#every day life is pushed further into the shitter

[liitlesunshiine]

High on the clock

Quirkless AU - Toya Todoroki

Warnings: cursing, drug use, anxiety, panic attack mention, suggestive themes, slight sexual themes 

A fun light hearted fic. Definitely enjoyed writing this piece so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. ^.^ It’s flirty n cute n Toya is a total bae. <3 

You and Toya are coworkers who try making the most out of your shitty job. 

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“Goddd this place fuckin blows.” You groaned in frustration sitting across Toya. 

“As if I didn’t know that already,” he sleeplishly replied. 

You never intended on working in this shit show of a store for as long as you have but yet, here you were two wasted years later. You had high hopes after graduation but it seems no job wants to hire someone with no experience and you can’t get any experience since you can’t get an actual job that’ll provide it. So it’s forced you in this sort of awkward limbo and vicious cycle of going back and forth. You’ve been stuck wearing this shitty bright uniform with a barely livable wage and terrible hours. Miserable every second of the day, with the constant guilt eating at you for being so complacent. 

Of course there were a few exceptions.

Of course… Like the highly attractive coworker you spent most of your time here with. Days spent with Toya were significantly better than the days spent without Toya. In fact, if it weren’t for him, you’d probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as you had here. Because man, when days were good they were ok, but when the days were bad, they were really fucking bad.  Some in which you were ready to burn down everyone and everything yet the sweet, hot, god-like Toya would make you melt with his cute quirky smile and meet your eyes with his own that you would absolutely drown in and next thing you know, you had completely forgotten about what you were upset over. Now, it’s just a bonus that he meets your sarcasm with his own, the both of you have always had this flirty like atmosphere that neither of you are willing to acknowledge but low key kinda know there’s an underlying sexual tension there. It was strange how well you both got along, the average onlooker would assume nothing more than a simple boyfriend and girlfriend relationship but it was really just mutual likability and connection between the two of you. Days with Toya were simply good days. And you were absolutely grateful for someone like him because god knows how terrible it’d really be here without him.

“Why don’t we make this night a bit memorable,” Toya who was right next to you behind the counter, gives you a side wink and unzips the company jacket to reveal a small ziplock within the pocket. Andddddd long behold it’s weed! You chuckle to yourself, never getting tired of Toya’s shenanigans. Very much appreciated as he’s best form of entertainment here. 

“Toya we almost got caught last time, you really wanna risk it again?” Your words ran on deaf ears as he was already rolling up the blunt underneath the counter, “what’s the worst they can do? Fire us?” You stopped for a second and nodded, well he wasn’t wrong. Maybe this was the push you needed to finally leave this shit hole. “You got a point, let’s do it quick before someone comes in.” 

While this is a 24 hour convenience store, usually pass 1am, rarely anyone is inside. So you suppose it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Plus with Toya your bound to have a good time, who are you to deny him. You trusted in him enough to get away with his bs. 

“Pass the lighter doll,” you fished for the lighter that was nicely decorated with little blue flames over in your small book bag and passed it to him. He holds the blunt between his two hands and you duck underneath the counter with him. “Ladies first,” he cockily said, you lean forward and placed your mouth on the blunt while he held it for you. He always did this and it always felt oddly intimate to you. Couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling in your chest taking over when his glass like eyes gazed over you. They always made you curious and somehow hungry for knowledge of his life. You’ve never knew someone so well yet know nothing of them, but that’s always been enigma of Touya. You exhaled closing your eyes, attempting to calm your nerves. “You know the only time I ever smoke is on the job with you.” He smirked bringing the blunt to his own lips, “guess I’m a bad influence then.” 

You snorted and rolled your eyes. “Everyone needs a lil spice in their life, no?” It was his turn to roll his eyes. You gently grabbed his wrist and led the blunt back to your lips again, he stared quietly at you. Which oddly made you tense up. “Don’t look at me like that,” you smiled. 

“Like what?” He smiled. 

“Like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world that you can’t live without.” Now you both laughed. This was the usual routine with Toya; cracking jokes and talking shit for a bit and simply enjoying each other’s company while the store was empty. He finally broke the trance you were in when he spoke up. 

“You know, having my father kick me out of the house wasn’t so bad after all,” Toya leaned in. 

You looked at him with a puzzled look, he never brings up his father. Whenever the conversation appeared it was quickly diverted elsewhere. You didn’t want to poke or intrude but curiosity got the best of you and you couldn’t help but want to continue the conversation. “Yea? Why is that?” You wondered. His father, from what you’ve been able to gather with the little bits Toya has mentioned here and there, was that supposedly his father is some CEO to a multi million dollar company. Odd considering the likes to where Toya ended up but you concluded that they must’ve ended in bad terms. You understood how cruel and selfish parents can be and didn’t need further explanation on that part. Easy to assume considering how poorly and little he speaks of him. He shut your ideas off with his simple response. 

“I wouldn’t be smoking a blunt with the world’s most beautiful girl under this shitty counter, if it weren’t for it.” Ha, that definitely caught you off guard, causing a light blush to form across your face. Even with a seeming sensitive topic he still manages to tease you. He’s got that cheeky smile plastered all over, “Got you choked up doll?” You rolled your eyes. You were about to tell him off before the door rang indicating that someone has entered the store. You snapped out of the haze and immediately got up to quickly realize that the person who entered was one of the regional managers, oh fuck. You nearly froze in fear and kicked Toya under the counter. “Ow the fuck was that for?” He looked at you while soothing the kick you just gave him but upon looking at your panicked expression and frenzied body, he quickly crushed the blunt and shoved it back inside the pocket of his jacket. He didn’t need to be told or explained which you greatly appreciated at the moment. Toya was always able to read the room, bless his soul. He clumsily got back up to which you had fixed his crooked hat and whispered into his ear to tuck his shirt in while covering him slightly to do so.

“Hi-ya hello, good afternoon, I mean good evening sir.” You embarrassedly stumbled over your words to which Toya snickered at. You kicked him again harder this time as discreetly as you could. On the verge of a panic attack. He gripped tightly at the counter, smiling at the man in front of you both. Hissing silently at the pain your kick caused him. He gave you a quick side eye nodding his head in disapproval. Which somehow made you feel drastically worse. 

“Good evening to you both, I’m sure you know who I am.” 

You responded a bit too hastily looking like a rabid chihuahua. “Yes! Yea. Of course we do, how are you? What brings you in at this time? It’s so late.” You manage to say within 2.0 seconds, the automatic robotic customer service attitude overtaking your body. Well- at least trying to considering you just had a 30-minute smoke sesh under the counter and your mind is  desperately trying to sober up. Honestly, what the fuck was he doing here at this time? This has never happened and I mean out of all the hours of the day. Oh yea, you’re definitely getting fucked, the smell of weed was so pungent, it was literally embarrassing how bad the situation looks. You wanted to cry. Toya’s eyes were stained red and you only assumed yours look worse. 

“Gotten a few complaints about this store recently. Wanted to come in and take a look.” You began to get a cold sweat, oh shit he knows, he definitely knows. You had words lodged in your throat that couldn’t come out. What could you say? What can you say? You’re in the wrong here. Everyone knows that smoking weed with your cool and kinda hot coworker under the counter is definitely not ok. Maybe even illegal, oh god what if this gets on your record. You’ll definitely not be able to get a professional job, then you’ll really get stuck working a even shitter job than this. Oh good oh god oh my god. 

As if sensing the absolute panic and anxiety off of you, Toya gently caressed your arm motioning you to relax and to stay silent. You recognized the wave that washed over him and instantly knew he’d handle the situation, he always does. And if you could die in his arms right now, you’d accept your fate happily. Toya was an interesting man oh right, you always believed he held such potential to do great things and even change the world. It doesn’t make sense really considering you both work at a basic job but you had come to secretly admire the guy. You’d would tell him too, how you believed in him, how you had so much confidence for him to become something great but he would always shut it down and brush it off like it was nothing.  It was as if he didn’t think he was good enough. It always bugged you that he thought so little of himself, but seeing him now causally and confidently bullshit the regional manager out of your current situation just simply reminded you of how special he was to you. Definitely got your pussy wet and made you eternally grateful too.

Toya was standing in front of the counter, making hand gestures while the manager just stared analyzing his words. You were completely z0ned out, only able to get parts of the conversation. 

“We’ve been having this customer appear at the store over and over again around this time of night harassing me and Y/N. We’ve considered calling the cops since he’s always high off his mind, we’ve caught him smoking in the bathroom on multiple occasions too. He was in here about 15 minutes ago and we haven’t been able to get rid of the smell.” 

Ah the beautiful lies that slipped through Toya’s lips sounded like a symphony. It was nothing short of comedic and yet so fucking Oscar-worthy. You could definitely pay this man to tell you lies he with how effortlessly convincing he was. You couldn’t even care to listen to what the manager was responding with, but on his way out he waved at you wishing you a goodnight and you sighed out with relief. 

Toya turns to you clasping his hands together “well there’s gonna be a security guard here for the next two weeks.” You laughed “I guess that’s better than getting fired huh.” 

“I’m not sure about that,” he chuckled. “I texted Shigs to come and take over the rest of our shift.” 

You looked at him confused, “how come? Either way, do you think he’ll be ok alone here?”

Toya slipped his phone into his pocket and walked back to you “yea he doesn’t give a fuck. Besides you look pale fucking white, guess this guy sobered your ass up real quick.” 

You attempted to glare angrily at him but it came off as a soft puppy look. You had no energy nor the strength to pretend. It feels like you just got whiplash from the rollercoaster you were on. Figured it was no use in lying considering you looked like you just went through it. “Yea, I still feel high as shit, I just wanna go home already, only thing this guy gave me was a fat fucking headache.” 

He ruffled the top of your head, “awe poor baby,” he said in a teasing tone, he inched up right beside you, “I got something that can help with that.” You jokingly pushed him off you, tying to ignore the warm feeling pooling under your stomach. Your mind was definitely thinking something dirty with a million miles per second and with how he handled today’s situation you’d be more than willing to give him whatever he pleased, but you pretended to cast aside those intrusive thoughts and act unfazed. “Shit don’t tell me you got Advil on you too?” 

He chuckled lightly nodding is head down, “got something even better doll.” He scoots up next to you and grabs a bottle of excedrin underneath the counter, passing it to you. You excitedly open it taking two pills out “oh my god I didn’t know we had some underneath here, yes thank you. You're definitely my hero today Toya.” As if y’all didn’t work in a convenience store that had if not all types of medicines. It was the effort that made it special though, it’s what brought that bright goofy smile of yours to light.  

You weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks while you swallowed the two pills. “Yea I remember you telling me you get headaches n shit and I know this medicine helps with it.” He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He never really handles compliments well but you tippy toed over to him and wrapped your arms softly around his neck. “I appreciate it Toya, that was really thoughtful. Thank you.” 

If you didn’t see his previous blush you definitely noticed this one, which in turn lead you to blush. But you couldn’t miss this opportunity- “AWE is lil Toya blushing. So cute brings me back to my middle school days.” That caused a loud laugh to come out of you both. “Shut it.” he quickly and quietly said. 

“Am I interrupting something.” You and Toya quickly untangled from each other trying to play off the slight tension in the air. 

“Errrr um.. Hey Shiggy, thanks for uh coming in.” You awkwardly stumbled, you never really got along with him so there was always this weird loud silence between the both of you. He already seemed to be annoyed, per usual.  The sloppy blue hair all tangled looking greasy and his patchy skin looking irritated and flaky as usual. He definitely was not amused or happy to be here. Well when was her ever. You’ve yet to seen the man smile. 

“Whatever.” He takes a sip from his metal bottle and walks over to the counter. 

“Shiggy you the man, thanks for pulling up bud.” Toya pats him in the back and Shigaraki shuttered. “Don’t touch me,” he flatly said. He glared at you both. 

“You guys can go leave and fuck now.” The words caught you instantly by surprise and you got completely red. “That’s not what were gonn- ugh whatever like it matters.” With that, you and Toya clock out and leave the store with Shigaraki sending daggers at your back.

“He’s always acting like such a bitch.” You annoyingly complained. 

Toya puts his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him “he ain’t so bad when you get to know him.” 

“I guess.” You rolled your eyes, you didn’t really care. You were more relieved to have finally left. He can rot in the store by himself for all you care. Not you or Toga would miss him. 

“So,” Toya glided with his words, itching you closer to him. He was leading the way in this position with you happily following. Not knowing the destination but feeling completely at peace with his form completely snug at your side. You comfortably wrapped your arm around his waist and gently placed your head in the crook of his neck. This was nice you thought, you and Toya were always this intimate when alone. No hesitation or awkwardness, just simply holding hands and sharing body heat as friends with the underlying passion waiting to burst and to be acknowledged. But nothing ever felt rushed, not with Toya. You stared at him from this angle, taking in his beautiful effortless features. His lashes looked so long as you stared in slight jealousy, his hair a perfect black mess with hidden red roots if you stared long enough, and his eyes. Man, you could write poems and sing songs with how the eyes stirred up some emotion you can't quite pin down. Always causing an eruption of feelings you can barely control. 

You felt the warmth from his breath when he spoke, “wanna go to back to my place and finish that blunt? Would love nothing more than to see the world’s most beautiful girl on my bed.” 

You blushed and nodded looking at those piercing blue eyes once again “well, when you look at me like that I guess I can’t say no.” 

Maybe this time you would finally show Toya just how special he really is to you. 

#Touya x You #toya #toya todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha dabi #dabi smut #dabi imagine #dabi x reader #dabi #dabi my hero academia #my hero fanfic #my hero academia #dabi fluff #dabi fic #toya smut #kinktober #mha todoroki

[thelifeoftuan]

Wellness

This has been a huge topic in the medical professional lately... or at least I’ve become more attuned to it these days. I think it might have been because of the unfortunate consequence of me becoming chief resident of my program, because ever since then, I’ve felt like my ears have perked up to all of the goings-on about resident wellness. I read an article recently about the state of resident wellness and how much it has become quite the hot button issue in residencies these days. I’m not exactly sure if it has always been an issue or if the conversation has suddenly just gotten really intense... or if it’s really just my own individual program... but I thought that I’d delve a little deeper and maybe offer up some additional thoughts and opinions. Unsolicited of course. But what opinion really comes solicited these days anyway. If you’re interested in reading the article I mentioned (mind you, it was relayed to me by a colleague who I currently hold in contempt and written by someone who is not a resident, which isn’t to say that the article and its contents are invalid at all because it is very well written and really is 100% the truth from someone with a different perspective and who is not a resident), here it is: http://in-housestaff.org/resident-wellness-is-a-lie-part-1-1319. I jumped into residency--no, medical school... actually, no, LIFE--knowing that it was not going to be an easy ride for me. I knew it from the very beginning, even when I was that little sixth grader who decided he wanted to become a pediatrician. I was literally told by my primary care physician as a teenager that I was setting myself up for a tough life and that I should really consider something else. I knew that the path that I had chosen for myself was not going to be a pretty one and it was not going to be one that I would waltz through with ease. I am simple. And to that effect, a simpleton. I struggled through college. And through med school. And for that matter, through residency. Life was not easy for me. Or kind. But it definitely was not cruel. I guess there was a difference. I did at points felt like I was dealt a less than stellar hand... but I worked with what I got. Because I have interacted with people who, when they are not dealt the cards they want, fling it into the air, hoot and holler, and make a stupid ass scene about it until they get what they want. Me? That’s not how I’m wired. Chalk it up to perseverance or resilience or just plain stupidity... but I tried my damnedest and put above 100% of my effort into my endeavors no matter how badly I felt my luck had become. A lot of the times, things did not work out in my favor. And when things did, I always felt like there was still so much more that I needed to accomplish that I simply moved forward. I know what it’s like as a student and as a resident to work those 30-hour shifts, to be degraded and talked down to, to be made to feel like you are inadequate and not worthy of the profession, to be ridiculed and chastised... and even as a resident, as a physician in the field I had worked so hard to become a part of, I am still considered an amateur, not completely worthy, and incompetent at times. I know what it’s like to be completely exhausted, to have to put your entire life further beyond the back burner because you’ve already set so many other things stacked on top of one another on that back burner because of your job. I know what it’s like to have relationships burn up in flames and blow up in your face, to lose friendships, to become distant from your family, to have a fallout with your loved ones because you simply just did not have the time, energy, or patience to explain yourself to them about why you felt the way you did because you were just too tired. I get all of that. I know what burnout feels like because I am charred to the bone because of it. And because of all of that, I am not well. Yes, resident wellness is a sham. It is in fact a lie. Some mystical beast conjured up by the powers that be to make these foot soldier believe, even perhaps for just a second, that it is something remotely achievable. It is some term coined up by disillusioned higher-ups who haven’t the slightest comprehension of what wellness entails these days. It’s really just a check box for them, a measure of compliance to standards set forth by yet more people who are out-of-touch with the realities of medicine and residency in the modern age. I completely agree with this article in the sense that those who set the standards have no idea how to achieve these standards. And those they entrust to see that these standards are kept up with, i.e. program directors, are also unfortunately out-of-touch. The only ones who can really understand and truly motivate the task are, sadly, the ones who have buried themselves too deep in residency to find that motivation. Which brings me to this point I wanted to make about resident wellness. While the article is right, you will not hear one honest resident speak the term “wellness” without even the slightest of sarcasm. The term itself has become somewhat of an oxymoron. And as moronic as the phrase “resident wellness” sounds to my ears... I do have this point to make. ...is it completely these higher-ups’ fault that this sphere of residency has fallen so deep into the shitter that it seemingly cannot be salvaged? I don’t think so. Some of my colleagues would like to place the blame completely on the system “that chews them up and spits them out.” ...but honestly, are we not part of that system, too? Aren’t we as residents part of the problem that is perpetuating this resident unwellness? If you knew the Old Tuan, pre-residency Tuan, troubled and depressed Tuan, you would have feared for his life knowing that he was going to be a doctor. And in that, feared for the patients he was going to take care, because he was not a well person. But I knew that I had to make a change. I knew that these selfish and deprecating emotions were a detriment to my life and the lives of my patients in the present and future. And I will be honest, jumping into residency gave me life. It gave me renewed purpose and drive. It has built up my confidence over the years and has definitely strengthened my resolve and resilience. I owe a lot of my successes to becoming a resident and being a resident. And part of that being a resident is this expectation that, yes, you will have to work. A lot. And very hard. And unfortunately, over the years, I have this strong inkling that people in my generation and the generations that followed and will follow have lost sight of that. Being a doctor is hard work. Hell, being an effing human being sometimes is bitter work. I get it. I GET IT! I totally do. And I am not downplaying the strife that comes with residency one bit. Sometimes, this work is very destructive and demeaning and steals the humanity from you and your loved ones and it truly is like the hand of Midas that seemingly destroys everything it touches. I’ve been there! There were times early on in my residency training where I felt like I had lost everything and had nothing else to live for except residency, which ironically was--again, seemingly--sucking the life out of me. But then I told myself “no more.” I picked myself back up, dusted off the soot, scraped off the burnt parts, and kept trucking forward. And I grinded through the tough hours and grueling work and difficult parents and patients and getting mistreated and I took every opportunity, no matter how harrowing, to be a learning opportunity and a chance for me to prove myself and become a better person, a better physician... because this is my job. This is my duty. And this is what I signed up for. No one else asked for this of me except myself. And so there was a point where I made the affirmation to step up to the challenge and to not complain. To recognize my strengths and qualities and use them to help others as best I could, to test my limits and my stamina and put as much effort as I can possibly muster to do right by my patients and my colleagues... and perhaps even more importantly, to recognize my weaknesses and my limits and to constantly strive to improve on them and, when I am stuck or at a loss, to ask for help when I could not carry on on my own. Residency has not been easy for me. It has been wrought with setbacks and failures and obstacles. There have been a lot of days where I wake up with this dread and this fear, this fear of failure, this fear that exhaustion has finally caught up to me, this nagging despair that lurks in the background ready to pounce and completely burn me out. But still, I push forward. I push forward through all of that and try my hardest to be the absolute best I can be at my job. I do what is asked of me, and a lot of times beyond that. I put in the hours (sometimes more than the next person). I follow the rules. I comply with the regulations. And I don’t complain. Because I know that this is part of the job. When I am no longer a resident, there is no one who is going to check my wellness except for myself. And honestly, for that matter, I realized early on in my residency training that, honestly, there is no one now who is going to check my wellness except for myself. I want so badly to ask my colleagues (the ones who fume and shout about how unwell they are) if they can actually tell the difference within themselves. Are they truly unwell? Are they just tired? Or are they just complaining? I don’t want to say any of this to, again, downplay anyone’s struggles during residency, because believe me, those struggles are there. And yes, resident wellness is definitely an area in residency that has accrued a high profile mainly for its lack of progress over the years. We have students and residents and practicing physicians still suffering from the deadly consequences of physician unwellness to simply just gloss over the topic and toss it aside. But truly, honestly, to those who take one long look at themselves and their work... can you deem yourself truly unwell? Or are you just complaining because you’re not getting what you want? Because I will be honest, I think part of the problem, or at least within my program, is this air of entitlement, this thought that “I deserve better because I am better than everyone else.” The complaints that their work hours are too strenuous, that they have to spend 24-hours at a time away from their family is too much to be asked of them as a physician, that they deserve and demand more days off, that they do not have to comply to the rules of the residency program “because #wellness.” ...it all is quite frankly asinine. I have colleagues who consciously refuse to follow the rules, take more than the allotted vacation days without anyone’s approval (I would know because I am one the chief residents) and expect no consequences from their actions. I have colleagues who simply find it palatable to shirk their resident duties and responsibilities because they feel that that work is beneath them. I have colleagues who complain daily about their work hours when in all reality, they have spent more time at home and on vacation than I have because I was gracious enough to absorb that time into my own schedule so that they may have those days off. I have colleagues who complain about having to work during one holiday, not even an extended period of days during the holiday, but just a 24-hour shift every third day or so, where as I worked an entire 9-day stretch during one holiday break and also worked the next holiday the following month. Would you like to guess which one is the most vocal about how “unwell” they are? I find it the most appalling thing that my colleagues, who are adults, still have this mindset of “me me me,” even when they are in a profession where, news flash, it is not at all about you. The things that these residents say, the vitriol that is spouted from their silver-spoon-fed mouths, all in the sake of “resident wellness” is honestly infuriating to me sometimes. And it honestly undermines the whole conversation about resident wellness, if I am to be quite honest with you. It invalidates the necessity to improve on this standard because all I hear from are these entitled people who think that they shouldn’t have to work as hard as the next person because they think they are better than everyone else. I’m sorry, but does the fact that you’re married or have children put you in a better position to have a better schedule than me? I don’t think so. Why are you implying that you deserve more “wellness” because of these things as opposed to me and some of my other colleagues who do their job and have never complained about their schedule? I don’t get it! Where is the disconnect?! I honestly find it a little insulting to the entire profession and find it a disservice to the field to know that there are physicians like this who still exist. Where exactly does the problem begin and how can it be fixed? No one really knows now, honestly, because the picture is so muddied. And I think that’s why regulating organizations like ACGME lack such control and grasp of the concept of resident wellness is because the picture is so muddied... by entitled residents. Entitlement is one of my pet peeves, and it severely chaps my ass to know that there will be matriculating physicians who will continue to perpetuate this horrible attitude that is not befitting of a physician. And yes, on the flip side, it also severely chaps my ass that there are physicians and programs out there who will also continue to perpetuate this horrible culture of ignoring and mismanaging physician wellness to the point where the product is just as horrible, if not worse. This topic is definitely multifaceted and very complicated. And I liken this topic, honestly, to global warming. There are people “in charge” who don’t think it is a real problem. There are people “in charge” who are mismanaging the hell out of it. There are people regulating it who understanding nothing about it. And then there are those who are the constituents who overexaggerate the problem for their own selfish and personal gains, those who don’t understand fully its consequences, those who understand its consequences but don’t know what to do, those who are apathetic, and those who care too much to the point where they serve as a detriment to the cause. It’s multifaceted and definitely complicated. It’s an issue that will require years and years of--you guessed it--hard work to fix. I don’t know of a solution. I don’t know of a resolve. And I am not sure how this will play out in the future. I guess, truthfully, my whole point of writing this post apart from acknowledging the problem and offering my understanding and what little advice I could give, since I honestly feel like I fall into that group who understand its consequences but does not know what to do, was to say that if you’re an entitled whiny-ass bitch who just doesn’t want to work because you don’t feel like it, check yourself and shut the hell up, do your job and pull your weight. Because here’s news for you, your actions are causing your peers and colleagues more unwellness.

#wellness #resident wellness #entitlement