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paradoxicalcurio · 3 years

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Time to share one of my stories. This one follows my character Styx, a lich.

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It was Styx's day off from work today, and she was certain the other doctors and surgeons could deal with the injuries from any accident that happens. It had been a while since she had spent a night on the town, and she really didn't want to spend another quiet, sleepless night at home. So once the sun set and she was free to walk around without getting burned, she grabbed some essentials and headed out.

Her usual outfit worked just fine for her destination: a long black cloak with a hood, and a silver necklace housing her phylactery. A quick glamour disguised her skeletal arm, and she was ready to go.

The club she ended up at wasn't at all similar to what most people would think when they imagine a club. It was more suited to the goth subculture, and thus a perfect place for undead such as herself to blend in and meet interested people.

Almost immediately after walking in, she was approached by a short purple-haired woman and a much taller, blonde man. "Cool arm." The woman said, smiling softly. "You do it yourself?"

Without missing a beat, Styx raised her bone arm, now unglamoured, and nodded. "It's not my original arm, but I'm still rather attached to it." The joke elicited a chuckle from both the guy and the girl.

So casually revealing her undead nature was risky, she knew. But hiding her true nature all th time was exhausting, she knew that these people would be more fascinated than terrified, and it was unlikely anyone they told outside of the goth culture would believe them even for a second.

Perhaps she was a little careless, however.

Styx spent a few hours dancing and telling stories about her unlife to those who were interested, and even got a few numbers and flirtatious gestures. It wasn't until almost four AM that she checked her watch and interrupted her current story about an encounter with a dragon.

"Oh dear, I need to get home before the sun rises." She explained, standing up. Though it didn't show much, she could tell the others were disappointed, but nobody stopped her as she exited the club.

As she approached her car, however, she heard someone coming up behind her at a brisk pace. She turned around to face them - and blinding light and agony exploded onto her face. She shrieked and recoiled, falling to her knees and clutching her face, feeling a cross-shaped mark burned across it.

"I knew it." A voice spat. She could barely hear it, and couldn't see its source at all, too focused on the blinding, burning pain the cross had caused. "An unholy abomination, cursed by God himself."

Styx shuddered at the name, and forced her vision back to normal. Slowly, the red darkness faded, revealing the blonde man who'd greeted her at the entrance - Lucifer, she remembered he introduced himself as. She thought it was just an edgy nickname, but the cross clutched in his hand and the hatred on his face indicated it was more fitting than she had originally assumed.

"Stay down!" he barked as she tried to get to her feet, and pressed the tip of the cross into her forehead. It ignited into sheer agony, and she shrieked again and fell back onto the ground, barely supporting herself with her hands and knees.

Faintly, she heard the sound of a gun cocking, and felt the barrel press against the top of her head. The man muttered something - she caught the word 'God' and shuddered again - then fired. The sound was oddly muffled, and she couldn't tell if it was because of her senses still being overwhelmed, or that there was a silencer on it. Maybe both.

Everything went black.

For a moment.

It hurt. Dear lord, it hurt. The cross burn on her face, the ringing in her ears, the bullet hole in her skull, the bullet itself - silver? It felt like silver, or gold - still lodged somewhere in her head.

Slowly, painfully slowly, she rolled over onto her back, feeling the liquid aether slowly oozing from the hole in her head. Lucifer had turned away from her, clearly believing his job done. Fool. This may have worked on a vampire, but liches were made of sturdier stuff.

Strength returned to her limbs as she willed her injuries healed, expending as much energy as she could muster. The pain faded to a dull ache, and as she stood up, the bullet was pushed up out of her head by the regrowing tissue, and clattered to the pavement. Lucifer turned around at the noise, eyes wide.

"What the fu-"

He raised the gun in one hand and cross in the other, but Styx was too fast for him to recover from his shock. She closed the distance, grabbed his right hand and yanked it back. His yell of pain was joined by the crack of the bone, and the cross clattered to the ground. The gun followed a second later, preceded by the crack of Lucifer's other wrist.

With both hands incapacitated, he couldn't stop her from forcing his mouth open and, with an inhumane rattling breath, begin drawing his soul out from his body. His eyes were wide with terror and fear, but only for a few seconds. They dulled as his soul was pulled out and consumed by the lich.

She was tempted to keep going until the entire soul was devoured, wiping Lucifer completely from existence. But she knew that it would only prove him and other hunters right, that it would be the first step towards becoming a true monster. Something she'd spent the last five hundred years fighting. So she stopped, just before the last, most crucial piece of the goth's soul was pulled out, and dropped the now comatose human to the pavement.

Her eyes turned to the club. Nobody seemed to have seen or heard anything; likely the music was loud enough to cover the gunshots and screams. Speaking of the gun, she picked it up off the ground and pocketed it. Perhaps she could sell it later.

He'd be fine eventually. It would take a few weeks of bedrest for his soul to recover, but he'd live. Might not be as dexterous as he once was, however, and hopefully not nearly so eager to kill people.

#Modern Fantasy #Original Work #One-Shot

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okayohay · 3 years

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I Just Wanted To Be Edgy Too (Chapter 2)

I wanted to post the second chapter of my fic here, because not everyone uses Wattpad. Please let me know if you would like me to keep posting it! If you want to read ahead - you can find the story on Wattpad here

Hope you guys enjoy!

I Just Wanted To Be Edgy Too

Chapter Two

Van

I needed a change...

We ended our soundcheck with Overlap because I was sick of playing the same song every night. I was sick of singing about things that mattered when I was sixteen but didn't matter to me anymore. I wanted to do something different, so I did what I do best, jump into things unannounced. There was no warning to it. Bondy slid into the opening chords like usual and I cut him off with a riff.

He raised his eyebrows at me as I played the chorus of Overlap instead of Tyrants. Steve crossed his arms over his chest from the lighting platform in the middle of the floor and narrowed his eyes at me, a smug look on his face.

"I want to end with something else." I didn't wait for anyone's response, I just started singing the first verse, forgetting half of the words.

"Whoa, whoa, why Overlap? Why not something else?" Benji scratched the side of his face.

I kept playing the riff on a shrug. "What else?"

"I don't know man...something off of two? Something the fans already love?"

I strummed my guitar again and hummed the words. Overlap meant something to me, that's why I wanted to play it, but I didn't want to tell them that. I zoned out the questions and continued playing, even when the rest of them stopped.

Steve crossed the floor and stood in front of the barricade by the stage. "I like that you're ready to retire Tyrants, but you're going to play something people connect with."

"They'll connect with this if you give them the chance." I heard the edge in my voice.

Bondy cleared his throat and shook his head at me. I knew he was silently telling me it wasn't worth it. Overlap wasn't worth pushing Steve and I into another fight.

"You'll end with Cocoon." Steve said bluntly before he walked off with a flick of his wrist. My jaw locked into place as I ground my teeth together.

"Van, leave it." Bondy whispered.

I shook my head and flicked my hair from my face. "We'll play it now for good measure. I want to hear it live." I spun my finger around signaling the start of the song. Bob struck his drumsticks together and Benji and Bondy exchanged glances I pretended not to notice.

The song started slowly, just as it did on the album, and by the chorus, Bondy's smile returned and he was clearly enjoying playing something new. Even Bob's snare sounded different, a little bit more life to it, perhaps. Steve paid us no mind as he continued to fiddle with the lights and the soundboards, but the few roadies watching in the back seemed to enjoy the change to the set.

I sang the last lines out quickly, adding a few more words in here and there, and dragging out the last sentence rather than cutting it off. We finished and were met with a round of applause from the back. Steve looked up then, taking notice of the compliments and then pausing as he shook his head at me.

A few people walked toward the stage, a mix of roadies and local radio station DJs who couldn't wait to nab another piece of us during an interview. I rolled my eyes, noticing one girl holding a camera and scratching down words on a small black book. She stepped into the blue glow of the lights Steve had been working on, and I froze as she neared the stage. I was in no state of mind to do an interview right now, and I definitely wouldn't be having an interview with a girl looking like that. Her long hair wasn't blonde or brown, but somewhere lost in between the two, and it hung in loose waves over her shoulders. Her eyes were dark, maybe even a little too intense. I glanced at Steve for backup. He hadn't told me anything about a scheduled interview today, and I surely didn't want to go into one prior to a gig.

She said nothing as she stood by the barricade and jotted a few more sentences into her notebook. Bondy glanced at her a few times but shrugged his shoulders when I motioned to her. She looked young, mid to late twenties maybe, and she never said a word to any of us, just kept scribbling quickly into her book. I frowned. If she had something to write about me, I'd like to be the one giving her the information.

She looked up and locked eyes with me then, a shudder rippled through me. She was dead gorgeous, but I've learned to never trust a writer, despite their looks. Never trust a writer at all; trust me.

I jutted my chin at her as I sat my guitar down. "Can we do ya a favor or somet?" My accent was thick, spewing out half word phrases from back home, something that only happened when I was mad, or full of feelings I couldn't get out.

Benji looked up instantly, recognizing my tone and how many times it preceded an argument or a shitty interview. He glanced from me, to the girl, and back to me.

"Van..." he raised his free hand at me but I shrugged it off.

"No, no, no I want to know what she wants from us. She's bloody good at jottin' it down in her book, I just want to know what she's gettin’ on at before I read about it in some magazine or on the internet later."

The nameless girl's face reddened, and she closed the black book and shoved it behind her into her camera bag. She didn't leave though, she just kind of stood there keeping her sites on me, like I was a ghost on the stage and she was looking right through me.

"Van, lad...ease up a bit. It's not what you think. That's her; Barns' girlfriend."

My gaze shifted back to the girl, leaning into a roadie and speaking in his ear. Well fuck.

I bit down on my lip, jumped off the stage and stood next to the barricade. "Sorry love, who did you say you were?"

She pressed herself into the barricade and began pulling her hair into a pony tail. "I didn't. I think you were too worried about me being a journalist to care."

I said nothing, which was a rarity for me. She picked up on my hesitation and sighed. "I'm Ellie." The redness returning to her cheeks.

"You're not a journalist?"

"Legally no, but in her free time she writes damn good articles for a blog." Barns stepped beside her and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her hard. She flinched at first, until she realized it was him and relaxed. I turned away and raked a hand through my hair.

Barns Courtney had been opening for us on and off for months. At first, it was all fun and games, whiskey and beers after shows, sitting around after gigs getting high on shitty weed he'd pull from his pocket. But it escalated into moments of him shattering the glass of a hotel window, or getting in a fight with Larry. It was shortly after that when Steve caught him with more than just weed. He dug him out of several moments of chaos and kept him out of jail in Dallas, but none of that calmed him down. He started bringing more girls around, and that's when I found out he had a girlfriend. I kind of shut down the friendship at that point. The drugs, the girls, all of it...I'd already lived that life and let it ruin me. I didn't need it to happen again. There was enough of me that liked the wild side too much. I'd spent too much time dabbling in hard liquor and cocaine, and it cost me my better judgment. That cost me a relationship, and my anger from the relationship ending cost me any chance at a friendship. I'd lost my way a bit, lost a lot of things, and I swore I'd never do that again.

Barns made me nervous. He had too much of an edge for me to want to be around. His words were stale and full of poison when he tossed them at me or any one of the lads. Watching him kiss the girl he'd been cheating on for weeks felt wrong. It all felt wrong. My stomach churned.

When he finished with her, he shifted his weight to his other leg and smirked. His signature red leather jacket was hanging loosely off him, no shirt underneath. "This is my girlfriend, Ellie." His tone harassed me, the corners of his lips pulling upwards. "She writes for a music blog, I told her to use whatever she wants from the tour."

I shifted my gaze back to the woman who was now biting at her fingernails nervously. "You're staying for the rest of the tour then?"

She nodded and looked back at Barns casually. Barns smiled at her before nodding at me. "I'll catch up with you in a bit babe, I need to talk to Van."

She smiled and stepped away quickly, turning back once to gaze at us both. She hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth. "You should play that song. Maybe don't end with it, but it's a real barn burner. It'd be good in your set." I blinked a few times as I contemplated what she was saying before she turned around again. When she was out of earshot Barns leaned in and pressed his hand into my shoulder. "Remember our deal, McCann. She doesn't need to know about the shit from last week, or the ones before that. I love her, I don't want to hurt her like that."

I laughed and shook my head. "Some deep love you got there, mate." I removed his hand from my shoulder and climbed back onto the stage.

"Come on, man. Be cool." Barns flashed his perfectly straight teeth at me, but there was no authenticity in his smile. It was forced, he was the big bad wolf and he was in sheep's clothing. This was a threat.

I nodded at him. "Yeah, man whatever."

Barns patted the top of the barricade with his hands and spun around quickly, leaving the four of us to our instruments and the last few minutes of soundcheck.

"What was that all about?" Bondy asked as he wiped down the neck of his guitar and motioned to Barns.

I shrugged as Barns disappeared from site. "Get rid of Rango and play Overlap in its spot. Don't tell Steve, just have Larry change the list."

"You wanna cut Rango?" Bob chimed in from the background, disbelief hanging off the vowels of his words.

I nodded once and picked my guitar up again, the first chords in the song echoed through the empty venue.

#van mcann #Catfish and the Bottlemen #vanfic #Bob Hall #benji blakeway #johnny bond #catb #fan fiction #fanfic #barns courtney

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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Welcome Back

I am a card carrying geek. I was that nerd in grade school, reading comics, watching anime, and larping with his friends during recess. I’ve always loved things like books and film, mostly because my ma had a penchant for the sci-fi and we would share in her hobbies. I’ve been a fan of Doctor Who since i was a wee lil’ Smokey and had a particular fondness for Max Headroom’s shenanigans. My chosen proclivities lend themselves to alternate universes, divergent timeless, and the interdenominational doppelganger or two. What i am trying to convey, here, is that i am not stranger to the revisit of a franchise. For me, rebooting an established work or expanding a loved lore is not a transgression. I am a fan of narrative. If you can tell a unique story, it really doesn’t even have to be that good, but something creativity and compelling, i am totally on board. This isn't as difficult a feat as you'd think considering how well Hollywood can adapt international films. The Ring and The Departed are effectively remakes of their original Asian fare and those films are spectacular. Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is the best example of this i can give. His deconstruction of the Batman mythos was one of the best cinematic and storytelling experiences I ever had. If you can take an established narrative, an established universe, and inject your own flavor into it, i am down for that, too. The Kelvin Star Trek timeline immediately comes to mind. Again, comic book guy, specifically a Spider-Man shill.

While i have years worth of alternate Spider-Men in the books to pull from, i think the most concise example i can give for a layman is to think Into the Spider-Verse, only with thousands more Spider-Men and Spider-Women. That’s the world I'm broaching this subject from, where there are decades worth of stories and reboots and remakes and reimagings, basically revisits, of a character that i absolutely love. Some are great like the Ultimate Spider-Man or the world of Renew Your Vows, and some are not so great, like that version Abrams’ kid came up with. That whole story was the worst. We have actually seen a little bit of this narrative reincarnation in the Spider-Man film franchise, itself, both good and bad. If we take the very first Spider-Man films, those campy, Raimi classics, as a starting point, then we had a terrible reboot in the Amazing franchise and a rather brilliant reimagining in the MCU outings. I really like the MCU retool. Tom Holland is THE onscreen Peter Parker and you can fight me about it all day.

Jurassic World and The Force Awakens are an interesting situation in the whole Revisit discourse. Both of these films are effectively reboots of the entire franchise and a whole ass remake of their initial entries. Beat for beat, theme for theme, these two films are basically the same as Jurassic Park and Episode IV, just less than they are in every conceivable fashion. Now, on paper, i should hate this but i don’t. There is a reason both of the imitations made billions for their respective franchise and that is simply nostalgia. We. as a culture, were starved for a Jurassic sequel and new Star War. When we got these movies in earnest, no one cared they were rehashes of the films that made them so important to the cultural zeitgeist. It was like seeing A New Hope and that initial outing to Isla Nublar for the first time, for a second time, but with much better effects. It had been decades since either of these movies had a proper release so we all just accepted that these were refresher courses in the lore. It was with the sequels that these things sh*t the bed so hard.

Fallen Kingdom and The Last Jedi skewed so far from what these franchises were, from the rules that had been established in the preceding films, including the first in their new trilogies, that they were offensive. Legitimately offensive. Jurassic World and The Force Awakens, as flawed as they were, left their worlds in respectable places. The narratives that could be built from those starting point were incredible. That potential was palpable. Lucas, himself, said that the stories should rhyme and you see that in his six films. Familiar yet different. Nostalgic yet original. Respectful yet original. None of that was recognized in the follow-ups and that is why these two franchises are on life support. It’s sad because there was potential there. Characters introduced were compelling and narrative threads left unties, could have become something great. Instead, expectations were subverted and the world completely sh*t on in an effort to be edgy, to distance itself from the established lore. That sh*t is whack. It’s not about being a fan of the franchise or a zealous istaphobe or whatever else the Twatter mob wants to accuse people of being. It’s about bad story telling. it’s abut a complete betrayal of a decades old franchise. It’s a bout being disingenuous with the property for personal gain.

I said at the beginning of this essay that i love a revisit. That’s why i went to see these sh*tty films. I also made very clear that i love storytelling. Fallen Kingdom and The Last Jedi lack in that fundamental aspect, that’s why they suck. They’ve done irreparable damage to the entire franchise and canon of these worlds that were so meticulously crafted by proper visionaries. Michael Crichton is rolling in his grave at what became of his Dinosaur Westworld and Lucas effectively bogarded his way into running Lucasfilm again after they sh*t on his legacy and that’s the thing; Legacy. These two franchises are part of American culture. They’re as revered as Apple Pie and Institutional Racism here. They’re not cash grabs or vehicles to push your politics. They’re modern fairy tales, myths, and should be respected as such. The thing is, though, i don’t believe there are actual creatives out there that have the vision to create like Crichton or Lucas anymore. Or, at least, Creatives that are willing to work within the constraints of this ridiculous studio system.

Modern film studios are disgustingly risk averse. That is a problem with anything making entertainment media nowadays but it’s most egregious in Hollywood. Films like Star Wars and Alien were made in a time when budgets didn’t swell to hundreds of millions of dollars so directors had to do what he could, with what they had, and that level of imagination birthed classics. It’s rare that creators get a blank check to deliver their vision nowadays, and even rarer that what they get to make if they receive that loot, is actually good. Zack Snyder and the train wreck that is Sucker Punch demonstrates my point perfectly. the new Lucases and Camerons are rare but there are a handful of directors who carry that torch. Denis Villeneuve is an incredible visual storyteller. He has a distinct vision for the grand and manages to craft proper worlds. Blade Runner 2049 is one of the best films i have ever seen in my life but it didn’t make money because people have been conditioned to ignore great storytelling for great effects. That sh*t is why people can say to me, with a straight face, that they think Batman v. Superman is better than The Dark Knight rises. That sh*t is stupid, shut the f*ck up. Deni was given the reigns to the Dune reboot and i think this might be the film that breaks him through to the mainstream.

Dune is a reboot. It looks like a revisit to the old David Lynch flick but with Deni’s penchant for the epic. This movie feels like what Jurassic World and The Force Awakens wanted to do; A respectful acknowledgment of what came before but an original take going forward. Dune is one of the greatest sci-fi novels ever written and Deni is one of the most profound visionaries in the game right now. I have no doubt the new film is going to be fantastic. This combination is a match made in heaven, similar to Alex Garland with Annihilation or, more accurately i think, Luca Guadagnino and Suspiria. Those two films are f*cking incredible and they adapt the source material in a very, specific, manner. Annihilation is a reimagining of the book and carries its own themes and tones while the new Suspiria is a complete reinterpretation of what came before, that i believe eclipses the original. Dune looks excellent but i don’t know that it will be well received. Deni has his work cut out for him because the world of revisits is riddle with the corpses of films that couldn’t care the weight of what came before or what could have been. Still, i don’t want Hollywood to stop. As unoriginal as remaking things is, i adore a fresh set of eyes on familiar fare. There are infinite ways to tell the same story and that’s the fun of revisiting an old tale.

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years

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Welcome Back

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hexxwhat · 6 years

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Hello friends, now that I have seen The Last Jedi twice and had time to process it all I thought I would give you all my thoughts! First things first, let me just say that I am not down for the visceral way Star Wars fans are lashing out at one another over this movie? Like if you liked it, good that’s valid! If you hated it, good that is also valid! But targeting other movies or other people’s opinions to just be nasty is so petty and so exhausting and I am just not for it. So if you’re not open to having critical dialogue about a film, or if you’ve already decided how you feel about the movie and aren’t interested in other people’s opinions then don’t even waste your time reading this? Because at the end of the day it’s just a movie and it’s supposed to be entertaining. And I am saying that as someone who has invested way too much time over the course of her entire lifetime to the Star Wars franchise, the EU and the general meta of the series.

No Star Wars film has EVER been perfect; every movie has its flaws. Let’s not act like this is news.

Now TL;DR version right up front: I didn’t hate it but I thought a lot of it was rushed and Rian Johnson just really disappointed me.

Now, spoilers below the cut of course.

Let’s get to my biggest issue first shall we?

The entire plot line between Holdo and Poe was extremely frustrating to me. Not just because of the way it portrayed Poe as an impulsive and insensitive child (I’ll get into that in more detail later) but because miscommunication as a driving plot point is one of the laziest tropes ever and I am so, so sick of seeing it in film. PLUS! It goes against how information was shared by the Rebels as established by EVERY ONE OF THE PREVIOUS STAR WARS FILMS??? Like in every single other film where there was a rebellion present (and therefore excludes the prequels) whenever there was a plan that affected the entire rebellion, every member was told about it.

To prove it, here are my sources:

· A New Hope: When everyone was sitting around reviewing the Death Star plans and talking about how people were going to blow it up, the whole rebellion was there. Not just the officers, not just the pilots, everyone. Including Han Solo who was not a member of the rebellion and was really just there hanging out at the time? Han was informed of the plan for the Death Star even though everyone knew he and Chewie would be leaving. Nobody was kept in the dark about the plan!

· The Empire Strikes Back: Everyone is getting ready to go fight the Empire’s forces landing on the surface of Hoth and everyone is standing around in a circle listening to Leia tell them their orders. Everyone heard everyone else’s orders, even if they didn’t apply to them. Everyone knew what everyone else was supposed to do so that nobody was confused, left in the dark and so nobody would get in any body else’s way!

· The Return of the Jedi: Everyone is sitting around in a circle listening to Mon Mothma explaining about the new Death Star and what the plan is as a whole and then listening to all the other little plans! Everyone hears about what the plan is with Lando and his squad. Everyone hears about what the plans are with Han and his ground troops. Everyone knows what part they are playing in this grander scheme so that nobody is just standing around being wasted energy and nobody will be doing anything reckless that gets in the way of the rest of the mission!

· The Force Awakens: Everyone standing around that glowing map once Han and Finn get to the Resistance base and Poe takes Finn to Leia. Everyone hears what Finn has to say about Starkiller Base. Everyone gets to hear what the plan is that they set up. Including Han Solo, who even gets to provide input to the plan even though he is clearly not an official member of the Resistance and has in fact been off dicking around for a couple of years not helping at all. Even he got to find out what the plan was. Again.

· Rogue One: When the team finally got back to Yavin IV and was talking about the Death Star plans literally everyone who wanted to be was crammed into that room around that glowing table having a say and or hearing what everyone else had to say. Even Jyn and Bodhi, who by rights were not part of the rebellion and if anything they probably should have been super suspicious of Bodhi because who knows he could have been a double agent? (it hurts me to even say that of Bodhi but still) Everyone who wanted to know what the plan was, what the Rebellion’s next step was, was able to find out. Was able to hear and know.

So when Holdo took command of the Resistance and was standing there in the center of the circle with the entire remainder of the Resistance watching and listening…the fact that she didn’t say shit about the plan is bullshit. It was bullshit, it was lazy, and it was straight up the thing I hated the most about this movie. Hands down, no question about it, the worst piece of nonsense. There is a precedent for how this Resistance is run based on how the Rebellion is run because Leia was the bridge between the two movements. And it was already shown in TFA that she kept the whole ‘let’s share information thing so nobody feels lost’ movement alive. So if Holdo was so trustworthy and close to Leia then why the fuck didn’t she just tell everyone the plan? Things would have been so easy if she had just done what every leader before her had done when standing in a circle surrounded by the people she was supposed to lead! Ridiculous.

That being said, Holdo’s final moment was incredibly bad ass and visually stunning. Cinematically that cut to silence was so impactful and heart wrenching. Holdo was clearly a woman with a strong will and convictions and I honestly wanted to like her more but I couldn’t because RJ was like “Do you know what we need in a time of crisis? For the leadership to be petty and condescending to one of the main characters.” Like…it was so lazy. Holdo deserved better, Rian Johnson is invited to my funeral as a pall barer so he can let me down again when I die.

Which loops me around to my second biggest issue with the movie which is the Character Assassination of Poe and Luke and to an extent Rey. Now, anyone who knows me well knows that Characters often matter more to me then Story/Plot. I have read some awful books and watched some shitty shows and movies just for the sake of a character that I really love and identify with. So when I see writers and directors really misinterpreting characters, it bothers me. Because it is often purposefully done for the sake of ego. How hard is it to look at someone else’s work and be faithful to it? Why do you have to change character’s behaviors for the sake of doing something different or edgy? It’s exhausting and Rian Johnson really tried it with me.

Poe Dameron is a risk taker who often time puts himself into incredible amounts of danger for the sake of the cause. This is seen in TFA when he goes on a mission alone, it is seen in the short story released about his life prior to the start of TFA and it is seen in his solo comics run. Poe is reckless with himself. Not with others. The opening battle was actually brilliant, it made me feel a lot of things, and it also showed the toll of war. People always die in Star Wars movies. In a New Hope only about 3 members from Red Team made it back to the base on Yavin IV. The toll has always been high. And all the background evidence Disney and LucasFilms has provided for us up until TLJ came out showed that not only is Poe entirely cognizant of the cost of war, he is respectful of it. To turn Poe into a, and let us quote “A trigger happy fly boy” is degrading. Poe is part of the Resistance because he values people and he is living up to the memory of his mother and the sacrifices of his father. To turn him into someone seeking glory at the cost of others is honestly disgusting to me. And while his coup was conducted with the right intentions at heart, it shouldn’t have happened at all because to circle back around, miscommunication as a plot device is lazy as hell and I thought we were better than this. That being said every interaction Poe had with Finn was golden, his entire bond with the droids in his life is charming and pure, and the way he slams his hand against the side of his ship before doing a sharp turn at high speed to keep from slamming his head into the glass from the force of it all is one of the best subtle acknowledgments of physics in space that I have ever seen.

Now…let’s talk about Luke shall we? Luke Skywalker has been one of my favorite characters from the time I was five years old and can remember watching Star Wars for the first time with my Uncle and Mother. My first piece of Star Wars meta that I owned was a chapter book about Luke that took place just before A New Hope started and my mother used to read it to me while I was in the bathtub so that I would actually sit still in there. My Harry Potter phase was nothing really, I didn’t even read past book 3 until I was almost a High School graduate and I really don’t think the series is as good as people romanticize it. But the reason for that is because Star Wars was my Harry Potter and there was just no room in my heart for anything to be nearly as big. Luke Skywalker is one of the single most important characters in fiction to me. He is my hero, he is my moral line in the sand. He is someone with great power who was given the choice to rule or to lead and he chose to lead. And that is an incredibly important distinction. He is an optimist about everything and everyone, but he is also confident and self-assured. He is a loving person who cares and bonds with others despite what the way of the Jedi had said because he understood the value of people. He is dramatic and thoughtful and dedicated to being a balancing act in the universe. So it meant a lot to me that I was going to get to see Luke on the big screen. I never got to see that growing up. I was seven years old when episode I came out and I have seen every Star Wars movie that has come out in my lifetime in theaters, usually more than once. But I never got to see Luke until now and I was so very excited. And while Mark Hamill’s performance was stunning because he gave everything he had to give…you could tell in parts he was just as disappointed with the way Rian Johnson wrote Luke as I was. Now in the EU, Luke did at one time just straight up leave everyone. This was after his wife was murdered and he left after looking into the future and seeing that if he took vengeance for her death he would become a Sith and be pretty much unstoppable. And because Luke Skywalker is such a good and pure soul, he said ‘nope, not going to subject the universe to that’ and left! But him going away and turning into a grumpy old man who hates people is bullshit. Him not coming back because Leia called for him is bullshit. Him closing himself off from the Force entirely and therefore not having felt the exact moment when Han Solo died IS BULLSHIT! Also, Luke trying to rebuild the whole Jedi Order as it was when it was destroyed is nonsense. Luke Skywalker was a Gray Jedi who disavowed just as much of the teachings of the Jedi Order as he did of the Sith. So that was nonsense.

Luke Skywalker never would have taken a lightsaber down to his nephew’s tent. He learned the lesson of choice in Return of the Jedi and if he saw darkness in Ben he would have done something else about it. Anything else about it. But again it was Rian Johnson using miscommunication as a plot point which is once more…lazy af.

That being said, there were moments when Luke was Luke and it tore my heart to pieces.

Luke on the Falcon and his interaction with R2-D2 was incredible. And leave it to R2 to take such an effective low blow. What good timing and sense of human guilt that droid has.

Luke and his reunion with Leia was beautiful. The fact that it was apparently written by Carrie just adds to the pain of it all. But it was beautiful and also one of the only moments the movie got to take to breath. The rest of the film was so jam packed and rushed that we never got a chance to really appreciate the toll all of this had on people. So that scene was beautiful and emotional and perfectly illustrated the whole point of Luke never placing his ego as a Jedi before the safety of people.

The entire fight scene between Luke and Kylo Ren was honestly golden. The outfit Luke showed up in was perfect and harkened back to his Return of the Jedi look. The ease with which he did everything, the shoulder brush after the First Order shot at him, the way he just dropped backwards and spun away from Kylo when he tried to half in the first time. The audacity to throw Han’s death in Kylo’s face right before utterly and fully humiliating him in front of the entire First Order. THE ABILITY TO ASTRALLY PROJECT HIMSELF THERE JUST TO TEACH KYLO ABOUT HUMILITY AND TO SAVE THE RESISTANCE WAS SO GOOD! Like there was the characterization that was missing. There was Luke Skywalker standing on the plank of Jabba’s skimmer saying ‘Free us or Die’ with the nonchalance of asking a neighbor if you can get a ball out of their back yard. There was Luke Skywalker, with a great big FU to the fascists of the Universe that I grew up cherishing. The only thing that would have made that scene better was if he was using the green saber that he made for himself. Because it honestly didn’t make sense for him to be using the saber that Rey and Kylo had literally just destroyed. That was the biggest ‘wait’ moment of that whole scene and kinda took away from the impact of the whole ‘I’m not really here, haha!’ moment.

I’m okay with Luke dying. I really am. But only if he comes back in Episode IX as a Force Ghost. If he doesn’t then Rian Johnson really and truly wasted the gift he was given.

Rey stealing the Jedi Texts was brilliant, Rey learning how to figure out the Force based on what she was given by Luke was great. REY’S FIRST INSTINCT WHEN THE FORCE BOND HAPPENED WAS TO SHOOT KYLO LIKE GOD BLESS. But the cave scene was a huge let down. I was expecting something closer to when Luke said ‘nah Yoda I’m going to go into the sketchy part of the woods’ and he fought himself as Darth Vader in episode V. Instead we didn’t really get anything? I expected more from a sketchy portal in the ground that lead directly to the dark side TM. Reducing Rey’s journey to understanding and the Force into just redeeming Kylo is trite. And beautifully summed up with her whole ‘please don’t do this’ and look of utter disappointment after the fight scene with Snoke’s guards. (That Fight scene was very good! Very good! All the action scenes in this movie was very good!) Rey not letting the fact that Luke was being obstinate get in her way of her own training was good because it really shows that she values herself, she values the Force and she values what she can contribute to the Resistance. Rey’s arc stumbled in this movie but it was still good, and her optimism in Kylo was just as valid as Luke’s optimism in Vader.

Question, why was Yoda like that? He was like…a CGI version of his puppet self from The Empire Strikes Back and he was a weird kale green color? They gave up on his iconic speech pattern like real quick. I was mostly unsettled by the fact that he was entirely wreathed in flame for 80% of the time he was on screen like some kind of goblin. And honestly I really wish it had been Obi-Wan who showed up to talk to Luke since out of the two of them Obi-Wan was the one most similar to Luke in how he conducted himself. That being said I was very happy to see Yoda, because it was a nice call back to how the Force Ghosts operate. Which also gives me hope to Luke being a Force Ghost. I’m really clinging to that guys.

LET’STALK ABOUT LEIA AND THE FORCE BECAUSE THAT WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY ONE OF THE MOST SATISFYING AND VALIDATING THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN WHILE BEING EQUALLY FRUSTRATING!

Leia has used the Force in every movie we see her in. She generally only used it to sense others, mostly Luke, but that was because at the time Leia didn’t understand that feeling for what it was. Also if you watch Return of the Jedi when she is strangling Jabba in one shot the chain moves by itself and that is obviously Leia exerting her will over it with the Force as she viciously chokes the life out of the slug man. Leia doesn’t start to open herself up to the Force until after she finds out that Luke is her brother and Vader is her biological father. (I say biological because Bail Organa was Leia’s father and he deserves to be respected) In TFA she talks about the Force with the confidence of someone who has used it, and it is obvious that she is much more in tune with it then before when she feels Han die. So it was very satisfying to see her use the Force in such an overt way because it really shut up all the Fake Star Wars Fanboys who were always arguing that Leia never had any Force Sensitivity whatsoever. She had Skywalker blood in her. The fuck you mean Leia can’t use the Force. That being said…the science on what happens to an organic lifeform in the vacuum of space is pretty clear. So the way RJ decided to show Leia using the Force was just…silly. It was more funny in the moment than anything else. Like really…she’s turning to ice, she had no oxygen, she dead…but okay. I’ll take it because Leia could have been a Jedi if she had made it to Obi-Wan and we all know that’s the real reason why Bail sent Leia when he could have sent anyone.

Snoke and Phasma were wasted, let’s not pretend that they weren’t. The Phasma / Finn fight should have been longer, more fighting, less one liners. I loved the fight scene, I just really wanted more from it because like….she raised and trained all the troopers, you would think she would have been a bit more brutal? And Snoke?? Why did they even take the time to build him up the way they did if we were never going to find out jack shit about him? Like come on guys what was that? But like also Snoke’s robe was fabulous and I kind of want it? The color was great and the neckline was great. The costume designer on this movie did a hell of a job. I loved it.

RIP the boyfriend jacket, lost in space when Finn and Rose changed into the Imperial Uniforms on Snoke’s ship. Rose never got to wear the jacket which is a tragedy since everyone wore the jacket in TFA.

Side note, Disney is a pack of cowards for not giving us Gays in Space and trying to shoehorn the Finn/Rose romance in at the last minute. Like bless them for an interracial couple that didn’t include a white person in it but Finn/Poe is also an interracial couple that doesn’t include a white person. But Rose Tico is a gift and anyone who shits on her for the sake of a ship is a child and can leave. Like she is a passionate and dedicated part of the Resistance. She is down in the metal and the dirt making sure the ship is running and people are being honorable. She lost her sister to this fight and she was ready to keep fighting regardless. She gave up the one token she had for the sake of the mission because she is a selfless hero. Rose Tico is a gift, we don’t deserve her vicious little spirit. I just thought the kiss came out of nowhere and was unnecessary? Her line was beautiful. Saving what we Love is at its core the whole point of everything in the Star Wars Universe. But they didn’t need to kiss. And this isn’t just because I prefer Finn/Poe. It just wasn’t necessary in that moment.Also I can not wait for the part in EP IX when Rey and Rose meet and become best friends BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH SUCH VICIOUS LIGHTS OF HOPE AND LIFE AND UGH I LOVE EM.

I’m not here to talk about Kylo Ren, Reylo shippers or any of that. I’m too much of an adult to have a problem with people who like villains and people who ship the villain with the female protagonist. Like leave people alone. Don’t be coming into people’s DM’s acting like liking something in fiction automatically means they are okay with it in real life. Don’t act like this whole shipping the hero with the villain thing is new. It’s not, it happens, people always wants a redemption arc for the villains even if they don’t deserve it. Let people live. I don’t like Kylo Ren, I don’t ship him with Rey. I’m not here for that discourse.

I am here to tell all you assholes who are going hard on Adam Driver for his portrayal of Kylo and his appearance to step the fuck off. You all need to learn how to separate character from actor. And you need to learn that insulting someone’s appearance just because they are the bad guy is hypocritical to the whole body positivity movement that most of you people are praising with your second breath. Adam Driver is an incredible actor, you know why I say that? Because if he wasn’t such a good actor then we wouldn’t have the violent, deep rooted responses we have to Kylo Ren. Adam Driver doesn’t deserve the shit you people throw at him. And that’s fact.

And lastly….I really don’t like the Porgs. I don’t and I’m sorry. I now understand how my dad feels about the Ewoks, I get it. I mean they were cute like the first few times I saw them but then they just…got obnoxious? It was too much to the point that it got stale. My dad is really bothered by the fact that they are birds but they have fur and like honestly that doesn’t bother me. It’s just the noise they make, it pierces my very soul and I just…I’m sorry but the little furry penguins didn’t do it for me.

….I loved the Crystal Critters tho…

But the overuse of the Porgs brings me to my biggest issue with the general humor of the movie. A lot of it got repetitious and was just not funny to me. The movie never took the time to slow down and take a breath like previous films, it was just constantly go, go, go. Which meant at times the jokes butted up against serious moments in a way that just didn’t work for me. They seemed ill timed and just didn’t always land with me.

The hardest I laughed was when Rey threw the lightsaber to Kylo and he used it to kill the guard that was choking him out. I saw the movie twice and both times I fucking died laughing at that part. That was funny to me and it wasn’t supposed to be, which really tells you something about the humor of the film.

But yeah…so if you made it all the way to the end of my long ass complex dissection of the Last Jedi, congratulations. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything in more depth. I am happy to talk about anything as long as it’s respectful. If you didn’t agree with something I said here, let’s talk about it. Let’s just be civil about it mkay?

Thanks friends. Here’s hopping Episode IX is better.

#Use the Force #Star Wars #The Last Jedi #Star Wars Spoilers #The Last Jedi Spoilers #THIS IS MY OPINION

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