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marveloussupernerd · 3 years

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im going to come thru and request one of your holiday prompts!! please do jumin saying number twelve 💀💀 but like it’s the penthouse

Christmas Lights and Bruises - Jumin Han

This is from my Christmas prompt list , requests are currently open so feel free to request :)

Prompt: “I fell off the roof putting up Christmas lights”

Summary: Jumin really wanted you to have the best Christmas ever. If that meant he got a few bruises along the way... well... that was okay by him

FIRST OF ALL after a Google search: a fall from over 50 ft will almost def kill u and Jumin lives on the eighth floor at least (80 ft up min) so he would die. I’m not trying to kill him SO we’re just gonna say that the penthouse ceilings are high and he had to use a ladder to line the ceiling w lights

ANYWAYS ty for requesting bb I love you and literally everyone has requested seven for these prompts but you ? Just saying this is like everyone else erasure (no h8 to those requested seven tho :))

You were going to go for a nice day out while Jumin finished up some work at the home office. He didn’t have too too much, but he still sent you to the hairdressers because you were in need of a cut, and he wanted to get your nails done too while you were at it. You opted for the cut first.

Christmas was only in a few more weeks; you were so excited! This was your first Christmas with Jumin by your side (more notably as your HUSBAND by your side), so you wanted to make it special. The past few Christmases had been meh for you so you really wanted to make this one fun. You had already ordered his present and it was on its way. Soon you wanted to put the tree up too!

You hadn’t opted to get too too much off for your haircut, a little over an inch (2.5 cm) or so, but you were still excited to have it look all nice and fancy. Plus the hairdresser was always soothing. After she had washed your hair you made you way over to the seat to start the cut.

Not even half your head cut later and you were getting a phone call from one of the building’s security guards. He knew where you were at the moment so you figured it was important. You asked your hairstylist to wait a moment then picked up the call. “This is Mrs. Han.”

“I’m so glad I got a hold of you. Uh, your husband has had a fall...”

“A fall? Is he okay?” Your hairdresser raised her eyebrow.

“He refuses to lay down and rest. I swear I heard something crack so I called the doctor...” he sounded concerned.

“Alright. I’m on my way.” You took off the cape and stood up, hair still wet and half-cut. “I’ve got to go. Can we finish this later?”

With all the money she was getting paid? Of course she wouldn’t say no. She nodded and wished you the best. You flung on your heavy coat and headed out.

“Would you like me to send Driver Kim?” The guard asked.

“That won’t be necessary. I’m only a few blocks away. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

You hightailed it to the penthouse. How did he fall!? He was supposed to be working. Your face was cold; it was below freezing out and your wet hair certainly wasn’t helping. Maybe you should have brought a scarf.

You rushed into the building, heading up to the penthouse floor and to the front door. The security guards were waiting for you. “Mrs Han.” They greeted you, standing at attention.

“Is he okay? Where is he?” You questioned.

“He’s likely at his desk right now, Ma’am. The doctor should be here in about 15 minutes.”

You rushed through the door, not bothering to take off your coat (you were cold enough already granted) and rushed to the office, knocking before opening the door immediately.

Jumin was at his desk, typing away at his computer. He looked up to you and smiled, then winced. “You’re home early.”

“Jumin!” You rushed by his side, kneeling next to him. “Are you okay? You had me worried.”

“Oh,” he waved his hand to disregard what had happened. “You heard about that. I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to be strong around me,” you cupped his cheek in your hands. “Won’t you lay down until the doctor gets here?”

He sighed. “I suppose if you’d like me to.”

You grabbed his arm as he stood up, carefully guiding him to bed. “Would you care to tell me how you fell?”

“Well... I might as well since you’re about to find out anyways. I... fell off the roof putting up Christmas lights.” He sounded dejected. You helped sit him down gently in bed.

“The roof!? Jumin we’re on like the eighth floor!?” You were shouting. You were just so shocked.

“Oh... not the roof. The... ceiling? I tried to line the ceiling with Christmas lights for you in the living room. But... I fell off the ladder.” You pulled the blanket over him.

“Oh Baby,” you stroked some of the hair out of his face. “You didn’t have to put those up. We can pay someone to put those up.”

“But... I know how much you love Christmas and I wanted to make it extra special for you.”

“I know. I bet it looks great,” you kissed his cheek.

“Not really... the lights are hanging around only half lit up.

“Well I’m proud of you anyway. Now where does it hurt?”

He looked kind of uneasy, as though he still didn’t want you to know how much it hurt. He had a tight frown on his face. “My... chest. I don’t know. Right here?” He pointed under his chest. Men were never very good at injuries, huh.

“Your ribs? We’ll have the doctor check them out. You might have a concussion too if you hit your head.” You gently pressed a kiss to his lips. “You’re so sweet. But please, let me help next time. You had me worried sick.” Your eyes were glossy. What a stupid thing to cry over. But you were quite upset. What if he had gotten severely hurt? What if he had actually tried to do this outside?

“Okay. But I’m okay, alright?” He reached forward slightly to unbutton your winter coat, pushing it off your shoulders. “Oh my,” he muttered under his breath.

“Oh my what?” Your voice was just as soft to match his.

“Your hair... has looked better. I thought I had paid to have it done.” His hand reached out to touch your hair, a crunching sound being made as soon as he touched it.

“Oh, it probably froze. I, uh, left as soon as I heard. She only had time to cut half of it. But, I’ll get it done later! So long as you’re okay. You know, I can actually just have them come here so I can stay with you if you-“

“Honey,” he cut you off. You looked back at him. He had a warm smile on his face. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“I’ll make you some tea while we wait for the doctor. He should be here any minute though.” You stood from your spot, but Jumin caught your wrist before you could leave.

“Stay here with me. Call the Chef to make tea or something. I just... want you here for now.” His eyes looked sleepy. How could you refuse? You sat down on the side of the bed, shifting so you could stroke his hair. He shut his eyes as you waited.

The doctor said he had bruised a rib. He probably also had a minor concussion and should rest as much as possible and avoid stressful work. He clearly didn’t know Jumin. Still, you’d try your best to keep him resting for the next few days. He lived and worked in such a fast-paced environment that the doctor worried any work could set him off and make his conditions worse.

“Watch Christmas movies with me?” You asked, after the doctor had left. You had put your hair up so that you didn’t have to look at it, half-cut, every time you passed a mirror. If the hairdresser didn’t get here soon you’d cut it yourself. It was that annoying. Still, for the sake of Jumin, you tried to ignore it.

“I haven’t seen very many,” he commented, eyes locked on you as you climbed into bed, pajamas and fuzzy socks on. “Christmas movies.”

“For real!?” You took the remote from the bedside table and climbed under the blankets, scooting closer to your husband. He was on his back, head propped up by pillows. He wanted to switch to his side but you wouldn’t let him. It would hurt!

He pulled you closer by the waist until your head was resting on his shoulder. “For real. I’ve only seen... hm... A Christmas Carol. It’s A Wonderful Life...”

“That’s all!?” You moved yourself off his shoulder to look at him in disbelief.

“And Rudolph.”

“That’s still all!? We have so many to watch.”

“But my work-“

“Nope. I’ll arrange for someone else to do it. We have to watch Elf. And The Santa Clause. And Frosty the Snowman. And The Polar Express! And.. so many more!” You snuggled back next to him, using the remote to pull up the first Christmas movie of the night.

He sighed, rolling his eyes playfully.

“I cannot believe you rolled your eyes!” You teased. “What have you done for 27 years without me!? Without these movies!?” He flinched. “Oh! I’m sorry,” you pushed away from him slightly. “I hadn’t realized I was hurting you.”

“No, come back.” He was POUTING. Pouting. You had never seen him pout like that. You didn’t move though. “I don’t mind it.”

You huffed at him.

“Okay.” He scooted closer to you. “If you get on the other side we can cuddle and it won’t hurt. Because it’s my good side. How about that?”

You climbed over him, sitting on his other side, resting your head on his shoulder. “Better?��

“Better,” he sighed. He grabbed your hand in his. “Now start the movie. It seems I have a lot to catch up on!”

With all the movies and excitement and you, how could he possibly go back to work?

Bye writing for Jumin is my element I was so happy writing this. Ik I write for him a lot and if I write for any character too much it’s like blah. But he rlly is my favorite character :) I love him

#mystic messenger #mysme #Jumin han #Christmas

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nazghoulz · 4 years

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The Definitive Ranking of Richard Armitage’s Acting Roles, Rated Exclusively by How Hot I Find Him In Screengrabs

Richard Armitage. As a diehard Thorin Oakenshield fan I certainly have a complicated relationship with him, mainly because I can never decide if I find him inherently hot or not. On the one hand, I’m a hardcore Thorinfucker. On the other hand my gay ass sees a headshot of Mr. Armitage and I’m just like, “Oh, no thank you.” So in order to set myself to rights, I have gone through Mr. Armitage’s IMDB and done a definitive ranking of all his 44 screen roles on there, based completely and arbitrarily on how hot I find him in screenshots. (Thank you to all the hardcore Armitage Fuckers who keep wordpress blogs with screengrabs of his various cameos and bit parts; my respect for you cannot be put into words.) I haven’t seen like 90% of these properties, and I didn’t bother to research them, so these are mainly just gut first impressions. I hope this helps anyone else out there who as confused by him as I am. Enjoy ?

44. Father Quart in The Seville Communion/The Man From Rome (2020) — ??/10

I don’t think this movie is out yet? Idk I haven’t been able to find any stills of him, let alone much information about the movie itself. It’s listed on his IMDB though! And apparently he’s playing a priest...which could be extremely 👁️👁️ if done correctly.

43. Unnamed Naboo Fighter Pilot in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) — 1/10

OH SWEETIE NO!!!!! This physically pains me to say this, because I unironically love this terrible movie with my whole heart, but unlike a yung Kiera Knightley’s role (pictured front and center) as Padmé’s loyal body double Sabé, this is probably a cameo that we would all like to forget about. The only thing Richard has to offer is this unfortunate turtle-faced realness. This helmet does him no favors.

42. Man in Pub in Boon (1992) — 2/10

As far as I know this is Richard’s first acting credit on IMDB, and he for sure is working the background extra energy. Go on girl give us nothing! He does have a decent backside though, and it’s better than looking at unfortunate turtle face, so I give this one a 2.

41. Paul Andrews in Between the Sheets (2003) — 2/10

I can’t really articulate why, but I absolutely despise every screenshot I see of Richard Armitage in this role. He is completely unhot, and not even in a way I can laugh at. He takes no advantage of his assets, he has no charisma, no magnetism, no nothing. This is Richard Armitage at his most white bread rando, in a way that makes me actively dislike him. Pbbbbttth. Bad. Throw this whole thing away.

40. Craig Parker in Casualty (2001) — 2/10

I don’t know, it’s like the perfect storm of the gelled 2001 hair, the terrible quarter? eighth? zip sweater, and overall, er, skeezy vibes that he gives off that makes him particularly unhot in this role. Perhaps not as reprehensible as Unhot Paul, but still. I think the sheer boringness of this has to count for something. Blech.

39. Dr. Tom Steele in Doctors (2001) — 2.5/10

He honestly looks like a villain in an early season of Alias, which... well. Quentin Tarantino was cast as a bit-part villain in Alias season one, so take that as you will. But at least he’s compelling here, which is why he gets half a point over Unhot Paul.

38. Steven in Frozen (2005) — 3/10

Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends! Also short haircuts do nothing for you, Richard. Styled like this, they just serve to make you look sort of like a sleaze.

37. Peter Macduff in ShakespeaRe-Told (2005) — 3/10

He honestly looks like he could be a guest star in Friends in this one, where he’s a guy named Jason who Ross meets in Central Perk where they find they have a lot in common. Ross introduces Jason to Monica and they really hit it off, but it all comes crashing down because while Jason is sensitive and writes poetry, he also thinks that the Earth is flat. The rest of the episode is trying to get rid of Jason while he becomes increasingly obsessed with Monica, and Ross cannot quite let go trying to prove to Jason that the world is round. Anyway. Macduff Flat Earth Jason isn’t quite as unhot as Unhot Paul, but he’s pretty much on the same level as Tired Steven.

36. Phillip Durrant in Marple (2007) — 3/10

Something about him in this image really makes me want to punch him in the face. It’s huge Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 energy.

35. Young Claude Monet in The Impressionists (2006) — 3.5/10

I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND IS !!! CARNIVAL BARKER !!!!! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE WORST GOATEE IN HISTORY !!! I was actually going to give Yung Claude a 2 but the more I look at this terrible beard the more impressed I am with the boldness of this look, so I had to bump it up to 3.5. Idk. Just look at this. It’s incredible, especially knowing what kind of beard Armitage can grow himself !!!!!!!!

34. Heinz Kruger in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) — 3.5/10

This is definitely the best looking he’s been so far in this list, but he’s a Nazi in this one, which makes him unsexy on principle. But do I feel a little something when he gets pinned to the ground by jacked Chris Evans with the above look on his face right before he swallows his cyanide pill? Can neither confirm nor deny. They are also truly playing into his inherently sinister bone structure, so I can respect that.

33. Percy Courtney in Miss Marie Lloyd (2007) — 4/10

Even including Yung Claude and Nazi Heinz, I think Nothing Percy is probably the weakest of Richard’s period looks, mostly because he looks like, well, nothing. He certainly doesn’t pull off that top hat like he does in North and South, and the secret to that might be the lack of sideburns. In this one he just sort of reminds me of the asshole fiance in Titanic.

32. Philip Turner in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (2005) — 4/10

He’s really giving off bargain bin Hugh Jackman as Wolverine vibes here, if Logan’s energy was more “murderer in a Hallmark channel mystery” than “superhero.” Though, given what sort of show this is, that may be the point! Idk, this isn’t the worst. At least he has a decent haircut in this one. Still, I feel absolutely nothing when I look at him. He’s simply royalty-free stock music given human form.

31. Dr. Alec Track in The Golden Hour (2005) — 4.5/10

I could see how this conceivably be sexy in this role, but to be honest, he’s still nothing to me, sorry. He gets some extra points because he obviously worked out for this role and the hard nips through a white undershirt is a commendable look. I whole-heartedly respect Doctor Alec’s thottitude.

30. Daryl in Staged (1999) — 4.5/10

Speaking of thottitude!!!!! This is one cream-faced business boy that I can certainly get into! He looks like the love interest in a pre-Hayes code homoerotic thriller from the early 1930s. I’m sure that’s just because of the lighting and general staging of this production, but hm... demure. Love it.

29. Capt. Ian Macalwain in Ultimate Force (2003) — 4.5/10

Well, he looks like a character from M*A*S*H but with no charisma, or like an extra in The Great Escape who snitches on Steve McQueen to the Nazis. Also in half the pictures I find of him from this he’s wearing this terrible beret, which I know he can pull off because of a role that ranks much higher on this list. Whoever styles this man really needs to pay attention to what sort of headgear they put on him.

28. Epiphanes in Cleopatra (1999) — 5/10

Speaking of headgear, you know what?? He doesn’t look awful here. A solid 5, perfectly acceptable. I think the helmet does a lot to accentuate the sharpness of his face in this extremely bit part, though the eyeliner definitely also helps as well.

27. John Mulligan in Moving On (2009) — 5/10

Mr. Armitage’s characters can really have potential when a production’s stylist allows him to wear scruff (IN A WAY THAT LOOKS NATURAL, LOOKING AT YOU YUNG CLAUDE). However, as it is with John Mulligan in Moving On here, he just sort of looks like a rando? They’re not playing into the inherent angularity of his face, which for me makes it sort of confusing regarding what sort of emotion I’m supposed to feel while looking at him. As it is, I’m just like, “Yup, that sure is a regular human man, right there.”

26. Smug Man at Party in This Year’s Love (1999) — 5/10

This is the face of a man who less smug and is more DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND !!!! Idk. He’s cute here, I’ll admit. That’s all I have to say about it.

25. John Standring in Sparkhouse (2002) — 5.5/10

I enjoy the bold choice of giving him wavy hair in this one, but I’m not sure he quite pulls it off. It doesn’t look bad, per se, just... he looks completely nonthreatening. Which I guess could be someone’s thing, but not mine. He honestly looks like a knock-off Will Graham, sans dogs and trauma.

24. Gary in Into the Storm (2014) — 5.5/10

I think the thing that really gets me is that this character’s name is Gary. Who on God’s green Earth looks at Richard Armitage and goes, “Ah yes, you do look like a Gary” ??? I don’t think I know of a single non-American Gary, especially since the name Gary only got popularized after Gary Cooper renamed himself after his hometown of Gary, Indiana!!!! It wasn’t really a name for human men before that!!!! I want to live in the alternate universe where Frank Cooper was originally from Albuquerque and named himself Albuquerque Cooper and this character is named as such. Gary. Really.

23. King Oleron in Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) — 5.5/10

I truly hate how much his facial expressions in these stills remind me of Thorin, considering how bad he looks otherwise. Like his face his fine, I guess, especially since this is the first instance of his full beard. I’m charmed despite myself! Take me to wonderland, O King.

22. Adam Price in The Stranger (2020) — 5.5/10

For as compelling as people call this series, Richard here isn’t very much so imo. But despite my utter lack of interest, he doesn’t look bad per se. He just sort of has that stubbly white man blandness that colors a lot of his more recent roles. Like, at least his bad mid-2000′s styling had character. This is just the visual representation of a vague handwave.

21. Harry Kennedy in The Vicar of Dibley (2006) — 6/10

Gosh... floppy hair, cute sweaters... he also seems to be smiling a lot in this one, which is nice! The only thing I have to complain about is that he looks very much like if Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman circa Kate and Leopold had a baby, which may not necessarily be too much of a bad thing, but I can’t unsee it.

20. Sgt. John Porter in Strike Back (2010) — 6/10

Ah, back to poorly suited haircuts. At least he’s a little bit gritter and grimier than we’ve seen so far, and I will say Richard Armitage does look good covered in dirt, as we will see later on. Also he’s got biceps in this one, which, hell yeah.

19. Ricky Deeming in Inspector George Gently (2007) — 6/10

I’M HAVING THE HARDEST TIME RIGHT NOW RANKING THIS ONE BC OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE WHITE SCARF-RIDING LEATHERS COMBO!!! WHICH ABSOLUTE GENIUS DECIDED THIS!!!! EVERY SCREENSHOT OF HIM IN HIS EPISODE HAS THIS!!! Part of me just wants to give Stylish Ricky a big fat 10 because I’m gay and adore the sheer audacity of this look, but I still have to be fair and rank his overall aura accordingly. I think he’s a handsome extremely gay-coded motorcycle lad in this one, but he doesn’t exactly rev my engine, so to speak.

18. Lucas North in Spooks (2008) — 6/10

The tattoos really spice this one up. Luke could have been plagued by the problems inherent in Regular Mulligan’s Moving On styling, but this guy has an edge to him. He has a good haircut and 5′ o’clock shadow, which is something I’ve figured out is integral to Armitage Hotness. I feel like if I got to know this character I could possibly find him sexy.

17. Raymond de Merville in Pilgrimage (2017) — 6.5/10

Speaking of bad haircuts, this one is his undoing. This is almost the perfect balance between full beard and short haircut, which is the only way a short haircut works on this man, but they ruined it with this one! They gave him a bad bowl fade, which completely undoes any inherent sexiness that comes with being a knight. Not even the fact that he’s covered in dirt can turn me on at this point, ugh. Guy of Gisbourne he is not!!!

16. Tom Calahan in Brain on Fire (2016) — 6.5/10

Oh hell yes, WELCUM 2 DA DILF ZONE!!! I’m not super duper thrilled with the looks I’ve seen from this movie, but he seems scruffy and comfy in a way that is slightly refreshing for ol’ Richard. This is certainly the best of his normie looks so far. I’m just sad it took them 24 years to figure out how to style him properly for sympathetic roles in a contemporary setting.

15. James in My Zoe (2019) — 6.5/10

It’s another DILF look, slightly edgier than Comfy Tom but none of that sexy tired energy that we’ll see from Ocean’s 8. I don’t know !! Jimmy here doesn’t exactly thrill me, I think I prefer Tom’s flannels to this sharp bomber jacket/white t shirt combo seen here. Oh well! I am extremely 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 that he can just casually palm that soccer ball like that.

14. John Thornton in North & South (2004) — 7/10

Alright. I’m sorry. I just don’t find him that hot in this role. Like yeah, he’s got the scruff and the sideburns that work to his advantage, and the setting does make this character inherently sexy, but in some screenshots he screams too much of an aforementioned Kate and Leopold (the best Meg Ryan movie, imo) era Hugh Jackman to me. And if I was particularly into that, I would just watch Kate and Leopold again. I will admit, however, that this rating could be subject to change if I actually took the time to watch this show.

13. Chop in Urban and the Shed Crew (2015) — 7/10

...I’M??? INTO IT??? He’s dirty and scruffy but also has kind eyes.... I feel like this is knock off Will Graham who has blossomed into his own. His run down, grime-covered own. He’s back edging into Bradley Cooper territory, but somehow it works for him in this one. Like, I’m 89% sure it’s the DILF vibes I’ve been getting from the other screengrabs I’ve seen of this role, and this particular flavor of DILF is way sexier than Jimmy or Comfy Tom.

12. Francis Dolarhyde in Hannibal (2015) — 7/10

His Caesar cut doesn’t bother me quite so much in this, probably because he is pretty explicitly playing a villain in a series that doesn’t have any basis in reality. A villain who is ripped, and who can effortlessly throw real Will Graham around. Armitage uses his inherent sinisterness to great effect as the Red Dragon, which is good actually! I think a lot of how hot he is in any particular role really depends on whether the styling allows him to play to his strengths...idk! I’m not usually a huge fan of clean shaven Armitage, but it works for Frank here.

11. Daniel Miller in Berlin Station (2016) — 7/10

As much as I adore this particular look (beard + fade + green army jacket), I have to compromise and give Danny a 7/10 because it seems like the first season they styled him in usual stubbly white man blandness. I’d say screengrabs from s1 are a solid 6, while this might be an 8, so the average is a 7. That’s all I have to say about this!

10. Claude Becker in Ocean’s 8 (2018) — 7.5/10

!!!!! I love him in this role, I about had a conniption in the theater because I absolutely was not expecting him!! He looks perfectly ruffled and scruffy, edgier than either Comfy Tom or Jimmy, which I’m very into. That plus his two borzois (objectively the best looking dogs on the planet) really put Old Claude over the top for me. Thank you, thank you Hollywood stylists for finally figuring out what to do with him for roles as a Normal Man.

9. Richard Hall in The Lodge (2019) — 7.5/10

I don’t know anything about this movie, but it seems pretty spooky, which I’m into. I think Richard is well suited for this sort of horror/thriller role, where his angular features can play into the overall vibe rather than some hapless stylist trying to work around them. He looks like another cozy DILF here but with a bite to him, like someone who would do anything to protect his brood. I mean, he’s teaching this child to shoot! But idk, he also has the potential for Jack Nicholson in The Shining energy, which I also could be....hm... into. Idk. Is this on Netflix??

8. Lee in Cold Feet (2003) — 7.5/10

FUN!!! FLIRTY!!!! OTTER VIBES!!!!! I LOVE THIS, he seems so goofy here, and Armitage doesn’t usually pull off goofy that well! I’ve giggled at literally every screenshot I could find from the four episodes he was in this show, he seems like a real himbo. I’m a huge fan, even if it comes at the cost of dehydration abs.

7. William Chatford in Malice Aforethought (2005) — 7.5/10

Hoo hoo HOO DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching the new season of The Alienist and the new dark and gritty HBO reboot of Perry Mason back to back, but sue me, I love the bold choice they made with giving him a pencil moustache here. He looks like a hot Howard Hughes; if cream-faced business boy Daryl from Staged is the young ingenue in the pre-Hayes Code thriller I cast him in, Bill here is the sexy antagonist. I desperately want to hear a perfect Transatlantic accent coming out out of that mouth. This look fucks and I’m sticking to that no matter what.

6. Trevor Belmont in Castlevania (2017) — 8/10

Ah, yes, speaking of king himbos... do me a favor and look me right in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t fuck Trevor Belmont. You can’t, can you?????? At least 80% of Richard Armitage’s inherent hotness stems from his voice, and you can’t tell me there isn’t anything sexier than thinking about letting that guy loose in a recording studio and letting him say fuck. Look, Trevor may be drawn that way, but it’s the absolute stupidity coming out of his mouth in that sweet baritone that makes me want to be raw-dogged by 100% pure Romanian beef.

5. Dr. Scott White in Sleepwalker (2017) — 8/10

Much like I had intimated when talking about Hot Danny in Berlin Station, this is Peak contemporary normie Richard Armitage styling. I honestly think The Hobbit either awakened something in him, or casting directors finally figured out he looks way good with a full beard. His crew cut even works with his whole look, which is a miracle!!!! I think he should be contractually obligated to have a full beard in all of his future roles, but that’s just me.

4. Guy of Gisbourne in Robin Hood (2006) — 8.5/10

I honestly can’t believe I’m ranking Guy so far up here, but honestly, THIS RULES!!!!!! THIS FUCKS!!!!!!!!! Which is incredible due to Guy’s lack of beard, but I’m weirdly okay with it? Like sure, he looks like he’d probably call me a slur in front of his shitty friends, but he also looks like he could tenderly pound me into the mattress in a way that would have me questioning my commitment to the “no emotions” clause of our clandestine no-strings-attached sex agreement. Anyway. Guy of Gisbourne if you see this im free thursday night. please message me back if you’re free thursday night when i am fr

3. Angus in Macbeth (1999) — 8.5/10

HHHNGHGNHNGHGN HE’S SO HOT.....!!! HE’S SO HOT!!!!! Leather jacket!!! Scruff!! Dirt!!!! Flattering beret!!!!! He’s so hot, and the worst part about this is that this was filmed in NINETEEN NINETY NINE!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means we could have always had this, had stylists and makeup artists PLAYED TO HIS STRENGTHS!!!!! He’s so hot I’m getting legitimately angry. Without scruff and dirt this man is nothing. N o t h i n g.

2. John Proctor in The Crucible (2014) — 9/10

Look, I know I have a type. But... this guy is just so hot, Daniel Day Lewis please step aside!!!! Contemporary theater historians describe John Proctor as a “strong beast of a man,” and... hhhHHOOOGH HELL YEAH!!! HELL !!!! YEAH !!!!! Like, his dick got almost his entire Puritan village, including himself, accused of witchcraft and like, looking at this guy, I kind of get it. I would probably go to war over the raw animal beauty of this horrible dirty, greasy man. Sue me, I confess. I saw Goody Osburn with the devil.

1. Thorin II Oakenshield in The Hobbit Trilogy — 9.5/10

Come on. You knew it was going to be this guy. Look at my icon for christ’s sake. I am completely biased, I cannot look at his pictures objectively. Anyway. Thank you so much for reading, this was a very stupid list.

#rene rambles #this is the worst thing ive ever done tbh #richard armitage

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canecainkane · 5 years

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The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

Description: “Kate, a workaholic lawyer, has three weeks to get a haunted bed and breakfast appraised and sold. The uncooperative manager claims a spirit who lives there will not approve. With Kate's possible promotion resting on accomplishing this task, she checks in and haggles with the aforesaid Christmas spirit, who suspiciously seems awfully solid for a ghost.”

Yeahhhhh, perfect tagline. Generic af and twice as long as it needs to be.

RATING:

Candy Canes: 2.5 out of 5

Starts with a break-up (+1) between some dude we don’t care about and a workaholic (-1) estate lawyer (+1 for specificity) who needs to travel to a historical B&B (-1) where she ... falls in love with a ghost with a Macklemore haircut (+WTF). The movie basically breaks exactly even. It’s on the boring side, but at least it’s a plot I haven’t been bored by before instead of a plot that’s been boring me since 1996.

Dean Cains: 1.5 out of 5

Half-Buzz Haunted Hottie just moods & broods the whole time, and he is a convincing brooder, I guess? But kind of a sack of meat for the rest of the movie. At least he has a chin. The lead actress plays her scenes like a grown-up child actor: hits the mark and reads out her lines super loud and super fast, occasionally with so little conviction it sounds like she memorized them phonetically. But the modern scenes pale in comparison to the 1920s scenes, which are totally middle-school drama club. I’m like 99% sure one of the flappers said “forsooth” at some point.

Citizen Kanes: 0.5 out of 5

Automatic half-Kane because the ghost logistics were so incredibly nonsensical that the greatest pleasure of the movie was shouting at the TV about how little sense everything made. And if that’s not what we watch Hallmark movies for, then I don’t know what is.

TOTAL:4.5 out of 15

I forgot this movie as soon as it was over. Literally. I finished it, then rewound it by a few minutes to capture a GIF -- then my husband asked if I wanted to make lunch and I told him, with no irony, “Give me a few minutes, I’m almost at the end of this boring-ass movie.” It took me three minutes to realize I’d already seen the alleged climax of the film.

WTF Moments:

*Okay, I could get into how bananas all the half-assed ghost logistics were -- by why not let the movie do that for me?

*But who needs a logical plot when you have a hot-ass lead actor? At least that’s the gist of pretty much every review I’ve read of this movie. I’m not into Ye Olde Timey hipsters, especially since his beard looks like long, wet chest hair.

Nonetheless, the movie’s stance is “he’s sexy and we know it.” Like 40% of the movie is just weirdly lit shots of him brooding. All of these shots are taken from a randomly chosen NINETY SECOND section of the movie:

Seriously, like 60 out of the 90 seconds.

*The reviews aren’t as interested in the female lead (Jen Lilley) but I found her way more interesting. My favorite Hallmark Channel movie game is trying to figure out who the actors are store-brand versions of. Usually they’re a portmanteau of two different actors, but I couldn’t really place Jen Lilley. From some angles, she was Rip-off Anna Kendrick, then Generic Jessica Chastain, then Squint & You’ll See Young Debra Messing, then flashes of, weirdly, Tina Fey? I think I ended up settling mostly on JoAnna García, which made me like this movie more, because I’ve always found her super charming + stupid beautiful, and wish she had a better career.

*Got to love a Big Romantic Ending where a couple runs through the snow toward one another -- and the woman runs like Judge fucking Dredd.

*Okay, I lied, a little more about the ghost logistics. Hard to parse this garbage fire, but it seems that in the world of the story -- whenever a ghost dies while they are in love with someone, they get to ... make a dying blessing to protect the person? And also if you are a ghost who hasn’t crossed over yet, then crossing over = kind of dying and you get to make a blessing on someone? And ghosts can cross and un-cross at will, but only when they died or when they leave on an international trip that will end in their death, and sometimes they are solid and living but sometimes they are invisible and just whisper creepily?

Okay, nope, nope, nope, I really can’t -- except to say that of all the ridiculousness of this plot, the MOST ridiculous part is that apparently if you die, then your ex gets to decide, at their sole discretion, whether or not you come back to life?!

I’ve never before understood why people stay friends with their exes. I mean, I still don’t, but.

*My favorite character in this movie, by far, is Haunted Hottie’s ex-lover, who only shows up at the very end: in the 1920s, she put her death blessing on Haunted Hottie, causing him to blah blah blah, whatever, but finally at the end, after 95 years of waiting for him to get ready to cross over -- he decides to abandon ex-love to stay with the woman he met 12 days ago?

Ex-Lover Lilly’s face tells the whole story perfectly:

I’ve never seen a woman shout that fuckin’ guy louder in body language alone. No wonder she’s so willing to (use her magical powers to miraculously bring him back to life and) let him go. As, indeed, we are all willing to wave adieu to this confusing mess of a movie.

#hallmark christmas movies #hallmark channel #christmas movies #the spirit of christmas #christmas spirit

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timalexanderdollery · 4 years

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Teens are calling themselves “ugly” on TikTok. It’s not as depressing as you think.

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Instagram is a beauty pageant. TikTok is where kids are free to be mediocre.

There’s a TikTok that’s just a boy saying, “I may be ugly, but at least I’m also … dumb and annoying.” Then he dances while Ariana Grande’s “Successful” plays. It’s extremely funny, and a little bit sad, and I think about it every day.

Kids on TikTok call themselves ugly all the time, most of the time as a joke, but not always, and I’m never sure how I’m supposed to feel about it. “Why do I look like this? What’s the reason?” asked the popular TikToker @emmwee in her car without makeup. “Me being shocked at how ugly I look,” wrote Brittany Tomlinson, better known as the kombucha girl, at one moment in an unrelated video. “I like a boy but I’m ugly, what do I do with that?” sings 18-year-old high school senior David Postlewate, in one TikTok about a highly familiar experience.

David isn’t ugly by any means — none of these kids are — but the internet has created a never-ending conveyor belt of people so bafflingly good-looking that everyone else is immediately rendered ugly by comparison. “I know that I’m not going to look like Benji Krol,” says David, referring to the TikToker with a nest of raven hair and 5.6 million followers. “But I’m my own person, and that’s what makes you beautiful,” he says, not consciously referring to the One Direction song.

The thing about TikTok is that as much as it is a place for teenagers to goof off in their bedrooms, it is also the world’s largest beauty pageant. After all, part of the fun about making TikToks is getting to stare at your face for as long as you want, and if you happen to be very, very beautiful, then other people will enjoy staring at your face, too. A stunningly massive portion of the app is devoted to genetically blessed users, e-boys like Benji Krol and human Barbies like Loren Gray. A scroll through the TikTok’s home For You feed will reveal plenty of content where, despite whatever action is going on in the video, the real takeaway is “I’m hot.”

It is against this backdrop that its inverse, “I’m ugly” culture, has proliferated. Rather than trying to compete for views and likes with the genetically gifted, kids are pivoting to self-deprecation in a way that’s less depressing than it might seem to concerned parents: it’s a reclamation of mediocrity in an online space where everyone else is an overachiever.

17-year-old Annie Pham was satirizing TikTok’s culture of hot people and glow-ups when she made her viral video in late August. Using a popular meme where people would show their “before” selves and their “after” selves on the beat drop, Annie’s instead showed her “before” self trying and failing to transform. “Why isn’t it working?” she complains to the camera. “After like, a week, I was reading the comments, and it was really cool to see how much people relate to it,” she says.

Relatable videos are why people like TikTok in the first place, and feeling unattractive on TikTok is one of the most relatable experiences of all. David, of the “I like a boy but I’m ugly” video, for instance, has a TikTok bio that reads “ugly is my only personality trait.”

David only made the video because that’s what was happening in his life: He liked a boy who he thought was out of his league. (“He’s really cute, he goes to my school. We’re both in theater,” he says.) He describes himself as a “really confident person,” by the way. He just doesn’t take himself all that seriously.

Normal kids have created an entire genre of internet comedy devoted to how constantly seeing exceptional talent and beauty go viral makes the rest of us feel like ugly losers. On my feed I see videos of kids turning the shitty aspects of their lives into funny content: their most embarrassing sports mistakes, hideous childhood photos, dilapidated apartments, unfortunate haircuts, leg nipples, imprisoned parents, disproportionately long thumbs, sexual ineptitude, mental illness. And of course, their minor physical insecurities: girls who feel like they’re asymmetrical, girls who hate their smiles, girls who have a cute, pretty face but a body that “looks like a fucking potato.”

The layers of irony on any social media app that young people are using can be difficult for adults to parse, but when it relates to topics like body image and self-esteem, psychologists take it seriously. “I kind of celebrate what they’re doing — they’re trying to push back on the idea that we all look perfect on social media,” says Sara Frischer, a psychiatric nurse practitioner at Union Square Practice in New York City. “But I think it’s just a little misguided in how they’re doing it. It’s deflection, and it’s self-protective to then make a joke about it. It protects people from feeling vulnerable.” She gives the example of being a bad speller. If you say to yourself that you’re the worst speller in the world, that’s protecting yourself from someone else pointing it out.

But what if you’re just objectively a bad speller? What would true acceptance of that fact even look like? “That’s where self-compassion comes in,” she says. “Saying, ‘This is something I really struggle with, and I just happen to not be such a great speller.’ Having compassion for yourself, talking about how hard it is to struggle with this, and all the emotions involved. It’s adding self-compassion instead of self-deprecation. That’s the missing element.”

“I’m ugly” culture has spread so far on TikTok that now even TikTok’s “pretty people” are co-opting sounds and memes meant for those self-described uglies. That’s given way to a wider culture of policing, wherein those users’ comments sections are flooded with fishing rods to signify that they’re fishing for compliments.

In July, Ryan Sterling, a 23-year-old in the Chicago suburbs who has had alopecia since he was in middle school, uploaded a video that begins with a picture of Britney Spears with a shaved head followed by a picture of Mr. Clean, and then himself: “It all started when my mom met my dad, then they fell in love, and they had me. Hi, I’m Ryan,” he says. “And my life? It’s kinda crazy.”

Within a few weeks, the “Hi, I’m Ryan” video had spawned a massive viral meme, even ending up on a segment of Ellen. But whereas Ryan’s original video made fun of the way he looked, iterations that came after — often where a person would show their two very attractive parents and the punchline was their even more attractive self — were little more than excuses to brag. In September, Ryan posted another TikTok directed at them: “Get off my sound, it’s for ugly people!” he says. “All you pretty-ass people with your pretty parents and your perfect genes, get out of here! We uglies and the balds and the grosses and the ickies, we need to fight back!”

Olivia Chesney, a 19-year-old at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island, was in the middle of homework when she went into the bathroom to make a random video. She’s standing in front of the mirror and asking, “Why do I be looking so good from the front?” Then she turns to the side and bursts out laughing. The joke is that she looks bigger that way, and the video now has more than 2.5 million views.

That video isn’t the only TikTok she’s made about her body, and not all of them are self-deprecating. There’s one where she shows cute photos her friends have taken of her, and another lip synching to the 1958 swing song “The Bigger the Figure.”

Olivia, like all of us, lives in a world where even if you aren’t born skinny, or distractingly gorgeous, or whatever, you’re still supposed to do everything you possibly can to become those things; to starve your body down and add on some lip fillers until you’re deemed presentable. Americans continue to spend more money on plastic surgery and weight loss plans every year, and one study of UK youth showed that Instagram had the worst effect on body image among any social media site. There are an ever-growing number of billion-dollar industries built upon the profits that come from making people feel awful about themselves, even if those products are shrouded in the aesthetics of positivity and empowerment.

Calling yourself ugly on TikTok, then, is a form of freedom from the expectation of hotness. It’s a self-deprecating in-joke that only excludes the extraordinarily beautiful, who could maybe stand to be excluded from something for once.

“I’m ugly” culture on TikTok also obfuscates its happier subtext: That yeah, it’s okay to be ugly, because now you can focus on more important things. Olivia explains this feeling while talking about a video where she calls herself fat: “People who are ugly, people who are fat, it’s just like, why are we trying to hide it anymore? We can still live our lives and be that way.”

It’s not like “ugly” people don’t happy lives or fall in love or get rich or go viral on TikTok. The boy that David sang about? The one he liked? It’s possible that they’re maybe, sort of in the process of getting together.

“If I’m going to be completely honest, and I don’t know yet because things haven’t really been official,” he tells me, “but I think that stuff is starting to happen with him.” It’s all extremely beautiful.

Sign up for The Goods’ newsletter. Twice a week, we’ll send you the best Goods stories exploring what we buy, why we buy it, and why it matters.

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gracieyvonnehunter · 4 years

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Teens are calling themselves “ugly” on TikTok. It’s not as depressing as you think.

Getty Images

Instagram is a beauty pageant. TikTok is where kids are free to be mediocre.

Sign up for The Goods’ newsletter. Twice a week, we’ll send you the best Goods stories exploring what we buy, why we buy it, and why it matters.

from Vox - All https://ift.tt/2O9MEAw

#Vox - All

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corneliusreignallen · 4 years

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Teens are calling themselves “ugly” on TikTok. It’s not as depressing as you think.

Getty Images

Instagram is a beauty pageant. TikTok is where kids are free to be mediocre.

Sign up for The Goods’ newsletter. Twice a week, we’ll send you the best Goods stories exploring what we buy, why we buy it, and why it matters.

from Vox - All https://ift.tt/2O9MEAw

#Vox - All

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shanedakotamuir · 4 years

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Teens are calling themselves “ugly” on TikTok. It’s not as depressing as you think.

Getty Images

Instagram is a beauty pageant. TikTok is where kids are free to be mediocre.

Sign up for The Goods’ newsletter. Twice a week, we’ll send you the best Goods stories exploring what we buy, why we buy it, and why it matters.

from Vox - All https://ift.tt/2O9MEAw

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kellyinboston · 7 years

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Checking in

I’m alive and well, call off the search party! I was at a 2-day conference the last, you guessed it, 2 days so I haven’t been able to chat with you guys. The conference was just okay, work is pretty busy so I was working during the conference and then at night for a couple hours just so I wouldn’t get into the office today and be totally overwhelmed. I am feeling extra tired today, which is strange because the last few nights I have been sleeping really well. Yes, I still pee like 2x a night, but between those pee breaks, my sleep has been pretty solid!

So what’s been going on since the last time we spoke? Not a whole lot. Well, that is kind of a lie. I have obviously done some things since last week, so let’s break it down!

On Friday night I watched the documentary “Five Foot Two” – a Lady Gaga documentary. Neil went out with some work friends so I settled in the for the night and watched this. I love documentaries. I thought it was pretty good, she does not seem too happy, which is kind of sad. But overall, I enjoyed it.

Snoop has a UTI – so $150 bucks later she is on some antibiotics. I noticed on Friday after work that something was off (I know her bathroom habits pretty well) and it got worse on Saturday, so I took her urine in for an “analysis” and it came back with an infection so she has been on pills for the past few days. The pills are pretty big and I try to hide them in a hot dog, but she will work around the hot dog and spit out the pill. The little brat. So now I just stick the hotdog as far back into her mouth as I can – that seems to work better. She seems to be better.

Neil and I saw the movie “Bladerunner 2049” at the IMAX theater on Saturday. It was like 2.5 hours long, it was okay. I didn’t hate it, but the storylines were not cohesive, which was annoying. We snuck in some sour patch kids – I forgot how much I like that candy!

We had Mike and Cheryl over for dinner on Saturday night, we grilled some steaks. It was a really good time. I almost cancelled on them because I was tired and being lame, but then I retracted and I am so glad I did! We watched the NE game (boo!) and hung out for a bit.

It was our 3-year anniversary yesterday. Goes by fast huh? We didn’t do anything, we are going to celebrate this weekend with an early dinner on Saturday, so we can make it home for the NE game. I think this next year is going to be our best one yet!

Snoop gets her haircut today, I will show before and after pics!

Snoop and Elmer reunited on Tuesday and then again yesterday. They love each other very much! It’s so cute.

I was super productive last night, I took Snoop out for an hour, made some chicken thighs, brussel sprouts, brown rice, banana bread and a green smoothie…and I worked for a little bit. Pretty impressive.

Thanks for reading!

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invisibleillnessweek · 7 years

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How are you, friends? I don't usually do selfies but I have lost 66 pounds of weight in 2.5 years and finally thought to turn the camera on myself. If you look at past videos and photos you can see how I have gained over 80 pounds, then lost it, then gained it back, and I am losing again --over 13 years. After 24 years of prednisone I have had my share of all the permanent and some temporary side effects. It is one of the hardest cycles and we are on all these crazy medications and knee issues and feet issues, surgeries, etc. I haven't had a haircut in nearly a year and there is way too much gray in it and wrinkles too. But there is something about being proud of who we are. I have a necklace that says "I love the person I've become because I fought to become her…" And this is how I feel about so many things in life. Tell me something about you! Do you have a quote about life like this that makes you proud of your gray hair or your scars? Have you fought invisible battles that no one knows about and yet you can celebrate that they have made you who you are? Share your favorite quote, or something about yourself you are celebrating today! Let's cheer one another on! --lisa PS: we all are different when it comes to weight loss so I don't want to give any advice or assume my plan works for anyone else. But the only thing that has ever worked for me while I'm on prednisone is Atkins and lowering my carbs to 20 a day. Just in the last two months I have made it up to 30 to 40 carbs some days. One of my favorite splurges is to order low-carb bagels off the Internet. In case you wondered... http://ift.tt/2nqo28u

#IFTTT #FacebookPages

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ladystylestores · 4 years

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Coronavirus Briefing: What Happened Today

The 5 rules of the pandemic

As cities and countries ease restrictions, public health experts are embracing the idea of “harm reduction” to help people lower their risk of infection while still living a full life. Our Well editor, Tara Parker-Pope, came up with five rules to guide you in making the best decisions for yourself:

1. Track your area’s health status. You want to know the percentage of positive tests in your community or state. When the rate stays at 5 percent or lower for two weeks, there’s most likely enough testing taking place to control the spread of the virus.

2. Limit close contacts. The safest interactions are with members of your household, but if you want to widen your circle, the key is consistency. Consider forming a “quarantine pod,” in which two or three households agree on safety precautions and socialize only with one another.

3. Manage your exposure. Think of your activities like items on a budget: You’ll have to make trade-offs, balancing higher-risk events and interactions, like a dinner party or a haircut, with lower-risk ones, like grocery shopping.

4. Keep riskier activities short. When making plans, think about how much open space there will be, the number of other people and the amount of time you’re likely to spend. Try to keep indoor events to under an hour, and always wear a mask during close conversations.

The reopening, announced on Monday, is rolling out in three phases and comes less than a month before a nationwide vote that would allow President Vladimir Putin to stay in office until 2036. The final phase is scheduled for June 23, the day before the city has planned a military parade — a grand statement that could help Mr. Putin drum up much-needed enthusiasm for the referendum.

“The speed with which everything changed is quite striking,” Anton Troianovski, a Times correspondent in Moscow, told us. “Streets are full; people no longer seem to be universally wearing masks as they were last month.”

Updated June 5, 2020

Does asymptomatic transmission of Covid-19 happen?

So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.

How does blood type influence coronavirus?

A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.

How many people have lost their jobs due to coronavirus in the U.S.?

The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.

Will protests set off a second viral wave of coronavirus?

Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.

How do we start exercising again without hurting ourselves after months of lockdown?

Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.

My state is reopening. Is it safe to go out?

States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.

What’s the risk of catching coronavirus from a surface?

Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.

What are the symptoms of coronavirus?

Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.

How can I protect myself while flying?

If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)

Should I wear a mask?

The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.

What should I do if I feel sick?

If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.

Reopenings

Here’s a roundup of restrictions in all 50 states.

What else we’re following

Fourteen states and Puerto Rico recorded their highest seven-day averages of new infections since the pandemic began, The Washington Post reports.

A new Harvard Medical School study using satellite imagery found dramatic spikes in car traffic around major hospitals in Wuhan last fall, suggesting that the virus was spreading through China before it was reported to the world, ABC reports.

Some members of the D.C. National Guard who responded to protests in the nation’s capital have tested positive, McClatchy reports.

Testing nursing home workers can help stop the spread of the virus, but there’s a dispute over who should pay — insurers or employers.

Major U.S. airlines are starting to see business come back as Americans emerge from months at home and book summer vacations.

While many delivery apps say they are saving restaurants during the pandemic, many restaurateurs say the apps’ large fees are doing just the opposite.

What you’re doing

Every Tuesday afternoon, I read to my 5-year-old granddaughter on FaceTime. I order one book sent to her in Brooklyn and one for me in upstate New York, and we each turn the pages of our books while I read. Then we talk, and it is almost as if we are together, but not quite.

— Nora Staffanell, Monroe, N.Y.

Let us know how you’re dealing with the outbreak. Send us a response here, and we may feature it in an upcoming newsletter.

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theliterateape · 5 years

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Life Hacks in The Pursuit of Surviving the Leap from the Cliff

by Don Hall

I’ll confess. Jumping off the cliff of the comfortable familiarity to the virtual unknown provides slews of perspective. The process of gaining an outlook on who you are in the world, who you think you are, and who everyone else sees you to be is both painstaking and staggering in depth.

Part of me assumed that some of my street cred in the Chicago landscape would somehow make things a bit easier, the landing a bit gentler, when coming to Vegas. I mean, it’s still in the United States, yes? There are Starbucks and IHOPs and 7-11s here, right? It isn’t like Nevada is another fucking planet.

Except, in so many ways, it is.

In Chicago, I had carved out a place in the Live Lit and Theater scenes. While I was more notorious than anything else in many cliques of those worlds, I was known. I hosted The Moth for five years, for Chrissakes! Except no one in Las Vegas has even heard of The Moth and there is no Live Lit scene. I mean, there are, maybe, four open mics open to poetry, storytelling and the like and the rest of the nine monthly nights are UNLV type things. Sure, there’s the Black Mountain Institute (UNLV) and they do some pretty cool festivals (#BelieverFest) but the target audience is thin. My time and energy amounts to completely starting over because no one here knows to give a shit.

In Chicago, I spent a decade creating an entire Events department at one of the largest public radio stations in the country and house managed one of the most popular NPR shows in history. Except that the public radio station here has 11,000 members in a population of 2.5 million, have produced one original event in the past three years, and no one here has even heard of that NPR juggernaut of the “Wait Wait” stylings.

In terms of the non-stop pursuit of the Almighty Dollar, it only helps that I was the House Manager of Millennium Park if people in Nevada know what Millennium Park is but they don’t. “Uhm…it’s like Chicago’s version of Central Park” is the best descriptor I’ve come up with so far.

In Chicago, I had my parking spots worked out. I knew where to go to get a haircut. I had my favorite bars. In other words, I had my life hacks.

Now new to the Mojave, I’ve had to come up with a few new hacks to make life just a bit easier, the transition a bit smoother.

FIND YOUR STARBUCKS

Yes, Starbucks is the awful mega chain that put countless independent coffee shops out of business here in Las Vegas. There are far fewer Starbucks in Vegas than in Chicago and the indie coffee scene is percolating. That said, I’m heading to Starbucks because they offer free fucking WiFi. When the independent places offer free internet without the hassle of getting a password or limit on my Sitting on My Ass, Writing Things for Three Hours on My iPad Pro time, I’m there. Until then, I go where the burnt coffee lives.

PRETEND YOU’RE IN MAYBERRY

Las Vegas looks like a city with 2.5 million residents but it behaves like a tiny town in the center of the heartland. As one person put it “the different communities tend to circle their wagons around new people.” Given the relative newness of the city compared to much older places combined with the strange mix of tourists, long -time residents, and transient transplants, making it here is a more delicate balance. The standard “bull in a china shop” approach that worked in Chicago doesn’t play here (unless you have a fucking crater filled with cash).

VOLUNTEER A LOT

The best way to get to know a new city is to volunteer for things you used to be in charge of. The Nevada Preservation Foundation has been a great start. I spent a day as a docent for a historic Boulder City home, met a ton of people, and enjoyed the day. Given the Mayberry-esque nature of Vegas, I met a bunch more people when Dana and I were volunteer tour guides in the historic Binion’s Casino and discovered that some of those people knew the people I had met the day before as well as folks I’d met at the BMI and KNPR. And the hors d'oeuvres were awesome.

THANK DAVID AND KATIE FOR THAT WINDSHIELD SUNBLOCK THING

Goddamn. You only have to get in your car and find the steering wheel so hot it burns your palms to it like that kid’s tongue in A Christmas Story once. Then you praise the thoughtful and pragmatic gift the Himmel’s gave you for Christmas.

OFF STRIP CASINOS

I don’t gamble. It’s certainly fun to win money and, if I ever did, I might gamble. But I don’t. Ever. Win money, that is. The casino/hotels on the strip are beautiful and amazing and expensive and are designed to part you from your rubles, comrade. The off strip casinos are still casinos but feel more like community centers. The people watching is better because the clientele comes from the city rather than Iowa. And, while the buffets aren’t as high-end, they’re generally pretty good and far cheaper than the ones on the strip.

GET A CAR PHONE HOLDER THAT FITS OVER THE AC VENT

Seriously. When, like I do, you rely on GPS to find your ass with both hands, having your phone overheat 30 seconds from getting on the road, that kickass phone holder that juts up and out from the windshield is more liability than aid. Right in front of the vent and the phone stays cool and functions. And you don’t accidentally end up at Hoover Dam when you were just headed for Albertsons.

MANAGE YOUR STRESS

That say that Americans are suffering from more depression and anxiety at earlier ages than ever before in recorded history. This despite the fact that, according to The Woke, life was far worse in the ‘40s and ‘50s. They also say that stress is likely a lot to do with this sad fact. When jumping off a cliff into an unknown city to start a new life (like a pioneer on the Oregon Trail except with a Prius, antibiotics, and Slim Jims) finding ways to calm down, get some perspective, and remember this place is extraordinary is essential. Best thing to do? Go outside in your bare feet wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Every morning. Sit quietly for a few minutes at night and look at stars you haven’t seen in decades. Go to the strip and just look at all the neon and human activity and understand that you are not important but what you do with your limited time can be.

I don’t suffer from anxiety, depression, or even a lot of stress. Perhaps it’s because I don’t gamble and explains the Han Solo hair. I do, however, understand the idea of readjusted expectations. I do comprehend something that chattering voice in the back of my skull keeps telling me: I am not employable so I need to employ myself. This is not to say that I can’t make money or work for a company of some stripe. It is to say that at 53 years old (supposedly the second most creative time in anyone’s life is their 50’s) I’m the best boss I’m ever gonna have.

That resting on your laurels thing only works if you kept the laurels (whatever the fuck laurels are…)

The best life hack for my migration to the desert is writing, playing my trumpet, telling stories, creating Live Lit shows, meeting people, doing some grunt work, and taking my own advice instead of just giving it. Also, ignoring most of everyone else’s problems because most of them don’t give a flat fuck what I think anyway.

I’ve found Vickie’s Diner, Big Dog Brewery, Stephanie Street, the UNLV campus, The Writer’s Block, Rebar, the buffet at Boulder Station Casino, Ninja Karaoke, a gym for $31 a month that has a pool, hot tub, sauna and a steam room, and at least three Starbucks I can drive to and enjoy the free WiFi.

I’m fitting in nicely.

#life hacks #reinvention #Las Vegas

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andrewdburton · 6 years

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Cost of living: Why you should choose a cheap place to live

While visiting Raleigh earlier this month, I spent a morning with my pal Justin (from the excellent Root of Good blog) and his wife. As we sipped our coffee and nibbled our bagels, the conversation turned to cost of living. (Money nerds will be money nerds, after all.)

“Things are cheaper here in North Carolina than they are in Portland,” I said. “Food is cheaper. Beer is cheaper. Hotel rooms are cheaper. Your homes are cheaper too. Last night, as I was walking through the neighborhood next to my hotel, I pulled up the housing prices. I was shocked at how low they are!”

“Yeah, housing costs are lower here than in many parts of the country,” Justin said.

“Take our house, for instance. We bought it in 2003 for $108,000. Zillow says it’s worth around $198,000 right now. But I’ll bet that’s a lot less than you’d pay for a similar place in Portland.”

He’s right. Justin and his wife own an 1800-square-foot home on 0.3 acres of land. Their place has four bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. There’s only one place for sale in Portland right now that matches these stats and it’s going for $430,000 — more than twice the price the same home would fetch in Raleigh.

Housing is by far the largest slice of the average American budget, representing one-third of typical household spending. Because of this, the best way to cut your costs (and, therefor, boost your “profit margin”) is to reduce how much you spend to keep a roof over your head.

One obvious way to cut costs on housing is to choose a cheaper home or apartment. But if you truly want to slash your spending, consider moving to a new neighborhood. Or city. Or state. If you’re willing to change locations, you can supercharge your purchasing power and accelerate your saving rate.

Cost of living is one of those factors that people seldom consider, but which can have a huge impact on the family budget — sometimes in unexpected ways. According to The Millionaire Next Door:

Living in less costly areas can enable you to spend less and to invest more of your income. You will pay less for your home and correspondingly less for your property taxes. Your neighbors will be less likely to drive expensive motor vehicles. You will find it easier to keep up, even ahead, of the Joneses and still accumulate wealth.

It’s one thing to talk about the effects of high cost of living, but another to actually experience it.

Cost of Living in Real Life

On our fifteen-month road trip across the United States, Kim and I made a point of watching how prices varied from city to city and region to region.

While stranded for ten days in rural Plankinton, South Dakota, for example, I paid $10.60 for a fancy men’s haircut. At home in Portland, I pay $28 for the same fancy haircut. In Fort Collins, Colorado, I paid $30 for a haircut. In Santa Barbara, California, I paid $50 or $60 for the same fancy cut.

Gas was cheaper in South Dakota too. So was food. So was beer and whisky. So were movies. So was just about everything, including housing. Housing prices followed a similar pattern to the haircut prices I mentioned above. A $280,000 home in Portland might go for $300,000 in Fort Collins and $500k to $600k in Santa Barbara. In South Dakota, that same home would cost about $106,000.

A couple of years ago, I exchanged email with a reader who had first-hand experience struggling with the high cost of living. She gave me permission to share her story:

I had been saving about 40% of my relatively modest salary for eight years. I had built up an emergency fund as well as a good sized savings…and then we had kids.

We lost our rent-stabilized apartment right after our children were born. We live in New York City, and while I maintain that there are many things about the city that are actually very budget-friendly (public transit and free entertainment top my list), the cost of rent and daycare in NYC are over the top.

In one year, the cost of a market-rate apartment in our neighborhood plus two kids in daycare ate into my hard-earned savings. By the end of the year, the pot of money that I had worked so hard to save was down by almost $50,000.

Luckily, my husband and I have never carried any kind of debt and had already been living well below our means before the kids came along. But that also meant there was very little fat left to trim in our budget other than rent and daycare expenses. (We’d already dropped the landline, never had cable, cooked almost all of our meals at home, and cut out our modest “allowance” of $50/month for splurges.)

We are the very definition of penny wise and pound foolish!

Eventually, we moved into a cheaper apartment. Although we haven’t had to dip into savings since we moved, we’re still essentially living month to month because of daycare and rent. The neighborhood is cheaper for a reason.

Real Life will force us to make another move in the spring. One of our jobs is going away, so it will force a decision one way or another since we can’t stay in New York on one salary. Change is definitely coming.

This reader and her husband are already frugal-minded — that’s how she built her buffer of savings to start with — so there isn’t much more the family can cut. This is an example where the only real solution is to seek a city with a lower cost of living.

Saving in Savannah

Which places are cheapest to live? Which are most expensive? This map from Governing magazine shows how far the average paycheck goes in 191 U.S. metro areas.

Dark green (blue?) dots indicate cities where your wages buy more after adjusting for cost of living. Dark brown dots are places where you have to work harder to get what you want. (Click through to play with an interactive version of the map.)

As you can see, large coastal cities tend to be more expensive than smaller towns in the center of the country. If you have a fixed budget, you’ll get more bang for your buck by buying a home in Oklahoma City or Sioux Falls than by living in San Francisco or Washington D.C.

It’s not just coastal cities, though. There are spendy pockets throughout the U.S. from Flagstaff, Arizona to Hot Springs, Arkansas. And some coastal cities — Boston, Houston, Seattle, Tampa — are relatively inexpensive. (In Boston and Seattle, though, that’s because wages are high, not because things are cheap.)

In the middle of our road trip, Kim and I decided to stay the winter in Savannah, Georgia. During our six months in Savannah, we spent much less than we would have for the same lifestyle here in Portland. According to the CNN cost-of-living calculator, Portland is 44% more expensive than in Savannah. (And housing costs nearly three times as much here as it does in Georgia!)

In larger cities, there are often cost-of-living differences between neighborhoods. When deciding where to live in Savannah, for instance, we had a choice:

We could rent a small apartment in the downtown historic district for $1750 per month. The place would have been a lot of fun because it was surrounded by shops and restaurants, and it was close to anything we might want to do.

We could opt instead for a modest-sized condo on the outskirts of town at $1325 per month. This location was next to nothing. We could walk to the grocery store, but we’d have to drive into the city if we wanted to indulge ourselves.

After considering financial and lifestyle factors, we chose to rent the condo in the middle of the marshlands. On the surface, this decision saved us $425 per month. In reality, it saved us much more than that.

If we had lived downtown, we would have had to pay to park the Mini Cooper ($95/month). We would have been constantly tempted to eat out or go for drinks. It would have been too easy for window shopping to become actual shopping. Instead, we enjoyed one Date Night each week. We spent the rest of our time working and exercising.

I believe that opting for the less glamorous location saved us a minimum of $5000 over our six month stay — and the real savings are probably far greater.

Pinching Pennies in Portland

This same concept — certain neighborhoods costing less than others — was a driving factor in our decision last year to sell our condo and move to “the country”. We loved where we lived, but the costs were crazy.

First, there were the maintenance costs for a place that we ostensibly owned outright. Even without a mortgage, we were paying nearly $1200 per month for HOA fees, utilities, insurance, and more. (In our new place, we spend half that.)

Plus, there was the sneaky cost of lifestyle inflation. Our condo was in a fun neighborhood filled with restaurants and bars. It was all too easy after a long day to simply walk up the street to one of our favorite spots, where we’d drop $50 or $100 on food and drinks. Moving to our new place cut our restaurant spending in half.

Lastly, the cost of goods in our new neighborhood is lower than in our old. In Sellwood, our grocery options were limited. And expensive. The nearest markets were both high-end organic-only affairs, the kind of places you might see on an episode of Portlandia. Yes, the quality was outstanding. But since we’ve moved, we’re spending about 25% less on groceries each month.

Moving helped us save big on some cost-of-living items. But it also brought with it a few increases in spending. Because we’re more rural now, we drive more often. Kim, especially, is spending more on gas. Our “new” home also has greater maintenance costs than the condo. We’ve poured a ton of money into this place since moving in. (I guess that’s not actually a cost-of-living issue so much as a homeownership issue, though.)

My point is that even within a city, there are cost-of-living differences you can leverage to your advantage — especially if you’re willing to live in a rougher part of town.

The Bottom Line

Obviously there’s more to picking a place to live than pure price.

When you choose a city (or neighborhood) to call home, you do so because of the climate, the politics, and the people. You want to live close to friends and family. You want a nice school district. You want people who think and act the same way you do. For those reasons (and others), Omaha might not be a good choice for you. (Savannah isn’t a good choice for me long-term, but it was fine for a few months.)

Here’s the bottom line: Where you choose to live has a greater effect on your long-term financial success than almost any other factor. How much you earn is sometimes more important (not always), in which case cost of living is a close second.

Cost of living can wreak havoc on your pursuit of financial freedom. Or it can help you achieve your goals sooner than you thought possible. The choice is yours.

Other ways to make the most of your housing budget? Consider renting. Live close to where you work so that you can walk, bike, or take the bus. Purchase a house that fits your lifestyle and needs rather than the commonly cited “buy as much home as you can afford”. The latter is self-serving advice from real-estate agents and mortgage brokers. You don’t need a big house; you just need someplace comfortable.

The post Cost of living: Why you should choose a cheap place to live appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/cost-of-living/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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foursprout-blog · 6 years

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Cost of living: Why you should choose a cheap place to live

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/cost-of-living-why-you-should-choose-a-cheap-place-to-live/

Cost of living: Why you should choose a cheap place to live

“Yeah, housing costs are lower here than in many parts of the country,” Justin said.

Cost of living is one of those factors that people seldom consider, but which can have a huge impact on the family budget — sometimes in unexpected ways. According to The Millionaire Next Door:

It’s one thing to talk about the effects of high cost of living, but another to actually experience it.

Cost of Living in Real Life

On our fifteen-month road trip across the United States, Kim and I made a point of watching how prices varied from city to city and region to region.

A couple of years ago, I exchanged email with a reader who had first-hand experience struggling with the high cost of living. She gave me permission to share her story:

I had been saving about 40% of my relatively modest salary for eight years. I had built up an emergency fund as well as a good sized savings…and then we had kids.

We are the very definition of penny wise and pound foolish!

Saving in Savannah

Which places are cheapest to live? Which are most expensive? This map from Governing magazine shows how far the average paycheck goes in 191 U.S. metro areas.

In larger cities, there are often cost-of-living differences between neighborhoods. When deciding where to live in Savannah, for instance, we had a choice:

I believe that opting for the less glamorous location saved us a minimum of $5000 over our six month stay — and the real savings are probably far greater.

Pinching Pennies in Portland

My point is that even within a city, there are cost-of-living differences you can leverage to your advantage — especially if you’re willing to live in a rougher part of town.

The Bottom Line

Obviously there’s more to picking a place to live than pure price.

Cost of living can wreak havoc on your pursuit of financial freedom. Or it can help you achieve your goals sooner than you thought possible. The choice is yours.

The post Cost of living: Why you should choose a cheap place to live appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

#Wealth

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cleancutpage · 6 years

Text

Will Commercial Real Estate Values Fall? You Betcha. Find Out Why.

This post originally appeared on Doug Marshall's Blog Marshall Commercial Funding Blog and is republished with permission. Find out how to syndicate your content with theBrokerList.

Prior to the Great Recession I remember hearing that everyone should be investing in single-family homes because house prices never go down. And for years this was so. Houses prices had steadily increased in value for a number of years. This belief that housing was a sure bet was stated as an inviolable truth. Do you remember people saying that? I do. And of course, the recession hit, and housing prices plummeted.

A Real Inviolable Truth

Want an inviolable truth? I’ll give you one: The real estate market is cyclical. Real estate values go up. Real estate values go down. And that is true for both residential and commercial real estate. So I’m always taken aback when professional colleagues deride me for stating the obvious. As if my acknowledging this truth is being pessimistic. It’s not being pessimistic, any more than saying the sun always rises in the east and sets in the west.

Market Quadrants Cycle

If you haven’t seen the chart below before you should spend as much time as necessary to get a full grasp of its intended meaning. No CRE professional or CRE investor should be in the real estate business without fully understanding the four phases of the real estate market cycle.

If you are interested in learning more about the real estate market cycle I suggest you read, Is it the right time to invest in real estate? You asked. I answered where I explain in detail each of the four market quadrants.

The real question is not, “Will commercial real estate values fall?” We know unequivocally the answer to that question. Of course they will. The real question is: What will trigger commercial real estate values to fall? I can think of four reasons:

#1 – Overbuilding

When developers get ahead of demand values decline. This is a classic reason for commercial real estate values falling. At this moment in the real estate cycle are developers overbuilding? Unfortunately, I believe they are. In Portland, the city I’m most familiar with, 2016 and 2017 were record years for new development with $1.9 billion and $2.5 billion under construction respectively. The product from this two-year construction boom has already begun impacting the CRE market. Vacancy rates in most property types are slowly beginning to rise once again. As more product comes on line we can anticipate the introduction of concessions and eventually the lowering of rents as property owners struggle to maintain their property’s occupancy rate.

#2 – The Economy Dips into Recession

When the economy stops expanding workers get laid off. The lucky ones who don’t lose their jobs see their wages stagnate. To cope, some apartment dwellers find cheaper places to live. Others who enjoyed living in a one-bedroom apartment by themselves now realize they need to share a two-bedroom to make it through the downturn. Companies with declining sales realize they too need to downsize into smaller spaces or less desirable locations. Some companies go out of business altogether. When the economy dips commercial real estate values are adversely impacted.

At this moment in time do I believe we are in a recession? Nope. The economy is growing at a healthy rate, the best it has in a long, long time.

#3 – Rental Increases Outpace Wage Growth

Apartment rents have experienced double digit annual growth over the past few years. For apartment owners these have been heady days. But there is a limit to what apartment dwellers can pay in rent. And once this line is crossed apartment values will be affected. Anecdotal evidence suggests that apartment renters in San Francisco have said enough is enough. Even though the rental market is tight, renters are unwilling or unable to shell out the exorbitant rents offered at the upper end Class A properties. When that happens, there eventually is a trickle-down effect to the Class B and C properties.

Is this happening in the Portland market? It is definitely happening in Northwest Portland and maybe a few other upscale neighborhoods. There are only so many renters who will pay $2,000 a month for the opportunity to live in these fashionable properties. If this trend becomes more prevalent then the whole apartment market will feel the impact, not just those properties at the top of the food chain.

#4 – Interest Rates Rising

Capitalization rates are inextricably tied to interest rates. If interest rates rise, cap rates must eventually follow. To prove my point, shown below are three scenarios for purchasing a property with a $3,500,000 asking price and a $200,000 Net Operating Income. The purchaser is requesting a loan equal to the lower of a 75% Loan to Purchase Price or a 1.20 Debt Service Coverage Ratio (DSCR) using a 30 year amortization. So let’s go through each scenario.

Scenario #1 – Under this scenario the borrower finds a lender that will offer him a 4.0% interest rate. Doing the math, the loan amount is constrained by the purchase price, not the DSCR. So the loan amount is 75% of the purchase price or $2,625,000. The equity required to close the loan is $875,000. Both the Cap Rate and the Return on Equity are 5.7%.

Scenario #2 – Under this scenario the purchase price and NOI are exactly the same as before but the interest rate is now 5.0% not 4.0%. When that happens the loan amount is now constrained by the DSCR, not the purchase price. In order to maintain a minimum 1.20 DSCR the loan amount has to be reduced from $2,625,000 to $2,580,000. This requires more equity from the buyer at closing. His equity is now $920,000, not $875,000. With the higher interest rate and more equity required to purchase the property, his ROE is reduced to 3.7%. Notice that the property’s 5.7% Cap Rate stays exactly the same.

Scenario #3 – The buyer under this scenario goes back to the seller and says I won’t pay $3.5 million for this property anymore because if I do I get a paltry 3.7% Return on Equity. The buyer proposes a haircut to the purchase price in order to match the 5.7% ROE he received in Scenario #1. To get a 5.7% ROE with a 5.0% interest rate the purchase price needs to be reduced by $300,000 to $3,200,000. Reducing the purchase price raises the Cap Rate from 5.7% in Scenarios #1 & #2 to 6.3%. So in this case when the interest rate increases from 4.0% to 5.0% the value of the property declines by $300,000 from $3.5 million to $3.2 million and the cap rate increase from 5.7% to 6.3%.

Are interest rates rising? You bet they are. They have been going up steadily for the past several months and should continue to do so for the foreseeable future. If you would like to get a better understanding why I believe interest rates will continue to rise I suggest you read, Four Reasons Interest Rates Will Rise in 2018 where I explain in detail my thinking on this subject.

Will Real Estate Values Fall This Year?

So what are the chances commercial real estate values will fall this year? I think they are very likely to fall. The driver of this trend will be interest rates rising more so than the other three factors. If interest rates continue rising, buyers will demand sales prices be lowered to compensate for a lower return on equity. And if sellers balk at lower sales prices, buyers will stop buying altogether. Those are my thoughts. I welcome yours. What do you think will happen with CRE values this year?

RSS Feed provided by theBrokerList Blog - Are you on theBrokerList for commercial real estate (cre)? and Will Commercial Real Estate Values Fall? You Betcha. Find Out Why. was written by Doug Marshall, Marshall Commercial Funding.

Will Commercial Real Estate Values Fall? You Betcha. Find Out Why. published first on https://greatlivinghomespage.tumblr.com/

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