#idk why i’m rambling i just. that decision is awful yet so complex. there’s so much going on there and so much that intersects !! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

holyhalliwells · 3 years

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imo, the show was often unilaterally focused on Piper, but only on what she could do for others (Piper the wife and Piper the mother) rather than who she was as a person. Piper's individual characterization was lost sometime around s5 as soon as she got pregnant, and being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series. I would be very interested to hear what you define as Piper's mental issues/trauma, bc as you say it doesn't get said enough

this has been in my inbox forever and i’m just getting around to it so my apologies.

but okay. so. yes. i think a lot of tv shows fall into this weird place where like. all of their characters begin with these kinda vague personalities because you’re just getting to know them. and as the show goes on, you pick up more pieces and stuff . and that’s great. that’s interesting and entertaining and it takes you on a journey and all. but often what happens is many shows fall into this pit where writers either get lazy, they change, or whatever, and the actors are tired of playing the part or whatever . and like. the characters become like. caricatures of themselves. and it just gets exhausting to watch because they’re not like. real people anymore.

Piper's individual characterization

so now for the charmed thing. so from the beginning. i have loved piper. like she’s the middle sister, overlooked, quiet, reserved, pessimistic but also realistic, gentle, thoughtful, all that. we see right away that she loves to cook .. she’s so happy her family is back together. she kept in touch with phoebe behind prue’s back. but she’s loyal to the both of them. her first idea was to have a reunion dinner when phoebe came home. she’s literally so cute n she deserves a hug. but no like. as we go on, we see that she wants to be good, she wants a stable life with no more loss, she Loves Love !! like. she wants to just be happy , open her own restaurant n just cook. she’s also so shy .. definitely panicky and anxious. and she doesn’t trust herself. she’s skeptical of everything, and she’s very thoughtful when it comes to big situations. even in the early days with leo and into season 2, she mentioned a few things about like “i’ve been thinking a lot about this...” and you can see she’s good at communicating with people. she’s also got these other dimensions to her like . she is interested in lots of cuisine types, she loves to read (and is a camus fan !!) , she drives a jeep (which i wanna know how she got bc i have questions), when she found out she was a witch her first thought was just . i need to go and see if i am still a good person . and she went to church. prue was surprised to learn that piper enjoys knitting. in the early seasons (especially mid-late season 3) we saw her with her plants and all. she’s just this natural peacekeeper. but like. we literally got a crying scene in the second episode because she was so conflicted about this. and she’s such a deep and complex character that i fell in love with so fast . and like . literally my favourite fictional character to exist . genuinely holly breathed so much life into piper . anyway . so. here’s the thing.

being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series

like. piper was who i described above. and like . i kinda think . a bit. that like . the writers . especially in s4 . were like . hmm well . she’s just lost prue, she’s gonna be grieving . and like we need more for her. so. she’s been married to leo for the better part of a year, been with him for like . 3 years. so. let’s maybe consider giving them a kid but not just yet . just Content kinda stuff. so anyway they drop little hints in here and there starting in like . 4x07 i think? which . brain drain really paid the rent . fully just. holly did so well. but like. that ep was just. a neat way of looking into her mind and seeing the horrors of manipulation and gaslighting and everything . and of course holly knocked it out of the park. but at that point, they were kinda like . hmm . kids ? and they started toying with the idea, having piper and leo consider it, talk about it, they had paige and phoebe ask about it , all of that good stuff. as you do. made for some funny tv at some points. and like . i really, really Get It . when piper’s like . ahh the baby wouldn’t be safe around here !!!! like. Girl, Valid . your sister just died and like . you went on forever about how she was The Most Powerful One . The Strongest One . and yet she still died . so she’s like ??? am i next ?? and like obv it doesn’t make sense for her to jump on this train of like . i’m gonna have a kid !!!! so she’s really valid in her thought process there. and like. after having wyatt . i think the writers really . idk. couldn’t do waaay too much with her character anymore because i feel like . to an extent, anything she does will be scrutinized bc i’m not just . saying this . i rlly feel like sometimes piper’s the easiest to hate. like idk why but i loved her. but anyway. if she stays at home with wyatt and doesn’t wanna fight demons n all . then she’s selfish towards her sisters n she’s awful n prue wouldn’t have let her do that !!!! etc . but if she fought demons it’s like . uh sweetie you have a child . really ??? why put yourself in a situation that might have you ending up like patty 2.0 ... bc i could do a Whole post on how patty’s situation messed piper up the most. but anyway.

it’s the way i’m fully rambling so if you’re reading this . i love you . anyway okay . so . i think in a tv show you’ve gotta kinda check boxes. the best tv shows have characters you see yourself in . you relate to them. you hear them and understand their decisions and actions and thoughts. the things they do just makes sense 2 you. so like. with prue, anyone married to their job could relate to her. any oldest sibling could see themselves in her, you know ? she was hard-working, committed, logical, protective. and with phoebe, anyone who couldn’t “settle down” in their early 20s related 2 her, anyone who felt like the outcast of the family, the “screw-up” .. right. makes sense. she was so kind, caring, had-your-back kinda girl. we all love those. paige was like . the new kid, trying to fit in, creative, curious, and definitely a lifelong learner. and then there’s piper who was shy, resistant, really just wanted to be normal. and loved. and i think everyone could kinda identify with at least one of the sisters regardless of where you stood in your own family. so as the show went on, it’s like . they still want you to keep watching and keep being able to identify with them because it’s not like they’re humans with normal lives so they’ve already kinda lowkey got that going against them . so their more “human” and normal lives... we’ve gotta be able to identify with them to be able to invest time. so they had prue always working, having trouble balancing love and work, looking out for her family. we had phoebe kinda living her life, getting her career going, then kinda wanting a family. we had paige learning magic and being super interested and involved and then getting married. and we had piper who had her career pretty early on, got married, and had kids. like. i think the big thing is the marriage and kids. and when you’re a mother . the only mother really in the show, the show lowkey centres around you . like. for starters, the show usually is in the manor, and if you’re a mother, you’re very likely at home, esp with young kids. so i think that alone kinda was like . huh yeah . won’t see piper out waaay too much anymore i guess !!! but no like . there’s That. that’s kinda. the thing that really can’t change with the show . like. piper’s got kids now and a husband and very, very likely . her life will be centred around her home. which. listen she’s wanted that i think - the stability . she’s wanted that forever. and this is the form it came in. but i should stop rambling here and cut to the point .

Piper's mental issues/trauma

disclaimer: i’m not diagnosing her, i’m just speculating based off of my own experiences with mental health

so. okay. very early on. we saw that anxiety. like. yes . she was nervous about like a whole new life experience . or whatever we’re gonna call it when you figure out you’re a witch . but like she was Anxious . like. crying in the attic over being a bad person . needing phoebe to talk her down by telling her she’s such a caring person, she’s always doing things for other people . and then there’s the whole anxiety that comes with. my family’s falling apart because my sisters are fighting so i use really awkward methods of getting out of things . like using humour as a coping mechanism !!! which. gave us some iconic one-liners. but that’s beside the point . anyway. point is. early on, that anxiety was there. there’s an ep in season 1 where she’s literally entering a panic attack in her kitchen and phoebe’s using a menu to cool her down. like. Yikes! and then she’s just. her awkward self around everyone but that’s endearing and is just part of her personality . and i think a lot of the anxiety stemmed from childhood. we heard a few times about how prue and phoebe had boyfriends growing up, were always pretty and popular and all. phoebe was popular, too, just, in the other crowd. but nonetheless, piper faded into the background, doing well in math - well enough to go off and be a banker . and like. she sacrificed a lot for grams. she stayed in san francisco ... we all know the girl had the marks for stanford or something . like. though . still, i think she liked the stability of home and prob would’ve stayed . but in 3x17 she’s all !!! grams !!! the doctor said no caffeine !!! and when grams was taking the pic of them outside and she had an episode , piper was all !!!! shallow breaths !!! like. it was clear piper was the one taking her to the appointments and footing the bill. like. she literally became a banker just bc it had benefits n stuff. like. poor girl really thought . anyway that’s a whole spiral. but no. like she really sacrificed The Most for her family and everyone still thought she was selfish for wanting to move out . when like back then grams was literally ... sick ... and prue was out here moving out and phoebe was nowhere to be found . so. that . definitely would have added to her anxiety about even wanting to do anything for herself because she’ll be perceived as selfish in a heartbeat. even if it’s not Mean . it’s just. she’d never risk it. but there’s the anxiety. there are a few lil things here n there about how she gets nervous n stuff, she represses things (3x07 i think was where phoebe said piper represses her anger n just sucks it up n does whatever) . she literally cancelled her doctor’s appointment Twice . anyway. it still angers me. then in season 7 . patty and victor were like . oh she had night terrors that were so bad we took her to the doctor ! and i just ... honey . baby. she thought she caused the divorce. at 4? 5? she watched victor leave on her 5th birthday, watched a demon attack her, grams, and victor. prue said she didn’t cry at patty’s funeral and i’ll make a safe bet that piper did. and i think growing up without patty was strange for sure. prue had more memories and phoebe had none. and piper had fragments of this person everyone loved . and she was stuck between knowing her and not knowing her. and when patty was sent to her for her wedding day, (as well as in 1x17) . both times when patty hugged them . prue and phoebe hugged her, eyes closed n all. while piper was on the outside, eyes open . looking numb as all hell . and you know. i rlly think she was Giving Them That because phoebe didn’t get her and prue kinda . in a way. lost more of her . if that makes sense ?? and i just. patty really was like . they sent me to You. and 5 seconds later . piper’s like . they sent mom to Us !!! and it’s that idea of sacrifice and never having anything for yourself because she was never just . given anything for herself . everything in her life has been a sacrifice and as a mother, that’s perpetuated. she can assume that role with more of a purpose . like. people won’t really feel sorry for her now as the “forgotten” sister, they won’t try and coddle her or anything. and another thing. control. piper craved stability and control. i think while cooking was something she loved, it also gave her a lot of control . she could control her whole kitchen . even in season 8 .. maybe vaya con leos actually . leo mentioned how much piper craves control. and the control motif makes sense with her powers too. like. piper craved control so much that her powers allowed her to control things down to the atom. so there’s the whole anxiety and needing to control things to ease her anxiety and all. there’s That whole thing.

and then we get to the infamous season 5 fearless spell . ms girl really sat in the attic just writing everything on the wall and it’s the way i screenshotted it and like . zoomed in and tried deciphering it . and like . there’s words like “stop” and i think “sister” is in there a few times, so is “loss” or “lost”. when i watch it next i’ll grab a cap because it’s . disturbing. girl was so scared . literally was writing a spell to get rid of her fears . she also writes Fear . as in. capital F . and like. yeah that’s deep but i do it too like i emphasize words with a capital letter . and like holly marie combs might just have quirky n fun writing but like ... capital F . for Fear. for real . that’s . trauma !!! and she also was having panic attacks at the beginning of season 5. let’s not forget those. which ... we should’ve gotten more of an explanation for . i hope that girl is getting help bc she was Going Through It . and in season 7 when zankou reads her diary . firstly. we Knew this girl kept a diary like . for Sure . she did. and just that little excerpt of when prue died . oops. i’d pay big money to see the rest because again i just think she’s got such a complex mind and like. i’d be so interested to read that. and i think everything re: prue is just Awful for her. like . idk if this is just something quirky i noticed but obv we know prue died in may 2001 . but at the end of 4x03, when piper goes 2 paige’s work 2 bring her muffins !! soft !!! the calendar on one of the desks reads july 2001 ... and i really just. ms girl. i Know they prob just filmed the ep in july but it honestly tracks that she’d be so awfully upset about everything and just . barely able to do anything but cook . for 2 months. like. honey. baby. i wanted 2 just cuddle her bc she was so sad. and like. she tells paige she’s having “good hours” and “not so good hours” . she’s going by the Hour . by the Hour . just. need i say more . i’m so . but no like. if anything like i could see her having like . depression where she’s high-functioning and like just . walking depression i guess ?? like . not even after prue. i think in general. like . she definitely has a melancholic temperament and a type 6 enneagram (the skeptic). that’s For Sure . but i think. just. she’s always just had time to think bc she’s always alone, reading, knitting, cooking, tending to her plants, all that. and i just . think. she has issues. and i think prue knew that. of all people. and i think her knowing that . and then dying. destroyed piper. she lost the last person that was truly a constant in her life . like they shared a roof over their heads forever. and then she was just . gone . and piper was suddenly left to pick up the pieces . and become the oldest sister . and i’m So glad she didn’t fully assume her personality. i’m glad she stayed as piper . just. she’s more cynical and snarky and defensive and cold and that’s okay. she’s hurting. she’s always gonna hurt . and i think it makes her human . she’s pessimistic and sad and has a short fuse at times . but just. again. i love her to bits and i think those issues make her more relatable for me. because while many like to say she became selfish and a negative person and just . awful to be around . i’d say the opposite . i won’t sit and apologize or justify things. also i don’t think piper’s done anything wrong . i just think she’s hurt. she’s been wronged so many times. and she’s .... scared. i think she’s scared . and in season 5 “sympathy for the demon” we learn her true biggest fear is her happiness being stolen away. and like . it’s not that she’s scared she won’t be happy. she’s scared all of the good she’s got will be taken from her . and that’s . terrifying . so . i see why she’s so snarky and bitter and tired and all . she’s terrified of things being taken from her like they have been her whole life. and as i watch the show i really like to just keep that in mind as i get further and further in because yes. she did become a mother and a wife and we saw her arguing with leo a lot and their marriage falling apart and That Whole Era . we saw how it kind of took over her life but i think it happens . i think she even said at one point . i’ve been so many things to so many people, i don’t know who i am anymore . and i think it sums her up perfectly. she doesn’t know who she is because she’s someone to everyone . she’s just. nobody to herself except this scared little girl who just wants Something . Anything . to make sense . some Stability . and her babies, her husband, and her sisters . are all she has for that idea of stability to make sense in her mind. and it was an easy hole to fall into - the Mother - but i think she jumped in. because at the Very Least . nobody could take that title away from her . regardless of how hard they tried .

#i really cannot believe i did an entire ted talk #like did anyone actually read this #if you did . wow #piper halliwell deserved better #tw: mental health #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: panic attack #but no listen #she deserved so much better #holly paid rent #ask me #charmed #ramble #💌

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imashayne · 6 years

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Part 1 chapter 1

So this is the first chapter of what I've been working on. It hasn't been edited at all yet so I'm not posting it too my ao3 or ffn until my beta gets her hands on it but wanted to share it here. It doesn't have a title yet. Doesn't have much of anything yet besides the entire plot summarized in my notebook. There's gonna be 3 parts... Idk blah I hope someone enjoys XD

Part 1: The Story Thus Far

Chapter 1: The Rise of Voltron

Lance’s grumbling was louder than the soft whoosh of the door as it opened. The boy’s feet dragged as he slouched into the room, allowing gravity to pull him down into his bed. He landed with a soft flump and bounced for a moment.

“Stupid Hunk and his stupid vomit stinking the simulator up. Stupid Pidge and his stupid big smart mouth and his stupid obsession getting us reamed.”

Lance continued to bemoan his rotten luck as he slowly peeled off the hideous orange uniform. (man it just wasn’t his color) This Galaxy Garrison business was no joke.

His already lethargic movements slowed further as he thought back to the simulator, lips pursing in annoyance. It wasn’t his fault that Hunk was so ridiculously easy to tease. Or that Pidge rose so quickly to everything shot his way. (did he have a little man complex or something, geez.)

If Lance had been trying at all he – Lance paused completely in his movements. Looking down at his socked feet, fingers tightening over his green jacket, which he’d plucked from over his desk chair. His deep blue eyes flicked up to his reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall right next to the door. His brows were drawn together and slanted downwards. His shoulders tight and hunched.

“I could have passed that test easy peasy.” He stated firmly to himself, not quite believing his own words.

Decisively Lance jammed his arms into the sleeves of the well worn green jacket and fell back into his chair. While he spun it in place the boy idly wondered what Pidge’s whole problem was with the Kerberos mission even was. The shorter boy was hard to read like all the time. Until that mission was brought up. That hadn’t been the first time Lance had needed to step between his petite teammate and a commanding officer.

Lance knew he recognized the name too. He just couldn’t quite recall from where. It niggled irritatingly at his brain. It had been a botched job to the far off moon of course, everyone in the garrison knew that. Since it was constantly brought up as an example to the cadets about why their studies tied in with the simulator practice was so important. But Lance knew he was forgetting something important about it. Something that he’d cared about at the time it had happened. He stopped the spinning of his chair for a moment. Oh yeah…. Shiro. His literal idol had been the pilot for that. Besides Hunk the Pilot and Commander of the Kerberos endeavor, Shiro, had been the entire reason for Lance’s interest in joining the Galaxy Garrison to begin with.

But why was Pidge so up in arms about the entire thing? Suddenly feeling somber Lance pulled his phone out, fingers dancing over the orange display, curious if there were any other details that he was missing.

Before he’d finished typing a happy jingle broke through the still air of the room. Lance’s body jumped and he almost dropped his phone. Lance didn’t have time or the thought to check who was calling as his grip changed clumsily to answer.

A warm and familiar voice rang over the line. “Bueno’s noches mi Carino!”

Lance had to hold his breath for a moment to keep a sigh from escaping. He allowed it out slowly and quietly before responding. “Bueno’s noches Abuela.” He stated forcing a cheerful tone into his voice. His eyes flicked over to the digital clock atop his desk, thinking that the nightly call from his family had come a bit early. But his brows shot up in surprise. Lance hadn’t been aware how much time had passed. Silently this time the boy cursed his luck. Though he wasn’t yet hungry he’d already missed dinner.

And as awful as he knew it was Lance kind of wished that he’d not answered. After the day he’d had there wasn’t enough energy left in him to match how excitable his family got when talking to him. (or you know, ever)

As his grandmother’s voice washed over him the beauty of the Spanish language rolled out across the line musically. This at least was so relaxing and the isolated moment he’d had passed just as quickly as it had come.

It was like this almost every night. And for the Hispanic boy it was what had replaced the lively family dinners he missed so much. His dear grandma was simply rambling on about her day. About how the mariposa were blooming beautifully in her garden, or that all of her friends at bingo were asking how her handsom grandson was doing in that ‘space program’ (a topic which never got old apparently)

After her speaking for however long she wished too (an endeavor that could sometimes take hours out of his night if someone didn’t pull her away from the phone) Lance’s siblings would fight over who got to talk to him next. Their excitement clear. Even though the sound of them bickering grated on his nerves just as much over the line as it did in person (regardless of how much he missed them) Lance felt his chest grow tight knowing what would probably come after. Despite himself he hoped that the arguing of his little brother and sister could last just a little bit longer.

Lance silently hoped that his parents would be at work still. They were both busy in their professional lives. For his mother, who held long tiring hours at the hospital, it was fairly normal to miss each other for these nightly calls. But it wasn’t his mom that Lance was worried about. Sure her probing questions about his studies put him on edge. Not quite in the same way any talk with his dad did though.

Lance pushed himself forward in the chair, no longer leaning precariously back as he listened. Now the boy waited with breath held as over the line muffled sounds signaled that the phon was changing hands once more on their end.

“*Alright there cadet?*” His father’s Spanish always sounded harder than his abuela’s. But then again everything about the man was like that. If it had been anyone else asking this it might have been joking. Lance knew better however. He’d really been hoping that the older man would still be out on his patrols. But as with everything else had proven today Lance’s luck was not holding out tonight.

“*What uh…. What’d’ya mean?*” Lance tried to keep his tone even, held at his usual level of teasing brevity. An attempt he almost succeeded at, though he was sure that the gulp was painfully audible over the call.

“*You know well enough what I’m talking about. Don’t play games.*” As if realizing who he was talking too his dad huffed out an obvious sigh, the only real sign of his frustration that Lance had. “But since’ you’re not man enough to tell me about your mistakes today then I’ll just get this out there for you to understand.” Oh no. Dad had switched to English. That was a sure sign that nothing good was about to happen. The Cuban man only switched to this language to keep his grandparents from hearing how /bad/ he was about to get it. (otherwise his dear Abuela would step in to tell her son a thing or two about patience with children…. And Lance, along with all of his siblings, had hidden behind her many a time to escape their dad’s wrath) Lance squeezed his eyes shut as his father began to absolutely ream him for that day’s performance in the simulator.

The Cuban boy did not know how his dad always seemed to know these sort of in depth details of Lance’s progress in the Garrison, since the man wouldn’t give up his source (and as he put it time and time again ‘if you would take this more seriously and put in actual effort you wouldn’t have to worry about this sort of thing son’) Lance just assumed that, as a police officer, his dad had connections.

He really wished the old man didn’t. For this exact reason.

Atop his thigh where Lance’s free hand rested his fingers curled into a tight fist. As always when his dad lectured Lance just assumed he would have to ride this out.

Again he was wrong to hold any hope for lady luck to give him a break today. Officer McClain’s voice didn’t halt in the berating criticism, and the final note he ended on shot straight through Lance to the heart of his insecurities.

“Perhaps you were not the right material for this space program. You didn’t get in on a scholarship like your friend Hunk. You should stop wasting everyone’s time, and our hard earned money. Just come home mijo.”

Lance felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. Go…. Home? Leave the Garrison…. And Hunk… and Pidge.

He didn’t hear if his dad was still talking or not. He didn’t really care. His hand slipped down into his lap and his body slouched back. Lance tipped his head and stared at the ceiling.

Lance wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that. Thoughts swirling around in his mind like vultures.

Should he go home? It was true that he wasn’t a natural genius like Hunk and Pidge seemed to be. He’d had to study his butt off to be accepted! And even then his marks had barely skimmed the prerequisites in science and math. There was nothing here that he really excelled at. He’d only really come because Hunk had made the Garrison sound so cool! And at the time Shiro had just made fighter pilot for a super important mission! Youngest guy to ever make it to that level…. That fast. Lance had tried hard to get in…. and now was all of that effort going to go to waste?

But…. It wasn’t like Lance wanted to leave. Sure he missed his family, his home, Abuela’s cooking, his mother’s stories. Hell even his little sibling’s bickering and his older sister’s teasing. But Lance could already do more than he’d thought possible of himself. And yeah the boy wasn’t having the easiest time here (a hard thing to admit, even silently and only to himself) All of the commanding officer’s seemed to perpetually have sticks stuck up in em, and all the other groups of cadets held such pretentious, pompous stuck up nerds.

And if Lance left it would put his team in an awkward position of having to find a new fighter pilot. By either promoting one of the handful of cargo pilots or making Hunk and Pidge wait…. Lance didn’t want either of those things and the mere thought twisted his gut with guilt. He couldn’t do that to them.

So…. Maybe he’d leave at the end of the semester? But even that possibility gave him a tight feeling in his chest.

Lance wished he had something to do to rid himself of all the nervous energy that now filled him. He just wasn’t good at this sort of thing. His thoughts began spiraling uselessly in his head.

If he was home right now Lance might have pulled out his old guitar and plucked out a familiar tune. Or snuck out his bedroom window to run down to the beach. Feeling the warm salt water could always refresh him after a night time dip. And if that wasn’t enough the rush of a wave would be.

But Lance wasn’t home. And he didn’t want to go home. At least not like this.

So the boy was unsure what he should do.

He wouldn’t be able to focus enough to work on his homework, or study at all (though he had a test in the morning)

Lance realized that he’d stood, and was pacing back and forth before his bed.

With a dramatic sigh Lance fell over into his bed, wondering if he could maybe just sleep this stress away.

Yeah right, he was already antsy. There wasn’t a white noise soothing enough, nor a sleeping ask that could cut out both light AND anxiety. Tonight would probably be another sleepless one. Every negative thing that had been said to him that day swirled like a storm in his mind. Lance knew that even if his insomnia lifted what sort of nightmares would await him.

Lance growled and jumped up again, heading for the door.

He had to move. To do something. Though he was still unsure about what he was going to do, that predicament didn’t last very long. As he stepped out of his room his feet had already turned towards Hunk’s dorm.

A mischievous glint entered his azure gaze and his lips twisted up into his telltale lopsided grin…. The sort of expression that promised trouble.

Commander Iverson had said that Hunk, Pidge and him had to work on their team bonding hadn’t he? And there was no better way to break down walls between people than to break some rules with them.

#klance #voltron #lance #fanfiction #idkwhatelsetoput

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chromemuffin · 7 years

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Shoukoku no Altair Liveblog (Chapter 6)

The first volume was a wild ride filled with more gorgeous art than I had room to gush about.

Let me just say that I love the color palettes used in these covers. Although I don’t really have a good sense for color balance, none of the elements of these extremely detailed and busy covers seem to clash with one another.

There is just so much going on here, even the dark blue sash around his midsection has detailing. The collar, cuffs, and shoes have a really nice flower/vine motif going on, and interestingly there is a lock and key hanging off the shirt collar (which is made to look like an actual collar). Then there is that tassel (how do you even draw knots like that), and the ones crossing his chest. I also like the little flower buttons going up the sleeves?

idk let’s move on.

I have run out of Japanese raws, which is a good thing. Cuts down on my language ramblings a bit.

Chapter 6: The Council of Generals

We start the volume off with a portrait of Zaganos walking like a badass. Lots of thorns on the frame, and one exits the frame to become that dangly...thing in the back with the eyes and idk I really need to know more about Turkish designs to say anything. I did notice a flower and moon charm thing in the back.

So, first we get a review and additional information about the Diwan, which is nice. This series has a good balance of breaking away to ramble about the world’s structure before going back to the action with our main characters.

Anyway, I love Kato’s attention to detail (have I mentioned that already lol) that extends even to background characters. We never got the name of any of the Araba characters, yet they each looked distinct from one another. Same with the other pasha (there are 42 in all, wow). There’s a good range of features (especially nose shapes, here), but even their clothes and chins are different.

Assuming this is the head-honcho, the buyuk pasha (are these titles capitalized...?) who has glorious facial hair and a very, very large turban.

Oh god, this post is going to be so long. These panels are all really tall.

“And most important of all, military and foreign policy, which are handled by the third convention and decided by a unanimous vote between the 30 vizers.” In case you can’t see it in that image. Interesting how the most ‘important’ section is the only one in the dark, so to say. As we’ve seen, foreign policy and the potential for military action can be a very shade business.

I shrink every image to fit the theme I’m using, just in case it gets wonky if the picture is too large, but it so does not do this shot justice. Just look at the architecture! @the-golden-city has several posts picking apart these tiny details throughout the series, although I haven’t gotten around to reading all of them because for once I want to avoid spoilers.

This hall/chamber is probably based off this real life building in Istanbul:

Even the chandelier, and the railings, match. Getting back to Altair, though, I vaguely see Zaganos, Mahmut, and Ibrahim at the far right.

Ok, so they are asking why Ibrahim left Hisar for Altin in the first place, which I had almost forgotten about by this point.

Huh, I had to go back to the second chapter. Didn’t quite remember that Zaganos had told everyone to meet up to exchange information.

Whoops, gut reaction there. Why is he so surprised though...? Ibrahim told him why they were called to Altin, so was it that last bit “In regards to that case, I can’t call it anything but recklessness” that shocked him?

Also, add another intimidating face to the cast. The Buyuk Pasha (have a feeling “Pasha” should be in caps) is definitely a guy you do not want to cross.

Lol

“Mahmut Pasha, quiet, we did not give you permission to speak.”

“Ok next matter of business.”

“Mahmut Pasha, your turn.”

Oh? I meant to speculate about the aftermath in my last liveblog, but ended up forgetting (chapter 5 was a long one, I was exhausted by the end). We don’t actually know how much time has passed between now and the uprising, only that it’s no longer the month of Seker.

...Are you capable of smiling (without smirking). He is very displeased, yet again.

That splotch of blood. o.o He got stabbed last chapter and is still up and about. You really need to get that patched up, Mahmut. On the next page he’s actually holding his left arm up to it, so.

I’M SO GLAD NO ONE ENDED UP DYING. Seems they may not be out of the water yet, though, with the council deliberating as to their fates.

His mood instantly switches here, from happy/relieved that his friend and his family are safe, to serious. While Ibrahim says it with a smile on his face in front of his kids, he and Mahmut realize that it’s not over yet.

He realizes his own limits here. Things seemed sort of bleak before, but that was nothing compared to what happens after.

Dude doesn’t even bother giving him a real answer. You could confirm or deny, you know, instead of being like that. Though I guess he figures it doesn’t matter at this point, which is true. Or he just likes being mysterious.

I bet Zaganos’s expression would be the same if they had announced the opposite result. I sort of guessed that he’d be let off, but I still breathed a sigh of relief when they reinstated him. I’m weak, ok.

Anyway, more Mahmut expressions! Shocked makes him look younger than he is, and serious makes him more mature. I like how, well, mature he is. These are high stakes, and he knows the severity of the situation well.

Aww look at his shell-shocked face. I guess Mahmut really guessed/feared that they wouldn’t forgive what Ibrahim had done. From the standpoint of someone in their universe though, the result they got must have been very unlikely.

He held it together until he left! In isolation, that face looks a little derpy though.

AW. I needed that. I always love it when that chain with the tassel and (don’t know if it’s a whistle haha that thing) are drawn. And the asymmetry of his outfits. I think I mentioned that in my first liveblog. I usually do not like asymmetrical designs much, but.

And this! This look of unease. I have a baaad feeling about this.

Mahmut’s thought process is fun to read.

HAHA WHAT. WHAT.

WELL. First, you’ve gotta appreciate this extreme, divine irony going on where the sun is shining on him full force, and yet he’s lost so much in this single instant.

AND THEN. Well, I guess his demotion has to do with the whole war thing. It seems a good portion of them want to go to war, and up until this moment Mahmut has had the initiative and position to resist that. Just because he was younger didn’t mean he had less power as a pasha, but if he no longer has that title...

He’s too stunned to even be sad that his dream, which he had just achieved, was snatched away like that.

But lol at least the council is clear in their intentions: “Please think of it as a sort of permanent house arrest.”

This shot of him walking away...

Talk about a tough position to be in. He was punished the most, even though he did the most to resolve the situation. He’s happy that his friend wasn’t executed, but this is the price.

I love these shots of his front in darkness, with his back to the light. IT’S ALSO REALLY SAD.

As shitty as it is, Halil does have a point. And he prefaces saying this with a “Mah-kun”, so you know he really means it. He clearly cares for this boy, and it’s probably not easy seeing him crash so hard, but Mahmut was simply too young and inexperienced for the position he held. His thought process is getting there in some aspects, but in others he hasn’t experienced enough about the complexities of the world around him. He knows what he wants to change, but not how to do it.

I wonder why they bothered making him a pasha so young, anyway. Turkiye hasn’t gone to war since he was young, so he doesn’t have experience in that, either.

It’s probably even more painful because everything Halil is saying is true. It wasn’t a malicious decision. His look here is like a mix of devastated and a quiet sort of revelation. Like: “....oh.”

Then why did you guys freaking promote him to pasha in the first place. Just saying. But, now it’s out.

Weeelll, at least you’re not banned for life.

God I love this kid so much. He was indignant before he started talking to Halil, but now he realizes the gravity of what he has done. He’s not stubbornly rejecting or acting out against that logic, he’s mature enough to own up to his mistake.

And now...

This is a terrifying “oh shit” moment. He realizes here just how much his mistake has cost him, and not just him, but the country. He has no power to do prevent a war now that he got himself kicked out, essentially. If he’d stayed a pasha, maybe he’d be able to exert enough influence to alter events.

But his expression here as he realizing this is really good.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SAD BASKING IN THE LIGHT OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

Zaganos is heeere. Never know how things are going to go with him around.

HAHAHA. Oh, Zaganos. “I made a mistake and your impulsivity somehow helped me out of it. (thanks I guess) But what you did was still stupid as hell.” That was such backhanded compliments/acknowledgment that you might as well not have said anything at all aside from “That was stupid.”

Oh? You’re actually giving him something?

It’s something useful! I love the little details on this bauble. The intricate knot, the little crescent moon.

Wait, don’t blow up and get angry, I want to know why he’s entrusting this thing to you.

So Zaganos did indeed know and let everything proceed, all of this just to make one very strong point to the council. Geez.

Mahmut, you look so tiny next to him.

This is why I love this kid as a protagonist already. He is intelligent, smart, and hard-working, but he isn’t infallible. Youthful arrogance and inexperience was his downfall. It doesn’t even seem like youthful arrogance while you’re experiencing he situation in Hisar with him. He’s the protagonist, and you know he’s right in that he couldn’t just leave Ibrahim to go down for a crime he didn’t willingly commit.

But, now that he’s realized it, he also acknowledges that it’s pointless to dwell on it and beat himself up. And in that sense, we can see he’s already grown from how he was as a child. Then, he lost hope that he could ever improve and needed Ibrahim to talk him out of his tears.

What Ibrahim gave him is actually really precious, I’m dying here ok, he made Mahmut realize that if he works hard at it, improves himself, he can achieve his dream. Now he knows that he’s just going to need more effort than he thought.

He gets frustrated a lot, and it usually seems to be about himself. I feel bad for him, but on the other hand, like when he got knocked off his horse in cirit and the older guy admonished him, he really needed it.

It didn’t take him long, not even a full day it looks like, to bounce back and resolve himself on a new goal. Seems like his journey has gone a little backwards (don’t protags in manga usually work their way up from rock bottom; Mahmut had one of the highest positions in the country after coming from the bottom up, and now he has to do it again).

This has been a sort of transition chapter (I wouldn’t call it quiet), but by god did it have impact.

← back・onward →

#shoukoku no altair #the very long altair liveblog #long post #image heavy post #im sorry i curse a lot #please let me know if it bothers you #altair vol 2

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kinetic-elaboration · 7 years

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January 5: Thoughts on 1x05 Twilight’s Last Gleaming

Watched Twilight’s Last Gleaming last night. It always takes me like 3 hours to watch an ep of The 100 because I have to stop every 5 seconds to write something down. Also last night just when I started watching R started texting me and so I was trying to do three things at once: watch, write up notes, and converse with her. But I did it anyway oh well. My thoughts, in order of appearance though perhaps someday I’ll come back and elaborate on some of this stuff I dunno.

Clarke is serious with Finn during their ‘lying around in bed’ phase and he makes a joke back at her and IDK I’m half-sure it’s supposed to be charming (she seems to like it in the moment) but the only thing I can think is: Bellamy would never. (On the other hand this might literally be the only light-hearted sex this show has ever had so there’s that.) (Yes I know he was cheating I mean light-hearted in the micro sense.)

Okay, Abby, when arrested, is put in a cell, which tells me that the prison is actually also used for adults just for shorter-term purposes: it holds people awaiting trial and/or execution. Also she is granted “work release pending review.” Is the “review” a trial? Or something else? IMO they don’t actually use trials in all circumstances (Kane has the power of both the finder of fact and finder of law in a decidedly un-judicial setting the first time he sentences Abby to die while in the Go-Sci command center room; ...lol it’s hard to keep all of the death sentences straight). But I think sometimes they do. Or a trial like thing. (See Skywalker dialogue.) Also, I wonder if work release is common. Also I wonder how many adults they usually have in the prison section and if they’re kept separate from the kids or not. I would assume yes, given that Abby is in a solitary cell. Jaha says that prison has been on “half air since midnight.” I feel like the obvious question is: why give it any air at all? If the situation is that critical, and assuming there are not that many prisoners left once you get rid of the kids--why not totally evacuate it and shut it down? I realize that’s probably a bandaid on a gigantic gash but like it’s something.

“We followed the rules of order” should be like the Ark’s slogan. (And it says a lot about Jaha imo--as does the phrase” excised from the grid.”)

Lol the ‘let’s make a wish on a shooting star’ thing comes from Finn.

Aw Bellamy didn’t just have a 3some, he was cuddling.

Clarke is so completely unromantic in the broad sense. Thinking about supplies, making plans--”okay, minute’s done” when Finn asks her to consider how nice it is not being dead. I guess Finn was supposed to be the counter to her: the overly romantic.

I’m going to assume the little girl Reese didn’t survive the crash of the Ark but I wish she had because I’d like to know how her partial blindness affects her going forward. Also look at how Jackson touches Abby so sweet.

“That doesn’t mean you can predict what everyone’s going to do.” / “That’s exactly what I have to do.” Okay she definitely sees herself as a leader at this point. A leader with a potential savior complex ready to exploit tbh.

Thoughts from the Bell and O scene: He sees Jaha as the responsible one for all the judicial stuff on the Ark--a common perception. Interesting. Octavia talks big but yet again freaks out at the reality of hard choices: she wants everyone on the Ark to fuck off but finds out one of them, a very culpable one from her pov, is dead and she’s like AAAAH WHAT. Also, Bellamy takes immediate responsibility. Boy really does feel the weight of the world. It is his instinct to be at fault. (In this case, he is of course. But he could have pawned it off and he doesn’t.)

Jaha’s room: is this the same set that is used as Abby’s chancellor quarters in S3 or am I making that up? Is it supposed to be the same? Also he has a punching bag in his room nifty detail.

It’s interesting that Jaha wanted to sacrifice himself. It’s a bad tactical decision imo and I also can’t help but consider it cowardly but anyway it’s really, really fascinating to me and I feel this scene/plot point should be more thoroughly unpacked. By a more awake person.

Raven’s arrival is one of my favorite scenes though. Also my Princess Mechanic heart...

Again with the Finn + Clarke too much emotion vs. all business thing. Also, Clarke helped Raven out of the ship, watched her take off her space suit, and interacted with her for probably several minutes without introducing herself lol. Too busy being smitten.

Does this Jaha and Abby conversation about the culling sound an awful lot like the Clarke and L/xa conversation about TonDC???? Is it supposed to????

“This belongs to Wells Jaha.” Adorable.

Abby has the weirdest collection of shit in her secret compartment. Someone’s hair????

“Hey Princess, you taking a walk in the woods?” Like IDEK how to read that line it’s just...so funny? Is he trying to be smooth?

This Clarke/Bellamy/Finn/Raven scene is also really great and beyond my ability to properly interpret now. Clarke is like the best politician though. I mean yeah she’s manipulative but in a very...incisive way. She knows just what to say to Bellamy (unlike Finn and Raven who literally just throw him around and threaten him)--though generally I think he makes the better speeches they’re both very good at reading others imo. It’s not just that she appeals to his better nature; she specifically mentions the probable culling victims as “[his] people.”

Also is the implication that Bellamy and Raven do or do not know each other? I think they do not but I can see it either way.

“This will start a riot.” / “Good. Maybe we need one.”

Okay I’ve seen it before repeatedly but the Section 17 volunteers still make me cry. It never stops being tragic.

(But it wasn’t at all Bellamy’s fault and neither he nor Kane could have stopped all of those people from dying but that’s yet another ramble for another day.)

Also okay they all have some sort of identification tags, interesting.

Raven and Clarke scene: I would almost joke that Raven was trying to get Clarke blown up by having her take out the fuel but actually I think she sees Clarke as the real leader (interestingly, Raven might be the exception to the delinquents see Bell as main leader thing???) and wants to chat. Also, for her to say she’s never seen love like Abby’s after saying she’d do pretty much anything for Finn says a lot. Not that I think a teen relationship’s love is comparable to a mother’s, but that a teen might not see that, so wrapped up in her own feelings as she probably is. But Raven does.

“One decision does not define a man.”

So the two shooting star conversations are in the same ep, and Clarke takes something from one love interest, and transfers it--that idea, that conversation--to someone else. Her platonic friend obviously. Also I think this is the first, like, /friendly/ conversation they’ve had. Like not antagonistic, not heated, not about what they have to do or about a danger situation just...talking.

Of course then it shades into what is imo a great Princess Mechanic moment so. How Raven just looks over at Clarke... I dunno but I thinks she’s in love.

#the year 2017 #2017: the 100 s1 #2017: fandom thoughts

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