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arlocedwards · 4 years

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╰ ✧ HARRY STYLES. MUSE NINE. PANSEXUAL ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own ARLO EDWARDS! a TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD, CISMALE that goes by HE/HIM pronouns. i heard they were voted BEST SHOULDER TO CRY ON in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very IDEALISTIC and INTUITIVE, but watch out for their DETACHED and DESTRUCTIVE side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a MUSICIAN and finally get this summer started! ( kt / 24 / pst / she/her )

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is some info about my bb, arlo. ** insert clown emoji but make him yee-haw **

trigger warning : death .

NAME: arlo cornelius edwards. GENDER: cismale. PRONOUNS: he, him. AGE: twenty-four ( 24 ). BIRTHDAY: february 14th. ZODIAC: aquarius !! HOMETOWN: kent, england. ORIENTATION: pansexual OCCUPATION: drummer. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english & french. FACECLAIM: harry styles ~ currently featuring long hair. :’-)

kt’s note: I KNOW THIS IS SO LONG, SO IF YOU DON’T READ IT, I WILL NOT GET OFFENDED.

but, just read this so y’know what you’re getting yourself into when interactions open : death tw: arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴀʀʟᴏ'ꜱ ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

arlo was born in kent, england. i know what you’re wondering, and yes, he does have an accent. :’-) his family moved to new york when he was five years old because arlo’s father was offered a high level position within his company.

arlo was born into a loving family, him being the middle child. he has two supportive parents, sasha edwards (his mother), & carter edwards (his father). there are two years separating him from both his older brother and younger sister. his older brother ( now deceased ) was named holden edwards, and his little sister is named ivy edwards. his older brother can be imagined as eric matthews from boy meets world ( at the end of the day, they were bffs ) & his little sister is quite literally cher horowitz from clueless mixed w/ a splash of bianca stratford from 10 things i hate about you ( they are polar opposites which makes for a fun dynamic !! )

growing up, arlo enjoyed playing all types of sports - there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t really good at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual. he would go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. he will fight you over board games and make alliances in monopoly to mess w/ you.

his interest in taking up an instrument kicked in when he was seven years old. he and his dad were driving back from a hockey game together late at night, and his dad played him the song moby dick by led zeppelin & he knew it was something that he wanted to pursue bc “john bonham was a genius.” ~ arlo vc. and so his dad gifted him a drum set on his eighth birthday !! :’-) soft. but over the years he was exposed to other instruments and can also play the guitar, piano, and he has a nice set of pipes !! harry styles being his vc as well ~ makes it easy. he really wants to learn the saxophone tho??? don’t get him started - he will go on and on and on.

throughout highschoool ; arlo was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not! just soft things.

until now - now anti-soft. hard things. sdgjdjgd okay, so, arlo is A Mess™️. and i say that with so much love in my bones. arlo is the type of friend that is honest, and all about tough love when it’s needed. he doesn’t mind getting into a fight or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. he will tell you when you’re fucking up, and if you’re throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it. this ties in l8r !!

he’s just a bit desperate to feel against following the death of his brother & also post-break up with shanley? ( which give me one hot sec and i’ll go into those v soon ) but overall he just wants to feel like himself again, y’know ?? don’t we all. amen & what not. to break it down, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all, and he’s sadly willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels numb. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ MIND YA BUSINESS.

arlo’s lurve life : woo ! okay, welcome back -- let’s get into it. so shanley and arlo dated throughout hs and into their first year of college, for a whopping five years together before they broke up. god if you’ve made it this far, i applaud you...but hmu and let me know your fav color, okay? like and comment below ?? subscribe ?? thx. OKAY BACK TO BUSINESS. in case you’re wondering who broke up with who, gosh so nosy, let me just tell you ‘twas arlo. he did it, we can unfollow his ass now. BUT ~ he didn’t want to ? y’know. he felt like due to the long distance, she was missing out on college experiences and her waiting by the phone for him to call was just sad, and he felt guilty. he wanted her to enjoy her time and felt as if he was weighing her down. although he did try make an effort to fix this doing by visiting her that weekend at her university in chicago, but when he came across her with friends he felt stupid and bailed back to cali again. a couple months later he called her, hoping to apologize for his poor judgement and admit to his mistake of ending the relationship, but she wasn’t the one who answered the phone. arlo assumed the random guy who answered was shanley’s new boyfriend (although , he was shanley’s roommates boyfriend but my sad dumb ass boi didn’t know ). arlo only assumed the voice belonged to shan’s bf bc he swears the voice distinctly said “coming, babe!” ( although he did, just not to shanley) and ever since arlo’s been a bit jaded when it comes to romance. shanley called him back later that day, and arlo shrugged her off bc he was jealous af and drunk - claiming he “butt dialed her and it wouldn’t happen again.” :’-( since then they haven’t been in contact.

he was so in love with shanley, and despite him being the one to end things, he’s never fully gotten over her. he’s definitely hooked up with other people, but my boy is not the committing type after that relationship.

after high school, arlo attended stanford university, as they offer one of the best criminal law programs across the nation. wahoo ! yahtzee !

after graduating college, arlo moved to san francisco & moved in with ali !! they have a nice little place overlooking the golden gate bridge w/ quality acoustics for their creative music projects. / also where he currently lives !! :’-) we love a bromance.

while in san francisco, arlo attended university to continue on pursuing his law degree and after two years was able to graduate with his juris doctor.

TRIGGER WARNING : DEATH / CAR ACCIDENT / DRUNK DRIVING. the death of his brother is very recent, like four weeks ago recent. arlo and his brother were road tripping across the states back to their family home in NY to visit their parents, when a drunk driver struck the driver side of their vehicle, which on impact killed his brother. arlo has survivors guilt as a result from the accident. he and his brother had switched seats a couple minutes prior to the collision, after arlo had asked to switch with him in order to rest for a bit. :’-( miraculously, arlo was unscathed in the greater scheme of all things injury-based. he’s entering the villa w/ a couple broken ribs, broken left arm and scrapes/cuts. so plz sign his cast.

post-break up with shanley, they had some type of unspoken agreement of trading off years of who gets to attend the summer( aka who has custody of the sclub ) and so last year, arlo did not attend. however, this year, they somehow got their info wrong about who was going / not going, so they have found themselves here at the same time. this being the first time they’ve seen each other since holidays during their first year of college previous to their break up. so get ready for some spice.

last summer, since arlo wasn’t attending the sclub reunion, he was taking the california state bar exam. which is only offered twice a year - he opted for the one in july and passed! :’-) he spent some time after the exam in europe with hastrid. <3

however, arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ

overall : arlo truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his chaotic energy. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day.

however rn, with his current state of mind, arlo is just going through the motions. numbing himself with unhealthy outlets and has a different type of mentality. definitely engaging in a bit of the more chaotic activities, as well as leaving everyone alone to their own vices as well. whereas his typical behavior would be more so attempting to lead them onto a better path if it meant well for their overall wellbeing.

habits : smoking cigarettes ( ali likely nags him bc they aren’t herbal ) . staying up into the early hours of the morning, and yet somehow still an early riser ( hence, he drinks an absurd amount of coffee ). yeah, hence. - get it, from the house bunny? sdjfkngdg any who, he’s in a phase of numbing via alcohol and drugs rn.

personality type : INTP - T / THE LOGICIAN

moral alignment : chaotic good

tarot card : the hermit ( currently )

character inspo : connor walsh from how to get away with murder, jess mariano from gilmore girls, & ambrose spellman from chilling adventures of sabrina ( literally his #1 ranked personality match on a quiz i took ) !! so, we have that ! and also a heavy sprinkle of seth cohen from the o.c.

ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

the album ‘fine line’ by golden child, harry styles in this case will be used as a hc for arlo. arlo wrote and recorded the album - all songs included, with his muse being shanley over the course of the last couple of years. he’s just kind of been sitting on the entire thing, never really feeling it was the right time to release his work/side solo project...but later this summer, he may just leak it. :’-)

arlo is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school.

those who inspire him : roger taylor, mick jagger, alex van halen, john bonham.

LUNA : ali and arlo co-founded the band with friends edie dorn and guy perkins in junior high. playing gigs where they could as often as possible. arlo was on lead vocals, ali as lead guitarist, edie on bass, and guy on drums. although when it came down to recording and what not they seemed to bounce around when it came to other instruments - v experimental. the band took off in college, prior to something strange and over the years they’ve produced numerous albums and have won a couple awards.

red roses are his Thing™️ ; fans of the band will walk up and hand him them. i think that’s soft. and i am here for it.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured.

fun fact : dirty dancing is v much so a sharlo movie. they used to practice and be able to successfully pull of the jump & lift dance move literally just for fun / bc they wanted to. after nailing the lift, they learned the entire dance - i can't. dfjkgndjkg SOFT.

arlo has all of harry’s tattoos !! makes it simpler, might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

also the ‘ h & s ‘ rings that will be seen in photographs later on are for his brother, holden, and bbg, shanley </3

arlo is a gucci enthusiast - having much of his closet filled with staple pieces over the years. to further his love for the brand, he was recently asked to be in an upcoming campaign for the fall season - he’s v jazzed about it.

ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖑𝖚𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 ( open connection ) : with arlo being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may constantly worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 / 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖙 ( open connection ) : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embracing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details.

open to other connection you may have in mind! :’-) LMK!!!! <3 i love me some chemistry !!!

ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ( featured on arlo’s connections page here !! )

𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖇𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖋𝖎𝖙𝖘 ( taken - simon peralta ) : these two went through rough break ups of their own, and a rebound didn’t sound too bad to either of them at the time things started. it may not occur all the time, but they sometimes still find themselves offering up to one another. this occurred more frequently then any of arlo’s one night stands, obvi, but it never surpassed anything other than the physical aspect of their relationship. the nature of their relationship outside of the bedroom can go either way !!! :’-)

𝖆 𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick ) : as if living together for the past two years wasn’t enough, ali & arlo are also roommates every summer that arlo attends the sclub reunions. these two are always laughing, and saying some ridiculous ish. you’ll likely hear loud jam sessions and howling laughter / the occasional excited shouting back and forth from their room in the late hours. they are truly nothing but a good time and tbh, they know it. that and the fact that they have the best hair in the villa. djfgnjkdfg FIGHT ME !!

𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖍 𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖔𝖑 𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 ( taken - shanley evans ) : these two began their relationship in their freshman year of high school - spending five years together before breaking up in their freshman year of college. * cries in sharlo * they were the “it” couple, no pennywise included … unless ? anyways, everyone thought that they were going to get married, and arlo was v much in love / thinking shanley was his romantic soulmate. yet when they did break up everyone was shookith - even the birds and the bees.

𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖗𝖔𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 𝖇𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick , willow finch , sirena rose ) : these four formed something strange. arlo is the drummer of the group, and also writes some songs for the group. they’ve blown up over the years and are a quite successful group.

𝖛 𝖘𝖎𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌-𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕 ( taken - sirena rose / willow finch ) : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. pure relationship.

𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊 𝖔𝖗 𝖉𝖎𝖊 ( taken - delilah jacobs ) : ride or dies ! need i say more ?? these two have one anothers backs despite anything and everything going on otherwise. they play in to one anothers antics and enjoy one anothers presence as they can likely be seen dragging one another across town and causing a bit of mayhem together. you can catch them in their beautiful, bitch #1 & #2 tee's.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖈 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖔𝖓 ( taken - ramona verdez ) : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although arlo may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around. with arlo having his law degree, he’s always able to squeeze them out of trouble before it gets too serious, so trust - it’s ok !!

𝖚𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 / 𝖕𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖗 𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - izzy de la rosa ) : these two may have ran in the same circle, but were complete opposites when it came down to their personalities / styles / perhaps even humor, so it was expected for them to stand their distance. however despite the odds, they just clicked !! opposites attract and what not, ya dig?? somehow their dynamic just works and they have a lot of fun together by introducing new things to one another.

#( ❛ ᴀʀʟᴏ ᴇᴅᴡᴀʀᴅꜱ | ɪɴᴛʀᴏ . )#so long - whewwww!#if you read all of this.....i owe you all of my love #schq:intro

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cainromainelettuce · 5 years

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( non-binary ) haven’t seen CAIN ROMANOV around in a while. the BILL SKARSGARD lookalike has been known to be (+) RIGHTEOUS & (+) AMBITIOUS, but HE/THEY can also be (-) EVASIVE & (-) UNTRUSTING. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in BUSINESS. I believe they’re living in EMERITUS, but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

surprise !! i am the snot goblin ! (aka james aka saige aka amos aka aleta) !! i very much apologize for this intro being late !! and also for possibly being pretty long.

EDIT: i forgot to mention but 1. like this if u’d like to plot w/ him !! obv !! and then 2. if discord is easier for any of u, my thing is emo stan #3644 uwu

TW: CULT LIFE, HEROIN USAGE / ADDICTION, DRUG ADDICTION / USE / ABUSE, EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, ABUSE, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ( PTSD, ANXIETY ). if i forgot anything PLEASE tell me !!

a e s t h e t i c s

dangling limbs from tree branches, yellowed book pages, opened bottles of vintage wine, oversized sweaters and deep under eyes, bleached denim, worn leather gloves, cat hair against black cloth, fields of wheat, broken windows, descending staircases, tight-lipped smiles during public appearances, golden skies, light spilling from windows, stumbling over one's own words, wire-framed beds, linens, wool scarves, making the wrong decisions; running, from others and yourself.

general information !!

full name: cain alexei romanov

nickname(s): cock and ball torture, N/A

b.o.d. - feb 19th, fuckin pisces

label(s): the fallen, the phoenix, the crestfallen, etc. etc.

height: 6′4″ jfc

hometown: rochester, ny babey !!

sexuality: bi...? bi. yes. bi.

stats

biography !!

cain, like all of my other children, was born into a life of privilege. his father’s a senator of new york and his mother’s a philanthropist; both pretty prominent figures. cain is the eldest of five.

he was raised in mind of keeping a good public reputation, taught to be the perfect citizen. essentially, he was a golden child who could really do no wrong. as a child, he’d always aim to please his parents in any way he could.

this included joining several clubs during school, such as model UN, debate, DECA, etc. etc. as well as a few sports (soccer, track, basketball, lacrosse -- all throughout the years, not at once). pretty sure he’s been a class president once or twice, and has been in the lead for valedictorian.

his whole thing was that he was supposed to be perfect. volunteered on the weekends at homeless shelters and food banks and like...he just did The Most. the absolute most

this pleased his parents, and he never had a problem with them. life was good. they attended church on sundays, sometimes wednesdays, always did things as a Family. like, we’re talking family dinners and christmas photoshoots and new year eve parties.

probably lived in a gated community tbh

he went into college strong, started off as a double major in political science and business, lookin’ to take after both his parents. he’d Always been fairly close to tatiana, being around the same age as her. nothing freaky ever happened among them, and i wouldn’t have really called them...friends, if that makes sense? they were confidantes, they vented to each other for whatever reasons at the time.

however this whole ~do no wrong~ bearing was a charade. in the community and his families’ eye, cain was just this precious, hardworking citizen who gave back when possible.

those who actually, genuinely knew him knew he was just a dick lmfao

arrogant, harrowing, and an outright bully who tore down others when he felt like it -- often unprovoked. he was the senator’s son and a rich one at that, and ever since middle school he was just...mean !

because of his father and his family’s general position in the community, tattlers were the ones getting in trouble rather than cain, who’d often go without punishment for his attitude.

like...was That Bitch who’d actually, genuinely look down at somebody if they had less than him. just an absolute narcissistic dickhead who only cared about like, maybe two or three people outside of his family.

his only redeeming quality was probably his protectiveness over his siblings tbh -- even if he wasn’t ... the best person, nobody was rly allowed to fuck w/ his family.

this carried into college, he probably joined one of the frats too, y’know. known for keeping his composition even when others resorted to violence, ‘cos he never liked to get physical. it would’ve been bad for press, y’know ??

sometime during college, two important things happened.

the first one is that he became a sort of...middleman? broker? he wasn’t the one creating/growing what he was selling, but he wasn’t the one dealing them. y’know, he was the middleman. took drugs and sold them to dealers to sell, for profit, for funsies. very hush-hush for the obvious reasons.

the second is that he met earl and may meyers. they were fellow volunteers at a thanksgiving food drive, and the older couple were immediately drawn to cain -- and him to them, essentially. to this day he can’t tell you what about them had been so appealing. just, the air around them was something else entirely. some would probably call it unhinged. they were kind folks, very down to earth, very religious and warmhearted. they liked his name being cain a whole lot; told him that he reminded him of their late son.

i’d say the beginning of this was late junior year for cain. the couple volunteered more and more at the same places as cain, as often as he did -- which, in retrospect was odd -- but cain hadn’t really known better. being the Good Samaritan he acted as, he kept talking to them. it became a genuine friendship. a few months into it, they had started talking about like...the sin of wealth and what it does to your soul, god choosing only a select few to be saved when he eventually cleanses the earth, etc. etc. they claimed that cain was special, one of those to be selected, they could see it in his aura, etc. etc.

it was...oddly appealing to him? like hmm..maybe i am being constrained by capitalism and disappointing god!

but like...this was mostly because of a lot of emotional manipulation for a duration of months -- and he had never once suspected anything like that to be happening. cain had always been so sure of himself, that he’d never imagined one day being manipulated, even if he was manipulative himself.

earl and may told him that they were going to leave rochester, that there were so many more who had the same ideals as them -- it was time to join them, to be saved. cain held off from this, as a senior in college by now.

after all, he had his perfect lil family and a good side-business going on, and he had a long term girlfriend who put up with his shenanigans. cain was still an absolute asshole to others but he had at least found his crowd to all be collectively awful and full of themselves, y’know?

over winter break, however, cain had a change of heart pretty suddenly.

for the third important thing had happened.

it had started off as a pretty average, normal day. christmas had gone and passed -- it was one of the days between christmas and new years eve, y’know? a period of days where time nor place is real. like walmart at midnight, or an empty 7/11 parking lot. during a seemingly normal conversation about his ancestry with his mother, she had suddenly broken down in sobs.

it was during this discussion that she revealed, to cain only -- that he was not his father’s son.

the beginning of vaughn and adelaide’s marriage had a pretty...rocky start, to say the least, and in a night of petty anger, adelaide had cheated on vaughn. this resulted in the pregnancy that wound up with cain.

the news rocked cain’s world in a very bad way, the sort of way that breaks a person. his entire life he looked up to his parents, did everything they ever asked of him, molded himself into perfection for the hope of being a sliver of a man his father was. and to learn that his father was not, actually, his father?

within the week he’d gotten into several altercations, both sober and drunk, and had landed in county jail overnight. nobody knows where cain went on new years eve, but he hadn’t skipped town until the third -- according to tatiana, who had received one last gift from him on the 2nd (her birthday).

then, he was gone. it wasn’t a missings person ordeal -- cain had made it very known that he was leaving rochester and that he had skipped town. hadn’t even broken up with his girlfriend before doing so. hell -- hadn’t even told the people he worked for.

BEGINNING OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

only earl and may knew where cain went. because he went with them to the place they had told him so much about. this was the fourth most important thing to happen to him, because it changed his life.

cain didn’t know what a cult looked like, but it felt pretty accurate to hollywood’s interpretations. they lived separate from society in rural new york -- not nearly as far away as cain would’ve liked, but thank god in the long run for that. the people wore white, linens and cotton. there was no technology, just prayer and daily chores. money meant nothing, there.

i want to keep this part relatively short, so i’ll try my hardest. cain was only in the cult for three-ish months before he escaped. the beginning was grand -- it was peaceful, it was mind-clearing. he was treated as something special, his name being some sort of ... message, a sign that he’d been a gift for the group. that he’d be, ultimately, an eventual leader for them. however -- the longer he stayed with them, the more apparent it became that he wasn’t the messager they had long waited for.

he began slipping up. they became displeased with him. punishments occurred. sometimes once a week, sometimes multiple. he remembers hundreds of hands, pulling and tugging and gripping and begging -- asking him to repent, please, repent, and submergence on more than one occasion. these were not the worst.

they were convinced that he couldn’t truly be cleansed of his sins unless he forgot his past life.

fun fact: heroin in small doses, daily, can lead to memory loss.

though it’d only been around three months of this -- it really felt longer to cain. time wasn’t a concept. there was only the ground they walked on, and god, and that was that.

drugged and weakened but still kickin’, he had gotten into a particularly violent, brutal fight with earl. this was the last straw. cain had attempted to murder his ‘brother’. this led to his next punishment.

in a particularly twisted reenactment / retelling, cain had been branded with the cult’s interpretation of the mark of cain (they were going to be accurate and place it upon his forehead, but after a lot of resistance [he bit somebody] it was, begrudgingly, placed atop his heart instead) and left for dead in the middle of nowhere.

by all means, he probably should’ve died. by miracle, though cain was no longer a believer -- he was found by a farmer.

END OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. STILL MENTIONS OF TRAUMA / MENTAL HEALTH / RECOVERY BEYOND THIS POINT.

by early april he’d been reunited with his family. things went very fast, suddenly, for him. recovering from his forced addiction, and the trauma he’d been put in within only a small amount of months -- and his father’s reputation -- his mother’s inability to look him in the eye -- cain took matters into his own hands and, rather than return to lockwood, put in his transfer to hendrix.

because he’s a grown man who, while recovering from being in a cult, can still make his own decisions even if they’re irrational. he should’ve taken a year off, really, and recover. but he couldn’t imagine staying in his house, either, and generally ?? his mind was just a very messy place.

he went to hendrix a s a p, before his term in the summer even began. he wound up at hendrix a few weeks (like...three?) before the lockwood kids and was very dismayed to find out that oh, coincidence, there’s an abroad semester attending !!

so that’s sort of where he’s at rn.

personality !!

okay so...douchebag cain is No More. they’re retired.

to the hendrix students they’ve familiarized themself with, they’re a pretty quiet person. well-meaning, kind enough if not a little sarcastic. sort of distant, not much for parties. smokes weed and like, drinks occasionally, but not much else. definitely doesn’t do anything harder.

they’ve got four cats. that’s their entire personality. four cats. they got them all after transferring to hendrix and like ... no regrets ?

i imagine their parents still pay for their schooling ‘cos it’s not like their father Knows that cain’s not his child. if anything, vaughn just thinks that cain suffered a mental breakdown and needed a break.

anyways. they love their cats a lot. like, probably has photos of them in their wallet.

as mentioned above, their memory is pretty...fucked up right now. they don’t forget anything major, but there are days where it takes them a while to remember faces or names and sometimes they wake up and won’t know where they are.

not that they really...sleep a lot? they have night terrors, which fuck with their sleep schedule. they sleep only for a few hours each night because the nightmares are too bad.

cain suffers from severe touch aversion. skin-to-skin contact of any sort is enough to send them into a pretty bad panic attack. they wear leather gloves more often than not, because it helps without hindering them too much. they’re not the biggest fan of body contact in general, even with clothes, but it won’t send them into a panic like bare skin will. they make sure their few friends know that they don’t really like physical contact at all.

they’re dealing with PTSD, attends therapy every week. keeps an entire journal where they write b/c it helps them cope. it’s like, everything to them.

they’re...sort of like...blunt? they won’t go out of their way to be like ‘hey i joined a cult and it fucked me up pretty badly’ but they won’t lie about it either if the topic somehow comes to that. they don’t like delusions, but they don’t like drawing unnecessary attention to them either.

lockwood students being at hendrix makes them pretty anxious, just because they were looking to sort of ... rebuild themself into a better person, and like pretty much most students at lockwood knows how much of a massive tool they used to be. not to mention like, their plugs and customers they screwed over by leaving, and their ex girlfriend who they’re still probably in love with ?? but it’s just complicated now.

smokes weed to soothe them rather than just get high. is probably stoned often.

doesn’t really like cars! or swimming! or crowds. doesn’t like to feel trapped.

whenever they’re overwhelmed and needs to be away from everything, they’ve developed a habit of climbing into trees. they won’t suddenly go jump in a tree during a conversation, but more so at night or when they need to think.

probably trying to redeem themself in some sort of way. because while they want to avoid the lockwood students as much as possible, that’s not right. they want to fix the shit they’ve done and be a better person, because the whole...situation they’ve been in has opened their eyes.

uuuhh...there are days where they forget that tatiana’s dead. so that’s sad.

i wouldn’t be surprised if people from lockwood were suspicious of cain, considering they left rochester only a week or so before tatiana went missing, and just so happened to come to hendrix around the same time eva went missing ??

oh !! cain developed a stutter, and their voice is a little damaged from...screaming. a lot. in general they look a little gaunt, a little unhealthy.

they can still definitely hold a conversation, and like i said they’re pretty...lowkey. soft, sort of. generally a quiet person and while they’re not the most social, they won’t be a direct asshole or anything. likes people! just...has low energy.

goes by he/they, doesn’t really care which one as he alternates pretty frequently.

dropped the political science part of his major and like...unfortunately is very much unhappy with being a business major atm. he might just go through another four years of college in a diff major or fuck off all together.

EDIT: i forgot to mention that he’s sort of really into the investigation of the cult he was part of b/c they’re still like...out there. also fascinated by the watershed app and shit, ‘cos they fucking...hate this shit with a passion. probably willing to stick their nose into places they shouldn’t

wanted connections !!

so first and foremost, cain would’ve been known around lockwood. connections relating to that would be v much appreciated !!

mostly enemies or people they’ve wronged, tbh, ‘cos he was a massive dick.

exes they’ve dumped, hook ups, ex-friends, people he’s gotten into arguments or fights with.

his ex gf would be gr8 . if anybody would like some angst.

uuhhh i’d imagine he’d know a few of the other prominent families from rochester, especially. not to say that they would’ve all gotten along.

hendrix pals !! give me some solid friendships based on mutual respect.

people cain used to receive drugs from and people he used to send those drugs to.

ex-party pals ??

people suspicious of them b/c cain was/is a very suspicious person. people still angry at them.

let them RECONNECT and FIX FRIENDSHIPS

people he’d bully or fuck with or whatever.

wholesome shit. angst shit. slowburns, anyone ?!? enemies to friends. friends to enemies. enemies to bigger enemies.

i’m not taking hook-ups for....obvious reasons.

but sexual tension is welcomed. maybe a sexting thing ??

ppl they DON’T even know that well but hATE his dAD because FUCK POLITICIANS y’know ?!?

old pals from lockwood, if i didnt mention that.

i imagine a lot of conversations w/ lockwood kids begin like ‘this is where u fucked off to, huh?’ b/c like....they told everybody they were ditching rochester. it wasn’t a secret or a shock. but it’s still like huh. u bastard.

people who are soft for them ??

people who are hard on him ??

make his life difficult but also uuuhh uwu him

#water:intro #drug abuse tw #abuse tw #cult tw #mental illness tw #ptsd tw #sorry this is so late folks !!

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winchester-writes · 6 years

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Surprise?

Jared Padalecki x Reader

Word Count: 2,069

Warnings: flangst...mentions of possible cheating...language

Summary: You weren’t big on celebrating your birthday and Jared wants to make the next a memorable one. However, it’s not gonna go exactly as he planned.

A/N: Beta’d by the amazing @supernatural-jackles!! Y’all I got this fic done in like two hours at work! First fic back since like forever so I hope you guys enjoy this!!

Feedback is most appreciated!

Birthdays weren’t something that you normally celebrated. When you were younger, your parents wouldn’t allow you to have parties like every other kid in school. Explaining that the house wasn’t big enough for parties or that the house wasn’t as clean as they would like it to be for others. When you were younger you didn’t quite understand but now that you were older, you realized that they were ashamed of the house that you all lived in. Your parents weren’t the richest but they had enough to provide a roof over your head. It’s like they didn’t want the other children’s parents to judge the way that you all lived. Thinking back, the house really wasn’t all that bad. It had it’s problems but who’s house doesn’t have issues?

Anyways, because you weren’t really used to celebrating your birthday then, you weren’t really into celebrating your birthday now. To you it was just another day and you were one year older.

Nothing all that special about it.

Your boyfriend of two years, Jared Padalecki, tried to get you to celebrate last year but you just shrugged it off, blew out the candles on the cake he bought and then ended up going to bed early after you explained to him why you didn’t really celebrate. Mostly you didn’t want him to think you didn’t care what he did for you. You were grateful for him even trying to make your day great.

So that night, he decided that this next year, it was going to be better than anything you expected. He was going to throw you a surprise party and invite all of your friends. He was determined to give you the party that you never got to have when you were younger.

As your birth month got closer, Jared thought it would be a good idea to hire a party planner after Danneel recommended the one she used for Jensen’s surprise party. Her name was Stephanie and she was a master party planner, especially when it is last minute. She can get any party done and beyond the original expectations within a week. Luckily Jared called her about two months in advance and the two of them immediately started talking about your interests and things you would loved to see at the party.

Two months have now gone by and it was exactly one week before your birthday party. Jared has put the down payment on a beautiful venue out on a ranch, the party to be held inside of a giant barn. Different flowers were picked out for the table arrangements, it was also decided that twinkly lights would be hung from the banisters. Food and a caterer were all decided along with what type of cake you would like. Invitations were sent out and many RSVPs have already come back.

Needless to say, Jared was immensely excited about your birthday this year, mostly because he had a surprise of his own and the only other person to know about it was Stephanie. Not even Jared’s closest friends, such as Jensen, knew what his special surprise was. And today was the day that Jared was to go pick out your special surprise, meeting Stephanie in front of the store.

However, what Jared didn’t know is that you were out shopping with one of your friends, one who knew about the party and was supposed to be keeping you occupied today. Turns out she didn’t know that Jared was going to show up to the same mall. It was a small outdoor shopping center, so you could get some sun and fresh air as you walked down the sidewalks towards the next store. So noticing a familiar truck parallel parked caught your attention. Your brow furrowed as you continued to walk, pretending to listen to the story your friend was telling you while your tried to figure out why Jared was here without telling you.

These past two months, Jared has been sneaking off and doing who knows what with someone that wasn’t you. Sometimes in the middle of cuddling on the couch or in the middle of dinner, he’d stand up to take an “important” phone call. You’d never admit it out loud but all of that was making you slightly suspicious and jealous. Was there someone else now? Were you not good enough for him anymore? Was he finally coming to his senses and seeing how pitiful you actually were? Was he going to end up leaving you soon? These questions constantly plagued your mind each night as you tried to drift off to sleep.

Seeing his truck sitting there had your mind running a million times a minute. Why was he here? And that’s when you saw him, Jared was inside of the jewelry store, smiling as a girl next to him pointed to something in one of the cases. You watched as the clerk behind the desk looked to Jared for confirmation and Jared nodded just before the clerk brought out whatever it was that the girl was pointing at. The clerk handed it to Jared and the smile on his face was enough to make tears spring to your eyes.

“Y/N? Sweetie?” The voice of your friend brought you out of your trance like state, “Why are you crying?”

Looking towards her, all you did was point towards the jewelry store and then you saw the realization hit her face. A different realization but you didn’t know that.

“Take me home.”

“W-what? No sweetie, it’s-”

A sob was threatening to escape as your hand went to wipe your face, “Take. Me home.”

Nodding her head, she looped her arm through yours as the two of you went to her car. It only took around 15 minutes to get back to the house, the whole car ride completely silent except for your small sniffles here and there. Your friend asked if you wanted her to come inside with you and all you did was shake your head, thank her for the shopping trip and shut her car door.

Walking up to the front door, your shoulders felt heavy and you just wanted to get in your bed, curl up in a ball and never get out. What went wrong? Who was he with and why were they in that jewelry store together? You just couldn’t figure out a solution to any of the questions that were littering your mind, all you knew was that it was probably all your fault.

Not even five minutes after you had curled up into the bed, you heard the front door slam shut and then you heard your name. Jared must have known you were home by the shopping bags that were scattered across the floor. What followed next really pissed you off. You heard the voice of another woman talk after you faintly heard him apologize for you being home.

Storming out of the bed, you got to the top of the stairs and saw him standing there hugging the same woman you saw in the jewelry store.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki. How fucking dare you!”

His head snapped up in your direction and immediately noticed how infuriated you looked.

“Y/N, baby, this is most definitely not what it looks like.”

You held your hand up as he went to speak again. You got down the stairs and crossed your arms, standing right in front of the two of them, “Shut the fuck up. I cannot believe that you bring this whore here into our home! How many times has she already been here? Is she the reason you’ve been so sneaky lately?!”

“Excuse me….”

“No, you don’t get to talk to me.” You pointed at her as she went to talk, her expression slightly offended.

Jared held his hands up in defense when he spoke, “Okay Y/N, yes, Stephanie and I have been talking for the past two months but not talking in the way you’re thinking.”

Hearing him say her name made something in you completely snap. Before any of you knew it, your fist had collided with her cheek and she was on the ground covering it with her hand.

“Whoa whoa! Y/N! Stop!” Jared stepped in front of your path to Stephanie.

You pushed at his chest as tears filled your eyes, “No Jared! You stop! Why was I not enough for you, huh?! What did I do to make you go off with someone else!?” You voice went incredibly small as you looked towards the ground, “Why were you two in the jewelry store?”

Jared tilted his head to the side and then he sighed, “You saw that…”

Nodding your head, you wiped some of the tears off your cheeks.

“Go upstairs Y/N. I’m going to take Stephanie out to her car and then I will be upstairs to explain everything.”

Again you nodded and slowly went back upstairs, the throbbing in your knuckles now evident as you curled up in a ball in the bed. It dipping down moments later indicated that Jared was now back. His heavy hand landing on your back and rubbing it softly.

“This is not how I saw any of this going.”

You scoffed, “Didn’t think you’d get caught did you?”

“God Y/N, shut up and let me explain. You’re jumping to conclusions that aren’t even real.”

Tears ran silently down your face, “Then explain.”

“That lady downstairs was a party planner. She was helping me plan a surprise party for your birthday next week but I guess it’s not so much of a surprise anymore.”

Immediately you sat up in the bed to look at him. He looked like a kicked puppy now that his surprise was ruined. You cupped his cheek and started crying even more, “Oh my gosh, Jared, I am so sorry, I just ruined everything didn’t I?”

He shrugged, “I mean, no one else knows that you know so I guess we can still have it unless you really don’t want it. I know how you are with your birthday but I just wanted this one to be super special and memorable.” He gave a tight smile and you knew how bad you screwed up. You felt like the worst girlfriend in the world.

“No no, I do still want it. I’ll just act surprised for everyone else.” You cupped his other cheek and kissed him softly, “What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing guy? I am the luckiest girl in the world and I love you so much, Thank you for everything that you do for me, I don’t do hardly enough for you.”

Now it was his turn to press his lips to yours, “Stop it Y/N , you do enough for me by just being yourself. I love you with every fibre and bone in my body. More than you will ever understand. That’s-that’s actually why I was in the jewelry store with her today.” Jared reached into his pocket and then pulled out a black velvet little box. “I was planning on doing this after you blew out your candles on your birthday cake but this needs to be done now. “

Jared got up off the bed and bent down on one knee as your hands covered your mouth in surprise, “Y/N Y/L/N, I love you more than words can ever describe. I knew you were it for me the moment I saw you standing in front of me with ice cream all over your nose. You’re the other half that completes me and I wish for no one else to have lots of little babies with and to grow old with. Will you do me the honor of becoming my forever? Will you marry me?”

All you could do was nod your head ecstatically, the tears choking you up. Bringing your lips to his in a searing kiss, Jared pulling away to place the ring on your finger. You couldn’t stop staring at it. This was actually happening and to think, minutes ago you were thinking he was getting ready to leave you for someone else. You were enough for him and he was enough for you.

“You were right Jared.”

He held you tight as he tried to figure out what you were meaning, “What?”

“This birthday is going to be the best one yet.”

Let me know what you think!! :D

Jared Padalecki Whores (if you are crossed out Tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you or it’s probably because this is such an old tag list most of you aren’t on here anymore. If the URL has changed, let me know!): @padackles2010, @mysteriouslyme81, @skathan-omaha, @kittenofdoomage, @atc74, @xtina2191, @fandom-whore2point0, @oriona75, @holdyourselfinmyhands, @latinenglishfandomblog, @winchesterenthusiast, @writingbeautifulmen, @smoothdogsgirl, @too-much-winchester, @blacktithe7, @moose-lyfe, @thing-you-do-with-that-thing , @freakintasticfan, @waiting4thedoctor, @jpadjackles, @impalaimagining, @frickfracklesackles, @sandlee44, @balthazars-muse, @deanwinchesterisamazing, @wrong-universe, @dancingalone21, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @faith-in-dean, @elliewinchesterr, @supernatural-jackles, @katymacsupernatural, @sortaathief , @winchestrs-cas, @tricialaike, @gecko9596, @ambocalypse, @tardistrash, @sherrilynn67, @jensen-gal, @capsofwinchesters, @demonic-meatball, @nothin-after-79, @maui137, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @arryn-nyx, @love-kittykat21, @spn-fandomunicorn, @iamnotsaneatall, @jayankles, @devilgirlsarah, @poukothenerd, @pebblesz892 , @moonstar86, @allieyolo123, @delessapeace-blog, @missdestiel67, @fangirlingfanatic2442, @bemyqueenofdarkness, @petrovadixon, @tas898, @hexparker, @missdestiel67, @malecsunshines, @faegal04, @kittycat-cas , @piketori1432, @charliebradbury1104, @mogaruke, @evyione, @winchester-lover95, @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish, @lizmalfoywayland, @therecklessbecky, @impala-dreamer, @dreamingdean, @jerkbitchidjitassbutt, @mamapeterson, @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan

#Jared Padalecki #Jared Padalecki x Reader #Jared x Reader #Jared Padalecki oneshot #Jared Padalecki fanfic #Jared Padalecki flangst #Jared Padalecki imagine #Supernatural #Supernatural oneshot #Supernatural fanfic #Supernatural flangst #Supernatural imagine #SPN #SPN oneshot #SPN fanfic #SPN flangst #SPN imagine #Masterlist #Winchester-Writes

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quantumrpg · 6 years

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NAME: Jake Ryleigh AGE: 33 SPECIES: Werewolf OCCUPATION: Tattoo Artist YEAR OF DEPARTURE: late 2011 RESIDENT FOR… six years FACECLAIM: Bob Morley

t i m e i s a n i l l u s i o n, b u t n o t o u r s t o r i e s…

TW: Drug Abuse, Alcoholism, Death, Domestic Abuse, Assault, Racism

When people hear Ely, Minnesota not much comes to mind. Born and raised in small town, USA, population less than 4,000, Jake grew up surrounded by what he fondly refers to as the lower working class. For every family resting comfortably in the working class, there were those that barely managed to scrape by. Small towns aren’t exactly booming with opportunity. Especially, for two high school graduates.

Jake was born to two teenage parents. His mother belonged to a religious, white, middle class family. His father was an immigrant working alongside his brother for a contractor in town with nothing to his name save for work ethic. Needless to say, his grandparents were not pleased with the elopement so Jake has few memories of them from before the age of seven. They were there for no birthdays and holidays; they weren’t even at the hospital when his little sister was born. It wasn’t until his father passed away, victim of a heart attack caused by an undiagnosed health condition, that they surfaced. Jake was seven at the time and from there things quickly swan dived.

His mother struggled to find work without job experience and the small family drowned under the funeral expenses. Although she had to bite her pride, Jake’s mother agreed to live with his grandparents. This arrangement was supposed to last until she got the family on their feet, but his mother took the first out she could find. It came in the form of a toxic relationship, which scars went beyond her to Jake. His sister was too young to remember everything, and that was the only good part of that time period.

By the time Jake was nine years old, his mother managed to get enough footing that they moved into a modest neighborhood. He wound up making his first real friend after the move with a boy that lived close by. His name was Lee Randazzo and the two became an inseparable pair. So much so that they decided to start a band at the age of fourteen. Things were fine enough. He was no stranger to childhood bullying. Kids didn’t understand why his clothes didn’t fit right and why he never had much until they were older, but by then it hadn’t mattered because his mother remarried. Two incomes instead of one made things easier, and Jake already learned that the best way to get by was to laugh first. Even if it was at himself, and having Lee around made it better.

At the age of fourteen, Lee and Jake decided to start a band on a whim. Lee, as discovered by their choir teacher, could actually sing. Jake liked the bass that Lee’s dad kept in the basement. They met Ken, their first drummer, after school. He was a jazz band kid, but he wanted more, and they needed a drummer. Keith came a few months later; then, Jeremy a year later. Lee found them and that was how they built the band. Over the next three years, each of them got a little better at being a band. They started playing locally after school despite their parent’s complaints, and they practiced in Lee’s basement whenever they had the time.

By the time senior year rolled around, Lee, Jake, Jeremy, and Keith were ready to commit to the band 100 percent. Ken was not. Ken wanted college, so he left, and they came to a fork in a road. Luckily for them, Aaron found them and unlike Ken he wanted the band just as much as they did. With Aaron on board, they were able to find the right and venues and Oliver Fink, agent for Hollywood Records, found them.

At nineteen, Jake and the rest of the band moved from Detroit to sunny LA. They all fit it with ease. They were on top of the world, and it stayed that way for five years. Five years and four records was a lot. If they weren’t in the studio they were on stage. Jake loved it. He loved traveling and meeting new people, one of his first serious relationships happened during this time with a girl named Kat. He was living a life he never expected, chasing after a dream and living comfortably alongside his friends.

Lee started to crumble and his drinking and self medicating hit its peak during their second tour. Jake and Aaron begged for Lee to go to rehab. They insisted that putting the band on hold would be worth it if he could get clean. The band wouldn’t keep afloat if they kept cancelling shows and missing rehearsals. Lee insisted he was fine, and for a few months thing seemed that way.

In 2009, their fourth album was in production when Lee went out for the night. Jake planned on going with him to a mutual friends house, but when he got stuck in traffic Lee told him to meet him there. He was only a hour and a half late when he got to their friends house and saw the ambulances surrounding it. Dead on scene, is what the paramedics said. Accidental overdose was the official report on the autopsy. According to their friend, Lee was already at their house when Jake called. There was nothing he could have done, but Jake wasn’t so sure.

In the months after Lee’s death, Jake and the rest of the band tried to get back on their feet. They looked for a new main vocalist, but nothing ever worked. By the time their fourth album released, they knew it would be the last. The band went their separate ways within a month of the album’s release, and Jake? Jake was beginning to crumble under the same demons that took his best friend, and he could see the dead end from a mile away. He made the decision to move from LA to New York on a whim. It was a last ditch attempt to save himself before he was completely lost.

Within his first few months of living in New York, Jake ran into Kat again and the two started dating after a few months of hooking up. Things were going well. As someone that was always more artistically inclined and a fan of tattoos, Jake decided to leave the music scene in lieu of becoming a tattoo artist. His first year as an apprentice was a challenge, but rewarding. He and Kat were supportive of one another’s goals and happy, but things started to go south during the fall of 2011. They started to fight more, and Jake struggled to find the reason why. It wasn’t until he came home one night and saw Kat using in their bathroom that he put two and two together.

If things were different, if there was no Lee, and if Jake hadn’t found himself in a similar place, he would have stayed in the apartment that night and talked things out. Unfortunately, things weren’t like that for Jake and he walked out. He intended to to go to his best friend’s house and return in the morning. Jake was halfway to Silas’s house when his friend convinced him to turn around and go home. Jake made a call to Kat that night to apologize and to say he was coming home. That never happened, though. Instead, he slipped into the liminal space.

What he found was another family in his apartment and no sign of anyone he knew. He had nothing except for what was on his person. While he could look at his friends and family online, it was a one way mirror and no one could see or hear him. Jake began to crumble on his own. This time, there was nowhere and no one to run to in order to save himself. He quickly crumbled to his demons and was fully prepared to let them eat away what was left of himself.

Despite his best intentions, Jake wound up meeting people during his first year in the liminal space. One of them was a girl named Ophelia. Ophelia was fun at first. A nice distraction from the loneliness and anger he felt at not being able to return home. Ophelia was not content with being nothing more than a fling, and she disliked watching Jake spiral so she took matters into her own hands. She bit him. She gave him no choice but to live.

Alone and afraid, Jake spent the first few weeks after being bitten avoiding her at every corner. He met a dormant werewolf and her boyfriend during this time and the two managed to keep him together long enough for the first full moon after Ophelia’s attack. It wasn’t until days before the first shift that Jake realized that he didn’t have much of a choice: he was going to have to live a sober life. It was either that or waste all of his money trying to fight against a body that needed more of everything to feel high.

It’s been six years since he slipped and at times Jake feels the same as he did during the first week. He feels alone and aimless in a place that is real, but not by the standards he used to understand. On other days, he feels almost human. He has a job, and a place to sleep. He’s more in control of himself and his werewolfism with every year, and he has even found himself coping with music and work. There a few people he would consider friends, too. It’s not the same, but it’s fine. Yet, that’s the problem. It’s fine. Every now and then, he revisits his friends and family online. It’s a bittersweet comfort to see that they have moved on, and on some days he’s better at moving on, too.

t e l l m e, a r e w e a p r o d u c t o f w h o w e u s e d t o b e?

Jake’s a complicated mishmash of a person. On one hand he appears to be a very laidback person in the sense that people can rarely make him mad. Annoyed? Sure. But Jake’s the type to be annoying right back and he does it with the biggest grin. Most people find this infuriating. Jake doesn’t really care. He’s the type of person that goes over like a fart in church for some people. He’s too loud, too talkative, and for some people, too unfocused, for them to take seriously. Despite this being a core of Jake’s personality, it has always functioned as a barrier of sorts. As a kid, it was all armor against anyone trying to pick on him. As an adult, it’s a ruse that makes people feel close to him without actually being close to him. It’s hard to notice that a person is actually distant when they always seem at ease and happy with company. Underneath the ruse, Jake swirls with turbulent emotions and regrets. He’s been hollowed out with loneliness and self hatred. He has always put blame on himself for the things that have happened in his life, and slipping into the liminal space was no different. In order to keep himself afloat underneath the weight of his self loathing he tends to run away. Whether it be by changing his own setting or through humor, Jake’s usual response to his own negative emotions is to distance himself. He’ll go from being lighthearted to numb and blank when he’s alone in his room if he’s reminded of the past. In spite of this, Jake is stubborn and intensely loyal when it comes to other people. It is both a blessing and a curse as he tends to make lasting friends with those he becomes close to, but fails to let go easily, even if it is at his own expense.

#bob morley #werewolf #taken #jake ryleigh

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

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Survey #110

“there ain’t nothing in my hourglass, just sand from a dead sea, and i made it my weapon.”

How would you spend a day at the beach? In the water, or taking pictures if I see a good reason to. I don't like most beach pictures with people everywhere. For you, what is the hardest thing about writing? Not using the same word fifty times. My vocabulary is smaller than it once was tbh. If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? There's no such thing as entertaining yourself in the hospital. Unless you wanna watch TV, you sleep. At least in the ER, I don't think I was ever allowed to have even a book. Maybe different in a non-ER setting, idk. What does it feel like to fall asleep in someone’s arms? Depends on if you're sitting up or lying down. Sitting up is just plain uncomfortable if you're trying to sleep. Lying down, it's comforting if it's not hot. How do you hold/position your pillow while you sleep? It sits up at a very slight angle. I'll hug like the corner sometimes. What is a common sleeping position for you? I essentially always sleep with my lower body almost on my stomach and my upper body mostly on its side. Where was the very first kiss you had with the last person you kissed? Never initiated a kiss with him nor did I kiss him back (my lips were pursed affff), but w/e. In my living room and it was fucking awkward. Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Pretty sure no. When is the next time you will kiss someone? Not at least until March, but I’m not kissing her unless she verbally says she’s fine with it. Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member? A family member? Definitely. Who would you say is your best friend at the moment? Sara. How long have you two been best friends? I've referred to her as a best friend since like... the middle of the year? Who are your eight closest friends? I don't have eight people I'd consider close friends. I have like four or five. Who is your best friend of the same sex? Sara. Your best friend of the opposite sex? Don. Who was your first best friend? Brianna. Is that person still your best friend? I haven't talked to her since middle school. Who was the last person you slow danced with at a school dance? We didn't slow dance because the music was fucking awful lmao. Have you ever been caught texting during class? I never texted during class. What is the first thing you do when you get on the computer? I check the RP site I’m the admin of the make sure it hasn’t burned to the ground. What do you mainly watch on YouTube? Markiplier, Good Mythical Morning, Game Grumps, 8-BitRyan, Timmy Timato (his DIYs are p cool, even for someone who doesn't cook), and while I haven't watched Pewds much lately, still consider myself a fan. Do you sing in the shower? No. McDonald’s, Burger King, In-n-Out? I hate Burger King and we don't have In-n-Out here, so McD's. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? I'm biased towards Olive Garden. Are you a jealous person? If I am extremely attached to someone, I can be, but I'm definitely not horrible. What’s your state’s weather usually like this time of year? Incredibly unpredictable. Music artists you listen to: Are they a little or a lot older than you? Usually, a lot. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Have you ever encountered a creepy neighbor? Oh my god, there was this REALLY creepy old man in my old, tiny neighborhood that legit made me so uncomfortable I wouldn't ride my bike past his house lol. Do you like the foam soap or the liquidy soap? Liquid. What day did/does your birthday fall on this year? It was a Sunday. Do you tend to lean towards bright colors or more subtle colors? Bright. Are you due for a haircut? No, I got a pretty drastic haircut not even a week ago. Do you know anyone who’s racist? Finally no longer associate myself with the biggest racist I've ever met. I know others, though. What about a homophobe? I know a lot, living where I do. What about a pedophile? I pray to God Himself I don't know a pedophile because I'd personally wring their neck if I found out. How long ago did you make your current screen name? WOW. It's been years. I'm going to estimate... 2008? What “older” bands do you listen to? A whoooole lot. Do you like older or newer music better? I'd say I lean more towards older. Definitely older bands. Have you ever done “naughty things” in a movie theater? No, I'm not paying for an expensive ticket to not watch the damn movie. Have you ever had pink eye? No. How many different bands/artists have you seen live? One. :< Have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now? Nose, cartilage, tragus, and anti-tragus. I want them all repierced. Do you have any twins/multiples in your family? Are they identical or fraternal? I feel like there's one... but idk. Who is the youngest person in your family that you know of? My one-year-old nephew. Is your mom a good mom? There is a 0% chance I'd still be alive it it wasn't for her. And I don't mean that as in the "no shit, she gave birth to me" way. How many houses have you lived in? Four. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? It was one of the many reasons, yes. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Not since I was young with my little sister. I never plan to as an adult, that'd just be claustrophobic and take longer. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex “fuck you”? I'm sure I did playfully to Jason at some point once we were at that point in our relationship where I could mean that in a non-serious way, and I've probably done the same to Sam, but otherwise I think I might've seriously to my dad after the divorce. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Always. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? Finally. Who was the last person you threw out of your life? My former best friend. I couldn't tolerate some of her ludicrous beliefs and rude behavior anymore. What kind of things do you post on Tumblr? My main blog is a Markiplier + R&L t r a s h c a n What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of? Game of Thrones. I watched like two episodes and noped out. How do you typically introduce yourself in online settings? Usually let the person know my name's Brittany but they can call me Ozz. Do you believe in the death penalty? In extreme cases, yes. Committing certain things, like rape and torture, remove the person's right to live imo. Would you ever get gauged ears? Omg no. Would look awful on me. Who was or will be the maid of honor/best man in your wedding? My mom. What dog breed is the cutest ever? Pugs, probably. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? No. Have you gained more than 5 lbs within the past year? No, I've actually lost an incredible amount of weight. Have you ever taken a train? Hopefully will in March. Does any accent annoy you? It's not annoying, but a very heavy southern accent is tough to understand. Do you have a favorite piece of jewelry? This meerkat necklace my sister got me that I forgot I had! Plan on wearing it daily now though.

#survey #quiz #questions

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mohrsvillerp · 5 years

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welcome marit !! you have been accepted for sunflowers still grow at night as blaine anderson. thank you so much for applying !! please send in your account within 24 hours. we can’t wait to get roleplaying with you.

who are you?

NAME/ALIAS. Marit PREFERRED PRONOUNS. she/her AGE. 22 TIMEZONE. GMT+1 TRIGGERS. removed ACTIVITY. I’m gonna say six-seven out of ten. I’m in college and fridays are usually family days, but I’m home a lot so I’ll be around as much as possible!

ANYTHING ELSE? My first and second choice subplots are basically both my first choice. I’m honestly in love with both of them, so if you feel like my second choice would fit Blaine’s bio/headcanons better I’d be more than fine with going for that one instead!

who are you applying for?

DESIRED CHARACTER. Blaine Devon Anderson DESIRED SUBPLOT. sunflowers still grow at night SECOND CHOICE. rich young and beautiful FACE CLAIM. Darren Criss GENDER AND PREFERRED PRONOUNS. Cismale, he/him ORIENTATION. Homosexual RELATION. Middle sibling (with Cooper being the oldest), solo BIRTHDAY. April 5 AGE AND GRADE. 17, Senior CLUBS AND SPORTS. Cheerleading (in case of first choice), Student Council, Gay-Straight Alliance, Show Choir. (I’d also like to add Drama Club for my second choice. I hope that’s not too much. We’ve seen similar combinations on the show but please feel free to let me know if you think it’s too much!)

who are they?

w: homophobia, tw: violence

Several weeks of recovery, both in the hospital as well as at home, had been the result of Blaine and his friend getting beaten up when they attended a Sadie Hawkins dance together. His peers had turned their back at him ever since he’d come out in his Freshman year, and after months of getting bullied every single day and teachers not doing anything to stop it, this was the final straw. Blaine transferred to Blue Ridge High at the start of his Sophomore year, and although he sometimes still regrets the fact that he didn’t stand up for himself more, Blue Ridge High feels more like home than his previous school ever did.

Blaine has always loved performing; he started singing and dancing as soon as he learned how to walk and talk and was enrolled in piano lessons at the age of five. Being on Broadway is what he dreams of and he wants nothing more than to move to New York after graduation and get into the best Musical Theatre program there is. His father isn’t so fond of that idea, though, and is trying to convince his son to follow in his footsteps and study medicine, instead of wasting money on art school. The fact that he’s such a natural at performing is one of the main reasons for Blaine landing a spot on the squad, though.

The Andersons are a rich family that have built a name for themselves around town, and Blaine’s parents often drag him along to Mohrsville’s fanciest parties at the local country club. Although Blaine’s great at pretending to be the perfect, charming son in front of his dad’s friends and colleagues (as the Andersons expect nothing but perfection from their children), he actually doesn’t get along well with his father at all. It’s not like they hate each other – they just don’t seem to get each other. Ever since Blaine came out, the two have gotten more and more distant, and the fact that Blaine joined the cheerleading squad instead of the football team didn’t exactly help either. Blaine’s father introduces him to his colleague’s daughters every chance that he gets, and made Blaine help him fix up a car, hoping his son is just ‘going through a phase’ and that he’ll somehow turn out to be straight after all. Blaine tries his best not to let it get to him, but his father’s mild disapproval of who he is, and the lack of full support because of that, have a bigger impact on him than he cares to admit.

Blaine is a real gentleman and always makes sure to be kind and polite to everyone, no matter what their social status is. He might not be at the bottom of the food chain anymore, but he very well remembers what it’s like. However, he’s not afraid to throw his perfect manners out the window for a second if necessary, and he will not let anyone hurt his friends. Overall, though, he’s a ray of sunshine, and you’ll rarely see him without a smile on his face.

#accepted #anderson

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portfolionicolio · 7 years

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Mother!

On Friday, I turn twenty-three years old.

My mother, grandmother, and sister came to my house today. My sister and I had plans to go out to dinner. Her birthday is a day before mine - she is five years and three hundred and sixty four days younger than me, so we planned to celebrate together. My mother and grandmother came to drop her off at my house beforehand.

“Happy Birthday,” my Grandmother hands me a card and kisses my cheek.

My mother and I don’t make eye contact. I can’t remember the last time we did.

I give my sister her birthday card.

My mom starts: “So for your birthday this year. . .”

A few years ago, when I was still under my mother’s policy, a birthday meant a free month of car insurance.

“I am going to drop you off the phone plan this month,” she continues.

A year ago, she’d gotten in the habit of trying to guilt me about the fact that I’m still on her phone plan, and that she foots the bill. I immediately told her to take me off of the plan. She then told me it was actually saving her money to have me on it.

I remind her of this, but I’d had enough.

“Just take me off.”

At our birthday dinner, my sister and I talk about our family. We admit we sometimes cry because our grandmother is too cute for words. We also admit we cry about our father often. It’s difficult to explain why.

My sister is my absolute best friend. She is deeply intelligent. She screeches when she notices something funny. She is resilient and hopeful. She sees things for how they are.

My mother, she says, has stopped buying groceries. They eat out most nights, or subsist on snacks. They almost never eat a meal at the table in our dining room.

When I still lived at home, we ate dinner at the table every night.

My mother, she says, has been taking the entirety of my sister’s paycheck every month. My parents put out money for my sister’s first car, and my mother has been forcing her to make 500 dollar installments for every paycheck she earns until its payed back. My sister used to buy groceries for herself, chicken breasts that she’d cook and eat alone, but now she doesn’t have the money for it.

It is difficult to describe our situation to people who aren’t us. We have seen the secret few are privy to, and even fewer will reveal. Our mother is somehow very threatening, although she’s barely over five feet tall.

To others, she is considerate, friendly, outgoing, caring; a genuine, good person. She is well liked. But this has never been the mother we’ve known.

We had a mother and a father. We lived in a house. We weren’t hungry, or cold. We spent most of our time with our mother, while our father worked. By more than a few standards, we were alike many of the other families in our town.

But I always felt somehow separate from most of the other people I knew. I was extremely prone to sadness as a child. I was painstakingly self-conscious. In elementary school, I had to keep myself from crying during the pledge of allegiance every morning. I didn’t understand why it happened, because, being so young, I didn’t think I was sad about anything.

I actually cried every morning before school. Daily, while getting me ready, my Mom pulled my hair into the tightest half-up ponytail she could. She ripped through my knots with the brush. She didn’t hold the roots of my hair like my father did when he brushed it. She tied the hairband so tight that my scalp felt icy under it. I told her it hurt, but every morning she pulled it up into the same high half-pony, and every morning I cried, hoping no one would notice when I got on the bus.

In middle school, I developed a sweating problem. My feet would sweat terribly, and my armpits were damp no matter how much deodorant I used. It wasn’t on hot days. It was in the breezy fall, the dead of winter, early spring. It was every day at school.

But I did well in school. I excelled in sports and I was a high honor roll student, so no one noticed anything was wrong.

I started watching my little sister while my parents were out when she was three. I was nine. She challenged me. She was wild, and wanted my attention. She wanted any attention.

She was innately different than I’d been as a baby. A few weeks after I was born, my mom took me to the doctor because I never cried. But my sister came out of the womb screaming, and didn’t stop. She had a vivaciousness that I was born without. I had a natural easy-going-ness that was opportune for my mother to control. I strove to be perfect for her. I changed myself in exactitude to what she wanted me to be. But Andreanna’s nature could not be so easily molded. She was stubborn and outspoken and alive.

While my parents were at work, I watched her for summers at a time, asking her questions, reading to her, trying my best (in a way that was almost unnatural for someone my age) to raise her to be the best person she could be.

When my sister was in middle school, she posted a story on her newly created Facebook. It was very well-written for a twelve year old. It was about a young girl’s inner thoughts as she contemplated killing herself.

My Aunt, also on Facebook at the time, and concerned about what she saw, called my sister’s guidance counselor.

“Please don’t tell my Mom,” my sister pleaded with the counselor.

But they did.

When my sister got off the bus that afternoon, my mother was waiting for her at the end of the driveway.

“I don’t need the school calling me telling me that my daughter wants to commit suicide,” she said, “You don’t have anything to be sad about.”

And that was the end of the discussion.

“Yeah, Poppy just died, and my sister was gone, but no, I didn’t have anything to be sad about,” my sister says at our birthday dinner.

That was the year that our great-grandfather passed away, and the year I moved out after high school. Leaving her alone in that house is something I still feel guilty about.

That was a few years after my Mom started calling my sister fat. She was not even slightly overweight. She had a different build than my mother and I, she took after my father’s more athletic, built side of the family.

One of the most heartbreaking conversations I’ve had with my mother was when I pulled her aside at my grandmother’s house after she’d called my sister fat, sending my sister into a violent fit of tears. I desperately tried to explain to her that she was at the age when girls are most sensitive about their bodies, when they are most susceptible to criticism, when they are most likely to develop eating disorders. I begged her to stop commenting on my sister’s body. I was terrified for my sister’s health, for her safety, for her mental health. If you love her, you won’t say that stuff anymore.

A few hours later, she made a comment about my sister’s backside being way too big.

My mother criticized both my sister and I. To both of us, she was cold and callous, and often cruel, but also sometimes silly, affectionate, docile. She swung between anger and contentment wildly; we never knew which to expect from her.

Within that nature, she treated us in bizarrely different ways. She had to control every aspect of my life, but she didn’t seem to care about the details of my sister’s. I, the putty of a child she’d been able to manipulate since birth, was manicured and obsessed over. My sister, at the expense of feeling cared about, was allowed to grow up more uninhibited.

She’d beat me (not an exaggeration) if I didn’t go on shopping trips with her; she didn’t think twice about leaving my sister at home.

It was an absolute sin if we didn’t all eat at the dinner table when I lived there, but now that I’m gone, the table is bare and the fridge is nearly empty.

My Mother’s father never told her that he loved her. Never said it once. He said he just couldn’t do it. He was an abusive alcoholic who mellowed with age, and sobered after being diagnosed with diabetes.

The grandfather that I knew was much different than the father she had. He was grumpy, but he always liked me. He took me places, bought me presents from yard sales. He got me vanilla wafers from the country store. I liked history, and playing in the woods, and Native Americans and WWII and all the things that he had a library full of books about. We were both fairly reserved. We both liked reading. He was apparently drunk for the first few years of my life, but I don’t remember them.

I think I am the person who saw the most kindness from him. It never struck me that this might feel unfair to my Mom. He passed away a few months ago, and my mother wrote a poem for him. The first few lines mentioned the fact that he’d never said I Love You.

One day, while I was still in high school and living at home, my Dad, my Mom and I were playing tennis on the high school courts.

I wasn’t very good, but it was fun. It was my Dad on one side of the net, and my Mom and I on the other. He’d bat them at her and she’d hit almost all of them. She was very good. On the ones she’d miss, he’d bemoan her.

“C’mon!”

I, on the other hand, missed most of his passes. On the ones that I’d actually hit, my Dad would cheer and encourage me.

“Nice one!”

He meant no harm; this is the nature of playing with two people with different skill levels. Expect more from the pro, encourage the novice.

After a few too many misses, however, my Mother was getting flustered.

I hit a decent one, and he once again congratulated me.

“Good job!”

“WHAT?!” my mother exclaimed. I jumped. I hadn’t noticed her getting mad.

“You would never say that to me if I hit that one like that!” she was almost in tears.

My stomach turned. Was my mother jealous of me? Jealous of my relationship with my Dad? I felt disgusted. I dropped my racket and ran from the court. I started towards home. The high school was only a few miles from my house.

We never spoke about it again.

I didn’t realize that there was something really wrong with me until I moved out of the house. I had no one telling me who to be anymore, and that made me realize that I wasn’t anyone. I felt unreal, I was severely depressed. I didn’t believe that anyone should love me, or even interact with me. These feelings existed for me before, but now they washed over me like a monsoon. I was not worthy of the friends that I’d already made, and I didn’t see how or why I could make any more. Everyone told me I was great, but it went right past me. I was not a person. Everything that people thought was good about me was a lie, something I’d fabricated to fool people into liking me. Nothing was real.

I eventually called the suicide hotline. I wasn’t planning my suicide, but I didn’t know who else to call. I needed help and I hoped they could point me in some sort of direction. The woman who answered was a mother, she said.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded.

I explained, or tried to. I didn’t know how to say it all. I didn’t know if I really had a reason.

“Have you planned how to kill yourself?”

“No.”

“Do you feel like you’re going to kill yourself if an ambulance isn’t called immediately?”

“No.”

“So you’re telling me nothing’s wrong? You don’t have any reason to be calling this number,” she told me. “You don’t have any reason to be sad.”

A mother, she said. I apologized through my tears and said goodbye, and wondered if she began working at the hotline because of her child’s suicide.

I have only my friends and my sister to thank for making it through that year. My friends kept me company, and my sister gave me a reason to stay alive.

My second year of college, I moved off campus. My first year, my Mom told me her and my Dad would match half of whatever I earned during the year, to help me pay for living expenses and food. That never happened, and it was never addressed. With no financial safety net, and the stress of school full time, I ended up in the hospital after a severe anxiety attack. My heart had been beating out of my chest for a month. It was actually sore. I lost fifteen pounds because I had no appetite. I’d gone to the doctor thinking I was developing asthma. It ended up just being another physical symptom of the anxiety. One day, I felt like my heart was going to explode with terror.

My friends took me to the hospital, my girlfriend at the time sat with me for thirteen hours in the psych ward until I could see the psychologist. I didn’t tell my parents I was there because they certainly wouldn’t be of any help or comfort to me.

That was three years ago, the day after Halloween.

Since then I’ve been to three different therapists, taken Lexapro for a few months, dropped out of school, gone through intense periods of depression. I’ve discovered a name for what my mother is: a Narcissist. I’ve read articles about daughters of narcissists that could have been written by me.

“Narcissistic mothers cannot love their children. Did they ask to become narcissists? No. Do they cause psychological harm to their children? Yes. The psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child are very complex but clear. When we have a mother who is emotionally and psychologically unavailable, who blames us for everything we do or don’t do and who is constantly projecting her venom on to us, there is no way to be our real selves. The extreme fear and anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and rootlessness that these mothers cause to their children is monumental. These children never have had a true home where they could find solace, respite, acceptance, affection, freedom and psychological and emotional safety.

Home is a war zone–both hot and cold wars rage behind closed doors. Narcissistic mothers are highly secretive and make sure that in the outer world their beautifully constructed image is perfect. They purposely build relationships with friends and acquaintances and other family members designed to always see them in the best light–as good, kind, considerate individuals. Only a few in a family or social group are not fooled by them. Often these individuals keep quiet and don’t reveal the truth because they are very intimidated by the forcefulness of the narcissistic personality. They decide not to make waves or speak out.”

- Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

When I send my sister a link about being a daughter of a narcissist, she replies that she doesn’t exactly feel what the article is describing.

In her statement there is a victory. I would not wish these feelings on anyone, especially not my sister, the one I love most. I can comfort myself in thinking: maybe I shielded her from it. But what is closer to the truth is simply that while my mother obsessed over me, she let Andreanna alone.

But she has her own issues.. The sadness that appeared in her middle school Facebook post has not wavered. She is bubbly and alive, but within her runs a dark, secret river of feeling un-cared-for. She is drawn into relationships that control her, because she was denied this type of love that she saw showered upon me. She has trouble articulating deep emotions, and is prone to angry or emotional outbursts.

Having a narcissistic mother is knowing your creator, and your disease.

I have been surviving. I have relied heavily on my best friends, my chosen family, my first real supportive one, to get me through it.

On Friday, I will turn twenty three years old. I feel stable. I live with a person I love and his father, and our dog, and I have two steady jobs.

But it still overwhelms me sometimes, more than sometimes. It overwhelmed me after hearing my sister at dinner tonight, reminding me that our mother is somehow getting worse. She’s barely coherent, she’s more childish and moody, she isn’t buying enough food.

“She’s just decided that she’s done being a mom,” my sister said.

My mother and I barely have a relationship, except when she talks to me about money--what I owe her, how she can get out of my student loans she never wanted to take as quickly as she can. She has disrespected me, she has embarrassed me, she has hurt me. She has done all this to my sister too. And to my father, though he’ll probably not admit it.

But as I sit here writing this, I’m no longer angry. Well, okay, I’m still a little angry. But mostly I wish I could heal this woman who is obviously in such deeply rooted pain, so deep that even she can’t see it. She’s denied to herself and everyone else that it’s there. The way she treats us is just a way to deal with herself.

She’s a narcissist, something that many people claim cannot be treated. I don’t want to see her get worse, and I don’t know how to help her. And we, her daughters, have to heal ourselves, too.

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hoursandwitheringflowersinspo · 7 years

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APPLICATION FOR: LILY EVANS, 6TH YEAR GRYFFINDOR

full name: Lily Marie Evans, although her mother was incredibly keen on naming her Lily Kathleen, which her father wasn’t particularly happy about (as he’d had a neighbour called Kathleen growing up, who wasn’t a very nice woman). After a lot of arguing, they settled on Marie, as it was sweet and simple like their oldest daughter’s name: Petunia Jane.

nationality: British.

birthplace: Lily was born in St. Mary’s Hospital, in Manchester, after a 13 hour labor. Unlike most children, who are born before they reach full-term, Lily was born two weeks after her mother’s due date and was actually supposed to have been delivered at home, like her sister had been. Unfortunately, Violet Evans’ midwife was away when the woman went into labor and the safest alternative was to go to the hospital.

resides: Currently, the Evans family lives in Cokeworth, something that Lily absolutely despises because of what happened last year. Knowing that Severus is within walking distance of her is something that makes the ginger uncomfortable, mostly because she can’t bring herself to speak to him anymore, even if she misses the Slytherin more than she’ll ever admit. They resided in Manchester until Lily turned five, after which they moved because of Violet’s job as a primary school teacher.

wand: 10¼” Willow, Phoenix Tail Feather, Swishy, Good for Charms.

“Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn”.

That, to me makes complete sense and I love that Lily’s canon wand wood fits with some of the headcanons I have for her. I absolutely adore the idea that she was this hurricane of a girl but, deep down, it would be illogical to assume that she has no insecurities because here she is, a teenager who has worked her butt off so she could be the best witch she could be, and people around her judge her abilities because of who her parents are. The boy who was supposed to be her best friend insulted her in the worst way possible. So, of course, Lily will have insecurities, and major ones at that, but heaven forbid she voices her concerns — in her mind, Lily needs to set the example and show everyone that she has earned her place in the Wizarding World.

"This is the rarest core type. Phoenix feathers are capable of the greatest range of magic, though they may take longer than either unicorn or dragon cores to reveal this. They show the most initiative, sometimes acting of their own accord, a quality that many witches and wizards dislike."

I hope my choice for core doesn’t sound a bit cliché but, again, it fits what I believe to be my Lily beautifully. A girl with a strong personality, the ginger has a tendency to do whatever she very well pleases and generally dislikes it when people don’t do what she expects them to, so how ironic would it be that her wand was just like her? This wasn’t what I’d first envisioned for Lily’s wand core but now I can’t shake off the image of this little ginger trying to transfigure a goblet and her wand not quite seeing eye-to-eye with her, marking the beginning of a very amusing love/hate relationship between miss Evans and her wand.

socioeconomic status: Middle-Class. There were times, however, when life wasn’t all that easy for the Evans’ and that has greatly affected Lily’s views on money and how to properly spend it — Violet worked as a teacher, Harry as a struggling writer and when you have two little girls to feed, money was tight. Having witnessed her parents’ worries, Lily now believes that only the essential should be bought and while she does allow herself to go a little crazy on occasion (birthdays, both hers and her friends’ and Christmas), she most definitely is the type of girl to count her knuts.

H O G W A R T S

owl results: Charms: O Defence Against the Dark Arts: O Herbology: E Potions: O Transfiguration: E Muggle Studies: O Care of Magical Creatures: E current classes: Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Transfiguration.

student functions: Charms Club, Prefect, Slug Club.

familiars: When she first visited Diagon Alley, Lily fell in love with an ugly little toad that she very loudly exclaimed was adorable; a frail, ill-looking being, but one she adored regardless. For weeks, the ginger carried the toad, named Rosie, everywhere but a few days before boarding the Hogwarts Express for the first time, Lily got into an argument with Petunia and the poor pet jumped out of the second-floor window (where the bedrooms were located) out of fear of the loud childish squeals on the Evans girls.

Needless to say, it didn’t survive its improvised trip and Lily was absolutely devastated. Seeing their little girl so sad, Harry and Violet offered to buy her something else come next school year. And that’s the story of how Lily Evans owns a moody cat named Lovely, a mix between a Ragdoll and a Somali, whose fur is a strange shade (that some could compare to vomit), eyes are an adorable blue, and who has a terrible tendency to bite anyone whose hair isn’t ginger. Since the animal is half-blind and can’t smell properly, Lily’s bright red hair is the only thing it uses to tell its owner apart.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

patronus:

Footsteps echoed on the stone floor as she paced back and forth, the silence of the bathroom disturbed only by her movements and her occasional huffs; green eyes glaring at the Willow wand in her hand as if it were an enemy rather than a mere piece of wood. It was the end of her fifth year and Lily Evans had yet to produce a corporeal Patronus. To most, that would have been perfectly fine; they’d get it eventually and, ultimately, there was no point in rushing to master what many deemed a complex charm — in time, they’d get there. To the Gryffindor prefect, however, failure wasn’t an option and she was going to do it. Tonight. There was no doubt about it, she wasn’t simply going to let herself be behind the other people in her year: she was a brilliant, talented witch and there was no reason for her to not be as successful as her classmates.

Of course, hiding out in the prefect bathroom after curfew wasn’t exactly the classiest of options, nor was it the one that made her more comfortable (what would people think if they saw her in the hallways after dark?), but she was desperate. Grumbling to herself, teeth grazing gently over her bottom lip, Lily took the deepest of breaths, so deep that she felt dizzy, and lifted her wand. The tricky bit, she pondered as she gathered the courage to go ahead and cast the charm, was finding a suitable memory.

Life was filled with meaningless seconds, little bits of time that meant nothing, and they often made one forget about the moments that truly counted, the ones that were blissfully perfect. And even though she knew (of thought she knew) herself, Lily had no idea when she’d been her happiest.

Then, thinking back on times before potions, owls and magic, it struck her like lightning; almost forcing the young woman to close her eyes and watch as a scene unravelled behind her eyelids, leaving a taste of sweetness on her tongue and a warmth she’d forgotten she enjoyed inside her chest. Petunia.

Little toddler legs wobbled as she climbed onto a taller bed, gripping bedsheets to pull herself up; red locks of long hair falling over her eyes. A giggle pushed past Lily’s lips while the ginger prepared herself, leaning in to grip her slumbering sister’s shoulders and, fully aware that the older girl wouldn’t be pleased, shake her awake. It was the first hours of morning of December 24th 1964 and, as always, that meant that the Evans girls had an adventure planned: finding the Christmas presents their parents usually wrapped the evening before. Three year old Lily, all chubby arms and gleeful smiles, jumped slowly on her sister’s bed; being pushed down by Petunia whom wanted nothing but a few more minutes of peace, skillfully pinning the electric girl down and pulling her closer to her, forcing the youngest girl to lie her head on the pillow.

Still giggling, Lily turned to bury her face on Petunia’s blonde curls; voice barely a whisper as tiny fingers poked her sister’s stomach, hoping that the tickles would allow her to squirm away and tiptoe her way downstairs. With a loud laugh, the blonde shifted, beginning to tickle Lily and before they knew it, both girls were laughing at the top of their lungs, ignoring the creaking door and the head of auburn hair that peaked in, Violet too grinning at her daughters.

The traditional adventure was forgotten, but it didn’t matter because sleep soon took over the small bedroom; moonlight shining in through the window and casting a silver glow over the pale faces of the two little flowers who slept soundly, curled up in each other’s arms.

"Expectro Patronum!" Her voice was firm, her hand didn’t shake; something inside the young witch was strong, stronger than before, it didn’t matter that the memory left a weight in her chest that she couldn’t ignore — it was what she needed to force the light from the tip of her wand, a doe forming amongst silver smoke, tall and proud. Who would have known that happiness, to Lily, was times she couldn’t get back and a sister that she would always love? But the philosophical discussion that she knew she’d have later, after she went back to her dormitory and everyone slept around her, was quickly cast aside.

The doe had stopped before her, looking at the witch as if she stared in a mirror; something in the silvery animal’s body urged Lily forward, hand stretched out so she could stroke what she had produced. Yet, as pale skin moved to touch what was nothing but light, the doe vanished, leaving nothing but a dark bathroom and an amazed girl who wasn’t sure what to think.

Does are animals of grace and innocence; sweet and poised with big brown eyes that make one wish to approach them and yet it takes time for such an animal to allow you to move towards them. Lily, while she has the heart of a lioness and the fierceness of a mother bear protecting its cubs, is someone whose Patronus would surely be a nearly perfect portrayal of the person holding the wand. With a vague distrust of most individuals — one that comes only from being hurt over and over again by those who she held closest - and a knack for finding herself superior to everyone else, even if subconsciously, the redhead is so much like the female deer that her steps often mimic that light gracefulness that only does possess.

boggart:

All she could do was mentally curse herself, hand wrapped tightly around her wand as she prepared herself for what was to come. Damn her need to be an example, her eagerness to learn, her desire to see new things first hand! Sure, it wasn’t a problem most of the time but here she stood, weak-kneed and trying not to shake, about to come face-to-face (could she even call it that?) with a bloody boggart, having volunteered to go first. Honestly, Lily wasn’t afraid of the shape it would take as she was sure it’d be a giant butterfly or crashing waves – she could deal with that – but what if it were something else? These things were magic and magic wasn’t always predictable; she didn’t know what the outcome would be, had no way of properly controlling it. That thought alone forced Lily to take a deep breath, lips grazing her bottom lip compulsively as her free hand moved up to brush an irritating lock of red hair away from her face. She had to be concentrated, had to be sure of herself. Lily Evans wasn’t about to just embarrass herself in front of her friends and classmates. Not at all.

When the professor asked her if she was ready, all the witch could do was nod, trying to keep panic away from her pale face, clutching her wand tighter, arm already stretched out to immediately cast the charm that would end this experience, one she was ready to end before it’d even begun. The boggart, trapped inside a trunk, was released and suddenly all breath was drawn from her lungs and Lily couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but stare at the shocking image that transformed before her. There stood herself, a perfect copy of herself, or at least something keen to it. This Lily’s eyes were sad yet cold, her body was thin – dangerously so – and around her was nothing unusual. Still, the witch understood what it meant – this Lily wasn’t surrounded by her friends, the look in emerald-green eyes was one of pure and utter loneliness. Boggart Lily had no one. She was alone. And being so had broken something inside her, for she no longer laughed. There was nothing inside her, she was hollow. That was the scariest thing the redhead had ever seen in her sixteen years of life.

But oh, she wasn’t about to just let this image defeat her! Because she wasn’t this strange version of herself, no. She had people who loved her, she loved people, they were always there for her and she was always there for them – this wasn’t real and it would never, ever happen. Lily wouldn’t let it become a reality.

It took all her strength but, after what felt like an eternity, the Gryffindor managed to yell the ‘‘Riddikulus’ charm – voice wavering but wrapped in a sort of ferocity she didn’t know she had in her – watching the boggart transform into a clown version of the Prefect; a silly, amusing sight that managed to draw the softest of chuckles from swelling lips. Someone else, she wasn’t sure whom, took her place and Lily found herself sweating, hands shaking, vision blurry. Suddenly, everything made sense but she couldn’t bring herself to think about it, wishing only to ignore all that had happened. Lily Evans wasn’t alone and she wasn’t weak. She would never become what the boggart had showed her.

And yet the question rose in the back of her mind, nagging and cruel, almost mocking the witch as she asked the professor if she could be excused to use the restroom. What if?

Lily has never feared death as she has always known that pain in all of its many forms is only forced upon the living and she has never feared the departure of others — not truly — because she knows, in her heart, that they would be better off, in a twisted way. What she has always been scared off deep down, one of her biggest shames, is being alone. And that is her Boggart — herself, all alone.

It wasn’t always that, not at all, but after losing some of the people who were supposed to love her and never leave her? After her sister turned her back on her just because she was different? She’s felt loneliness, and it’s not something she wants in her future. It’s unthinkable to the ginger, mostly unknown and uncharted territory. The thought of having to live a life where there is no comfort, no one to lean on, no one to rely on… it terrifies Lily, petrifies her. The fact that she believes it to be a childish fear doesn’t help either, makes her embarrassed for how can someone like her, a good witch and a good person, be so deeply timorous of something that shouldn’t matter.

amortentia:

Lime ▬ for all the times she smelt it in her nan’s home → Johanne Evans passed away years ago but never has her granddaughter been able to erase the light smell of lime that was characteristic to her tiny cottage; a sweet home for a sweet woman who, having been a pediatric nurse for over forty years, had a knack for making children laugh. Always there for her girls no matter what, never once did she judge Lily when she spoke horribly of what James had done by the lake, or when she moaned about cheating during her Transfiguration O.W.L — she never stopped the redhead from complaining about her parents or crying over Petunia. Having been gone for about three years now, Lily can’t seem to shake off the grief and the longing for that very same shoulder she shed tears over so many times. And yet, even after losing her “rock”, her Amortentia is proof that Lily has and will always love the woman who placed her in her mother’s arms.

Basil ▬ for childhood summers spent with hands in dirt → It was never a coincidence that Violet Evans chose to name her daughters Petunia and Lily, she too having been named by her mother, Rose, who in turned was named by her own mother, Poppy. It’s not really known exactly where the tradition started but it always instilled a love for all things botanic in the Morrison family women - a love that was passed onto a certain green-eyed ginger. When she was young and carefree, Lily loved going outside with her mummy and help her take care of the little herb garden on their backyard — the smell of basil, her mum’s favourite, always remaining one she always recalled with a feeling of fondness and melancholy.

Bergamot Orange ▬ for a love that cannot die → Lily always thought of herself as the lesser of the two Evans girls; her big sister was pretty and graceful, quiet and poised while she looked like a joke - all red and green - and, in all honesty, had the posture of an ape. Even as years went by and they grew apart, Petunia out of scorn and the ginger out of sheer acceptance of unfortunate events she could not change, never once did Lily forget how a hug from one of the people she loved most in the whole of existence felt like - warm and loving and with a light smell of bergamot orange, Petunia’s favourite shampoo. To this day, the smell brings tears to her eyes but she cannot make herself not love it as it is branded deeply into her mind.

Pumpkin Juice ▬ for a place she calls her home → Nothing screams Hogwarts to the sixth year like the sweet smell of pumpkin juice, a beverage she took some warming up to, no doubt about it, but that is now one of her favourites. It triggers memories in her mind: laughter and happiness, growing up and learning how to be a better person, becoming the best witch she could be; those moments were lived with a pumpkin juice cup in her hand. During the summer, when she’s stuck at home, trying (and often failing) to not perform even the tiniest of spells, all the girl has to do is find herself a jug of the familiar drink and suddenly she’s back at Hogwarts, where she feels the happiest.

what is your greatest ambition? ”My greatest ambition? You’re asking like that’s the easiest question in the world… Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, I do know, but it’s just a tad bit embarrassing, really, a fantasy more than anything. I think… my greatest ambition is to change the world. Hey, don’t laugh! I told you it wasn’t the brightest answer. With the War beginning to grow? I want to be a part of making a difference, of creating a better tomorrow for children like me. Why should we be judged just because of our blood?

Yeah, I want to be the girl who’s going to chance this, the one to end it. But that’s obviously not going to happen, so I think I’m going to settle for the easiest answer I can give you. My greatest ambition? Not failing Transfiguration. Granted, that was my New Year’s resolution… but I think it still stands. It’s a wonder Professor McGonagall even let me be in her class this year, said that I could be great at it if I applied myself. Wouldn’t want to prove her wrong, even if I don’t really see why transfiguring a rat into a goblet will help me in the future.”

where do you feel most comfortable? “I don’t know, really. I think I could say home but at home there’s Tuney and Severus and no magic… I guess I have to be a walking, talking, teenage witch cliché and say Hogwarts. Because while I love mum and dad, there’s always something missing during the holidays, and I don’t just mean my friends. I’m used to changing staircases and owls and spells and… home is ordinary. Boring, really.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my heritage and I think being muggleborn gives you enough perspective to see the bigger picture in life, but living without magic? I don’t think I could anymore. God, even spending a whole summer without it is torture. So, Hogwarts is where I feel most comfortable these days. I just… don’t know how things will be this year, because of Sev. I mean, Snape. Because of Snape.”

personality description: Those who truly know Lily can tell you that there are many layers to the redhead; some good, some bad and some that one simply gets used to after a while. People who know the witch to a shallower extent are not aware of how complex the girl can be; they see simply a kind, fair young woman who is extremely invested in her education and cannot stand for injustice. In reality, Lily is as intelligent as she is stubborn, as fair as she is curious and as determined as she is hot-tempered, a temper that matches her fiery hair and passionate views on life. To miss Evans, a bird chirping outside her bedroom window or a sunny day after weeks of rain is not something to be taken lightly; she sees immense beauty in things that most overlook, the tiniest thing can cause her to burst into sincere laughter.

Usually a cheery, electric girl, it does not take much to send her into a fit of rage either and, when she does get upset you might as well run, hide and wait for her to calm down. Her personality is one of extremes, something that she absolutely detests about herself; she loves completely, hates passionately, trusts blindly and, when she gets hurt, the girl suffers like no other — her world seems to crash and crumble, leaving behind but broken promises and shattered dreams. While Lily often overlooks the sad side of life, she sometimes just stops her hectic routine to think about anything and everything; her past, her present, her future and what she feels about those around her. Often do those thoughts bring tears to her emerald eyes, a few melancholic laughs cutting through the thick silence that she submerges herself in — nothing but her own mind to trouble her.

Ultimately, the witch isn’t the easiest person to get along with but, once you do, you’ll be surprised at how loyal she becomes; standing next to those she loves regardless of what she’s told or whom opposes the connection: for years, she dealt with the people closest to her questioning her connection to Severus and she never, not even once, wavered. Why would she? Unless you give her a reason to, Lily will believe in those she loves until the end because, in her opinion, people are made of choices and that’s the only thing you care truly judge: she never cared about Severus’ home life or the house he was sorted into, that didn’t affect how she saw him. She never found it fair to judge a book by its cover and that is exactly what the redhead is: fair. Perhaps one of the reasons that she adores being a Prefect so much is that, between rolling at her eyes at young couples snogging after curfew and catching the Marauders doing something wrong (as usual), she can make a change, even if a small one. For the past years, Lily has tried to ignore the war but now, and especially since she’s sure Severus is bound to join Voldemort’s side, there’s no denying that it’s real and that it’ll just keep getting worse until someone stops it. She might be a mere sixth year, she might not count for much but she’s a muggleborn who was made Prefect, one of the best witches in her year, and if anyone can set the example and try to change something, anything really, that’s her.

Truthfully, to say that the Prefect is a simple little thing would be one of the biggest mistakes of one’s life for the girl is not simple nor little — a strong, independent, defiant woman who is slowly learning not to allow others to walk over her and how to impose the respect that she, with her ego and a feeling selfishness often stirring inside her chest, believes she deserves. Because no matter what Lily might have said about others (as she usually did, and occasionally still does, about Sirius Black and James Potter) she was always more like them than she thought; her ego might just be larger that James’ and her temper as bad as Sirius’. There’s no denying that another reason she enjoys being a Prefect so much is that she actually got it — there were plenty of students to choose from, some even with magical families and lineages that went back hundreds of years, but instead she was chosen: she, Lily Evans, whose parents are muggles. Not a drop of magical blood in her and, through her own merit only, she was granted such an honour. Ultimately, it was a matter of pride, something of which she has a great deal.

Lily’s quick temper often causes the redhead to make unjustified claims about someone or something, jumping to conclusions without listening to said person’s point of view or explanation and, most specially, believing that she is the one who’s right — for she believes herself to be quite the role model when it comes to most subjects. That does not, however, cause her to follow her own advice because she rarely does so; she might tell you what she thinks you should do, might lecture you for hours about what’s right (not really understanding that “what’s right” is often subjective), but when it’s time to make decisions? She’ll flail and fret as if it were the end of the world, often forgetting that she’s given people advice on to get out of an identical situation. So, slightly hypocritical and unaware of her pretentiousness, Lily does not truly know just how many flaws she has — flaws which, in all honesty — are not enough to erase all the other wonderful traits she possesses.

As far as canon is concerned, we know very little about Lily and, most specifically, who she was as a person. We’re told that she’s kind, talented and brave, that she yelled at James Potter after ‘Snape’s Worst Nightmare’, and that (at least to me) only shows that she had quite the temper. The thing is, characters are more than a couple of traits in a book and I’ve always tried to really develop Lily as a person — she’s this great person, sure, but she’s also a hormonal teenager who, let’s be honest, wasn’t a saint. She laughed and cried and lied and cheated and was, as we all are, a mixture of the good and the bad of the human race.

H I S T O R Y

parents:

Violet Anne Evans (née Morrison) ▬ 39, born on August 4th 1937. Currently a primary school teacher. A petite redhead with a flair for the dramatic, it’s not hard to see where Lily gets her personality or her looks, for mother and daughter are extremely alike. While they quite enjoy each other’s company, things aren’t exactly the easiest in the Evans household, as similar personalities and stubborn heads often lead to arguments and words better left unsaid but that’s okay. When they need to, mother and daughter can be closer than anything, gossiping about their neighbours (even if Lily denies every doing such a thing) or simply watching the telly, cuddled up with a nice mug of tea. Still, Violet always held a soft spot in her heart for her first born, something that has always made Lily jealous.

Harry William Evans ▬ 38, born on December 19th 1937. Having always been a dreamer, it wasn’t hard for the blonde man to decide that what he wanted to do in life was write. Novels, poems, cake recipes, grocery lists written in rhyme, it never really mattered what he wrote, only that he was doing so. A man of words and other worlds, it wasn’t unusual that he was the exact opposite from his stressed wife: Harry is relaxed and laid back, always with a smile spread on his lips and a horrible joke ready to cheer up even the saddest of souls. Still, his gentle demeanor made him a brilliant father and a wonderful husband, a man ready to jump to his feet at any second to pull the women he loves so dearly apart (which has happened often in the last few years). When things go south, Harry steps in; it’s always been like that. Unlike his wife, however, Mr. Evans connects better with his youngest child and it’s because of that that, when she needs to, Lily is the first to turn to her dad.

sibling(s):

Petunia Jane Evans ▬ 17, born on June 7th 1958. Currently still a student and working a part-time job as an assistant at Grunnings, a drill firm. As stubborn as her mother and sister, and also just as opinionated, Petunia was never an easy girl to deal with; she was always the sort of person to hold petty grudges and question anything and everything. Through the years, the older girl has tried to make herself as different from her sister as possible — Petunia didn’t need magic powers and pointy hats to be amazing, she had her brains and her skills, that was enough. Still, when combined with her jealously and aggressiveness towards Lily (not that the ginger is innocent, because she’s just as bitter towards her older sister), it all adds up to the two not getting along in the slightest, ever. There’s love between them, there’s no doubt about it, and they care deeply about each other but being as proud as they are, it’s unlikely that the dynamic between the two will change anytime soon.

other:

Johanne Leena Evans (née Harper) ▬ 76, (January 13th, 1900 – July 4th 1976). Having worked for most of her life as a pediatric nurse, Lily’s grandmother knew just how to raise children, always loved by every single one of them, her red-haired granddaughter especially. Lily had a passion for the elderly woman, so much like her in so many ways and yet so calm, so experienced, so beautiful – most girls see their mothers as role-models but, for the little witch, Johanne was her biggest one. They got along beautifully, shared secrets and stories, swore to never tell each other’s secrets to anyone else; Lily relied on her nan, trusted her more than she trusted anyone else in the whole wide world. The small house the older woman lived in was heaven, the tiny kitchen where she learn to cook a cloud of happiness and love – everything about Johanne screamed peace, passion, a safe haven like no other. Having died only a few months ago, often does the ginger forget that she’s gone; sometimes starting a letter with the words ‘Dear gran,’ or stopping to think, “I have to tell nan about this”. It pains Lily greatly to not have that shoulder to cry on anymore but she’s learnt to live with the pain, often ignoring the facts and pretending that come the summer of 1977 they’ll meet again.

Remus Lupin ▬ 16, born on Marth 10th 1960. Her fellow Prefect and close friend, Remus is one of Lily’s biggest confidants at Hogwarts: a calm, extremely nice guys, Lily finds him to be amongst the best people to walk aged stone floors. In reality, they’ve been friends ever since first year when Lily, chubby legged and short with a head of extremely curly hair, sat next to the thin, weak-looking boy and they had a very nice conversation about Potions. After that, and while one couldn’t consider them exactly inseparable, they only grew closer and closer – they got along beautifully, their friendship was easy and precious to Lily, who hadn’t been the most sociable of girls back home. On New Year’s eve of their fourth year, when Lily told her parents that she wasn’t a baby anymore and could very well stay at school during the holidays, they found themselves at midnight with no one to kiss and, red-cheeked and embarrassed, the witch pressed a chaste kiss of the boy’s lips (who soon grew red too). He was her first kiss and she was his and, to Lily, that means quite a lot. They moved past it, of course, and it didn’t change a single thing in their friendship but Lily holds that moment, as well as Remus, very close to her heart.

James Potter ▬ 16, born on March 27th 1960. She’ll never forget the first time she properly met James Potter, having been late to Potions and, rushing down the suddenly changing staircase, tripped over her own feet – falling down the last steps, books and quills flying everywhere. The black-haired boy had been late too and helped her up, all hands in his pockets and unruly hair, smiling at her in a way she wasn’t particularly fond of. Still, he was sweet enough and Lily found herself wanting to be her friend – that was, of course, until he hexed her during dinner, after which she poured her glass of pumpkin juice over his head (not knowing that he was allergic, at the time). After that, their relationship was a mixture of sarcastic remarks (hers) and self-centered replies (his), often resulting in Lily wanting to throw herself off of the Astronomy Tower. She never hated him, God no, but she was utterly annoyed at how he was so bloody good at everything – from class, to flying, to the way he looked, James Potter was an example and that made Lily’s skin itch, wanting to be the best at absolutely everything. When he asked her out, a couple of times to Hogsmeade over their fifth year, she figured he was messing with her which only made her even more of a passive-aggressive little thing; full of bitterness and rage. It wasn’t the boy’s fault, never having done anything wrong but she couldn’t quite help it. After what happened last year, however, her yelling at him during the “accident” by the lake, Lily feels ashamed. She should never have done that (even if the bloody prick deserved it) and if she wasn’t so proud, she would probably apologize. The best she could do was, having sat on an empty train compartment, allowing him to sit with her on the ride to Hogwarts. For the first time in six years, the pair actually shared a nice conversation – they talked about his family, her family, what they did during the summer; about anything and everything, like proper friends. While they aren’t that just yet, Lily was left with the impression that maybe, James Potter isn’t half as bad as she’d imagined him to be. Not bad at all.

Severus Snape ▬ 16, born on January 9th 1960. Lily’s oldest and closest friend for what felt like forever, Severus Snape was everything to the redhaired girl. Always gentle and enthusiastic towards her, it was him who told her about the Wizarding World, him to told her about magic and the future she could one day have – the ginger had always been a dreamer but after she met Severus, she learnt that maybe fantasies weren’t so bad, that maybe wishes upon stars actually came true and grown-ups had just lost hope. Together they played all day and together they walked into the Great Hall, both secretly hoping that they’d be sorted into the same House. That wasn’t the case and even though it wasn’t easy being friends with a Slytherin, preconceptions and hypocrisy (or so she thought) making those around her dislike her best friend. Lily often told them off, sticking by Sev’s side as she knew he stuck by hers – sure, it wasn’t easy, but they were friends and nothing would ever change that. That was, of course, until the Dark Arts spoke louder and the boy began to slip from Lily’s grasp. She didn’t realize it soon enough, didn’t pay enough attention to what was going on around her, refused to see the truth in her friend’s actions. When reality hit her like a slap on a sunny afternoon, the word ‘mudblood’ slipping from his lips, it was too late. Suddenly, the people who’d warned her were right and Lily did the only thing she could do: she severed ties with the aspiring Death Eater, turned her back on him like she’d promised to never do so. Now that she doesn’t have him by his side, Lily feels lost – the summer, while pleasant and fun, wasn’t what she’d expected for she truly missed Severus and their conversations; he was one of the people she held closest to her heart and, just as Petunia had done, he’d closed the door between them. Sure, she’d turned the key but this wasn’t her fault. It would never be her fault. All she can do now is turn to the people who are still by her side, Molly, Dorcas and Marlene – her sisters, her friends, her everything now that she’s alone. She’s still very much unsure of what her life will be like from now on but, and even if she feels as if she’ll never recover from the blow to her heart, Lily is sure she’ll find her way, with a little help from her friends.

I was going to write about Molly, Marlene and Dorcas as well, because after reading the bios I thought Lily would have most likely gotten along with them but since I haven’t spoken to the players (or potential players) I wasn’t too comfortable writing something in the app that might not be a reality if I get accepted. I hope that’s alright, but I didn’t find it very respectful for the people who applied for them and chose to leave it like this, touching only a few of the people I felt like I had to write about.

do you have any regrets? “Doesn’t everyone? I never understood the whole ‘I have no regrets’ thing people usually say when asked this. I do have regrets, maybe not a lot and none very serious but yes, I have them. Would I go back and change things if I could… I don’t know. Probably.

I regret not trying harder when it came to Tuney and her dislike for me and all things magical, because I think that maybe if I’d included her more in this fun, new chapter of my life, she wouldn’t have been so bitter. I don’t think we’d ever really get along but I’d like to at least have tried, instead of just ignoring the issues until they slapped me full-force on the face, like I did. It’s hard to see that other people aren’t happy when you’re over the moon, y’know? And it kills me that I just… didn’t bother as much as I should’ve. Petunia’s my sister and I just don’t think things should be like this, that’s not how life should go. And I regret the way things are.

Can’t not regret what happened with Severus, can I? Merlin, I just… when did he get like that? Maybe if I’d paid more attention to him, if I’d driven him away from the people he was getting involved with, maybe he would have understood what he was getting himself into. The ‘what if’ is the hardest part, I think. And that’s the bit I wish I could change, because even if it hurts me (and it does) I don’t regret cutting him from my life. Severus made his choice, one that I don’t agree with, and I know I’m doing the right thing.”

what is your fondest memory? “My fondest memory… Well, that’s difficult. I mean, I’m sixteen, which means I have sixteen years of nice memories I want to remember forever and tell my grandkids about when I’m old so choosing one isn’t the easiest thing in the world. You have a knack for asking tricky questions, has anyone ever told you that before? Merlin. I guess… there was this one time years ago, around Christmas. My sister and I used to have this tradition where we snuck downstairs after our parents were sleeping to see if they’d left any present unwrapped and, when we couldn’t find them, we’d search through the whole house. The first one to find something won and got to pick one of the other’s gifts for herself. It was stupid, really, but we were young and there wasn’t all that much to do. God, I was so small that Tuney had to grip my hand when we went down the stairs. It took us ages to get to the final step, let me tell you, and I think we might have woken mum and dad up about five times, though they never came to ruin our fun.

That night I crawled into bed with Tuney to wake her up and she just started tickling me like crazy, I couldn’t even breathe! She loved doing that, reckon she had a passion for seeing me squirming and begging for mercy, ‘cause she tickled me on a daily basis and I hated it. I don’t really remember much after she started bloody torturing me, but I do know we fell asleep eventually. I… I think about it when things get hard. I don’t know why, but it just makes me proper happy – those were good times, y’know? I was small, she was small… everything was easy and carefree and we had nothing to do but play all day. Guess I miss that. And her. But… life’s life and we can’t cling onto the past, yeah? That isn’t healthy. But yes, that’s my fondest memory. Maybe one day I’ll find one to replace it.”

character’s story: Born in the beginning of 1960, Lily was welcomed into an average muggle family. The girl grew up alongside her big sister, Petunia, her role-model and best friend, for the girls were truly inseparable — always walking hand-in-hand and laughing at jokes that Violet, a primary school teacher, and Harry, a writer, were not allowed to understand.There was never a flower without the other, they were merely an extension of the other, the year of difference they had from each other meant nothing. Petunia and Lily were two of a kind and they loved it.

Enrolled at the school where her mother worked, Lily’s life was a bed of roses — no worries or too much responsibility weighing the child down except for what she was going to play the following morning; a few worksheets worth of homework being the only thing that turned sunny days slightly grey. It was not until Lily was nine years old that she learnt that, perhaps, her life was not as average as it appeared. Ever since she could remember, she had done things that most children couldn’t but she hadn’t paid much attention to it — she couldn’t do a handstand like a girl in her grade, so why should she worry that other little girls did not know how to change the colour of flower petals? A dreamer, she never once questioned her abilities, often being too distracted to even bother to notice them: she’d always been different and being so didn’t scare her – Lily was who she was and as long as she wasn’t deprived of her free afternoons, what was the problem is she could float right off her swing? It didn’t matter. Until one day, as she was playing alone, changing a flower’s appearance, Lily met a black-haired boy named Severus who told her that she was a witch; that the things she could do were not simply skills — they were magic.

As any other little girl, she was ecstatic. Magic. She had always believed in fairies and spells, in the tales her gran had told her about before she merrily drifted off to sleep, but being a witch had not once been something the redhead had considered and yet it made sense. Severus fascinated her, taught her about a world she would someday be a part of, became a shoulder she could lean on and a friend she adored – Petunia was pushed into the background, somewhat forgotten amongst afternoons of listening to the Snape boy talk about spells, charms and potions, of castles and villages filled with wizards. It wasn’t her intention, Lily never wanted to push her sister away, and when Tuney began to grow cold and cruel, bitter even, the ginger didn’t understand nor accept her actions. A stubborn person by nature, Lily too began to treat her sister as she was treated and all Hell broke loose in the Evans household. Suddenly there was yelling and hair-pulling when once there had been laughter and hugging. The girls’ parents didn’t understand. But like many things before, they weren’t meant to.

The red-haired girl received her Hogwarts acceptance letter mere months before her twelfth birthday and she was as excited to learn more about magic as she was to leave home — wanting to get away from Tuney and her unjustified hatred. In her young mind, Lily couldn’t possibly understand why her sister had so quickly grown to despise her and, stubborn as usual, she couldn’t bring herself to even ask why. So, come September 1st, the young miss Evans was sorted into the house of one Godric Gryffindor and she soon forgot all about how great Severus said that Slytherin was.

In Gryffindor, the girl felt at home; like she belonged but even though she made plenty of good friends, never once did she ignore Sev in front of them — he knew her like no one else did. She was always loyal to the core, never wavering, never giving up, even when Severus began getting involved with people she knew were no good, even when his “friends” whispered ‘mudblood’ as she walked by, it didn’t matter because it wasn’t Sev – sure, she would have loved it if he hadn’t joined those aspiring Death Eaters, but she ignored the truth. It was unthinkable for her best friend to be one of them, to want to join Voldemort in his fight for blood purity. It was hard for Lily not to see the best in everyone. And that was her mistake.

Fifth year proved to be a big one for the ginger. She was made Prefect, something that made her as proud as anyone can be – she, a muggleborn, was granted such an honour, one she’d secretly wished for but never really voice out loud. A person fond of fairness and justice, nothing made Lily happier than to be able to do what she believes is right: those who deserved to be punished, the people who insulted her under their breaths when she walked by and tormented first years, mere babies compared to their abusers, were soon given what they deserved; the people who helped the poor, scared children and respected the rules were rewarded, even if only with a warm smile and a nice conversation. Order was always something the witch found most important and now she could make sure it was a constant in the halls of Hogwarts. Of course, she too enjoyed the power that came with it, the feeling that she was important, that she mattered. Insults have a way of sticking with you and while she ignored them, feeling as if she was a valuable asset to the Wizarding World. The world was bright and Lily was over the moon.

Everything changed, however, when called Lily a “mudblood”; showing the redhead just how much he’d changed since they were nine years old, how lost his soul had become. There was no point in forgiving him, no matter how much she wanted to do so, for she knew deep in her heart that he was hopeless – that afternoon, Severus Snape showed her his true colours and Lily? She didn’t like them, not by a long shot. Their friendship ended that day, and her annoyance at the Marauders (a feeling she’d had since stepping into the castle, some five years prior, though never really acted on) grew even more. In the back of her mind, and though she no longer speaks to him, Lily still subconsciously believes that it was because of James and Sirius that she couldn’t save Severus and pull him away from dark magic. It’s a ridiculous thought and one that she regrets for while they are many things, the boys share her views but, as most things in life, it’s hard to admit a mistake. Too proud to admit that she shouldn’t have exploded on James Potter’s face the way she did, Lily can’t help but feel a tad bit guilty. Just a tad bit, of course.

Having had all summer to mule over what happened, the ginger is now determined to stay away from her former friend, though she is still unsure as to how she’ll be able to do that — a person who despises change, it’s difficult for Lily to shake off her want to speak to Severus. But every time she thinks of doing so, she reminds herself that the Slytherin is dedicated to a cause whose purpose is denying people like her their right to having a life in the Wizarding World and forgiveness washes away from her mind. It pains her to leave a friend behind, feeling almost as if she betrayed him and the promises they’d made but, alas, there is no way she can ignore just how deeply Sev has gotten himself into the Dark Arts – he’s chosen his way, she’s chosen hers. There is no point in thinking about what could have been.

This year isn’t going to be easy, not at all, but as long as she stays true to herself (something she too is still trying to figure out), she knows she’ll make it. Now, if only Transfiguration was as easy as making life-changing decisions, she’d be good to go. Lily has yet to understand just how on earth she managed to get an E on her O.W.L, managed to really surprise herself, and she isn’t just going to let Professor McGonagall down – she’s a prefect, she’s smart and by God, she’s going to master all the spells she finds utterly pointless (why would anyone want to transfigure goblets and rats?) if it’s the last thing she does.

O P T I O N A L I N F O R M A T I O N

allergies:

CHOCOLATE ▬ At the age of five, Lily would have been more than happy to life off of peas and chocolate cookies. In fact, all things chocolate made the girl squeal in delight; never having been one to ask for dolls or games, if anyone were to give the girl some chocolate, she would have been ecstatic, thanking whomever gave it to her as they quickly became her favourite person. It wasn’t long, however, before she began to have problems breathing, air not filling her lungs properly and driving the child into full-blown panic attacks, the hospital becoming somewhat of a second home for a month. Soon, the answer was given and Lily wasn’t all that pleased. Her asthma attacks were actually an allergic reaction and, after a lot of testing, the doctors proudly told Mrs. and Mr. Evans that their youngest daughter couldn’t eat chocolate.

This pained the girl a great deal but there was nothing she could do, for the heavenly sweet disappeared from her household and, in time, she had to learn to live with the prohibition. When she went to school, things changed drastically and in her carefree mind, a few experiments couldn’t possibly do any harm, eating chocolate behind her parents’ back any chance she got. Like most allergies, it lessened as the years went by, and even though she has yet to cut it from her life, when she eats too much of it the ginger has to deal with another attack, something she can handle perfectly but is extremely uncomfortable.

This is one of the few truly irresponsible acts that Lily allows herself and even though she knows she should keep herself away from cake and hot cocoa, cookies and chocolate frogs, it seems to be most impossible. These days, Lily eats it only when she’s very happy or downright upset, saving the risk for special occasions and trying to not make eating it a routine.

SEAFOOD ▬ Something about food that tastes and smells like the sea has always made Lily feel doubtful, her fear of water not helping in the slightest which is why she was already eight years old when, after a lot of convincing, she finally tasted seafood for the first time. A favourite in the Evans household, it was only a matter of time before Violet placed a plate of shrimp in front of her youngest daughter and waited patiently for her to at least try it. That would soon prove to be a mistake, as everything happened surprisingly quickly after Lily forced herself to take the first bite.

Lightheadedness and a pain in her chest were the first symptoms and she can’t quite say she remembers the rest as, when the swelling began, the redhead was already passed out cold and being driven as quickly as possible to the nearest hospital; a panicking mother, shaking father and crying sister (even if Petunia would never admit it today) in tow. It was a matter of luck and impeccable timing that saved Lily’s life; the anaphylactic shock she suffered was severe and most children with asthma who experienced it often died before anything could be done. The recovery was quick and painless, not remembering what happened making it much easier for the child to embrace the idea that she could have lost her life over a small bite of shrimp, but that doesn’t mean that she wasn’t affected.

To this day, any mentions of seafood make the witch sick and, unlike chocolate, she hasn’t dared touch a bit since; not wanting to risk something that would most likely lead her to the grave.

GRASS ▬ Quite possibly what she deems as the stupidest allergy one could be faced with, Lily was (as she so ironically calls it) blessed with an allergy to grass. Normal, everyday, fluffy green grass. It went unnoticed for years, as kids run around all day and are always bound to be bitten by bugs or spiders; little rashes were never a concern for her parents or Lily. Sure, sometimes after playing all day her legs got incredibly itchy but why would a young girl question that? If she said something, her mum could keep her from rolling around outside and so, with a stubbornness most characteristic, the redhead kept her mouth shut, suffering in silence in fear of the consequences.

That was, of course, until Violet noticed the rash that had taken over Lily’s legs; quickly dragging the whole family to the hospital and very dramatically proclaiming that she didn’t want her baby to lose her legs. As expected, that wasn’t the case for some medicine would fix the problem but the diagnosis was out there: Lily Evans was allergic to grass. Grass! Still, it proved to be an easier problem than chocolate, as years of habit taught the girl how to play and fall and live without ever having bare skin touching the grass. It still is an inconvenient from time to time but Lily has come to terms with the fact that she doesn’t have much choice in the matter, having only to obey what her body demands.

illnesses: Apart from her more serious allergic reactions, Lily has never been one to get ill: she had the chickenpox when she was six and usually has the flu once a year, around December, but other than that she’s quite the healthy girl.

vices:

DRINKING ▬ Never having been one to drink, last summer Lily did some experimenting and has come to the conclusion that if she did drink on a regular basis, she’d probably die at a very, very young age. After what happened with Severus, the witch decided that she’d hang out with the kids back home, finally making more than a couple of friends on her street, accompanying them to parties and gatherings that, as is customary in teenage encounters, were well stocked up on every muggle drink in the book. Some bottles were nicked at the gas station, others stolen from old cabinets that their parents thought safe, or even bought by the eldest of the group – the point is, Lily finally learnt that she enjoyed alcohol and yet couldn’t handle it at all. If she gets distracted, which she normally did, the girl will sip glass after glass without even realizing it but the thing is, her body has no problems with Firewhiskey or muggle drinks like Vodka; she’ll keep drinking and drinking after all others have collapsed. When it comes to traditionally lighter drinks, however, like beer or wine, it only takes a few small glasses for the redhead to claim the floor as her bed, knowing full well she’ll wake up with a terrible headache.

So, to keep things safe, Lily would rather not drink, especially not while at Hogwarts (even if yes, she’ll allow herself a glass or two when the Marauders throw a party), for she is a Prefect and she shouldn’t be doing things that are unsuitable for anyone in her position. Mostly, she simply doesn’t want to make a complete idiot out of herself in front of her whole house like some girls do, preferring sobriety over being inebriated any day.

SMOKING ▬ Lily’s “wild” summer didn’t only make her start enjoying the occasional drink. Most of her newfound friends had been smoking for years, always surrounded by a cloud of smoke anywhere they went; cigarettes dangling off lips and being passed around as if it were nothing. Soon, she too had a fag stuck between her lips and before she could realize it, she had fallen into a routine, lighting cigarette after cigarette as conversations progressed well into the night, sometimes into the first hours of sunshine. It was a habit she took on quickly and has no intention of quitting: it helps her calm down when she’s nervous, she likes the tarry taste it leaves on her lips and something about the grey smoke against a darkened sky makes her smile, the patterns beautiful and haunting. She does know, however, that she can’t do it at Hogwarts which is why (and she does feel quite guilty about it) the witch has been saving packs since July, hiding them in the bottom of her trunk along with a silver lighter she nicked from her dad.

The plan is to find places to smoke her fags in peace and quiet without being caught and while she knows that’s not going to be easy in the slightest, Lily Evans is a woman with a vice and, stubborn as she is, she won’t just quit because society tells her that nice girls should do so – it she ever decides to leave cigarettes behind, it’ll be her own choice, not something imposed to her by a male-dominated society.

fears:

BUTTERFLIES ▬ While she considers it one of the stupidest fears a girl could ever have, Lily is afraid of butterflies. When she was young, her sister trapped one in a jar and the ginger was ecstatic – its wings were beautiful, their patterns colourful and cheery – before running to tell mummy that the insect was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen in her four year old life. That was, of course, until the poor thing died and Tuney found it hilarious to lay in on her sister’s forehead; upon waking up, Lily sat up to find a dead butterfly falling onto her lap, and her screams could be heard three houses down. Some might call it a trauma, others mere idiocy but that doesn’t change the fact that if one of those disgusting beasts (as she kindly refers to “them”) comes anywhere near her, Lily – sweet, caring Lily – won’t hesitate to hit it. Repeatedly. Until it dies.

Not to mention that their faces, with those huge eyes and that strange nose thing, make her skin crawl – she has long stopped noticing the amazing designs on their wings, for now that face is the first thing that comes to mind. That little prank is one of the few things Lily knows she won’t forgive Petunia about and when they get into one of their fights, hot-headed and spewing nonsense, the redhead will most likely mention it bitterly.

WATER ▬ Everyone has some fears that they can’t explain and Lily’s fear of water is just that – inexplicable, something her subconscious never accepted and still doesn’t. When her father told six year old Lily that it was time she learnt to swim, the little ginger wasn’t opposed to the idea: it seemed fun enough and, if daddy was there, completely safe. But the night before their big family trip to her grandmother’s pool, Lily had a nightmare she would never forget, one that’s grown to be recurring over the years. The first time, beach was full of people – families, children laughing – and the girl would take a few steps into the ocean, would feel the sand beneath her feet and the cold water hit her toes; hear the waves crashing. Then, a wave would knock her down and before she knew it, the girl was submerged, struggling to get back on her feet but never quite being able to do so. People would stare down at her, ignore her, pretend she wasn’t there drowning. It faded to black, slowly, and Lily woke up breathless and blue-lipped.

After that, the witch would panic at any mentions of the sea, learning to ignore the way her legs begin to shake when she thinks back on her dream over the years but never truly bringing herself to overcome her dread – the nightmare returns every once in a while and the scenery has always changed, though its ending remains the same. Sometimes it’s daytime, others night, on occasion the beach is empty and cold and others warm and bursting with people. No matter what, it’s terrifying, and Lily is sure it must mean something. What exactly? She has no idea.

habits/quirks:

LIP BITING ▬ It’s rare that one finds Lily Evans thinking without having her bottom lip safely tucked between her lips, tongue running over sensitive skin, often nibbling on her own flesh, deep in thought. It’s a habit she doesn’t quite know when she picked up, but it soon became yet another part of her – it’s a comfort mechanism, like the stuffed animal she stopped totting around years ago, something she uses to soothe herself. When she’s hurt or upset, one is bound to find her teeth grazing her lips, having drawn blood only a few times in her sixteen years of life. Somehow, she can’t keep herself from doing it, her subconscious ordering her to do so before she can stop her body.

It’s not a very scandalous habit, mind you, and often are the times that the redhead ponders on it, thinking that it might maybe make her look mysterious and overall sexy – not that it matters, of course, for she was always the chubby ginger with incredibly curly hair and being attractive was never really an option. And while she isn’t vain, not in the slightest, there’s always that little voice in the back of her head that whispers in her ear every time she finds herself biting her lip – you look good. More often than not, she merely ignores it.

SITTING ▬ For years, Lily hasn’t been able to sit like a lady, with her legs properly down and ankles crossed. Violet always tried to teach their girls to act as a woman should, but only Petunia picked up certain habits for Lily hates the feeling of sitting on a tough wooden chair as one normally would. Instead, she traps a leg beneath the other or pulls them both up, crossing them behind her desk. It was always far more comfortable to sit like that and while her mum nags her when Lily finally goes back home, there’s not fixing something that (according to the redhead) is perfectly fine – why would the way she sits be anyone’s concern apart from her own? There’s no reason for one to be uncomfortable just to fit in with all the other posh women; it makes no sense to her sixteen year old mind.

Even if she’s just relaxing on an armchair or a couch, the witch will pull her legs onto the fabric, shifting them slightly to the side and crossing her feet; a bundle of arms and legs curled up into a ball, a book often resting on her knees. The last thing on her mind is what people might think of her odd position and, if anyone were to comment on it (which they don’t because why would a Prefect’s sitting habits be motive of loud whispers?), she would have loudly proclaimed that it was none of their business.

NAILS ▬ When she doesn’t find herself with her lips between her teeth, it’s because her fingers have replaced it, as Lily has the terrible habit of biting her nails and the skin around them. She adores painting them and having feminine hands but stress and boredom often leads to the witch looking down to find cracked varnish and chipped nails, something that the ginger finds particularly irritating. Still, she can’t really help herself for she feels a need to keep her hands busy – when they aren’t in her mouth, Lily often taps her fingers against tables or gently scratches her thumb with her ring finger, all signs that she is beyond bored.

As most of Lily’s habits, this is a good indicator of what her mood is like that day: she bites her lip when she’s upset or day-dreaming, bites her nails when she’s stressed and scratches her thumb when she’s complete and utterly bored (a habit she surely picked up during History Of Magic, a subject she was never particularly fond of, even though she first found it fascinating). Still, and like everything else, she isn’t harming anyone and when her friends tell her to put her hands down, she’ll merely roll her eyes at them, sticking her tongue out playfully and continuing about her day.

EYE ROLLING ▬ Usually a friendly person, some might feel uncomfortable at Lily’s habit of constantly rolling her eyes at anything and everything. She doesn’t really mean to do so but sometimes her subconscious speaks louder, forcing the girl to show that she honestly doesn’t care about what someone is saying – listening out of politeness or (most of the times) because she knows she might hear some gossip. She doesn’t go around telling people someone else’s secrets, mind you, but she won’t deny that she likes listening to the occasional rumour, whispering to her friends as they try to figure out if it is as true as it’s claimed to be.

When something isn’t of particular interest, however, of when it simply annoys her, Lily will most definitely roll her green eyes at you; a raised eyebrow often following before she goes back to pretending she actually gives a damn. This happens mostly with strangers, people she’s only met once or twice, because when it comes to her friends, they could very well be speaking of the weather or apples and she’d be concentrated on their words, as she nurturer by nature who mothers everyone around her without even realizing it.

hobbies:

COOKING / BAKING ▬ Every child has their chores and, unfortunately, Lily was never fond of those she was assigned with. Be it dusting or doing the dishes, it all sounded horrible to the girl who always tried to trade with Petunia – why did she have to be stuck with such boring tasks? She’s much rather clean the floor or fold clothes, something other than the bloody dishes. That was, of course, until she went to spend a few weeks with her maternal grandmother and the elderly lady introduced her to cooking. After that, there was no going back. Something about being in the kitchen warms Lily’s heart; she spent years learning how to make anything and everything, soon pushing her mum away and trying to cook dinner alone (which ended in a few accidents, such as a couple of bad cuts or a flaming frying pan). It was just for fun at first but as time went by, there was no denying that Lily had a knack for metaphorically flying around the kitchen, wooden spoon in one hand and an ingredient in the other.

More than a hobby, cooking turned into something that she finds therapeutic; the one thing that keeps her busy enough when the rest of the world crumbles around her. Last year, after she parted ways with Severus, the redhead decided that simply making lunch and dinner was enough, taking her first steps into baking – for days, it was all she did, batches and batches of cookies on the counters until she managed to make the perfect ones; cakes of various kinds left on tables. She quickly learnt that there was nothing better to cure a broken heart than a full oven, nothing that smelt more of home and comfort than a freshly baked scone. Slowly but surely, Lily has found one of the greatest passions in her life and, if all goes well, she would love to own a restaurant one day. Or maybe a bakery. Or both! She isn’t sure yet.

GARDENING ▬ Gardening was never Lily’s greatest talent but from a young age, she could be found alongside her mother and sister, trying to help mummy in any way she could, often doing more harm than good. Still, Violet Evans taught their girls everything that had been passed down to her by her own mother, who’d learnt from her mother, and so on – working with flowers, helping them grow into their beauty, was always a Morrison women tradition and marriage didn’t change that. Lily grew up seeing her mother with her hands in the dirt and, to this day, plants remind her of home – something about gardening makes her feel warm inside and it is what she do finds herself doing when she’s at home, calm and relaxed, often before she’s spent any large amount of time with Petunia.

In all honesty, most of what the witch tries to grow on her own withers and dies but that doesn’t keep her from trying; a persistent being who doesn’t take no for an answer, Lily will persevere. Still, more than doing her own gardening, the redhead still always prefers to help her mum when she’s at home as it is a way of her feeling better – she has never felt guilty about being at Hogwarts but she can’t shake off the feeling that she hasn’t been there for Violet, hasn’t been a good daughter, like Petunia. So, this also works as her way of trying to make up for time lost; not much, she knows, but it’s one of the few things Lily can do with her mum without them ending up yelling at each other.

PHOTOGRAPHY ▬ An emotional person who cherishes even the smallest of memories, it wasn’t surprising that Lily found photography to be one of her favourite things to do, even if she isn’t particularly good at it. Be it the sun rise or the sunset, a friend or a bird, the clouds or a rainy field, the witch will use her new Polaroid camera to take a picture; often blurry images that are far too bright or far too dark but still make the redhead feel proud, for she will never forget that moment, even after she’s old and her memory fails her. She finds it that even the most common of pictures can be breathtaking if one sees the hidden beauty in it, knows that it might tell a story we aren’t aware of, or inspire artists and poets.

While baking and gardening hold emotional value to the Gryffindor, photography is just something she enjoys doing – simple, fun, carefree; it doesn’t remind her of years lost or heartbreak past, doesn’t make her feel melancholic in the slightest, which is why the witch tots that camera everywhere; constantly taking pictures of anything, everything and everyone. Over the years, she’s put together a rather heavy scrapbook that she will show her friends come Seventh Year, a goodbye present she hopes they’ll treasure as much as she does.

FLYING ▬ For years, when she was a little girl, Lily used to pretend she could fly like the birds above; she’d stretch out her arms and try her hardest, sometimes hovering a little over the ground, yes, but never floating away, free and beautiful. She soon came to terms with the fact that she’d never grow a pair of wings and fly away but, when Severus began to tell her about the fairytale-like Wizarding World, a spark of hope shun in the horizon as witches had broomsticks. And broomsticks could fly. It was a childish dream, of course, riding a broom across the open air but Lily never stopped thinking about it.

When the first years took their first flying lesson, however, the redhead froze, suddenly afraid that she’d fall or embarrass herself – most of the students knew all about this or at least a little, while the only mean of transportation she was familiar with was her bike or dad’s car. The notion of climbing onto that damned broomstick seemed preposterous and so she pretended she couldn’t even raise it off the ground, not even trying to do so. Somewhere along the years, however, Lily found ways to borrow a broomstick here and there, slowly teaching herself to fly without having anyone there to laugh at her. As expected, it became one of her favourite things to do and while she isn’t anywhere as good as anyone on the Quidditch teams, she does finds herself to be quite decent.

sleeping habits: Lily’s sleeping habits change quite regularly over the years, for different circumstances and different places affect the girl in many ways and sleep (especially sleeping patterns) is definitely the part of her that is most influenced by that. When she’s at home during the holidays, she can’t help but curl herself into a ball, clutching her pillow and sleeping with her head on the hard mattress, needing to hold something for comfort. When she was a child, she had a stuffed bunny she absolutely adored and couldn’t fall asleep without, always hugging him so he wouldn’t be afraid of the dark like she (even if she never spoke of it out loud, not wanting to sound like a baby) was. Old habits are hard to break, her childhood bedroom always reminding her of Pig, her pillow a substitute for the toy that was lost in the summer of 1968.

When she’s at Hogwarts, however, she prefers to sleep on her stomach, a leg pulled up over the bed covers and an arm safety under her head; resting on it rather than on the fluffy pillow she’s gotten used to over the years. Something about sharing a room with a handful of other girls comforts Lily which is why, even when everyone else is already sound asleep, she has no problem walking around and grumbling over whatever happened that day, not afraid of the shadows and what hides in them. Truthfully, Lily has overgrown her fear of the dark but it she still finds it eerie, preferring to stay in a place where there’s light and she can see her surroundings perfectly. That’s also why the witch can’t sleep without a window wide open, allowing moonlight to shine into the bedroom – she needs to be able to see where she is and what’s happening around her, or sleep takes hours to settle in. She’s practically soundless while sleeping, but there isn’t a night where Lily doesn’t wake up with drool on her arm and the covers on the floor, having tossed and turned around enough to sometimes even wake up with her feet on her pillow.

As far as sleeping patterns are concerned, that’s where things change. When she’s happy and at peace with herself and others, Lily has no problem merrily drifting off; succumbing to exhaustion the second she lays down, sometimes even feeling the need to take a nap during the day. When she’s stressed, however, and no matter how hard she tries, the redhead will take hours to fall asleep, sometimes staying up until dawn and spending the remainder of the week yawning into her pumpkin juice, thoughts and concerns swimming in her mind, haunting her and leaving her to try and find solutions to her problems, solutions that rarely make sense. It is, all in all, something she now sees as routine – during her O.W.Ls, the witch spent days on end without sleep, what happened with Severus pushing her off the edge as pulling all-nighter after all-nighter didn’t quite help her already fiery temper. Long story short, when she isn’t at the top of her game, Lily stops sleeping. When Lily stops sleeping, she gets rather jumpy. When she gets jumpy, she yells. And after she yells at someone, she gets even more stressed, not being able to sleep for the following night and thus creating a vicious cycle she should know better than to get herself into.

Still, the summer months spent away from school and Severus helped the witch calm down and re-evaluate her life, so much so that she has started dreaming again, something she stopped doing towards the end of her fifth year at Hogwarts. Now, nights are peaceful and quiet, and she can only hope they stay the same for the rest of the school year, for she is actually quite ashamed at how she blew up in Potter’s face and would rather that experience didn’t have any repeats.

eating habits: If you ask her, Lily will surely tell you that she has the eating habits of any girl her age but, in reality, she eats as much as any sixteen year old boy. A lover of all sorts of food, from grilled fish to a nice, big steak, the redhead isn’t exactly picky, which is why she spent the last seven years of her life being considered a chubby little thing – short in height, any weight she put on was immediately noticeable and even if she didn’t really care about it, there was no denying that she ate enough for two, something she stopped doing over the summer. Running around with newfound friends and stopping only to grab a sandwich or an apple, as well as having grown some inches (only three, but that’s more than enough for Lily), caused the girl to lose quite a bit of weight, something she hasn’t really stopped to notice yet. One thing’s for sure, her appetite has gone down tremendously, but that doesn’t stop her from stuffing her face every now and then.

Peas remain Lily’s favourite thing in the whole wide world; those little green balls fascinated her when she was younger and the fixation stuck, for be them in rice, in pasta or just boiled in a bowl, the ginger will devour them, having developed the habit of force feeding them to her friends when they wrinkle her nose at her. Another food she’s very fond of is tuna pasta, something that she eats when she doesn’t feel too good, like some girls who eat ice-cream or chocolate. A nice, warm plate of pasta does it for her, the best comfort food anyone could ever have thought about. Food, for Lily, is more than just food – it’s art, it’s life, it’s something to be appreciated and cherished, not just eaten as an obligation.

Still, some traditions must be kept and while she loves a full dish, it’s rare that Lily mixes her food – she eats it all in order, one picked when she finishes serving. It might touch, that’s absolutely fine, but she can’t really eat meat, rice and salad in one bite: they must be eaten separately. A slow eater who stops to chat every five seconds, Lily’s plate might be half-empty after an hour, but her drink will be left untouched – that, as everything else, has an order – until she’s properly finished.

how do they behave under pressure? To say that Lily does well under pressure is an understatement, as the girl functions like a well oiled machine – sure, she might hold off on sleep for a few days (until she passes out on her bed fully clothed) but for the most part, the redhead will surely be running around, getting everything she needs done and on time; everything else but the task at hand forgotten, pushed to the back of her mind until she can go back to relaxing. This doesn’t mean that Lily enjoys pressure, Merlin no, but at least she knows that if she has to be faced with it, she won’t crash and burn like so many of her classmates – getting essays done? Easy. Studying for her O.W.Ls? Sure, no problem. But when it comes to pressure within her family circle? That’s when things get trickier, for while school isn’t all that hard for Lily, when it comes to the social dynamic in her family she is often unsure of what to say or how to act, looking like a fish out of water.

Perhaps it was the years she has spent at Hogwarts, maybe the new culture she now finds herself submerged in or the difference between the people she deals with on a daily basis and the people who share her blood, but one thing is certain: when it comes to holidays, family dinners or even small situations, like meeting Petunia’s brand new boyfriend, Lily is clueless. She’ll feel awkward, with her curly red hair and nails tapping on wooden tables, not knowing what to say or do – a word out of place and she could let it slip that she’s a witch. So, all in all, the girl is amazing under pressure, unless it comes from her family. Then, she might just spend hours eating, not speaking as she fears her comments might embarrass those around her.

how do they express their emotions? While the Evans were a warm family, affection was never shown through touching; words, kind gestures and her parents’ constant fussing over both her and Petunia were what showed Lily she wasn’t alone and that she was loved. That, however, wasn’t satisfying for the girl who was always snuggled up against her mum or constantly hugging her dad. From a very young age, Lily proved to be an extremely tactile individual and that only grew with age: when she loves and trusts someone, the ginger touches them. Any sort of physical contact comes naturally to her, be it a gentle nudge with her hip or a kiss on the cheek, holding hands with her friends or crawling into bed with them, Lily can’t help herself – to her, one must show people that they were loved and, in a time where people just aren’t kind enough, a soft touch seems comforting. Perhaps she was just born to mother everyone, wanting the people around her to be at their best, but she just can’t help but touch the people she cares about.

Still, Lily is a person of extremes and while she can be the gentlest of girls at times, when she’s angry she is definitely not someone you would want as an enemy. The witch’s temper is as fiery as her hair, and once she gets upset you might as well run, hide and wait for her to calm down. It takes quite a while for someone to get Lily completely furious, very few ever driving her to the breaking point, but when she does, things will fly, cities will burn, empires will crumble and you will hear cats hissing for hours like in comedy TV shows. Those closest to her aren’t safe from being hit on the back of the head or slapped across the arm, for her being tactile goes both ways and she is most definitely not afraid to hit people when they deserve it. After all, she’s not that strong… ish.

Ultimately, Lily tries to show her love to those she cares about in any way she can, be it by listening to them when they need someone, giving them advice even if it’s harsh and cold, hugging them when they need a shoulder and hitting them when they’re behaving like idiots – love, she has come to realize, comes in many ways and if one must be cruel in order to guide someone in the right direction then so be it. Lily isn’t afraid of calling things by their proper names; if people dislike her for that, so be it. At least she knows she’s doing the right thing and helping the people she holds closest to her heart, even if they don’t notice it straight away. Of course, most of this is the redhead believing that she knows better than most but that has never stopped her from doing what she believes she should do. And, at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

O U T O F C H A R A C T E R

name: Oswin age: 18 timezone: GMT contact information: You can find me on greeneyedwriting, my personal Tumblr blog where I’m on at least once a day, on Skype as deathatwinterquay and/or on KIK as somebodysaylily. pronouns: She / Her

Hello, there! I didn’t know where to add this so I’ll just mention it here. While Eleanor is absolutely beautiful, I can’t really say she’s my vision of Lily and that makes me a little uncomfortable, which is why I wish to request a change to Jenna Thiam, a French actress you can find here [ x , x , x ]. She, along with Karen Gillan, are two faceclaims I particularly enjoy for Lily and Jenna, with her curly dark red hair, is exactly what I envisioned while writing the app. Thank you so much!

#( &. extra. )

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