#happy ten years sober babygirl

[ur-local-emo]

MIKEY WAY APPRECIATION BECAUSE HES TEN YEARS SOBER TODAY!!!!!

#mikey way #micheal romance #micheal james way #micheal wave #my chemical romance #mcr #happy ten years sober babygirl #no but seriously i hope he knows he has hundreds of thousands people rooting him on in this journey

[phangirlof]

Fooled (01)

Part 1, Part 2

Description: Sometimes true love turns out to be one-sided.

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x reader

Word Count: 1,522

I didn’t have any tears left. All I could do was look at the dusty brown rug that lay on the old, dirty floor. At first I wanted to know why it hadn’t been cleaned but I remembered three things. One, I lived alone. Two, I was the only one who is here to clean it. And three, I had been so preoccupied with Baekhyun to care about anything else.

I’d spent the last few days crying until my sides ached and my whole body shook. Baekhyun had used me. He didn’t love me, he didn’t care about me, he didn’t want me. He never had. He sought out for something to keep his sober mind mindlessly spinning. I was caught like a fly in his web of lies. I listened to him when he told me I was the only thing he needed, the only thing he needed to stay alive and to keep fighting his battles, his demons. I stood beside him through everything. I was there through the good, happy, smiley days where Baek was a goof ball and practically everything made him a giggling mess. I was there through the depressing, painful, soul-wrenching days where he couldn’t stop crying or catch his breath because everything had hit his heart so hard. I was also there for everything in between. I picked my phone off the floor. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I laughed bitterly. Of course I wouldn’t get anything back from him. With one swift motion, I unlocked my phone, and went straight to the messages.

I clicked on my last conversation I’d had. It had been over two weeks since Baekhyun and I talked. I scrolled to the start of the end and read it over again like I’ve forced myself to do repeatedly the last few days.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t do what babe?”

“This. Us. I’m done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you anymore. I never did.”

“Why’d you stay so long, why’d you get my hopes up, why’d you let me to fall in love with you?”

“You kept my head whirling so I didn’t think about anything else. You never had anything better to do anyway. You didn’t have a life. You didn’t have anyone waiting for you or wishing to steal you away from me. Besides, if I had actually loved you, eventually I would have came to my senses and left. You’re not the type that someone stays around for. They’d be a fool to actually care about you.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry that I lead you on though. That was never my intention.”

“You don’t need me anymore, so don’t lie to me.”

One part of that conversation kept repeating in my head, and had since I first read it. “You’re not the type that someone stays around for.” Out of everything he had said, that hurt the worst. That was the one thing that had truly stabbed me in the heart. What was wrong with me? He told me that no one should love me. What makes me that awful? No one’s perfect, but what was so bad about me? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Finding out that Baekhyun was using me brought all of my insecurities to light. Everything I had ever worried about with giving my heart to someone, to Baekhyun, had come true. He lied to me. He used me. He played me. He never loved me. I wasn’t important to him. I never meant anything.

He wasted two years of my life. I pushed everyone I loved most away to be with him. I’d pretty much changed every aspect of my life for him, to help him and make sure he got better. And now that he was better, he was gone. I was left behind in the dust, now broken and useless.

In the midst of my thoughts I heard a knock at the door. I didn’t dare move to get it though. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to or see anyone. “Y/n?” The voice of my best friend, Seulgi, seeped through the door. “Can we talk? I heard about…” Her voice drifted so I wasn’t able to hear the last part, although I was certain I didn’t necessarily want to.

I yearned to talk to her, I always went to her no matter what it was about. But right now I just couldn’t. I was still too emotionally unstable to talk about everything without breaking down. So instead of going to the door or answering in anyway, I stayed exactly where I was, not moving a muscle. She was persistent though, she always was. She kept knocking for the better part of thirty minutes. “I know it all hurts, I do, but it can’t get better if you don’t let someone in.” Was the last thing she said as she gave up and left. I had never been one to keep my emotions to myself. I needed to tell someone what was wrong, whether it was simply I had stubbed my toe or more seriously I wasn’t too fond of the way someone was treating me. I was always telling someone my problems. But with this, with Baekhyun, I just couldn’t do it yet. Even thinking his name sealed my mouth shut.

I sat in the same place I was all day, but about ten minutes later I heard another knock at the door. Guilt settled in the pit of my stomach. Seulgi didn’t know for sure if I was here or not, and considering since I hadn’t talked to anyone the last two weeks, she might be worried sick. I slowly pushed myself off the floor. I moped over to the door. She didn’t cease her knocking like she had done earlier, she continued until she heard me unlocking the door. “Listen Seulgi, I really just want to be alone.” I said, while swinging the door open. However I wasn’t met with the sight of my short, sweet best friend.

Instead it was Baekhyun. His usually bouncing, well-groomed mop of red hair was a rat’s nest. He wore the same outfit I last saw him in, the day before the texts. The once clean white shirt was a dingy gray, stains and dirt blotches littered the shirt. There was a rip in the left knee that I don’t quite remember being there before. He’d never been a fan of ripped jeans. Bruises and contusions of all sizes lay scattered about what I could see of his arms. He stood there breathing heavy which was ironic seeing as how  I could feel my throat beginning to close up and breathing was becoming a chore. My hands grew clammy at the thick tension. Neither of us spoke, me because I suddenly forgot what words were and him because he was probably waiting for me to speak first. I always did when I was with him. But we weren’t together anymore, so I refused. I could tell the silence was becoming uncomfortable for Baekhyun. He began fidgeting uneasily, unconsciously tapping his fingers on his upper thigh. He always did that when he couldn’t stand being in a certain specific situation. Stop analyzing him. I sighed softly, probably not loud enough for Baekhyun to hear. It means nothing now.

Baekhyun was the first one to crack.

“I didn’t mean a word of what I said.”  “Of course you didn’t.” I scoffed. “I was in a bad place, I need you more than you’ll ever know. I fucked up, bad. I know, but I can’t live without you. You’ve got to believe me babygirl.” The once sweet term of endearment slid off his tongue so easily. It was mainly ever used to convince me to believe whatever lie Baekhyun was trying to pass right over my head. Sitting here now, I had the slight urge to hear him out. The slight urge. I raised a hand up, stopping him before he said anymore.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’m sorry.” Yet another lie that slipped past his lips like butter.

I couldn’t bear looking into the eyes of the very person that had made and broken me with a few simple words. “Baekhyun, I need you to leave. You don’t live here. We’re not together anymore. You have no business being here.” All I could see was the determination in his eyes. I had no doubt that he was probably gonna stand here, all night if he had to, til’ I let him in. I was too stubborn to give into him so easily.

He was playing me like game at this point, I could feel it. He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew exactly how much strength it was taking me not to  succumb under his intense gaze.

“Goodbye Baekhyun.”

I shut the door, attempting to keep my sanity a little while longer. I didn’t know if he was still at the door or not, probably though knowing how much he loves to keep his act up, but by the time I reached my seat in front of the couch, a fresh wave of tears had surfaced.

Masterlist

#baekhyun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun angst #exo angst #kpop angst #exo #chanyeol #park chanyeol #sehun #oh sehun #kai #jongin #kim jongin #chen #jongdae #kim jongdae #xiumin #minseok #kim minseok #d.o #kyungsoo #do kyungsoo #suho #junmyeon #kim junmyeon #lay #yixing #zhang yixing #phangirlof

[chandlerqualls]

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

She’s never been able to. She used to carry it on her every single day at school. Every now and then I’d hear a click and a gasp and I’d wonder what it’s like to have your lungs reject the air that keeps them alive.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler .

As the years came and went, we became closer, and her mom gave me her extra inhaler. I carried it like a sword, proudly and with great purpose. I kept my eye on her at all times, which wasn’t that hard, considering how beautiful she was. She used to tell me that I worry too much.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

It is 4 years before I actually have to use the inhaler. We were at the park and he arrived. He asked to play hide and go seek. He said he knew it was stupid, but he wanted to play. She agreed for both of us. He told us he would seek first. He counts to ten. We hide. He finds me immediately. He sees her. He runs to her. She runs away.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

He chases her down and she finally collapses, unable to breathe. I produce the inhaler from my pocket and place it between her lips. I scream at him to call 911. He looks terrified. He probably wonders if he killed her. I hold her to my chest and try to help her breathe.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

As time has passed, I started seeing her less and less. She begins seeing him more and more. Her mom asks for the inhaler back and gives it to him. I am shocked. It feels like I have been replaced. I’m not her protector anymore.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I round the corner into her bedroom. She invited me over for video games and pointless conversation. I push the door open and there they are. Lips locked and arms wrapped around each other. I am broken. I let out an inaudible gasp. She looks up at him with this love in her eyes that I’ve never seen in the way she looks at me. I’m destroyed.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

She finally looks in my direction. Tears are streaming down my face as I look into her eyes. I start to panic. I tell her I’m just going to go home. Maybe we can hang out next weekend. I rush out the door. She follows me. She yells my name. I act like I can’t hear her. I’m out the front door. And then I’m running. I can’t see through the tears in my eyes, I’m just turning when I feel like it.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I find a park bench to sit on. I look at my phone. 32 missed calls. 14 text messages. What’s going on? Where are you? Are you okay? I want to turn my phone off. I want to ignore her. But I know how she gets when she’s worried. I hate that I still care. She will never love me no matter what I do and I’m still worried about whether she’s going to be able to breathe in the morning.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

He leaves her alone. He has some party to go to that is more important to him than she will ever be. He will recall those memories before he even looks at her. She calls me. I answer. Come over. It’s just me and you babe. I wince at the nickname. Butterflies build in my stomach and I have to will them away because I know it’s innocent. I agree. She giggles on the other end. I’m in love with her.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I show up to her house and let myself in once more. I round the corner to her room and there she is, beautiful as ever. I approach her cautiously. She jumps up and wraps her arms around my neck. I love you I love you I love you she mumbles into my jawline. Tears well up in my eyes again as she pulls away.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I sniffle softly. Her head snaps to attention immediately. She’s analyzing my face. What’s wrong? I just look down at my feet and she pulls me in closely. What’s wrong? I look deep into her eyes. I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t like him. I don’t know how to tell her that I wish I was him. I don’t know how to tell her that I am in love with her. I tell her that I’m not ready to talk about it. She pulls me into her bed and holds me as I cry. I’m overwhelmed by her.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

He comes over again while I’m crying into her chest. He tells her he needs something. She goes to him. She tells me she loves me. She goes and risks her life for his happiness. I cry into her pillow. I’m angry when I realize that it smells like her.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I build my armor up around my heart. I might be in love with her but that doesn’t mean she is mine. Her happiness is most important. She loves him. I hate him. 3 years go by and they are still wrapped up in each other. He spends his time with many girls that are not her. He no longer has the energy to try at all. We go to dinner as a group and he leaves her inhaler at home.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

He kissed her hard in the car. He kissed her long and hard and didnt let her up for air. Her eyes went from a soft joy to a heavy panic. I saw the change in the rear view mirror. I start driving to the hospital and I yell at him to stop kissing her. She can not breathe. I yell for her inhaler. I tell him to give it to her.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

He makes eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. I see the realization in his eyes. I’m angry. Im crying. Im speeding. How could he forget his one job. Her mom trusted him to care enough about her to keep her alive. He didn’t.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

The hospital takes care of her. It’s me and him alone in the waiting room. He tells me he’s going to break up with her. He says that he doesn’t love her. He says that she’s not right for him. I want to scream. He’s right though. She’s too good for him.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

A few days later and she’s okay. He tells her they need to talk. He breaks her heart. He returns her inhaler to her mom. It’s my turn to hold her close and let her cry into my shoulder. I run my fingers through her hair. It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay. She falls asleep that night crying in my arms. I hold her tight and refuse to let go.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

A year passes and we spend everyday playing stupid video games and falling asleep in each other’s arms. I want so badly to kiss her. I’m too scared to actually try to tell her how much I love her. I settle for the soft skin rubbing against my neck. I treasure these little moments. They leave me breathless.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

She places her forehead against mine. I’m afraid I might faint. The alcohol we had pumped into our brains was taking over my thoughts. Her lips were so beautiful. I wanted to kiss them. I leaned in slowly. I looked into her eyes. She looked down at my lips and smirked.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I drunkenly pressed my lips to hers and tried to tell her in that one kiss how much she meant to me. I poured my soul into that kiss. I pulled away crying. I was suddenly painfully sober. She lifted her hand to my cheek and wiped my tears away. What’s wrong babygirl? I whimper at the nickname. I’m in love with you. I say it bluntly. She smiles. I’m crying again and suddenly she’s kissing my tears away. I melt instantly. I’m in love with you too she mutters against my cheek. I kiss her.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I hold her close in the ambulance as we are on our way to the hospital for another asthma attack. She’s going to be fine, I was there with the inhaler instantly. We get to the hospital. I’m in the waiting room. There he is. He tells me he wants her back. He tells me that no one ever loved him the way she did. He tells me he loves her more than anything. She comes out to the waiting room and he gives her flowers. He says he loves her. She says she’s sorry. She says

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

She leans over to kiss me. He is shocked. He storms away. She pulls away. You’re my inhaler. Baby, you are the reason I keep breathing.

She can’t breathe without her inhaler.

I can’t breathe without her smile.