#it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too

[transmascissues]

today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.

i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.

i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.

i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.

and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.

#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to #as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about #i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her #for all three of them but especially her #i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons #the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day #i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does #it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too #most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations #they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies #i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia

[wizardcommune]

gundham sfw alphabet

pairing - gundham tanaka x gn!reader

warnings - none!!

word count - 1.8k

a/n - FUCK YEAH GUNDHAM (also i apologize, i got lazy near the end)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

in the beginning of the relationship, he would definitely be very hesitant to show physical or verbal affection since it wasn’t something he was used to. he’d show his love with acts of service and giving, most likely. (giving his s/o one of the devas if he knew they’d be separated for a short period of time, bringing them small trinkets he found like pretty rocks or bones, helping them with homework, etc.)

as time goes on, though, he’d become more comfortable with showing physical affection and would grow to become a huge cuddle bug!!! please hug him for me

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

literally the coolest friend ever. especially if you had an alternative fashion sense, he’d be so down to go clothes shopping with you LMAO

if you were okay initiating physical affection outside of a romantic relationship, and were able to make him comfortable with that, he’d totally be That Friend who cuddles with you all the time!! he’d never mention it though, and would die on impact if you brought it up in front of any of his other friends/classmates

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

once he’s comfortable with it, yeah! he’s definitely super touch starved because of him not having friends most of his life, so having someone to cuddle would make his brain go ^^^^^

honestly, he’s good with any position so it’s up to his s/o. he prefers being able to see their face, though

the first time he ever cuddled with them he cried :(( shh don’t tell anyone though

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

man that’s his DREAM!! the idea of just getting to live with his s/o + animals makes his serotonin machine go BRR

honestly, i think he would fucking suck at cooking. baking, however. :))

because of having to clean up after his animals and keep things out of their way, he would naturally be a pretty neat person out of habit!! i don’t think he’d mind too much if his s/o was messy though.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I DIDNT DO THIS ONE BECAUSE IT MADE ME SAD IM SORRY

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

gundham already sets up so many walls, and for his s/o to be able to break those down would already mean he’d be willing to commit. i don’t think he would ever just like.... date random people for funsies, so being in a romantic relationship with someone is already so big to him.

honestly, i can’t see him being the type to want to get married. he’d definitely want to settle down! but the idea of having a traditional wedding stresses him out. (of course, that doesn’t mean he’d be any less committed :))

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

dealing with small animals like the devas has left him gentle by nature!! he doesn’t even notice it, but he is always extremely careful with his s/o with the subconscious fear of accidentally hurting them/scaring them off :(

emotion wise, i think it’d be the same. when he cares about someone (whether it be romantic or platonic) he’s always cautious of teasing them too much since he knows that it can hurt sometimes. 

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

HE FUCKINGNF LOVES HUGS

they’re probably SO good too, like he’s the type to give those hugs that make you feel so safe. full on wraps his arms completely around you and rests his head on yours if you’re shorter (since he’d such a fucking giraffe my god)

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

it would definitely take a while for gundham to admit it. i can see him saying it on accident, like when he thinks you’re sleeping or not paying attention to him. he’d also need a lot of reassurance afterwards, just because of that initial fear of rejection

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

if he sees someone flirting with his s/o and they’re uncomfortable, he’ll immediately wrap an arm around their shoulder.

“they said they’re taken, respect that knave.”

sometimes he does get insecure that’s he’s too much for his s/o, considering he’s an evil tyrant, and that they might want to leave him for someone who’s..... not an evil tyrant.... (once again, please give him a hug)

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

like i said before, he’s very gentle when it comes to affection so his kisses are vv soft!! he’ll always hold their chin or one of their hands.

his favorite places to kiss his s/o are probably their forehead and hands!!

he loves being kissed everywhere, but he really likes neck kisses and any kisses around his face :^)

l = little ones (How are they around children?)

he’s great with kids!! he’d tell them stories of how he defeated different warlocks that tried to test him, or giant manticores he tamed.

i think he’d really like kids too, mostly because they’re so easy to impress LMAO

it inflates his ego a little bit whenever one gets really into one of his stories

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

if he wakes up before his s/o, he’d gently pull them into a hug while he waits for them to wake up (sobbing)

morning voice morning voice morning voice morning voice morning v

he memorized how his s/o likes their tea/coffee and will make it really groggily HAHA

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

okokok hear me out

i think that gundham is a really good singer, so he would 100% sing u to sleep

he’d be embarrassed as hell though LMAOO

he’d probably cuddle them before they fall asleep and talk about each other’s days or just random stuff until they get tired

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think a few months into their friendship? he would talk about his childhood randomly, but would prefer if they don’t make a huge deal about it.

he’d open up more if his s/o did first! he would take it as they trust him enough to talk about it.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

it depends on the person! with someone like hiyoko, he can get pissed pretty quickly, but his patience is VERY thick with his s/o. generally, it takes a lot to anger him. 

that being said, if they put themself in danger he would get ticked off out of fear.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

especially in the beginning of their relationship when he was hesitant about physical/verbal affection, he would focus heavily on listening to them. he really wanted to show them that he respects them a lot, and remembering small things they mentioned would convey that well.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

after coming out of the shower, he walked in to see them asleep on his couch with the devas curled up on top of their chest. he went to go lay down with them and it just kind of.. hit him. that he wasn’t alone anymore and they loved and were there for him. :( 

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he’s very protective!! (especially if you’re in the killing game) the thought of something happening to you is his worst fear. 

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

ALL THE EFFORT

if his s/o asks him to do something in passing, you BET he’s gonna make sure he does his best

he keeps track of anniversaries/important dates religiously because he’s terrified of accidentally forgetting LMAO

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sometimes i think he might come off as cold when embarrassed because his persona is so important to him, but if they expressed being upset he would backtrack SO fast

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

not very much?? like, i think he would brag about his hair or something sometimes but he’s always joking LMAO

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes and no? if something ever happened to his s/o, he would feel horribly empty for a time. but i also think that being in a relationship could help him not feel so lonely and teach him better ways to take care of himself, so if they were to ever split he would be able to heal after he got over the initial sadness.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he’s a Mitski Understander (TM) his favorite songs are crack baby, pink in the night, and i bet on losing dogs, i’m up for debate

and yes i absolutely will be making a gundham playlist

i don’t know if this counts since i’m 90% projecting, but i hc him as trans and ND so like. solidarity if you are too wink wonk

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

a/n - just so everyone knows, i honestly think every character would be fine with any type of person since projecting is so important to a lot of us. these are just my personal headcanons, and if they don’t apply to you please don’t take it personally!! <3

i think he would really want a kind s/o. especially with what he’s been through, someone who’s gentle/patient would mean the world to him

also someone who likes animals!! they mean so much to him and were basically his entire life until he met the others, so having someone who shared that interest would make him so happy

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

it’s not uncommon for him to sleep with his animals!! he mostly just sleeps with the devas though; he would probably place them near his head or on his chest so he wouldn’t accidentally roll on them.

he also really likes cuddling with his s/o when they sleep! he wouldn’t mind being the big or little spoon, either.

#god i love him #my work #gundham x reader #gundham tanaka x reader #gundham/reader #sfw alphabet #danganronpa #goodbye despair #danganronpa x reader #goodbye despair x reader #gundham tanaka

[splendidlyimperfect]

Sting’s entire life changed when he was eleven years old and his best friend Rogue told a secret that he’d promised to keep. Taken away from the father who abused him and the best friend who’d tried to save him, Sting tried to start a new life with his uncle. But the trauma wasn’t easy to escape, and eventually Sting turned to drinking to forget the things that hurt.

Now he’s an adult, and he hasn’t been sober in years. But when drinking nearly kills him and a near-stranger saves his life, Sting has a chance to turn his life around, and maybe become the man that Rogue deserves to love.

Chapter Summary: Things get worse, and Sting tries to find ways to cope with his anger.

Chapters (9/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel & Sting Eucliffe, Sting Eucliffe & Weisslogia Characters: Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel, Rogue Cheney, Gray Fullbuster, Weisslogia (Fairy Tail) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Trans Character, Trans Sting, Friendship, Childhood Friends, Sting-focused story, Sting is a disaster, Natsu’s a great friend, Rogue tries to do what’s right, Tumblr: FTLGBTales Series: Part 2 of i’m still standing

**TW for underage drinking and sexually suggestive content with teens

-----

im·​paired | \ im-ˈperd adjective : being in an imperfect or weakened state or condition

.

vii

spring age thirteen

.

After that, the nightmares start.

Sting wakes up crying in the middle of the night with blood under his fingernails from scratching at his arms. He can’t remember what the dream was about, but afterward, he can’t fall back asleep. His stomach hurts, and there’s a part of him that wants to wake up Uncle Wes and ask for a hug. But then he hears his dad’s voice, so he hides in the closet instead.

Grow up

Stop crying

Don’t be such a baby

Sting squeezes his eyes shut and covers his ears, shaking his head and pressing himself as far back in the corner as he can. “Stop it,” he whispers. Everything is blurry and his head hurts, and all he can think about is shouting and broken glass.

The next day at school he can’t eat, and halfway through third period he gets a headache so bad that he has to run to the washroom and throw up. He manages through the rest of the day, and when he gets home, Uncle Wes tries to ask what’s wrong.

Sting ignore the question and hides in his bedroom, refusing supper and eventually falling asleep in his clothes. He wakes up in the middle of the night, crying and sweating and eventually throwing up again.

“You don’t look good,” Uncle Wes says the next morning when Sting drags himself downstairs for breakfast. “Do you want to stay home from school today?”

Sting can’t even look at him. Even when the police had showed up with Sting in tow at four in the morning, Uncle Wes hadn’t been mad. He hadn’t yelled at Sting for using his phone, or stealing money for the bus, or sneaking away to see his dad. Instead he’d thanked the officer, then pulled Sting into a hug and told him it was going to be okay.

Sting shakes his head, pushing away the cereal Uncle Wes made for him and leaving the house without a word.

It’s not going to be okay. 

Continue reading on AO3

~

Things get worse.

The nightmares don’t stop. Sting’s stomach hurts every day, and food becomes a fight. He can’t pay attention in school, and nothing sticks because he’s never really there. When he starts failing tests, Uncle Wes tries to step in. He meets with Sting and his teachers and it’s just like when Sting had come out and they’d all talked about pronouns and bathrooms like he wasn’t even there. This time, the teachers look at him with pity instead of curiosity, and eventually Sting shoves his chair over and storms out of the room.

He doesn’t go back to school.

Uncle Wes gets him into this online program for ‘alternative learning,’ which Sting knows is a fancy way for saying ‘kids that are fucked up.’ At first, he tries because Uncle Wes is so good to him, and Sting doesn’t want to make him upset. But eventually, it’s too much. He can’t focus on anything, and he doesn’t want to.

Sting knows Uncle Wes is disappointed, but he never shouts, and sometimes Sting wishes he would. Nothing makes Uncle Wes mad, so Sting gets angry instead. He yells and slams doors and tears his notebooks to pieces, but it doesn’t help.

Sting never feels better, and he starts to think he never will.

~

The first time Sting gets drunk, he’s sixteen.

He’s sitting on the street in an unfamiliar town, staring up at the streetlights and trying not to cry. It’s been hours since he ran away from the guy he’d hitchhiked here with – hours since the words you owe me for the ride were accompanied by a hand around his wrist and a sharp stab of panic. Sting had never run so fast in his life, and now he’s desperately, terrifyingly lost.

Uncle Wes has probably realized he’s gone by now, but it’s the fourth time Sting’s taken off in the past two years, so he probably hasn’t even bothered to call the police this time. Part of Sting wants him to, wants to be found. The other part knows that he’s not worth saving.

You’re never gonna be anything.

Sting shudders. Fuck you, dad, he thinks, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them close to his chest. It’s November and he’s freezing – he’s wearing two sweaters but the chill on the cement is soaking through his jeans and he can barely feel his fingers.

“If you stay there, you’re gonna get picked up.”

Sting looks up to see a guy a few years older than him leaning against the bus stop down the street. He’s got hard, dark eyes, and Sting thinks he should probably run away, but he’s just so fucking tired.

“Fuck off,” he growls, trying to sound tough. He’s sure he just sounds pathetic.

The guy shrugs, tipping his head toward the end of the street. “Cops tend to come by here. It’s too close to the fancy neighborhoods.” He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a step toward Sting. “You’re not from around here.”

Sting doesn’t answer. He pulls his knees closer to him, digging his fingers into his palm to keep himself from trembling. Last time he ran, it had been July, and he’d been able to sleep in the park for a couple nights. This time it’s freezing, and he has nowhere to go.

The sharp blip of a siren makes Sting jump. Fuck. If he gets picked up again, he’ll just end up being Uncle Wes’ problem again, and that’s the last thing he needs. Red-and-blue lights reflect off the wall further down the street, and Sting hears a door slam as an officer gets out of the car.

“You need a place to crash,” the guy says, and it’s more of a statement than a question. He reaches out a hand and Sting shies away from it.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Sting asks.

“I was there,” the guy says, shrugging. “We’ve all got sob stories. Look, it’s not the fuckin’ Hilton, but it’s warm and sometimes people have shit to eat. You look hungry.” Sting stares at the outstretched fingers, then slowly reaches out and takes them. “I’m Ryan,” the guy says once Sting is standing.

“Sting.”

“Interesting name.”

Sting doesn’t say anything, but when Ryan starts walking down the street, Sting grabs his backpack from the ground and follows him. It’s starting to snow, heavy flakes drifting through the dirty light of the streetlamps, and Sting shoves his hands deep into his pockets, shivering.

“Where you from?” Ryan asks as they walk.

“Not here,” Sting replies.

Ryan looks at him sideways, eyes searching Sting’s face before he says, “how old are you?”

“What difference does it make?” Sting snaps, staring down at the sidewalk. He’s tempted to just tell this guy to fuck off, to try and find a quiet corner to sleep in until he can figure out what to do, but Ryan doesn’t pry, so Sting keeps following him.

~

Ryan’s place turns out to be a shitty apartment in a building with a busted door and a broken elevator. Everything smells like cigarette smoke and the wallpaper is peeling, and when Ryan kicks the door to his apartment open, a cloud of smoke wafts out around him.

“C’mon,” Ryan says, grabbing Sting’s arm and guiding him inside. Sting immediately tries to pull away, but Ryan’s grip is tight, and he doesn’t even seem to notice Sting’s panic.

“Ryaannn!” Some guy from the living room calls out and holds up a bottle of beer from his spot on the couch. “Who’s the new kid?”

“Sting,” Ryan says, nudging Sting forward through the kitchen. “Grab him a beer, yeah?”

The next few minutes are a blur of unfamiliar people and names Sting won’t remember, and a low, thrumming panic in the back of his mind that whispers, get out, get out, you aren’t safe. When someone eventually pushes a beer into his hand, he stares at the bottle for a long time. All he can think about is his dad, sitting in the recliner in the living room, downing drink after drink until he passed out and it was finally safe for Sting to leave his room.

I’m not like him, Sting thinks, swallowing back tears. But then he remembers last night, when he’d been so angry that he’d thrown his plate on the floor and shouted at Uncle Wes across the broken pieces. The whole time, Uncle Wes had been calm and patient, and it had stoked the aching, terrified fury that was always boiling in Sting’s chest.

I’m just like him, Sting thinks, and takes a drink.

~

It doesn’t take long for Sting to start feeling it.

At first, it’s like bubbles. Sting’s cheeks flush and his fingers tingle, and the hurt that he’s been carrying around for so long starts to fade into a sort of numb haze. Then Ryan gives him a couple shots of something that tastes horrible, and then a cup of something pink, and after a while, Sting feels like he’s floating. Every time he blinks it’s like falling asleep – soft and hazy and a little bit unreal.

Sting’s not sure what time it is, but it doesn’t seem to matter. People come and go, laughing and drinking and making out with each other on the couches or against the walls. Every time Sting closes his eyes and opens them again, it’s like a shifting dream where everything’s out of sync and nobody is real.

“You okay?” A soft voice drags Sting out of his haze and he looks up. A girl that he doesn’t recognize stares down at him, and he realizes that his head is in her lap and she’s running her fingers through his hair.  

“Yeah,” he mumbles, running his hand over the fabric of the couch. The sensation is wildly unfamiliar, sparks prickling on his fingertips as he explores a ragged cigarette burn on the cushion. Every time the girl touches his face, it’s electric, and he stares at her. “Your eyes are green,” he says, reaching up and running his fingers across her cheek.

“You’re wasted,” the girl giggles. “Why’re you here? You’re too pretty for this place.”

Sting stares at her for a minute, then shakes his head. His hands are tingling now, and he can’t feel anything except a deep sense of relief. The room around him is warped and fading, and he wonders why he’s never done this before.

“How’re you feeling?”

Sting looks up at someone vaguely familiar – Ryan, he’s pretty sure – whose face is swimming in front of the blurry living room lights. It’s like a halo around him, making him bright and warm and something Sting wants to touch.

He does, reaching out and running his fingers over Ryan’s jeans. The fabric is textured under Sting’s fingertips – it’s like he can feel every fiber of the denim against his skin.

“You’re wasted,” Ryan laughs, pulling the girl up and taking her place on the couch next to Sting. A tiny flash of panic runs through Sting when Ryan touches his hair, but the feeling starts to fade when Ryan’s fingers start combing through it. “Feels good, hey?”

Sting hums. He’s so tired, suddenly – keeping his eyes open feels next to impossible. Maybe if he sleeps like this, he won’t have nightmares.

“Y’know what else feels good?” Ryan asks, his voice dropping as he keeps playing with Sting’s hair. His other hand slides up over Sting’s stomach and starts to move in gentle circles there. Sting tenses.  

“I don’t—”

“It’s okay,” Ryan says, sliding his hand a little lower until his fingers are brushing Sting’s belt. A jolt of panic makes its way through the haze in Sting’s mind and he pushes Ryan’s hand away clumsily.

“No,” he mumbles, forcing himself to sit up. As soon as he’s vertical, everything starts to spin, and he groans, putting his head in his hands.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Ryan says gently, putting his hand between Sting’s shoulder blades. “This your first time?”

Sting’s not sure if Ryan’s talking about drinking, or whatever he was planning on doing with his hands and Sting’s belt, but either way the answer is ‘yes.’ “I should…” Sting frowns, looking around the room for his backpack. Everything blurs together into a mess of light and color, and he sighs, leaning back against the couch.

“I told you that you could crash here,” Ryan says. His thigh is touching Sting’s, but his hands aren’t, so Sting lets it slide. “’s my fault you’re wasted.”

Sting wants to argue, but he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. “’kay,” he says quietly, leaning back until he’s lying on the couch again and staring at the water stains on the ceiling. He shouldn’t be here. His phone is in his back pocket, and Sting knows that if he called, Uncle Wes would come get him.

Ryan squeezes Sting’s knee and stands up, giving Sting an unreadable look and then heading away into the kitchen. The sounds of the party around him fade away, and Sting’s hand drifts down to his phone.

But then he thinks about the broken glass and the awful words he’d shouted, and he shakes his head, curling up so he’s facing the back of the couch and letting himself slip back into a numb haze.

Sting can survive on his own, and Uncle Wes is better off without him.

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #stingue #sting eucliffe #rogue cheney #fanfic #tw: drinking #new chapter #update #my fic

[starkerforlife6969]

This post is me replying to the lovely anons I got! But I didn't wanna spam anyone’s feed so it’s all down below in one mega post! Mwah x PS none of these are prompts, those would always be posted separately ;) so if you’re a prompter, just wait on me honeys i promise ill come through for you soon. 

1) @janetpie1951: “i would kill everyone for sugar baby Peter. With No remorse.” and “Secretary Peter? Absolutely fucking perfect.”

We are the same, my love. Me too. I love that softboi so much i would pull a tony and just break everyone’s leg if they so much as looked at him the wrong way. 

And thank you SO much, I was so scared no one would like the secretary Peter one because I found his character really hard to write as it was so OC, you know? So this put a huge smile on my face :)) x

2) I’m having mild social anxiety just typing this. I wanted to tell you how much I’ve been enjoying your writing. Especially the Mafia boss/sugar baby/bodyguard story line you’ve been posting. I can’t wait for the next part.

I cannot wait for Part 3, at the moment it’s just a few snippets because i need a few more ideas to tie it together, but i promise it’ll be up soon! And my precious thing, well done for typing it anyway!!! I know how you feel, but this made my day so thank you so much sugar xx

3) I wish I was brave enough to share my writing like you do. I'm really scared people will think I'm stupid or that I suck. I'm too shy to share much 🙈 How can someone get over that kind of fear?

Dude, if I could take you back to the first fic I ever wrote- I think it was Dramione? Or H2O, it was seriously just awful like wow oh my god. But the thing was- people were so nice. And dude, it was shit. I promise you, it really was. What i’m saying is- you are your own harshest critic, and that’s super cliche but it’s true. No one will judge your work the way you do. And the feeling when people are nice- oh god, it just- it’s worth the risk. No one is going to think youre stupid or you suck because you had the fucking moxie to create something in the first place. I know it’s hard to take that first leap- I was too young to truly comprehend how scary it was when I did it, but I know you can get there. Sometimes it’s nicest starting in a tiny little fandom because everyone is so supportive and you all know each other and you can build confidence that way- saying that, the starker fandom is by far the most supportive one i’ve ever been in (teen wolf a close second, but there can be some mean anons there who for some reason are obsessed with scott??? like i like him, but let’s chill out, sorry off topic) and there will be haters, but fuck them. I, personally, would read anything you wrote and i would never have anything negative to say. I might be like “dude could you put stuff into paragraphs cuz it’s hard to read a block of text on my phone” but that’s it- that’s the worst thing i would ever say. i’d be too busy being grateful that you’d written some glorious content.

It’s scary, my gorgeous darling, but you can get there. The more fic you read, the more confident you get, and soon you’ll get more confident in YOU. As long as YOU like your writing (which is one of the hardest things ever) it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. 

that being said, nothing wrong with shyness. It’s okay to keep it to yourself, sometimes it’s a private thing. Maybe tease us with a few snippets and when we all go insane and beg you for more, maybe then you’ll be encouraged ;) 

4) OML I looooove that you link the other chapters in your series. It's awesome. Keep up the great work! I love your stories ❤️

Dude, thank you!!!! It’s super annoying to do but i always do it because i wish other users did it because it’s so hard scrolling through their whole blog to find a part 2 so thank you so much for appreciating it hahaha it honestly made my day. 

5) Holy FUCK that mafia boss with sugar baby peter is my absolute favorite thing I have ever read in my existence. Thank you so much for writing it and blessing everyone who reads it 💕💕

Yeah you’re just the best and sweetest thing ever. You just are. End of. 

6) I just spent the last several hours going through the starker tag on your blog and hot diggity damn are you good at writing these two.

that is one of the best ways to spend the day and I'm am so honoured you picked mine like ahhhhh i could dance and blush forever, thank you so much. 

7) your mafia tonypetersteve was so good i just!!! I DONT HAVE WORDS it made me so emotional and it was perfect and just uGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you for writing it so muchhhhh - { holographic-starker }

dude- dude- dude, you are so lovely. THANK YOU FOR READING IT 

8) Oh wow, your Mafia Boss Tony x Sugar Baby Peter x Bodyguard Steve fic is sooo amazing! 😱❤ The atmosphere, the tension, I can't even say what's my favourite part, everything is just so damn perfect and sexy! ❤❤

oh my god this is a tirade of compliments and I'm honest to god sobbing, seriously dude the fact that you read it and liked it is- it’s the best feeling ever i can’t even describe it to you.  

9) Ummmmmmm excuse me while I die in a corner because of your mafia au 🤤

have i mentioned that i don’t deserve you guys? I honestly don’t. 

10) [this is on the secretary au] THAT TOOK A TURN REAL FAST ((it was so good))

thank you so fucking much honestly i am awed, this was so worth putting off essays to do 

11) @biscuitsonofa  NEED MORE SECRETARY PETER BOSS TONY PLEASE IM D Y I N G OVER HERE I LOVE YOU

oh my god you are so amazing i can’t even just wow. If i ever came up with an idea i’d love to continue it for you, gorgeous. 

12) your a/b/o au with tony/harley/peter was so great!! i would love a part 2❣️

same as above honey in 11, if i ever develop a decent imagination, i definitely will. thank you so much for taking the time to make my whole day. 

13) @pretty-well-funded I binged through Super Size Me at 2am and I am fucking in love with it

Well I’m in love with you, so there. And please don’t hate me over how slack i’ve been with that fic, i started it before i made this side blog and now this sideblog has taken over my whole life but i promise i will get back to it because you guys are so supportive and brilliant and wow 

14) @hoe4parker You're literally one of my favorite writers and I'm currently writing a trans!Peter fic and if you're cool with writing one, you could write one too? I love trans!Peter and new content is always fabulous and I really really love your writing

You are beyond the sweetest thing in the whole world. Just wow. Just thank you. Actually because of this ask i did a bunch of research into how to write trans characters and asked a lot of other users for advice, but i just don’t think i can do it justice at this stage :(( i’ve never done it before and i don’t feel i know quite enough about it. I love reading trans peter fics and i can’t wait for yours, but as for me, i think i need to build up my talent in that area. Who knows, maybe one day? ;) 

15) @starkersbitch Heyyy there! Uh I somehow wanted to tell you that on here rather than on ao3, but I am OBSESSED with your fic "Super Size Me". The characterisation? AMAZING. The smut? I'm living. Your general writing style? Love it. Keep up your good work, love!

yeah i remember getting this, it put the biggest smile on my face ever like just wow thank you so goddamn much. like i said in 13, don’t hate me. I will get back to it gorgeous, i promise!!!! be patient with me, like timberlake says in bad teacher “i think I'm worth the wait” snort goddamn, I'm totally not but you’re a darling and i love you seriously, this encouragement is what makes this fandom the best one ever. 

[g5b3ysjw-blog]

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[jones573]

the following is a list of characters who appear in the ‘St. George’s’ RP saga (even tho they havent been at St George’s in like, a long time, shush, details). 

characters with an ‘r’ are played by reynarda , with a ‘t’ by tsukasakadoya, and with a ‘j’ by me, still_jones573 . 

some characters do not really belong to anyone and are just there, or have only been mentioned by certain characters that DO belong to someone but said character isnt really being ‘played’ by anyone because they havent appeared, you know.

The Gang: aka the primary characters, they all currently live together in a townhouse owned by Vlad & Bram

(r) Vladimir Drakoni: Full vampire, born in like the 1400′s?, has a long-standing feud with the Council Chair, Claudios Von Batts. His family was removed from the Council, but he is still pretty involved in their business, cuz he’s nosy and doesnt trust them. Magically tied to Bram by things beyond comprehension, and has after many decades, gotten used to it and they’ve even been able to harness the power of friendship, to the horror of their enemies everywhere. Is short (at least enough that Bram likes to tease him for it), has dark hair (?) 

(r) Abraham Lluewen (??sp?): Human, born in like the 1400′s to the family of hunters that created ‘silverblood’, a liquid silver that is particularly dangerous to vampires. Has worked for and with the Hunter’s Guild over the years, most recently as the head of St. George’s (a monster-hunting school, basically), though is now on ‘parental leave’. Along with Vlad, has a tendency to get into dangerous situation, and also to collect sad magical children and make sure they eat their veggies. Is the tallest member of the Gang, has red hair

(r) Devon Von Batts: Claudios’ son, lived with his human mother until she died when he was a preteen. Stuff happened, he went to juvie, Von Batts Sr. found out he had a son and asked Vlad to pretty please deal with that. Devon lived as Claudios’s son for a few years, having previously been ‘privately tutored’ or whatever. Was part of the plot to infiltrate St. George’s school with young vampire spies, but a lot of stuff happened, he got a bit stabby, things went south, etc. Is now in the care of Vlad and Bram. Recently got his fangs! Has blonde hair, is tall but not quite as tall as his sister (tho this could be because she has a soldier’s posture, and her skininess makes her seem even taller than she is)

(j) Winona Von Batts: Kidnapped from her human mother at birth, raised by creepy vampires who were obsessed with creating a perfect weapon, though they had many and often contradictory ideas about how that should be done. Basically, it really sucked. She eventually killed her ‘family’ when they tried to force her into killing young human girls and drinking their blood, and was picked up by the Guild. Was not exactly communicative, so she ended up at St George’s. lots of stuff happened, now she lives with Bram and Vlad. I think outside the townhouse gang, no one knows (or should know) that she and devon are, in fact, only half vampires. winona is quite tall, and muscular in a way that suggests she was encouraged to exercise frequently but had poor nutrition, tho that has likely been getting less obvious over the last few months. she has brownish stubble across her scalp that might prove to be lighter if it grew out some, but she scratches herself and rips at her head when she’s nervous or often while sleeping, so her head stays buzzed and her nails short.

(t) May Garrison: Quite possibly the destruction of the world is small, adorable human form. a sacred magical ritual on an island went wrong, and the resulting magical baby was taken home by bill garrison who likely did not realize the next 20 years would be spent thinking ‘i was just being a good person, why does magic exist’ may eventually left his island home, and met gabriel, who tasked him with (???? i honestly dont remember the specifics) being at st georges on a plot-heavy day. the aforementioned stuff happened, and tho the Council was reluctant to deal with WInona themselves they also DID not want to just let Vlad have her, so May volunteered his services as a neutral party that would report on Winona’s progress. Is asexual, uses magic through precious gems and stones, likes pineapple on his pizza to the dismay of many. the shortest member of the gang by far (he’s like 5′1″? 5′2″?), i think he’s blonde?, and he wears a lot of very bright outfits

(j) Alex Moraes: Full vampire, from standardly rich and powerful family. Grew up living on the Yates plantation, going to fancy boarding schools, alternatively learning ball room dance and financial investment strategies, visiting the Moraes home in the Andes, etc, etc. Feels a LOT of pressure to be a perfect son and heir, in the human and vampiric traditions, tho honestly he could probably relax about that, as he is already doing WAY better than his parents were at his age. Is gay and closeted and has a lot of conflicting feelings about that, also has an enormous crush on May that is obvious to everyone but may. Is growing his hair out because he wants to have a stylish mane like his father, and because he no longer goes to a boarding school that forbids that sort of thing. maybe also because sometimes may admires it, but im sure thats just convenient

The Legal Team: aka other important people that show up and do stuff, mostly covering everybody’s ass even tho they themselves are kinda an ass

(t) Gabriel Last Name?: Vampire (presumably full, as his family used to have a Council seat), lawyer, May’s employer and friend. Has his fingers in many pots as it were, perhaps not all entirely legal. Bad blood between him and his brother Chris, who absconded with all the family’s wealth and hasnt been heard from since (many many years ago- at least 20 or 30?). Not really the most warm and generous seeming of people, but has come through for the gang. Most notably, he was their legal representation in the case of ‘yall dont really want this dangerous vampire child who might kill you while you sleep, why dont you give her to bram and vlad while you clutch at your pearls and pretend you care about atrocities committed on your watch mkay?’ he and his boyfriends (denatro, a full werewolf and Locke, a bitten vamp) came to the townhouse for an awkward yet hilarious yet terrible christmas dinner. has red hair, generally dresses himself in a corporate fashion

(j) Maria Moraes: full vampire, Council member, member of indigenous population based in the Andes mountains that no longer exists any more, trans woman, also born in like the 1400s (honestly i forgot??), alex’s other mother but that is known to like, three people. a shrewd and savvy businesswoman, Maria is a no nonsense lady who is very unimpressed with the amount of nonsense alex has recently gotten into. but also sees the value of having Von Batts in her debt, and allying herself with Vlad and Bram, as well as Winona- she doesnt like wild cards, but she’d rather they be in her hand than loose in the deck, as it were. she secured the votes of other councillors for the ‘vlad gets winona and devon’ plan, and is apparently quite comfortable manipulating her colleagues. she has many business and political connections in the human world as well, as she does not subscribe to the isolationist theory many old supernatural beings prefer. in a not-serious-but-maybe-serious relationship with Mags, a werewolf gal from Deno’s pack. practices magic, but more like ‘spells’ and potions than the abilities Vlad has. can turn herself into a hawk, which is quite useful as she hates mechanized transportation

The Extended Fam & Friends: aka some more people that the Gang is fond of

(t) Bill Garrison: May’s adopted father, a very patient but bewildered man. His family, especially his parents are well respected in the community, which allowed him a bit more flexibility in the ‘adopting this random and potentially dangerous baby’ thing. handyman and builder

(t) Henri LastName: May’s best friend and confidante. Is a ‘guardian’ (i think that’s what they are called? basically, she’s involved with the giant world eating snake thing their island has going on, though she seems much more friendly with May than the others in her position). A take-no-shit lady, sells fish, i dont think she gets along with her mother? rocks a nice suit

(j) Matt Moraes: Alex’s ‘father’, Maria’s older brother, married to Annabelle. Enjoys art perhaps a little too much, as he seems to have taken the ‘my wife and sister can do as they please so long as im not interrupted from this project’ and honestly, they have some /dangerous/ projects that could use somebody willing to stand up to them. But generally, a kind man who has a good life- his marriage to annabelle is primarily a political one (they’re both gay), but they get along well enough in public that few would suspect they aren’t genuine. also, absurdly handsome. has a great beard and great hair, College Professor Hot™

(j) Annabelle Yates: full vampire heidi klum. elle woods disposition and charm, the manners of a southern belle, but also a cross between iago and mrs. bennet- she loves to know everybody’s business and she LOVES to be involved in it. not necessarily ill-intentioned in her manipulations, but manipulative nonetheless. has dabbled in most of the potentially high-profile ‘socialite careers’, tho right now is mostly focused on cooking and catering (but goodness knows that could change on a whim). she makes it a point to always look put together and have control over any situation, but she is incredibly protective of alex. loves parties, loves being adored, loves being right. has been known to flaunt whichever lingerie model she’s been seeing at maria, her ex, in attempts to make her jealous. does not actively practice magic, as her family has the rather unfortunate predisposition to go mad with power lust in their obsession to acquire more and more dangerous magics. has long, bright red hair and a smile a dentist would love to use in advertisements. (also, is maybe pregnant! this was going to alluded to more heavily in a thing i will hopefully eventually post that explored matt’s relationship to his family, but i was having difficulty with the dialogue and abandoned it for the time being, so)

(t) Denatro LastName: Deno, full werewolf, son of his pack’s previous alpha and younger brother to the current one, but has not been ‘home’ in years. his dad was an asshole that made him feel like having had a complicated birth (has only one eye, usually wears a patch over it in human form) was somehow in his control and thus his fault his mother died. Married to Locke, and the two are dating Gabriel. Deno is somewhat grumpy, not keen on people or tidiness or many other things besides. His wolf form is on the smaller side for a werewolf, but he’s faster and nimbler for it (i think he has black fur? and a very good nose?) annabelle thinks his butt looks nice in his suit, deno thinks wearing suits should be outlawed. has tried to eat a cat at least once.

(t) Locke Smith: owns a gas station with Deno in canada, bitten vampire, that’s not his real name (i mean, at least none of the Moraes-Yates gangs are still going by their original names, so he’s fine). Got into some real awful shit with some vampires when he was younger and had to kill his sister after she got violent, first met gabriel as his lawyer. eventually took up hunting, met and started dating Deno, got bitten at some point, got married at some point. reconnected with gabriel, they started seeing each other. like deno, is not keen on socializing, but is far more patient and polite about it. seems to wear a lot of turtlenecks

Ye Olde Baddies: people the gang dislike and/or have to fight against or are just generally suspicious

(r) Claudios Von Batts: Council Chair and leader, full vampire, full trash bag. i keep wanting to sympathize with him, but R assures me not to bother. slept with a human woman (the indignity! for a respectable vampire anyways) after his vampire wife died, obviously did NOT follow up. feels comfortable enough going to vlad when he needs help with child custody stuff, but also is cool with kidnapping and torturing vlad, so. power amongst the councillors and the supernatural community in general have been shifting, and Von Batts wishes to hold onto his at all costs. Is blond, is paranoid, lives alone in his huge mansion (maybe he listens to phantom of the opera as he swoops around? who knows)

Gautier: i almost forgot about him? full vampire, Council member, french dude. generally, a grade A creep. likes to ‘collect’ things (people, lbr). Assumedly connected to and even employing Rawe, and perhaps behind the kidnapping attack on May. i described him as looking older and ugly, but at times ive also implied vampires can influence their appearances, so who know. maybe he likes looking a guy colbert would make fun of

DeLuna: another random council member? wants von batt’s power for herself, seems suspicious of the commonly held belief that the twins were his late wife’s children. had her car stolen by May and Winona.

(j) Jack: cosmic entity charged with making sure sentient life doesn’t magic itself out of existence on accident. why Maria and Matt are the only remaining members of their civilization, gained the ability to posses a human body after helping merlin out, and now just hangs around on earth sometimes, eating food and enjoying carnal delights, etc. has become fond of Matt over the centuries they been sharing the second, but is unlikely to admit it. is absolutely enthralled by the prospect of May, and was invited to the New Years party in an effort by annabelle to satisfy jack’s curiosity without exposing may to much danger. is currently inhabiting the body of a dutch coma patient, and sorta looks like a man who hasnt left a hospital bed in years- very grayish skin, limp black hair, creepy eyes

dr rawe: .... a boogey-man, magic scientist dude? we needed to shake stuff up with some drama, so i created him to kidnap May and then came up with the explanation for what he was later on, dont judge. at any rate he’s dead now, having been quite injured by the gang and then eaten by jack

party goers: people at Annabelle’s primarily-human New Year’s Day party that the gang and others are interacting with

(j) Ilhan: human, Alex’s friend from prep school who is currently studying at MIT. Also, his girlfriend- the relationship was always a bit of an intentional ruse, but Alex has never actually talked to her about it, and probably should. I suspect that she genuinely does like him and would be hurt if he admitted that he has no interest in her, but probably not surprised. is wearing a white hijab and a long dress with galaxies across it

(j) gavin LastName: human, son of the fictional texas governor. a real asshole. he and alex dated secretly for awhile, under the pretense that gavin would be ostrasized and disowned if he came out, and became very manipulative of alex. it eventually became clear that gavin was largely just using alex for his own means, mutual friend Ilhan got real damn angry and things went south. gavin is... bitter about this. i keep trying to sympathize with gavin and give him more complex motivations (there are lots of people who cannot come out and that is valid! it is not inherently abusive to ask your partner to keep your relationship private! -things that i think and also alex probably thinks when he frets about it and wonders that maybe he /was/ in the wrong, no matter what ilhan claims) but honestly hes just a superficial high school jock villain and it can probably be left at that

(j) Chris Yates: i gotta rename him because there are only so many red haired characters that can have a brother named chris, but he’s annabelle’s younger half brother and runs their security firm. (they freelance with the mob, they are NOT the mob, its different) a decent dude, though was a stereotypical ‘big brother’ to alex growing up- as in, he was WAY cooler to hang out with than alex’s parents, but also likely to tell him scary stories and encourage him to do dangerous things that annabelle would have absolutely forbidden. i got some other backstory on him with the Yates family and the civil war and all that stuff, but basically he was very useful when annabelle exerted herself as head of the Yates family (i dont wanna say he shot folks who disagreed with her, but thats pretty much what happened)

annabelle’s ‘family’: yall i keep meaning to post something meaningful about the ‘cousins’ but basically its a large collection of full vampires and bitten vampires and a few in-the-know humans who were brought in as significant others but didnt want to be bitten. its not exactly ‘Council approved’, but they’re basically a coven of vampire rednecks and muscle thugs and the council was like ‘if we recognize the Moraes-Yates marriage and give Moraes a council seat then we have power over Annabelle and by extension her coven, without actually having to directly interact with her coven, soooo’ Technically Maria is ‘head of the family’ in the ways that matter for vampire law, but to the cousins, Annabelle is head of the family in the ways that /actually/ matter, and in the ways recognized by the old magics of the yates matriarchs. she keeps them out of trouble, disciplines them as needed, and the Council generally gets to sleep sounder at night knowing that at least things are much better than they were before annabelle took charge (and killed and exiled a good portion of said trouble-causing family, but thats another thing!)

Assorted Side Characters: aka people who i forgot to mention or didnt have a category

(r) the vampire doctor lady whose name i forgot: she’s friends with Vlad and gets away with because the supernatural community is pretty shit about medical research and the Council can’t really afford to alienate the world’s best (and only) expert on vampire health and wellbeing. probably one of vlad’s inside eyes and ears on the Council, has been treating Winona to recover use of her voice

nora: winona’s primary care-giver until she was maybe seven or so, and protected her from some of the abuse of the others. was presumably killed by the others in the coven, but if we ever need a new plot idea, nora can definitely be alive. though goodness knows if she really cared for winona or was just another manipulative sicko, so i supposed i would have to figure that out

victoria: a mysterious lady that Bram used to date, much to the displeasure (and detriment, it seems) of Vlad. Possibly why Vlad is so against Bram dating in the present

the folks on the island: May’s community is something of another mystery- Henri and Bill, at least, are very much on May’s ‘side’ as it were, but it seems that sentiment is not widely embraced, and there may be some who are anxious for May to die young, as has been predicted

(j) FirstName Domagala: aka ‘Mags’, a werewolf from Deno’s pack. She is older than him (maybe 5, 7 years? idk) and is also in a somewhat self-imposed exile, tho the details of that are unknown to us (aka i havent decided) and she formally left the pack several years after Deno had. She initially left to study medicine (surgery, specifically), but in recent years her seizures (which she used to only get after transforming) have forced her out of practice. is ‘seeing’ Maria, and weirdly enough, it seems to be approaching a ‘real relationship’, tho who knows. her parents were well respected and loved, her father being deno’s father’s best friend. she DEF killed him. it should be noted that Mags has several variations and though Werewolf Mags is certainly not warm and personable, she is a LOT nicer than Apocalypse Mags and Mutant Mags. 

sara weaver, greg parker, some other gal whose name i dont remember: the other kids in this generations vampiric baby boom. greg was the youngest by a few years, and real shy and nervous i think? and sara and alex have always been friends in the same way you might be friends with the kids of your parents college friends that you see once or twice a year- you get along and enjoy catching up, but outside of that connection, you dont make a lot of effort into maintaining the relationship. initially they were maybe going to be closer, but i decided that if alex supposedly had a ‘normal’ life he should maybe have some human friends, so ilhan became his primary friend outside the gang. sorry sara.

apologies for the many details i got wrong or outright neglected (like gavin’s last name, which i have already forgot, or Mags’ first name, which i STILL havent come up with, despite the character having originated even before her appearance in the Northern Ridge Werewolf RP sheesh i should get on that) i tried to include physical descriptors when i remember them, but obvs they are not complete nor necessarily accurate.

#st georges info #st georges