#i can just imagine him banging on his little mirror door like beck did

[alpacaparkaseok]

Where you should be

8. Thantophobia

Today is a crazy and disappointing day in the US. To all my friends, whether in the states or outside, stay safe. 🤟🏼

Genre: Hobi x oc

Warnings: this series contains stalking, blackmail, and similar stressful/fear inducing situations. Also unrequited love, which is perhaps the most terrifying of all.

Word Count: 4.1k

Thantophobia (n.) the phobia of losing someone you love

I have a few poignant regrets in my life. One of them is rejecting Hoseok over a year ago.

The other is sitting right in front of me.

“Why are you frowning?” Jihun asks me as he downs another glass of whine. “I thought I told you that we were celebrating tonight.”

My wine remains untouched on the coffee table before me, and I make to no to drink it. “Get out of my apartment.”

Jihun shakes his head at me, looking disappointed. “Is that really the way to speak to an old friend?”

“In what world are we friends?”

“Do you really not remember me?”

I huff, sitting on the very edge of the couch and trying my best to hide my phone that I’ve set beside me. “You hardly seem worth remembering.”

Jihun’s nostrils flare as he leans forward. “Now the truth comes out,” he coos. “Did you know that I’ve also had a few friends keeping tabs on your boyfriend?”

I freeze, staring at him in disbelief. “What?”

“They’re there right now, actually. I’ve been receiving updates from them all night…” he takes his phone out to glance at the screen, a wide smile playing across his features. “It looks like Hoseok just arrived at home. I wonder where he was? With you, perhaps?”

I find that I’m unable to answer him, too afraid of what’s about to happen next. Jihun seems to know this, chuckling at my reaction as he scrolls through his phone.

“Oh, you know what could be fun?” He tilts his head to the side, almost replicating Hobi’s endearing habit for a moment, putting a dark twist to it. “Answer me, Ha-rin.”

“What,” I whisper. It’s enough for now.

“In my agreement with Bang Si-hyuk, he made me agree to not release any of the photos I worked so hard to collect to the public. He also had a few other conditions, however I was interested to see just how much he stressed that no actions that could lead to physical harm be taken against the two of you.”

My blood chills as Jihun smiles, looking for all the world like there’s no place he’d rather be than right here, threatening me.

“You can’t harm us,” I breathe out, the bite in my words lost in my fear.

Jihun shrugs. “True. But I was never told that we couldn’t have a little fun with Hoseok’s house, was I?” My heart begins to pound as Jihun looks back down at his phone, completely relaxed. “It’s not my fault if he’s inside it when it happens.”

Suddenly I’m seeing red, bolting off the couch and sprinting for the door. “What are you going to do?!” I scream, tearing the door open and staring back at Jihun who hasn’t moved an inch. “What are you-”

“I already did my part.” Jihun says, stretching before getting on his feet. Prowling toward me like a cat, he gives me a toothy grin as he sidles out the door. “Now we just have to wait.”

I shove past him, taking off down the hallway. Barefoot, eyes wide, and panting as I sprint toward the elevator. As I pound the button over and over, I hear Jihun’s voice from behind me.

“What are you going to do about it? Take the bus?” Placing a hand on my shoulder, he gives a contented sigh as the elevator doors slide open almost as though at his own beck and call. “It’ll be too late, by then, darling.” He glides into the elevator, turning around to give me a mock salute before punching the buttons. As the doors close, Jihun frowns at me.

“You should have left him alone, he would have been much better off.”

I stare at the closed doors for a few seconds, my brain short-circuiting as my heart pounds out of my chest. Think Ha-rin, think.

Remembering my phone that I still have in my hands, I bring it up to my ear.

“Do-yun-”

“I’m almost at his house. Stay inside. Hajoon should be there shortly.”

“But-”

“Inside.”

Practically crawling back to my apartment, I’m barely able to open the door before my knees crash into the ground.

I had called Do-yun as soon as I saw Jihun, hoping that he was listening to every word. Clearly he was, but Jihun’s words swirl around my head as I crumble in on myself.

It’s not my fault if he’s inside it when it happens.

You should have left him alone.

We’re celebrating tonight!

I was wrong to defend him in front of Bang Si-hyuk. Now, instead of playing his tedious games of money and photos, I’m on my knees waiting for the headline to cross my phone. I can picture it so clearly in my head.

Jung Hoseok - dead in an explosion

J-hope dead at the hands of love

World star ‘j-hope’ found dead in his apartment - is Sunny behind this?

“Sunny?”

I bolt up to my feet, throwing myself at the intruder. “Get out! Leave!”

Two strong arms trap my arms against my body, and I look up through blurry eyes to see Hajoon staring down at me with a clenched jaw.

Suddenly I’m collapsing against him, sobbing into his jacket as I say the same thing over and over again.

“Hobi…”

“Do-yun was nearly there when I last checked in with him.”

I shake my head. “It’s too late.”

“Too late?”

Jihun’s words plummet into my brain like ammunition. “Too late. I should h-have left him alone. It’s all my- my fault.”

I can feel Hajoon shaking his head above me. “That’s not true, Sunny. Don’t believe what that freak said. He was just trying to get under your skin.”

I go to speak again, but Hajoon’s phone begins to ring. Jumping away from him like I just saw a ghost, I watch as he turns serious, angrily wiping my tears away as though they’ll obstruct my hearing.

“Yes sir...I’m here…” He listens for a long moment, nodding. “Ok. Would you like me to contact anyone?”

My stomach drops to my toes. Hajoon quickly finishes the phone call, turning to see my fallen expression.

“Do-yun said to bring you over to Hoseok’s place.”

My eyes widen. “I-is he alright?”

Hajoon grabs my coat from off the rack and nudges my shoes toward me. I hurry to put them on. “Do-yun is clearing the area for any sign of a threat.”

Not an answer.

“But is Hoseok alright?”

Hajoon opens the door wide for me, giving me a confused look. “Of course.”

♟

The drive to Hobi’s apartment is excruciating. I’ve sent him about a million texts and attempted to call him a couple of times, but no answer.

“You did the right thing,” Hajoon gingerly says. He keeps his eyes trained on the road ahead, but I know that he’s wondering if I’m about to start sobbing again. “You remained calm for as long as you could, and gave us valuable information. If you hadn’t called Do-yun-”

“Hajoon.”

He sighs. “Alright.”

By the time we’re pulling up to where he lives, I’m nearly hyperventilating. As I see his house still in one piece and the lights on inside, I let out a sob of relief.

Hajoon has barely had time to throw the car into park before I’m launching myself out of the car, flying up the stairs and tearing open the door.

Do-yun stands talking with Hoseok, who jumps at my sudden entrance.

“H-Hoseok,” I gasp. “I’m so s-sorry-” I rush inside, running straight to him as he opens his arms.

“I’m ok,” he soothes, shooting Do-yun a concerned look over my shoulder. “Breathe, Rin-ah. I’m ok.”

I shake my head, burying myself into Hobi’s shoulder as I cling to him. “No, this wouldn’t have happened if-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Hobi mutters, already reading my mind.

“But-”

“Do-yun, thank you for coming.” Hobi effectively dismisses the bodyguard, slinging his arm around me and pulling me in farther to the apartment. “Did you need anything else, or…?”

“No, no. We’ll just take one last look at the area and call it a night.”

Do-yun’s footsteps echo around the small common area as he heads toward the door, calling out to Hajoon as he opens the door.

I remain in Hobi’s arms while we listen to their muted conversation outside, shaking like a leaf as Hobi tries to calm me down.

“I’m so sorry, Rin-ah,” he mumbles. “I can’t imagine how you must have felt.”

A part of me crumbles at his sincere words, pulling back enough to look up at him with a sorrowful look. “Hobi, this is my fault. I-I thought that you were-”

“Shh,” he whispers, pulling me back into his arms. “You’re exhausted and in shock. How about you take a shower? I’ll grab some clothes for you.”

I blink up at him. “But I need to go home.”

Hobi smiles softly at me, looking at me like I just asked him why the world orbits the sun. “Stay. Just for tonight.”

Grumbling the entire way to the shower, I watch Hoseok’s every move as he brings me some spare clothes, giving me a fresh towel and instructing me on everything that has to do with the shower, almost as though I’ve never used one before.

I keep quiet, not having it in me to tease him about it right now. Not when I’m still struggling to keep it all together.

I could have lost him tonight.

That’s the thought that keeps me company as I stand under the shower, making no move to do anything else. The white tile I’m staring at laughs as me as I try to calm down, but everytime I close my eyes I’m suddenly back at my apartment, standing barefoot in the hallway and completely unable to help the person I love.

If I can’t protect him, should I even be allowed to have him?

I finally manage to get enough energy to wash my hair and body as quickly as possible, spurred on by the same thought as before. I could have lost him.

Turning the shower off and wiping the steam off of the mirror, I stare at my reflection. My makeup which I forgot to take off before showering is running down my cheeks, making my eyes look just as terrifying as I feel at the moment. Scrubbing hard at my face, I listen to the sounds of Hobi moving about the house. A part of me relishes in the fact that I’m here tonight, with him. Especially after so long of not being able to see each other for more than a few hours at a time. It’s been...over a year since I was last here.

Once my face is shiny and clean, I release a long breath. I’m still on edge, but now I’m starting to feel the exhaustion seeping in. From today’s meeting with its tense atmosphere, to creating the new track and now this, it’s been a long day.

“Hobi?” I call out quietly as I step out into the hallway, hissing at the sudden cold now that I’m out of the bathroom.

“In the kitchen!”

Making my way to the kitchen I glance at a few of the new decorations he’s put up. There’s one small painting in particular that I don’t remember being here before, and I pause to look at it.

“Did you get lost?” Hoseok’s arms wrap around my shoulders as he asks the questions, making me nearly jump out of my skin. He laughs, pressing a kiss to my hair. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I mumble, pointing to the painting. “This wasn’t here before.”

“Ah. You haven’t been here in a while.” Pulling me backward, he steers me toward the kitchen. “I made some chamomile. Shall we drink some tea and head to bed?”

“Mmm.”

He chuckles, taking the kettle off the stove. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I watch his lithe fingers as they take two mugs out of the cupboard, the tea steaming as he pours until they’re filled to the brim. Sliding the mug toward me he waits until I’ve grabbed it and hold it in my hands before he turns to clean up.

“I sent Do-yun to your apartment complex to find Jihun’s ex.” Hobi’s back is to me, rinsing off some dishes in the sink as he speaks. “Hopefully she’ll be able to give us some way to find him.”

My eyes widen. “What are they going to do with him?”

Hobi looks at me over his shoulder, his face grim. “Rin-ah, they’re going to arrest him. He’s threatened us openly, and we were foolish enough to think that he’d be satisfied with the money offer. He’s insane. He won’t stop once his pockets are lined.”

Gazing down at my tea, I sigh. “Good.”

Hoseok gives me a surprised gaze. “You were just defending him this morning to Bang PD.”

“I simply wanted him to be handled like a normal person,” I defend. “And this is how normal people should be treated. He’s...scary, and threatening the safety of others. So good. I’m so tired…” I trail off, planting my face in my hands. “I’m so tired of all of this.”

The sound of a stool scraping against the floor alerts me to Hobi sitting across from me. He makes no moe to pull my attention away or make me look at him, instead just opting to be there with me.

“I know.”

There isn’t much else to be said as we slowly drink our tea, staring off into the distance with our heavy thoughts. I wonder what he’s thinking as Hobi’s eyes become clouded with worry.

I don’t get a chance to ask. “You should head to bed,” Hobi whispers into the silence. I nod, slipping off the stool and taking my mug to the sink. “I’ve got it, don’t worry.” He mumbles, gently pulling me away.

“I can wash my dish, Hobi,” I grumble. He shakes his head.

“I know, but it’s my house. Let me wash it. You go to sleep.” We walk down the hallway to the guest room, and the second I enter it I’m drowning in a flood of memories and emotions. If I squint, I’m sure I can see my past self staring up at the ceiling with so much regret.

A glance at Hobi’s face shows me that he’s also remembering what happened the last time we were in this room. For a moment he reverts back to that wounded self, hardly daring to look at me in the eye as he turns down the bed and turns on the bedside lamp. I watch him from the doorway, halfway between a smile and a frown.

“You should be set,” Hobi says with his hands on his hips. “Do you need anything else before I head to bed?”

“I think I’m fine. Thank you,” I say, striding over to him wrapping my arms around his middle. I smile softly as Hoseok sighs in relief, running his hands up and down my arms.

“I love you.”

Those three words uttered from his lips are like ambrosia to my senses, and I relax enough to lean up to brush my lips against his. “I love you.”

♟

I’m back to staring at the ceiling. A glance at my phone has me groaning; it’s only 12:30. Why does it feel like I’ve been laying here for years?

Despite my exhaustion, I can’t stand to close my eyes. My heart begins to pound and suddenly I’m breaking out into a cold sweat as I imagine over and over again different scenarios which all have one thing in common: losing Hobi.

It’s when I’ve had a mini melt down for the fifth time that I swing my legs out of bed, feet finding my slippers in the dark. Padding silently to my door, I open it to find the hallway completely dark.

I keep one hand on the wall as I wander about the apartment, trying to find Hobi’s room in the dark. As I round a corner and see a faint light coming out from under his door, I sigh. It looks like I’m not the only one still awake.

I stand outside of his door for too long, contemplating whether I should just leave him alone and go back to bed, but looking back at the dark hallway I find that I’m too scared to turn back now. The thought of Jihun waiting in the shadows to pounce out at me has me gently cracking the door open, peeking inside Hobi’s room.

He’s sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands, wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He doesn’t notice my arrival, keeping his face hidden behind his hands as he takes steadying breaths.

My voice is small as I call out to him. “Hobi?”

Hobi’s head shoots up at my voice, his eyes wide as they land on my figure in the doorway. “Rin-ah, what’s wrong?”

Chewing on my lip like it can save me from embarrassment, I tiptoe into his room until I’m sitting beside him on the bed, clinging to the edge with white knuckles.

“Can I stay in here tonight?”

I didn’t think it was possible for Hobi’s eyes to get any wider, but I’m proven wrong as he slowly nods, his eyes nearly popping out. After a few seconds he finally composes himself, letting out a long breath. “Of course you can. Can’t sleep?”

He sits back against the headboard, gesturing for me to follow. “No,” I admit, coming to sit beside him.

“Come here, I’ll play with your hair.”

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears as I lay my head on his lap, my eyes immediately falling shut as he begins to run his fingers through my hair. It’s quiet, the sound of our breathing the only noise as I’m pulled closer and closer to sleep.

My hand curls around Hobi’s free hand, instinctively holding onto him as his fingers dip down to trace the lines of my face. I’m half asleep when I hear Hobi’s low rumble, hardly able to understand what he’s saying at first.

“...had a hard day. I’m sure you’re exhausted.” He traces my jaw, coming up to my cheekbone. “But you’re so brave, Rin-ah. I should tell you this when you’re actually awake, huh? But if you’re somehow listening to me in your dreams, I want you to know that I think you’re so brave. It’s one of the reasons I love you. You’re my brave, beautiful, quick-witted Rin-ah.”

The bed shifts as Hobi slides to lay down on the bed, my nearly unconscious self hardly noting the movement. He keeps me close, his breath fanning my face as we lay on our sides. His finger traces the slope of my nose one last time before pressing a light kiss to my forehead.

“I got that new painting about...eight months ago?” His voice is soft, lulling me closer to sleep.  “It reminded me of you. And for some reason I thought that I needed that. I needed to be reminded of what I lost.” He sighs, the sound weighing on my heart. “I needed to look at that every day and remember what I lost so I would know to cherish it if I ever got a second chance.”

The bed dips and shifts as Hobi rolls to his back, maintaining the grip that I still have on his hand and pulling it up to lay on his chest.

He turns off the lamp, delving us into darkness. “I love you. Always have, always will.”

♟

When I wake up it’s not because the sun is up or because my dreams have driven me awake; it’s because somebody’s holding my hand.

One eye slides open to see Hobi lying beside me, back on his side and my hand still wrapped around his. His hair is a mess, sticking up in different directions and his lips form a pout that I think can only be described as adorable.

I’m in the middle of marveling at how wonderful it is to wake up beside him when the memory of the events of last night barrels into me at full speed.

If things had gone south last night…

It’s that thought that has me taking a deeper look at the man beside me, noting the worry lines and remembering how he sat with his head in his hands last night when I came in, looking for all the world like he was seconds away from a mental breakdown. The thought I had last night re enters my mind unbidden.

If I can’t protect him, am I even allowed to keep him?

Looking across the room to the window I can tell that behind the curtains the world is still dark. It reflects my dark thoughts as Jihun’s voice drifts back to me.

“You should have left him alone, he would have been much better off.”

Brushing back a strand of hair from Hobi’s forehead, I feel the tears pricking as I memorize how he looks right now.

“So beautiful,” I whisper.

Slipping my hand from his and watching how he frowns and grabs the blanket in my absence, I get off the bed as quietly as possible.

The rest is easy. Changing into yesterday’s clothes and grabbing my phone, I leave a note on the fridge. I’m nearly to the door when I stop myself.

I have so rarely been selfish when it comes to Hoseok. I’ve always tried my best to remember that everything has a price, and it’s not one that we’re both willing to pay. We’ve worked too hard to get to where we are now to throw it all away.

Saying yes to him a few weeks ago was the most selfish I’ve been, but it was worth it. For a moment, the pros outweighed the cons. So, continuing for a moment longer in that selfishness, I sneak back down to his room, peeking inside to where he’s still asleep.

His back is turned to me, he hasn’t moved from his previous position. Sighing to myself, I watch as he breathes, still in the throes of sleep. Peaceful.

I hesitate a few seconds longer before heading back to where my shoes were kicked off beside the door. Glancing at the painting of downtown Seoul with a bus in the background, I close the door as quietly as possible.

♟

Sending off the text and attached files to Pdogg, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and wince at the weight. Between the backpack and the duffle bag I’m carrying, I’m definitely getting my workout in.

I double check the slip of paper in my hand, hoping that I’m not too late. Announcements are being made over the PA, but they’re not loud enough to drown out the sound of my phone ringing nonstop. I drop my dufflebag to silence my phone, giving an apologetic look to the people around me.

In the end, there was one comment that Jihun made that actually made sense to me.

“What are you going to do, take the bus?”

A dark bus appears in the distance and people begin to line up to board. I join the line, squinting to make sure that this is the right one. When the bus lights up with the words Daegon/Daegu/Busan I roll my shoulders in preparation for the long ride.

Out of habit I keep my head down, praying that nobody here will recognize me from work. If Bighit managed to catch wind of my plans that quickly, I’d be impressed. But I doubt that they’ll realize what I’ve done until later.

If only Hoseok would stop calling me, that would make it all so much easier.

A young man smiles at me as he politely offers to help me with my bags. I let him store my duffel bag below the bus, opting to keep my backpack with me.

Only a few minutes later we’re rolling out of the station. My eyes take in the sights and sounds of Seoul, aching as I see the Bighit building in the distance.  

“Where are you heading?” A chipper young girl asks beside me. “I’m going to Daegon to spend the week with my grandma. Are you visiting family?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, my eyes watching the Bighit building until it’s out of sight. “No, I’m moving.”

“Really? You don’t have a lot of things if you’re moving. Where are you moving to?”

I finally get a good look at her, almost laughing when she’s wearing a BTS shirt. Life is cruel.

“Me? Busan.”

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taglist: @taylorroe3​ @dreamcatcherjiah @diorhoba @eusticenatalie @ddaeng-i-need-help

#jhope x oc #bts x oc #bts angst #jhope angst #jhope fluff #bts fluff #this is me being really in my feelings lol #bts fanfic #Jhope #jung hoseok #bts x reader #bts #hobi #hobi x reader #hobi x oc #hobi deserves everything #bts sad #bts story #bts series #bts requests #bts smau

[penguin-writes-books]

A Study in Fate - Chapter 6

Lucy took a deep breath, leaning against the door of Emily’s car and closing her eyes. Cool air swirled around her, calming her heartbeat as she pulled her phone and earbuds out of her pocket. Sighing, she put them in her ears, subconsciously moving along to the song flooding through her earbuds.

When her hands stopped trembling a few moments later, she opened her eyes to find Buffy and Amber standing in front of her.

“There she is,” Amber said, smiling gently. Lucy nodded, gathering Amber into her arms in a warm hug. “You scared me, Luce.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled into Amber’s shoulder. “Where’s Teej?”

“Told him to take the other car home.”

“And Buffy’s here because…?” Lucy glanced over Amber’s shoulder, watching as Buffy’s eyes widened at the use of her first name. Lucy winked, smiling as Amber opened her mouth.

“She-”

“-Can speak for herself, I imagine?” Lucy teased, pulling away from the hug and looking to Buffy.

“I’m here to apologize,” Buffy supplied, stepping forward. “So, um, here goes. I’m...sorry. For everything. You’re here for what? 6 hours? And I was awful to you, and you didn't deserve that. At all. You’re more talented than I thought,” she admitted.

“That is how one apologizes, yes, good job,” Lucy chuckled, offering Buffy her hand. “I appreciate it.”

Buffy grinned, taking her hand and shaking it.

“...But I‘m still not joining the dance team,” Lucy said, grinning maliciously.

“Damn,” Buffy huffed.

“I’m just not a big ‘school dance team’ person. Cheerleading? Already in the works. Studio dance team? Already on it. But school dance teams? No thank you.”

“How the hell are you going to fit all that into your schedule? Maya told me you signed up for a 25 hour dance week,” Buffy said, eyebrows furrowed.

“Cheer is before school, with games on the weekends. I can make games after dance. And competition team will be during dance hours- I pulled some strings, and now it replaces strength and conditioning in Maya’s eyes. I guess that’s because it meets every day- also I now only have a 22 hour week- and I keep up with workouts. So anyway, I still get the key to the studio, and competitions will replace classes- shit. I forgot- I’ll be right back!”

With that, she was rushing back into the studio. They watched her go for a few moments before turning back to one another.

“Is she just...Permanently renouncing sleep?” Buffy asked, leaning against the car.

“She already has,” Amber said casually. “And yes, she’s always like this.”

“Hmm. Fair enough.” Buffy smiled as Lucy stepped back out of the studio. “What’d you do now?”

“Got Maya to let be choreograph the team’s numbers for the competition in two weeks,” Lucy said, smirking smugly.

“All of them?” Buffy asked.

“Mhm, why not?”

“That’s insane! How did Maya Beck let you do that? Her own son wasn’t even allowed to when he asked two seasons ago. Granted, Jonah Beck is awful. Should definitely just stick with his guitar. But he is her son. Like- the literal and actual continuation of her family. They’re not flesh and blood, but-”

“They’re family, we get it.” Lucy rolled her eyes in amusement as she and Amber slid into the car. “You getting in?”

“I- what?”

“Don’t you want a ride home?” Lucy asked, smiling like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“...Please don’t kill me,” Buffy mumbled, sliding into the backseat. “Jesus Christ, this thing is worth more than three times my mother’s entire pregnancy of American medical bills. And that woman needed an emergency C-section.”

“Interesting yardstick you’re using there,” Lucy chuckled, pulling out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, yeah. You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

“It’s like you said, Buffy.” Lucy briefly made eye contact with her in the rearview mirror. “I’m more talented than you might think.”

“...You are so fucking cocky, Kippen number 1,” Buffy said, gesturing for Lucy to take a right.

“So are Kippens 2-3,” Amber responded. “So what are you going to do for the competition?”

“I don’t know yet. But I do have a hell of an idea for a duo and one for a group routine. We don’t have nearly enough people for the group though, there are only seven girls including me. And no boys.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“...Probably some bullshit ‘7 Rings’ piece for the group. A duo to ‘Ghost of You’? That one’s gonna take a hell of a lot of work. Maybe a trio to ‘Hold On’-”

“Which one?” Amber interrupted.

“Extreme Music.”

“And you’ll be performing in all of these, I imagine?”

“Well, yeah. Maya said I’m probably best off taking the reins for a few competitions until I can get my girls in shape.

“Good. Anything else?”

“A solo. My solo.”

“Wait, are you going to-”

“Yup.” Lucy cut Amber off, hands tightening on the wheel.

“I thought you said you’d never perform that one again, no matter how much we liked it.”

“What? No! Not that one! That solo can rot, it’s awful. I mean ‘War of Hearts’.” Amber let out a low whistle, eyes wide.

“What’s ‘War of Hearts’?” Buffy asked from the back seat, leaning forward in interest. Amber waved her off, manicured acrylics dismissing her.

“Hang on. You’re going to pull out that solo on your first competition?”

“I don’t see why not.” Lucy shrugged.

“Because you almost died last time!”

“I did not ‘almost die’! I broke my leg and ankle, calm down. Plus, it’s never been performed in front of an audience, the choreo is done, and I only need one prop,” she bargained, rolling her eyes at Amber.

“A prop that almost paralyzed you last time!”

“I was not- okay I was almost paralyzed,” she conceded. “But it wasn’t the table’s fault! I just, uh, screwed up the fall. A little.”

“A little? Lucy, you had like three surgeries because they couldn’t figure out what the hell to do all at once!” Amber argued.

“What the hell is this routine?!” Buffy yelled. “It sounds like she has to like jump to her peril.”

“Not much better! She has to fucking fouetté off a table!”

“I do not fouetté off the table! I fouetté to the edge of the table and then fall off!” Lucy defended. She slowed to a stop at a red light, glancing at Buffy in the rearview mirror. “Very different experiences. Trust me, I’ve done both. Why are you so worried about this, anyway?” She drummed her fingers against the wheel, waiting for the light to turn.

“Lucy! You came back home a little banged up last time. But if you’d fallen a little further onto your neck? You wouldn’t have come home at all.”

Amber squeezed her eyes shut, pointing to the green light in front of them to distract from the fact that she was crying. Lucy sighed, waiting for the traffic in front of them to start through the light before she followed.

“Okay, I won’t-” Lucy was cut off by a flash of dark blue metal crossing her peripheral vision. Someone was about to run their light and kill them all. She’d always imagined she’d know what to do in this situation. Maybe she’d hit the breaks, maybe she’d turn out of the way. And yet somehow, she was on autopilot. She swerved to avoid the car, but it was too late. A loud shatter of glass signaled the car smashing into the passenger side of theirs.

Lucy paced back and forth in the hallway, phone pressed to her ear.

“Goddamnit TJ, pick up!” She nearly threw her phone across the hallway, but Buffy’s hand on her forearm stopped her. “Hey! You’re okay!”

“Just needed some stitches. Thank God I was sitting behind you, not Amber.”

“I am so sorry, Buffy. If I hadn’t offered you that ride…”

“If you hadn’t offered me that ride, maybe it would have been me and my mom in that accident. It wasn’t your fault, Lucy.”

“Is she on her way? Your mom?”

“Yeah, but it’s not her I’m worried about. Any word from TJ?” she asked, sitting down in a chair against the wall. Lucy sat down next to her, shaking her head and burying it in her hands.

“Nothing yet. I’m gonna try Aunt Em.” She put her phone to her ear, reciting the same word over and over. Please.

“Hello?”

“Emily? Oh thank God,” Lucy sighed. “Listen, is TJ with you? He’s not answering his phone.”

“No, he headed to the park to play some basketball, what’s going on?’

“I’ll explain later. Just get TJ and come to the hospital. Amber’s in a coma.”

“What?!”

“Just get down here!”

“On my way.” Lucy sighed, hanging up and running her hands through her hair.

“Em’s coming. She’s gotta run by the park to get TJ.”

“How many cars does that woman have?”

“How many billions was my family born into?” Lucy retorted.

“Do I want to know?”

“Nope,” she laughed, popping the ‘p’. “The Kippens are neither humble nor poor, though I wish we were the former.”

“You know, your lack of humility? It’s kind of your most signature characteristic in my mind to date. Care to change that?”

“...You do know that ‘to date’ is literally just one date to you, right? You met me this morning, Buffy.”

Buffy simply nodded in defeat, leaning back into her chair.

“...But, we are more complex than lack of humility,” she said.

“Alright, give me a rundown,” Buffy said, grinning. “I want the full out, ever present narrator in a teenage romcom description.”

And who was Lucy to say no to that?

“You ever seen Heathers?”

“...Yes? Do I want to know where this is going?”

“The Kippen triplets are kind of...that.” Lucy put on her best narrator voice, a dramatic expression on her face as she readied herself to speak about herself in the third person.

“Really?” Buffy asked. “Like- felony arson and all?”

“No,” Lucy laughed. “Like- they’re the Heathers. Chandler, Duke, and McNamara.”

“Then who’s who?”

“Well, there’s TJ, or Heather Duke in our case. Kind of seems like your classic white douchebag jock, but he’s actually a really sweet guy. He’s the baby of the triplets, but packs a hell of an angry punch. Don’t get in his way unless you absolutely have to. That goes for all three of them though; they’re a bit of a feisty trio.

“Um, then Amber, the middle triplet. And our Heather McNamara. She’s… A bit of a popular girl cliche. She and Lucy were co-captains of the cheer squad in New York. She, TJ, and Lucy are best friends, and together… They’re kind of a murderous group. Amber knows how to throw a punch pretty damn well for a rich girl with stiletto shaped acrylics- she’s just as good as TJ. Maybe better. If she wants something, she knows how to get it.”

“And that leaves…?” Buffy prompted.

“Heather Chandler. Lucy Kippen. In our case, one and the same. Lucy’s pretty much the head bitch of her life.”

“Fascinating,” Buffy said, propping her chin up on her hand. “Does that make you a mythic bitch?”

“Yeah alright, that’s over now,” Lucy said, reverting to her natural voice. “Listen, I’m just a normal person, Buffy.”

“You’re a Kippen.”

“Okay, I’m like… 70% a normal person.”

“Alright, but I’m only really concerned for your whole 100%?” Buffy said slowly.

“Alright fine. I’m a dancer. 100%.”

“One hell of a cop-out you’ve got there.”

“Ugh, fine! My favorite color is red, I get all A's in school, my favorite subject is math, my lucky number is 28, I am 6’1”, I weigh 127.8 pounds, my favorite animal is a cat. Anything I missed?”

“Hold up, you only weigh 128 pounds and you’re 6’1”? Alright, not my business. I know.”

“Good. Don’t criticize a ballerina’s weight, idiot,” she teased, knocking her shoulder into Buffy’s.

“I know, I realized it the second I said it,” Buffy apologized sheepishly.

“Don’t sweat it, Driscoll. It’s all good.”

“Have you met me? On the outside, totally good. But definitely gonna sweat it, Kippen. You will actually never hear the end of this apologetic tirade.”

“Please don’t bore me with that.”

“Ms. Kippen?” Lucy turned her attention to the doctor standing in front of her.

“Yes?”

“Your sister is still unconscious, but you’re welcome to see her now,” Dr. Lawrence said gingerly.

“Oh- thank you so much. Is- is she…?”

“We can’t be sure of anything right now, Ms. Kippen.”

“Okay, thank you. Um, Buffy, stay here and tell TJ and Emily where I am? Please?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kippen. I’ll tell them.”

“Thank you,” Lucy whispered, turning to follow Dr. Lawrence.

She stepped into Amber’s room, breath catching in her throat. She’d never seen her sister like this; she was covered in bandages and stitched up cuts. Lucy pulled a chair up to Amber’s bedside, sitting down with a heavy sigh.

“Hey, Ambs. I don’t know if you can hear me, but, you know. I’m still going to talk to you. God, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say, Amber. I’m supposed to have this eloquent speech about how you’ve changed me as a person and I miss you so much and please come back, but… I don’t know what there is to say. You’re my best friend, Ambs. TJ and I would be lost without you. But you already knew that. And I’m not- I’m not going to tell you to wake up. Because, if you have to go, Ambs, I get it. I’ll cry and scream and I’ll break down and probably resent you a little bit, but I’ll get it. If you need to go, I want you to know that I understand. However, I am definitely going to plead with you here a little bit. Please, please wake up, Amber. I can’t do all of this without you. TJ relies on us for fucking everything, and I rely on you two, too. There have been three of us since the very beginning, Amber. And there will be three of us until the end. So just- God, just wake up.”

“You think that works?” Lucy turned around to find TJ leaning against the doorframe.

“Teej,” she breathed, looping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug.

“How’s our girl?”

“She’s… Alive. Somehow.”

“She’s a fighter. Learned from the best, I guess.”

“Who?” Lucy asked, meeting TJ’s eyes.

“You, dumbass,” he teased. “You are by far the strongest person we know.”

“I’m strong and a dumbass?”

“You’re a multitasker. Hell of a good one, too.”

“Well, if a girl an be a strong dumbass, there’s nothing else to want!” Lucy said with a roll of her eyes and a shove of TJ’s shoulder.

“My point exactly. Listen, do you mind if I…?” he gestured to Amber. Lucy nodded, squeezing his forearm.

“I’ll go find Buffy. And maybe also a coffee. Want anything?”

“Um… I could really go for some chocolate.”

“On it,” Lucy promised. “Be back soon.”

As Lucy stepped out of the room, TJ sat down in the seat she left behind. She gently let the door click closed, turning down the hall toward the waiting room.

“How’s she doing?” Buffy immediately asked, standing up when Lucy stepped out of the hallway. “Um, this is my mom.”

“Ms. Driscoll,” Lucy said, extending a hand to the woman next to Buffy. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You too, Lucy. Please, call me Pat. How’s your sister?”

“She’s good. I guess. She’s alive. Comatose, but well and truly alive.”

“I’m so glad.”

“Lucy!” Emily exclaimed, rushing forward to hug Lucy tightly. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

“It was awful, Em,” Lucy sobbed into Emily’s chest. “And it’s all my fault.”

“Hey. This is not your fault, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, kiddo.” Emily’s voice was measured and careful as she pulled back to squeeze Lucy’s hand. “In fact, you did everything right. You tried to avoid the accident, you were quick to call 911. Hell, you have Amber’s blood on your leotard because you kept her conscious until the EMT came. You’re basically a damn superhero, Lucy Eleanora Kippen.”

“Eleanora?” Buffy hissed, eyes wide.

“I didn’t choose it,” Lucy defended, glancing down at her outfit. “Holy shit. That’s actually Amber’s blood.”

“You didn’t notice?” Pat asked.

“Not really. I- I’ll change… at some point. But for now, I am on a coffee and chocolate run.”

“Coffee… and chocolate?” Buffy asked.

“Long story. Come with me?” Lucy asked quickly.

“Uh, sure?” Lucy tugged her down the hall without a second thought, only stopping when they found a coffee machine.

“What’s going on? You good?”

“Yep,” Lucy said, pulling Buffy forward and kissing her. Buffy’s hands tangled in her hair as she stood on her toes to reach Lucy’s lips. They pulled apart after a few moments, and Lucy nodded decisively.

“Uhh…” Buffy said slowly. “What was that about, exactly?”

“Thank you.” Lucy nodded again, as if confirming something, before disappearing back down the hallway.

“...Any time.”

#Andi Mack #luffy #lucy kippen #buffy driscoll #amber kippen #tj kippen #a study in fate fic

[bcnniedrcgov]

13 Years ago

“Mommy! Mommy, come on. It’s almost lunch time and we haven’t had our mommy daughter breakfast like you promised!” The young Dragov yelped as she jumped onto the bed that her mother was currently residing in. Bonnie had been nothing but excited about how her mother managed to be the past couple of days, constantly on her feet and baking up a storm, having new ideas after new ideas, but once they woke up that morning, the Dragov mother had pulled the covers over her head and refused to even look in the eyes of her daughter that had been so excited about the plans they had made for that day later in the night of the previous day. “Mommy?” She asked quietly once again, the nine-year-old Bonnie wrinkled her nose and eyebrows furrowed in the middle when she heard her mother mutter the two words that sounded much like ‘go away’. Exiting the room quickly and knocking on her brother’s door, she looked up at the male with a shrug of her shoulders. “Mommy isn’t feeling good again,” she said with a huff. “We were supposed to make a big breakfast for you and daddy and we were gonna go to the park but she won’t get out of bed. Is she broken again?”

— “Hey! Come on, it’s a celebration!” The twenty-two-year-old Dragov said with a small scoff as the others surrounding her began to think about settling up. Of course, the woman herself should have been more focused on heading home but with midnight only flashing up on her screen, she couldn’t help but laugh in their faces as she looked at the others around her. “It’s literally midnight and you pussies want to get out of here? Come on, our mothers didn’t raise no chumps!” She explained excitedly before banging her hands on the counter once again for another round. Many would’ve thought she was drunk, when in reality, the hunter had only had two drinks in the four hours they were at the bar, which caused the bartender to make another round for the table of her friends that managed to all seem okay, although most of them were supernatural beings and couldn’t exactly get drunk off of about five rounds of shots.

“Ain’t it exciting?” She exclaimed with a bright smile, taking the shot almost immediately as it was put in front of her, her body tingling with a happiness she never thought would happen to her again. She felt light, and able to smile without thinking about the worst thing that was coming her way. With everything happening around them, with the sighting of dead people and the apparent spell that was cast upon the town, none of it mattered to her as she sat in the bar with a drink in her hand and the music blasting behind them with neon lights flashing every which way. “Let’s dance! Come on, we can dance and then get one last round before hitting the town! Who cares about curfew or how loud we are, I mean what’s the worse that can happen? We get locked up for a damn night then do it all over again tomorrow? Oh — oh!” She interrupted the other across from her instantly. “We can do lunch tomorrow! Yes, we can do brunch – ugh, don’t you love brunch? It was always my favourite.”

Maybe she was drunk? But the woman couldn’t even notice that every single friend that was around her was wearing a face of pure annoyance. Faces she usually would shut up instantly after seeing, but in that very moment, she couldn’t help but smile brightly at the fact that her friends were supporting her and that she was out drinking with people she didn’t have to pretend to. The night was still young to the hunter, even though they were just on the outskirts of town, her friends felt as though the night was very late and that the moment they crossed the boarder, they would be put into handcuffs for breaking the rules and thrown into cells for the night; so really, what other choice did they have than to stick around and watch the manic woman dance her small behind off. —- “Wren! Wren, hey!” Bonnie said with a bright smile as she tended behind the bar. The Delore male could sense something was off, it was obvious on his face but instead of worrying about it, Bonnie poured the male a drink before pulling up her shirt she had managed to push down earlier to gain more tips – or maybe it was just the thought of males wanting her. Well actually; she wouldn’t even turn down a female at this point, and that situation was clear when she managed to wink at the witch down the bar. “How was your day? Was it good? I had a fucking awesome day! I went drinking last night with some friends outside town for a celebration, awesome fucking time, didn’t get home until about six! Of course, half of them were fuckin’ passed out in the car and I’m sure I was still drunk when I was driving,” she said with a loud chuckle. “I’m totally kidding, Jesus, need to be so serious?”

Little did she know, he needed to be serious, he needed to be focusing on her and how she was acting. “Anyways, we went for breakfast, it was my treat and then I came here! Can you believe it? I’m here without any sleep and fucking rocking it. Look at me, Wren! I look so fuckin’ good right now,” she said with a laugh, although the look on her face told Wren that she wasn’t joking. She was more than confident enough to think she could pick up anyone in the bar in that moment, confident enough to think she could drive while probably still drunk and confident enough to think she was giving out the right amount of liquor in everyone’s drink while free-handing it like she clearly wasn’t allowed to do under her bosses’ supervision.

“You feeling alright?”

Narrowing her eyes in a way to show how offended she was by the question, Bonnie let out a scuff. “What kind of question is that? I feel fucking amazing! Look at me, with all the shit going on outside these walls in this fucked up town we live in, I’m happy! I’m finally happy and I’m going to refuse to let anyone even think of taking that away from me again. I’m sick of being worried of everyones life and sick of meeting everyone elses expectations other than my own and living life I want to, and I feel amazing.” She repeated with a bright smile.

— Curled up in a ball, Bonnie pulled the blanket over her head once she heard the door to the cabin open, tears in her eyes but they refused to fall because that was all they ever fucking did. She couldn’t bring herself to look the other in the eye, she could only image what he was going to say to her, and she could just imagine how much she was going to agree with him. How she was moping, how she was being a useless piece of shit and that she needed to grow up and act like that hunter she was. Bonnie knew what she was going to get into, every hunter knew what they were getting into when they took the oath. 

She wasn’t Zeke, and she definitely wasn’t Beck. She was someone that was weak, someone that couldn’t comprehend reality from hallucination, hell, she couldn’t even push herself off the couch to take a damn shower. She was Bonnie Dragov, the useless excuse of a hunter that kept trying to prove to everyone that she was in it for the long haul, something very similar to what she heard hours before with her head stuck against a steaming mirror. She was the hunter that sat there and shrugged off the fact that her best friend was a witch and the other was a fae, all because she was too focused on drinking and staying up all hours of the night. She was pointless.

“We doing this fucking shit again? Sulking and wandering off on our own?”

If Bonnie was being honest, wasn’t aware he was still there, she thought he had just turned around and left but he was still there – and she didn’t care. None of her cared at the thought of anyone else getting hurt in the process of her situation, or even those that were panicking over their own dead ones coming back to haunt them, instead, all she cared about was if she could pull the covers more over her head in order to hide away from the feeling of his eyes on her body. She was supposed to work today, supposed to go out for lunch with one of her friends and was supposed to have a night out with Evelyn. None of it seemed pleasing anymore, only laying on the couch and letting it hug her small body like it had been for the past two days. Finally, the Dragov opened her mouth and muttered something she had become all to familiar with. “Go away.”

13 years ago.

“Is she broken?”

The words lingered in the air as she looked up at her brother before jumping back at how quickly he moved towards the stairs, instantly grabbing their father and telling him about the current state their mother was in, confusion and worry moved onto the youngest Dragovs face as she saw her father – the father that was so dedicated to not caring about certain situations, the father that would slam his hands down on the table if Bonnie got less than perfect on a test during her homeschooling, the father she had seen hit her brother on multiple occasions for reasons she was still unknown to – rush up the bedroom with a face of full-blown concern.

“Matty?” She asked finally to fill the silence, her voice worried and cracking under the pressure of the thought of it being her fault. Finally, she made her way over to the couch where her older brother sat, looking at him carefully, studying his state before reaching over and grabbing his hand. “Everythings going to be okay, right?” She asked, mentally begging her brother to say it was going to be fine.

“She’s not broken,” he finally answered before looking at his sister. “She’s bi-polar, Bonnie. She can’t control it.”

#&&. ( self paragraph — bonnie dragov ). #tw: mental illness #tw: bi polar disorder #tw: mentions of abuse #/ i think that's all the triggers #it's legit the same one i wrote before in bsf but with a few changes