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serendipitous-posts · 4 years

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Wayfarer Au - Spinel

The background was more focused on Pink Pearl than Spinel. This was because not much happened; we know Pink Diamond abondende Spinel, and nothing happened in the time of isolation. But I want to fix that so; some information about Spinel in the Wayfarer Au!

Spinel is the only one of her kind, specifically made just for Pink Diamond. She’s quite a bit younger than Pink Pearl and Crystal Pearl, since she was specifically made to replace Pink Pearl.

Her cut is perfect, her cultivation was perfect, and her powers were perfect for a toy

Because, at the end of the day, that’s what Spinel was, a toy. She realises this soon after she arrives on Earth: Pink had never thought of her as a friend, as a living thing. To her, she had been a fun plaything to throw away when she got bored

(She’s a little bitter, sue her)

She and Crystal Gem Pearl never really interacted all that much, despite sharing the same owner for some time, and both acting as a replacement for Pink Pearl, but since Spinel is the only one of her kind, she’s extremely memorable

(Hence why, despite not knowing her personally, being thousands of years and her looking different, in the movie Pearl was able to immediately realise who Spinel was and who she belonged to)

Spinel’s existence was really confusing to the Gem Hierarchy. The Pearls were the lowest of the ranks, as slaves.

But Pearl’s had jobs. They brought you things, took things down for you, stored things. They were, loathe as they were to admit it, useful. Spinel was just a toy really. Did that mean she was lower on the social ladder than the Pearls? After all, Pearls could entertain as well, singing and dancing if you so required.

Spinel, though intelligent, could often be insensitive and sometimes even clumsy. But Spinel was a Diamond’s, and, due to her questionable position on Homeworld’s Social Ladder, nobody really punished her for it

Spinel is very, very clever. She was the one who had the idea for getting the Gem’s memories back in the Movie, and she managed to put together a plan to destroy Earth that came closer than anyone else, including the Diamonds

In this verse, Spinel was made to be the best of the best, and, as such, has an intelligence a lot higher than the average gem. She’s not logically intelligent like Crystal Gem Pearl, she’s spatially intelligent, making her an imaginative gem capable of spatial reasoning, of thinking of things in three dimensions and is very good at drawing conclusions from limited data

Ironically enough, for a gem literally made to be someones friend, Spinel is extremely emotionally stupid. She makes jokes at inopportune times, doesn’t seem to understand when Pink wants to be left alone and comes across as naive and gullible

That last one comes back to bite her, hard

Upon finding out that Pink Diamond tricked her, the stress of it all causes her to poof and reform, into the outfit we see in the movie

Spinel’s faith in Pink Diamond is broken, as she realises that she never had any plans to come back for her, and immediately starts voicing her betrayal and hurt at being betrayed

She wakes up to find that Pink Pearl took her gem and fled to Earth, which she is not happy about

It was originally because she didn’t want to be on the planet that reminded her of Pink; because she was grieving, but it swapped to all consuming rage real quick once she realises what Pink Diamond did to her

Spinel doesn’t have anything against Pink Pearl, but, like in the movie, she’s hurt and so lashes out at her, while also not wanting her to be out of sight

Pink Pearl is also going through some shit right now, just waking up from years of brainwashing. She’s normally a very laid back gem, from what we see of her, and as a Pearl she is taught not to talk back to her superiors. But she would see Spinel as her equal here, and she is not going to let some upstart lecture her when she could of have just left Spinel in the Garden

They argue. A lot. Pink Pearl’s habit of excusing Pink Diamond’s abuse does not mesh well with Spinel’s hatred of her former owner

They wander for a bit, and settle in with some North American tribes, but, after realising Humans aren’t immortal like they are, they start travelling.

Spinel takes the longest to be won around to Earth’s side, due to the bad memories of Pink abandoning her for it, but she loves the children who trip over themselves to play games with her

Spinel and Pink Pearl’s relationship is something I wanna go deeper into in a different post, but they finally start to get along when Pink Pearl finally admits what Pink Diamond did to her

They move a lot, and it is usually Spinel’s fault- her bright pink skin is very hard to hide, and she feels a lot of guilt over that, though Pink assures her that it’s okay, that it’s good that they moved, they would of have had to eventually

Over the centuries, Spinel and Pink Pearl have been poofed many, many times, though they are always super careful to make sure the other isn’t cracked - thankfully humans discover a way to heal cracks in gems, and the outfits change, usually to fit the era they’re in

The 1930′s was great, it was there that they finally figured out how to fuse at will instead of awkwardly stumbling into it every now and then

Currently, Spinel favours wearing hoodies or jumpers, loose and baggy, covering her gem because she’s not going to have that out for all to see and possibly crack. The hoodies hide her face, so bonus

Spinel’s personality was never as bad as it was in the movie; she continues to have extreme mood swings to this day, but since she wasn’t in isolation as long as Canon!Spinel, it didn’t affect her as bad

“As bad”

One day Spinel will probably have to see a therapist after a run in with the earth’s government (awkward) and she will probably be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or something along those lines

Spine’s personality is extremely bitter most of the time; she is deeply cynical, contrasting Pink Pearl’s optimism, and is a pragmatist and an opportunist. Self deprecating humour is her strong suit, though she does like shitty puns and knock knock jumps

They did run into gem monsters at first, and are always really confused as to what that’s about, but they have no problem bubbling or shattering them when they have to

As they move away from the area the corruption song hit, they see less and less of them, and they kind of sort assumed that they were dinosaurs or something

Spinel and Pearl have found themselves in the middle of wars or revolutions, and, after a while, they start joining in, being extra super careful to make sure nobody realises they’re there and what they are (it doesn’t work)

Spinel’s weapon is still a scythe, but it’s design is different. She named it Peekaboo, which Pink finds hilarious

Spinel is more aggressive than Pink Pearl. She never aims it at Pearl- the closest she gets is the very start of their partnership when they first arrived on Earth.

Instead, it’s more aimed at everyone else. She knows that the humans will all eventually die, and leave her, so she shuts them out- though she absolutely adores kids. She’s the main muscle between her and Pearl, and is by far the better fighter

Due to how weak Pearl’s naturally are, even a well made one like Pink Pearl, she is naturally protective of her other half

Of course, Pink Pearl will cut a bitch if you make her friend/girlfriend/wife cry

Spinel loves, loves, LOVES theatre, it’s something she and Pink bond over a lot. They both loved to visit William Shakespeare when he was around, though Spinel suggested that he could make some of his poems a lot less angsty, please?

When the circus was invented, she was over the moon, and kept dragging Pink off to go and see it (she may or may not have inspired the idea for clowns)

Over the years, Spinel tries branching out, to try and discover what she likes to do outside of making others laugh. It takes a while, and almost drives her to a nervous breakdown because oh stars what if all she can do is make others feel good, what if she can’t break outside her programming what if-

She discovers that she likes photography, and, after cultivating that skill for hundreds of years, she is quite good at it. She likes the idea of having pictures of everywhere they’ve been, and in her spare time creates scrapbooks to gift to Pearl

She has all kinds of nicknames for Pink Pearl; Raspberry, Loveheart, Sweetheart, Doll, Valentine, etc

Pearl admitted to her that she hates her name, of being “a” pearl, so, after going back and forth, they decide that she can be called Peach

(Because I refuse to call her Volleyball in this au)

#steven universe #steven universe au #wayfarer au #spinel #pink pearl #pearl steven universe #spinearl

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clevernewdimension · 5 years

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Polaris Part Nine

Parts: Preview, Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten (Coming soon!)

Genre: Action, drama, romance, sci-fi, etc.

Paring: Jongin x Character

Word count: 7.1K

A/N: After a long time, and update! Please enjoy the part and feel free to message me your feels!

Minjung felt her heart race as she walked. Everyone around her running towards ships and fighters for the incoming attack while she seemed eerily calm in the middle of it all. She wasn’t, though. Her vision getting blurry as she blinked, noticing she was crying. Fear. A feeling that could cripple her. For so long she worked to have the power and respect so that people feared her, not the other way around. She hated being afraid. Minjung grew up being afraid for hours, like her brothers. One wrong answer meant a beating. One hair out of place meant she was locked in a room for who knows how long. No food. No water. No light. That wasn’t even the worst of it. She knew that Minseok and Jongin got punished the worst. Minseok, because he was supposed to be the heir, and Jongin, because he was to be trained to be a weapon that felt no pain. The faint scars on their body a testament to that. The branding burned into their flesh all the proof needed. It was funny, how their father shows his favoritism. Part of her envied her brothers, because she wanted to be the one their father felt proud of. It wasn’t all she envied about them. They were braver than she ever could be. She would rather be a coward and be intelligent than a brave idiot. Fear is a feeling she hates. It makes her weak. It forces mistakes from her.

So, because of that, Minjung surrounds herself with power, keeping people weak beneath her as she did what had to be done for her mission. She hungers for power like nothing else. Desperate for her father’s approval. The only weapon he has left after the other four abandoned them. The best one, he tells her. She was a glittering gem while her brothers were shattered glass of what could have been. The only loyal one. The strongest one. The smartest one.

Or so she thought. Being moved around like a doll by Jongin made her feel uneasy for the first time in her life. She was never meant to be a fighter, but she was trained nonetheless. Better than many that faced her and yet it wasn’t enough. All those years of Jongin being trained to be the weapon made him intimidating for the first time in her eyes. Her resolve and bravery cracking. Then, hearing him like that over the intercom made her want to shatter. He scared her, because she knew he meant those words. Jongin has a soft heart for those he cares about. A sense of what’s right and wrong and wants to help. She knows Jongin feels like he owed Lang his life, and she pulled on that thread waiting to see them fall apart only for it to come together and get even stronger. It takes threatening a person he deeply cares for to make Jongin act like the weapon their father always wanted.

But he wasn’t coming after her yet…

“She’s still alive,” She mutters to herself. If she would have killed herself like instructed, Jongin would have sacrificed whatever it took to come after her. He would have turned his back on his piloting duties and came for her like an avalanche of certain doom. She remember growing up and watching her youngest brother fight off people after people. His skin covered in cuts, all given to him by Father. If Jongin let’s go of his integrity and his will to be a good person, he can be the most destructive person in this and any other universe. He was trained that way, after all. She remembers watching a seven year old him snapping bones of grown men like it was nothing. The look of cold and cruelty in his eyes. To be an unfeeling machine. Somewhere along the way, he broke out of that. He, to his core, was a good person. Their mother instilled that within them. Minjung ignored it. Jongin didn’t. He was also trained to go after people for revenge. For her… for Lang, he would give into that feeling no question if she had died. But he didn’t. Minjung isn’t certain if there was anyone in her life she would fight for like that...

And now she’s at a crossroad. Does she got after her, finish the job? Or does she turn tail and run? The thought of facing her brother if she did come back to try and end Lang life rattled her. She felt the dread and fear down to her bones. Deep down, Minjung knew what kind of person she was truly.

Jongin rolled Aryl with practiced ease. Most fly worse when their emotions are getting to them, but not Jongin. It’s like he’s moving even quicker. His fighter shooting down more enemies than ever before. Their ships turning into infernos of death as they crash into the water. The sea gathering those dead and dying in it’s cold depths. If it was any other pilot, he’d have an earful of being too flashy. But his skills are known. He flies like he needs to in order to do his job. He sees Sehun’s flyer trying to get two off his tail before he moves to help.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” His brother’s voice says over the comms. Junmyeon’s calm voice a comfort to Jongin. The only one he had right now. The third eldest in their family was calm and composed in times like this. It’s what Jongin needed right now.

“I thought you were in Singapore,” Jongin mutters, focusing as he did a quick turn, firing on the person who was chasing him.

“Turns out a fighter flight between the two is barely a minute. They showed up on their radars and I left,” He hear his brother say, “Someone has to watch over you. Baekhyun is helping Kyungsoo, so he couldn’t.”

Jongin’s heart hurts, “How is she?”

“She woke up once. They had her arm out and there was a screwdriver. Almost stabbed it into herself before Kyungsoo could knock her out,” Junmyeon mutters, “They’re getting that shit out of her arm as we speak.”

Jongin let’s out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He nods to himself. “Dae? Chanyeol? Xing? What are they doing? Are they ok?”

“Dae and Chanyeol are helping civilians get into the underground shelters. Yixing will be out there in a minute. Don’t know where he was hiding, don’t want to know just in case he needs to hide again.” He says Junmyeon tapping away at the console in front of him. “Kyungsoo told me what you said,” Junmyeon calmly says over the comms. It was nice, having his calm voice there to talk to while there was nothing but chaos around him. “What they made her do. I’m sorry. You must be hurt.”

“I…,” Jongin starts, after one of the Kryton’s ships she was fighting is finally shot down by him. “I really believed it, Jun. Minjung was right to choose that, because I barely noticed anything was wrong. I was so happy that she…” Jongin shakes his head, “It doesn’t matter, though. Not now.”

He hears someone plug into their conversation. “There’s a ship leaving from the base. High ranking insignias,” Jongin hears Sehun say. “I’m going to try to shoot it down before it gets too far gone.”

Junmyeon gasps, “I switched to a non recorded feed. Sehun, that’s high treason-”

He could hear Sehun just laugh, though he could tell it was from stress. “Well, add that charge onto my murder of Iscar Rhys. Turns out high treason is something I good at,” Sehun say so casually.

Jongin’s eyes widen as he turns his ship to where he sees the escaping one. Though the window he sees his father and sister, along with someone piloting them. “Sehun, you really-”

“I overheard them. Yixing and Lyra,” He says, “They talked about that man before their marks were off. And then again, as they were getting removed. I’ve never seen them like that…” Sehun laughs, “Besides, I can’t help but want people like that asshole to rot. Reminds me of my father.”

Jongin knew exactly what he meant. Sehun told him once, about his life before the Syndicate. His father an ambassador for Etherion and his taste for young children, including his son. A man many respected, who took trips to Tribal frequently. That was, until Ambassador Oh fell ill, and no one knew why.

“How,” Junmyeon asked, “You were getting ice, and there was no evidence-”

“Chemical spill suit, the cleaner that was on the maid’s trolley outside his door, and a time manipulator,” Sehun says, calmly.

“Time manipulator,” Junmyeon asks, “Those are astronomically expensive. How did you get one on a Syndicate pilot salary?”

“It was your fathers, right,” Jongin asks, as he moves his flyer in front of his father and sister ship, making them stop.

“Yeah,” Sehun says, “He-”

Jongin cut himself from the feed, moving the radio over to the frequency of the Higher Syndicate line, surprised it wasn’t protected. Sehun will just have to excuse him on this. He sees his father look at him, seething in anger while his sister tooks terrified beyond belief. He made sure to flip the switch next to the radio, just in case. Even if the Fighter is blown up, the recording is remotely being saved to Junmyeon’s control computer.

“You tried to have me killed,” Jongin says, feeling his throat tightened. The anger and betrayal he felt finally coming to the surface.

“Yes,” His father says, his words stabbing into Jongin’s heart. For the first time he could remember, his father was disheveled. He didn’t like like a picture perfect higher up. Instead, he looks like a sad angry man.

Even know, knowing the kind of monster he is, Jongin still feels the need to make his father proud. Years of brainwashing would do that, he supposed. The tears fell from his eyes in the helmet, as his hands were shaking a little bit. Here it was, the truth. His own kids are expendable. His father a man who never cared for them as people, just as tools.

Jongin could feel himself burning with anger, “You made Krytons. From your fucking experiments.”

His father looked at him, unflinchingly. He stands tall, as if he’s done nothing wrong. “Yes,” He says, staring without a single ounce of regret.

Jongin gripped the steering lever tighter, gritting his teeth for a moment. “You’re a bitter evil man,” He says, “All this because you want to live forever?” His eyes move to his sister, though he knows she couldn’t tell with his helmet. “And you. You have to try to ruin everything in the most painful way possible because it makes you feel powerful when you’re the weakest person I’ve ever known, Minjung.” Jongin shakes his head, “Cowards, the both of you.”

“If you don’t go, we’ll shoot you down,” His father says over the radio.

“You already want me dead, so do it. Or are you all just scared of actually having to get your hands dirty? To be around to see what your decisions cause,” Jongin practically growls at them, glaring at them. The burning hate in their eyes, but mostly, he sees fear. “I’d love you see you try to shoot me down,” Jongin says with a laugh. “A fighter verses this transport pod? We both know who will win.” He looks at the pilot, “Does your pilot really think he can out maneuver me? I’m the best pilot in this and any galaxy. We all know it. If he’s brave enough to try, I welcome the challenge. You’d have to be a hell of a pilot to be able to do it in a slow ship like that.” He looks at his father. Moving and taking of the helmet. The tears still falling from his eyes as he could stare his father directly in the eyes. “Look me in the eyes, then. If you’re actually going to try to kill me, the least you owe me is that.”

Jongin watches as his father moves, slamming his fist down on the trigger button for the huge laser cannon on the front of the ship. Instantly. Unfeeling and unflinchingly. Jongin quickly rolls to the side, as the blast goes past him along with the transfer pod. The helmet held tightly in one hand. He glares, feeling his heart finally shatter. After everything, the person who’s approval he sought after for so long just tried to kill him directly. The Transfer pod moved slowly, giving him time to put the helmet back on. Jongin just simply turns, looking at the wings and seeing the eight thrusters. He locks onto one of the sides, shooting it. Four of the thrusters exploding instantly. He just stops a moment, watching as they go up in flames. The ship, without enough thrust to keep in the air, starts to glide down.

Jongin turns his radio back, “The transerpod is down on the South side of the island. It’ll float there until we can get someone to extract them.”

He could hear a small gasp. “Jongin,” Junmyeon’s voice says, soft and worried. It made Jongin happy that someone was there for him today.

He looked, seeing a ship explode as a Kryton ship moves in. The barrier stops them from getting in, but it was flickering. “The barrier-” He starts, racing off to keep fighting.

“We have someone working on boosting the power to it,” Junmyeon says, “Go. Do what you do best.”

Jongin nods to himself, before taking a deep breath. His heart racing from the encounter. The pain, knowing that his father hated him enough to actually try to kill him just them with his own hands hurts. The pain of knowing his sister was enough of a manipulative bitch to use the person Jongin loved against him. The haunting sight of Lyra trying to kill herself. After the hell he’s been put through, he needs an outlet.

“If we can take out their bomber, the overall threat would go down,” Sehun says to him.

“Let’s get going then,” Jongin says, shoving all his emotions out of his mind while he could. The threat trying to kill innocent people will have to be his punching bag for the moment.

I wince, looking and seeing Baekhyun holding my arm down while Kyungsoo was looking over what seems like a control panel.

“We’re done,” Baekhyun says, looking at Kyungsoo. “You can turn it off!”

He looks at me, smiling. “Here, all done!”

Everything that happened before slams into my mind all at once. The tattoo, Minjung, the knife… Jongin and the kiss… then ruining it all by being forced to try to kill him.

“I need to get to HQ,” Baekhyun says, looking alarmed. “Kyungsoo, you’re going to be needed at the ER. Lyra, things are going to need to be repaired, and I know you just woke up after a whole ass event just happened to you, but we’re being attacked and we need all hands on deck!” He glances around, moving to the part of the garage and seeing radios. He takes two, getting two pairs of ear pieces and hands them to the both of us. “So-”

“SHIELDS AT… 27 PERCENT INTEGRITY, POWER DIRECTED TOWARDS SHIELDS CRITICALLY LOW.”

I take the earpiece, putting it in my ear, “I’ll go see what I can do to help there.”

“Channel One is for high Syndicate officers only. Two is the HQ line. If you go to three and spin the small dial below, you’ll be able to talk directly to some pilots,” Baekhyun explains quickly. “Jun is handling the pilots, I’ll talk to all ground forces and emergency personnel. The room that controls the barrier is basement three. It’s one large room and there will be a control panel close to the entrance.”

I nod, before turning and taking off into a sprint towards the elevator. People running to do their tasks, some new recruits looking like they’ve seen a ghost. I get to the elevator, people trying to get in. One person practically shoving me out the way in order to get in.

I shove that man out, “I’m working on fixing the barrier, you can wait!”

He glares, pointing to his uniform, “I am a high ranking offi-”

“I don’t give a fuck,” I yell, “I care more about the lives of the people on this island than whatever the fuck you’re about to do, now get the fuck out!”

I slam my fist on the close door button, before finally hitting the BASE 3 button. As he just looks at me shocked, I roll my eyes, letting the elevator go down. It felt like it was taking years, and all I can think of was the pain I saw on Jongin’s face. How his bright smile quickly shifted to a look of betrayal. Thankfully he told whoever came in after he knocked me out that I needed the mark removed. I shake my head, trying not to think of that while a whole fucking battle was happening. I didn’t even want to think of what it looked like outside. The carnage that was happening...

When the door opens I see the entire machine barely flickering. I go over to the control panel, looking around. “Power’s low,” I mutter, running a quick diagnostic. I glare, seeing one of the power sources has been unplugged.

“Baekhyun,” I say over the radio, moving and walking to where the diagnostic shows where on the machine the thing has been unplugged. “Someone unplugged one of the power sources,” I yell into the radio.

“The shield being messed with, the plan to kill Jongin… seems to me this attack was planned,” He says, and I could hear the anger in his voice. “On top of the fact that we don’t have a lot of Fighters, Bombers or evac ships. This was the plan all along.”

I pick up the power plug, using every ounce of strength I had to push it into the shield machine. “The power should make the shield stronger,” I say, moving back to the control panel. “I’m going to make the emergency operations be the primary focus of the power. This should add more power to the shields. Power everywhere but the hanger, HQ and the hospital won’t be functional until someone comes here and turns it back off.”

I side my fingers on the screen, watching as it moved to Emergency mode.

“YES,” Baekhyun yells, “Shields now at 87 percent!”

I move to the elevator, seeing it was working still, but the lights were off. “I’m going back up, what and who needs help?”

“There are some laser cannons that popped up after we went into a state of emergency,” Baekhyun says, “If you want to take out Kryton’s that get too close…”

It felt like a blur, running to one of the cannons outside. People screaming, children crying as I hope into the seat and look at what was happening. I vaguely remember passing by Jongdae as he was directing people into a shelter. The chaos going on as I see Fighters racing about. I feel my heart in my throat when I see one speed by with a bear painted on it. I see a massive bomber, coming towards us.

“Baekhyun,” I mutter, “Is the bottom of the bomber open or not?”

“It’s closed,” He says, “Seems like they want the shield down first.”

“Fuck,” I shake my head. Looking at the ship. I look at the gun, seeing a sight folded down. I flick it up, seeing it magnify as I point it at the bomber. I smirk, knowing exactly what it was. “Patch me into Jongin.”

“Alright,” He says, as I hear a quick buzz as the channel changed. I hear Junmyeon speak.

I completely cut him off. Any other time I could get court martialed for that, but not now. Not that Junmyeon would mind. “That bomber is an older version of the Syndicate’s,” I say, “It has a weakness! Beneath the wing is VERY thin layer of metal between it and the top of the bomb storage. If we can just hit it, the whole thing should be done for.”

“How large an area,” I hear Jongin say over the radio. His voice meaning business. I could tell he isn’t even thinking about anything that’s happened before now.

“As long as the wing and less than a third of a meter in height,” I say, shooting a ship that flew buy me. I frown, “It’s going to require a precise shot.”

“Fuck,” Jongin yells, “I’m not that great of a shot.”

“You could kite it towards me,” I say, “I’m on the canon closest to the hanger. I’m a better shot, but the range on these things are not that great.”

“It would have to get too close,” Jongin, and I could tell he was angry. “Not worth it. The explosion would heavily damage the shield and risk you.”

I could practically feel my heart in my throat at him saying that. “Then I don’t know what to tell you other than try to shoot it,” I say, seeing a Flyer racing towards me. I manage to shoot the driver easily, turning to try and shoot down fast Kryton patchwork Fighters.

“I have an idea,” Jongin says quietly. “Jun… Is Yixing out and about doing his thing?”

“Yeah,” He says, as I manage to hit a Fighter. The sky is full explosions and lasers. Shrapnel raining from the sky, some coming my way as I cover my eyes with my arms. I hiss, feeling some cut into my skin, before I move, looking back and seeing a Fighter crashing down into the water in front of me, a ball of fire being extinguished and sinking quick.

“Tell him to look for me. Lyra,” Jongin says, and I should hear his voice shake. I felt dread, knowing he was planning something. “I’m sorry. You worked really hard on this Fighter, but this is our best chance.”

I was about to ask before I see Jongin’s Flyer racing towards the bomber. My eyes go wide, understanding what he was thinking. “Don’t you fucking dare Jongin you could Di-”

I see his wing clip the thin metal. The wing being ripped away, as it starts to spin. The bomber starts to explode as I see Jongin eject, his Fighter exploding soon after. I felt sick, it felt like an eternity before the parachute opened. “That fucking idiot,” I yell into the radio.

“Yixing is going to him,” Junmyeon says, “The bomber is done. The major threat is over with. Now it’s just clean up.”

I rip the radio out of my ear, taking my worry and fear out with the firepower I have at my hands. Junmyeon was right, it didn’t take long for the fight to be over. I leapt from the gun, moving towards headquarters.

I see a Flyer race above me, as I get into a sprint towards the comms building. I burst through the door, seeing Jongin and Yixing. Blood on Jongin’s side as he was leaning into Yixing, but his eyes locked onto his Father and Sister, both soaked and being held at gunpoint.

I walk forward, moving and pushing my way. The untameable anger I felt bubbling over just seeing Minjung’s face. She glanced at me, before looking away quickly. I move, balling my fist up as I pull it back, letting it smash directly into her face.

Her nose starts to bleed as she looked at me, eyes full of tears, “How da-”

“Fuck you,” I growl, “You goddamned manipulative bitch!”

“I am a higher rank than you,” She says, glaring, “I’ll have you killed for treason!”

I grabbed her jacket, pulling her so that we are face to face. “It would be worth it,” I scream in her face, my eyes filling with tears of anger. “I’d gladly die as long as I dragged your ass into hell with me! How fucking dare you act like you’re in the right!”

She glares, her hand quickly grabbing my throat. Before I could even act, I see someone rip that hand away. She looks, her eyes going wide in fear as I glance, seeing Jongin next to me, looking angrier than I’ve ever seen him.

“What did I tell you about putting Lyra in danger,” He growls, his grip on her hand getting tighter.

“Let go of me,” She says, sounding more like a whine than a command.

“Threatening a high ranking officer is treason,” Commander Kim says.

“Speaking of treason,” Minseok says, looking at his father. “What will happen when everyone in the known galaxies learn of what all the inner circle of the Syndicate has done?”

His father glances at him, “You have no proof. The conversation you recorded Jongin will be dismissed as it was taken without my knowledge.”

“But the info chip with your plans and messages to one another is proof enough to let you all suffer the consequences,” Yixing says, and I see him smirking. “Along with taking down the Tribian royalty, as they knew of the plan all along.”

“We looked all over your room,” Minjung says, shaking her head as she smirks. She wiped her face, trying to regain composure. “There was no chip.”

“It wasn’t in mine,” Yixing says, reaching into his pocket, taking it out. He looks at me, “Ceiling fan was a good idea. Genius that you weighed all the blades down too.”

“Thank you,” I say, smiling. “What worse is if she would have thought to ask me when I was under the mark again, she would have known.” I look back at her, “Seems like she constantly misjudges everyone. Not as smart as she thinks she is.”

“Smart enough to trick you and make you assault a high ranking officer,” She looks at the security around us, “Aren’t you going to arrest her?”

“I’m not pressing charges,” Jongin says, just as we hear the door open. I look, seeing Kyungsoo move inside. He was covered in blood except his hands. He pulled on a fresh pair of gloves, pulling Jongin towards a table as he sat in a chair. He doesn’t seem to care one bit about the tension on the room.

“How,” The doctor asks, looking over the wound after lifting Jongin’s shirt. His Pilot jumpsuit down to his waist and tied there.

“Kryton blade,” Jongin says, “They clipped me as I was parachuting.”

“Not deep,” He says, “Looks worse than it is. Hand still good?”

Jongin nods, just glaring at his sister. “I told you to leave her alone,” Jongin says as Kyungsoo was taping some gauze over the cut on his side.

“You also told me you didn’t care for her,” Minjung scoffs. “Which is funny because literally everyone who knows you knows you’re so in love with her it’s pathetic.” She laughs, “Brother, I thought you’d have better taste than some Tribian whore.”

My heart fluttered hearing about Jongin loving me. Then I just rolled my eyes to the rest of her sentence. “Say what you will,” I say, shrugging, “It won’t stop the fact that you’re both probably going to get fried. I made something of myself from nothing. You started in a good place and threw it all away.”

She reaches out, grabbing my shirt and pulling me to her. “I will not be lectured by some worthless bitch!”

Before I could do something, I see a hand grab hers and pull her away a second time. I glance, seeing Jongin glare at her. Her face goes pale, eyes wide.

Baekhyun smiles, walking over from his computer, “I wouldn’t get so daring since all the proof of your plans are gracing ever screen in the galaxies right about now.”

Jongin lets go of her, smirking seeing her face go pale.

“Looks like I’m the senior most officer here now,” Minseok says, looking at the security. “Place them in the holding cells. Check them over to make sure they have no weapons. Have Officer Zhang help you. He’ll know what to look for. We have statements to make.”

Commander Kim was red with anger, “The other commanders-”

“Are currently in custody, as we replaced this information to the second in command of the whole Justice department. They are, like you, going to be transferred to Mars, where the Justice headquarters is. There you will be judged for your crimes,” He calmly explains, looking at him. He shakes his head, “All this time you were a selfish bastard. We thought we were helping people… but it was really all of you all along.”

I saw nothing, watching as they get dragged away. Minjung screaming at her brothers, tears falling from her face as their father was just death glaring them.

Jongin moved, holding his side as he just sat down, closing his eyes and leaning back. I walk to him, as he just glances at me. I could see the heartbreak in his eyes. “Lyra,” He says, before looking away, “It’s ok. I know you didn’t mean it. You’re not the type to try to hurt someone unless they deserve it.”

“I almost killed you,” I said, feeling my eyes fill with tears. “I’m so sorry, Jongin.” I sniffle, looking down.

“Hey,” Jongin says, before I feel something hold my hand. I look, seeing Jongin looking up at me from his seat. He turned to me, a small smile on his face. His eyes weren’t smiling. “I don’t blame you, I swear. It was that mark, like you said. You’re not a murderer. You wouldn’t do something like that. I know you didn’t mean to. I’m just glad you’re ok.” He looked away, “I was so scared, seeing you almost kill yourself…” I see him stop, lip quivering for a moment before he seems to compose himself. “I’m just glad you’re still alive, Lyra.”

“I’m ok,” I mutter, placing my hand on his shoulder. He seemed to tense when I did, before relaxing. I frown, “Jongin, about everything els-”

“Jongin,” Yixing says, looking at us. A small regretful look on his face. “I… I found something else out. You and your brothers should see me. Alone.”

Jongin nods, before standing. He hisses, the cut on his waist hurting. I reach out, helping him stand straight. He looks at me, smiling sadly, before just nodding and walking away. The look of sadness and hurt made me want to completely break.

In that moment, I knew that the feelings I had for him were deeper than just attraction or like. I did love him, and I’m scared he’ll never believe me when I tell him.

Jongin looked at Yixing, who was smiling at him and his brothers. The four Kims standing there, completely shocked. The ticking of a clock in the room were the only sounds for a moment. It seemed to be extremely loud to Jongin, as he just tries to wrap his head around what Yixing just said.

“Mom… she’s alive,” Jongin asks, tears falling from his eyes. “He told us she died in an accident…”

“She’s alive,” Yixing says, smiling. A screen on the wall, moves, as Yixing glides his hand over it, showing their mother. A bit aged, but still beautiful. Her smile just like he remembers. “She’s in Wystria. Making wedding gowns for the last couple of years. She threatened your father to expose everything if he didn’t let you all go from under his thumb.” The spy pats Jongin on the shoulder softly, “He agreed, but she could never see you all again. I’m honestly shocked he didn’t kill her,” Yixing mutters to himself. “I guess there is one person he cared about.” He smiles at the Kims, grinning at all of them. “She’s alive. I contacted her a few days ago. She’s coming here. Should arrive tomorrow. After hearing about the attack, she started to leave. This Galaxy has a jump port to Wystria-”

“Those are expensive to use,” Minseok mutters, his eyes wide in shock though.

Yixing smiled, “Well, turns out your father’s account hasn’t been frozen yet. I remote paid for it with his money. She’ll be here early tomorrow.”

“How did you find all this out,” Minseok asks, quietly. Of them all, he remembered their mother the most. Felt the most pain when she was gone suddenly, seemingly taken from them. Now, he knows she’s alright. Left for their protection. He nods to himself, seems like something she would do.

“There was a file locked on his Reader,” Yixing says, his smile bright for them. He was happy to finally give them at least a little good news. “I know you know of it, Minseok. It took a bit but I finally cracked into it. I set this all up right before there was an attack.” He looks down at the floor, a sigh. “He cared for her. A lot. Which is why she was given an ultimatum. He had a journal. He told the other commanders that he had her killed.” Yixing looks at them, seeing the sour look on their faces at the mention of their father. “But that doesn’t matter. What matters is she’s alive, and is excited to see you all again! Right?”

Jongin pulled him into a hug, gripping him tightly. If it hurt him, Yixing didn’t show it. He just held his friend. After everything that’s happened, Jongin finally broke down, crying and sobbing into his friend’s shoulder. His mother, Kim Minjee. He closes his eyes, remembering her white hair and purple eyes. He clutched Yixing tighter, feeling his legs give out as Yixing just carefully got to the floor, on his knees still holding the pilot.

Jongin didn’t even look at his brothers to see their reactions. He just let himself get lost in the pent up feeling of the past day.

Yixing held him tightly, his heart breaking for his friend. When Jongin pulled away, he looks at Jongin. Yixing brushes the hair out his face, “Some advice? For future talks?”

Jongin looked at him, vulnerable. Scared. Yixing has never seen him like this. Always that confident bravado he puts on. Armor to shield him away from negativity. Jongin, the pilot, always ready and willing to jump into any fray looked like a small and emotionally exhausted boy. He nodded.

“When Lyra gets the chance to tell you, believe her,” Yixing says, smiling. “I overheard her and your sister, when she was giving commands and questioning her. You sister didn’t just hurt you today. Don’t push her away. Give her a chance.”

Yixing smiled, patting him on the shoulder. Jongin didn’t remember much, except Jongdae helping him to his room, where he, after the stress of the day, passed out. In his dreams, the smiling face of his mother and a mechanic covered in grease.

#exo fanfiction #exo scenarios #exo fanfic #jongin fanfiction #jongin fanfic #kai fanfiction #kai fanfic #I'm really feeling Polaris my next update may be in it too

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kissmeinkardasi · 6 years

Text

I relate to Garak

I contemplated for a good while whether I should even write this post, because I don’t like talking about myself, least of all where literally anyone could read it, but I figured that perhaps it might be constructive to someone, somewhere. I’m not going to go into extreme detail, because when you’re not a lonely child, you don’t own your story alone, and you have to respect the privacy of your siblings, and that they have their own versions of every little thing that happened even in your joint childhood. I have two younger siblings, both of whom have processed all of that shit in their own separate ways, and their stories are not mine to tell.

I’ve grown up in a home without adults. By that I don’t mean that my parents weren’t there, because physically they were. What I mean is that neither of them took on the role of a responsible adult. My father was (is) an incredibly charismatic, immature, insensitive, manipulative, self-centered, prejudiced, ableist, racist piece of trash (who very likely votes for the nazi party these days). My mother crumbled under that. Which drove her too, to do things a mother shouldn’t do.

Without any real intent, I’m pretty sure, I was raised in a way that I unlearned to feel two emotions: Happiness and Anger, both of which were reprimanded. I wasn’t a bad child – I was hyperactive, but I wasn’t malicious, not until I was shaped to be, and even then, as a child, I always wanted to be good and do what was expected of me. Which in my family was hard, because one thing was rewarded one day, and punished the next, in an erratic pattern that was impossible for me to decode.

Now we get to the point where I’ll ask all of you, how, as a child or a teen, would you go about telling anyone about that part of your abuse? The part that isn’t about violence, but about brainwashing? The kind of thing that most people – even adults – aren’t equipped to understand?

I chose to lie – to take my abuse and translate it to something other people understand. Something less abstract.

Media presents this image of what abuse is, and it’s simplified. It’s all about the physical and the blunt. When your dad is a dumbed down version of Skrain Dukat, what you’ve gone through becomes damn hard to explain to anyone, most of all because on some level, you’ll always think that maybe because the physical aspects of your abuse happen relatively rarely, maybe you’re not actually abused. So how can you trust other people to take you seriously, when you don’t take yourself seriously?

You take what you see that other people understand, or what they expect to hear and you say, “this happened to me”, because as human beings, we need confirmation from others.

The psychologist I went through is one example. As a teenager, the combination of trauma, the since-childhood self-taught act of playing the normal family whenever a family friend was over, and the fact that I had issues conducting normal social interactions, lead to an enhanced sense of awareness of what others wanted to hear. This is yet another reason why I relate to Garak – I’ve effortlessly lived as an emotional chameleon, changing myself constantly to neutralize the threat in every social situation. I’d look at people, note the finer patterns in everything they’d do, and I’d know exactly what answers they wanted for their questions, what opinions they wanted to hear when consulting me. As a result, I was so many people that I no longer had a proper sense – which walked hand in hand with the unlearning of anger. Anger is a vital part of ones moral compass, or at least it is for me. When I got my anger back, it was difficult not to fall in love with it.

My psychologist pressured me a lot. I could sense she was after something, but she had failed to establish trust, and I became guarded. I told her the standard things that people – she, too – perceived as abuse. She was frustrated with me, so I hoped that if I pleased her, that threat would go away. It did not.

It didn’t work out between myself and her, and after our last appointment, when she was no longer my psychologist and no longer held to the restrictions of her role, she told me that I’d frustrated her so much that she just wanted to strangle me. That did not help. I had taken the position of vulnerability, I had spoken few truths (the one where my parents forcefully strapped me to a chair tends to evoke a lot of feeling in people – and yet, to me, that is one of the least harmful things done to me), but all the lies had been emotionally attached to me, they were vulnerabilities. And even knowing all of that, she had told me she wanted to hurt me. It did nothing to encourage me not to continue to lie about my abuse, and everything to dissuade me to see a professional.

I have also lied about not being abused. I don’t want to flaunt what hurts. My mother once caught me right after my father had rather violently punished me for not understanding some mathematical formula (I’ve got serious issues with mathematics – I like the logic behind it, but my brain just isn’t wired that way) and she saw us together, and she saw I was crying, and she asked me what happened (me, not him) and I said “nothing”. That was also a lie to protect myself, not my father.

I don’t want comfort! I don’t want to be held and I don’t want to hurt. When I’m hurt I withdraw. I do not cry when other people can see. Therefore I have lied about not being abused – I also lied to my mentor in school when he approached me about how I seemed to be doing poorly. Oh, it was so easy to lie to him. He wanted for it to not be an issue so he didn’t have to deal with it, he didn’t ask because he cared, he asked because he had to, and because it was good for his sense of self and for his image. It was easy. It’s always easy to lie about nothing happening, because people love it when things are good and they don’t have to actually follow up on the pretense that they care.

This is where Garak and the potential lies come in. It should be relatively easy to spot the correlation. I believe it’s fully possible that he lied to Ezri, because he knew what would fly easily with her, and she’d done absolutely zero work on gaining his trust. Even Garak’s outburst at Ezri is relatable to me. The fact that he’d follow up on this potential lie in ASIT would ultimately be that it’s a very comfortable, easy-to-go-to lie, and probably he needed it. Just like I needed mine. That is my interpretation. Just like any of you own yours, and use whatever tools you need. And if I may project myself onto Garak, I’d say that his outburst at Ezri was what helped him. Pent up energy that gets to be released can be immensely helpful. That is also my interpretation, which is my own, and in no way keeps anyone else from having their own interpretation that helps them.

The fact that I lied shouldn’t be used to judge any other survivor of abuse, and vice versa. We’re all individual cases, we’ve all got our ways to cope. We deserve to be seen as individuals with individual ways of dealing with what’s at hand. Garak, too, is an individual. He is also fictional, and I wouldn’t use a real person to cope with my problems or project onto. Just because I play with these concepts, doesn’t mean I would do the same with real actual people.

And then we reach the part about Tain. Tain is not like my father. My father is more like Dukat, like my interpretation of Dukat, which is once again my own interpretation, that does not prohibit anyone else from having other interpretations, nor do I feel threatened by other people’s interpretations of him. But even then, I can very much relate to Garak’s love for his biological father. It, to me, is a love towards what could have been, if Tain hadn’t sacrificed himself for the Order, just like I believe my father could’ve been a good father if he hadn’t sacrificed himself for his ambition and his crappy ego. I feel a great deal of sorrow when I think about my father. I’m never going to forgive him, I’m never going to forget, and if I knew of a way to murder him and get away with it, I would. And yet, that does in no way keep me from loving and mourning the part of him that he killed with the choices he made in his life. These things are never easy. I have had dreams of forgiving him, the human brain abhors conflict, it’s a survival mechanism. And at those points, I’ve had to remind myself of what he’s done, who he is. It’s not easy to take a decision and stick by it, cutting ties isn’t a decision that’s made once – it’s made over and over again.

As for my mother, she was as much a victim as the rest of us. He’d threaten her that he’d be abusive to us kids if she didn’t have sex with him, amongst other things that most likely she never told me and never will. It doesn’t mean my mother has never been abusive. The difference is that I know she loves her children (and I know that my father does not, he loves the idea of children, he loves the idea of being a father, he loves the prestige of having a family, but he doesn’t love us), and I forgive her the things she has done. I can’t dislike her. I know that she often put me in a situation where I had to take her role. She told me instead of my father that she was going to leave him – I knew she’d never tell him. The situation in which I couldn’t contain myself and told him this was a chaotic moment, in which he had assaulted me in front of the rest of the family – my siblings were upset. Enraged. At me. And my mother was just nothing.

That I forgive and love my mother is my choice. It doesn’t invalidate the choices of people who chose not to do so. Everyone should do what’s ultimately the best for them, and no one but them can tell. Which is why when Garak loves Tain, I respect that choice, and I can relate. And that is my interpretation, and no one else has to agree with me. Tain, to me, is a man whose hands are tied behind his back by higher authorities, he lives in a totalitarian society – for him it’s the state, for my mother, it was my father. It was my father for all of us. It’s my interpretation. It’s the reflection I need. No one else have to follow it but me.

#abuse #garak #elim garak #tain #enabran tain #dukat #skrain dukat #personal #star trek #ds9 #ended up a bit longer than I thought it would

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becomingstrong1289 · 7 years

Text

4/22/17

This week with Josh has been so frustrating. I have been mad this whole week. i actually considered keeping the kids this weekend instead of them being with him. this is the first time i have done this. after meeting his gf and not getting an apology. Monday i asked him for an apology and he looked at me and asked for what. So I had a conversation with a float nurse who is my situation 20 years from now. Her ex husband was abusive in a different way. They had 3 kids together. Her youngest would cry when going to her ex like Owen does when i leave him. She knows how heart breaking that feeling is. Her other kids adored her ex. They were never able to coparent. At events they would leave her and go sit with him because they didn’t see him. But even when they lived with him they still sat with him. I read on my coparenting facebook group that a woman was hurt because her kids were not allowed to make contact with her in public because the father would punish her kids. Alysca does it to Vanessa too. Shes so conditioned she wont even say hi when her mom isnt around. So i know that is a real situation that could happen. So Stacy, the float nurse, stayed hurt for a very long time in many situations because her and him could not get along and the kids were forced to pick sides. Now two of her kids are living with the father and since they moved they have been brainwashed into not talking to their mom. She aches for them. We are pretty much strangers and everytime she walks into our office she tells us about her kids. I can see Natalie doing that to me. Shes a lot like me and i eventually walked out on my mother to live with my dad. My mom was a shitty mother and physically and emotionally abusive. i yell at the kids but i dont beat them or call them names. i try my best but im the discipliner and josh is the weekend dad. Stacy talks about overcompensating with her youngest because she doesnt want to lose her. I do that with the kids. i go out of my way sometimes to make them happy. My biggest issue and regret is being on my phone when theyre around. its just my way of unwinding from my day and staying calm. im so tired when i get home from work and then there are 500 more things to do. i think if me and shawn get together and i have a little extra help my relationship with them will be better. right now there is only one of me and two of them and they are in such different stages of life. its hard to accommodate both of them. my other issue is my high cleaning standards. i need to relax and put it off til the weekend. shortcuts are okay sometimes. but it makes me feel like a failure. So anyway, after that conversation i really started thinking about withholding the kids for the weekend. i really didn’t see it fixing anything. it would just be rocking the boat. So i decided to talk to him first. i brought owen to the park and he called me. So i told him i was thinking about keeping the kids for the weekend and asked him why he thinks i would have to do that. i realized during this conversation that i have to talk to him like i would have to natalie. That they have the same social knowledge. He first said it was about the paystubs. It took him 11 days to send his paystubs to the lawyer and that was only after i asked for it. i told him that that was a frustration but not the reason. Then i asked again. He finally admitted that it was prolly cuz of courtney. And then i brought up how he wouldnt apologize to me on monday. he told me that he was just thinking about dropping the kids off and not about what happened. I told him that it hurt me so much on saturday that i could barely get out of bed. that i was suppose to do something very important that day but i couldnt do it cuz i was so hurt and depressed. i told him i cant be a good parent and hurt all the time. he admitted that he SHOULD HAVE apologized. they he almost said that he apolo....then he changed what he was saying. it is so hard for him to be remorseful. he just couldn’t say the words. finally, after me nagging at him about not being able to say it, he said he sincerely apologizes to me. i bet his mouth was bleeding after that. then i changed the subject a little. i asked him why he would let me go after his gf like that. he wouldnt really answer. he basically said that he was holding owen and didn’t want things to escalate by asking me to stop or leave. the truth is that i was holding owen the whole time. and he never defending her, me or the kids, only himself. he threw her to the wolves like he did to me with alysca. i told him that once i was courtney and i know what its like to have someone you feel should protect you and doesn’t. i told him that he doesn’t know how to love people and he should think about why that was his reaction because that is really important. This whole week ive been sending him quote and descriptions of sociopaths. He fits him to a tee. I dont know if he thinks so or not. theres really no cure for it. he thinks hes better than other people, he doesnt think he needs to apologize for hurting others, he doesn’t know how to love people. so in the end i asked josh if he wanted our relationship with our kids damaged because we couldnt get along. he said no. i told him i want to try coparenting again but i need a break. i said maybe around owens bday ill start talking to him again but until then its just the kids and the divorce that will be talked about. and even that will be minimal. so i fucked up and forgot owens medicine at drop off. it just didn’t cross my mind. so tonight im going out of my way to go skating with me dad. i think ill just drop off the meds with his grandma. i dont want to see the house or let the kids see me and hear owen cry cuz im leaving. it will break my heart. i dont want to see her car there. i dont want any part of it.

Something very cool is happening to me. i started seeing Luann again for weight management. i have been basically plateaued at 220 since july 2016. i started creeping up again during the holidays and got back down and then i started creeping again so i made the decision to start weight management again. this is the only way i have ever been able to lose weight. as of yesterday i was down to 217.8. i finally got over the first hump. my next will be 210. that is where diane told me she weighed in at. if i can get under that ill be skinnier than her. 200 will be a huge one. i havent been under 200 since my jr year of hightschool. it would be amazing to be close to that when i go on vacaion. my ultimate goal is 180. when i was eating my normal amount of food i was always afraid of not getting enough nutrients if i ate smaller portions. today i kinda realized that i only eat a certain amount of food per day, say 1500 calories. Those 1500 calories better be very nutritious. this week i ate basically a dairy product and fruit for dinner, a meat and veggie wrap or salad and meat and veggies for dinner. i did eat one sweet potato once this week. i found some bread that is 35 calories per slice and had a couple pb and js. its not perfect but its working. my snaking was out of control before i started the meds. i would just eat constantly. i was like a smoker with unsalted nuts and prunes. i listen to my dad and his diet stuff but i have to remember that he isnt to his goal weight. he still eats fast food and goes crazy on cheat days. i dont need cheat days. i like my cooking and i love veggies. why would i pick pizza when i can eat a steak and asperagus and mushrooms instead. tonight im going skating. idk if hes gonna wanna go out or not but im gonna try to get a salad or something similar to that. i can alway bring it home and eat it tomorrow or for lunch. no biggy. i feel like shit when i stuff my face. its painful. im waiting for shawn to notice im losing weight. that is going to be really cool when he says something about it.

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