#i just liked these screenshots they don't really contribute to the story lol

[simswag]

Pleasantview - first round

Daniel, Don, Kaylynn, Dina and Amin enjoy a night out playing cards

#ts2 #the sims 2 #sims 2 #sims 2 stories #pleasantview #pleasant family #daniel pleasant #don lothario #kaylynn langerak #amin sims #sims 2 gameplay #is it bad i kind of have a soft spot for don #yeah it's probably bad #i just liked these screenshots they don't really contribute to the story lol #my friend wanted a shout out #hi judy #dina caliente

[sageistrii]

I'm going to ignore what this user is talking about because y'all know my opinion on armys and their "boycott". Hobi didn't do well because armys do not like his music and because he doesn't have a lot of stans, not because of the boycott and I think the person in that screenshot proved it. Armys are only listening and streaming the music they like for the members they bias and other artists they like, end of story.

My focus is on the person in the screenshot and that "I think most of us boycotters are rapline biased because we care about the social message" what does that mean?

It's really something that for years that rapline biased armys get away with saying borderline Anti stuff and armys let them because of pity. And I checked the quotes of this tweet, barely anyone's pointing out how weird that statement is, but are more interested in using that account as an excuse for Hobi's less than stellar chart performance.

They have always gotten away with the subtle shades. I remember an army account saying maknae line stans were visual stans, and they also got a lot of likes for it too with no one calling them out.

Rapline stans and their superiority complex, with the way they act you would think they stanned Kendrick Lamar or jcole. No y'all just Stan pseudo-intellectuals and one trick ponies.

What would Hobi do as a soloist if he was banned from basing his concepts and music on how he was a street dancer from Gwangju a million years ago? I think Yoongi is a good rapper but you hear one suga or agust d verse and you've heard most of them, and namjoon rivals Tae when it comes to being pretentious btw with that fake cultured thing he's got going on.

For years rapline would imply that they "wrote, composed or produced x song" and armys would make everyone go with that narrative and then you check the credits it's a million other names before theirs. Namjoon would come on live, give a break down while repeatedly saying "I" and of course to armys it means he did the whole thing himself when he obviously co wrote it with multiple others and most times he isn't even the main writer or composer lol. Most BTS songs are sent to them by other writers and of course the rapline make their own contributions and needed changes to fit the group, but armys will go on and on like they're the sole writers. This has been the foundation of their superiority complex.

And what social issues do rapline talk about? What have they rapped about in their solo songs that impacted society?. What "deep message" do they have in their music that vocal line haven't also talked about in theirs? These men have the advantage of having larger discographies , nothing more.

Edit: Not saying that I don't think they're good artists, I've praised them and their artistry multiple times and I do think Yoongi and Joon are the best rappers in kpop. Just find it annoying how their stans act like they're miles above every other Kpop artist when it comes to the stuff they sing about.

[rottingdotcom]

so I've had a few majorly traumatic experiences in my life

mainly three, two contributed to my c-ptsd and the other gave me regular single event PTSD

first one was the years of elementary school where I got locked in sensory deprivation in my public elementary school special needs room but whatever that ain't really what this is for

Uhhh the other was medical trauma in 2019 where an Anesthesiologist fucked up my foot

But the big thing I'm using this space for is meeting.. uhh imma call him by his ironically accurate username.. Doofus

We met at a con in May 2022, started going out together, and then I moved states in July 2022.. and then about a week into moving away he broke up with me in a very explosive way and sent his friends after me

His friends told me to kill myself, cut myself etc. and I guess he defended it idk I don't really remember at this point

I have screenshots of everything and all conversations related to the shit show

Well

I tried to move on from it but it was hella traumatizing so it fucked with my head for a while and blah blah therapist diagnosed me with PTSD and C-PTSD and all that

Well anyways I saw him again at the same con but in 2023 and I had a huge PTSD attack with a full shutdown and non verbal and all that mess lol

And then he found my group's insta and I realized oh wow this guy actually has a major following on tiktok and.. a lot of young teens really enjoy his content wowie

Oh what's that? He posts gore art and talks about weird shit on his Instagram where 1,000 of his 2,000 followers are minors??

Oh yeah? He also has been publicly flirting with a then 16 year old now 17 year nonbinary furry?? At age 18??

Oh and now that minor is following his private NSFW account?? Wowie that's a lot of weird shit my guy

Oh and then when I saw him again at a different con in the same place this year I didn't freeze but instead actually fucking talked to people in the group and had fun?? AND WAS OPEN ABOUT MY GENDER AND SEXUALITY INSTEAD OF HIDING IT??

Oh and then after that he starts PUBLICLY ROLEPLAYING A PREGNANCY WITH THAT MINOR FROM EARLIER??

Oh buddy that's a really weird thing to do, huh??

Oh AND THEN WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN AT THAT CON IN 2024

HE'S SCARED OF ME?? LIKE BRO??

Well anyways.. yeah he's just gotten weirder and weirder and he seems to be genuinely frightened of me now so that's epic awesomesauce I guess

So that's kinda my story lol

[amskvaris]

PSO2:NGS squad. Semi-casual. Ship 1 and 3. Player ID: merula.

Ship 1: Taki - cute minty squishy Deuman. Force that is actually becoming a genuine OC. You will see some OC/canon because Ilmaki is currently my fav PSO2 pair. Sorry!

Ship 1: Sabriel - Hunter/Braver - Sword/Bow multiweapon! - Technically CAST - she is just like the player character personality-wise. As tanky as possible. Technically my player character.

Ship 3: Hibana - That NPC who died ten years ago. Gunner/Bouncer? I will probably move her to Ship 2 eventually. Can't find a nice camo for boots but the butterfly TMG camo looks so cute. Screenshots... someday...

I also have a silly in-progress AU where a few NPCs get the region boss DOLLS possessing them? Think like the Dark Falz host characters in base pso2. They're actually more like co-hosts. Nils Hibana and Ams Tuuli are the only ones I'm 100% set on. Bright golden eyes and the host's hair fades into sky blue at the ends.

I'm trying to get back into drawing a little bit but it's been a really long time so I'm just doing gift art headshots lol. I'm trying to draw all the OCs I see here too but we will see.

Queue is at 3 a day. I think.

If you want, here's some more games under the cut:

I used to play GW2 as Sword/Greatsword Mesmer on a tiny cute gremlin asura (because they don't jog as their basic movement) but the combat system gets too Busy for my tastes. I can't solo things that well because I can't keep up with the system.

Also played FFXIV but the combat system and character creation is not my cup of tea. I played WHM but that was before healers had enough MP to contribute DPS. The lore is nice though!

Blade and Soul my beloved. Force Master then Blade Dancer then Warden. I used to RP in it too... it was so nice. Acts 1-4 (Jinsoyun's arc) live rent-free in my head ever since.

Aura Kingdom and Twin Saga I only played because my former roommate was a Game Sage but I don't really remember too much about them besides my characters... so.

Other non-MMO games:

Pokemon Gen 3-8

Golden Sun (GBA+DS)

Dark Cloud 1-2

Star Ocean 3-4

Persona 3-4

.hack//G.U.

Okami

Digimon Story: Cybersleuth ( & Hacker's Memory)

Rune Factory 4

Will add to this when I remember the last one.

[otakween]

Digimon Adventure (Blind Watch) - Episode 17

Dangit! I had to watch this twice because my screenshot program wasn't turned on the first time lol. Oh well, I got to check in on the dub and hear Etemon's stupid Elvis voice, so that was fun. This episode was pretty blah. Not much happened story-wise other than Mimi getting her crest. I gotta say, waiting for people to get little plastic trinkets is a lot crappier of a pay off than waiting to see the Champion digimon for the first time.

Digimon introduced: Kokatorimon

Notes:

-Apparently the point of the last episode was to establish the plot point that the kids need to "raise their digimon correctly" for them to evolve right. That almost feels like a tie-in to the video game/virtual pet origins of this series. How come this only matters now?

-In the dub Gennai had the hilarious line, "Trust me, after all I'm a floating glowy man." I didn't see it coming lol

-Gennai seriously contributed nothing to this episode. He was like "guess what, the tags and crests glow when they're near each other!" Uh, yeah, a little late. We already know that. (But the kids acted surprised anyway?)

-The Numemon spoke like Pokemon in the Japanese version where they said "Nume" and stuff. Really weird because I don't think they did that in the episode they were introduced in? Also, since when do Digimon do that in general?

-Why was Kokatorimon a human for one second for no reason? They didn't explain that he had shapeshifting as a power so...wha?

-Kokatorimon's design is kinda disappointing. I feel like they could have made him more dragon-like, but he's just a chicken with teeth and a mohawk. His Japanese voice was pretty annoying too.

-The writers randomly decided to give Etemon a break this week because his "network was down." I guess they wanted the battle scene to be wrapped up quickly.

-Another episode where the bad guy explodes. I guess that's the new thing. I keep expecting them to be like "jk, he's okay." Respect for not going the "nobody dies" route, I guess.

-I have no idea why everyone was so shocked when Mimi got her crest at the end. This is third time this has happened! What is shocking?

-In the dub they called Mimi's crest "the crest of sincerity" but in the Japanese they were just like "that's a crest alright" lol. Not sure if the crest names come up later in the original or if that's something they made up for the dub...

#digimon #digimon adventure #blind watch #anime

[hungnitan]

Anniversary Event "バーシャル・シンガーファンフェスタ" Summary

I doing this event summary because well... event card looks intriguing and yeah it's true (in case some people still don't know, event card before change came straight from screenshots from actual event story)

this event story came with so many subtle relationships opened (ex : Minori and An know each others from this event as they just keep mentioned each others by Haruka) and from now on most character know each others so yeah I guess they need to update chara relationships onward (lol)

I guess I can't express much details here since I only read VBS and 25-ji event stories so far but please enjoy read below and it's pretty lengthy !

- Characters : Member bonus (Ichika, Minori, Kohane, Tsukasa, Kanade & Miku Original) + ALL CHARACTER + ALL Virtual Singers But the main protagonist for this event is Minori with Ichika Kohane and Nene as secondary protagonist

- Summary (Twitter) : Minori, Ichika, Kohane, and Nene have decided to participate in the annual thanksgiving event "Virtual Singer Fan Festa" as singers. Kanade and the others are also coming to see the creators they're interested in. And thus, the curtain rises on a festival where various feelings cross with each other——! Note : You need to know a bit of previous every band/group event story as some parts mentioned about it except VBS

- I can't cut this story with just summary so for parts :

1. Story started from those four self training to contribute for their own band/group onward. Minori talked about want to self train as she's the most least experience at her group and after thinking about Airi solo performance at MMJ previous event with Ichika and Kohane then Ichika tell them about Virtual Singer Fan Festa still opened for registration we all know Ichika is Miku biggest fans so of course she know this annual festival lol. Then Ichika and Kohane too want to participate as they feels the same lack of experience while Nene joined after hear from Ichika...

2. To prepare they trained with VBS and WxS members ! As VBS good at sing and WxS at dance they decided to train with them, funny enough Minori is the only one doesn't know most of those group members and Minori too seems click right at bat with Rui (Ichika know some WxS members, Kohane is Wonderland Phoenix biggest fan and Nene well she's understandble since she's shut in) PS : Akito put his usual stern face so Nene kinda suprised as she only know the good boy Akito

3. Different scene with those four, Kanade decided come to Festa as one of her favourite creator participate there She asked 25-ji members too and the biggest suprise here is Mafuyu meet with MMJ members except Minori at Festa before meet up with 25-ji members...so this is 25-ji member first timers saw Mafuyu good girl face and it scare them (lol) Note : Mafuyu and Shizuku are classmate and came from same extracurricular activity

4. At Festa well yeah it's just they participate and finished ! But it focused into Minori scene As Minori keep nervous, Tsukasa kinda worries and look for her and meet up at backstage then say some encouraging words

Tsukasa : It's fine to scare but if you succeed in this stage means you success delivering your feelings to everyone

Tbh I kinda like this line, as this came from his own experience since idol and show kinda similar... And he say to scream if you scare and it makes staff (at left) warned him (lol)

And added the encouragement after performance Kanade saying that Minori looks so dazzling on stage

- Many character relationships need to be update after this event :

Ichika Minori Kohane & Nene,

Ichika/Minori with VBS team,

Minori/Kohane with WxS team,

An Haruka Minori,

Minori Tsukasa/(maybe) Kanade

- Mentionable card time and place aside two above :

Kohane started her dance training with Wonderland Phoenix she adore so much... and as I never read WxS stories I just know that eventhough WxS notice Kohane presence as their biggest fans, they really just know each others from this story !

Not screenshots from event story but this card is Project Sekai first original Hatsune Miku card so of course it need to mention (lol)

I kinda like the design, it's memorable like those Hatsune Miku commorative or birthday art... as I love the art, too bad I still want to save my gems for Rin Len Aku no Meshitsukai original card around Dec (yeah their livestream mention those info for detail look at Prosekai unofficial english twitter)

- Rarity, seeing the story it's moreless agreeable but too bad Nene doesn't even include as card (lol)

Funny enough Miku and Ichika card have different attribute than event requirement means you can't use them in this event even you get them (lol)

Well then Happy 1st Anniversary and let's enjoy free gems and 7x10 pull ticket plus another 3000 gems at 4th Oct later !

#project sekai #prosekai #ichika hoshino #minori hanasato #kohane azusawa #kanade yoisaki #tenma tsukasa #hatsune miku #and other character #too many to mention here

[xiuxingkai]

Finally watched the first episode of Challenges at Midlife.

Impressions (with spoilers) below:

So, since I don't speak Mandarin Chinese at all, am entirely reliant on the provided English subtitle. The first thing I noticed was that the subtitle can be a bit wonky at times. Thus far, seems like it's mostly "squeezing" Chinese grammar structure into English (this is purely a guess based off awkward sentences and such) as well as putting "your" when contextually it should have been "my". Example:

[Screenshot of Challenges at Midlife episode 01 from YouTube. The character Ning Yu, played by actress Xia Meng, confronts her mother (Ning Hui, played by Yan Xiao Ping) about the murder accusation toward her father. The English subtitle says, "They say your dad is a murderer," when it should have been, "They say my dad is a murderer.]

The "your" instead of "my" translation mistake occured several more times throughout the episode. It's still easy to overlook though, and even with the aforementioned wonky sentences (that happened less than the your/my switcharoo), I was still able to follow the story along without getting too lost (for the most part). Idk if this will be a consistent thing with the subtitles, I just hope it won't get worse. (LOL.)

Next. I went into the drama completely blind. I didn't know the premise much less the plot; I just knew ZYX stars in it as a supporting character and that's about it. (LOL) So I was a bit surprised when I realised the story follows a mixed timeline.

The opening takes place during the early 90s, before jumping ahead to the year 2018. Then it comes back to 1998. Even during the scenes that take place in late 2010s, there's some flashback to the 90s sprinkled throughout — mostly presented as the character(s) thinking about the past.

For me personally, this non-linear storytelling with constant jumping back and forth is a bit hard to keep track of, mainly because am not used to it. Because of my personal lack of experience with this storytelling format, I can't exactly say whether the way they do it is fine or is to the detriment of the story. That being said, now knowing this is the format they chose to go with, am at least more prepared before watching episode 02 onwards.

Third thing I want to comment on is the camera work. More specifically, the way they shoot the scene during the confrontation at Jian family house after the funeral of Jian Zhi Guo (played by Jian Baixuan):

[Standing: Jian Minmin (Zhong Dan Ni). Sitting, second picture L to R: Zhang Lixin (Tie Zheng), Mother Jian (unfortunately I can't find the actress' name), and Jian Hongchen (Li Dianzun)]

Look, am not a technical gal, all right. I know very little about filmmaking or videography, but I know that I like something when I see it. Here are several things I can list that I like about it:

I like the natural lighting. I feel like a lot of live actions (movies and series both) nowadays rely a bit too much on artificial lighting and recolouring. Challenges at Midlife at least seems to be mostly shot with natural lighting, and I really love its usage in this scene in particular because it feels a lot more immersive. It really did feel like being in the same room as them.

I like the way Minmin is standing separated from the rest of her family, even including her husband. It's a pretty basic composition setting am pretty sure. But even without any addition of stark contrast between where she stands and where the others sit, you can just feel the emotional distance she keeps. (God, who knew you can act just by standing? Dan Ni is such a queen for that.)

Additionally, here's something I just noticed as I took the screenshot: Notice how small Lixin, Mother Jian, and Hongchen look when we're seeing the shot from Minmin's side. At this point in the story we're already aware of her ambition to be the legitimate successor of Zhi Guo's business. Also in this scene, it's revealed how much Minmin feels she has contributed and supported her family, yet also feeling like she's underappreciated. Those emotions combined with the shot, makes me feel like Minmin actually not only resent her family (including her husband, Lixin—from whom I get slimy, slimy vibes) but also look down on them. Mwah. Chef's kiss. Character development through visuals alone? Love to see it.

(Wouldn't it be funny, though, if later on in the story everything I've said about Minmin is proven to be entirely incorrect and that I am, in fact, just reaching? LOL.)

The last thing I want to say is I adore the acting from Xia Meng and young Ning Shu (alas, yet another actor whose name I can't find). I got past teary-eyed and went straight to crying when Ning Hui came home and both kids started asking for their father. Absolutely gut wrenching. Everyone's acting in the drama is good! But these two kids—oh, lord, they made me bawl.

Anyway, I think that's all I've got to say about Challenges at Midlife ep01. Funny enough, though I watched it for ZYX I don't think I have too much to say about him or adult Ning Shu, LOL. But I take that as a W for the drama: it's so incredibly good that in its entirety it totally sucked me in instead of just focusing on one actor.

Maybe I'll make this a regular update every time I finished watching an episode. Idk.

Watch Ep01 here.

#challenges at midlife #lay zhang #zhang yixing #c drama #challenges at midlife episode 1

[ikemensengokufandom]

"I can't be bothered with all the negative stuff" - XXY

And thank you for your contribution while biting back the EN/Global community like a dog too

👁️👄👁️

P.S: Didn't get to type this just now while at work, so I'm just going to address the matters briefly in case some don't get the tea.

- She just outright whine about the Global group just because people's opinions differs and she's like "I paid for the game so everyone must take my opinion into consideration, others doesn't matter." That kind of attitude. And twisted the tales making her sound like the victim while she's the one started the drama lol

- Admins were triggered cause she have been giving shit attitude for a few times? They are ok with me calling her lies out cause she ownself have beef with me for years now and also towards the few others 😌 ownself 作死 so they want to expose her lies, can't reject their offer right? 💁‍♀️

- She knows that I know who she is behind that account. Perhaps next time, don't be so dumb leaving clues around here and there publicly on the internet if you want to live by another identity? 🤷‍♀️

- Called her out just briefly few times for small trivial matters cause I just simply don't like her 😌

- Why I don't like her? Harrassments, defamations, and a few threats. Yeah my mental health was badly affected few years back even way before she stir these kind of shit towards the others 😌

- Only reason why she won't comment any further is highly because of the doxxing law here in Singapore.

- So what she can do is to flip through her contacts to tell people "xxx is bad unfriend her please" that kind of sly moves, even till recent years I still hear few stories about it. Lol like we care, we just play our games 😂

- Oh and about her overcharging shit? Wasn't really my problem until people started to complain about it. Just adding fuel on the fire cause I want to see the world burn, that's it.

- Spying a group chat, having people to send you screenshots etc 🤔 even on discord chat? Becareful there might be dupes account in there.

Moral of the story: if you want to play your games, just stick to the status quo. Going on and play cancel culture attacking the others for just a bloody game really make you look like a bodoh.

Would have minded my own business if she didn't pissed many people off and even those who are of netural sides also got fed up with her BS I'm like 🙄 I mean, we all know she loves the attention, glad she appreciate it though 👌

Okay end of the teaspill. I know she will make a mockery (again) out of this in private chat/within her circles with her usual cults, let it be it 😌 pretty used to the fact that she won't stick to what she preached lols.

I'm off to play Genshin Impact 😏

#i also love her hypocritical ways of handling things #reply #one last post i promise #xxy told people to unfriend me and stay away from me #so many tea about her but I'm kind enough not to spill it out

[to-the-moon-and-never-back00]

My starlight✨

It still fascinates me how I found you when I thought I can't be found. You came unexpectedly, you were my miracle. Godsent. We were classmates since grade 8 (2014) 'til SHS (2019). Sa 6 years natin na magkakilala, who knew we'll fall for each other. Seriously, hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako makapaniwala. Yung taong araw araw kong nakikita sa classroom simula grade 8, siya pala yung taong hiniling ko kay Lord. Siya na pala yun. Well, the signs weren't clear until we talked again, and it was...

August 2020

I still remember that day, August 12, 2020. I just got off from work and nagpapahinga na ako hahaha the usual me; kakain and then magbabasa ng wattpad.

Out of the blue, nag message ka sakin. That was literally unexpected 'cause I don't really talk to other people. I'm socially anxious argh idk how to react properly. My first thought were "What the hell? Bakit kaya nagchat to?" Well, in my defense hindi naman talaga tayo ganun ka "close" before kaya na wirduhan talaga ako hahaha.

Pero sobrang naappreciate ko yun lalo na nung kinamusta mo ako. I rarely talk to anyone na kakilala ko and it really meant so much to me at that time. Without any doubt, nag open up ako sa'yo. I don't know, maybe naghihintay lang talaga ako ng taong magtatanong saakin kung okay lang ako kaya noong dumating ka, gumaan talaga yung loob ko. Siguro kasi kilala kita at alam kong hindi ka masamang tao and we were friends rin. Hindi man ganun ka "close" pero I consider you as one of those peeps na mapagkakatiwalaan ko.

We started talking/chatting August 12,2020. Catch up lang sa kanya kanyang buhay. I don't remember ever talking to you like an actual conversation about our lives before nung classmates pa tayo. Well, I couldn't say na nafall agad ako at that moment duh hahaha grabehan na yun. Pero lalo kitang nakilala, hindi lang yung 'Sean' na kaklase ko nung high school. Unti unti kong nakilala yung totoong ikaw, I never knew I could see you in a different light. I admired you, you're just so amazing. You made your way to my heart kahit ang ginawa mo lang naman ay makinig at kausapin ako. Parang ganun na nga, na-fall na ako.

That feeling na I'm anticipting kung kailan ka ulit magchachat hahaha. And then nag birthday na ako, August 14. You greeted me through chat. Hindi mo alam kung paano mo ko napangiti at that time. At that time narealize ko rin na lagot na talaga ahahaha nafall na ako. Shett panindigan mo koo ahahaha char. On that day, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan yung nag post ka ng cover ng "Tanan-VNCE". I was smiling the whole time. Silently hoping na para sakin yung kanta na yun hahaha napaka assumera ko rin that time lol. Birthday ko naman nun kaya hayaan mo na hahahah

We continued to talk through chat. hindi ko na nga maalala ano pinaguusapan natin at that time hahaha. But talking to you feels great. I remember sending you my cover of KLWKN-Music Hero. I don't know if I ever told you this, but while I was recording the song,ikaw yung nasa isip ko. That was literally my first move hahahha. Kaya sobrang meaningful ng kantang yun para saakin. It was my first song for you :)

16th of August, niligawan mo ako. Nung araw palang na niligawan mo ako sure na akong sasagutin kita hahahamarupok. Gusto ko sana patagalin yung ligawagan hahaha wala lang hehe. And never ko naexperience yung may nanliligaw sakin hahaha minsan gusto ko rin maging normal na babae charot pano yun. But at the same time napuno ako ng takot. Sobrang bilis kasi, it was surreal. Iniisip ko kung nasa tamang pag iisip pa ba ako hahaha maloloka ako sayo hahahaha. But I realized that life is about taking chances. I don't want to regret anything, so might as well take the risk. And so I did,, we did...

August 18, 11:12pm. Sinagot kita. I literally screamed sa sobrang saya hahaha gumulong gulong pa ako sa higaan ko sa sobrang kilig tapos na realize ko na di pa pala ako nag reply hahaha. So ayun na yung umpisa.

First photo is my screenshot.

Second and third photos are yours hahaha yung sinend mo saakin before

Fourth photo is our first (virtual) photo together throgh video call sa messenger

Naalala ko pa rin kung gaano ako kasaya nung araw na yon. I took the risk, felt like jumping off the cliff but you jumped with me. Naalala ko pa rin yung saya na naramdaman ko. Yun yung feeling na ang sarap ulit ulitin. I never thought I could be THAT happy. Gusto ko tumakbo papunta sa'yo at that time para lang mayakap ka. Sobrang thankful ko kay Lord nung time na yun.

August 20, yun yung time na nag tweet at nag story ako tungkol saatin at nayanig ang sambayanang pilipino HAHAAHHAHA. Gulat na gulat sila 'cause same. Ang saya ko nung time na yon, kahit medyo anxious pa rin ako dahil nga sa bilis ng pangyayari. We went through that phase. Yung mga assurance mo saakin kasi palagi akong nag ooverthink. yung mga kumontra saatin at first but eventually tinaggap pa rin tayo. Nalagpasan natin yun kasi were stronger than them. Their opinion will never matter. Ang importante masaya tayo.

Umpisa pa lang yon pero ang dami ko nang anxieties na hinarap kasama ka. As a professional overthinker lol, inintindi mo ako kahit di ko maintindihan sarili ko. Hindi mo ako hinayaang harapin lahat ng yon ng mag isa. You helped me be who I am right now.

Credits sayo. Sayo galing yan screenshot na yan hehe.

Naalala ko pa rin lahat ng pangako natin sa isat-isa. Those were promises of forever.

All of our promises are for the future. We promised to be together 'til were old. We promised each other na we'll grow and be matured together and be a better version of ourselves. I promised to be there on your graduation day and you'll be there when I graduate rin sa college. Sabay natin aabutin yung pangarap natin. We imagined ourself sa kasal natin and then we'll have kids, isang babae at isang lalaki. And then we'll have a stable job and we'll live comfortably and happy and punong puno ng pagmamahal. We imagined so many things that we will do sa future that we overlooked whats in front of us. Nevertheless, sobrang saya lang talaga. To look forward for the future together.

Credits ulit sayo

Remember the dream I had before? Minsan lang ako magkaroon ng panaginip. Kung meron man oftentimes I will forget about it pagkagising ko. This one is different, kasi its really weird 'cause it felt so real. As if I was really there. Sobrang weird kaya naalala ko siya pag gising ko.

I am with my boyfriend daw, nasa loob kami ng kwarto sa bahay naka higa sa higaan ko. Sa panaginip ko hindi ko talaga maaninag yung mukha nung nasa harap ko. I had no idea who he was, ang alam ko lang is mahal na mahal ko yung lalaking yun. The moment na napunta ako sa panaginip na yun, naramdam ko lahat lahat ng pagmamahal ko sa taong yun. It's so overwhelming.

I was comforting him, sa panaginip ko hindo ko alam kung bakit hahaha I just felt like it. I hugged him really tight and I kissed his temple. That moment, it felt like home and it was wonderful.

It was the feeling that I never felt before. It was true love. I was like,, Lord when kaya? Is this a sign? If yes ibigay niyo na saakin please.

Sinabi ko sayo tong panaginip na to before it really happened. Naalala ko pa yung date. November 6, It was your first time dito sa bahay to hang out. Tumambay tayo sa kwarto hehe. We talked about a lot of things while we cuddled sa higaan. And then you got emotional :< naalala ko yung sinabi mo sakin and pinanghahawakan ko yung sinabi ko na kahit dito hindi ko babanggitin yun. Naramdaman ko yung takot mo nun na baka magbago yung tingin ko sayo once sinabi mo yun. Pero never mangyayari yun, cause your past can never define who you are right now. And then you cried, that was the first time I saw you cry and my heart hurts gusto ko rin umiyak and so I hugged you nalang and gave you kisses. I wanted you to feel how much I care for you and my love for you will remain the same.

It took me a while before I realized na that was the exact same scenario na nangyari sa panaginip ko. It's really amazing noh. Noong kinuwento ko pa lang sayo yon, I already knew na ikaw yung nasa panaginip ko. Na ikaw yung hiniling ko kay Lord noon na taong mamahalin ko ng sobra. It was a sign, to let me know na I'll find my significant other soon. He's really amazing 'cause I didn't know he will let me catch a glimpse of the future. It's like he's telling me na I will be happy, soon. Trust in God's timing lang talaga. God led me to you. Ikaw yung binigay niyang sagot saakin noong mga panahong tinatanong ko siya kung kailan ako magiging masaya. I thank God I found you.

Remember the playlist that we created for each other. Both of us contributed on creating that playlist. I still remember the day you made me listen to the songs that you dedicated for me. Correct me if I'm wrong those songs were

Always- Marco Sison

I Swear - All4one

Now and Forever- Richard Marx

I'd Rather - Luther Vandross

God gave me you - Bryan White

Swear it again - Westlife

Your Love - Richard Marx

Ikaw at ako - (saxophone cover)

I think I missed a few but those were the first set of songs you sent. I still remember how I felt at that time. It was meaningful for me. Para bang lahat ng love songs ay tungkol sayo or tungkol saatin.

And then it became our thing hahaha its like we were collecting songs that reminds us of each other and then idadagdag natin sa playlist natin. I lost count kung ilan yung mga kanta doon. I already deleted the playlist I made sa spotify :< I regret doing that :< now I'm sad. Alam kong nasayo pa rin yung playlist natin. I appreciate na you still have it with kahit wala na tayo.

Theres a lot of things that reminds me of you tbh. Remember how we use to call/video call like,, everyday and then we'll play Mario Kart. No matter how busy we were, we always try to find a way to bond or play. Kasi we'll be incall during the game. Sobrang saya nun kahit lagi akong talo hahaha. Umay ka na siguro sakin nun kasi walang thrill yung laro lagi akong talo hahaha. Tapos I tried to play ML with you. I never learned how to play that game even though I tried, sayang :< It would be much better kung kaya kitang sabayan sa ML, pero wala eh siguro kasi I'm not really into that kind of game hehe. Kaya naglalaro lang ako pag kasama kita. 1v1 or Brawl hehe. Masaya na ako doon. Kahit frustrated ako sa sarili ko minsan kasi ang shunga ko hahaha. But you were really patient with me, you tried to cheer me up and then tinuturo mo saakin yung mga dapat kong gawin. Sobrang naappreciate ko yun. Those were the things I always look forward to everyday aside from chatting/talking to you.

Everything that you do for me means a lot. What I meant by everything is literally E V E R Y T H I N G.

Like, you would know what to do or what to say whenever inaatake ako ng anxiety or nag ooverthink ako. You know how to make me calm. You know how to make me smile. All your corny jokes and your cheesy pick up lines. Your sweet messages reminding me of how much you love me. You would always say na hindi mo ako iiwan :> You always say na I am your blessing and I'll say the same. Yung pag alaga mo saakin. Yung mga paalala mo sakin araw araw na alagaan ko sarili ko lalo na pag may sakit ako.

All your efforts to make a video message for me tuwing may pasok ako para I cheer up ako. I really love them, sobrang naappreaciate ko yun. It helped me a lot sa work. I did great right, All of my achievements sa work are also because of your efforts to cheer me up. You were my inspiration.

I love all those little things you do, even the bare minimum hahaha. Like updating me sa mga nangyayari kahit tulog ako or nasa work. Ang saya kaya sa feeling na gigising ako na may message ka saakin tapos ikaw yung bungad sa notif ko. And then I will do the same with you. Iuupdate kita kahit tulog ka kasi tulog ka na pag shift ko hahaha. And you'll wake up with so many notifs from me hehe. Yun yung bagay na nakasanayan ko, kaya yun yung naging struggle ko everyday tuwing may pasok. I would be sad every break ko sa work :< But thats all in the past now, I can handle myself now.

Remember the first time na nag date tayo sa labas? Sa KFC SM Sucat. Wala lang, kasi that was our first date sa labas and my first real date everr. And nilibre mo ako nun, knowing na ginastos mo yung ipon mo para sakin, sobrang naappreciate ko yun. Alam kong minsan kuripot ka hahaha at mas gugustuhin mong itabi yung pera mo. Pero pinaggastusan mo pa rin ako sa pagkain natin. At naulit pa yun ha hahahaha. I really don't mind kahit saan tayo mag date tbh. Kahit diyan lang tayo kumain sa kanto tapos bili tayo kwek kwek masaya na ako. O kaya bili tayo tinapay sa bakery tapos softdrinks. Never kong pinangarap yung mga date sa fancy restaurant eeh gastos lang yon. Kahit nga wala tayong gastusin eh. Kahit mag window shopping lang tayo sa mall hahhaha masaya na ako doon, importante nakasama kita. Priceless yun, yung time and effort mo na makipagkita saakin.

Kaya minsan di ko makita yung sinasabi mong wala kang ka effort effort saakin. Kasi I never asked you for anything. You were enough for me. Maybe because I'm not vocal enough kaya hindi mo naramdaman yun. Simple lang naman yung gusto ko sa buhay, gusto ko maging masaya and I am happy whenever I'm with you.

Our first few months were wonderful. Wala nga tayo halos pag aaway kasi kung meron man tayong di pagkakaintindihan, naayos natin agad yon. We were so happy pero hanggang ngayon tinatanong ko pa rin si Lord kung anong nangyari. I thought everything are on its right places. I thought everything is perfect. Ako lang pala yun nag iisip ng ganun. We came to the point na ako nalang pala, it felt like flying and then iniwan mong akong nakalutang doon sa ere, hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar. Lahat ng kinatakutan ko noong umpisa nangyari na.

Everything is falling apart but I'm trying to fix it sa lahat ng paraang alam ko. I stayed with you, kahit alam kong hindi na dapat. Hindi ko na kasi inisip yung sarili ko eh, all I want is for you to be okay. I want to fix you, I tried to help you. Like what you did to me before. Ikaw yung naging lakas ko kaya gusto ko ganun ka rin saakin. I know you did your best to hold on. I know na hindi ka na sigurado at that time, kahit sobrang sakit saakin nun pinilit kong harapin yun kasi may tiwala akong ako parin naman pipiliin mo hanggang sa huli. Kasi ako yung nandito para sa'yo, why would you choose the other.

We even celebrated Christmas and New Year together with both of our families. Sobrang naappreciate ko yun, kasi pinagbigyan mo yung gusto ni mama at that time. Seriously, even though di masyado naging maganda yung New year ko, I had fun being with you and your family. I really felt like I was part of your family too. I'm forever grateful sa kabutihan nila. I didn't know na yun na pala yung huling araw na tayo pa. I shouldve stayed longer. Sana inenjoy ko yung moment at hindi ako nagpaapekto sa emosyon ko that day. I should've hugged you tight or kissed you for the last time. I didnt know yun na pala yung huli.

I managed to be strong for you. Kasi alam kong maayos pa natin kung ano man yung naging gusot. I fought my own battles while I try to fight with you. Napaka martir ko sa part na hinayaan ko sarili kong mahalin ka kahit sobrang sakit na. Sobrang tanga na nun pero yung dahilan ko lagi? Mahal na mahal kita at ayos lang na masaktan ako kaysa mawala ka saakin. Di ko kakayanin yun kaya kumapit ako ng maghigpit sayo. Kahit nararamdaman ko na ako nalang yung nakakapit, sinubukan ko pa rin. Sinubukan natin, pero dumating parin tayo doon na sa punto na kailangan nating bumitaw.

January 3, sinabi mo saakin na mas okay na maghiwalay na tayo and I agreed. Naaalala ko yung time na yun, nagrant ako sayo and I was expecting na you'll comfort me. Na you'll come up to something para mag ayos tayo pero hindi eh :< you decided to end our relationship. At nagkaroon ako ng realization nung araw na yun. Siguro napagod ka na rin. Ako kasi kahit pagod na I would still fight for us. Ganun kita kamahal. Narealize ko rin how shallow your love is, kasi wala ka nang ibang dahilan para mag stay. Kasi if you really want me, if you really do. You'll do everything para magstay. Hinayaan mo akong bumitaw.

At that time I knew na game over na talaga. Kaya di na ako kumontra at hinayaan na kita. Siguro kasi hindi naman talaga ako yung kailangan mo nung time na yun. I was never enough. I felt sorry na I had to let you go. Pero nakita ko rin naman kasi na masaya ka nung wala nq ako eh and then I thought na maybe we made the right decision. Medyo gumaan yung pakiramdam ko doon, and you made it easier for me to move on. Masakit pa rin tbh. Ramdam ko pa rin lahat. Ang pinagkaiba lang kasi, I already learned my lesson and I learned how to handle the pain.

Di ko rin makakalimutan yung time na nagkita ulit tayo nung January. Kasi I have a lot of things to say lol. You don't know how much I want to comeback. Pumunta ako sainyo na may dalang pag asa, baka sakali lang naman. But I was so so wrong. It felt like a slap. Literal na nasampal ako ng realidad na hindi na ako yung pipiliin mo. Fckkkjgs I can still feel the pain ugh damn u.

Naalala mo ba yung araw na yun, halos ipamukha mo saakin kung gaano mo kamahal si Nyka at kinuwento mo pa yung kagustuhan mong makasama siya sa future mo. Gustong gusto kitang murahin at sampalin nung araw na yun. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi makinig, matulala at umiyak sa harap mo. Nagalit ako sayo nun. Umiiyak ako sa lungkot, sa sakit at galit. And you had the nerve to keep a straight face ughb kainis. And then sinabi ko sayo na "Mahal mo talaga siya noh?" it sound so bitter. At that time, i wish I was her. Mas masakit pala pag harap harapan na. Gusto ko mag walk out nun, gusto ko na umuwi kasi sobrang sakit. Tangina kasi talaga Sean Gabriel, yun na ata yung pinaka masakit na nagawa mo. The whole time that you were with me, may kahati pala ako sa puso mo? Sa mga kwento mo para bang hindi ako dumating sa buhay mo. Parang wala lang ako. Binalewala. Yun yung naramdaman ko noon.

Ewan ko kung anong nangyari, pero sa sobra sobrang emosyon na naramdaman ko, umabot na ako sa sukdulan. I gave up. Para bang namatay yung kung ano man yung nasa puso ko. Nawala na yung 'hope' na baon ko. At that moment, unti unti ko nang naabsorb lahat. Natanggap ko na. You helped me do that at yun na yung naging closure ko. I remember laughing after nagsink in lahat ng nangyari. I forgave you. Inalis ko agad lahat ng galit ko and then I felt numb. I even helped you with your problem kay Nyka. At that time I really want to help you kasi napaka shunga mo na. Without any hidden agenda of getting back with you kasi at that moment I am done. Pero kaibigan parin kita kaya lets keep it that way.

Siguro yung nangyari after that, that was my lingering feelings for you na hindi mawala wala. It was 'love' without 'hope'. Kuntento na ako kung ano man meron saatin ngayon. Atleast I still have you pero hindi na kagaya ng dati.

I just want you to know that despite everything that happened between us. I'm still thankful for everything. I thank God kasi hinayaan niya akong maging masaya with you kahit saglit lang. You are my greatest everything. Greatest love, greatest heartbreak. Greatest lesson I needed to learn. I still hope for the best, for you and me. I don't mind if we go separate ways sa future. You know you have me as your number one supporter and rant person right??

It would be better kung ikaw pa rin hanggang sa huli. In another lifetime maybe? Sa perfect universe baka pwede pa.

Sa ngayon, I don't want to promise anything yet. But I'm not going anywhere. Ayoko na rin mag expect ng kahit ano. Go with the flow muna. I love you, always.

• I love you to the moon and never back. I'll love you always and my love will stay

I know our story doesnt end here.

Maniniwala pa rin ako na we'll have the chance we deserve sa tamang pagkakataon. Like for part 2 charouut hHAHa

yours for eternity,

Laila