#he’s being a silly naive goose

[reds-lil-things]

Someone please talk to me about Azi’s reaction to the kiss. PLEASE!! I need to dissect it- he almost sounds angry when he says ‘I forgive you’ but there’s just so much emotion I can’t TELL

#good omens 2 #please someone talk to me #I need to think about this #cuz he seems ANGRY?! why would he be ANGRY?! all of us are talking about Crowley and his feelings but what about azirphale?? #he’s just be handed his dreams on a platter and Crowley kind of ruined for him honestly #that’s not a bad thing #he’s being a silly naive goose #but like; I can’t see him crawling back to Crowley #he never has before #why would he start now? #ah gawd

[ninjawitdaddyissues]

15 years of Dan & Phil - Major Arcana

It struck me that there has been 15 years since Dan and Phil met and my little goose brain connected that to the devil card number 15 (symbolised in dnpcrafts video) and so now you get a large post of me analysing year by year dnp in the major arcana.

DISCLAIMER: this is just for fun and because i am a silly jester who needed to feel joy while on video call with a friend. do not take any of this seriously, i am just a goofy guy with an internet connection and too much time.

The Fool - 0

we start at the fool, 2009.

"The Fool is young and vulnerable. He has not yet experienced the ups and downs of life, leaving him unaware of the magnitude of life's challenges, as well as the potential he holds. When The Fool comes up in a Tarot reading, you are encouraged to take on his open, willing energy and embrace all that lies ahead of you without worry."

The year dnp meet. The start of the journey. The fool is considered the main character of the Major arcana journey. Thus Dan and Phil are the main characters of this story, their story.

Both unaware of what the future holds for them, their life™ was only just at conception. I feel like this one is very self explanatory in context of them just having met, we as the audience are just introduced to the concept of Dan and Phil.

The fool energy (open, willing) is especially evident in videos like PINOF 1 and The Interactive Christmas Adventure where their silliness, and creativity really shine. This is an era of open, easy (almost naive) energy.

The Magician - 1

The year is 2010...

"The Magician card is a reminder that you are unique and have many gifts. These skills set you apart from the crowd and can help you begin new projects or overcome adversity. When The Magician comes up in your Tarot reading, it's a reminder that you already hold everything you need to move forward and accomplish what you've set out to do."

The year of Dan moving to Manchester and starting his Law Degree and Phil getting his flat in Manchester, PINOF2, Jamaica trip, and the conception of the forbidden video. We also have creative bangers such as "the inflatable lion of destiny", 'Blindfolded Catface Game', 'Dan and Phil get down' and 'The TREE'.

The boys are creating core parts of the Dan and Phil universe without knowing it. Together they have all the ingredients needed (see in the card imagery; the wand, cup, pentacle and sword) to create a fanbase and a successful career.

The High Priestess - 2

2011 baybeeeeee

"The most intuitive, connected card in the whole Tarot deck, The High Priestess is a card of awareness. This card urges you to listen to your inner voice and follow your instincts. Your mind knows far more than you think. When this card arises in your Tarot reading, stop looking for answers in the outside world. Turn within for the guidance you seek."

We have the Manchester apartment™, PINOF 3, the forbidden video leak and the first radio show. The relation to this, to me, really comes up in the forbidden video response. Having to turn inwards, the boys became insular, guarded and a wall was really put up between them and the audience to protect themselves. We can't speak to exactly what was happening for them internally and only make our assumptions based on what they outwardly expressed at the time.

The Empress - 3

2012

"The Empress is the most feminine card in the Tarot, and greatly encourages compassion, beauty, and love. She is deeply connected to Mother Nature, and her influence is powerful when you absorb the energy of the natural world around you."

"This supreme archetype of femininity also symbolizes fertility. It is The Empress who provides us nourishment and security. She is also sometimes seen as delighting us with flowers and fruit."

We have entered younow era. They also move to London this year, Dan officially drops out of uni, we get PINOF 4 and a second radio show. We also have the iconic tweet 'FYI i like vagina'. This year is known for being a difficult year in the Phandom. It has a reputation for 'no homo howell' and generally the boys being more reserved and insular with what and how they shared their lives.

In relation to The Empress card I think we can draw particularly on security. We know they had a stalking problem at the London apartment - a threat to their physical security, fans being hectic about their sexualities (particularly Dan) - a threat to their privacy. We also have Dan getting an influx of 'are you gay' on younow and having to reassert his ' straightness' lends itself to the femininity of this card. He had to play straight in order to keep himself safe. This card being for 2012 when we know they really withdrew from sharing themselves with us is quite the oxymoron but despite the withdrawing of their sharing with the audience we know they still had great success (got their flowers) in the coming years.

The Emperor - 4

2013

"The Emperor is a card of leadership and power. He is an authoritative force who has been through many experiences to achieve this status. He represents structure and solidity, and reminds you that you, too, hold immense amounts of power over your own life, and what happens to it."

THE BRITISH VLOGGER BOOM IS UPON US. The boys have gone through some shit™ at this point and are starting to establish themselves as Entertainers. They are on the grind, they are moving in the direction of establishing themselves as entertainers/presenters in the mainstream space marked by the beginning of the request radio show. Their Youtube numbers climb as does their power in the online world. As for them holding power over their own lives, I know Dan has mentioned not feeling in control of things like his audience at this point. But I think this card speaks to them really gaining control over their future career wise as a duo - even if they didn't fully see themselves as such yet.

We also have the Charlie Skies twitter fiasco this year - another threat to their privacy. Through this Dan in particular had to trust in the power he had over his own narrative in redirecting attention and deflecting Charlie's online attacks. He blocked him and protected his peace and as a result not a whole lot of the phandom knows about this beef. Dan and Phil are nothing if not good at diversion, distraction and hiding things from the internet (good for them).

The Hierophant - 5

2014

"The Hierophant is like a messenger from the heavens. He is experienced in spirituality and guidance, and his job is to bring these lessons down to us here in the real world. When The Hierophant comes up in your Tarot reading, you're encouraged to follow the rules, and to find a spiritual perspective on your current situation."

"Before him kneel two followers. The Hierophant’s task is to pass down his spiritual wisdom and initiate the two into the church so they can take up their appointed roles. This imagery speaks to a shared group identity and a rite of passage to enter the next level. The crossed keys at The Hierophant’s feet represent the balance between the conscious and subconscious minds and the unlocking of mysteries, which only he can teach."

This year brings us the first Brit awards hosting, the radio show transitioning to the Internet Takeover, Dan and Phil Games and the channels continuing to grow. This card in particular I think relates to them and their relation to the BBC. In this card they are the two people in front of the Hierophant, learning and having knowledge bestowed upon them. This was a year of developing their careers into a new phase of mainstream TV palatability. Dan and Phil are stepping into previously unchartered spaces for just a couple of guys on the internet.

The Lovers - 6

2015

"The Lovers card represents the close relationships in your life. If it comes up in your Tarot reading, your love life is in need of extra attention. However, this is just as much a card about your values and decisions. You may find The Lovers come up when you are at a crossroads. Consider all the possible consequences of your choices."

Significant events this year include; TABINOF, TATINOF, Dan and Phil crafts, Japhan part 1, Brit Awards hosting and the channels growing. Japhan happening this year with the lovers card showing up is very sweet. Dan and Phil knew they had big events coming up for them in their lives so they carved out space for them to enjoy existing together by going to Japan.

We also know that at this point Dan and Phil were looking to move on from the TV Host type of space they found themselves in with the BBC. A crossroads of where they wanted to take the world of Dan and Phil™ . That gave way to TABINOF and TAINOF, stepping into an unknown space of Youtubers doing stuff in the real world once again. Phil mentioned in his video, 'Draw my LIfe 2' that they really had to trust that this was the correct move for them. A crossroads where they had to consider the consequences when investing their money into TABINOF and TATNIOF.

The Chariot - 7

2016

"The Chariot card is connected to your natural drive and determination, and can indicate an upcoming victory. This card reminds you that your greatest successes won't come through limited thinking -- when you combine the knowledge of your mind with that of your heart and spirit, you are an unstoppable force."

This year brought alot of reaping on benefits of putting trust in the crossroads that the Lovers card presented. We see the end of the Internet Takeover, the final Brit Awards hosting and the end of the TATINOF era. They combined their mind, heart and spirit and came out successful, winning 4 awards this year and having the huge success of TATINOF. They didn't allow themselves to be limited (by the BBC) and they succeeded. So, if they could achieve a world tour and a best selling book on their own... well what could come next??

Strength - 8

2017

"The Strength card represents courage, the fortitude of your heart, and your ability to withstand anything life hands you. If this card arises in your Tarot reading, you are reminded that you're strong enough to handle whatever you are facing and will come out of it with even more power than you had before."

This year, the boys move to their new London apartment (the fake apartment), Interactive Introverts is announced, Dan goes curly and the end of danisnotonfire branding.

We know from the video 'Dan and Phil Finally Tell the Truth' that Dan had begun to realise he couldn't stay in the closet any longer, which led to his mini breakdown on the balcony. He stated that he was worried if they went on tour with introverts he was going to have a very public meltdown. We also got the video 'Daniel and Depression'. Between the two of these things we can see how the strength card really came into play this year.

Phil has also talked about how they didn't know how they were going to get everything done this year. With Introverts tour looming, they were inundated with work and they really had to grin and bare through it. They had to trust their strength as a duo that they would come through this time together.

The Hermit - 9

2018

"The Hermit yearns to be alone. He knows that the only way to process what is happening in life is to withdraw from the noise of the world and create a quiet space of solitude. When The Hermit comes up in your reading, the answers you need will come from within. Be very still, and listen..."

This year is the year of the Interactive Introverts tour, the final PINOF, the gaming channel hiatus and Dan's video 'trying to live my truth'. The Hermit coming up in a year of them going into hiatus, is just very nail on the god damn head. I mean what card could be more relevant? It seems so self explanatory, I don't even know what to say.

The boys had to turn inward once again to assess where to go next in their careers. They talk about pausing to take stock of what they have done and where they will go.

Dan took a huuuuuge step back to go inwards and process everything he had been holding in and pushing through in the previous years as they were so busy with their career building. This was a year where they gave themselves permission to slow down and finally look inward for where to go next. This introversion beginning is seen at the start of 2018 in Dan's 'Trying to Live My Truth' video.

We also have Phil with his dizzy spells during this year meaning there was less amazingphil content. This could also be seen as an introversion. He had to slow down his public career of take care of himself and focus on his health.

The Wheel of Fortune - 10

2019

"The Wheel of Fortune is constantly revolving -- sometimes you will be at the top, and sometimes you will be at the bottom. This Tarot card reminds you that nothing is permanent, and, good or bad, you must cherish the lessons that this moment is bringing you."

"Good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point"

Bare with me while I desperately try to refrain from top and bottom jokes due to the concision of the wheel of fortune card and dnp coming out in the same year. But truly this card represents a turning point and a destiny fulfilment. If BIG and COTY are not a destiny fulfilment and turning point then I don't know what is! The boys are living their truth, they are moving into a new era.

Justice - 11

2020

"Justice is your firm-but-fair reminder that there is a consequence for every action. Whatever life is handing you at this moment comes from decisions you and others have made in the past, reflecting natural cause-and-effect. When this card comes up in your Tarot reading, make sure you are acting fairly in all your interactions with others."

Libra card!!!! This year we have covid hitting, a quiet year for content all round. We have the stereo shows starting up at the end of the year along with the phouse announcement. This year also featured Steve the pigeon (pigeon fest/rescuing a pigeon video).

When we look at cause and effect, the phouse is what comes to mind. They worked themselves so hard in the years previous and they were able to buy and design their forever home. The cause and effect of them coming out is also seen in their ability to be open with the audience that they are continuing to not only live together but purchase and build property together. If they had not come out, things like buying a house together would've raised so many more questions and possibly caused more issues for them and their privacy (fan speculation). This new era really hinged on them coming out and setting themselves up as an ambiguous couple. In this case the cause and effect really benefitted them.

The Hanged Man - 12

2021

"The Hanged Man tells you that sometimes small sacrifices are required to benefit the bigger picture. When The Hanged Man arises in your reading, you likely want to make a move but don't know where to begin. Lightening your grip on what's no longer working for you, or detaching from the outcome of your situation, can help you release yourself."

This year gives us the first joint video since 2018 in the form of 'something we want to tell you'. This marks Dan's return to being perceived online. Subsequently we have the book release in May, YWGTTN, and they move into the somewhat uncompleted phouse.

We get many iconic videos this year showing a shift in their on camera dynamic - a loosening grip on the wall they built up with the audience during the early years. They let us in on alot more of those moments that drive us absolutely insane, the smiles were off the charts and we started eating good again. They have begun trusting the audience with more of their authentic selves and silly dynamic. In Phil's recent video where he looks at old profile pics, he talks fondly about the silly icon pic from him and Dan during lockdown.

I think the sentiment of no longer caring what people think is really echoed in this years content. The boys are self assured and care less about what people have to say because they are successful and have nothing to hide.

The hanged man is shown in this loosening grip on hiding parts of themselves and allowing themselves to trust the audience more knowing that whatever the outcome they have each other and that in enough.

Death - 13

2022

"One of the most misunderstood Tarot cards, Death is not a card about physical death. The Death card speaks of cycles and is a reminder that all things must pass. Hanging on to situations from the past will hinder you from allowing new, better things to enter your life. In every ending lies a chance for a new beginning."

wad year/DD/wiqy

What can I say. Death card for WAD year? It just makes sense. A year where Dan and Phil spent the most time apart since they met in 2009, taking a break from the cycle of their everyday life.

We also got Dan's WIQY video, again reflecting on the last few years and essentially announcing his burn out. Giving up on being Youtube's 'golden boy' by speaking his mind about how he was effected by circumstances beyond his control.

Then we have WAD. The show being reflective of his past and the future for the earth. This year truly felt like a rebirth for Dan specifically. He was back on the internet, Dystopia Daily, being able to openly make gay jokes. He went back out into the world and found meaning in existence again. And once that meaning was obtained, he went back to Phil. A new beginning in how they both show up online, unapologetically themselves.

Temperance - 14

2023

"The Temperance card is a master of moderation. She encourages peace and patience, and reminds you to go with the flow of your life instead of trying to force its pace or direction. When Temperance turns up in your Tarot reading, it is a message to take things as they come, and remain flexible enough to change with the changes."

2023 brought us more DD, end of WAD, The 3rd Japhan trip, the Phude, and the return of the gaming channel.

This is a year of things slowly going back to routine for DnP. Dan comes back from tour, they go on holiday to Japan. Up until the gaming channel coming off hiatus 2023 was seemingly a chill flux and flow for dnp. The flow (this is a water heavy card) of their life returned to normal.

While DnP certainly didn't make this comeback with moderation (leaping straight into spooky week and then gamingmas as well as merch drops) they wouldn't have come back without a serious plan to keep their workaholic tendency's in check.

The Devil - 15

2024

"The Devil card carries themes of restraint and powerlessness. When it comes up in your Tarot reading, you are likely feeling stuck. The Devil has convinced you that you have no options, but this couldn't be further from the truth. You hold the keys to your own freedom, but it's up to you to open the lock."

So we all know the crafty video from this year has direct symbolism to the devil card. There have been many great analyses between the two so I won't go into that as much here. But what I will say is that I see this card for this year as an unshackling of themselves. We see them far more open and willing to trust the audience to be in on the joke rather than and us vs. them situation of the 2012 era. So rather than them feeling stuck I believe this symbolises them no longer being stuck and stepping into their most honest selves while still maintaining their boundaries.

That concludes my wee dive into dnp lore and how it relates to the major arcana. I am not someone with a huge amount of knowledge on tarot (just a wee bit from my own experience of doing a card read every so often but certainly not someone who has ever studied tarot), so if you are big on tarot absolutely chime in and add to this!! I am also so sure I missed dnp lore but hey I did what I could! Also big ty to @boardgamedanny for being on video call with me for 2 days in a row to suggest things and pipe in and also distract me horrendously. Also biiig thanku to my friend, Peter, who isn't on here but sparked this whole thing, with their tarot knowledge and my dnp brain encyclopedia.

now sources!!

#dan and phil #daniel howell #amazingphil #dapg #phil lester #olly rambles #phan #danandphilcrafts #danphiltarot

[justabigassnerd]

and I am once again reminded why I hate watching movies I enjoy with my family...

all of them make fun of me for putting on a movie I like and complain when I have always sat and watched their choices without complaint even if I don't really want to watch the movie myself

my dad spent half the movie being like 'god Maverick is so mardy about everything' like damn dad Goose just died is it hard to get a bit of basic empathy around here? like I obviously know Mav is fictional but he's a comfort character to me and seeing my dad complain about Mav's struggles makes me less and less willing to open up to him about anything in my life

I always so naively get my hopes up on movie night that I won't get judged or I won't have to deal with my parents and brother hating on my choices. it's okay if they pick a movie they like but when I do it oh god help them I'm subjecting them to fucking torture apparently.

I just want to have a night watching movies with people I care about, making silly little comments, eating snacks, and having fun without feeling judged

apparently that's too much to ask for in my family...

#justabigassnerd #justabigassnerd rambles #rants n rambles #personal rant #random rant #rant post #tw rant

[sweetchup]

Monarch Butterfly

Anonymous asks: Chrollo and his so that both think they’re playing each other... maybe she’s sweet and cute looking so she plays into it and he thinks she dumb and naive and she thinks he’s just a rich kid that took one philosophy class

Type: Chrollo Lucilfer x theif! Reader

Au?: None (same universe as Cute Little Princess (pt.2) and N.E.R.D.S (pt.1))

Word count: 4,000+

Warnings: Smut, Unprotected sex, Chrollo being a Sapiosexual, Dom/Submissive, Angst, angst and angst. Yay, I’m so sad.

Author Note: welp. In a simple sense I went overboard, hehehe, since I instantly got an amazing idea. I might actually make a part 2 to this one if it gets popular enough. I honestly fell in love with the concept once I started writing. I hope you like it anon.

“(Y/n), are you thinking of trying something stupid again? Don’t think I can’t see that look on your face.” Clementine says, blowing a puff out of her cigarette as she looks over to you. You only laugh at Clem, reaching over to pull one of her short blonde corkscrew curls. You watch it bounce back and forth for a moment before answering. “I don’t think it’s stupid. I’m just thinking of having a little fun, that’s all.”

“A little fun my ass. Do you know where we are right now?”

“A party?”

Clementine sighs and shakes her head, “You idiot. We are in a fancy hotel at a party, being hosted by Emperor Fushi who is crowning his eldest daughter, Himiko, and her future husband, Tai.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s that serious.”

Clementine squints her eyes at you as she exhales one last puff of her cigarette before putting it out. “How so. Enlighten me Miss (Y/n).”

“Well,...” you pause for a minute to gather your thoughts, “this is the second time Himiko has been engaged in less than a month. Her first husband was Phinks Magcub who randomly went missing around a week and half ago, along with Emperor Fushi’s youngest daughter.”

“Yeah, they apparently fell in love and ran off into the sunrise. Like so cheesy comedy”

“I don’t think that’s the case,” you murmur. Finally spotting your target again. Clementine lets out an ‘Hah?’. You ignore her noise and just signal her to move down the stairs with you, “I do believe they fell in love and disappeared but I don’t think Mr. Magcub was actually in love with Himiko. Mr Magcub and Himiko got engaged about three ½ weeks ago and Mr Magcub disappeared 1 ½ weeks ago. What do we know that happened in between that timeline?”

You hear her gasp and you smirk a little bit. “T-the theft of The Dragon Eyes Collection!”

“And who do we know that’s crazy enough to do that?”

“The phantom troupe! Wait, (Y/n) is one of them—“

“Yep, one of them is here,” You squint as you go to search for him again. Oh. There he is, “And it’s their leader.”

“(Y/n) wait don’t. We don—“

You act as if you're checking something in her hair and whisper into her ear. “Clem. He already has the two Crown Jewels. That’s our mission and I need to go retrieve them. We may also get the info on the Dragon Eye Collection. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, please hold down the fort while I’m gone.”

You pull away and Clementine sighs before smirking. “Don’t be a stupid ass though.”

“I won’t.” You whine as you sashay away. Your heals click down across the tile floor as you get closer and closer to the bar. You hear a whistle and look to your left to see some young prestigious men eyeing you. Practically undressing you with their eyes. Bingo.

As you finally come to the bar area, you locate him. You can’t see his face right now, due to his back facing you, but it’s obvious it’s him. His bulb-like earrings give him away from like a mile away. You smirk before giving your best sweetest smile. You poke the black haired leader on the shoulder causing him to turn around.

“I-um. Oh god. I’m sorry but can I sit next to you?”

Chrollo gives you a smile. “Yes, of course. Is something the matter, Miss?”

“Oh, no. I’m just not a fan of parties and I was trying to go back to my room but, I got a little scared when a couple of men were staring creepily at me.”

“But, wouldn’t I make you nervous as well? Afterall you don’t know me.”

“Ah I guess-s you do. I’m sorry you are just the first one I saw. I guess I’ll leave, I’m sorry to disturb—“ you say, attempting to get up.

The black haired man grabs your wrist. “Oh. I don’t want you to leave. I was just curious.”

You sit back down. That worked perfectly, he reacted just as you thought he would. You once remembered a person telling you that the leader of the Phantom Troupe has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and his curiosity. And you could tell just by watching him from the balcony, that stealing the Crown Jewels was just like child play for him, so he was bored sitting here at the bar. And even if he didn’t look like it, He was practically looking for anything to possibly entertain him.

So, you walk in, a rich looking damsel in distress waiting for someone to come save her. Chrollo will, of course, take that. You check off all the marks needed to satisfy himself and he had many possible ways to do it. He could steal your Nen, break down your mind, use you, steal from you, or simply just do all of them.

This was where he messed up though. He never would have imagined he would run into someone just as intelligent as him, you.

“I’m Chrollo, Chrollo Lucilfer, by the way.” Chrollo says, leaning against the bar counter.

“Oh! Nice to meet you Chrollo. I’m (y/n). (Y/n) Okage.” You murmur the last part under your breath as if you don’t want him to know. But, he definitely caught it. Perfect, he took your bait. Now he thinks you're an Okage.

“An Okage huh? Wow, call me impressed.”

“Ahh it’s not anything that impressive. It’s just a last name after all.”

Chrollo raises an eyebrow as if he’s saying really. So you’re an Okage, huh? Now he is really interested. The Okage family is a prestigious military family that is known for their very rare Nen. Chrollo is definitely not letting you out his clutches now, he’s going to quietly lure you into his web and pounce. But the question is how…

Ah, that’s how. Chrollo eyes the group of men on the left side of the room, whistling and eyeing every woman that passed by. This worked even better because they were also blocking the exit.

“Would the group of men that happen to be eyeing you, them?”

He points to the group before looking quickly back at you. He watches your doe like eyes blink a couple of times before looking off in that direction. You seem to shudder and clearly show your fear as you see them.

“Y-yes that’s them.” You say, clutching tighter onto your purse. You hear Chrollo let out a small ‘ahh’ as you finish talking.

“Well I was just wondering how you're going to get back to your room without them noticing. After all, they are blocking the door.”

“Oh no. Your right. Do you know if there’s any other doors that lead to the hotel part of this building?”

“Sadly there isn’t. But...,” Chrollo suddenly stands up and extends a hand out to you, “I’d be happy to escort you back to your room.”

“Really?!? Thank you so much!” You say, taking his hand as he leads you away. As you're about to leave you spot Clementine and, secretly, use your hand to signal her.

Clementine smirks into her drink as she notices it. So, the spider has been beaten at his own game eh? Man she might call you stupid but honestly you are the smartest partner she could ever as for. It also doesn’t help you make this job ten times more interesting when you're around.

She just hopes you didn’t get him too caught up in your fun. He’s definitely not like the others you’ve faced.

———🕸—🕷—🕸———

“C-chrollo, W- Wait. I haven’t even taken out the keycard.” You murmur, let out soft moans into his ear as he bites and sucks on your neck. Maybe you made yourself a little too appealing to this guy. Though, at the same time, you can obviously tell him lusting over you is all fake. He just wants you to let his guard down so he can steal from you. Also, you can feel he doesn’t even have a bulge right now.

“Give it. I’ll take care of it.” Chrollo groans, grabbing the card. Once the door to the hotel room is unlocked, Chrollo picks you up and throws you onto the bed. You squeal as he pulls your dress off you and then takes off his shirt and bandanna. Huh. Honestly he’s not half bad, he’s got some nice chiseled muscles going on and an interesting forehead tattoo. Though his patience could use a little work.

You moan out his name as he gives small open mouth kisses all the way from your stomach to your lips. Once he reaches your lips he stops and gives you a passionate kiss.

Honestly, even though this is nice and all, you have a job to finish. Sorry Chrollo. Hope you’ll forgive me on this one.

One moment, Chrollo is pushing you down onto the bed and in charge but in the next, his body feels a hundreds of pounds and it’s even hard to move an muscle.

“W-what?” Chrollo murmurs confused as to what’s going on. You huff as you roll him off of you and he lands next you on his back.

“Fuuuw, Damn Chrollo you weigh a lot. You should lay off the muscle training for a while,” You say, stretching your back. Now, let’s see where those Crown Jewels are. Scurrying through his clothes you find two tiny marbles stuffed into his pant pocket. You bring both up to your eye and examine them as you sit down on his lap. As you look into them you spot the two crowns in one and the Dragon Eye Collection in the other. Score!, “Ooooo! What an interesting ability. Conjures never cease to amaze me with what they come up with.”

You see Chrollo tense, attempting to move, as you throw them on top of your dress on the floor. “Don’t try Chrollo. My Nen won’t be making you move for quite some time.”

“How so?” Chrollo asks, his face blank, unreadable. But, it won’t work, you can see right passed that little trick of his.

“Now I wouldn’t want to tell you that silly goose. I’ll meet one of your conditions if I do so.”

You see Chrollo eyes gleam for a second. He was surprised. He’s had people figure out what his Nen is before but no one has been able to find out his conditions. Not his enemies, not the people of Meteor City, not the Zoldyck’s, not even the troupe. Only he knows what they are. Chrollo licks his dry lips, he’s knows he’s walking on shaky ground right now. “A condition? Are you talking about my Nen? (y/n)? If that is really your name. Though I highly doubt that’s your name. Afterall—

Aww how cute, little Chrollo is trying to change the subject last minute. You decide to cut him off in the middle of his rant, “Yes it’s really my name and yes, I’m talking about your Nen and conditions. Honestly, I already knew you could steal abilities around 3 people had already told me. So it just left me to how. How did the infamous Chrollo Lucilfer, Leader of the Phantom Troupe, steal people’s Nen without their knowledge? Well, it can’t be something that catches them off guard. Afterall, that will grab too much attention and you would have found out already. Yet it also can’t be something too far from the topic of “Nen” either since you need to steal it. So I just observed you as you walked around the party today, after all their is an—“

You pause for a second as you feel something. Is this really happening right now? You test the waters and spread your legs a little bit more wider. Chrollo has definitely gotten a boner while you were talking, it’s a fully hard one too. You decide to roll your hips a little and watch as Chrollo let’s out a moan. You laugh a little at his reaction, “Wow. I’m not sure if I should be happy or offended that me talking turned you on more than the flirting and grinding we did all the way in the elevator.”

Chrollo chuckles, his hair sprayed around on the pillow below him. He’s still trying to keep his tough act up, even now. “Well, there’s a word to describe that actually. It’s called Sapiosexual. By definition it means that someone is attracted to their mind over-r… shit.”

Chrollo clutches onto the sheet below him as you start to slowly grind on top of him. “You know, I’m starting to believe you just really like to hear yourself talk. Either that or you just like to avoid confronting things you don’t know how to figure out in that moment.”

Chrollo doesn’t respond. He just chooses to close his eyes while you smile down at him. “Not talking? Aww sorry I didn’t mean to hit a nerve, Chrollo. Here let me make it up to you.”

You lightly lift yourself off his lap and slowly begin to unbuckle his belt. Looking away quickly, you tried to see Chrollo for a reaction but there was none. Oh well, you can’t rush the good things after all. You’ll have him a mess eventually.

Finally, you pull down his pants and boxers off. Leaving his hard length out in the open; you reach out and hold it lightly in your hand. Wow, he really was a Sapiosexual. The tip of his cock was a pretty red shade with light drips of precum spilling out, showing he was practically craving for release. Hmm...You know what you’ll do. “Wow Chrollo, you're really straining for release. I should help you out. Hmmm... I’m not sure if you're a germaphobe or not so I’m just going to start with my hand….”

Chrollo still had his eyes closed so it gave you the perfect opportunity. As you continue talking, you pulled your panties to the side and lined him up with your entrance. Careful not to get too close so he figures out your plan. Honestly, you were soaked, his cock was honestly really thick and big so you knew it was going to feel absolutely amazing. Also, Chrollo is an entertaining man. You wouldn’t mind have sex with him multiple times if you have to.

“....so Just let me know if it’s not enough ok? I’ll switch to my mouth if so.”

You wait for a second for him to respond but he only lets out a chuckle. Still trying to play it cool. Oh well, you brought this on yourself Chrollo. You take a deep breath and sink down onto his length.

You hear chrollo let out a loud groan as you sink every inch Chrollo has to offer inside you. Even while you are just staying still it makes you feel as if you are about to burst. But, that’s not the important thing right now. You bring your hips up and start off with a slow rhythm, watching as Chrollo is attempting to bring back his composure.

“So,... where was it I left off again? Oh yeah. So I was observing you at the party. Be extra careful to catch changes in people’s aura and listen to what you were saying to them.” You say, rambling off your thoughts. You feel Chrollo twitch suddenly inside you as you speak. You decide to reward the poor man by moving your hips at a faster pace. Maybe you got a bit too excited coming across someone like Chrollo. Clementine will definitely scold you later but, oh well. “I noticed you had stolen the Nen ability of 6 out of the 21 Nen users you talked to at today’s party. Observing you is how I determined the conditions. The first condition I found out was when Mr. Noz and Mr. Casey wouldn’t show you their Nen, and theirs weren’t any of the ones that ended up being taken. The 6 you did take however did show you, meaning one of your conditions is the user has to show you.”

You flinch as you feel Chrollo’s hands grab onto your waist, a bruising clutch against your soft skin. Crap, your Nen was warding off faster than you thought. You have to quicken this up, as much as you didn’t want to. You lean forward onto chrollo’s chest, allowing him to be squeezed more and sucked deeper into you. It definitely made you more vulnerable since it meant his cock was bashing against your g-spot with every flick of your hips but it was also working well on him. You could tell since he was panting and groaning into your ear like crazy. You just needed to hold on for a bit longer.

“T-the second condition I confirmed also with two people. One being a woman whose husband explained to you her Nen ability. You didn’t end up stealing hers so that meant one of the conditions had to do with the person telling you about their Nen. T-Then—then when you went to…”

Oh god, you hide your head into Chrollo’s neck. It was too good, you were honestly begging for mercy. You would slow down the pace but Chrollo has gotten feeling back in the muscles of his hips so he was just thrusting up erratically into you. Chasing after his release.

“What’s wrong (y/n)?” Chrollo murmurs into your ear, causing you to whine and shiver at his mesmerizing voice, “W-what did I do next that 100% confirmed the second condition?”

You don’t respond as your brain was practically melted at this point. Though, Chrollo won’t take that as an excuse. Chrollo, with most of the feeling back in his body, flips you over so he was on top. He stops his thrusts and holds your legs down so you can’t move. You whined as you looked at the silvered eye man above you. “I asked you a question, my little butterfly. And I expect you to answer it.”

You pause and don’t say anything, not wanting him to boss you around. He smirks and pulls all the way out before bashing right back into you, hitting your cervix. You grunt, pain flickering through your body.

You glare at Chrollo above you and he only does it again. And again. Waiting for his lovely little butterfly to answer him. On the 6th thrust is when it gets interesting, this time when he bashed in, your cervix had eased up. Allowing him into the depths of your womb. Your eyes widen and Chrollo chuckles, both of you knowing what this means.

You try to fight against it but Chrollo successfully cross your legs. Making it so you squeezed around him even more. He lets out a sigh, losing his composure as he begins to make small little thrusts, trying to stay in your womb. “Answer me my little butterfly. You and I both know what’s highly likely to happen if I cum this deep in you. There’s no way around it if I do. So answer me.”

He was right, there was no way around it if he does. You’ll just have to follow his orders, waiting for him to drop his guard again.

“T-then I confirmed it when Mr hansu wouldn’t explain to you how to function his ability after you saw it, only about how flashy it is. Meaning your second condition is the person has to tell you the general function or uses of the ability. The third—“ you let out a small sigh as you feel the knot in your stomach about to explode. It also didn’t help you could feel Chrollo begin to twitch inside you, if you came while still explaining there was no question he would cum, hard. “The third, I confirmed through your expressions. Sometimes you would do the first two conditions but not follow up with the third condition since you hadn’t found the ability interesting to you. But when you did, you always had them touch the handprint on your conjured book. The ones that didn’t touch it, didn’t have their abilities stolen.”

You let out a sigh, you were done. You listed all of his conditions. Now he just needs to stop thrusting into your womb.

“And the fourth? The fourth condition?” you blink as he says this. T-there was a fourth condition? Oh god you had forgot strong Nen ability usually had 4-5 conditions not 2-3. Your heart races up as you flicker fastly through your memories.

Nothing else was similar between all the people he talked to. Which means that it’s either a time limit or a magic word that you hadn’t caught. It’s more likely the time limit so you’ll go with that.

“Y-your fourth is a time limit. I confirmed this because strong Nen types need 4-5 conditions and nothing else was similar between the people you talked to. T-This—this means the only likely answer is a tough time limit. From what I observed it took you about 45 minutes to steal from one of the businessmen-men so it’s something higher than that but it has to be shorter—oh~ than 3 hours since that gives too much time and isn’t as strict. Hah-ha-Happy now?”

Chrollo humms for a minute thinking, before he lets out a groan. Come on Chrollo, pull out. You can tell he’s about to burst.

“Chrollo pull out-t, you're about to cum.”

Chrollo groans as you say that, leaning his forehead against yours. Damn, you felt your walls twitching and tightening. You were going to cum.

“You can tell little butterfly? You're so smart my butterfly. All mine.” Chrollo murmurs, pressing kisses against your collar bone. “ I enjoy you, you are so entertaining, so smart, so special. Like a rare specimen. My special butterfly. Trapped in my web forever. Fuck—”

As he says that you finally feel him cum, also allowing the knot in your stomach to finally burst. You bite down, hard on his shoulder, as your whole body shakes underneath him in ecstasy. You thought your brain was mush before, but now it had completely melted into a liquid. It also didn’t help that you loved the feeling of him pumping hot cum into you. The feeling of something so dangerous that also felt so messy and primary sent a flame through your nerves.

You let a couple of pants out as you finally come to. Turning to your right you see chrollo his eyes close since he was out cold. You had hoped when you bit his shoulder and broke the skin that, with your nen, you could put him to sleep before he had cum in you but it seems that hadn’t worked out. As you're trapped underneath the handsome man, you decide it wouldn’t hurt to observe him for a little. Ever so carefully you lightly run your fingers through his hair and then to tracing his features before finally running them across the tattoo on his forehead.

“(Y/n)…” your heart clenches and your fingers tremble as you hear him whisper in his sleep. This is bad. You finally decide it was time to get him off you and it was time for you to make your leave. With a huff, you roll him over before covering with the sheets. You give him one last look before you begin to get dressed, deciding not to even bother cleaning up the cum he pumped into you. You would deal with it when you got back home and we’re able to take a shower, right now you just needed to get the hell out of here. Though before you leave, you decide to neatly fold Chrollo’s clothes and place them on the nightstand beside him, a parting gift if you will. As you place the clothes down and go to leave, a hand grabs your wrist.

You turned, shocked, as you looked at Chrollo. He was hardly able to keep his eyes open and was struggling to even hold onto you. “My Little butterfly… you aren’t going anywhere… you're mine”

You look at him blankly for a couple of seconds before letting out a sad laugh. Damn it. This was supposed to be a fun time but nothing can ever have a happy fairy tale like ending can it?

You lean down placing your forehead down on his. Looking deeply into his silver eyes. “Chrollo. I am your little butterfly. I bet I forever will be but…but…”

You turn your head to the side and savor the last kiss you'll ever share with this man. This extraordinary man that gave you a night you’ll never forget. You slowly pull away watching as his eyes begin to droop again.

“But, Chrollo, you have to be careful. Afterall, A monarch is deadly to a spider.”

And, with that, Chrollo was out. And so were you, not a single trace of you remained in that room. It was like the monarch had never been trapped in Chrollo’s web in the first place.

But, the scars left on those beautiful butterfly wings of yours, Is enough proof that you were there. And that you left, damaged.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #phantom troupe #hxh scenarios #scenarios #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #chrollo lucilfer x reader

[trevorbarre]

MF DOOM: The Madvillain

I’m not really in a position to give a fully informed reflection on the importance of the late hiphop artist MF Doom (or on his producer Madlib), but I’d like to have a stab at acknowledging his importance, mainly because the report of his death (which occurred as far back as October) has somewhat discombobulated (or even just plainly upset?) my 30-year old son, for whom he is an extremely important artist. It’s always salutary, I think, for music fans of my age to properly appreciate, if we can, the achievements of artists from later generations, even as the impulse remains to dig down in to the product of one’s own ’glory days’. This can be more difficult than it sounds.

I’d been aware of Doom since Nathan’s purchase of Madvillain back in the mid-00s. I have to admit to only giving it a cursory listening at the time, not finding anything of sufficient interest to detain me beyond two or three spins. Big mistake. It was really only on hearing of his premature death a couple of days ago (cause uncertain) that I felt a need to reassess the recording, feeble as that sounds. It undoubtedly has something to do with the Covid-related sense of transience and impermanence that we all live with today, and the fact the Doom was only in his late-40s. Was his yet another Covid death? I guess I wanted to pay some respect  and attention to an MC who was clearly so respected by my son’s generation, if that doesn’t sound too condescending. I do sometimes get into arguments with friends who seem enmeshed in the music of the 60s/70s and who seem dismissive of music post - 2000 (this includes, of course, internal arguments with myself and my own biases).

So, impressions of Madvillain include a sample-rich environment, with some references that I can relate to (from Zappa’s Uncle Meat, for example). Samples celebrating weed and getting stoned, and multiple comic book nods and winks reminding me a a far less aggressive and macho Wu Tang Clan and its various splinter artists. Going further back, there are reminders of Public Enemy’s piling up of ‘laminar’ layers, a multi-referential, complex sound field (”silly goose” being just one echo/micro-reference to PE’s Flavor Flav that even I can pick up on). It contains much less directly ‘political’ references than PE, and I was also reminded of John Zorn’s fractured and unreliable ‘surfaces’. The content is constantly agitated, unreliable and on the move, somewhat like Naked City’s stylistic mish mashes.

It’s a far gentler sampladelia than many, though. To my perhaps naive mind, it seems to be, to use a much misused word, a ‘transitional’ album, between more hostile 90s forms and more ‘progressive’ hiphop, that welcomes both Afro-Futurism (there are references to Sun Ra) and the more gentle administrations of the brief Daisy Age of rap, with its playfulness and good (or at least better) humour. Or am I just talking bollocks? I’ve always felt a bit of an imposter in this world, which is as complex and multi-threaded as that of ‘jazz’ (where I feel much more comfortable). But I can see here that Madvillain demands as much creative listening as any Miles Davis album. It’s clear to me (duh!) that this is great music and I’m at that enviable point of still discovering more and more with each listening.

Doom is obviously a great loss to creative music.

#mfdoom #madvillain #madlib

[amechuqueen]

Jasmine x Snow white

(Jasmine x Snow white oneshot! High School au.. I hope you enjoy! These two have really grown on me XD)

"So your name is snow white huh?"

"Yep!"

"That's... Unique" Jasmine, a very ill tempered girl managed to say. When she was moody, compliments were quite hard to come by. Currently the black haired girl was still a bit upset at Aurora and Mulan from their earlier spat. I mean.. How could she not be upset? Mulan didn't even tell her that she was dating that sleep-a-holic uptown girl! "Why thank you! Your name is quite pretty too"

"Aren't you one of Aurora's friend? Why are you even talking to me?"

"Oh well, I wanted to say that your hair is very lovely! I don't pick sides so.. I don't know why I can't be friends with both of you right?" Friends? She thinks their friends? Jasmine wanted to laugh then and there but she figured she'd behave. Adjusting her leather jacket jasmine leaned against the lockers. "Well aren't you a sweetheart" the girl smiled fondly in response. As days soon passed, Jasmine couldn't help but to noticed snows attempts at trying to befriend her. Needless to say it was rather amusing, the girl was sweet but far to naive for her own good. Perhaps having someone like Jasmine around would be good for the cinnamon roll. Teach her to toughen up a bit.. Toughen up? Yeah right. Snow was as soft as kittens. Though for as open as she was, she never really talked about her home life often. However, as curious as Jasmine may be.. She always remembered Cindy telling her it was best not to question snows personal life. At first the woman didn't care and merely shrugged it off but as days turned into weeks and weeks soon into months.. The sweetheart began to grow on her. She even found herself smiling more and often looking forward to when the pale girl would arrive to greet her. "This is so fun!" The girl would giggle as Jasmine would play with her hair. Currently, they were in Jasmine's room. "Very! Now take off your bow, I have so many head accessories for you to try on!" Jasmine would laugh when Snow would wear the big headpieces with the proudest grin. It was hard not too, she felt snow brought out the best in her. In moments like these her mind would often drift away and start being silly. She didn't understand these feelings all to well. Sure, she wasn't really used to having very interactive friends to begin with.. Well, except rajah and maybe Aladdin but.. This was different. She couldn't quite explain these feelings yet but she knew they were different. With all these new feelings.. New anxieties, and insecurities came along with it. After all, what if snow didn't feel the same? What if she secretly laughed and taunted her name behind her back? What if snow didn't really care? Aren't friends supposed to be open with each other? If so.. Then why won't snow open up to her more? She often tried to shake off these silly thoughts and draining feelings but often found them lingering on. "Snow" Jasmine began, breaking the cheerful aura in the room. "Yes dear?" Dear, such a silly and meaningless little pet name, a tiny little name of endearment was enough to give Jasmines cold heart a sliver of hope. Her hearts walls we're beginning to break and shatter and an in embarrassing moment of weakness she poured her anxieties out. "We're so close and yet.. I find myself growing more insecure by the second. Why is it that you like me so? Why do you waste your time with my presence so often?"

"Because i like being with You! Your so independent and strong, so bold and courageous unlike me... You silly goose, I like you because your you!" Snow looked down a bit when she spoke, her own insecurities coming to mind. Her words brought Jasmine an odd sensation of relief but still something lingered Within the depths of her mind. "Then why don't you tell me about your home life?" For a moment silence filled the room until the other gave a sorrowful sigh. "I didn't want to burden anyone with my own problems.." Jasmine quickly took the other girls hands in encouragement. "You can open up to me whenever your ready, I'm always here for you"

"My mother" the pale girl began. "Well, step mother, wasn't very nice to me.. Treated me like a servant, and hid me from sight, Jealous of my so called 'beauty' she hired a scary hunter to hurt me but.. he didn't have the heart to. He told me to run away and I did.. I ran and ran and ran but it still wasn't enough for her envious heart.. It was never enough, she poisoned me with an apple. Luckily enough my roommates got to me in time. One is a doctor, without them I would have.." The girl trailed off.

"Oh snow.." Jasmines heart ached for her friend. Thinking of how snow could have died or felt at that very moment of her life wounded her and plagued her thoughts with sorrow. It explained her fear of apples and well.. Her often, disregard for her beauty. "My looks feel like a curse.. No matter how often I tried to show her I cared, she couldn't see it over her lust for beauty"

"Your so strong" Jasmine could already feel tears beginning to show. Her icy walls beginning to crack at the mere thought of someone so dear to her having such a horrible experience. "What do you mean dear? I'm not bold and I can't hold up much in a fight.." Snow questioned, saddened by her own weakness as she gently began to brush away Jasmine's tears. "Emotionally.. Snow Your so emotionally strong. Physical strength is great sure but.. Emotional strength is just as meaningful. Going through such horrors and yet staying so kind and caring towards others.. That's strength snow. I'd get angry, I'd want to fight back! But you.. You kept your chin up, you smiled through hell. You didn't need to fight, you found a way to carry yourself through it while still remaining true to yourself and that's... That's so damn inspiring" Snow was speechless, feeling a little blush rush to her cheeks as Jasmine held her close in her arms. "Nobody's ever said that to me before.. It really feels nice" snow felt her own tears began to fall and duo stayed quiet for a bit.. Tear filled hearts comforted by each others presence. "If you like, I could teach you how to throw a mean punch?" Jasmine broke the silence causing the other to giggle. "I'd like that very much! Um Jasmine.."

"Yes dear?"

"I know your angry at Aurora and Mulan but in my heart.. I believe they kept their relationship a secret for their own reasons. Let's all be good friends and support them okay?" Jasmines heart melted at Snow's soft smile. "Alright, Alright, you win~ your so caring Snow"

"Your quite caring too my dear! In fact, your so sweet you hide it under that cold interior of yours"

"Th..that's not true!" Huffed the girl with a rebellious pout. In the end the duo laughed their tears away and continued to enjoy their evening together blissfully smiling all the while. After all, remember your the one who can fill the world with sunshine!

#disney ships #disney crossover #disney princesses #disney femslash #femslash #aladdin #princess jasmine #snow white and the seven dwarfs #snow white x jasmine #snow white #disney

[fabletonrp]

BASICS

Name: Svetlana Morozova Age: 16 Location: Ever After Job: None Story: The Little Match Girl Character: The Little Match Girl Faceclaim: Rowan Blanchard Status: Taken

PERSONALITY

+ determined, hopeful, strong

- naive, withdrawn, lonely

BIOGRAPHY

Lana grew up on stories of Christmas magic, her grandmother having the patience to teach her to read. Growing up in a silent world was a harsh limitation, but those stories broadened her world in a way she would never have known otherwise. When her grandmother died, her world changed, and not for the better.

Her father would often send her out with things to sell, silly things that no one would ever think twice of buying. Eventually he settled on a single thing: matches. Bundles and bundles of them she carried out with her every day, a sweet, hopeful smile on her face when someone would near that quickly died when they ignored her. Nights she sold nothing, she knew she couldn’t go home. The streets were a comfort to her, where most looked to home for comfort. Her health suffered, the cold seeming to have permanently seeped into her bones. She would escape into her own head, remembering the stories her grandmother would share.

One night, she felt things were the worst they had ever been. People’s pity seemed to have run out. When she found a small corner, she looked to the matches for a strange sort of comfort. Lighting one, she was before a beautiful iron stove, the kind she had only seen once. But that stove held such warmth, and such promise, she believed it was real. Then her match died. Lighting another, she found herself ensconced at a Christmas feast, the biggest stuffed goose she had seen dancing to her. And then back she went to the cold and damp. Another light, and an enormous tree loomed over her, twinkling with light and decorated. She saw stars, and one fell just before she returned to the cold.

Another match, and her grandmother was there. To hold her fast, Lana lit all the matches in her bundle and gave herself the brightest light of her life. Her grandmother simply smiled and took her hand, drawing her through the light.

More cold greeted her, but it was missing the bite of what she was used to. Strange lights greeted her, harsher than the soft flames she was used to. People looked different, but still, her world was silent.  There were new things in her head, though, but she felt a deep fear of them. What was she supposed to do in a place she didn’t know when she had no idea how to communicate?

CONNECTIONS

Megara Valis: Meg is the one who found Lana and instead of ignoring her, helped her. Lana is so used to being looked over that she feels a deep gratitude but doesn’t know how to show it.

ALTERNATE FACECLAIMS: N/A

#tw: deafness #tw: implied character death #tw: implied abuse #fablecharacter #svetlana morozova #story: the little match girl #fc: rowan blanchard #char type: taken female #char type: female #char status: taken #written by: tiffany #taken by: tiffany #connection: megara valis

[lost-in-the-blithe-blog]

March 19, 2018....March 2017......and today.

So. How am I doing?

Floss and brush teeth at 5:30 daily

Getting better.

Spend time outside daily

I went to a state park the other day.

No watching TV until after teeth are brushed

Nope.

Budget daily

Doing good. Can always do better.

Running on treadmill once a month.

Did ok the other day.

Blog writing every day

Meh.

Read Portuguese every day

Need to better

Investing and investor education daily.

Kind of.

Study mathematics every day

Kind of.

Study one general conference talk weekly

Not really

45 minuets of Book of Mormon study daily

Sometimes.

8 March

I know I know, I think to much. If you have a problem with that you can take the problem with you as you go.

One thing that I don't think is essential like I used to is a college degree. Before my stroke I wanted to earn my doctorate. Now, I don't care quite as much.

I earned a bachelors degree that I almost worthless to me. I don't have the physical control, or the emotional control to do what would most likely be required.

I earned a masters degree that is also almost worthless to me. My emotional control is very limited. And in a way that is a key part of most aspects of the jobs.

There are so many things to do in the world that don't require a degree, but you still have to be educated.

In many ways you can educate yourself, and be highly educated, but not have a degree. Some degree just sound silly. And by silly I mean dumb.

13 March

I hate being tired to the point it hurts. The past few days have been no fun. I have been tired to the point it hurts and I have no idea what I need to do.

The biggest problem is I have no idea why this time. I feel like I've taken ibuprofen to the point in the main reason they stay in business. I am tired of being so tired. Being tired is typically, but this seems like something new. Maybe I'm working I haven't for four years and it's taking its toll on me.

I just remembered that I need to do my monthly review of my New Years goals.

Running type exercise.

I can't run. In walking at the gym I go to so that's something.

Write every morning.

I'm doing well here. Not perfect. Getting better.

Floss teeth. Everyday.

Getting it done almost every night.

Volunteer.

I might be getting this done. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations for myself.

Budget.

I'm trying to work on this one day a week. Right now it seems like more. Busy.

Spend time in nature.

I'm outside more. I need to get away from the city more.

Think about what you want to do, not what you want to have.

I don't have much problem here. My problem is I want to do things I am incapable of doing most days. I guess I need to narrow down my expectations and focus on what I can do.

I hate it when people compliment me on anything. It's usually because I am defying the expectations they have of me.

I had a stroke. I'm not dead. Just because I didn't die, doesn't mean anyone needs to compliment me. There are lots of people that don't die every day. Do we complement them. I realize I am an oddity of nature. You don't need to compliment me. I'm a big boy and I can talk for myself. In fact, if someone gives you a compliment, I think it's more for themselves.

Having said that I like to offer compliments myself. But I like to do mine differently. People say to me things like,"Oh you can go to the bathroom by yourself, congratulations." Something like that makes me think people expect me to be drooling all over myself.

17 March

This is how naive, or idealistic, I can be at times.

I think and feel that we all should live, as much as possible, by the idea, what is good for the goose(female goose) is good for the gander(male goose). Also, "Let he that is without sin, caste the first stone."

No one is perfect. Me more than anyone. But if you want to compare yourself to me, feel free. If you feel the need to judge yourself against a person that has had a known brain injury, whatever.

I think the idea that anyone is better than another is discussing. If someone can make more money than someone else that is fine. If someone acquires money and it was not by helping others, or providing a service or good that others need or want, hmmm.

Does everything have to be so complicated? At times complex helps. Most of the time simple and straightforward ideas are the best.

My idea. The Ten Commandments are very simple in some ways. We, as a human race, want things that are more complicated. Why? We, as humans, want everything broken down and explained in ever smaller parts. We, as humans, are very good at making and wanting things complicated.

24 March

One thing I have been contemplating more these day is, "He who waits to serve, also serves."

This has been a difficult concept for me because I like action, I like to be doing something.

One question we have to ask ourselves, and be brutally honest about with ourselves is can others do better than me.

For me the answer is yes. My Seven year old can do a lot of things better than me. The fact remains, I know a lot that can help my children. My children love to cook, especially one. I would love to cook, but I have had accidents with simple things. I am the idea man. Sometimes the timekeeper.

I say about helping that for most things I do an amazing job of getting in the way. I don't mind being the idea man, but there is a lot of down time.

We all may be good at something. Before my stroke I was awesome at somethings I can't do anymore myself. I can tell others how to do them. Still watching others do something that I used to be able to do myself is painful. For many reasons. But that is part of life.

I am beyond grateful for the time the Lord allowed me to learn how to do so many wonderful things. Now, it is my opportunity to share some of my knowledge before I am planted.

27 March

This is something I feel very strongly about.

I hate, hate, hate, the idea that some people have that men are superior to women some how. Men and women my both be human but they are very different. No matter how much I my try, there are things that I can never do. That being said there are things that most women can't do. Not because there are less than men in any way, in fact I would say in many ways woman are superior. Women have different capabilities than men. Not that women can't do many of the same things that men can do. There is overlap. Overall I would say that would say the woman are the superior of the species.

Men I would say inherited less brain capacity. There are a few exceptions, Einstein, Hawking, but but overall women have let men think that we are superior. It is hard to win any debate that involves person that is mentally inferior. In this case men.

Unless a man has a compelling response, like being forced, he will never achieve the intellectual capacity of a woman. Both sexes think very different. Ones not bad. Ones not good. Just different.

I will never understand the idea, that some women want to be "equals" with men. In many ways women are already superior to men.

One quote that I have always liked is "If you educate a man you educate an individual, if you educate a woman you educate a family."

At one time I was learning to fly. It was rigorous. My wife at that time left to help her mother, who was on her deathbed. One child was in school at the time. She took the other children with her, and went to help her mom. I did have people that helped, but it was really hard.

That experience and many others have lead me to understand how important women are in the world. We have very different capabilities and capacities, but neither one is better than the other.

Now with everything I have said I still believe in what American society calls traditional roles. Several things have improved overtime. Some things have just changed, and not always for the better.

[readbookywooks]

The Schoolboy

BUT Kolya did not hear her. At last he could go out. As he went out at the gate he looked round him, shrugged up his shoulders, and saying "It is freezing," went straight along the street and turned off to the right towards the market-place. When he reached the last house but one before the market-place he stopped at the gate, pulled a whistle out of his pocket, and whistled with all his might as though giving a signal. He had not to wait more than a minute before a rosy-cheeked boy of about eleven, wearing a warm, neat and even stylish coat, darted out to meet him. This was Smurov, a boy in the preparatory class (two classes below Kolya Krassotkin), son of a well-to-do official. Apparently he was forbidden by his parents to associate with Krassotkin, who was well known to be a desperately naughty boy, so Smurov was obviously slipping out on the sly. He was - if the reader has not forgotten one of the group of boys who two months before had thrown stones at Ilusha. He was the one who told Alyosha about Ilusha. "I've been waiting for you for the last hour, Krassotkin," said Smurov stolidly, and the boys strode towards the market-place. "I am late," answered Krassotkin. "I was detained by circumstances. You won't be thrashed for coming with me?" "Come, I say, I'm never thrashed! And you've got Perezvon with you?" "Yes." "You're taking him, too?" "Yes." "Ah! if it were only Zhutchka!" "That's impossible. Zhutchka's non-existent. Zhutchka is lost in the mists of obscurity." "Ah! couldn't we do this?" Smurov suddenly stood still. "You see Ilusha says that Zhutchka was a shaggy, greyish, smoky-looking dog like Perezvon. Couldn't you tell him this is Zhutchka, and he might believe you?" "Boy, shun a lie, that's one thing; even with a good object- that's another. Above all, I hope you've not told them anything about my coming." "Heaven forbid! I know what I am about. But you won't comfort him with Perezvon," said Smurov, with a sigh. "You know his father, the captain, 'the wisp of tow,' told us that he was going to bring him a real mastiff pup, with a black nose, to-day. He thinks that would comfort Ilusha; but I doubt it." "And how is Ilusha?" "Ah, he is bad, very bad! I believe he's in consumption: he is quite conscious, but his breathing! His breathing's gone wrong. The other day he asked to have his boots on to be led round the room. He tried to walk, but he couldn't stand. 'Ah, I told you before, father,' he said, 'that those boots were no good. I could never walk properly in them.' He fancied it was his boots that made him stagger, but it was simply weakness, really. He won't live another week. Herzenstube is looking after him. Now they are rich again - they've got heaps of money. "They are rogues." "Who are rogues?" "Doctors and the whole crew of quacks collectively, and also, of course, individually. I don't believe in medicine. It's a useless institution. I mean to go into all that. But what's that sentimentality you've got up there? The whole class seems to be there every day." "Not the whole class: it's only ten of our fellows who go to see him every day. There's nothing in that." "What I don't understand in all this is the part that Alexey Karamazov is taking in it. His brother's going to be tried to-morrow or next day for such a crime, and yet he has so much time to spend on sentimentality with boys." "There's no sentimentality about it. You are going yourself now to make it up with Ilusha." "Make it up with him? What an absurd expression! But I allow no one to analyse my actions." "And how pleased Ilusha will be to see you! He has no idea that you are coming. Why was it, why was it you wouldn't come all this time?" Smurov cried with sudden warmth. "My dear boy, that's my business, not yours. I am going of myself because I choose to, but you've all been hauled there by Alexey Karamazov - there's a difference, you know. And how do you know? I may not be going to make it up at all. It's a stupid expression." "It's not Karamazov at all; it's not his doing. Our fellows began going there of themselves. Of course, they went with Karamazov at first. And there's been nothing of that sort of silliness. First one went, and then another. His father was awfully pleased to see us. You know he will simply go out of his mind if Ilusha dies. He sees that Ilusha's dying. And he seems so glad we've made it up with Ilusha. Ilusha asked after you, that was all. He just asks and says no more. His father will go out of his mind or hang himself. He behaved like a madman before. You know he is a very decent man. We made a mistake then. It's all the fault of that murderer who beat him then." "Karamazov's a riddle to me all the same. I might have made his acquaintance long ago, but I like to have a proper pride in some cases. Besides, I have a theory about him which I must work out and verify." Kolya subsided into dignified silence. Smurov, too, was silent. Smurov, of course, worshipped Krassotkin and never dreamed of putting himself on a level with him. Now he was tremendously interested at Kolya's saying that he was "going of himself" to see Ilusha. He felt that there must be some mystery in Kolya's suddenly taking it into his head to go to him that day. They crossed the market-place, in which at that hour were many loaded wagons from the country and a great number of live fowls. The market women were selling rolls, cottons and threads, etc., in their booths. These Sunday markets were naively called "fairs" in the town, and there were many such fairs in the year. Perezvon ran about in the wildest spirits, sniffing about first one side, then the other. When he met other dogs they zealously smelt each other over according to the rules of canine etiquette. "I like to watch such realistic scenes, Smurov," said Kolya suddenly. "Have you noticed how dogs sniff at one another when they meet? It seems to be a law of their nature." "Yes; it's a funny habit." "No, it's not funny; you are wrong there. There's nothing funny in nature, however funny it may seem to man with his prejudices. If dogs could reason and criticise us they'd be sure to find just as much that would be funny to them, if not far more, in the social relations of men, their masters - far more, indeed. I repeat that, because I am convinced that there is far more foolishness among us. That's Rakitin's idea - a remarkable idea. I am a Socialist, Smurov." "And what is a Socialist?" asked Smurov. "That's when all are equal and all have property in common, there are no marriages, and everyone has any religion and laws he likes best, and all the rest of it. You are not old enough to understand that yet. It's cold, though." "Yes, twelve degrees of frost. Father looked at the thermometer just now." "Have you noticed, Smurov, that in the middle of winter we don't feel so cold even when there are fifteen or eighteen degrees of frost as we do now, in the beginning of winter, when there is a sudden frost of twelve degrees, especially when there is not much snow. It's because people are not used to it. Everything is habit with men, everything even in their social and political relations. Habit is the great motive-power. What a funny-looking peasant!" Kolya pointed to a tall peasant, with a good-natured countenance in a long sheepskin coat, who was standing by his wagon, clapping together his hands, in their shapeless leather gloves, to warm them. His long fair beard was all white with frost. "That peasant's beard's frozen," Kolya cried in a loud provocative voice as he passed him. "Lots of people's beards are frozen," the peasant replied, calmly and sententiously. "Don't provoke him," observed Smurov. "It's all right; he won't be cross; he's a nice fellow. Good-bye, Matvey." "Good-bye." "Is your name Matvey?" "Yes. Didn't you know?" "No, I didn't. It was a guess." "You don't say so! You are a schoolboy, I suppose?" "Yes." "You get whipped, I expect?" "Nothing to speak of - sometimes." "Does it hurt?" "Well, yes, it does." "Ech, what a life!" The peasant heaved a sigh from the bottom of his heart. "Good-bye, Matvey." "Good-bye. You are a nice chap, that you are." The boys went on. "That was a nice peasant," Kolya observed to Smurov. "I like talking to the peasants, and am always glad to do them justice." "Why did you tell a lie, pretending we are thrashed?" asked Smurov. "I had to say that to please him." "How do you mean?" "You know, Smurov, I don't like being asked the same thing twice. I like people to understand at the first word. Some things can't be explained. According to a peasant's notions, schoolboys are whipped, and must be whipped. What would a schoolboy be if he were not whipped? And if I were to tell him we are not, he'd be disappointed. But you don't understand that. One has to know how to talk to the peasants." "Only don't tease them, please, or you'll get into another scrape as you did about that goose." "So you're afraid?" "Don't laugh, Kolya. Of course I'm afraid. My father would be awfully cross. I am strictly forbidden to go out with you." "Don't be uneasy, nothing will happen this time. Hallo, Natasha!" he shouted to a market woman in one of the booths. "Call me Natasha! What next! My name is Marya," the middle-aged marketwoman shouted at him. "I am so glad it's Marya. Good-bye!" "Ah, you young rascal! A brat like you to carry on so!" "I'm in a hurry. I can't stay now. You shall tell me next Sunday." Kolya waved his hand at her, as though she had attacked him and not he her. "I've nothing to tell you next Sunday. You set upon me, you impudent young monkey. I didn't say anything," bawled Marya. "You want a whipping, that's what you want, you saucy jackanapes!" There was a roar of laughter among the other market women round her. Suddenly a man in a violent rage darted out from the arcade of shops close by. He was a young man, not a native of the town, with dark, curly hair and a long, pale face, marked with smallpox. He wore a long blue coat and a peaked cap, and looked like a merchant's clerk. He was in a state of stupid excitement and brandished his fist at Kolya. "I know you!" he cried angrily, "I know you!" Kolya stared at him. He could not recall when he could have had a row with the man. But he had been in so many rows in the street that he could hardly remember them all. "Do you?" he asked sarcastically. "I know you! I know you!" the man repeated idiotically. So much the better for you. Well, it's time I was going. Good-bye!" "You are at your saucy pranks again?" cried the man. "You are at your saucy pranks again? I know, you are at it again!" "It's not your business, brother, if I am at my saucy pranks again," said Kolya, standing still and scanning him. "Not my business?" "No; it's not your business." "Whose then? Whose then? Whose then?" "It's Trifon Nikititch's business, not yours." "What Trifon Nikititch?" asked the youth, staring with loutish amazement at Kolya, but still as angry as ever. Kolya scanned him gravely. "Have you been to the Church of the Ascension?" he suddenly asked him, with stern emphasis. "What Church of Ascension? What for? No, I haven't," said the young man, somewhat taken aback. "Do you know Sabaneyev?" Kolya went on even more emphatically and even more severely. "What Sabaneyev? No, I don't know him." "Well then you can go to the devil," said Kolya, cutting short the conversation; and turning sharply to the right he strode quickly on his way as though he disdained further conversation with a dolt who did not even know Sabaneyev. "Stop, heigh! What Sabaneyev?" the young man recovered from his momentary stupefaction and was as excited as before. "What did he say?" He turned to the market women with a silly stare. The women laughed. "You can never tell what he's after," said one of them. "What Sabaneyev is it he's talking about?" the young man repeated, still furious and brandishing his right arm. "It must be a Sabaneyev who worked for the Kuzmitchovs, that's who it must be," one of the women suggested. The young man stared at her wildly. "For the Kuzmitchovs?" repeated another woman. "But his name wasn't Trifon. His name's Kuzma, not Trifon; but the boy said Trifon Nikititch, so it can't be the same." "His name is not Trifon and not Sabaneyev, it's Tchizhov," put in suddenly a third woman, who had hitherto been silent, listening gravely. "Alexey Ivanitch is his name. Tchizhov, Alexey Ivanitch." "Not a doubt about it, it's Tchizhov," a fourth woman emphatically confirmed the statement. The bewildered youth gazed from one to another. "But what did he ask for, what did he ask for, good people?" he cried almost in desperation." 'Do you know Sabaneyev?' says he. And who the devil's to know who is Sabaneyev?" "You're a senseless fellow. I tell you it's not Sabaneyev, but Tchizhov, Alexey Ivanitch Tchizhov, that's who it is!" one of the women shouted at him impressively. "What Tchizhov? Who is he? Tell me, if you know." "That tall, snivelling fellow who used to sit in the market in the summer." "And what's your Tchizhov to do with me, good people, eh?" "How can I tell what he's to do with you?" put in another. "You ought to know yourself what you want with him, if you make such a clamour about him. He spoke to you, he did not speak to us, you stupid. Don't you really know him?" "Know whom?" "Tchizhov." "The devil take Tchizhov and you with him. I'll give him a hiding, that I will. He was laughing at me!" "Will give Tchizhov a hiding! More likely he will give you one. You are a fool, that's what you are!" "Not Tchizhov, not Tchizhov, you spiteful, mischievous woman. I'll give the boy a hiding. Catch him, catch him, he was laughing at me The woman guffawed. But Kolya was by now a long way off, marching along with a triumphant air. Smurov walked beside him, looking round at the shouting group far behind. He too was in high spirits, though he was still afraid of getting into some scrape in Kolya's company. "What Sabaneyev did you mean?" he asked Kolya, foreseeing what his answer would be. "How do I know? Now there'll be a hubbub among them all day. I like to stir up fools in every class of society. There's another blockhead, that peasant there. You know, they say 'there's no one stupider than a stupid Frenchman,' but a stupid Russian shows it in his face just as much. Can't you see it all over his face that he is a fool, that peasant, eh?" "Let him alone, Kolya. Let's go on." "Nothing could stop me, now I am once off. Hey, good morning, peasant!" A sturdy-looking peasant, with a round, simple face and grizzled beard, who was walking by, raised his head and looked at the boy. He seemed not quite sober. "Good morning, if you are not laughing at me," he said deliberately in reply. "And if I am?" laughed Kolya. "Well, a joke's a joke. Laugh away. I don't mind. There's no harm in a joke." "I beg your pardon, brother, it was a joke." "Well, God forgive you!" "Do you forgive me, too?" "I quite forgive you. Go along." "I say, you seem a clever peasant." "Cleverer than you," the peasant answered unexpectedly, with the same gravity. "I doubt it," said Kolya, somewhat taken aback. "It's true, though." "Perhaps it is." "It is, brother." "Good-bye, peasant!" "Good-bye!" "There are all sorts of peasants," Kolya observed to Smurov after a brief silence. "How could I tell I had hit on a clever one? I am always ready to recognise intelligence in the peasantry." In the distance the cathedral clock struck half-past eleven. The boys made haste and they walked as far as Captain Snegiryov's lodging, a considerable distance, quickly and almost in silence. Twenty paces from the house Kolya stopped and told Smurov to go on ahead and ask Karamazov to come out to him. "One must sniff round a bit first," he observed to Smurov. "Why ask him to come out?" Smurov protested. "You go in; they will be awfully glad to see you. What's the sense of making friends in the frost out here?" "I know why I want to see him out here in the frost," Kolya cut him short in the despotic tone he was fond of adopting with "small boys," and Smurov ran to do his bidding.

#BrothersKaramazov