#i didnt know how to shade the grass lol

[just-peach]

Mkayyyy so a lil ramble into my life im dog sitting for my dad rn and im at his apartment and i was taking our dog out and i saw earlier today there was a motorcycle in the parking lot on the other side and i had been thinking to myself 'oh i wonder who rides that? What type of bike is that' i didnt wanna go to that side bc i have no need too but ive been slowly learning more and more about bikes and riding i dont know if id ever own one but theyd be cool to ride i rode one as a kid once and it was hella thrilling anyways im rambling but im on biketok (biker tiktok) and also masktok (👀🌶 tiktoks about men in mask- idk how i got here either but 😳) and like i was taking out the dog again and theres this patch of grass near the entrance and i saw the guy riding the bike and he was stylish too he didnt have a helmet on but instead wore a balaclava i could tell he was younger maybe like mid twenties (couldnt see his face hence why m not too sure) and ooof dude was really hot (in vibes i obviously dont know him but the clothes the bike was a more unique shade of blue and just ye) and ik he saw me see him but oof im shy and looked back towards my dog (who was also watching him lol) but as soon as he passed by i def looked again and mannnnn👀👀👀👀👀👀 like i wish i wasnt shy so i couldve went up and asked him ahout his bike but i also had the dog(who barks a LOT around new people) and was also in harry potter pj pants and a shitty falling apart hoodie and my glasses (besides when im taking out the dog im alone and dont need to be perceived imma be comfy) so it just wasnt right timing and im embarrassed a tiny bit but ye now im just wondering if im delulu enough to just go wonder around on tinder for awhile and see if i can find any guys with bikes similar on their profile (probably not but hey🤗)

#not nsft #but #nsft #masktok #biketok #bikes #masks #hm should i? #hmmmmm #i think i might

[klayfruit]

been working on this on and off all day, im rly proud of it

#art #nature #mushroom #plants #mentally i am here #i didnt know how to shade the grass lol

[blargh-chicka-honk-honk]

this post prompted a memory i kinda wanted to share, but its a bit long so i figured id make my own post lol.

when i was young, i knew i was supposed to want a husband. so i thought about it a lot, but could never really figure out what i was supposed to want. i could see myself as a grownup, with kids- i didnt know if i wanted kids, i didnt think so, but at least i could visualize it. but i didnt know what it meant to be married, and though i saw my parents love i couldnt understand it in relation to myself.

when i was about fifteen - right when everyone around me was getting more and more excited about romance and relationships- i started noticing how different i felt about those kind of things.

i was told all the usual things, that i was a late bloomer, that id figure it out soon enough, but they didnt make me feel less othered.

what did help, was my dream.

i dreamt i was walking barefoot through a dark forest. the ground was soft, like moss, and i was wearing a long, light dress that touched the ground. as i walked, a saw warm lights ahead of me. there was a clearing, and candles started appearing, hanging in the trees around me. at this point, there was enough light to notice two things i previously had not.

my dress was green at the bottom, by my feet it was the same color as the pale moss and grasses i walked on. it faded to white up to my waist, and then closer to my chest it shaded into a vibrant purple.

also, i was surrounded by white tulle. it wasn't a particularly thick layer, but it was strung from trees and arches around me, creating my aisle, and it completely diffused all light between myself and whatever was on the other side. there were purple and white flowers strung up around me as well. it was quiet, but i could hear a gentle murmur around me, like water or distorted voices. it felt like i was walking incredibly slowly, barely drifting, but eventually i reached the end of the aisle, where the light was brightest, and the tulle archways ended. i was at the altar. i was the only one at the altar. there was a creek burbling to the side, and rows of empty wooden pews, and i was completely alone, and my ceremony was finished when i realized that this is exactly as it should be for me.

i am my own wife, my own husband, i stood in front of that alter and accepted this. there was no one in my pews, not because nobody cared to be there, but because i needed nobody there. i had friends and family, but they weren't a part of this. i woke up with such a sense of completeness.

of course, i still didn't quite get the message my subconscious was basically screaming, and it took me ten more years before i realized i was ace or aro. but i stopped getting impatient at myself for not needing a partner, and that helped me a good deal in the long run.

#happy pride #personal #ok to rb #vinslakte

[tumblunni]

Weirdass Real Cis AF Conversation going on downstairs

"Oh my daughter's wedding yeah i want the girliest dress yeah she loves girly stuff. Like even when she was a baby she'd always wear frilly petticoats."

Like..umm.. You put her in those clothes...?

Serioudly she was on about how she bought a whole fancy old fashioned petticoat for a literal one year olf including frilly knickers, and how THE DAUGHTER IN QUESTION said she didnt want to raise her own kids so heavily gendered from such a young age as she was, but the mom was like "oh just wait til theyre born and you see them! You'll totally understand! Mommy instincts blablabla!"

Like wow i've never seen talk of these certain type of baby underwear instincts before. Seriously man that must be so uncomfortable for a literal one year old in a diaper to have frilly scratchy stuff everywhere?? And like an eight layer petticoat she cant even run around in?? Like if you're really insistant on only buying stereotypically feminine clothes you could just go to the actual baby clothes aisle and pick up something pink? Man it must have been hell for the mom too, to get all that stuff off every time a diaper needs changing!

And then seriously how can you say 'oh my daughter liked that and my son would never like that' when theyre both too young to even say their first word? Of course theyre gonna wear whatever you put on them, they cant exactly fight you off! They dont even have object permenance or a concept of what dresses ARE, let alone the social implications of fashion and gender roles! I just wanted to interrupt and be like "oh your son doesnt like it? So you've let him try it? And you've let your daughter try other outfits too?"

And It doesnt really bloody sound like the daughter liked being dressed that way as a kid if she argued with you about doing it to her own kid. And she was all laughing about "oh lol my son was always covered in sick instead of his clothes, he'd always pull them off haha Boys Amirite". Dude your kid is just a nebulous blob of vague comprehension of the world. Both of them would be running around being 'little terrors' if both of them could run! And serioudly thats just how much babies HATE clothes at first, they dont know why they have to wear a thing around their neck and chest or why its bad to take it off. Can you imagine how much more fidgety a kid would be in the most over the top petticoat nonsense? And not being able to crawl or run or play because she's not allowed to get stains on the stupid thing?

Ugh man i wore a frilly petticoat like that when i was a kid up to around age 6 or 7. Because it was all i had and my parents decided what i wore every day. And i didnt know that some things were 'girly' or 'manly' let alone that i was trans yet! Well i mean i guess i kind of still was me but i didnt know to feel bad about it cos i didnt know boys couldnt wear this or girls had to wear this. I just had no feelings on it except that it was annoyyyyying to wait thru all this long process of putting it on each morning and i'd fidget like hell. And then it was uncomfortable and i just had to get used to it because i thought ALL clothes were just as bad? I liked how the skirt fanned out if i ran but i hated that i wasnt supposed to run in it. And i still tried to run around and climb trees and roll in the grass and hide behind the sofa and make forts and be a "little terror" even when i kept getting told off for "ruining" my good clothes. And i think thats where i started my general hatred of shoes cos those fancy dress shoes were so tight and cut up the back of my feet. I'd take them off as soon as my parents werent watching! And theyd all swear that i "loved" having my hair tied back in a ribbon even though i'd cry about people tpuching and pulling my hair and then keep conveiniently losing the ribbon by the end of the day. Seriously bad parents will just make up a personality for you and never bother to actually ask you! Like i mean i dunno of this lady is a bad parent just cos she believes in kinda exaggerated gender stereotypes, but my parents did and yeah it reminded me of they who were very much not good :/

OH MAN LOL its funny looking back on how my parents were ~so concerned~ at my ~sudden phase~ of hating dresses and choosing to wear "boy clothes" literally AS SOON AS I LEARNED THERE WERE OTHER OPTIONS. And they still chose everything i wore so i'd just have to go for the least feminine of the bunch and like ignore half of the closet until they got the hint. Imagine like entire years of slowly getting slightly more neutral clothes until eventually i had one singular t shirt. Still with care bears on it. And as soon as i actually got to choose my own clothes i was totally off on the me train! "What has caused this alarming new trend out of nowhere?" Asks zero memory mom, who was complaining about the same damn thing every time i did anything non girly for the last decade. Also they complained that i was "less vibrant and happy and didnt run around like you did as a kid" despite the fact they friggin punished me for running around and not being a demure young girl :/

And then there's the whole subject of how all babies regardless of gender wore frilly smocks and bows in victorian times. It was still considered unmasculine for a grown man but it was like in an "immature" sense. It was called the breeching of the child, i think? That age when you get old enough to start wearing pants, it was treated as a lil life milestone celebration. There's loads of other stuff like that of our ideas of masculine and feminine clothing switching sides throughout history! Baby blue was considered the primary feminine colour for a long time, and pink was just considered a shade of manly red. High heels and tights were both invented as male fashions,and you see LOADS of regency era men wearing them in portraits! They only became degraded as a women only thing because crossdressing women would wear them and society had a homophobic transphobic panic and decided to abandon the trend. And over time it was all forgotten and the idea morphed into a 'ultinate symbol of straight femininity' just like it was the ultimate straight masculinity before...

So yeah lol sorry i just overheard a very stupid excuse for why imposing super over the top gender roles on a kid is ~totally good~ and i just went off on a brain thought train about the whole subject. I guess im still a bit upset from the whole transphobic mess yesterday and im probably judging this lady a bit too harshly.

[justventingjustventing-blog]

ok so posting surveys on here in my new thing because i always wanna do it on facebook but never do because people i know dont need to know this shit about me and no one on here is going to read them so fuck yeah

basics what’s your name ➔nunya do you have a nickname ➔ biz do you have a middle name ➔ness do you like your name ➔ no my parents are awful people  do people often mispronounce your name ➔ yes do you like the meaning of your name ➔ my name means “a queen in germany in the like 15oo’s” so yeah when is your birthday ➔ 4/20 how old are you ➔420 do you like your age ➔ well i can buy alcohal so yeah what’s your zodiac sign ➔ pisces 

appearance what’s your hair colour ➔ sand is your current hair colour your natural hair colour ➔yes do you dye your hair ➔ twice do you have natural highlights ➔yeah bitches fuck yall  when was the last time you had a haircut ➔2013 what length is your hair right now ➔ 3 large penises do you have straight, wavy or curly hair ➔ my hair is about as gay as me (its fucking straight) do you have frizzy hair ➔hell nah do you use a curling iron ➔no do you use a hair straightener ➔yes do you braid your hair ➔ when im bored  what’s your eye colour ➔ grass do your eyes change colour ➔no but the lighting around them makes them look different colors  do you wear contacts ➔ no  if so, do you use colour contacts or regular contacts ➔no do you wear glasses ➔ no do you have naturally long eyelashes ➔i was born without eyelashes  do you wear braces ➔ yeah but just as an accessory  do you have dimples ➔yes do you have moles ➔i have frecles do you have outstanding cheekbones ➔well no but just because they didnt get an award in school doesnt mean their not smart  do you have freckles ➔i have moles do you have piercings ➔ yes do you have tattoos ➔yes do you wear make up ➔yes do you paint your nails ➔no  do you wear jewelry ➔ no  are you happy with your height ➔ FUCK NO IM BARLEY TALL ENOUGH TO NOT NEED A FUCKING CAR SEAT  personality would you consider yourself outgoing or shy ➔yes are you sarcastic  ➔no  what’s your biggest fear ➔fear itself  what’s your guilty pleasure ➔mastication (yeah look back at it ya perv, read it wrong fucker.)  are you religious ➔ yes do you get easily along with people ➔yes do you cry easily ➔yes

school (TRIGGER WARNING) do you go to middle school ➔ no? do you go to high school ➔ no? do you go to a private school ➔ no? are you home schooled ➔no what the fuck god  have you gratuated from school ➔GOD  what grade are you in ➔FUCK YOU  have you skipped a grade ➔ IM NOT ANSWERING THE REST OF THE SCHOOL QUESTIONS  have you been held back a grade ➔ have you ever failed a class  ➔ have you been sent to the principals office ➔ have you skipped school ➔ have you cheated on a test ➔ family do you live with your biological parents ➔ yes do you get along with your parents ➔ yes do you tell your parents everything ➔ fuck no  do you have strict parents ➔ im 19 so no I PAY TO LIVE THERE I JUST DONT NEED TO GET AN APARTMENT I SWEAR IM NOT GONNA STAY THERE FOREVER IM LEAVING TOWN IN LIKE 3 FUCKING MONTHS  do you have siblings ➔i have a spawn of satan who used to share a room with me  are you the oldest ➔ yes are you in the middle ➔no what the fuck god why does it make you go through all these just put it in one question damn  are you the youngest ➔ are all of your grandparents still alive ➔ no  friendships do you have a best friend ➔ yes  do you have more than 10 friends ➔ fuck no do you have at least 2 friends you can trust with your life ➔lol probably not they never answer my calls and suck in general  do you have a lot of guy friends, a lot of girl friends or equal girl and guy friends ➔im not in middle school ok i dont give a fuck  do you text with your friends a lot ➔ of course i cant get mad at these stupid questions because i am the one that picked this one oh and also shout out to who ever made this thanks but you suck  relationships what’s your relationship status ➔ MARRIED BITCH  have you ever been in love ➔FUCKING DUH  do you believe in love at first sight ➔NO  have you ever been in a relationship ➔no  have you ever had a secret admirer ➔idk??? if their secret how would i know damn  have you ever been asked out on a date ➔ yes have you ever been kissed ➔no  have you ever made out with someone ➔yes  have you ever been cheated on ➔ yes  have you ever been proposed to ➔ yes  do you want to get married ➔nope  do you want kids ➔dogs  country where were you born ➔F where do you live right now ➔ U have you ever been out of the country ➔yes do you prefer country or city ➔country  do you like sightseeing ➔yes  is one or more of your parents from another country ➔no  what places would you like to visit  ➔ya moms house  are you fluent in more than one language ➔si papi  what languages can you speak ➔german  health do you have any allergies ➔i am allergic to bullshit and with the evolving liberals in this country it has impaired me from going to work YOU PEOPLE OWE ME  are you lactose intolerant ➔na have you had surgery ➔na have you had stitches ➔na have you broken a bone ➔ na  has someone close to you died of a disease ➔ya do you exercise a lot  ➔ na  experiences have you ever had a near death experiene ➔everything out of my confort zone is a near death experience to me  have you ever been on a plane ➔ ya have you ever had an allnighter ➔i have pulled an all nighter but i have never had one  have you ever been to school/work after a sleepless night ➔no i just skip and then sleep. light burns my skin sometimes  have you ever been in a physical fight ➔ya have you ever been to a wedding ➔my own  have you ever been to a funeral ➔ yes  have you ever lived in a different country ➔yes. america is a very different place and i would not suggest going there have you ever been drunk ➔ yes have you ever been trick or treating ➔ nope. jk yes my parents loved me  have you ever been in a school play ➔yes.  have you ever been to a camp ➔what kind of camp are we talking about? because honest to god no jokes aside i read it and thought it meant concentration camp but them i was like no fucking way thats awful no way thats what they mean have you ever driven a car ➔  WHAT AGE GROUP WAS THIS MEANT FOR  skills how many languages are you fluent in ➔ YOU ALREADY ASKED THIS BITCH  have you ever read a book in another language ➔yes but i had no idea what it was saying  can you roll your tongue ➔ fuck yeah can you braid hair ➔already asked this question oml can you do a handstand ➔ yes if someone is holding my feet habits do you crack your knuckles ➔yeah and now i have to bitch  do you bite your nails ➔no thats fucking gross  do you bite your lips ➔why is this here but not smoking

favourites what’s your favourite movie ➔ donnie darko all the way motha fucka what’s your favourite tv show ➔shameless what’s your favourite book ➔ dont remember what its called but its a sex novel (and not 50 shade of grey fuck that shit)  what’s your favourite song ➔ this question is so stupid everyone answers it by saying “idk theres so many”  what’s your favourite colour ➔ㅠㅣㅐㅐㅇ ㅐㄱ뭏ㄷ lol im in korea and acedentally typed that. sorry if its offensive.  what’s your favourite animal ➔ㄹ허ㅗㅎㄹㅀㅎㅅ쇼롷ㄹ홀쇼ㅗㅎㄹ what’s your favourite season ➔ ㅁ숒ㄷㅀㄷㄷㄴㅁㄷㅈㄱㄴㅇㅈㄷ퓨ㅕㅑㅁ퓨ㅗㅑㅕㅁㅎ러아호 this or that summer or winter ➔녀ㅡㅡㄷㄱ  day or night ➔ㅜㅑ홋  cats or dogs ➔DOGS  rain or shine ➔RAIN  coffee or tea ➔TEA reading or writing ➔WRITING  humorous or serious ➔SERIOUS DUH HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING THIS  brown or blue eyes ➔blue  single or group dates ➔ well im not into orgies  texts or calls ➔calls  driving or walking ➔drive  last last phone call ➔the hub hub last text ➔ditto  last song you listened to ➔some song the hubs was listening to while we were on the phone  last thing you ate ➔dick  last thing you drank ➔water  last purchase ➔food  last time you cleaned your room ➔ literally never  last time you’ve been on a date ➔yesterday