#in such a vulnerable state. its meant more playful. you are human im human i dont feel human i want to be human

[skunkes]

Your post about loving to study the beauty of the human body as well as wanting to love someone male while also be them is something I've been feeling for the past few years tbh but I've never heard someone put it in the exact words I use before. I think it's also because when it comes to topics like that I also feel embarrassed trying to explain a melded and complicated but beautiful emotion that doesn't have a word for it other than imagery in my mind

Sorry for the random soul post in your inbox but I get you! And that makes me happy

Also you're art is very cool and holds the very idea of human warmth and love within keep it up

responding to the compliment first, thank you!!!

as for the rest, yes! In the past I've definitely understood "love someone so much you want to crawl into them because hugging and physical intimacy isn't enough" as well as the usual "do i wanna fuck them or be them 🤪" sentiment floating around,

but it's not until very recently that I pieced together the, "well, what would I do if I literally got my hands on another [human being]. I'm not sure it would be enough to just Behold a [beautiful human being], I also want to be a beautiful [human being], but in the way this [person] is, which is. Unlike the way I am. Different from how I am. (In the many ways that can be interpreted)."

Which is adjacent to the "crawling into them", and adjacent to wishing I could be desired in the same way that I desire, and then directly connected to the way I am being genuine and casual when I say I love looking at and am in awe of the human form, but it's so very easy for that genuine love to slip into that intense and strange enthusiasm to map out, touch, explore, examine, open, crawl, meld, Be. Be!

#skunk mail #Anonymous #(all metaphorical of course; im not chopping anyone to pieces) #<- also actually saying this genuinely and not in a sneaky sarcastic way #im not chopping anyone to pieces AND i understand healthy boundaries. i obvs wouldnt actually just get weird with somebody #in such a vulnerable state. its meant more playful. you are human im human i dont feel human i want to be human #i want to touch you human i want to be you human. human like you. not human like me. #is it enough to admire you when i so badly want to be a human of your appearance...in some ways general and some ways specific... #...your usage of the word ''male'' also rings true. for some of this. augh. #long post #long ask #Another way to describe it is: I have made many posts about my feeling of isolation from my alleged hobbies... #it's never enough to just collect beautiful art from others or marvel at someone's skilled Print Making #How do you just admire? I want to do it too. I want to do it too. #and also i am looking back and forth from the dynamic with talon wrt these sentiments #scratching my neck and looking nervous #🌺

[tmema]

me smacking my hands on a table to the beat ✨ MI-NI NSFW RANT MI-NI NSFW RANT! ✨🎤🎤🎤

ok ok ok SO. "microdosing cannibalism by eating your girl out." first of all. what a text post that was. second of all. this is going to be a bit messy BUT. (and ofc this is not speaking in general to all people, different people like different things in different ways but this is for ruminating on the concept relating to the text post i saw, jic anyone stumbles upon this) (nsfw warning!!!)

the mouth can be both vicious and tender, viciously tender, tenderly vicious. it can bite or kiss. one could argue that, at times, they can be the same (for the biter or the bitten, or both). kissing is arguably almost a necessary component to sex because the human body can be kissed, and not just on the mouth, and depending on where you use your mouth the body will respond and heighten pleasure/arousal. when it comes to the mouth, it's an interesting duality: the mouth can red, tear, puncture, can cause infection if the wound isn't treated aptly. anger/rage is stored in the jaw. conversely, besides the fact that we use our mouths to speak, kissing as an act is usually done as an act of affection, reverence, friendliness, playfulness, love, etc. the mouth is an intimate instrument, a vehicle for horror or tenderness. and then there's the intimacy and tenderness that can be found in eating, in general, sharing a meal or dining alone. the food touches your fingertips, your palms, gets under your nails. it goes past your lips, slides across your tongue, and down your throat. i once read a poem or short story that said humans love kissing so much because it's like eating. it makes sense to me that the two could feasibly be related. and then: sex. feelings are not necessary or required for it to occur but usually is associated with intimacy and vulnerability. obviously im not speaking for everyone but i have read people saying that someone going down on them makes them feel more vulnerable than what is "regular" to them. one of the slang terms for going down on a woman is "eating a peach." a very specific image, a simple way of stating something that is, for many, submitting to the horrifying ordeal of being, in the physical sense, [nearly] completely vulnerable. and then there's the fact that (iirc) more than half % of ppl with vaginas cannot orgasm simply by having "normal" penetrative sex. the mouth (lips, tongue, teeth, saliva, door to the vocal chords, path to the stomach, the road to the inside of a person) + a sexual act that is extremely intimate, usually requires a great amount of trust/comfort with the partner to perform. a person being eaten by someone with teeth but it's an act of giving, one that is meant to pleasure the one being eaten, the one doing the eating (ideally) gaining pleasure from giving. it is a meal that cannot be "finished" in the way that a meal is - the plate wiped clean, perhaps a few crumbs or smears of sauce, the bowl empty, ice cubes melting in the glass - but there is an end. it ends when the one being eaten chooses its end, whether that results in orgasm or not. the act of devouring in the context of something as innately selfish and morally + socially abhorrent as cannibalism can be associated with power, insatiability, hunger, even greed. any pleasure or satisfaction derived goes to the one doing the eating. but when you couple such a thing with an act associated with intimacy, vulnerability, and pleasure given to the one being eaten... i think that's extremely interesting and not necessarily contradicting. with this food, this meal, in concept, can be unending. and that's not even getting into what the interpersonal relationship between partners can be.

some additional food for thought (ehehehe) that say what i cannot put as succinctly into words:

"I want to swallow you, have you melt into me and flow through my veins." (Han Kang, The Vegetarian)

"Do you see now? My tongue, / the dagger at your jugular. My / love, the sword at your bosom. Which do you want?" (I.B. Vayache, “Loved via Purpose”)

"Please don’t go, I’ll eat you whole / I love you so, I love you so, I love you so." (Alt-J, "Breezeblocks")

“Sometimes I think I would eat you if I could. There is a witch in a story who ate a girl she loved, and always afterwards when she spoke, flowers fell out of her open mouth. I would swallow you up, and you would be lobelia on my tongue for the rest of my life. This is what they say: it is not uncommon for us to want to eat what we love." (the podcast Mabel)

“I need your teeth in me, slow and vicious, to tell me my armor is just skin, bones, only bones.” (Jamaal May)

"That’s when I thought of you. / I know you’ll take care of me. / You won’t eat me. No matter how much you enjoy the way I taste." (Eric LaRocca)

"I love you. I want us both to eat well." (Christopher Citro, "Our Beautiful Life When It's Filled With Shrieks")

“What I know of love fits inside my mouth.” (Amie Whittemore)

"Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" (Jenny Slate, Little Weirds)

“Sometimes, you just want / something so hard you have to lie about it, / so you can hold it in your mouth for a minute, / how real hunger has a real taste.” (Ada Limón, "Lies About Sea Creatures")

"I love you but there are things older and murkier than love. Things that live not in the heart but the entrails. I don’t want you to see me with the wolf. I don’t want you to see what he does to me. I don’t want you to see what i do to him." (Catherynne M. Valente, "The Red Girl")

"The middle of a kiss, and though he opened / up wide and wider, her own small jawbones gave / a little crack and stuck, and look what happened: / as if she’d fallen in an open grave, / he swallowed her at last, and then she wandered / in a dark saturated country where / the red land throbbed with capillaries under / electric stars. A kiss had brought her there, / a simple kiss that rained and filled her head / with blood, a nightmare kiss, a wrong man kiss; / why had she kissed a man with such a mouth, / with such thick teeth and jaws, such a tongue, / instead of kissing someone who would let her out, / kissing someone nicer, who ate less." (Tony Barnstone, "Nightmare Kiss”)

#inbox #not sure if any of this made sense fjakdsjkdsjadd but <3

[dodo-begone]

The Monster Within

Pairing: Yandere!DSMP!Awesamedude x Reader

Request: hiya!! could i request some hcs for yan! sam ? 😳 you're ones for schlatt were really good and im a whore for yandere dsmp food

Word Count: 1K

Warning: Yandere, Trauma, Declining Mental Health

A/N: Sorry i made this into a fic. Forgive me asiofjasnd

There is a part 2 called He's Unleashed, my Cracker King.

If this ever looks wonky/glitched, i have this properly archived on Ao3

You had known Sam for a long time. Well, knew of him. You didn’t know him personally for quite a while. But his reputation precedes him, making him a well known person all across the smp, even without a lot of people talking to him. And when you did manage to meet him, it felt like something clicked between the two of you. And you guys did have a small little friendship going on, quite steadily in fact.

Then the prison project came up. Sam started to talk to you less and less. The relationship had been broken back to square one; you two were essentially strangers again.

There was practically no contact between the two of you, but there were times when he would seek you out. Those were supposedly when he was taking a small break. Sam’s little recesses from the prison were fantastic. The two of you enjoyed the time together; treasuring the moments until the peaceful and playful spell would dissipate and reality came to reclaim its hold on y’all.

The eggpire had been a problem for a while with their insistent methods of recruitments. Though their most recent tactic was extreme to the max, or the max that you could think of. They kidnapped Sam and locked him up with the egg and kept him in there so long to the point where he started mutilating himself just to stay alive.

Once Sam was rescued, there was talk about who would care for Sam. There weren’t many options. It was either the eggpire, which was a definite no, or Puffy. Leaving Puffy alone to care for Sam just seemed wrong. And it was an opportunity to be around Sam, so that was a plus.

It wasn’t long into his care that Sam was begging y’all to let him go. He was perfectly fine. He had to get to the prison. Somebody had to keep an eye on Dream. But you two elected to ignore Sam. After all, it was for his best interest. Nobody can take care of a prison on their own when they’re injured.

After a few tedious weeks of rest, you and Puffy deem Sam well enough to return to the prison. Now he seemed somewhat reluctant to leave. His internal struggle was very evident through his eyes; they switched from the exits to you and Puffy. Though he made the decision to return to his duties. It was honestly kinda hilarious how quickly Sam ran to the nether portal to get to Pandora’s Prison after such a long period of contemplation.

People started to visit Dream in his cell after Sam was back. Though what they said was concerning. They said Sam was acting odd, though they wouldn’t talk too much about it. Only stating that he’d seemed off, but that was to be expected. He was still recovering from the egg both physically and mentally.

Some of the things they talked about was how he seemed more “harsh”. “Apathetic” and “disconnected from reality” were some of the other descriptions. And he supposedly had done a horrible deed, something about cheating, and Ponk leaving him because of it. Like what the fuck, hold the phone. Ponk was leaving Sam? Sam was cheating on him as well? Since when?! What was going on here?!

Nobody knew what was happening to him mentally, though. They only had a slight idea on what could’ve been happening.

While in the prison, Dream started to taunt Sam. Again. It wasn’t an unusual activity for Dream. There aren’t many activities he could do in such a tiny cell and with so few items. He heckled Sam on the daily, maybe even hourly, probing around for a weakness of Sam’s. Something gave it away, because Dream started to mention you more. Saying how you’d be so disappointed in Sam’s treatment of Dream, that’d you’d see him as a monster if you only knew the things he was doing and never talk to him again, and other nasty things. Trying his best to get under Sam’s skin.

On top of that, he was slightly influenced by the egg. Sometimes it would whisper little words to him and other times it talks to him in his dreams. It always talked about you. How you weren’t safe with the others, that they were going to take you from him. If he gave himself to the egg, he could get anything and everything he wanted. And you were included.

He resisted the egg’s siren call. After all, the egg wouldn’t help at all. And he had to stay out of its control. Look at what it had done to Ant and Bad. It was for his sake that he didn’t listen. By his sake, he really meant for your sake. You were precious and fragile.

When you got news of Sam’s behavior, you immediately gave him a visit. The rumors were right; something about him felt very off, very wrong. But you couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

The sight of him was a relief, but at the same time it worried and saddened you. He looked somewhat defeated and very tired. His appearance showed that he wasn’t caring for himself and definitely overworking himself in his semi-vulnerable state.

You decided that Sam needed more human contact, especially other than Dream, and went to visit him more often. With each visit, he seemed to perk up a bit more, look a bit better.

Though every time you’d leave, he’d get a little pouty, asking if you actually had to leave. A chuckle would leave your lips. “Of course I do, silly. I have to go to sleep and you need to watch over Dream. I don’t want to distract you more than I already have”.

During one of your visits, Tommy accompanied you. He went to talk to Dream, to finally get over some of his trauma from Dream. And you went to have your regular talks with Sam.

It was very unfortunate that your conversation was cut off by the security breach. It was terrifying and peculiar. The prison was supposed to be very secure and inescapable. Whatever set the alarm off must be a force to be reckoned with.

Sam quickly ushers you into a cell “for your protection”. As he runs off, you pray to any deity that’ll listen for him to come out of the encounter unharmed. Completely unaware of what Sam held in store for you.

#c: sam #tw: yandere #dodo writing #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #awesamdude x reader #yandere #tw: trauma