#it isn't until sam has (perceived to have) lost everything that he is able to come to the conclusion that vengeance won't serve him

[so-called-quail]

'Trapped in the end!' said Sam bitterly, his anger rising again above weariness and despair. 'Gnats in a net. May the curse of Faramir bite that Gollum and bite him quick!' 'That would not help us now,' said Frodo.

Sword in hand Sam went after him. For the moment he had forgotten everything else but the red fury in his brain and the desire to kill Gollum. But before he could overtake him, Gollum was gone. Then as the dark hole stood before him and the stench came out to meet him, like a clap of thunder the thought of Frodo and the monster smote upon Sam's mind.

Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey – for vengeance. If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world, pursuing, until he had him at last: Gollum. Then Gollum would die in a corner. But that was not what he had set out to do. It would not be worth while to leave his master for that. It would not bring him back. Nothing would.

Sam and vengeance in today's entry

#idk i have Thoughts about this... rambles ahead... #there's an interesting arc here with how sam approaches his feelings of vengeance in this entry #starting with the first quote. frodo's response to sam is so brief and doesn't get much time to sit with all the action going on #but i feel like it speaks volumes #at least in showcasing the different points they stand on #sam centers his resentment and feelings of revenge... he's quick to get frustrated and immediately goes for threatening gollum #meanwhile frodo is focused on getting out. he doesn't have time to nurse anger nor does he want to #it feels like he's advising sam to move past it because he knows it's futile to stay stuck in those feelings #then there's sam's fight with gollum #after days and weeks of building tension from his mistrust towards gollum... this is where the dam finally breaks #sam's been feeding into his resentment for SO LONG it's no wonder he gets into this state of blind fury towards the end #he set himself up to seek vengeance the moment he gets the opportunity #which in some way i'm sure does help him in fending off gollum... that strength had to come from somewhere #but once he's staved him off he continues to fixate that anger on gollum and forgets what he originally set out to do-- protect frodo #and then we're left with the final quote... #it isn't until sam has (perceived to have) lost everything that he is able to come to the conclusion that vengeance won't serve him #...a lesson learned a little too late?? maybe?? no?? it feels cruel to say that #i definitely do not want to take the position that sam was responsible for what happened to frodo #he was pinned in a horribly desperate situation and couldn't do much once gollum attacked #i don't think much would've changed if he hadn't had his moment of fury with chasing gollum #anyways newbie here-- i haven't read anything ahead from here so idk what character arcs await sam #but i'm interested to see if this is later built upon or acknowledged #end of rambles skdfjgkdjsfg #lotr newsletter #lotr newsletter march 13th #EDIT: I forgot to space the quotes out 😭 #not a crime but they can get confusing to read when scrunched together hrnnnn

[emiliosandozsequence]

Your choice of SPN character has been hit with a curse of Endless Chatter. Write one run-on sentence of dialogue for them (until your own stream-of-consciousness runs out!).

Sam Winchester - s8 finale

A confession. I have a lot to confess, don't I. More than most anyway. I mean, how many people can say they started the apocalypse. Granted, I guess I stopped it too, but not before a lot of people had already lost their lives, lost loved ones. And that's on me; that's something I can't ever take back. I'm the one that chose to trust a demon and drink her blood. It doesn't matter the rest of the details that led up to the final decision to open the gates of Hell. If I'd just been smarter, it wouldn't have happened.

And that's what matters.

If I'd been smarter, I would've known Ruby was planning to free Lucifer. Hell, if I'd been smarter, I would've listened to Dean in the first place and not trusted her at all. I would've shot her with the Colt in that motel room in the first time she showed her black eyes to me in Cicero. But I didn't, and, again, that's what matters.

That isn't even all I've done.

I've failed the world and, indeed, those I love most more times than I can count. I might be able to forgive myself if they were able to forgive me, but it's evident from how things always get brought up that they haven't and, at this point, probably won't. I can hardly blame them because I understand where they're coming from. I can't say I would be too forgiving myself in their position. I mean...would I really have been able to forgive Dean if he'd gone off to college at eighteen and left me alone with Dad? Maybe that's why Dean's still so mad about that: not becaus I left for college, but because I left for college and he was still with Dad. He'd never admit it, though. He'd never say outloud that Dad was anything but a saint to him. He forgets I was there. He forgets I know differently. He forgets I experienced it too. And maybe that's why I can't forgive myself either. Why everything else I've ever done to wrong him - or that he's perceived as me wronging him - has hit both of us so hard: because I know what I did by leaving him behind with Dad. So that's my greatest sin, I guess. Every time I let Dean down. Every time I ran from him when I should have stayed. Every time I chose myself instead of him when he's chosen me every time he's ever had to make any choice ever. And, really, how can I forgive myself? How can I look myself in the mirror and grin at my reflection knowing all that? Knowing that it effects Dean enough that he still brings it up to this day? Could you? If I'm honest with myself, I don't know if I ever will. I don't know if I even can. But I suppose this can be a start. I can make this confession and finish these trials and do better every day to show Dean how sorry I am. How much I won't let this happen again. Maybe then he can heal. Maybe then he can forgive me too. And if I can't forgive myself, then, well, this is the next best thing.

#this is told from sam's pov & at his lowest point; that's why he blames himself for things that clearly aren't his fault #also interpret his talk of john how u want #but it IS meant to be read as One Specific Way #supernatural #spn #sam winchester #ask #anonymous #mine #my writing