#it’s probably to biased for wikipedia anyway lol

[ask-the-eu6]

I didnt know Europe has a capital for well, Europe.

Context and additional info under the cut!

The Netherlands is quoting Wikipedia to educate y’all and so will I! (No comments about Wikipedia being unacademic, I will glare in your general direction!)

So yeah the distinction between “ the EU/ Europe (politically)” and “Europe (geographically)” is quite huge. It’s the difference between 27 countries and 48-52 countries respectively depending on the definition used. Being from Western-Europe, part of both, I shall admit I am probably biased when I say the distinction between the two is only really important for the part of Europe that isn’t in the EU (sorry, you guys can complain to me on anon if you want)

ANYWAY, The reason Brussels is “the capital” is mostly symbolic but it’s not really based on a real choice and rather just the idea of: “yeah a lot of EU stuff happens there so it’s the main EU hub, ergo the capital.”

On why we also include Strasbourg and Luxembourg it is because of this passage on the Wikipedia page of Strasbourg:

Strasbourg is considered the legislative and democratic capital of the European Union, while Brussels is considered the executive and administrative capital and Luxembourg the judiciary and financial capital.

There are indeed multiple hubs where “A lot off EU stuff is happening” which seems to be the main criteria to designate a capital. Indeed Strasbourg hosts the council of Europe, which is older than the EU, the Eu parliament partially and also some other important European institutions.

The joke Ludwig makes (Because it is a joke lol, Ludwig is not a nationalist no worries, just you know... “German humour” *sigh*) is that Strasbourg switched between France and what could be considered Germany nowadays, 5 or more times in a very short timespan. being a blend of German and French cultures, with French citizens that speak German and Alsacien, it could be considered a symbol for European unity. (More info about Strasbourg: X)

So Strasbourg being capital isn’t completely unwarranted. Funnily enough you can not find this passage on the Wikipedia page of Brussels Which totally ties back to the diss that Belgium makes in a way. 

Regarding that... The diss comes from Belgian mun’s own experience in Strasbourg where everywhere on the ground was written “Strasbourg Capitale D’Europe” which is something you don’t really see in Brussels because no one needs to convince anyone that it’s the capital as it is so obvious!

Back in the early days of the EU, when it was still the European Coal and Steel community (ECSC); when there wasn’t as much documentation and bureaucracy as nowadays, they had the idea of a rotating capital. A capital that would switch between the 6 initial members. As the union grew, a fixed capital needed to be found and that’s where there were some disagreements between the countries. as you can read:

The decision [to appoint a city for the institutions] was put off due to the varied national positions preventing a unanimous decision. Luxembourg fought to keep the ECSC or have compensation; France fought for Strasbourg; Italy, initially backing Paris, fought for any Italian city to thwart Luxembourg and Strasbourg. Meanwhile, the Parliament passed a series of resolutions complaining about the whole situation of spreading itself across three cities, though unable to do anything about it

As to why Brussels became the capital...  

There is the famous claim that the only reason Brussels became the capital was because Belgium starts with a B which is the first letter of the alfabet and thus Belgium’s capital was the first in line to host the EU institutions back in those days where there was still an agreement that it would switch between the 6 capitals. (Source X)

So when it was Belgium’s turn they build all the infrastructure required, so that it would seem illogical and a waste of time and money to still switch to another capital instead of just remaining in Brussels. In this way Belgium basically forced their hand. (Belgium being a manipulative girlboss., basically). 

Although it was likely going to be chosen anyway as a panel of experts of the ECSC stated it was the perfect city for it because: 

“ a large, active metropolis, without a congested centre or poor quality of housing; good communications with other member states' capitals, including to major commercial and maritime markets; vast internal transport links; an important international business centre; plentiful housing for European civil servants; and an open economy. Furthermore, it was located on the border between the two major European civilizations, the Latin world (French Walloon) and the Germanic world (Dutch Flemish), and was at the centre of the first post-war integration experiment: the Benelux. As a capital of a small country, it also could not claim to use the presence of institutions to exert pressure on other member states, it being more of a neutral territory between the major European powers.“

EDIT: The joke Romano makes at Luxembourg’s expense is that appart from Luxembourg city, with a population of  114 000, and 160 000 during work days from cross border workers, there isn’t really another city. The second one is Esch-sûr-Alzette with a population of 30 000. 

So yeah, hope you learned something! :)

#aph belgium #aph luxembourg #aph Germany #aph netherlands #aph south italy #hetalia EU

[not-poignant]

hello! first i just wanted to let you know how much i adore FFS. it's beautifully written and absolute marvel, and yeah. you're just great, and i love efnisien a lot <3 i also just wanted to ask about the psychology in this story, partly because the Dr Gary scenes are super fascinating and seem so deeply researched. (...hold on i think it's going to cut off my ask before i finish)

i'm just fascinated by how you've taken Efnisien, who's done some deplorable things, and delved km-deep into his psyche not just to make him sympathetic, but also such a fully 3-D character. i was just curious what resources you'd read to understand/develop his character and his interactions with Dr Gary. I hope this ask isn't intrusive! Just, reading FFS had made me interested in reading some nonfiction about the psychology of someone like Ef, or the other patients Dr Gary sees off-screen

*

Tbh we'd probably be here forever if I were to talk about resources I've used/researched re: trauma and attachment and aberrant psychology, because I started reading avidly on the subject in the 1990s and haven't really stopped ever since.

But there's been some asks about elements of this in the past so I'm going to link them here:

What Dr Gary's other clients are normally like.

Dr Gary's general background as a specialist.

How I've experienced an awful lot of therapy, read a lot of clinician books, gone through a lot of different therapy modalities, etc. and that adds up to a Dr Gary style character.

All the books I actually own on trauma / PTSD etc. (I've since purchased more). (Also, I've read them all, but I haven't referred to any specific one while writing this book. I'm just going off what I remember and have internalised. It's fiction, after all).

Honestly, I don't have like...a stack of books next to me, or articles I read before writing this story. So while I do have resources (such as what's in the photos in the last link), I don't have anything specifically that I've sought out for Falling Falling Stars and there's nothing I'd necessarily recommend above something else.

Knowledge wise, I am the syncretisation of thousands of hours of therapy since 1997 (because I have many disorders, some of which are severe, and have been experiencing ongoing trauma since the 80s), hundreds of books on trauma, PTSD, abuse, dissociation, attachment, depression, anxiety, autism and more, along with countless Wikipedia articles, peer-reviewed essays and papers that I read while I was at university, and over 4 million words behind me of writing characters with post-trauma. A lot of it I'm sure is inaccurate, highly biased, cherry-picked, etc.

Falling Falling Stars is my lazy, fun writing. I don't try very hard to write the Dr Gary and Efnisien scenes. I care about them a great deal, but all the knowledge behind what I'm writing is very easy for me to find because of the life I've lived. It might not be accurate, or right, I'm not trying to write non-fiction, I'm trying to write something entertaining - but if it resonates, or comes off as realistic, that's less because I sat down and read an article or a book before writing this and more because my life experience kind of has positioned me to write this specific story in this specific way.

Falling Falling Stars is a good example of 'write what you know.' I didn't deeply research anything at all for this story.

But I've been deeply researching trauma and other wounds and mental illnesses since I was 14 years old, because of my own life experiences. And some of that stuff has stuck. I don't have many skills in life, anon, but the one thing I can do pretty reliably is trot out trauma theory and attachment theory at a moment's notice and talk about the different modalities that may or may not help with mental illnesses connected to these things and why, lol. I am not fun at parties (in general, but also probably because of this, lmao).

Anyway! tl;dr you'll find photos of the books I actually own on trauma and attachment and stuff that have helped me learn a lot about these things. Some of them are now outdated! They're all varying degrees of very good or excellent or helpful. Some of them are very expensive because they're clinician texts and they're not designed for patients or clients or people who actually have the mental illnesses, and they don't pretend to be easy to understand. But they're usually my favourite to read, lol.

#asks and answers #falling falling stars #dr gary konowalous #fae tales AU #fae tales #inadvertent recs #pia on trauma #pia on PTSD #basically i've lived it so here i am writing it #like i have not committed crimes and horrendous acts like efnisien has #but i've done things i regret and i certainly know what it's like to *feel* monstrous #if you're told you're monstrous enough by others #i'm really glad you're getting something out of the dr gary + efnisien scenes #i really love writing them #and i super didn't expect to ever end up here writing a completely self-indulgent story like this #Falling Falling Stars is the easiest thing i've ever written #but also the most emotionally intense

[theaspers]

Uh hi, would it be cool if I asked you to elaborate your feelings on Lucifer? He may not be my favorite, but I love seeing people talk about him and his actions/feelings/etc

thank you for sending this ask! i’m sorry i went on such a long rant ahaha but this is only mostly based on lesson 6 alone bc if i were to talk about everything, it would probably be too long. still, i hope you enjoy this even if you disagree with what i say.

i want to preface this with saying that i haven’t read a lot of the devilgram stories in which i know there are a lot of background stories/character developments. so i can’t fully say that this is all based on in-game facts but rather a mix of that and a few conjectures i make from what i’ve read in the canon story line (plus maybe too much empathy on my side lol).

first and foremost, let’s point out the obvious - lucifer is the avatar of pride. i think a lot of his actions reflects that or, perhaps even more aptly, a lot of his actions stem from that. the pride he has i don’t believe is wrongly had. from what the rest of the characters have said, in the celestial realm, lucifer was heavily revered and incredibly admired. he commanded respect. he was beautiful. i think there’s an intense sense of pride and worth that comes with being put on such a pedestal. you have to also remember that he has not lost that even if he has fallen from grace. even by diavolo’s side, as his number 2 so to speak, he’s given an equal amount (if not more) of reverence.

but what is pride? in most cases (that being the more negative perspective), it is described as the most serious, most deadly of the seven sins. borrowing from the deadly sins wikipedia page, pride is often seen as dangerously corrupt selfishness, the putting of one’s own desires, urges, wants and whims before the welfare of other people.

and based on that definition alone, i really don’t see lucifer as being incredibly prideful. with lucifer, i’ve always understood it as being the other way around. he places a lot of importance on diavolo and his loyalty to him and sometimes it’s to the point of overexertion and overextension of himself. but, i think a lot of that actually is rooted in how important his brothers are to him. 

anyone can see just how much how he cares about them, i think, but that often doesn’t translate well into his words (bc his pride aha), especially when he’s in front of his brothers.

(side note: for me, one of the more memorable instances of when he does say something is that part in the storyline when he, mammon, levi and satan were transported into that game and he got real angry at in-game cerberus and threatened to do terrifying things to cerberus if even a finger was laid on satan lol).

rather, i think he much prefers showing them he cares through his actions but most of the time, that’s just seen as him being overbearing, overprotective and suffocating which is fair. i think this screencap sums up how he feels about his brothers quite well, especially to mc who is essentially an outsider to him early on in the game:

he respects their freedom to do as they wish but if anything ever threatens the peace he has tried to create for all of them, of course, he’s going to do something about it. 

i think in the end, for him, it boils down to power, control and facing the consequences of your own actions.

lucifer had been powerless. he had lost the war that he waged, had dragged his siblings down with him in the process, had lost his beloved sister because of it. he’d been powerless, again, when she was dying and he couldn’t do anything to save her. he had to depend on someone else, had to swallow up his pride and pledge his loyalty to this person. 

that’s why he works so hard, i think, to keep himself and his brothers in line because he is indebted to diavolo, because this is him showing his gratitude to diavolo for essentially saving him and his brothers, because he can’t afford to lose this life too. i think that’s why he does things that might seem dumb sometimes - because he’s afraid even another toe slightly out of line could mean another grave loss, one that he may not be able to recover from.

that’s where his controlling nature comes from too, i think. he’s had very little in the way of control before. he couldn’t save himself, his brothers or his sister, had no control over his own fate, had no control over anything, really, so this manifests in him wanting to control everything around him instead. in 6-6 (duty bound), he says this:

and i think this is a nice look into how he had been at one point. he had no choice. he couldn’t have what he wanted. no choice, no control. so now he has to make sure everything goes the way he wants because if it doesn’t, who knows what will happen to him but even more so to his brothers? 

it’s not like he’s doing all of this because he wants to but, rather, because he thinks he has to. though i suppose over the years, he might have developed something similar to a want for it. sometimes, i think he finds too much pleasure in ‘punishing’ his brothers but maybe that’s bc it’s the only way he knows to bond with them lol. but yeah, above all, i believe a lot of the things (though not everything) he does is with his brothers’ wellbeing in mind.

all of this i think is nicely summed up by, interestingly enough, diavolo himself in 6-12 (who’s the liar here?):

isn’t it interesting that diavolo brings it up? isn’t it? i think so 👀

and lastly, facing the consequences of one’s own actions. he had done things that he is, at this moment, still feeling the repercussions of. i think it’s something along the lines of your actions have consequences and this had been my consequence and i don’t want this to happen to you. that’s probably partly why he does what he does. 

another interesting thing to note: he’s prideful enough that sometimes, i think, he doesn’t see his wrongdoings. but other times, he recognises his errors and does try to rectify it (although this one in particular was a lousy apology imo lolol u tried to kill me and u want to make it up by taking me out for a meal? the audacity.)

but anyways, i think that’s all about i want to say here. this answer got wayyy too long lol. these are all, of course, just my opinion and may even be like biased and pulled out of my ass lol. maybe i’m giving him way too much credit lolol who knows? you’re free to disagree with me and completely write me off. i’m not about to tell people who you should like or dislike, and i’m not going to tell you that all his actions are justified either. i just want to try and frame his character in a way that may help people understand him better hehe. but yeah. that’s it. thank you for this ask again!!

#sorry i talked too much sakjdjas #obey me #obey me swd #obey me lucifer #i hate that the read more puts everything under the cut boooo

[purplesurveys]

1022

What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Skipped it, as always.

Have you ever hung out in a cemetery after dark? I wouldn’t call it ‘hang out’. I’ve been to a cemetery at night, but I was tagging along with Angela’s family, who was visiting one of their late relatives. I think it was one of Angela’s dad’s parents.

What pets does your best friend have? Angela has two dogs, Hailee and Kennedy. Kennedy’s a little feisty, so I’ve only ever played with Hailee.

Where do you get most of your news? Social media, but I always make sure it’s from one of the more credible sources because my journalism degree would be pretty pointless if I didn’t do that lol. We also watch the evening news every night while having dinner, but I don’t let myself get carried away with the news items that they air because that network is known to be pretty annoyingly biased and have their head up their own ass.

Have you ever donated blood to the Red Cross? No. The main reason is that I’ve never met the minimum weight requirement; but then again I also hate needles so even if I did meet the requirement I probably wouldn’t be willing to donate anyway.

When was the last time you brushed your teeth? Last night.

Do you know anyone who has a sex tape? I’m pretty sure there’s people I know who have their own, but it’s just not the kind of topic that casually gets brought up in conversation and so there’s no way of knowing who has one.

Has anyone ever stolen your cell phone? I guess, technically. I brought my first phone to my 1st grade field trip and at one point it fell from my lanyard and onto the ground, and I never realized. It’s very likely someone ended up stealing it.

Have you ever done hard drugs? No.

Have you ever shaved your head? I have not, and it doesn’t sound like something I want to try for myself.

When was the last time you roasted marshmallows? Grade 3, when we had an overnight event in school and a campfire was one of the activities. I never liked marshmallows, so roasting them was never all that interesting to me.

Who is the last person you saw climbing a tree? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do this. Trees here always have red ants marching all over them.

Do you wax/pluck your eyebrows? I just shave them.

Does your childhood home have a basement? Nope. Not a thing here. I know more homes with an attic, but even those are uncommon as well.

Who is the last non-relative you hugged? No clue. Maybe Gabie?

When was the last time you saw a doctor? Last May when my UTI was kicking my ass.

Do you know anyone who has borderline personality disorder? For the most part I’ve been convinced I have it, but after hearing accounts of people who actually do have BPD I got a little more confused, maybe even disillusioned. I do want to get myself checked so I can finally be diagnosed with whatever has been going on in my head, but I guess I’m also honestly just scared of finding out. It’s something I’ve been putting off for years because being diagnosed will make things all the more real and all the more permanent, and something I’ll have to accept, which doesn’t always come easy to me. I’m aware knowing is the first step to making myself better but...idk. When it’s time, it’s time, I guess.

What shirt are you wearing right now? It’s a blue t-shirt I got from my old school.

Do you like the look of dread locks? I’m neutral about it.

Can you sing on pitch? I guess not. I don’t call myself a singer, and I mainly sing for myself.

What websites do you use on a regular basis? YouTube, Wikipedia, Google Suite.

Is your mother a Christian? Yeah.

What song are you listening to right now? No music. I have wrestling in the background.

When was the last time you had headache? Couple of weeks ago, if I remember correctly.

Do you like to paint? Yes, but I only do so with paint by number kits. I can’t actually paint a whole picture from scratch; that talent and skill belong to my sister.

How often do you use hairspray? Never. I’ll use hair gel for formal events to keep my baby hair from standing up, but I don’t think I’ve ever used hairspray or had someone use it on me.

Who did you last hug? My grandma.

#survey #surveys

[uzuuzuking]

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

#summer.txt #cinderella #longpost #if anyone reads through this whole thing congrats! #i'll get u a gold star from the esteemed dollar store and bequeath it to you via uploaded photo #i didn't think i'd be typing for 4 hours straight but apparently i have a lot to say #i started falling apart at the end there lol #and around the middle bc i forgot to add cinderella 1 and 2 #god my head fucking hurts #i had a craving for sugar today but i went overboard and now i'm paying the price

[a-cai-jpg]

frailty, thy name is woman! (HAH)

So the other day, I was ambushed by a group of tiny puppies.

I was in the park, breathing some fresh air and sunshine for the first time in a long, long time. I sat on a grassy hill--notebook just recently closed and resting in my lap--staring blankly at the amphitheater beneath me and suddenly, I hear barking to my right and felt something nudge my thigh.

Not gonna lie, I almost screamed and whacked the puppy in the face.

They were three beagles(?), bounding around the hill because, according to their owners who respectfully stood 6 feet away from me, they hadn't left the house in a week. 

(same.)

Anyways, before they came to say hi, I was listening to a sad, acoustic playlist and writing down notes about women.

(it's not weird if u don't make it weird)

That morning, I had woken up thinking about women's issues. 

Sexism is not exactly the social issue I'm most preoccupied by. It's prominent in every aspect of life, but because I've been fortunate enough to be sheltered from most of it, the sexism I experience is very subtle and difficult to pinpoint. I grew up in a primarily female household with a lot of strong personalities, and only recently did I begin to take note of the almost indiscernible power dynamic between the men and the women.

So, most of my life, I've just been kind of cruising along, with this vaguely gender-less persona that only started to shift some time in university.

A friend once asked, "How do you know that you're a woman?"

I think this was during the same time I was taking a philosophy course about theories of sexual differences, and so all my thoughts were kind of meta and hypothetical. My initial thought was, uh what do you mean like of course I know I'm a woman that's what I've checked on all the forms. But then I thought about it and I was like. Bruh. 

Bruh.

The reply I gave her, I feel like, was unsatisfactory and very personal. I didn't want to fall back onto gender norms, because that was so obviously a cop-out. Furthermore, I feel like I didn't experience a lot of the stereotypical "what it means to be a woman." AND, the definition of "adult human being" was too inadequate.

So, how do I know that I'm a woman?

At the time, I gave her a pretty sloppy answer about internalized misogyny, and I'm not going to pretend I have a better answer now, but I think I've broken it down to two main points.

Number one: I know I'm a woman because I'm constantly in competition with other women. I view women as my primary competitors. Very rarely do I see masculine-presenting individuals as competition, even though technically, all of us are competing for resources, prestige, or whatever it is we seek. Sure, you can play a probability game and say it's all statistics, but I think there's an aspect of misogyny as well.

Number two, I know I'm a woman because I feel anger and indignation on behalf of other women, internalizing it as a personal offense, even when I myself have not undergone the same struggle.

It's the same criteria I think of when I ask myself how I know I'm Asian American. But, in the racial aspect, there's a third criteria, which is the reflexive self. I feel that other people see me as Asian American, and therefore, I am Asian American. For some bizarre reason, I didn't experience the same reflexive self when I thought about my gender.

I think it was this lack of a reflexive self and vaguely gender-less upbringing that pushed me to declare, very loudly, in the middle of a science classroom in highschool that, "I am not a feminist."

(I could self-psychoanalyze and come up with a million reasons why my upbringing was gender-less. It could have to do with the fact that my primary caretakers were women, so there was no other for me to reference, and thereby, no juxtaposition between women and men. It could have to do with early, internalized misogyny that caused me to push away things that identified me specifically as a "girl." It could also be that I'm incredibly not self-aware.)

(I stand by the statement that contrast is necessary for identification, though.)

Anyways.

I remember when I said those words, my best friend looked at me with exasperation and a classmate looked at me with disgust. For good reason.

At the time, the word "feminist," to me, had a lot of negative connotations. I equated it with the "feminazi." I didn't buy into sexist ideals, but neither did I understand the angry, seemingly unnecessary reversal of gender roles that "feminazis"  were proclaiming.

And my friend patiently explained to me that no, you don't have to be a feminazi to be a feminist. 

But see, even that in itself is anti-feminist, isn't it?

We were, again, drawing lines for what it means to be an acceptable woman--an acceptable feminist--and what it means to be an unacceptable woman.

Why is there a negative connotation to the term "feminazi"? Why is there a negative connotation to the term "feminist"? Isn't the term "feminazi" in itself misogynistic?

I think it has to do with the fact that the general culture is uncomfortable with women stepping beyond what their gender roles have prescribed them. The culture has moved in a direction where it is acceptable and almost expected for women to be feminists, but being a "feminazi" is still frowned up.

This might seem very obvious to some, but I actually haven't thought about the term "feminazi" in a long while. So, to make sure I actually knew what a "feminazi" was, I pulled up the Wikipedia article. Here are a few words used to describe a feminazi:

a committed feminist or a strong-willed woman

radical feminists

see as many abortions as possible

militants

quest for power

belief that men aren't necessary

well-intentioned but misguided people who call themselves feminists

the term came to be widely used for feminism as a whole

marginalize any feminist as a hardline, uncompromising manhater

hate men

dogmatic, inflexible, and intolerant

an extremist, power-hungry minority

I've never met anyone who fits that description, though [Limbaugh] lavishes it on me among many others

bossy, hating men and femininity

hyper-vigilant to perceived sexism

vindictive

puritanical

The term was apparently, popularized by a dude named Rush Limbaugh, and I'll be damned if I let a man determine what kind of feminist I am.

Maybe I am biased because a militant women's group seeking to overpower the patriarchy sounds pretty lit and like good material for a new Netflix show, but like.

Tell me again why it's not okay to be a feminazi.

(my primary reactions to the list above are: "i wonder why," "sounds ok to me lol," and "who the fuck are you to say")

ANYWAYS.

"Feminazis," according to Mr. Limbaugh (who even is this guy) is an unacceptable way to be a feminist.

He is a man governing what it means to be a feminist (again, who the fuck are you), but let's be real, there are many women out there who draw similar lines, maybe for others, maybe for themselves. The popular "Am I not a good feminist if I __________" questions in themselves are anti-feminist. Once again, it is a show of how women are policing themselves and each other.

I'm not big on philosophy because I can't understand most of it, but Foucault made the assertion that policing and discipline in a modern society lies with the self, or an invisible, anonymous power embedded in society.

(Ok, I'm going to be honest, I didn't want to read through 30 pages of feminist theory and I barely understood the four pages that I did read, so if I'm wrong, don't hate me.)

In other words, men and women become the gender police for themselves. Even as women gain more rights and freedom, they continue to police themselves in a new way, like asking themselves what it means to be a good feminist.

(Bartky introduces the argument that there needs to be an upheaval of social norms to end the policing.)

(And okay, so, the more I read Bartky's Foucault, Femininity, and Patriarchal Power, the more excited I get, so I'm gOiNg To StOp mYsElf hERe.)

I ask myself this question often too.

Am I not a good feminist if I express vague disapproval at someone who switches boyfriends every other day?

Am I not a good feminist if I am grateful for men opening doors for me or offering to grab my suitcase for me on the plane? (I'm 5'2 okay, I have to stand on the seat sometimes, it's embarrassing.)

See, I appreciate chivalry and I don't think chivalry is dead because what does that even mean, but I also recognize that chivalry isn't the same thing as gender equality or liberation for women (or dare I say, liberation of gender?). But, gender equality doesn't mean that women and men do all of the same things and are assumed to be able to do all of the same things. Because we, as humans, have varying abilities, don't we?

The question of what the fuck is gender equality plagued me for an entire semester and bothers me even now but I just kind of stomp on it and make it go away. The easy answer to it, for me, is a fair division of labor agreed upon by both parties, ensuring there is no abuse of power within the relationship.

But that statement in itself is problematic because it introduces a possibility of stasis, of complacency that might revert to a new abuse of power.

(It's also not one that every feminist agrees on.)

But let's return to the question of what it means to be a woman.

I wrote that contrast is necessary for identification, but I fear the statement implies that women are defined in opposition to men, which is false. Like, non-men = women. And, since gender is a spectrum, that obviously is not true. But, since gender is a spectrum, is it necessary for us to identify ourselves? 

At the end of my notes, I scribbled a series of questions.

Why does it matter to me what gender people are?

Why does it matter to me what gender I am?

Is there a correlation between sexuality and gender? Especially since we are all on a spectrum for both? Are we socialized to choose? Is this or is this not evolutionarily favorable?

(I see now that the flaw in me writing blog posts is that I can't actually have a conversation about this and that's frustrating.)

(Also, I recognize that I live in an immense amount of privilege to be asking these questions and not, I don't know, fearing for my life.)

I briefly entertained the idea that women are essentially the oppressed party in the larger narrative of gender. But there are two problems with this statement. One, women are definitely not the only oppressed party. Two, everyone ultimately suffers when there is an accepted narrative.

But, the undeniable fact is that there is a common reality that people who identify as women live. It has nothing to do with anatomy, organs, chromosomes, hormone levels, brain structure, or sexuality. It is an experience that is placed upon us by the patriarchal society, regardless of whether or not we recognize it, based on how we present ourselves.

This is how the reflexive self began to develop, in Calc B, freshman year of college.

I try to talk about gender as removed from sex as possible, because I get terribly confused when I talk about them in conjunction with each other, but also because I do think there is a difference between the feminine experience and the female experience. I just don’t really understand it.

I wrote in my notes somewhere: Gender is a spectrum. You are your own individual, gender be damned.

I don't proclaim myself an expert on this matter. These are words that chased their own tails in my mind as I tried to understand how to function in an infuriating society that constantly made me angry.

The other day, I saw a Facebook post from a stranger who was talking about how their boyfriend didn't believe women were being oppressed because even though women get paid less, men pay for dates. And this led me to think about the wage disparity and how people always tell me, well, no, it doesn't exist. It's the woman's fault for not asking for a higher wage.

And I’m just kind of like, ???

A student of mine came to me one morning, a little disappointed and a little annoyed, because he had been shut down by a fellow classmate when he made a comment about the wage gap not being an actual thing.

(the thing about talking to students is that it's a lot easier to forgive ignorance and to actually have a conversation without getting angry.)

He said that he wished the classmate, a girl, wouldn't just be all angry about it and call him dumb.

I didn't know how to respond to that then, aside from agreeing that it is necessary to have actual dialogue around important issues and asking a few questions so he could critically think about gender issues in the U.S. 

But, I thought about it the morning before I got ambushed by the dogs, and I wish I asked him to think about why people get so angry talking about these matters.

I think the reason why it's so difficult to have these conversations is because--

God, imagine the privilege of not having to have these conversations and not feeling angry and humiliated because you are pulling out this vulnerable bit of you that's been attacked by Society and trying to make someone who is implicitly attacking you understand.

That's not a comfortable feeling, and adults can't even manage it so how is a teenager expected to?

The same feeling rises within myself when I talk about race and when I talk about gender. Some of it is internalized racism and misogyny, but a whole lot of it is not wanting to be vulnerable, and that in itself is a little fucked up (and maybe, misogynistic?). 

See, when I feel very strongly about a matter, I expect strong, rigorous, academic debate. I want to break down the logic in every sentence and refute facts and opinions with Better Facts and Opinions, complete with citations, and I don’t want to fall back on anecdotes even though I end up resorting to it anyways.

(I am also the annoying person who would do the Hamilton thing and be like i have the honor to be your obedient servant, A DOT CAI.)

But, so often, we don't have the luxury to do that. And also, very often, we are utterly consumed by the larger narrative that facts end up not meaning very much to us.

We are all part of an accepted narrative, and that, along with the social norms that come with it, is the enemy.

Men are not the enemy in feminism, which is why men need to calm the fuck down and get behind the feminist movement. Men are also suffering from this accepted narrative and gender policing that lauds toxic masculinity.

I'm not saying there's a right way to be a feminist, but I strongly believe there's a wrong way to be a feminist. I think being a feminist means you support gender equality, regardless of what gender someone identifies as. I think being a feminist means you want everyone to embrace their true selves. I think being a feminist means you stand with every individual, and so I think being a feminist should be the default for a human being.

But if a person identifies as a feminist and draws rules and regulations for how to be one, then that is anti-feminist.

(Come at me, feminist philosophers, I'm very zen and I'm willing to listen to you tell me about how society needs to see an utter deconstruction of feminism and masculinity.)

Be you, my friend. Be you and let other people be themselves. It's not like they're hurting you by being trans or gay or bi. 

Like jeez, why is that so hard.

(stop hating on Irene 'cause she's a feminist, she's fucking beautiful and i will fight you.)

I don't know, I love women. They are inspiring and beautiful, and the term "woman," as much as I've broken it down, actually matters because society has forced it to matter. And weirdly enough, as difficult as it is for me to truly identify with woman at times, I like being one and I'm proud to be a feminist.

But it's also a little scary to be a woman. There are the general things a woman has to worry about, like walking around at night or traveling alone or going to a bar alone or doing anything alone to be completely honest. But there are also the other concerns, like what does a family dynamic look like with my personality and my ideals? How do I navigate a patriarchal society in terms of work and relationships? Which values do I give up to make sure I can actually go somewhere? When do I tell a friend to shut the fuck up because he’s mansplaining? How do I respond to defensiveness without getting defensive myself? How do I ensure that my daughter lives in a safer, more equitable world? How do I ensure that my son doesn't turn out to be a misogynist? Like? Help?

(sos i drank too my caffeine and now my hands are shaking)

Feminist theory, crudely put, falls into two categories (fuck i’m literally dragging things out of my ass, i don’t actually know if this is true lol), with one firmly asserting that a feminist revolution is rejecting the societal definition of femininity and the other embracing femininity. 

(idk if there are only two camps, but these two perspectives definitely exist in feminist theory ok)

I definitely fall in the latter, because I can’t wrap my head around the rejection of femininity. Like, is that not misogynistic? Camosy’s Behind the Abortion Wars uses a similar argument to proclaim abortion as inherently sexist. It strips females of what has traditionally given them power, rendering them...males. Or some version of a male.

(i’m sold on camosy’s argument. don’t misunderstand, i’m definitely pro-choice, but i have thoughts.)

See, all of this is very complicated. Sometimes I see quotes about feminist theory and it’s so intellectually exhilarating that I just have to file it away and think about it on a day where I’m wired on caffeine. But even on those days, I feel like my brain falls short on trying to understand this very meta gender theory thing.

So, obviously, I don’t hope to convince you to believe in my ideal, because I don’t know what I’m talking about. But, if you have read this far, I leave you with the same thing I said a number of paragraphs back.

BE YOU AND LET OTHER PEOPLE BE THEMSELVES.

Recognize when you are causing harm, explicitly or not.

Recognize when other people are causing harm, explicitly or not, and engage them in conversation.

(these are actually goals and guidelines for me because i have no backbone and generally just fume in silence.)

(between me brainstorming this and me actually writing this, a number of different things have come to my attention)

(one of them is the erasure of non-masculine stories in history) (and yes that's obvious, but i also watched a bunch of TedEd videos about women so it's just very salient in my mind right now)

(another is the nth room south korea scandal, and i don't even know where to begin with that)

(Disclaimer: I don’t actually know what I’m talking about but I welcome counterarguments. I also realize putting a disclaimer at the end is really dumb, but I don’t want to interrupt my non-existent narrative flow. I feel like my take on gender is too simple and not nuanced enough, but honestly, I just don’t really get gender at times? So I really shouldn’t be talking about gender theory. Yet. Here we are.)

I LOVE WOMEN.

So here is a song from a woman that I recently found and fell in love with:

陳粒 - 无所求必满载而归 它让你受折磨 觉得痛 觉得渴 [life] makes you suffer, makes you hurt, makes you thirsty 觉得无路走 无处躲 makes you feel like there's nowhere to go, nowhere tohide 无所求也求不得 even if you want nothing, you can't even have that 当我昏昏欲睡 摇摇欲坠 but when i'm about to sleep, about to fall 却学会 放下错与对 是与非 i learned to put down right and wrong, yes and no 无所求必满载而归 if i want nothing, then i'll receive everything

(on a side note, i've done nothing but read a chinese, boys love light novel. i have read three chinese novels in my life, and all three were boys love. this doesn't seem right.)

(but also, my chinese literacy is basically at that of a fifth grader, if even, so i think it's fitting that i read some trash novels.)

(but this one talks about the psychology of sexuality and gender, and i'm all for genre novels spreading ideas about bEiNg YoUrSeLf.)

(GAH.)

#this is both senseless and aimless #but it's nice to just blergh sometimes #u feel? #skrrt skrrt

[sukisdeliveryservice]

hi ash! sorry that im a little late, ive been a bit preoccupied these few days, but im glad you like talking to me :D i rly like talking to you too <3 i appreciate that you put so much effort into answering everything T-T i do have discord actually! id love to continue talking over there after this :D also this is crazy long so dont rush yourself sjhdjdjd

if you want any nct music recs in the future you can come to me 😌 i really love hello future!! i say this about every title track during every comeback but its really my favourite one right now! 

YOU PLAYED DRUMS?? thats so cool :O ive always found drummers rly attractive sjshjehdjsh 

the have i evers :

i have never! been to a concert, ive just never had the chance :/

i have! sneaked out, but it was with the help of my mum where my dad didn't know lmao ehejenjdhen

i have! gone through both a one direction and bts phase. 1D came first and it lasted for almost half a year i believe? and i discovered bts in 2018 thanks to my friend, but i started exploring and eventually drifted apart from them in early 2020. jungkook still has a special place in my heart tho :)) 

i have! had a irl crush actually :'D he actually knew i liked him but did nothing at all and we remained pretty good friends, but he stopped talking to me about over a year ago, and i lowkey don't wanna admit it but i miss him sometimes :') 

i have! pets. i have 3 dogs and a cat currently, and i have 6 other unofficial dogs and a idk how many fish which are at my grandma's side :DD

i have! performed in front of a crowd, i was in a storytelling competition when i was 9 and 10, and then i learned to play the erhu when i was 12 and performed a few times :)) 

i have! fic wise, i also love by-moonflowers fics sm! T^T i read her tokyo ghoul au and i actually didn't have a clue what tokyo ghoul was, i looked it up on wikipedia before reading it djbfkdhdjd and her exes confront each other series was really amazing too. and im rambling but her jeonghan magic au, all the stars we steal, that was probably the first fic of her's i read and it hit something in me and i really wish i could read it again like it was the first time 😔 i really loved it sm. book wise, i will never forget jodi picoult's small great things. and also like any book reader, ps. i love you is definitely a favourite of mine :') it was so touching and i just genuinely really love that story. 

i have! there's quite a lot of moments like that, but this one where i went on vacation in the mountains? we stayed at a very nice place. on the first day i was really tired so i slept til the evening, and when i woke up it was drizzling and there's was quite a breeze, so i sat in front of the open door of my room. in front was a swimming pool so i just put on some music and watched the rain drop into the pool. it was the most relaxed i had felt in a while and i wish i could go back :') 

i would say i have! when we can talk anon off i'll tell you which one, but i really enjoyed writing this one drabble/oneshot and im glad other people seemed to like it as well :DD

and ofc i have! i met seventeen when i was pretty down, and i treasure them the most now. they helped me through a lot and really changed me and im really grateful to them

i wanna know your answers to these too! so, have you ever

been to a place/been in a particular mood after a specific event that you wanted to stay in forever?

written a piece of work that sparked energy within your fingertips?

met a person/have someone in your life who you now just treasure so deeply?

the next mission is out dkhdkdhfj but i'll continue for now, would you rather (pls dont hate me after this)

only listen to seventeen or txt forever

spend a week with soobin or chan

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life

sign with sm or yg or jyp

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading)

i also suddenly remembered, but knitting is also one of my many hobbies :D

- 💎 anon loves you and wishes you a good day!

you can reply whenever you are ready anon. it excites me that we've been having a steady back and forth but sometimes life happens and you should definitely prioritize any other responsibilities you have!! i'll always be here 😌 knitting is a fun hobby anon!! i used to do that and crochet a lot too ,,, i should get back to it. what do you make?

before i go ahead and answer these can i just say how much i love that you personalized it?? that really means a lot to me <3 anyways~ here we go!! when we get to turn off anon i would love to hear some nct recs!! most of my irl kpop friends ult them and i'd love to get to know more!! and discord would probably be the best way to share because the asks just get longer and longer LOL (i love them)

drums yes!! i've been told that i look like i'd play the piano instead bahaha but i think drums are pretty neat :3 i also saw this person ask huening kai about band txt and he said soobin would play the drums :O need i say more?

thank you for your answers!! we definitely gotta talk more about them once we can chat on discord!! i loved reading them and they were just so lovely <333 for the last 3:

i don't think so? i have yet to be in a moment where i am completely lost in the energy - but the closest i've been to that level of peace would be the late nights where i'm playing my favourite music and about to drift off to sleep. i feel almost content, and sometimes wish i could stay in my dreams forever :3

my very first fic!! flights and feelings - i was writing it on a whim at 2 am? and i wasn't planning on posting it until i did randomly and now i am a tumblr writer :O

seventeen like you said! i don't think i would have made it through the rest of high school without them, and as of now they've been one of the things keeping me going :)

the next mission is out owo playlist making do i see? anyways onto these first!! how dare you write these anon my head is SPINNING

only listen to seventeen or txt forever ...seventeen, they're my ults!! but also because they have more music released atm, we have yet to see the amazing things txt have planned!! i wouldn't be surprised if i start ulting txt in the future as well :3 i...bought 3 of their albums a few days ago

spend a week with soobin or chan // WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEADACHE (moots please look away) soobin <3 i love them both very much but i think soobin and i will vibe more maybe it's my delusions THEY'RE BOTH MY ULTS and i'm scared of talking to both D: but soobin is slightly younger than chan so that's why i think he'd be easier to talk to T_T the thought of spending a week with soobin makes my head spin

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life // bingsu!! i would not mind that one bit :3

sign with sm or yg or jyp // as someone who is a terrible singer and dancer, i would not survive in either of these companies. however, under the assumption that i can do these things, i would say... jyp. i don't think there's an entertainment company that treats their idols completely right but out of these 3 i feel like i'd cry less in jyp. is kq entertainment an option? idk all the details but they seem to treat ateez okay, or maybe IU's company...again i don't know all the deets

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world // speak every language in the world!! it upsets me everyday that i'm not close to my culture because of this :(

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading) // i'd say maybe something unique!! it's kind of thrilling to always be looking for ways to improve on something you love <3 so i'd go with something unique...a photographic memory would be very helpful for studying!! but maybe i'd like to have a talent in making people smile!!

thank you for these questions anon!! i'm heading out to work now but i'd love to write you some more would you rathers later on :) i should have packed more questions into this reply but i really gotta go now sorry :( so instead just tell me how are you!! also i would like to know your answers to these ones!! you are very creative with these btw :3

which of your biases would you want to spend a week with?

what food would you be okay with eating for the rest of your life?

would you rather:

sign with sm, yg or jyp?

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world?

be a master at something you love or something unique?

#💎 #have an amazing day as well anon! #i was supposed to answer this last night but uh...something came up #when i get to speak to you properly i may or may not enlighten you on what that was #its nothing than what you think it is LOL #love & letter 💌