Tumgik
#idk maybe ill delete this later lol
todayisafridaynight · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media
journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit
#snap chats#im lying i physically could not marathon this i got school LMAO BUT IMAGINE#my god speaking of school i signed up for a japanese history class. because of course i did#i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn#thinkin i should get back into theater..... i got like two months to decide anyway#i was thinking about how im gonna play IW during streams... if the lord will let me i might stream for 2~3 hours or so#im putting such a small time limit due to Aforementioned School but also idk if my computer can record any longer than that#when i tried saving the video to my flashdrive it only lasted about two some hours right ? maybe 3 if i remember right#i decided to record to my computer's hard drive instead of the usb since it has more space so maybe i can record longer#ill prob do a test run later today and record a nonsense video. i WILL delete it i just wanna see what the limit is#cause my plan is to just Record One -> Upload It -> Delete OG yk. Lazy Susan type of plan#didnt mean to type out my whole gameplan in the tags LOL BUT HEY I WANTED TO TALK BOUT IT AT SOME POINT#my final message is that ive Hopefully preordered the ichi statue. i say Hopefully cause i am once again doing it through jp rabbit#and i didnt get the confirmation it was successful yet so I Will Simply Wait.#point is it was a lot cheapter than i thought it was going to be <3 yay <3#ok im running out of tags tl;dr im gonna marathon IW until my eyes bleed BYYYE
319 notes · View notes
sundial-bee-scribbles · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
this was supposed to be longer but i got tired (and realized maybe this wasn't such a good idea) so i kinda bs'd this to just finish it up. sorry it doesn't look all that good lol
transcript of my shitty handwriting + more rambling under cut
panel 1:
len: rin, just leave him—
rin: NO! i'm not going to give up now—
len: i know you're upset, but all you're doing is—
rin: HE'S NOT GONE YET!
panel 2:
rin: i know he still remembers, he has to...
panel 3:
rin: kaito-san, it's me; rin. you tried singing one of len and i's songs the other day. you got the melody right, remember? meiko-san's birthday is soon. remember her? a few weeks ago you said you needed to buy her a present. what were you going to get her? do you remember? tell me.
---
aight yea so this is what yall get for picking that ❄️📺❔🕚💾🪦 option on the poll (which btw was related to this drawing)
i'll just keep it simple: basically kaito gets dementia (or i guess the robot equivalent of it??). yeah.
not sure if this takes place on the cusp of v3 happening and just this specific kaito v1 module was unable to be updated for some reason? or if they're all still stuck in v2 and v3 hasn't happened yet/will not happen for a while... but i do know its def before v4 happened, so people like fukase and una don't exist yet
anyways though as you might expect, it pretty much sucks all around for everyone involved. not just the other 5 cryptonloids watching their close friend so previously full of life deteriorate into a husk of his former self, but for kaito himself too. he suddenly can't remember things like where he is or who the people around him are, and its incredibly frustrating b/c he knows he did have the memories at some point, its just as if they got misplaced... there's random bits of recollections that do come sometimes but as much as he tries to hold onto them they flicker and fade away just as quick as they appeared. left sinking back into a feeling of hopelessness that then becomes pure emptiness, as you can feel how you're losing yourself but there's quite literally nothing you can do
visually the static is used to represent a lot of that "foggy" feeling as things become more and more unclear, and given the robot/android nature it makes sense i guess? it's not really seen here but just as an actual machine might be when breaking down, his visual + audio processors begin to malfunction, causing a literal static overlay on his vision with faces/objects he can't recognize occasionally glitching out as well as constant white noise in his hearing and the sound of people talking to him becoming garbled and unintelligible. as time goes on he also loses his own ability to synthesize speech so aside from becoming withdrawn and quiet out of fear he'll say something that makes no sense, he then literally just becomes incapable of responding at all
again (as you might expect), the other cryptons aren't doing very well as this is happening. rin and len see kaito almost like a father, so watching one of your parental figures slowly march towards death is... not great. rin (as seen here) is still trying to hold on, because she swears kaito has had a few good days where he does recall more, where he seems much more like his old self, and maybe, just maybe if they wait a bit more he'll get better [tbh she's speedrunning the 7 stages of grief but goes between being stuck in some of the earlier stages its... not good]. len's grief on the other hand is manifesting itself in a way more similar to meiko's: he's not as distant as her, but he has already recognized that there's pretty much nothing that can be done and just wants to minimize kaito's suffering. len's just as shattered as rin though, but he's not showing it openly, figuring he has to accept it, as fighting against the grief like his sister won't help anything.
i just mentioned meiko so speaking of her: this is also probably extremely difficult on her, as, yknow, the counterpart v1 to kaito. she's withdrawn herself away from kaito, as she doesn't want to cause him pain in case he happens to recognize her, remember something about their relationship, but not comprehend what it means and just become confused/distressed. at least, that's what she says; it's more or so she can't bear to see him in this state, as he slowly loses more parts of himself, so she isolates herself in hopes the pain will be somewhat less when its all over, for having seen him less and not having false hopes of his recovery. that being said though she has definitely still been around him and tried to keep her composure... from kaito's pov, in moments of recollection, its disheartening seeing your wife close friend suddenly ignoring you, almost like she's mad or sad about something, but you can't remember why. did you forget to do the laundry? is it something unrelated? you want to ask her but she won't tell you; why? did she already and you just forgot? why...
miku's usual cheeriness has also crumbled, as even with rin's attempts, she can't find anything to be optimistic about in this scenario. she just feels this immense guilt, that she should've done something about this; she has influence as the most popular of the entire group, surely she could do something to make it all better. but aside from the arguments and indecisiveness regarding ethics and not wanting to do something without everyone's collective decision, she does know deep down its not her fault. maybe someone like one of the technicians or programmers would be more at fault, but she doesn't want to blindly throw accusations either, because surely they hadn't foreseen this happening either; nobody would intentionally throw in such a cruel fate for someone, it was an unfortunate system glitch that they were working to fix, but even if they did come up with a patch for it, it would be far too late for kaito at that point. she doesn't want to dwell too much on the logistics of it, miku just wants to be there for everyone else, because she knows how deep in despair the others are—she is too—and doesn't want their whole group to fall apart after such a devastating event.
as for luka: i would assume we're kind of actually seeing everything from her perspective, so as an audience lens she'd be more objective about presenting everything as it is without putting too much of her own bias/thoughts into it. but she's not completely unfeeling either. she tries interacting with kaito quite often, despite some of the others warning her about doing that too much. she tries talking to him about random things, not necessarily aiming to get him to remember anything in specific, though if any of his memories do surface in conversation she'll def address them and ask if he recalls anything more (and if not that's alright too). on some occasions she's been accused of being insensitive, but she doesn't want his death to be this huge tragedy, she would want him to be somewhat happy in his last moments. after everything that's happened, he deserves to leave in peace, in her opinion.
i've mentioned death a few times and there's a literal gravestone in the original emoji combo so safe to say, yeah, he dies. unfortunately the damage to his hardware is beyond repair from the critical/fatal errors and glitches, and it's decided that it'd be best to ultimately just deactivate him and delete all his files to not prolong any pain he might've been in for any longer. not exactly sure what would happen afterwards (aside from an obvious aftermath of the grief): if this is before/on the verge of v3 happening, there's the situation i thought about of them receiving a new replacement v3 kaito module, which has its own angst w/ it: its almost like seeing a fucking ghost, but it's not the same one they all remember, nor does it have all those memories. and this v3 kaito himself experiencing conflicted feelings as someone who was brought in to try and give back happiness to this group, only to seem to cause more despair for being so similar to someone long gone that he'll never truly replace. again though i'm not sure if i'd actually have that happen for the sake of everyone involved's sanity but it is something interesting to think about
i've been typing this for like 3 fcking hours now and i have no idea if this makes any goddamn sense lolol uhhh. like all my things it sounds way better in my head than when i actually put it on paper 😭 but congrats if you actually went thru the effort of reading all this. i might do more explanations like this of my things if anyone's interested, like of the other poll options, but we'll see
54 notes · View notes
cerealmonster15 · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media
tumblr: girl shut up now is not the time
7 notes · View notes
graff-aganda · 9 months
Text
Sometime next month I'll probably open comms back up. 😳
3 notes · View notes
pepprs · 2 years
Text
experiencing unbearable levels of misery
9 notes · View notes
kirishwima · 2 years
Text
i caved in. im playing mysme yet again
4 notes · View notes
catmemer · 2 years
Text
Mmm. Not a fan of my new job lol
6 notes · View notes
mykocalico · 2 years
Text
y’all really like that image huh!!! 
Tumblr media
i’m posting this on main bc i wanna say; hey. thanks. blows a kiss at the computer screen. 💛
also 69 haha. nice.
5 notes · View notes
one-way-dream · 2 years
Text
augh
2 notes · View notes
jhjluvs · 4 months
Text
.
0 notes
coridallasmultipass · 4 months
Text
(This is just an apology I owe someone I will probably never see again. Please ignore, I just needed to get it off my chest 16 years later. I'm not a good person, and I was very cruel as a teen.)
Hi. I'm sorry I wronged you. I treated you terribly when you gave me that letter. It was my fault, obviously. You were such a kind person to me, and we could have been great friends. You shot your shot, and that was totally normal and fair. I just want to explain why I reacted that way, because it was completely uncalled for.
I was living as a girl then, and had no idea that I had this trans man living inside me all along. I didn't know it, but my friendships with men felt so important and validating to me. I felt like I could be one of the bros without realizing that there was an actual personal reason why I needed that validation and mirroring. I guess, at the time, I would have chalked it up to 'daddy issues' from having a continually absent father figure,' which is incredibly reductive and dismissive, and was never genuinely my issue. I felt safe when it was me hanging out with some guys, especially when we often had more interests align which was rare to find in female friends. It's not easy being a kid into metal, alt fashion, art, and nerdy things, when you live in a rural small town where sports is considered the 'ideal' for teens. But you already know that. You lived it, too. You just didn't have the societal pressure to perform femininity, when you're not a girl, on top of it. ((But who knows, you could be a trans woman right now and struggling with your own issues from the other side, I really don't know you.))
But boy, did I PERFORM femininity. The metal scene wasn't the best inspiration for women. You had to be a hot sexy metal babe or you wouldn't get dick. No love for the androgynous women (except lesbians. Go lesbians, I love you.) At least that's what it felt like to 14-year-old me. I had to struggle with the fact that I wanted to look like the band members, not the women they were pictured with. I showed my hairstylist pictures of band men and short-haired Rihanna so I had at least one girl on there. I don't know where I'm going with this. I tried to do both perform the femininity, and doing small things to look more like the band guys I idolized, finding excuses to portray men in acting/roleplay/costumes. 'Because I had a crush on them, right?' No, because I wanted to BE them. Iwanted to be wanted as a man. Not as some metal babe. Being desired as a woman felt horribly invalidating, and I couldn't have ever explained why until now.
It's not a valid excuse, but I reacted that way because I felt safe around you. So safe. You were a dude, my bro, and I could be myself without feeling like I'm being 'tested' for performing human femininity like I did around girls. Like I walk into a room and everyone stops and glares at me. That's what I felt like, that hypervigilance, without knowing what that word meant. You were a good friend, kind, interesting, naturally attractive, and cool. I can't explain it, but it felt like betrayal when you gave me that letter. Suddenly, I was a 'love interest' and not 'fellow bro' and it hurt me so badly to believe that our friendship was built on you viewing me as a girl, not an equal. (That sounds absolutely horrible, I'm not implying that women are 'less," just that it made me feel like I was being unseen, that your feelings were for someone i was not.) I felt like our friendship was built on a lie. I felt disgusted at myself for reasons I didn't understand.
I reacted horribly. I wrote you that shameful e-mail in response. I tried burning that letter because I'm a dramatic hoe, but couldn't get the fireplace open, so I had to blow it out and instead melted and shredded it into the sink disposal. My mom came home and smelled the smoke and thought I was trying a cigarette. (I didn't try a single drug until I had a cigarette in fall of 2017, age 23.) Do we address the situation like an adult with calm words and ponder why we feel all these negative emotions, or do we SINK GO BRRRRRRRR DESTROY THE EVIDENCE?
14-year-old Cori go BRRRRRRRR, apparently.
I mean, I was a KID. Kids are mean as fuck.
It's no excuse, but I can look back on that now and say definitively that it was a result of not understanding my gender identity. I know I'm gay (not to mention, aro), but I did things counter to that, like have a phase of being a lesbian/bi/pan-preferring woman. if being attracted to women made me feel more butch and manly, then 'hey, look at that chick's thighs, bro…' I was gonna play it up.
Anyway, my point, discovering gender was like, literally taking off a suit of armour that never fit right because it was too small for me. I took off that suit of armour at age 19. It felt freeing to have no gender at all. I could do anything I wanted to find what fit me, trying on anything and everything. I finally found that fit in 2015. I'm a dude. This armour fits me perfectly now, and it flexes with my movement. But i still have the chafing and bruises from wearing the wrong armour for so many years.
I should have gently told you that I wanted to stay just friends. Instead, I was spiteful and mean for something that was my own fault. I refused to address my own gender problems, avoiding them entirely and dumping them onto you. I should not have been so immature as to do that and then entirely avoid you forever after.
So, I am deeply and truly sorry. I have regretted it every moment since I clicked 'send.' I hope you've entirely forgotten me by now. I hope you're doing well and still playing music and being your own creative self. I hope you're making mad bucks doing whatever the fuck you love. I'm sorry.
0 notes
cryptidapprentice · 6 months
Text
yall got any remote jobs w flexible scheduling and good pay that wont drain me emotionally and mentally that u can recommend me 🥲
0 notes
yumenosakiacademy · 2 years
Text
theres a house in our neighborhood (who, btw, ALWAYS has tons of bright lights n also a Giant Towering Skeleton. u kno the 1. the 1 thts Yards tall) who, last yr during halloween, had their door open n the lady standing near the door was like “u can hav bubbles [in the bowl next 2 her] or we hav more treats inside!” n gestured inside 2 where i saw tables against a nearby wall in the center (wasnt far away from the door. it wasnt like On The Other Side Of A Room) w stuff on it n it kinda made me a lil anxious bc uhhh why couldnt u.. set tht up outside? instead of trying 2 lead kids in2 ur home? is it like stuff u dont want bugs getting in2 bc it’s not pre-packaged...? i jus took the bubbles bc i didnt kno what 2 think in tht moment except stranger danger even tho there Were Treats but like...
0 notes
aubergineranger · 2 years
Text
finally snaped at my brother for once in my life and now i remembered why i never did in the first place. this fucking goblin just laughed at me and kept smiling and acting like i was such a weirdo and drama queen for getting upset - ive never felt so humiliated in my life lol this man has litteraly minus zero respect for me why do i even try???? He keps infantalising me, never respects my opinions always makes me feel like an idiot i am so sick of it
worse is if i say anything im the annyoing freak who gets upset at nothing!! And i keep 'making a victim of myself' even if i dont say anything im in the wrong because im a wimp who cant express herself clearly and is unable to have an adult conversation. like bitch quit acting like youre more of the adult when im the one who makes you food everyday and wash your dirty underwear!!
but then when i say that then he just says 'oh i never asked for that' like im just being nice and filial! all im asking in return is for a bit of thankfulness and an ounce of respect and consideration but thats too fucking hard for you
1 note · View note
peachypede · 3 months
Text
Hi all.
I haven't been happy lately. I've been thinking a lot about why. Had a little meditation on it this morning. I think my brain is too busy. I've decided to take a break from Tumblr for a week. Possibly more if I feel like it.
I'm deleting Tumblr off my phone for now. Mutuals can still message on Discord. I'm a sahm, I'll go crazy with zero human interaction other than children lol. (If you're a mutual who doesnt have my Discord and you want it, feel free to DM to ask for it. I got notifs on for Dms on Tumblr on my tablet only)
...
There's this constant pressure, almost need? To churn out as much "content" as possible or be buried in the past. Idk if it's just me not being able to do art normally? I used to draw for myself. I used to be self-indulgent. I used to be fine with only my closest online friends seeing my art. I don't know what changed. It makes me feel ill that ive begun seeing my art as "content" that others "consume". I wanna make my art for me again.
I stayed up till 11 pm last night despite having to wake up at any time to feed the baby. Idk why I did it? Maybe I need a med change? Meh.
I've also just been discouraged. I've seen a lot of posts filled with hate lately and I feel like it's infecting me with hatred too. I'm angrier lately and I hate it. (Is there a way to turn off the "for you" page?? Cause all it gives me is bad takes lol.)
I think I need time to be me? To draw art without feeling like I should post it right away. Also it'd be nice to make art without thinking: "what will get the most notes?" I've wanted to do a project with my ocs for months now but I kinda have been putting it off in order to make stuff I think people would like more...like Submas stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love our submas boys and I'm still gonna draw stuff with them but they're not the thing I'm most passionate about now.
So I'm gonna go explore that stuff now with zero social media influence :)
See ya later. ❤️
22 notes · View notes
wikiangela · 4 hours
Text
i have thoughts after seeing some takes and I need to put them somewhere tho i think ill delete this later lol
I keep seeing this take that Buck can't even cheat on Tommy bc they're not exclusive, they've only been on two dates, and they haven't even had sex yet, and I'm lowkey baffled
first of all, sex has nothing to do with being exclusive imo? you can not have sex and still be exclusive, why is this even a thing
but also, even if they haven't had the exclusive talk, the intent is there?? Buck made it clear he wants to see where it's going, which to me sounds like he's only focused on Tommy and idk, from that conversation I'd assume he's not seeing anyone else, even if it's just two dates?? maybe im the weird one here, or naive, idk, but i dont think its even a thing where i come from tbh, if you're dating someone you're dating them (and Buck and Tommy are clearly dating, having had at least one, maybe two dates if you count the coffee, and are planning on dating further so 💁‍♀️) not everyone has the 'are we exclusive' convo bc it's not always needed
also, buck inviting Tommy to his sister's wedding should be enough to show he's all about tommy rn bc you dont invite someone you just want to date casually to an event like this
besides, do y'all know Buck? the guy who tends to rush into things sometimes? do you think he could live with himself if he so much as kissed another person, no matter who, after expressing how he's clearly interested in Tommy and seeing where this can go, no matter their relationship status rn??
obviously they're not gonna go the cheating route bc Tim has said that its a romcom love story, but jfc can we stop trying to justify cheating
12 notes · View notes