#i'm losing my entire gd mind over here HELP | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bro-atz · 21 days

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MOOT GAME: " make up a trope for your moots and their biases. doesn’t need to be romantic. can be crackfic/funny/anything you want ^ㅇ(๑>◡<๑)ㅇ^ "

i have so so so many moots but i decided to stick w moots that i've dmed frequently to keep this list short and sweet (if i didn't include you it doESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU I SWEAR)

aubs @k-hotchoisan: second chance this could be the angst in me but like you and san were high school sweethearts that couldn't make it work (i'm thinking long distance) but you maintained the friendship and when you get the chance to see each other again in person face to face after, what, years? everything falls into place everything clicks bc you and san were just meant to BE (but also love at first sight bc MISS MA'AM IK WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE AND IK SAN WOULD FALL SO HARD)

jinnie @sanspuppet: best friend's brother idk jinnie you give me a forbidden love kinda vibe but in a wholesome way and i feel like falling for your best friend's brother, san, would be that arc bc you're so loyal and dedicated to your friend but also like....... san is so hot HAHAHA and you would spend time w the friend and san would obvi be there and start spending time w you... then badabingbadaboom your friend is your in-law HAHA

minerva @yourlocaljonghoe: friends to lovers that jongho fic i wrote for you? yeah that's exactly what i envision for you and jongho fr you just have this friend energy that jongho would adore (and lowkey take for granted) until he realizes that the one he loved was the one right under his nose the entire time ugh i love this trope for you babes

yessa @yessa-vie: love triangle YOU KEEP SENDING ME MULTIPLE PEOPLE AND INSPIRING ME SO BAM LOVE TRIANGLE more like a love square between you and yunsangi (oop a lil spoiler here) where all men just goddamn they love you so much and fight (playfully) over you ("no, she loves me more") and it makes you wanna scream bc yOU MAKE ME WANNA SCREAM i love you babes

fawn @yunhoszn: forced proximity this is lowkey based on sahrac but like you and yunho are so forced proximity i envision y'all are actually seat neighbors on a plane and the plane lands late so you miss your connecting flight and have to wait for the next day, and since y'all had a good time being neighbors, yunho suggest y'all be hotel suite neighbors...... but we all know that you were in his room that day wink wonk

maya @juyofans: work rivals since i know your life is going to be occupied for the next rest of your life bc of med school and becoming a doctor, a work crush thing is definitely a trope i see for you— and mingi is this hotshot surgeon that everyone raves abt but you're Better and want to prove it, and that work rivalry turns into romance and y'all become this power duo i rest my case

orion @nebulousbrainsoup: love triangle (turns poly) my polyamorous monarch my holy lord and savior this arc is The Trope™ for you and bc we were talking abt this i'm going to go w yeosang and jihoon bc i feel like you would lose your gd mind w them but also love them both so much and they would love you and it would just be this wholesome triangle of softness and pure love and i just UGH i LOVE this for you

chip @jaehunnyy: friends to lovers i imagine san being your best friend and just seeing you with another guy and thinking "i'm better than that guy i could love you so much better than that guy" and at some point he finally musters the courage to ask you to give him a shot— and when you do, it's the most beautiful romance i swear

ki @hoshiseon: enemies to lovers/work rivals alright this is strictly based off the driving lore that you've shared BUT i'm thinking you and san are like lowkey enemies/rivals from either school or work and one day your car needs a jumpstart but there is no one in sight and your phone is dead (talk abt bad luck) and san is the only person there so he helps you out and y'all get to talking and realize you have a lot in common and maybe the reason why y'all hate each other is bc... there are more feelings there.... ohoho

e𝓨eris @eyeryis: meet-cute i'm choosing jinsik for this since you can't seem to choose a mf atz bias but lord the two of you would meet someplace stereotypical like a coffee shop and you would drop something and he would pick it up for you and lock eyes with you and immediately fall in love bc no joke that was me w you fr you seriously are the jinsik to my sumin okay

#bro <3 dave #bro <3 aubs #bro <3 jinnie #bro <3 minerva #bro <3 yessa #bro <3 fawn #bro <3 maya #bro <3 orion #bro <3 chip #bro <3 ki

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anyu-blue · 3 years

Text

Welp...

I'm officially depressed.

I keep applying and applying and trying and trying for new job, other work, ect... Keep trying to motivate myself to draw and to write... I even felt up for playing a video game the other day (I didn't play it because my guilt complex overrode my desire to play, but I felt better because I used the time to write instead).

But while I'm drawing... Is not good or what I'm trying to do.

While I write... It's something new again and not the things I want to finish.

I have work... But I can't even see my own siblings when we live in the same house because of my schedule... Let alone have any friends to regularly talk to. And no one else will hire me...

I'm not TRYING to be a negative Nelly... I know the good things are good things regardless of how I feel about them... But once again I'm crushed by not being good ENOUGH... My skills are fine and all that... But I can't push myself like others to make them better. Notable. Worthy of being paid for. I squish myself under pressure if I think anything is TO be paid for even...

*sigh*

I know it's on me I haven't gotten anywhere... Too much fear/anxiety I 'let rule me'...

Honestly... Holding out for that appointment I really hope I get is my last ditch effort here... I want to be able to do it on my own. I'm told over and over and over again I can do these things on my own if I try hard enough- only asking for help when and where I need a literal extra hand, really... But... On my own I'm not making it. I've struggled my entire life trying to do it on my own like that... I don't need much support, but gosh dang it I want to be ALLOWED the support when I do need it instead of being told I need to pull up damn bootstraps I don't even have more than half the time... IE it'd be nice to have a community to reach out to via an official thing like a diagnosis and/or meds to show people it really is real. Not being invisible and a 'hypochondriac'.... I'm not one. I don't WANT to be sick or struggling or miserable or in pain all the gd time. I do so much NOT to be... Too much, even... But I'm not believed even with evidence.

It's just... Really annoying too that because I'm like... 'I think I've been Neurodivergent my entire life', people are like 'oh you're just on the hype train'... Instead of realizing I just finally have a NAME for all the stuff now... All the stuff that's ALWAYS been like this...

I want things to be good. I want not to struggle anymore. I want to be worthy of respect and the good things I work so hard for.

I hope I get that appointment. I hope I get the help I've been working for. I've no more dignity to lose... I will so what I have to to be heard and listened to- even if it means knocking people down some pegs (ie by making the drs who don't listen or help prove they refuse to do so via getting the copies of the notes, refusal to treat letters and all that. I am TIRED).

Lol on a related note... I may finally have a name for just WTF is wrong with my body as well... EDS or Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. APPARENTLY being hyper-mobile in so many/all joints isn't THAT common... And coupled with my weird heart things, the constant fluid/bleeding into my abdomen, the easily bruising, my weird muscles, AND my.. migrating organs... I fits the bill.

Sooo guess what the next thing I'm going to be called a loon for is? Asking for testing for the condition (as my biological mother said we all inherited it bc she has it too and so did her mother and so on-- IE it's a genetic condition, which EDS is!!!) 🤦

Which then leads me to the other thoughts that have been nagging the hell out of me... If it IS EDS... My life expectancy is 100% down... And even before learning that... It's been heavily on my mind with my implants that... I might NOT have them for 50 years... Because already my life expectancy from being a premature baby is like... 36... With eds it's like 46? I might have those backwards... Well... Combine the two issues and em...

I'm mainly worried because I've always had health problems (whiiiiich my main parental unit tried hard to ignore and any turn she could) and of course weird things are happening now...

I need a smoke... (Lol kidding.. I don't smoke, but there are days I wish I did drink or smoke at least recreationally to take some edge off cuz I got nothing like that, really. Too bad I get sick off any of them easily, and I'm allergic to the green stuff 😭)

*sigh*

...

If I could go back and do it again... But I can't.

I'm just... Tying at least one more time to make the rest better.

#personal #random #life in general #depression #drug mention #blood mention #it's just life in general #readmore #read more

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