#im feeling a little left out

[hearties-circus]

G-d how did I go from being average amongst my friends to being the one with nothing

#gamer txt. #or. i mean. more accurately how the hell did they all get jobs and go to college #how the fuck did we go from a group of dumb teens with no responsibilities to suddenly IM the one with none of my shit together #i dont get it i dont understand what happened how did they get a grip on life all of a sudden #im feeling a little left out #and all ive got going for me is therapy sessions with my 3rd therapist who just makes me angry and didnt even bother to call today #what the hell am i even going to do #i cant stop therapy because im only 2 sessions deep and if i do i wont have any excuses #but therapy doesny help me either it just makes me feel worse and it wastes time

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm in A Mood™ (stressed) so im going back to my roots of melting two character together into one person. So bruce wayne!danny fenton. Danny Fenton who, for eight years, grew up in a beautiful gothic manor with his mom and dad under the name "Bruce Wayne". Playing piano with his mother, running around the manor with his father.

Then when he's eight it's ripped away from him. There's blood on his hands and pearls pooling at his feet, and both his parents are dead in front of him.

And he gets shipped off to distant relatives "the Fentons" shortly after, Alfred close on his heels because someone needs to take care of him, someone that knows him. Bruce goes to the Fentons for the safety of anonymity. Gotham's press wants to sink its teeth into him.

Danny misses his city even if it took everything from him. There are shadows in his eyes and he's pale as a sheet even beside his distant cousins, and they change his name to "Danny Fenton' because nobody should know that their newest child was illustrious orphan Bruce Wayne.

They call him Bruce behind closed doors. Danny prefers it that way, he clings onto the name -- the one his parents gave him -- like a lifeline. He makes friends with Sam and Tucker. Tucker takes one look at the willowy, morbid little boy standing in the corner like a shade, ghosts in his eyes, and drags him out into the sunlight, and takes him over to Sam.

When Danny is twelve, he's still not over it -- and he's a little obsessed with the Fentons' research, with the morbid. He has books upon books on death, murder, detective work. Anything he can get his hands on. And stars. He loves stars.

Alfred owns the apartment next to them and comes over regularly. Danny clings to him.

When Danny is twelve, he's still quiet, meek, a shy little thing prone to being bullied. Freaky little Fenton with the night in his eyes and too-cold skin even before he put one foot in the grave. in a sleepover in his room with Sam and Tucker, he tells them the truth. They're his friends, he trusts them.

"My name is Bruce." he murmurs, voice quiet as the breeze, always quiet. he's staring at his star-covered sheets.

"Like Bruce Wayne?" Tucker asks, a joking tone in his voice.

Danny smiles a little, lamb-like with insecurity. "I am Bruce Wayne." And he takes them down to the lab, disrupting Maddie and Jack, to prove it. Sam tells them of her own wealth then shortly after. They start calling Danny "Bruce" in private too -- its trust. Thats what it is. It's trust.

Sam goes to media functions and comes back with aching feet and complaints on her tongue -- and Danny soaks it up all like a sponge, splayed across a beanbag chair with Tucker in her room. He's not envious of her, he used to go to events with his parents and they kept him safe from the ugly of Gotham's Elite. For the most part. He's had comments made at him, he doesn't miss them.

Alfred returns to the manor semi-regularly, Danny goes with him. he wanders the hallways and helps Alfred clean, the last thing either of them want is for their home to fall into disrepair. He brings Jazz with him next time, then Tucker, then Sam. They all help him clean, and he shows them his room. The one across from his parents', it feels strange.

When Danny dies when he's fourteen, the first adult he tells is Alfred. He and Jazz go over to his house more often than they stay in the Fentonworks building. At least at Alfred's, the food doesn't come to life. Alfred sits at the kitchen table and weeps when Danny tells him, Jazz is upstairs, and its just the two of them.

Danny's ghost form wears pearls around his wrist and the gloves look stained with some kind of black substance. He looks like a child who died in a lab accident, but he also looks like a child who has shadows dripping off his shoulders, curling at his feet, hanging from his eyes.

because amorphous blob batman has my heart always and danny/bruce will not escape it even in death even if that IS the only reason im giving him Mild BatBlob Vibes...so far

when they go to the manor, alfred helps danny make a pile of stones between Martha and Thomas' graves, nobody but the two of them (and sam and tucker) will know what it means. (not even bruce's children later down the line, not for a long, long time)

danny dives into ghost fighting on shaky feet and not half as witty as he once was in one world. he's skittish, skittering between blasts from shadow to shadow and clumsily making his way through each battle. but helping people lights a fire in him. he still has shadows dripping off his feet but there's a purpose in his eyes.

and god help him, he's going to help people.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dpxdc prompt #this is just me torturing danny for a little bit because im stressed and i cried for an hour while i was driving so im taking it out on B #thanks for being my little stress ball danny #aha my old middle school habit of frankensteining two characters together is resurfacing again :) yall should've seen my wattpad drafts #in middle school. i had 50 of them and most of them were me combining two characters together to make one person and putting them in one au #my most memorable being skydoesminecraft and harry potter. THAT was a fun worldbuilding experience #do i think that growing up with the fentons would fix bruce/danny completely?? hurm. no. dont kid yallselves jazz is not a licensed #therapist not even at like. nine when she meets danny. she's not helping him through his trauma in the slightest. she's nagging. #she's his sister or sister-like figure before she's his therapist. would he be #*entirely* like canon bruce tho?? no. dannybruce is a mix of the both of them. but this is still the first post of the au and is more so #just me doing the equivalent of popping a stress ball so nothing is smoothed over. mostly im just trying to keep bruce's trauma prominent i #danny's character because he IS Bruce. i dont want him to just be 'danny with bruce's backstory but without any of the ugly bits'. #danny and bruce is used interchangeably because they're the same person but sorry if his personality feels imbalanced i came up with this o #the spot. was going to type more but the stress has left me. for now. watch ur back danny 👀

[junotter]

All the jokes about Ken and horses are good but I just wanna say it's such a good parallel to how actual young men get swept into misogyny and the patriarchy.

Like they're told to believe it means men get to be cool and manly and have this power but with that comes extremely rigid commands of what they can be as a man and a cycle of self hatred for never matching those gender roles perfectly. Patriarchy tells men that if they just do exactly what is expected of them, then they get all the "cool stuff" that comes with. That doesn't work though when there's only a small group that actually gets that power, but men will keep trying to fit into those roles in hopes that they can.

In the end there are no horses or the myth men are told, it's just endless cycles of self hatred and ingroup fighting.

#barbie #barbie movie #barbie spoilers #ig #ive got a lot more on how barbie looks at feminism and the patriarchy cause god they did it #not to say there isnt faults such as very little conversation about intersectionality #but i can also understand the impossible task of talking about EVERYTHING in one movie #not everyone will be happy and thats fine #anyway i think something barbie did really well is fight this battle of both wanting so deeply to love (romantically or not) men but also #not dismissing the fact its mens job to solve their problems themselves #that even if women need to be the front runners of breaking the patriarchy men cannot rely on them to solve their own problems completely #also just god im so glad this wasnt a girl boss slay movie #women deserve respect and love and life regardless of accomplishment #we should not have to be ceos and presidents and world problem solvers to gain equality #i can also understand if nonbinary people feel left out/disconnected from the movie #but as always gender abolition and acknowledging the gender binary (ie the one societially impossed) go hand and hand 👍 #just incase cause idfk terfs dni the barbie movie is not for you #barbie literally states constantly that her gender has nothing to do with (non existent) genitals so f off

[iknowicanbutwhy]

Oh, so she's kind of trendy? Cool cool

#art #fanart #hi-fi rush #roxanne vandelay #chai hi fi rush #*attempts simple background* it's not working why isn't it WORKING #hi fi rush #hi fi rush spoilers #spoilers #im marking spoilers because well. you dont get to see her colored-in and not made of stone/metal until the end so #I couldn't find any Roxanne pictures on google so i had to scour some cutscenes and make myself a ref #i love her ok? her family makes me think of mine and i just want everything to be okay #I also feel like Chai would be kind of nervous around her to start with. Who wouldn't be a little overwhelmed by a big business lady who #solved a global energy crisis and is also Pep's mom and who is also currently housing Chai more or less for free? #i would. i would be #i left out the thing on her collarbone. looked a little sus. like mind-control sus. i could be wrong #anyways reason 15 why i love peppermint: i love her mom too and i want everything to work out ;-;

[skitskatdacat63]

Can we talk about how in all the 2011 Post-Qualifying pics, Jense and Seb are always gravitating towards each other, and then Mark/Lewis are just🧍‍♂️

#theyre like this in 2009 as well tbh....the australia ones...omg #but 2011 stuck out to me just bcs theyre so often together #the hungary one(2nd on left) is by far the funniest to me like why is lewis standing so far away 😭 #the sebmarkson ones its a little less obvious cause theyre an ot3 yknow 🥰 #but seb imo always is leaning towards jense #but those 3 are mostly pretty close but it feels like lewis always was standing specifically apart 😭 #(maybe one day ill make a 2009 version but i cant spoil myself!) #also im telling you sebson would be so popular if they existed now #lestappen who? these are *my* emotional support rivals 🤭🤭🤭 #only have eyes for each other genuinely!!!!! #like look at any quali/parc ferme/podium/champagne pic theyre always focused on each other #seriously they would pop off in today's fandom #jenson always with the proprietary arm curled over seb's shoulder #ALSO NOT PICTURED #all the other pics from these but its specifically them cropped and like being silly with each other and looking at each other lovingly #also yes Grace if you see this this post *is* because im reading Solar Flare again #f1 #formula 1 #sebson #jenson button #sebastian vettel #mark webber #lewis hamilton

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[cycle-hit]

milgram prisoners "fur"sona hcs

haruka - rhetus periander butterfly! i think his dislike of animals would lead to him not really being comfortable with having a mammal, so i gave him an insect 1. because of muu 2. i think the colours match him 3. the butterflies in all knowing and all agony. 4. theyre found around forests and water :) (TO BE READ EVILLY)

yuno - rabbit, mantis, or lamprey! for rabbit it's because people tend to see them as just cute pets but theyre actually quite mean at times and a lot of effort has to be put into genuinely taking care of them. also the reproductive cycle theyre known for whatever. praying mantises yeah its the "eating their mates" thing, also because of her covering "sticky bug"! she also just generally reminds me of a mantis for some reason. lampreys because of "the vampire" and because draining blood, draining warmth etc. they also slightly resemble umbilical cords! fuuta - fire breathing dragon. its bright red. self explainable (salamander, fire...) but also because of his knight motifs! ive also considered a wolf for him bc i think it'd be funny if both kotoko and fuuta had wolves but i think him being a scalie fits more muu - wasp. she thinks its a bee that she's designed. she is wrong. wasp because of "its not my fault", the fact wasp species can be "social" or "solitary", and the fact wasps kill bees. i can also see the argument for just a bee though! especially since once bees sting you they die afterwards shidou - a bird of paradise :). double meaning with the fact it shares the name with a flower. also because i think being one of those rly fancy birds is just like him. "birds of paradise" also has origins in "birds of God". like "aesculapius"! and amane! some birds of paradise also drink nectar from flowers. i hope he flies into a window (ive also considered vulture, crow, raven, and dove (just because of 0507- shidou sees kazui tear a dove apart with his teeth and goes "god i wish that was me", changing his avian instantly)) mahiru - capybara!! friends with everyone even crocodiles. just having fun. classified as rodents (if i was mahiru's boyfriend i would have just eaten the rat rip to him but im different). those images of capybaras with citrus fruits on their head. also she just reminds me of a capybara generally kazui - cat! i dont think i have to explain anything for cat. he would have a nebelung cat specifically though. also hey did you know cats hunt birds- amane - cat as well. sorry. i actually dont really know what breed of cat amane's fursona would be- maybe abyssinian? some sort of tabby? mikoto - has two or three fursonas depending on if you're into the trikoto theory. theyre all very bright neon colours. mikoto has a greyhound, john has a jackal, "green" has an ibizan. all three of these canines are thought to be the inspiration behind anubis, egyptian god of taking care of the dead and acting as a protector for them. anubis is also described as a "gate guardian"! hey. hey wait a fucking secon- (i also just think itd be rly funny for mikoto to be able to merge fursonas with john + "green" and make cerberus) kotoko - i dont think you need my input for this one. go watch deep cover and skip to the end idk. i DO associate her with the hyper realistic 4k hd most beautiful art youve ever seen werewolf images specifically though. i like to think she'd be like "my wolf fursonas colours and design have to be REALISTIC. not like MIKOTO'S or FUUTA'S" and then she turns around and gives it red eyes and her exact hairstyle

#this took WAY too long. this is my magnum opus though #if its anything i wanted to be remembered in the milgram fandom for it would be this post specifically #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #sorry es. creating 10-12 fursonas took the brainpower out of me i didnt have enough left for you. i just know itd be sick as hell though #i want to tag furry but i feel like itd be intruding #little guy posting #im open to criticism i want to hear ur opposing takes on what fursonas they'd all have #not open to criticism in the “furries/fursonas are CRINGE” way though. ill just straight up block you for that. shut the fuck up

[lucydoodlessometimes]

Loyal Soldier to the Order of the Pack, Lunar Special Operative- it's always Scarlet Benoit underneath.

Scarlet is a little less jovial than wolf in canon, instead leaning toward dry remarks and humor. She is also much bigger than she is in canon (though I didn't include anyone else for scale... in Ze'evs sheet i will) because. well. genetically modified werewolf super soldiers i rest my case. she takes ze'ev being taken about as well as you'd expect.... by which i mean she, too, spends a quarter of Cress (Thorne?) in a medically induced coma because they cant handle her.

Cinder | Kai | Cress | Thorne | Ze'ev | Jacin | Winter

Original au

#lucy doodles #au #reverse au #lunar chronicles fanart #lunar chronicles #the lunar chronicles #lunar chronicles scarlet #Scarlet benoit #scarlet #tlc scarlet #my art #fanart #marissa meyer #tlc fanart #alright guys how we feel #im a little sad that the full body shot on the left didn't come out how i wanted #so dont be surprised if in a couple bits I upload a better version of her that aligns more with what i actually believe she should look lik #namely #she should have much more in the way of just. raw mass #lunar special operatives are BIG methinks. #tall and broad and built like a brick shithouse yk #anyway. have fun and enjoy mwah

[fluffalpenguin]

Happy Shun Duel Links Day!!! (party popper emoji)

#yugioh arc v #yugioh arc-v #arc-v #shun #yuto #comic #duel links #sorry for the long format but OOH it looks so clean when its all in one line!!! #this almost didn't make it out of my wip jail cells because i spent 30 mins on one of the panels #using references and everything but it just looked super duper odd and it was a waste of time overall #and don't even get me started on the toning (clenches fist) nothing was looking right at one point #but enough about the process i want to talk about the comic itself #part of the motivation for drawing this was seeing all the fluffy shunyoot celebration pics during his roaming event #they ARE cute but also i really really wanted so badly to see shun's visceral reaction that didn't reduce him to mere comedic fodder #(something i'm also guilty of) #so anyway like we always say in ygos we make our own food #wow im rambling anyways the last line of dialogue i had most trouble with but also the most proud of #no shade to the writers of the show (ok maybe like a LITTLE shade) but with this comic i really wanted to reflect the feelings of both #fans of the show as well as fans that left after the ending because that was something i saw floating on jp twitter during the roaming even #and it really made me Think #also can we talk about how in the event yuya was just like hey shun i have a surprise for you!!! haha :] #he was THERE when shun said never appear in front of me ever again did he think shun would just be omg yuto :) #this is why youre my favourite (yuya) #anyways last but not least #the final yuto panel is a healthy mix of guilt + existential dread and doubt about his own existence i hope that was obvious enough

[tendebill]

whipped up this jotun loki between working on both of my diplomas ^-^ its a bit rushed, but i do like how he came out in the end

#art #digital art #tendebill art #character art #loki of asgard #loki (marvel) #loki fanart #loki odinson #loki #loki laufeyson #jotun loki #loki art #im making steady progress on my design and painting diplomas btw #but i still feel like i should have way more done by now considering how little time theres left realistically #with christmas and winter break i hope i can catch up on some of it #pov you have 0 out of 5 posters actually made #i dont even have an approved design for one of my posters #like 4 of em i have the designs down i just need to actually make them in high quality and everythin #and i have half a painting out of 3 #tbf im having a lot of fun working on it #i have been chipping away at it for three days now #but i have to make two more #one of which is going to be just as if not MORE complex as this first one #and the third one should be simpler? #i hope? #anyway if anyone was wondering why im being inactive its cuz of all that #anyway #life update hidden in the tags my beloved

[dapperrokyuu]

Needing a Sua perspective from the ALNST auditions to Round 1. I never put much thought into what happens to the cast post-Anakt Garden graduation (do they immediately go to the auditions? Is there a period of time where they dont see each other until they recognize each other at the audition? Theres a considerable amount of time between the auditions and their Alien Stage season, did they see each other often between then or...? etc.), but regardless, imagine being her and having to choose between sabotaging your own audition so you dont have to go the the Sing, Win, or Die Show or putting your in your all in hopes of winning and spending just a bit more time with this girl you love because you know itll likely be the last time you see her. Imagine...

#dee p thoughts #alien stage #alnst #vivinos #like. not as if life wouldve been sunshine and rainbows if sua failed the audition and never went on alien stage hashtag Im a Pet to Aliens #but like. sua was definitely more in the know. Im not the type to believe mizi was completely naive but I think mizi may have bought into #the idea that dying Wasnt That Bad due to what she was taught and her trust in her owners...until round 1- maybe mizi was confident she'd #truly win and/or her owners praised and made her feel so. sua: ''My dream is Mizi's dream. (paraphrased)'' etc etc #maybe it was the dream of mizi's owners that mizi wanted to fulfill or mizi just wanted to impress her owners in return for their care... #but sua knew. she knew it would either be she never sees mizi again whether she dies or achieve such fame that sua could never reach her... #or sua can spend a little time with her. whatever they have left. whether it was her or mizi the likelihood of them ever seeing each other #again... because mizi is intent on this. she is going to join alien stage. she is going to pass the auditions because she is so dazzling. #...I need to be with her. #I think considering the ivan and sua comic anakt garden may be a pipeline to alien stage? its functionally a music school iirc so I think i #at least gives them a leg up and humans are put into anakt garden with at least some intention of having them try out for alien stage- #but nonetheless I imagine there was a liminal space where none of the cast really knew where their lives were going post-anakt garden. #not that they have much choice in the matter but still dalkjdalkbn- that liminal space mustve been a dark time for majority of them #because well. their owners. and they couldnt meet each other and may never meet again... #regarding the time between the auditions and their alien stage season I imagine its funnily a lot of. training. pr vocals visuals... #they have autographs despite them all potentially dying quickly they had them draft and practice and perfect autographs guys adjlkbnadlfkjf #the look mizi and sua shared in sweet dream when they both passed the auditions together...AUGH.....

[cupidgnome]

Kyle and Kendra got a visit by a disguised vampire at their house and Kendra had already flirted with him which left Kyle feeling worthless, but when they went out for dinner, Kendra and the vampire wouldn’t stop flirting and even shared a kiss in front of everyone. Kyle lost his cool and ended things with Kendra right away. Later that day, they divorced.

#yup my game decided that kendra is a bitch who can't control herself #she was feeling flirty when that vampire came by their house and she flirted with him out of nowhere and it fucked up their marriage a littl #so i decided to fuck up what was left of that marriage in a restaurant because why not #THE FACT THAT THEY JUST HAD A BABY OMG IM HORRIBLE AHJSGJSA #so basically now it's just Kyle and Bronte and he's going to be a single dad at least for now #if we ever see kendra again it's to slap the fuck out of her #oh and i totally will make Bronte hate her and have mommy issues cuz D R A M A #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 vanilla #oakwood #oakwood1

[shipverse]

[Superior Iron Man era AU]

"You've been asleep, Rogers."

"For how long"

Headcanon-ing it as good end fixed!SIMtony AU.. despite the sinister looking first meeting (mind the lighting, Tony😂). Because aside from some tasty initial misunderstandings, I don't really want them to fight anymore, canon already has.. too much!👐)

Steve making a break for it once Tony's back is turned though (just like he did in the movie after waking😂), and Steve getting out there to hear the news about the havoc the depraved Iron Man's caused (before the current fixed!Tony could give him an update on the situation and recruit him), misunderstandings ensue.😎

twitter

#stony #stevetony #SIM!au #inspired and based on one of the pretty covers! #(so many of them are saucy) #drawn back then for halloween stevetony🙌😌 #lol im weak and only handle a certain balance of angst - always with a happy end! #so fixed!sim-tony it is😌🙌 #(feel free to imagine dark!tony au with this tho) #dark au is usually just not my cuppa!🙌💓🍵 #i DO love me a dangerous angsty temporary misunderstanding tho😎👌🔥 #hoooo boy👌🥳🔥✨️✨️ #also Superior Iron Man run left me wanting for a good end timeline sjdvd #I WENT ALL OUT ON THIS and also went a little stir-crazy by the end sjdhs🙌 #still proud of this tho - hope u all enjoy!!🙌🤍🤍 #my art #steve rogers #tony stark #superior iron man #alternate first meetings #tony's backup worked #ステトニ #キャプトニ

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer. #i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love. #im not the type you launch a thousand ships for. #so what's left? #who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture. #i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for. #im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now. #except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving. #i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around. #how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too. #its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out. #ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free? #because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway. #anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good. #please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

[mazzy-rockstar]

Monday blues are hitting me hard today

#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings #but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl #and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back #which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like #i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt #so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me #1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool) #my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and #it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics #even in pics where i was present at the time #and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts #i just want to be important to someone #i want to be someone’s person #not a last resort like #they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left #but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’ #not even a fucking heart on insta stories #am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends #like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup??? #I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one #idk i must exude some sort of energy #i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years #(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders) #anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day #ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life #it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets #i feel like hired entertainment sometimes #idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right? #i have to stop

[orbiyoo]

my half finished clown :] happy halloween

#i really like how the hat n neckpiece came out :) wanted the sleeves a lil poofier but incan always give them a lil fill or something #im gonna finish the full cosplay on my own time maybe formmarch maybe nit. #i got up at 6 this morning to sew the sleeves on USBDUFBFGFJEBHYNSH #i did start the vest i have it all sewn and lined + the collar pinned to it but i just. uhg. the gold edge. fuck that #shoutout to my awesome classmate who gave me gold fabric to do it. sorry i didnt do it yesterday. too sleepy. ONE DAAAAY #i was like NO gold on the sleeves NO red on the puffs ONE button ebcause i dont feel like sewing more #AMEN. #that red fabric. OKAY THAT RED FABRIC FUCKING HTES ME ITS SOME SYNTHETIC WOVEN SHIT THAT WANTS ME DEAD. NOT WORTH IT #sits nicely for the hat. frays like a bitch. skips stitches like a bastard. does NOT want to press or iron. #i only just learned abt the burning synthetic fabric edge to stop it from fraying umm Yesterday thanks to aforementioned awesome classmate #so umm teehee.nits fine zigzag stitch works well enough. Okay im so tired i hust wanted to show off my gay little hat goodnigit #EDIT AAAAH THE PICTURE IS FLIPPED its ok i made sure to get the colors on the proper sides. red is on the left. believe me i made sure.