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randomhl-vraifam · 3 years

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So if you haven't seen @gryphsdeadbones and his incredible Gordon Cubed AU... go check it out, please. It's literally so fucking good, and you can read the comic @gordoncubed.

I asked if I could write something for this AU, and got the go ahead, so here we are! It was inspired by this ask and this ask, just in case anyone needs context for what's happening.

Anyway, uh... yeah. Here's a thing.

If you had told Gordon Freeman that, somewhere in the universe, there existed multiple versions of himself, each from very different dimensions, he might have actually believed you. He was a theoretical physicist, after all. The unknown and hypothetical was kind of his area of expertise.

However, if you had told him that his alternates were… like this? That he might have had a hard time believing. He was absolutely blown away by how much those two could talk. They did it constantly! Freeman wasn’t sure if they knew how to not talk. He considered, more than once, finding tape in one of the abandoned offices and sealing both their mouths shut.

He thought he’d be relieved if either of them decided to shut up.

Until one of them did.

Feetman (he still didn’t know what was up with that name) had been dangerously close to dying. Not that any of them were exactly safe from dying, but Feetman had ended up being a little closer to death than Freeman wanted to think about. He found himself wishing Feetman would talk more. If only to ensure that he was still conscious.

And he found himself wishing Freemind would talk less. A lot less.

It was almost as though the man felt the need to talk through the silence Feetman wasn’t filling. And he did so. Very obnoxiously. Normally, Freeman would tell him to knock off his shit, but he had a feeling that Freemind was just as nervous as he was, and the only outlet he had was talking. Freeman let it slide.

If you asked Freemind, he’d tell you that he gave absolutely no fucks about Feetman. He didn’t give a fuck about either of these idiots, aside from the fact that they were somewhat useful in getting through this hellhole. Except one of them was now considerably less useful.

Not only was Feetman less useful, he was a hindrance. Freemind didn’t like slow progress. He liked efficiency. He liked getting shit done. Dragging Feetman’s dumb ass around was not effecient and it wasn’t getting shit done. The guy seemed like he was almost always on the verge of collapsing.

So if he suggested that Feetman sit the fuck down, it was for the sake of making sure the idiot didn’t pass out and further impede their progress. Not because it bothered him to see the guy struggling to stand up straight. Because he didn’t give a fuck.

It’d gotten better after a couple of days, but only by a narrow margin. They weren’t having to stop as often, but Freeman was still adamant that Feetman not take any shifts on night watch, which Freemind found annoying as hell. He kept that opinion to himself, though. The silent member of the trio didn’t seem willing to compromise on the matter, and Freemind wasn’t willing to try and make him.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed off about it. Freeman could see Freemind getting more and more agitated. He snapped more often, and in more hurtful ways. There were only so many times Freeman could tell him to shut up, eventually Freemind got around to talking again.

Freeman didn’t mind stopping for Feetman when he needed it. More often than not, Freeman would have to put a hand on his left shoulder to stop him, to make him take a break. Every time, Feetman would say that he could keep going, even if he was on the verge of falling over. He hadn’t needed to stop during his first run, he’d insist, he didn’t need to stop now.

So when Feetman hesitantly grabbed his arm, Freeman stopped, immediately worried that his counterpart needed him for balance.

“Hey, uh…” Feetman looked at him blearily behind bent frames. Freeman was sure all of their glasses were damaged at this point. His own lenses were cracked. “Can we- I hate to ask, but…” He trailed off, seeming to lose his train of thought.

Freeman steadied Gordon with one hand, then quickly signed, “Do you need to stop?”

Feetman nodded. “Yeah, I think- should probably… yeah. Gordon, uh, hurt.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious?” Freemind groaned, clearly in one of his more irritable moods. “We’re never gonna get anywhere like this!”

Deciding to ignore Freemind, Freeman ushered their limbless counterpart to a nearby room. This wasn’t a part of Black Mesa he’d frequented, so he wasn’t exactly sure what the room was for. Peeking inside, it looked like a lab of sorts. The broken bunsen burners were a pretty good indication that this particular lab had worked with chemicals.

The room looked safe enough to hunker down for a few minutes, and he needed to check on Feetman’s arm. Probably wouldn’t hurt to check under Freemind’s eyepatch, too. He was fairly certain no one had been in there aside from a couple of aliens, considering none of the lights were on, and the cabinets that might have contained anything useful were closed.

Downside, there was probably gonna be a lot of chemical spills. Upside, there was probably a medical kit.

Feetman stopped before going in. “Why are the lights out in there?”

Freeman heard Freemind scoff behind him, but he flicked the light switch, and Feetman relaxed considerably. Freemind grew increasingly agitated as Freeman searched the room for a medical kit. “Why the fuck are you babying him? We need to move!”

Freeman pulled the lab’s medkit off the wall, tempted to throw it at Freemind, but restrained himself. “Let me see your eye.”

“Nah,” Freemind said. “I’m all good. Not gonna bitch about a stupid injury like some people.”

“Fuck you, man,” Feetman muttered. He winced as Freeman started pulling off his bandages, and waved off the signed apology.

Freemind snorted. “Yeah, no thanks.” He kicked at a pile of broken glass that had most likely been a beaker at some point. “If he’s gonna be fucking useless or whatever, then the two of us should scope the area. Make sure there’s nothing around.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, exactly, but Feetman immediately froze at the suggestion. “Uh- I don’t…” Freeman raised an eyebrow, but continued to change the bandages on what was left of his arm. He had a feeling that Feetman didn’t want to be by himself for any extended period of time. Couldn’t blame him, really.

“What?” Freemind snapped, “Gonna bitch about being alone, too?” Feetman averted his gaze, which was all the confirmation Freemind needed to know that he was right. “What are you, six? Man up.”

Freeman shot him a glare. “Go by yourself.”

Freemind scowled. “Are you stupid? I’m missing an eye! Can’t see shit coming from my left.”

“Then stay in here and stop complaining,” Freeman signed. Freemind wasn’t sure how he managed such a clipped, irritated tone with his hands, but the mute managed. He might have been something close to impressed if he wasn’t so pissed off.

“Fine,” Freemind spat. “Whatever. Don’t listen to the smartest person on the team.”

Feetman’s face scrunched in thought. “Aren’t we… like, the same person?”

“No. Because I’m better.” Freemind leaned against the wall. “Honestly, you guys are so lucky to have me around. You’d probably both be dead if I wasn’t here.” Freeman had the audacity to roll his eyes. “Something to say?”

Freeman, of course, said nothing. Freemind couldn’t decide if he could take the silence as a win or not. He couldn’t argue with someone that wouldn’t--or couldn’t--talk back, and he couldn’t win an argument they weren’t having. How was he supposed to prove he was better if Freeman wasn’t even giving him the option?

So Freemind, bored and irritated, did the only thing he could think to do: push every button until something happened. “How long are you gonna play nursemaid? I’ve got better things to do than waste away in this hellhole.”

“You’re not the only one who wants to go home, man,” Feetman said. “You’re just the only one complaining about it all the time.”

Freeman suppressed a laugh as he finished wrapping Feetman’s arm. He could see Freemind getting huffy in his peripheral, but paid it no mind. The guy had largely been all bark and no bite during this whole ordeal, although Freeman didn’t doubt the guy had started a few fights in his time. He’d probably start one now if it weren’t for the fact that they needed each other for survival.

Freemind wasn’t all bad (it was pretty damn close to all, though). Freeman had seen the softer side of him, hidden under about a million layers of a complex superiority/inferiority complex. He’d tried toughing it out the first day after he’d lost his left eye, but by the second day he was hovering closer to Freeman and Feetman.

He had called it a strategic advantage. They could see, he could not. If he had one of them on his left, they’d be his lookout, or a sufficient meat-shield. Whichever the situation called for.

Neither of them missed the way he’d occasionally reach out to tap an arm. Or the way he’d intentionally bump a shoulder and then angrily insist that they had been in the way. They didn’t say anything about it, though. Freemind would only be an even bigger pain in the ass if they pointed it out.

Freeman was less pissed that Freemind was protecting his dignity, and more pissed that he wasn’t offering Feetman the same courtesy of not mentioning his weakness. Then again, Freemind was probably too insecure to admit he cared.

“Well, at least I’m not scared of the fucking dark,” Freemind said triumphantly. “I’ve seen you clingin’ to Freeman over there whenever the lights get dim.”

Feetman rolled his eyes, “Oh, yeah. Like you haven’t been clinging to both of us the past couple of days.”

Freemind’s face reddened. In embarrassment or anger, Freeman couldn’t be sure. “Are you calling me a coward?”

“No, but…” Feetman chuckled under his breath, quietly singing, “You are a pirate.”

“Bold words coming from the cripple of the group,” Freemind seethed. “Are we ready to go or not? I’m tired of waiting around for you fucking idiots.”

Freeman snapped the medkit closed and signed, “Then go.” Freemind glared, but didn’t move. A testament to how much he actually relied on their presence.

It was a liability. One that Freemind hated himself for having. Being dependent on people wasn’t exactly his style. Yet here he was, unable to leave this stupid room because he couldn’t leave without these two idiots. Well, he could, but he wasn’t going to.

After a few more minutes of Freeman fussing over Feetman’s missing arm, Feetman claimed that he was ready to go. Freemind thought it was about fucking time, but Freeman didn’t seem so sure.

Freemind couldn’t figure out why Freeman was being such a mother hen about all this. Usually it was Feetman doing that, which made sense, considering they guy had a kid. Freemind thought he’d be glad to have Feetman off his back about his eye and everything else, but Freeman was almost worse. At least Feetman listened somewhat, even if it was just to bicker with him. Freeman would just tell him to shut up.

He ducked out of the room while Freeman and Feetman continued a mostly one-way conversation. Ironically enough, it was Freeman doing most of the talking. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

“We can stay a few more minutes, if you need to.”

“I said I’m fine, man,” Feetman said. “Or- well… as ‘fine’ as I’m gonna get.” He glanced out to the hallway. “Think his eye is okay?”

Freeman shrugged. “He’ll start complaining when he wants someone to look at it.”

Feetman nodded. “Yeah… alright. Guess we better get moving before he-”

“Will you two hurry the fuck up!” Freemind shouted from the hallway. “You morons are slower than my dead grandmother!”

A cheerful smile overtook Feetman’s face, taking Freeman by surprise. “Gordon,” he said happily, “I crave violence!”

The moment was gone before Freeman could question it. He’d learned to stop asking about Feetman’s little outbursts. They were his friends, supposedly. Something about his first run? Freeman didn’t know. And there was no telling what might trigger it, so Freeman mostly relied on context.

Like now, for instance. Even if the smile was cheerful, the words suggested Feetman was about two seconds from strangling Freemind with his remaining hand. So Freeman decided it’d probably be best to keep the two separate. At least until they both calmed down a little.

Freemind noticed Freeman’s efforts to keep them separated. He decided against pushing any more buttons, since Feetman seemed capable of talking back, despite his injury. And, honestly, how dare he talk back to a god like Freemind?

Really, he didn’t understand why Feetman was getting so worked up about everything damn thing. Freemind himself hated being a liability, so why was Feetman so insistent on being one all the fucking time? It was infuriating. Feetman should be just as on guard as he was, not overreacting about a dark room. They didn’t have time for him to be scared of every damn thing.

None of them liked the dark. So why was Feetman being such a bitch about it?

Freeman suddenly waved a hand to get his attention. “Storage area.”

Freemind grinned. “Nice! Might find some guns in there.”

“Or supplies,” Feetman added.

“Whatever,” Freemind dismissed, already shoving past him to take a look around the storage room.

Unfortunately, it looked pretty ransacked already, but the three men spread out to search through the splintered crates. Well, Freemind and Freeman did anyway. Feetman just seemed to be smashing them, for some reason. He stopped after a couple of minutes and frowned. “Why am I smashing crates?”

Freemind’s face twisted in confusion. This guy might actually be losing it. “Are you brain dead or something?” Feetman blinked at him. “Know what? Fuck it. Never mind.” Freeman was better at dealing with whatever that issue was. Apparently, Feetman’s… ‘friends’... really liked smashing crates.

The dude was seriously fucked up. Not just his arm, either.

He wasn’t finding anything useful, and was about to see if Freeman had found anything, when the lights suddenly flickered. “What the-” ‘fuck’ didn’t get a chance to leave his mouth before the room went completely dark.

For a moment, he thought he’d lost his other eye. A spike of panic tore through him at the thought of being totally blind during an alien invasion, but then remembered that he’d seen the lights flicker. It was just a power outage. His eye was fine.

“Um… guys?” Feetman called out. “Where- you guys still in here?”

Freemind started to answer back, ‘Yes, dumbass, of course we’re still here,’ but he stopped himself. Feetman needed to stop being a bitch about the dark, and here was the perfect opportunity for some exposure therapy. And if Freemind didn’t say anything, then Feetman would have to get over his thing about being alone, too.

It was two birds with one stone. If Feetman could handle being alone, in the dark, until the backup generator for this area kicked on, then everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison. Without Feetman bitching all the time, they could get out faster.

Genius plan. Foolproof. God, he was so fucking smart. And the best part was, Freeman couldn’t even ruin it. The guy didn’t talk, and his sign language was useless in the dark.

“Freeman?” Feetman tried again. “Did- did you guys leave?” Perfect. Feetman thought he was alone. Now all he had to do was stay calm and- “This isn’t funny, guys!”

Freemind raised an eyebrow, kind of a useless gesture in the dark, but it felt necessary. This wasn’t supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be productive. It was a solution to a problem. Freemind was fixing the problem. All Feetman had to do was stay calm. How difficult could it be?

He bit back a curse as he heard footsteps to his left. Freeman was trying to find Feetman! That would ruin this whole thing! Did Freeman not understand what he was trying to do here? No, of course he didn’t. Why would he? He was an idiot, just like everyone else.

“Who is that?” Feetman asked in a wavering voice. “What are you doing?!” The footsteps stopped. Freemind smiled, glad that his plan was back on track, but frowned again when he heard the unmistakable sound of the HEV suit hitting something. The wall? The floor? Did Feetman trip over something? What a goddamn moron.

Feetman had indeed hit the floor, tripping over a demolished crate in his attempt to back away from whoever was moving towards him.

Freemind wasn’t answering him. He couldn’t see Freeman. Did something happen to them? Were they okay? Was this another ambush? Did the other two set this up? They couldn’t have. Could they? Would they? He’d been betrayed by people he trusted before...

The darkness closed in on him more and more with every terrified thought that ran through his head. His arm throbbed in time with his heartbeat, which was entirely too fast and he couldn’t make it stop. He wanted to call out again, for Freeman or Freemind or anyone, but his throat closed up with panic before he could. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. It felt like he was dying. Maybe he was dying.

Freeman heard Feetman’s choked off gasp, and started moving again. He knew the approaching footsteps were going to freak Feetman out, but he needed to make sure his counterpart wasn’t injured. His eyes were starting to adjust a bit, letting him make out the barest outline of the boxes closest to him so he could move around them, but finding Feetman was an entirely different challenge.

Finally, he could see the vague shape of Feetman, on his knees and curled in on himself. He hoped the lights came back on soon. Because once he helped Feetman, he had a universal sign for Freemind that relied heavily on his middle finger. Was this his idea of a joke?

Feetman was hyperventilating, mumbling incoherently as Freeman slowly knelt down next to him. He tapped the floor lightly in hopes that Feetman would understand that this was a friend. Not an alien or a soldier, not a threat. But Feetman didn’t seem to register it, if anything, he only seemed to panic more.

After a few seconds of Freeman trying desperately to come up with a solution, the fluorescent lights whirred back to life. Freemind was standing on the other side of the room, looking almost annoyed at the situation. Then he saw Feetman collapsed on the ground, and his expression softened into something resembling concern.

“Whoa, the fuck?” He made his way over to his two alternates, wondering where the hell his plan went wrong. “What the hell’s wrong with him?”

Freeman sliced a hand across his throat, the unofficial sign for ‘cut that shit out’, then signed, “Help him.”

Freemind suddenly felt very out of his element. How the fuck was he supposed to help? “Hey, uh…” He cleared his throat nervously.

Nervously? Since when did he get nervous?

Maybe since he’d unintentionally plunged someone into a panic attack.

Shut up, he scolded himself. He was Gordon ‘Freemind’ Freeman. He didn’t make mistakes. He just… miscalculated. A little. Not enough to count as a failure.

“Listen, just- just calm down, it’s… the lights are back on, okay? You can stop freaking out.” There. Facts. Feetman hated the dark, and now there was no more dark.

“Shut up,” Feetman said in a strangled voice. “Sh-shut the fuck up.”

Hm. Okay. That was bad, Freemind was pretty sure. “Okay, well, I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do here, so I’m just gonna keep talking.” Feetman shook his head. “Yeah, I am. Because you’re so stuck in your own stupid brain that-” Freeman nudged him. “What?”

“Just talk,” Freeman signed angrily. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“Alright, alright, alright,” Freemind huffed. “Listen, I didn’t… I didn’t know the dark was gonna fuck with you that bad. I thought you’d, like, get over it. Which you didn’t. And that’s bullshit, but whatever. Next time I won’t do that.”

Feetman tensed. “Next time?” He asked frantically, “What- there’s gonna be a next time? I can’t-”

“What? No!” Freemind exclaimed. “That’s not what I meant, you- fuck.” He looked to Freeman for help. “Any other great ideas?”

Freeman didn’t know. On reflex, he reached out to put a hand on Feetman’s arm. Of the three of them, Feetman was probably the most touch-oriented. He knew his mistake as soon as his hand grazed the HEV suit, Feetman immediately recoiling, eyes wide with fear .

“Get away from me!” Freeman started to pull back, realizing too late that this was the wrong arm to touch in the moment. But before he could apologize, pain exploded across the right side of his face. He could see Feetman scrambling backwards through the stars in his eyes. Feetman really packed a punch.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” Freemind yelled. “Why’d you do that, Freeman was trying to help, dumbass!”

He shook his head to get Freemind’s attention. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have scared him.” He should have known better. He should have made sure Feetman was okay first. He refused to blame Feetman for lashing out during such a vulnerable moment.

The panicked haze in Freeman’s eyes cleared a bit. “F- fuck, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t-” Freeman shook his head, assuring Feetman that he was fine. “What happened? You… the lights went out and I couldn’t- you weren’t…”

Freeman glanced at Freemind, having more or less the same question. “Why didn’t you say anything when the lights went out?”

Freemind at least had the decency to look… guilty? The expression was so foreign on Freemind’s face that Freeman almost didn’t recognize it. “I was- I had this plan.” He stopped like he expected to be interrupted, then continued when he realized that Freeman and Feetman were still listening, “I thought you were kinda overreacting about the dark and shit. So I was trying to help you, like, get over yourself. And that didn’t, uh… that didn’t work.”

Feetman wheezed. “You- you’re an idiot.” He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “Why the fuck did you think that would work? That’s the stupidest-”

“Shut up.”

“-thing I have ever heard in my-”

“Feetman, so help me god, I will turn these lights back off.”

“-entire fucking life,” Feetman finished. Freemind grumbled, but otherwise held his tongue. Feetman then turned to Freeman and winced. “Jesus, man, your face. I’m real sorry about that.”

Freeman shrugged. “I’ve had worse. It was my fault, anyway.” Feetman didn’t look convinced, biting his lip and holding his right arm tight to his chest. He figured now was probably a better time to ask, “Do you want a hug?”

“No,” Feetman said. Then, after a moment, “Maybe… yeah.” He glanced at Freemind. “As long as the resident pirate isn’t gonna be a dick about it.”

Freemind narrowed his eye. “Shut up.” But despite the venom in his voice, he leaned against Feetman’s left side. “Don’t say another word.”

Freeman slung an arm around Feetman, giving him a reassuring squeeze that neither of them could feel, but it was the thought that counted. Feetman almost immediately relaxed into the embrace, quietly muttering a word Freeman didn’t recognize, “Pog.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Freemind asked. “No, actually, I don’t care. I hate it. Don’t ever say that again.”

Feetman laughed again, lightly bickering with Freemind until all three of them were ready to go. There wasn’t much they could salvage in the storage area, unfortunately, but hopefully they’d find something later.

Freemind didn’t make another comment about Feetman’s fear of being alone or in the dark. If you asked him, he’d say that Feetman bitching about the dark was marginally more productive than him being collapsed on the floor. Again, it was all just survival.

And if anyone said that they saw him quietly talking to Feetman at night, distracting him from the dark and the pain in his arm until he fell asleep, that person was a goddamn liar.

#hlvrai #hlvrai au #gordon cubed #gordon freemanverse #i'm so sorry if this story sucks #it was literally just supposed to be the scene in the storage area #but i'm a dumbass and now there's this #gryph i'm sorry about my dumb bitch disease i promise it's not contagious

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immortalcoelacanth · 4 years

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HLVRAI Oneshot: “Good”

I crave more wholesome interactions with Joshua...

Word count: 2352

Summary: Benrey was not human, he was not an alien, he was just… something else. Something dangerous, something destructive, something that had nearly killed Gordon over and over again. He was… bad.

Right?

“I’ve gotta take care of some business, but I should be back in a couple hours.” Gordon quickly explained as he pulled on his jacket, smacking his arm off the wall in the process.

Benrey watched, confused as to what the rush was and uncertain as to what Gordon meant. He was coming back at some point so things would be chill until then-

“Make sure Joshua doesn’t break anything.” Gordon quickly added, not noticing how the smile on Benrey’s face dropped and the slate grey orbs that floated out of his mouth. “There’s food in the fridge-shit, can you even use a microwave?!”

“i make my gamer fuel in there.” Benrey shrugged, trying to look casual and composed. “like eggs-”

“You what-NO! YOU DO NOT PUT EGGS-oh my god.” Gordon groaned, pressing his head into his hands for a moment to wallow in the sheer mental agony of trying to process such a horrible cooking choice before scrambling to get ready once more. “No eggs. No microwave.”

“no me gusta?”

“You’re like an old internet meme.”

An Uno card was chucked at Gordon’s face, which was quickly dodged. He glared at Benrey, ignoring the faint laughter coming from the other man, and pulled his keys out of his pocket.

It was at this moment that Benrey began internally panicking. He could handle being on his own, but having to watch after a kid-

“Text me if anything happens or if you need help!” Gordon called out as he made his way out the door and locked it behind him.

He did not see how Benrey stretched an arm out after him, face panicked and worried as he tried to beg the other man to stay because oh shit oh shit I don’t know what to do-

It had been about three hours since Gordon had left on whatever business he needed to complete. Fortunately, Joshua had been rather chill about the entire situation, happy to be able to play games with Benrey and just relax.

Of course, the kid had only had a melted cheese sandwich for dinner since Benrey had no clue what to really make for him, but Joshua had not complained. For a while the mock guardian had waited to see if the kid would be poisoned by the makeshift meal, but all seemed to be fine.

Benrey did not get… food, or at least the type of food that Gordon typically made. He was all for fast and easy to prepare, and only somewhat edible. Cereal, frozen meals, stale candy, that was the good shit.

Not good for a growing child according to Gordon.

He sighed and dragged a hand down his face as he watched Joshua flop over the sofa and watch tv. His legs were up in the air and his head was hanging off the sofa, he was basically upside down. A humorous sight, something that helped to alleviate the worry in Benrey.

He was so stupidly worried.

A part of him wondered why Gordon had left Joshua in his care, even if there had been some sort of an emergency he needed to take care of. Tommy made a much better babysitter! Coomer did too!

Literally anyone was better than him! He was…

Dangerous.

Benrey knew he was the furthest thing from safe due to both his nature and lack of knowledge in practically everything. He had no experience in dealing with any of this simple human stuff, had no clue what was potentially dangerous and was just…

A hazard.

It was something he had come to terms with some time ago, recalling all the things he had done back in Black Mesa and how easily it had happened. How easily he had killed innocent people, not that he felt guilty for ending those lives, but it was something he was aware of.

Aware of how potentially dangerous he could be. Aware of how many times he had hurt Gordon and nearly killed him without meaning to-

He did not dislike himself because of this, per say. There were times where he looked back on certain actions with distaste, all of them involving hurting Gordon in some way, and continuously reminded himself that he needed to do better, be better.

It was exhausting, and now he had a kid to look after for who knows how long-

“Benrey?”

Ah shit. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“yooooo, what’s up little joshie?” Benrey casually waved at the kid who was now standing in front of him, having abandoned both the sofa and television. “josh dude, bro josh- brosh.”

The last nickname got a laugh out of Joshua, though the laughter quickly faded out and was replaced by a silence mixed with the muted noises of the television. Not wanting to have to deal with any awkward silences, especially when he was in a bit of a mood already, he asked another question.

“you-you bored of the tv or somethin’? wanna play some games and chill?”

Joshua quickly shook his head. He actually seemed… nervous, which was weird since he was relaxed earlier. Did something happen? Did Gordon text him something? Had something bad happened to Gordon?

“Benrey… d-do you like me?”

Well that was a loaded question.

The ex-security guard let out a nervous laugh. “wh-what do… do you mean by that, little joshie bro?”

“You kinda act like some of the kids at school who don’t like me.” The explanation was rushed, nothing more than a sharp exhale. “You talk to me and play games with me and stuff but you always look… uncomfortable.”

Shit, shit, shit-

“And…” Oh god, was the kid starting to cry now?! Water could be seen building up in Joshua’s eyes, and he sniffled. “I-If you’re only doing it cause you wanna make dad happy, that’s okay. Dad should be happy since he’s stressed a lot-”

“no, no, no!” Benrey quickly interrupted while waving his arms, hoping to stop the young boy’s spiral into sorrow. “it’s not you-i’m just… just-”

Words, why were words such a struggle?! In his stressed state, he placed his hands on his helmet and groaned, grey bubbles floating out of his mouth.

Grey means that he’s not okay. Not that Joshua knew this, of course. All the kid knew was that Benrey was having some sort of a reaction to his words, and that it did not seem to be a good one. He anxiously fiddled with his hands as he watched the ex-security guard. It looked as though he was contemplating leave, probably planning on going to his room and wallowing in his sorrowful emotions, and this was when Benrey decided to speak up.

“bbbbbbbbb, joshie-you… you’re a good kiddo. cool pro gamer.” He somewhat rambled, as close to rambling as he could get at the moment. “you don’t-you’re not… th-those kids are wrong a-and you need to eat your veggies-”

Oh this was a disaster.

Partially giving up, Benrey groaned and walked over to the sofa. He plopped down and buried his head in his hands. What should he do, what should he do-

Joshua, seeing the obvious strife that the ex-security guard was going through at the moment, walked over to the sofa and sat down beside him. Despite thinking that Benrey did not like him, the last thing the young boy wanted was a bad relationship with the strange man.

Partly due to the fact that Joshua did enjoy his presence, and his dad clearly cared about the man to some extent. It was just that sometimes he could see Benrey cringe before talking to him, the hesitation during some of their interactions and…

It hurt, plain and simple.

Benrey cringed as he felt the cushion dip as Joshua joined him, and he hesitantly lifted his head up to look at the kid. He took in the worried expression on his face, as well as the lingering anxiety and tears that were present.

“it’s me.” He blurted out, not knowing how else to phrase it. Upon seeing Joshua’s confused expression, he kept speaking. “kids, i dunno… kids are tough little dude, but they’re also fragile and i... don’t wanna h-hurt you on accident cause you’re cool and feetman’s special kiddo-”

He was not going to mention the time he had jokingly insulted Joshua’s appearance. He was not the best at navigating conversations, but even he knew that would be a stupid move.

“and i’m… me.” He gestured to himself, pointing out some of the key features that made him look so different from your typically human. The glowing eyes, the sharp teeth, the talons that would appear and disappear.

“i’m-i’m not safe. i... hurt your dad and-and a bunch of other people and you’re so... soft’n squishy cause you’re a kid and i don’t wanna hurt you too.”

“Would you accidentally hurt me?” Joshua’s question was simple, and so was the answer that Benrey had for it.

“course not, you’re my little gamer bro.” He immediately replied, momentarily surprised at how coherent his words were. “we’re... we’re buddies’n stuff, right? i wouldn’t let that happen if-if i could stop it, y’know?”

“We’re buddies? Really?” The shine of tears in Joshua’s eyes seemed to be replaced by the glow of excitement and joy.

Oh god, he was getting the warm fuzzies-

“yeah we’re like-like two peas in a pod.”

To celebrate the wholesome conclusion that had been reached, the pair decided to engage in some friendly competition by playing some video games. Of course, Benrey did hold back a bit so he did not totally crush Joshua during their various bouts of fighting and racing.

The kid totally did not kick his butt, not in the slightest.

As what tends to happen with kids around his age, Joshua slowly began to grow more and more tired as time passed, although he did not want to go to his room to sleep.

He was still a bit worried about his dad, after all.

So, he ended up having the brilliant idea of asking Benrey if he could watch him play some video games. Fortunately for the young boy, the ex-security guard was quick to agree with his idea. This allowed Joshua to stay by his side and relax.

At some point he did end up passing out, not that Benrey noticed for two reasons. The first being his hyper focus that was directed towards the game he was playing, and the second being that he was also getting pretty tired.

Which was quite unusual since Benrey was a night owl, but he assumed it had something to do with the emotionally draining conversation from earlier.

Slowly, his eyes began to shut and the controller started to slip from his grip. By the time it hit the ground, he was fast asleep.

Hours later, Benrey was roused out of his nap as he felt a warm hand resting on his shoulder, gently shaking him. A voice whispered his name over and over. It was familiar.

Gordon…?

Bleary eyes cracked open, Benrey groaning faintly in annoyance as he waited for his vision to clear, only seeing the blurry outline of some figure. Plus there was that weird weight on his side. Felt kinda nice, even if he didn’t know what it was.

After rubbing his eyes and getting the grit out of them, he found himself staring up into Gordon’s face, and was greeted by the surprisingly warm smile on it. He could feel his cheeks flush as his heart pumped faster in his chest.

Gordon looked so cute in the dim lighting provided by the tv, highlighting his cheekbones and the scruffy beard. His eyes seemed to shimmer and glow, and every bit of his messy hair reflected the light-

“Thanks for taking care of Joshie.” Gordon suddenly said, snapping Benrey out of his thoughts. The ex-security guard continued stare at him as he continued speaking. “It looks like you two have a fun time.”

… wha?

His confusion must have been obvious as the other man was quick to gesture towards whatever the weight on his side was, and a quick glance had Benrey inhaling sharply.

At some point during the night, Joshua had fallen asleep against him. The young boy was curled up on his side, arms and knees tucked close to his chest and he practically snuggled up to Benrey. He was still sound asleep, somehow.

A miracle based on how loud Benrey’s heart was beating. Surely the kid could hear it too.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, but it was surprising that he had not moved or gone to his room to sleep in his bed.

Benrey hesitantly lifted a hand up before gently placing it on Joshua’s back. The kid mumbled something in his sleep and stirred, not waking up. Gordon’s smile grew at the sight and he fully stood up. For a moment, Benrey assumed he was going to pick the kid up and take him to his bed, but this assumption was proven wrong when Gordon started quietly cleaning up the living room.

“psssst, feetman? gaydon? wh-when are you gonna move josh dude?”

Gordon turned around, the smug smirk on his face letting him know that he was about to face his demise. “Move him? But he looks so comfortable.”

“feetman don’t do this to me-”

“C’mon, Benrey, do you really wanna make Joshua sad? Just look at how happy he is.”

Benrey blinked at his words and, with a bit of prompting, looked down at Joshua once more. After a bit of focusing, he was still kind of tired, his eyes landed on the kid’s face.

He was still smiling . Still happy at the outcome of the conversation that had taken place hours earlier.

Gordon chuckled as Benrey sat there, in shock and awed at the revelation. He… he had made someone happy. Cheered them up when they were down. With the realization that he had managed to actually help someone, never mind that someone being a kid who was almost as important to him as Gordon, Benrey came to another conclusion.

Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

#my story #fanfiction #hlvrai #hlvrai benrey #hlvrai joshua #hlvrai gordon #fluff #bit of angst #bit of self loathing and regret #benrey and joshua have a conversation #introspective and self identity are gained

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goatbi · 4 years

Text

Lessons Of Love

It was only after he woke up he realized why everyone kept staring at him with that look in their eyes.

Gordon woke up dizzy, though blood loss and a head wound would do that to someone. He didn’t want to complain, especially when he looked up and caught a glimpse of Bubby floating in his tube. It was... well, it was better than it had been the night before, but only marginally. He didn’t think it was fair of him to complain about a concussion when Bubby looked like that.

Still, his head hurt, and his arm felt weirdly numb. He glanced to either side, seeing Benrey curled up against one side and Tommy on the other. He smiled softly at the two of them and sighed softly-

What the fuck.

Gordon stared upwards at the sweet voice floating around him, eyes wide. He... he couldn’t use that. He didn’t know how to... and yet more poured from between his teeth, floating around in shades that he began to be able to decipher by his own panic.

“What... in the world...” He murmured, shifting his arm carefully as not to disturb Benrey, grabbing at the sweet voice bouncing through the air. He... He could use sweet voice? When had that happened?

It seemed, despite his efforts, Benrey was waking up next to him lifting his head to look up at Gordon. He glanced down himself, sweet voice slipping out of the corner of his mouth before he covered it with his hand, cheeks going red. Benrey grinned up at him.

“You, uh, you got something? Something to tell me there buddy?”

“Did you do this?” Gordon asked, muffled by his hand, and Benrey hummed, shrugging.

“I don’t think so. I mean, maybe it has to do with consuming the sweet voice, but uh, I didn’t do anything on purpose.” Gordon nodded slowly, looking up at the colors floating about, watching them slowly disappear until the color was gone, and the light only came from Bubby’s tube.

“Kinda pretty.” Gordon mumbled, and Benrey nodded a bit, singing a few notes up at him. Gordon smiled, then tried to control it himself, getting a note out, though the color was all over the place. Benrey snorted softly.

“Nice dude.”

“Oh pardon me for not knowing how to do the sweet voice after one day, Benrey.” Gordon shot a glare at him, though it was ruined by him holding back a smile. Benrey stared back, before snorting again, ducking his head down to laugh.

“Go back to sleep, asshole.” Benrey muttered, closing his eyes.

A good thing, Gordon realized, staring up and the pink and blue floating around his head.

---------------------------------------------------------

“So... How exactly do I do this?” Gordon glanced around, sweet voice slipping out of the corners of his mouth as he spoke. Benrey watched it quietly, shrugging.

“Uh, you just... you gotta control it.”

“Oh, I had no idea, I thought I could just go into public leaking colorful floating bubbles all over the place.” He deadpanned, and then grinned when Benrey shook his head, laughing.

“Like, bro you have to, uh, suppress it. It’ll feel all wrong at first, and it wont’ be easy, but you gotta... you gotta have control over it. That why you won’t be showing your emotions all the time.” Benrey grinned, then covered his mouth as some of his own sweet voice leaked out.

“Like that?”

“Shut up, feetman.”

They glared at each other for a moment, before Gordon sighed softly, closing his eyes. “So I just... suppress it. Push it down before it can come up.” Gordon muttered, nodding. “I can do that, Gordon can do that.”

Benrey hummed softly. “Yeah, it might, uh, it might get a bit out of wack when shit like... everything that went down happens, but for the most part... once you’ve got control, you’ve got it.”

Gordon nodded slightly, eyes still closed. He paused, focusing on the idea of taking all those sweet voice bubbles and pushing them down, hiding them away in his chest until it was useful to him. After a moment, he opened his eyes, opening his mouth to say something, only to cover it with a hand as green tumbled out of his mouth.

“Epic fail bro.”

“Shut up, you’re not doing any better.”

-------------------------------

So, maybe the whole fight was a lot more traumatic than he thought. He tried to go to sleep in Tommy’s guest room, but it was so silent. He couldn’t hear Coomer’s snoring, or Tommy’s mumbles, and it was just so...

Nothing

He almost had a panic attack before he decided it wasn’t worth it, moving into the tube room-as Benrey had dubbed it, getting Coomer to agree when he was half delirious from exhaustion-to settle in there. Coomer was sleeping against the tube, and Gordon relaxed when he heard him snoring softly. It was so much easier to sleep with something like that, and for some reason, he settled back against the wall, looking up at Bubby floating peacefully. He had healed a bit more, though he was still missing patches of skin, which was horrible to look at.

It was worse when he knew that, in the end, Bubby had done nothing to deserve it, nothing but protect someone he loved.

Gordon sighed softly, scrubbing at his eyes with his hand, surrounding himself with silt colored bubbles, guilt building up inside of himself slowly, tears coming uninvited, sunset joining the colors floating around him as he got more and more upset.

“Hey...” He jumped, glancing to the side, seeing Benrey just... there. Gordon wiped at his eyes, waving at the bubbles still floating around him, sniffling softly.

“Uh... hey.”

Benrey frowned slightly, before shifting, trying to find his words. Gordon watched him quietly, not wanting to interrupt the thought just in case Benrey lost it. After a moment, Benrey shifted slightly, singing a few notes.

He wasn’t quite sure how he began to understand it, but the sweet voice hovered, and Gordon found himself tearing up again.

It’s not your fault.

He felt like it was. He was supposed to be the leader after all, how could he do that if he couldn’t protect someone-

“Hey.” Just as he started to spiral again, Benrey shifted, bonking the side of his head to Gordon’s. It hurt, probably more than Benrey meant to, since his concussion was still a thing, but some how it comforted him, and Gordon sniffled, nodding a bit.

“Sorry... Just... feels like it is, you know?”

Benrey sighed softly, then nodded, before shifting, laying his legs out straight, patting his thigh. Gordon tilted his head, frowning, before Benrey brought one hand up to his hair. Gordon blinked, before going along with it, laying with his head in Benrey’s lap.

It was comforting, having someone playing with his hair like this, and soon enough, Gordon drifted off to sleep, comforted by Benrey’s hands in his hair, and Coomer’s soft snoring.

-----------------------------------------

It did get easier to control as time passed. The color around the two of them slowly decreased, though neither would mention the pink and blue that would float around them from time to time.

They both knew what it meant.

They both knew that the other knew what it meant.

They both pretended not to know.

It was slowly driving the two others-three, if Bubby was actually awake, a rare enough occurrence at the moment-up the wall. Neither of them really cared, or at least they both pretended not to.

It was confusing at this point, but Gordon stuck to it. He didn’t want to make Benrey uncomfortable with the idea of it, since they were still recovering from some pretty serious trauma, which does things to people.

Still, they slowly got closer. Gordon found it hard to sleep without noise around, but it was so much easier when Benrey’s hand were in his hair, slowly petting and braiding and scratching. It relaxed him, calming the fear the would build up in his chest when he couldn’t hear the others.

Tommy watched them with knowledge in his eyes, though he didn’t often come out of his room or the lab connected, in fear of them seeing him crying. Though, no one was really surprised by it. Gordon let him mourn, knowing that Tommy would come to them eventually. He was the main one who preached communication, and Gordon trusted Tommy enough to know when he needed help.

Plus, Tommy had Sunkist.

Gordon just had Benrey. Coomer was focused on Bubby healing, and Gordon couldn’t blame him, but he didn’t want to burden anyone with his issues. Benrey, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care as much. Benrey would just grin, color bleeding through his teeth, and Gordon felt so much safer.

So he slept on Benrey’s lap half the time now? Was he not allowed to cuddle his friends? Tommy and Benrey did it all the time too.

Okay maybe he needed to stop pining.

-----------------------------------

Tommy had dropped a plate in the kitchen. That’s all it was. It hadn’t even broken, just made a loud noise, and Gordon was off.

He didn’t know exactly where he hid, and by Benrey’s cursing, he didn’t know either. Still, he pushed himself as far back into his little hidden hole, clutching at his arm, waiting to feel the heat of the metal heat up, but it never came, there nothing, he was defenseless-

“Gordon.” His eyes snapped to Benrey, who stared at him, both hands up near his head. Gordon tilted his head slightly, panting softly, shaking.

“You... you don’t really uh, call me that huh?” Fear bubbled up and out, bathing the little closet he had buried himself in in light, and Benrey smiled softly, carefully singing out a few notes back.

You’re safe.

I’m here

Nothing will hurt you.

With each line, Gordon began to calm down, ignoring the tears streaking down his face, shivering like he was cold. Benrey shifted, slowly moving his hands out, opening his arms for a hug, and Gordon pulled himself out of the little closet to latch onto him.

Tommy apologized far more than was necessary, since it had been an accident, and Gordon... hadn’t really shown any signs of that being a trigger for him.

That closet ended up becoming his go to hiding spot.

--------------------------------------

“You ever going to tell him?” Tommy asked at some point, when Benrey was sitting in with Bubby while Coomer took a shower.

Gordon sighed softly, glancing towards the door of the tube room. “Maybe. I just... I worry about it.”

“I know, Mr. Freeman. You worry about everything there is to worry about.” Tommy smiled at him, and Gordon shot him a look, one eyebrow raised. “Pretty sure you need help with that, but I don’t know how to help with it.”

Gordon laughed softly, nodding. “Yeah, you are... unfortunately not the first person to say that to me. I have said that to myself.”

Tommy stared at him. Gordon stared back, before breaking and laughing softly.

“I’m fine. I just worry about him”

“Gordon, you do need to worry about yourself more.” Tommy patted his back lightly, and Gordon closed his eyes.

Maybe he did.

Still... it would be alright in the end. They would be okay.

Nothing was stopping them from being okay anymore.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #gordon freeman hlvrai #tommy coolatta #benrey #uhhh i dunno what this is #i dont feel as proud of it as the other ones but :/#its here #Feelings In Various Ways

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heart-motif-moved · 4 years

Text

The Science Team Attempts to Play Monopoly

Parings: Gordon/Sam/Benry, slight Bubby/Coomer, Everyone & Everyone

A/N: Gordon gets cut off a lot 😔😔 it's okay he's used to it, the science team is... excitable. This is my first time writing more than 2 characters in a scene, I hope it's okay! Pairings aren't really the main focus - just wanted to have fun with this! It might be a little confusing to non-HLVRAI fans but I'd really appreciate it if ppl could take the time to read 💕

RBs Appreciated!!!!

Tag list: @planeps @jellycube-ships @nanonami-loves @mindlessselfshipindulgence @melonmantic @undead-selfships

"Alright, so Benry goes first, followed by Bubby, Coomer, Sam, me, and finally Tommy."

Tommy patted the floor next to him. "Um, Sunkist can play with me, too!"

"Oh, uh, isn't," said Gordon, "isn't Sunkist down.. stairs...?" he trailed off as the dog in question materialized through the floor - this was normal behavior for Sunkist, but it never ceased to keep Gordon up at night. He decided to ignore it. "Okay, Sunkist is on Tommy's team. Now -"

"wai- huh?" Benry interjected. "broo, you didn't say we could get teams. you gonna keep stuff like- you gonna keep info to yourself? kinda cringe dude..."

"Sunkist is a dog, so-"

"It is a little bit cringe, Gordon!"

"Sunkist- Sunkist is an immortal, perfect dog! He's a valuable member in- in Monopoly!"

"Okay," sighed Gordon. "I really don't know why I expected this to go normal with you guys, so fine, we'll pair up in teams." He put a hand on Sam's, blushing slightly. "I'll pair with -"

"Look, Sam!" Coomer said. "For one Play Coin, we can "team up" to play "Monopoly" together!"

Sam giggled, missing Gordon's downtrodden expression as she shook hands with her odd father figure. "I authorize the transaction!"

Tommy was with Sunkist, Bubby with Benry, Sam with Coomer. Gordon was alone with his thoughts.

"Aw, don't worry Gordon!" Sam said, patting him on the head. "I know you'll do just fine on your own!"

Gordon smiled a bit at her, blushing. "Thanks, Sammy," he said, holding her hand in his.

"bro," Benry snickered. "do you like sam? do ya like-like sam? huh?"

"Just - roll the damn dice dude," Gordon said through gritted teeth, opting not to remind Benry that Sam was already their partner.

Benry rolled, subsequently having Bubby (the banker of the two; "I have a doctorate in every science including business!") buy the property. Sam rolled with Coomer's encouragement, drawing a card ("Look, Sam! We can use this to "get out of jail free"!"), and Gordon landed in the "just visiting" section of jail, which Benry promptly antagonized him for. Tommy and Sunkist were in the lead.

It seemed like it was going to be a nice night.

It was later. Things were going great!

"I did the goddamned math, Dr. Coomer, you do not have enough to buy those hotels!"

"I can buy them using my Play Coins, professor. Can't you say the same?"

"Doctor," Bubby growled, jabbing a pointy fingure towards Coomer. "And you know Play Coins are not a valuable form of Monopoly currency!"

"They're a valuable currency in my heart, professor. Just like you," he smiled.

Bubby sputtered, an awkward sort of flush to his face. "It's doctor - and, wait, you're not normally this - er, compliment-y." Adjusting his glasses he said, "You're up to something!"

"Up to what, professor Bubby?"

"Um, Mr.- Dr. Freeman?" asked Tommy.

Gordon groaned from his place in the not-just visiting part of jail, trying to not notice Benry who had gotten distracted with making his and Gordon's game pieces kiss. "Yeah, man?"

"Is Dr. Sam supposed to- is stealing the money part of the, um, part of the Monopoly?"

Gordon jolted up to the sight of Sam having finished gathering his earnings and starting on Bubby's. "What the- hey!"

Sam stood abruptly, hopping over Benry (who had taken to cooing at her and Gordon's game pieces). "Dr. Coomer!"

Coomer's arm's wrapped around her, quickly throwing her across his shoulder. "Let's get a move on, Dr. Sam!"

"I- hold it!" Bubby jumped to his feet, reaching out to stop them a moment too late. "You can't do that, that is a goddamn crime!"

Sam laughed, flashing her get-out-of-jail-free card. "Sorry for stealing your money, Gordon!" she said instead of acknowledging Bubby further, the door slamming shut behind her before anyone could get a word in.

The stunned silence was broken by Benry. "psst- hey, feetman."

"Yeah?"

"do you- hey, do you think she wants a partner-in-crime?"

"Dude, wh- you're literally a security guard!"

"gonna take that as a yes, bro,"

#i'm so sorry this is gonna be so confusing to any not HLVRAI fans 😔😔✌️#rbs appreciated!!#✿ i only do what i read in books ✿ / writing #s/i: hlvrai #•there should be a wikipedia article on us• // gordon and benry #platonic f/o: tommy #platonic f/o: bubby #comfort character: coomer

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bubbyleh · 4 years

Text

it was arrogance to think you knew how to handle this - chapter 11

chapter 11: is it gay to...?

The only thing Benrey can ask themself at this point is 'Why isn't anything working?', which turns out to be a difficult question to answer.

Because that first morning, when Gordon almost saw them, Benrey thought they blew it already. And later that day, when they all lounged around in Gordon's yard, Benrey thought maybe he was playing ignorant for the game. Give it a few days and all, you know? Let Benrey have their fun.

It's been three weeks.

Benrey has left pinecones for Gordon around twenty times now, and Gordon hasn't even tried to catch them. Hasn't even tried getting up earlier, or setting a trap. Benrey's taken to lingering at the scene of the crime just to give Gordon a chance, but even then they're pushing it.

And Godon’s been more snappy and mean to them than before. That’s not what you’re supposed to do! He seems like he’s angry that Benrey is even leaving pinecones in the first place (if he even knows), but he doesn’t do anything about it!

Almost makes Benrey think that maybe he isn't interested.

Which is stupid! Because Tommy said he had it on "good authority" (whatever that means) that Gordon like-likes them too! And Tommy can suss out lies like his dog sniff for sticks, so he had to be telling the truth.

So what the fuck! Benrey's all for a little flirtation or whatever, but this is getting ridiculous.

It’s time for pinecone number twenty-one, and Benrey thinks at this point it’s time to maybe drop the charade of a fun game. Gordon obviously knows what’s happening and just isn’t playing, so they might as well cut this short. Benrey places the pinecone on Gordon’s kitchen windowsill, sits, and waits.

They end up waiting for well over an hour, but that’s fine. If this is gonna go good, then Benrey’s willing to wait. Eventually, Gordon gets up for the morning, and when he shuffles into his kitchen, he sees the pinecone. He opens the window, only to see…

Benrey, sitting in the grass.

“Oh no. You caught me.”

Gordon grimaces. “Are you serious?”

“It’s… it’s a real shame you caught me,” Benrey doesn’t let their facial expression change, because they know they’ll look stupid. “Man. Now I have to… confess stuff.”

“Benrey.” Gordon throws the pinecone at them. “Stop.”

Rejection?! Oh that hurts.

“Ouch,” Benrey whines, but they’re not sure if they’re talking about the physical or the emotional impact. “Didn’t even- didn’t even listen to me. Cringe. Please let me come inside? Let me say the thing?”

Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m not gonna let you come in here just to mess with me!”

Benrey blinks.

“Whuh?”

“Forget it. Stop.”

“I’m coming inside.”

“I’m not opening the do-” Gordon is cut off by a now much smaller Benrey flying in through his window, because right, the wings. He kinda forgot about those.

Benrey laughs. “Look, I’m inside.”

All Gordon can do is rest his face in his hands, because this is the most stressed he’s gotten since Benrey used to harass him. Which they still do, kinda. Which they’re trying to do right now.

“I’ll get the flyswatter I swear to god,” Gordon mumbles into his hands.

“Gonna be hard when I’m big again.”

Gordon looks up and, much to his dismay, Benrey is once again regular person-sized and sitting on his kitchen counter. As if they fucking need to, they apparently like to antagonize Gordon with their height as well!

“Okay,” Benrey takes a deep breath. “I gotta say it now.”

“Benrey, I’m serious. Don’t fuck around with me,” Gordon says, crossing his arms. There’s a graveness to it that gives Benrey pause.

“I’m… not fucking around?” Benrey frowns. “Did you think I was being mean? I mean I thought you were just bad at game, but…”

Gordon suddenly feels like his breath is caught in his chest. “Wait. You’ve been serious?”

This is genuinely the most distressed Gordon has seen Benrey. “Yeah, man. I wouldn’t- it’s not cool to mess with pinecone stuff.”

Pinecone stuff.

They just called it. Pinecone stuff.

It’s so absurd that Gordon starts laughing. It’s so absurd that Gordon starts crying.

“Woah, um, hey,” Benrey hops down off the counter, reaching out to Gordon but not quite making contact. “I don’t gotta say anything if you don’t wanna hear. I can, uh-”

“No, wait.” Gordon takes a moment to prepare himself mentally for this. He grabs one of Benrey’s hands. “You can say it.”

Benrey’s face flushes, glancing at their clasped hands and aw, they’re cute. “Okay fine, Gordon, um… Feetman. Freeman. Gordon Feetman.”

“Benrey,” Gordon narrows his eyes.

“Freeman,” they correct themself. “I love you.”

A warm feeling spreads through Gordon’s chest, and the stupid smile on his face makes him feel like he’s a teenager again.

“I love you too,” Gordon says, and BOY does that feel like a weight off his shoulders.

The kiss they find is natural. It is sweet, or rather, it is everything they are not. It is the start of something new.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #frenrey #benrey #gordos freeman #my writing #it was arrogance to think

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dedmoskin · 4 years

Text

HLVRAI Benrey and Gordon hc I thought

ALSO I HAVE NO IDEA IF SOMEONE ALREADY HAD SOMETHING SIMILAR TO ME SORRY- (But I do get some ppl also have a hc about them being childhood friends) Ok so basically this all started when I ended HLVRAI and I was so fucking sad because of the Coomer dialogue so I said, ah yes, draw time and my mind went: Imagine if Gordon and Benrey actually met when they were children and became super friends for like some years, but then Gordon had to move from the city because (idk if he even has a dad but) his dad had a better job opportunity but Gordon didn’t had a chance to tell Benrey he was leaving and they couldn’t communicate so idk. Then Benrey would just wait for him to come and play like probably all the weekends they could, but slowly realized his friend wasn’t coming, the first time he was ok cuz he thought: oh well maybe he’s got something better to do. Then some some years passed and Benrey literally grew up without any friends because he was to akward for the other children apparently, and even if he tried his best everyone would ignore him. Then a lot of years later he got a job in Black Mesa as a security guard and passed his rest of misserable days there. Until ahahah wow Gordon works here too??? That’s amazing I’m gonna greet him.

So he comes up when Gordon wants to go to the test chamber and goes ‘‘Yooo long time no see Gordon´´ he was actually happy about seeing his friend again but Gordon like the piss baby he is goes: ´´Who are you-´´ Then Benrey like freezes and tries to explain all the shit they did together but Feetman sees him like: this dude it’s crazy wtf So Benrey accepts the fact that his friend literally forgot about his existence and his face just goes like expressionless, and then he just: You got your passport? Doing a monotome voice liek he does in the series and this like cuts out, cuz after it’s basically all the things that happens in HLVRAI till the final act (SPOILERS AHEAD) and Benrey tells to Gordon: ´´You forced me to be bad, so now I’m baaaaaad´´ because apparently was the only way he had to make Gordon notice him like fr he was tired of just standing there and existing, he just wanted his friend back. ´´We used to play in teh sand, don’t you remember? we played a lot in the mud too.´´ those were Benrey’s last words to Gordon before he just A posed into the air and got electrocuted by that green beam.

#hlvrai #hlvraihc #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai benrey #I made a silly animatic about this but it's trash and not finished #cries like a baby

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anurasally · 4 years

Text

Formatting Error

(Hey so really been enjoying the multiplayer au stuff by @thecryptidcorvid so decided to write a quick little thing. I have more ideas and stuff plotted and this isn’t edited but just wanted to get some words on paper for the first time in a while. So, uh. It’s a oneshot for now. Fic under the cut.

big tw for unreality stuff, but I mean, it’s hlvrai fanfic, that comes with the territory.)

Benry woke up to someone shaking him violently. Hie eyes weren’t even fully open before he realized who it was. The orange gave it away. Not to mention the shouting.

“Benry! Wake up! I can’t find the others.”

“Huhnh? Wha?” He slapped the AI’s hands away from his shoulders. He sat up slowly and blinked several times to dislodge the crust from his eyes. Normally, he’d make some joke, comment on Gordon touching his chest, but, for some reason… he didn’t want to. There was an odd, uneasy atmosphere, a fuzziness in his head, but Gordon didn’t seem to notice. He was flailing about like usual.

“I swear, if you–”

Benry wasn’t much of a morning person at the best of times, and right now, it felt as if he was getting lag in his own brain.

“I don’t—What are you talking about?” Benry mumbled. Gordon groaned in frustration. Benry idly remembered that, at some point, Coomer had pulled up Gordon’s console to show him his train of thought. His neuroticism had made a lot more sense after that. Anyone would be anxious, with all that bouncing around their skull.

“The science team. I can’t find them.”

Awareness came slowly to Benry, in chunks.

“You woke me up?” Something about this fact made him sick to his stomach.

“Yeah, of course I woke you up—EVERYONE’S GONE. And I know you have some, some freaky powers, so it’s probably your fault. Where’d they go.”

“Wha?”

“YOU—”

Benry, not for the first time, regretted how often he feigned ignorance to piss feetman off. Sure, it was funny, but in moments like this, moments where he really had no fucking clue, it just made Gordon madder. At the moment, Gordon’s face had twisted into an expression of sheer close-to-crying frustration. His jaw was so clenched, teeth grinding… Benry could almost see his throat vibrate.

“—SO. I PROMISE I will get you those feet pics.”

Benry suddenly jolted. He’d been staring so hard at Gordon’s face he hadn’t heard a single word he’d said, but the phrase ‘feet pics’ knocked him out of his stupor.

“Oh, word?” His voice was joking, but his face felt hot, his hands sweaty. Somewhere far away, his gut rolled in discomfort.

“Yes. If you use your, your weird alien powers to find my–OUR friends—I will get you the feet pics.”

“…Yeah, okay. Fffucken. Gimme a sec.”

Benry suddenly realized that he had no idea where he was. But—No, this was Black Mesa. He was in Black Mesa. He had to be, right? Gordon was here. He was here. Black Mesa. There wasn’t anything else out there. Right?

Panic gripped at his throat. What the hell was the MATTER with him? He asked himself that a lot anyway, but right now, he really wished he knew the answer. Benry touched the floor. Yep, concrete. But somehow that just made him even more frazzled. He… shouldn’t feel concrete? Why not? It was right there. What the hell was going on? His hand went to his face, traced the lines around his eyes, yep, still shaped the same way he remembered, and—he could rub his eyes. That was wrong for some reason. He had no idea why it was wrong. It just was.

He was… there were crates. It was Black Mesa, of course there were crates. Yeah. And there was a pigeon in the rafters. There was a door, with a keypad scanner. Okay. Okay, yeah, that sounded right. It was there. He could see it.

“Hey, uh, didn’t think I’d be asking this, but—Are you okay?”

“Huh????” Benry startled. Gordon was staring at him. How long had he been staring? Even weirder, Benry’s response hadn’t pissed him off. He just looked… worried? Why? Benry suddenly realized he’d been rocking slightly, running his hands over, over…

His face. He wasn’t wearing a headset.

Of course he wasn’t. He never had? He had, had a helmet, yeah, but.

But.

Static.

It was so hard to think. Worse than the usual fog in his head. Something was really, really wrong. He just wished he could figure out what the hell it was.

“BENRY.” Gordon’s shout briefly jolted him out of the rising swell of panic. Benry knew he should have been grateful for the reprieve, but instead, he just felt angry. Angry at himself, which made him angry at Gordon. He wasn't usually a panicky guy. He was a chill, cool dude. He didn’t freak out. And right now, he was acting like a big baby idiot in front of his bro. Cringe.

“Yo, shut up,” He hissed. Gordon flinched away slightly, but it didn't take him too long to set his jaw, cross his arms, and open his mouth for more yelling. Benry didn’t give him the chance.

“You, you shouldn’t—You shouldn’t have woken me up. We’re heavy sleepers. Yeah? Waking, waking me up. Not good. Very bad.”

“Benry–”

“Dddddddd. Don’t call me that.” Something about his name was making him feel worse and he didn’t know what it was. The whole not knowing thing was starting to get to him. Even though he had a lot of experience with it, he never was a huge fan of forgetting important things. He huffed slightly in frustration, a noise that sounded loud and crackly.

“Oooookay.” Gordon said, giving him a quizzical look. They stared at eachother silently for a few awkward moments. What?

“…So, WHY shouldn’t I wake you up.” Benry blinked. Oh, it was his turn to talk. Fuck. Okay. And now he had to figure out an answer. As usual when he didn’t know what to say, he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"'Cause it’s rude?”

Gordon looked like he wanted to launch into an angry rant, but he stopped himself. Instead, he stared Benry straight in the eyes. His expression made Benry squirm. It was… mad, sure, but there was more to it. Resignation? Whatever it was, Benry didn’t like it. Fuck, this was hard.

“No. What’s the real reason.”

“That’s—That’s the real reason.” Benry sounded more unsure than ever. Gordon’s gaze had him pinned. He squirmed in place. Why did he feel so guilty? That was the reason, wasn’t it? Or--no. Couldn't be. The actual answer felt like it SHOULD have been obvious, but it was slipping his mind. Gordon had been quiet for too long, and something about the awful, heavy silence forced more words out of Benry’s mouth.

“I, I mean—You woke me up, right?” Benry stammered. Gordon nodded. He was sat on the floor, legs crossed. And he was sitting still. That was wrong too. He was always so animated, like a clown. That was why Benry was always staring at him.

“A-And. I’m not supposed to be awake right now. So I think I can’t remember stuff right.” Gordon pursed his lips in thought, but nodded again.

“So. I’m in Black Mesa, which, not supposed to be here–” Gordon let out a little snort at the phrasing. Oh. Right. Passports were the last thing on Benry’s mind right now.

“Not supposed to be wearing this.” He pulled at the fabric of his uniform. The rough jumpsuit material felt the same as usual. Benry felt another pang of fear. Gordon said nothing.

“And I can’t, I can’t–”

Benry trembled violently. Gordon said nothing.

“I can’t break character?”

Gordon’s eyes were impossibly orange.

Then he smiled, and said:

“Hurts, right?”

—

Jaden woke up.

Jaden did not show up for work the next day.

#hlvrai #half life but the ai is self aware #hlaivr #multiplayer au #this was a lot of fun i fucken love roleswap aus

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