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tiffanylamps · 2 years

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I think it’s funny/interesting that Han Juwon was like “She’s an alien/foreigner! She won’t be missed! No one would notice!” (I’m paraphrasing a lil) about Lee Geumhwa when he himself spent a decade abroad (literally abandoned) with no one to speak of.

The thoughts that invade my mind when I’m late to class, really T-T

So, I had to let this sit with me for a day or two. Cause... Han Joo Won is so frustrating sometimes. I've looked up the scene when Joo Won and Han Ki Hwan argue over Joo Won's connection to Lee Geum Hwa's murder. I checked two different versions and the wording Joo Won uses is-

"But she was an illegal alien! They cannot identify her. Even if they do, there is no evidence that ties me to this woman. Everything they have will be circumstantial." (Episode 3)

I have three interpretations of Joo Won's feelings toward Lee Geum Hwa (in this scene) and I'll overexplain them to you now.

During this point in the show, Joo Won knows Lee Geum Hwa has been murdered by the serial killer he has been investigating for 9 months. In the past twenty years, Joo Won is the only officer (that we know of) that has taken an active interest in the Manyang cold case and figured out how it connects to the Busan killings.

He used Lee Geum Hwa for his sting operation. He leveraged his position of power over her and used the fact that she was in the country illegally (and the fact that she was a sex worker) against her. He forced her to comply with what he wanted to do, despite the fact she didn't freely consent to it and the fact that the plan completely disregarded her safety. Her compliance was given under duress/blackmailing and her life was taken as a result.

Joo Won's actions lead to Lee Geum Hwa's murder. Without him, it's pretty safe to assume that Geum Hwa would've lived. Joo Won didn't actively kill her but because he abused his power, he became one of the main reasons for her untimely death.

And it is tearing him apart.

(whenever Joo Won thinks about Geum Hwa, he drinks alone in his flat)

Joo Won isn't a bad person. He made a terribly selfish decision, which he carelessly did not execute with any sense of tact whatsoever. He should never have done that sting operation alone and shouldn't have left Geum Hwa to fend for herself. Side note: I seriously don't understand how he could receive her text messages and not tell anyone! He knew she had contact with the killer and then... silence... he doesn't hear from her again and he didn't inform anyone. wtf jw.

I think this is the worst thing Joo Won has ever done. I think what happened between him and Dong Sik is waaaaay more of a grey area in comparison to this! He treated Geum Hwa like she wasn't human! He treated her the way the majority of sex workers are viewed by the general public: expendable and less-than (human).

The reason Joo Won uses the term "illegal alien" (which is probably a funky translation) is because he mimics the language his father uses.

"... and find out your team was looking into the massage shop case with illegal aliens?"

In this scene, Joo Won is desperate! He is riddled with guilt and misplaced anger (he's placing all of the blame and his anger onto the killer instead of himself) for what has happened. He wants to make it right, he wants to find out who did this to Geum Hwa so he can make amends with her and absolve himself.... But at this point in time, he won't take responsibility for what he's done.

In this scene, Joo Won is running away from his involvement because his guilt is too much for him to bear. He doesn't want to face the gravity of his actions, because he if were to, it would destroy him... and it does, partially, when he faces it in episode 4/5.

So, he dismissive her to make "the issue" sound smaller. To make himself feel better. (which is a super human thing to do when you're in denial)

Also, he's talking to his father in this scene and Joo Won is pretty good at knowing when to adjust to his audience. His father wants Joo Won to be like him: methodical, logical, emotionless, "perfect" (which is all bullshit because HKH is none of those things). So, that's who Joo Won tries to be around him. It's a survival tactic that he's learnt over the years but it's not who Joo Won is. HKH and Joo Won are both painfully aware that Joo Won is an emotional man, who requires emotional support (gosh, i wonder why??? can't think of a reason lol). But Han Ki Hwan is never going to give him that.

^ See how badly he wants his father to support and reassure him? Despite Joo Won not liking Han Ki Hwan, he still desperately wants him to be his father. Joo Won wasn't raised or brought up by his parents, so in moments of high stress, he seems to revert back to child-like qualities, almost as if he hasn't been taught how to deal with his emotions in a responsible way. So, in this moment of true desperation, Joo Won diminishes Geum Hwa's personhood to a title because 1) of his own guilt and 2) because he wants his father's support.

I can see why he's not acting like a mature adult in this situation. Joo Won was brought up by nannies and was sent to England at the age of 7. He seems to be kind of emotionally underdeveloped because he's never been given the space to express himself or deal with his emotions in a healthy manner before they become explosive. Han Ki Hwan and Joo Won both have explosive tempers, which is either a part of their genetics or it's a response to stress that Joo Won has learnt from his father.

Joo Won was abandoned by his parents at the age of 7. He was shipped to a foreign country on a different continent and left to fend for himself. What that does a child, I don't know, but it doesn't seem to have done any good. So, the third reason I believe Joo Won is so dismissive of Geum Hwa is because he's projecting:

No one cared about me. No one checked up on me. I was left alone, etc, etc.

Joo Won felt abandoned and so he projects those feelings and experiences onto Geum Hwa to lessen the blow that Geum Hwa does have a family... in China*. Who might never find out what happened to her but might like to know.

So, the implication of "she won’t be missed! No one would notice!” is definitely there in his actions.

Han Joo Won narrows Lee Geum Hwa down to a single short sentence because it's easier for him to deal with her when she is dehumanised. Instead of seeing her as a whole human being with wants and friends and desires, with a family, with a life, that isn't any less valuable than Joo Won's own. No matter her immigration status or job title, she mattered. And he treated her like she was nothing more than a chess piece on his big clever board, instead of a woman (that he probably had a few things in common with).

*I hope I'm remembering that correctly lol

(Episode 4, post panic attack: Joo Won sitting all night by the reed field he found Geum Hwa's body in, instead of going home)

but you know why I love Joo Won so much?? He grows, learns, and reveals. Joo Won deeply cares about what happened to Geum Hwa, it's why he went to Manyang. He needed to be the one to make it right, he needs to remember her, to respect her in death because he didn't do it in life. He wants to make amends for his actions and it makes him soooo human and flawed... but good. Han Joo Won does bad things but it doesn't mean he is a bad person... and I just... yeah, he means a lot to me.

So.... yeah.... I don't know if I have expressed my thoughts in a coherent way. I'm going to shut up now. I must have a "too-much" gene because this is truly a ramble of all rambles. I won't keep you hostage any longer! Thank you for the ask, I always appreciate them! Please never hesitate to them send them my way <3

TL;DR: jw talks shit about lgh because 1) he's guilty and can't deal 2) he wants a support system 3) he's projecting

(I hope I'm not coming across as being soft on him. he's responsible for his own actions. no amount of daddy issues will take away the fact that he did a bad thing)

#beyond evil #jtbc beyond evil #han juwon #han joo won #answered #when will i learn to give short answers???#I don't really feel like this post has a coherent thought process to it but it's the best you're getting from me rn #TLDR: jw talks shit about lgh because 1) he's guilty and can't deal #2) he wants a support system #3) he's projecting

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kronos999 · 3 years

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Joss Whedon is over

Walter Hamada was promoted for trying to squash Ray’s investigation into Joss. Toby Emmerich knew WHAT HE DID and covered for him and got promoted at WB.

And to every one of you who ignored Ray Fisher because you hate Zack Snyder and want to think he’s the worst person in Hollywood you can get fucked.

Glad we came to this TED talk.

#joss whedon #ray fisher #buffy #cordelia chase #buffy summers #jw is a serial abuser #he abused a child

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soft-sunflower · 4 years

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Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 8

Alright, so we start off back in the unparents' house and we're now in Fall of 2005, so it's been a bit since Hyunsoo was hit by the car. And it would seem that he completely realizes he's a prisoner in that house, regardless of if he's comfortable or not. And it would seem it was the unfather's idea to change his name. Here's the thing, why are they wanting Hyunsoo to pretend to be their kid...? That shit is confusing AF to me. They're gonna turn him over to the police if he doesn't cooperate? What's in it for them? And their son is the one in a coma, so what did the unmother do? Bash him over the head or something? It's clear she's got some serious mental issues of her own. I wonder exactly what she did to that boy to put him in a coma for that long?? Hmmm...

I'm really starting to get worried for Hyunsoo and Jiwon now... like, REALLY worried... She's tracking his every movement, which I just don't know how I feel about that. I mean I get it. She's a detective, there's a possibility her husband might be a murderer or an accomplice to murder. When he gets back into bed and JW calls him out for being a liar, I got stressed... I wasn't sure if she was gonna confront him right there in their house or not, but ughhh. She's beginning to push him away, to keep her distance. HS is noticing something isn't right with their happy marriage, to the fact that he could tell she was angry/upset. Then she tells him point black she is not angry. Bullshit, woman. It just feels unsettling to me... how much they are both lying to each other now. And he doesn't like the fact that his wife won't face him. Her facing him gives him comfort, is what I got out of this. He's trying so hard here to pretend that his life has not been shaken, but it has... it's slowly crumbling now and the crumbling and beginning to move a little faster. Closer and closer to a full on landslide that his life is about to become.

Okay, so... the next part I want to talk about is where Hyunsoo is reunited with his Noona, Haesu after 18 years of not seeing each other really tugged at the heartstrings. Moojin actually makes it so they can meet, so I can't really fault him on this one. You could tell he was really surprised by Noona hugging him and crying as hard as what she was. Like why? Would you want to hold onto me? Why would you cry over me? Why would you feel anything in regards to me? He tell her straight up his reason for coming to her is selfish, but that he genuinely needs her help. I actually got very choked up during this scene. Jang Heejin sold it. She's amazing. Her desperation, her happiness and sadness and overwhelming amounts of guilt over the fact that her brother gave up his own life just to make sure that his sister lived safely and well. These poor siblings... they've gone through so many terrible things. It's so sad to see the pain they're in.

The scene of the flashback of who murdered the village foreman was WOW. I recall episode 1 making it look like Hyunsoo actually performed the murder but he didn't. Instead, he wipes and smears blood all over himself and tells Noona to give him the weapon. There was no way he was going to let his sister's life be ruined. He wanted his sister to live an ordinary life, and HE takes the blame. HE takes the fall. HE utterly SACRIFICES his own life so his Noona can live hers. And Noona can't move on with her life. Even after 18 years. She can't live normally. She suffers from the guilt over the fact that she killed someone but even moreso that her brother took the fall for her to protect her. And I KNEW as soon as she admitted to killing him, that the village foreman did SOMETHING to her. I'm not surprised at all that he attacked her either, considering that it's now confirmed he's performed more than just one exorcism on Hyunsoo. What a messed up man...

Also, their hug. I mean wow. Noona screaming and crying at him "How could you ask if I've been well!?" My heart clenched up for her. This poor woman. Even though it was Hyunsoo's decision, she is STILL living with all of that remorse. I loved watching Hyunsoo wrap his arms around her and hold her. I'm so happy that he has his Noona back. I really am. I feel like she is going to be a positive catalyst for many things for Hyunsoo in the future, provided the poor thing gets out of all this alive... I'm worried about her and for her, honestly.

The ungrandma seems to be slowly warming up more and more to Eunha, doesn't she? Making her food and feeding it to her because the little one doesn't know how to hold her chopsticks properly? I thought that was honestly very sweet. There's a lot of underlying things here about this woman. She seems to have suffered her own trauma, and I wonder what it is she's done and been through as a result? The creepy ungrandpa gives off some really scary vibes... abusive and murderous almost. The way he slaps his wife across the face when all she wants is some happiness in her home again... The way Eunha was sitting there eating and it made her emotional and she loses it on her over that? This poor woman just wants some normalcy. I'm starting to feel a bit for her.

The scene where HS is proudly showing Noona has family in his phone is the sweetest thing. Even Noona declares that he has changed a lot from how he was when they were kids. What really warmed my heart was how he talked about how Eunha and Jiwon have the same face and how she's just like her mother. I love how he explained that he made sure his daughter was being raised properly, that she didn't lack the ability to feel like he does, that he made sure of this as he raised her. Hyunsoo is truly an amazing father. But what also breaks my heart is how he looks at himself... as this unfeeling creature that he did not want his daughter to be like. That was a hard pill to swallow. Maybe he doesn't realize, but that screams a rather heavy dislike, maybe even hatred, of himself. However, his soft smiles as he shares his family with Noona does not seem forced or fake. I don't think he realizes how much he truly does love his little family.

Okay, Jiwon has been there almost the whole time listening??? Did she hear the warm things he said about her and Eunha before Haesu asks if he loves her? I wonder... but I will say this, he may not understand or know what the feeling of love feels like but he most definitely loves Cha Jiwon, and I think that Noona will help him discover and learn this. He needs her, he wants her, he doesn't want things to change, he's desperate for them to stay the same. Maybe he truly believes that he does not love her because that's how he's been made to believe and feel his entire life, his brain warped and twisted in ungodly ways to believe that he's a monstrous person without any ability to feel those emotions. That nobody loves him, and that he is not capable of love so therefore he does not understand what the emotion of love feels like. He can't recognize it because as of right now, it simply does not compute for him because this is what severe causes of trauma does to a person.

You can see the moment where JW's heart breaks and my heart ached for her... There has got to be a way that JW can understand what's happened to him, and what he's been put through and that he CAN be helped and he CAN be treated for it. He CAN be fixed because this isn't something he was born with. This is something that happened due to trauma. I will say though through all of that conversation JW listened in on, she did find out that her husband is NOT a murderer NOR was an accomplice to any of the serial killings. And when she's videochatting with her baby girl and her mother, it was so realistically done. The drawing Eunha made for her parents of their happy little home probably destroyed her heart just a little more to see it knowing the truth that she knows now. Their "I love you so much" exchange was the sweetest thing. At the end of the day, she's still a mommy and she still as a daughter to care for and love in their home, no matter how much her heart may be shredded, life goes on.

And that leads her to destroying the bag, burning every single thing in it, including the tape recorder. Why did she do that? Because she still loves him, because she knows he's not a killer nor an accomplice, anything that rumors painted him to be. There is no reason to catch him and bring him in, but her heart is breaking over it all because of how much she loves her husband, and now she's at a loss. She doesn't know what to do. So she burns the "evidence." She agrees to let him live as Baek Heeseong.

The scene with HS and JW sitting outside their home having a beer together BROKE MY HEART. SHATTERED IT. I'm sorry, he may not recognize it, but with everything he just said about her and so tenderly does not play out like an act to me. They way he looks at her and speaks to her... It tell me he loves her, even if he can't understand it, by calling her innocent, pure, quick to laugh, short tempered, quick to sulk, but also quick to forgive... the forgive line HURTS because what if she's not quick to forgive this time...? Because she says she's easily fooled and is gullible, and of course all HS does is laugh and say he disagrees.

They talk about their home, the anniversary of their moving in, their housewarming party, how fun it was and how she was so truly happy that day... and my heart just hurts even more. And now she's saying for him to keep living his life for their daughter's sake, but that her final gift to him as they will part ways...!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I ACTUALLY SCREAMED NO AT THIS BECAUSE EVEN IF HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT, HE NEEDS HER SO MUCH. HOW TF IS THAT A GIFT, JIWON!? IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE DOES LOVE YOU. HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE EMOTION BUT HE DOES. GOD HE DOES. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

The "Do you love me?" and the hand kissing scene... ugh god. My heart is just in serious pain at this point for these two. I'm hurting so much because of this. He can't answer her question, because he truly does not understand the feeling of love, but look at how he is with her? He's so tender with her, he's so affectionate, he's gentle, treating her like she's a package made of glass. Everything physical that he does with her, the way he looks at her, shows that yes he does in fact love her. Though JW is heartbroken and just believes that he's lying, but he has shown time and time through all of these tender caresses and gestures, that he most definitely does love her. (Side note, she took her wedding ring off... at work... *sobs*)

Next scene I want to talk about is something that I theorized on and I was CORRECT. I CALLED THIS. Remember the puppy? I theorized in episodes 6 and 7 that Hyunsoo's father made him do horrible things to animals, such as drowning a puppy. Now here we are with him and the bunny and I am SICKENED because I was RIGHT and did not WANT to be right but I was... At first you think he's giving his son a pet, but nope. He's giving his son an animal... to kill. I want to point out something. Look at how the father holds the defenseless bunny? He holds it by the scruff. Look at how Hyunsoo takes the bunny. He cradles it in his arms. If he wanted to harm that animal, he would've taken it by the scruff too. That child was FORCED to harm animals because of his psychotic father, and he was probably threatened into doing it or he'd be punished.

"Do you what you want with it. You can use your hands or tools. I'll just... sit and watch." He was trying to MOLD and GROOM this poor innocent child into being just like him... into being a murderous, monstrous demon of a man. And it explains even MORE as to WHY Hyunsoo has so many mental health issues. Because of his father. His sick, twisted-minded father. It's so disgusting the way he's warped and abused this poor child... and now it makes me wonder just WHAT his father did to him in that basement if he was forcing him to kill small animals and he was just watching... ugh. I can't even imagine what this baby went through. I can't. I don't WANT to. BUT I CALLED IT! I CALLED IT THAT HIS FATHER MADE HIM DO SCREWED UP SHIT LIKE THIS!!! And the way Do Minseok looks at Hyunsoo just utterly sickens me...

Okay... so... I have a theory about the unfather, but I could be way off the mark. Yes, it would appear he knows and has kept in touch with the accomplice at some point. That's an old phone he has, BUT... is there a snowball's chance in hell that HE could be the accomplice? Think about this... he's cold, he's scary, he controls Hyunsoo with fear, and was FURIOUS when Hyunsoo didn't kill the taxi driver. He had everything set up and ready for him to go, he provided everything Hyunsoo needed to commit the murder. Had Hyunsoo committed that murder? He would've been the accomplice to the murder of the taxi driver, soooo... he's connected to all of this in SOME way and has far too much interested in Hyunsoo to the point that he imprisoned him in his home and threatened to have him turned in if he didn't pretend to be their son...? Hmmm...

Moojin, you're funny sometimes but you're a real piece of work and I don't mean that nicely either. The fact that you would even have the NERVE to say anything to Hyunsoo about revealing his true self to his wife after the way you treated Noona speaks volumes about you. Hyunsoo not capable of feeling my ass. He is. And he's had enough of Moojin, to the point that he was ready to leave, ready to storm right out calling the man useless. I do love that Hyunsoo respects Noona enough to listen to her when she tells him to sit down. I like that Noona was able to get him to sit and listen to her. I like that she's slowly starting to help release some of the emotional repression in him by encouraging him to say what he feels most desperately at this very moment. I truly and strongly believe that she knows this is proof of him not being capable of processing emotion properly is due to his trauma.

Severe trauma, like your own father making you kill animals for fun while he watches so he can try and mold you into what he is, for example, can and most definitely WILL have this sort of effect on a person from a young age. I'm wagering a guess that Hyunsoo was never shown and taught these proper emotions, and when Noona pushes him he seems almost, dare I say, panicked as if he's trying to convince her he doesn't know? Is this a defense mechanism? Hmmm... Also, the fact that he did not become this way til their mother disappeared...? I'm still dying to know what happened there. I hope we find out next week, but I digress.

I love how Noona calls him out telling him he has changed, that he never wanted anything before but now he does. And she knows it and he does too, and so he says it, and his expressions hurt me. He can't even look at anyone as he expresses what he's feeling, what he wants. It's almost like he's ashamed to express what he's feeling. What he wants is just honestly so simplistic it's painful, because may not get what he wants...

He doesn't want to lose his life. His wife, his daughter, his job. He wants to keep living as Baek Heeseong. He wants to get up every morning and get his baby girl off to school, he wants to prepare meals for his family, he wants to kiss and be with his wife, he wants to keep working in as a metal craftsman, he wants his life to stay the same. He doesn't want his dark past being revealed to Jiwon. He just wants his normalcy. We just took our first step into HS finally speaking about how he feels! This is the first step in hopefully unlocking all of those repressed emotions he's kept locked up all these years.

Speaking of Jiwon, she is one slick chick. Sneaky sneaky, Jiwon showing up at Moonjin's apartment while he fakes illness. Very clever. Though I had to kinda chuckle a bit at their collective sigh of relief and Moojin's peace sign and HS's half-grin and eyeroll at him before she shows up at the door. The shocked look on Moojin's face and the smug grin on Jiwon's, omg... What a mess! Poor Hyunsoo though... when he hears his wife show up at Moojin's door and her pushiness on the case, the very idea of her finding out anything sends him into another panic attack, and he's clutching his heart as if it's in pain.

I feel like his inability to express emotion is beginning to manifest itself in a more physical way through these anxiety and panic attacks he's starting to have. Like the emotional repression is too much and has no other way out now beyond severe anxiety and panic. Moojin's shitty comments about Jiwon not staying by his side if she knew his true self probably struck something in him. And now here she is, and she's closing in on everything. It's getting scary for Hyunsoo now. But then he appears at the door in front of his wife, looking calm, collected and chill. The looks like they exchange...

AND OH MY GOD THE REAL HEESEONG IS AWAKE. HIS MOTHER TRIED TO KILL HIM BY UNDOING HIS LIFE SUPPORT BUT HE WOKE UP!? How is Hyunsoo gonna be able to live as Baek Heeseong now!? I don't have words, but UGH! HOW AM I GONNA WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE!!! Feel free to send me any asks you want about this drama because I'm completely invested and HOOKED.

#flower of evil #lee joon gi #moon chae won #jang hee jin #do hyun soo #baek hee seong #cha ji won #lee joongi #moon chaewon #lee jun ki #lee junki #jang heejin #do hyunsoo #baek heeseong #cha jiwon

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augusteofarles · 4 years

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Thoughts on FoE episode 9 because my monkey brain can’t think about anything else:

We start the episode with a toothachingly sweet flashback of HS and JW moving into their new house where HS gets on his knees at the baby’s level and clears his throat to speak to her!???!!! Because he’s worried her hearing organs are still in development?!!!!!

and then proceeds to gently put his hands on her belly and speak to her (send help??!!! )

So anyway I found this flashback very interesting and telling because it’s almost like we see Hyun-soo in the beginning stages of becoming the HS we know now: the perfect husband who does everything he can to please his wife through gestures because he thinks that’s the only way he can keep her by his side. He’s not yet perfected it, we can see that he’s more awkward than normal, the fake smiles aren’t quite hitting and he seems almost nervous like he’s gonna blow it any minute (at least that’s how I perceived his acting in this scene). JW tells him she feels like he’s the only one doing everything for him and HS tells her there is something he wants.

We then cut back to the present. JW has caught HS and the gang with their hands in the cookie jar and they proceed to try to fool her with their BS.

(LOL as if the queen can be fooled. The clownery.)

But she plays along with their game. This scene was pretty info heavy but I think this was my fav scene because LOL???

The way I thought that when HS tells MJ to make her (sweet!) coffee was code for putting a sedative in her drink?? but nope. He was wanted to make her happy and less mad at him??

(Look at how pleased he looks with himself like Bro??? Is this the time?)

They proceed to listen to the tape together (which I am still genuinely confused about because is the accomplice talking about the murder of the village head?? If so, wasn’t he murdered after psycho dads suicide?)

JW tells them about the tape she saw and I gotta say as much as a dumb fuckboy. he is I laughed at MJ’s reaction to the fact that HS would grow up to be able to manipulate people

Lmao

Then like most people already suspected it turns out that HS wasn’t the one that killed the puppy but took the blame for his dad. and can I say how happy happy I am that someone is FINALLY standing up for HS??

(4 for you noona, you go noona! And none for Moo-Jin bye.)

She almost comes clean to JW until HS spills the coffee on MJ laptop.

(Moo-fuckboy-Jin tries to get noona back. impeccable priorities dude great job.)

I’m very very intrigued by this small flashback we get of HS and his father. In the theater we see him slumping over for a brief moment.

and HS doesn’t seem too concerned or even surprised? This is really feeding into my theory that HS killed his dad.

We then move to scene where HS experiences his first (of many) heartbreak.jpegs of this episode

ouch.

As for the Baek family, I’m mostly annoyed at their scenes but I felt so bad for the real Hee-sung because he genuinely seems like a good guy? He wakes up and the first thing he does is tell his mom it wasn’t her fault (i wonder what happened there???) and then asks about the guy he hit with his car? I really hope evil unfather (I’m pretty sure @dangermousie was the first to use this word but it’s caught on, thank you queen lmao) doesn’t manipulate and take advantage of him. He wants to switch him back to HS and give him his life like no one will notice? Something tells me he’s going to give HS over to the accomplice because he obviously has ties with him.

We then move to heartbreak #2

this scene hits so much harder when you know what HS asks for in the flashback scene :(((

I think this scene really showcases HS’s mental state. I’d say it’s almost teenager-y, even childish. he’s thinking “if i do these good things for her and please her things will be back to normal.”He genuinely can’t believe that JW stays with him because she loves him as an individual (or that anyone could) but for his actions: taking care of her, cooking for her, smiling for her, being the perfect husband for her and basically living for her. His idea of self is so skewed by his father that his own self worth doesn’t even come to mind.

We then move to probably the funniest and the saddest scene of the show. HS calls an emergency meeting with basically the only 2 people he knows not because he can be caught any day now but because his girl is mad at him :(

(psychopath behavior right here)

He then spends some time being emo in his car, going over through their texts and probably listening to drake

He’s genuinely acting like a teenager who just had his first breakup and it’s kind of funny but if you really look into it, it’s also really tragic because it technically is his first breakup? he never even had a proper childhood let alone teenage experiences and so all of this is genuinely new to him.

I also wanted to mention this creepy ass scene cus holly crap dude

!!!!!! #dominseokdiechallenge

the show continues its tradition of evil people judging HS for being the son of a serial killer while having 0 ounce of self awareness:

and its other tradition of mistreating and abusing Hyun-soo

we then get the softest line of the show

JW decides to trust him one last time and that really makes me wanna talk about this last scene cus I think it’s really important.

ugh this look, she says it’s easy but it’s the one thing that no one has given him with the exception of noona.

this last part obviously shows his unhealthy mindset but it does explain his behavior and makes me wonder what’s going to happen once this world he’s cultivated falls apart. I’m guessing we’re gonna be seeing demon eye-ed psycho dad again soon

#flower of evil #lana watches flower of evil #god i hope this saves this post has been a nightmare to put up

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skinks · 4 years

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no offense but uh why did you laud a fic where a teenager gets fucked by 40 year old men jw

Okay

So here’s the fic in question, in the interest of full disclosure: wanna know that body (like it’s mine)

1. I commented and left kudos on it because I liked it and thought it was very well written. I then deleted my comment when I received an anonymous reply calling me a pedophile, and then an anon a few days ago accusing me of “supporting” child sexual abuse, which induced a severe anxiety attack, because that’s an extremely serious thing to say to someone you know nothing about, over a fanfiction. I hope I don’t need to explain how fucking wrong that accusation is, and I ask that nobody ever implies that about me again.

2. Younger Richie is not underage in the fic. If he were, it would have been tagged as such. The “late teens” caveat in the author’s notes, the reference to sophomore dance being a past event, and the fact that it’s not tagged underage leads me to infer that he’s 18+. I’m not responsible for anyone else’s interpretation of the fic.

3. The main thing is, and I think this is where people may disagree, that I fundamentally believe that you can critically enjoy a piece of fiction without condoning the acts depicted, irl. I would never condone two adults in their forties having sex with an 18/19yo irl, but the fic isn’t real. The scenario is impossible, because there’s no such thing as time travel or selfcest. I find it pointless to argue that someone’s morally bankrupt for writing or reading about something that has never and could never happen.

I believe fiction is a safe way of exploring things we might never condone or want to participate in irl. It’s suspension of disbelief. I can separate my enjoyment of, say, war films, from my very real anti-war and anti-military views, for example.

I can enjoy a film like Four Lions by Chris Morris, but that in no way means I condone terrorism or suicide bombing in reality. I can love a film like Sightseers by Ben Wheatley, but of course that doesn’t mean I condone people casually serial killing in reality. This situation is no different.

4. I think it’s abhorrent to call anyone a pedophile over this, and it trivialises the damage and trauma that real life child abuse causes. So much of the effort put into harassing people on the internet over a story that, let’s face it, nobody is forcing anyone to read, could be put towards helping actual survivors and stopping actual abusers.

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dangermousie · 4 years

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That last episode of FoE had me screaming. I get why JW needs to find out the truth, but for pity’s sake, please stop torturing your husband! He’s gone through enough (worse even than what’s been shown if I’m correct and his dad actually abused him). I also think his dad might have made him throw the dog into the well, probably in some sick bid to make HS like him (like the dad in Come Here and Hug Me). That scene in the basement broke my heart 💔 (1/?)

(cont) Also, that reporter has a lot to answer for. Bad enough he was Hae Soo’s boyfriend, but he was Hyunsoo’s only friend in school and to turn around and do smth like that...! How Hyunsoo isn’t actively a murderer is a miracle. This show has got me hooked but the tension’s so high it’s bad for my blood pressure. I need Jiwon to actually just talk to her husband and sort things out, rather than indirectly interrogating him to find out the truth (2/3)

(cont) But seriously, this drama HAS to have a decent ending. I will not accept anything else for Hyunsoo - and Haesoo, bc she’s suffered just about as much. And on that note, I KNEW it was her who killed the foreman! Don’t think she’s the accomplice, but I knew Hyunsoo had to be taking the fall for someone in the foreman’s murder and who else would it be than his sister? They seem to care abt each other a lot; can’t wait to see them reunited. Phew, rant over :) Hopefully I’ll survive tonight’s ep!

Me: OMG I didn’t even think about the possibility of his dad making him throw a dog into the well but it makes complete sense now that you mention it. Honestly, HS is shockingly functional seeing his environment. How he is actually not a murderer is a miracle.

And it’s a rare drama where my heart utterly breaks for the male lead being put through hell by his one safe person yet at the same time I completely get why Ji Won does what she does and I feel awful for her too. Honestly, provided there is a happy ending (and there better be!), they both need therapy.

Also, I didn’t think so before this ep, not really, but this ep has added me to the “his father abused him in the basement” camp. There is a reason he has such a reaction to that basement and that cage and we see the dog leash in the cage he keeps seeing his father with. I mean, his reaction was way out of proportion to “my perfectly loving and normal dad turned out to have killed people in this basement which was a shock because until I learned about it on the news, he was always the bestest parent ever and my only trauma associated with that basement is learning way after the fact that he killed people there. (Wouldn’t it be wild though if it turns out dad was a normal loving parent artisan framed by his accomplice. Highly unlikely but how wild would that be?)

Re: Moo Jin. I don’t hate Moo Jin (I am in the minority) but until this ep I assumed he was yet another “get away from me freak ok I will put up with you because your sister is hot” villager but to learn he was Hyun Soo’s only friend makes what he did to him so much more unforgivable. I can’t even imagine, tbh, to have your only friend turn on you that way and after the serial killer dad thing. (And then he befriends the deliveryman who bona fide tries to kill him. No wonder he is so skittish around Ji Won at first; it s a wonder instead that he does manage to open up even if it takes her years.)

I am pretty sure the foreman either tried to rape the sister or was otherwise abusing her/HS/both of them. There is no other explanation.

I too want Ji Won to lay all the cards on the table even as I understand why she does not. But I need her to know the truth so badly and to be on his team and to go to bat for him as nobody has ever done so before.

#asks #flower of evil #kdrama

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lqvenderhqzes · 4 years

Text

Dark!Sherlock

I haven’t posted a log here in such a long time but I really enjoyed this roleplay and I’m hoping we can continue!

You: [TW: Abuse, violence, dark!sherlock.] Can you let me out? Please? I want to talk to you –JW John looked around the small room numbly as he put the phone down next to him, waiting for a reply that may never come. He had been locked in the cold and dark room for over a month now and he had not seen or heard anyone, not even Sherlock in that time. He was tired and hungry. Food came every two days and there was always water. John could feel himself going insane with touch starvation and the constant fear that Sherlock would forget him and leave him in the room to die. John had stumbled on Sherlock killing a young man who had been tied to a table and cut almost to the bone in some places. John had been sick at the sight of Sherlock’s wicked grin as he watched the taller man slit the young man’s throat and used John’s moment of weakness to knock him out. He had woken up the next day in the cold room and a note saying he was going to be kept there until Sherlock decided on his fate. (dark!lock, Sherlock has locked John in 221c with a phone that will only text Sherlock and a bed after John found out Sherlock kills people for fun.)

Stranger: Sherlock had to admit that this was probably the least desirable outcome he had been anticipating when John had first started working with him. He didn't have any particular interest in killing him or locking him away as he was doing now, and, although he would be hesitant to admit such a weakness, had even come to consider John a friend. Even worse, as time went on he soon found that he actually /cared/ for the man. It was only when that realization struck that the thought of killing him to rid himself of this weakness even crossed his mind, but that idea had been dismissed just as quickly as it had come. This posed quite the problem for him when John, as nosy as he was ended up catching sight of him in the middle of a kill. It wouldn't do to have John around to blab about what he'd seen...but he couldn't bring himself to kill him either. So, the next best alternative was keeping him locked in 221C. Practically speaking, everything was going perfectly for Sherlock so far. John Watson didn't have much of a family to be worried about his well being, and there were few that questioned his decision to move out of 221B and out of London entirely somewhere further South. It helped that Sherlock kept his blog frequently updated about what he was up to, being sure to mention visits from Sherlock from time to time. Yes, in that regard, everything was going perfectly according to plan. The only problem came from the thing that frequently bothered him about John Watson which were those feelings he had for him. Each day he promised himself that he would end his own, and likely John's, misery, but could never quite bring himself to do so. The truth of the matter was that he /missed/ him. He missed having him on cases, missed their antics together and John's little quips. He missed seeing reminders of John's presence in the flat. But of course, the man had been stupid enough to walk in on him at exactly the wrong time. Letting him go wasn't an option now, and John had no one else to blame but himself for that. Sherlock was angry at John for forcing him to do this, of course, but it was undeniable that even as infuriated as he was he still missed his company, which was what made the last text from John particularly troubling. It would be dangerous to go and talk to John now, surely. And he'd already made it quite clear to himself that letting John out wasn't an option. And yet...it really was rather tempting, just to be able to see him again. But no. He had to remain strong, couldn't let himself fall for any of John's tricks to escape. Then, after a few minutes of careful deliberation, he settled on a sufficient reply for him. Your phone should be a perfectly suitable method of communication. SH

You: John's hands trembled as he placed down the phone and waited for a response, every second of every day he was scared that Sherlock would leave and never come back. He was worried that he would forget about him and he would die down here. But, food kept coming and that was enough for him to know that at least Sherlock didn't want him dead. Just staying alive right now was important, if he could manage that then he could potentially get out of here. He had tried everything, the first few days down here were spent searching for any way to get out, but he had tried everything and there was nothing. Nothing but this room, not even a bed or a blanket and it was getting colder.

His thoughts often wondered because there was nothing else he could do and he knew that Sherlock was likely to never let him out, he knew that he was probably going to die here, one way or another becuase Sherlock would fear that he would tell someone. John didn't know what he would do if he got out, probably just run as far away as he could and never even look back. He didn't think he could tell anyone. He wondered what Sherlock had told other people too, about where he had gone, clearly no one had suspected anything because he had never heard anyone else coming to the flat. He hated that he missed Sherlock too, he missed any company really, but he had cared deeply for Sherlock.. they were friends, they were close and all of this hurt. All these feeling swirled around in his head as he waited for the reply. It didn't take long and he reached for the phone again from his spot curled up in the corner, trying to keep as much heat in as he could as his shaky hands replied to the message. Okay.. Okay. I just wanted a blanket, something warm.. I'm really cold. JW

Stranger: Frustration was quick to grip Sherlock when he received yet another message from John, scrambling to open it only to find that he was asking for a blanket. The gall, honestly! As if he was going to let him out just because he wanted a blanket. He wasn't interested in his company in the slightest. Then again, Sherlock wasn't exactly expecting him to be either. He was far from delusional, after all. The last person that John was probably interested in seeing was his current kidnapper who also happened to be his former flatmate and friend and a serial killer. He was tempted to let the conversation end there, to not give in to John's requests. What reason did he have to give him anything but the bare essentials to stay alive? And yet...well. It was very possible for the man to die from the cold. And what was he to do if that happened? Not to mention the fact that there might have been some small part of him that still hated the idea of John being /too/ uncomfortable all alone in 221C. There was no denying that he needed to learn a lesson...but perhaps he could spare him some unnecessary cruelty. He took longer to reply to that second message than the first as he fumed while sitting in his armchair, trying desperately to not glance over to the empty chair across from him where John would usually sit. You can have one the next time I come to bring you something to eat. SH

You: Maybe he shouldn't have asked for the blanket, Sherlock was taking a while to reply and it made him anxious. Shit, he didn't want to make him angry. He was probably going to say no. He chewed on his lip and curled in tighter, maybe it would be better to just die here.. he wondered if Sherlock would even care. He didn't even know what the other man was thinking, he could no longer read him and everything he had previously said all felt like a lie. He had cried too much about the past while being here, he had gone through every emotion and now he just felt numb. He gripped at his trousers and then at his jumper, as if that would help the cold or all these feelings at all but they did. He felt so scared and unsure about how he could get out. He didn't know what he could do to escape and that hurt. He hated all of this, he hated Sherlock more than anything. He wanted to hurt him like he had been hurt, he wished he could just grab him and hit him until he felt better. But he knew that Sherlock wouldn't come anywhere near him, he was never going to be let out, he desperately needed a shower too but ther was no chance of that. Finally, his phone lit up in light of a message and he took in a breathe of relief as Sherlock had agreed to give him one. Thank you, thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm so cold, I can't feel my feet right now. JW

Stranger: Sympathy. Was that what John was trying to get from him now? It had to be, otherwise he wouldn't be complaining about just how cold he really was. Sherlock hated him for such a poor excuse of trying to get him to crack. He hated him even more for the fact that it might actually be /working/ too. He'd known for a while he had gotten too close to Doctor Watson, but this was simply ridiculous. Why should he care just how cold John was? The basic necessities. That was all that John needed. No, that was all that John deserved for that little stunt he pulled. Sherlock couldn't help but wonder if John was doing this to him on purpose. Surely he had to know the effect that he had on him, and here he was trying to take advantage of it! It was like he was taunting him with yet another reminder that not only was he not able to kill him, but he could barely keep him properly kidnapped either. He was half tempted to retract the offer of the blanket just out of spite but eventually thought better of it. Instead, despite his better judgement, Sherlock found himself replying with perhaps the very worst thing he could possibly say to John at the moment. He could barely even type the message out, deleting it only to retype it again several times until finally he forced himself to settle on sending it to him. What else do you need? SH

You: John didn't really know what he was doing, he barely even knew what he was thinking these days, his head was spinning and all he knew is that he wanted to get out of here. He wanted to stop thinking too, he wanted to stop caring about what Sherlock felt and what Sherlock wanted. He had seen the man cutting someone up in their living room, how could he still care about this man? But yet, he couldn't stop it. He wondered if Sherlock felt the same way towards him. The text that he recieved seemed to suggest that maybe Sherlock did feel the same, that he did care.. It took him back a little and he rested his head against the wall as he thought about what he needed. He had a long list of things that he needed but he didn't dare say all of them because he knew it would make Sherlock angry and in order to stay alive, the situation needed to be calm. He no longer knew what Sherlock was capable of. He hadn't even seen the other for a whole month, the image of him was starting to fade a little, it was concerning. A shower? A change of clothes? Some company.. anything. JW

Stranger: Although he hated to admit it, Sherlock felt a rush of anxiety as he waited impatiently for John's response. It had been a ridiculous thing to ask of him and he'd known of it. What did he think he was doing, asking John what he needed? John should just be happy with whatever he was given and grateful that Sherlock was letting him live for now. Honestly, did he even know how much trouble it was keeping him alive? He had to fabricate everything perfectly so that no one would suspect anything amiss with him. Not to mention the fact that he had to keep anyone from going anywhere near 221C, which wasn't particularly difficult to do, but he had been nearly caught going there on at least two separate occasions by Mrs. Hudson. Being this careful was...annoying, to say the very least about it. But he'd convinced himself that it was worth it to keep John alive for the moment. When John finally did reply to him he could feel his heart skip a beat in his chest and he forced himself to swallow down a heavy lump that had formed in his throat. Showers were certainly out of the question, but perhaps he might be able to arrange for a bath if he brought down enough water...though that could only be done while Mrs. Hudson was away, of course. He made a mental note to work out the details for that later...it was a privilege he could consider giving John, at least. A change of clothes could be fairly easily done, even if it wasn't strictly necessary. Possibly once every week or two. But company...? Well. That was what was really sending Sherlock's heart racing. Did John know just how much Sherlock wanted to see him again? Surely he couldn't possibly feel the same way. No. More than likely it was just a plan for escape...but even so, Sherlock found himself struggling to resist the temptation to see him and speak to him face to face again. It was enough to make Sherlock chew his lip in thought, though eventually thought it best to just ignore that request outright for the time being. No showers. Changes of clothes can be provided periodically. SH

You: The reply wasn't reassuring, it had ignored the part at the end.. he was desperate for someone to touch him and that was the worst part. He wanted to be held, to be comforted, he had never gone this long without just seeing someone or touching someone. It was hard, he had always been someone who needed company and to be stripped from it completely was painful. He forced himself up from where he was sittjng and paced the room a little, his hands constantly scratching at his skin and going up to his hair. He had almost forgotten about the text until he saw his phone and he knelt down to grab it again. Okay, thank you. JW He sent the text before he sat back on the floor and tried to think. He just wanted to see Sherlock again, he wasn't even thinking about escaping anymore, his brain had apparently gone of on a completely different tangent that he was no longer in control of. It was one that was scary and strange. Why was he doing this? Why did he want to see Sherlock? The man who was a murderer and a liar and everyhing he hated. But yet, all he could think about was Sherlock coming down here and wrapping his arms around him. He chewed on his lip as he wrote out the text, a stream of thoughts just being typed out and being sent without thinking. I'm just lonely. Incredibly lonely and it hurts. I haven't seen anyone for a month, not even you, just want to see your face. I think I'm forgetting how you look. I just want to be touched, I am going insane I swear. JW

Stranger: For several minutes, Sherlock let himself relax with the belief that this would be the end of that particular conversation and that John wouldn't try to push him any further than he already had. It would certainly be the smartest thing to do in John's situation, Sherlock thought. But then again, he could never trust John to make the most logical decision. He'd always been a man to let his emotions take hold over logic, something that Sherlock hated equally as much as he admired about him. He'd never anticipated, however, that this would rub off on him. But as he sat there aching to see John once again he couldn't help but come to the conclusion that John had had more of an effect on him than he'd realized. By the time that John did reply Sherlock had just been about to get to work on his latest experiment - unable to help but hear John's voice scold him for leaving body parts in the fridge. Again. But Sherlock was surprisingly quick to drop what he was doing to read what John had to say, and almost instantly regretting doing so. His breath hitched in his throat as he reread the message several times to himself as though searching for any hidden meaning within it. Surely...surely John couldn't be asking him to visit just because he was /lonely/. He must have ulterior motives. Yes, of course he did. And yet, Sherlock couldn't seem to find himself able to care about that. The idea of seeing John again...the idea that John was asking specifically to see /him/ again sparked a certain warmth in his chest that refused to die out. Maybe...was it possible that John really did care? That he truly did just want to see him again? It wouldn't be the first time that John had surprised him, but he had to admit that the odds were unlikely at best. Impossible, even. And yet, here he was, unable to stop himself from practically pouring his heart out to John. It's been lonely here without you too, John. I've missed you. But you know I had to do this after what you did. SH

You: Sherlock missed him, Sherlock was lonely too. He could barely breathe for a moment as he continued to pace, clutching the phone in his hand as he tried to stay warm just by walking the room. It wasn't really working and he was looking forward to getting that blanket. He needed it. The last part of the text was playing in his mind too, he hadn't done anything, it wasn't his fault that he had come home early from work that day. He hadn't felt great and Sarah suggested that he went home and had a lie down. It was a massive mistake, everything would be different if he had just stayed at work that day. He could work with this though, he could get Sherlock down here and into his arms if he tried harder, if he begged more. He wasn't ashamed of it, he wasn't ashamed of his feelings or his emotions, especially not now. He knew that they would haunt him and come to constantly fight with him. He was going to let them win this time, so maybe Sherlock would just come and sit with him, talk with him, would that be enough? Would that help? What the hell was he thinking? He wanted to throw the phone across the room and watch as it smashed into pieces but then he would have nothing. I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I walked in on you.. I wish I never had. I wish I could turn back time. I just need.. to talk, to be with someone, I can barely feel anything anymore. JW

Stranger: There was no denying that Sherlock couldn't let John go now, not after everything he'd seen. But that didn't mean he couldn't be tempted to forgive the man for his mistakes. It shouldn't be so easy, Sherlock knew. The effect that John had on him was one that was thoroughly unfair. Just a few simple words of apology and he was tempted to rush into his arms and forgive him for everything he had done and all the pain that he'd caused him over this past month. Somehow, there was absolutely nothing he wanted more than to forgive John and assure him that it was alright. Not that it would change anything about his current situation, of course, but perhaps it could relieve some of the guilt John had to be feeling about walking in on him like he had. I know you are. SH Sherlock paused for a moment, considering his next response to him carefully. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to see John again and that John's request and apology was just the encouragement that he needed. Yes. Apologies and good behaviour and what not really ought to be rewarded, shouldn't they? And if company was what John was asking for...it wouldn't be so hard to give him that, would it? It couldn't hurt. Even if John tried to escape he was undoubtedly weak from cold and a little bit of hunger at this point. Sherlock would easily be able to overpower him if he had to. The only real trouble was coming up with a time when it would be safe to visit him. So long as Mrs. Hudson was out of her flat for the majority of the day and he didn't have a case, however, Sherlock supposed that it couldn't hurt to visit John for just a few minutes... We can talk the next time I bring you down some food and your blanket. SH

You: The response was far from unexpected and he found that his hand clasped at his mouth and a small sob left his lips. He was that desperate for something that he could barely even handle this, how would he cope when Sherlock actually came down and he could actually see him. He would be a mess, he curled back on the floor and tried to get himself back to some sort of calm, he needed to get a control of everything before Sherlock came down. Food and a blanket and Sherlock. Perfect. He grabbed his phone and smiled to himself as he wrote out a reply. Great, thank you. I really appreciate it, you have no idea. JW Placing the phone on the floor, he sighed a little and wiped his eyes again before he closed his eyes and moved to lie on the floor. It was hard and every bone in his body hurt from sleeping on the concrete floor but it was all he had, at least he would soon have a blanket to cover himself with too because the floor was even more cold. He shivered a little but tucked himself up as tightly as he could and tried to settle, he was apparently tired because he fell asleep before he could even think anymore.

Stranger: There were a number of things that Sherlock thought that John ought to appreciate, the fact that he was still alive being one of them considering the fact that it would be so much easier for Sherlock to just kill him. Yet, here he was, keeping John alive and making sure he was /comfortable/. Definitely something that John really ought to appreciate from him, but this was as good a place to start as any. Determined not to tell John anything more than he already had, Sherlock resolved to set his phone down and continue working on his latest experiment. Unfortunately, his thoughts were frequently distracted by images of John flashing through his mind. John, who just might be happy to see him as he came downstairs baring food and a blanket for him to sleep with. Maybe even two, if he was feeling generous. If this visit went well, he might even consider giving him something to do...a couple books to read to occupy his time, for example. There wasn't too much damage that John could do with books after all, apart from perhaps giving himself a papercut. But that really would depend on just how well his visit to see him went. He couldn't just give him such things for doing absolutely nothing, after all. He'd have to earn them from Sherlock, though Sherlock suspected that at the moment he seemed up for the task. John was still quite desperate right now, after all. If he wanted to make visits a regular occurrence he'd have to make a point of ensuring that John continued to stay that way. Best for him to think that he didn't stand much chance of escape - which he didn't, of course. Sherlock was still doing a perfectly good job making sure of that. Thoroughly distracted by his eager thoughts about seeing John again, his head swimming with ideas about what he'd say to him - and reminding himself not to be too harsh on him - Sherlock all too quickly abandoned his experiment on the kitchen counter and instead chose to pick up his violin for the first time since that fateful evening. It always had helped him think, after all, and he was certainly going to need all the help he could get with preparing what he'd say to John.

You: John slept for a while, he had lost all sense of time so he no longer knew when the right time was to sleep. He guessed that food came around abouts dinner time, so early to late evening but even then that was just a pure guess. Sherlock could easily be just giving him the food to have whenever regardless of time. But that's what he generally took as being evening so he would often eat and then sleep properly until he naturally woke, hoping that maybe his body was aware of the time more than him. He often had naps too, mostly because he had nothing else to do. He was tired a lot also, he guessed the lack of food didn't help and made his energy run extrememly low. His mood also wasn't great either which made him feel more exhausted. When he woke, his thoughts went straight to Sherlock and he realised that he had no idea what he was going to say. He felt worried about it suddenly. What could he say really? Maybe he would just let Sherlock take control of the situation, that seemed like the most ideal thing to do and therefore he couldn't take a step wrong. That was the last thing that he wanted to do. He didn't want to upset Sherlock or make him angry so he would le thte other lead. He paced the room a little, it had to be dinner time soon, his stomach was growling in hunger and he felt desperate as he waited. It felt like forever. Eventually, he curled back in the corner and tried to stop feeling so hungry and anxious, chewing the inside of his mouth till he tasted blood.

Stranger: Although Sherlock did make an effort to be consistent in regards to the time of day that he would give John his meals there were times when he would provide him with them earlier or later than usual. Given how eager Sherlock was to actually see John again, it was of no surprise that Sherlock decided that today he would bring food down to John earlier than usual. Not to mention the fact that it conveniently lined up with the time that Mrs. Hudson would go to visit Mrs. Turner today. So, it was only a little after midday that Sherlock found himself prepared with a plate of some leftovers of the food Mrs. Hudson had made for him yesterday and two blankets to bring downstairs. As eager as he was to see John, he couldn't deny that he was also just a little bit anxious...he had to be prepared for anything, after all seeing as John might react unpredictably to seeing him. But that was something to be worried about when the time came. For now, Sherlock just tried to remain excited about the fact that he'd be seeing John today. He'd even added a bit more than usual to John's plate of food for the special occasion, something which he hoped wouldn't slip past John's notice. Once he felt like he'd steadied his nerves enough, Sherlock began to make his way downstairs, keeping quiet out of habit. It was only out of politeness that Sherlock gave a small knock on the door before entering and quickly closing the door behind him. He blinked and squinted, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the darkness in the room before his eyes fell upon John who had tucked himself away in a corner. All thoughts of what Sherlock wanted to say to him, everything that he had prepared seemed to vanish from his mind in an instant as his throat clenched at the sight of the man he had once called his friend in such a pathetic state. He did his best not to let his features betray any of his emotions, however, and instead hesitantly cleared his throat as he set down the plate of food, blankets, and change of clothes he had brought for him.

You: John heard the familar sounds of footsteps outside the door and his eyes opened wide. He stayed still though, almost like he was stuck to the floor. Instead of the food being pushed through the flap, the door open and he watched as Sherlock walked in. He stared at him, unable to even look away because this was real and Sherlock was here. He wanted to run into his arms, smell his shampoo and the shower gel that he knew so well. He wanted familairity and comfort, it was almost all a little overwhelming as he watched Sherlock. He knew he probably looked disgusting, his clothes were dirty and dusty from lying on the floor, his hair a mess and a lot of stubble on his face and he had already lost a lot of muscle, making him look more boney even under his usual jumper. He watched as Sherlock cleared his throat and set down the items, he didn't know what to do first, he just glanced across them all before he began to pull off his clothes. He didn' want to be in the dirty ones anymore now that Sherlock was here, why did he want to look nice for him? He pulled on the new clothes before he took the plate. "Thank you." He eventually managed to get out, his voice sounding odd as he realised he hadn't spoke out loud for a month. "Thank you, Sherlock, for coming here.." He added, he wanted to ask him to touch him, to hold him but instead he moved back against the wall and began to eat, noticing that there was a bit more food then usual and he looked up to smile at Sherlock. "It's good."

Stranger: The flat that he was keeping John in didn't offer much in the way of privacy - not that he really needed privacy since he was the only one here, of course - and so Sherlock did have the decency to cast his gaze elsewhere while John hastily changed out of his old clothes and into the new ones. That was just about the only time that Sherlock dared to look away from him, however. His gaze was quick to land back on him and follow his every move, equally as curious as he was suspicious about what John was planning on doing next. But now, John just seemed to be interested in eating....which he couldn't really blame him before considering the weight he had seemed to lose over the last month. Silently, Sherlock made a note to himself to try to feed John just a little bit more often than he was. A meal once a day when he could, at least. The genuine smile sent in his direction was enough to catch Sherlock's completely off guard. He blinked, unsure of what to say for a moment as he shifted his weight from one foot to the next, not particularly interested in sitting down on the floor. "Mrs. Hudson made a good supper last night" Sherlock agreed with a small nod of his head before falling silent again, momentarily unsure of how to continue the conversation and instead decided to just let John finish eating before moving on to properly talking to him.

You: Mrs. Hudson's cooking was always good but this was incredible, maybe he was just overly hungry, with the lack of cultery, he ate with his hands but he didn't mind. He didn't really care, he was that hungry that he basically shoved the food into his mouth but trying not to rush. He knew if he did so, it could cause issues and might make him sick which was the last thing he wanted. When he had finished the plate, it completely wiped clean, he placed it down on the floor and smiled again as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. "That was very good, thank you for the extras too." He spoke softly. He shifted then and moved to take the blankets, almost gasping a little when he noticed that there was two. Two was perfect, he could lie on one and use the other to cover him. It would hopefully make sleeping a little more comfortable than it did right now, although he had got used to it a little. "Thank you." He said again as he clutched at the blankets, bringing them to him to sniff, they smelt a lot like Sherlock and the flat. It was comforting. Oh, he needed to touch Sherlock so badly. He put the blankets down and used the wall to get to shaky legs before he smiled. "I am.. so glad to see you."

Stranger: Sherlock's lips twitched into a hint of small smile as John finished eating and specifically thanked him for the extra helpings too. Of course, this was probably something John really ought to notice, but Sherlock couldn't help but be flattered by the words of thanks. There wasn't any doubt in his mind that John was just doing this to be kind, possibly to get on his good side so that maybe he'd do things like give him larger portions of food more often, but he did try his best not to think about that for now. Instead he focused on watching the way that John's eyes lit up at the discovery that he had thought to bring him two blankets in the absence of a bed. It was only when John stood to his feet that Sherlock found himself moving towards John, cautious of not approaching him too quickly before, despite his better judgement, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. "I'm glad to see you too" Sherlock admitted softly, unworried about keeping John pulled close to his chest when he didn't have anything on him that might be capable of being used as a weapon against him. Instead, Sherlock allowed himself to become lost in the embrace, one hand lifting upwards to push some of John's growing hair back from his face so he could look at him properly.

You: The arms around him shocked him a little and he felt himself flinch a little under the touch, just from the shock and the way that his skin seemed to buzz underneath the others as he was touched. It felt so good, just to be touched.. to be held and his hands wrapped around Sherlock's too, letting out a soft sigh as the other said he was glad to see him. Oh, he had missed him. His nose nuzzled to his neck for a second, taking in the scent of his shampoo and shower gel, just like he had imagined. He let Sherlock pull away a little and watched as he moved a hand to brush away from his face and he bit his lip a little, trying to stiffle the small noise that left his lips from being touched so intimately. It was nice, it was better then nice and his legs felt weak at the small touch that he recieved. "Sherlock.." He whispered but he wasn't sure what he wanted to say so he didn't say anything else but just stared at the other, his hand reaching to touch Sherlock's and stroke up and down it with a soft sigh leaving his lips. Sherlock skin felt good, soft..

Stranger: Despite the rather sub-par living conditions, John was still surprisingly familiar to Sherlock. There was something comforting about his presence, and just like he feared, he hadn't realized just how much he truly missed him until just now. Hearing his voice again, even if it was just saying his name was like music to his ears, filling in a gap that he had tried to refuse to acknowledge existed. And John, somehow, seemed just as eager to see him again in spite of everything he had been through...not that it was entirely Sherlock's fault, of course. John hadn't exactly left him with any other choices. Sherlock was quick to let his hand wrap around John's and give it a gentle, and perhaps even reassuring squeeze. "I'm here" Sherlock assured him, keeping his grip on him firm and steady as if to say yes, he was here and no, he wasn't about to forget about him anytime soon. This wasn't how Sherlock had planned on this going at all, but he didn't seem capable of stopping himself. "I know that you're likely fairly...scared about what's going to happen to you right now...but I'd just like you to know that everything will be alright" So long as John didn't do anything terribly stupid, anyway.

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