#i am totally NOT giving my sleep problems to Aiden..

[b3achysurfer]

hc Aiden had insomnia even before this whole thing started and would stay up for 2-3 days at a time causing him to hallucinate, which is why his parents didn’t believe the whole phantom world thing was real

this is NOT the face of a boy who is use to sleeping regularly

#they just thought it was another one of his stories #i am totally NOT giving my sleep problems to Aiden.. #sbg #school bus graveyard webtoon #school bus graveyard #schoolbus graveyard #sbg aiden #sbg (webtoon) #aiden clark #aiden sbg #sbg hcs #sbg posts

[lyon-amore]

What if…? Duskwood Chapter 16

Chapter 15 ————————————————————————————-  

*Macie POV*

 While I'm working, I get notification from the group. Dan has returned. I'm so happy when I see him, even though I'm mad at him for taking the car while he was drunk. If he could write, then he was perfect. Well, inside what it means to be perfect.

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 Lilly Were you really drinking? Dan That wasn’t even worth mentioning Jessie 😠 Dan For real it was barely anyhing Macie You were completely wasted Lilly And how exactly do you happen to know that? Were you at the Black Swan with him? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I control myself not to yell at the screen. Seriously, what's Lilly's problem with me? Right now I haven't said anything that seems suspicious, why does she hate me so much?

 I frown, annoyed. Do she always have to make my days bitter? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie No, we were chatting Dan I love being the center of attention in your argument but I need some sleep. My head feels like it’s gonna explode Lilly Hold up Dan Dan Oh yeah, the vote ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 << Really, Lilly? Dan just woke up and that's the first thing on your mind?>> I would make me bite my phone if it weren't for the fact that I would seem crazy, how can she do this to him? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie I totally forgot about this vote Dan My vote is always the deciding factor 👌 Mmmmmmh Mh Mh Mh… Richy 😩 Dan Macie stays Jessy 🙂 Macie Haha too bad for you Lilly Lilly Dan, fid you read the entire chat? Dan Of course Lilly Then why are you voting against me? Dan I really don't need the drama right now. I am going to explain it to you once I slept ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I watch as Lilly disconnects and I laugh.    "That's what you get for being childish." I say, looking at my phone.    "Who is childish?" Aiden asks me.    "Nobody important." I stretch out in the chair, with a smile "How good it feels when things go well!"    "I'm glad to see you happy."    "You know? I feel that from now on everything can go well." I continue writing a few last words in the chat when Thomas connects and I continue with Aiden ", I think today is the big day, I feel it."    "I can feel it too," he says with a laugh, "I think tomorrow will be my lucky day."     Ah yes, tomorrow is the anniversary. I still don't know what to do, with all this research and the fact that I don't really feel like going to the party —and even less with Aiden—, I haven't even had time to choose a dress, would it be bad if I chose one that I already had instead to buy a new one? It's not like I have to buy one, I'm still saving for the one I saw.

 Wow... Truly, my life was much more boring than before now that I'm back in action. I barely remembered all the things I did before the whole Hannah thing. The only problem is that years ago I didn't have as many responsibilities as I do now.    "By the way, why does Lian look so happy?"    "From what she has told me, Brian arrived last night, he brought up the day of his arrival so he could spend more time with her," I answered, watching from a distance how Lian emanates that aura of love everywhere. They rarely see each other, Brian's job keeps him busy all the time.    "I hope they catch that guy as soon as possible so that she's happy then." He looks at Lian, who doesn't stop sending messages on the phone. "It's better when she's like this than when she's bossy and gossiping."    "Yeah." I laugh, happy to see my friend happy.     I remember when she said that she had dinner with him and that I was invited, but I think something happened because she didn't mention it again. Poor Brian, the guy they're looking for is really giving him a headache, he must be pretty good at running from the authorities.    << Paranoid, worried, he doesn't say anything about himself, attentive to the computer... It would be too much of a coincidence, right? >>     I try to push that thought away. It is not good for me to talk about this and my suspicions…    "Well, I'm going to get ready, I have to do a live show soon." Aiden moves away a bit "Will you let me know then?"    "Yeah, I'll see what I have tomorrow." I replied, putting on a fake smile.As he walks away, I get a text from Jake. Was he listening or did he just happen to talk to me after Aiden left?

As he walks away, I get a text from Jake. Was he listening or did he just happen to talk to me after Aiden left?

I go to the bathroom to write to him, locking myself in a cubicle. Every time I feel that everyone is aware of what I do with my phone. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Jake I came across something really interesting. Macie Perfect! I already wanted to know about some new clue! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I’m very curious to know what the doctor has in store for us. I hope that clears up this mystery a bit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie You haven't heard anything through the microphone by any chance, have you Jake I'm a hacker investigating a kidnapping. Not your private life. You don't have to worry about it. Macie That is a yes to what can be done? 🤔 Jake Hmm… I will leave that to your intuition, Detective Connors. ;) Macie Omg! You've done it! Jake Haha. No, not really, don't worry. But I did read the group chat. It's a good thing Dan decided you should stay. Macie Would you make another appearance if he votes against me? Jake No, I think they've learned the rest of the lesson by now. Macie It would have been great Jake Do not get used. Macie Not even a small apparition? 🥺 Jake … I guess so, just to be sure. Macie 🤭 Jake Well, enough talking, I'm entertaining you and it's not your break time yet. Macie Should I be honored that you know my schedule or scared that maybe I'm talking to a personal stalker? Jake I already told you: I pay attention to everything you do. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Is just me or is the temperature starting to rise? I just remembered how he looked at me when he told me. I can tell, but he's holding back for some reason. It's what hurts me the most, because it seems that he still doesn't trust me even though he said yes. I take a breath reading his words. I have to relax or when I get out of here, everyone will think badly of me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie That's not an exact answer Jake I think it says it all. See you later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    “ ’I think it says it all’?“ I don't know whether to laugh sarcastically, feel happy to read them or it's just what he does, pay attention to everything I do just because I'm investigating.     God Jake…Give me a reason so I don't think you're playing with my feelings to find Hannah, I'm only asking for that, then I'll continue to help you, but don't make me feel like I'm just a means to find her like the rest of the group. 

I leave the cubicle after flushing, in case someone is there. I also don't want them to think badly of me. I could reach the floor with my eyes closed or to make it more secure, with a blindfold. My feet are already alone. Before entering, I see the cats standing in the street and I can't help but greet them.    "You're here again, Salem and Mary." I nuzzle the black and gray and watch a white one approach. "You are new, right?" I ask when I take her in my arms "What do you think of 'Angela'? Because you look like a little angel." The cat meows and I leave her on the ground.     I notice that they have a couple of plates with food and water and I look up. Could it have been Jake who left it here?    "At least you're well taken care of." I tell them before entering the building. 

I was going to knock but Jake opens the door for me again. I see that he has a smile.    “Entertaining with the cats?” he asks me, letting me pass.    "I couldn't help it, it's a good distraction trap" I commented, going through the same ritual each time I entered. ". Besides, there's a new cat, I was curious about her."    "You mean Leia?"    "'Leia'?" I arch an eyebrow, confused "Did you name her?     He looked to the other side, embarrassed.    "I remembered that you called the other two Salem and Mary" he answers awkwardly, ",I thought it wasn't bad that the cat also had one..."      I let out a small laugh. Leia. All right. So I won't call her Angela. I really likes to see when he gets nervous, he is adorable, charming… And he is good with animals. I'm sure that if he left them that food, it's because they didn't stop meowing.    “Okay, I'm ready to see what we have to see.” I say, placing my hands on my hips, almost in a heroic pose.    “Rather, we have to listen.”     Jake walks over to the computer and I sit in my chair. This time I want to be focused, this clue is something important, Hannah may have told Dr. Ulric something that can help us.

 I tuck my hair behind my ears, like I want to have a good hearing of what I'm going to hear even if I don't have to. They are a thing that I have since I helped my father that I thought were not going to return. Jake clicks his mouse on it and the audio plays.    "What would you like to talk about today, Hannah?" It's the doctor's voice. He sounds curious, as if Hannah had told him something earlier to come together for this conversation "Hannah, are you listening?"    "Yes, I'm sorry, Dr. Barrett..." It's the first time I've heard Hannah's voice.     I look at Jake to see his reaction. I can see him worried, rubbing his hands a lot impatiently. I put my hand close to his to try to calm him down. I smile at him pronouncing the word calm with my lips and he nods, lowering his hands to leave them on the table. But when I go to pull my hand away, he takes it, like he needs support. He squeezed it lovingly, continuing to listen to the audio.    “No need to apologize, Hannah. We have all the time in the world,” he advises. "I just make to be sure that you are with me."     That makes me think that she must have been absent that day, immersed in her thoughts. The next thing we hear makes us look at each other at Hannah's words.    "I been follow."    "You let told me something similar last time."     I feel Jake's hand tighten around me. Although he doesn't show it, I see that he is angry. How long would he be following her? The doctor said that she had already told him, why didn't he do anything?    "But this time it's different," Hannah defends herself. "I… I… I just know it. "     I listen carefully to Hannah's voice. She seems nervous. Well, I can't blame her, although I wonder what the difference between then and now is.    "Does this have something to do with your past? " Past? "Is this person watching you. This stranger... In any way connected to what happen that day in the forest? "     I pay attention to every detail I hear. So according to the kidnapper, it's true, everything he show us is about something related to the forest. Hannah sighs before continuing.    "I know you don't believe me."    "I never said that."     << She already told you once… >>    “He was standing right there in the forest, watching us,” Hannah recounts. I still haven't let go of Jake's hand. ”I wasn't sure then, but I am today.”     Isn't she referring to The Man Without a Face? I mean… He's a legend, so he must be the one behind Hannah's disappearance.    "I think it would be a good idea if you tell me what happened back then in the forest." Barret asks.    "I have ready told you a hundred times." Hannah's voice sounds tired here, like she's sick of saying the same thing all the time. There doesn't seem to be any new detail, maybe?    "But maybe you are going to tell me the story differently today" from the doctor's words, I think they haven't made any progress in that story, maybe there's something Hannah keeps to herself? ”Hannah, you guys were children-”    "Jennifer was the same age as I am today." Hearing those words, the image of a cold Hannah appears in my head, compared to the photo I had found of her, smiling. A Hannah who had been through something difficult, but she smiled. Only maybe it wasn't a real smile. She was hiding her suffering "did you know that?"    "I think we should take a little break." Barret answers nervously.     The audio ends and I notice Jake lost in thought of him after the audio. I bite my lip, thinking of what to say so he'll relax first. When he gets tense, he completely changes and shuts down. I need him calm.    "You were able to find something too for a change." I tell him, trying to find some relaxation before starting work.     Jake looks at me confused.    "That isn’t the first time that I am finding something?" He asks me as he looks at me with a frown.    "Either way, you haven’t found your sense of humor yet." I teased, with a mischievous smile. His serious expression doesn't change. "Do you know what having fun looks like?"    "At least I've heard of it." To my surprise, he sticks his tongue out at me.     I answer him doing the same and he laughs. 

I hear him let out a more relaxed sigh and until now I haven't realized that we were still holding hands. We separate our hands and both focus.     "Enough funny business," he clears his throat, settling back in his chair. "Can we talk about the voice recording?"     “Sure.” I reply, feeling much better to see Jake calm down.     "Wait, I'm going to send it to you so you can keep it in your files." He moves the mouse quickly and I immediately receive the audio. Perfect because I'd like to get to hear it later in case we find out anything regarding the details. "Okay, let's get started: Hannah was being stalked. "     "And she had told the doctor about it once before." I remember from the beginning, how angry he made me feel.     "That's true." Jake stands up at the same time as me, to point on the board. "I think it’s safe that this stalker later turned into her kidnapper."     "That seems likely. The doctor didn’t seem to believe her."      I glance at Jake, who seems upset with what he said. I also imagine that he didn’t like his words.     "Yes, even if he didn't specifically admit it." I look down at his hand, which he squeezes tightly again. "Hannah was sure, that he didn't believe her that she was being stalked" I can see how worried he is about Hannah. This time I put my feelings aside, we have something important on our hands to be jealous of Hannah now. "The doctor asked her, if the stalker had something to do with the incident back then" while he is narrating, I write down everything under Hannah's photo "Do you still remember her diary find from Hannah's cloud?"     "Sure I remember."     "Very good." He stands next to me and crosses his arms. "One of the things we found out that Hannah was visiting a family and that she had feelings of guilt towards that family."      I remember the note. She had gone to talk to a woman named Iris, for something we don't know yet.     "You think that there is a connection there?" I ask, suspecting the same thing.     "Yes." I see him squeeze his arm. I thought that he would be fine. It's proving too hard for him. "It appears that in both cases the incident was weighing very heavy on Hannah’s mind.” I notice hardness in his tone of voice when he says the word 'heavy'. "To the point, where she felt that she had to talk to a psychiatrist, who, as we found out some time ago, prescribed her antidepressants."     "This incident is the same."     "Exactly." He looks at me and although I try to hide it, I see too many emotions in him. Analyzing gives me a headache, there are too many things that I can't follow" What else did we find out?"

     I put my hand to my head, remembering everything I've heard.    “Hannah was still a child during the first” I says, looking at him determinedly. ”The doctor is even referring to children.”    "Really?" It seems that at some point Jake must have been thinking of something else when he heard the audio. "Hold on." He quickly goes to the computer and plays the audio, moving forward until he hears Ulric's words. "You are right! So there was at least one other child.” He looks up from the computer, looking at me. "I hadn't noticed me."    "Where would you be without me?" I ask with a smile.    "Definitely not as far as I am now." he incorporates, approaching again.    "Do you want to listen to the voice recording one more time?"    "No, that’s not necessary. But thank you."     I'm sure the distraction was listening to Hannah tell her story. Maybe she never told him any of this.    "Maybe we can find out who the other child was."    "That would be very good." He scratches the back of his neck, looking at the whiteboard. "However, currently I can’t think of a way to make that happen."    "I could ask the others?" I suggest." Maybe it was one of them."    “No, it would only lead to unnecessary questions."    “You're right."     They would want to know how we discovered this information and maybe Lilly would accuse us even more, which wouldn't be good for us. Enough with her stupid voting.    "Give me a little time, okay? I'll try to think of another way that we shouldn't directly involve others" He sounds a little stressed. We've gotten too much information today. "Ok, back to the voice recording. Again it is the forest is playing a primary role" I point it under Hannah, threading it with the video of the kidnapper "Have you noticed?"    "Yes, of course. "    "And that's also where Hannah’s stalker first appeared." Again, I erase and point as he talks. "In the end Hannah suddenly mentions someone with the name of Jennifer."     I put Jennifer's name under Iris's, on the side of people we don't have information on yet.    “She is definitely not the second child” I say, remembering the audio. ". According to Hannah she was already an adult back. "    “You paid good attention."     We move away from the whiteboard, reading all the information we have so far. I think we've gotten too much information out today for future clues.    “Macie?” Hearing his broken voice calling my name makes my soul break into thousands of little pieces. I had never heard that tone of voice from him before. "Do you think that Hannah did something terrible?"     I try to remember everything we have collected. To my point of view, it’s seemed like she felt guilty.    "I am afraid so, yes" I reply, but in a whisper.     I feel Jake's hand reaching for mine, holding it tight. I feel that he seeks support. I'm the only one who can give it to him. I accept his hand and try to calm him down, tracing circles on his back with my thumb. Or I try, because his hand is bigger than mine, I almost didn't get to do it.    "At least we have a name now." I answered, a little tired from all we've accomplished.     The truth is that after obtaining this information I don't feel like going back to work. I want to be able to reanalyze all the information and stay a little longer.    "Yes." Slowly, he walks away from me, already calmer. "You can relax a little bit. I have asked a lot of you recently. "     I keep looking at him. He should rest. Whenever I look at him he seems much more tired than before. I don't think he should worry about me, but about himself.    "When did you last sleep?" I ask, approaching him with concern.     I hear him let out a slack laugh.    "Last fall?" He answers looking into my eyes. He seems to be joking, but he is serious.     Since we've now stopped talking about the research, my brain goes back into relaxation mode.

I still feel the warmth of his in my hand. We are too close. So close that I hope he can't hear my heart beating so fast.    "Hey Jake..."     I don't realize my voice sounds sad. The thought of him leaving as soon as he finds Hannah terrifies me.    "Yes Macie?" Jake's voice is soft, calm. He must have noticed.      I takes his hand and he corresponds. We intertwine our fingers and my whole body trembles.    "I…" I moisten my lips, they're dry from nerves, "I don't want you to go." I finally admit, almost begging him.     I see how he starts to blush. I see him restless, trying to figure out what to say. I bring my free hand to his face, finally daring to touch it. This time he doesn't pull me away from him, but he does look at me with desire.    "What are you afraid of?" I ask him and I see that he doubts.     He takes his free hand to mine, caressing it lovingly. We both have high body temperatures, and the silence in the room makes it easier to hear our breathing.    “Jake, I really meant it” I start to say, not hiding “, I like you."     In his green eyes I see a bit of hope that I didn't see before.    <<Please tell me something, anything.>>     Jake sighs, relaxing his shoulders.    “Do you think I don’t feel the same?" Hearing him say those words, my body trembles more. Good thing he has me holding my hands, because I would drop myself right now. "Before you leave, I just want to hold you and stay with me." I slowly lean back as he walks towards me, until I touch my back against the wall. It's as if he knew I was going to fall, is it so noticeable that I'm shaking? ". Throughout the day I think about you a lot more than I would like, reproducing all yours smiles in my head despite all the times I have treated you coldly, you keep smiling at me. I open up to you, even though I usually never give anyone any information about myself.” He leans his forehead against mine. It's hot. "My behavior towards you just doesn’t make any sense."    "It doesn't have to make sense if it feels right." It's hard for me to speak after his words.     Jake finally manages to touch my face, caressing me gently. I closed my eyes as I felt his skin against mine. He even goes so far as to brush his thumb across my lips. 

By the time I feel his lips close to mine, he jerks away letting out a throaty growl. He turns his back to me leaning on the table. I approach him wanting to put a hand on his shoulder.    "But it isn’t right!" He yells and I get scared, throwing myself back "And it's dangerous" he turns and I see his eyes red, tired ", for me just much as for you."    "You can't decide if it's dangerous when I can't say in my decision!" I scream too, but not angry, just confused "Tell me and maybe we can solve it" I approach him placing my hands on his face, caressing him carefully ". Together."     Jake runs his tongue over his lips, hesitating. He takes my hands and lowers them, then takes my things and puts them in my arms.    "That's the problem, I don't want you to end up suffering because of me." He pushes me towards the door and opens it. "I am sorry Macie."     He pulls me off the floor and I start to cry.    "Jake," I knock on the door, waiting for him to open. "Jake please, tell me what it is, I'm not going to judge you." I call again louder "Jake! I just want to help you! Please open me!"     I've seen it in his eyes when he kicked me out: fear, despair, tiredness... And above all, worry.    "Why don't you trust me?" I don't want to believe that I'm still talking to a door, I want to believe that he's listening to me.     This is not going to work is it? No matter how much I beg him, he won't come out. 

I turn around, wiping away tears.

It really hurts not to understand the reason for his behavior. I want to understand him. Knowing what is so dangerous that we are not together. But he hasn't even let me decide if it would really be dangerous for me or not. 

I go downstairs while putting on my sweatshirt. Shit… I have to get back to work now… And like this…    "Dangerous..." I pronounce in a low voice "It's dangerous..."     It is then when I stop crying and let the anger flood me. What is dangerous? Why? Why does he say it? He hasn't let me know the truth! How will I know that he is dangerous?! Even though I still like him—much to my chagrin—I can't help feeling angry now. I pick up my phone and instead of texting to avoid Jake seeing it, I make a phone call. He picks it up on the second ring.    "Hey Aiden, can we talk about the party tomorrow when I get to work?" *Jake POV* 

I hear Macie from behind the door, crying and pleading. I control myself for not opening it and apologize. I have to at least make her hate me so that she only thinks that the only thing that matters in our relationship is Hannah's investigation.    "Why don't you trust me?" I hear her say, still crying.     I do trust you Macie, I really do. And it is precisely for this reason that I am taking you away from me, so that the same thing that happened to me does not happen to you. So you don't run my same fate so unfortunate. Because if something happens to you, then I couldn't forgive myself for getting you into my troubles. 

As soon as I hear her walk away, I can finally let the anger I feel out of me.    “SHIT!” I slam my chair against the wall, angry with myself.     I know this is better for both of us, even if I don't feel proud. I want to put her safety first, make her forget about me, even if I can't. I know I've been a jerk after coming out, but before my safety comes Macie's. 

I lean against the wall sliding down it until I sit on the floor. Resting my hands on my head. Powerless.    “Forgive me... Someday you'll understand... I promise you Macie... But please... For now I need you to hate me like I hate myself right now...”

Chapter 17

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood everbyte #everbyte #everbyte studio

[jacks-wylan]

The townsfolk indeed call for another Witcher. For all Jaskier knows, the baker's wife put a contract in a notice board in the nearest town – Corvo Bianco is small, and it's a bit farther away from any main roads – and, surprisingly, someone has arrived.

It's the innkeeper, that Jaskier meets at the well as he goes to collect water, that says that to him. “It's a Witcher I've never met before,” he says, gruffly, while he weights up two buckets full of water, “He came here this morning, flashed a strange grin when he asked us to take his things, payed a room and went to hell, probably.”

Jaskier is almost afraid to ask, “What is he like?”

The Witcher is obviously not Geralt, because the innkeeper would have known him in that case. Jaskier is scared to hope anyway – he wants him to be Eskel, or Lambert. He needs a familiar face, someone he can talk about and understand his words. A shoulder he can cry on. A friend he can ask to keep an eye on Geralt, because he can't anymore.

“He's, uh, strange. Has scars, pale skin, two swords.”

“Like any Witcher.” Jaskier almost laughs. He can be anyone, really. He doesn't dare to hope.

“Dunno if he'll come back, but he has a room in my inn. You might meet him.”

Jaskier takes a deep breath, “I might.”

He does, that same evening. Jaskier doesn't even know why, after all, if the Witcher is Eskel or Lambert, they know where he lives – and if they already know about Geralt and his break up and they don't want to see him anymore, Jaskier surely doesn't want to impose his presence to someone who doesn't want it. He can be annoying, and most of the time he ignores when a person is annoyed by him, but he can take very well that kind of hint.

But curiosity's got the best of him, and won against the disappointment that is already stinging in his chest, while he walks, slowly, the small roads of Corvo Bianco. The past years, he has taken the same roads so many times that he's lost count, to reach the tavern down the village so he could perform for a, yes, a small crowd, but a very welcoming crowd. A crowd that Jaskier always adored, especially when they warmed up towards an amazed Geralt – still not used to the generosity, kindness and gentleness of this people.

He enters inside the inn and he's greeted by the innkeeper's wife. After a bit of small talks, she immediately points him a table in the center of the common room, where a man dressed of a light, leather armor is eating voraciously, not looking up as the innkeeper's wife tells him, “He's the Witcher!”, even though Jaskier is pretty sure that he's heard them very clearly.

Jaskier doesn't know what he was expecting. Not Geralt, but when his eyes lay on the Witcher's hair, he feels nonetheless a pang of disappointment when he notices that the colour is wrong, it's a too dark shade, not even close at the white strands Jaskier is so fond of. It's not even the brownish, gentle colour of Eskel's, and that is definitely not the chaotic head of Lambert. And he's never met Vesemir, but by the stories he heard, the Witcher is definitely not Geralt's mentor.

He blinks frenetically, but his eyes remain dry. He has half a mind to just turn around and forget about the unknown Witcher – right now, it's not strong enough to deal with the mess of another Witcher – but, the other half... the other half is curious. He wants to know who he is. He's been so lonely lately...

“I'll pay for what he eats.” he says then, to the woman in front of him, “Bring him another bowl of broth.”

“Want some, dear?”

Jaskier shakes his head, “I've already eaten, thank you.” he tells her, as he walks towards the Witcher that now is looking straight at him with a confused stare. He fidgets with a hem of his doublet, feeling a bit intimidated under the Witcher's unnerving eyes.

When Jaskier sits finally in front of him, he notices his medallion. The animal it represents is definitely not a wolf. “You're welcome.” he says, because he doesn't really know how to break the ice.

It works, somehow. The Witcher laughs, with a half seductive smile. “You must be the bard that lives here. There's this little girl that this morning talked my ear off about you, while showing me the way to the inn. She said you're funny and have a funny voice.”

Jaskier laughs. She must be the baker's daughter, the split image of her mother. “That must be me, yes.” The innkeeper's wife comes to them with two steaming bowls of broth, and ignores Jaskier splutters when one of the bowls is settled in front of him. She just looks at him, deadpanned, and makes a tactless remark about the weight he has lost lately, before turning back at her chores. “You're here for that child's parent's contract about a wolf.”

“That girl thinks it's a werewolf. And she's godsdamn right about that, at least.” the Witcher eyes at him through long, thick lashes. His eyes are of a strong yellow, they almost glow in the timid light of the torches. There is smudged kohl decorating his lids, it makes them bigger and more feline. They are like a black cat's. “She's wrong about you, you don't seem funny at all. You have no instruments with you, and I am not hearing a single song danced in miles. You're boring,” he grimaces, then, “And depressed. You're depressing me.”

Jaskier doesn't touch the broth, that's going cold under his nose. And really, as much as he's trying to be better, he can't deny those words. “Sorry for that. I... forgot my lute back at home.” he lies easily. His lute has remained untouched since Rinde, and now it's collecting dust inside his case under the bed. “My name is Jaskier, by the way. I was hoping–” what? What was he hoping to obtain? There is a Witcher in front of him and it's not from the Wolf's school. It's all a waste of time. “Nevermind. You're a Cat Witcher, and, I'll be honest, I haven't heard anything good about Cats. People say that you're cunning, and cruel. I, obviously, don't think it's true, because people say those things to all kind of Witcher, really,” he doesn't say that most of those things was Geralt that told him, “But I thank you for your services. If there's really a werewolf around here, it's... bad. It's a very bad... situation. Rarely we've had this kind of problem, here.”

“You know quite a lot 'bout Witchers, uh.” the Witcher pushes his empty bowl to the side, without lowering his gaze from Jaskier's face, “Name's Aiden. I'm a Cat Witcher, and I am usually cruel, if needed.”

Jaskier tries a smile, “Hopefully, we won't need it. I just wanted to tell you that here, you'll be... treated well. Not as a mutant, that is. They are used to Witchers, so no one will charge you more than needed for food and such, and they will pay you what is owed.”

The Witcher – Aiden – passes a hand against his lips, wiping the grease away with a swift move, “Good. I like when I'm payed fair and well. Now, this has been awkward enough so, if the master bard will permit it, I will head to bed. I spent all the day in the woods and found nothing, so if y'all are so cordial as you're saying, now I deserve a very good rest.” he says, standing up and stretching his long limbs. He's more lean and slender than the Witchers Jaskier knows, with less muscles and more agility, he guesses. I bet his cock is still smaller than Geralt's, Jaskier thinks, then, immediately after, he feels the urge to bang his head against the table.

Jaskier doesn't answer him, too occupied in try not to maim himself. But then, Aiden stop in his track and turns around enough to look at him again, contemplating something that Jaskier cannot read in his expression, “Now that I think 'bout it, I have another contract. Considering that I have to wait the next full moon to do anything with the werewolf, better get done with that too.”

Jaskier shrugs. It's not really his concern, after all. For a second, he has the impulse of telling him that, if only he needs it, he has some witchery potions back at his house. Just in case he hasn't enough supplies with him for both the contracts. After all, Geralt won't use them ever again. But, but something stops him to propose that: fuck, they're Geralt's, regardless of everything.

He won't give Geralt's things to anyone for any reason at all.

“The little girl hired me,” Aiden continues, with a grin. “She said that your house is haunted, because every night all the village hears wails coming from.”

Jaskier blinks, “That's... that's untrue.”

“She said that everyone is just ignoring that. Oh, it must be a very scared– correction, scaring creature living into your house.”

“There is no creature in my house! And no one wails in the night!” Jaskier snaps, incredulous. Whatever the fuck? “Well, I would know if there is something like that in my own house, I live there! There is nothing apart from me!”

Aiden raises an eyebrow.

Suddenly, hot shame creeps up Jaskier's chest, coloring his cheeks in an ugly red. “It's not me, Witcher.”

It's impossible. He doesn't cry since the day the townsfolk sent the pie to him. And during the night he, Gods, he just sleeps. He doesn't have nightmares, he has no reason to wail.

“Oh, I don't know. But worry not, bard, I am the monster hunter here, so I'll soon find out what lurks in your shadows, for very little compensation. See ya later, then!”

“Later?” Jaskier repeats, stunned. All he receives for an answer is the Witcher retreated back, and nothing else. He's totally been ignored, damn it. “Fucking hell.” he softly murmurs, even if all he wants to do is screaming for the terrible fate that has fallen upon his head.

He doesn't want another Witcher in his life. One – three, he lost them all – is enough, and he has already stomped on his poor, fragile heart, surely there's no need for another one to push his finger into the still fresh wound. Aiden will notices the evident presence – late presence – of a Witcher, from Geralt's old armors and weapons hanging on the wall, to the countless potions in the storage, and there will be questions, so many question that Jaskier still doesn't want to answer. And if he, indeed, is the one wailing during the night, he'll want to know the reason, and– and he doesn't want to explain himself. He feels so tired.

Dazed, he leaves a couple of coins on the table, next to the untouched, cold bowl of broth and gets out into the fresh evening air. He blinks while walking, not really acknowledging where he's going but pretty sure that his own feet are taking him home.

He thought he was feeling better. He thought that after a couple of months, he's made peace with what happened in Rinde, considering that it was no one's fault, considering that now Geralt is safer that he'll ever be with him, considering that all he wants is Geralt's happiness even if it's not with him. Sure, Jaskier's always been selfish, and he's always wanted everything despite it all, but– but he thought that with Geralt was different, that he was – is – more important than his foolish humanly desires.

And yet, Gods. And yet, here he is, sad and depressed, still waiting for Geralt to come home.

----------------------------------------------------

read the rest on ao3!

#okay this is almost 30k of a self indulgent nonsense #geraskier #geraskier fic #jaskier/aiden #jaskier/aiden/lambert #the witcher fic #mine:fyccina #the link is under the cut obv #lambden #aiden x lambert #lambert/aiden #jaskier x geralt #jaskier x aiden #lambden fic

[cajunpotateaux]

An open letter to my dad’s side of the family,

I don’t quite really know where to begin.. I could start with the beginning of my life, but I don’t have many memories to recall, but from what I hear y’all have some pretty golden memories of me..  I can’t really start with the early childhood-adolescence either, because it wasn’t enough for any of y’all to worry about, much less the 5-15 year old, (lol?)  Okay then, I’ll start there, 2012, sophomore year of high school, the best and my best year, (special thank you to the Badeaux Family.)  This is the year that Johnny stopped paying any of the bills he was paying... I remember Gamy filling our fridge, because there was literally only mayo in there...  We ended up being evicted, so all 4 of us packed up and moved in with Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Wayne..  Thank you, for opening up your home to us and doing the best you could, I unfortunately did not stay because I preferred to stay at my high-school, but I am glad I didn’t because I could only imagine the responsibility of mediator.  BUT like wtf.... I can only imagine how this single of mother of three, teetering in such an abusive relationship must’ve felt gathering her kids up to stay at her EX-HUSBAND’S FATHER’S HOUSE?? And y’all judged the fuck out of her, for the men she talked to and confided in you in, to her whereabouts when she was trying to find a job, and whatever the fuck. Y’all think she wanted to have to do that? You think she was trying to do it for her own benefit?? If your son, would’t have up and left her with 2 fucking kids, do you think she’d be in this position? Or wouldn’t you think all of this was because she needed to take care of the family HER AND JOSHUA started???? DO YOU REALLY THINK IT WAS ONLY HER RESPONSIBILITY?? Okay, whatever it didn’t work out (not surprised) and Mama moves in with Gamy and Gampy, cool, i missed my siblings anyway.  Once mama gets back up on her feet again, gets a house (right down the road from kaylyn which saved my life,) and low and behold, guess which motherfucker weasels his way back into our lives’?  Oh boy did you guess it!  Johnny E. Taylor, made his way back into my moms heart because he was tired of staying on his mama’s sofa, tsk tsk.  I’m 15 at this time, 2014, teachers talk to Mrs. Christina Badeaux at this time and tell them how much my attitude and dedication have really taken a downturn, I also started smoking weed this year.

Johnny’s around for a couple of months, but I’m too strong minded at this point.. He can’t abuse us anymore, physically, mentally, nothing.  He’s weak and he leaves, but I’m sure he still managed to drain my mom of what he could..  My mom and I had a rough time after he left, I’m sure I could have been a little more sensitive to her “withdrawals” but I was just too damn happy, I was just too damn safe.  Once he left, mom and I had some problems.. I can’t recall exactly where they lay, but there were some pretty flamboyant altercations.  From there I went into my senior year, the first part of that year was fun, honestly, I was so in lust with that I wasn’t thinking straight, but who could blame her?  2015..  5 years ago from where I am now, that’s ringer year.  That boy I was so in lust with, was cheating on me and breaking up with me every holiday (you’d think I’d realize,) got my first job at Black’s, and basically stopped going to school.  I got arresting Mardi Gras night this year, as a 17 year old passenger, with less that .5 gram of weed in my purse and 1 item of paraphernalia, with no identification.  AND Y’ALL LET ME PLEAD NO CONTEST, WITH NOT A LAWYER???  You mean to tell me my FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION working grandparents, let their 17 year old granddaughter, walk into a court room with no lawyer... Ok, whatever. I took my lick, sentencing went a little something like this:

Judge: we’ll drop the paraphernalia charge, and your punishment is $800 in fines or 10 days in jail.

Me: Do I have a certain amount of time to pay the fine?

Officer: Yes, we can suspend your license for 30 days and you have 30 days to pay that.

Me: Ok, but I’m a 17 year old senior and I live in Abbeville, and take a bus to and from school or have my mom bring me to work.

Officer: Ok, then I’ll have to book you until you pay, and every day a balance drops off your fine.

Me: uh ok...

I then went to jail for a total of 5 days, of my 10 day sentence, before Gampy came to get me (:  He paid my fines, and just reminded me to be sure to pay him back.  I could absolutely do that, thank you Gampy. After this, spring break started and after that, I couldn’t deal with the shit of walking into that school after being arrested and gone for almost 3 weeks straight now.  I just stopped going.  I later on got a call from the school board in April, and they wondered about me, they had faith in me, it felt like, “we don’t even know your father, so we have no preconceived idea of who you’re going to be other than, you’re wonderful school record up until the last couple of months.”  They let me finish my classes online, and walk with my class through that rachet ass gym. You should have seen my peers faces (;  Only downside was, I no longer had to pay back the $300 left to Gampy as a graduation gift. Now mind you I’m more than happy to have my debts paid, but I’m a little sentimential when it comes to gifts for my achievements and its sucks to look back and my ONLY graduation gift was $300 to a fine.. My dad got out of jail the next day...

I graduated and was determined to get my boyfriend back. So I did, and we moved in together that June.  Had a great time, it was nice to get out of Abbeville.  August of this year was the worst, but now that I look back was a form of rebirth for my self.  The first week of August, just days after paying rent, my boyfriend admits that he doesn’t love me (surprise!) I refuse to move out, until the month is over ( have to wait for my mom to help me move.) We break up, and a couple of days later I get to see Ethan, I didn’t know this, but it would be the last time I’d ever see him.  We laughed about him being in room 420, and he tells me happy birthday..  A couple days later it’s my 18th birthday!! Which was super overrated, and my dad got arrested a couple of days later, and Ethan found peace after a long fight.  Completely defeated after this month, I moved home and I didn’t finish my probation.

The next couple of months are a blur but also survival mode.. Mom was going to work, and cosmetology school. I was sleeping, watching Andie and Aiden, cleaning the house and trying to figure out what to make for dinner with $6.29 at the dollar store.. I got caught shoplifting at wal-mart, moved in with these 30 year old lesbians, and lost the most important chest, containing birth certificates, letters from my dad, any hs artwork, ALLL my important personals, gone. Forgot in a house, and thrown away.  Moved back in with mom, and wasted away on a sofa from November till March, until I called Grandma and Grandpa, asking for help to regain direction in my life, so they offered to move me out to Idaho and do their best. Yay!  I moved here thinking of how great of a relationship we could create and how much I could learn, I mean I have so much fun with them on vacation, lol.  Grandma, I love you and I thank you for your hardworking genes, but like c’monnnn I’m you’re closest blood, and I’m not just talking miles. I’m talking my existence is literally due part to the being you had. And you don’t even put an effort into knowing me, you think you have me all figured out with everything you’ve heard through grape vines or whatever, bullshit.  I’ve been closer to you than I ever been and it doesn’t even feel like it.  You’re the only family I have in a great radius and I’ve literally had to create my own at 22 years old without creating the same mistakes as my parents. So give me a round of applause because we all know I deserve it.  You were gunna let me get wrapped up in a system just like my father.  AND THEN GRANDPA ROY TELLS ME HE’D LIKE TO SMOKE WEED AGAIN AT HIS RETIREMENT PARTY??? that’s really how y’all let that go down, and then have the nerve to make judgement of my life thinking that I may take a path of my father???  To restrict nurturing and love towards me because you can’t control the freedom therefore outcome of my life.. Is it because you feel accountable in some way??? I overcame all odds, and I will destroy the generational muck you’ve left for me. 

With that being said, you can deny your accountability, but the way I see it, Josh wasn’t there for Andie and I.  My parents created a life the both wanted, and my dad left, leaving ALL responsibility on my mom.  Now I definitely know that if the 2 families that make up my father’s side of the family, stepped up the best they could like Gamy and Gampy to fill in the pieces my mom couldn’t, I wholeheartedly believe that Andie and I’s perception of childhood could have been a little lighter.  A couple of months ago, Grandpa Roy said a comment while I was working that really shook my world.. We were talking about my mom, as it so causally comes up, saying, “we had to draw the line at buying her a house.”  Initially, I laughed it off, because my mom is known of asking a little too much.  But as a 22 year old, I couldn’t imagine having a kid, much less another 4 years after that, and then DADDY LEAVES.  But I could only imagine, what not having to worry about putting a roof over the children's heads’ could’ve prevented.  Maybe my mother would have been more confident to do it all on her own, less dependent on the man that’s abused her kids.  I can only imagine.

With that being said, none of this mentions any of Andie’s story, the one who I tried my hardest to protect, but was always the easier victim.

I am thankful for the blood I have received, I believe the strong mentality is what got me through the hardest parts of my life so far.  I will continue to look for solace for my childhood Lilly, for she deserves the world.

#diary #openletter #thoughts #prayers #solace

[broken-heartedgirlff]

Chapter 27 ~You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore

“I won't fall for your games  

So don't hate me when I say

That you don't do it for me anymore

No, you don't do it for me anymore"

Angelique

“Gi Gi?” Mason Called out to me.  

I was in my room watching tv, but MawMaw had put Mason to bed, so I was confused when I saw him, rubbing his eyes in my door way. I knew it had to be a bad dream because of the way he shifted his feet.

“Another bad dream?” I said scooting over in my bed, and patting next to me, letting him know he could get in my bed.

He nodded his head, and got in the bed. “I want Mommy and Daddy.”

“Me too buddy. How is your arm?” I said rubbing his cast

He shrugged, “It fine, but scratchy a lot. Mawmaw said I get it taken off next week.” He smiled at the last part.

“Gi Gi, do you think Daddy will wake up?” He asked me

“I hope he does. Everyone is just waiting for him to wake up. Auntie Liv woke up, so I think daddy will too.”

“ANGELIQUE!” Mawmaw yelled 

“I’ll be right back Mason, go to sleep.”  

He nodded his head and I covered him up, and walked out of the room to go see her standing in the living room

“Yes Ma’am?”

“Is Mason in your room?” She said crossing her arms.

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew as soon as I did, I would be in huge trouble.

“Yes Mawmaw, but he had a bad dream about daddy.” I said defending Mason

“But I told the both of y’all to stay in your own rooms. He can’t always sleep with you.”

“I know Mawmaw, but he’s scared. I’m scared. Mommy stays at the hospital, no one tells us what’s going on, we don’t know what happens with daddy. We are scared.”

I had to wipe my tears, because I am a big girl, I can’t cry. But the thought of my daddy dying scared me, more than you know.

“But- But I can’t lose my daddy Mawmaw… I just got my mommy back. He can’t leave me too.”  I sobbed

Before she could answer, her phone rang.

“Giselle, what happened?” She asked.

I looked at the clock in the living room, it was 10:30 at night. Something was wrong. I couldn’t hear my mom, but I knew it wasn’t good.  

“What do you mean, he flatlined.” She whispered.

She started to walk into the kitchen, when she told me to go get Mason and myself dressed so we can go to the hospital.

I nodded, but I couldn’t help but to think, that my daddy was dead. 

Olivia

I sat there and watched how these children looked at me. I could tell they were scared and don’t know what to do. Sage told them that the reason I didn’t remember them was because my brain was foggy, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t love them.  

I came out of my thoughts when a pregnant Lizzie and Jeremiah walked in.

“IS THAT VINCENT’S BABY?” I screamed.

Lizzie just looked at me shocked, “She really doesn’t remember anything, does she?” She asked Jeremiah, and he just shook her head.

Before I could say anything to either of them, the doctor walked in.

“Hi Olivia, I am your doctor, and I want to ask you some questions?”

I nodded and awaited the questions.

“What date did you get married?”

“April 25th, 2010, I was 6 months pregnant with Sage.” I said.

Jeremiah nodded, “What day did you get divorced from Jeremiah?” The doctor asked.

“I didn’t get divorced from Jeremiah. We’re still married.”

Jeremiah spoke up, “Our divorce was finalized about 4 years ago, May 25th,2014. A day after Maurice and Marie were born, and a week before Aiden was born.”

“Who is Aiden’s mother? If he was born a week after Maurice and Marie, and I’m their mother… Who is Aiden’s mother, Jeremiah” I asked while looking at the little boy.  

That means Jeremiah cheated on me…. and I know with who, just by looking at the little boy.  

I whispered, “His mother is Avery isn’t it?”  

“Yeah, she is.” He spoke back

I laughed, while wiping my tears, “I see why I divorced you. That’s pretty unforgivable. Especially with her.”

I shook my head, Avery was J’s girlfriend from before I moved to Cali, I ran into her a few times, simply because she’s Lizzie’s best friend. But she was basic to me. So I never paid her any attention, and I think that’s what bothered her the most.  

I always got weird vibes from this girl that she was trying to take back Jeremiah. I just didn’t think that my husband would fall for it.

“Did you know?” I looked at Lizzie

“Of Course not, and once I did, I cut her off totally and completely. I always thought she was in love with Dominic. But that wasn’t true.”

I nodded, “Can you all get out?”  

“Liv…” Jeremiah said, trying to reach out to me.

I moved away from his touch and the tears started,  

“I just found out that it’s four years from what I think it is. My daughter literally grew up, I have two other children, a boyfriend. My cousin is pregnant, I’m divorced, I have yet to see Giselle or Dominic, or Rah or Lei, and to make it the absolute worst! My husband cheated on me and had a whole baby that wasn’t by me, which led to our entire divorce I’m assuming. By a girl, that Jeremiah was broken by, who I rebuilt into the man he was. I need everyone to leave right now.”  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I kicked out everyone from my room, they sent in a therapist, Lei came and saw me, so did Giselle. But I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I was kind of in my own thoughts when Sage knocked on the door. She came in and sat on the bed with somethings.

She tucked her beautiful long hair behind her ear and said:

“I asked the doctor what would help to bring back your memories, so I had daddy drive me home so I can get somethings.”

She had a photo album, a teddy bear, a blanket, and some sort of toy.  

“I brought the photos because they are the photos from the past 4 years, of everyone in the family.” She turned in the photo album to a picture of me and Jeremiah’s son, hugging and smiling.

“This was Aiden’s 3rd birthday. The twins didn’t want a birthday party with him, and he was scared that no-one would come to birthday because they were all at the twins. He cried because he didn’t get a party. His mom isn’t in his life either, mommy. So you made his birthday with the twins and he was the happiest boy on this side of the planet. He doesn’t stop talking about you.”

I looked at her, but the memory wasn’t coming back. But I know myself, I would never dismiss a child, my step-father didn’t do that to me. He actually looked really happy in the picture.

“The teddy bear is mine. You gave it to me when you and daddy first got divorced. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew daddy wasn’t in the house and it made me sad. But you would cry every night, and didn’t think I heard, so you would go to sleep and I would stick the teddy bear in your bed, so you wouldn’t be sad anymore.”

“The Blanket and Toy are from Maurice and Marie, they said that when they think of you, they think of these things. Marie’s blanket is for when its a thunderstorm and-“

“She uses it to cover her head. It looks like apart of my blanket from College” I said cutting off Sage.

She smiled, “It is your blanket. You gave it to her to be brave. The same with Maurice, the toy is from when he sprained his ankle and could barely walk, but you said the toy would help him get better.”

I nodded my head, “Thank you.”

“No problem mommy, I just want you to get better and remember stuff, because Daddy, Maurice, Marie and Aiden are all sad that you don’t remember a lot.”

I nodded again, before I could say something Jeremiah came to take her home, She kissed me goodbye and left everything she had brought back.

~~~~~~~~

When I was going to sleep, I decided to look through everything, I couldn’t help but be upset that I didn’t look happy unless I was with the kids or Jeremiah in the pictures.

I saw the smile behind me holding the twins….but in my eyes you could tell I was hurt. And Jeremiah wasn’t in any of the pictures.

I couldn’t look at it anymore because it was hurting my head. But when I looked back at the picture, I suddenly remembered I didn’t allow Jer in the hospital room because of the divorce and infidelity. I remember signing the divorce papers in the hospital bed because I was in labor, I was so upset and in so much pain.  

I quickly closed the book, and held the teddy bear and closed my eyes. Some of my memories started to flood back and I started crying when I realized that I made a huge mistake and I don’t know if I could fix it.

The fact that I am still in love with Jeremiah.

Giselle

I was glad to spend sometime with my babies after I called Mama C, even if it was in the cafe at the hospital. Mama C even got to spend time with Dominic and I know that made her happy.

No, Dominic is still in a coma, and we don’t know the effects of his injuries, not until he wakes up. I’m praying everyday that he does, I want to see his brown eyes again, and I want to see his smile and hear his voice.

“Mommy?”

“Yes Mason?” I said giving him my full attention

“Will Daddy ever wake up? I know he sleeping because he got hurt. But Livie woke up, so why hasn’t daddy?”

By this time, Angel gave me her full attention too. I could see this was affecting her more than it was me. But she was trying to be a big girl, and be scared, to not freak out Mason.

I sighed, “I don’t know Mason, He got hurt really bad, we just have to pray that he wakes up soon.”

He obviously, didn’t like that answer, so his face scrunched up, just like Dominic’s, it made me laugh slightly.

“He got hurt by that bad lady. She should be sleep, not my daddy.”

“Speaking of her, She asked if I could come talk to her, I wanted to tell you guys-“

“No, I don’t want you to go see her.” Angel spoke up for the first time

“Angel-“

“No, I said no. Don’t go near her. She could hurt you too.” She said getting up going to Dom’s room.

“Mason?”

“Gi Gi is mad at the bad lady. She don’t want you and daddy hurt.”

“Do you agree with her?”

He looked at his cast, and shrugged, “She hurt me too mommy. I don’t want her to hurt you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few hours with the kids, I left the hospital for the first time in a month. I didn’t know if this was such a great Idea, but something was telling me to go.

I entered the jail and got checked by security. I love my kids, but they are exactly that, Children. I needed to look this bitch in the face and ask her why she shot my cousin, my son and the love of my life.

I was sitting in an empty room, surrounded by guards when she sat down.

“ I’m here , What do you want?” I spat

“Nice to see you too Giselle, you look well.” She smirked.

“Bitch, I will get up and leave right now, what do you want Kaitlynn?”  

“I heard Dominic is still in a coma.”

I just blinked at her, “Point?”

“Point being, I’m glad he’s alive.”

I just bitterly chuckled, “You must be fucking insane, like literally bat shit crazy. You are the reason he’s in a coma. You’re the reason my cousin lost her memory. Why my son is in a cast! You’ve caused nothing but trouble.”

She shrugged, “I wanted you to feel, what I felt when my son died.”

I threw my hands in the air, “We still are not on this!!!”

She stood up with the chains around her ankles and hands,

“YES! WE ARE ON THIS! I Wanted you to feel what it felt like to have your ENTIRE LIFE Ripped away from you! I wanted you to hurt! and to cry and to be in so much pain you can’t even breathe! You can’t think! You can’t eat! Everything I worked for GONE! BECAUSE OF YOU! I wanted Dominic Dead. I wanted you to weep over his casket. I wanted you to weep over your son’s grave like I did!”

I just stared at her, “You’re sick. My life was ripped away from me. You try to compare our troubles but you can’t. They are completely different. I didn’t try to kill you or your son, I just wanted to know my daughter and let my son know his father.”

I got up from the table, “Don’t you ever in your life try to contact me or anyone in my family ever again. I hope you get the death penalty.”

I went to walk to the door, “Let me out of here.” I spoke to the guards.

“Before you leave,”

Exasperated, I turned to her again. “What, what do you want.”

“I’m actually glad now that Dominic isn’t dead. When Dominic found out that I couldn’t have kids, we started IVF, and that’s how I got pregnant with DJ.” She smiled.

My phone rang, it was Lizzie,

“Lizzie, I’m on my way back right now, are the kids alright?”  

“Giselle, they aren’t going to give me the death penalty. They Can’t” Katie spoke

I rolled my eyes, and turned back to the guard, to leave, when she yelled my worst nightmare.

“I’M PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY!”

I turned to look at her, when Lizzie said

“Dominic’s Awake Gi.”

I couldn’t breathe…. I couldn’t breathe.

“Elizabethe, I will call you back” and i hung up the phone.

She started laughing, “I knew that would catch your attention, and this is how everything is going to go.”

[staystrangcrs-blog]

💔 for everyone bc I cant keep track of them all

(   send  me   ‘  💔  ’   to  generate  the  angsty  way  that  our  muses  kiss.  feel  free  to  specify  a  number  or  who  is  kissing  who  if  you’d  like.   )

putting this under a read more because long af !!!

zack/amara - #11 a drunk kiss

     “has anyone ever told you that you’re cute?” she giggled, bringing the glass up to her lips as she took another drink. she had already lost count of how many she had, but she felt fine. surely there was a bit of adrenaline keeping her semi-aware of her actions because she knew she was spending time with him. amara wasn’t sure zack would come over, much less join her in the hot tub, but here they were. though she had warned herself to stop spending time alone with him, she couldn’t stop. “because i think you’re really cute,” she swam a bit closer to him, bringing her right hand up to cup his cheek. “so, so, so cute. and i know i should stay away from you. god i know i shouldn’t be spending time with you like this. i tell myself not to fall for you, but that stupid cute look of innocence makes me want you so bad.” she was rambling and she knew it, leaning in to kiss him before she could spew out any other feelings she may have had. it wasn’t long and it wasn’t intense, but it was a kiss that she had been craving for so long. she lazily swam away from him, smiling as she settled back against the wall of the hot tub. “you’re too tempting.”  

evelyn/miles - #5 a lying kiss

     miles thought that eventually she would tire of this cat and mouse game, that maybe, just maybe, she would come around and tell him one day that she liked him as much as he liked her. but it was a pipe dream, clearly, and he needed to get over it. she was just going to be his best friend forever, and quite frankly, he would rather have that than not have her at all. “no, it’s fine. i’ll just be over here,” he tried to speak up since the music in the club was so loud. “i’m sure that guy really does just want to talk about what shows you’ll walk in next, it’s cool.” he leaned in to leave a soft peck along her lips, pulling away from her quickly so the public wouldn’t notice. “i’m fine with it, i can talk to some of your friends or whatever over there. i’ll be fine.” 

liz/elijah - #4 a bloody kiss

     he hadn’t meant to start a fight. it was never his intention when he got upset, it’s just sort of how everything played out. he was tired of guys trying to treat the girl like she was some kind of bimbo. then again, he realized that by not letting her stand up for herself he too was perpetuating the idea that she needed a man to save her. when he was well aware that would never be the case with her. “i’m sorry,” he spoke out, leaning his head against the bathroom wall, hand holding a damp paper towel to his mouth. “i just don’t fucking get it. i told that guy to watch what he said about you weeks ago. and then he throws it in my face out of spite? it’s fucking pathetic really.” he could feel himself getting upset again, pulling her in a bit. “i’m really sorry, liz. i know you’ve asked me stop, but i just.” instead of speaking he leaned his lips in, moving the damp cloth out of the way so he could kiss her softly. he had been wanting to do it for too long, and while this probably wasn’t the best time, he went for it anyway. “you’re the one person who keeps me sane and i can’t let them talk about you like that. ever.” 

matthew/violet - #13 a ‘please’ kiss

     “i just dont understand why we can’t make our bedroom into, like, a palace! you’ve never denied me of being the ultimate princess before. what’s a little pink in the bedroom ever done to anyone?” violet whined as she reached for the boy, pulling at his hand as she tried her best to win him over. “what about pink the bathrooms at least? like even if it’s just a statement color? a soft pink? like not even a dark in your face pink? it can be pale?” she batted her eyelashes playfully as she looked up at him. “are you really truly going to deny be a small amount of pink in our place. i mean i know it was your place first and i’m the one moving in and i wont make a stink about if it if i’m allowed to have like one thing that is all cutesy and not totally boyish?” she stood on on her tippy toes, arms draping around his neck as she kissed him softly. “please?”

rosa/hendrix - #20 a kiss that won’t be remembered

     it had been a few weeks since they started this whole thing, sleeping together, but not in the having sex way. it was more like the i can’t sleep without you, but i hope you don’t think that’s pathetic kind of way that hendrix was grateful she understood. he couldn’t help but get used to the way rosa cuddled up in to him, arms tightening around her a bit as he tried to fight the urge to kiss her. “thanks for coming over,” he whispered sleepily. obviously she was going to come over, that’s what they always did. but he was already half asleep and making sense wasn’t exactly something he felt he needed to do in this moment. “goodnight,” he could barely get the words out before he leaned in to kiss her softly, almost wondering if he had really done it or dreamt it. regardless, it would be tomorrow morning’s problem. 

aiden/clara - #8 a kiss on an injury my muse gave to yours

     “oh my god, i am so sorry!” clara couldn’t help but laugh even though she knew it wasn’t funny, a frown forming along her lips as she hurried to the fridge for an ice pack. “i just thought that you were a damn intruder! and i didn’t have any weapons so, i don’t know, my fist seemed like the suitable option?” she had admittedly not been as strong as she thought, feeling her own hand swell up a bit as well as she reached out to hand him the pack. “why didn’t you tell me you were stopping by? i might not have tried to attack you in the dark?” she leaned in to him, kissing the cheek that she had preemptively hit with her not-so-strong fist. “you have to admit. it’s kind of funny?”

ryder/nicole - #2 a kiss when it’s not allowed

     nicole was so tired of following the rules brought forth by both of their publicists. they had never let people tell them how their relationship worked before and it seemed so lame for them to do it now. they felt like they were getting better, maybe even pushing towards a relationship that actually had a label and didn’t have an expiration date. and god he looked so cute standing there, hair a bit messy from the performance of a lifetime he had given only moments ago. she would be stupid to just stand there and not say congrats, it wasn’t like her, it wasn’t like them. “fuck it,” she mumbled, hurrying over to ryder with a smile on her face. “baby, you were amazing!” she swooned, wrapping her arms around him as she leaned in to give him a kiss. “god you looked so hot. i just need to get that out now just in case your publicist runs over here and pulls me off you.” 

james/vienna - tba

i was going to do st for them but i feel like??? we still need them to interact more so i am going to wait!!!

navid/andy - tba

i was going to do st for them but i feel like??? we still need them to interact more so i am going to wait!!! 

#unforgettablc #✩ OOC » Q AND A ╱ MUSINGS. #LUCKY FOR YOU I LOVE LISTS AND I HAVE A LIST OF ALL OUR PAIRS SO! GREAT! AWESOME! #✩ AMARA DUNCAN » FEAT ZACK ╱ THREAD. #✩ MILES DOBRO » FEAT EVELYN ╱ THREAD. #✩ ELIJAH BLUE » FEAT LIZ ╱ THREAD. #✩ VIOLET NIKOLLA » FEAT MATTHEW ╱ THREAD. #✩ HENDRIX DESAI » FEAT ROSA ╱ THREAD. #✩ CLARA KARLSSON » FEAT AIDEN ╱ THREAD. #✩ NICOLE ROONEY » FEAT RYDER ╱ THREAD. #✩ VIENNA CLOETE » FEAT JAMES ╱ THREAD. #✩ ANDERSON 'ANDY' YATES » FEAT NAVID ╱ THREAD.

[its-negans-lucille]

Drawings

You can find my Masterlist HERE!

Prompt: i really need a fanfic where Negan comforts Transman!Reader who's struggling with dysphoria. could you please write one for me...i would really appreciate it. ;-; - Via Anon

Ships: None Words: 1,357 Warnings: Mentions of Dysphoria, curses Category: Angst with fluff if you squint

***

You were sat on your bed which dipped below you where you sat. The mattress had a few springs that were threatening to escape from the sheet and were uncomfortable to sleep on. Around you was a small, coffin like, room that had been assigned to you since the day you had arrived at the Sanctuary.  There were little personal possessions around you, only a clock that a family member had given you and a small scrap of paper that you had kept since high school. You didn’t look at the off white paper now.

You had your head in your shaking hands and you were attempting to regulate your breathing. You leaned back and brushed a hand over your short hair which was patchy in some places as you had to give yourself haircuts. You didn’t have the luxury of anyone helping you. You tried to take some deep breaths too calm the fast approaching panic that threatened to take you, but you felt the duct tape that you had currently wrapped tightly around your chest tighten, this didn’t help your panic.

You rocked back and forth and avoided looking in the mirror that you had covered with a large towel. Even if you wouldn’t be able to see yourself, you would remember what you truly looked like.

“Hey, (Y/N)? You in there?” You heard a concerned voice that you had heard many times before outside your door. You hadn’t heard Negan’s approach over the sound of your heart drumming in your ears. You felt a small weight of panic lift from your shoulders as you heard Negan, and him using your real name.

“Y-yes.” You replied in a trembling voice, you cringed at how high your voice sounded.

“Can I come in?” Negan asked in a soft voice.

“No-no!” You replied quickly. He couldn’t see you like this, you told yourself adamantly. You stood up and began to pace the small room which you would cross in about five steps. You tried desperately to keep your breathing steady.

You had been having a bad day. Your dysphoria grew greater and greater with each passing day that you knew that you could never become that person that you knew that you were. There weren’t any doctors or surgeons anymore, and even if there were they most certainly wouldn’t have the equipment to do the surgery. And for all that you knew there was no more testosterone left in the world. So you were well and thoroughly stuck.

“I’m coming in, (Y/N).” Negan pronounced as a warning as he turned the doorknob and the door swung open, revealing his tall and lean form.

You turned your back on him and stared out of the porthole sized window that gave you a view of the fence where they kept the dead. You desperately rubbed at your cheeks, trying vainly to wash away the traitorous tears that had fallen without your notice. You hugged your chest which only tightened the makeshift binder, taking the breath out of your lungs.

You felt Negan tenderly cup your elbow with a leather clad hand as he gently turned you around so that you were facing him. You saw the anguish in Negan’s eyes and looked away, guilt curling in your stomach like a snake in its coil.

“What’s wrong, Prince?” Negan asked in a soft voice, the pet name made you chuckle in a cold and drained sort of way.

“I’m fine.” You said swiftly, though you were obviously not as your voice cracked and betrayed your true emotions.

“Dysphoria again?” Negan asked softly as he gently coaxed you onto the bed and into an embrace.

“Yeah.” You said quietly into his shirt.

“No one said anything right? Because if they did, let me tell you, Lucille’d have fucking something to say about it.” Negan growled in a protective voice as he playfully tapped your back.

“No, no one said anything.” You continued, trying to make your voice sink an octave lower than usual.

Negan leaned back from you and cocked an eyebrow suspiciously, obviously trying to read your expression and to see if you were lying to him.

“It’s just hard.” You said quietly in a soft voice that was barely more than a whisper.

“I know that I don’t know but- wait-” Negan tapped at your back and he heard that it was not skin beneath your t-shirt but duct tape curled tightly around your torso. “(Y/N), you know that they hurt you.” Negan said softly, indicating the duct tape.

“I don’t see anything else that I can use instead.” You replied in a stubborn voice that didn’t betray your genuine longing for a real and genuine binder.

“You need to promise me that you’ll stop wearing them.” Negan said in a stern voice. “In fact, I want you to take it off right now.” Negan said in a commanding tone.

“Excuse me?” You asked in a spluttering voice.

“I won’t look.” Negan assured you, standing up and walking toward a corner and continuing to cover his eyes with his palms. “Now tell me when I can look.” Negan began to whistle merrily as you frowned at him, your mouth agape in disbelief.

You shook your head and began undress. You flung off your shirt and placed it haphazardly on the bed. You looked down to see the duct tape had irritated your skin which has become a red colour. You shook your head and tried to ignore the pain in your ribs. You wrestled with it for about ten minutes before it had finally become totally separate from your form.

You felt as though you could breathe properly again. You took in great lungful’s of air. You hadn’t realised how much the homemade binder had been restricting your breathing. You picked up your shirt once more and pulled it over your head, cherishing the sudden freedom. You didn’t look down again though, not at your small breasts that seemed to taunt you.

You hugged your chest and said “Okay, I’ve changed.” You sat yourself once more on the bed, this time your back leant against the wall as you hugged yourself tightly.

“Okay, now back to the conversation we were having.” Negan nestled himself on the bed before you. “What was the conversation? You took so fucking long that I can’t remember.” Negan said in a mocking and joking tone.

“About how you don’t know what I’m going through.” You said in a quiet voice.

“Ah, yes.” Negan began, clapping his hands together. “I don’t know what you’re going through, I’m not even going to fucking pretend I do. But I can try and help. If you let me.” Negan continued.

“How?” You asked as you tried desperately to quash the hope that had begun to rise in your chest.

“You give me a list. A list of everything you need that I could find.” Negan said as he stood up.

“You don’t have to-” You began swiftly.

“No- no. I insist.” Negan cut you off with his persuasive tone. You thought for a minute, of what it would mean to you if you could even get a little, tiny drop of testosterone. Or a real binder!

“You won’t know what they’d look like.” You said in a sad voice, the thought bursting your bubble.

“Uhm, drawings?” Negan said in a voice that indicated that his idea was the solution to all your problems.

You looked at him sceptically for one moment longer before nodding your head and laughter bubbling in your throat.

“Okay.” You said breathlessly, still trying to keep your voice slightly lower than usual. “Okay, sure. Come back tomorrow and I’ll have your list.”

“With drawings?” Negan asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“With drawings.” You chuckled.

Negan nodded and was halfway out the door when he popped his head back in and said in a mischievous voice. “And also, no way in hell am I giving you my magic dick!” After he said this he ducked out of the room and you heard him chuckling all the way down the corridor.

You slept soundly that night.

***

Thank you all so much for reading!

And to the anon, I hope that this was what you meant! And if it was I hope you enjoyed it and I am so so so so sorry that it took so long to come out! And secondly, I hope that everything’s okay for you down your end. I really do. I’m always here if you want to talk, though I don’t know much about trans issues but I definitely want to make sure that you’re okay. And I hope that the fic will be done today so that it will (hopefully) make you feel better!

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope that you all have a great day! (Especially the beautiful anon!)

Tag List:

@sc1525 @lilablauerhimmel @shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 @ali-pennell @wishfulwinona @jeffrcy @mrsnegan25 @petlaufeyson @isoldmysoulforspn @girlygreenie @thewhisperingfox @ninjacuddlepile @deeinthedarkwonderland and @no-movrners-no-fvnerals

#Negan #Negan Fanfic #Negan Fanfiction #Negan TWD #TWD Negan #The Walking Dead Negan #Negan The Walking Dead #The Walking Dead #TWD

[lorettalivingston6911]

Octomom Resurfaces! Natalie Suleman Reflects On Being Suicidal, The 'Angel' That Saved Her Life, & The Challenges Of Raising 14 Kids!

how I looked younger without plastic surgery

Time for an octo-check in!

Natalie (formerly Nadya) Suleman, who was dubbed by the media as "Octomom" when she gave birth to octuplets through in vitro fertilization (IVF) eight years ago, is finally "at peace" with all the strife that came after her controversial pregnancy.

The 42-year-old opened up about how tough looking after her 14 children was after giving birth to the world's only living set of octuplets, admitting her financial problems and parental responsibilities pushed her to the brink of suicide.

Related: Blac Chyna's New Reality Show Will Feature Dream Kardashian!

Speaking to DailyMail.com, Natalie said the media persona of "Octomom" had "nearly destroyed me and my family." She revealed:

"Every day I would wake up with the most ugly, dead, visceral feeling inside of me. I didn't want to live. I felt less than human as that character I was pretending to be, to survive and provide for my family."

The "character" of Octomom led Natalie to do a pornographic film, for which she won four Adult Video Network awards, and appear in strip clubs. She felt these gigs were necessary to take care of her family, but they also made Natalie feel "disgusted" in who she had become:

'What [Octomom] was disgusted me and I did not want my children to remember me like that. I was forced into doing things I didn't want to do because I was so terrified I couldn't support them and give them the life I deserved. When I abandoned it and went back to who I really am I had that sense of peace, internal joy."

But before she could abandon Octomom, Natalie, who was already a mother-of-six before she had the octuplets, had to hit rock bottom. She remembered:

"I was so low I was taking prescription drugs, benzodiazepines. I had to medicate to just get through what I was doing. I would mix it with alcohol which I later found out was what Whitney Houston, died from. I didn't want to be here anymore, but then I thought about my children and just had to keep going for them."

Then, one night while working at a strip club, Natalie claims she was approached by a strange man who gently told her to change her life -- a man she believes might have been an angel:

"I was in a strip club in Florida in February 2013, and this very tall man, this stranger came in. He walked straight to me and looked straight into my eyes. He took my hand and grabbed my arm and said in a very gentle but firm way: ‘You do not have to do this.' He repeated it five times. I couldn't control the tears that were streaming down my face. I had that ugly feeling of nausea. I looked down for a moment, and looked up and he was gone."

Sounds like someone was looking out for her!

Related: Tristan Thompson Gushes About Khloé Kardashian's Pregnancy

After speaking with the mysterious visitor, Natalie said she knew she had to make a change:

"I knew I had to be my healthy self again. I didn't want my kids not to have a mom."

Making such a 180 turn wasn't easy, however. After moving her family back to her hometown in Orange County, CA, Natalie was found guilty of welfare fraud -- charges that were "totally expunged" after she pleaded no contest and blamed her management. Now, Natalie works part time as a counselor, working with men and women who suffer from drug and alcohol abuse.

Sure, money is still "a struggle every day," but the family is making it work. The tribe lives in a two bedroom townhouse in Laguna Niguel, where they have converted the office into a third bedroom so all her children have beds to sleep in.

Related: Kim & Kourtney Are Giving Khloé "A Lot Of Pregnancy Tips"

The octuplets, she revealed, "fight, play, fight and play again" like any normal kids -- but they are aware their household is different from most:

"The whole family, we are all kind of different. The kids say, ‘oh are we weird somehow?' and I say, ‘it's OK to be different if there is nothing wrong with it." The kids are happy and that is all that matters."

The "shy and introverted" children also look out for one another. 12-year-old Aiden has autism, but Natalie said his siblings look after him "like his guardian angels," adding:

"His brother Makai, he literally shadows him, and helps give him bites of food – they have a very special bond. Aiden has the mind of an 18-month-old, he's still non-verbal and in his diapers 24/7. I am open with the kids and I teach them about autism."

All of these challenges have inspired Natalie to write a book she is hoping will inspire other women to keep pressing forward. She explained:

"It's a story that needs to be told and I think it will encourage a lot of women to draw up strength they didn't know they had. I believe it will help inspire women to keep pressing forward despite the pain and suffering they may be experiencing. If you set a goal you can achieve anything."

And Natalie is doing just that -- despite raising 14 children on her own, the mother formerly known as Octomom isn't looking for a partner:

"That's just not me. My calling was to be a mom. I am happiest at home with the kids. And I knew when I did this I would be sacrificing a social life. But that's OK because I'm not social."

Looking back, Natalie admits she was "very foolish, immature and selfish" to have 14 kids, but couldn't see her life turning out any way else. She reflected:

"I was on a mission. I just wanted to have a bunch of kids. But I couldn't imagine my life at this point in time any different than it is."

Wow. Who knew Octomom would be the inspiring figure we needed to end this very uninspiring year?

[Image via WENN.]

you might even get Kim Kardashian's or Paris Hilton's...

from LL Celeb Fueads http://ift.tt/2BXDVwW via IFTTT

#IFTTT #LL Celeb Fueads

[latoyarubalcava3546]

Octomom Resurfaces! Natalie Suleman Reflects On Being Suicidal, The 'Angel' That Saved Her Life, & The Challenges Of Raising 14 Kids!

Time for an octo-check in!

Natalie (formerly Nadya) Suleman, who was dubbed by the media as "Octomom" when she gave birth to octuplets through in vitro fertilization (IVF) eight years ago, is finally "at peace" with all the strife that came after her controversial pregnancy.

The 42-year-old opened up about how tough looking after her 14 children was after giving birth to the world's only living set of octuplets, admitting her financial problems and parental responsibilities pushed her to the brink of suicide.

Related: Blac Chyna's New Reality Show Will Feature Dream Kardashian!

Speaking to DailyMail.com, Natalie said the media persona of "Octomom" had "nearly destroyed me and my family." She revealed:

"Every day I would wake up with the most ugly, dead, visceral feeling inside of me. I didn't want to live. I felt less than human as that character I was pretending to be, to survive and provide for my family."

The "character" of Octomom led Natalie to do a pornographic film, for which she won four Adult Video Network awards, and appear in strip clubs. She felt these gigs were necessary to take care of her family, but they also made Natalie feel "disgusted" in who she had become:

'What [Octomom] was disgusted me and I did not want my children to remember me like that. I was forced into doing things I didn't want to do because I was so terrified I couldn't support them and give them the life I deserved. When I abandoned it and went back to who I really am I had that sense of peace, internal joy."

But before she could abandon Octomom, Natalie, who was already a mother-of-six before she had the octuplets, had to hit rock bottom. She remembered:

"I was so low I was taking prescription drugs, benzodiazepines. I had to medicate to just get through what I was doing. I would mix it with alcohol which I later found out was what Whitney Houston, died from. I didn't want to be here anymore, but then I thought about my children and just had to keep going for them."

Then, one night while working at a strip club, Natalie claims she was approached by a strange man who gently told her to change her life -- a man she believes might have been an angel:

"I was in a strip club in Florida in February 2013, and this very tall man, this stranger came in. He walked straight to me and looked straight into my eyes. He took my hand and grabbed my arm and said in a very gentle but firm way: ‘You do not have to do this.' He repeated it five times. I couldn't control the tears that were streaming down my face. I had that ugly feeling of nausea. I looked down for a moment, and looked up and he was gone."

Sounds like someone was looking out for her!

Related: Tristan Thompson Gushes About Khloé Kardashian's Pregnancy

After speaking with the mysterious visitor, Natalie said she knew she had to make a change:

"I knew I had to be my healthy self again. I didn't want my kids not to have a mom."

Making such a 180 turn wasn't easy, however. After moving her family back to her hometown in Orange County, CA, Natalie was found guilty of welfare fraud -- charges that were "totally expunged" after she pleaded no contest and blamed her management. Now, Natalie works part time as a counselor, working with men and women who suffer from drug and alcohol abuse.

Sure, money is still "a struggle every day," but the family is making it work. The tribe lives in a two bedroom townhouse in Laguna Niguel, where they have converted the office into a third bedroom so all her children have beds to sleep in.

Related: Kim & Kourtney Are Giving Khloé "A Lot Of Pregnancy Tips"

The octuplets, she revealed, "fight, play, fight and play again" like any normal kids -- but they are aware their household is different from most:

"The whole family, we are all kind of different. The kids say, ‘oh are we weird somehow?' and I say, ‘it's OK to be different if there is nothing wrong with it." The kids are happy and that is all that matters."

The "shy and introverted" children also look out for one another. 12-year-old Aiden has autism, but Natalie said his siblings look after him "like his guardian angels," adding:

"His brother Makai, he literally shadows him, and helps give him bites of food – they have a very special bond. Aiden has the mind of an 18-month-old, he's still non-verbal and in his diapers 24/7. I am open with the kids and I teach them about autism."

All of these challenges have inspired Natalie to write a book she is hoping will inspire other women to keep pressing forward. She explained:

"It's a story that needs to be told and I think it will encourage a lot of women to draw up strength they didn't know they had. I believe it will help inspire women to keep pressing forward despite the pain and suffering they may be experiencing. If you set a goal you can achieve anything."

And Natalie is doing just that -- despite raising 14 children on her own, the mother formerly known as Octomom isn't looking for a partner:

"That's just not me. My calling was to be a mom. I am happiest at home with the kids. And I knew when I did this I would be sacrificing a social life. But that's OK because I'm not social."

Looking back, Natalie admits she was "very foolish, immature and selfish" to have 14 kids, but couldn't see her life turning out any way else. She reflected:

"I was on a mission. I just wanted to have a bunch of kids. But I couldn't imagine my life at this point in time any different than it is."

Wow. Who knew Octomom would be the inspiring figure we needed to end this very uninspiring year?

[Image via WENN.]