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sundial-bee-scribbles · 10 months

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this was supposed to be longer but i got tired (and realized maybe this wasn't such a good idea) so i kinda bs'd this to just finish it up. sorry it doesn't look all that good lol

transcript of my shitty handwriting + more rambling under cut

panel 1:

len: rin, just leave him—

rin: NO! i'm not going to give up now—

len: i know you're upset, but all you're doing is—

rin: HE'S NOT GONE YET!

panel 2:

rin: i know he still remembers, he has to...

panel 3:

rin: kaito-san, it's me; rin. you tried singing one of len and i's songs the other day. you got the melody right, remember? meiko-san's birthday is soon. remember her? a few weeks ago you said you needed to buy her a present. what were you going to get her? do you remember? tell me.

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aight yea so this is what yall get for picking that ❄️📺❔🕚💾🪦 option on the poll (which btw was related to this drawing)

i'll just keep it simple: basically kaito gets dementia (or i guess the robot equivalent of it??). yeah.

not sure if this takes place on the cusp of v3 happening and just this specific kaito v1 module was unable to be updated for some reason? or if they're all still stuck in v2 and v3 hasn't happened yet/will not happen for a while... but i do know its def before v4 happened, so people like fukase and una don't exist yet

anyways though as you might expect, it pretty much sucks all around for everyone involved. not just the other 5 cryptonloids watching their close friend so previously full of life deteriorate into a husk of his former self, but for kaito himself too. he suddenly can't remember things like where he is or who the people around him are, and its incredibly frustrating b/c he knows he did have the memories at some point, its just as if they got misplaced... there's random bits of recollections that do come sometimes but as much as he tries to hold onto them they flicker and fade away just as quick as they appeared. left sinking back into a feeling of hopelessness that then becomes pure emptiness, as you can feel how you're losing yourself but there's quite literally nothing you can do

visually the static is used to represent a lot of that "foggy" feeling as things become more and more unclear, and given the robot/android nature it makes sense i guess? it's not really seen here but just as an actual machine might be when breaking down, his visual + audio processors begin to malfunction, causing a literal static overlay on his vision with faces/objects he can't recognize occasionally glitching out as well as constant white noise in his hearing and the sound of people talking to him becoming garbled and unintelligible. as time goes on he also loses his own ability to synthesize speech so aside from becoming withdrawn and quiet out of fear he'll say something that makes no sense, he then literally just becomes incapable of responding at all

again (as you might expect), the other cryptons aren't doing very well as this is happening. rin and len see kaito almost like a father, so watching one of your parental figures slowly march towards death is... not great. rin (as seen here) is still trying to hold on, because she swears kaito has had a few good days where he does recall more, where he seems much more like his old self, and maybe, just maybe if they wait a bit more he'll get better [tbh she's speedrunning the 7 stages of grief but goes between being stuck in some of the earlier stages its... not good]. len's grief on the other hand is manifesting itself in a way more similar to meiko's: he's not as distant as her, but he has already recognized that there's pretty much nothing that can be done and just wants to minimize kaito's suffering. len's just as shattered as rin though, but he's not showing it openly, figuring he has to accept it, as fighting against the grief like his sister won't help anything.

i just mentioned meiko so speaking of her: this is also probably extremely difficult on her, as, yknow, the counterpart v1 to kaito. she's withdrawn herself away from kaito, as she doesn't want to cause him pain in case he happens to recognize her, remember something about their relationship, but not comprehend what it means and just become confused/distressed. at least, that's what she says; it's more or so she can't bear to see him in this state, as he slowly loses more parts of himself, so she isolates herself in hopes the pain will be somewhat less when its all over, for having seen him less and not having false hopes of his recovery. that being said though she has definitely still been around him and tried to keep her composure... from kaito's pov, in moments of recollection, its disheartening seeing your wife close friend suddenly ignoring you, almost like she's mad or sad about something, but you can't remember why. did you forget to do the laundry? is it something unrelated? you want to ask her but she won't tell you; why? did she already and you just forgot? why...

miku's usual cheeriness has also crumbled, as even with rin's attempts, she can't find anything to be optimistic about in this scenario. she just feels this immense guilt, that she should've done something about this; she has influence as the most popular of the entire group, surely she could do something to make it all better. but aside from the arguments and indecisiveness regarding ethics and not wanting to do something without everyone's collective decision, she does know deep down its not her fault. maybe someone like one of the technicians or programmers would be more at fault, but she doesn't want to blindly throw accusations either, because surely they hadn't foreseen this happening either; nobody would intentionally throw in such a cruel fate for someone, it was an unfortunate system glitch that they were working to fix, but even if they did come up with a patch for it, it would be far too late for kaito at that point. she doesn't want to dwell too much on the logistics of it, miku just wants to be there for everyone else, because she knows how deep in despair the others are—she is too—and doesn't want their whole group to fall apart after such a devastating event.

as for luka: i would assume we're kind of actually seeing everything from her perspective, so as an audience lens she'd be more objective about presenting everything as it is without putting too much of her own bias/thoughts into it. but she's not completely unfeeling either. she tries interacting with kaito quite often, despite some of the others warning her about doing that too much. she tries talking to him about random things, not necessarily aiming to get him to remember anything in specific, though if any of his memories do surface in conversation she'll def address them and ask if he recalls anything more (and if not that's alright too). on some occasions she's been accused of being insensitive, but she doesn't want his death to be this huge tragedy, she would want him to be somewhat happy in his last moments. after everything that's happened, he deserves to leave in peace, in her opinion.

i've mentioned death a few times and there's a literal gravestone in the original emoji combo so safe to say, yeah, he dies. unfortunately the damage to his hardware is beyond repair from the critical/fatal errors and glitches, and it's decided that it'd be best to ultimately just deactivate him and delete all his files to not prolong any pain he might've been in for any longer. not exactly sure what would happen afterwards (aside from an obvious aftermath of the grief): if this is before/on the verge of v3 happening, there's the situation i thought about of them receiving a new replacement v3 kaito module, which has its own angst w/ it: its almost like seeing a fucking ghost, but it's not the same one they all remember, nor does it have all those memories. and this v3 kaito himself experiencing conflicted feelings as someone who was brought in to try and give back happiness to this group, only to seem to cause more despair for being so similar to someone long gone that he'll never truly replace. again though i'm not sure if i'd actually have that happen for the sake of everyone involved's sanity but it is something interesting to think about

i've been typing this for like 3 fcking hours now and i have no idea if this makes any goddamn sense lolol uhhh. like all my things it sounds way better in my head than when i actually put it on paper 😭 but congrats if you actually went thru the effort of reading all this. i might do more explanations like this of my things if anyone's interested, like of the other poll options, but we'll see

#my art lol #vocaloid #kaito vocaloid #rin and len kagamine #yeah im just gonna leave it there b/c i dont really think this deserves to go in the main tags #i dont????????? know man. :') maybe in a few years ill look back and be like 'hmmmmmm wtf was i thinking'#i might delete this later actually i dont know... there is some sort of very cruel irony there if i think about it but im not going to #tho its kinda funny that while i was drawing this is was exclusively alternating between listening to old songs from when i was younger #and listening to love love nightmare. lmaoo. the latter song has absolutely nothing to do w/ this thing but its an interesting composition #unintentionally that last panel kaito came out SO fucking scary to me. wasn't the intent but idk does that mean anything

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cerealmonster15 · 6 months

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tumblr: girl shut up now is not the time

#SWEATING. SORRY. Didn’t think I was gonna let all that out in the tags LOL but #hhfhnggnrbrnrnfg needed to. release some stress #and talking directly about it makes me so embarrassed #so doing it indirectly in tags that people are less likely to see but it’s not COMPLETELY isolated #IDK IT MAYBE HELPS #MAYBE ILL DELETE IT LATER we’ll see. lunch break be wild lol

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graff-aganda · 9 months

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Sometime next month I'll probably open comms back up. 😳

#this is your warning. start running. (/JEST)#honestly i might even open em just before next month? im just feeling really sick atm so im waiting for that to pass lol 😔#going to be doing a standard chibi option. a 'small isolated bust' option (what I did for my AF character icons basically!)-#bc i actually really liked how they turned out :) they'll be cheaper than the chibis but bc theyre just little busts idk if people will-#even want em. but i figured what the hell throw em on there.#and. this is a bit new for me. i dont really have a standard fullbody non-chibi style or rate but im gonna be open to more custom comms-#outside of the two other options. 😳 so if someone had more of an elaborate idea/scene in mind and didnt mind discussing it. theres a chance #-ill be down for it! im just aiming to maybe do more chibis than full scenes i think #hence why i havent done up a 'full body examples/ref/set price' thing #but!!! yeah. :)#also as per usual. probably open em here first before i post about em on twitter #and then probably leave that for a while before i let instagram know #grafftalk #delete later

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pepprs · 2 years

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experiencing unbearable levels of misery

#purrs #not to continue ranting and raving about how bad it is rigjt now but it is very bad. like i do not want to wake up tomorrow a little bit bad #but i am going to wake up tomorrow and i am going to bring a painting and i am going to ask to talk again maybe and i am going to deal with #the consequences of my actions even though they LITERALLY are not that bad and are the expected normal human response in this situation. lik #like i have to hold on to.. idk. like this isn’t me. im just reacting. and im allowed to react badly because this fucking sucks and im so #hurt over it and i need to say that. even if it’s selfish even if there’s no purpose other than to tell her so. i need to. bc i feel like im #falling apart rn. i am so mentally ill about this it is not even a big deal comparatively but i am losing my mind and she needs to know. lol #delete later #* this isn’t me = it’s not MY actions that got us into this stupid fucking mess. like how are you goi ng to do something so selfish and #cruel and uncaring and the. tell us we can’t show sadness about it LOLLLL LIKE AFE YOU KIDDING ME! i know that’s not fair to her but like.#i literally am so hurt and frustrated and angry. i feel used a little bit LMAOOOO. i hate this. what did it mean to you really if you just #decide like that to bounce ESPECUALLY RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT LIKE. HELLO. HELLOOOOOOOO. did you even care abt us at all 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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kirishwima · 2 years

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i caved in. im playing mysme yet again

#idk how many times ive been trhu sevens route already but thats where im heading yet again 😭 hes my bby #and bc of covid i actually have the time to check the chatrooms so like. why not #maybe ill even get to all the unanswered prompts in my inbox once im done playing lol #burrito talks #not fandom related #delete later

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catmemer · 2 years

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Mmm. Not a fan of my new job lol

#wish it wasnt night shift tbh #ough its so tiring and kinda confusing sometimes #i did just start tho so idk maybe ill get used to it #but OUGH i wish i didnt have to have a job i just want money lol #delete later

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mykocalico · 2 years

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y’all really like that image huh!!!

i’m posting this on main bc i wanna say; hey. thanks. blows a kiss at the computer screen. 💛

also 69 haha. nice.

#ill delete this later maybe idk #im just not used to me art getting a lot of attention an i appreciate it lol

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one-way-dream · 2 years

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augh

#sh mention #(sorta)#permanently existing in a state of anxiety that makes me want to claw my throat out with my nails #just constnwtly feel uneasy and distressed and i cannot even do anything to stop it #everything takes so damn long and i cannot do Anything bc my brain doesnt fucking work so im a burden to the people around me #and i cant even be normal around people anymore bc im in this heightened state of stress and i cant tell anyone bc THEYLL get stressed #bitches be on the verge of an anxiety attack constnwtly just Thinking and thats maybe not good #i want to cry but i cannot and i cannot do anything to stop this and my irl friends are far so im just ? no support system outside my family #i dont even feel comfortable around my mom anymore esp after that day we had a talk #in fact i actively feel kinda wary and sick and i hate that bc im closest to her #its a lot. i cant afford therapy i have a 700 dollar credit card debt thats about to be 850 lol #and this is supposed to be the time i help my parents esp with dad starting his business n mom being the sole earner #which fucking sucks bc shes not in good shape and its a physical job #idk man im losing it and this is jsut skimming the surface #i hope i explode actually GFGSGDJSHS #anyway soryr for vent-y rocking #tee.xt #personal /#also yes ill delete later sorry #vent in tags

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jhjluvs · 4 months

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#delete later #maybe idk #been having trouble eating lately and idk why #not even sad or anything like I think im doing ok #it’s just that my disordered eating habits are creeping up plus anxiety n stuff #so my brain is making it hard for me to eat consistently and in amounts that make sense lol #just not fun the mental illness demons are beating my ass

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coridallasmultipass · 4 months

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(This is just an apology I owe someone I will probably never see again. Please ignore, I just needed to get it off my chest 16 years later. I'm not a good person, and I was very cruel as a teen.)

Hi. I'm sorry I wronged you. I treated you terribly when you gave me that letter. It was my fault, obviously. You were such a kind person to me, and we could have been great friends. You shot your shot, and that was totally normal and fair. I just want to explain why I reacted that way, because it was completely uncalled for.

I was living as a girl then, and had no idea that I had this trans man living inside me all along. I didn't know it, but my friendships with men felt so important and validating to me. I felt like I could be one of the bros without realizing that there was an actual personal reason why I needed that validation and mirroring. I guess, at the time, I would have chalked it up to 'daddy issues' from having a continually absent father figure,' which is incredibly reductive and dismissive, and was never genuinely my issue. I felt safe when it was me hanging out with some guys, especially when we often had more interests align which was rare to find in female friends. It's not easy being a kid into metal, alt fashion, art, and nerdy things, when you live in a rural small town where sports is considered the 'ideal' for teens. But you already know that. You lived it, too. You just didn't have the societal pressure to perform femininity, when you're not a girl, on top of it. ((But who knows, you could be a trans woman right now and struggling with your own issues from the other side, I really don't know you.))

But boy, did I PERFORM femininity. The metal scene wasn't the best inspiration for women. You had to be a hot sexy metal babe or you wouldn't get dick. No love for the androgynous women (except lesbians. Go lesbians, I love you.) At least that's what it felt like to 14-year-old me. I had to struggle with the fact that I wanted to look like the band members, not the women they were pictured with. I showed my hairstylist pictures of band men and short-haired Rihanna so I had at least one girl on there. I don't know where I'm going with this. I tried to do both perform the femininity, and doing small things to look more like the band guys I idolized, finding excuses to portray men in acting/roleplay/costumes. 'Because I had a crush on them, right?' No, because I wanted to BE them. Iwanted to be wanted as a man. Not as some metal babe. Being desired as a woman felt horribly invalidating, and I couldn't have ever explained why until now.

It's not a valid excuse, but I reacted that way because I felt safe around you. So safe. You were a dude, my bro, and I could be myself without feeling like I'm being 'tested' for performing human femininity like I did around girls. Like I walk into a room and everyone stops and glares at me. That's what I felt like, that hypervigilance, without knowing what that word meant. You were a good friend, kind, interesting, naturally attractive, and cool. I can't explain it, but it felt like betrayal when you gave me that letter. Suddenly, I was a 'love interest' and not 'fellow bro' and it hurt me so badly to believe that our friendship was built on you viewing me as a girl, not an equal. (That sounds absolutely horrible, I'm not implying that women are 'less," just that it made me feel like I was being unseen, that your feelings were for someone i was not.) I felt like our friendship was built on a lie. I felt disgusted at myself for reasons I didn't understand.

I reacted horribly. I wrote you that shameful e-mail in response. I tried burning that letter because I'm a dramatic hoe, but couldn't get the fireplace open, so I had to blow it out and instead melted and shredded it into the sink disposal. My mom came home and smelled the smoke and thought I was trying a cigarette. (I didn't try a single drug until I had a cigarette in fall of 2017, age 23.) Do we address the situation like an adult with calm words and ponder why we feel all these negative emotions, or do we SINK GO BRRRRRRRR DESTROY THE EVIDENCE?

14-year-old Cori go BRRRRRRRR, apparently.

I mean, I was a KID. Kids are mean as fuck.

It's no excuse, but I can look back on that now and say definitively that it was a result of not understanding my gender identity. I know I'm gay (not to mention, aro), but I did things counter to that, like have a phase of being a lesbian/bi/pan-preferring woman. if being attracted to women made me feel more butch and manly, then 'hey, look at that chick's thighs, bro…' I was gonna play it up.

Anyway, my point, discovering gender was like, literally taking off a suit of armour that never fit right because it was too small for me. I took off that suit of armour at age 19. It felt freeing to have no gender at all. I could do anything I wanted to find what fit me, trying on anything and everything. I finally found that fit in 2015. I'm a dude. This armour fits me perfectly now, and it flexes with my movement. But i still have the chafing and bruises from wearing the wrong armour for so many years.

I should have gently told you that I wanted to stay just friends. Instead, I was spiteful and mean for something that was my own fault. I refused to address my own gender problems, avoiding them entirely and dumping them onto you. I should not have been so immature as to do that and then entirely avoid you forever after.

So, I am deeply and truly sorry. I have regretted it every moment since I clicked 'send.' I hope you've entirely forgotten me by now. I hope you're doing well and still playing music and being your own creative self. I hope you're making mad bucks doing whatever the fuck you love. I'm sorry.

#an apology #reading 'pageboy' has me thinking of my gender again and wondering when my body knew i was trans before my brain?#apologies #gender identity #trans man #aromanic #just tagging so i can find it again on my blog eventually #but if you do read it feel free to judge me harshly im pretty sure my character is inherently evil so its valid to think im an asshole #might delete later tbh idk tho like i feel like i deserve to display my faults publicly to be mildly absolved #OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG #bc lmao im not gonna overshare otherwise lol idk why i get so verbose when im hi #Cori.exe #Post.exe #pls do ignore tho like damn i was awful #holy fuck ive eaten a ton of chocolates lmao need some serotopamine in this mf #i think getting hi and writing out pesonal shit like this lately has been very healing like its a safe way to think about life while buzzin #the drawbridge into my mind momentarily lowers #gelato really is the good shit #maybe ill write a book about how to not be a human

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cryptidapprentice · 6 months

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yall got any remote jobs w flexible scheduling and good pay that wont drain me emotionally and mentally that u can recommend me 🥲

#marine myths rambles #ill prob delete this later im just thinking abt... work... 🥲#just thinkin tht i shouldnt really feel so strongly abt having to go to work :V maaaaybe thtll change if/when i get my license/a car but...#whos to say...#i DO think my commute takes a LOT out of me (its abt 1hr-1hr30mins one way by public transport but like. 20mins by car)#(MAYBE 40mins by car if theres traffic but thats another issue lol)#(we're just also factoring the social aspect of public transport yk?? like just. being in the presence of Other People etc)#like. MAYBE i just need a vacation... and i DO really like n appreciate how flexible my current job is most of the time so idw lose tht...#idk idk i think i just wanted to put this out there for a bit lol #(but if anyone out there actually does have job recs 👀... lmk frfr)

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yumenosakiacademy · 2 years

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theres a house in our neighborhood (who, btw, ALWAYS has tons of bright lights n also a Giant Towering Skeleton. u kno the 1. the 1 thts Yards tall) who, last yr during halloween, had their door open n the lady standing near the door was like “u can hav bubbles [in the bowl next 2 her] or we hav more treats inside!” n gestured inside 2 where i saw tables against a nearby wall in the center (wasnt far away from the door. it wasnt like On The Other Side Of A Room) w stuff on it n it kinda made me a lil anxious bc uhhh why couldnt u.. set tht up outside? instead of trying 2 lead kids in2 ur home? is it like stuff u dont want bugs getting in2 bc it’s not pre-packaged...? i jus took the bubbles bc i didnt kno what 2 think in tht moment except stranger danger even tho there Were Treats but like...

#HOWEVER if they do the same thing this yr i might jus go inside lol. why not. i didnt even Think abt the fact it might not b pre-pakcaged #candy. could b cake or smth. idk. mayb ill bring a concealed knife or smth jic any1 tries anything funny. could fit 1 in my candy backpack.#delete later

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aubergineranger · 2 years

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finally snaped at my brother for once in my life and now i remembered why i never did in the first place. this fucking goblin just laughed at me and kept smiling and acting like i was such a weirdo and drama queen for getting upset - ive never felt so humiliated in my life lol this man has litteraly minus zero respect for me why do i even try???? He keps infantalising me, never respects my opinions always makes me feel like an idiot i am so sick of it

worse is if i say anything im the annyoing freak who gets upset at nothing!! And i keep 'making a victim of myself' even if i dont say anything im in the wrong because im a wimp who cant express herself clearly and is unable to have an adult conversation. like bitch quit acting like youre more of the adult when im the one who makes you food everyday and wash your dirty underwear!!

but then when i say that then he just says 'oh i never asked for that' like im just being nice and filial! all im asking in return is for a bit of thankfulness and an ounce of respect and consideration but thats too fucking hard for you

#guess whos back back again #its me bitching about my brother agaun #sometimes hes not even THAT mean but he'll just treat me like white noise you know??#like im some anoyung yapping chihuahua not worse his precious time #he seriously straight up ignored me several times today when i was clearly speaking to him #like im constantly walking on eggshells around him cause i know he gets angry/frustrated really fast #but then he goes and treats me like dirt and i dont have feelings #and i just KNOW he thinks im brainless and thats why im not worth his time #and in the rare occasion we're talking about a serious topic he just does all the talking #and on the rarer occasion where im talking.. ill make one small mistake and he'll be ruthless and ill lose all confidence #which is why i dont say much in these convos or dont talk until hes left the room lol #anyways sometimes i daydream about being a single child #maybe ill be insuferable cause i know my mum would have spoiled me rotten lol #i wonder when he lost all consideration for me like that #pretty early on i think or maybe he never did have any lol #idk it just sucks as an older sibling you want to be looked up to #or at least not regarded as the embarassing family member #aubergine.txt #delete later idk

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peachypede · 3 months

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Hi all.

I haven't been happy lately. I've been thinking a lot about why. Had a little meditation on it this morning. I think my brain is too busy. I've decided to take a break from Tumblr for a week. Possibly more if I feel like it.

I'm deleting Tumblr off my phone for now. Mutuals can still message on Discord. I'm a sahm, I'll go crazy with zero human interaction other than children lol. (If you're a mutual who doesnt have my Discord and you want it, feel free to DM to ask for it. I got notifs on for Dms on Tumblr on my tablet only)

...

There's this constant pressure, almost need? To churn out as much "content" as possible or be buried in the past. Idk if it's just me not being able to do art normally? I used to draw for myself. I used to be self-indulgent. I used to be fine with only my closest online friends seeing my art. I don't know what changed. It makes me feel ill that ive begun seeing my art as "content" that others "consume". I wanna make my art for me again.

I stayed up till 11 pm last night despite having to wake up at any time to feed the baby. Idk why I did it? Maybe I need a med change? Meh.

I've also just been discouraged. I've seen a lot of posts filled with hate lately and I feel like it's infecting me with hatred too. I'm angrier lately and I hate it. (Is there a way to turn off the "for you" page?? Cause all it gives me is bad takes lol.)

I think I need time to be me? To draw art without feeling like I should post it right away. Also it'd be nice to make art without thinking: "what will get the most notes?" I've wanted to do a project with my ocs for months now but I kinda have been putting it off in order to make stuff I think people would like more...like Submas stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love our submas boys and I'm still gonna draw stuff with them but they're not the thing I'm most passionate about now.

So I'm gonna go explore that stuff now with zero social media influence :)

See ya later. ❤️

#peachy rambles #vent post #Idk if it counts as a vent post ???

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wikiangela · 4 hours

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i have thoughts after seeing some takes and I need to put them somewhere tho i think ill delete this later lol

I keep seeing this take that Buck can't even cheat on Tommy bc they're not exclusive, they've only been on two dates, and they haven't even had sex yet, and I'm lowkey baffled

first of all, sex has nothing to do with being exclusive imo? you can not have sex and still be exclusive, why is this even a thing

but also, even if they haven't had the exclusive talk, the intent is there?? Buck made it clear he wants to see where it's going, which to me sounds like he's only focused on Tommy and idk, from that conversation I'd assume he's not seeing anyone else, even if it's just two dates?? maybe im the weird one here, or naive, idk, but i dont think its even a thing where i come from tbh, if you're dating someone you're dating them (and Buck and Tommy are clearly dating, having had at least one, maybe two dates if you count the coffee, and are planning on dating further so 💁‍♀️) not everyone has the 'are we exclusive' convo bc it's not always needed

also, buck inviting Tommy to his sister's wedding should be enough to show he's all about tommy rn bc you dont invite someone you just want to date casually to an event like this

besides, do y'all know Buck? the guy who tends to rush into things sometimes? do you think he could live with himself if he so much as kissed another person, no matter who, after expressing how he's clearly interested in Tommy and seeing where this can go, no matter their relationship status rn??

obviously they're not gonna go the cheating route bc Tim has said that its a romcom love story, but jfc can we stop trying to justify cheating

#not even tagging this as ships lol #just had some thoughts #like am i too single for this wtf why is this a conversation 🤣#ive seen it too many times now istg #to delete #its so hard to enjoy shipping rn

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