#forgive typos and stuff please ty ly

[jenomark]

DECEMBER

➔Pairing: Doyoung x Reader (Female) | Jaehyun x Reader (Female) ➔Other Members/ Characters: -.- ➔Genre: Plot (ft. smut, romance, angst, fluff etc.) ➔Warnings: Vaginal penetration, cheating, angst etc. ➔Word count: 3,317

➔Summary: You are dating handsome and lovable Jaehyun. You stay at his apartment all of the time, along with his roommate Doyoung. Doyoung has feelings for you, which he doesn’t quite understand. What begins as an innocent crush changes the lives of all three people over the course of seven months.

AUGUST SEPTEMBER OCTOBER NOVEMBER

-Sorry it’s so late!! January & February will be up sometime soon! 💚

  The very first time you had crossed over that threshold, it was to embrace Jaehyun. With your first date jitters, you nearly collapsed into his arms, tripping over your own feet in his doorway. Luckily, he found the idea of you quite charming, even if he had to stop you from breaking your nose on the first date.

  Your old work friend had set you and Jaehyun up on a blind date. You almost didn’t show up, using every excuse under the sun as to why you couldn’t go. Truthfully, you weren’t ready to be in a working relationship with anyone, especially not a blind date. Upon seeing him and letting him, quite literally, sweep you off of your feet, you were happy you went through with it.

  Your first impression of Jaehyun was that he was drop dead gorgeous. You could hardly speak eloquently around him, but that didn’t matter, because you liked the way he led the conversation. He wasn’t perfect, but he made up for the things you lacked. He was a little clumsy, just like you, which gave you a breath of relief. You were almost too happy when he accidently knocked his beer glass off of the table with a switch of his elbow, his pretty face flush with the embarrassment that seemed to follow you all your life. He made you feel you were not alone, which might have been the very reason you held onto him. He was everything you needed at the time: a fun, beautiful distraction. 

 Though you were no longer friends with the people who set you up, you decided to keep Jaehyun as yours. His job was stable, the sex was great, and he was someone you felt you could pass the time with. Though the relationship itself lacked a lot, it felt like the right thing to jump headfirst into. You weren’t expecting much, honestly. Liking the feeling of falling for someone was enough for you, and you hoped it would be enough for him.

  You definitely weren’t expecting to grow so attached to crossing the same threshold time and time again. You spent more time with him than you had with any of your exes from past relationships. You were having sex with Jaehyun on a daily basis, staying the next morning's at his apartment, digging through his snack cabinets and avoiding his hermit-like roommate. You were someone’s girlfriend. You liked the way it felt having a place to come back to when you were feeling lost, to watch movies in, and to take a shower using all the hot water. It felt a little bit like coming home, which made you realize how much you had been craving closeness with someone.

  It only took you a few months to realize that the person you had been coming home to wasn’t exactly Jaehyun. It might have been clear from early on that Jaehyun wasn’t as right of a fit for you as you had originally thought, that you both stuck together because it was easier, and the sex was enough to entertain the idea of more. They say ignorance is bliss, after all. You both got something out of the relationship, so it was much harder to break-up for good. So, you kept it going, and because you kept it going, you started falling in love with someone else.

 The truth was always much harder spoken than not.

 You couldn’t stop finding the humor in everything. Doyoung set you down after kicking in his bedroom door, his eyes searching your face for acceptance. The sound of the door opening and hitting the opposite wall replayed in your mind, the clumsiness of the situation warming your heart. You could hear it echo a thousand times, each time seeming more comical than the last. You cupped your hand to your face, tilted your head back and let yourself laugh until you were hot in the face and near tears. 

“What is funny?” he asked, though he was on the brink of laughter, too.

“I don’t even know.” you said. “I just have this uncontrollable need to laugh. I’m really nervous. I think I love you.” 

 You laughed loudly, nearly bending over because your stomach hurt so much. When you felt a stab in your side, you pressed your hand to it and unfolded your body until you were standing straight. You tried keeping your face stoic, but you were failing miserably. Doyoung was staring at you, not completely sure what planet you were from.

“Let’s just fucking do this.” you said.

 You crossed the gap between you, letting your body knock into his, and you kissed him. You were still giggling a little, but as Doyoung’s kisses turned more serious, you swallowed it. You grabbed the back of his neck and felt the edges of his rain soaked hair tickle your fingers.  The passion struck you both again, coming full-force like it had never left. 

  You started rubbing the front of his pants, hoping to rouse him. Doyoung took your hand and clasped it with his, bringing it away. You wanted to feel his bare skin on yours, so you tried removing his shirt, but Doyoung grabbed your other hand and brought it away. You stood holding hands and kissing, Doyoung leading you.

“Let me touch you. “ you said, trying to pull away from his grip.

  When you yanked your hands away, there was no trace of laughter on your lips anymore. You felt like you were staring into his soul when you looked into his eyes. You stood facing him, your decisions hanging between you, weightless and certain. 

   Doyoung stood still as you placed your fingers against his chest. You moved them underneath his shirt, his skin warm to the touch. You felt him, as if he were going to disappear after a few minutes, the spell having been broken. When you were finished, Doyoung’s hand was waiting for you. You placed your hand inside of his and let him hold it. You led him to his own bed, sitting down on it and stretching your body across it. 

 The light in the room was dim and romantic. Though things started off with a bang, you and Doyoung were moving slowly. You made out with him, with his body on top of yours, and your hands scratching up his back. You couldn’t stop getting excited whenever you touched a new part of him. All of the sensations were firing off signals in your brain at once, the serotonin making you come alive. All of the memories of your lives together were replaying over and over again. There weren't  any thoughts spared for Jaehyun. It was just you and Doyoung, building up to the layers of clothes between you. 

  Doyoung pulled his shirt over his head. From there, it felt like time had unfrozen. At last, you were together. You were intentionally in his bed, your fingers feeling for his belt buckle, and his hand making a home against your hip. He was looking at you, his eyes not shying away from yours. His lips were on your neck, his lower body pressing against yours. You opened your legs and invited him inside.

 “I love you.” Doyoung whispered before putting his lips to your lower belly.

 He lifted your shirt over your head. He stripped you naked, stopped only to look down at your body in all its glory. You wished you could get inside of his head to find out what he was thinking, to see if you were everything he wanted. Kicking off his pants, Doyoung knelt down on top of you and pushed the hair from your face. You could feel the old laughter wanting to tear itself up your throat, and you accepted it as happiness wanting to bubble out.

“I love you.” Doyoung said. “And it’s madness.”

 He slipped inside of you. Doyoung was gentle with your body, moving slow, and holding your head to make sure he didn’t hurt you. You wanted him all over you, but you loved the way it felt to be wrapped up in his arms safely, not knowing what type of future you’d both have from that moment forward. You felt like you were free falling.

 You couldn’t catch your breath. Feeling Doyoung fill you up was overwhelming. You wrapped your legs around him to bring him closer. You bit down on his ear for a second before releasing it from your teeth and moaning loudly. You let him tease your body with his tongue before moving inside of you again, the Doyoung of the past being laid to rest inside of his sheets. 

   You had never cheated on anyone before. You didn’t know it was possible for you to be with someone and entertain the idea of someone else. You weren’t that kind of girl, or, you weren’t that kind of girl, in the beginning. 

  When you first met Doyoung, he mostly kept to himself. Hooking up with Jaehyun meant sneaking around when Doyoung wasn’t home. You think the excitement of it all was the foundation of your budding relationship with Jaehyun. It was all simply too fun to give up. When Doyoung was home, he hardly came out of his bedroom the first few weeks. You thought it was his idea of being independent or keeping a low profile, or maybe it was a respect thing, but you’d never met a man that was so conspicuous. Whenever Doyoung moved, your eyes followed, like you knew he wanted them to. It became a bit of a game to meet him when you stepped out of Jaehyun’s bedroom, to see how far he would go to not look at you. And even though you were sure he hated your guts for interrupting his perfect existence, you couldn’t stop yourself from the obsession of getting him to like you, to talk to you, ot to want to be around you.

 The first time Jaehyun tried breaking up with you, when you had talked to Doyoung in the kitchen and you had linked your pinky with his, was the very first time you had really felt anything for another person that extended past “Fun”. Most of your relationships were just full of ideas of what you and the other person could be, how good they appeared on paper,  and what was worth keeping and what was worth throwing away. With Doyoung, he had laid everything out on the table in a way that made you feel seen. After awhile, you realized that you didn’t care that much about Jaehyun breaking up with you, but you were more worried about losing Doyoung.

 It was wrong. You knew it was wrong in every way your brain tried to spin it around. You had fantasies about fate, little red strings tying your fingers to his. You were falling in love with what was meant to be, and what means you would go to in order to find the truest form of that love. You thought of many excuses that felt like bad writing in the movies. If it was so wrong, why did it feel so right? Why would life choose to throw him into the mix without it meaning anything? All of those things spun around and around in your mind until you started to believe them, and gradually, until they were all too powerful to ignore.

  It was wrong. It is wrong. It will always be wrong. Jaehyun might not have been a storybook perfect love, but he was human, and he treated you better than people thought. And yet, kissing Doyoung couldn’t help you remember what was morally correct, or what kind of situation you were really in. You made the choice to kiss him. You could have made the choice to stop, but you knew you never would. December would come and go, the sex being even better than you imagined, and January would knock you on your ass.

    In the back of your mind, as you tried to grapple with your decisions, all you could hear was the bang of Doyoung’s door.

  The mistletoe hung from the doorway, like a scene in a foreign movie. You let Jaehyun pass under it first while you stood back a little, hoping that no one would notice neither of you wanted to be caught underneath it together. You looked up at the green mistletoe, its red ribbon falling apart, and you thought it was a perfect metaphor for your current situation. As you passed under it, Jaehyun’s mother's voice chimed in, her idea of romanticism beginning and ending with her son and his girlfriend of nearly half a year.

“You must kiss!” she said, clapping her hands together. “It’s Christmas! Jaehyun, don’t stop loving your girlfriend because we’re around.”

  Jaehyun’s family never felt like yours. As they all stared at you, you realized how badly you’d always wanted to reach that part of him, the part that made him who he was. They were nice people who treated you kindly, but you were still a stranger that didn’t belong in their family quite yet. You blamed it on Jaehyun’s inability to take your relationship seriously enough to introduce you to his mother sooner, but got rid of those thoughts as soon as you remembered what you had done to him. It was an odd feeling being in such a personal space during a holiday without feeling like your existing relationship was the whole truth.

  Quickly, only to please his mother, Jaehyun took your elbow and pulled you underneath the doorway. He kissed your cheek lightly, his eyes never meeting yours. He let your elbow go and walked further into the kitchen, leaving you behind. The Christmas party continued, his family tearing their eyes from you and going back to whatever they had been doing.

  The weird feeling between you and Jaehyun had been happening for a week or so. It had nothing to do with Doyoung and everything to do with the fights you were both having. Jaehyun said you weren’t appreciative of how hard he was working in his personal life, and you were annoyed he paid attention to you so little that he had no idea you were a part of that life, too. Your days consisted of watching Jaehyun storm off into the night after a fight, you crying alone in his room, and then letting Doyoung rub your back until you fell asleep. Then, the next day would reset and all of the mystery resentment would start again.

  Doyoung, during all of this, was patient. He didn’t push you towards breaking up with Jaehyun for good, even though you felt he had every right to, and even though it’s the course you both knew you wanted to take. He didn’t involve himself in the petty arguments between you and Jaehyun, he just made his presence known in case you needed him. He was supportive for someone who had to watch his roommate and the girl he was in love with give each other brisk kisses some days and shoot daggers at each other the next.

    You leaned against the kitchen counter and waited for Jaehyun to talk to you, to show you that he knew you were there. You thought coming to the party would make you feel better mentally. The Christmas holiday was always your favorite, but you had gotten into an argument in the car on the way over, and the jollyness of the season had been sucked out of your soul.

“I don’t know what we’re doing anymore.” Jaehyun had said in the car, as soon as you pulled up in front of his parents house.

 You watched his fingers grip the steering wheel before you spoke. “If you want to break up with me, just do it.”

  You wanted him to be the one to say it, to break it off because you knew you were too cowardly to do it. Your mind was made up. You wanted Doyoung, but you were dealing with the guilt of adding him to your life and subtracting Jaehyun. You didn’t want Jaehyun or Doyoung to lose their friendship either, so you kept yourself in the misery of waiting for someone else to make the first move. It was a terrible habit to have. 

    Jaehyun shook his head, as if he were shaking out bad thoughts. You could see snow flurries hit the windshield and melt against the heat of the glass. They kept your own thoughts at bay, though they were frantic. There was a time when the image of sitting in front of Jaehyun’s family home at Christmas would have pleased you. Now, it made you feel sick to the stomach, especially when you remembered that Doyoung had nowhere to go for Christmas. You tried not to picture him sitting home at alone, bundled up in his soft blue robe, his lips so pouty and kissable.

    You blinked away the memory of an hour ago from your head and focused on where you stood in the kitchen. There should be no moments but the present. Jaehyun’s dad was kind and offered you a plate of food, which you accepted but didn’t eat. His aunts and cousins tried their best to invite you into their conversations, but you felt like you could never relate to any of them. After going through the motions of trying to enjoy Jaehyun’s family’s Christmas traditions and ignoring the sadness invading your brain, you asked if Jaehyun would take you back home.

“Now?” he asked.

“I don’t feel well.” you lied.

“I want to stay for another hour.” he said, his voice rising. “I haven’t seen my family together in a long time.”

  You put your hand on his arm and tried to portray that you were apologetic, but you just felt desperate. Your eyes were glassy, like you might cry. You didn’t want to guilt him into making a decision, that wasn’t your motive, but you couldn’t help feeling emotional.

Jaehyun sighed. “I’ll get my jacket. I guess I can drive you home and come back.”

  You decided to wait on the front steps alone while he got his jacket, the snow flurries landing in your eyelashes. When Jaehyun came back outside, you could tell that he was thinking of something to say. You could feel what was about to happen, so you braced yourself against the coldness Jaehyun had a habit of releasing when he felt backed into a corner.

“You’re not happy with me.” he said. “And I’m not happy with you.”

  You could feel a little sting in your chest when he said those words out loud, because the truth always hurts. The girl you used to be was clinging hard to the idea that maybe Jaehyun was where you were supposed to be, that maybe he could take those words back. There was no part of you that wanted him, but you couldn’t keep yourself away from the What Ifs. They clouded your mind and often made you feel confused.  

Jaehyun continued, “I don’t want to say things that will hurt your feelings on Christmas, so I will keep it short. We’re not good together. You’re not the person I see myself with in the future. You’re nothing like what I imagined. I don’t even know why I held onto you for this long. It feels...cruel. I think we’re a little too codependent.”

   The tears that fell were both natural to your emotional state and to the cold biting at your cheeks. You listened to him, your eyes not knowing where on his handsome face they should focus. When you spoke up to tell Jaehyun you agreed with him, he cut you off.

“- I cheated on you.” he said. “I cheated on you that night I went to the bar without you.”

#doyoung #kim doyoung #nct #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct 127 #nct fanfiction #nct doyoung #doyoung fanfiction #jaehyun fanfiction #doyoung smut #doyoung fluff #forgive typos and stuff please ty ly