinting and rarely wide eyed. so it would be most unlikely than anyone applies disappointment to behavior he displays on a daily basis)

and anyways

disappointment

noun

sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

something like that.

tashiro voice trickles in again, "what surgeon, hanzawa-senpai?"

"the one inside my head. he's only just started performing"

@dirtbra1n

(for posterity and bc i ADORE the hanzawa niche posting but !! i don't wanna bother you so pls let me know if i should stop tagging you in things !)

#hanzawa masato #hanzawa to tashiro #sasaki to miyano #hirano to kagiura #tashiro gonzaburou #hirano taiga #kagiura akira #sasaki shuumei #miyano yoshikazu #kagihira #hanzashiro #sasamiya

[sunnfish]

「 it seems, once there is no air and so much water, that he was supposed to have gills 」

There was a lot this post by @dirtbra1n made me feel and I wanted to capture at least some of it. Like every sentence is a different image i swear. Especially “said in passing. no crueler way to weigh him down” that is an entirely different feeling altogether. Maybe I captured a fraction of it all in this. Anyways thanks for making me feel so much about Hanzawa Masato. I’ll never be normal about him again <3

#once again gripped by insanity by dirtbra1n’s posts. #hanzawa masato #sasaki to miyano #Hirano to kagiura #sunnfish.pdf #august 2022

[x-endo]

hi @sunnnfish and @dirtbra1n

do u think hirano on some way is also afraid of his friendship or even relationship w kagi suffering or ending if they get together and break up? all the thoughts of the next next... does he think hes just a notch on the belt

[dirtbra1n]

okay Okay so it’s like. putting aside the things that I will be coming back to. it’s. Memo—Your turn to wake him up! and kagi’s face of betrayal when he sees hirano smiling up at him from under the covers and kagi’s solemn determination to stay roommates at the silliest things and hirano’s fond and predictable That’s your reason? kagi’s bold goal to jump 121 ranks that most certainly stems from his confidence in hirano’s ability to help him do that. You’re so cool… I love you. and the immediate chiding Come on now… and kagi’s defense of what is and is not in-bounds and hirano laughing at his logic. kagi steeling himself to hold back a little longer if it means that hirano keeps smiling like he has been. kagi dropping another of his accidentally cool-masculine lines and niibashi having to reconcile with that. He’s trying to fit me into his sense of what romance means to him. He’s trying to understand me. I want to understand him more too. PING-PONG POSSE! C’MON DODGERS, LET’S GO! hirano and kagi running to school together in the morning when it’s damn freezing. MIYANO SEEING HIRANO WITH KAGI AND COMMENTING ON IT TO SASAKI…. AND SASAKI NATURALLY AND AFFECTIONATELY CHANGING THE SUBJECT…… hirano seeing kagi’s determination re: not skipping a day of study, likening it to a (basketball) scene from AGES ago, and keeping the comparison close to his heart. kagi dorm head candidate. kagi quickly shutting down his nomination. hirano gloating about it to hanzawa. hanzawa firing back Showing off now? and hirano replying Of course I’m not! this:

and kagi meeting ichinose for the first time. and hirano offering to get kagi a drink refill while he’s up and kagi’s heart going badump and also telling hirano Welcome back when he was gone for a minute and a half, maybe. all of that, and the MOVIE EXTRA.

#Tumblr User Dirtbra1n Chooses Death #hirano to kagiura #hirano taiga #kagiura akira #AND THATS JUST THE HRKGISMS. THATS JUST THE HRKGISMS OF COURSE I WAS HOLDING BACK #CALLING MASATO. HANZAWA. TO APPEAR NORMAL. PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I WAS HOLDING BACK #AND ICHINOSE TOO I’M GONNA GET TO YOU. #AND SASAMIYAAAAAAA OH MY GOD. SASAKU SHUUMEI. I’M GONNA GET YOU #THIRTY MINUTES SAT HERE. I HAVE THINGS TO DO TODAY………..

[nateoldrin]

posting for @dirtbra1n