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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 18 days

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Hazbin Hotel x Helluva Boss Theory: Adam & Stolas Deserve Better (So Does Blitzo...)

[Note Edit Of May 7, 2024: I know I had put the tag for it yesterday...but just in case I'm editing this in now....one of the tags for this says "do not reblog without permission" so please read the tags so there be no misunderstandings in the future.]

[Note: Reading This Is Optional, BUT this will still be for Mature Audience Readers Only, so NO kids allowed and Parents need to stop scapegoating and actually make sure their kids don't view something that is 16+ to 18+ when they are not the correct age to view it...though half the time it wont be just the parent or parents at fault, it would also be the much older relative like a uncle or aunt or cousin, who lets the child watch something that is not meant for them until they become the proper age to view it........I seen a movie I shouldn't of seen when I was a little kid, and I had misremembered that being my Mom who let me watch it when we had rented at some old video place......but it was one of my much older cousins that let me, which I guess they did cover my eyes at some parts, well maybe not them but maybe my Mom. I still love the movie though and I finally own it on DVD, but I realized what happen when I was little was still irresponsible of them and they should of known better...it isn't the Movie that is at fault, it was the grown-up that had carelessly allowed me to watch it when I was not the proper age to view it....so yeah, since I do have the DVD of that movie now, I think maybe later today or maybe tomorrow I can find the time to watch it again...at least I know now what one of my older cousins did was irresponsible.]

so anyway, even if Stolas may have a right to be upset during what happen at Ozzie's and even after him being drop off by Blitzo.

but he shouldn't play some innocent victim after what happen at Ozzie, as it is no wonder why Blitz didn't want him to touch his hand and the whole not wanting to go inside Stolas's Home...

I might think that Stolas deserves better than Stella, who needs to get a clue and just let the divorce happen...

I don't even think Octavia understands anything about her parents relationship or the fact they were NEVER in love to begin with, and that Octavia's Mom has been always verbally abusive to Stolas.

they were in a LOVELESS Arranged Marriage, but in theory even those who did end up in a Arrange Marriage could end up falling love with each other at some point and or just growing to love each other in a platonic way...

even if Stella is upset the affair happen because of what it does to her image, but maybe the affair wouldn't of happen if she wasn't throwing in Stolas face that the two of them weren't divorced and even making it into a Not-Divorce Party.

even if some think she is some innocent victim, she really isn't.

what did she suspect, for Stolas to come around and treat her like the "Queen" like she deserves to be, to even worship her like the "Goddess" she views herself as....oh please, like that was ever going to happen in the canon.

even though what Stolas did was wrong, but he was with a woman like Stella who should be happy about getting a divorce from a man she hates, but the only reason she stayed with him was probably for the power and the title...and with the title she was given before, could very well be taken away as well as the power she was given.

but Stolas is probably no better than her, when it comes to how he can't see how much he hurt Blitz, well of course Verosika, Fizz and Ozzie did the same thing, but it probably hit him even more when Stolas chose to use that Menu to cover his face.

and I wouldn't be surprised if Verosika may have did something that caused Blitz to run off the way he did, but maybe they can still patch things up and become friends, like how he patch things up with Fizz.

Fizz and Ozzie, I love ya both and if you both were real I would slap you both if you EVER put Blitz through that again...

I would be on Alastor's Shoulder (when he is in Full Demon Mode" to slap Ozzie, and if Fizz is on Ozzie's Shoulder, then I will still slap him one too...

Ozzie & Fizz are so lucky they are so Adorkable and have those VERY cute and sweet sides to themselves, even if they were jerks to Moxxie, Millie, Blitz and Stolas..

well at least Ozzie from Helluva Boss, didn't cause me to accidentally exist like that one story about the whole King Solomon and Asmodeus basically implies...

NEVER gonna let The Embodiment Of Lust that was one of those Keys of Solomon, live that one down I guess.

I know it had to do with the ring and how Grandpa King Solomon was tricked into taking it off, and Asmodeus had threw him to the other side of the world, where he would end up meeting and getting together with one of my Ancestor Grandmothers.

so yeah, I may be a Defective Earth Angel Princess who calls herself "The Eveningstar Princess" because of that weird thing about my Mom having NEVER getting Morning Sickness when she was pregnant with me, and she had ONLY got Evening Sickness...

but what Asmodeus accidentally did, is maybe one of those weird little accidents that can't really be helped and not sure if it is more strange than the whole getting Evening Sickness...

I was a little weirdo even before I was finally born apparently.

and I came out looking like a 2 week old apparently, blame it on the Nephilim gene I guess...I mean if it does play a part in it...

I hope we can finally stop procrastinating in finally checking to see if my blood type will come out O RH D Negative for the third time.

we have been putting it off for way too long it seems, I guess one of the things I don't look forward to it, is the whole pricking and the whole last few tries we did, I ended up not feeling all okay and needed to go sit or lay down.

but it might not be so bad, if I just close my eyes through most of it.

I don't know if I have a certain phobia or not...

but anyway, Fizz should be lucky that his boyfriend didn't accidentally cause a Earth Angel to be born by hooking up her Ancestors together, cause the Earth Angel wouldn't let Big Blue Cotton Candy Ozzie live that one down...

and before I get back to the whole talking about Stolas and everything else, I think if we think about it some percent of Earth Angels are Demi-Angels, having Souls that are Half-Human & Half-Angel, which half the reason could be from the blood they/we carry and the other reason having to do with the souls they/we have.

of course some damages could happen to the Soul, no matter if it is a fully human soul or a hybrid soul.

(if you wish to skip some parts of this, just keep a look out for the bold words...)

like you end up dying way too early more than once in your past lives, and you are lucky not to have full memories of those times in each of them.....plus I really shouldn't be forced to forgive those that had hurt my past life selves, one of them being the reason I may of possibly had Stolas as a Caretaker if certain info is correct.

is it weird to think that he has a small lab type room with those beakers and other stuff that may also have some plants around as well...? like he keeps it a hot mess most of the time probably.

and yeah I'm talking about the Stolas from our Universe this time, that he keeps the room he has a hot mess possibly, which might be his type of lab...?

don't know if I'm right or not though, even with the thoughts that they have some kind of gladiator arena and have some type of fights to possibly show off their strength...

and there is the thoughts of them having a library, which could be a bit smaller than a library in Heaven, like the bookshelves in Heaven being super high that it would take a Angel to fly up to get a book or scroll to get the item your looking for if you aren't able to fly that way...like one of them being that you could still be scared of some heights and can't fly because ya don't have wings.

it might be a good thing that one can't remember fully of their past lives, one of the reasons could have to do with some damage done to their soul even if it did heal, but the problem could still be there.

I know one of my past lives had inspired the idea of some OCs I had made before, of course I had to change the ideas a bit on the OC that I had made, even if the first one was a Creepypasta (which I had posted the drawings about them in another place, like Deviantart.) and I had no idea at first that I was just remembering past life stuff...

and that past life is probably more closer to me, and I know I died in a dress when I was probably about 4 years old...which of course when I died at 4 years old before, I for some reason started to hate wearing dresses at 4 years old in my current life, and for all I know my 4 year old self was likely traumatized and remembered that we had died in a hospital when wearing a dress.

I do have a birthmark that may prove on the ways my past life self had lost her/our life in that time.

and it can suck for anyone to have bad luck dying a bit too early before they are too helpless to prevent it.

and some Toxic-Religious Inhuman people that have crossed a line when doing harm to children and babies do count as children...

they are lucky I don't go "Alessa Gillespie" on them, as tempting as that is...

Toxic-Satanist are not the only ones on that whole list, and if some of them think I will EVER forgive them for the messed up stuff they did, they can think again...

I suppose in theory, if they got me SUPER mad, and if Charlie, Vaggie and Emily were real, they would probably have to hold me back from trying to pull some hair...

like even if you never punched anyone before, but you think about the possibilities of if some who have did some messed up stuff, if they peeve you off to a very high point, you could go into a type of "Feral Earth Angel Mode" as I like to call it.

I know now that I was apparently born in a Catholic Hospital that had Nuns in it, even though my family is Christian, but most of our Ancestors came from different Religions anyway, and one of my Ancestor Grandpas was a Rabbi...

I am thinking of going by "Neo-Christian" again, but still go by "Neo-Spiritual" but I think I want to think about it a little more.

I still can't tell my family that I really don't go by "Christian" anymore.

or the fact that I don't just believe in God only, but also a Goddess now as well...and there is the whole believing the balance of the Divine Feminine needs to be healed and restored a bit more to stop the twisted form of justice and other stuff that involves a possible future that has to do with Jesus & is Army and the Antichrist.

how is it that not many have figured out how messed up that is, I mean you are doomed either way, but I still rather not take that mark and I would rather take a spray bottle, hold some food salt in my hands and pray to both the Heavenly-Father & Earthly-Mother and then place the salt in the spray bottle and then spray the Antichrist in the face than let him try that messed up stuff...

and even though I can't really do the same to Jesus, plus one of the reasons he could take part on that messed up logic is because he his being influenced by the Toxic-Masculine energy, and hopefully he can be saved from himself and to prevent those terrible futures that involve him and the Antichrist...

but yeah, if I were allowed to, I would use the spray bottle on Jesus's Army and maybe even the Antichrist's Army....that would probably need a lot of spray bottles there...

but if some info about what those two sides want to do is correct, it is still messed up, and hopefully such a terrible future can be prevented.

I guess the song "This Little Girl" by Cady Groves would match the feelings.

anyway back to the original topic, I can agree that Stolas deserves better than being married to Stella, even if she is a Party Girl, which I guess wouldn't be so bad....but throwing a party and celebrating Not being divorce was probably bite her in the tail feathers in a karma type way anyway...

Lilith is no better than Stella, even if Charlie might think her Mom is a good person who loved her kingdom, but we know there is always more sides to the story.

Lilith, Charlie's Mom....is just as Bad as my Dad, well my Human-Dad who is still biologically related.

I was told by my Mom that when she was pregnant with me at the time, both she and him got into a type of I guess heated argument.

I can only guess what it was about, and the thing I'm guessing it being about....hopefully I'm wrong.

I know my Dad wasn't there for my birth, he was off some place else...

it doesn't help that he cheated on my Mom, which if I remember right, I think I was told he did so when Mom was still pregnant with me.

at least Adam wasn't pregnant when Lilith cheated on him...

even if Adam did become a Sinner, I hope he can find someone better than Lilith, and well maybe also Eve....unless the whole there was never truly a Eve turns out to be canon in the show.

and well, blame it on some fan fics I couldn't help but love that involves Adam and Eve being one in the same, and it being because of Lilith leaving him.

Adam may have been sweet and innocent, and maybe a bit clingy during his younger days in The Garden of Eden.

he probably didn't understand most things, same with Lilith who is no better than him...

I mean, misunderstandings and miscommunications can happen.

and back then in the Garden, Adam's words of suggestion likely came out as a order and anything he did was probably good enough for Lilith.

if Lilith got off her high horse, she could realize that she just matured faster than Adam during those times, and Adam wouldn't of turned into a full of himself jerk if it weren't for the fact that both she and Lucifer had hurt him, like BADLY hurt him...

Adam and Lute's relationship could of been platonic, even if in the Fanon there is more to it and them being in a type of loving relationship, like a mix of lovers who are like best buddies.

and yeah, I'm still gonna view that both Adam and Charlie are both in the right and wrong, Adam can't just senseless give a game over to every Sinner, and Charlie needs to understand that there are some Sinners that should be taken out by the Extermination Day.

like the type of Sinners that shouldn't be in Pentagram City, and should just go to that dark and blue, and possibly cold place that we see in the Lucifer Tv Series, which if it were in the same world as Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, that place would be The Double-Hell...or as I like to call it "The Original Hell"....because of the whole current one that isn't the "Original" or "Double" Hell...

had possibly been a part of The Goddess's Earthly Queendom, before that whole imbalance happen and it had to be possibly placed under quarantine from the rest of the Earthly Queendom in the Celestial Realm.

for all we know, Double-Hell could be REAL in the Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss Universe, but it is meant for the very Worse and Toxic-Sinners that are just too far gone, and are even more bad than The Vees and have done far worse than The Radio Demon himself.

those are the types, who are send to Double-Hell, that Charlie can't save or get redeemed, and who deserve to be taken out in Extermination Day.

and as weird as it might be, Adam from Hazbin Hotel, reminds me of Spinel and Pink-Pearl from Steven Universe...

and right now, he also reminds me of Marianne from Strange Magic.

I like that movie, even if some might not.

Adam likely was all sweet and innocent, even if a little naive when his suggestions came off as orders when they weren't, and he could of been different from the Adam from our universe...

if the Adam from our universe knew what those three angels were going to do to Lilith, he would of left her alone and gave her the space she needed...

Adam from Hazbin Hotel, is The Marianne, and Lilith from Hazbin Hotel is The Roland.

yeah the people that Adam and Marianne became at some point are different, but that doesn't mean they weren't still hurt by Lilith and Roland.

it could be possible that Adam hides the fragile parts of himself that was caused by Lilith and Lucifer, that he likely only lets those closes to him see, like Lute.

Humanity already had some form of Free Will, even before the whole Forbidden Fruit Situation, cause Lilith had the free will to leave Adam.

but Adam isn't the only one that Lilith hurt, she also hurt Lucifer and Charlie, and possibly hurting Alastor as well.

even if Charlie might not realize that her Mom is hurting her, she needs to face the truth at some point.

plus it could be possible that Lilith in Hazbin Hotel, couldn't become pregnant like her Fanon Counterparts.

and if Lucifer being the one who was pregnant is true, it could be more than just Lilith not wanting to.....its just she couldn't, because she had become sterile, because that was one of her punishments for the forbidden fruit incident.

she is unable to have children, she can't bring a life into the world like Eve and those lucky enough to have a child.

Lucifer likely found a way to become pregnant with Charlie, and for all we know, Roo could be Charlie's True Mother, who had helped Lucifer have a child that he wanted to have have with Lilith but couldn't because they weren't able to, even if they took some DNA and Magic from Lilith's Soul and Body, it likely came out as a failure which ended up creating nothing.

a true mother would still love their child, even if the child ends up being adopted and not biologically theirs.

for all we know, the Flashbacks during the song "More Than Anything" that had Little Charlie in it...

it might of seem like Lilith in the Flashback, but for all we know, it could of been someone else, and Lilith left a long time after when Charlie was probably still a baby.

Roo is one of the likely people who could of been the "Lilith" in that Flashback, well either her or some other characters who is likely Charlie's real biological mother.

Roo could turn out to be Charlie's Bio-Mom, and she likely took the form of "Lilith" after the original Lilith left both Charlie and Lucifer, and Charlie's Dad was likely very aware of it.

anyway, I think that Adam, Stolas, Blitz and even Charlie's Dad Lucifer, were hurt and deserve better.

and hopefully things do work out with Stolas and Blitz, but Stolas should get slap over the head for making Blitz feel really bad at Ozzie's.

in theory, Adam could come back as a Sinner type Fallen Angel, but we will have to wait and see what the future seasons of Hazbin Hotel will bring.

and maybe like Charlie, Octavia will learn a bit more of how hurt her Dad Stolas has been, even before Octavia was born.

to Stolas, Octavia was the one good thing that came from his marriage to Stella, and he probably wouldn't change a thing if he had to do it all again.

even if Cain's Bio-Dad is like also technically my Grandpa too, but the Adam from our universe is also biologically my Grandpa but through Seth's side.

but Adam can be considered the true father of Cain, because despite the messed up stuff between Cain and Abel (which I'm still gonna view both Cain and Abel both being victims but also both of them still being in the wrong...) but Adam had possibly still loved Cain, and he is Cain's True Father, even if they aren't biologically related.

of course in Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss AU Fanon Timeline, if Adam turns into Eve every once in a while, and well that would mean that both Cain and Adam are biologically related.

even if it ends up not becoming canon and being one of those times when a fan accidentally predicting future canon events, like in Chapter 2 of Deltarune, with Kris eating the whole pie, and Darkners becoming items in the light world and turning to stone statues in different dark worlds...Best Accidental Fan Predictions Ever.

even if it does turn out Adam and Eve in Hazbin Hotel, not being one in the same and Adam not only having to be The Father of Humanity, but also the Mother of Humanity as well...

and it does turn out not to be one of those Accidental Fan Predictions, still gonna love the concept. :)

Stolas might of been hurt after what happen at Ozzie's, but he can't just act like he didn't do anything wrong either...

he hurt Blitz, even if Verosika, Ozzie and Fizz ended up hurting him words, Stolas hiding his face with the Menu had probably cut Blitz deeply in a emotional way.

and it's no wonder Blitz tried to drown his sorrows the way he did in that episode that Bee appeared in.

Bee and Bel are still gonna remind me of my childhood, always being tired and always having to go to the hospital because of seizures.

which by the way, even if my family and doctors might not agree with me, but I still think its possible the energies from both people and places that I was around, had caused my seizures and it is possible that half the time the energies would cause me to become really tired and go to sleep.

still need to post about the whole Empathic Epilepsy thing, I had been meaning to talk and post about it like maybe a month ago...?

so yeah, The Queens of Gluttony and Sloth remind me of all that...

Bee might be a hardcore party girl, but she could see and possibly feel how badly Blitz was doing and him not being okay.

and if she knew what happen at Ozzie's, who knows if she would get on Stolas, Fizz and Ozzie's cases about it, well them and also Verosika's as well.

and if Bee ever went to The Hazbin Hotel, and if Adam was there as a Sinner, she could probably feel the really bad feelings coming from him, that has to do with the hurt from what Lilith did to him.

there could be a reason why Bee couldn't feel the negative vibes coming from Loona, but could possibly feel it from Blitz and Adam.

Loona likely keeps a better barrier up of her really bad negative emotions.

also the stuff that happens in the Pilot of Helluva Boss, even if it isn't canon the other episodes, but we could view it as Semi-Canon.

that the Pilot episode of Helluva Boss, takes place in a Alternate Timeline.

so even if it does turn out the Loona from that Alternate Timeline, lied about Eddie being the target, the Loona from the other timeline who ended up getting a crush on Vortex, probably wouldn't stoop that low.

yeah, the kid was a brat and him being the way he is might have to do with his terrible parents who wouldn't just be Gray-Parents but more like Toxic-Parents.

and even if it did turn out the Pilot takes place in a Alternate Timeline, it could be possible the Eddie from the timeline we follow now, is probably very much alive unlike his counterpart from the Pilot Alternate Timeline.

the pilot from Hazbin Hotel, is likely still canon to the first season of Hazbin Hotel.

it could turn out it is only The Helluva Boss's Pilot, that is not fully canon but only Semi-Canon and takes place in a Alternate Timeline.

even if Adam, Lucifer, Blitz and Stolas became hot messes but maybe things will get more better for them.

I mean if Adam does come back as a Sinner, but the likely hood of that happening is possibly very slim.

Adam possibly needs a hug and being told that the reason why he became a worse version of himself, is because he was badly hurt by Lilith and Lucifer, and they were too high on their horses to see the damage they were causing.

I can't really bring myself to hate him, I mean it could be possible he became so terrible later in his life, because of what Charlie's Parents did to him, and he hides those really bad and depressing feelings by making him seem like he is the greatest gift to women, and give off that macho-man ego.

and yeah, it sucks that my Mom was cheated on...

which I guess misremembering what I was told, it either happen when she was still pregnant with me or sometime after she had me.

but I wouldn't be surprised if he did that cheating when she was still pregnant...

also anyone one could end up having Daddy Issues, like for some it can be for both your Human and Angel Dads...

and some can have Mommy Issues as well.

also if it does turn out that Charlie's Story book, has half-truths and half-lies in it.

maybe we will find out the full story on what it was like in the garden when Lilith, Adam and Lucifer were there in the future episodes of one of the future seasons.

we just have to wait and see.

the book was likely wrote by Lilith, it makes herself seem like a tragic heroine to her daughter, when really she isn't...

at least the Lilith from our universe has a reason why she became a worse version of herself, because she wasn't given the proper space she needed after her and Adam's fight, and Adam wasn't mature enough to understand that both she and him needed space.

he was likely a immature brat who couldn't understand that couples do need space from each other at times, and those Three Angels are just as much as fault and knew better than Adam did, I mean those three angels were old enough to know better, and probably been around for a SUPER long time even more than Adam and Lilith (and later Eve) were, so they should of just let Lilith be alone until she was ready to go back to where Adam was.

trying to force her was wrong and it is not love at all, it is messed up.

but the versions of Adam and Lilith from Hazbin Hotel, play out very different but at the same time the same as the ones from our universe.

Adam from Hazbin Hotel, was possibly just curious and had this innocence about him, and any suggestion on what he wanted to do got taken the wrong way by Lilith, who only saw him being bossy to her and trying to order her around when in theory, he wasn't.

she likely twisted the truth in that book she made for Charlie, in what she believed to be true, that Adam was demanding control...but that could only be what Lilith believed and she ends up twisting the truth in her favor to get Charlie to see Adam as having always been the "bad guy" but really he wasn't, he became that way because "The First B**th" and Lucifer, had hurt him and he became like The Marianne (from Strange Magic Movie) of Hazbin Hotel.

not everyone has to take this theory and thoughts the wrong way, the chance of it turning out to be true and canon is possibly very small chance....

I'm still gonna view Charlie's Mom by the nickname The First B**th.

Stolas and Blitz might still have a chance together, and Stolas may have time to tell Blitz he's sorry and not play the victim when he is partly the reason Blitz became so hurt at Ozzie's, not just Fizz, Ozzie and Mayday.....but Stolas himself also had hurt him.

even some fans could see that, that Stolas had hurt Blitz, and it could of been hinted from how Blitz spoke about Stolas when he and Fizz were captured.

Lucifer possibly holds on to hop that Lilith will come back to him, so they could be a happy family again.

but Lucifer needs to understand, and maybe he will in the future...

that it is possible that Lilith, will NEVER get back together with him.

even if they are still married and separated, he will need to get that divorce if things aren't going to go back to how they were when they were once deeply in love.

even if RadioApple might not become Romantically Canon, but some could view the whole Alastor x Lucifer as the highest favorite ship possibly, even if I still like the whole idea of Lucifer being ship with Angel's Dad...which someone is to blame for that. XD

also in theory, if Lucifer from our universe did have a Twin Flame...

she is possibly "Gone".....like Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz, like she may have pulled a Rose Quartz, even before Steven Universe.

not everyone has to agree on tat theory, but it could be a possibility.

if Adam does come back in the future as a Sinner Fallen Angels, the chances of it are pretty small, but we will have to wait and see.

and if it does happen, maybe someone at the hotel will get through to him and make him open up about the bottle up feelings that has to do with how badly Lilith and Lucifer, and possibly Eve (if Adam and Eve aren't one in the same) had hurt him.

Eve is possibly a even more sensitive topic for Adam, and Lucifer might of not understood how badly he hurt Adam.

even if we are suppose to see Adam as some Macho Jerk, but it could be possibly he didn't start out that way, he only became a worse version of himself because he was deeply emotionally hurt.

and I know that not all fans will agree about that, and it being possible that only half of the fans will agree on that possibly being true.

Adam and Lucifer (and possibly Alastor) were hurt by Lilith.

and Stolas was in a loveless arranged marriage that he tried to make work, to give his daughter a normal life.

but it was never good enough for Stella, who had to rub it in his face that they hadn't divorced.

even if Stella was hurt, but did she truly love Stolas...?

well maybe in a Fanon AU timeline she would of, and been a more nicer version of herself, and in some alternate timelines she is Stolas's Girl-Buddy and Wife, and their wedding was more of a Lavender Wedding, and her being more of a Pife.

Pife being short for Pal-Wife, and Budband being short for Bud or Buddy Husband.

we wont know if what we assume about Lilith from Hazbin Hotel, will turn out to be true...but a part of myself and maybe others, hope we are wrong.

that she isn't as heartless as she seems, and maybe a part of her still loves Lucifer and Charlie...but the likely of her not fully caring about them, and it possibly been Roo who had to shapeshift and take her form because she fell in love with Lucifer and had formed a motherly love for Charlie, like you know Roo being the Maleficent and Charlie being the Aurora from The First and Second Maleficent Movies.

we don't know if Stella did truly love Stolas, or was just in it for the power and title, or like she only acts like it was only for the power and title and she hides the fact she did love him...

but he couldn't truly be in love with her, despite how he did tried to make the family and life they made together work.

how Stella treated him was likely one of the reasons Stolas gave into his feelings for Blitz, I mean possibly...

I do have a theory about Blitz I will talk about after this post of course.

anyway even if some think Adam doesn't deserve to be given another chance, and well maybe he does and maybe he doesn't.

but it doesn't change the fact about him possibly hiding some pretty bad emotional pain and him probably secretly hating himself.

Blitz likely hates himself too, as it was implied in a episode.

and it doesn't help that both family and friends made him feel that way.

Fizz and Blitz rekindling their friendship, is one step in the healing that Blitz needs.

Adam, Lucifer, Blitz and Stolas would need some type of healing, maybe we will see it in the future.

I mean not sure if Adam will come back as a Sinner, but if he did, that man needs a hug and sit down and watch Strange Magic, and maybe some Steven Universe. XD

okay him watching Strange Magic and Steven Universe, would be like Fanon...but hope some can get what I'm trying to imply.

he needs to watch some shows and movies that reflect his deep hurt feelings he bottles up.

and even if not all fans like Steven Universe Future, but I and some do, and well we can relate a bit with Steven, and possibly a few other characters that have been hurt and ended up with some depressing feelings.

lucky I'm not having one of those depressing feeling days now. :D

I'm still gonna view that Greg was a spoiled brat who didn't have the full story, and his parents (Steven's Grandparents) likely wanted him to learn self-defense to stay safe, and likely gave him curfews because their neighborhood use to be really unsafe, and he was possibly given meatloaf for a reason.

and it could be possible that Greg couldn't understand that his parents either one of them or both, may of not been able to handle very loud sounds coming to the music he listens to and had the volume up really high to the point where it became painful for them, and the reason why they didn't let him have any music was because he was irresponsible with the volume that was causing one or both of his parents pain, and they likely couldn't afford certain things that Greg wanted, and he viewed it as them just being unfair.

sometimes there are more sides to the story, and maybe Greg wouldn't of thought so terribly about his parents, if his parents had sit him down and talk to him and explained to him a bit better about why they made him take up wrestling and have a curfews and even chaperons, because it was for his own safety. and the reason why he couldn't have music, because he wouldn't listen to them about turning the volume down because the high volume he puts it on ends up hurting one or both his parents, causing them great pain.

and him getting meatloaf, could have to do with iron or something else...who knows, maybe it was to help with giving him the proper diet...?

by the way I tried the guacamole on the meatloaf, and strangely enough.......I ended up liking it. XD

guess that is another thing that makes me super weird.

if it does turn out that Steven Universe is coming back, maybe like on a Adult Swim, I can't wait to see it.

still gonna view Sans being the future self of Steven Quartz Universe.

it doesn't help the image I saw with Steven wearing a blue jacket, reminds me of that theory that Sans and Steven are possibly one in the same.

Adam, Lucifer and Stolas deserve better than how Stella and Lilith treated them...

and Blitz deserves better as well, and hopefully both he and Stolas do work things out, and we will have to wait and see if they will work things out, and Stolas will stop and realize that he had hurt Blitz, not just Fizz, Ozzie and Mayday...

but we will need to wait and see if that realization will happen in the future or not, but hopefully things will work out for Blitz & Stolas.

is it weird to view Adam as not just as Spinel, but also the Pink-Pearl and as for Lucifer, he is like Pearl of the Crystal Gems.

Lucifer might not see how badly Lilith had hurt Adam, so picture in some Fanon Timeline of Hazbin Hotel AU.

Charlie is the Steven, and those two are The Pearls, and they end up fusing.

it's fine that not everyone views Adam being like Spinel & Pink-Pearl, and Lucifer being like Pearl of The Crystal Gems.

I'm weird okay, and those thoughts and views are likely gonna be a part of my weirdness. XD

it be nice if my Dad didn't sleep with another woman when he was still married to my Mom, and there is that whole possibility he could of well did that, even before my Mom finally gave birth to me...

it does also suck to know that my older brother was cheated on as well, but even if they are no longer together...but maybe I wont go too deep into that right now.

we can only make some guesses and theories about what could happen in both Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, and it's fine if some theories end up getting debunked, plus the theories that do get debunked can still work in a Alternate Timeline way in the Fanon.

so hopefully Lilith being a terrible person, wont be true but we know that we have to wait and see if it is true or not.

like a part of you hopes that Lilith isn't a terrible person, who had purposely hurt Adam and Lucifer, and makes herself out to be a tragic heroine to her daughter who doesn't see her for the person she truly is and views her Mom as a wonderful and loving queen when really she possibly isn't.

Octavia is likely the same way, she possibly views her Mom as being the full victim, and she still loves both her parents.

but she can't see that there was always a problem between Stolas and Stella, that has been going on even before the affair.

but maybe Octavia will learn more about it in the future, maybe.

we can only hope that Octavia gets a even more better understanding of her Dad, and how bad it was for him being married to Stella, for all we know, Octavia just thought her parents had always been happy and in love but they hide their true feelings from her until the affair that Stolas and Blitz had, had made both Stolas and Stella a bit more open in front of Octavia on how bad their marriage truly was.

both Octavia and Charlie, were likely protect by both their Fathers: Stolas and Lucifer from a very cold and hurtful truth about their Mothers: Stella and Lilith...

but as much as Stolas and Lucifer love their daughters, they can't hide them from the truth forever.

just as much as Adam can't hide from his own hurt feelings forever.

if Lute, Blitz and Alastor had to sing a song together to Adam, Stolas and Lucifer...

it would be "Treat You Better" by Shawn Mendes.

some might get why that song, but it's okay not everyone agrees.

but Adam, Lucifer, Stolas and Blitz (from Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss) still deserve better and to be loved.

#do not reblog without permission #mature audiences only #not for kids #hazbin hotel theory #helluva boss theory #adam hazbin hotel #lucifer hazbin hotel #stolas helluva boss #blitzo helluva boss #lilith hazbin hotel #stella helluva boss #may 2024

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sokai-asuki · 2 months

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Continuation from this post.

The 2024 April Fools from JP Project Sekai. There are 6 groups, 3 have been sent to the Sekai that depicts the past, far, far away when the dinosaurs was a thing. While other 3 group are sent to the Sekai that from the future, technically, alien exist and Rui, no, you cannot experiment on them—

Anyway, the Nexo Knights also being involved with whatever the shenanigans that been thrown to them again.

As you know, 6 groups and there's only 5 Vocaloids in it.

Team "Survival Masters" members: Hinomori Shiho, Kusanagi Nene, Momoi Airi, and Yoisaki Kanade. Their Vocaloid is MMJ Len. The other Vocaloids are L/N Luka, N25 KAITO, WxS MEIKO, and VBS Rin (No Miku)

Team "Genshi no Mori de Food Hunt" (Team "Food Hunt in the Primeval Forest") members: Hoshino Ichika, Shiraishi An, and Shinonome Ena. Their Vocaloid is L/N MEIKO. The other Vocaloids are MMJ KAITO, WxS Len, VBS Luka and N25 Miku (No Rin)

Team "Warera Pegasus Tankentai!" (Team "We Are the Pegasus Exploration Party!") members: Hanasato Minori, Aoyagi Toya, and Tenma Tsukasa. Their Vocaloid is MMJ Miku. The other Vocaloids are L/N Rin, VBS Len, N25 MEIKO, and WxS Luka (No KAITO)

Team "Hotto Hitoiki Space Cafe" (Team "Relief Space Cafe") members: Mochizuki Honami, Hinomori Shizuku, and Asahina Mafuyu. Their Vocaloid is N25 Luka. The other Vocaloids are L/N Miku, VBS MEIKO, MMJ Rin, and WxS KAITO (No Len)

Team "Niconico☆Tabemono Sagashi" (Team "Smiley☆Food Search") members: Tenma Saki, Azusawa Kohane, Otori Emu, and Akiyama Mizuki. Their Vocaloid is WxS Rin. The other Vocaloids are VBS Miku, N25 Len, L/N KAITO, and MMJ MEIKO (No Luka)

Team "Mirai Toshi de Acchi Kocchi" (Team "Wandering in the Futuristic City") members: Kiritani Haruka, Shinonome Akito, and Kamishiro Rui. Their Vocaloid is VBS KAITO. The other Vocaloids are WxS Miku, N25 Rin, L/N Len and MMJ Luka (No MEIKO)

Now, the knights have 5 people. That means one of the group will not have the knights.

Axl would might work with "We Are the Pegasus Exploration Party!". Might just be me, but the song they sung is called "Boo!", it's about a girlfriend being mad and upset over her boyfriend eating her pudding. Not gonna lie, kinda cute when Minori, Toya and Tsukasa are pouting. And also, the name is probably from Tsukasa and knowing Minori and Toya, they probably agree with the name and go along with whatever shit Tsukasa pull.

Anyway Axl might get along with Minori and Toya. Axl treated both Minori and Toya like a big brother he is and always give out half of his food. Minori and Toya, of course, love Axl and his kindness to them.

Lance would be in "Relief Space Cafe". It would be pretty funny that someone with such a dramatic personality and yet very caring and kind such as Lance in this group. He might try to pull out his acting smile and personality. Honami probably felt a bit weird out by Lance but still catch up and get along with him. Mafuyu is questioning if his personality is real or not, but still put on her facade and acting as if everything is fine. Lance, however, knows she is not fine. (Mafuyu, you remind him too much of Clay)

Aaron would be in either "Smiley☆Food Search" or "Survival Masters". These both groups have 4 human members unlike other 4 groups. I'm gonna launch out on how Aaron would be if he is on the said different group.

In "Smiley☆Food Search", he might get along well with Emu and her energetic and way of speaking. He might also understand what she means and ready to take it to the extreme. Emu, of course, thrilled and excited to have another person understand her other than her unit. She would definitely call him "Big Brother Aaron"/"Aaron-onii-chan".

He also would get along with Saki, knowing him having a younger siblings as well, he would treat Saki fairly and shows her everything about the world. Knowing how sick she is, he would try to tone down his risky challenge but he would still want Saki to feel the thrilled and the excitement. Saki, of course, love how Aaron treat her as the little sister and also, along with Emu, calls him big brother. She can have more than one brother!

Aaron might felt something is off about Mizuki but wouldn't try to press it as he try to get Mizuki to feel comfortable and safe. No one is here to judge her, no one is here to harm her, she is safe. He did get along with Mizuki, with their antics and shenanigans. Mizuki might be a bit thrilled with Aaron taking a risk challenges.

In "Survival Masters", Shiho, like in my last talk about April Fools Project Sekai in 2022, will probably try to not let Aaron harm himself, better yet, harm others. She probably needs to catch up to him but sometimes, his advice do come in handy and he does sometimes help him to open up a little, like an older brother.

Airi will probably need to catch up with him as well and try to tone down his challenges. And yet, she is curious and wants to know more about this daredevil ginger. Airi also reminded Aaron of Clay, with how she always scold him about his challenge and yet she does have a point on how dangerous it could be.

Kanade, again like in the last post, probably get easily tired and try to catch to Lance. Spoiler, she failed. Yet, she still understand and try to get along with his challenge. Knowing she, herself, also need to exercise. Aaron took her confidence to exercise as an advantage for her to come around to do more challenges. But he still tone it down, like, letting her do some basic sport and challenge. He knows how weak her body is, with her eating only cup noodles and never go outside but only when she run out of food or in need of something to buy.

Nene felt very overwhelmed by his antics and shenanigans. He is the combination of Emu, Tsukasa and Rui! Nene can't help but felt very scare for her life and him. She saw how risky and fearless he is when facing some difficult challenge and yet, he still smiles, he still keep going. Keep going like nothing can stop him no more. Nene can see a bit of his overconfidence but there's also a bit of doubt when she knows he knows it is risky but he still did it. She can't help but feel like there's more he is hiding than he let on.

Macy would be in "Food Hunt in the Primeval Forest". Don't look at me, Macy would look badass in those outfit. All hail the girlboss! Joke aside, I think she would be thrilled and love being in the group. She might get along with An, with how determine both of them are in achieving what they want and yet, there is still something that has been lost in them. Both do tend talking with each other about their original unit, their partner and their family. Macy does try to let An know, that it is alright for her to let others know about her problem and her grieve over her aunt, Nagi. But what is not alright is that no one tells her about her aunt death up until now, instead of grieving, she can still continue her dream and let her ambition be the hope for her aunt.

Macy is impressed with Ena's art skill and her fashion. Macy also felt a bit embarrassed if Ena ever get an inspiration from her, she is fine with it but still it's a bit embarrassed if you ask her. Macy also gets why Ena keeps on drawing, she gets how Ena's dad keep on discouraged Ena from drawing. Macy also felt the same, she still want to continue being a knight and yet, her father tend to discourage or try to convince Macy she can't be a knight. She still love her father, she did and he have point on how it is a risk on being knight, however she knows and she still did it because it's her dream. Ena took her dad's discouragement to improve herself and to keep on drawing, even if it means she might have hurt herself, her only dream and ambition is to keep drawing and prove her dad that he is wrong and she is a talented person that he can't refuse.

And lastly, Clay would be in "Wandering in the Futuristic City". Would it be funny that in Devil Manners April Fools MV, at the end of the song or some certain part, Clay's eyes slowly turn to full yellow, meaning the Grey Knight still in Clay and is part of Clay. Anyway, the team is beautiful and amazing. And we have another blue. Sorry Rui, Akito.

Clay and Haruka get along very well with their experience on some certain task and job. But it was mostly Clay helping Haruka. Haruka also get to notice Clay's routine and felt a bit concern for his sleep schedule, seriously, sleep for 2 hours??? Yet, she still felt calm and peace with him.

Clay felt a bit wary of Rui but can't help feel a bit of curious over his invention. Rui always showing off his invention to Clay and try to get Clay to feel anything about it, of course no reaction but Clay still listen to his explanation, so that counts. Clay does felt impressed with his invention and love to see his little robot. He can't help but feel a bit safe and calm with the robot, same as Rui with Clay, he can't help but feel safe and calm. And have an adult that understand him.

Clay and Akito, the fakeass bitches duo, Akito probably let out his polite and charming personality and try to show Clay he is a nice kid. Clay, however, knows that tactic. Let out a facade to lower someone else's guard and observe their move and responds. But Clay, try to be mature and calm person, also let out his facade and act like nothing is happens. Like he does not know what Akito think. While Akito try to understand what Clay's deal is, Clay already see everything what Akito is.

That is all, this is all fun and game but I still couldn't finish what I want to do. Let me know your thoughts!

#lego nexo knights x hatsune miku colorful stage #clay moorington #macy halbert #aaron fox #lance richmond #axl

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onemaebee · 6 months

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wtf, 2023.

-grandpa has a little fall friday morning, my parents take donuts and coffee over to support my gma while she decides if he needs to go to the hospital. he's a little wobbly so yes. find out he has a brain bleed from a fall a couple weeks ago where he did hit his head, and in the whirlwind that follows he is put in a medical coma and does not wake up. he does wait until only my grandma is in the room before passing (my mom was urging gma to go to the bathroom and she refused, so my mama said fine i'll go and show you it's safe). we'd discovered he had prostate cancer that spread to the rest of him last month, and he's been rapidly going downhill with dementia for the last 15 years, but thankfully he wasn't mean but instead a big kid. he had no idea who we were but was happy vibing.

-my toddler had several laughing fits at what was later revealed to be key times. he was belly laughing to tears at nothing. he only did that when my grandpa made silly faces at him-- he loved all the small children and babies and they adored him, even if neither party had any idea who the other was, lol. the consensus is that grandpa's angel was checking in on his great grandkids and doing what he loved.

-rotavirus started ravaging the household sunday night. i have never done so much laundry. missed the funeral yesterday because it hit husband, and if i spread this to my gma or any of the babies i'd never forgive myself.

-i'm actually okay emotionally, so fucking thankful he's whole again because the old pictures really drove home how Not There he was.

-the completionist (youtuber) that we've watched for over a decade and donated to his charity for dementia research and victims… hasn't donated a cent. still no resolution on that, but it's upsetting.

-the polymega console we ordered in early 2021 is going to ship????

-still sick so no thanksgiving visit to gma's and canceled on bff M coming over (first thanksgiving since divorcing her pos toxic ex)

-bff K has a boyfriend for the first time at 42, and he treats her like mr. mae treats me, and after having been her confidante for the past 4+ years as she tried online dating this is the only guy i think could be The One she ends up with. god knows she deserves it.

-i finally nailed the chex mix recipe 8)

-these homemade mashed potatoes are going to be better than the bob evan's brand, which i didn't think was possible because that's already perfection

-i got to drop off mini pb pies to the kids' friends (whose parents are kind of my friends too now woah), sent one home with gma, gave one to bff M (promised her the whole feast but at least she gets an entire pie to herself, no judgement), and still have a whole big one to dig into later

-tomorrow i get to go start on christmas shopping which is my FAVORITE eeeeee i love giving, the looks of joy on their FACES is GREAT

-tomorrow we put up the tree and it's gonna be a lil nutty with a toddler around again but it'll also be super fun

-i've got. so much erasermic new stuff saved in my phone tabs that once i have the chance to breathe it'll be THERE and i know how much joy they bring me, it's so heartening to have that waiting for me <3

i'm not as active as i want to be, barely at all tbh, but i will be eventually. things just gotta calm tf down.

who knows what 2024 is gonna bring?

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ragsy · 7 months

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Ok. U asked for it….

All the odd questions for Dogmark and all the even ones for Dillion.

(You don’t have to do all of them I prommy but if you WANT TO)

OH OKAY WE'RE DOIN' THIS HUH

i'm just gonna answer these rapid-fire style because i DO want to do all of them but if i don't reign myself into one or two sentences i will probably not finish answering this until 2024. i'm also going to omit the ones that i have absolutely no idea how to answer

Dogmark:

What’s the lie your character says most often?

Even split between "it's fine" and "i don't want to talk about it"

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

not very often-- not that he bottles them up intentionally, mostly that he doesn't know what to do with them. also he's been kinda sorta turning into a dog when he gets worked up, so, there's that

Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

oh hell no. he cried a lot as a kid much to the disappointment of his "boys don't cry" man's man of a dad, so now he'd be mortified to be seen crying at all as an adult, much less crying on purpose

What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

honestly "dogmark mandog" would get his attention. i call him that all the time despite nobody in canon ever calling him that, yet he'd know exactly who's being referred to

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

he wants to be gentle. he wants to be treated gently. the most he can offer is loyalty. the best he can ask for is safety.

If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

got this one previously here, but long story short, push his buttons and make him turn into a dog

When do they fake a smile? How often?

rarely, if ever. he wears his misery on his sleeve.

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

at work and with friends, he has a task or social interaction to focus on more or less keeping him from falling into an anxiety hole. when he's alone, he stops bothering to hold himself together.

What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

TBH IT'S THE SAME FOR BOTH.... just sayin', most people don't walk around with a pair of pointy wolfman ears and pointy dog teeth. he keeps his mouth shut and a hat over his ears in public.

What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

WELL the person he's been avoiding wants to find an excuse to kill him for revenge so. Sit there as still as possible hoping she won't notice him, then full anxiety attack once she does

What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

He used to be a big proponent of turning the other cheek to keep the peace. Recently though, he's fully embraced IF IT SUCKS HIT DA BRICKS

What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?

oh buddy this man has guilt spirals that operate on frequencies you couldn't even imagine. Dogmark sees shrimp guilt colors

What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

Back before his life went to shit, he was really into repairing and restoring retro game consoles. He has long since had to abandon that hobby, but he still remembers all of the tiny ways the guts of a sega genesis can go awry

What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?

10th birthday, his uncle took him on a deer hunting trip. It was rainy, & cold, and that was the first time he ever killed anything. He didn't speak a single word for the entire rest of the trip.

How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

Increasing desperation. He's not interested in misleading people, and it upsets him a lot when people take him for a liar.

When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

see above ^ re: All Guilt All the Time. he responds by avoiding the things he feels guilty about and/or drinking about it

How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?

A deer-in-the-headlights stare and an awkwardly mumbled "uh, hi,"

What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

Waking up on the forest floor, covered in blood, no memory of how he got there: "It's probably fine. I have other things to worry about"

What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

his very first crush was ewan mcgregor in the phantom menace

Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?

Oh, if he isn't wanted somewhere, he would LOVE to not know about it. Ignorance is bliss, etc etc

What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

He learned how to talk back and stick up for himself from his friend Pip 🥲

What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

He grew up middle class in a predominantly white town in Wisconsin, raised by Christian parents who valued traditional gender rolls. I could write a whole essay on his internalized biases. He did an okay job unlearning a lot of that when he moved out on his own, but he also knows he's still got a ways to go

What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

He can't articulate why, but he's always had a deep, visceral hatred for mall Santas

Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?

Up until extremely recently, he couldn't remember anything from his time in dogman form. There were a few survivors of those attacks who remember him very, very well.

Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

Yeah.....

What’s a phrase they say a lot?

"fuck! i don't know!!!"

Who would / do they believe without question?

His (now ex) girlfriend, Emily. If she told him

What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

He really, really hates camp food. Which is really unfortunate, because that's all he really had for several years working on the forest watchtower.

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

He nicks himself shaving a lot. He usually goes a little scruffy because of this.

Dillion:

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

He says "my friend" like every other word, I think if he used it any more loosely it would cease to be a word

What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

He misses having a sparring partner who he could pay to let him win

What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

Oh, you simply MUST try this krill pudding, it is deLECTABLE

How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

I.... Don't know if he's ever. Said it to anyone

What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

How handsome and great at fighting he is :) it's true, irrefutable facts

How do they put out a candle?

Sticks it under water

Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

His party members! He truly, honestly believes in them and wants them to get what they want.

What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

Swimming without GILLS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING MY FRIEND, YOU MIGHT DROWN

Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

Yes. Kelp flake flavor...

How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I believe you have made a mistake! You must have meant to fire some OTHER Sir Dillion!

What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

He tells people he wants to serve as someone's loyal knight. He really just wants to return to his life of comfort. He's beginning to doubt that'll ever happen.

When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

No, it's all the same. He failed someone, and being a failure is not something he can stand being.

If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

Horse theft 🐎

How do they greet someone they like / love?

A boisterous and extremely loud HELLO!!! followed by a very very firm handshake

What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

He would literally never pass up an opportunity to look good doing something in front of someone, are you kidding

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

How I Became a Royal Knight (and you can too!)

Step 1: have rich parents

What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

Whalesong

Because. Uh

I said so

Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

He's a talker and a blatherer and a bloviator. He will actually listen when someone knocks him down a peg though. Or when he recognizes that he doesn't actually have anything to say about the situation at hand (which is becoming increasingly common)

Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

Honestly, the whole party, but especially Midas and Vecklan

He's not a thinker, but he's not necessarily a strike-first kinda guy. He's maybe more of a "threaten action before assessing the situation first" type

What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

Draw sword -> if drawing his sword changed nothing about the situation, evacuate

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

It's the same all around. Knowing that someone, literally ANYONE wants to comfort him, that's all that matters

#entropyking #ragsycon exclusive #ask meme

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the-aby8s · 3 months

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February 29, 2024 | 138 PM | New York

I have a lot of memories of being powerless. My entire childhood was surrounded by disempowering me and making me feel small. My mom was made to feel that way as a child and so she sought out to make me feel just as powerless. There was a lack of boundaries and so much emotional baggage in my childhood home. If my mom was upset I had to be just as upset or I was mean and cold. That constant self-sacrificing I did, to make my mom feel better. It made me an empty shell. I felt like I had no power to say no, to speak up and defend myself, or to have a different opinion. Everything was a problem and everything was an issue. Anything that had to do with me was problematic.

My mom herself has said to me that it always felt like I was challenging her power. When I think back to it, it really was just me fighting back. Me not wanting to come home when she asked, and me rebelling in small ways. She felt that these things were extreme ways of challenging her. I could only rebel in quiet ways, through my actions but rarely my words. I could never muster up enough courage to speak up about how I felt, because one she'd never understand, and two it was always an argument that followed. But even when I was rebelling in small ways, like staying out later. I was still riddled with so much fucking anxiety and fear. I was feeling genuine fear because of my mom. Over things, children with normal and healthy upbringings do not feel. Every time I did something I wanted to do, or challenged her direction I was met with extreme emotional reactions and constant tension and uneasiness in my home. For a child and a young teenager that is A LOT to handle on their own. I had no one to talk to about this, no one to relate to, I didn't even have the words to describe the kind of abuse I was experiencing. I was also so brainwashed to believe that this kind of behavior from your mom was normal, that I SHOULD be feeling this way. I can't remember if I ever actually spoke about the way my mom would act. But I do remember a lot of adults telling me "Your mom is the best. She goes above and beyond for you. You're treating her badly and you're acting ungrateful. She doesn't hit you and she feeds you. Stop complaining".

It was always so heartbreaking to hear those things. It made ME feel crazy. Like I was making everything up, like all these feelings were coming from out of nowhere. Why did I feel so sad, trapped, angry and confused? Was I just sick? Experiencing these feelings for no reason at all? So I've just been making everything up? It made me question my reality constantly and made me think a little too deeply into my existence. What the fuck was ever actually happening around me? Again, was I just making everything up? My mom has told me ever since I was young that friends don't actually exist. That I could never trust a single soul and people would always eventually turn on me. I could only trust her and the rest of my immediate family. God, that was so fucking confusing as a kid. When I felt better and happier around my friends and more miserable around my mom and family.

It made me paranoid. If I felt joy around my friends, they must be lying to me or trying to trick me. Or it'd make me daydream a scenario where they were betraying me. I'd take a good guess on how our relationship/friendship would end. Predicting the ending of my friendships and relationships before they ever began. Look, yet another pattern. Happy and normal friendships and relationships where I feel good and nobody is telling me what to do feel suspicious and too good to be true. I remember I used to say that normal and healthy relationships sounded like a bore to me. No intensitiy, passion or fighting. How could I know they truly loved me if they weren't in some way abusing me out of love? How could I prove that they actually loved me if they weren't giving me the kind of love my mom had always given me? Deep down inside I'm picking my closest friends and relationships based on my mom. Do they abuse me like her? Are they troubled like her? If not, then they must not actually have the best intentions. Besides, who did I know in my life who actually treated me like a human being? Why would I feel comfortable with someone respecting my no's, respecting my choices and decisions, supporting me, and asking me why I am upset? Encouraging me to be myself and be someone outside of them? They must not ACTUALLY like me. They don't care about me or about having me around enough to do drastic and extreme things to keep me around.

It made me lonely. Despite, being repeatedly abused by the people around me. I was still choosing to trust and love the next person I came across. With the hope that maybe they'll treat me better. I loved being around people who were equally if not more broken than I was. I wanted to show them what it was like to feel loved and to have someone trust you. I actually had no idea of what a good friend or girlfriend was. But somewhere in my mind, I understood that to be a good person was the opposite of whatever my mom was doing to me. I didn't want to invalidate anybody or make them feel powerless. So I'd let them use me, abuse me, do whatever they wanted to me. As long as they felt more powerful, as long as they felt a little better about themselves. And what relationship of mine does that sound like? My mom's. I was always self-sacrificing for the sake of her emotional well-being. At the same time, she was the one who taught me that for the people you truly love. You should be self-sacrificing. She always did this, but it always fell short. Nobody would replicate the same amount of sacrifices for her. This same pattern would play out in my life as well. I'd strip myself of my dislikes, likes, quirks, self-respect, time, energy, and clothes if it meant the other person would feel better. I was under the impression that to be someone else's friend or girlfriend it meant I had to be a clean slate every time. I had to be malleable and be whoever they wanted me to be or needed me to be. There was no accepting me for who I was. I didn't even know who I was. I just wanted to make everyone feel better. My mom had taught me it was my job to make everyone feel better, even if that meant completely neglecting myself. Of course, with this belief carrying me through life I was always met with extremely painful relationships. Relationships that would fall apart and all pieces would fall on to me and suffocate me. It always felt like I had failed. I failed to do the one job I was born to do. I failed the relationship, the person, and myself. The weight of failure, disappointment, and heartbreak were enough to make my actual heart skip beats, to make my brain sore, my limbs weak and my chest hollow. How could I be such a terrible person? How could I let the relationship die out like that? I gave it my all, literally. And still? It wasn't enough? How much more does everyone need from me? I wanted to kill myself so bad. It was an endless cycle of emotional pain. I couldn't escape it.

I was trapped. I couldn't kill myself because the feeling of disappointing others, and inconveniencing them with my death was stronger than being suicidal. When you really think about it my brain was only trying to survive. The anxiety and fear of disappointing others was so strong that it kept me from ending my life. I would choose to live every day because I was too afraid to disappoint anyone else. Meanwhile, I was having an extremely hard time. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, I was cutting myself, and I was crying to myself every night, silently to not disturb everyone else. My life felt like hell on earth. I was dealing with covert narcissism and silent abuse. My mom would tell me to never talk about whatever happened in my home to anyone else because I'd be taken away. I get that, being in the system is no better than being in my house. But I didn't have a single soul to turn to. I was fucking stuck. Couldn't kill myself, but didn't want to be alive. Living solely for everyone else convenience. Was it worth it? Absolutely not, nobody gave a single fuck. I went to the psychiatric and no one knew what to do with me. It fell out of the script. I was not supposed to feel my own emotions, I wasn't supposed to be doing this. My mom dominated the conversations with my psych team, telling them that my boyfriend at the time was the issue. He was the one convincing me to kill myself. They believed her obviously, no one ever believed the kid. To be fair, I didn't know or understand what it was I was going through. I could blame it on things like being bullied and whatnot. That was part of it at the time, but as we can see now it was much deeper than that. Nowadays it feels kinda normal for a teenager to be suicidal. It's a part of the teenage "angst". The hormones are running wild and everything suddenly sucks. Looking back on it, I don't think it's normal for a 13- to 16-year-old child to feel like killing herself is the only option. That cutting herself is the only proper way to deal with her intense emotions.

Now that I'm 22, turning 23 (in 2 days) I can think about my childhood and understand the patterns and the reasons and make sense of it. I still live my life with those traumas and negative beliefs in my mind, but every day I try more and more to change them. I can say proudly that I am a lot more compassionate with myself and I haven't self-harmed in like a year or less. It's been a while, that's all I know. I am more capable of unpacking how I feel and verbalizing it. I am more open to experiencing positive friendships and relationships. I am open to receiving support and love. I'm getting better at letting go of my old ways of thinking and embracing change. I'm getting better at saying goodbye even when I don't want to. Walking away from situations that are not good for my well-being. I believe in myself and I try my best to trust what I feel and the choices I make. I am accepting the fact that sometimes I will fail, I will fuck up or act a fool and it's not a big deal. I accept the fact that I can't possibly make sure everyone is always ok and feeling good. I am accepting that sometimes I won't feel good and I don't need to pretend that I am to make everyone else feel better and comfortable. I am allowed to take up space and to say what I have to say. I am allowed to say no and to change my mind. I am allowed to not speak to whoever I don't feel like speaking to. I am allowed to be alone, sad, bored, angry. Allowed to cry as hard as I want to. Allowed to have boundaries and expectations. Allowed to not give a fuck LMFAO. And you know what allowed to not fucking always be kind, poised, and perfect. I don't need to always say the right thing or do the right things. Sometimes I'm gonna say something mean or do something stupid. That's ok. All I can do is slowly, but surely get better. And that's what I'm doing, one day at a time.

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