#i'm learning thai culture through fics

[elithemiar-blog]

Weight. There's a weight on his chest, a comfort as he feels his chest expand.

He runs the corner, heart rate hammering at the sight of Chay with a gun pressed to his head.

His finger twitches, soft fabric brushing against warmth, cotton -- a shirt.

The kidnapper sees him and lowers the gun, aiming at Chay's chest then abdomen, his own gun in his hand and a command on the tip of his tongue. Then two sharp bangs fill the room, soft and muffled, Chay's arms curling around his stomach as he instantly curls and drops to his knees. An all consuming rage burns through his veins, and the kidnapper only grins.

His body shifts, and warm sunlight penetrates through the cover of his eyelids indicating morning has arrived.

Chay's name is released through a guttural scream as he watches the boy fall limp onto the dusty floor.

Blurry sight of a white ceiling meets his opened eyes, his mind still fogged from sleep -- the most restful he's gotten in days.

He rushes forward, anger and panic flushing through his nerves. As one body after another falls by a combined effort of force between hand and gun, until he is the only thing standing between his opponents and Chay, the kidnapper had disappeared.

The weight of him shifts and he looks down, watching and realizing who lays on him. He feels the calm facial features change as the boy nuzzles into him.

He whips around, already twisting his limbs out of both jacket and the shirt underneath, placing the two items on Chay's abdomen in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Why are you pretending to sleep?"

"P'Kim." his soft call, and hand raised towards the older, moving until his hand grips around Kim's wrist, strength already weakening.

"I'm scared."

"Sh, don't talk." Tears streamed down both their cheeks. "We'll get through this…and you can yell at me for fucking up." he places more pressure on the site. "Just stay awake."

"I've always felt unlucky, until I realized that all my luck was to find you."

"Kim!"

Kinn's wrenching yell snapped his head up, the fear he can see in his brother's eyes is gazed behind him.

"Behind…you." Chay's whispered warning steeped in panic and fear for him makes him realize.

"I love you." Chay smiles up at him. "Do you love me?"

Kim realizes that it's too late as he hears the click behind him. With the softest smile, he stares into Chay's widened eyes, "I love you."

He wants to correspond with his own confession, but this has gone too far built on lies, so what's one more.

"I'm hungry." he responds, numb and unsure.

Chay leaves to make breakfast, and he watches from inside his mind, his body moving.

He's had this dream multiple times, where he's been faster at realizing the danger that comes for the boy, for both of them. The regret of walking away later, of not speaking up.

He sits for a little at the table, knowing the exact words he says, the banter, and when they hear the bell.

His eyes cast over the eggs wishing he could entertain the freedom with Chay, but knows that he'll write those words.

Is this his punishment? For him to vividly remember where he wished to change the sequence of events?

He feels the pen, but his hand doesn't move, then he hears Chay yelling for him. He's off in a shot, and the younger is far closer to the gate then what he can remember. He doesn't stop to question what is going on, he keeps going wrestling Chay out of his attacker's grip, the cloth had been over his nose and mouth for barely over a second, his other hand going for that offender's hand and twisting until he feels the snap.

Pulling the younger behind him and backing them farther into the yard, "Go back inside, Chay!" he orders him, moving a step forward, but a grip on his shirt stops him, he turns.

Chay stares at him in shock.

He turns his back on the attackers, grabbing Chay's bicep and pulling him back to the doors. "I promise to explain, but please go back inside." he pushed him forward a little harder than he means to.

Now being able to fully focus on the intruders with Chay being a safer distance away from them, he's able to fight as he's been taught.

When's he's able to turn the taser back on the owner a second taser hits his torso, but this time he knows it's coming, the advantage of somehow being back. Both men fall and his muscles jumble, his knees hitting the ground hard. Looking up to find the crew all knock out, his mind comes with the solution of getting them both to safety.

Finding his feet again, he rushes back inside. "Chay!" he yells, but the boy is nowhere to be see. "Chay!" he tries louder, enough of a strain that his voice pitches in desperation. "Porchay!"

"P'Kim."

The soft reply makes him turn into the kitchen, Chay sits on the floor against the cabinets, he kneels down next to him, hands hovering.

"I'm tired."

The distant gaze makes him shake his head, the memories from seeing the blood and pale skin on the dusty warehouse floor blur, his jaw clenches for just a moment. "It's the chloroform, you can sleep in the car." Kim gets an arm behind his shoulders while putting Chay's arm across his own, "Let's get you packed for a few days."

Chay follows his movements, finding the strength to stand, though his form leans into Kim. "Packed?"

"My place is safer. Let's get you up to your room so you can pack."

"Not…my room." Chay groans, attempting to hide his face away.

Kim mentally questions Chay's embarrassment before smirking, "I already know about your fan shrine."

"P'Kim." Chay whines out.

Kim is very much enjoying having Chay in his arms again, though he'd prefer him wrapped around him with his own strength.

#kinnporsche #kimchay #writing #time travel au #I WROTE THE INTRODUCTION THREE SEPARATE WAYS WTF #this will also end up being a reconciliation fic once I figure out what the hell i'm doing with this #time travel fix-it fics for kimchay #i just want my babies to have a happy ending #i'm learning thai culture through fics #the mirror fic will include thai culture #so if anyone finds something wrong in said future fic #please say something

[dropthedemiurge]

2023 Year Results

I have lost my ranking of favorite Thai BL/QLs that I made during half of the year, so I'm just going to write it anew^^

My Top BLs by the end of 2023:

1. Be My Favorite

2. Moonlight Chicken

3. Not Me

4. The Eclipse

5. Semantic Error (or if we talk only Thai series, then Bad Buddy!)

Honorable mentions: Only Friends, SOTUS, Laws of Attraction, Kieta Hatsukoi, My Ride...

I keep changing the places and Moonlight Chicken held such a strong place in my heart but now I'm also taking into account whether I liked all pairings and characters, so BMF finally took over. But I still can't decide whether The Eclipse is higher than Not Me, I might rewatch it endlessly but Not Me was a cultural reset :D As well as Semantic Error who's done so good and finally broke through the typical Korean BL setting and public's favor.

Bad Buddy has done amazingly as well but there are only 5 places in Top 5 ranking 🥲 I guess, the Our Skyy just dimmed my good memories about it a little bit x)

I love how this year we got shows that have expanded beyond the borders of usual BLs, they added mystery and mystic, action, time travelling, sitcom etc, mixed gentes, kept speaking out about many important things - from marriage legalisation to equal rights - that definitely had its own impact on real life, actors went on many fanmeetings overseas, from West to East, and overall... This was a good year, story and fandom wise.

My Fanfic Statistics

I stopped writing metas and somewhat distanced myself from the fandom when I felt that my views often didn't align with majority (and also got shadowbanned by tumblr?), but I wrote ~ 80k words on AO3 and drew >10-15 arts that I really enjoyed. I still have many wips so look forward to them!

I wrote way too many Only Friends fics whole I watched the show xD This was definitely a show that gave out ideas (and sometimes outrage) and lots of angst.

But Not Me fics are still my number one (though mostly because of all the crossovers with other series I keep writing about)

Also somehow Bad Buddy OT4 fic is now the longest fanfic I've ever written (both in Neglish and my native language). And it's still not finished but tbh even I don't know exactly how it will end, that's how self-indulgent this is but I'm so happy rhat many people were excited about this idea with me!

My Fandom

I also had a blast having various discussions in my own small community and people who wanted to share opinions and watch series together. You guys keep inspiring and supporting me in exploring many ideas, drawing art and writing many fics, I truly admire and adore you all, especially my fam @springkitten @xagan and also @thepancakelady @wereflamingo (I'm surprised how often we agreed with each other on somethjng but that's what makes discussions interesting xD).

Also I want to hug bad buddy server was a joyful discover this year too that inspired me to start learning Thai, our not me server that keeps being my safe comfort space and many hugs to some tumblr folks who I talk in replies and reblogs (I am truly bad at remembering usernames but if I ever chatted with you here, I am definitely thinking about you and your profile picture <3)

Here's to 2024 and more projects

I also started my FirstKhao AU visual novel, and though I thought I would be able to make it in a month or two and then got struck by Health Doing Bad for a long time, I'm definitely determined to finish it next year.

And we keep talking about making Poetry Zines with @springkitten inspired by lakorns/bls we watched and I'd like to try and make it happen 👀

I also want to return to commissions in a better way, because of political situation I haven't been able to continue drawing for my foreign friends but thanks to my other friends who are generous to help me with handling finances for me, I might be able to start drawing requests again! I also spent like 5 months fixing my health that kept me from creating I want to finish old ones and I'm really itching to return to drawings and other projects :D

And I have in my mind mastering pixel and 3d art as a part of my Changing Profession and Career Path in 2024 so let's hope I can lighten up everyone's mood with cooler art and animations 👀

Happy New Year and Happy holidays, everyone!

#thai bl #bl series #new year #thai drama #gmmtv series #gmmtv #me #dropthedemiurge #my works

[lurkingshan]

Inspired by @waitmyturtles and @nieves-de-sugui, sharing my journey through BL! Putting this under a read more because I really found a lot of words on this topic. Feel free to skim at will - now that you got me going I have a lot to say!

First, a bit of background. Three big interests of mine really converged to make BL kind of a perfect storm for me:

Romance: I have been an avid consumer of romance stories as far as back as I can remember. When I was a kid I would read several books a week and before I even hit my tween years I always gravitated to the romance genre. Add in film and television and it's safe to say I haven't gone a week of my life without consuming some form of a story about two people falling in love. It is absolutely my shit.

Asian dramas: More recent but no less intense an obsession for me. I watched my first kdrama in 2019 - my favorite gossip blogger (shoutout to Lainey) was constantly posting about a drama on Netflix (It's Okay Not to Be Okay). So I decided to try it out and I instantly fell in love. Kdramas are written nearly exclusively by women, they respect romance as a genre, and they cater to female audiences. It was unlike anything I ever experienced watching Western media. I started watching them more frequently, then when the pandemic hit I found myself with a ton of time at home and a fun new focus issue, and watching dramas with subtitles was a huge help.

Fandom: Since I was a teen I was always kind of hopping in and around internet fandom. When I like something, I like to enjoy it with others and find community around shared interests. And when I'm frustrated with media, I really like to dig into that and explore ways to fix it, so I became an avid fanfic reader, as well. Fandom to fandom my level of involvement varied - sometimes I just lurk around fandom spaces, sometimes I actually develop a presence, and in one instance I even got deeply involved in a fandom community to the point where I was posting meta, writing fic, and leading fan activities.

ANYWAY, after that long preamble, I come to the point: Because I was so into kdramas, and had watched/read a lot of Western QL romances, when I saw Where Your Eyes Linger pop up on my Viki recommendations I clicked on it. I liked it, and immediately wanted to understand more about it, because it was the first kdrama I had ever seen with a same sex pairing, and the format was so different. So I did a bit of research, and that was the first time I ever heard of BL. I was a little mind blown - there's a whole genre of QL romances in Asia??? So of course I set out to find more. I did a general search and the first thing I found was 2gether. This was June of 2021, so it was already about a year following the initial frenzy of that show, but it was still hugely popular and there was fan content about it everywhere. So I journeyed to YouTube to watch it, and that was my introduction to Thai BL and the wider genre.

From there I started looking for guidance on what to watch, and because of my time in various fandoms tumblr was always a go-to place where I knew I could find other people watching whatever obscure thing I was into. I found @absolutebl quickly and started reading their history and analysis posts on the genre. That was when it really sunk in for me how much culture and history there was to dig into, and I was really intrigued by the different styles and industries of each country. So I started working my way through their lists of the top 10 BLs from each country and it all just kind of spiraled from there.

I will not go into detail about every show I watched, but a few highlights:

TharnType: This was the first high heat BL I ever saw, and because I came over from kdramas, the first high heat Asian show I had seen, period. This show is messy and the writing was a hilarious hodgepodge of strong character work alongside absurd plotting and what I came to learn was typical Mame problematic content, but the chemistry between the leads was off the charts. It really set the bar for me in that respect, and got me looking for other examples (which at that time were mostly from Taiwan).

Theory of Love: This one inspires mixed opinions in fandom, but for me it was the first time I realized a Thai BL could not only be fun, but also good (no disrespect to other early Thai BLs but... yeah lol). There was a coherent emotional narrative arc! Smart story structure! Believable character development and earned redemption! Good actors! This one set me on a path to find the good stuff.

I Told Sunset About You: Which led me to ITSAY, the drama that convinced me BL could also be high cinema and art. This show blew me way, honestly. And got me more interested in finding the other more cinematic entries in the genre, which I mostly found from Japan.

The Untamed: When I saw this one on the list for China, I was like wait why have I heard of that? The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi is one of those fandoms that is so big and ubiquitous, anyone who spends time online will have heard of it long before they know what it actually is. This show opened up a bunch of new fixations for me - a new all-time fav character, an introduction to cdramas and the xianxia/wuxia genres, and the discovery of Chinese web novels. It's a very expansive universe with a lot going on outside the romance, unlike most BLs. Which I guess can be good or bad, depending on your perspective.

Bad Buddy + Semantic Error: These are the shows I credit for fully sucking me into the BL fandom on tumblr. Before BB aired, I was just kind of lurking about (it’s right there in the handle, fam) checking a few blogs periodically for recommendations and watching shows at my own pace. But BB and then SE caused such a frenzy that I decided to start watching them live and checking tumblr every week for reactions. I found more excellent blogs (like @bengiyo @negrowhat @laowen @liyazaki) that were posting not only BB and SE content but also commentary about other shows. Eventually I gave in and created a new tumblr account so I could actually follow them instead of going to their blogs on web browser like a weirdo, and my participation in fandom escalated predictably from there.

By early 2022 I had pretty much caught up on most of the history of the genre (though not everything - I refuse to watch Waterboyyy, I do have some standards) and developed a fairly solid understanding of the cultural context around it. I then started trying to keep up with new shows. As a cishet, it wasn’t the thrill of representation that drew me into the genre as much as the thrill of finding a genre that brought together so many of my favorite things, combined with the excitement of seeing the community grow and getting the chance to learn so much from the brilliant people who were watching these shows. Checking reactions to airing shows became a weekly habit, and my watchlist kept getting longer and longer. I learned about which platforms I should be watching on and where to direct my $$ to support the genre. And I heard about so many shows I never would have known existed without this community.

So that’s me! If you made it to the end of this post you are a true champion. Thanks for inviting the conversation @waitmyturtles - it was fun to reflect!

#shan’s journey through BL #more than anyone wanted to know #shan shouts into the void

[olderthannetfic]

hi hi history-non again, sorry I know it's a very

ahem wide and girthy ahem

ask, and i'm sorry for not narrowing it down farther my brain is smooth as butter and the dart board, so to speak, is. big. i feel like im throwing my dart in the ocean of 'what i don't know' and trying to spear a fish who might speak to me like the queer elder i never ha d ;lkasjd;flkas damn you small conservative town ANYWAYS

i guess okay maybe do you have any favourite figureheads? whats your fave pieces of lgbtqa+ media (like books or shows?)

thanks again and sorry for.

uh.

big.

--

Lolololol. Yes.... it’s so... big...

In the 90s, the writers of nonfiction who I found really inspirational were Susie Bright and Kate Bornstein. My Gender Workbook was a classic. I gather there’s a new edition.

I was a massive, massive nerd, so my actual favorite queer book as a 14-year-old is one that will be a bit... uh... much if you’re not feeling very intellectual. It’s Third Sex, Third Gender: Beyond Sexual Dimorphism in Culture and History. This thing is a massive doorstop of a book that collects academic journal articles on third gender roles from various cultures. I was obsessed with this thing. Again, it’s academic journal articles, not popular nonfiction, so expect that level of impenetrable prose.

I was also a giant weeb, so I read a bunch of books on the history of gay sex in Japan. It’s pretty interesting how much people assume the “m/m sex = sin” shit was worldwide and how much it just was not.

In terms of fiction, I’ve always struggled to find f/f media I relate to. I really like the tv adaptations of Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet. Lots of fucked up problematicness and gorgeous visuals. Gotta love the lady with the strap-on and the gold body paint!

For other queer media, I was a big fan of Velvet Goldmine and of Pedro Almodóvar’s older films, which are full of every problematic kink you can think of. They also have a lot of het I like, like the lady being coerced into sex (that she enjoys) by the drag queen who impersonates her famous mother she has a lot of mommy issues about... except said drag queen is really an undercover police officer. Just... whut. (All the “straight” stuff in Almodóvar’s films is also bugfuck nuts and often kind of queer.)

I really, really, really loved Crash. Not the shitty one that won an oscar: the car crash perverts one full of weird UST. There’s a ton of straight sex in this too, along with every gender combo and a laundry list of upsetting kinks. It’s just every kind of weird perv thing. (”Weird art film full of sex and problematicness” is pretty much the defining feature of movies I liked as a teen. I loved Kissed, that het necrophilia movie too.)

Stage Beauty is probably my favorite film for bi vibes. It’s this meditation on identity as the English stage was changing over from having men play women to having actual actresses. It ends in f/m, but it’s definitely a very queer film.

If you want slice of life stuff, I guess you could try Dykes to Watch Out For (the comic that’s the source of the bechdel test) or the Tales of the City novel series. These will both give you a sense of what was going on in certain queer communities in the late 20thC. If you want something relatively fluffy, Maurice is a historical costume drama with a happy ending. I found it awfully slow as a college student, but it does have naked Rupert Graves (Lestrade from Sherlock), so...

----

See, this is hard to answer because I came of age and did all of my reading of that kind a long time ago. I pretty quickly moved on to fangirl media, which I have always liked a lot better than other arguably queer stuff. Back in the 90s, that meant Japanese stuff and fic. Later, I had access to more flavors of by-fujoshi-for-fujoshi media.

So my actual favorite m/m books are a bunch of “m/m romance” (i.e. American BL being sold as ebooks on amazon). If you want live action TV and fandomy vibes, you’re better off with Trapped (hot cop/mobster action!) or one of those Thai series about schoolboys or something than stuff made by cis gay men in the US.

I also came of age in an era when “queer” media was very Cis Gay Men And Sometimes Cis Lesbians with an occasional nod to bi people existing... maybe. Kate Bornstein and a few others were raising the profile of MtF transsexuals (the term in use at the time) who wanted surgery or even, gasp, maybe didn’t want bottom surgery in some cases. Anything about FtMs or nb/agender/etc. identities was practically invisible. I saw the term ‘genderqueer’ around a bit, but it was mostly in contexts that were very tryhard and unappealing to me.

(You haven’t given any details, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re like much of tumblr and the flavors of queerness you relate to aren’t so much the Cis Gay Men Only culture that makes up quite a bit of queer history and older queer media.)

I can tell you what I liked as a teen, but not everybody is into fucked up art films that may not have happy endings. I can try to rec things about queer culture in the 90s, but I probably don’t have great recs for way earlier or later than that... unless it’s so much earlier that I’ve researched it while writing fic of some historical canon or other. A lot of how I learned about queer culture myself was from magazines or from reading soc.bi on usenet or just from living through the 90s--not typically from books that are easy to unearth and just hand to someone now.

I tend to just not like anything in the contemporary romance or slice of life genres, regardless of gender and orientation, so while I’ve watched/read a bit more queer stuff like this, especially in the past when I had less access to queer media, it’s not a space I’m great at reccing in. And that’s unfortunate because a lot of that type of art gives you a better sense of what other queer people were like in other eras and/or it’s a safer rec than some bananas crazy BDSM film.

I was, and am, very kinky (though pretty lazy in terms of actual practice), so a lot of my reading and media interest was bound up in that also. Obviously, I was quite interested in the drawings of Tom of Finland or the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe, but are you going to be into photos of some guy shoving a whip handle in his ass? I love the movie Cruising... it’s about serial killers and leather and homophobia and is every bit as potentially traumatizing as that sounds.

I feel you on the problem of finding queer elders. There isn’t really an obvious way to go about this.

#queer history #queer media #Anonymous