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#ive always wanted to try making it maybe i will pass out a recipe instead
possiblytracker · 2 years
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now christmas foods have been available in stores for a little while i have finally taken the liberty of buying several different brands of mince pie to compare and figure out which one i need to stockpile for the trying months ahead
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wiypt-writes · 3 years
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Stark Spangled Banner
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Ch52: Chicken Soup And Baseball Gloves
Intro: The original Avengers are re-united and along with Rhodey, Rocket, Nebula and Scott Lang, they run the first test on their Time Machine. 
Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut! (NSFW) No under 18s.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
A/N: Holler @angrybirdcr​ does the biz with the edits again
Chapter 51
Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist
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“Any news on Natasha?” Katie asked, her voice thick, as Steve walked into the kitchen.
“Not yet.” He shook his head, as she reached over, adding bread to the toaster. “She was still working on a lead. How are you feeling?”
“Ok.” She lied. Behind her, Steve rolled his eyes.  
“I can hear you wheezing from here. Go back to bed.”
“I don’t want to lie in bed.” She shrugged and he took a deep breath, crossing the room to stand behind her. It wasn’t often she got sick, but when she did she was a terrible patient.
“Sweetheart.” His arms circled her waist. “You’re burnt out and ill, and you certainly can’t go to the compound like this.”
He was right, Katie couldn’t actually remember the last time she felt so bad. She’d requested they leave the compound early last night as the group sat around discussing Tony’s plans to build their bigger Quantum Tunnel. She’d had a headache that she thought was a migraine, but had woken herself and Steve with a particularly nasty coughing fit in the early hours of the morning, whereby he’d gone to fetch her a glass of water and laid with her, rubbing her back until she fell asleep again.
“My plan was to actually lay on the sofa all day watching trash.” She shrugged, coughing a little.
“Ok, if that’s what you want.” he nodded, gently moving her so she was facing him. “Go, I’ll fix the kids breakfast. Do you want anything to eat?”
She shook her head, before letting rip with another hacking cough, her hand flying to her mouth as she turned away from him.
“C'mon,” he sighed, “c'mere.”
Katie practically fell into him when he wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled her head into his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist. “I’m fine,”
“You look like crap.”
“You’re mean.” She croaked out. He chuckled as he brought his hand up and pressed it against her forehead and she closed her eyes, he felt so cool.
“You have a fever. Did you take anything?”
She nodded “Tylenol and cough syrup.”
“Well go lay down until it kicks in.”
“Okay,” she finally relented, and Steve watched as she stepped out of his embrace and headed into the living room. The last time Steve had anything like a cold was pre the serum. He felt the odd sore throat and sniffle every now and then but as fast as they arrived they went thanks to his healing qualities. Jamie seemed to be the same. As a baby he picked up a few bugs but he was back to normal in a maximum of a day. There was one time a few months ago he had picked up a nasty cold that had lasted longer, making him even more of a mamma’s boy, clingy and grouchy. But after thirty-six hours he was back to his normal self, the half of him that held the super soldier serum clearly winning out. And Steve was glad, if the half of Jamie that was his father meant he rarely get sick, he’d passed something good onto his son. Emmy, on the other hand, was like Katie. No serum, so when she got sick she felt it more. And Katie was always on hand to look after her kids, even when she felt crappy herself. So when it fell to Steve to look after her, he was more than happy to do so.
“Is Mama sick?” Jamie asked, from where he was sat at the table, his face creased into a frown.
“Yeah she is, buddy.” Steve nodded, grabbing the toast as it popped up from the toaster, buttering it and cutting it into squares for his son. He placed it down in front of Jamie and then popped more in for himself. “Just a cold though, she’ll be fine.”
Steve left the kitchen for a moment, shouting up the stairs for Emmy to get a move on before returning and pouring himself a coffee and one into a Thermos mug for Emmy to take with her.  Apparently the ‘in thing’ now was to take her breakfast to eat on the way. Steve had no idea why, but whatever. When did he ever have a clue about anything that was on trend?
She bustled in, rucksack on her back and grabbed the toast he was holding out in a paper napkin and her mug.
“Thanks Dad.” She smiled, giving him a peck on the cheek.
“Your Mom’s in the lounge, she’s not feeling too good.” He looked at her. “So I know you wanted Brooke to come over tonight but it might be better to give it a miss.”
“Okay.” She nodded, “I can go to hers instead. Will you be here to give me a lift later if I come home and get some stuff?”
“Sure.” He nodded. She ruffled Jamie’s hair on her way past and then disappeared up the hall, and he was pleased to see she popped her head into the lounge to tell Katie to get better soon.
“Are we going to the compound?” Jamie asked as Steve sat down, his own breakfast now in front of him.
“You’re going to Day Care.” Steve looked at him. “You haven’t been in a while.”
“I don’t wanna.” Jamie pouted
“Well, suck it up.” Steve replied. It was important to him and Katie that their son interacted with kids his own age as much as possible, so even whilst Katie wasn’t going to work today, Jamie was going to nursery. “I’m staying home today. We can go to the compound at weekend. If your momma’s better maybe we can stay over.”
Jamie pondered this for a moment. “Okay.”
Steve chuckled and ruffled his son’s hair as the two of them ate their breakfast. Jamie requested a bowl of cereal once his toast was finished, and to be fair Steve was still hungry too so he made them both a helping of Cheerios before he cleaned Jamie down and got him dressed. Once that was done he popped his head into the lounge and saw Katie was asleep under one of the throws.
“You got everything?” He looked at Jamie, quickly checking him over. He had his small rucksack in his hands, his jumper was on and he was clean. Looked good to Steve.
“Yep!” Jamie nodded enthusiastically.
“Alright, come on then.” Steve held out his hand, and Jamie slipped his little palm into his Dad’s as he opened the door and they made their way to the car.
*****
“Why is it so cold?” Katie groaned, pulling the comforter round her as she shuffled into the kitchen.
“It’s not cold, you’re just sick.” Steve pulled the orange juice out of the fridge, pouring her a giant glass. He handed it to her, raising his hand to her forehead. “You’re still warm.”
“No, I told you, I’m freezing.”
Steve was about to say something when they heard the security system telling them Tony had arrived.
“Why is Tone here?” Katie asked, coughing again.
“Dunno.” Steve shrugged. “I told him I wasn’t going to the compound today as you were sick so maybe he’s come to see how you are.”
“Bit out of his way.” Katie pondered, as the front door opened.
“Knock knock.” Her brother’s voice called up the hallway.
“Kitchen Tony.” Steve called back.
“Just thought I’d see how the patient was,” Tony’s voice rang out down the hallways and Katie rolled her eyes, “so far so good, I see no red cross on the door telling everyone to stay away or any one walking outside chanting bring out your dead…”
At that point he walked into the kitchen and nodded to Steve before he turned to Katie. “Huh, maybe there should be. You look like shit.”
She was pale, her hair was pulled into a messy pony tail and her nose was bright red. She opened her mouth to shoot some comment back about being pissed off with people telling her she looked terrible but was cut off by a fit of hacking coughs.
“I’m dying.” She groaned.
“From a cold?”  Tony rolled his eyes.
“I feel like it.” She mumbled.
Steve chuckled and stirred the soup in the pan.
“Smells good, Spangles!” Tony looked round him to glance down. “What is it.”
“Chicken soup, my Ma’s own recipe. Plenty if you want some.” Steve offered.
“No, it’s mine and I don’t like people taking my stuff.” Katie pouted, childishly. “That soup makes everything better.”
“Don’t be a brat.” Steve shot her a look.
“I’m ill, don’t shout at me.” She shot back, coughing again. Steve pointed to the orange juice that she had set down on the side and the Tylenol next to it.
“Drink that, and take that.” He instructed. “And then back to the couch.”
“You’re not my dad.” She glared at him, sullenly. Steve took a deep breath and bristled, Jesus she was obstinate.
“No, but I am, well, by default.” Tony eyed her. “Do as you’re told.”
She gave Tony a look that was positively mutinous, staring directly into his brown eyes before she reached over, took two pills from the packet, tossed them down with a swallow of juice and flipped him off.
“I guess I’ll be on the couch.” She grumbled, retreating out of the kitchen.
“Thanks.” Steve sighed once she was gone, and Tony chuckled.
“She was a nightmare as a kid when she got sick.” He mused, leaning back against the counter.
“She still is. Insists on trying to keep going instead of resting.”
“You know, when she was ten she got a nasty bout of tonsillitis.” Tony stepped over to grab the coffee from the cupboard. “It turned into something called Quinsy and she ended up hospitalised as one of them burst and she needed them removing under emergency surgery. They were worried about blood poisoning.” Tony paused to top the machine up with coffee and he grabbed the glass jug from underneath. “She demanded to come home the next day even though she was on some heavy duty IV anti-biotics, full scale tantrum when she was told she had to stay in for four days.”
Steve snorted as Tony filled the machine with water and turned it on.
“So trying to carry on when she has a cold is nothing.” Tony looked at him. “Just tell her whose boss.”
The men exchanged a look, both of them fully understanding that Steve was most definitely not the boss before they laughed and Tony clapped him on the shoulder, moving to make the coffee.
“So, Pepper is coming to the compound for the rest of the week” Tony poured himself a drink before he did the same and handed it to Steve. “I was wondering if you wanted me to take Jamie off your hands for the evening, Morgan will be pleased to see him.”
Steve hesitated for a second, as he took a sip of his coffee. He was still torn as to whether the compound really was the best place for the kids. But, the living area was far enough away from any of the equipment, and Emmy had lived there before…
“Don’t worry, I won’t turn him into a teenager.” Tony spotted the flicker of doubt that flashed across Steve’s face.
“No, it’s not that, I trust you Tony, I-” Steve began, feeling that he needed to explain but Tony waved him away.
“I know, and believe me I wasn’t sure I wanted Morgan there but I haven’t seen her since Monday.”
“You know, you don’t have to be at the Compound permanently.” Steve turned the heat down on the stove.
“I know but it’s just easier.” Tony shrugged. “Especially whilst we’re still building the stuff.”
Steve nodded and began to pull three bowls out of the cupboard “Okay, well yeah I’m sure Jamie would like that.”
“Great, I can get him on the way back, I’m assuming he’s at the tower?”
Steve glanced at the clock on the wall. It was only half two but there was no time limits on when he could be collected from Nursery. “Yeah he is, I’ll call ahead, let them know you’re picking him up.”
Tony clapped his hands together. “Great.”
“Let me get this to the patient and then you can fill me in on what’s been going on.” Steve said, picking up a bowl of the soup and a spoon.
****
Katie’s cold lasted three full days. On the fourth night, she had another restless sleep. Not wanting her constant tossing and turning to wake Steve, she headed down stairs, took another dose of Tylenol and turned on the TV, snuggling under the blanket on the sofa. She felt like crap. Luckily the medicine kicked in about fifteen minutes later and she managed to fall asleep, Lucky curled around her legs, keeping her feet warm. When she woke later that morning, she was pleased to find she felt a lot clearer headed and she didn’t ache when she moved which was a bonus.
“You look better.” Steve smiled as she wandered into the kitchen. He’d left her asleep on the couch when he’d seen her earlier that morning, the kids were still in bed seeing as it was weekend.
“I feel it.” she nodded, running her hands through her hair “I’m starving.”
Her appetite being back was a good thing.
“Want me to fix you anything?” Steve asked.
“Eggs and bacon.” she said enthusiastically “I’m gonna grab a shower.”
“Good I can smell you from here.” he teased, laughing as she raised a middle finger which she held up over her shoulder as she walked out of the kitchen. The shower made her feel even better, and once she was dressed in actual clothes and not Pyjamas she felt human again.
She devoured her breakfast, drank another large glass of orange juice and Steve filled her in on what was going on at the Compound. Natasha was still tracking Clint, the Quantum Tunnel Machine was well under construction, Thor, well, Thor seemed to still be a little distracted but he was engaging as much as could be expected and they’d started designs on suits that would help them navigate the Quantum Realm.
“Has anyone given any thought to how we actually get the stones?” Katie asked, a small cough escaping her.
“I’ve been thinking about it a bit.” Steve nodded. “There are a number of possibilities. But trying to get them individually instead of all at once is likely going to be the best bet.”
“How’s that going to work?” She pondered and Steve shrugged.
“To be honest, I haven’t got that far.” He sighed, and Katie dropped the subject.
They headed over to the compound in the late morning, and immediately Katie and Steve spotted the Quinjet was back. They shared a glance, knowing that could only mean one thing and, as quickly as they could, they got the kids out of the car and headed inside. As they made their way towards the main lounge, Katie heard a familiar voice and she felt her chest tighten. Letting go of Steve’s hand, she broke into a run and burst into the room. Everyone in there turned to face her as she stood, stock still, staring at her one time Senior Officer.
“Clint…” She whispered, before she threw herself at him, hugging him tight.
“Hey, Katie.” he croaked as she buried her face into his neck, his arms wrapping around her, squeezing her into a strong hug. 
“Hey yourself.” She sniffled slightly as she stepped back, before she grinned and ran her hand over the shorn sides of his hair. “Nice Mohawk.”
He chuckled and then his attention turned to Steve “Hey, Cap.”
“Hey Clint.” Steve smiled, stepping forward to embrace his friend. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too.” Clint smiled, before he glanced down to Steve’s right where Jamie was now tugging on his hand. 
“Daddy, who’s this?” He asked as Steve picked him up. 
“Jamie, this is Clint. A friend of mine and your mom’s.” Steve smiled.
“And this is Emmy.” Katie said from behind him. Emmy gave him a smile that was a little shyer than Jamie’s as Clint nodded to her.
“Pleased to meet you both. I heard a lot about you from Natasha.”
“Auntie Nat-Nat gives me chocolate.” Jamie grinned. “But I’m not upposed to tell anyone where she keeps it.”
“She used to give my kids chocolate.” Clint smiled, sadly.  “Even when I told her not to.”
Silence fell across the room, no one really knowing what to say to that. Clint took a deep breath and looked down at his feet, until Katie spoke, breaking the tension.
“Shall I fix lunch?” She offered and the team all made noises of agreement and started to move around. Clint smiled at her, and then looked at the boy in Steve’s arms. .
“He looks like you, Cap.” He nodded. Steve smiled and looked at Jamie.
“Apparently so.”
“I think it’s great you guys, you know, that you’re parents.” Clint smiled at Katie. She returned the grin.
“Yeah, it has its moments.” She watched as Steve set Jamie down and he wandered over to Natasha, who beamed at him as he clambered into her lap.  
“Especially when dealing with stroppy teenagers.” Steve quipped looking at Emmy who rolled her eyes.
“Change the record, Dad.”
“Note she said record, not CD old man.” Tony shot.
“It’s just a figure of speech.” Steve rolled his eyes “And for the record, I wish you’d change yours too.”
Clint looked around and caught Katie’s eye, a fond, nostalgic look on his face. And she knew why. It was almost as if nothing had changed. The banter was familiar, each person taking up their role they had held in the Avengers easily, as if the last seven years hadn’t happened. But then, looking around the room was enough to make you remember that they had. They looked different, felt different. They’d split, gone their separate ways and then the Snap had ripped everything from under them, and none of them had lost as much as Clint. 
Katie smiled. “Wanna come help with lunch?” She asked softly, as he hastily wiped a tear from his face.
“Yeah,” he nodded. The pair of them made for the door and she turned to Steve who shot her a smile, before she led Clint towards the kitchen.
“Thanks.” He muttered as they left the room. They walked silently until they reached the kitchen and Katie shut the door as she walked to the fridge pulling out various ingredients to make a huge pan of stuff for fajitas.
“So,” she turned to Clint, handing him a knife, “you chop veg, I’ll do the chicken.”
He smiled softly. “You sound like Laura.”
“Clint, I’m so sorry.” Katie sighed. “I’ve no words that can even pretend to offer a comfort. I can’t begin to imagine-”
“Natasha told me about your baby.” Clint cut her off as he looked at her. She looked down at the chopping board before meeting his eyes. “You lost too.”
“Yeah, we did.” She sighed “We all lost someone.”
“Bet you didn’t go on a killing spree because of it.” Clint sighed, taking a deep breath.
“Clint,” Katie took a deep breath. “Yeah, what you did wasn’t…great, but you can’t let it define you.”
Clint stayed silent for a moment before Katie spoke again. “Steve killed someone you know. In cold blood. One of the HYDRA guys that kept me captive and, well, you know what they did.”
Clint let out a growl. “I don’t blame him, I’d have put an arrow in his head if it had been Laura.”
“That’s my point.” Katie shrugged. “Something like that tipped Captain America, the sentinel of justice and truth-” she framed her words with her fingers making quotation marks and Clint snorted “-over the edge. Someone as morally correct as Steve snapped because of something someone did to me. He didn’t do it to protect me, he did it for out and out revenge.”
“That’s not the same-”
“Maybe not.” Katie shrugged. “But the point I’m trying to make, albeit very badly, is that people react to trauma in different ways.”
“It was anger.” Cling spoke after a moment. “Anger and bitterness that they died and all these assholes didn’t. I wanted to even the scales a little myself. Why did they get to live and my family didn’t?”
“Exactly. You went through the most awful thing ever.” Katie laid a hand on Clint’s arm. “It might not make it right, but it makes it a little more understandable. Certainly from my point of view.” At that she returned to her chopping, with a little shake of her head. “If anything happened to either of my kids, I’d lose it too.”
“That implies you had it to lose in the first place.” Clint quipped, cheekily. She looked up and she was pleased to see the mischievous Barton glint had returned to his eyes.
****
As Tony reminded them all, whilst they had a working Quantum Tunnel, building that into something bigger to do what they needed to do was going to take time. Everyone understood, even if it was frustrating, but as Katie kept pointing out, they’d waited five years for this, what was a couple of months more?
Those months Katie and Steve spent flitting between the Compound, Stark Tower, their home in Brooklyn and Tony’s lake house, trying to manage the time between Emmy’s exams, ensuring the kids were looked after during the school vacation, keeping a business going and maintaining as normal a life for Emmy and Jamie as possible.  
But then, one Wednesday morning in late September, Tony let out a triumphant yell. They were ready.
With Emmy and Jamie both safely out of the way- Emmy back at school, and Jamie in Day Care- they decided on taking their test that same afternoon. The goal was simple, go back in time for a minute or so, pick something up, see if it could be brought back. Katie and Steve followed Tony through the hangar as he was dragging the metal pipe which contained the power cables they had just helped him arrange into the mains which would fire up the machine. In front of them, Thor was walking, drinking a beer as usual, dressed in a scruffy pair of grey sweats and a red hooded top.
“Drifting left!” Tony warned the God. “On the side there, Lebowski”
Katie snorted at the reference. “Makes a change from Point Break.” she said, and Steve grinned.
 “Ratchet, how’s it going?”  Tony called.
 Rocket looked up from where he had been working on something underneath the glass platform “It’s Rocket. Take it easy. You’re only a genius on Earth, pal”
Tony stopped and grinned, catching Katie’s eye, passing the cable to Rocket and giving the raccoon instructions on where to plug each wire.
 “Okay so where’s Lang?” Steve asked, looking around.
“In the chamber having his suit calibrated.” Nat looked up from the tablet she was poking around on. The machine lit up, and Tony stepped back and looked at her. “So far the fluctuation levels are holding.” She nodded and Tony grinned.
 “You say it like you’re surprised, Red.” He shot back. She merely smirked to herself, tapping again.
 “I’ll go see if they’re ready.” Katie nodded.
 “Hey, hey, hey! Easy, easy!” She could hear Scott’s voice as she approached the side chamber in the lab.
 “I’m being very careful” Banner replied
 “No, you’re being very Hulky”
 “I’m being careful.”
She reached the doorway where Clint was leaning against the frame, and looked at him. He shot her a smirk as she turned her attention to Lang who was holding up a small, red glass tube.
“These are Pym Particles, alright? And ever since Hank Pym got snapped out of existence, this is it. This is what we have. We’re not making any more.” 
“Scott, calm down.” Rhodey soothed, looking at him.
 “Sorry.” Scott said, “But we’ve only got enough for one round trip each. That’s it. No do-overs. Plus two test runs.”
 At that, with a yell, he shrank and then grew again back to his normal size after accidentally pressing a button. Katie let out a groan as she looked at Clint.
 “One test run.” she shot, turning to Lang.
“All right. I’m not ready for this.” Scott shook his head and Katie noticed the slightly panicked look in his face. Before she could say anything else, however, Clint spoke softly.
“I’m game.” He nodded as everyone turned to him. “I’ll do it.
There was a moment’s pause before Katie grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. “Suit up then, Hawkeye.”
Clint and Lang switched places, and Bruce handed him one of the GPS controllers. Instantly the same suit Lang was wearing formed round Clint as Lang deactivated his, grabbing his baseball cap from the floor.
“Wai-wait a second, let me ask you something.” Rhodey spoke, his tone making it clear this was something he had been thinking about for a while. “If we can do this, you know, go back in time, why don’t we just find baby Thanos, you know, and…” He made a hand gesture suggesting he was strangling something.
“First of all that’s horrible.” Bruce spoke in a disgusted voice.
“It’s Thanos.” Rhodey shrugged, simply and Katie had to agree. If that as a plan would work, she had no problems in going back and being the one to choke the life out of him. Infant or no infant.
“And secondly, time doesn’t work that way. Changing the past doesn’t change the future.” Bruce continued.
“Look.” Scott nodded.  “We go back, we get the stones before Thanos gets them, Thanos doesn’t have the stones. Problem solved.”
“Bingo.” Clint agreed.
“That’s not how it works.” Katie shook her head.
“She’s right.” Nebula added. “It’s not.”
“Well, that’s what I heard.” Clint shrugged.
“What? By who? Who told you that?” Bruce sighed.
Rhodey held up his hand, counting with his fingers as he spoke. “Star Trek, Terminator, TimeCop, Time After Time…”
“A Wrinkle in Time, Somewhere in Time.” Rhodey continued.
“Hot Tub Time Machine” Scott added.
“Hot Tub Time Machine. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Basically, any movie that deals with time travel.” Rhodey looked around.
“Die Hard?” Scott asked, before he frowned. “No, that’s not one.”
“This is known.” Rhodey finished.
“I don’t know why everyone believes that, but that isn’t true.” Banner said, earnestly “Think about it: If you travel to the past, that past becomes your future. And your former present becomes the past. Which can’t now be changed by your new future.”
“Exactly.” Nebula added.
“So ‘Back To The Future’ is a bunch of bullshit?” Scott asked, with the air of a small child whom someone had just told Santa didn’t exist.
“Afraid so.” Katie looked at him. “Furthermore, there’s a theory that Tony alluded to when he mentioned the Deutsch proposition. If you alter an event in the past you create an alternate universe and timeline as a result. You don’t change yours.”
“Which is why I think we’re gonna have to put the stones back when we’re done.” Bruce mused. “But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He tapped a final button and then stood up. “Okay, that’s it.”
“Ready?” Katie looked at Clint. 
He nodded “Let’s get this show on the road.”
*****
“Lang had an attack of nerves when he accidentally used up one lot of Pym Particles” Katie explained as Steve looked at Clint, confused as to why he was the one in the Quantum Suit on the platform in the middle of the hangar.
“Wait, he used them?” Steve frowned.
“Yeah, so now we only have one test run. But Clint says he’s up for it.” She looked at Tony who opened his mouth to say something, and shook her head. He took a deep breath, simply shrugging as Steve turned to Clint.
“All good?” He asked, and Clint gave him the thumbs up.
“Alright, Clint.” Banner looked at him. “We’re going in three… two… one!”
The helmet sprang forth onto Clint’s head from his suit and he was sucked down through the platform into the Quantum Realm.
“Returning in five…four…three…two…one!”   
The portal opened again and Clint re-materialised on the glass platform, breathing heavily.  
Natasha was first up the steps, taking his face in her hands “Hey, hey, look at me. You okay?”
He waved off her concern, but that wasn’t what Steve was looking at. It was the baseball glove in his hands. Clint tossed it to Tony who caught it, slapping it slightly into his hand, a look of victory on his face.
It worked.
“Cap?” Tony turned to Steve and he realised that everyone was looking to him for directions.
“We need to plan carefully where we go.” He cleared his throat, taking a deep breath and letting it out. “I suggest we start first thing in the morning.”
****
“Em,” Steve spoke as the family sat down to dinner later that evening. “You know we’ve been doing a lot of work at the compound?”
He looked at Emmy, who nodded. After swearing her to secrecy, they’d explained everything to her when they had first started, both of them believing she was old enough to know the truth, and they respected her too much to keep anything from her. 
“Has it worked? Did Tony build it?”
“Yeah, and we think that we should probably move to the compound, just until this is all over. We’ll still make sure you get to school and stuff, we don’t want any of this to impact anything for either of you.” He looked at her. She took a deep breath, but it wasn’t her who spoke next, It was Jamie.
“Can I bring my toys? And Lucky?”
“I think Clint would really like to see him again.” Katie smiled. Clint’s reunion with the dog a few weeks ago would have melted even the coldest of hearts. Lucky had been overjoyed to see his old master, and Clint had buried his face into the animal’s fur, sobbing quietly. Jamie had been indignant that the dog was paying more attention to Clint than him, but that had all changed when Jamie had called his name and Lucky had run back to his side, licking him furiously. Katie had explained to Clint that the two had a very strong bond and Clint had smiled, stating that the animal had loved Nathaniel as well. He was simply happy someone had taken care of him. 
“He’s my dog.” Jamie pouted and Steve snorted, shooting Katie a look.
“Someone else doesn’t like people touching their stuff.” he muttered, grimacing as Katie kicked him in the shin “Ow!”
*****
“You know, we’re gonna have problems if Clint wants to take that dog back.” Steve said as they lay in bed later that night.
“I’m hoping he won’t” Katie sighed. “I mean he’s twelve this year, I’m sure Clint will be happy to let stay seeing as he’s older now.”
“Oh is that how it works?” Steve asked, his hand moving through her hair. “The older you are, the more people want to keep you settled?”
“Why else do you think I kept you around for so long?” Katie shrugged.
“That’s just rude, Mrs Rogers.” Steve looked at her and she grinned as she pressed a kiss to his lips.
“Suppose you have other uses.” She smirked against his lips.
“Really, what might they be?” He asked, in between kisses as she straddled him, his hands creeping up the t-shirt she was wearing and resting on her hips.
“Not sure now you come to mention it?” She wrinkled her nose, wriggling slightly against his crotch, making him grunt. “You might need to remind me.”
Steve simply pushed his hips upwards and Katie groaned softly as his arousal pressed up against her spot. Steve’s hand moved from her hip up to the back of her neck, pulling her down into a deep kiss that had the pair of them wanting far more. Steve hungrily pulled her top over her head, sitting up, running his nose up and down her sternum in between the lines of her breasts. Katie’s head fell back slightly as she bit her lip, relishing the feeling of his skin on hers as his lips traced a path from her jaw line to her neck.
“Remembered yet?” He muttered, breath hot on her ear as she let out another soft whimper.
“Not quite.” She teased. In a flash he had her on her back, and was kissing down the length of her body, nose skimming the waist band of her underwear before he hooked a finger into each side and pulled the garment down her legs. Hands on her knees he gently moved he legs further apart and grinned at the sight of her arousal.
“Liar.” He mumbled, setting his mouth to her. 
Her soft, breathy moans soon filled their room as his tongue worked her over, his right hand placed over her stomach to anchor her into place. He would never get tired of this, hearing her, feeling her as she came undone, her back arching off the bed, knees gripping at the side of his head. He snuck a glance upwards and had to chuckle slightly as she had a pillow pressed over her face to muffle her noises. As she flattened back down, he dispensed of his boxers, crawling back over her, gently removing the item from her face.
“You okay?” He asked with a trace of amusement. She glanced up at him, smiling and laughed as she drew her breath.
“You know, one other thing about going back to the compound,” she chuckled as he pressed against her, giving her another kiss, “the walls to our room are soundproof so there’s no-“
He cut her off as he pushed into her harshly, causing her eyes to close and her breath to catch. He continued to thrust, slowly, powerfully. Watching her face as he did so.
“Eyes on me, Doll.” He managed a low growl and she bit down on her lip, before her jaw slacked slightly and he saw her brow crease just as it always did when she was about to tip over that precipice, riding that fine line between pain and pleasure.
“Come on, Kitten.” He panted, his hips continuing. “Let go…”
And she did, she came hard as her hands wrapped around his biceps, nails digging into his skin as Steve chased his own end furiously, coming with a violent final thrust, his head buried in the crook of her shoulder.
They lay in silence for a while, Katie falling asleep way before Steve. The Soldiers brain was running on overdrive analysing the day. Their machine worked, the test run had been a success, but he knew the hard work was only just beginning. They had to suss out when and where to go to get the stones, and then there was actually doing it. That was going to be the hardest part of all. Then, they faced even more engineering to develop something to harness them, and, maybe the biggest question of all, deciding who was going to snap their fingers.
He glanced down at his wife, her long eyelashes laying against her cheek as she slept. She looked so peaceful.  With a soft sigh he kissed the top of her head and lay back, eyes closed, the warmth of her body soothing him slightly as he felt the tendrils of tiredness pulling him under.
**** Chapter 53
 **Original Posting**
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mozaikrolez · 3 years
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some headcanons for our muses featuring @waterlord !
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below , i’ve written up truck load more random headcanons on kiri’s relationship with shinobu kocho , kanae kocho , the girls of the butterfly estate & a new addition — mitsuri kanroji !!
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𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐮 𝐤𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐨
initially , shinobu is a bit troubled by kiri . before kanae’s passing , her attitude is a lot like aoi — blunt , impatient & almost intolerant of many things . things that include clinginess . she’d be a bit rough on him at times , wanting him to be less dependent on people . this reminds shinobu of her ‘ old self ( which unbeknownst to her — is still present ) ‘ & how she was before her parents died . believing this way of life isn’t healthy , she tries to teach kiri how to be independent . funnily enough , she ends up latching on to him like an older sister or even a mother .
caring for his hair is something she does to relax . sometimes she’ll make a silly excuse like ‘ your hair pin is falling out again — geez ‘ just so she can play with his hair . when his hair grows longer , oooh man she loves it ! she loves to braid it in various styles since the colour of his hair fascinates her . the colour is rare & eye catching . even the slayers that come by the estate take notice ! if someone say’s something rude about it , shinobu will have a few words with them . a few sailor - esque words with them .
on that note , shinobu doesn’t like swearing around the young ones or her sister . she ESPECIALLY makes sure that kiri won’t hear her . aoi has caught her before & has a small habit of doing this too , but only when things really bother her - lol .
the earrings kiri made for her she cherishes deeply . she’d love to wear them all the time , but worries that they may break . instead , she wears them on casual days around town or on special occasions . they make a wonderful addition to her purple kimono . she barely notices the ‘ flaws ‘ on them & instead believes it gives them character . each imperfect line shows the effort that was put into gift , something that is priceless .
checking out the insects in the forest around the estate is another pass time of hers & she takes everyone along with her , typically in small groups ( unless her sister is around , then everybody comes along ) on rotation , but kiri is always invited on the trips . catching butterflies & releasing them is what they typically do but they tend to do other activities , such as ; have picnics , bird watching & other things in the forest . in the summer nights they catch fireflies !!
as the years go on & kiri begins to have strange dreams & tendencies , shinobu begins focusing on making a tea to help calm his nerves . when she finds him standing out in the rain , looking lost , she’ll scold him in anger as to mask the concern that veers on the edge of sadness . she doesn’t know how to deal with his episodes when he’s realizing his true identity but she’s always looking out for him & making sure her stresses isn’t known . she’s a worry - wort by nature after all .
shinobu & kanae tend to have discussions about him not aging . already having seen herself in him , she wonders if he’s destined to be tiny & frail like herself , which does make her sad . trying to make sure this doesn’t happen , she feeds him a lot more foods & special meals catered for him . but with this being something she can’t fix she eventually gives up . she accepts that they are probably a lot more a like than she knows ( or so she thinks ) .
i noticed that shinobu has 3 goldfish in her office . why not add a lil something to where they come from ? on new years eve , everyone goes out to watch the fireworks at the festival nearest to the estate ! during one of the new year festival’s they were attending , shinobu notices a goldfish game . she encourages kiri to play it with her & the two manage to catch the 3 fishies !! i was thinking that the two of em can come up with their names ?
after kanae’s passing shinobu almost completely shuts down . while still going to missions & doing things around the estate — she’s very reminiscent of a brainless zombie , just kinda moving on autopilot . there are moments where she snaps back , but it’s usually in the form of a panicked state . especially when the other tsugoku start to die . she gets even more protective of kiri at this point & makes sure aoi is looking out for him when she’s away .
as things die down a bit & shinobu starts to put her carefree mask on . since kiri is the closest to her , he’d probably notice shinobu taking a strange medicine & sitting in her medical office with an IV attached to her arm . she tries to keep this a secret from him , which may prove to be hard , but if she were to be confronted she’d say it’s simply a new medicine she’s trying out . she doesn’t want to worry him so she tries to keep her intentions a secret .
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𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐞 𝐤𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐨
i can see the two of them spending a lot of time in the garden together . kanae loves to fill the estate with various plants & usually brings new potted flowers home whenever she passes through a town . one day in particular , she brought back a sunflower . possibly after noticing that he likes them , she decides to buy more & plant them around the estate with kiri . the sunflowers they planted bring many bumble bees & butterflies to the estate . their efforts is what really gives their mansion it’s name .  shinobu appreciates the flowers that kanae & kiri planted around the estate . the flowers also brighten the place up & make everything look a lot happier !
when approached about making the butterfly earrings , kanae gushes at the idea ! she notices how close to shinobu he is & the idea makes her all giddy . whenever they are working on them together , she tries to make sure shinobu isn’t around whenever they work on em . at times she has to go out to distract her from seeing them by making silly excuses .
kanae loves to tell the story of the first flower breathe user & how the technique was developed . it’s a funny little thing that she does at least twice a year ! she often tells her other tsuguko or anyone who’s around when spring really starts to pick up — which is usually when she spends the most time arguably .
after learning that sanemi likes ohagi kanae decides to make them for him as treats . of course she makes them for her family at the butterfly estate & she usually gets aoi & kiri to help out . kanae has a bit of a sweet tooth & she loves to snack on homemade treats .
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𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐨 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐲𝐮𝐫𝐢 , 𝐚𝐨𝐢 𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐚𝐤𝐢 & 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬
while quiet , kanao really appreciates spending time with kiri . she wouldn’t talk too much unless asked a direct question but she’s totally fine with sitting in silence . her coin is typically used for making big decisions , but she doesn’t use it all the time . responding to him is not much of an issue but silence & a smile is her typical response to most things he says .
when kanao receives the charm , there’s a lost expression on her face as she stares at it . she’s not lost but she doesn’t know how to react . there’s an immense amount of joy that she feels but she isn’t sure if it’s appropriate to express it , so she stares at it for a long time . the charm is always kept with her . it’s kept in her skirt pocket while she’s around the house , when she trains & out on missions . she always makes sure that it doesn’t get dirty . kanao is really good at evading attacks from demons but she always makes sure not to suffer an attack that could damage it — even if it may cost her taking a hit herself . ‘ it’s a precious gift given to me from kiri — i must treasure it at all costs ... it’s the only way i can show that i care ‘ is her thoughts about the charm . to her , it’s a symbol of their bond .
aoi keeps her talisman under her pillow . she’s always wanted a younger sister & kiri is the closest thing to that . just like she did for tsuyuri , aoi tries to convince kiri to convince him to take on her last name , lol !
the three youngster all look up to kiri & think he’s amazing . they would always go to him to read them a story before bed or something , lol .
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𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐢 𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐢
mitsuri comes by the butterfly estate every now & again to say hi to shinobu & enjoys aoi’s cooking . she notices kiri right off the bat & greets him by waving her arms in the air vigorously . she’s excited to see him because of his hair !! she’s happy to see someone with an interesting hair colour & she wants to touch it & give him a hug !
she thinks he’s absolutely adorable & like shinobu , she likes braiding his hair once it grows longer ! she often styles his hair in three braids , like her own , so they can be twinsies !!
mitsuri invites shinobu & kiri over to her house to try her cooking . she specializes in western dishes & she loves to treat people to her meals ! while she cooks , she invites kiri to watch & maybe he picks up some recipes to try making with aoi . mitsuri also sends them home with honey whenever they visit ( she has a bee hive ) !!
did i mention that mitsuri has a bunny !? MITSURI HAS A BUNNY !! it’s a white lop ear named after her favorite flavour of mochi — ichigo ! she’s more than happy to let kiri play with her !
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nancypullen · 6 years
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My Body Is A Drama Queen
So, yesterday I planned to share a couple of pretty pictures and a killer eggplant recipe here.  Instead I almost died. Here’s the story, Morning Glory. I was out running errands on a sunny day, singing along with 70′s tunes and just loving summer.  I dropped my library books in the bin outside the library, and headed a bit further down the road to my doctor’s office.  I’ve had a sinus thing going on, nothing major - just annoying. It felt like it was moving into my ears and with the grandbaby and her parents coming to visit next week, I felt I should nip it in the bud.  I’m not a go-to-the-doctor person. I’m more of a ride it out, put some Bag Balm on it, let your body do its work person.  That’s good and bad.  But there I was with my doc, a woman always quick with a prescription pad and who tends to blast illness with every weapon in her arsenal.  We’re probably not a great match, but I like her cheerful nature and cool French Canadian accent.  She wrote a prescription for antibiotics and said that her nurse would be in to administer two shots - an antibiotic and cortisone.  I felt that was kind of overkill for what amounted to a stuffy nose and some sinus pressure, but hey - she’s the professional.  I received both shots, walked to the front desk, and was in my car in minutes.  I sat in my car for a minute applying stamps to a batch of 20 postcards (Postcardstovoters.org  - join, it’s fabulous, more on that later).  I had a quick 5 minute conversation with my sister, and I headed home.
 A few minutes later I felt like I had a tickle in my throat.  I kept trying to clear it, but it got worse.  Then I started itching all over. When I say itching, I’m talking fiery hives from the soles of my feet to my scalp.  My throat felt tight, then tighter and tighter.  I tried calling the dr’s office, but I couldn’t  SPEAK.  My throat was swelling and I could barely get any sound out.  I kept driving (I know, stupid), thinking that I was obviously having an allergic reaction and we probably had Benadryl at home.  Probably. I walked in the door, Mickey took one look at me and said, “WHAT’S WRONG?!?” I tried to squeak out that I’d had a shot and I’m apparently allergic to it.  He called my dr, found out what I’d been given (rocephin, never had it before) , and they said to get to the ER immediately.  That’s when things went south.  Mickey’s goal was to get me there as quickly as possible.  I was nagging in a whisper not to speed.  Yes, I’m that person.  The hospital is maybe ten minutes from our house, but by the time we were on I-40 I was losing my eyesight.  I whispered, “Everything is so bright.”  That’s the light folks, don’t go into it.  As the doctor later explained to me, that was my heart getting too weak to pump blood to every organ and my eyes were apparently on the list of unnecessary organs.  Everything went completely white, I couldn’t see anything, and that’s when I started to slip in and out of consciousness.  I finally just passed out (imagine poor Mickey driving while all of this happened) - I thought he was holding my hand but he actually had his fingers on my pulse.  This is when, and I’m so glad I wasn’t present for this, I barfed all over myself. According to my hero husband, we arrived at the ER, they wheeled me in, CUT OFF MY FAVORITE SHIRT AND BRA (I’ll never get over that), gave me epinephrine and some other stuff, and (I can’t believe I’m sharing this) - I pooped.  As soon as I was conscious again I apologized over and over and over.  The nice doctor said “You were dying, that’s what the body does.”  If I’d had a voice above a whisper I would have explained to him that I’ve spent 36 years working a plan to never fart or poop near my husband.  Now I had barfed, pooped, passed out, and given him reason to believe that he’d have to make his own dinner for the rest of his life.  Sure, the corn dog industry would have gotten a boost, but I couldn’t let that happen.  As minutes ticked by and I became more present and the allergic reaction faded, I shivered violently and Mickey had them put heated blankets on me.  Best present he ever gave me. Ahhhh.  After  several hours in the ER where I guess they had to make sure that the epinephrine wouldn’t give me a heart attack or stroke, I was discharged.  Since they’d cut off my clothes, I was given two hospital gowns, one for the front, one for the back to wear out to the car.  I looked like an escapee. At least I wasn’t dragging an IV pole.  As we got into the car, I told Mickey how weird this seemed, to go through something like that and then just leave in your car and have a normal conversation.  I’m sure the good folks at the ER see it all the time, but it’s not something I’ve ever dealt with.  So weird.  I nearly went to the great beyond and then we just went home, ordered pizza (we’d both missed lunch -tragedy!), and laughed over some tv shows.  I’m not trying to make a big deal of it, it was just weird.   I was exhausted so I went to bed earlier than usual, which explains why I was up to watch the beautiful pink and purple sunrise this morning and do some early blogging.  So there it is, our Friday afternoon fun.  I’m supposed to carry an EpiPen now, I guess in case I accidentally fall into a vat of Rocephin?  You can bet that I’ll write NO ROCEPHIN on my forehead in Sharpie before a dr appointment.  My medical records have been updated to reflect that allergy, so I don’t think there’s a danger of this happening again.  Mickey has clearly stated that I am not to ever see a doctor when he is out of town. Hahaha!  I think he had it worse yesterday than I did.  He had to watch.  Which brings me to something cool - I was unconscious when we got to the ER, I don’t remember getting there, going in,etc.  But at some point I saw myself.  I was an observer.  I was on the gurney and there was a room full of people - putting EKG leads on me, hustling around, doing ER stuff..and as I watched I thought, “Oh, that’s ME on the table..” no panic, just interest.  I also remember a nurse (I guess) asking me standard questions, and I refused to give my weight.  I’d already been humiliated by the barf and poop, apparently I wanted to exit with some dignity.  Geez. So today is a new day and I’ll be doing exciting things like cleaning out the cat litter boxes and making a grocery list.  Nothing has ever sounded so nice.  Then I think I’ll make a little folder about what should happen when I die for keeps.  I want my ashes scattered in Salem.  I want a party with good food where everyone is required to bring and read a joke.  I want fun music and if people would dance that would make it just perfect.  And I want this Mary Oliver quote somewhere - 
“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.” Life really is amazing, even the rocky parts. Don’t you think?  Now I think I’ll go stroll the gardens and be amazed by my baby tomatoes and green beans.  I’ll be amazed at the speed of tiny hummingbirds. But mostly I’m amazed that the people I love so deeply love me right back. Life is good.
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dontshootmespence · 7 years
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Pancakes, Pampering & The Perfect Day
A/N: An anon request for the anon that is just having a rough day and in need of fluff. The reader is feeling awful and Spencer does whatever he can to make her feel better. @coveofmemories
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“What’s wrong?” Spencer said softly as he saw you sitting on the couch and staring off into the distance. “You feeling okay?”
Physically, you were fine. But you’d woken up this morning in a funk and didn’t know how to get out of it. Sometimes that just happened and there was little you could do but wait for it to pass. He could see it on your face. “Just one of those days?”
“Yea,” you said. “Sorry. It’s your day off. I wish I could snap out of it for you.”
He walked toward you and placed a kiss on the top of your head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got plans.” As you brought the blanket over yourself and relaxed into the couch, allowing the sun to stream over you, Spencer went into the kitchen and started making himself breakfast. You hadn’t eaten yet, but you weren’t in the mood to get up. Before you knew it, there was a plate of food in front of your face. “Chocolate chip pancakes,” he smiled. The pancake was smiling too; he made the chocolate chips into a happy face.
“You’re too cute,” you smiled. “And too good to me.” You tilted your head back and pursued your lips for a kiss before he went back to make his own pancakes. After he finished making his own, your apartment smelled completely of chocolate chip cookies. The warm feeling wafting over your body and making you feel a little bit better. You should have it smell like chocolate chips all the time - maybe you’d be permanently in a good mood. 
Without a word, Spencer came to sit by your side as he ate his breakfast. He’d forgotten to make coffee, so once he was done, he got up and made you both a cup before returning to your bedroom for something - you weren’t sure what. “What’s that?” you asked, not having looked over to see what it was. 
“Just get up,” he said. “Don’t look, get up and sit back down when I tell you to.” You got up, keeping your eyes closed as you rose off the couch and heard him sit down. “Go ahead, sit in my lap.” Once you sat down, you realized what he was doing - brushing your hair. You loved having your hair played with.
“What’s this for?” you asked groggily.
Continuing his gentle brushes down your waves of hair, you practically fell asleep in his lap. “You don’t feel great, so I’m going to do all of the things that normally make you feel better until tonight when you can go to bed and undoubtedly wake up feeling fine.” That’s normally what happened. Once you went to sleep, you woke up wondering what you were so sad about. “When I’m done, you’ll go get changed and we’re gonna go out.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
After he finished brushing your hair, you could barely get up you were so relaxed. “I could literally sit here all day and have you do that.” But eventually, you were able to push yourself up and go get changed. Nothing but loose shirts and baggy pants for you today - you didn’t feel like putting in an effort whatsoever. “Will you tell me where we’re going now?”
“Nope,” he smiled, grabbing your hand and leading you down the stairs. Once you were down the street, you figured out where he was taking you. It was your favorite vintage clothing store. You hadn’t bought anything for yourself in a while, so maybe today was a day you could treat yourself. “Look around and buy whatever you want,” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist. “But whatever you try on, you have to show me.”
“Deal,” you giggled, turning back to take his lips in yours. Thankfully, there weren’t too many people around, so you allowed the kiss to linger instead of breaking it off. Over the next two hours, you tried on every weird vest, unique shirt and wacky pair of pants you could find. Then you saw a dress. “This is beautiful,” you said walking across the store to pick it up. The owner was right nearby. “Where did you get this from?”
“We have someone in the area that loves to sew these kinds of dresses, so we buy from her occasionally,” he said. It would be the perfect cosplay outfit. 
“Try it on,” you heard Spence say from behind you. As you went into the little dressing room they had and slipped on the tight, corseted, intricate dress, you wondered how much it cost. This was great work. The sewing was impeccable. The material was nice. Then you saw the tag. $450. Dammit. Whatever, you could still try it on and see how it looked. “How does it look?” he asked from outside. 
“I don’t know,” you said, opening the curtain and showing him. “I looked at the price tag, so I’m not going to look at it lest I fall in love with it.” Awed, he stood up and came up behind you to tie up the corset as best he could. It was a navy blue victorian dress. The kind that a woman in the late 1800s would wear out on any given day. “You look beautiful. What cosplay would you do for this?”
“Vanessa Ives!” you said, immediately tempering yourself when you remembered the price tag.
It dawned on him who you were talking about. “But then we couldn’t go in a couple’s costume.”
“Sure we could. You would be Mr. Ethan Chandler and I would be Vanessa Ives. You would make a cute Ethan. Got a great butt, like he does,” you said, playfully grabbing his butt and planting a kiss on his lips. “But it’s expensive as all hell, so I’m going to go with those crazy pink and blue pants I found for pajama pants.”
You were excited about wearing them to bed tonight. Spencer paid for them, even though you wanted to pay for yourself. So you looked around the store while he paid and returned with your bag in hand. “Now, we are going to go take a walk in the park, have an Italian Ice at the place next to the park that you like so much and then tonight, I’m going to draw you a nice bath with the lavender salts you like and then you can wear your crazy new pants to bed,” he said with a smile.
“Have I said you’re too good to me?” you laughed. You still didn’t feel great - there was a lingering sadness you couldn’t explain, but you would’ve been much worse off if it hadn’t been for him.
“You have, but I’m not. That’s what you do when you love someone.” The walk around the park was leisurely and perfect. The flowers were just beginning to bloom and the wind skimming off the lake was deliciously warm. “You gonna get a lemon ice?” he asked as you walked into the shop and placed your orders - lemon for you, as always, and cherry for him. It was always either cherry or cotton candy for him. The big baby. 
Once you finished your ices, you decided to head back to the apartment and take a nap while Spencer made dinner, a stir fry recipe you loved. “Wake up,” he said softly about an hour later. “I have a bath going.”
“I love you,” you mumbled as you got up. You did feel a hell of a lot better. Sleep is always what worked for you. “You gonna join me?”
“You want me to?” he asked hopefully. As if a bath with a naked, wet Spencer wouldn’t solve all your problems. “Go get in. I’ll be right there.”
You thought you heard the door open, but minutes after you sunk into the warmth of the tub, Spencer followed, slipping in butt naked behind you so you could lean against him. “This is nice. Thank you for today.”
“It’s no problem,” he said. “You feel better?”
“Yea, I do.”
“Then it was worth it,” he said softly as he kissed your ear. About 15 minutes later, the water had cooled, so Spencer got out, you drained the water and then he lifted you out and dried you off. It was so lazy, but you were really enjoying it.  When you walked into your bedroom, sans clothing, ready to put on your new loud pajama pants, you saw it hanging on the wall. The dress you tried on earlier.
“You bought that?” you asked, realizing how much money he spent on you today. “Why did you do that? It was so expensive.”
“It’s cosplay,” he said shrugging his shoulders. “Totally worth it in my opinion. “Plus, you look beautiful in it.”
You hopped into his arms, kissing all over his face for being such an amazing human being. “How about I wear my new pants tomorrow?” you winked.
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sarahburness · 5 years
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The Beauty of Doing Nothing: Why I’ve Embraced Being Unproductive
“Every good cause is worth some inefficiency.” ~Paul Samuelson
I made a mess yesterday. The mess is still there. Who knows when the mess will disappear.
The mess provided me with one of those sense-pleasing plates of food that lingers in the mind long after the last bite. The kind that makes you wonder if there is a rhyme and reason to our world after all. A plate of food so delectable it provided a raison for my être. (If only for a little while.)
But this story is not about the art of nourishing oneself. It is about dirty dishes and unfolded laundry. And also a little about unfulfilled potential and the beauty of living in the maybe.
You see, I have been living rather inefficiently lately. To-do lists have been decorating the inside of my recycling bin. I’ve been measuring my progress by the amount of naps taken, and I have forgone the opportunity to expand my productivity. Because productivity requires focused effort. And lately, effort has been spilling left and right, wasted a little here and a little there.
I’ve consciously decided to use my time frivolously, dipping in and out of idleness like a bag of crispy treats.
This newfound way of organizing my days still feels very fresh and raw to me. It comes after years of optimizing every aspect of my life. Formerly, I neatly arranged my life into one-hour timeslots in an attempt to mold a perfect career, body, and even perfect relationships. I tracked my success with a meticulous timesheet. And success I had (or so I thought).
I was ticking off one accomplishment after the other and always strived to be, do, and have more. Although strenuous, the method worked. Until one day, it didn’t.
About two years ago I woke up and nothing worked anymore. My body had decided to no longer cooperate with my frantic behavior. It had simply been worked too hard for too long, and it had nothing left to give.
Stubborn as I was, I treated my worn-out body like a new project. I took every vitamin in the book, quit sugar, quit gluten—basically quite everything tasty—did #yogaeverydamnday, went on social media detoxes, and hopped from one alternative healer to the next.
Nothing helped, and I became increasingly desperate. I had developed stubborn back pains, anxiety-inducing tinnitus, and crippling insomnia. My concoction of remedies did pretty much nothing for me. My will to live plummeted with each misshapen step to health.
And then a little (and at the same time big) miracle happened.
I decided to simply let go. I surrendered to the sleepy eyes and the fuzzy brain and the profound, yet inexplicable sadness inside of me. I let go of trying to make it go away.
I tossed my strict diet and exercise regimes in the bin. I didn’t meditate anymore at times when I would rather sleep, or spend money on health practitioners at times when I would rather spend money on a movie ticket.
I simply let go and accepted my current reality. I gave in to the impermanence of life and accepted that I could no longer do what I was once able to do. In return, I have received a gloriously inefficient approach to life and a deep sense of the present moment.
Let me illustrate what this means with a typical Saturday in my current life:
6.30 AM – I wake up in accordance with my natural body clock. I vow to no longer wake up so early on weekends.
9.00 AM – I am still in bed.
9.15 AM – I get up and make myself a simple porridge. I proceed to eat this for the next hour and a half. The porridge gets cold halfway through. I vow to eat a little quicker next time.
11.45 AM – I proceed to alternate between reading my book and dosing off for short periods of time.
2.00 PM – I have a short lunch and contrast this with a long stroll in the park afterward.
4:00 PM – I make an attempt to write, but mainly just stare at a blank piece of paper. I vow to stare at a blank piece of paper more often.
5 PM – I start preparing a meal. I don’t use a recipe, but the dish is surprisingly tasty. I vow to use fewer recipes going forward.
7.00 PM – I pick up my book but decide to do a mindful stretch instead.
9.00 PM – I wanted to do a meditation before bed, but the stretching has lulled me into a sleep-like state. After a day of doing nothing much at all—especially not the dishes—I go to bed early.
I vow to do the dishes tomorrow. Or perhaps the day after tomorrow. (I have no intention of keeping any of my vows.)
I know there are still so many runs to be ran, works to be worked on, and loves to be loved.
But lately all the runs and the works and the loves have had to wait. Wait in order to make room for all the nothings I have been neglecting for too long. The nothings that have been patiently accumulating in my mind and are now pouring out with urgency.
Nothing has been more important than those nothings and the inefficiencies that come along with them. There are, of course, still occasional runs and works and loves. But mainly a lot of naps.
When life doesn’t move forward it moves backward, they say. But was life really that backward, back in the day? What I mean to say is that it seems silly to me. To run around and produce all of the greatness. Greatness that allows us to be seen, and heard, and held, and kept. By our friends and our lovers, our colleagues and our neighbors. Yet is it good to be great? Or is it greater to just be? Like a two-year-old child. Like back in the day.
The neighbors’ grass might be greener, but I wonder if they have time to lie on it.
To look at the clouds passing by. To feel the breeze on their cheeks and hear the birds in their ears. To dream about the life they’ve lived so far. The life to come. And the life better left for another round. The neighbors might have cleaned their dishes, but I doubt their naps are as glorious as mine.
Perhaps tomorrow I will be productive again. After all, balance is key. But not today.
Because today, I risk wasting my time for a chance at feeling alive.
About Lizzy Dean
Lizzy is a dreamer and a writer from the UK. After a health crisis in 2016, she now chronicles her attempts at cultivating a slower and more meaningful life on her blog Lizzyfied. On this platform, she explores how to live in the question and anchor into the present in a non-judgemental and (self-)compassionate way.
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