#i WISH i was joking but that's how things are rn

[muzzlemouths]

Muzz!!! Hello I hope you're doing well waa!

I hope you're sleeping also!! squints my eyes at you (affectionate)

KIBS!!!! HELLO KIBBS HI. I'm doing alright thank you for asking!! I hope YOU are doing FANTASTIC!!!!!! don't look at my sleep schedule though. it's fine I promise it's FINE but don't. look at it ok

#hi Kibs not to sound dramatic or anything but um. this ask made me sniffle. a little #i WISH i was joking but that's how things are rn #i have been feeling a little Not Great about my lack of presence over here on this webbed site #because I miss you I miss my friends #and I don't participate in the many many discord group chats i'm in because I am shy and bad at initiating conversation #and i don't participate in magmas because i'm too self conscious for magmas #but that just leaves me in a corner ALONE like a LOSER while everyone else is partying. like that one meme #which is something i could totally fix myself in under a day if i just got myself out there but that has yet to happen #ALL OF THIS TO SAY #I was touched by you reaching out and I'm going to be hugging this ask to my chest for the next few hours. days even #THANK YOU ILU I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I HOPE YOUR DAY/NIGHT IS WONDERFUL AND YOU GET LOTS OF SLEEP

[randomminty]

I heard its her birthday and had a sudden urge to draw kirararararararrara

#I LOVE YOU GO PRINCESS PRECURE GRRR ARRHHEGHAHRKJHR #im behind on hirogaru sky rn. im sorry. #i missed most of delicious precure too </3333 #rosemary and spicy im so sorry. ill come back to them eventually #rosemarys look slike kanata if he was better. hes so cool #cant he barbecue or smth. fuck yeah. #precure #pretty cure #go princess precure #cure twinkle #amanogawa kirara #i wrote amonogawa at first im sorry. theres an easy joke here. sorry. #can i talk abt how much i love go princess and heartcatchs villains. i love them. #i like how shut gets more pathetic and silly as the show goes on. and i looooove twilight/scarlet/towa love love love you #shes so cool and lame at the same time. girl that acts really cool but her lameness and silliness shines theough in everything she does #opposite of yuri/moonlight who looks lame and silly but is effortlessly cool all the time i adore her #imagine finding out ur nerd senior is the coolest superhero in the world. ehat the hell #anyway. love shut and towa i hate when theyre in the same frame. that was really weird. wish that wasnt a thing #kanata and haruka too i hate that old precures like this #you know what precure series ISNT like this……… heartcatch. watch heartcatch. #thats a lot of ramble tags ok. im done. gootbye #art tag #i forgor…..

[kavehater]

I support girls but NAH THIS IS REACHING “if you look carefully LIKE REALLY CAREFULLY 🤓☝️”

#the same people who would shriek like the witch of the north melting her skin off if I tell you haikaveh / kavetham isn’t implied because #if you actually look into our culture they’re being normal and not everyone having rivalry and caring about each other means they’re 💅 #in fact Arabs are some of the worlds most hospitable people alhaitham letting kaveh live with him #is the most Arab thing I’ve ever seen #heck if kaveh was a stranger it wouldn’t be unusual for an Arab to let him in their house ☠️ #goddamn #“if you look in the internet you can see how they’re implied!🤓☝️” #maybe if you had any respect for my culture or any desire to be educated when I’m handing this to you for free you wouldn’t be your mistake #your mums greatest mistake 🤗🤗🤗* #dora daily #if only ppl dedicated this level of detail to actual culture compared to pulling out their microscope at level 100x magnification lens to #observe robins spots under her eyes the world would be a better place 🙀 #let me tell you btw this whole I hate you meh meh meh ( I’m so in love with you ) trope is the most whitest booktok millennial plant growing #basement dweller nonesense I have ever heard in my life don’t do that to my pookies ☹️ #( the pookies in fact were 11 and 9 years older than her respectively ) #guys my dad is the straightest man alive ( oh the trauma lowkey wish he wasn’t ) and he legit was putting his hand on his best friends lap #LMAOOO even I as a very logical person was like bro this is so zesty rn I am SO uncomfortable #anyways live laugh love boothill x Baizhu they’re the most canon things I’ve ever seen in my life #<- this is a joke btw it’s an ironic ship I saw on tiktok ☠️

[squiddieblogs]

🐀

#vent in the tags o7 #I got on Twitter a too much and see the coachella 2024 on the recommended feed #it makes me sad because I’m not a music guy so I wouldn’t have cared much #but mcyt’s quirked up white boy was meant to be there and #it’s really like why are people terrible? #I wish he did not abuse women #but I guess in a sad selfish way #idk how to word it’s just. man #the dsmp adjacent scene is so fucked up rn #there isn’t a lot of joy left in the fandom space I lurked in #so I guess I miss that #that maybe if mr gold wasnt awful things would be normal #maybe Wilbur soot underpaid those qsmp employees actually #(for legal reasons that is a joke)

[dewitty1]

Saturday Six (Stuff)

Cats woke me up too dang early. It was mostly Reggie, of course, so I chucked him out (don't @ me about it - he's and indoor/outdoor Boi) because that's what he wanted anyway. I didn't realize it was that cold until later, when I actually got up, thanks to Leeloo. So, I went out and called Reggie several times, with no luck. He decided to wait to come back after three + hours of being outside (not too unusual, but random enough) and I give him the Molly Weasley "Where *HAVE* you been?!" he just looks at me and gives a "maow" like "Whassup mom? Wassall the hubbub?" Crazy damn cat. Gotta love em. (^・ω・^ )

I'm really getting upset about the business situation. Idk what to do. It's bad, bad. And I've looked at jobs. Nothing much but nursing really. Ugh.(;*´Д`)ﾉ

I find it funny that I identify as aromantic, but I love reading romance novels (not as much as I used to, but I have some old faves), Drarry fic of course, and I love RomComs, and shows like Love is Blind and Indian Matchmaking lolololololol. I guess I just don't feel it for myself. Idk, it's weird, to me anyway.（*´▽｀*）

I really hate asking people for help. It really feels like failing to me. I guess I have my parents to thank for that one. But I've been asking people to share my business posts. Mostly on Fb because that's where the old people with money are. I don't love it, but this is the world we live in.(o;TωT)o

As if things weren't bad enough, I also got a jury duty summons in the mail for my birth month. But at least it wasn't for my actual birthday.

Anyway, I'm just trying breathe. And I keep hoping that something will come through. I'm still swimming, even though life is trying to drown me. p(*＾-＾*)q

BONUS - Mom tested positive for covid! So life keeps giving! (•̀o•́)ง

#Saturday Six #About me #Personal #February 17 2024 #Please do not rebloggle #Carey rambles about life and stuff and things and being really effing depressed rn #Like ya I don't want to HAVE to work but I need to because of the shit crapitalist system we live in rn #And it sucks but I'd rather work for myself than any other place #I honestly think I will wither and die if I have to work for a corporation #Like I might be OK if it's another small place like the ski hill I worked at but I can't go back to fast food or some random cashier job tb #Like I seriously think the depression would kill me #And I'm not even joking #My parents don't get it but I might have to tell them... #Ughhhh I really am over fighting them #I wish they would just be cool and supportive but they're silent/boomer Gen and don't know how #Anyway I'm done rambling for now lol #Thank you so much for for reading my nonsensical rambles whenever I post them #I appreciate y'all so much #I hope you have a great day or night wherever you are #Hugsss from mom or just a friend whatever you need right now because I know I need hugsss too٩(๑•◡-๑)۶ⒽⓤⒼ❤💜💙💚💛❤️💗💕💖 #Now back to your regularly scheduled scrolling #Whooowhoooo now I might have covid again!!!! Happy happy joy joy

[magentagalaxies]

.

#scrolling through tumblr first thing in the morning and seeing nothing but news/activism is uhhhh kind of exhausting rn #like obviously i'm glad people are spreading awareness and i agree with most of these stances #but jfc how does this not make everyone else tired and depressed??? #like i'm scrolling through tumblr and it's like. scotus protected someone's right to hypothetically discriminate against gay people #stabbing in a gender studies class. tourists decimating the economy of barcelona. presidential candidate advocating trans genocide #and that's not even counting the super long posts i just didn't have the mental energy to read. or the joke-y ones #(like ''every time you reblog this capybara a terf/antisemite dies''. well obviously it's not true bc it's not the fucking death note. #and ik wishing death upon bigots is a good way to make sure those bigots aren't following you but also #it just forces me to remember there are bigots who would probably want me dead if reblogging posts could kill trans people) #idk this isn't me telling people to stop posting politics. bc honestly i admire people who have the energy to spread awareness #and i don't want to just like. blacklist anything remotely political and live in a bubble as the world's ending #but idk i just wish my scrolling didn't immediately turn into doomscrolling this morning

[pepprs]

idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad) #like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

if anyone needs me i will be rewatching trigun 98 and tristamp over and over until my brain explodes

#had a bad time in therapy today sigh #first time i cried in front of the new therapist wooooooooo #and we havent even started talking about the painful stuff yet. how tf am i gonna handle that #(spoiler: im not <3 we dont have to talk abt it if i never bring it up) #also being. slammed with nostalgia (/neg) and i cannot get rid of it and it fucking sucks #got a. bad taste in my mouth. from like. everything rn #anyway. if anyone needs me i will be bolting myself into a shitty tin can and sending myself to the bottom of the sea. #not to see the titanic bc im not dumb and full of hubris. but just like. in general #im down there now. i want to fucking explode #sorry bad joke <3 i wanna kms so bad. i wanna wake up tomorrow and be in a universe that is Not This One #aaughrggghrghr. im angry and j dont know what im angry at . i wanna. fling myself into space #so instead i will watch trigun and if i start posting about max in the next day or so well can you blame me. #i hope someone draws him for artfight. specifically. hes rlly cool #i have his page uploaded already but im sooooo bad at making descriptions #oh fuck i also learned how to fucking tag things on artfight now omg. i didnt know that was a thing. #how did i do three years of this shit and not TAG anything. what the fuck #anyway. wish i was a guy covered in blood rn. maybe i should watch hannibal instead #is it time to bring out ol reliable and watch the stab scene from mizumono on a loop again #and perhaps i will listen to sodikken misery meat and people eater. idk. spice it up a little #girls when they say they want to be held: screenshot of the way hannibal holds wills face before gutting him like a fish #im feeling rlly normal rn if you cant tell

[milo-is-rambling]

Going to eat a brown sugar cinnamon pop tart for the first time since my dad died. I’m craving it. It will make me cry. Going to hot box the bathroom while I take a bath and then cry and eat a pop tart in the bath. I’m bringing pocket joe for companionship

#I took a dab and then went oh shit a bath would be fantastic rn. and then I said. wait. I’m hungry. I want a pop tart. I also want to cry in #the bath. this feels like a win win then when my high wears off and I stop feeling my emotions I can smoke the joint and it will fix me #life hack. #also pop tarts make me sad bc my dad ate pop tarts like every fucking morning with his coffee and it was like his thing and he always joked #about pop tarts being programmer food #ughhhhh I want to cry I miss my dad I’m pmsing I just got fired I feel like a total failure my mom likes my brother more than me my dad #understood being the fuck up kid who’s traumatized and struggling like oh my god now that I’ve experienced losing someone that close I want #to go back in time to when he was alive and talk about losing his sister and how hard that was on him I mean he was my age when his older #sister died and it fucked him up and his death fucked me up around the same age I feel like I’m destined to become my father and I hated him #so much growing up but now that I feel like it’s gonna happen no matter what I can’t help but just wish he was here to talk to #my mom is far too good at being a normal person and so is my brother and my dad was the fuck up and he understood how I felt and now I have #no one who was the fuck uo and grew up anyways like ughhhhhhhh I hate everything I wish my dad was alive

[be-good-to-bugs]

my love cannot be bought with 72 boxes of mac n cheese. do keep sending them though ♡

#the bin #this is a joke but also its not bc my dad just sent me 72 boxes of mac n cheese #unfortunately he has my number now. i wish i vould juat say i dont wanna talk to him anymore and block him but unfortunately im 17 and #he could just decide i have to move back. so i just gotta be friendly. but hey. free soda and candy and mac #lol. this man foesnt know ive been daydreaming about killing him for the past 9 years. nothing is funnier to me than me talking to him on #the phone and saying love you back to him and then later that day discussing how id go about getying away with his murder #lol this man doesnt know i want him dead. he also doesnt know that im working out how to convince my mom to leave him #maybe ill take advantage of this rn since i cant cut things iff yet anyway and have him send money so i can get new shoes #i mean. thats technically his responsibility anyway since hes my parent and my current ones cut my feet. so is the food thing #he likes to act like he us being generous for doing this but. you are legally responsible for me havibg food fucker

[gas-stxtion]

seafoam, sage, forest, mulberry

Seafoam: To figure out what the fuck is wrong with you

Sage: IDK and every day I grow closer to blocking you

Forest: You are the stupidest motherfucker alive and I love you

Mulberry: We should be having (more) gay sex

//ASDFJKL; THANKS TEDDY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

#//LMAO GOT MY WISH I GUESS ASDFJKL; #//surprised you didn't pick harlequin considering we both know i am the most mentally ill mf alive for jacco rn #//for context i was joking about not knowing how to handle ppl being nice to me on my main when i posted that meme #//this is closer to what i thought people would send in asdfjkl; #modestmuses #ask game #you know this whole thing is one big experiment‚ right? and you're the little mouse? {ooc}

[myork]

.

#im sorry i clearly need some time #im so happy for them and so happy for everybody who was able to process this in a healthy manner and now feel light and look forward #i cant #im so happy for them and im so happy they’re getting this time they deserve it but at the same time im so sad and i cant process these #emotions rn #ive been having terrible days that turned into weeks and then just the whiplash of laughing at their jokes to suddenly talking about the #hiatus and seeing jimin cry i just #idk what to do idk how to process this how to not feel so heartbroken like i wish i could’ve found them sooner just to make this last more #and i rlly love all of them and im here for all 7 of them but when they said they wont gather together like this for some it broke #something inside of and idk if im being dramatic but this is so hard for me and i have nobody to talk about this with #and idk im gonna go away for a while this is all people are talking about and its not comforting me #denial isn’t healthy but at least it wont hurt #my irl life is changing and i don’t respond well to change #the hardest part of my life till now was 2 years ago and thats i found them and now my life is changing big time and i can’t believe they #wont be together for it #they were the only thing i had that made me happy or made me feel ‘something’ once upon a time #and in a way they still are. #things are changing well a lot of things are and ig i don’t feel ready idk how to express it any better im sorry #i might gif the happy moments or the performance tomorrow but we’ll see 😞

[coridallasmultipass]

.

#ughhhh i started writing a quick bro / dave for todays date but im def not gonna finish in 45 minutes nooooo #its my ki.nk and i wanted to savour what i was writing by dragging it out hffffffff #wish i thought to start it before last night ughhhhh #but ughhhhhhhh dudeeeee its hapeninggggggggggg #god im so fucking thorsty for it #no one writes it the way i want it #and now ive gone and made it silly by trying to do it for today #but i cant just take those parts out bc they're so... baked... into the plotline #hfffffffff why didnt i just make this its own thing ughhhhhh (bc dave would never wanna do that sober thats why) #hffffffffffff screams #writing sm. ut is so time consuming for me #(tbh writing is on its own lol) #but to write. my fave thing. for the first time. its a lot of pressure for a fic that was supposed to be a quick joke #bro ended up being fucking smitten as hell too bc thats how i feel abt this ki. nk lmao #i dont think im even gonna get hi tonight lmao its okay a holiday doesnt mean shit when its something i do on the reg #im so tired hhhhh im just wasting more time typing out more tags bc im too tired to write fic words lol ugh #delete later / / #maybe i will so i can just go the fuck to sleep rn and write more when im more awake. date be damned. im not finishing in 30 mins lol #and even if i did finish in 30 mins i sure as hell aint proofreading and posting within 30 mins #ok yeah gonna get ready for bed and set the writing down for when im not gonna write something rushed ill regret and have to undo later

[silverislander]

have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting

#you got the WRONG BITCH bc you just hit on two of my biggest interests (zombie movies and psychology) at once #FIRST of all. you dont have the credentials to be talking abt this and it shows bc why dont you know what psychotic means!! #simple shit!! you want to pretend you know psychology dont fuck up psychopathology psychopathy and psychosis! all different things! #you can BARELY conceive of narcissism. a one off joke about how a character recognizes his flaws and wishes he was respected more #is NOT proof to label someone as a fucking narcissist oh my god. id actually argue the complete opposite #you are accusing A Zombie of being abusive based on (checks notes) being scary looking eating brains and /protecting a girl/ #bc uhhhhhhh smth smth dark triad smth smth twi/ight #last time i checked thats literally just fucking normal ass zombie shit + him being NICE!! #its not male gaze 'ocular aggression' bestie he cant blink. hes dead. #talking about how the zombie is unrepentantly creepy when he Literally worries about coming off as creepy In The Movie out loud #SECONDLY to circle back why are you so stressed about twilight. thats not even the subject of the chapter #(there are good critiques of those movies but this is not that) #your book came out in 2015 why were you still shitting your pants and crying that girls were having fun 3yrs ago at the EARLIEST #reaching so fucking hard to 'um ackshewally [thing that teenage girls like] bad' im shocked you didnt throw your fuckin back out #your arguments are nonsensical your positions reveal an alarming level of sexism and you should be ashamed #levi.txt #believe it or not im having fun rn. im funny complaining not angry complaining #w@rm b0dies isnt a Good movie but i will go to bat for it actually. let teenage girls have fun garbage #god knows adult men have enough of their own to choose from ESP in this genre #and its a movie that has a lot of interesting shit someone could analyze!! im focusing on it as a representation of changing feminism #but id love to see a reading of its portrayal of zombiehood as disability + its cure narrative #or critiquing how it writes its female characters bc admittedly theyre bad ngl #or on how survival is represented in comparison to films like zomb!e/and (which i also love) where you 'earn' survival with competence! #genuinely there is even smth to be said for the problematic nature of the brain eating element. id be intrigued by that paper #i dont think its much worse than the play the movie is based on? but its not nothing #it Is ultimately a little bit fucked up and i dont think the movie explores it enough #but noooooo we gotta talk about how the zombie is a narcissistic abuser bc of the brain eating. ok

[getoutofmytardis]

insane that i’m the biggest disappointment of a child for smoking weed but the child that’s emotionally abusive is fine

#i??? do not understand my parents #like ok yes it is bad that my room smells of weed and is messy #but! #feels real fucking weird that my mum gets more upset with me about that than my sister being the literal devil incarnate #and not in a fun way #like dinner last night i literally did not say a single word bc me. just speaking. apparently triggers izzy and i think i literally just #acknowledged a joke being made and she started her whole. you need to leave. get out. you’re the problem. everyone hates you. shtick #and my mums response is can you just be nice to each other #??????????? #GIRL I DIDNT DO A FUCKING THING #I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE CONFLICT AND THE CONFLICT APpArENtLy ONLY OCCURS WHEN IM PRESENT #(it doesn’t. she’s even worse to my mum but mum never. fucking does anything about it #which yeah i do get bc defending urself or literally just saying or reacting in anyway than what The Devil wants you to ends up a mess) #but maybe use two fucking braincells and realise i’m not the worst one here?? #i’m actually gonna go insane #also it’s like. lowkey so funny that mums disappointed bc she thinks i haven’t been smoking for months #which i have!! u just haven’t fuckin realised it bestie!! so maybe the reason i am being depressed and useless rn is related to uhh the #fucking demon that’s living in the house again??? #not because weed is so evil and brain rotting?? #also like i do completely get how silly of me it is to blame everything on my sister when i am aware that my mum hates me smoking weed and #i shouldn’t get a free pass just because my sister is worse than me #but also. #i would like a free pass:( #basically! i should move out lol #but unfortuately i have spent all of my savings #can’t wait to spend 12 hours in the car with all of them tomorrow!! #ah you know when u look back at the times you were gonna kill urself and wish you just fucking did #vent post

[tony-andonuts]

Hiiii i am back from work and am. Spiraling

#it genuinely feels like im getting dimentia #or maybe just a super severe internal psychosis episode #i reaallly wish the CEO of my workplace fucking killed himself after turning the place into a non profit #this shit is legitimately killing me #i have zero freetime #i havent showered all weed #week #and i havent done my laundry either #and i also just now foujd out that Ill very likely be moving in 2 months instead of the expected 6 #andlike. #everyone at my work wont make me forget that things get chaotic when im not there solike. #which is too much responsibility on a 21 year old #but it makes me wanna throw up and commit horrific acts of violence bc ik everything will crash once i leave but like #like i said. iM ONLY TWENTY ONE AND HAVE ZERO TIME TO EVEN GET IMPORTANT MEDICAL AND LEGAL SHIT DONE!!!! #lET ALONE EVEN BE A 21 YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!! #if my morning coworker wasnt the actual best coolest and most stimulating person in my life right now i would be in prison right now #nofucking joke i need someone to see just how not okay i am bc im tearing off my flesh for everyone and im getting down to the bones #and once i get down to the bones i will just straight up explode #like book a bus ticket to troy and uh.... #anyways i need to go bc i am so not okay rn!!!!!! #tony speaks #tony vents