#i'm absolutely terrified to post this so please be nice 😅

[itskindnessinfinite]

A little something I wrote because there’s no way I believe that Eddie doesn’t remember Buck during the shooting. Takes place during some nebulous time post 6x12. buddie. 1468 words.

It’s another evening in Eddie’s house. They’re both standing in Eddie's kitchen with a beer each. It’s been quiet for several minutes and usually Buck wouldn’t mind being together in silence with Eddie. Most times he would even welcome it. But there’s a weird atmosphere surrounding them that almost makes Buck’s skin itch.

Before he can think about it too much, Buck quickly takes the final gulp of beer as he shoots Eddie a quick glance above the rim. Eddie’s looking down on the ground, playing slowly with the bottle in his hands. There’s a small frown between his eyebrows. If Buck didn’t know him better he’d say that Eddie looks nervous.

“You okay?” Buck lowers the bottle and lets it rest against his thigh.

“Huh?” Eddie’s eyes are bigger than normal when he finally looks at Buck, surprised. A second later he huffs what could only be described as an almost laugh before he finishes his own beer and returns his gaze to a spot somewhere next to the table legs. Buck’s eyes don't leave Eddie. He feels a small feeling of… something start to unfurl in his gut. He doesn’t really know what to make of it but soon his mouth is dry and he really wishes he hadn’t finished his beer yet.

“You can talk to me,” Buck tries to encourage him but Eddie just nods, still staring down at the floor. His hands are slowly clenching and unclenching around the bottle.

Suddenly Buck is hit with the thought that Eddie still hasn’t touched him since the lightning strike. Sure, maybe a small touch of hands when Eddie handed him a beer but nothing else. No hug or reassuring hand on his shoulder. No small bump against his arm to check in on him between calls. Why did that change between them and how did Buck not realize it until now? A nasty stone starts to grow in his chest at the thought.

“Eddie,” Buck turns his body slightly more towards Eddie. He can feel a frown between his eyebrows. Eddie finally sighs as he turns his gaze to Buck. For a moment it seems like he’s about to say something but he bites his lip. Buck’s pretty sure he must have a will of steel to not let his gaze wander down from Eddie’s eyes.

“How’s the dating going?” Eddie finally asks. That’s not where he thought this conversation was going.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Buck answers. The bewilderment must be all over his face because he can see a small twitch of amusement on Eddie’s lips as he looks at Buck. But that’s the only reaction he gets. Eddie continues to look at him. He’s clearly still expecting an answer.

“It’s… not really going anywhere,” Buck relents at last, looking away for a moment. This would be a perfect moment for him to say that the one he wants is right in front of him. But he can’t. He won’t risk his friendship with Eddie like that. 

Eddie hums. There’s a thoughtful glint to his eyes this time and Buck really wishes he could understand what he’s thinking about. Buck is usually the one who can see beyond the shield that Eddie puts up but this time the shield is thicker than he’s used to and it’s almost driving him crazy.

“I lied,” Eddie admits finally and then amends, “well maybe not lied, but I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

“About what?” Buck cocks his head to the right, trying to keep up with where the conversation is going.

“The shooting,” Eddie looks at him and Buck feels his throat close up when he thinks back to that day as he shifts slightly where he’s standing. He waits for Eddie to continue.

“I remember,” Eddie starts. His gaze seems to have landed somewhere just above Buck’s shoulder but the slight glaze to his eyes tells Buck that he’s not entirely present. 

“I remember you. I remember you being the last thing I saw before everything went dark. I remember being at peace knowing that your face would be the last thing I would see before I died,” Eddie stops there for a second and Buck’s not entirely sure what he’s listening to but before he has enough time to dwell on it Eddie continues, “but I also remember that my biggest regret was not being able to tell you how I truly feel... about you.” 

Buck can feel his eyes grow big as saucers and he almost drops the bottle in his hand because he’s pretty sure his ears must be malfunctioning. There’s no way he just heard Eddie say what he thought he did.

“What?” Buck shakes his head to try to make sense of the scrambled thoughts in his head. When he once again focuses on Eddie there’s a sad kind of acceptance in his eyes.

“Yeah, I don’t expect you to feel the same,” Eddie looks away but Buck has barely even begun to process Eddie’s previous confession. A smile starts to tug at the edges of his lips but he quickly suppresses it. Eddie might not be telling him what he has wanted to hear for... he doesn’t even know how long.

“What?” seems to be the only coherent way for Buck to express himself.

“Sorry, I just–,”

“Eddie, stop,” Buck finally gets out as he puts the bottle on the counter behind him to try to give himself some time to gather his jumbled thoughts. Eddie freezes and the resigned slump to his frame makes Buck want to wrap his arms around him and never let go.

“What do you mean?” there’s an almost frantic way to his voice as he stares at Eddie. Eddie is quiet for a few seconds, just staring at Buck, but then a small spark of hope lights up in his eyes.

“I’m in love with you,” Eddie breathes out and this time Buck doesn’t bother hiding the smile on his face, not that he could if he wanted to. He tries to say something, to reciprocate, but the only thing he’s able to do is nod. 

“You–?” Eddie barely gets the word out before he stops and then a smile is adorning his lips. A smile that makes Buck weak at the knees.

Before he knows it Eddie takes two big steps and then there’s just a few inches between their bodies. The counter digs into his hips and the beer bottle that used to be in Eddie’s hand is nowhere to be seen but Buck doesn’t care about that right now. The only thing he cares about is Eddie. The look in Eddie’s eyes. As if he’s trying to determine if Buck’s really implying what he wants Buck to imply.

“Can I…?” Eddie whispers as he slowly, reverently, raises his hands and lets them hover just an inch over Buck’s face. So close to touching but not quite there. Yet. Buck can only nod, his dry throat making it impossible to speak. The moment Eddie’s hands cups his face Buck leans into his touch and closes his eyes. He lets himself feel Eddie. Feels that despite him having just been holding a cold beer bottle, Eddie’s hands are warm and soft. There’s a small tremor that goes through Eddie’s hands and straight into Buck’s soul.

Eddie takes a small step closer, their noses now barely touching as they breathe each other’s air. A second later they’re kissing. He doesn’t know who initiated it, just that it happened and then Buck finds that his own hands are now wrapped around Eddie’s waist lazily.

The first kiss is slow, almost hesitant. Buck feels Eddie’s thumb caressing his cheek. Then Eddie pushes him even closer into the counter and a leg is all of a sudden between his thighs. Buck’s hands travel upward before they stop and carefully dig into Eddie’s shoulder blades. Buck opens his mouth and immediately feels Eddie’s tongue dart inside. He almost groans at the feeling.

He doesn’t know how long it lasts but eventually they have to lean back. Though Buck still keeps his forehead pressed against Eddie’s. Now that they’re touching each other again, Buck never wants to stop.

“I’m in love with you too,” Buck whispers and Eddie lets out a breathless laugh before he gives Buck a soft smile. A smile that reaches his eyes and lights up his entire face. Buck never wants to live in a world without that smile.

Eddie then tugs him into a hug and Buck quickly wraps his arms around Eddie’s back as he buries his face in Eddie’s neck. Buck takes a deep breath before he tightens his hold on Eddie. Eddie, who is his safe space. His home. And now he always will be.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #el writes #this scenario refused to leave my brain so i had to write it #writing is not something i do that often so i'm sorry if this sucks #i'm absolutely terrified to post this so please be nice 😅 #i'm sure someone else has already written this and written it better but idk i still wanna share this #also this is my first 911 fic so i'm sorry if it ooc #fic recs #911 abc

[avionvadion]

um, hello (^ ^*)/ I'm not really sure if you'll read this, but it's totally fine if you won't!! (no pressure) I'd just like to say I'm really grateful for you and your stories. They are probably something I see as a safe space, they're so inspiring and comforting!! it's really cool how you have the courage and passion to create your art and stories, along with sharing them to the rest of the world. that takes a lot of guts.

i guess i still lack the confidence and faith in my writing skills, since i can't help but doubt a lot about whether or not my stories are worthy and good enough. but anyways, I just wanted to say thank you (again) for being you and for the content you post, they never fail to bring me serotonin or hope that I'd finally feel comfortable enough in sharing my own stories as well. please take care and stay safe out there!! <33 (so sorry though if I rambled a lot, i was feeling a bit down haha)

I’m constantly second guessing my own writing, especially when they’re new fanfics or if it’s like an extra fluffy chapter, so I know how that feels. 😅

It often gets to the point where I reread and re-edit so much that I can’t even tell if I like the chapter anymore, but don’t have the heart to redo it again because I can’t figure out how to reword anything anymore. It’s even worse when it gets into the plot twists as I have a habit of writing very twisty stories because ✨drama✨ and I’m anxious over whether or not it’ll be received well. I also write in the first person PoV which a lot of people hate, but I’m just most comfortable with as it lets me get emotions across easier. As a result, I’m terrified every time I post a new chapter or fic 🤣😭

But I love writing and I love drawing, and I really like to share things and finding out whether or not other people will like them too, so I make myself post everything. What really matters most though in any art or story form is whether YOU, the creator, enjoy what is you’re making. As such? Any ideas of stories or art you want to do ARE worthy and good enough, and no one but yourself can tell you otherwise. Constructive criticism is one thing, hate comments are another. It’s vitally important to learn the difference. (Sometimes I still have trouble, buuuut I’m still learning, lol.)

Oh! And another thing that I promise is relevant even though it might not sound so at first. 🤣

I’m still haunted by the cringe of a Yu-Gi-Oh fic I wrote back when I was, like, twelve, which was the first big fanfic I’ve ever written that really got me into the “isekai” trope because… reasons, but if I didn’t write it back then I never would have gotten to the point where I am now. As a result, while I did delete the (cough) sequels (cough) to it, I still have the original cringe posted on fanfic net somewhere (it was adopted by someone else so it’s not on my profile anymore but like it’s still there) and on my deviantart (yikes) to serve as a reminder of my fanfic origins.

We all have to start somewhere, and that was the starting line for me. 💕

Twelve year old me had an absolutely blast writing that fic all those years ago, and even if I don’t necessarily like the cringe that it is now, if it wasn’t for that troubled kid that wanted to escape into a world of Duel Monsters to get away from reality then we wouldn’t have any of the fanfics I’m writing today. Which would mean no Once Upon a Dream/Tragedy or Desperate Decisions. So! Ahem.

Just know that you have my support and that I believe in you! It might be a little tough or tricky at times, but, whether it be writing or drawing, art will take form if you give it shape. You got this!

I’m also really happy you find my blog/stories/art as a safe space/comfort. 🥰 Drawing and writing has been my comfort for as long as I can remember, so it’s always really nice to hear others enjoy it/take comfort from the things I post!

I hope you feel better, Anon, and stay safe too! 💕✨💕 Thank you!

#fanfic #ask #writing #I’m not good at advice but I believe in you! You got this!