#i dont have energy to talk to friends and i wnat to so bad

[justcallmesakira]

"WINE AND LOVEBITES"

Sypnosis: You lover bought a new wine today but he prefers tasting something else, afterall it is his birthday.

Genre: suggestive *very*, romance

Warnings: sfw! lovebites, hickeys, reader buys cake from drug dealer ^^

Chuuya x fem! reader (no prns mentioned tho)

A/N: this was actually a gift for @rusmii who is literally DOWN BAD for him. i dont get why you all simp for chuuya! But like it is his birthday sooo!

You adjusted the table to the right size and heaved a sigh of accomplishment. Chuuya was coming home early yonight and whats better than surprising him with a yummy dinner with his favorite wine.

Ding ding!

"Oh! Must be chuuya!" you put out your thoughts as you rush to open the door.

You welcome chuuya's smiling figure inside, looks like he already knew. "Tough day at work, sweetheart"

"i see, well I got the perfect solution to that!" you cheerfully voiced before presenting a wonderful dinner and a cake in the middle of it.

Chuuyas eyes widened with literal sparkles, it was like he saw his friends back again, it felt like it was his first time seeing his favourite movie, it felt like he saw his favourite brand of wine presented infront of him..

No it was better when you were rambling about how hard you worked and burnt the water, your cheerful and ecstatic was way better than any gifts he could receive.

Chuuyas lips met yours which shocked you for a while but you instantly shook your head and sat infront of him.

"Happy birthday chuuya, i am so glad you survived to live this day. I am more then glad to have you sit infront of me with that beautiful smile of yours." you softly smile.

The ginger sits infront of you with a satisfied face.

"Babe did you just read out a Facebook quote which was posted 5 years ago?" he asks blinking to which you only smile.

"shush chuuya, sometimes some things should stay silent like the drug dealer i blackmailed into giving me this cake "

"[name] what"

You two talk over the delightful course of dinner. As time passes but with you two rambling about your day.

The ginger cuts the cake with a swift motion of time. "blackforest? wasnt it expensive, love.

"Your mpre expensive then any cake flavour, chuuya all of the sweetcakes in the world wouldnt be enough for you" you tilt your head at him, a soft smile presented on your lips as a small flash of blush appears in his cheeks.

"goddammit [name], you make me so damn flustered" chuuya sputtered. "good" "GOOD? I am supposed to be the one making you tipsy not the other way around?"

"Too. Bad!" you ended both of yours silly argument before walking to the sink with the dishes.

"Ah that's right I bought some wine today. Could you bring the glasses, love?" he has to give up arguing with you as much as he's a top master at arguments and creative insults, he really doesn't wnat to waste his energy on fighting with his girlfriend.

"Yeah sure" you pick up the two glasses from the cabinet at the top and almost stumble on your feet before chuuya comes behind you holding you in place,hand on waist.

"Calm down (name) I dint want you breaking your back on my birthday" you felt his calm voice hush the adrenaline in your body down as your process whatever in the name of shoujo manga just happened.

His gloved hands pour the content of the wine onto the glass. "only one cup?.."

"We can share" he picks up the glass and gently places you on the counter, taking an elegant sip from the it before pushing it towards your lips.

You hesitate before using your fingers to slightly hold on to the glass before swallowing the red wine.

"But you know (name).." he smirks, a snarky type smirk

"I would prefer to swallow you rather than some cheap wine..." chuuyas breathe smoothes down your neck before you could react, his lips almost attaching itself onto the skin like a leech

You could feel his teeth deepening on your collarbone, as he slowly slips the sweater off your shoulder.

"chuuya.." you softly moan out his name, your shirt only covering your mind breast

His mouth was everywhere on your collarbone, and so was his hand exploring your waist soothingly. Hickeys and lovebites could be seen in your neck, red as wine.

"Let's take this to the bedroom shall we, dear? I need to finish my birthday present properly don't it?"

A/N: sorry this was late guys! Examss

tags: @little-miss-chaoss @inojuuy @terururuko @biscuits-tragic-diner

#chuuya x reader #Chuuya nakahara x reader #bsd #Bsd x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #nakahara chuuya #Nakahara chuuya x reader #bsd nakahara chuuya #Chuuya bsd #Bsd chuuya #Bungou stray dogs x reader #Chuuya x gn reader #chuuya x fem!reader

[candyskiez]

Girl help I am completely giving up 👍

#my father is abusive and nobody beleives me #my sister who doenst live with us's husband is abusive #i have nowhere to go #my therapist didnt believe me about my shit #i am trapped #it doesnt matter what i do im just. fucked. #fuck #im sk tired #im so fucking tired #i dont have energy to talk to friends and i wnat to so bad #all my energy is bejng used ul by living with my fucking abusers #and i cant fucking help my friends anymore #im spending all my energy trying to keep my abusers from killing me #god #im tired #im so tired #i jusg want it to stop #candyskiez vent

[matchamorphosis]

okie this is my current daddy ari thought- 💘

ive been kind of sick all day today (i think its because im gonna get my period soon) and i just thought of daddy! ari already knowing before you woke up that you were feeling down, because you were sweating and whimpering a little in your sleep. and lo and behold when you wake up your nose is stuffy and eyes feel heavy and watery and you have a tummy ache and hes just already on it :(

helping you out of bed to take a quick shower to change out of your pajamas into a fresh pair, putting lotion on your face and helping you brushing your teeth before hes carrying you back to bed and you whine for his warmth again but he shushes you with forehead kissies and gently telling you hes gonna get you some breakfast so you can take your medicine and that makes you pout but he turns on your favourite little movie and gets you comfy in your bed with your stuffies before he’s making you a nutritious meal that he hopes will give you some sort of energy (because like you said daddy prioritizes health a lot!)

you’re so engrossed in the movie you dont even realize your daddy coming back and he smiles softly when he looks at you all cozy, but his heart still pangs because youre his baby and you aren’t feeling good and not nearly as energetic and talkative as you usually are. he brings you the food and you make grabby hands at him so he chuckles and pulls you into his lap while feeding you fruits and oatmeal, blowing on it if its too hot and waiting for you to finish chewing before he brings another spoonful to your mouth. and then he gently scolds you for chewing too fast to which you pout and look at him with wide eyes and he kisses your nose 🥺

then afterwards he helps you take your medicine and you scrunch your face up at first liek “ew daddy no don’t wnat it” and he’s giving you his stern daddy look but still rubbing your back and holding you close like, “but princess you need it to be healthy and strong. if you take your medicine daddy will buy you a new stuffie” and well duh youre gonna listen now so you take your medicine like a big girl and hes so proud and praising you and calling you his big girl 🥺

he is more than content to spend the whole day with his princess, giving her tummy and back rubs while she slowly drifts in and out of sleep.

okay bye brain empty i want this even though it was kind of all over the place skdkkd💘💘

OMG JASMEEN THIS IS PERFECT!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺 this certainly is not all over this place this was fricking amazing, like I know daddy!ari is attentive and soft and caring and will do anything to help his little one feel better and this was perfect! 💖🥺💗💕🥺💞💓

i’m on my period right now and my cramps get really really bad 🥺 like they’re so bad that I feel so unmotivated to take care of myself but this is so soft and the thought of daddy taking care of me is all I need 💗 I will think of this when my cramps kick in! 💕💕💕

AND YOURE UNDERSTANDING WHERE I’M COMING DROM WHEN I SAY THAT DADDY TAKES HIS HEALTHY LIFESTYLE SERIOUSLY! 💗💗💗 his little girl has to eat nutricious foods all the time, have the most attention all the time, take care of herself all the time and be cared for and loved all the time so it’s only maximizes when she isn’t feeling well! 💕💕💕

the stuffie part was so cute i’m all soft 🥺 we don’t like yucky medicine but daddy’s kisses and the promised stuffie will do us justice 💖💖💖 i wan lambie stuffie 🥺 they’ll be a good friend to moo moos 💓

#jasmeen ☁️🦋✨ #🌟 ​jasmeens concepts 🌟 #daddy!ari levinson × reader #i’m so soft I wan this #🥺🥺🥺

[bpdfoxmulder]

im isolating myself but like. its not like anyone cares like someone maybe does a little bit but like. lets see. im gonna rant a looot under the cut im sorry

best friend abandoned me months ago an di still think abt her every fucking single day and i never got closure and it. hurts like hell

the first irl friend i had made in like......... idk years?? decided to leave me behind and it hit me so fucking hard tht i almost killed myself (after attempting very recently)

other best friend is not having the best of times even tho they said it got a bit better  in their last text but like i cant ansdwer them bc 1. if i open whatsapp i think abt my irl friend who left me and like the fucking idiot i am i go rereading our last conersation when she told me we shouldnt be friends anymore. 2. im so sos o scared theyll leave me too im like. i cant do it i cant i wnat to disappear and the only ways i can do tht is isolating mysekf abd killing myself haha im so fucked also i mthe worst friend in the world but i just cant

friend who said she was gonna be there for me and after i told her not to ignore me esp after i attempted suiide bc im v fragile................ well she ignored me for TEN days like. do u know how fucking long that is TEN DAYS like our last convo was “i gotta go to class brb ily” “ily2!” and theb. she never was “right back” lmao instead she didnt message me for t e n days abd now shes like i havent forgotten abt u i promise LIKE UHM OKAY U KNOW I HAVE BPD. u know i was abandoned by my best friend. u know i attempted suicide. but ALRIGHT IM JUST SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE U WERENT IGNORING ME im just supposed not to feel betrayed and ignored and fuckignf abandoned. lmao sure. so ofc im ignoring her too.

other friend is checking on me every day which is. nice even tho theyre doing it mostly bc they cant handle people close to them dying so. they dont want me to kms bc of that. idk i think theyre great but??? i dont trust them??? bc all my friends always leave me so why shouldnt they leave me too U K NOW lmao

other friend messaged me some days ago to check on me and like. tbh hes always been so kind to me and he doesnt deserve me ignoring him like AT ALL i feel like complete shit doing it but. again. cant trust him. also my brains like “yeah sure he checked on u but he doesnt seem too worried that u havent answered so does he REALKY care or is he actually secretly relieved that he doesnt have to put up with u??”

my therapist. jesus. i feel like she hates me. i bailed on her for 2 weeks ib a row and im, having LOTS of trouble trusting her and i told her and like. i know she cares but... she must be so fucking tired of me like i called her the day my irl friend left me and she tried to caln me down but i just kept saying “i cant i canbt i cant” so she told me to go to the hospital and i did but like. yesterday i didnt manage to call her when i was bad and i relapsed and i feel like killing myself every day and i cry and stay in bed all day every day and i just. cant trust her so i dont call her and i feel guilty but idk what to do

talking abt going to the hospital. my mum was the one who took me there. she talked to my therapist who i suppose told her my life was in danger or smth and.... god. my mum was so angry. she kept screaming at me things like there are kids who dont have food there are ppl who dont have their arms anymore and u feel bad?? and like... i told her i felt abandoned and she was like there are people without their family you have us and u have the courage to ssay u feel abandoned?? she told me i cant always react like this and i couldnt explain tht i cant control my reaction like later she was like u think i dont have problems? and i tried to tell her that i know she does but she doesnt have an illness like i do that makes me react in a certain way to things that to her seem managable in healthy ways. but she doesnt understand bpd she doesnt understand mental illness. and she said such mean things abt my therapist so did my father they were like why do u talk to her she just damages u shes bad for u stuffvlike that and.. tbh i donteven remember all the mean things my mum yelled at me and even if she kind of apologized i still feel very guilty and just. bad

in conclusion. i cant trust anyone. i want to kill myself every day but i dont even have to energy to leave my bed. im isolating myself so no one else can hurt me. and now im gonna cry myself to sleep bci wont be able to avoid thinking abt all the things that remind me of the friends who left me

#txt #how do i tw this ??? #i dont have the energy to reread and tag properyl #i dont have any followers anyway so no onell read it

[cryinghole-blog]

Xav: I'll talk to you on Steam but won't join tipchat again

Chinye: whats wrong

Xav: I dunno

Xav: I'm yelling a lot

Xav: Keep on changing what I want to do

Xav: Keep on fidgeting

Xav: So I'll talk after this shower

Chinye: ok

Chinye: i hope u feel better

Chinye: is something about tipchat bothering u?

Chinye: something i said?

Xav: No, it's me

Xav: I got upset in the shower. When I'm calmed down I'll tell you

Chinye: can i help?

Xav: I just need to unload on you

Xav: Sorry in advanced

Chinye: ok

Xav: Just here's the jist

Xav: I'm lazy

Chinye: lazy?

Chinye: i dont really get that impression with you

Chinye: did you forget to do something?

Xav: okay im back on

Xav: this might take a while

Xav: because i just have a horrible feeling in my gut

Xav: but the main reason why i am in my current life circumstance is that I'm lazy

Xav: 2010, first year of high school

Xav: everything was okay besides friend

Xav: 2011

Xav: i couldn't develop a study strategy

Xav: because I didn't feel like it

Xav: and pushed away the worries by either talking to people, playing games, watching things, etc.

Xav: this manifested

Xav: i started to not ask for help

Xav: because I didn't want to

Xav: and it was so much effort

Xav: this started spilling into everything

Xav: in life

Xav: today

Xav: i didn't eat breakfast

Xav: because i didn't want to

Xav: i didn't walk peggy

Xav: because i didn't want to

Xav: didn't do washing, the dishes, clean up

Xav: didn't go outside

Xav: it goes into video games

Xav: i can have more fun in Granblue if I looked up what I should do next and grind

Xav: but I'm lazy

Xav: and don't want to put in effort

Xav: so I just whine about my current situation

Xav: i would put more effort into trying to rebuild friendships

Xav: but I'm lazy

Xav: t would require too much effort

Xav: and make me anxious

Xav: and runin mty day

Xav: so I resort to staying inside

Xav: I was in the shwower

Xav: I was too lazy to get out

Xav: i just let the water envelop me

Xav: Like a wet and slippery cocoon

Xav: I don't try to develop new hobbies

Xav: Because that requires me to fail first to improve

Chinye: you sound like me

Xav: and I don't want to do that

Xav: I am too lazy to get up

Chinye: thats exactly how i am

Xav: too lazy to get dressed

Xav: too lazy to look for a job

Xav: too lazy to seek help from free government services

Xav: too lazy to tell mum and dad my real inner problems

Xav: too lazy to even start a conversation with my surviving friends

Xav: too lazy to become alive

Xav: too lazy to defend myself

Xav: i just take each blow

Xav: too lazy to do these stretches which will stop me feeling pain

Xav: too lazy to stop any of this happening

Xav: too lazy to believe in myself

Chinye: do you have anything that motivates you

Xav: i dunno

Xav: i just wanna go to sleep

Xav: because im too lazy to figure out what to do for the rest of the day

Xav: Too lazy to even try to find someone to fuck the pain away

Xav: I'm too lazy to find out if I even like dick

Xav: I've just masturbated to some dumb doujins online

Xav: had one boyfriend

Xav: who hadn't even transitioned yt

Xav: and i label myself as bi/pan

Xav: too lazy to get to the root of the problem

Xav: too lazy to get better at video games

Xav: doesn't that just make your skin crawl?

Xav: i want to do all these things

Xav: but this little thing in my head just makes me this walking zombie

Chinye: it doesnt really make it crawl but it makes me lock up a bit

Chinye: because i have exactly the same problem

Chinye: no motivation to do anything

Chinye: too lazy to fix my problems

Xav: i can feel my energy leak out

Chinye: I dont know what to say about it

Xav: all the positivity

Chinye: cause like im exactly the same

Xav: i want to cut off my limbs

Chinye: I wish there was a magic fix

Chinye: :(

Xav: and im too lazy to stop talking and think about your feelings

Chinye: you dont need to stop

Xav: i just keep on going

Xav: and impede negativity onto you

Chinye: negativity doesn't bother me

Chinye: I can handle it

Xav: even though i know how you feel because i've been in your spot so many times

Chinye: I just am thinking about it

Chinye: I dont know how to solve problems i have myself

Chinye: its good to know im not alone though

Xav: i'm too lazy to tell people what they say makes me feel horrible but i bottle it up and struggle to help them but all i can do is hit these plastic objects

Chinye: I thought other people just had motivation to do things

Chinye: and that things were just harder for me

Xav: which then sends an impulse to wiring then goes through all of these devices

Xav: to someone else

Chinye: Do i make you feel bad?

Chinye: with anything i say?

Chinye: I can stop dumping emotional stuff on you

Xav: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mWotngJBcc

Xav: i can't stop talking to you though

Xav: because then you will have to talk to someone else

Xav: and gothrough the same process

Chinye: I can keep it in

Chinye: and deal with it myself

Chinye: like should've done in the first place

Xav: you;'ll hurt yourself in the

Xav: process

Chinye: i'm sorry i've been dumping stuff on you

Chinye: I wont anymore

Xav: no

Chinye: thanks for all the help so far though

Xav: i want to be strong

Xav: i want to be strong for you

Xav: but i'm just so squishy

Xav: and take everything to heart

Chinye: i told you before

Chinye: i can handle it myself

Xav: i dont want you to be in pain

Chinye: i just got weak

Chinye: and let it fall on someone else

Chinye: dont worry about it anymore

Xav: i failed

Chinye: how?

Chinye: we're still gonna hang out

Chinye: and talk

Chinye: just not about sad stuff

Chinye: unless you need help

Chinye: maybe it'd be good to get some sleep though

Chinye: you said you were tired

Chinye: and i dont want you ot be upset

Xav: i donm't know

Xav: do we even have anything else to talk about?

Chinye: ofc we do

Chinye: are u joking

Chinye: i think were really good friend

Chinye: s

Chinye: we can talk about games

Chinye: and shows

Chinye: and things going on in discord

Xav: every day i just feel weaker and weaker

Xav: yesterday was fine

Xav: i don';t know why

Xav: everything felt different

Xav: but just

Xav: thinking of anything

Chinye: its my fault

Xav: makes me collapse

Chinye: you have been dealing with other peoples problems

Xav: no

Chinye: in addition to your own

Chinye: ofc its gonna be hard

Xav: please no

Chinye: ???

Xav: i don't wnat it ot be like this

Chinye: what to be like what

Chinye: im confused sorry

Xav: i dunno

Chinye: oh ok well

Chinye: if you wanna play games

Chinye: or anything

Chinye: let me know

Chinye: get some rest tho

Chinye: noob

Xav: i want to be stronger for you

Xav: for everyone

Chinye: then get there

Chinye: prepare yourself

Chinye: but that doesnt mean you gotta deal with everything at once

Xav: i want this feeling in my chest to go away

Chinye: sleep

Xav: it's 4:30 pm

Chinye: its the best way to get rid of feeling like that

Xav: it will ruin my day

Chinye: listen to music?

Chinye: im not sure

Xav: none of my music is particularly good at making me feel better

Chinye: you could finish koboyashi

Xav: i watch it with friends

Chinye: watch an anime from my list

Chinye: anything 8 and above is good

Xav: im too lazy to do anything new

Chinye: have you seen no.6?

Chinye: its shonnen ai

Chinye: but its really lite

Chinye: and good

Chinye: im thinking about going to sleep

Chinye: im really tired

Chinye: despite sleeping a bunch

Xav: okay

Chinye: not sure yet

Xav: dont ruin your sleep schedule this weekend

Xav: i want you to go to work on monday

Chinye: thanks dad

Chinye: :P

Xav: sorry, just can't think of anything funny atm

Chinye: lol you dont have to

Chinye: go eat a sanger

Chinye: or whatever u called them

Xav: i just feel frail and stale

Chinye: stale?

Chinye: you are a really nice person

Chinye: and i really think you brighten people around you

Chinye: a mood booster

Xav: it;s not enough

Chinye: its some though

Chinye: better than being someone who brings others down

Chinye: if everyone was like that

Chinye: things would be great

Xav: i;m going to be a pig and order food now

Chinye: wish i did that

Chinye: the sub i had when i woke up was gross

Chinye: lol

Xav: hoping mum won't look at the credit card bill

Xav: she was suggesting i make something for myself

Xav: but im just so weak

Xav: i didn't even make that sandwich i said i was going to make

Chinye: want me to paypal u money

Xav: no

Chinye: so u can order food

Chinye: and u just pay me back somehow

Xav: somehow will be in 2 years

Xav: maybe more

Chinye: it doesnt have to be with money n

Chinye: nerd

Xav: i've given you all i have

Chinye: what would food even cost

Chinye: like $20?

Xav: this place's minimum order is $20

Xav: the HSP was 13.50

Chinye: just let me know if u want me to

Chinye: and i'll paypal u it

Xav: i got a milkshake but it was shit

Chinye: you dont even have to give back

Xav: i can't let you do that

Chinye: i dont want you to get yelled at

Xav: Mum doesn't yell

Chinye: sorry

Chinye: shamed at

Xav: i can deal with it

Chinye: you dont have to if u let me help

Chinye: but ok

Chinye: its up to you

Xav: i just can't sorry

Chinye: ok...

#cryhole