#eundara
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The first day of shooting ends. The contestants get closer thanks to a fun work dinner, when Dara discovers why Min looked so familiar.
• chapter 12 – sunflower.
an. i’m finally back from and endless hiatus. ngl, it’s always hard to resume writing after so long. disclaimer! I have no idea how a real tarot reading works, but I wanted to included it as i found it fun. enjoy!
Her soft panting got gradually more and more present, no matter how hard she kept it in.
“Are you okay?”. Jiwon couldn’t help but ask one more time.
“It’s you who told me… to let out the true crazy”.
“That! It’ll all be useless if you get hurt”.
“B-but!—“, Dara cut off her rebuttal as her attention shifted somewhere else; Min and Hyuk suddenly appeared beside them, quickly gaining ground over the suffering duo.
She glanced at the curly actor; her body tensed up inexplicably.
She was sure she’d seen him before, but where?
“Ugh— we HAVE to win!”, Dara whined, voicing Jiwon’s exact thoughts.
“You got this! Keep a suitable pace for you, we’ll gain ground at the next section”.
.
“T-that’s crazy! Isn’t Sandara going at a faster pace?”, Sook widened her eyes at the incredible scene.
“They seemed to comfort each other a lot, despite the unfavorable situation”.
“Isn’t that what a power duo is supposed to do?”.
.
Jiwon held onto her tight. Just how badly did she want to win to do something so reckless? Her determination felt refreshing, nonetheless. A part of him started to respect her even more.
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“The first teams to arrive to the finish line are: Team Min-Hyuk leading, Team EunDara second and Team Goeun-Jongwon last. The other teams are automatically out!”. The large race flag waved triumphantly at the side of the line just crossed by exhausted the contestants.
.
Jiwon carefully helped himself off of Sandara’s back and immediately pulled her into a celebratory hug, both taken over a rush of sudden excitement.
“We made it!”.
They jumped up and down, screaming victory before realizing how close they actually were to each other, suddenly pulling away from the embrace with some awkwardness.
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“You’re way stronger than me”.
The all smiley Jiwon didn’t even realize how proud he looked as he helped his partner fix her shirt.
She kissed her flexed bicep.
“I told you Hwangssabu-nim is the best! It’s all thanks to him”.
“We would’ve been eliminated if it wasn’t for you. I told you to trust my judgement”.
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[later that day]
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“Don’t blame me, okay? This dinner was organized last minute… I just thought you wouldn’t care about joining, afterall… you hate work dinners. What makes this one different?”, Jiwon’s manager spoke up, heaving yet another sigh of frustration towards his own client as he carefully parked the car a few metres after the anonymous restaurant.
“Nothing’s different“.
The signature flowery scent hit his nose before her small figure could even enter his vision.
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“Oh- Jiwon oppa, you came?”. Dara’s sulk lit up into a slight smile as soon as he entered.
“Yes, Dohyun was kind enough to drive me here in a hurry”.
The watery eyes, stiff posture; Dara clearly looked upset, it was impossible for him not to notice when he was looking at her so closely.
“Are you okay?”, His voice suddenly softened. He realized he asked her that question so many times that day.
She just nodded and led the new guests to the table where the lively dinner was already taking place
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“I must be very late, am I not?”.
Cho-PD’s face broke into a contented smile at the arrival of the precious contestant.
“You’ve finally joined us!”.
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“I thought I was the last one to arrive”, Jiwon pointed out after looking at the empty spots beside him and Dara.
“Here we are, sorry”, the co-actors made their way towards their seats, but Jiwon wasn’t the only one who’s enthusiasm seemed to dim, Dara suddenly grew silent too.
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“Now that everyone’s here, I wanted to grab this opportunity to thank you for coming to this dinner despite the late notice” - Cho-PD raised his glass - Let’s have a toast, to the success of this shooting!”. The crowded table followed closely, making glasses clink left and right.
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“You still haven’t drank at all Sandara Noona!”.
“I’m okay, thank you”.
“Just one glass, come on noona!”, Hyuk insisted.
Her nervous fingers moved the shot glass away from her. “I’m not really in the mood for it”, she refused again.
Jiwon stole the soju shot, emptying it in one swift motion.
“Ahh! I’ve been missing the taste of soju lately”.
“B-but I poured it for noona..”, the actor protested in a low murmur.
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“It’s been a pleasure to meet with you all and getting to know you more. I’ll be leaving first but we’ll meet tomorrow morning for the second part of the filming. Make sure to rest well as it will be a very physically demanding challenge, don’t go too crazy with the drinking” - He turned towards his right - “Okay Jiwon?”.
A fat laughter broke at the table but Jiwon just smirked, unbothered.
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The fun evening continued between delicious plates of braised meat and fried meatballs.
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“Did you guys know that Jongwon-ssi knows how to do tarot readings?”.
“I’m still learning, but I do am getting better at it”. The celebrity chef humbly responded to his show partner sudden boasting.
“Wouldn’t it be fun to give it a try?”, Goeun encouraged him.
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“Ask him if your bills are going to increase this year”.
Dohyun playfully nudged at Jiwon. The liquor was already brightening his grim mood.
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“Come on, let’s start from Jiwon-ssi!”.
“A sunflower?”, Sechskies’ leader stared at the cards in front of him, failing to understand the link between them all.
“… that’s unexpected”, Jongweon studied what he just revealed for a moment.
“That’s the style of someone who only looks at one person. Soon, you’ll be dating”, he concluded.
“That’s nonsense, I have no luck there”.
Jiwon scoffed. Even tarot cards seemed to make a fool out of his love misfortunes.
“Is there a candidate? Or someone you’re thinking about?”.
“He has one, there is someone… “, the chef nodded.
“I have someone?”, he tilted his head.
“Someone near him”.
Jiwon’s glance naturally turned towards Dara before hanging his head low.
“Near me?! Yah! Who taught you how to read cards?”.
.
The work dinner naturally reached its end with people gradually leaving.
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A chilly breeze awaited them outside, making Dara hold tightly onto the leather jacket she wore.
“Jiwon oppa, before you go…”, she stopped by his manager’s large car, “Thank you for giving me your lunchbox earlier”.
He desperately tried to escape her sweet gaze, “How did you?...” .
“You’re a kind-hearted guy afterall!”, her cheeks plumped up like peaches.
.
‘Jiwon, you got this, take a deep breath-‘
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“It’s nothing”, a sincere smile won over his need of pretending to be cool. There was no point in denying it.
“See you tomorrow then, we better win!”.
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Dara quietly got to her car and in its safety the smile fleeted her expression, leaving space to bitter tears. She gripped the steering wheel so hard it hurt, before sinking her face there as the heavy emotions she tried to contain all evening got the best of her.
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[earlier that evening]
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Cho-PD checked his phone one more time to no news.
“Jiwon’s manager still hasn’t replied. I knew I should’ve stopped them before they left! I think we should start without them at this point. Can someone call those two smoking outside?”.
“I’ll go!”, Dara gladly volunteered.
‘I must’ve seen him in that show, that must be it!’, she finally put to rest that annoying doubt of hers, excited to share this with Min.
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The two actors stood a few meters away from the entrance. She recognized them immediately despite them having their backs turned towards the restaurant; Min’s curls were way too recognizable to be mistaken.
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“I’ve been curious about her ever since Hyung had to suddenly get out of that club that day. She made such a pitiful scene at that party after he dumped her. See…he used to date her back then”.
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A painful flashback came to haunt her once again. Of course Min was at the infamous YG after party with that opportunistic actor. She finally understood why the sight of him made her restless.
(refer to ch.4)
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“Hyung said it only took 3 glasses of beer to take her home, can you believe it? One can’t be so bad at drinking, she must be pretending only to cry victim after she realizes how easy she’s been”, he chuckled after taking another hit.
“Let’s offer her some, see if what Hyung said is true”,
Hyuk threw the cigarette butt on the sidewalk before stomping it off.
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Dara quietly backed away from the entrance door but her feet wouldn’t take one more step, no matter how much she wanted to flee from that nightmare turned reality.
The illusion of the two admiring dongsaengs happily approaching her just vanished into the disgusting truth. Perhaps that’s what the rest of the industry thought of her behind the smile and pleasantries.
.
Easy. Slut.
What if Jiwon thought that too? She wondered.
-
previous chapter. ⋆ next chapter. ⋆ masterlist.
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trauma. ch9 – wrong judgment.
Dara and Jiwon are ordered to spend more time together by YG sajang-nim himself. Jiwon finally learns the truth about that night.
chapter 9 - wrong judgment.
a.n. I feel bad making the characters go through such hardships and drama, I know you all want them to be happy (together or not). I initially thought of this series to have a k-drama tone to it, it might get frustrating, but I promise you I’ll try to be more light-handed and give more space for them to shine so that we can actually root for them.
[3 days before the script read-through]
「Dara's POV」
I took a sip from the cup of tea, maybe I was hoping to escape from Chae’s questions, truth was I was too embarrassed to explain the whole situation to her. How could I when I just couldn’t make sense out of it myself?
She lived at 500 thousand miles of distance from me, but her boiling rage could be felt through the cluster of pixels of our unstable videocall.
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“Just explain it to me so that I can understand it right, he literally said you tricked him into going out? Is he out of his mind? What a lunatic bastard!”, Chae nervously pet Pudding In an attempt to calm her nerves but the poor cat didn’t seem to be interested in that sudden display of affection, eager to be left on the floor.
I left the reg mug on the countertop as I whined at my phone, “I don’t know Chaerin-ah~ He literally said I did all of ‘that’ just to go with him”,
“What does he mean by ‘that’ anyways? Did you ask for explanations?”.
“I meant to ask him but we were interrupted by his manager and despite that… I don’t dare to ask him anything at this point!”.
“Unnie, you shouldn’t receive accusation without defending yourself! As if you forced him to go out with you! The nerve to accuse you like that! I told you, men only give headaches!”.
“He really looked disappointed tho…”.
“Stop defending him, you should start defending your feelings, first that selfish idiot of ji, then that opportunistic actor and now this compulsive liar of Jiwon oppa? You seem to attract bad men only”, she concluded.
.
[…]
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“I told you, I predicted Jiwon oppa’s love-life will be troublesome as he’s always surrounded by women! Better stay away from men like that*”. Narae commented as she checked the colorful design the nail tech was executing.
(* //On an old tv program, an 18y/o Narae, pretended to be a shaman and predicted Eun Jiwon to always be surrounded by women, making his love life messy and troublesome.)
I glanced at the selca we shot at the tent bar, I just couldn’t take my eyes off from his eye-smile and his slightly flushed cheeks. He usually carried around a brooding look, that’s why the cheeky smirk on his face felt so much unlike him. Perhaps, that’s how the real Jiwon looked. Well, how could I know anyway? I knew nothing of him.
It seemed as if I had told him everything of me and yet, I really knew nothing of him outside his career. Our relationship was one-sided from the very start.
(//refer to chapter 3)
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“I preferred it when you didn’t even look my way”, I sighed.
For once, I thought I became mature when it came to love. For once I knew what was better for me, I knew I had to keep distances, admiring him from afar to avoid hurting myself, not to ruin the perfect image I had of him. Just like a majestic fire, I got too close and got burned.
I almost surrendered at the thought, “He must really hate me right now, doesn’t he? Was I a fool for believing there was something between the two of us?”.
Some part of me didn’t want to blame him although his scenario didn’t look any different from the disappointing ones I had experienced before. He seemed different, but then again, the other all seemed different when I first met them. “Stupid me! How come I fell for that again!”.
I finally understood that I had to give up all my feelings for him at once to protect my heart. I had to go back to admiring him as a junior. No fantasising, no assuming.
How I wished I could’ve avoided him just enough to heal my broken heart, yet he kept appearing in front of me.
Why was fate so cruel to me?
「End of POV」
.
[…]
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[The day after the script read-through]
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“Come on Hyung, I promised the others you’d come”, Mino whined on the phone, working his best aegyo against an uninterested Jiwon on the other side of the line.
“Is Seungyoon-ie coming?”, he sighed before asking.
“I told you, all members are coming, we’re going to eat barbeque right after-…I’ll pay”.
Jiwon had planned a long session of World of Warcraft for the night, but his favorite junior’s insistencies and a good free meal were good enough for a change of plan.
“Send me the address”, he surrendered before closing the call.
.
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Jiwon lazily sat beside Mino once arrived at the Karaoke place, immediately resting his tired body on the red cushions.
“Oh no”, the hoobae thought to himself at the sight of Jiwon’s eyelids slightly closing.
“Hyung, choose something to sing while we wait for Seungyoon-ie!”, Mino quickly shoved the music book on Jiwon’s lap, he perfectly knew that he’d be capable of sleeping right there and then and there was no way in hell all four members of Winner wanted to lift his dead-weight again out of the room.
“Hi guys!”, a female voice could be heard from behind his back.
“This can’t be it”, Jiwon cursed Mino with his eyes.
“Dara unnie! You finally came!”, Jinu exhorted as he made his way to go hug her.
“I’m going”, Jiwon immediately stood up only to be stopped by Hoon’s arm, “You just got here Hyung! Where are you going?”.
He silently sighed and sat down again,“Why didn’t you tell me she was coming too?”, Jiwon lightly slapped Mino’s arm with the back of his hand to catch his attention. He wasn’t ready to face her, not when he had such mixed feelings in her regards.
Mino tilted his head, “Eh? Why? Is anything wrong?”.
“No, nothing”, Jiwon’s expression was gloomier than ever.
He secretly threw a glance at her. She looked melancholic, no matter how much she tried to conceal it around Winner.
“Dara Nuna? Is everything ok? Why the pouty face?”, Jinu didn’t take long to actually notice, he wasn’t her cherished dongsaeng for no reason.
“Huh? Did YG sajang-nim scold you?”.
“N-no it’s nothing like that, I’m okay, I swear you guys! Come on let’s sing”.
Jiwon glanced at her for a second too long, she sure sucked at concealing her true feelings.
.
[…]
.
[Jiwon’s solo mv shooting – DAY1]
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“You clearly told me about your feelings the other day, since we’re professionals let’s just pretend it never happened and get it over with. I won’t bother you anymore so don’t get in my way either”.
The coldness in her tone took Jiwon by surprise, there was something different about her that day. It seemed as if he could see his own self reflected onto her. Cold, unreachable, stoic. Being on the receiving end sure felt hurtful.
How could such a phrase be told by her gentle cherry pink lips? The melancholic expression he had seen on her at the karaoke room completely vanished, replaced by an emotionless glance that somehow felt aggressive.
“Sure”, he pierced her through with the same energy but that didn’t seem to faze her at all.
.
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“CUT! That didn’t seem right, let’s do it again!”.
The stylist hurriedly fixed their hair before disappearing behind the film director.
“Ok, now get closer, slowly!”.
Jiwon cupped Dara’s cheek, shifting his weight on his right hand as he carefully descended into the velvety couch she was laying on. Their eyes met for a few seconds before Dara panicked, scattering her attention anywhere but on Jiwon.
.
“CUT!”, film director Kim yelled.
The managers looked at each other, concerned by the grim expression on Mr. Kim’s face.
“This is no good, why can’t I feel the chemistry between the two leads? When you interact, I feel uncomfortable too!”.
“I apologize, Director Kim! I’ll try harder!”, Dara quickly bowed with her head.
“Let’s switch to the individual shots, quicky!”.
.
[...]
.
Director Kim trapped the managers in an empty spot of the set.
“Dohyun-ssi, Wonjun-ssi, I’ve called you here because I think we made a mistake casting Miss Sandara for the female role, I thought Mr. Yang chose her because of their strong affinity but it just feels like they’re worse than enemies on screen! This won’t work, we need to recast someone else, I won’t put up with this again!”.
“Mr. Kim, I wish I could avoid putting you in an uncomfortable spot but… please look at this”, Dohyun raised his phone, showing the main Naver page, his gaze purposely avoiding the director’s.
“Sandara Park confirmed an appearance on Eun Jiwon’s solo M/V”
“Huh? This is not good, this is terrible! I need have a serious talk with Mr. Yang!”.
.
[…]
.
「Dara's POV」
I couldn’t believe YG Sajang-nim actually convoked me to the 7th floor with him.
I glimpsed at President Yang: the moment he adjusted his old gray cap right after crossing his legs I knew I would be nagged at.
.
“Dara-yah, I thought you were excited to finally work with Jiwon, then why did the director have to complain to me?”.
“I’m sorry president, I’ll try my best”.
“What’s the problem? You don’t like each other? Why are you seated so far apart from one another?”.
.
maybe because he makes every cell in my body uncomfortable, but I can’t really say that aloud, can I?
.
We exchanged guilty looks and proceeded to silently scoot a bit towards the center of the long sofa that ran through the CEO’s office.
“The scenes looked fine to me though”. Jiwon interjected, scratching the back of his head as he leaned back onto the seat.
“Fine is not enough. If we want this promotion to work it’ll need to look like you two are very close, that’s why I decided to take action with your respective managers”.
.
Dohyun rarely had me wondering about his whereabouts, lately he had been fixing my schedule without informing me, that’s how he agreed to my appearance in Jiwon’s MV without my approval.
-
I nervously started fidgeting, “What do you mean by that President Yang?”.
“They’ll arrange you to participate on the same shows so that you’ll have the time to know one another, become comfortable and also make some public appearance, the shows will air right before and right after the release of Jiwon’s solo album, to increase the public’s interest”.
“I-is that really necessary Mr. President?”, he objected.
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as if I wanted to spend any more time with you, Mr. Precious.
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“It wouldn’t have been if you had worked harder on your affinity on screen, but you two left me no choice, It’s decided”.
.
And at that moment I realized, I was done for.
「End of POV」
.
[…]
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[The day of Sechskies’ concert]
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“Dara-yah! I didn’t know you came, why didn’t you tell me?”. Suwon immediately sprinted towards the disguised Sandara, the white mask covered her features well and yet- you could really tell her identity because of her unique timid demeanour.
“She’s here too? When will she stop appearing before my very eyes? This is becoming ridiculous”, Jiwon thought as he rolled his eyes away from her image reflected on the mirror right in front of him.
“Was she forced to come here too because the CEO asked us to spend more time together?”. Jiwon couldn’t help but quietly huff alone at the hair-styling station while all the other members and staff were busy smothering Sandara with attention.
“This is the first time I pre-order a ticket by myself, I wasn’t sure how it worked so I waited to tell you, in case the purchase didn’t go through”, she chuckled, slightly embarrassed at her own computer illiteracy.
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“What? She did it by herself? No way”, Jiwon continued to silently judge her.
.
“Why haven’t you contacted me? The staff would’ve provided you with a VIP ticket for free”, Suwon pointed out after helping her carry a basket to the glass tabletop in the middle of the waiting room.
“It was difficult, but I really wanted to support Sechskies since it’s your last concert for the tour, and also- I’ve recently visited the Philippines, so I decided to bring you something to snack on!”.
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“Does she ever stop smiling like that? Aren’t her cheeks sore?”, he unknowingly found himself scrutinizing her, all the attention was diverted onto her anyway, why bother ignoring her presence?
.
Dara readily informed the staff that the big basket of Filipino delicacies was there for them to enjoy and proceeded to distribute individual paper bags to each member.
“Here”, she extended her arms and offered one to Jiwon. He glared at her straight away, not averting his gaze for a second.
Her heart was about to jump out from her chest, “Why is he staring so intensely at me?”, she was not sure if that was meant to make her uneasy or was just his way of dealing with people.
“Here you go!”, she forced a smile and immediately dropped the bag in Jiwon’s hands.
.
“That’s very thoughtful of you Dara-yah, you’re the best!”, Jaeduck opened his own with anticipation, clearly moved by that simple considerate act.
Jaejin waved a yellow post-it he had just found and questioned: “Is this note supposed to be here?”.
“Oh- that! I figured a couple of encouraging words would be nice!”, she beamed warmly, making her eyes disappear in two cute half-moons.
Jiwon looked down and casually searched for the piece of paper in question amid the packets of chips and fruits, but failing to find it. His eyebrow twitched a little, why was he so bothered by it? Not that he should really care about a stupid note. But why did everyone receive one but him? Was she being petty out of revenge?
.
Suwon proceeded to attentively read his: “Mine says ‘Thank you for being such a good friend, you improved a lot Suwon-Oppa, fighting!’ ”
“Oh no- don’t read it out loud! It’s embarrassing-… I’ll get going then”.
“I’ll escort you”, Jiwon suddenly stood up and closely followed behind her with a couple of pink hair rollers still attached to his black hair.
.
An awkward silence wrapped the two of them as they silently walked beside one another through the venue hallways.
“You were the one who told me to get it over with. So why are you being so petty to act in such a childish way?”, he stopped in his tracks.
“Did you accompany me just to say this?”. Dara turned around to face him, glaring at him like she never did with anybody else before, “I’m tired of being accused like this, I’m going”, she turned her back on him without hesitation and crossed the door.
.
“That woman is unbelievable”, a growl left Jiwon’s mouth as he angrily stomped back towards the waiting room.
“Oh- look hyung, there’s a sticky note attached to your sole”, Jaeduck pointed out as soon as Jiwon sat down at the styling station.
He lifted his shoe only to find the yellow post-it he was searching for.
.
[Jiwon Oppa fighting! Congrats on your solo debut, enjoy the snacks!]
.
He sighed at the sight of those supporting words. Why did she have to be so kind for? Perhaps he had a hard time accepting she was more mature than him, in fact, it seemed like he was the only one who didn’t “get over it” between the two of them.
.
No, she was the cunning woman who manipulated his friend into helping her orchestrate that date.
“Was she?”, he shook his head. Of course, she was. And yet, this time Jiwon was the one at fault. He had just accused her of something she didn’t do. He felt apologetic, but how could you ask forgiveness for something so irreparable? As he said, some things are better left in pieces or you’ll get hurt fixing them.
Wasn’t that exactly what he was hoping for? That annoying woman would definitely stop bothering him. And yet, he couldn’t accept it.
.
“Come on hyung~ I know you’re trying to keep it a secret, but you’re so obvious, why would you accompany her otherwise?”, Jaeduck interrupted his reflection, playfully nudging his leader to make him spill the beans.
“Suwon-ah, we need to talk”, Jiwon grabbed his member’s arm and dragged him along towards the next room.
.
.
“YOU BASTARD TRAITOR!”. Jiwon’s voice was so powerful that it could be heard through the thick wall separating the two waiting rooms.
“Do you think they’re doing fine hyung?”. Jaeduck tilted his head at Jaejin, slightly concerned for their dear maknae.
“It’s fine as long as we’re not involved”, the rapper chuckled calmly while Jiwon’s voice got louder and louder.
.
“J-jiwon hyung, you’re ruining my stage clothes…”, a droplet of sweat dribbled down Suwon’s forehead as Jiwon didn’t seem to release the grip on his collar any sooner. .
“How could you help her and set me up for that stupid date?!”.
.
(//Poor Suwon-…)
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“H-help her? What are you talking about hyung?”.
“Just admit it, you bastard! We’ve known each other for 23 years old but you sold me to her!”
“Wait- are you talking about Sandara?”.
“I see you’ve stopped playing dumb Suwon”.
“I just told her to let you loosen up a bit! Why are you so mad for hyung?”, he protected his face with his arms as his last resource, ready to get beaten by the leader, “It’s not even me who sent that message, it was Jaeduck hyung!”. He didn’t hesitate to throw his hyung under the bus.
Jiwon’s fist dangerously got nearer to the maknae’s face.
“N-no Hyung! You must be mistaken, I never helped her go out with you!”, Suwon’s voice cracked under pressure.
.
[after a throughout and embarrassing explanation of the events leading to the misunderstanding…]
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“How could you even believe we set you up Hyung?”.
“It’s not my fault I kept seeing you huddled up with Sandara at all times”, Jiwon protested, not even looking at him.
“I wasn’t huddled u—wait, have you been spying on us?”.
“I-it’s not like I was spying on you! You two were always in my way!”, the leader complained, scoffing at Suwon’s assumptions although they were in part true.
“You’ve become so diffident throughout the years Hyung, you always feel the need to push everyone away”, Suwon leaned on the wall behind him, a sudden sense of calm and wiseness possessing him, “She’s different, isn’t she?”, he continued.
.
(//Suwon dropping truth bombs is everything we ever wanted)
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“What are you even talking about…?”, Jiwon nervously rebutted.
“You usually straighten things out with women, you’re upfront If you’re uninterested in them. With her? You even came up with a reason to despise her because you can’t accept the fact you actually like her”.
“L-like her?”, Jiwon was suddenly reminded of how intrusively her face kept appearing in his thoughts, “W-what the fuck are you even talking about?”, a weak murmur came out of his mouths, he was almost embarrassed by how non-confidently he was denying it.
“I’m sure you’ve been acting strange around her because of this”.
Suwon wasn’t wrong, he had been unkind to her, whether in his mind or verbally when she didn’t deserve any of that.
“You sure don’t know Sandara very well, she’s a good and honest person, just be kind to her from now on hyung”, he sighed.
“I-…”.
“Jiwon, Suwon? You’re on stage in 5 minutes!”.
.
[…]
.
「Dara's POV」
I hurriedly got back to my seat, careful to put my disguise on not to be recognized by the fans. I was a yellowkie that day.
The huge led cubes turned fiery red were accompanied by a suspenseful beat that slowly grew, just like the anticipation of the audience.
A figure appeared at the center of the rising platform, hidden by a thick cloud of smoke. My heart skipped a beat, it seemed as if I was catapulted back into the 90s, I wasn’t Sandara Park the celebrity anymore, I felt like the sensible teenager who squirmed at Sechskies’ posters in her room in the Philippines again.
The crescendo stopped, the roaring of the crowd making itself heard. I held my breath for a second until the opening song started.
My place was among the crowd, cheering him from afar. Not on stage with him.
.
♪ I’m dizzy, I’m spinning
I wanna close my eyes now
I’m dizzy, I’m spinning
I’m getting vertigo from thinking about you ♪
[Vertigo – SECHSKIES]
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I jumped at the beat, waving the lightstick like crazy. If that was the energy I was consuming for the opening song, I wasn’t sure how could I survive the rest of the concert.
.
♪ Like the TV that’s turned off
We’ve ended
But I’m here
What am I waiting for? ♪
.
“We’ve ended, but I’m here. What am I waiting for…?”.
My pace slowed, why did I relate so much with the lyrics? I shook my head to get out all of those intruding thoughts. Why was my heart even acting up?
.
♪ I wanna run away but I’m at the same place every day
My head is about to break from thinking of you ♪
.
I wish there was a switch to turn it off. That wasn’t the right time to start thinking about him again, I just had to enjoy the show. I was there for SECHSKIES, not to feed my sadness over him.
I was left in awe, his energy was explosive. My eyes were naturally drawn to him, there was no point in denying his charisma. He was born to be a star.
.
How I wished I could stand on a stage again. Just wishful thinking. Seeing him perform with such infectious energy reminded me of why I wanted to become a singer in the first place.
Seeing Sechskies perform together made me feel hopeful; no matter how lost I felt. I secretly hoped I could find my own way only to go back to sing with 2NE1.
A small teardrop of joy fell from my eyes as I kept cheering on them.
.
[…]
.
“Dara-yah! Did you have fun?”, Jaeduck enthusiastically asked me as he held my hands.
“Lots of it! I felt like a teenager again~ ”.
Suwon wiped away the sweat on his neck and joined the conversation.
“You’re here! I still can’t believe you managed to make it to our last concert, thank you so much for the support”.
“We’re grabbing dinner with the staff, are you coming Dara-yah?”.
“I-…”, I looked at Jiwon from a distance and squirmed, “I’ll join you next time! I have a shooting tomorrow morning”. I dismissed myself and left after a round of farewells.
.
.
I stepped out of the elevator and caught a glimpse of my red car under the pouring rain. There it was my luck for that day. “If only I had grabbed my umbrella…”, I clutched the hoodie and pushed it onto my head, quickly accepting the idea I’d definitely get drenched wet. I sprinted towards the parking lot, careful to avoid all of the puddles in my way.
“Dara wait!”.
The sloshing sound of steps in the rain followed behind me as I slowly turned around towards the voice calling my name.
“Y-you…?”.
-
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trauma. ch8 – messing with my head.
Dara reluctantly approves the sensual mv script for Jiwon's new mv while he is lead to temptation by Mihyun.
• chapter 8 – messing with my head.
A couple of necklaces dangle from his neck, the cold metal slightly grazes her skin; that’s how close they are. He caresses her face, slowly pulling in for a passionate kiss. Her delicate hand travels up his shirt, tugging on it as the kiss deepens. The red led shines on their skin, showing fragments of their figure’s silhouette, slowly intertwining.
.
“How is it?”, the film director’s eyes shined with excitement and anticipation.
“Isn’t this… a bit too sensual?”, Wonjun argued, sensing Dara’s growing discomfort as the screenplay was being read.
“Well. This is the tamer of scripts we wrote for the music video”. Mr. Kim raised an eyebrow; he absolutely adored working with idols’ out of the world visuals but hated to compromise his artistic vision to fit their image. Explicit scenes were a no-no, ultimately limiting his creativity.
Jiwon’s manager, Dohyun, interrupted their exchange – “It looks good to me, it suits the brand-new image the creative team is giving to Jiwon for his solo debut under YG”.
.
the nerve, not even participating in his own music video read-through.
.
Sandara clenched her small fist under the table, Jiwon’s absence felt so disrespectful towards the staff involved in the filming of his mv although, that way, it spared her from having to look at him.
Three days of straight-crying and numerous calls with Chaerin later she finally understood that It was time she moved on from him.
She wanted to grab all the butterflies in her stomach and throw them in the trash bin. He was just another man who’d get close only to ditch her with petty excuses.
“To do all of that, just to go out with me? That’s too much-”.
.
How foolish she felt for letting her guard down again. Wasn’t he the one who asked her to go out? Acting so precious and wanted. Years of disastrous romances taught Dara to stop giving attention to men that only confuse her. Clearing things up with him was just a waste of time.
Getting closer to him was a mistake. But no matter how much she wanted to avoid him, she was a professional. She couldn’t turn down such an opportunity because of her messy relationship with him.
“It’s great, let’s do it, Mr.Kim!”.
.
“W-what? Are you really okay with this?”, Wonjun whispered to Dara, concerned by how out of her comfort zone the shooting sounded.
“I’m a professional. It’s time for people to see a more mature Sandara Park”.
“We’ll start filming on Monday then, thank you all for participating!”.
.
[…]
.
It was late in the evening; most people would already have dinner by then. He’d probably grown roots if he stayed on that bench another extra minute. Time seemed to have passed by so slowly, he had witnessed hundreds of people passing in front of him: kids going back home from the playground, adults coming back from work.
From a distance, the hunched figure appeared to be an old man— mumbling alone about trivial matters on a park bench —but if you looked closer you could actually make up the face of a troubled middle-aged man. He wore a beige leather jacket that felt like a sacrilege to fashion, as it didn’t match his outfit, not even one bit. Perhaps he planned to make a quick trip to the grocery store and didn’t bother to dress up. Or maybe he lacked a decent fashion sense.
But why exactly was he hanging at the park with such a mismatched outfit?
.
[1-hour prior]
Mihyun fixed the curly locks at the sides of her face before pressing the buzzer to Jiwon’s apartment. Years spent obsessing over a man who didn’t even look her way culminated in that very moment. She had already surrendered at the idea that anything romantic could happen between the two of them, that’s why she opted to offer him something else, something he probably yearned for.
She almost lost count of how many attempts it took her to finally get him to agree to her proposal, but that time it was different, he finally gave in.
It’s not as if she hadn’t tried her hardest to move on from him, it’s just that every other man she dated felt like a distraction from what her heart ultimately desired.
.
“How can you be so unlucky in the love department? Did you dump this guy too?”.
“Is it because you still love him?”.
“You can’t get his heart, so you’ll settle for this?”.
.
Her closest friends had tried to warn her, but she didn’t care about other’s opinions. Either it was an unhealthy obsession or unconditional love, she was going for it.
.
“Come up Gilme-yah”.
Jiwon’s voice through the intercom made her squirm, a smirk appearing on her luscious red lips at the thought of what could happen once she’d enter his apartment.
She finally made it.
.
Mihyun placed her black boots next to the sneakers messily thrown on the floor and proceeded to wear the only extra pair of slippers he kept on the shoe rack. Jiwon didn’t even bother to hide his obvious habit of not inviting people over, she knew that very well, she had known him for so long, yet entering his apartment was a privilege only a few chosen ones had.
A white Pomeranian dog hurriedly ran towards the entrance, restlessly barking and jumping non-stop at Mihyun’s feet, like a true guard dog.
“Lucy-yah! Stop! Come here!”.
Jiwon arrived in the nick of time, picking up Lucy before she could bite the hand of the clueless woman.
“Sorry about that, I’ve never seen her so upset before”. He drew Lucy to his chest, relaxing her with a couple of soft strokes on the shiny fur.
“She must be jealous of me, huh?”, Mihyun chuckled, observing the Pomeranian enjoying her owner’s affection. 1-0 to Lucy.
“Lucy’s not used to visitors, that must be it— “. He placed the dog in a separate room. “Be a good girl and wait for me”, he whispered to her and carefully closed the door.
“Sorry, I just got home from filming a show- Anyways, do you want something to drink?”.
“Actually, I brought this, Oppa”. She raised a wine bag, she had spent 3 hours selecting the perfect bottle for their meeting.
“What’s with the wine? Is it a special occasion?”. He reached for a couple of crystal glasses at the very back of the kitchen cabinet.
“Don’t play dumb, Oppa”, she tucked her hair out of her face, “It’s to set the mood”. Mihyun leaned on the countertop of the kitchen and just like a feline, carefully approached her prey.
“Eeh~ What are you talking about all of a sudden?”, Jiwon scoffed with nonchalance, as if he had forgotten about their conversation over the phone.
She proceeded to pour the Chateau Margaux. “Stop pretending that you don’t suffer being alone”. Her hand skillfully stirred the alcohol holding onto the stem of the cup.
“What’s up with you today?”. His ears became red without notice. Something was odd about her that day. The person in front of him was no longer his dear friend, she was now an alluring woman.
“We can keep each other company, we both win in the end”. She slowly downed her cup, the red liquid now flowing in her system. The distance between the two of them dangerously shortening, step by step.
“You’re a man after all”. She whispered in his ear and then placed the hand on his chest, locking eyes with a slightly flustered Jiwon. The non-existence space between their bodies gave no room for any doubt. This time there were no excuses, no trace of alcohol could be found in his bloodstreams. All their actions were perfectly intentional.
She locked her arms behind his neck, slowly pulling in for a kiss.
Gilme was a charismatic woman, a beautiful one at that. Who would decline her offer? He had desires too. Their lips were messily crushed together, a rush of passion overtaking their minds. The cold atmosphere in Eun’s flat suddenly rising in temperature every second that passed.
Was that the warmth of a woman he craved for so long? He had almost forgotten how it felt.
Jiwon cupped her cheek, shifting his left hand on her waist, guiding her to the living room. Their bodies gradually sank in the leather couch, their touches getting more urgent and aggressive. Her red lips soon reached Jiwon’s exposed neck, sucking and biting on his tan skin, making soft growls leave him.
Why, when he closed his eye, he could faintly see the cherry pink lips of another woman. Why was he thinking about her at that moment?
It all felt extremely good, but also extremely wrong.
Jiwon slowly pulled away, sitting up at the side of the couch. His eyes wouldn’t move away from the wooden floor under his feet.
“Fuck-…I can’t do it”.
“Oppa, what’s up with you all of a sudden?”.
He drowned in his palms, “It’s just that… I don’t love you”, his hands then slid in his long black hair as he heaved a sigh.
Mihyun froze. Hopelessly waiting for him for so long was an agonizing burden to carry but she never thought that being rejected could be so excruciating.
“I’m sorry for making you come here, Mihyun-ah”, his tone of voice was more serious than ever, “I’ll be out for an hour, please pick your stuff and leave before I come back”, he ordered.
“O-Oppa..”, she stuttered as he stood up and turned his back on her. Jiwon was ready to get cursed at and he wouldn’t even blame her, he felt like a real jerk.
“Is it because of your ex?”. Mihyun’s questioned him only to be left alone and ignored.
He grabbed the first jacket he found on his way out, “Make sure you close the door on the way out”, he reminded her before disappearing.
.
[...]
.
Jiwon stopped by a bench of a park a few squares from his condo, peaceful parks were usually a place where he could gather his ideas and seek clarity amidst his busy life.
His surroundings felt so chaotic but on that very bench, his thoughts finally took form. He crossed his arms. He couldn’t do anything if not make peace with his unexpected feelings.
“How come…how come…”, he kept muttering to himself.
Once again, her presence interfered with his personal life.
“You’re not a good person, but why do I keep thinking about you?”.
He saw her face, that’s why he couldn’t bring himself to do it. That annoying woman had been messing with his head for a while and she didn’t seem to stop.
Why would such a bad person occupy his every thought, why couldn’t he just throw everything away?
All those years spent in solitude convinced him that love didn’t matter, yet he just fleeted his own apartment to escape from a woman ready to please his lust, and for what? Because he had listened to his heart instead of his desires? He hated how clear his feelings were.
The soft features he saw, they weren’t his ex’s.
They were Sandara’s.
-
a.n. I'm sorry for taking so long but I've been quite busy this month. I apologize for the lack of thumbnails in the last chapters, I figured out that it was more urgent to publish the text. I'll decide if I'll reintroduce them slowly in the future, for now, I hope this update is enough to satisfy your curiosity! Thanks for following my fic and supporting me through the comments!
-
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Right when Dara was ready to move on from Jiwon, he shows her his charms.
• chapter 10 – chivalry.
Jaeduck barely saved himself from slipping on the wet path created by Jiwon’s passage.
“Hyung? Did you step out in the rain?”, the rapper giggled, unaware of how his tease perfectly mirrored reality.
Jiwon seemed deaf to any word directed at him. He just casually dried his hair with the first towel he found as he wandered around the waiting room.
Suwon took a long look at his leader. He easily detected the ever-changing energy of his members to make sure he’d leave the premise if things got ugly. His body froze, sensing a completely different aura from his Hyung.
The youngest squirmed in place, “Why is Jiwon-Hyung s-smiling?”.
Jaejin’s curls peeked from behind the door.
“Someone stole my yellow umbrella!”.
.
[ … ]
.
「Dara's POV」
“Our schedules don’t line up anymore! I really wanted to take you to that new jjamppong place that opened near my apartment…”, Hyoni whined right after wiping the cappuccino foam off of her lips.
I remained silent as I nervously stirred the latte macchiato in front of me. My gaze naturally shifted to the large window that allowed a glimpse of the busy Mapo-gu street.
The model let out a sigh, defeated.
.
“You’re not even listening to me anymore unnie…is there something on your mind?”.
“H-huh? On my mind? Well… my lil bro was cast on a new show! He seems very content, I’m a little worried but I’m sure he’ll do just fin—”.
“You know that’s not what I wanted to know! How are things with Jiwon Oppa?”. Hyoni interrupted me from blabbering more.
“With him?...”.
Of all those crazy happenings I could only picture his intense gaze under the rain.
.
[…]
[ the day of sechskies’ concert ]
.
“Dara wait!”.
“Y-you…”.
I stuttered at the sight of him.
.
A furrowed face appeared under the yellow umbrella as he quickly caught his breath from running so hard after me.
“Why are you running in the rain?—… You’ll catch a cold like this”, Jiwon abruptly stopped before a puddle.
.
His hand gently directed me towards safety; the already small distance between us lessened. The umbrella cast a yellow glow on our faces as I took cover from the pouring rain.
.
“I was mistaken, all this time”, he diverted his gaze. Right there and then the bold and arrogant Eun Jiwon I knew was nowhere to be found.
.
There were so many things I would’ve liked to say to his face before that, and not all of them were pretty words.
Yet, the sincerity in his eyes left me petrified. There it was again, the vulnerable side to him.
.
“I’m sorry”. The difficult words dried his throat, he didn’t seem one to easily admit fault but there he was.
“Here, take it”, he quickly handed me the umbrella.
“We have a lot of shoots this week, it’d be bad if you got sick”.
.
I hesitantly grasped the handle, just a feeble ‘thank you’ managed to escape me.
“Take care”.
Jiwon turned around and ran toward the emergency exit he came from, but not before I could catch a glimpse of a soft smile on his lips.
.
[…]
.
“Nothing happened, really. We’re just colleagues”, I briefly explained with a meek smile.
“That’s a pity unnie! I’m tired of men, let’s just marry each other!”.
“No, your snoring is too loud Hyoni-yah!”.
.
.
[ show shooting]
.
“There’s not a moment to waste Sandara-ssi! Get your mic fixed, I have to apologize to Cho-PD for being late!”, Wonjun commanded me as he strode through the parking lot like a fury, four or five bags dangling heavily on his limbs.
As standard procedure a small crowd of professionals immediately formed around me to quickly fix make-up, microphone, and outfit.
.
I reached my rumbling stomach with a hand; I totally forgot about grabbing lunch in the midst of the rush.
Empty takeout boxes were stacked up in a corner over a stained paper tablecloth. The large buffet table hidden behind a production van resembled a stadium after the concert has ended: full of signs of people’s passage but ultimately desolate.
.
That feeling was so painfully familiar: the saliva forming in the mouth when looking at other’s food, resigned at the thought you wouldn’t have any meal after prolonged hours of practice.
Truth was, I signed my trainee contract when that the big and renowned company was situated in a run-down building, with no money to feed the kids that would, one day, become the icons of a generation.
.
I quickly wiped away any signed of sadness. It was obvious that the mix of nostalgia and pity wouldn’t do me any good right before a variety show.
“It would be so embarrassing if everyone stopped the shooting because my empty stomach growled like Godzilla”. The outrageous thought cheered me up a bit.
.
“Eat it before it gets cold”. Jiwon almost ordered me with his bold voice, taking me right out of the surreal scenario I was playing in my head.
The savory smell of the meal casually passed by him filled my nose in an instant, magically relieving the ache at the pit of my stomach.
He put the warm takeout box in my hands and fled before I could even show gratitude.
“Oppa’s so unpredictable”, I thought as I sat down, dazed by the mixed feelings he never failed to provoke in me.
But even that unexpected happening couldn’t stop me from devouring the hot jjamppong sitting in front of me. I felt my lips instantly molding into a smile, unsure if what sparked it was the delicious meal or Jiwon’s kindness.
I shook my head once again. He had to do way more than that to get in my good graces again.
Passing me food wasn’t going to cut it.
.
「End of POV」
.
[…]
.
「Jiwon POV」
.
“Take that, idiot!”, I bit my lower lip.
Playing some mobile games right before a shoot always managed to calm my nerves whenever I couldn’t get my hands on a cigarette.
Two guests, the same age as Mino, were sitting just a bit further, in front of me. They had been talking nonsense for a good 15 minutes, but I managed to block all of their conversations until it became white noise to me.
.
No matter how skilled I was at isolating myself from any external nuisance, I distinctively remember losing my focus in that moment. It would be a lie if I said I didn’t start to listen to their non-sense until they dropped her name.
.
“Have you seen Sandara-ssi? She’s even prettier in real life, she’s just so chic”.
.
The popularity she had was no joke. Even amongst famous people, she was the celebrity of celebrities.
A smirk crept up on my lips, if only they knew how clumsy she was, how goofily she stumbled on her words and how silly she became after a few drops of alcohol or getting a little comfortable.
People seemed to look at her as if she was a doll locked inside her plastic packaging, only capable of admiring what was shown upfront; that wasn’t hard, anyone with eyes could see that. She was more than her fresh visuals.
“I used to think just that too”, my hypocrisy dawned on me. I judged her too before getting to know her.
Somehow, I felt grateful for taking a glimpse at the real Dara.
.
“She might be pretty, but I heard she’s a bit of a slut. She’s easy like that”, mushroom-head leaned towards his friend and carefully whispered that trash rumor.
.
“Mind your own business”.
I stood up and, with no hesitation, the muscles around my mouth moved before I could even think.
Gossips and hearsay weren’t my style at all, and their filthy words made the veins on my forehead swell.
.
“Y-yes Hyung”, One of the men apologized, uselessly bowing with his head.
.
hyung my ass.
.
My ears had enough of that bullshit, I stormed off to look for Dohyun.
“He’s an old geezer, don’t mind him”. I grasped their final comments with the super-hearing skill I finessed with years of variety shows.
.
old geezer? you’ll see, punk
.
“I want to get closer to her, let’s pick her in our team”, that fool continued.
“I won’t let them hurt her”, I promised myself.
.
.
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