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shadowywerewolf-main · 2 years

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LA SQUADRA'S CRACK FILES

Things La Squadra Members are Not Allowed to do

Part 3

1. Applications forms with the subject 'Respectfully requesting a bullet to head' will be rejected.

2. Please don't fart and say, "Y'all smell popcorn?"

3. Avoid slapping each other to 'equalize' the pain.

4. Discussions regarding 'Who put those two 'ass' in assassination' is forbidden, especially during team meetings.

5. Not allowed to polish Pesci's head.

6. The teddy bear is not your second in command in the army of darkness.

7. Do not place your fellow members in the giant hamster ball.

8. Do not place your Stand in the giant hamster ball.

9. Do not wrap your arms around your fellow member's waist while you're on a motorcycle.

10 Even if they consent to it.

11. 'I've learnt this in the military' is not an excuse to serve your team members a bowl of banana and ketchup for breakfast.

12. Or ketchup filled hard boiled egg.

13. Risotto and Prosciutto are restricted from going undercover as anyone's 'Sugar Daddies' ever again.

14. Lowering the volume of the radio in the car does not help you see better, no matter what Ghiaccio says.

15. Not allowed to sing 'We're off to see the wizard' while heading to Risotto's office.

16. Retire to the bathroom when you need to, without declaring your 'desire to sacrifice your children'.

17. Glittery/Chime sound effects from Power Point are not acceptable whenever Risotto walks in.

18. In case someone is nauseous, you are not allowed to ask the whereabouts of the 'father'.

19. Members with long hair are requested not to scare the members with short hair using that snake thing you do on the bathroom tiles.

20. You are not allowed to randomly pull out a fish from the fish tank to cook it.

21. Say 'I need my share of the loot' instead of 'I need my share of the booty' like a normal person. (Booty Definition according to Oxford Dictionary: valuable stolen goods)

22. Please do not spray graffiti saying 'Risotto Nero was here' on random cars.

23. Feeding cows chocolate bars does not produce chocolate milk.

Masterlist

#la squadra #jjba #vento aureo #la squadra di esecuzione #la squadra crack files #jjba prosciutto #prosciutto #jjba risotto #risotto #jjba ghiaccio #ghiaccio #jjba pesci #pesci #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba vento aureo #thanks to skippy's list

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squadrah · 1 year

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From My CuriousCat

"If each member of La Squadra was a supernatural being, what would they be?"

I am so tempted to say they could just be youkai taking the form of their Stands… mostly because I have to admit that my cryptid knowledge is lacking. But that would be too easy and not very creative, so please have these "new" inventions instead!

Risotto: Can be called on when your family suffers unjust losses, whether it is a family member or personal property. If you place a magnet at the site or by the grave of the family member who died, legend has it that the perpetrator will be drawn to the magnet until they reach it and stick to it, at which point they will be torn asunder from the inside. After one week, visit the site: if the magnet cracked in half, revenge has been exacted.

Formaggio: Basically a Monaciello - short of stature and causing a lot of mischief and annoyance. He tends to appear when someone is too full of themselves and thinking they are above the consequences of their actions. The worse the person behaves, the greater the chaos he will cause, and you will know it's over when that person wakes up with blood on their cheek, having been branded on the cheek as a great buffoon.

Prosciutto: Presents as a beautiful young person to the innocent and has no effect on them, but for every person you had ever trodden under foot, an eye will open on his face or body. If there are only a few eyes, he will move slowly, allowing you a chance to make amends, but the more eyes there are, the faster he will move, and the more painful your death will be as he makes your bones crumble like old parchment.

Pesci: Takes the form of a huddled figure in a small, weathered rowboat, and only appears if there is fog. If you are an honest person trying to provide for your family, he will bless your hook and allow you to catch as many fish as you need. If you are up to no good, a hook might sail through the air and get caught in your chest, killing you instantly. Is sometimes called Fisherman's Curse.

Ghiaccio: Appears on site as a gargoyle made of hard, shiny material, hunched and glaring down. He cannot be removed, and the closer anyone gets, the colder the air around him feels until it becomes impossible to stay near. If you leave him alone, he'll usually disappear without much trouble, but if you call him ugly or throw things at him, he'll deep freeze your feet to the ground.

Melone: Is essentially computer malware that cannot be deleted. He will open tabs and bookmark them, seemingly doing research of some sort based on your search history, and he will leave you text files with encrypted messages on the desktop to ask questions. If you let him browse in peace, he will protect your computer from harm. If you try to get rid of him, he will hi-jack your accounts.

Illuso: Usually manifests in cluttered homes, but homes with greedy owners are can also fall victim. He is said to be residing in the mirror, and over time, you will notice that whatever went missing in the room under mysterious circumstances is plainly visible in the reflection. The more you hoard, the more he takes, and if you try to remove the mirror, he'll switch places with you, trapping you inside permanently.

Sorbet: Referred to as the Gambler's Jinx because he haunts gambling locations and targets players only. The more truly desperate the gambler is, the better their odds become until they win big; however, the moment the gambler has what they needed but decides to keep going because they want more, he destroys their luck, leaving them possibly worse off than they started.

Gelato: He is a free-for-all spirit, and he can take hold of anyone who has been pondering a "crazy" idea. You know those cases where someone does something incredibly ridiculous/stupid/etc. on the spur of the moment and then cannot explain what possessed them? That's him, with the addition that the funnier the idea is, the more flawless its execution will be.

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shadowywerewolf-main · 2 years

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LA SQUADRA'S CRACK FILES

Rookie's Survival Guide

1. Don't approach Risotto with the query of whereabouts of Carpentry Tools. He will pull one out of your mouth.

2. For male candidates only: Atleast 1/3rd of your torso area must remain exposed at all times. Ghiaccio is an exception, owing to the risk of team members end up suffering from hypothermia.

3. You are not allowed to keep a mirror in your bedroom.

4. Ghiaccio does not function as an air conditioner. Do not request any related help.

5. Formaggio's feline is claustrophobic; handle with care.

6. For candidates with long hair: Do not borrow hair ties from Illuso unless you do not cherish your privacy.

7. Operation 'Deprive Risotto of his Peace' is not an official mission, no matter what Gelato says.

8. Saying 'I didn't do it' gets you investigated.

9. Sorbet does not eat people. You are request not to get scared in case Formaggio states so.

10. You are to partake in household activities every Sunday. Assigned task will not be changed.

11. For female candidates only: Do not allow Melone to take your blood samples for 'science'.

12. Do not pet any member's Stand incase they approach you with affection. You will be locked in a jar.

13. Don't touch Formaggio's belongings. You will be locked in a jar.

14. DO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE TEAM'S BROMANCE. THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS FOR THE FAMIGLIA. /srs

15. Dude, bro, homie, man, fam, etc. are gender neutral terms for the members. Female candidates must not look forward to being called 'sis'. The members are not used to it and feel threatened to the mentions of 'sis' or related terms.

16. Do not roleplay in front of the bathroom mirror.

17. You must not use other's preferred utensils.

18. Perform your bathroom routines before Illuso, Melone or Prosciutto get the access.

19. The hair in the bathtub is not alive no matter what Illuso claims.

20. Buy yourself 5 pairs of earplugs before moving in.

21. In case Melone talks of REAL SCIENCE (only), listen to him patiently.

22. Respect women and don't act like a douchebag. We might be assassins but disrespecting ANYONE is looked down upon. You'll be locked in a jar.

23. You will be assigned a seat for team meetings. You cannot change your seat. You must not change your seat.

24. Wake up before 07:00 Hours, unless you like a bucket of water thrown at you.

25. Cleaning the toilet with only a toothbrush and dish soap is not a part of member acceptance procedures, no matter what Sorbet says.

26. Pesci is not imported from Antarctica, no matter what Gelato says.

27. Prosciutto is prone to getting paranoid to new members. Approach gently.

28. Do not use Proverbs or Idioms when Ghiaccio is within the premises. Purchase yourself a grammar book to read in your free time.

29. You are to be present at every 'Gossip Club Meeting' and you must bring with yourself dark nail paints for Sorbet and Gelato to exploit.

30. Demand a pay raise, and you will be locked in a jar.

Issued by

Risotto Nero

Supreme Overlord

Note: See 23rd point for the reference

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shadowywerewolf-main · 2 years

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LA SQUADRA'S CRACK FILES

Things La Squadra Members are Not Allowed to do

1. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Ghiaccio’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress his anger.

2. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.

3. Risopro is not the love child of Risotto Nero and Prosciutto.

4. Melone is not allowed to sell Pesci any ‘magic beans.’

5. ‘Decomposing People’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.

6. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.

7. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.

8. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.

9. Risotto Nero is not God’s gift to women.

10. La Squadra do not need matching uniforms.

11. The phrase, "Trust me, I'm a doctor" never leads to anywhere good.

12. La Squadra will not be celebrating Prosciutto’s 94th birthday.

13. Pants are not optional at team meetings. Nor can they be replaced with skirts or dresses.

14. Melone is not allowed to be naked at the base.

15. Baby harness do not go on other members.

16. Duct tape do not go on other members.

17. Prosciutto should never again be addressed as “Dad”.

18. Or "Mom".

19. If it makes Illuso giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.

20. If it makes Ghiaccio crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.

21. The person in charge of ordering coffee and supplies is no one's "Sugar Daddy".

22. Golden Retrievers do not retrieve gold.

23. Risotto's rank is 'Capo', not 'Supreme Overlord'.

24. He does not sign the paper works under that title.

25. Sorbet and Gelato are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again.

26. There are no casual Fridays. Do not take it upon yourself to create a chart of your team members' sexual orientations.

27. You are not allowed to flirt with the enemies.

28. Veteran members are referred to as 'Sir', not 'Grandpa'.

29. Do not super glue your team members to the ceiling.

30. Post-mission reports to Risotto Nero should not start out ‘So let me explain…’

Part 2

Masterlist

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shadowywerewolf-main · 2 years

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LA SQUADRA'S CRACK FILES

Things La Squadra Members are Not Allowed to do Part 2

(Part 1)

1. If you want to drink alcohol on the job, hide it properly.

2. Punching seniors to 'Test for reflexes' is unacceptable.

3. Stop demanding Risotto to find the team a 'momma Capo'.

4. Declaring that the 'momma Capo need not be a female' is looked down upon.

5. Prosciutto is not the 'Coffee Overlord'.

6. Sorbet is not the head priest of Coffee Overlord's church.

7. Team members are to not 'guess' each other's 'size'.

8. 'Death to paperwork' is not the squad's motto.

9. Middle finger is not the squad's mascot.

10. The words "don't worry it will all grow back" aren't very comforting.

11. Risotto does not eat fear for breakfast.

12. None of you are too sexy for your shirt.

13. Formaggio is not allowed to mentally communicate with cats.

14. None of the members can redecorate any offices outside their own.

15. None of you are the king of wine.

16. You are to not fill the base's drawers with any of the following items: glitter, socks, cigarette butts, cat food, glass shreds, broken spectacles frames, vacutainer, dead fish, lices, scissors, toe nails.

#la squadra #la squadra di esecuzione #jjba risotto #risotto #prosciutto #jjba prosciutto #jjba part 5 #vento aureo #jjba vento auero #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #sorbet #jjba sorbet #formaggio #jjba formaggio

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shadowywerewolf-main · 2 years

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SHADOWYWEREWOLF HERE!⚜

This is my main blog.

Find me @shadowywerewolf for incorrect quotes and @jjba-philosophies for some of the catchy statements said in the anime.

[Nyx] [18 Y/O] [Female] [ENTJ] [5w4]

ASKS/REQUESTS: OPEN

CHAT: OPEN

SUGGESTIONS: OPEN

SUBMISSIONS: OPEN

Masterlist

Headcanons and Other Stuff

⚜ Melone Headcanons 1

⚜ Prosciutto Headcanons 1

⚜ Prosciutto Headcanons 2

⚜ Prosciutto Appreciation - Body Trauma

⚜ La Squadra as Final Fantasy/Kingdom Hearts Quotes

La Squadra Di Esecuzione Files

⚜ A Precise Guide To Junior Nomenclature

⚜ Clandestine Package Retrieval

Fan fictions

⚜ Novice

⚜ Caffeinated

Imagine.txt

⚜ Prosciutto 1 2 3

⚜ Melone 1 2

Moodboards

⚜ Risotto Nero Moodboard

⚜ Prosciutto Moodboard

⚜ Prosciutto x OC Moodboard

Playlist

⚜ La Squadra Playlist 1

⚜ La Squadra Playlist 2

Shitpost

⚜ Prosciutto Fic Generated by The Middle Words On My Keyboard's Word Suggestion

La Squadra's Crack Files

⚜ Things La Squadra Members are not Allowed to do Part 1

⚜ Things La Squadra Members are not Allowed to do Part 2

⚜ Rookie's Survival Guide

Working on:

⚜ Ghiaccio Headcanons

⚜ Cognitive Functions for Prosciutto

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