#in the meantime enjoy this dumb thing that i spent hours on instead of writing

[invincipals]

I like Tumblr more than bsky. People on here make me feel bad about myself sometimes, but I'll try to let that happen less.

It feels more private and like a place where I can share my thoughts deeper. Bluesky is nice but... I feel like it's more... Surface level, for me, right now at least.

Today's thoughts are: I have a very complicated relationship with how others view me.

I think it's because I'm ashamed of how little I've achieved with my life. I am quiet and shy and a college drop-out. Despite everything bad about me, I live a rather cushy comfortable life. People put in way more effort for way less. Not that that means I should just sit back and feel guilty, no, that's fucking dumb, but that I need to do more with my time.

I want to feel alive and like I'm doing something. I'm getting brain-fogged writing this, I did have work today after all, so I will just start to type train of thought without going back and editing things together.

As I started typing this and then stared back I felt like it was kinda whinging, just more and more wishing and whining instead of doing something. But truthfully, it is hard to know where to start. But I have this problem where I set myself up for failure by imagining big plans with stars in my eyes, when I know I should start small...

One small start could be finding a food bank place near me that accepts food. Which sounds like, duh, all of them would. But a lot don't want food. They want money to buy the exact supplies they need. Which makes sense. But... If I were to slide food from work into my bag instead of the trash, who could take that? I consistently struggle with finding places that just accept Food.

I'll figure it out. Might have to reach out to local online things and ask them where to go.

I realized an issue with myself recently. While listening to the audiobook of Unmasking Autism, there came a point where I, the reader, was asked to write down all the times that I truly felt alive.

...I can not think of anything. How terrible is that?

For so long, my existence was spent waiting for things to be better. Waiting to move out from my abusive parent's house. Waiting to start HRT. Waiting for surgery. Waiting for my next paycheck. I need to start living for Now, even if I am not perfectly happy with myself. Or perhaps, it is easier for me to say that now that I pass 100% of the time, even with my long mullet.

But, yeah, living for now. There is no perfect time. I... don't quite know how to Not constantly be distancing myself from my uncomfortable reality. But I know I need to feel uncomfortable more.

But I need something that makes me thrilled, and full of life. It is self-torment, stagnant, to do the uncomfortable without enjoying myself too. I enjoy making art, drawing and writing. The excitement of making up a plot point and realizing how perfectly it fits into my story, it's like clicking together the most difficult puzzle.

I have a weird relationship with my stories. I have this one, my main sci-fi world, that I love so deeply. I love it so deeply that I'm putting it on the shelf, and not fully committing to the novel beyond rough draft chapters because I want to give it attention when I'm ready, when I'm more skilled. I have other ideas and projects to tackle in the meantime, and I must make myself focus on them instead of doting on my Spiral characters.

Returning to the concept of feeling alive... I want to go hunting. It must feel amazing, to go into the forest alone for hours, days even. To challenge the world and for it to challenge you back. To prove yourself, to exist not as some holier than thou naked monkey standing high and mighty above nature but to exist as a part of the food chain and to return home with food for myself and my loved ones. I picture in my head the feeling of biting into meat that I bagged myself, as a hunter rather than a consumer... There's just something there. I imagine a thrill in hunting. It's in the evolutionary history of my species. I must take mind to read different perspectives, during my period of research and saving money for supplies. Basically I plan to read what indigenous people are saying about hunting rather than just what other white people have to say.

I just want to connect with nature more. I've dedicated myself to taking almost-daily walks. I skip on days where I'm out and about for other reasons. But on days where I'd otherwise be inside all day, I walk. I try to keep my eye out. I take pictures of things that catch my eye. I think it'd be cool to just pick a random plant and try to identify it. Maybe re-download iNaturalist and dedicate myself to actually figuring out how it works lmao.

I wonder if I could forage too? My father foraged. It was one of his... Things. He hyperfixated, had fleeting special interests. When it wasn't horrific conspiracy theories that he forced me to listen to, it would be things like natural foraging. I remember, the venison he hunted, paired with the sheep's head mushroom he foraged. Holy fuck, I've never eaten anything more delicious and savory. Though I admit I don't trust myself to correctly identify mushrooms, perhaps I could start with... A plant. Such as the Dandelion. I have eaten those before.

Scrolling back up, what the fuck am I even on about? I am truly all over the place. Anyways. yeah, I care so, so much. But typing about going outside more made me feel better and hopeful.

I can not imagine how damaging social media must be to some people. I am some nobody who's most popular account ever only reached ~300 followers. And even I notice so many strange complexes within myself because of Posting and Online Attention. Probably because I am so online and isolated. I am making more friends in the real world and it feels good. I want to do more. I am so scared and awkward but I go and talk to people at the furbowls anyways and I really really want to connect fully with this local furry community. And yet, I am terrified of Realness. I am utterly horrified and stricken with panic when I engage in spaces that are genuine and expect more from me than just my half-assed masking. But I know that terror is a good thing to feel.

I do not know quite what to do with this blog, I feel... Weird... Because some of my friends follow it... I care so much about how I appear, I feel held back by the preconceived notions and perceptions of myself. And yet I'm so... Weird! I push back and act unlikable on purpose! I embrace being crude and blunt because I don't like to be palatable and easy! I don't want to be lovable, I am not lovable, but I wish to be loved and to love deeply despite that. I think I probably need therapy.

Well! Anyways! What other updates do I have, for the 0 people who read this far?

Well, my tooth fucking broke the other day! Second to last back molar, left side, I was picking at what I thought was a piece of food stuck to it and the shit just tore off. Maybe like... Ehh, 1/5th? 1/4th of an inch? 6 millimeters? I'd post a pic, but it's gross. It's got this yellow streak on it, and part of it is black. No pain yet! Got a dentist appointment set for Tuesday, let's hope it doesn't disintegrate further in the meantime!

Also, I got art of my boy Damian. Look upon it. This was not exactly a commission, but I donated to Packmates Mutual Aid (specifically for community member Owly who needed help with rent while recovering from a workplace injury) and got this in return. I am glad I was able to help by giving money. I've been in their discord with the volunteer role for awhile, but I simply have no relevant skills at the moment. But at least I could chuck the fun-money portion of my latest paycheck to someone who needed it more. And of course, get some of my favorite characters feet out of it as well.

Despite how strange and ramble-y this was, it felt really, really good to get out there. Like, I actually feel my mind a bit clearer after unpacking all of that and thinking about positive steps to take.

#op #blog #Added readmore because this became so long

[heavensentgohansrage]

Sunflower Marimo

PG-13, 4958 words

Fluff and Crack, Magical Seeds

AO3

So in this post on my main blog I gushed over this adorable work by @kingofalltsunfish​ and sorta made a promise to write it for her lol

It may have happened almost over two years ago, and the art itself is even much older than that, but I knew I had to do it.

Even if the outcome is all over the place for so many reasons, it’s better now then never.

Sanji has been howling with laughter for the last half an hour, as he keeps understanding more and more the reason behind Zoro’s strange behaviour.

Ever since returning back to the ship at almost the middle of the night, Zoro has refused to leave Chopper’s infirmary, where he has spent the night instead of the boys’ quarter. Then, all throughout breakfast, he proceeded in arguing with Nami about his mysterious need to turn the Sunny against the location of the sun - or, in words of people who actually know how direction works, to turn west - even though the Log Pose is directing to north-east.

Nami eventually agreed, even though he refused to give any explanation whatsoever. Then, it was only when he checked - through more than one window, because, you know, safety first - that the shadows outside were stretched in alignment with the ship’s structure that he rushed from the galley and through the short way that the infirmary created to the backside of the ship.

The crew’s excitement as they followed right after him was short, though, as it turned out he simply had to pee. Looking at each other, the group asked Franky to check if there was something wrong with the ship - although it did not explain Zoro’s secrecy about it - but he quickly found out that everything was just fine.

It was just then when Zoro finally went out, but slowly so, as he opened the door way too carefully, and even then took his time to look around, clearly making sure the ship was still facing the same way as he had asked for. Weirdly enough, it suddenly was not good enough for him to get out, but just shouted that they could now turn it back.

Before Sanji could tell him once more that Nami-san is not one to order around like that, though, Luffy stretched his hand all the way to him, assuring that he would make it quicker for him- and pulled Zoro’s shirt back to him without sparing him a moment to object.

Zoro, as usual, crushed right at Luffy and most of the rest, like Robin-chan, who Sanji had the utmost pleasure to pull away; but as he was bathing in the delight for having her thanking him that, suddenly he heard Zoro grunting.

The instinct to stand guard for his Nakamas overcoming any other nature of his as usual, Sanji cut his blessings off right away and turn to the Marimo-head, who was gritting his teeth and shaking with effort, although there was nothing visible to be affecting him.

Usopp and Luffy were arguing with one another, seemingly sensing nothing themselves, but Sanji activated his Haki anyway, in case some Devil Fruit power was casting on him from afar.

“What are you doing, dumb Cook?”

Sanji blinked back at Zoro, who, weirdly enough, looked completely fine as he was standing quiet and still. Had he seriously stolen his attention for nothing? Was it all just about some stupid bet he filled, considering Zoro never backs down from a promise he makes?

Sanji frowned. “You gotta be kidding me- you weren’t okay just a second ago! Just what’s wrong with you today that you’re acting more weirdly than usual?!”

There was a flash of realization in Zoro’s eye, and suddenly he was giving him the kind of smirk he always has when he uses Sanji to his advantage, although usually it is only for his amusement. “Me? I’m completely fine. You’re the one who imagines things. See?” He stretched his arms to the sides and walked backwards, as though to give Sanji a better look of his entire body.

But then he walked right into Nami, who had returned from the helm on the front of the ship to their side.

“Not only you didn’t watch your mouth that entire morning, but now you don’t even mind crossing others’ paths?!” She rebuked him.

“Yeah, how dare you running into Nami-san so carelessly?” Sanji followed with a yell of his own.

Zoro tsked and scratched his head in annoyance, but Sanji cared even less than the indifferent he would have been anyway about him being sandwiched between the two of them.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” She demanded, holding Zoro’s sides and turning him to her.

Zoro grunted again, this time like she was straining all the muscles in his body just by rotating him on his axis. Startled, Nami let go of him- but simply realizing her hands was like letting go of a swing that was spun 180 degrees, as in an instant he was turning his back on her, facing against the backside of the ship.

Everyone silently stared at him for a while, until Chopper started freaking out of the blue.

“Is it- Could it be- Th-that’s bad! Where’s the doctor?!”

“Calm down Chopper and tell us what’s wrong!” Usopp entreated him tiredly.

“Ahh, sorry!” Chopper circled Zoro, who still did not bother to change his position back, to be able to face him. “Zoro, yesterday when we split in the island and you wandered by yourself, did you come across sunflower seeds, or something similar, while exploring the island?”

“Yeah, I helped some old lady carrying her groceries, then the garden kept leading me to her backyards where there were flower plots, so it tempted me to try some. Why?”

Sanji felt a squeeze inside his stomach, but just like every time Zoro’s words affected him like that, he made himself to ignore it. He should know better than react that way to such an idiot who would not admit he got lost in a porch, for fuck’s sake.

“Then it is serious!” Chopper squealed and put both paws on his face.

Sanji patted him on his head, trying to soothe him as much as he could. “What it is then?”

“I’ve noticed the sunflowers here are a rare species of a clan-type.”

“Clan-type?” Robin parroted him with an inauspicious voice.

Chopper nods. “It is kind of plants which try to make other living beings to become like them instead of naturally reproducing. Luckily, this species is too weak to actually make a human into a flower, and maybe this is why the locals allowed themselves to grow them for their beauty. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t succeed to leave any effect at all.”

“Eh? But he still looks normal!” Luffy wondered as he searched for anything outstanding all over Zoro’s body, who was losing his patience by the minute.

“Didn’t you notice? As long as he sees it, Zoro can only face the sun!”

Sanji cannot help himself but losing it.

  -

  For the following days, Zoro spends even more of the day in the crow’s nest. He even stops looking for booze, too, as he has to make sure he drinks just as much as his body needs to deal with the amount of sweat he perspires during his workout, so unlike the first morning he will be able to hold it until the sun is down, when he finally can go out.

Since Nami asked Sanji so, he prepares breakfast for Zoro earlier than everyone, just before the sun is up, and delivers him lunch while everyone eats inside the galley.

Sanji understands it is serious, especially as out on the sea, the next battle can happen at any given moment; not only everyone will have to have Zoro’s back, the proud bastard will not even let them cover for him that easily himself.

In the meantime, though, he still takes advantage of that to make fun of Zoro every time. He cannot be blamed for not being able to stay quiet with a - now literally - moss-for-brain guy, who could not even figure out himself that the sunflower seeds he has eaten just before it all started were the reason for it.

As the sunflowers act the way they do because they know what is best for themselves, even without consciousness, that man is officially dumber than a plant.

“Enjoy your meal- unless you’re already full by photosynthesis,” he wishes him the first time he brings him lunch.

“It’s exactly noon, so make sure to warn us when you sense a Knock-Up Stream, South Bird,” he cheerfully remarks another time as he brings him a snack.

“Maybe you should consider renaming this one after Thousand Sunny instead,” he notes at one of the time he comes back to take the dishes, while Zoro was practising the movement of the 1080 Pound Ho technique with weights.

For the last bad pun Sanji actually has to dodge an attack directed at him, and each time it is still worth it. After all, if he has somehow spent the entire first day under the effect of the seeds facing the sun, which allowed him to find the right path back to the ship even later than usual, without getting his face burn- then at least Sanji can amuse himself by attempting getting his face red himself.

Although while not finding it as cute as it is amusing, of course. Not at all.

At any case, the rest of the crew takes their part in toying with the current member to get into an unfortunate situation, so Sanji is afraid he will soon run out of original good material himself - only Usopp, for example, has used up anything clever you could make with a comparison to the Sunlight Tree Eve -  but that until Chopper gets concerned about the lack of vitamin D Zoro will soon suffer from, as it is not clear when the effect will go away, and orders him to take his naps outside.

Luffy and Usopp get bored of it quickly, as the sun moves too slowly for the direction Zoro’s head leans to noticeably enough, but Sanji still manages to entertain himself with trying to guess the time according to the direction Zoro’s head is tilted to.

But that also means he stares at him more as he sleeps, and perhaps Sanji does more damage to himself than good while suddenly noticing how beautiful Zoro’s face are, once he is too peaceful to distract Sanji with some sort of annoyance. It even exposes some of his soft side he usually does not show, well hidden behind the stiffness the usually carries himself with.

Sanji is reminded of one of those rare times, where they got stuck with each other as circumstances made them split together from the rest of the crew; as they walked by a small waterfall, Sanji’s eyes caught a small rainbow it created. He got closer to make it illuminate over his hand, and only by luck Zoro was still not that far away once he raised his head to look for him. He called him, intentionally to warn him to not drift away- but was then surprised when the swordsman not only was marvelled once he noticed Sanji’s his finding, but was interested enough that he got closer to take a better look, touching Sanji’s hand in the process. Sanji somehow avoided jerking away, but it did make his gaze to lock on the full exposure of Zoro’s long, moss-green eyelashes as he was looking down. The way their arcs were as perfectly round as the sincere, more unalloyed than his katanas smile stretching beneath them caught Sanji’s breath. He had seen him smiling astonishedly like that before, like when they arrived at Water 7, but had never thought he would have ever care to share it with him.

Then the singular hazel eye looked back at him, which may have carried less variety of shades than a rainbow, but the natural phenomenon still had nothing in comparison to the depth and strength of the overall tone.

Okay, that is it, he should stop wasting time on bittersweet memories and focus on important issues, especially those which will actually grant him happiness, like making drinks for the ladies.

He manages to actually lose those previous thoughts in his new occupation, that he even manages to not pay attention to Zoro as he leaves a drink beside him, and passes him to Nami and Robin- the only targets that should matter.

And that is why it takes another whole day for anyone to notice that he became the one according to whom Zoro’s body changes the angle it is facing, overcoming even the sun’s position, whenever he is near him.

  -

  “Best. Development. Ever!” Usopp cries, rolling on the ship’s lawn while holding his sides.

“How the hell having our Swordsman losing control over his body is a good development?!” Nami scolds after him.

Luffy, who has been crossing the grass back and forth just like Usoop, suddenly clashes into the other- but it does not stop the two of them to bark out in yet another wave of laughter.

“We should find a yellow ball on the next island to throw at the Marines so he could fight them,” their Captain finally suggests.

“Great idea, so very helpful,” Nami sighs as she walks up to the duo to give them their justified punches.

Sanji has never had any special thought about his hair, really - unlike someone else’s, it is actually a completely normal one - but that situation makes him to actually wish it was not yellow.

Not that it means he plans to dye it to anything else, of course.

“Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?!” Chopper waves his arms helplessly, and jumps for a good effort. “It can’t be about Sanji’s hair resembling the sun!”

Zoro groans. “Either way, Cook- why don’t you go there too so I can give them a piece of my mind too!”

“Tch, good-for-nothing Marimo.” Sanji lights up a cigarette as he remains standing. “Now I won’t be able to stand close to either Nami-san or Robin-chan, for who knows how long, in case you’ll hurt them accidentally.”

“Won’t happen as long as you don’t give me a reason to try going after you, Ero-Cook.”

Sanji jumps in front of Zoro at once, pressing him against the wall with his foot on his chest. “You mean you actually won’t even try to control yourself when you have a lady in view?!”

Zoro holds his leg and tries to shove it off of himself, but that also means he has to try incline to another way; as he is physically not able to face a point even a little skewed from the one Sanji is at, an attempt like that is clearly utterly impossible- or at least looks to be as painful as trying to twist one’s hand beyond its maximum flexibility point.

Sanji smirks triumphantly. “Well, at least you finally won’t be able to ignore the truth anymore while it is standing right in your face.”

“What truth? That your women-obsession is a much more ridiculous sickness than mine?”

“What was that - ?!“

 “ - Didn’t you hear me? I told you to stop it!” Chopper, in his grown Heavy Point form, comes to stand aside them and force Sanji to step back. “I finally figured it out- it’s adrenaline!”

“Huh?”

“His body can't absorb light, so it searched for the next closest thing- something that drives itself to accelerate energy creation through cellular respiration, and I think it found it in the rush of adrenaline Zoro has been triggered to experience during all the times you angered him recently. You’ve teased him more than everyone when you came every day to bring him his meals.”

“That might be true,” Brook comments, “but when we tried earlier, Zoro was back to being attracted to the sun whenever Sanji was gone out of his sight. Even while searching for alternatives, it still doesn’t solve the original problem.”

“That’s true,” Chopper nods, “but I still think that it’s still progress. Soon his body will understand that the best way to get energy is through food alone, and will teach itself to get over that added instinct, just like there are a lot of instincts the human body forgets as we grow up.”

All the while they discuss this, Zoro has his eye closed so he will not have to stare directly as Sanji, who knows that he will not be able to get on with it for long himself. While he is currently not the one to be stuck in a state he cannot get away from, it can soon be him if Zoro will start finding things he could use to his disadvantage, like that time he caught him off-guard by the waterfall.

“Anyway, I’ll go hang back at the galley, where I better keep staying out of the zone of staring creepers,” he declares as he starts making his way back to the kitchen, even though it is too early for any dinner preparations.

“Like having to look at your swirly eyebrows the entire day doesn’t creep me out,” Zoro murmurs as his body spins in accordance with Sanji’s advance, which Sanji senses on his back way too well. Another roar of laughter commences, but is cut short as Sanji finally closes the door behind him- living the two boys in the direction of the sun fully exposed to the Swordsman’s range of attack.

Sanji puffs out smoke in relief. Being away from a compassionless eye constantly following and judging him, now he can finally think clearly: while he does not turn down Chopper’s speculation completely, Sanji still has a feeling there is something else that Zoro’s instincts connect between the sun and himself, even if not the shared colour.

Going over any association he has about the sun which he can somehow be also linked to him, he finds quicker than he would think an idea with a considerable possibility, and he is not happy when the solution he comes out with intensifies it on his face.

Unless he comes out with a better idea, though, or somehow he will be miraculously proven wrong even before that- he knows he will have no choice but to try it.

  -

  He waits until the next day’s sunrise, since the last dinner’s attempt has proven that Sanji still affects him even after the sun has sunk completely below the horizon, to the point the cook had to go out of his own kitchen to let him eat in peace.

While Zoro technically can get around with his eye closed whenever Sanji is visible to him, his lack of sense of direction for sure will take a disastrous turn.

Chopper volunteered to carry his next meals - Luffy tried to too, but everyone was too smart than letting him touch food that is not on his own plate - and Sanji hopes that it will not be the only excuse to not have to see Zoro, well, just about ever again in case he is wrong.

Sanji takes his morning preparation slower than usual, but inevitably, the time eventually arrives.

Despite peeking inside his pack of cigarettes, to make sure it is not empty, he throws the one he has smoked until that moment without taking a new one; he will have to face this situation head-on.

Getting out, he moon-walks his way to the crow’s nest.

Probably sensing him in advance, Zoro is standing where he can match the line of the sun, shining through the window, while having his back to the entrance when Sanji makes its way through.

“There’s no need to test it again every day, so just leave,” Zoro asserts.

Sanji sighs, as he for once wants to listen to Zoro so much. “Not before I try something I’ve thought about.”

“And since when do you have good ideas?”

Sanji crosses his arms. “When I rescued you from Crocodile’s cage? When I delayed Enel’s ark by attacking his engines before facing him? When I opened Enis Lobby’s Gates of Justice? Starting to find a pattern yet, human-plant? ”

A few beats pass, but finally Zoro’s shoulders slump with a sigh. “Fine, you have good strategies, but only when you’re unseen. Isn’t that part of the pattern too?”

“There’s no point if I don’t return to the light again, as much as you hate it.” Sanji rounds Zoro to meet a suspicious, unwelcoming eye that hopefully only hides the truth he has once witnessed from it, back at the waterfall.  “Supposedly.”

“Eh - ?” Zoro opens his mouth to utter, luckily, and by that makes the task easier for Sanji, as he can immediately use it to grab his face and meshed his own mouth to his.

Zoro tries to hum something, but Sanji has to make sure he acts as thoroughly as possible before he is thrown away through the window, and with each press of lips tries his best to make a profound contact, so the instinct holding Zoro captive will not be able to miss it.

Once overcoming his initial surprise, Zoro starts to react back with just as much force, not willing to let him take full leading so easily.

Instead of relief, like any normal person would feel for the cooperation, Sanji actually enjoys it. Thanks to becoming breathless, though, he does not have to face the painful temptation stretch it further than needed.

He somehow remembers then that he should check the results, as it was nothing but an experiment, and start jumping between different spots around Zoro.

“What the hell?” Zoro gasps, his head moving back and forth as he tries to catch a glimpse of him.

Grinning, Sanji stands right behind him and shifts him around. “It worked!”

Zoro blinks, but then stares out of the window he is now facing, which is finally not the wrong one to him, but just another window. A smile that only a free man can make is slowly drawn across his face, and he even releases a rare laugh that pulls at Sanji’s stomach much more than it should.

“How did you know what to do?” Zoro asks him.

Sanji slowly lets go of Zoro, eyes darting elsewhere. He clears his throat and lights up a cigarette, at long last.

“Unlike what Chopper said, I don’t think I annoyed you to the point your instinct will see me as a trigger to create energy, but that your body made it figure out that this is a human body, and you need the sun mainly for warmth- although it is something you get more effectively by a contact with someone else.” Sanji walks over to a window, although not one where the sun is seen; he is not that cold. “I’m the one who happens to touch you the most, during our quarrels, so I figured that was the reason you fixed on me, so I wanted to make sure you felt my warmth as effectively as possible.”

“Body warmth, huh…” Zoro mutters behind him.

They fall into silence, which Sanji desperately wants to get away from, but has no idea how to get out. Going near Zoro, ironically, has become intolerable.

“No, it’s both,” Sanji suddenly hears the other man says behind him, following by footsteps coming closer.

Sanji takes a long drag on his cigarette, and closes his eyes.

“Whether I liked it or not, you’ve been central in my life on this ship. All the times you got me to heat up, you influenced me to train even harder. I don’t depend on it, but by this point, it is almost as vital for me as the sense of Nakamaship I’ve developed."

Sanji huffs. “The point was that you’re a muscle-brain anyway.”

“Shut up, dumbass. I’ve simply persisted to one specific path - ”

This time, Sanji snorts.

“ - which made it hard for me to see alternative ones,” Zoro finishes explaining his insight, although a bit too annoyed for someone who has experienced one. It is not like Sanji want to ruin this moment for Zoro, but he has to get back on track, right after messing with their status quo.

This is how they communicate, and this is how it shall stay. Being able to fantasize a much more meaningful future with him than with anyone he has ever attempted to attach himself to does not matter.

“But since you keep trying multiple ones for no reason,” Zoro suddenly continues, “maybe combining to find a balance it will make you finally stop pretending like another person is better than you just by being born with the right set of milk glands.”

Sanji snaps his eyes open at that, forgetting all about his discomfort he has felt until just a second ago and coming forehead-to-forehead with Zoro. “Oi, just because you don’t appreciate that doesn’t mean you can talk about it like its speciality is unadmirable like that green head of yours.”

“It doesn’t matter what it is- you can keep pampering women, if it makes you happy like cooking for anyone regardless of gender. But you can’t let this cost your self-worth.”

The smoke from Sanji’s cigarette blocks his view, so he takes it out of his mouth for now. “Well, you did help to raise it during the last few days while I was constantly reminded of that stupid mistake you’ve done on a whim that I’ll never do, and I don’t see how cherishing women is beneath that. Then what do you suggest?”

“Blocking your path and see what you do about it.”

Before Sanji knows it, Zoro’s palms are on the back of his head and he is being pushed forward until their lips meet again, though this time for something simpler that still leaves the both of them frozen to their spot for the few seconds it lasts.

Shocked, Sanji tries to connect the different points that brought them to this- because if he has kissed Zoro to help him break through the seeds’ effect, Zoro has to have his own legitimate reason for this. He may not be dumb enough to force him like that to stop his so-called women problem, but it is too surreal for him that it could be what it looks to mean. How could anyone want him and yet trust him so much that they will not care about his admiring attitude toward others?

But Zoro’s eye, while not looking at him as tenderly as one would expect from someone with sentimental meanings behind this kind of action, is assuring it in his own way by staring at him with his frank, unreserved expression.

“Finally it looks like I'm the only one who was warmed,” Zoro smirks as he trails his fingers on Sanji’s burning cheeks.

“Shut up, shitty bastard,” Sanji murmurs as he flicks his hand away, but ultimately let Zoro’s fingers to comb some of his shiny hairs.

“Same to you, asshole.”

  ~~~

  Finally able to enjoy the sun properly, Zoro thinks back to the period of his life as a wanderer, where many times he had to walk under the warmth of the sun with hunger eating him from the inside.

Later, soon after joining Luffy’s crew, not only he did not have to worry about that- but he could actually build muscle more effectively, with no worry that his body would resist it- all thanks to one pesky, obnoxious cook coming abroad.

Even if there was a proper way to truly return him the favour, Zoro is not one to express that deep kind of gratitude directly, obviously, but since he happens to be the first one to get back to the ship from a stroll, for a change - even while the sun already barely presents in the sky - and only Sanji is there, as he stayed to look after the ship, he still wants to communicate it somehow.

He finds him leaning against the railing, watching the sea, and does not turn around as Zoro gets closer. The latter embraces him from behind with one hand, and turning his hair aside with the other so he could mouth the skin behind his ear.

Sanji sunk in a sharp breath, but his voice is mostly levelled when he speaks. “Are you bored?”

Despite Sanji is still uncertain about what they have started, as it is still too fresh for him- Zoro keeps being patient about it as usual: “No.”

“Then what's that about?”

Zoro smirks into his skin. “Isn't it clear by now? Disturbing you is always too tempting.”

“I thought you prefer doing that by picking on me until we start fighting.”

“Maybe, but that's when your mood is neutral.” He slowly nips his ear shell. “Now you're peaceful.”

Sanji is right by most probably figuring out that Zoro does not really have romantic moods, where all he wants is to be the man who initiates nice settings. He is a spontaneous kind of guy: he lets life lead him to find in a new island’s market something that the cook would like to receive only by a chance, and will not pull him to a place with unconventional, noteworthy settings, whatever that counts as, as letting it naturally occur around them is much better.

Just like waterfall creating a rainbow.

But when something reminds him of Sanji, he simply cannot help but look for him, no matter whether they end up trying to tear each other’s throats - and no matter what, there are still times where the cook makes him see red - or other behaviours that have to do with their proximity which feeds his satisfaction.

Because, as great as watching the sharpness in his eyes every time he uses an opportunity to drive him up the wall- being absorbed in the warmth of his smell and taste is quite remarkable, too.

“Sun's coming down,” Sanji mentions latterly.

Zoro hums into his shoulder agreement, even though he could care less about it so long Sanji is still there.

#zosan #zosan ficlet #my writing #marimo!zoro #plant!zoro

[merigreenleaf]

OC Tag (#5 - Sol)

Two more of these left- I’ll share the last one either tonight or tomorrow. Sorry if this is a bother, but I really enjoyed answering these questions for my six main characters. :D I’m not tagging anyone, but if you’d like to do this, consider yourself tagged! (I am tagging @lynnafred so you see this though.)

GENERAL

Name: Solei "Sol" Celeste

Alias(es): Oh look, another dork who doesn't go by their real name and uses their alias instead lol. His birth name was Sebastien, but Sol changed his name when he came to Concordia because he wanted to forget his past and since he has light magic, he picked a name that meant sun. "Celeste" is a stage name he and his brother chose together since their home culture doesn't do last names and the two of them have a sun/moon theme. 

Gender: cis male

Age: 24

Place of birth: Sanctuary of Shadow, Montglace

Spoken languages: Sol is great with languages and can speak most languages he comes across fairly well. He can't read/write any of them (I think his dyslexia is too bad) but he's really good at speaking them. This is why he doesn't have an accent speaking Concordian like Etri does. 

Sexual orientation: he's bi- he likes men and nonbinary people 

Occupation: He shares a fire act with Etri for their carnival troupe but most of his time is spent inventing things.

APPEARANCE

Eye colour: blue-green

Hair colour: white blond

Height: 6'6"

Scars: All from being so very Sol. He got hit by a knife Etri threw once and that gave him a scar on his upper arm (Etri probably wasn't ready for knife tossing at that point but Sol's reckless and wanted to try lol). Any other scars were from similar situations- like the time he made a pair of wings and jumped off the roof of the wagon. 

Burns: Nope! If there's one thing Sol can do well it's work with his light/fire magic. He uses this with the metal for his tinkering and for globes of light that hover over his shoulders. He can even summon and hold fire without getting hurt and can control the flame so nothing around him catches on fire. Years ago people tried to kill him with fire, not realizing he had magic. It obviously didn’t work.

Overweight: no

Underweight: no. Sol is in VERY good shape and even more muscular than Blythe is. He's more than a little vain about his appearance, but he likes looking good!

FAVOURITE

Color: bright yellow and shiny golds (glitter. His favorite thing ever is glitter. He’ll answer that glitter is his favorite color given the chance)

Hair colour: no preference

Eye colour: no preference

Music genre: Probably the loudest, drummiest music possible, to the annoyance of the poor brother he lives with who loves silence.

Movie genre: n/a for the setting

TV Show: n/a

Food: Just about anything! He's not as obsessed with food as Adair is, but it's a really close call. He really seems to like pizza though.

Drink: fruit juices. I really don't think his brother lets him drink caffeine or alcohol because that's asking for trouble with Sol's hyperactivity lol.

Book: No thanks. He can't read even though Etri's tried to teach him and he finds books boring anyway.

HAVE THEY

Passed university: Not any equivalent. Etri at least had training back in Montglace that counted for an education, but Sol kept his magic a secret and never learned anything there because of it. He's far from dumb, though, and is something of a genius ditz- between what he's picked up, what Etri's taught him, and systems he's invented on his own, he does quite well for himself. He looks dumb, but if anything he's smarter than the booksmart Etri.

Had sex: yes

Had sex in public: I *really* don't want to know the answer here because if any of my dorks would, it would be this weirdo

Gotten pregnant: no

Kissed a boy: yes

Kissed a girl: no (he’s really not interested in women)

Gotten tattoos: He has sun tattoos on the palms of both hands and on both forearms.

Gotten piercings: He has a series of small gold hoops pierced up his left ear to match Etri's.

Had a broken heart: yes. Of all my dorks, Sol's history here is the most tragic.

Been in love: Once and hasn't allowed himself to fall in love since. Watching your love be burned to death would do that to you. (Sol does get another opportunity for love later.)

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Remember how Etri keeps caffeine away from Sol? Yeah. The one time he didn't, Sol was up for nearly a week building... something. I'm too afraid to ask what it was considering the things he builds on normal Sol-brain. This might actually be the reason the twins live with a different carnival troupe than they started with lol.

ARE THEY

A virgin: no

A cuddler: Sol is notorious for his bear hugs so this is very much a yes. 

A kisser: Yes! That's the bad thing about not dating much- he misses kissing. 

Scared easily: Surprisingly for someone as big and strong as he is, yes. He might come off as brave, though, because he doesn't always notice what's going on around him, but as soon as he catches on he's probably hiding under a table. 

Jealous easily: Nope!

Trustworthy: Oh gosh. Yes, he's definitely someone who will do everything he can to keep your secret or help you- he wants so much to be helpful! But he's also incredibly forgetful and it's probably safest not to trust him with anything important in case he breaks it, loses it, accidentally tells someone it, or explodes it.

Dominant: Nope. He tends to go along with what everyone else wants. 

Submissive: Yeah. At one point the other dorks assumed he was mind controlled along with everyone else, but it turned out that he was just going along with what they were all doing. 

In love: Not for a long time, but he does get there again. In the meantime he loves his friends very much and is constantly squeezing them in bear hugs.

Single: yeah

RANDOM QUESTIONS

Have they harmed themselves: Sol makes the worst possible decisions constantly because they seemed like a good idea at the time. He's always getting injured because he did something stupid and reckless. It's a good thing Blythe's a healer!

Wanted to kill someone: Sol is the most pacifistic of the dorks. He doesn't ever want to hurt anyone no matter what. The last time he punched someone it didn't help anything and he decided from then on he would never raise a hand to anyone. That said, he would pick someone up by the back of their shirt to make a fight stop. Sometimes it’s useful to be 6′6″ and really strong lol.

Ride a horse: I'm laughing about how wonderfully this could go wrong, but knowing Sol? He'd be amazing at this because he's good with animals.

Have/had a job: He makes the odd inventions for money and to help out his carnival troupe. He also shares a carnival act with his brother. 

Have any fears: He still has nightmares about what happened to his ex boyfriend. He doesn't really fear relationships and getting hurt again, more that falling in love would mean hurting the memory of the boy he loved. For all that he’s not particularly brave, I don't think he fears much. Maybe his friends suddenly deciding that he's too weird and they don't want to have anything to do with him. Thinking about it, his biggest fear might be losing Adair in this way. Sol never had a best friend and now that Adair's it, I think he's afraid Adair's going to change his mind. Addy means so much to Sol and it’s freaking adorable how happy Sol is about finally having someone in his life who gets him and actually wants to help with his inventions.

FAMILY

Sibling(s): Etri is his identical twin. It’s possible they have half siblings, but Montglace has no concept for family so they have no idea. The reason the twins were able to escape their home was because no one expected loyalty from siblings and for Etri to help/protect Sol.

Parents: Who knows? They have birth parents, obviously, but have no idea who they are because of the no family thing. 

Children: not yet, but there's a plot idea I may or may not do in book 3. He and Firedrake do become sort of parents/sort of older sibs to one of the younger carnies in book 2, assuming I keep this storyline.

Pets: He keeps "borrowing" Adair's cat and putting hats or collars or clothes on her. I think that's the only time Addy has ever questioned his choice in best friend lol.

#writing #writeblr #about my characters #about my ocs #unexpected inspiration series #writing tag #tag game #my writing ramblings #Sol makes me grin every time I do anything with him so this was the most fun #He's such a total dork of all the dorks and he's always so happy all the time! #character bio #UI POV: Sol

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Our Daughter Uses Screens for 3.5 Hours Every Day And We’re Okay with That

When I read the title of this piece back to myself, even I think, “Oh dear, that seems like a lot!” The thing is, my husband and I are usually pretty strict with our daughter’s screen time, previously allowing just 20 minutes on each weekday, and a few hours on the weekend.

We aren’t in the business of judging other parents’ decisions, but for us, we noticed early on that there was a connection between the amount of screen time our daughter had and how difficult her behavior could be for us to manage. So in our family, screen time became limited, and after a short while we even became TV-free, although we did still use laptops, tablets, and smartphones.

According to a 2017 report by the Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne, “Screen time and kids: what’s happening in our homes”, the average Australian primary school student spends 31.5 hours every week using screens, which equates to 4.5 hours each day. This does include “educational use” … but if our daughter’s screen use is anything to go by, it’s not really for any educational benefit that children like to use screens.

In our daughter’s case, her main reasons for using screens are to:

Stay connected with friends and family

Watch TV programs and movies

Play games, and

Listen to music.

The thing is, her reasons aren’t really much different to what we like to use screens for — it’s just that as adults we have a little more self-control, and also know more about the negative impact of screen use in terms of physical and mental health. Our daughter is only 9 years old though, and we can’t expect her to make decisions and behave like an adult, even if that would make our lives easier!

So, given what we know about screens, why would we suddenly allow our daughter so much access to them?

It’s school holidays, and like many families we tend to relax the rules a little, with later bed times, more junk food, and more screen time

Although our daughter isn’t an adult, we figured it probably was time for her to learn more about screens, and why we usually place limits on their use at home, and

We figured this could be a great opportunity to include our daughter in some age-appropriate decision-making about something that affects her, and maybe if she was part of the decision-making, she might be more willing to ‘stick to the rules’.

The funny thing is, we’re now on day 3 of the new screen-time regime, and it’s been wonderfully successful so far. There really is value in actively including children in decision-making when possible and appropriate, which perhaps shouldn’t be considered so amazing, given that they are people in their own right, just a little smaller!

So how did we arrive at 3.5 hours a day? Basically, we just sat down with our daughter and let her know that we were willing to renegotiate the screen-time rules for the school holidays, and we worked it out together. Truly, it wasn’t a lot more complicated than that.

We started by acknowledging how much she enjoys using screens, and we reminisced about our own childhoods, and the many hours spent watching television, talking on the phone, and often doing both at the same time – You see, our daughter isn’t really much different from us at the same age, she just has more choice, and the screens have become smaller and handheld.

Then, we let our daughter know why we get so concerned about screen use in our family, that is, how it can affect our brains, emotions, behaviour, and relationships, if we’re not careful.

After ‘setting the scene’, we then encouraged our daughter to think about the different devices we have, what she liked to do with each device, and what she thought would be appropriate in terms of time and usage. The funny thing is, instead of complaining or stating that this activity was boring or dumb, our daughter took it really seriously, and spent a good 30 minutes writing notes, drawing charts, and then presenting her ‘good copy’ for consideration.

To be fair, it did need a little re-working, but in the end we had an agreement that she is really proud of – we know this, because she excitedly stuck it on the fridge in ‘prime position’ and shows it to her friends when they visit!

Here is the agreement:

1 hour of iPod Touch

1 hour of iPad

1.5 hours of laptop

Unlimited iPod Mini (audio music on this device only)

One screen at a time, and

All screen time between 10am – 7pm only.

Pretty good, hey?

So, if you’re struggling to place or maintain screen-time limits in your family, perhaps consider the value in making an agreement together. You might even find yourself happily agreeing to many more hours than you ever thought possible! And yes, in case you’re wondering, in a couple of weeks’ time when school is back, we’ll probably need to revisit this agreement. In the meantime, we’re thoroughly enjoying our daughter’s new found self-control and determination, and wonder what else we might be able to ‘re-negotiate’ …

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/our-daughter-uses-screens-for-3-5-hours-every-day-and-were-okay-with-that/

#World of Psychology

[thehumanifestation-blog]

Entertainment & Inspiration

I would like to make a daring confession... I want you. I want you so bad that I can't stop thinking about you.  I've been looking into you...How can I get you to look my way? How can I make you like what you see when you do? How can I make you eagerly await to come back for more?  Yes, I know what you're thinking... starting a blog is a SEXY business and while there are all sorts of pleasurable tips available on organization, layout, navigation, promotion, and presentation of content; the real deal of how to produce material worthy of those efforts seems shrouded in mysterious mystery. People have spent loads of time, and engaged in lots of intercourse to figure out what works and what doesn't concerning how to get your attention, sustain it, and make you come again; but it seems to me those efforts are all for naught without the first, foremost, and oft forgotten priority of creating something worthy of catching your eye to begin with. Applying this to the entire entertainment industry begs a myriad of questions on how we are valuing being entertained in relation to being inspired. For instance, do we just want to be stimulated or would we rather go deeper by including learning and growth? Is there really anything soo bad and dirty about an enjoyable distraction anyway? Could we better balance our desires for both by somehow demanding our entertainment be forcefully held to a higher standard or should we aim to make inspirational, spiritual, or educational material to be more entertaining and therefore more eagerly taken in by the average media consumer? (And just how many sexual innuendos are there in this introduction!?) 

First of all, I absolutely love my entertainment! I'm an introverted person and so A LOT (exactly guesstimated at eleventy zillion bajillion hours) of my time has been passed through watching movies, TV shows, listening to music, reading books, and playing video games.

When it's time for the movie of my life to play before my eyes I will be well prepared to watch the screen of me watching screens! "Are you ready?" The angels will say. And they'll look at me strangely as I turn and look in a random direction at an imaginary camera with the greatest hero look in my eyes that the angels have ever seen. Pause...hold for a moment...and say "I've been training my whole life for this."  

See, there are times when I need to be able to be alone without driving myself crazy, and there are also times when I know I "should" be doing something productive but settle down to enjoy some beloved entertainment anyway. So I can see from both sides on this one, and can honestly say this isn't a fight that I've made black and white and picked a side to be the winner on, it's simply a fight that I feel needs to be had within each of us. To seriously ask yourself what is your standard for entertainment? Not in how hot the people in the show are, how great the graphics of the game are, how well choreographed the action scene is...but in weighing whether or not it is truly worthy of your time and attention... this is what I mean when I say quality. I only ask this of you because some people don't know their own worth and now is the perfect time to begin. In my heart of hearts, I know that a societal shift would be healthy, but it hasn't been a piece of writing I've ever considered embarking upon before now because my mind of minds knows the extraordinary difficulty involved.

I mean, is it in the realm of possibility for an arrangement of words to actually create a shift in priority towards wisdom, beauty, and inspiration rather than mere entertainment? YES! Could any of your words ever stop me from seeing the new star wars movies?

So while I'm not apart from it and I don't consider this an attack on the entertainment industry...the point I really want to get at is that YOU deserve for YOU to valUe YOU. A job that no one else can do. I see better men than me around me who are smart and capable who spend countless hours attaining achievements within a video game while they could be attaining achievements in reality. I see beautiful and interesting women who spend more time relating with people on TV shows than relating to people in their life. In seeing this and truly believing in the holy potential of humans, I can't help but see this as tragic...not because people are dumb, or stupid, or wasting their time, no, but because they are of tremendous value and often aren't realizing it! I've sometimes found myself living vicariously through relating to characters who go through experiences rather than getting off my ass and going through experiences myself. The perk of this mode of living is that it is safe and the downside of it is that it is safe.

So is it really outlandish to say that AT THE VERY LEAST we deserve for our entertainment to be of a certain quality? I think not! But it isn't the industry's place to raise the bar, that is our job. If we are going to be media consumers, then we must be conscious consumers. We simply have to care about what we absorb. It may seem harmless but we accidentally do something devastating by absorbing low quality diversions mindlessly. We allow our thoughts and feelings to be influenced by content that isn't worthy of influencing us. We are often better than what we are allowing ourselves to be entertained by! 

As much as I know that to be true, today I will not yet embark on the mission impossible of trying to convince you into prioritizing quality material over entertaining material. I have not fully made that shift so I have no right to attempt to sway you. All I can say is that on some level I've channeled my desire to be entertained into a desire to be entertained by content worthy of my consciousness and that isn't something I regret at all but something I am thankful for. Take it or leave it.  I won't try to push or pull you in any direction with your entertainment rather than suggesting to you that you remember to value yourself, your time, and consciously choose what you view. So what I'd like to do instead is propose three of the lowest minimal standards  that I can think of that you can set for yourself in regard to media engagement that are truly coming from a long time (and continuing) entertainment lover.

1. Enjoy your entertainment! 

It seems silly to say this, but I can't tell you how often I've been to someone's house and we watch something just because it's on. We watch a re-run of a show we've both seen and aren't even engaged in watching but we also don't interact. This kind of consumption provides absolutely nothing. No new stimulus, no mental engagement, nothing. Actually it prevents new stimulus and mental engagement by keeping yourself tied to it even without it stimulating you. Yet plenty of people will watch anything rather than turn it off.  Don't do this. Laugh together, discuss with one another, or watch alone attentively. But if you sit alone or with others and watch things that no one is engaged in then you have participated in a minor modern misfortune. With this standard you don't have to agree with me or anyone else on what is good or bad entertainment. Simply make sure it's good to you. This is the lowest standard imaginable... so please don't fail to set it.

2. Watch commercials on purpose or not at all.

Most people now have the option of recording their programs and with this comes the magical ability of pausing it even when you are watching live TV.

As a self-proclaimed lazy boy I made myself a bit more productive when I started implementing this by not accidentally watching commercials that I didn't want to watch anyway. Pause it and load the laundry, pause it and take out the trash, pause it and take a shower. You won't miss the entertainment you desired to see anyway, and now your absorption isn't as mindless and unceasing. Hell you could even choose to use the extra time for more entertainment, just don't allow yourself to get so lost that you aren't mentally engaged enough that you end up watching commercials accidentally.

3. Remember real life awaits you.

What I've found most beautiful about my endless endeavors into imaginary lands, is the pure and simple enjoyment of escape. Sometimes it's wonderful after a long day of work to read, play a video game, or watch a movie. It's relaxing to take my focus off of thoughts that are stressing me out and simply zone out for a while. Which is why I chose not to limit you in these 3 standards in anyway of your choice in how you escape via entertainment. All is acceptable. Simply aim to acknowledge if that is what you are doing. 

The times I've felt most unhealthy with my entertainment consumption is when there are serious problems at my work, within my relationships,or with my life in general that I am ignoring. I entertain myself, and never want to stop. It becomes unhealthy because I'd rather keep escaping into an alternate reality while the problems just get bigger and bigger, rather than begin building a life that I don't want to escape from. If we use entertainment in this way, then we are trapping ourselves in it. The desire to escape will only lead to more escaping. There is no need to be trapped, no need to create an addiction around it. It simply doesn't serve you to do so.

The only difference between entertainment and inspiration really is that while entertainment enables escape from yourself,  inspiration will always lead you back to yourself, your center, your source. So it is truly a gift when you put your energy out into something that ultimately directs you back in. Entertainment and inspiration do not have to be mutually exclusive.  So enjoy all of your entertainment and in the meantime keep your eyes open for any wisdom, insight, or inspiration that happens to be within it and know that you are worthy of a life filled with immense beauty. A beauty whose value is deep and whose fulfillment extends far beyond mere entertainment.

Matt King is co-creator of The Humanifestation. His efforts are to aid humanity in prioritizing people over profit by actualizing and sharing a philosophy of love. He writes blogs, hosts podcasts, and more.

#entertainment #inspiration #humanifestation