#i cant waste time either

[stevethehairington]

i wanted to take a nap earlier and then i didn't and now it's too late to take a nap :/

#but i dont want to go to bed early either bc like its a weekend!!! i cant waste my free time like that!!! jfjsksk #but also im fucking exhausted #i slept like SHIT last night #and was up EARLY today too #😩😩😩

[seancamerons]

I need a new show and a endgame otp to obsess over. I'm so bored of the same, it's not that I don't love it I just ain't as dedicated bc I think I outgrew what I fought so hard for and over. I've been mulling it over and I'm like stepping away from semma bc literally no one cares and I'm kind of over it now. 🙃 this is weird to me bc I never truly loved a ship as much as semma. They were for a long time and I still love them but idk I guess I wanna branch out to other things and ships and shows like other people do. Why do I even love semma?? They're not endgame. This is embarrassing but just how I feel. Its a terrible feeling but it could be a step in the right direction.

#thoughts #ships #relationships #why cant i like things the normal amount? #its either i love it or its somewhere in the middle #i hate alot of things #feeling depressed #me and my 1000 abandoned fics #i wish it mattered #i feel like i wasted along time #still on hiatus #😕 #personal

[trainingdummyrabbit]

well ! time to be mentally ill abt Charactors. picks up tablet pen again

#tried t get smthn done All Day and i shrimply could not itseems! might aswell waste time in a way that makes me happier. #piktalk #hraaghh. odd and offputting again for a moment #rapidly coming to the conclusion i just desperately need to talk to someone abt this but like . who. who do u even bring that to. #like 'yea bear with me; the one who doesnt know shit from fuck; but i think something is wrong. what is it? well funny story; #i dont actually know. anyway;' #i dont wanna Bother anyone with it because its Weird and Kind Of Intense and i dont even know if im Right about it #but i cant be silent either!!!! i have to say Something! do Something! if i dont then . !!!! i dont know!!!!! #i dont even know if people who Do know what im talking about know what to do about it! augh!!! #im being way more open than i should be to begin with here; but its like... a step beyond yknow. thats dangerous; very potentially. #hraahhh. maybe ill just run out of options n just be reckless anyhow. lies on the floor.

[timeisacephalopod]

Yesterday the delivery guy at work said something about his mom being gone so he has no one to cook for him and I swear to god my other coworker says to him it's time to get MARRIED. She's a woman too- and I SWEAR the way most of my coworkers talk about their husbands, if I had someone THAT useless in my life I sure shit wouldn't be MARRIED to them. Certainly not if they can't even cook their own fucking food or do laundry, which cropped up later. I was like wtf is this fucking sexism??? You guys will ACCEPT this type of treatment from GROWN ADULTS??

Absolutely the fuck not, and I certainly wouldn't have kids with them either if they can't even take care of THEMSELVES. Like if you need your mom or your wife to do basic life skills for you you're an embarrassment and a child regardless of age. Who wants kids with someone who didn't grow past 10? I mean apparently my coworkers but like fuck I can't imagine burdening myself like that, I didn't even like ROOMMATES who didn't clean up after themselves let alone a SPOUSE, let alone a spouse who treats their being a burden like it's my JOB to deal with their incompetence and childish nature.

#winters ramblings #seriously these people talk about their husbands and their kids in the same way its EMBARRASSING to watch #for the husbands its not their fault their husbands suck but i sure shit wouldnt be tying myself to that bullshit either #if you cant even be a grown adult and take care of yourself then dont waste my time in the only life i get on your incompetence #and it SURE SHIT shouldnt be the job of women to take care of lazy as fuck men

[nexus-nebulae]

i wish human food schedules were longer

#i wish i only had to eat like once a week #and like i could just. eat 10 meals worth of food and stay sustained for the whole week #i get too many times where im eating and i have good food and enjoy what im eating and have a lot of food #but i get full too fast and either waste food or get sick or whatever #and then theres other times where i need to eat but i cant bc i dont feel hungry or dont have anything good or dont want to eat #itd be easier to get around that if i didnt have to eat multiple times a day #which i dont even do that sometimes so

[robotpussy]

woke up from my sleep angry because I take too long to do anything like I'm so fucking annoyed rn I genuinely cannot comprehend how ppl have full time jobs and go to school and also fully indulge in their hobbies and get them done in timely manners because if I'm doing anything I have to either finish it in a day or it will take a year to complete it

#anyways im not working on that hobie thing anymore its stressing me out that its taking me a month to make a fucking collage 😭😭 #u thought i could have real progress yesterday but after 3 hrs of working on it i got tired and wanted to sleep #*i thought #also the reason why i barely ever make videos im either too tired or it will take me 5 months to edit because #i can't focus on more than 1 thing at a time. if im editing something don't fucking ask me to go anywhere i need yo finish this shit #or it will never be done #been trying to edit my Beyonce and spiderverse vlogs and its just taking too long i just abandoned them #and then like. school. #that fucking university has done nothing but waste my time. wasting my time travelling for 6 hrs so by the time i get home #i cant even do anything but eat and fall asleep because if i stay up to work on what i want to do i will basically get no sleep #cant even indulge in my hobbies without wanting to kill myself because even those stress me out OH MY GOD

[comradecowplant]

Went to the store to buy a lemonade because The Evil Twin was driving me up the wall & there were these poor shmucks from The Nature Conservancy trying to solicit memberships, and while I did not sign up for one because I can subscribe to a twitch streamer for 1/5th the cost & it will have approximately the same effect on the environment, I did talk their ears off about how if we really want to help the planet we need to start with putting every rich business person on a plane, and then we put that plane in the air, and then we put that plane not in the air anymore, and then

#i almost feel bad for wasting their time but also they are wasting their own time & i didnt have the heart to tell them #especially the cute lady one ngl i just liked the excuse to talk to her #i cant remember if TNC is an okay nonprofit or a bad nonprofit that takes donations from & forms policies for oil corps #but either way a broke bitch aint paying $25 a month for a tote bag & false sense of having done something useful!

[ketavinsky]

honestly i thought that joining a writing group would hold me accountable to deadlines and motivate me to write more but instead im so constantly stressed i can barely sleep

#dellete #this is . #not a real world problem. im aware of that #criticism isn't the problem; criticism makes things better I'm surr #*sure #im just so tired.... i feel like every young aspiring novelist has half a book cranked out already while im still structuring workshopping #havent written a chronological set of chapters because i keep going back to the drawing board #im never doing enough and i know in part this is affected by the relentless depressive episodes #which im not managing well either #im just - fuuck! fuck! i need to achieve something! i need to achieve something good and #prove that im worthy #i have the ideas and the ... themes and the arcs to make something good here i think but it needs to be impeccably structured #and im wasting time and im never going to make it but i need to prove im good for something #and its difficult i just cant do enough. i just cant do enough even though i do fuck all with my life and i cant outrun the old anxiety #that it needs to be done ASAP because i might not have much time left #im stressed? im stressed and tired and i feel mocked and. and these arent even real world problems like jobs and bills and shit #im barely interacting with the world as it were and its so terrifying to me #its so disappointing. whatever

[milfygerard]

sometimes i go thru the gaylor tag to see updates or reactions or something and its so funny everytime. You people are insane i respect literally none of you etc etc

#barry.txt #taylor swift #NOTE: THIS IS COMING FROM AN RPF FREAK WHO COULD FEASIBLY IMAGINE TAYLOR SWIFT EATING PUSSY #HATERS IM SORRY BUT THIS ISNT FOR YOU. YOU WILL NOT EARN MY SYMPATHY. anyway #i think i just get really frustrated when a fanbase gets so caught up in itself it cant remember how like....people work #or how relationships function even celebrity ones #i have spent lots of time and energy watching how people react and listening to people talk about relationships and so im annoying abt it #kaylors bless ur hearts im glad ur having fun but posts about their secret relationship make me autism angry #i was THERE for the kaylor divorce. ive listened to evermore more time than id like to admit. theyve at most made an effort to mend a bridg #that baby is a kushner and to imply otherwise is either short sighted or genuinely concerning depending on how deep and intense #the theory is #i think part of the problem is that it forces me to interact w the wider swiftie fandom at large which is a no go zone #i have my circle of blogs i respect even if i find all discussion of travis kind of boring and whenever i try to step out of it #i just end up frustrated #stop trying to prove things! you will never prove things! we dont know her! #i also disagree w lots of the general lyrical analysis but thats not anger i respect the readings they just arent mine #but yeah whatever. script doctoring a niche subset of one of the biggest fandoms on earth. i cant help myself! #none of this applies to you if ur 15 or whatever but i do implore that you not waste all ur time on dumb celebrity theories #and go do anything else

[tasmanianstripes]

Sometimes I remember absolutely batshit insane discourse topics I saw when I was a teen and I am just. Amazed

Also, the fact that adults also said this just adds to the insanity tbh

#thylacines can talk #aces stole purple from bis #homosexual/romantic is a slur #aspec actually means autism spectrum and you cant use it if youre acearo. sources? just trust me bro #the mooncourse #people acting rude and entitled because you didn't include a lesbian flag in something. even when it WAS included just in a different post #when a certain art project was split into multiple posts. or they used a lesbiaj flag that they made on their own or that was less popular #because it was back when people still weren't set on which lesbian flag to use. or if it was by-request project #thay one time a lesbian candle maker was harassed because she made a lesbian candle hut didnt use the pink lipstick flag so people accused #her of being lesbophobic despite it saying thats a lesbian flag Right There on heretsy shop #either the same person or another lesbian crafter getting harassed because she made an ace artemis soap #the entire discourseprincessa fiasco #the queer is a slur argument and it's useless anyway because its too vague (thats the POINT) #it was tiring and so stupid when it all was happening and i regret wasting my teens on that bs. but man is it funny in hindsight #i dont miss old tumblr discourse though #I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT ANOTHER ONE. APPARENTLY 'PISS YOUR PANTS' WAS A DEATH THREAT #alsp the fact that i still see people. ADULTS. arguing against the aspec or pan/mga is laughable #what are you? 13? get off the internet. go outside. touch grass. interact with actual queer community. stop being so chronically online #these are just words. if they saw the type of terms older generations use theyd fucking combust on the spot

[the-kipsabian]

im really just struggling at this point again to think that i can do anything with writing. or that im any good at it, that the things i make are any good or worth anyones time. that what little i manage to push out rn is even worth the effort of even making

#idk. i keep looking at the hanahaki and that bombed pretty well. just like everything before it #and yeah sure maybe i should give it a bit more than three days but in the hell scape of online its already been forgotten #ppl arent gonna find it going forward either if they havent looked at it already #just.. its not that just with this. its everything. it takes me so much to get writing these days and its just not giving me much back #i mean it makes me happy to create (i think) but beyond that its just a waste of my time and already limited energy i have #its just not worth it i think. who fucking cares #i know i keep saying this and then turning around to make something again just to burn myself again and repeat the cycle cause i never learn #it is what it is. i know i cant make people care even if i try. i honestly dont know why im trying #maybe i just really actually need to step away. like. for good #im just not good at anything maybe i'll get it through my thick fucking head one day #how its nothing but disappointments and misery one day after another. and almost always self inflicted. yay #sorry you dont care its fine im just sad again

[hearties-circus]

G-d how did I go from being average amongst my friends to being the one with nothing

#gamer txt. #or. i mean. more accurately how the hell did they all get jobs and go to college #how the fuck did we go from a group of dumb teens with no responsibilities to suddenly IM the one with none of my shit together #i dont get it i dont understand what happened how did they get a grip on life all of a sudden #im feeling a little left out #and all ive got going for me is therapy sessions with my 3rd therapist who just makes me angry and didnt even bother to call today #what the hell am i even going to do #i cant stop therapy because im only 2 sessions deep and if i do i wont have any excuses #but therapy doesny help me either it just makes me feel worse and it wastes time

[flythesail]

The worst thing about being an adult has to be the Decisions

#because... what if i spend the time and $ to get a masters but then i cant find a job after #when that time could be used at a different job or to develop skills in other ways #but at the same time.. if i dont like what im doing now— #but what if i spend the time and money only to not like the new thing either #this whole year feels like it was a waste of time anyway which cant be true.. but.. #having a quarter life crisis low key #flythepost

[tortademaracuya]

.

#idk why i thought it would be different this time #im an absolute idiot. im too fucking stupid to comprend all this shit #'maybe my professors will know how to help me' they never tell me shit. they havent helped me at all. i feel so stupid every correction #no matter how much i read or what i watch its like i cant understand anything #i used to love programming!!! i used to actually know what i was doing!!!!! when did i become so stupid!!!! #should i aak for help from someone else? probably! but i dont want them to know how much of an idiot i am #just kidding. i know all my friends know how stupid i am. doesnt mean i dont want them to give them even more proof of that #nor bother them either tbh. why should they have to waste time because im a fucking idiot? #im. such a disappointment #i dont want to do this anymore #every monday is just me going to that stupid class and see how dumb i am compared to everyone else. so pathetic #how did i even manage to pass all my classes? how do i only have my thesis left? #part of me wants to abandon everything but what would i do then? look for a job? #im an idiot and a horrible artist where the hell would i get a job? not like finishing my thesis would change that but. yknow #im so scared. for real how did it end up like this? #everyday i feel more stupid. i remember less. my body hurts a little more each day for reasons unknown #i dont understand how others have any expectation of me #i cant talk to others because everytime i have tried to express any worry i instantly get a joke or mock in reply #im so tired of everything #haunted.txt

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#hmmmm. #so as a rule i say thank you when i go out. a lot. bc i was told once that saying thank you instead of im sorry #would make ppl feel less uncomfortable so i swapped the phrases out. #similarly i was told once that compliments make ppl happy&also if im specifically looking for Good Things #i will find them-- as opposed to letting my head do whatever it wants bc given the extremely violent intrusive+obsessive thoughts #directing it towards Good Things works out for everyone if ppl enjoy compliments. #im also like. extremely aware that these facts-- along w my fervent occasionally manic insistence on being Nice when interacting w ppl #(bc i thought we all were told as kids to treat others the way we wanted to be treated??? lmao.) #-- all add up to make me seem insincere at times or to some ppl. i. dont care. LMAO. #its too exhausting to care. like ppl find whatever they want to find&if ppl are so set on my being a certain way #so much so that my being a nice person can only be explained by nefarious intent (to acheive. what. kindness from others? lmao.) #how in the fuck can any of that be my fault or-- MUCH more importantly-- my problem??? #however lately its like ppl have been getting like. Offended. by the impulses. which is becoming... boring. for me. lmao. #bc it isnt like i dont mean it when im extensively polite&complimentary-- i mean everything i say bc even when anxiously filling silence #i dont like wasting my time on like. lying for no reason lmao. #its more so that if it becomes a hinderance to be myself ill go the route that benefits me which is the one of least resistance #&i will ALSO mean it when i make someone cry w exactly the same amount of effort lmao #bc proving a point-- even if its proving someone elses point-- correct is extremely easy either way lmao. #its weird to me that ppl would think seeing good in something means that seeing bad in it isnt possible lmao #the same way its extremely confusing to me that ppl would think kindness&abject cruelty cant like. coexist lmao. #i feel accepting that on a micro level would help ppl accept it on a macro level. #either way i know it would save me some time in having to deal w ppl biting off more than they can chew #before realizing that i will rip chunks out of them&lick the tears up like a dog if they insist on tempting me like one LMAO. #at the very least it might help more ppl appreciate the fact that regardless of how vivid the fantasies #i have yet to hit anyone repeatedly w a baseball bat to relieve some stress. #... lmao.

[lunarscaled]

They're taking a nap, head pillowed face down on their forearms at the table, and Raum (seeing an opportunity to sate his curiosity) gently twirls a wayward strand of Lyric's hair around his finger. [ pssst. i'm really glad to see you're back!! <3 ]

-> There was something to be said about not letting their guard down around someone as powerful as Raum if they valued their sanity and soul intact. If anyone else had dared to do it, Lyric would have promptly given them a hard smack to the back of the head to wake them up, uncaring if someone's ego felt wounded or not. And yet here they are, asleep in the middle of their research once again with their face cushioned only by their arms above their book and notes and drying inkwell; they had likely claimed they were only resting their eyes for a moment before they found themselves fast asleep in that very spot ( and if it was them, or the tea, or insomnia catching up... who was to say? ) The typically vigilant magi, ever aware of their surroundings down to even the unseeable minute things, inhaled one long slow breath before breathing it out at the same place---a sure sign of their slumber.

-> With no awareness to swat his hand away, Raum is free to investigate it's texture all he likes. Lyric's hair is dense down to the roots, loosely coiled and springy: it's rich russet color was their mother's just as much as their own. Despite it's plush, rich appearance the hair around his fingertip is rather dry, splitting ends from lack of care, knots every so often if he looked close enough. Like many things about Lyric's life it was clear: they had never been taught how to care for their hair, and it's quality has suffered. What should be soft, bouncy, strong hair had become brittle and dulled by harsh, cheap shampoo ( hand soap. sometimes it was hand soap. ) and inconsistent washing, it's ends uneven from many years of self-given haircuts before they abandoned it all together. The split ends make its appearance seem all the more unruly and frazzled, even the lock curled around his finger shows signs of breakage that could have been avoided. It had gotten only minimally better since Raum started doing the shopping, if only because Lyric couldn't buy a single-purpose soap for every part of their body any more. For someone who might have hoped their hair was lush and rich as it seemed it could be, it was probably disappointing to realize how much Lyric's self care lacked when examined up close. ( their hair wasn't the only thing that way, of course. their dried, calloused skin; how they treated wounds; their clothes with many patch marks. every part of lyric screamed that they felt their own body didn't matter. pampering, or even basic self love, was far beyond them. )

They shift a bit in their sleep, unconsciously making themselves more comfortable for rest even as his long, leaned form with the small of his back against the table edge treats itself to an indulgent inspection of their features.

#cantuscorvi #* questions and answers. #⋇ FEAR WILL BE THE ENEMY AND DEATH ITS CONSEQUENCE: MAIN #HIIII i didnt realize people missed lyric so much lol #it felt like a short break personally but im still glad to inflict them on other people again >:) #plus i think having a chance to organize stuff from scratch was good. it feels much tidier now #also i will always highlight how lyrics lack of self care is both 1) they dont know how to care for themselves 2) theyre super depressed #and that feels like a waste of energy to invest in bc they're depressed #But thats also why acts of service and people doing things for them even like washing their hair is lyrics love language teehee #SURELY THAT CANT BE WEAPONIZED AGAINST THEM EITHER :) #⭐ there's a road that may lead you to good or to greed through the power your wishing commands ( cantuscorvi. ) #i spelled it wrong the first time dont look at me