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kuni-is-daddy · 5 months

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Imagine shower sex with scara & wanderer

Scaramouche X Reader X Wanderer : Puppet pleasers.

Context: 'Agree to disagree'

Word count: 1.4k Straight filth.

|Scaraficlist!|ScaraNSFWAlphabet

Ft: F/ngering,Facef/cking, Scara's a jerk, Double p/netration.

"N-No..Scara..Kuni..Its fine, Im just tired..I'll go wash up for a bit"

CW: Minors do NOT interact past the cut! This is a NSFW POST!

Scara and kuni treating there darling to a soothing shower after their stressful date. Scara 'gently' guided you into the shower as kuni is adjusting the water just as you like it and their immediately both obsessed with how you look under them. Your eyes are droopy as the makeup washes off into the washcloth Kuni gently dampened your face with and mixed in soap, Holding your chin up with his pale fingers. While scara Bit his lip at how delicate you looked from the back. Bite marks he's given along your neck and small hickeys on your shoulders.

The shower was rather spacious and sparklingly clean to the point you saw your reflection by the thick tile rest, resting under a cubby with your bars of soap, shampoo and other bodywash they bought as a gift. You heard a soft sigh and assumed it was kuni, His lean form was shielding most of the warm water from your face and washing through his own hair. His indigo pupils never left your beautiful face as he carefully Dapped along your lips. Smudging off your lipgloss, then softly folding the towel towards your eyes. Just as he was, you we're like a doll to him in every way, He relished in you dressing up for him, The way your skirt perfectly curved along your thighs then up to your waist. Finally leading up to your breasts hidden under a blouse. Even recollecting your bitterly warm smile after patiently waiting with lessor lord kusanali for his return after days made his cock twitch.

In a daze he continued dapping the cloth despite your face being clearly washed off for the nth time. "K-kuni?" You blinked, "Are you okay?" You brushed his bangs out his eyes and his cheeks turned pink at the contact. "Hm? Yeah. I just...Do you feel better. Doll?" "Mhm~" You hummed and rested on his palm; the puppet became even more flustered than he already was. His eyes dimmed and moved closer to your face, intoxicated by the smell of your soap. Scara Averted his own gaze to kuni and looked at him unamused. What a pitiful state he's in; Scara thought, but archons was he right. You looked wonderful like this, Fragile... and so vulnerable like a flower as you pressed your soft lips on Kuni's. He removed his fingers and now cupped your face with his hand in search for your tongue. The water splashed onto your eyes, fluttering them shut while a pair of hands trailed along your chest and you moaned into Wanderer's mouth, catching him off guard as he pulled away with a thin trail of your saliva on his lips. "S-scara~? Wait-" He began licking along your previous bite marks and cupped your breasts. "Ah ah ah~ darling...When you asked to be pampered.. Did all my pet want was a little kiss?" Scara mocked kuni then grinned at him while he sucked his teeth. "I- mnn..No~" You shook your head and scara whispered in your ear. "Then take your reward like a goodgirl."

Before you could mutter another word kuni took ahold of your face again, cupping your cheeks with his thumb eagerly to shove his tongue within your taste. "Mnh~ hmn~" You moaned into kuni's mouth; His taste was a bit sweet like yours from dessert you both shared at the restaurant. Your hand trailed onto his neck, pushing him closer with breathy sighs leaving his lips. Scara's cock grew harder at the sight and bucked your hips closer to his erection, your ass skimmed along the tip of his cock while you we're sandwiched in-between the two puppets. He began licking along your previous bite marks until You finally pulled away from wanderer. Practically gasping for air through the heated mist of the shower. "shit.. your enjoying yourself arent you? My pretty little doll~" kuni went to touch your chest but got interrupted by scara's own hands wrapped around you. "Put her on down on the Tile. She's getting fucked the way she deserves." Scara ordered. You swallowed nervously at his explicit words turning your head down only to notice Kuni's shaft hard and leaking precum. He rolled his eyes but complied, Picking you up then laying your body onto the thick tile rest. Your back shivered a bit at the cold, but quickly relaxed in the hot shower. The two puppets looked over you once again, Legs spread apart and hair frazzled along the tile. And that 'innocent' glare you always gave them before they pounced on you like a cat.

Scara began pumping his cock, moving closer to your face where kuni shifted down in between your legs. "Open your mouth" He ordered again. You stuck your tongue out, panting again as the hot air made contact. Scara's eyes glowed a faint purple and he chuckled a bit at your obedience. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, Then guided your mouth onto his length almost a bit too gently. "If you bite, I wont let you cum." he whispered. Kuni Licked his lips at the sight of your wet clit, He traced his bangs back then licked around the bud, instantly making your thighs twitch. Scara let out a soft moan while your tongue laced around his cock. God your mouth was so fucking warm. It took every bit of the balladeers restraint to not face fuck you as he guided your head back and forth. You couldnt help but moan on his cock, Your body was overwhelmed with pleasure on both ends.

"Your- Mn~ such a needy little doll arent you.? You like being used like this from both ends?" Your head bucked back as kuni inserted two of his fingers into your pussy, scissoring you while licking along your folds. You moaned again as scara's length pushed deeper back and forth into your throat as if you we're begging for him to fuck you. "Ah~ just like that- F-fuck your gonna make me cum slut~Fuck..Fuck!~" Scara grabbed your hair roughly again and bucked his hips into your throat, pushing himself far enough that your eyes rolled back while swallowing his warm load and he slightly felt a sting. Kuni shoved a 3rd finger into your wetness. His slim fingers we're soaked in a mix of your juices and water as he stroked himself with his other hand. Scara leaned down, grouping your breasts in his hands while playing with your nipples. "Yeah? Your gonna cum from just his fingers slut?" "M' not a slut~ I- Please~! Kuni!" Kuni thrusted his fingers faster, chasing his own high while desperately licking your bud. "Remember what i told you slut?" the balladeer whispered again. "If you bite, your not gonna cum?" He said through snickers. "B-but I- Ah~! I didnt~! S-scara kuni-! please! please!" You whimpered and begged but to no avail Kuni Slowed down on your clit, Only peppering licks before licking up your current juices with his fingers.

Scaramouche picked you up, then had kuni hold you by your waist as he leaned onto the wall. "Wrap your arms around me." Without warning Kuni and scara both inserted their tips inside your prepped pussy and you nearly screeched after being so full. "Ah! S-scara- Kuni~! it's too much- Your so big~!" "You can take it darling~" Kuni said while kissing your shoulder. Scara thrusted up into your warmth, moaning at your walls squishing them both inside. "S-so fucking tight..~" Within the shower echo'd their mixed praise and moans in your mushy mind, Your throat was still horse from scara cumming inside, but you pleaded with short breathes to finally reach your orgasm. You we're so patient with them during the date and there many many arguments, Why couldnt they just reward their good girl after treating them so well. "R-right there and~ ah! Scara~ Kuni~ Mn Im close~! please dont stop! please let me cum!" "Hah~ look how fucking delirious she is. Already fucked out just like that~ You wanna cum that bad slut?" please please please "mhm~! please let me cum~!"

With another sloppy thrust from both of them, They came deep into your womb with their hot seed as your juices squirted onto them. As if on instant your body began to feel numb as your high subsided. You fell back into The balladeers chest with hazy vision and view as they cock warmed you. The room began to feel silent, And the only sound was your shared panting and shower still running warm water. It was comforting being in between them like this as stuffed as you we're. Finally, your eyes fluttered shut in-between them. A perfect view of two pairs of indigo eyes and a devilish smirks watching you rest.

#genshin smut #scaramouche smut #scaramouche #scaramouche x female reader #scaramouche x reader #wanderer smut #wanderer x reader #wanderer genshin #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #genshin impact #wanderer x you #wanderer x y/n

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sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

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I always wonder how skz would react to an s/o with a LARGE SEX DRIVE SHSBDBS idk like guys r usually super horny but imagine if u were hornier than them HAHA

BRRRAH QUICK REACTION POST!

warnings: mostly dom!skz x gn!reader. impact play, nicknames, hickies, masturbation, exhibitionism, overstimulation, slight dacryphilia, sex toys, daddy kink, riding, degradation, dumbification.

Bangchan:

The thing is not that he wouldn’t like it,,, more like he would be tired?

Sure,,, he has good stamina but he would more prefer longer sex sessions that are more intimate and romantic rather than a bunch of quickies.

but thats like... 95% of the time, the remaining 5% is dicking you down so hard you won’t be able to walk because “you asked for it, you dumb fuck”

BUT THATS RARE

you would really have to get him worked up in order for that to work

and even then he would only go for maybe 2 rounds

“c-chan... one more time~” you said after cumming for the third time that night. “y/n, arent you sleepy?” he says, chuckling. you shake your head, “just one more time!” you say all giddy to which bangchan sighed.

Minho:

ok now hear me out, im not gonna mix astrology in here,,, but i am going to mix astrology in here lmao

this boy a scorpio

a scorpio

meaning his intimate parts rule over his body (JUST SAYING TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT)

so he loves this. A LOT

any opportunity to be inside of you he’ll take

he’s hella horny and would like a s/o that matches that aura so HEY! fits perfectly (thats what she said)

show any sign of a sexual act and he wont hesitate to slam you against a table

legit as small as licking a lollipop

“stop that unless you want my dick in your throat” he says, not even looking up from his phone as the sounds of you sucking a lollipop fills the room. you don’t stop, no, you go even harder. he looks up from his phone. “is that a yes?”

Changbin:

ahh... binnie binnie is head over heals for this

he finds it extremely hot that you initiate the sex most of the time

it shows that you really want him

and he likes attention and feeling appreciated so this works

also has kind of a firey attitude

meaning that he gets worked up real quick

just like minho it doesnt take much for him to notice your sexual signs

“binnie~ i need you” you whisper in his ear as he’s working on something on his computer. you drag your lips across his neck and nibble on his ear before he turns around and glares at you with dark eyes. “princess/prince wanna play that game huh?”

Hyunjin:

shy to initiate so this makes it easier for him

his stamina is relativly high

but i feel like there would be kiiind of a gap between the two of you since he’d be completely exhausted after a couple of rounds but you beg for more.

leaving him with no other choice but to give it to you

since he loves you too much to say no ><

i feel like he’d make fun of you for it

LMAO I DONT KNOW WHY BUT JUST HE’D FIND IT FUNNY THAT YOU’RE ALWAYS SO DESPERATE

“hyunjin,, please!” you says in the nicest tone you could muster but only being mocked by hyunjin copying you in an annoying voice

“HyUnJiiinNn~” you burst into laughter, hitting him playfully on the shoulder. “thats what you sound like y/n!!”

but nah most of the time he will take it but always with some playfulness first.

Jisung:

HORNY TEENAGER JISUNG AGENDA

all the time

no matter where or when

some of yall are about to be real mad at me but it must be said HASHAHAH STOP CHER STOP

he just gives me this hormonal teenager vibe

and so there’s a lot of fucking in a lot of unconventional places

simply because his angel wants it

it even borders to him being even hornier than you but you find joy in that

you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve caught him watching porn or masturbating BECAUSE IT HAPPENED OFTEN

and everytime it would lead to heated sex that could last for hours

“h-help me y/n! dont just stand there s-staring” he says, blushing a bit as he openly strokes his dick infront of you. you shrug your shoulders, closing the bedroom door and inching closer to the warm boy.

Felix:

tough one to read... hmmm....

honestly he wouldn’t mind

sure he’d be tired

and therefore he’d rather prefer seeing you ride a dildo or something

because then you’re satisfied and he doesnt have to do much

NOT THAT HE’S LAZY

just that he likes to cuddle and chill more than being inside of you all the time

he’s sensitive which has its pros and cons

pro: easy to get horny

con: easily overstimulated

WHICH SURE you’d find it fun to torture him by keeping him cumming over and over again

but poor boy would be crying in the end

which only added to your horniness OOP

“y/n,, s-stop please im begging you,, ahhgh..” he moans from underneath you, you putting him through his fourth orgasm which is causing him to shake and cry as you didn’t stop riding him. “mhm... but I wanna cum once more, not fair... you can cum so many times but I can’t! be a good boy and shut up, maybe i’ll let you go after this round”

Seungmin:

giving me that same energy that chan has

but this time instead of 95:5 its more like 65:35

meaning 65% romantic puppy that wants to take his time with you, roaming his hands all over your body and really connecting with you

and the other 35% well... more like relentless pounding, all covered in love bites and hand prints (im drooling)

he becomes all hard dom when he’s stressed and soo...

you get him stressed which ok you feel bad about but... he gets to release all his stress (and cum) on you and you get what you want

DING DING DING! win-win situation!!

so yeah he would like it most of the time especially when you’re stressed and especially when you’re a brat

turning him on by rubbing on his lap but running away the next second

he likes to make you obey rather than you already obeying.

he was watching tv peacefully when you suddenly plopped down on his lap, starting to squirm about when watching a tv show. he held you down by the waist. “shh stop” he says once with a bitter tone but you didn’t listen, only continuing to move and feeling his member getting harder. “Is d-daddy getting hard?” you coo at him with a mischievous voice to which seungmin sighed, his hands snaking around your upper body and wrapping around your neck, pushing your back against his chest. “little fucker wanna play with daddy”

oml why did this become so aggressive i have a lot of pent up sexual frustration ASHASHS

Jeongin:

he’d find it really hot in the beginning

but what he didn’t realise was how tiring sex is

yk teenagers! learning as they go (i like how im talking about this as if im older than him LMAO)

catch his search history being: “is it normal to have sex everyday”

he’d be sore :((

and when he told you that he probably needed to just cuddle he felt bad because he always wanted to please you

but the two of you would find your ways around it

vibrators EHHEHE

especially those remote control ones

he’d just go ham with those I KNOW IT

because just like felix, you’d be satisfied and he could chill for the time being

beg pretty enough and he’ll give you the real thing

“b-but i need you now jeongin! stop with that fucking controller!!” you try to snatch it out of his hand but fail. “say please” he says, looking at you with sweet brown eyes. “pl-pleaseeee~!” he melts into a puddle of blushes as he speaks “alright but only because you’re a good one”

HEY THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN WRITING!! send in sum more, i’ll make them into short reactions like these because my requests for the “official” reactions is closed (will probably open shortly) but YEEEAH

thank u anon for your very very smart brain and for requesting HEH ><

also this is not proof read so ignore any mistakes OOP

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marunalu · 3 years

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Ok seriously, WHY is nobody talking about the fact that izukus hair is turning white???

Im saying it, THIS is exactly what afo wants to happen! Izukus fight against his classmates is supposed to parallel tomuras fight against re destro. In that fight tomura just like izuku hadnt sleeped or eaten for a long time and was under a lot of stress and pain. His memories about his past came back to him, his quirk awakend and he defeated re destro and his hair completly turned white by the end.

If we consider all the paralells between izuku and tomura its very likely to say, that the same will happen to izuku here. Like re destro did with tomura, something will piss izuku so much off (most likely bk because unlike the rest of the class, he thinks insulting, mocking and being aggressive towards izuku is the way to reach him in his current mental state) that he will snap. Tomura remembered all the shit and unfair thinks that happend in his life, so the same thing could happen here to izuku. Bk will be the catalyst to awaken either izukus very own quirk or the 2th ofa users. Izuku will not be defeated by his classmates or captured and being dragged back to ua here (the poem hori posted hinted that izuku will not be defeated in the rain and its raining right now) and because of all the negative emotions he stored up over the last 11 years of his miserable life his hair will turn completly white. Considering all the parallels and the direction the story seems to go, I believe this fight will end like this:

With a defeated bk and an izuku barely standing on his feet.

And ending with bk kneeling in front of him and begging for forgiveness for all the shit he went izuku through in the past (and also coming to terms with the fact that izuku is more powerful then him now), while the rest of class A stays in the background horrified and shocked about the things that just happend between this two.

Hori himself said bk WILL apologiez and it needs to be a powerful moment with the rest of class A as wittnesses and realizing that bk AND NOT all might like bk claimes is responsible for izukus nonexistent selfworth. Just THEN can bk finally and truly walk the path of atonement and redemtion NOT before. So that his character can really change for the better and become a better person without falling back to his old temper tantrum bullying asshole self. The question is: will izuku forgive him? Or will bk really have to work hard for it, like endeavour is still not forgiven even after regretting and apologiezing for his actions?

Abuse is abuse! Bullying is a form of abuse that can really fuck up a persons mental state. It doesnt matter if bk was just a kid or teenager, espicially if you consider that people YOUNGER then him are able to realize that his actions and behavior are terrible and wrong. And the thing is he is STILL bullying izuku. The reason izuku doesnt react to that is because he is USED to it. He endured that for 11 years! Izuku was always selfless. His selfworth is what he LOST after a whole decade of abuse. Selflessnes and nonexistent selfworth arent the same thing!

With 15/16 bk is old enough to understand what the diffetence between right and wrong is. Yes bk sacreficed himself for izuku in the war arc but EVERYONE in class A would have done that! What bk did was the bare minimum he is SUPPOSED to do as a future hero. His own feelings here also dont matter here. It doesnt matter what his reasons were zo bully izuku, because HE is the abuser and the damage he did to izukus psyche is STILL DONE! The ONLY thing that matters right now are izukus feelings - the feelings of a victim who suffered 11 years of terrible mental AND physical abuse (bk beat him up, used his quirk on him and destroyed his property) by bks hand.

And mark my words, shortly after that fight afo (dad) will show up to pick up his son and will mockingly thanks class A for doing such a wonderful job in making his junior snap and break, something all the villains he sent didnt manage to archieve over the last few weeks/months! Then when afo is about to disappear with an dead tired and injured izuku, the class will try to reach him in time, but fail and so we will get our parallel of the end of the training camp arc in which bk was kidnapped by the lov and a captured izuku will tell them to “stay away“ before he vanishes. Thats what Im sure (or hope) right now will happen. After that the real “safe izuku arc“ will kick in. This one is just a red herring to set the plot into motion. Bonus points if dad for one reveal will happen and the class will find out, because now they are faced with the dilema that their friend is the son of THE super villain of japan!

Also Im not sure if this post should be considered as anti bk, so I tagged it as such just to be sure.

#bnha #mha #bnha theorys #bnha spoiler #izuku midoriya #all for one #afo #dad for one #dfo #anti bakugou???#bakugou faces consequences

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weirdmageddon · 5 years

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honestly it feels empowering to be a trans ally because i know i have the privilege of being cis but i dont feel threatened by trans people like many other cis people do (for whatever bullshit reasons they have) and it to makes it easy to get transphobes to back off when theyre stepping out of line.

i dont even actively think of myself as cis because that label doesnt really matter much to me, but i understand this too is a privilege. i dont wear cishood proudly but i know it’s who i am, and i feel exactly the same about my whiteness. this isnt really an “i don’t see color” kind of thing because cultural (and gender) identity is important to groups and individuals, but what’s also important is being accepting and open of your differences, not being phobic of them, and respecting their boundaries when you’ve crossed a line. because if you “don’t see color”, the world is dull and boring.

so back to trans people, i really sympathize with them. i have had more trans and nonbinary friends than cis almost all my social life (ive been online for quite a long time) just because we share interests and have the same quirky humor. it’s possibly based in us all feeling like outcasts or freaks to society, but never to each other. but for me that would be thanks to my autism and ADD.

it can’t be empathy (or maybe it can be based on what i said before idk) because im not trans myself and i havent ever felt like my assigned sex and gender at birth didn’t suit me. so i dont know what the experience is like firsthand especially from a societal standpoint. but it feels really good to stand up for them when people dont take them seriously or belittle them for being “too sentitive” when their problems their feelings are real.

sadly i don’t think too many cis people will get to feel the same empowerment i do. but thats how i know my allyship is real. theres no flaking out when my trans friends get into arguments with transphobic chuds—we fight together. i love when the transphobes either have an existential crisis or shut up when i tell them after deeply arguing in support of trans people that i’m cis.

the allyship makes me feel good. and it’s not about being praised or anything or getting brownie points from trans people for my identity being a “good cis” or whatever. it’s just about being a good friend. i just stand up for what i myself feel is justified and that happens to be on the side of my friends; treating people who are literally just existing and mean absolutely no harm with more than basic decency, just doing the right thing. it makes me feel good knowing that i am able to help people who arent as fortunate or cant speak openly without being mocked or criticized for whatever batshit reasons transphobes make up.

to be clear, i don’t speak over trans people (or want to), i listen to them. i am just their megaphone. and dont get me wrong, i don’t think trans people are at all incapable of fighting on their own or that theyre fragile. theyre actually tough as hell living every day in a world that wants them dead let’s be honest that would make anyone fucking tired and i wanna help alleviate some of that stress. when i go beside them toe to toe with transphobes i see it as me having an immunity they do not and i can be there to cover the bases they’re vulnerable to that transphobes will use to try to invalidate our arguments.

i don’t see myself as being a personal bodyguard for everything; it’s simply that trans peoples’ values and passion about trans issues and my values and passion about trans issues are one in the same. and it makes me so happy when i can give a hand in support when they need it.

#long post #trans #this is ok to rb #i dont want praise for being a “good cis”!! what matters is that i just be a good person #and i wish more cis people who claim to be “trans allies” would live up to it and not flake out when their trans friends could use #some support #because otherwise thats just simply tolerating them. if you dont fight together youre not really allies #like you have all this societal clout that gives you benefits trans people dont get and you dont...do anything with it? couldnt be me

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 5 years

Text

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)”

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class”

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!!

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #rant #i sincerely doubt anyone will read to the end of this but whomst knows #besides it feels nice to just scream

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groundramon · 7 years

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Honestly i like how that one ace dis/course post i posted, about not all asexuals being cishet (which is obviously true), instead of people saying “yes I agree regardless of my opinion on the discourse”, I got two people asking where (one of them asked nicely though), and two people (one of which also asked where, but in a denying sense as opposed to a legitimate question) saying “um ace people arent oppressed sweaty :)” even though literally my point wasn’t that ace people are lgbt, its that not all asexual people are cishets, and one of the people who was saying ace people werent oppressed straight-up proved my point by calling us late bloomers and, again, calling us fucking straight. No ace ex/clusionists would put aside their opinion and say “yes I agree” and if that isn’t telling idk what is :)

I thought there were good, non-a/phobic ace ex/clusionists out there but that belief is getting really fucking tested. And miss me with that “but im asexual and an ace ex/clusionist!!!” shit because asexuals can be a/phobic just like gay people can be homophobic and trans people can be transphobic.

Also putting in slashes because im fed up and i dont think im going to post in the ace dis/course tag anymore because i dont want to debate this with people who dont care about asexuals anymore. I’ve seen plenty of proof to back up my opinions and despite keeping open ears, almost every ace ex/clusionist i talk to talks to me in a dismissive way. Yes I say dumb shit but when approached i try to be as nice and understanding as possible, and I ask legitimate questions and prove my points with evidence instead of resorting to common ace ex/clusionist rhetoric. I think I remember having...one good interaction with an ace ex/clusionist in this tag? One. And even then I dont remember if im hallucinating it or if it actually happened because my memory is shit. All the others have been dismissive and i felt on edge during the entire debate. I dont need you to suddenly convert for me to feel like we had a “good” interaction, I just need you to acknowledge when I have a point instead of ignoring all my good arguments and going after the one paragraph where I misspoke because im a fucking idiot and i make mistakes like that. And I mean, I dont think I’ve had /bad/ interactions per say either (except the anon who came into my inbox calling me a straight cis girl, that was fun lmao) but i dont like stressing out because i feel like someone hates me just because i wanted to debate with them.

I’m tired of my identity and people like me being made fun of in the LGBT+ community. I could care less if you’re an ex/clusionist, but there’s so much rampant a/phobia going on in the ace ex/clusionist side and all you guys do is ignore it or defend it. I’m tired of asexuals being dehumanized and I’m tired of ace ex/clusionists posting negativity in the ace positivity tag - which to be fair, i think I mightve seen an ace ex/clusionist say not to do that last one, but I still cant remember for sure and that’s just one example of aphobia out of many that i saw called out. We’re more invisible than a lot of LGBT+ identities, and yet you think it’s okay to make fun of us in the one area where we ARE acknowledged? What the fuck?

And if you’re an ace ex/clusionist who somehow found this post, please dont say anything unless you’re willing to debate and promise not to have any bad feelings towards one another unless like....it turns out im an actual homophobe or something. I’m tired. I’m tired of my identity being mocked. I’m tired of defending my experiences and the experiences of my fellow asexuals. I’m trans, I should feel welcomed in this community, and yet its not the TERFs that are making me feel unwelcome, its YOU. I’m not saying ace ex/clusionists or even aphobes are as bad as TERFs, but I’ve felt a lot more isolated from this community for being an ace/aro than being nonbinary. If you’re an ace ex/clusionist and you’re interested in the proof I have backing up my side then I’d be happy to give it to you, but not on this post. Send me an ask, or something, and if you want me to post it privately just tell me. But not here. Not now. Not tonight and probably not for a few days.

I’m tired. I’m so tired. I’m so fucking tired. I know I’m the one who posted in the ace dis/course tag but I’m not going to anymore. I’m tired of debating with hostile people who act like they know everything and that their opinion is superior to mine. Because at the end of the day, ace inclusion is an opinion - now its arguable if its an opinion that people shouldn’t be shamed for, but honestly as an overly tired asexual aromantic in/clusionist, i still think its just an opinion. But a/phobia is not an opinion, its discrimination, and it’s rampant among your community. Fix your a/phobia problem (and the fact that people deny a/phobia because :) clearly not. whats funny is that those people that deny it are also usually the a/phobes) and then we can talk.

#stormy speaks

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melto · 4 years

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god god GOD i actually think i do want tio kill myself i cant be normal ever and im so mortified of being myself no matter what i do. i was having a fun time and then i realized i was nevrous talking and i couldnt stop and im so annoying and never shut up and i KNOW people want me to shut up but because i just keep making mysel more anxious so i cant stop bc i cant stop talking when i get nevrous and im so fucking embarassed and i never want to speak again and now im like extra hyperaware of how im interacting with people and i dont know how to diffuse anything or making things less awkward bc i just double down and i feel like such a gross predatory freak even though im not doing anything and its like well i cant stop what im doing bc then i might make the other person think they did something wrong but if i dont stop this is going to keep happening and im going to lose my mind anyways it just feels likepoeple know things and they are mocking me and anytime someone tries to like calm me down it feels like they are just doing it bc they know i need to hear it and im so tired im so stressed out i cant do anything i want to do bc im scared of irl repurcussions and when i go shove that anxiety aside i have a meltdown about interacting with my online friends because im a freak! i dont know whats wrong with me i dont know why i cant just be normal and talk to people or believe them when they say they enjoy me but i feel like such a forced presence and i know part of it is me looking for reasons to self sabatoge but actions and words arent lining up sometimes and im so confused about where i stand with people and again it feels like im being mocked and im scared people are saying things about me behind my back bc it makes me feel like theres a joke i dont know about and i know im being stupid I KNOW I AM but i just spilt water everywhere bc i didnt know the ice tray was freshly refilled and for some reason thats what pushed me over the fucking edge bc now im just like sobbing in my room. whats wrong with!!! i take my meds and dont lie to my thearpist why am i still a freak!

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