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cakelanguage · 3 years

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This took much longer than I thought it would, but work has been absolutely exhausting lately. I'm honestly just excited that I get to share this with you all because I really wanted to participate in Hurt!Noct Week. This is a combination of day 1 prompts: buried alive and captured by Nifleheim (at least sort of?). This is just the 1st chapter, but I figured I’d share at least this bit for now. I hope you enjoy this!

You can also read this on AO3

He should’ve called Ignis. Or texted Gladio that he was going to be ten minutes late to their training session. Or Astrals, accepted Prompto’s offer to walk home with him even though his house was in the opposite direction.

But he hadn’t.

Instead, he’d strolled down the bustling streets, thinking about the planned King’s Knight session later that night. He scrolled idly through the mission details, trying to formulate a plan of attack. The last time Noctis had attempted this mission he’d been severely outclassed and had to abandon the mission lest he lose what little loot he’d been able to pilfer from the dungeon. With Gladio’s character acting as their tank, he could have Ignis on range attacks and healing. Prompto had the best stealth stats so they could have Prompto looting the place while the rest of them took care of the bigger monsters. Noctis fancied himself an all-around player so he could assist wherever needed the most help.

Caught up in his mini strategy session, he didn’t realize he was on a collision course with someone until he ran right into them. He stumbled, juggling his phone between his hands in an attempt to save it from meeting its demise on the pavement below.

“Watch where you’re going,” the man he ran into grumbled, brushing imaginary dirt off his jacket.

The man was dressed lavishly in a wide variety of patterns and textures. His coat looked sturdy and thick like it would keep out even the harshest of cold winds. The scarf around his neck was the brightest piece of clothing he wore—the reddish-orange silk oddly complementing the man's red-violet hair. Not a sliver of the man’s skin was visible besides the tip of the man’s fingers and his face under the shade of his fedora.

He had a right to be upset even if half of him wanted to insist that the man could have moved too. He shoved that thought down and instead nodded his head, tucking his phone back into his pocket. “Sorry about that,” Noctis apologized. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“Yes, I figured as much.” The man squinted at him, his head cocking to the side. “Hold on a moment, don’t I know you?”

Not for the first time, he was thankful for his privacy. His father had done a remarkable job at keeping him much out of the public eye. People knew who he was, but because he wasn’t in any of the newspapers or rag magazines that most celebrities appeared in he could go through life like normal. He didn’t have to think about paparazzi waiting outside his school or people approaching him asking for something or other.

“Probably not,” Noctis said, “maybe you’ve seen me walking home before? I go to the high school three blocks away.”

Shaking his head, the man inspected his face more thoroughly. “No that’s not it. I’ve definitely seen you before.” He felt as if the man could count his pores, and Noctis shuffled backward away from the man’s heavy stare. “Have you got an uncle that works at the palace? I used to work there.”

The man gave Noctis a private quirk of his lips like he was privy to some hidden joke that only he knew.

“Oh that’s… nice?”

The man nodded absentmindedly gaze still heavy on Noctis. “Hm, you really do look familiar,” he commented. “Quite handsome too.”

“Thanks?” Noctis looked down at his uniform and his loosened tie and wondered if there was a polite way to excuse himself from the conversation. He didn’t want to be rude by walking away from the man but he really did need to get going or he was going to be later than he thought to Gladio’s training session. “Well, I’m sorry for walking into you like that, but I gotta get going.”

“Right, right, of course.” The man swept a hand through his hair sheepishly. “It’s not like I can keep the prince from his important tasks just to talk with me.”

Ice filled Noctis’ veins as his title was casually thrown out by the man who claimed he couldn’t place his face. He stared at the man, uncomprehendingly. This was starting to look like the beginning of one of Ignis’ crime drama shows. Why did the man lie? What was his angle? What was going on?

“Who are you?” Noctis asked, channeling his calm façade to the max.

“A man of no consequence, I assure you.” The man waved him off with a few shooing gestures. “Off you go, your highness.”

Noctis gave him a wary look and an awkward bob of his head. He needed to get out of here. Ready to put this whole interaction behind him, he stepped to the side of the man to continue his route. Except he didn’t get very far before a hand latched onto his wrist with surprising force.

A violent tug had him wrenching himself back around, his shoulder twinging at the sudden jerk. Face-to-face with the man once more, Noctis saw how the man’s expression was colder, harsh in the afternoon sun. His teeth were bared in a sneer—looking for all the world like a coeurl.

“Let go,” Noctis ordered, now glaring at the man who wouldn’t leave him alone. “Didn’t you just tell me to go?”

A taunting smile peaked through the man’s sneer. “Now why would I do that?” He asked.

Noctis clenched his fists and bit out another order. “Let go of me, now.” He grabbed his phone with his free hand and quickly dialed the palace’s emergency numbers. It would be mildly embarrassing if Gladio found out he’d called the Crownsguard on a regular citizen, but his SAS kidnap training was blaring in his ears. “I’m warning you, I can have you arrested.”

A soft tsk came from the man who shook his head at Noctis’ threat. “We can’t have that now, can we?”

He opened his mouth to demand his release again, but all that came out was a choked-off yelp as something heavy struck his head. His knees refused to hold up his body and he collapsed to the concrete. The skin of his palms was torn in his attempt to catch himself, but he couldn’t feel it; the sharp pain by his temple shadowed the pain in his palms.

He turned his gaze back to the blurry figure of the man, who had been joined by another figure. His brain felt sluggish, his thoughts thick in his mouth as he tried to string a sentence together. “W-what—“

“Shh,” The man shushed, ignoring Noctis’ flinch as he tenderly ran a hand through Noctis’ hair. “Good night, sweet prince.”

The last thing he saw was a fist coming at his face.

Then nothing.

He regained consciousness with a choked-off groan. He felt like he’d gone through one of Gladio’s marathon training sessions and lost miserably.

Laying still, he took stock of his body. His lip was swollen and tender as he wet his dry, split lips. The right side of his face throbbed in-tune with his heartbeat and Noctis could barely get that eye to open more than a crack. What was he supposed to do? He’d been trained on how to handle a kidnapping situation; Cor had made it abundantly clear the variations in which people would try to snatch him up. But this wasn’t just a ‘what if.’ He’d been kidnapped not even four blocks away from his school.

It was a matter of figuring out what he could do to get out of here. He still had his magic though admittedly his connection to the Crystal felt like he was trying to pull at the energy through a strainer. Like sifting through a pile of hay for the needle—all of his abilities being the needle and the presence of his magic being the hay.

But that didn’t mean he was helpless. He just needed to approach the situation the right way and he could escape. He tried to remain calm, limiting his breathing to shallow breaths to keep up his ruse. This became a fruitless act when he heard someone or something step up behind him.

A familiar voice came from behind him. “It appears our guest of honor is awake,” the man cooed. Some of the man’s nonchalance had vanished, replaced by cruel giddiness. “And how are you, your majesty?”

Like hell he was going to go along with this guy’s fake care. His pride wouldn’t let him bite out a pleasantry, instead choosing to press his steely gaze on the eccentric man. His stare didn’t deter the man’s delight in his situation which only served to make his blood simmer in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to punch the smug look off that face.

“I think you’ll find, Noctis,” the man loomed over him, nudging him lightly in the ribs with his boots, “that I have the upper hand.”

He didn’t. Noctis refused to believe it. He may not have had any weapons on him, but Noctis had dialed the emergency response number for the palace. By dialing the number he had ensured back-up would be on their way to his location in less than five minutes. Well, the location of where the call took place. He couldn’t feel the shape of his phone in his pockets, but the Crownsguard would be able to pick up on any trail his kidnapper had left behind.

All he needed to do was wait.

“What do you want?” Noctis asked, shifting his position on the floor to try and alleviate the pressure on his lower back. He could already feel the scar tissue there begin to burn and ache.

“Already wanting me to reveal my dastardly plan?” The man questioned. “How cliché.” Noctis’ face must’ve given away his annoyance because the guy clucked his tongue at his expression.

“I realize this isn’t one of your silver-spoon soirees, but it’ll serve as a good setting for the video.” He straightened and made his way over to the small set-up of… camera equipment? “We need you to put on your best performance, your highness.” He looked up with a cold smile that sent a shiver running down Noctis’ spine. “Though do save some for the main event.”

“So you’re gonna, what? Ransom me or something?” Noctis squirmed in his binds. “Is that your plan?”

Humming noncommittally, the man continued setting up his equipment. “Or something.”

“Not much of a talker huh?” He was banking on being able to get some info out of the guy so he could shout it over what was sure to be his ransom video.

The waiting was bizarre. Despite the discomfort, he didn’t feel like he was all there—though the main contributor to this was the head injury—the quiet sounds of rustling cables and footsteps gave him peace of mind amongst the simmering unrest and anxiety as the experience faded into less immediate danger. If only he could concentrate on his armiger and summon the knife he stored there—then he’d be able to warp out of his binds and escape.

A quiet huff of laughter broke through the silence; it took him a few moments to realize the laugh came from him . It wasn’t funny, not by a long-shot. He was being stupidly optimistic, especially since his vision still wavered between doubled and covered in black splotches. He probably had one hell of a shiner too.

He wished he’d called someone to get him.

The derelict state of his mind was brushed away as a triumphant cry echoed slightly around him. He squinted at the man who looked at him expectantly.

“What?” Noctis asked, tiredly. He had no desire to give the man the reactions he was hoping for. Actually, the other being put off by his apathy made him feel better. “Did you finally get your whole… set-up ready?”

The man had the audacity to pout at him. “Now you’re just no fun,” he complained. “Aren’t you curious as to why I’ve brought you here?”

Noctis shrugged. “Not really?” The motion caused his chains to rattle in the tight space. “Most of the guys I’ve been kidnapped by all want the same thing: revenge or money.”

“I can assure you that my reason is definitely not for any monetary reason.” The man took a step towards him. “I suppose you could call it revenge, though I admit you are simply unlucky—to be chosen by the gods.” He cupped Noctis’ cheek with surprising tenderness, brushing his thumb along his cheekbones. “You do bear a striking resemblance to him.”

A nail dug it the flesh underneath his eye and Noctis hissed, attempting to turn his face out of the man’s grip. “What a pity,” the man said, releasing his hold on Noctis. “Before we begin, I think it’s only fair that you finally be able to put a name to your captor.”

“Oh now you want to introduce yourself?” Noctis grumbled—because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut to save his life apparently.

Fortunately, the man seemed amused by his comment. “Do forgive me for my rudeness, your highness .” The mocking emphasis he placed on the title was not lost to Noctis, but he didn’t dignify him with an answer. “I’ve been reduced to the moniker ‘Adagium,’ by the royal line of Lucis.”

It sounded familiar, but Noctis couldn’t place where he’d heard it. Had the name come up in his studies? Was it a political thing?

Adagium sighed and shook his head. “I’m not surprised you don’t know of me. Your dear father is desperately trying to keep you in the dark.”

Noctis furrowed his brow. “What do you mean he’s keeping me in the dark?”

With a shake of his head, Adagium stepped back over to his equipment. “I’ve talked enough for now, it’s time we get the show started lest the party be stopped before it’s even begun.” Adagium grinned at him. “The stage is yours, prince Noctis.”

A red light blinked to life on the camera as Noctis stared into the lens. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Did Adagium want him to beg? To show whoever was watching the video that he was scared? He wasn’t. Scared that it is. Unnerved? Yes, how could he not be when he was kidnapped and tied up in some unknown location.

His captor sighed tilting his hat to cover his face and—

Adagium changed. No longer was he wearing the extravagant, pattern-clashing, textile collage of an outfit. He was in a set of armor, his face masked and hair tucked away under the rigid helmet. Noctis had only seen the armor in person once before on that fateful escape from Tenebrae as he reached desperately for Luna’s hand.

Magitek armor.

To see the man stripped of his individualism did more to bother Noctis than he expected. Something about the metal, placid expression staring at him had his stomach clenching nervously. How had Adagium done it? An illusion? But how? To his knowledge, illusion magic was typically only used by the messengers of the gods; he figured he’d already met all of them at this point with his connection to Luna.

With four jerky steps, Adagium stood beside him, a hand painfully clasping his shoulder. Noctis side-eyed the man as if he could glean some sort of direction for what he wanted Noctis to do.

Once again, Adadgium broke the silence. “Salutations, Your Majesty, Regis Lucis Caelum,” Adagium said, “113th monarch in the long line of Lucis.”

He’d somehow managed to project his voice to see like he was behind the camera again. Another impossibility Noctis didn’t know how to find an answer to.

“As you can see, I have an auspicious guest with me, one I know you’re well-acquainted with. Won’t you say hello to your dear father, Noct?” Adagium asked.

Gritting his teeth, Noctis glared at a spot on the wall. He wasn’t going to give the other what he wanted, not when he could still deny him of his game. If he could weaponize his silence, he would.

With an angry tut from Adagium, Noctis’ hair was yanked with a merciless tug, pulling his head backward and exposing his throat. He could feel the handful of hair desperately trying to cling to his scalp as he let out a small whimper at the rough treatment.

“What a difficult boy,” Adagium commented, “he must’ve been quite the child to raise. To think he’d forget his manners at a time like this.”

“Shut up,” Noctis growled.

“Oh he speaks! Splendid! Now while I’ve broken through that stony exterior, we can commence the show.”

Suddenly, a knife was pressed against Noctis’ neck. He flinched back into Adagium’s hold on his hair, but the knife followed, the edge of the blade making a small, shallow cut on the delicate skin of his neck. He was helpless, tied up, and at the mercy of his captor. And it didn’t seem like Adagium had any qualms against hurting him.

The blood that lazily oozed from the wound dripped down his neck and settled into his jugular notch like a morbid jewel. Noctis heard Adagium’s hum of approval and could feel the pressure of the knife increase slightly as if Adagium had lapsed in his awareness that he was the one holding the knife and thus in control of how far the blade entered Noctis’ flesh.

“Now, I understand why Lucis values black as a special color—it goes amazingly with blood red, wouldn’t you agree?”

He said it so off-handedly that Noctis wasn’t sure who he was talking to: Noctis, Regis, or himself. What was clear, was that Adagium had a deep-seated grudge against Lucis—the royal line in particular. But why? Was he from one of the outer nations that had been left behind when his father had to pull back the wall to just the city of Lucis?

Adagium broke out of his musings, finally pulling the knife back enough that it was just resting against the cut. “Never mind that,” he said. “I expect you’re waiting for some kind of demand from me. Money? Some impossible wish for power? Recognition?” Noctis could hear the smirk in his voice, that deceptively playful quirk of his lips. “No, I don’t want any of those, not explicitly at least.”

What do you want? Noctis didn’t voice no matter how much he wanted to. This little video of Adagium’s seemed to be going nowhere which could be good if this was a live broadcast, build the tension maybe.

“My reason for kidnapping Noct is very simple: because I could.”

He said it so matter-of-factly that Noctis’ brain stumbled to a halt. That’s it? Because he could? That didn’t make any sense, not when Adagium had brought up some kind of revenge. “What happened to your revenge?” Noctis asked. “You mentioned your reasons could be considered revenge and the gods.” He remembered the forlorn look in Adagium’s eyes before the rage had trickled back in. “You said I resembled someone, Adagium.”

He knew he was being bold, foolhardy more accurately, but his captor hadn’t revealed his name and Noctis was hoping if he brought up his aforementioned desire for revenge on film he’d reveal more of his reasoning. If the heroes in movies could get a villain to reveal their schemes, Noctis should be able to do it to Adagium.

Adagium’s grip on his hair tightened, Noctis crying out as several strands were tugged out of his scalp. “Oh Noct,” he purred, “I see you’ve decided to join the conversation.”

Noctis felt his skin crawl at the contemptuous pride in Adagium’s voice. He’d overstepped with his nosy questions.

“Yes, I did say that, didn’t I?” Adagium said. “You remember Adagium, do you not Your Majesty? The mythical monster locked away in the dark depths of Angelgard for ages, lost to time amongst the words of false kings and fraudulent nations.”

Who was Adagium? Noctis wondered, a stray tear slipping down the side of his face towards his hairline. “Why?” Noctis whispered, afraid of the answer he’d receive but unwilling to let his question lie.

The magitek disguise rippled ominously, a black miasma seeping through the gaps of armor. Quickly, the figure of Adagium was being overshadowed by the mist. The tiny glints of gold light within the consuming shadows was what gave away the nature of the mist: Starscourge.

Eyes wide, Noctis struggled in the man’s grip. He remembered when the Starscourge had infected him as a child when the Marilith had sliced his back open and nearly severed his spinal cord. The burning agony of the scourge ravaging his body, when not even his coma brought him relief from its infection. The hushed cries of similarly infected at the edges of his mind like a web of anguish, ever-growing with each infected. Get away getawaygetaway.

His struggling was for naught as the black mirage leaned closer to him. “Why?” Adagium asked the hand that held the knife lazily dragged to the center of his chest. “Because I was saving people. Because that first false king was jealous and power-hungry, over-eager to be the one to wear the crown. And the rest,” he spat the word, “never bothered to question any of their forebears, convinced that they had always done what was best for the kingdom of Lucis.”

Noctis shook his head as best he could. “But why would they—“

“Because the gods didn’t stop them.” The knife in his hand pressed harder against Noctis’ chest and hissed at the sting of the blade. “But the time of reckoning is steadily approaching!”

With a flourish of his hand, the knife was sent away. Noctis thought it was eerily similar to accessing the armiger. “While all the pieces aren’t in their proper place just yet, a bit of ‘divine retribution’ soothes the soul.”

“What do you mean by divine retribution?” Noctis asked, his voice far quieter than he expected.

The miasma cloud seemed to grin impossibly wide, though he couldn’t discern an actual face. “I thought it would be perfect for you to atone on behalf of your forebears, Noct. And to have your father helplessly watch as he struggles to find you.”

Adagium stood behind him once more and wrapped his arms loosely around Noctis’ shoulders. “Let’s have the chosen, King of Light spend some time in the dark,” he purred, black ichor dripping onto his shirt. Onto his head. Onto his face. It was everywhere and Noctis couldn’t focus on anything else.

And then there was nothing.

#HurtNoctWeek2021 #hurt/comfort #Noctis Lucis Caelum #ardyn izunia #ffxv #ffxv fic #fanfic #final fantasy xv #noctis I'm sorry baby but I like seeing my fav characters getting hurt?#ardyn being well himself #we can all just blame somnus tbh #that's what i like doing

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tsskyx · 3 years

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Revisiting Undertale Theories

This will be a general post where I go through most of the stuff that I've reblogged over the years (truthfully only the stuff found here) and attempt to update and generalize it all somehow. It will be a long ride, so I'm adding a divider here.

What makes boss monster souls persist after death?

I now believe that this phenomenon is due a better body constitution. In a way, their physiology is “more sophisticated”, and while the exact explanation for this phenomenon is most likely very complex, the fundamental underlying idea is that magic always allowed for this sort of effect, it just wasn’t “implemented” with the other “lesser” monsters before. You could even call it an evolutionary trait if you believe in monster evolution. I do not believe it to be caused by determination though, that’s a given. The reason is, that I find this explanation somewhat “simpler”, as in, why formulate a theory with some foreign substance, when we can do so without it? Plus, Undyne undoubtedly has more DT than any boss monster, and yet, we never ever see her soul.

A general theory of soul mechanics 1

I still believe that the body and the soul are the same thing when it comes to monsters, regular or boss. After all, both are made of magic, so it definitely works as a concept. Of course, when boss monsters die, we see the soul existing separately of the body. My idea is, that the soul retracts the bodily energy, in effort to buy itself more time. This can either account for some, or all of the time that it gains through this way. If it accounts for all, then that’s a mystery solved. If only for some, then the rest might be covered by the aforementioned “whatever magical process that makes them distinct from regular monsters and which makes their bodies run more efficiently”.

Now, about determination. I should mention that my theories are extended by an extensive system of world building that I’ve crafted specifically for the purposes of my fanfic. That said, I will try to differentiate between the more “reasonable” takes, and takes that are definitely “pure head canon”. For example, I have an entire theory about how determination relates to the traits, to electromagnetism, and everything else, but that’s beyond the scope of this post.

Determination, in my opinion, is a magical substance, that exhibits physical interaction, much like monster bodies. Unlike those however, it seems incompatible with them, and yet, it harbors immense energetic potential, much like uranium (bad for health, great energy source). Rather than requiring a physical body to contain it, I just think that the more “physical” the shell that houses it is, the less damage will be done to it. That’s the nature of DT imo.

And this actually brings me to an old parallelism idea I’ve had, that I still somewhat subscribe to: humans are mostly physical and tiny bit magical. Monsters are the opposite, with the physical bit being their dust. Furthermore, monsters have lots of “regular magic” and little DT, while humans have lots of DT but little magic (in my opinion, the “regular magic” that they have is their HP. I think it is the same as or similar to monster magic. DT on the other hand is something different. Still magical, but different.)

Next, I believe that Alphys carried out all the experiments that are documented via the entries. Some people believe that some of them were done by Gaster. Anyways, if we carefully analyze what she was trying to accomplish, we discover that she initially thought that monsters would be unaffected by the DT-to-soul injection and would turn to dust. She incorrectly assumed that monsters are disconnected from their bodies. Perhaps, we can formulate an excuse, maybe she thought that the connection only runs emotion-deep, that only one’s will to fight, and to hope, which are, we may conclude, characteristics of the soul (so the soul is also the “brain” of the monster... although that isn’t completely correct either as I will explain later regarding the essence) is what has an effect on the body, while other things, such as physical substances, would not come to affect the body too, and would stay put. If someone like Gaster really did experiment with DT, then his research must have been lost and forgotten, for Alphys to not know this. Even if it wasn’t common knowledge, there would have been a chance that she would find some of this research, or perhaps, if Sans was in the know, that he would inform her of this, no?

What is strange though is that she formulates her explanation via “physical matter” - that the monsters melted because they couldn’t handle DT itself. Which to me seems like an accidental red herring. She only ever explained to us why monsters melt, rather than why her experiment failed in the first place and didn’t cause the monsters to dust and reveal their soul. So, I think she still has no idea what happened, but knows now what happens if DT comes into contact with monster flesh. (Or maybe she knows, but didn’t deem it worthy of mention. Which is understandable from a storytelling perspective - a character who rambles too much in dramatic moments is bad writing, in my opinion. I am only saddened that I myself am guilty of this exact sin in my fanfic, lol.)

And all of that brings me to why monsters actually melt when they encounter DT. I think... they always do, but as long as the DT is balanced by physical matter, it’s all good. So the little dust that monsters have is what allows them to harbor that much DT, I believe. Perhaps, it’s always a 1:1 ratio, or perhaps, and this is more sensible to assume, most monsters are under-utilizing their DT amount, maybe because, again, it’s tied to their emotion. Perhaps this is why Undyne has so much of it. Maybe she’s not “special” at all, maybe it really is her own hope and passion that’s raising her natural DT-to-dust ratio. And on that note, let’s dissect Undyne’s death.

First, we strike her down. Then, she regenerates above and beyond her original power, becoming much stronger in every aspect. (I refuse to call her “Undyne the Undying”, that is a pun made by the narrator. I shall die before I embrace puns.) Finally, we strike her down, and she attempts to regenerate via DT again, but this time, she melts. Funnily, the amlagamates in comparison never died. Sure, they all melted together, but did not perish. (They also became invincible.)

I have attempted, many times, to make sense of this. For the longest time now, I have been differentiating between physical and psychological DT. I think the presence of the latter is what unlocks the potential of the former, of the physical substance itself. This already explains why Undyne is so strong; because she believes in herself and her own strength. Of course, I do not think that every monster can suplex a boulder, but she has the potential and knows how to utilize it. When we first kill her, her DT immediately restores her body, simply because that’s a thing it can do. I think it takes lots of energy to generate DT, and I think her soul had this batch in reserve. Now, empty, but utterly stacked, she attacks you. You progressively wear this new power construct down, until she is defeated yet again; yet again finds herself on the brink of death. I think for monsters, HP measures a percentage of their soul that, if destroyed, causes the entire structure to fall apart. I think HP is essentially the “spare energy” that a monster can theoretically afford to lose and still be fine. But I digress. The second time she tries regenerating, something goes wrong. My previous assumptions suggest that it’s her trying to regenerate while she no longer has enough spare bodily energy to stay together, and so, as she spends even more of her energy to use as an offensive force, something changes, and she begins to melt. It tells me that she successfully generated a second batch of DT, but that perhaps, she was so low on the actual amount of her own bodily magic at this point, that not even the energy provided by the DT itself could save her body from the fact, that the DT now dominated her insides, causing her to melt.

I think that’s what happened. It is a convoluted explanation, but then again, this is a convoluted scenario. It is reminding me of the situation presented in Glitchtale, where Sans, being fallen down and having exerted his most powerful attack TWICE, suddenly starts melting, and when he breaths a sigh of relief, only then does he die. Not melt, just die. It seems like I am not the only one struggling to explain how this dynamic works exactly. It seems that there are multiple things at play: physical DT content, physical matter content, mental determination, magical bodily content, and HP. In conclusion, it’s a mess.

Now, the amalgamates. I believe that falling down is akin to dying for humans, while dusting is like a human corpse decomposing. I think the former is due to general decay of the body and the soul, which, sadly, can be not just due to physical reasons, but also mental reasons, since as we know, monster bodies respond to their host’s emotions. The state of fallen down is then a case where the body can no longer perform its cognitive functions properly, but can still sustain metabolism, which in monsters’ case also means their bodily existence. It seems that this state is terminal, due to how it is described in the game. I think DT then offers a unique opportunity for a monster to get resurrected, to have their cognition restarted again, simply due to the fact that it is a pure energy bomb. Of course, injecting too much of it can cause the body to melt, but the important point here is, that after the injection, the body itself still exists and can function normally, even if it loses its shape. Undyne, in comparison, was defeated twice, twice was she brought to the edge of death. For her, more DT did save her, but also devoured her last remaining bodily resources. The amalgamates on the other hand were fine, perhaps even more so by the fact that they all melted together, sharing their resources and energies together.

(Personally, my explanation for why their bodies lose their shape is that monsters keep a certain electromagnetic pattern around them that allows their bodies to interact with physical matter, and DT disrupts this pattern, itself being a substance of a similar caliber, resonating in a manner similar to monster bodies. But like I said, this theory of mine is not included in the scope of this post. Perhaps, another time.)

A general theory of soul mechanics 2

That moment when I sent an ask to @ imagineasriel, advertising my own fanfic, lol. Anyways, I no longer believe that Flowey knew that he would transform into Asriel, as I theorized in that post. I do think now that the just wanted to mess with us, to give us hope for a better ending. It is strange to me though that he really doesn’t seem that surprised by his transformation, so maybe he had a hunch that something different would indeed happen if he were to absorb monster souls? I think it is possible that he tried to kill Toriel or Asgore before and tried taking their souls, but I think that being “awake”, unlike the human souls, they automatically rejected him. Perhaps though, for a second, he almost felt his own emotions coming back, so this was his plan now, or rather just a faint hope, that maybe, by using the human souls to absorb the monster ones, he will not only get to experience that feeling again, but also stabilize them all so that he can remain like that for as long as he wishes.

In short, it’s a messy situation, and it seems to me like he improvised throughout most of it. He wanted to give you a better ending, only to strike you down again, only to ultimately find a way to become his old self again, bewilderingly.

A general theory of soul mechanics 3

Here I am going to disagree with myself, I think that Flowey obtained his magic from the DT injection. My essence theory states that the essence is something that all humans and monsters have, and, it either dies during very specific situations, most notably if a human-monster fusion dies, their essences become preserved. This explains how Chara’s consciousness survived their body’s death, and why Asriel is still alive too. And I think that his magic (vines, pellets, etc) is powered by his essence. I think the same happens with monsters in general actually: monsters produce attacks by transforming determination into magic via their essence. I do not imagine they throw magical chunks of their own soul at an opponent. That would be... unhealthy. So this is how I think it works instead, the essence is the “gun” and determination is the “bullet”. The same happens when Alphys gives us the ability to shoot from our own soul, I think the magic of the bullets that we shoot comes from our own determination supply, and also agrees with my other assumption that humans have essences too. Funnily enough, the color of our yellow attacks is the same as the color of DT, allegedly.

(In my head canons, I actually have this master theory that connects DT, the essence, electromagnetism and a prospect of mind control all together, precisely through a broader conceptualization of yellow magic. Again, perhaps in another post I will write all about that.)

A general theory of soul mechanics 4

This was originally an unfinished followup to part 1. Part 2 then became something else, and afterwards, I’ve also released part 3. Only years later did I finally revisit this, adding my own commentary to it. The one thing that I find interesting that it mentions is how human souls work, regarding HP and all that jazz. I actually agree with most of it, so I don’t have much to say about it.

In general, human souls persist after death if killed by magic (having their HP depleted), unless they die by natural causes. When the former happens, the essence utilizes DT to travel back in time, but only as far as the underground goes. Usually, human souls cannot do this. The other humans’s souls were taken because Asgore was very strong, despite them being able to reset. Asgore essentially made them give up their time travel so that they may finally escape the loop and perish. Sad!

Chara’s soul persisted, allowing Asriel to absorb it, because they explicitly willed it so that after their death, they would not automatically reload. This is true only if the Chara reset hell theory is true. After Asriel’s body dusted, Chara was unable to reset, because they could not access the DT, as the combined soul actually shattered (whereas normally, human souls persist). In fact, the essence using the DT for time travel is what depletes its DT supplies and makes it shatter, such is the case with Frisk.

Another interesting point stated in this post is that the bunny shopkeeper said that she felt her body being pulled, referring to the event where Asriel absorbed everyone’s souls. This to me cemented the idea that monster bodies are extensions of their souls.

For now, I will stop the post here. My typing is getting really sluggish, as it seems like my browser cannot handle all this text at once. In the next part (hopefully not released in 6+ months), I will go over the rest of the stuff under the /index page of my blog. See ya.

#undertale

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hennyjolzen · 3 years

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Smell Your Way Home A razzle of citrus. Cut grass. Spike of bergamot crushed between dogteeth. Star-scent. Shiver-musk. Your antennae quiver with sparkling electrons. You hum and skim through oak trees, singing with your whole body until you reach it: the hollowed out oak trunk. The place your brothers and sister have been covering with a perfume called 'home'. "Swarming bees locate a new hive and attract the rest of the colony through the use of a pheromone called Nasanov that includes such familiar terpenoids as geraniol, nerolic acid, and citral acid. Produced by glands placed parenthetically around a worker bee’s stinger, beekeepers have noted that the Nasanov pheromone can be detected by a naked human nose and smells of lemongrass. This is a fact that beekeepers take advantage of when they use lemongrass essential oil to trap bees or introduce them to a new 'hive'. In fact, bees' lives are intimately orchestrated by smells. The smells of flowers and, most importantly, the pheromones secreted by their queen. The queen coordinates behavior, hive-building, defensive techniques, and nectar-collecting strategies via her pheromones. Interestingly enough, if you remove a queen and wait for her 'smell' to blow away, you insert in another queen and drastically alter the collective behavior of the hive. The bees live in the Queen’s smell, her atmospheric aroma, like we live inside culture, unwittingly letting it orchestrate and organize our tasks and lives. Beekeepers have observed that when dealing with an aggressive hive, if you remove the queen and let her pheromones fade before adding in a 'gentle' queen substitute, you can create the conditions for a 'calm' colony. "Smell is vital across species. Dogs are the most popular example, smelling oncoming seizures in human owners, unearthing Iron Age corpses, and locating prized truffles blooming darkly below the duff. In Texas, cadaver compound was injected into oil pipes, and the pipes were observed for vulture activity to locate where the pipes had sprung a leak. The vultures honed in on the smell of corpse emanating from the broken pipes. Elephants choose the most nutritious, highest sugar-content fruit, by way of a scent evaluation. Recent studies at Oxford University’s Department of Zoology demonstrated that Scopoli shearwater birds navigate great distances across water by way of 'olfactory maps'. The study shows that many other birds find their way home by smell. The ocean is an odoriferous landscape. It is a series of perfumed songlines. "The idea of songlines might not be that much of a stretch. The Vibration Theory of Smell posits that just as smell is, in a manner, touch – an interaction between scent molecules 'touching' into the olfactory cleft of our nose and setting off a domino-chain of electrons – so smell might also be sound. First formulated by Malcom Dyson in 1928, it suggests that a molecule’s smell is due to its vibration frequency. The theory has received pushback from the 'shape' theory, which posits that molecular shape is more important than vibration, but as a poet, I am drawn to the lyrical nature of smell as song. Perhaps that’s why, faced by impoverished smell vocabulary, we rely on phrases like 'chord' or 'note' or 'symphony' when describing perfumes and complex aromas. "Humans, although we live in a culture biased towards visual and auditory stimuli, receive a remarkable amount of information via smell. Recent research has upended the myth that humans are smell deficient. The human nose is capable of distinguishing over a trillion distinct odors. A Scottish woman named Joy Milne can accurately make a diagnosis of Parkinson with her nose. In fact, her nose is a finer diagnostic tool than any technology, picking up the disease years before it even registers on traditional tests. It may be that this skill isn’t just her superpower. We are all making subconscious decisions based on smell all the time, like the worker bees inside the pheromonal ocean of the queen’s influence. In a famous study nicknamed the 'sweaty T-shirt' experiment, a Swiss scientist Claus Wedekind showed that people exposed to T-shirts soaked in different people’s body odor, unknowingly and consistently picked the T-shirt from the person with the histocompatibility gene (MHC) that was most different from their own. The MHC gene is responsible for the growth of a healthy immune system and it has been shown that mates that represent a diverse combination of MHC genes produce healthier, more immunologically robust children. Studies aside, most people have had the experience, at least once in their life, of smelling a lover’s body odor and knowing deeply, somatically, that there is chemistry. What if we didn’t date via visual cues, but dated via smell? Would we make better partner choices? "We smell events before they happen. Cut grass blows downwind. Bad smells shepherd us away from fire, from pollutants, from eating rotten food. We smell events that have happened. And memory is intimately entangled with smell. A perfect blend of lily and gardenia summons my grandmother with such vivacity that the rest of her easily materializes: I see her powder blue dress, her dove broach, her mischievous eyes. Long dead, I open her old perfume jar and suddenly I can touch her again, speak to her. Smell is often the doorway into other sensory experiences. The Song of Songs, one of the most popular parts of the Jewish Bible, is a glossary of erotic smells. The smell of spikenard and aloes and myrrh leads us through the Gospels. Jesus is constantly anointed, washed, articulated by smell. As a writer, I have observed in the writing I love and the writing that I create, that smell is one of the most effective ways to build an embodied world. We know that most of taste is really smell. The first mouthful of wine on a summer night. The dark cherry of black coffee sipped as the sun spills into your living room. "The artist Kate McLean, interested in biosemiotics defined as the exchange of sensory signals between animals and their environments, has created a project called Sensory Maps. She gets people to 'map' their cities by smell and creates complex 'smellscape' maps with the aggregate information she receives from participants. Mostly focusing on urban environments, McLean has suggested these maps can be utilized by Urban planners and developments. Where should smells be preserved? Where should we not develop, due to a bad odor? Diving into her work, I was immediately reminded of Bernie Krause and his Acoustic Niche Hypothesis in relationship to Soundscape Ecology. The theory is that animals in a shared ecosystem develop different tones and rhythms that collaborate like an orchestra. Each sound finds its perfect channel so that it doesn’t 'interrupt' anyone else’s song. "Poetically thinking with the Vibration theory of smell as being related to sound, I wonder what an Aroma Niche Hypothesis would look like? Do ecosystems evolve complex symphonies of smell – fungal, vegetal, animal, elemental – that all cooperate and combine into a polyphony? And if this is true, what of anthropogenic smell? What about smell pollution that is so pervasive it almost, especially in the smell maps of Kate Mclean, overwhelms any other biological, environmentally excreted perfumes? What if birds can’t find their song/smell lines across the ocean? What if we are wearing so much synthetic perfume that we can’t make a correct olfactory assessment of a potential mate? "I’m not trying to answer any questions. I’m trying to smell them. I’ve always had a problematically sensitive nose. I can smell when someone is sick before they know it. There are certain mycelium I know by a taste as I walk over their hidden underground bodies, not their visible fruiting mushrooms. I have often thought I will know I have found my partner when my nose tells me. My nose will know, better than my mind ever will. In fact, I harbor a deep, mushy belief that my nose is my most direct connection to my heart. "What if, taking our inspiration from Kate McLean, and bringing it out of human-dominated environments, we tried to retrain our noses to detect subtle cues. What if you mapped your neighborhood? A nearby trail? Keep a notebook of smell observations. Don’t worry about using smell words. Make something up. Use a color. A sound. A feeling. The English language needs to be composted. It needs neologisms and kennings that properly reflect our ability to detect over a trillion different 'smell songs'. Smell is haptic. It reflects our intimacy with the world every time we breathe in volatile molecules and let them cascade into our brain chemistry. Smell is song, vibrating with melodic messages about behavior and mates and environmental hazards. And smell is deeply erotic. It connects us with our deep somatic appetites. Maybe it even guides us toward our ecological olfactory niche. Just like the bees follow the lemongrass pheromone to their new hive, maybe smell can show us how to get 'home': home, for me, being a state of mind. A state of mind where I realize everything is alive. Everything is funky. Musty. Lusting. Loving. Everything, even without a voice, without a sound, is talking.

Sophie Strand

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sarcastic-sunshines · 5 years

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Letters for my Love - Chapter 4

A/N: I just wanted to wish everyone a happy school year! I officially start this week as well. I wish all of us nothing but growth in knowledge and 4.0 GPAs

Pairing: T’Challa x Black Reader

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3

My Love,

I do not know where the time has gone, but somehow, our daughter is graduating from kindergarten. It seems like just yesterday I was nervous about her beginning school, now Nono is off to Year 1 in a few months. Sometimes it feels as though she is growing up too fast for me to soak in all the memories. I am blessed to have a child who sees me as her best friend and lets me experience all her happy moments with her, though I am not sure how long that will last. Everyday it seems her friend Fatou gets closer to stealing my spot. Perhaps Nobomi is more independent than I would like to admit. Perhaps admitting my daughter is growing into her own little person will also force me to admit that I am still struggling to formulate my own life outside of her.

I have tried to take baby steps, just like the therapist suggested, but evidently my progress is slow. Having Erik home more has been helpful, his presence always pushes me to explore myself outside of being King and a father. His teasing however, is not always appreciated when it comes to the fact that I have made no actual attempt in befriending Akina. After how things ending with Ayesha, I was sure it wasn’t the right time, but now I am not sure. It is as though Bast is playing a trick on me. I went from never seeing her to suddenly bumping into her almost everywhere I go. I am hoping to get to talk to her more at Nobomi’s graduation.

The little girl has invited almost everyone that she knows for her special day. And it is hard to say no when I see the excitement on her face. You should have seen how big her smile was at the seamstress as she took her measurements for her graduation dress. It reminded me so much of you, I still find myself longing for your presence in these special moments. For you to get to experience how much our daughter holds your spirit. How much it brings me comfort to see you glimmering through her. Though I know my morning glory is always with me, I still long for the love that we once shared. Some days it feels like the void your death brought will never be filled, and I am not sure how I feel about it. It helps no one to dwell too much in what could have been, instead I will focus my energy on planning a ‘super duper fantastic’ graduation party for Wakanda’s graduating princess. I am not sure what exactly counts as ‘super duper’ to a six year old but I am excited to find out.

Yours Forever,

T’Challa

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T’Challa sat with his cousin on the couch, as they waited for Nobomi to try on her dress for her graduation. He hadn’t thought too much about the whole event, until realizing how excited his daughter was for reaching her first educational milestone. She couldn’t stop talking about the day, making her excitement contagious. So when she asked for a new dress, he had no choice but to say yes. Somewhere along the planning, he had been persuaded into hosting 20 six year olds for a party to celebrate the end of their kindergarten years. Planning had not been easy, considering event planning was not his forte, but again Nobomi’s excitement was worth it.

T’Challa nudged Erik awake once he heard little shuffles coming towards them. They both turned their heads to look at Nono as she strolled in like the princess she was. Her smile went passed her eyes, which held a twinkle that reminded T’Challa so much of her mother, it felt like a constant reminder that she was always there. T’Challa felt himself getting emotional watching his daughter twirl in her dress wishing his wife was here to see the beautiful strong willed child they had brought into the world. He cleared his throat and wiped at his eyes before speaking.

“You look so pretty Nono, and your smile makes your dress even better.” he said opening his arms to allow her to hug him, though she didn’t stay for long, quickly going back to twirling.

“Yeah baby girl, you sure you're not heading to a runway and not graduation.”

“No uncle Erik! You are so silly” she said still giggling at his comment, her four missing front teeth open to the world to see.

“ I didn’t know serving looks was a requirement to graduate from kindergarten” he replied tickling her while littering her face with kisses.

“Baba said I get to wear Mama’s hair pin so I get to look extra pretty and have my good luck charm” The pin had belonged to his wife’s grandmother. She had always planned on giving it to her child, so T’Challa did just that when he found it again. Nono somehow understood the importance of the gift and only asked to wear it during special events.

The seamstress came from the back quickly with a needle and thread in hand “ Nobomi sweetie, I have one more adjustment to do at the sleeve please. You were supposed to go and come back” she bent down to the little girl’s level as she used some pins from her pincushion to have the sleeve fit as perfectly as she wanted.

“Imani, you really outdid yourself this time. She looks amazing”

“Oh I cannot take credit Kumkani, your mother had been working with a local designer named Akina, she owns a dress shop closer to end of the city. Nobomi had insisted on having one of her dresses. She entrusted in me in doing the final fitting” Imani stood back up leading Nobomi to the back to carefully take off the dress without the pins hurting Nobomi.

This was all new information to T’Challa. He had left every detail of the dress to his mother who had gone to every fitting prior to this one. He would always ask Nobomi how the fitting went but she insisted she wanted it to be a surprise. He only ever got a ‘good’ or a ‘fine’. He hadn’t even known that Akina was a designer. It just proved how little he hadn’t gotten to know her.

Erik turned to make sure that Nobomi and Imani had gone to the back.

“I didn’t know your lady was a designer”

“I didn’t know either, and she is not my lady” he said with a little nervous stammer

“ That’s shocking, you shoulda seen the way your eyes lit up just by her name” T’Challa frowned as Erik laughed. “ Man, it has been literal months, if you don’t ask her out soon I’m gonna have to.”

T’Challa’s expression became a glare that even Erik felt a cold chill from “Chill, it was a joke. But seriously, you need to step up , because home girl is definitely crazy about you. Look at the dress she made for your daughter, she really didn’t have to. And the added bonus is baby girl already likes her so there is no sign of there being an Ayesha situation. Just use Nono’s party as an excuse to casually talk to her. ”

T’Challa thought about Erik’s words for the rest of the day. For a while he had been sure that his feelings were not reciprocated, if anything, he was sure he was imagining the connection he felt between them. Every interaction he had with her had been a stuttering mess that was either interrupted by Nono needing his attention or her having to leave. He was convinced Akina was being polite because of how much she liked Nono and the fact he was still the King.

Erik was right though, she didn’t have to make Nono a dress, and it was strange she never mentioned it. Maybe this was actually a gift from Bast, seeing as now he had something to talk to her about at the party. He just hoped he wouldn’t get lost in her eyes as he always did. He prayed her beauty wouldn’t distract his brain from the words that he was supposed to form.

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T’Challa looked around the auditorium, waving at some of the parents he recognized. There were all smiling faces as the crowd prepared to see their young ones walk across the stage for the first time. Erik looked at his cousin trying to hide his laugh. It may not have been obvious to the passing eye, but Erik could see that T’Challa was waiting for Akina to slip in. Adanna had explained her sister may be running late, but that didn’t stop T’Challa from looking at the door every time he heard it open. The lighting in the auditorium suddenly dimmed, leaving a spotlight on the stage, where the headmistress stood, welcoming friends and family to the joyous moment. Just as the headmistress walked to her seat on the side of the stage, Akina snuck in taking the empty seat next to her sister. Her eyes connected to T’Challa’s as they both smiled at each other, only looking away when the name of the first graduating pupil was called. T’Challa’s smile however, did not fade, he was ashamed to admit, but he was sure Akina gave him butterflies. He hadn’t felt anything close to this since his wife, it scared him a little that another could make his heart so vulnerable.

His mind cleared as he heard Nobomi’s name called, there was his princess with her big smile, walking so her dress could sway as she made her way across the stage. Her hairpin glistened in the light. The pin really did match her outfit, he was just proud that Nono wanted a piece of her mother with her on this special day. Despite the fact the headmistress had asked for applause to be kept until the end, T’Challa and Erik shot up from their chairs clapping loudly, T’Challa let a tear slip as he watched his little girl grow up before his very eyes. Akina watched from the end of the row, completely mesmerized by the dedication the man had towards his child. It made her heart yearn for him, the feeling seemed so foreign, it had been so long since she truly felt this way. And for the King, it felt so wrong, yet whenever she caught him looking at her, she knew it was right.

Erik’s whistling and yelling of “Okay baby girl! Show them you didn’t come to play!” broke Akina out her thoughts. She watched as Queen Mother reached over to pinch her nephew harshly, urging him to sit down, while he brought T’Challa down with him. She let out a giggle, much louder than she thought, T’Challa’s head turned to her again, before they both watched as Nobomi joined her class. She was the second last, so not long after, the auditorium rose to applaud the graduating class. T’Challa smiled at Nobomi as they mouthed ‘I love you’ to one another. He caught the kiss she blew at him making sure to hold it to his chest for her to see. What would he do without the gift that was his daughter. He thanked Bast for the moment, hoping to bask in it for a moment longer.

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Shrieking, that was all T’Challa could hear. The shrieking matched the scene of twenty tiny humans running around the palace garden engaging in a variety of games. He sat by Erik and Shuri, not listening to a word either was saying. His concentration went on Nobomi, making sure the little girl was having fun. And she appeared to be, she had gotten her face painted, just like she wanted. He had watched her jump in the bouncy castle with Fatou, letting their screams and giggles ring through the party. They had just had her favourite chocolate cake, made by her maternal grandmother and she was allowed to eat as much as she wanted. Nobomi was on cloud nine, he could tell, by watching her on the dancefloor with Fatou. They seem to be recreating a dance they had done at their recital. He watched them with a slight smile on his face, her growing personality was always so fun for him to see.

He looked away for a second, surveying the grounds, his eyes landed on Akina talking to one of the parents. Their eyes met for a moment before T’Challa looked away shoving cake into his mouth. Erik noticed and kissed his teeth.

“What happened to talking to her today, or are y’all just gonna keep staring for the rest of your lives”

“Brother is scared” Shuri chimed in steal icing from T’Challa’s cake “I have seen him this nervous since he was proposing to Nono’s mama”

“I am not nervous, or scared. “

“If you not scared go up and talk to her once she’s alone. We all know she is waiting for you” Erik said cocking his head towards Akina before downing his drink. He turned to his cousin and lowered his voice before switching to Spanish so only T’Challa could here.

“Plus I bet your sister 500 dollars you could do it and I don’t plan on losing” T’Challa rolled his eyes before passing the rest of his cake to Shuri.

“That’s not fair Erik! You cheated!” Erik smirked patting T’Challa’s back as he nervously stood, he watched as the mother left Akina to tend to her child. Their eyes connected again, T’Challa took the opportunity to head to the tree Akina was standing under, his eyes never leaving hers. He made it to the tree, but didn’t say anything, it was happening again, he was too mesmerized to speak.

Akina saved him, letting out a breathy “Hi”

“Hello” he said, his voice an octave higher than he would have liked. He cleared his throat before trying to speak again.

“I just wanted to thank you for the dress you made Nobomi. I had no idea you were the one working on it this whole time.” he said with a smile, he pocketed his hands to stop fidgeting. He watched her own smile grow with every word he said.

“Oh that wasn’t an issue Kumkani, I was honoured Nono wanted me that bad. And she wanted to surprise you so it was our little secret” he nodded

“Well considering she hasn’t stained it yet, I know she really does love it” they shared a laugh “So thank you anyway, I really do appreciate”

“Then you are welcome Kumkani”

“I thought I said we could drop the formality?” He said with his charming smile. Akina could feel her face heating up as she nodded acknowledging his words.

They kept talking, conversation flowing naturally like they had known each other for a long time. T’Challa learned Akina was quite sarcastic, her humour fit so naturally into the conversation, he found himself having to stop to laugh every time. Without even trying, the distance between the two of them began to disappear. Both of them forgetting there was a whole party going on around them “By the way, what is the name of your shop, I don’t think I know it”

“Do you know every store in Birnin Zana? I didn’t realise that was part of your job” She said with a smirk, T’Challa was surprised by her sarcasm but appreciated it, letting out a chuckle to go with it.

“Funny, well I would love to see it some time, especially considering how much Nono loves it”

“That would be nice, I rarely do men’s clothing but I think I could make an exception for you” her eyes looked at him longingly, they lingered on his lips before going back to his eyes.

“I would love that, a king can never have too many Kaftans”

“Especially if he hasn’t had one of Akina’s yet” He smiled, taking a large breath before saying what he wanted to say. Akina could sense he had something else to say, she waited with her heart beating fast, hoping he would say what she wanted him to.

“Perhaps, after we could- “

“Baba!” instantaneously, the moment was gone, and both of their attention was turned to Nobomi who came running towards him. She slowed down when she noticed Akina was also standing by the tree. “Are you busy Baba?” she asked meekly smiling at the both of them

“ I am never too busy for you Nobomi wam. What can I do for you darling?” he asked, squatting to her eye level. Akina watched admiringly, the father daughter duo always warmed her heart to see.

“I want to jump in the castle with you?” T’Challa put on a shocked expression making Nobomi laugh.

“Me?! Are you sure? Where is Fatou?”

“Fatou is playing, but I don’t want her I want my Baba” she said with a pout to match her big brown eyes. Just like her mother, T’Challa thought to himself. He turned to Akina, apologizing with his eyes and a nod towards Nobomi. She smiled shrugging the moment off.

“We can talk a different time, but bouncy castles are very important issues that should be handled with urgency, right Nono?” Nono nodded her head excitingly at Akina. The simple interaction warmed T’Challa’s heart. He stood up, apologising once more to Akina before running after Nono.

The pair spent the rest of the party running around the bouncy castle. Nobomi’s laughter took away his disappointment of not getting to ask Akina out on a date. It was her day, so saying no to his little girl was not an option. He didn’t mind though, these moments of just the two of them were becoming more rare as time went on. She was not going to be this little forever, so maybe it was okay if he decided to create more of his own life outside of her. As always, he took in every moment of them jumping the castle, both their boisterous laughs ringing through the garden. It might have been his favourite part of the day, things always seemed simpler when it was just them.

Guest had started to leave, but the two of them laid in the castle, taking a break from jumping. Nobomi cuddled into her Baba’s side. He could tell her sugar rush was dying down, and soon she would be ready for bedtime.

“Did you have fun today Nono”

“It was the best day ever” her hands shooting into the sky to emphasize her point. T’Challa felt accomplished. His only goal for the party was for her to be happy.

“I am glad, that was all I wanted to hear” he closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them again when he felt Nobomi’s little hands on his face. She leaned in and gave him a kiss on each of his cheeks. She snuggled back into his side and whispered. “I love you Baba”

He wrapped his arm around her and whispered back “I love you more Nobomi”

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The streets of Birnin Zana were busy, it was the end of the working day and traffic began to pick up leaving and entering the Golden City. All that could be heard was the sound of hover car engines as people hurried to get back to their families. T’Challa had chosen to walk, not telling anyone other than Erik where he was going. He entered the shop quietly, but was let down by the bell that sat on top of the door.

“We’re closed!” Akina yelled from the back, she was packing up ready to end her own workday. She did not have time to deal with any new customers, and quite frankly she was starving.

“Really? Even for special order kaftans?” T’Challa yelled back. Akina stopped what she was doing to peak to make sure she wasn’t hearing things. She patted down her Afro to even it out, she made sure her dress was smooth before emerging from the back. Her smile gave away the excitement that she was feeling, which was fine seeing as T’Challa’s matched hers. She moved slowly towards him.

“I think we have time for measurements.”

“Great, but that isn’t the only reason I am here. This is a bit overdue, but I think my heart is pointing me to the right place.” he ended reaching for her hand, her fingers closed around his so perfectly. He kissed their entangled hands moving them closer to each other.

Barely above a whisper he asked “ Would you like to come to dinner with me?”

“I was waiting for you ask me.” She let out a giggle which T’Challa found himself falling in love with. “And you came at the right time, I am starving”

They turned towards the door, their hands still entangled. T’Challa led them down a path to his favourite restaurant that hid them from passersbys. It felt instinctive to be this close to her at all times. He never thought he would feel anything close to this again, but now that he was, he was glad it didn’t feel forced, and overall, it was something that he really wanted to work. He was excited to see what the future held for him and Akina.

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My Love,

What a busy week it has been. I got to see our little girl walk across the stage and she did so with so much swag. It reminded me of you my love. How I wished you had been there to see the excitement on her face. But as always, I know you were there and Nono does too. Her insisting to wear your pin made it clear to me that she understood the importance that you hold in her life and that is all I can really ask of her. It makes me feel like I am doing a good job.

I must be if our little girl is ready to move on to Year 1 and start ‘big girl school’, as she calls it. I am just focused on keeping her busy through the summer. Speaking of summer, this may be an interesting one for me as well. Things with Akina have progressed even more than I had hoped. It was hard not to really. I am not sure if it will ever be like the love that we once shared, and I am not even sure if I want to replicate that. But whatever I feel for her now makes me excited for what the future holds. I am ready to give this a try, and what a perfect time. This summer may lead to self growth, not just for Nobomi, but for myself. I am ready to let love back in my life, and knowing it is with someone who gets along with Nobomi calms my heart. She may be my first thought always, but I am ready to start making decisions that keep me happy as well, just as you would have wanted. As always, I ask that you guide us as we venture into new territory. I know with my morning glory as my guardian angel everything will be fine.

Yours Forever,

T’Challa

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Taglist: @writingmarvellousimagines @chaneajoyyy @ghostfacekill-monger @abrunettefangirlnerd @ashanti-notthesinger @mellowjellow6 @fonville-designs @royallyprincesslilly

#T'Challa #t'challa x reader #sunshinewrites #black panther fanfiction

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uncontrollable-entpness · 4 years

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The ENTP Cognitive Functions

(NeTi) ENTP

There are many great websites, books, and videos on the internet to help people understand their cognitive functions for any Myers-Briggs type. As a fellow ENTP, I am here to relay any of the information that I have found and put it in a way that I understand so that others may be capable to gain some insight and knowledge to formulate a general understanding or spark questioning within my conclusions.

The Myers-Briggs divides the cognitive functions and uses them to identify with their primary function(s) according to each individual. It’s great to know about cognitive functions because you get an in-depth understanding about your personality type and how it breaks down.

Simply put, the MBTI is the tip of the iceberg. The 4 letters which identify you as an individual are the strongest/prominent functions. As an ENTP, the traits that prevail are Extroversion, iNtuition, Thinking, and Perceiving. Cognitive functions that apply to the ENTP:

Dominant Ne | Extraverted Intuition

Auxiliary Ti | Introverted Thinking

Tertiary Fe | Extraverted Feeling

Inferior Si | Introverted Sensing

According to Carl Jung, there are 8 Jungian Cognitive Functions. Each function is described as either extroverted or introverted. For each personality, these functions are stacked according to their strength or level of consciousness. With the ENTP, the dominant function is extraverted intuition. Dominant function identifies an individual’s strength and/or purpose. Activities that stimulate the dominant function are what fuel roles that satisfy a type. Auxiliary function is the supporting role that assists the dominant function. For an ENTP it is introverted thinking. The lower end of the stack are the tertiary and inferior functions that are least prominent (and most likely least developed). In this case, it is extraverted feeling and introverted sensing. All functions come with high benefits when balanced and reached maturity.

My input towards how accurate Jung was able to encapsulate human complexity is that (personally) I don’t use the functions or types to place people in a box. They are best used as framework to understand people better in a very “broad” manner. If I were to give anyone advice (as unsolicited as it is), is to remember that if you want to know someone, just flat-out begin getting to know them as an individual. The MBTI and cognitive functions are practical when learning to understand oneself. And only supplementary when learning how a person interacts with their inner and external world, and bringing awareness to the communication processes and styles of people.

Here is one thing I liked from an article on Thought Catalogue:

“ Understanding cognitive functions is imperative to understanding type. The four-letter dichotomies cannot possibly explain the complexity of our personalities – we are all thinkers, feelers, sensors and intuitives in various situations. The cognitive functions allow us to understand when we use each function and how it impacts our decision-making process.“ - Heidi Priebe

How To Self-Type?

If you’re taking a test online and it applies to you with 100% accuracy, great! However, if you are skeptical and are willing to dedicate time, I suggest by beginning with reading about all 8 cognitive functions. You are the only one that knows yourself best, so having someone else type you can sometimes (and often does) lead to mistyping. Identify the functions you resonate most with and try your best to organize/order them. Easier said than done for some people.

The Attitudes | Extraversion & Introversion

The indicator of “e” or “i” signifies the effect on a function (Jung). It is also the preference in which a person has over their situational placement (MBTI).

The ENTP extroversion is commonly described to be closest to the border of introversion in comparison to other extroverted types. Among the extroverts, an ENTP has strong capabilities to communicate easily and maintain conversational depth due to a prominent Ne (extroverted intuition). Having a dominant Ne associates with quick wit and ease of articulation. However, Ne also requires a high demand of processing in the mind. It is also followed with Ti as an auxiliary function which is regarded as significantly introverted.

So you have one of the least extroverted functions (of the extroverted ones) and the most introverted functions (of the introverted ones) as the top two. Does that make any sense (?). There is a high demand of a rich inner-world, but the capability to articulate it when necessary/preferred.

ENTPs are very engaged in conversation that is stimulating to their interests but are also easily capable of fluidly transitioning into conversations that aren’t of their expertise.

*the following two paragraphs are coming from personal experience*

As an ENTP, the best way I can justify the introverted extrovert dynamic is that when I am in demand for intellectual stimulation, I easily devote my time to spewing out ideas and exploring logic, theory, and philosophy of other human beings. Whereas, when I demand time for the self, I’d much rather spend time alone. This can vary from individuals. But at its core, an ENTP has very vivid borders for our extroversion that prevent getting into the inner world which remain very tight knit. So there's this weird dynamic as coming off as if we are open books, but in actuality . . . the words printed on that book are either encrypted or full of riddles. This is also dependent on the scenario and individuals in which we are conversing with.

In summary, ENTPs are extroverted to the degree that it is fulfilling when is driven by a purpose. An ENTP will converse when necessary. That necessity is defined differently to each ENTP which is why I think we’re also some of the most complicated types. People see us as mindlessly argumentative, which can be confusing to us when we recognize our true intentions are to figure out and understand just exactly what another person means with their words.

The Brain Process | Perceiving & Judging

The gray-matter’s method to the madness is characterized by its form of taking information and making decisions; that in which is first perceived then judged. Knowing that there are 8 functions, they are comprised of 4 varying ways to perceive and 4 different ways to judge. To understand the 8 functions is to understand the 16 types.

ENTPs have a “P” (taking in information) preference when encountering the outer world. It is a preference that would much rather use spontaneity as opposed to order (which is a “J” function). With the outer world, an ENTP likes to understand it as opposed to establishing order.

Internally, the world of an ENTP could possibly be quite different. Where it has the possibility of taking on the orderly nature of the “J” preference. Bear in mind, judging is referred to making decisions as opposed to placing things under scrutiny/being judgemental.

The Perceiving Functions | Intuition & Sensing

Ne (dominant)

Si (inferior)

The dominant function of the ENTP is extraverted iNtuition which is a perceiving function. Those with a dominant Ne are loaded with ideas. iNtuition is often associated with looking into the future and developing multiple ideas/pathways in which we can reach an end-goal. These ideas can be reached/developed quite rapidly. There is some struggle with having to deal with details due to interest in the “bigger picture”. However, the Ne is really good at making connections and interlinking information between people and events.

The least developed function is introverted Sensing. For those with dominant Si, it is good at applying “action”. The ENTP is commonly known for being terrible at time management and dedication to projects due to an underdeveloped Si. Because the NeTi is a stack of the never-ending thirst for knowledge, the Si often gets disregarded and forgotten. As an ENTP matures and develops their Si, projects are more likely to be brought to fruition and completion. The Si is also referred to memory recollection. Si compares real-time experiences to past ones that can remind the ENTP what was relatively good or bad/ what produced “x” outcome. Due to its inferior placement, the ENTP forgets it. I often catch myself after screwing up and realizing my mistakes or inconsistencies could be solved by “simple solutions”. My favorite reddit referenced Si as “taking care of your shit; the function”

The Judging Functions | Thinking & Feeling

Ti (auxiliary)

Fe (tertiary)

The auxiliary function of the ENTP is introverted Thinking. ENTPs strive for intellectual stimulation and knowledge. While ideas are processed at Ne, the Ti kicks in and analyzes, rationalizes, and elaborates on those complex hypothesis. Ti likes to get clear and logical. This isn’t to say that ENTPs are emotionless, however . . . it is important for an ENTP to have an objective understanding of things within their focus.

Tertiary function Fe kicks in when socializing. Backed by pure logic and drive for knowledge, Fe is the thrill of sharing and exploring those observations made by an ENTP. Fe is what gives the ENTP their charm in communication. Fe knows how to use knowledge to fuel humanitarian/philanthropic causes. ENTP Fe is like “Hey! I’ve got ideas and I would like to share them”.

The ENTP Shadow Functions

It has been stated (sources unknown) that an individual cannot develop all 8 functions. There are 4 conscious functions (2 highly or moderately developed and 2 which still run but aren’t as primary). Shadow functions are the ones which aren’t within the spotlight. When brought up, can cause trouble/turmoil/issues particularly when stressed or induce stress.

However. . . I have been working on this blog posts for 3-ish hours and have come to the conclusion that this is ample information for a post. In true ENTP nature, I am off to go work on something else haha. Thank you!

#ENTP #myers briggs #cognitive functions

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rpencefullsail · 5 years

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Reflecting on my creative trek along the Mastery Journey Trail

This has been quite the journey, and I hope to capture even just a snippet of it in this final post. This journey is not one that I took alone. Along the trail, I was accompanied and supported by my wonderful family, my incredible cohorts, colleagues, friends all over the world, and an amazing group of inspiring, intellectually stimulating and creative group of instructors!

1) How has each course contributed to your personal and professional development as an instructional designer?

Mastery: Personal Development and Leadership (January 2018)

Helped me to transition into what it means to achieve mastery level

Helped me to learn about others who have attained Mastery over the centuries, and through their stories made connections with traits that I wanted to embody as a part of my journey

Gave me the skills I needed for masters level writing expectations

Developed professional leadership skills

Helped me to build a personal branding presence in the world

Pushed me to learn graduate-level academic research and tools through course required activities.

These skills started me on a path toward Mastery in my field, and helped me to better identify where I would be heading on the journey.

Strategies for Learner Engagement (February 2018)

Through research and projects, this course helped me to learn about Instructional Design, the history of the field, and the Instructional Design models of ADDIE, SAM, Rapid Prototyping, and Gradual Release

I designed visual information posters using Piktochart and Photoshop to illustrate these models that would engage the viewer with use of creativity and visual design principles

I learned about adult learning theories, andragogy, and what to consider when building learning experiences for such a target audience

As a cohort, we were introduced to the RISE Review Model for the first time, which became a welcome piece of my Mastery Journey practice, pushing me to delve deeper to help others and myself reflect on our designs and decisions we made with their development.

Visual and Verbal Communication in Instructional Design (March 2018)

I was able to apply visual design principles to the development of an infographic.

This course helped me to develop my skills in delivery of instruction across different audiences. It benefitted me by helping me master visual design skills to create appealing tools to use with professional development and student learning.

Through this course I learned to value the live sessions even more than I already had before, as I found opportunity to discuss topics at greater length with my professor and delve deeper into the topics each week.

I learned how to critique the designs of my cohorts, and with this critiquing learned how to also use this as a way to reflect on and improve my own works. I learned how to “find the story in data” and visually designed my infographic accordingly. I was introduced to Color Theory, and became fascinated with the subject, which I made time to discuss further with my instructor on the side. We went more in depth into typography and visual literacy, learning the principles of graphic design. As a part of the course work, I was pushed to design an interactive and visually appealing presentation that was designed with animation and audio integrated in. This added to my skill set with Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, In Design, and Apple Keynote as I created visuals for the presentation and the presentation itself. I remained persistent and thoroughly enjoyed the creation and iterative processes we went through to reach final submission of our projects. As a part of this project, we learned the principles of instructional writing and created effective instructional narration for our presentations. I learned that there were different narrative styles that could be employed when composing instructional narration. Additionally, we learned how to use audio and text together, or just audio itself to aid and engage the learner. We also learned the difference between an infographic and a presentation - and how to design and when it’s best to use each one.

Corporate Training and Motivational Development (April 2018)

Throughout this course I learned:

how to research and utilize the research to build my credibility at the same time deliver quality content for learning

to start with the “POW” and to section out presentations to keep the audience engaged

about the importance of keeping a unified look throughout a presentation

to design and develop presentations according to a target audience

how to add and use graphs in the presentation aiding the learner to visualize the data and tell the story

to be precise in my presentation in order to adhere to time requirements for best engagement

to be meticulous with timing of animation and text in order to keep the modality effect or multimedia principle in mind

I gained greater confidence in my abilities as a presenter as we learned about how to design and develop presentations. I applied these strategies both in my workplace and abroad as I created presentations to better engage educators in professional development experiences.

I was able to help my audience enjoy their learning as much as I enjoyed sharing it with them.

Through the research and reading, we looked at how learning is visual. I created graphics to include consistency and tell a story. Additionally, I was smart with color, leveraged white space, hierarchy, de-cluttering, and accessibility.

Instructional Design and Evaluation (May 2018)

During this class, and through a real-world scenario, my cohorts and I learned how to best design a training needs analysis. We worked hard to further develop and improve a training needs analysis brief based on the strengths and drawbacks among 4 common Instructional Systems Design (ISD) models, knowledge learned from our assigned reading, knowledge gained from peer reviewed research, and feedback from my peers. Through this process, I learned how to select a certain ID model according to the target audience, developed learning outcomes, an action plan, and assessments. Writing ABCD Objectives proved to be challenging, but as we worked together, I developed a better understanding on how these were to be formulated.

Throughout this course I delved deeper into:

ID models

designing an educational game that would engage and assist the learner in their process

the difference between summative and formative assessment, and how to incorporate both as a part of the TNA

data planning and how it plays a role in the training needs analysis

putting into practice skills acquired like storyboarding and the creation of an instructional video

training preferences and different cultures, which I found to be a fascinating subject as well as important to keep in mind when designing learning experiences

Researching the background of each component of the TNA in order to back up decisions being made and provided a highly credible document

Digital Media and Learning Applications (June 2018)

Through this course I learned:

how to define what a learning object is

about digital video as a learning object

how to develop measurable learning outcomes to go along with learning object

how to develop different types of assessments and put them into practice over the course - traditional and authentic, as well as learned their benefits and limitations

to code and design with Angular JS and used the software Brackets to develop an interactive online quiz

While this last part was challenging, I love to code, and because of some past coding experiences was able to pick up the language pretty quickly as well as the interface and creation came quickly. I also learned to tap “the community brain” at times when I got stuck in areas of image development - and learned how to best import vector drawings to be used in the project.

Creating the video presentation of the learning object alongside the video was also challenging, and pushed me in new ways to develop a side by side video in Adobe Premiere Pro, something I had never done before.

Music and Audio for Instructional Design (August 2018)

This turned out to be a course where I really took my creativity to new places! First learning to fix and comp audio, I learned to correct technical issues using cutting, volume automation, compression, graphic equalization, and panning. I learned skills in Garageband and used aspects of the program that I never even knew existed.

Through the production of a Grimm’s Fairy tale music story, I learned to create using narration, dialogue, sound effects, and music to communicate the message of the story while engaging and motivating the learner. As an additional challenge, I moved into Adobe Audition to finish this project, where I learned a completely new program to produce a high quality piece. I attempted to, rather than focus in on a specific target audience, appeal to a variety of audiences’ interest. In doing so, I was looking for a wider appeal. In working on mood, I aimed for a humorous, satirical rendition of a story, helping the listener to sympathize with a character often seen as the antagonist in the original story. The sounds that I selected, helped to enhance this humor, and music to add to the feelings I was attempting to bring about in the listener. All of the sounds were downloaded from Audioblocks.com where you can find royalty free music, sound effects, and loops.

I learned to create a combination of a personal and dramatic narrative, incorporating both a conversational style at times toward the audience, and then also the dramatic telling of the story. I also thought about how to make the story more memorable, adding in sound effects that might be familiar reminders to the human ear, while intertwining some of the aspects of the original story within as well and shortening the telling. This also led to the importance of the soundscape that would support and surround the narrative to help the listener “understand the context and the relevance of the information being delivered simultaneously” (Carter, 2012, p. 56).

I worked on acoustics, using a sound booth to capture the best audio recording I could. This took reflection, absorption, diffraction, diffusion into consideration, and created optimal conditions (Dittmar, 2012). I continued to use the same microphone and pop filter to avoid plosive sounds and maximize the quality of the narration I wanted to capture. I chose to do close milking in this case as I wanted the audience to feel they were in the story alongside the character. I looked for the environmental sounds to come from the sound effects and music I would add in later. To improve upon my ability to listen and distinguish areas I needed to adjust the volume automation, EQ levels, and more, and upon the recommendation of the instructor, I invested in a pair of Sennheiser HD280PRO Headphones. Throughout the editing process, I utilized these headphones, while still remembering to listen without the headphones allowing the sound to breathe and make sure the recording carried well.

For the final project, I designed and developed music and audio tracks to add to an existing silent video for the purpose of adding instruction and engaging learners by connecting music and audio with visual information. I learned how to create a full music and audio production with use of voice talent beyond myself, as well as to enhance vocals with presets in Adobe Audition.

Through the process, I learned to create an edit decision list (EDL) to help lay out timing of narration and scenes. Again with creativity at my side, I focused on the second set of stories within the audio production to appeal to those that enjoy the mysterious or unexplained, or sitting by a campfire listening to ghost stories being told. From the beginning, the listener is invited in…if they dare. As an instructional designer, I worked to engage the audience and keep their attention throughout using these compelling stories with music and sound effects. I melded history into these stories in order to make them feel more real to the listener. I worked with the voice talent to have the narration feel spooky in its presentation, as well as a Southern accent when spoken in first person. The recording space included Adobe Audition, a sound booth along with the same microphone and pop filter to avoid plosive sounds and maximize the quality of the narration I wanted to capture, and Sennheiser HD280PRO Headphones to listen to audio for final production purposes. For the narration, I normalized all to -0.1 dB, then worked from there with volume automation. Additionally, I experimented with the speech volume leveler, as I was looking to have a similar control as taught in Garageband with the EQ Analyzer and ability to set the range for vocals.

Filmmaking Principles for Instructional Design (September 2018)

Through this incredible course, I learned how to apply the power of storytelling in instructional video to engage and motivate learners. I had to apply principles of pre-production to create a project storyboard - which I completed using photography to capture different camera angles and position, planned out lighting, wrote narration for each scene, and considered props/materials that might be needed.

Through the reading and research included in this course, I learned how to use of autonomy, conflict, and story to effectively engage a target audience. I worked to include ways to encourage the learner in their process, as well as try to find ways to add in elements of surprise/delighters to direct people’s moods in a positive direction. I thought about how I could do this through audio as well as visual design. I made a point to think about how I would help draw the learner in through different shots. Whether through a close up to give a more intimate connection with the actor, a medium shot to show emotion and body movements, or full shot to give the viewer a sense of location/setting, I wanted to make sure to engage the learner and help them become a part of the story.

In order to accomplish this, I learned to:

work with video and narration to create a story that supports an instructional module on the topic of conflict resolution

keep to time restrictions for projects

how to create a story to engage learner

utilize SMEs for my process when producing and creating the story to teach about conflict resolution

edit, taking a film from rough-cut to intermediate cut to fine cut, with post production processes as well

push myself to film with 3 different camera angles and different shot lengths, as well as used green screen and added chroma keying to my set of skills

apply learning theory to the previous version of a video to find areas for improvement

As a last piece in the course, I learned to apply critical thinking and problem solving skills to the subject of video compression. I was able to articulate how compression has an impact on video quality and file size. I also grew to better understand what compression artefacts are. I learned what the recommended resolution, bitrate, and frame rate are for the different devices, as well as five different ways to make videos smaller without losing quality. With additional research I found there are two types of compression, spatial (intraframe) and temporal (interframe) compression (Video Compression, TechQuickie, 2014, 01:24). Spatial refers to working with .jpeg, or applying compression only to individual video frames. With temporal compression, the process works with redundancy and breaks down the video and images into 8x8 pixel blocks of .mpeg. It was incredible to think about the technical skills I was being able to master as well as the knowledge I was gaining.

Game Strategies and Motivation (October 2018)

This course was full of fun, camaraderie, and collaborative learning. Through research I delved into the differences between Gamification versus game-based learning. I made the choice to design a Breakout game-based learning experience to best engage learners. The activity I developed was geared for a middle school course that would engage students in coding, robotics, and computer science. The game followed a distinct storyline that engages learners in activities to help them learn content, skills, and behaviors needed for a robotics unit. A blended learning approach was used to engage students both in online and offline activities to “Break out and save the world!”

As a part of the process, I learned how to:

design and develop a game-based learning plan including learning outcomes, rules of engagement, storyline, conflict/challenge, interaction with environment, and feedback opportunities to aid the learner(s).

produce a video presentation of the game-based learning activity

The video provided a walk-through demonstration of the game plan and summarized the concepts of game-based learning, gamification, and game strategies. The project included storyboarding for planning of the video layout, and then final design, development and production of 2-3 minute video.

Learning Management Systems and Organization (November 2018)

Having worked with numerous Learning Management Systems (LMS) over the years, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this class. I was pleasantly surprised and put to the test to develop and design an LMS for a middle school coding and drones course I was teaching at the time.

I found that there was much more to understand including:

functional architecture,

how to choose technics that could be used in the course,

how social learning and interactions can play a part, and

that it is important to consider both elemental and synthetic learning outcomes, as well as authentic, real-world connections to help support the learner’s construction/development of knowledge, skills, and attitudes (Dempsey & Van Eck, 2018)

Through projects, we learned how to develop and design:

a graphic organizer to map the layout of units to be covered in the LMS

a learning management system to be used to deliver a course, and present the learning management system through a video.

a survey to provide evaluation of the LMS’s instructional qualities and effectiveness

using Canvas, Schoology, and Edmodo

interactive assessments for the course and embedded them within the course

Media Asset Creation (December 2018)

In this course, I explored the power of a variety of media assets that are available to instructors and corporate trainers in developing online learning products, in-class presentations, and corporate learning modules. Specific techniques were examined regarding how to create the best media for a project, while also taking into account the limitations of delivery methods and technical ability. The first task, and definitely not the least, was to develop a TNA. We were allowed to choose our own scenario, or to pick from a series that were offered as examples. I chose to create something that would be useful with educators at my school, but might also prove to be useful for others beyond our walls. This caused me to revisit our previous experiences with TNAs, with the first task being to design the learning outcomes. I revisited the ABCD model we had been taught many months ago in our Instructional Design and Evaluation course, as well as thought through how to make the learning outcomes measurable, something we had gone into great depth in our Digital Media and Learning course not so many months before.

When it came to designing the Media Assets, I used storyboarding techniques that we had also been introduced to in the Instructional Design and Evaluation course, and expanded upon in our Filmmaking Principles for Instructional Design course. This helped me in particular to map out the Instructional Video, and the video I produced to “sell” the educational game I designed. My filmmaking and editing skills, as well as audio and music skills enhanced the assets that I was able to design. I thought about and found ways to create an engaging story as a part of the videos I designed. I also built on my skills and challenged myself with the software I used to design these videos - Keynote, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Audition and Adobe Premiere Pro. For the Interactive infographic I designed to aid the learner, I pushed myself to learn and added further skill to my repertoire with Adobe XD. I found that my experience designing web pages, the skills I learned through the Digital Media and Learning course, as well as the typography and graphic design skills gained through the Visual and Verbal communications course, that were revisited and useful throughout so much of my coursework, came into great use here.

The skills that I had gained over the past number of months like how to work with deadlines, how to get and give feedback, as well as how to adhere to video time limit requirements all served me well on this endeavor. I truly realized how far I had come both personally and professionally.

Instructional Design and Technology Final Project (January 2019)

This course gave me the time to look back. It arched the story back to the beginning of it all, helping me to reflect on all that I had accomplished, but also the importance of reflection. Additionally, I developed a sense of how to create a professional presence in the world through creation of a project portfolio, resume, and the written word. I learned about trends in the world of designer portfolios, and looked at ways that I could apply this to my own portfolio. My instructor encouraged me to push myself to learn how to animate gifs for use in my portfolio, something that I was finally able to accomplish for my Adobe Portfolio. I also appreciated the instructor’s feedback on ways to improve upon my portfolio. This caused me to revisit design principles as well. Resources that I had learned to find through EBSCO, Lynda.com, websites, and my technical skills toolbox that I have developed over this Mastery Journey came into full play as a part of this experience. I was also able to learn of trends in instructional design, as well as professional resources available for IDs (i.e. publications, conferences, professional organizations, etc.) that I could call and count upon for the journey that now lies ahead.

2) How well were you able to utilize the concepts and techniques you learned from the program (theories, systems design, interface styling, and the creation of multimedia content) as you designed, developed, and implemented your Final Project?

From the very first task, as I shared in my writing about the Media Asset Creation Course, I found myself revisiting previous experiences within the IDTMS program. With the TNA, I revisited the ABCD model for developing learning outcomes taught many months ago in our Instructional Design and Evaluation course. Additionally I thought through how to make the learning outcomes measurable, something we had gone into great depth in our Digital Media and Learning course. When it came to designing the Media Assets, I used storyboarding techniques that we had also been introduced to in the Instructional Design and Evaluation course, and expanded upon in our Filmmaking Principles for Instructional Design course. This helped me in particular to map out the Instructional Video, and the video I produced to “sell” the educational game I designed. My filmmaking and editing skills, as well as audio and music skills enhanced the assets that I was able to design. I thought about and found ways to create an engaging story as a part of the videos I designed. I also built on my skills and challenged myself with the software I used to design these videos - Keynote, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Audition and Adobe Premiere Pro. For the Interactive infographic I designed to aid the learner, I pushed myself to learn and added further skill to my repertoire with Adobe XD. I found that my experience designing web pages, the skills I learned through the Digital Media and Learning course, as well as the typography and graphic design skills gained through the Visual and Verbal communications course, that were revisited and useful throughout so much of my coursework, came into great use here. The skills that I had gained over the past number of months like how to work with deadlines, how to get and give feedback, as well as how to adhere to video time limit requirements all served me well on this endeavor.

3) Describe your most outstanding personal triumph in each course. Mastery: Personal Development and Leadership (January 2018)

My greatest personal triumph in this first course was to learn the lesson to keep moving forward. That everything I would do and experience was a part of the learning journey, and that it was of great importance to take time to reflect and make connections with how I would evolve in the months ahead.

Strategies for Learner Engagement (February 2018)

For the final weeks of this course, we were immersed in a real-world experience, taking on the role of being an Instructional Designer team at the same time as be a project sponsor team, and collaborated with cohorts as a part of the process. This was invaluable to me as it not only challenged my design skills, but also helped me to develop a collaborative relationship with my cohorts Jenny & Devin that would only become stronger as the months would continue. Additionally, this challenged me to find and learn how to collaborate in multiple ways. Through the use of shared Google Docs, Google Hangouts, discussion boards, and Piktochart, my cohorts and I found new ways to be in communication and overcame the additional challenge of being in two different time zones. While developing a Training Needs Analysis (TNA) for the first time, something that was quite challenging, we learned the importance of each component, and because it was broken down into an iterative process we were able to continue to grow while we were developing the TNA.

Visual and Verbal Communication in Instructional Design (March 2018)

The infographic I created and developed for this course was done in Adobe Illustrator, a program I had some experience with, but I found myself being challenged and developed newly heightened skills with element creation and design. Through perseverance and intention, I found great satisfaction when I was not only able to do what was being instructed, but added in creative components of my own making.

Corporate Training and Motivational Development (April 2018)

When it came to the last project where we had to be filmed, I was challenged speaking in front of the camera, I was used to being the one behind the camera. I can barely remember how many takes it took to get things right. Again, I kept with it, and managed to put together a quality video presentation. These experiences and skills helped me grow even more than I could have thought as a presenter and speaker. They also helped to prepare me for experiences to come in the summer as I presented a session at the International Society for Technology in Education Annual Conference in Chicago, and two workshops at the Apple Distinguished Educator Worldwide Institute in Austin. Not to mention the pleasure it gave me to utilize the knowledge to develop a seminar for middle school students in the fall.

Instructional Design and Evaluation (May 2018)

I was truly intimidated when we first started out with this course. How was I going to possibly produce a document that might be up to 24 pages in length, have everything that was required, and do it all in such a short period of time? What I was amazed by was how well planned out everything was, and how like clockwork I was able to check off each component. The biggest challenge proved to be writing learning objectives using the ABCD model. As my cohorts and I worked together, I developed a better understanding of how these were to be formulated. I also looked to the instructor for feedback on the side, and thanks to both efforts was successful in completing the learning objectives.

Digital Media and Learning Applications (June 2018)

I think I was most challenged by the Angular JS, but because I love to code and because of some past coding experiences I was able to pick up the language pretty quickly as well as the interface and creation came quickly. I applied prior knowledge to help me troubleshoot and problem solve. I also found it beneficial to tap “the community brain” when I got stuck in areas of image development - and learned from Devin how to best import vector drawings to be used in the project. Creating the video presentation of the learning object alongside the video was also challenging, and pushed me in new ways to develop a side by side video in Adobe Premiere Pro, something I had never done before. I looked to Lynda.com to aid me in overcoming this challenge, as well as Youtube. It was incredible once I was through it to see all that I had learned and accomplished through these efforts.

Music and Audio for Instructional Design (August 2018)

Challenging myself to be creative took time and effort. I wanted to have the audience identify with the character and to tell a compelling story. I wanted to appeal to a broad audience of those who are interested in stories, lore, and storytelling along with those whose curiosity is peaked due to sci-fi or fantasy shows like Once Upon a Time, often adding twists on an old story. Humor also had a part to play, this is something that can act as a good hook, but also is a great way to keep the audience engaged. I as an instructional designer, wanted my learners’ attention and to keep it. As Peters mentions, “on the one hand because they’ll learn better and on the other hand because they’ll enjoy the experience more” (Engagement and motivation, Peters, 2014).I learned about Carter’s Four Principles and took them into account as I designed the audio projects.

Filmmaking Principles for Instructional Design (September 2018)

There were definitely a few challenges that arose during this course. The first was the fact that while filming, I had difficulty with lighting in my initial cut. I also struggled with how to angle the cameras in such a way that the green screen would remain constant in the background for what I hoped to swap out for great scenes of space, or planet surfaces that would match my topic of creating a lightsaber out of everyday items found around your home. On top of this, it was during the Jewish Holidays (I’m Jewish), and time for filming was tricky. Somehow though, I magically made things come together, worked on the camera issue with the help of some colleagues I work with in our digital media lab at school, and managed to pull together something to be pretty proud of. I was able to learn quite a bit on my own about chroma keying, and adjusting for shadow to get the best experience on film. Incredible! I loved what I was doing and learning, and it just made me want to do that much more!

Game Strategies and Motivation (October 2018)

I found that the storyline came very easily for me in this course, as well as the game concept, but I was challenged with how everything was going to be connected from one stage to another. I had designed games in the past, but I wanted to take things up a notch, keep things really creative. I was given creative license by the instructor, something that helped me to spend more time on the challenge, something that I needed in this case. When all was said and done, I walked away with an exciting game that I was able to put into action in my classroom immediately, and gave me great satisfaction to see how I could use it to engage my students in a way that actually took them further in their learning.

Learning Management Systems and Organization (November 2018)

During this course I found myself struggling with the concepts at first. I took time to draw out a diagram that would help me better understand what I was talking about and how interconnected the different concepts were. I also worked hard to look deeper into Schoology where I would be developing my LMS, watching additional material from Schinkten that helped me to connect what I was learning about from the readings to the actual eLearning environment. As I worked to respond to my cohorts, I took it upon myself to look at additional resources that would help them in their processes and in turn helped me to delve deeper to make additional connections to the content. I found that by keeping a good attitude, and getting the work done and making sure that the contribution and effort I made would be helpful to my cohorts and my own process I was able to overcome these challenges.

Media Asset Creation (December 2018)

One of the biggest challenges that I faced during this course was how different two points of view could be. I learned just how important it is to have someone else view your work and give you their take on it. When I first designed my interactive infographic, I was pretty proud of all that I had accomplished having never used Adobe XD before. Also, in order to design the asset, I had revisited some of the components in Malcolm Knowles’ Six Principles of Andragogy (Toister, 2014). I needed to help learners know that they are responsible for learning decisions (autonomy), while helping them acquire specific skills, knowledge, or abilities through the exercise, and to keep them as intrinsically motivated as possible (Toister, 2014). Autonomy is associated with positive learning outcomes, feeling of competence, persistence, and creativity. This also can motivate the learner as they are motivated by being able to make their own choices (Peters, 2014). I wanted to make sure to build in autonomy from the first page where learners can choose the path of working on Make-a-Map activity, or Make-a-Movie activity. I was aiming to make it so that learner would be able to revisit steps if they needed to, or move around as they liked to explore more, versus a direct path only giving them one way to go. This could confuse learners though, as I learned through feedback I received from the instructor. So I rethought how I could make this clearer, and decided to create a homepage that would explain options for how learners could proceed. The instructions suggested that learners could continue step by step (follow the numbers to know where to click), or choose to go back a step if need be or return home. Creating this approach improved the interactive infographic while also taking into consideration how adults learn.

Instructional Design and Technology Final Project (January 2019)

I think my most outstanding triumph in this course was how I was able to revisit all that I had learned over the course of my Mastery Journey, breathed in all of the lessons learned, compiled a high-quality and professional portfolio, as well as learned how to create a visual resume! I could hardly believe that I had reached this point in my Mastery Journey...I had conquered the Hillary Steps to look out from the top of Mount Everest, and came to the realization that the sky is not a limit but the space in which we can soar and venture on to new and exciting adventures that await us, and I feel prepared to move forward. I am truly honored to have been able to experience the journey that I have so far, learned all that I have, with the cohorts I have, and developed connections that will last me a lifetime and bring incredible learning experiences into being!

References

Carter, C. (2012). Instructional audio guidelines: Four design principles to consider for every instructional audio design effort. Techtrends: Linking Research & Practice To Improve Learning, 56(6), 54-58. doi:10.1007/s11528-012-0615-z

Dempsey, J., and Van Eck, R. (2018). E-Learning and Instructional Design. In R.A. Reiser & J.V. Dempsey (Eds.), Trends and issues in instructional design and technology (4th ed.) (pp. 229-236). New York, NY: Pearson

Dittmar, T. (2012). Audio engineering 101: A beginner’s guide to music production. Burlington, MA: Focal Press. Retrieved from http://ce.safaribooksonline.com/book/audio/9780240819150

Peters, D. (2014). Interface design for learning: Design strategies for learning experiences. San Francisco, CA: New Riders. Retrieved from http://ce.safaribooksonline.com/book/web-design-and-development/9780133365481

TechQuickie. (2014, August 3). What is a Codec as Fast As Possible. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/GhWki9a7s18

Toister, J. (2014, August 23). Instructional design: Needs analysis [Lynda.com online course]. Retrieved from https://www.lynda.com/Higher-Education-tutorials/Welcome/170069/187003-4.html?autoplay=true

#fullsailuniversity #Mastery #Masteryjourney #instructionaldesign #IDTMS

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misunne · 6 years

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OKAY SO a couple days ago I had an Amazing plotting session with @sheildoversword about how Loki views and interacts with Steve at the beginning of my post-Ragnarok verse, where he’s staying at the Stark Tower. This was in a discord conversation, so it’s pretty unorganized in thoughts and informal in wording. I took out Amy’s responses which prompted mine, but tried to label what we were talking about...

I have a lot of emotions about a Loki/Steve dynamic.

Loki’s behavior toward Steve

At first, Loki is a bully to Steve -- but he does come to appreciate him through enough work and plotting. Their compatibility is the most difficult out of all the Avengers (and Clint, for obvious reasons). I have Loki spending post-Ragnarok living in the Stark Tower or a nearby apartment, essentially under vigilance or ‘house arrest’ and bound to the Avengers. Whether he is inducted into the Avengers is plot-based, but I like him to be. But either way, he’s in a situation where he’s not Steve’s enemy right now. They’re not attacking each other whenever they’re in the same room, so they’re just in a sort of allied truce. Loki’s reactions to him aren’t directly antagonistic, but they’re not friendly, either.

To start, Loki sees Steve as insufferable, because he only sees the obvious about him. A righteous poster boy who couldn't possibly understand him. So he pushes back.

How Loki feels about Steve

Steve is probably the one Loki resents the most, because of what he sees in him first. The perfect blond haired blue eyed apple of everyone's heart poster boy. Steve is essentially, in Loki's view, everything he is not, and could never be. To Loki, Steve is like Thor, but without the benefit of having Loki's love for centuries, so he hates him. He mocks him. Essentially, he doesn't take him seriously at all. He just seems like an action figure to him, a funny little man in a red, white, and blue jumpsuit with heroic catchphrases. He definitely sees Captain America first and foremost -- and that's not Steve Rogers. Even when Steve is trying to be Steve, Loki still sees Captain America without the mask, and sees him as inferior. He sees all the avengers as inferior, and he feels like he can treat them how he wants. Banner is a nuisance and a nervous boy who he can poke, but run when he gets angry. Tony is probably the best initially, because he's a genius even without magic, and Loki respects genius. Natasha is probably second best, because she managed to trick Loki, and he can respect skills of the trade. Clint is a child, barely worth a breath or desire to connect with (though in the back of his mind, he also feels a deep sense of guilt that makes him want to keep his distance for what Loki did to him). Fury and Coulson are Nothing, they're tiny humans.

Essentially, Loki really doesn't know Steve Rogers at all, and doesn't feel he should be bothered to.

Loki’s disrespect for Steve

This depends on how a specific Steve reacts to Loki, but Steve is likely to be aiming toward diplomacy when interacting with Loki at this point. To Loki’s view, this appears as though he’s receiving a second chance, and because Steve may or may not be directly hostile toward him,Loki perceives this as kindness. A path toward redemption. Though he is in the process of seeking out his own redemption, the thought isn’t completely formulated yet in the beginning. And now he’s witnessing a perceived kindness, when really -- Loki doesn't even see his own redemption, so how can he take Steve's kindness seriously? He thinks it's weakness. In the back of his head, he's lik: why is this man being nice to me, I literally tried to kill him and his planet? He's being nice to me, not trying to kill me? How weak of him.

So, he gets used to it. Steve the Captain America Hero Boy becomes steve the Unrelenting Nice Boy. Loki likes to cast people into baskets and walk away. They are this, they are always this, that's the end, I'm done thinking about this. He doesn't always recognize dimension. He doesn't see how Thor has changed throughout the movies. Doesn't ever expect him to. When he sees he has, he's like oh. I don't like what I've become. I want to change this. I think once Steve STOPS trying to be diplomatic and push back at him, try to get him off the team, or maybe even yell at him or punch him, Loki will have another ‘oh.’ moment. This guy who I assumed would just be nice and the courteous America poster boy, who I've been taking for granted, is no longer being nice. I don't like this

Because if someone is nice to him, he thinks he can control them and use their kindness against them. He doesn't foresee kindness AND inner strength put against him. That's what startled him so much in Ragnarok and a little in The Dark World. Thor, who has always tried to love and redeem and care for him, is turning against Loki because of his shitty actions. Loki sort of thinks that no matter how shitty he is, he expects Thor to always love him and be on his side no matter what. Even if he stabs him repeatedly, Thor is Supposed to be there for him. And when he's not? ('maybe we should go our separate ways.') It's extremely jarring. But it's good. It's healthy. He's seeing kindness in a new light. He starts to learn that he can’t keep pushing his loved ones and expect them to stay. He stops thinking about only himself, and he starts thinking outside of himself.

Earning Loki's respect is so hard and so annoying… When i just want to make him hug people but he's like no they're Peasants.

Loki learning to respect Steve

Because Loki and Steve are on the 'same team', as in two people who are in the same room and they're not actively trying to kill each other, Loki sees them on the same side, so he thinks he can keep flicking him. And pushing him. And prodding him. And he'll keep doing it until he lands on his ass, because that's just how he is. He doesn't learn until he experiences consequences. He doesn't listen, he has to witness. He has to come to a conclusion on his own. Steve threatening to kick his ass and being 100% serious about it will do it. Even if Loki's like 'really?' and Steve is like yeah really and Punches him, Loki will be like oh. We're on the same team, you're not actively trying to kill me, but you won't take my shit. Okay. This is weird. And different. Time to reevaluate.

He has to recalibrate a thought he's already accepted because now it's false. Starts being less joking around Steve, more Watching him. Starting to take him more seriously and actually witnessing him, rather than ignoring the reality of him and being set on the image of him. And he's So Uncomfortable with it. After enough time, he'll apologize. Sort of. Not so much in words, but in actions. He only apologizes if he's on his death bed really.

If Steve does punch him or otherwise snap at him, it will probably be a large stepping stone in him becoming a real person. Realizing consequences to his actions. He's always been drama. Take over the world but fail? It's fine, I'll go to jail, but I'll bide my time to break out of jail. Try to slaughter the frost giants but fail? No problem, I’ll just jump off into the void if push comes to shove. He really has an issue of absolutely no accountability because he's SO GOOD at having a backup plan in every situation. His catchsaves keep him from realizing that he fucked up. Even if he so totally loses, he knows how to turn it into a win. (Which is also why he sees the trials he faces in the Avengers as one of the many trials a hero goes through when trying to do good, rather than heroes trying to stop a villain.) BUT seeing as he's in this organization that will give him something he wants, redemption, and if he wants to stay in this place he wants to be... he has to be genuine. He hates being genuine. That's extremely vulnerable. That hurts way too much. Being real. Whenever he's real, his heart falls out.

Loki isn't really used to fucking up in ways he actually wants to fix. He fucks up? meh whatever i don't need that thing anyway. I'm perfectly fine Being Alone forever. He can totally choke on his pride. But he's also choking on his loneliness. After being shoved into his place and he wants to stay here, he'll try to rebuild. Subtly meet Steve halfway, even if not outwardly. (Because people pointing out that he's changed and is being good makes him very self-conscious and more likely to act the villain.) Meeting him halfway is really just Loki coming to respect him. His respect changes an entire dynamic. He's very intuitive. He knows if he's going to respect someone automatically or not just by meeting them. Basically if they fit his perspective of what a respectable person is. rich, majestic, powerful, confident, commanding, superior.

Loki’s reaction to Thor’s mistrust in him

He’s disoriented, because he always had Thor, no matter how many times he messed up. and it wasn't ever REALLY that much of a problem before the events in the films. yes, he's always been a tricky shit. but he was mostly here for a laugh. chaotic neutral with a range to chaotic good, never chaotic evil. he was always there to start shit, but he never wanted to kill a race. until shit hit the fan. until he learned that he is a monster -- in all accounts of what he's been taught, he IS a villain. and then with this brain seed of villainy getting its roots, he's subjected to thanos and torture and the mind stone, and it fruits itself into a villain tree with ambition for killing. he wasn't always this way, and now that he is. he doesn't know how to go back. thor doesn't know how to handle this Extreme Loki. loki doesn't even know how to handle this Extreme Loki. it's like he's been in a mania for YEARS and now, starting in TDW, he's coming down and it's like a jet running out of fuel and it's destabilized and shifting right and left and it's going to burn out and crash into a mountain. thor's reaction to him, now treating him with caution and mistrust, makes it So Much Worse bc there's no buffer to the way he comes down. he has no parachute or air bag. he's gonna hit the ground with his face. it's gonna hurt.

Loki sees men as expendable

In interaction with Steve, because there’s such a difference between being a god and being human. thor and loki (though not as bad as ODIN) more or less have been raised to see the common man as expendible. thor is in the recovery of this, loki less so, but war and battle is So glorified in their culture that their idea of heaven is an endless war/battle and feasting cycle. but what do they know? they're gods. they don't die. they're at the very top, they don't see a little guy without a chance fighting a war he never chose to fight. they don't know anyone who isn't a highly skilled god warrior. they don't understand peace

Who is Loki trying to be?

the conflict loki has in thor 1 was amplified and exacerbated so much more by thanos rather than given time to heal. like having a bullet wound and cutting it open until it's ten times bigger. he was on the edge of a cliff with his shitty things in thor 1, but he could have recovered from that if not for thanos. now it's gonna take Much More to recover. because he's someone else now, and that mind stone effect won't ever Really go away. h o n e s t l y loki is someone who really does need limits. in romance, in friendship, in partnership, in everything. and steve is doing it right. put him back in his place but still be there for him? tbh steve is gonna earn himself a cosmically annoying pain in the ass loyal to him to the end. IT'S ALSO REALLY COOL BC LIKE. thor exemplified that life. the warrior norse who would go to valhalla. loki actually never Was that, and he's been struggling to Be that. so many times he's trying ardently to be what he's not. now seeing thor change from that, and being told he doesn't need to be that really agitates him. like working toward one goal and it was a false goal. r o u g h

#* ｡✧ ━ ⦅ headcanon. ⦆#and it continues after but we started joking and sharing cat pictures instead

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kristinsimmons · 4 years

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Burned out on Burnout?

By SANJ KATYAL, MD

If you are like most doctors, you are sick of hearing about burnout. I know I am. There is a big debate on whether burnout is real or whether physicians are suffering from something more sinister like moral injury or human rights violations. That doesn’t matter. In the end, no matter what name we give the problem, the real issue is that physicians are in fact suffering. We are suffering a lot. Some of us—around one physician per day—are forced to alleviate their suffering by taking their own life. Each year, a million patients lose their physicians to suicide. Many more physicians suffer in silence and self-medicate with drugs or alcohol in order to function.

We are losing more physicians each year to early retirement or alternate careers. There are an increasing number of coaches and businesses whose single purpose is to help doctors find their side gigs and transition out of medicine. This loss comes at a time of an already depleted workforce that will contribute to massive physician shortages in the future. Perhaps even more troubling is that those physicians who remain in medicine are often desperate to get out. It is the rare physician these days that recommends a career in medicine to their own children. We now have a brain drain of the brightest students who would rather work on Wall Street than in a hospital.

As a physician trained in positive psychology, I have been committed to helping other physicians and students improve their well-being. The focus on well-being is a welcome change in medicine. But is it enough?

Many of us no longer experience the same levels of meaning and fulfillment that should be inherent to the practice of medicine. We want to spend more time with our patients but we trade presence for productivity. We crave meaningful connections with the sick but find ourselves hoping this will be their last complaint. We want to go home energized after a day of serving others but find ourselves too exhausted to play with our kids.

Physicians are among the most intelligent, hard-working and (yes) resilient people in the world. Do we really need more resilience modules to help us get through our days? We are suffering because we have lost our ability to focus on what matters most. We are suffering because we refuse to stand together in the defense of our colleagues and the ideal practice of medicine. It is time to reclaim the joy and meaning in our work and in our lives. It is time to live the kind of life we all dreamed of living when we were young. We may be suffering but we are not weak. We are strong. We are already resilient enough. It’s time that we started acting like it.

Rather than assume a passive victim role of an under-appreciated, burned out physician desperate to leave medicine, we can use our unique combination of intelligence, creativity and grit to take back control of our personal and professional lives.

So how do we do this?

Through the intentional cultivation and utilization of our most precious resource – our attention.

Attention is the new currency

I used to believe that time was our most important commodity. Financial freedom, early retirement and years of free time to travel was my goal. This common objective is shared by many others I know. What I have come to realize is that the problem in our lives is not the lack of money or time but the scarcity of our attention. We are filled with thoughts, worries, and to-do lists swirling around in our heads. We need more presence and more peace – yet we find ourselves thinking about work while playing with our kids, surfing the internet while talking to our spouse, or checking our phones at the first sign of solitude.

Most of us, myself included, spend large portions of our attention in a low quality, widely distributed manner. We are problem-solvers so we are ready to react and deal with issues as they arise each day. This is tiring, so we take much needed breaks by checking our phones or browsing the internet. We then get back to our “work” which most of the time, has built in low level tasks that further disperse our attention (EMR, charting, email). When we finally make it home, we look forward to relaxing and recharging. We want to unplug from the daily stressors but most of us never really do. We continue to check our phones, even while playing with the kids, often while watching TV, and collapse into bed exhausted, wondering where the time has gone.

We can do better. The cultivation of attention can have profound effects on both our personal and professional lives. There has been a rapid increase in overall unhappiness in physicians. Many studies have shown clear adverse links between physician well-being and cost of care, patient satisfaction scores, retention/recruitment and medical errors. Rates of anxiety, depression and suicide are higher in physicians and begin to rise in medical school. Many distressed physicians are leaving medicine early which will only exacerbate projected physician shortages. As we think about strategies to improve physician well-being, we need a comprehensive approach that addresses the root causes of suffering. It is not enough to make physicians more resilient or mindful (another popular buzzword) if they are thrown back into a negative, inefficient work environment every day. The key to this new approach is a focus on attention.

Attention Capital Theory in Medicine: The Key to Professional Fulfillment

In an information-rich world, the wealth of information means a dearth of something else: a scarcity of whatever it is that information consumes. What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.

—Herbert Simon (1971)

For physicians, the most meaningful aspects of medicine are the time spent using their talents to alleviate suffering. At the heart of our profession is the daily contribution of hard work, knowledge and experience that can heal someone who is hurting. These interactions are what bring us joy. They provide meaning and impact to our lives. In the end, they are the reasons we went to medical school. But they are increasingly hard to experience. They are dwindling in both frequency and duration in the current practice of medicine. These small but rewarding interactions are what I call “physician zone” and we must learn to optimize our time spent in them. What makes up this zone is unique to each specialty. For internists, family docs, emergency physicians, it may be face-to-face interactions with a patient to formulate the best treatment plan. For surgeons, it may be the key moments in an operation. For radiologists and pathologists, it may be the actual time spent viewing and interpreting the images or slides. When we are in this physician zone, we are using our highly trained skills to meet the diagnostic challenge before us. To fully experience these “peak” interactions, we should be relatively free of distractions, fully immersed in the task at hand, and connected to the suffering before us.

The path to reclaiming joy and meaning in medicine is to cultivate the ability to direct our attention on valuable activities while minimizing the rest of our tasks. When we can design environments and create habits that enable us to spend more focused time in our physician zone, we will be more productive, more connected, and more fulfilled.

Modern healthcare and the current practice of medicine is increasingly complex with advances in technology, research, regulatory/payment models and of course more complicated patients and disease processes. We are bombarded with massive amounts of information and stimuli on a daily basis. Our ability to process large amounts of data, however, has remained constant. This imbalance between higher and more complex inputs and our stable processing ability has led to increasing fatigue, error, and overall lower satisfaction among physicians.

Attention capital theory, coined by Cal Newport, states that our ability to cultivate and direct attention is our most precious resource. To better understand how to apply this approach to the daily practice of medicine, we must explore key principles from the science of attention – cognitive load theory.

According to cognitive science, new information is handled and processed through our working memory (formerly called short-term memory). This information is then stored in long-term memory and can be retrieved as needed by our working memory. All of our formal and informal education is handled in this manner. Our working memory is a high performance engine that processes both new information coming at us and retrieving old information stored in our long term memory. Working memory capacity has a higher correlation with academic success than IQ in children. Optimizing our working memory can have profound effects on the quality of our output (high productivity, low error) and more importantly on our overall well-being.

The key insight from cognitive load theory is that while our working memory is essentially unlimited in its ability to retrieve old information stored in long term memory, it has a fixed capacity to handle new information from our environment. Additionally, our working memory is highly sensitive to the complexity (cognitive load) of the information being presented. This cognitive load is comprised of intrinsic load (the inherent difficulty of a problem) and extrinsic load (the environment and the manner in which the information is presented). Think of intrinsic load as signal and the extrinsic load as noise. In order to optimize our working memory performance, we need to improve the signal/noise ratio in our work (and in our lives).

Since we cannot often change the complexity of the problem before us (patients with multiple chronic diseases, cancer follow-up CT scan with extensive abnormalities), we must focus most of our efforts on reducing noise. To simplify our efforts, we can think of noise as synonymous with distractions. These distractions can be in the form of external distractions or workflow distractions. External distractions are found in our environment and our habits. These include smartphones, email notifications, and other low value activities. Workflow distractions include the disorganized manner in which the problem is presented (EMR with key information on multiple screens) or additional tedious steps that we are required to perform to complete the main task (data entry during patient encounter). As we often encounter both types of distractions throughout our daily work, we can face exponentially increased levels of noise. In either case, the cognitive price we pay to handle these distractions is through decreased performance (of our working memory).

We need strategies to help us focus our limited working memory on the intrinsic cognitive load rather than waste part of it to address extraneous loads (distractions). In medicine, that means focusing our attention on the critical moments and interactions each day that bring us the most satisfaction and meaning. In order to do this with the most concentration, the most presence, and the most connection, we need to eliminate anything that seeps away any of our precious attention or limited working memory. Anything that is not related to the actual problem we are trying to solve—the patient we are trying to heal, the study that we are trying to interpret, the operation we are trying to perform—is all wasted effort that leads to error, fatigue and diminished performance. Ultimately, it leads to a loss of meaning and joy in our profession.

How to focus: Improve S/N

Increase Intrinsic Cognitive Load (Signal):

The cultivation of attention (improved working memory performance) can actually be made easier by increasing the difficulty of our work (increased signal). When the challenge of what we are doing matches our skill, it is easier to become engaged. Increased engagement has been correlated with higher levels of productivity, quality and well-being. Too little difficulty for our skill level (think EMR clicks, pre-authorization paperwork, or self-editing reports/charts) causes fatigue and boredom. This is often relieved by seeking out distractions. When our work is above our skill level (under-prepared for a lecture), we become anxious and overwhelmed—both of which are also relieved by distractions.

The degree of difficulty of our professional work is especially relevant to the current practice of medicine. In a 1992 study Survey finds Low Office Productivity linked to Staffing Imbalances, economist Peter Sassone found that technological advances allowed tasks previously done by humans to be completed with computers. The elimination of clerical positions resulted in short term economic improvement for the companies through lower overall staffing costs. What he found was that executives were now spending a larger percentage of their time on tasks that used to be completed by lower level employees. He believed that productivity enhancing computer systems were largely responsible for the shift to lower complexity work. These systems replaced some support staff and made clerical work available to everyone in the office. The decrease in the amount of time spent on high value, complex work resulted in an overall less efficient, higher cost, and lower productivity work environment. It also led to lower rates of engagement, higher rates of fatigue, and lower professional fulfillment. Sound familiar? This exact same phenomenon, the law of diminishing specialization, is occurring in health care. Voice recognition systems have replaced entire transcription departments of hospitals resulting in radiologists and cardiologists self-editing their reports. Now instead of focusing eyes on the image screen, most function as high price bobble-heads going back and forth between images and their VR screen. This has led to nonsensical errors, decreased “eyes on image” time, and lower productivity. We have shifted the cost of transcription from relatively low cost FTEs to some of the highest paid FTEs in the hospital. Other specialties have encountered similar results with the “death by a thousand clicks” of electronic medical records (EMR). These EMR systems, really designed for billing purposes, have automated the much of the clerical order entry that was previously performed by support staff. The remaining “automated” work is now largely performed by physicians. The underlying theme in the practice of medicine is that physicians are increasingly performing tasks that are well below their skill level. While the reduction in support staff may save a small amount of money, the corresponding decrease in “intellectual specialization” as Sasson reported, is actually more expensive in terms of productivity, quality, and well-being of physicians.

Decrease Extraneous Cognitive Load (Noise): Workflow distractions and low level tasks

So what is the solution? On a professional level, we can focus our attention to do the things that only we can do. I call this the “physician zone” and it may be the most important contributor to physician well-being. For the internist or ED physician, this may mean having a scribe in the room to take notes in the EMR so there can be direct face-to-face communication with the patient during the examination. This face-to-face interaction is the physician zone – most of the other tasks that physicians perform mainly support ancillary functions required to get paid. Currently, many of these tasks are sprinkled throughout the physician zone time, in between these critical interactions or added on to the end of the day (charting). For the radiologist, this may mean offloading tasks in the reading process to editors to be able to stay in the interpretive zone (radiologist version of the physician zone).

There is another reason to focus our attention on the key aspects of the physician zone that utilize our highly trained skill set. According to cognitive load theory and split-attention effect, distributing our attention between different information sources and trying to mentally integrate them produces extra load on our working memory. Splitting our attention between the patient and the EMR or between the voice recognition screen and the images increases the extraneous cognitive load which in turn increases fatigue and lowers performance. Multiple studies have shown that when physicians are able to optimize their physician zone time through more focused attention and delegation of clerical tasks, they are more productive, more accurate, and happier.

By redesigning our physician workflow, we can focus our attention on the critical steps that only we are trained to do. This does not imply that physicians should refuse to do things that are “beneath” them. For many of us, the most satisfying interactions of the day come from non-interpretive tasks when we leave our chairs or office. The way to maximize these rewarding interactions is to increase their frequency and our ability to be fully present. This can only occur if our workflow is efficient and does not require us to do tasks that will increase fatigue and stress. We can then function at the top of our licensure, better focused to perform our specific high value work while in our physician zone – so that we have more time and attention to have lunch with our technologists, a cup of coffee in the physician lounge or a few extra minutes (fully present) with an anxious patient.

Decrease Extraneous Cognitive Load (Noise): External Distractions and the Power of Rules

We have discussed how to improve intrinsic cognitive load (signal) by focusing our attention on meaningful work that requires our highly trained skill set and decreasing extraneous load (noise) by delegating low level tasks to eliminate workflow distractions. Another significant contributor to poor S/N and lower performance of our working memory capacity are external distractions, mainly found in our pockets.

Our minds are biologically wired to focus on anything that is threatening, pleasurable or novel. Many of the distractions found on our phones combine all three aspects and can be very difficult for us to resist. It is estimated that we spend less than 20% of our time actually present in each moment. While this has always been a difficult problem, the issue has become significantly worse with the advent of smartphones. Large social media conglomerates have hijacked our attention using behavioral psychology and addiction principles for their own profit. There will eventually be a backlash against these apps, ironically with more apps designed to keep us free of distraction and help us focus our attention. In the meantime, we can incorporate some simple strategies that can allow us to be more intentionally present and engaged in each moment.

The first place to start is to turn off all notifications except text messages – no sounds or messages on our lock screen or computers. The next step is to leave your phone in your office or backpack during the workday. Check it only after working in short sprints of 60-90 minutes. Another effective strategy is to leave your phone in a central place while at home (charging drawer) rather than in your pocket. Put it in airplane mode at least an hour before bed. No phones at the dinner table or at restaurants. All of these strategies are even more important to teach our kids because these digital natives do not know a world without their phones; we need to model the correct behavior for them. For kids, some common rules could be to leave phone in another room while studying (also in short sprints). While driving kids to activities, do not allow phone use in the car. This can be a time for conversation and may be the only uninterrupted time you have with them that day. Set daily limits for yourself and for your kids. Have a rule of how much social media time can be consumed each day. Don’t check your email for the first two hours of every day and only after you have completed an important task (exercise, meditate, creative work etc). There is an entire new field called digital well-being with a host of strategies to help us control these intentionally addictive devices. None of these rules or constraints will make you popular among your kids (trust me) but here is the underlying key principle: constraints create freedom and attention. By limiting our choices at each moment and not habitually turning to our phones at every chance, we are actually free to choose what to focus on with more attention and with more presence. This increased presence enables us to really connect with our patients, our kids, our spouse, and most importantly, with ourselves.

Attention to time

It is easy and tempting to blame all of the busyness and discontent many of us feel on distractions and excessive phone use (especially among our kids). While certainly a large contributor, distractions (phones) are not the entire problem. There have always been and always will be tempting forms of distractions that we can turn to (although perhaps not as intentionally addictive). The root of the problem is understanding the reason we seek distraction in the first place? It is usually to relieve some inner discomfort that we feel. Learning to identify this initial uncomfortable trigger is the key. So why do I feel like checking my email again or looking at my phone in the car? What is happening inside that I turn to this behavior – am I bored? Am I afraid of missing something important? Am I tired of being alone with my thoughts? The answer is usually habit and boredom.

Remember how time seemed to be endless when we were children? Summers lasted forever and years felt like decades. As we get older, time seems to fly by faster each year. The days seem like minutes and years seem like days. What is happening? Time is still the same for all of us. Our ability to pay attention to our time is the main thing that has changed. When we were young, everything was new and captivated our attention. We were fully present as we learned about ourselves and the world around us. As we got older, however, we settled into comfortable routines and mental models of life. The simple wonders of each moment were no longer enough to hold our attention. Play was replaced by work, close conversations with friends were replaced by quick texts and each day started to feel the same. There was not much new to learn or experience in our daily routines so we began looking forward to the weekend, our next vacation or even retirement. This only served to speed up time even more. Many of us are bored with our lives. We seek adventure and new experiences, even if only found on our phones. We can do better. We can slow time down while also fully experiencing the joy and wonder in each day.

The solution to boredom and routine is to cultivate attention, constraints and novelty about everything we do. If we can really pay attention to what we are doing (and we do this by imposing some constraints that force us to focus), we can find new things about the task, different ways to do things, and notice something we never noticed before. This provides novelty which in turn infuses a sense of wonder/fun into our lives. Playing catch again with my son? How can I throw the ball even harder or ask different questions to have a deeper conversation while catching? Reading another 100 cases today? Can I identify a subtle finding that explains the patient’s symptoms? Can I read the imaging study like it was my mom’s scan? Can I be thankful that I am able to read a complicated CT and think back to my training when things like this seemed so hard? Seeing my 30th patient in a ten minute slot? Can I treat this patient like I would my close friend? What suffering of theirs can I alleviate? Feel stuck in my career? What skills can I acquire to help solve important problems in the world? By increasing and focusing our attention to questions that matter, we can notice and appreciate the new in the old, the good in the mundane, and the minutes as they are passing by.

Pay attention to each other!

One other area in our professional life that demands our focused attention is the physician-physician relationship. Throughout our lives, we have grown up in a competitive culture that pits us against each other. Moreover, we have become accustomed to this “lone wolf” culture as a normal way of life. We hide our insecurity and vulnerability so we can maintain our edge. We bury our emotions and self-medicate to hide the pain. This approach has not served us well in training and continues to sabotage our attempts to practice medicine. Even worse, our lack of cohesiveness and collegiality has been exploited by hospital administrators and insurance executives profiting from our labor. To them, we are a fragmented, overpaid and whiny group who must be “taught” how to run the business of healthcare. It gets even worse. Physicians in general are reluctant to discuss mental health issues and are fearful (rightly so) of licensure/credentialing restrictions. Many feel that non-physician mental health professionals don’t “get what they are going through.” As physicians, now more than ever, we desperately need to do a better job of supporting each other. While a confidential formalized peer support for physicians by physicians is finally in place, we all have an opportunity each day to help our fellow colleagues. Rather than grinding through the workday, racing to retirement or our side gigs, we need to turn our attention to the suffering around us – in our patients, colleagues, and ourselves. It starts with simple acts of attention. After discussing a case with a colleague, ask them how they are doing? How are things at home? What sports are their kids playing and do they get to the games? Working with a troubled physician who appears to be struggling? Spend some regular time with them and encourage them to seek confidential professional help. Let them know that they are not alone. Ultimately, these are the moments in life that matter and we must learn to pay more attention to them.

Conclusion

Learning how to pay attention to our attention (meta-attention) can be transformative. Using principles from cognitive science, we can create a comprehensive approach (attention capital theory in medicine) to reclaim the meaning and joy that has been depleted from our profession. Increasing the difficulty of our work to match our skill level, delegating low-level tasks to help us focus on critical steps in our physician zone, creating rules to eliminate distractions, and noticing both the wonder and suffering around us may be more important than resilience training or wellness modules. Although well-intentioned, the majority of these solutions are band-aids and do not address the underlying root cause: our increasing inability to pay attention to what matters in life. Optimizing our ability to focus, perform meaningful deep work, and be fully present along the way are the keys to reclaim joy and meaning in our personal and professional lives. Instead of paving the way out for unhappy physicians, we can create a stable platform that attracts the best and brightest into the field, enables doctors to stand tall, thrive personally and professionally, and ultimately heal the world. It all starts with our attention.

Sanj Katyal, MD FACR is the co-founder of the Positive Medicine Program for Physicians and runs a free peer support group for physicians by physicians.

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lauramalchowblog · 4 years

Text

Burned out on Burnout?

By SANJ KATYAL, MD

So how do we do this?

Through the intentional cultivation and utilization of our most precious resource – our attention.

Attention is the new currency

Attention Capital Theory in Medicine: The Key to Professional Fulfillment

—Herbert Simon (1971)

How to focus: Improve S/N

Increase Intrinsic Cognitive Load (Signal):

Decrease Extraneous Cognitive Load (Noise): Workflow distractions and low level tasks

Decrease Extraneous Cognitive Load (Noise): External Distractions and the Power of Rules

Attention to time

Pay attention to each other!

Conclusion

Sanj Katyal, MD FACR is the co-founder of the Positive Medicine Program for Physicians and runs a free peer support group for physicians by physicians.

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familycourtcorruption · 4 years

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The Only Thing Stopping You From Living Your Best Life

Virtually every person wants healthy love, good health and vitality, success and rewarding feelings whilst doing their life mission and vocation.

Yet, even after dearly wanting these things and even yearning for them, why can it be a struggle to achieve them?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I will explain to you, in real detail, exactly what is keeping you separated from the life of your dreams.

Video Transcript

Today I want to have a conversation with you that I know could really help.

If you are new to this community, I hope with all my heart that this conversation will allow you to understand how to be able to start accessing your best life after narcissistic abuse.

If you have been a member for a while, this episode may be a powerful reminder of the truth for you.

This is about how to create the life that you were born to live. Maybe a more incredible life than what you ever believed was possible.

Okay, so just before we get started, I also want to tell you about my next upcoming Free Masterclass. This is my most powerful resource in regard to connecting you with how to live your best life, and it’s happening in just a few days’ time.

To sign up for this Quantum Healing Event click this link.

Okay so now let’s get started …

How Your Life Really Unfolds

It can be difficult to initially realise how powerfully you are creating your own life. Yet, it is a vital understanding if you want to change the life that you are living.

Aligning with your best life requires these components – your thoughts to match your desires, and your Inner Being programs to match them as well.

Your heart knows what you want, and the feelings in your heart are the part of you which is most closely connected to your soul. At a deep heart/soul level, we all know our highest potential. We know what we want and who we wish to be.

In a general sense, for most people, this is healthy and fulfilling love relationships, good health, vitality and to be aligned with one’s purpose – meaning having a fulfilling vocation that contributes to the world in meaningful ways.

Yet, many people struggle to achieve such a life.

Why is this?

When our heart’s desires don’t come to fruition, it is because our soul truth, thoughts and subconscious programs aren’t aligned.

To begin to explain why, I want to share with you the understanding that you are creating your life from your emotional frequency (feelings), not from what you think. Meaning that what you feel about any topic in your life is what will be true for you, rather than what you are trying to think about it.

Also, these feelings (already pre-programmed beliefs) on any topic in your life determine how you interact with the entire Field on this topic – which is the people, situations and events in your experience related to it.

If your emotional inner composition is healthy, empowered and embodied in deservedness on this topic, then so it will be.

If your emotional inner composition is unhealthy, disempowered and struggling with related traumas on this topic, then so it will be.

It is very normal to believe that an outside force is the cause of our distress, struggles, and difficulties. Or even that a Higher Power is not allowing us to have what our heart desires, yet this is actually not the case.

I promise you this is not about blaming ourselves for not being able to obtain and retain our heart’s desires. Rather, this is a deep inner Quantum Law understanding that frees you to access and amend your inner programs that have been unfolding in your life, often unconsciously, in ways that have not been serving you.

By understanding that the generation of your creations are within you, you can take your power back, heal within and start accessing trajectories of emotions, thoughts and opportunities that you didn’t have access to previously.

Which is so much easier than trying to change the billions of other people on this planet, or the trillions of outer events and situations that are not part of you, to get a different life experience.

When I finally understood this, and stopped trying to change or negate everything and everyone else, and simply turned inwards to do the work inside of me, a whole new universe opened up.

And I know it will for you too!

Your Higher Power is Ready to Partner With You

Since becoming a Thriver, I know in every cell of my being that my Higher Power wants for me exactly what my heart wants for me, and it’s only my inner composition, my subconscious already programmed beliefs, that may be in disagreement with this.

I know this to be the case when something feels painful, funky or confusing for me.

This is how you will know when you have conflicted beliefs with your desires – they don’t feel clean, easy or like a “done deal”. You may even feel like your desire could never be possible for you.

And you might try really hard to think your way beyond this. Yet, it can feel unthinkable to think in ways that you can’t feel as true for you yet.

The reason is because the brain follows the body, it’s not the other way around.

I want you to think of it like this, your heart is your True Self saying “Hello” to you. Now, knowing this, your real job is to get your inner composition, meaning your subconscious beliefs, onto the same page.

Once you do, your aligned emotions and thoughts, which organically flow on from this, will provide you with the inspiration, motivation and positivity to go after and create your goals.

And when your inner composition is aligned with your heart’s desires, this is backed by all of your Higher Power (your superconscious/God/Lifeforce itself) to provide you with all of the opportunities, synchronicities, and even miracles (people, situations and events) to work with you to bring your dreams to reality.

Being Disconnected From Your Best Life

If your body has stored painful traumas (by association) with any topic in your life, then you are not in emotional agreement with this topic.

Let’s take for example the topic of “love”. No matter what your head is trying to think, if you have suffered trauma, disappointments and anguish in relation to love, those are exactly the associations that are formed as belief systems and stored in your subconscious programs, in regard to this topic.

The body wins every time because it is your emotional resonance that creates the reality. This is what stored subconscious programs do – they unfold the validity of the stored belief system to the letter.

For happy and healthy realities to physically manifest in your life, your belief systems (associated feelings) and real-life application (thoughts and actions) must become a direct match.

Essentially, the first vital ingredient is that your feelings must be clear, empowered, peaceful and inspired. If there are existing traumas, especially if they have been painfully impactful, then just trying to think your way into healthier belief systems is usually impossible to do.

This is because the logical part of your mind isn’t in contact with your emotional and limbic systems, where not only is your childhood programming stored, but also your continued adult trauma experiences, as well as the deeper less obvious programs of your ancestral belief systems, gender, race and collective human painful traumas as well.

How Do You Change Your Emotional Resonance?

If you have an understanding of Quantum Tools, and know that you can do healing work directly on your Inner Identity, you will access a simpler way to connect to your best life, rather than gruellingly trying to think your way into it.

Trying to formulate remedies for painful Inner Identity beliefs, means not releasing or reprogramming them, which equals remaining hostage to the continued and repeat trauma experiences in your life.

In relation to the thinking part of trying to change our life, a huge human tendency is to try to learn how to be different to change our Beingness.

During my Thriver Recovery, I understood something incredibly profound – I already was organically aligned to my best life, with all the resources available within me. I was also already capable of accessing everything that I required in The Field (all of life) to unfold the life of my dreams.

I didn’t have to learn how to be somebody different to get these things. Rather, I needed to unlearn the traumas, false beliefs and lies I had absorbed, to be free to become my natural Beingness.

I know that this may sound ridiculous and counterintuitive to everything you’ve ever learnt, however when you start going Quantum and are prepared to do the work directly on your inner emotional composition, the old struggles and confusion melt away, and a new clarity, power and ecological wholeness rises up from within.

Then you will see how everything that is your life will be touched powerfully and productively.

Let’s look more deeply at all this in the next section …

It’s The Feeling You Really Want

When I began to heal, for real, I was astounded at the irony of the following …

I’d been trying to get and do all sorts of things in order to feel okay about topics in my life, yet when I instead started working on the feeling first, and got that right, then the doing and getting followed my new aligned Beingness effortlessly.

Let me explain.

If you are trying to make the Getting and the Doing negate the feelings of empty Beingness, then you are trying to create your life with mere logical willpower.

The cognitive part of our brain has no access to The Field – the interconnected Higher Consciousness of all solution, possibility and expansion.

Logical brains are only processing information at a tiny forty bits per second. This is in stark contrast to the forty billion bits per second which our subconscious programs, our feeling centres, are generating, which are activating our Inner Identity and its connection to the entire Field.

What part of you do you think is making your life happen?

It is the part of you that is not logically conscious. What’s going on with you beneath your level of consciousness is what really matters.

Many people are dismayed that Law of Attraction principles don’t work for them. The reason they don’t is because if you have experienced significant trauma then your blocked up, fearful programs are super-glued in place.

The more impactful your traumas have been, the greater the power of these painful programs is to stunt you from living your best life.

And, the more that you try to overcome them with “positive thinking”, the more the almighty power of these programs will push back and reinstate themselves even harder. This can literally make you feel like you are going crazy!

The effective way to address these inner programs is to bypass the thinking mind, and go straight into the feeling centre of the subconscious programs and release the traumas and painful belief systems there, and then replace them with the truth of who you really are.

My Thriver methods to heal (NARP) do this very effectively, because once released from the trauma energy, you learn how to bring down your Higher Power (which wants exactly what you want for you) into the space where the trauma once was.

This shifts you immediately into a different Beingness – the ecological oneness, harmony and your highest potential on the topic that you’re working on. And you certainly don’t have to experience it physically for your Inner Identity to recognise that “it just is”.

After the Beingness is anchored inside, another grand irony occurs, you no longer “need” this thing to happen in your life in order for you to feel whole, at peace, and at one with it.

Which takes us to the next topic …

If You Need it Then it Will Not Come

I found in my own life, that until I shifted out the traumas and inner beliefs that were keeping me separated from what my heart desired, I was trying to fill up from the outside in order to reach a state of wholeness.

It didn’t work!

True miracle and the coming of something happens because you are already being it. The real-life experience, the confirmation, comes after the Beingness has been established.

I discovered that the most powerful manifestation of all is this: when you have the feeling of wholeness and beingness, you don’t need to get or do anything in order to feel at home with yourself and your life. From this place you are free to create joyously without attachment to outcomes and without the fear of never getting it, or losing it if you do.

This doesn’t mean that you’re never going to create! Rather you are free to create more than you ever have been able to in your entire life!

One of the most exciting things about Quantum Freedom Healing is that the inspiration and the ability to be more and create more, just organically comes.

All we need to do to create this, is to keep focusing on any dense emotional energy in our body, release it and bring in our Higher Power to replace it, which is exactly what the process of Quanta Freedom Healing does.

In my previous “Law of Attraction Life” I was forever trying to visualise and hold the vision and keep the thoughts of what I wanted in my life going. I always had to be at it and would work on it often. I was forever trying to catch my thoughts and feelings if they went off track.

Yet now, because I simply release trauma on any topic in my life that is not working out for me, my Beingness is organically changing. I don’t have to keep working on my alignment. It just is!

Now there is nothing to keep monitoring and trying to manage or hold. I simply Become and then it comes! That is what be-come really means!

I love living free of neediness, and continually putting in the effort to try to feel whole. It’s just much easier to focus on releasing trauma to become whole, solid and peaceful inside.

What is Stopping You From Having the Life You Really Want?

I hope that you can truly understand that the only thing between you and your heart’s desires are your internal blocks and limiting beliefs (traumas).

But the great news is, that we now have the Quantum Tools to address this!

My Thriver Healing methods are completely focused on bypassing your logical mind, and going straight into your Inner Identity to reach, load up and release the traumas and opposing beliefs that have been holding you separated from the life of your dreams.

This is why I am beyond excited to invite you into my next Free Masterclass www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass so that you can learn exactly how to release your blocks, and come into alignment with the life that you were born to live. The one that your soul is speaking to you about.

You can do this by clicking this link.

Please also share this video with people who you know are not living to their fullest potential and dearly want to.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.