#like id feel guilty/like im abandoning her or something :'( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loki-the-trikster-god · 3 years

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my last two brain cells: bread... good 😌

oh right. it’s clyde!

ahahaha yeah i have ur notifications turned on and every time you post something i’m like cecil? loki? have u spoken to me? hehehehehe cuz u know it’s not like i have anything better to do with my life

i almost typed loaf instead of life... says a lot about my priorities

ahhhh yes i’m looking forward to jt... but why do you need an arm sling? did i forget something about caliban? it’s been nearly a year since i’ve read it, and it wasn’t exactly the most enthralling book, so sorry if i don’t remember much

i understand what ur saying about the fandom thing. definitely a maladaptive daydreamer too, in fact sometimes it’s hard to turn that setting off (which is why i don’t sleep). but yes i feel like harry potter holds a special place in most hearts. don’t let jkr ruin her books for u amigo.

amigo is okay right? i just realized i never asked, i assumed it was relatively gender neutral. i apologize, i call everyone amigo hehe.

haha yeah slytherins earn respect mostly from fear, is what people think which is why they respect them. but you don’t strike me as that kind of person. *shakes hands in gryffindor*

yeah bro is good :) nobody’s called me bro before i kinda like it tbh 😊. ohhhhhh luckyyyy i wish i could ditch pe. it sucks for me bc i am very unathletic so i’m usually the one people hate on when the team loses. ahhhhh don’t ruin ur ribs friend bc then you’ll end up in the hospital and i don’t think u will be able to go on tumblr and then u won’t respond and i’ll think u abandoned me. nonono im kidding but seriously don’t do that take breaks amigo.

no u didn’t make it weird don’t worry amigo just worried for ur well being. haha u must be very stubborn indeed to stubborn yourself into enjoying food lol.

oh wow ur writing must be so amazing gasp 👏👏 awesome hehe. don’t worry about the praise going to ur head, if u deserve it ur allowed to be as egotistic as you want.

tbh u are like so different from all of my friends, and i don’t mean that in a bad way. it’s just so cool to interact with someone that is unafraid to have their opinions and to show emotion and to speak out loud (unlike me) it’s so cool.

i usually don’t like people who display your character traits, i find them annoying. but you also are kind before anything else (except perhaps sarcastic, which i fall guilty to as well) which is what sets you apart i think.

it is like having a pen pal! i’ve always wanted one of those lol. and i’m here to listen to u :)

tbh id dm you, but sadly i’m not allowed to do that and in the interest of keeping my tumblr, i have settled for pen palling u, which i have to say is so fun.

u even have ur own note in my phone where i type up the messages hehe. “for cecil, loki darling” is the title lol. hope i’m not coming across as annoying and clingy, which i can appear to be. if i am i apologize.

oh wow this is long... can u tell i haven’t really spoken to any humans recently hehe?

um so the question: are you into marvel? if so, who is your favourite character? if not, um, i recommend it 🤷‍♀️. hehe

asdf this is very long wow sorry i’m just speaking my mind at this point, which i almost never do. maybe the thoughts just build up and spill out here. that seems like a plausible theory.

anyways *waves* until next time! (i think i’ll end them all like that i like the way it sounds)

Another letter from clyde!!!! Hello, my lovely friend!!!

I’m on my phone very sporadically because of theater and all but when I am I’m like ,,,notif,,,, lmao. Also bread,,,,,, good

Oh my arm brace is to make it more physically safe to hunch my back and twist the way I do for him. Caliban is a monster, so he takes weird physical acting, and our version is snake-like, so much crawling and writhing in the dirt, but the staple of the form is that I crawl sideways with my left shoulder forced up, which I use the brace for. Also I’m frankly glad u didn’t know what I needed the brace for cause I got to nerd all over u. I love theater so much.

Lmao I don’t sleep either so 🤝. I won’t, dont you worry, I’ll still see the fantastic beast movies as they come out (this has nothing to do with my crush on Jude law at *all* /s)

Amigo is just fine!! No one else calls me that, but it has nice energy, so it can be your special Clyde thing!!! Also I’m so glad you like being called bro, I use it as a nickname religiously but I like to think I can fold some warmth into it :)

Don’t worry, I won’t break my ribs I’m terrified of hospitals and also am a hypochondriac so yeah nope lmao. I have like,,, the capacity to be athletic? When I went to a school that made me do sports I was on varsity field hockey and track but I super didn’t like it haha so I don’t do it anymore. This not to say I was like, super good, I was one of the worse ones at the school, but I was ok.

I am clinically stubborn l m a o. Very very stubborn. And don’t worry about me, it’ll get better soon.

🥰🥰🥰🥰thank youuu that’s so sweet. Sometime I’ll send u something I wrote,,,, might even write a story just for you. We’ll see :)

I’m very much glad you don’t find me annoying h. I try hard not to be, but a lot of people do find me irritating and/or too loud. I’m also glad I come across as kind, since I want to be and put work into it. I promise I care u :)))) (I am also very sarcastic it’s true, it’s basically the staple of my wit)

Keeping ur tumblr is good!!! I’d be sad if you went away. I have always loved the energy of letters, and these have it, which is so fun!!!!!! Responding to asks adds to the mystique and the pen pal energy too, so it’s good all around!!

I’m literally smiling so hard, I have a notes folder!!!! (My god when people call me loki I get happy too,,,, I like my name a lot but it’s more like a treat when I’m called loki). Also ur not clingy at all, at least not more than I am. I’m extremely clingy, but worse cause I always just expect people to interact with me first rip. It’s the adhd but I’m also just bad at communicating. Also relatable, I haven’t left my house to go anywhere except theater and that’s like seven people max and we don’t talk about anything except the play.

I am borderline into marvel. I’ve seen some of them, I really didn’t like infinity war and endgame (again no hate it’s just a personal taste thing) (wow I hope u don’t mind how judgmental ur homie is cause damn. I am very very judgey aren’t I. I didn’t like this, I didn’t like that, I thought this could have been done better,,,, anyhow. I am a critic Lolol.) but I really loved Thor ragnarok, captain marvel, black panther, guardians of the galaxy (both of them) and captain America. So the really good ones. I am not sure who I like most other than my namesake ofc (loki). Had a gender envy phase for Tom Hiddleston for Sure.

You spill as many thoughts as you’re comfortable with! I promise you’re safe with me, and I’m here for you. :)))))

Until next time!! (It does sound good)

#loki stuff #its clyde!

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everyman0 · 5 years

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A PALE BLUE GHOST

over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.

going back outside was a mistake.

i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall.

it was jeff. sort of.

when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.

i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"

jeff seems to come alive then.

"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."

fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.

"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were.

jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."

i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.

i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"

"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it.

"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."

"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.

"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."

"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"

i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:

"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."

"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"

i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."

"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.

so i ask, "and why is that?"

jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.

i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."

jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."

ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.

i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."

jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."

i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.

"i was just trying to protect him."

"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."

"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.

"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.

it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.

i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.

i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"

jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.

"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."

i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.

"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"

"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"

ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.

i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."

jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."

i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.

i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.

so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.

it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.

"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."

and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.

jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"that choice isn't mine to make."

and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.

and then i went home.

#evrymn0 #phase???#everymanhybrid

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takeachanceff · 4 years

Text

Chapter 28: Falling Apart

Luna

“I don’t believe this” David said to her. Luna smiled widely looking down at the child before her. “David this is a sign God has blessed us with a baby don’t you see?” She started. “We’ve been trying so hard and now we have what we’ve been wanting so bad and now we do. They just dropped her right on her door step” she said.

She started to cry and squirm in my arms as I held her. I took her out the wet blanket that she was wrapped in. I checked to see if she needed to be changed and that was root of the problem. “David are prayers have been answered” I said with a wide grin.

“Babe how many people just drive through this neighborhood dropping of children? “ David asked her looking at the child. We’ve been trying for months to get pregnant and things just haven’t been working. Now this happens.

“It’s a rarity but it was meant to be” I smiled looking down at her. David shook his head. “Im gonna clean her up. You must be cold being out there by yourself” I said heading upstairs.

.............

A couple hours went by and David ran out to get the baby some diapers and fresh clothes. I couldn’t imagine just leaving my baby but I’m glad someone left this baby on my door step. David came back with everything and sat the bags next to me before sitting on the couch with me. “How old do you think she is?” He asked.

“She’s still pretty tiny so I’m guessing 2 or three months you got the right size diapers right?” I asked.

“Yeah i did um so i guess we gotta go about naming her and adopting her” he suggested.

“I’ve been thinking of a few names but nothing has stood out yet” I said trying to think of a few names for her. “I was thinking Ava or Willow” i said just throwing out a few of the names I was thinking of.

“Hm She doesn’t look like a willow to me” David said as he held her little hand. “I don’t see you coming up with any ideas”

“Peyton, Mackenzie... I don’t know” David laughed. “I’ve never been good with names” he said as the bay looked up them both and her surroundings.

“She’s very curious” I pointed out.

I can’t wait to start this new journey.

Aaliyah

We hurriedly got into the car to catch the flight. I was anxious and I prayed that my baby was in tact. My nerves wouldn’t settle. I felt Trey put his hand on my knee to calm my but when i looked over at him by the way he was clenching his jaw. He was nervous too. The ride to the plane hanger was silent nobody dared to speak. Once we arrived, Trey and I quickly boarded taking a seat anxiously. I put my seat belt on wanting to rush the pilot and skip all the extras. “You got anymore of that weed?” I asked. Trey chuckled some and shook his head.

“I do but I don’t think it’s good for us to rely on substances to calm ourselves” he said as he scratched his beard. I sighed knowing he was right.

What am I thinking? This isn’t me at all.

“I know I’m just everywhere” I admitted before rubbing my temples. Trey nodded in agreement though he didn’t say I knew he felt the same. The plane finally took of and headed to our destination. I needed to see my baby. I needed to hear her laugh, see her her smile. I needed to hold her.

....................

The plane landed in Richmond International Airport where our driver was waiting for us. We quickly got off the plane and headed inside the car. Trey got the details of where Mia could be. They got the address and headed there quickly. The drive didn’t take long surprisingly the neighborhood was in area full of row houses. We pulled up to house where one of Treys spotters saw the car drop off something. We got out the car putting up our umbrellas to go knock on the door. We rang the door bell and knocked a couple times.

“I swear this nigga better be right?”Trey mumbled as we both waited for someone to answer the door. Someone looked out the window before they opened the door. “Can I help you?” An older gentleman asked greeting us.

“Hi this may seem like a weird question but was a baby dropped off her early today or last night?” Trey asked the man. He was hesitant to answer before he spoke up. “Uh yes please come in” he said inviting us in. “Babe who is it?” A female voice asked coming from another room in the house. “Sorry we should’ve introduced ourselves, my name is Aaliyah and this is my husband Trey we’re looking for our daughter. We were told she was here” I said since Trey was always straight to the point.

“Your the baby’s parents?” He asked.

“Yes we are” Trey said trying to hide his frustration. The lady came into the room where we assuming it was his wife she had Mia in her arms. I sighed in relief knowing my baby was okay.

“Can we help you?” She asked as she held Mia.

“They’re the baby parents” he said to her.

“Prove it” she said causing Trey to scoff at her words. “Prove it?” Trey asked before they could say anything I spoke up.

“She has a birth make on her left leg it’s looks like a heart. She has a mole on her right her cheek. She’s allergic to soy and she’s jaundice” I said to her. The woman looked at me before confirming the first two things that i said.

“You felt guilty so you come back after you dropped her off like she was trash” she said instantly pissing me off. I haven’t slept in a few days so both of us were bound to say anything.

“I didn’t drop her off here lady.. My baby was taken out of her crib while she was taking a nap. I haven’t slept in days because I didn’t know where my child was “ I explained feeling myself getting angry before taking a deep breath. “I just want my baby home that’s it” I said damn near begging.

”I’m not just gonna hand her over... unless you take a DNA test” she said to us.

“Bitch what?” Trey said furiously.

“If she’s your daughter take a DNA test” she shrugged.

“No fuck that give me my-“ Trey started.

“Fine” K said feeling Treys stare on me.

“Liyah you agreeing to this bullshit?!” He semi yelled.

“All we got is time Trey, if she wants science to make her look stupid then fine I’ll take a DNA test to prove that I laid down and conceived her and carried her for 9 months” i said irritated with all this but if this is what it takes to bring my daughter home then so be it.

Melina

It’s been a couple days since Jason was released from jail and it’s been quiet —too quiet. He still wanted us to head out Miami to stay with his uncle while he handled things here. Our flight leaves tomorrow so we just been laying low so no attention would be bought to us. I didn’t want to leave him but there’s nothing I can do. We put Justin down for his nap and he tapped my leg making me look at him. Jason took my hand and guided me to the bathroom closing the door turning the shower on. We looked each other in the eyes as he pulled me closer to him.

“I be so caught up in everything that I never get a chance to really look at you “ he started. “You’re still as beautiful as the day we met” he said running his fingers through my hair.

“When we bumped into each other in the hallway or when I almost hit you with my car” I said making us both laugh.

“Oh yeah you did almost run me over” He said making us both laugh. “Regardless, over time you’ve become more and more beautiful” he said making me blush.

“I know you didn’t just bring me in here to talk” I said to him leaning against the bathroom sink. He licked his lips and smirked as his eyes roamed my body. He lifted me up and put me on the counter. I put his shirt over his head before he threw it on the floor. He then pulled me closer to him by my legs as he began to strip me out of my clothes.

I kissed his lips deeply as he wrapped my legs around him. I unbuckled his pants to release his hard member. He circled my clit with his thumb in making my head go back in pleasure. My hormones were all over the place because of this pregnancy. I ran my hands down his chest lightly scratching it. Jason left kisses on on my neck making me moan. Gradually making his kisses lower he stopped paying special attention to my small baby bump. Feeling his fingers spread my second set of lips anticipating his tongue. I bit my lip as i watched him glide his tongue on my wet center making my head go back in pleasure. He picked me up taking us into the shower as he made love to me. We took it slow it felt different—it was passionate like he usually did it. He fucked me but made love to me at the same time. His strokes were deep and long as held me up against the shower wall. My moans were heard throughout the bathroom but not too loud that they would wake up Justin.

After our session in the shower, we changed and just chilled together. “I’ve been thinking” I said breaking the silence. He looked down at me giving me his full attention “About what?” He asked.

“I’ve been putting our son on you a lot and you’re right I work way too much to even spend time with him. I was thinking that maybe we can start sending him to day care, so he can spend time with kids his own age. On weekends we can both spend time with him ” I mentioned to him making him smile softly.

“You always been a hustler I love that about you. I like that idea I think that be cool let’s take it day by day” Jason said before I kissed his lips. “So round two or?” He asked with a raised eyebrow making me chuckle. “That’s how I ended up pregnant cause of multiple rounds with you” I smiled.

“I don’t see nothing wrong with that “ Jason said with a big grin. Before I could say anything else my phone started to ring, I answered the phone without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?“ I answered.

“May I speak to Melina Hennigan?” The voice asked.

“This is she who am I speaking with?” I asked with a confused look. Jason had a look of concern in his face as the phone conversation continued.

“My name is Jessica Griffith I’m from the coroners office. Mrs. Hennigan I’m calling regarding your father Carlos Perez” she started. I could feel my heart sink into my stomach. “I’m sorry to inform you that your father was found dead in an abandoned warehouse. We’re reaching out to you to see if you could identify the body. Could you come down to the morgue and do this?” Jessica asked as I felt the room go into slow motion.

I couldn’t get words out.

My father is dead.

“Mrs. Hennigan?” She said catching my attention again.

“Y-Yes I can do it” I finally got out holding in my tears.

“Please come by our office in a hour. I’m sorry for your loss” she said before handing up.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Jason asked. I couldn’t answer all I could do was cry. I just wanted him to let me live my life without the bullshit. I didn’t mean anything I said to him now he’s gone....

....

Jason drove me to the morgue to identify my father. He kept an eye on Justin while I headed inside. They took me to the back with Claire whom they called also. Instead of showing us his body they took a few pictures of him. They took into a small room that dimly lit with old green chairs. The table held old magazines from 2008 or something. We took a seat as they placed the pictures on the table just from the first one they sat down I recognized the scar that was on his left arm. He got it in a bar fight while in college. The slightest bit of hope of this being a mistake had been thrown out. Once they were finished, the detective finally spoke up. “Do you guys recognize any of these markings on Mr. Perez’s body?” He asked.

Claire’s crying filled the room leaving me to speak. The tears threatening to fall from my eyes burned the rim of my eye lids. “Yes, yes that’s him” I said getting choked up before I cleared my throat.

“Mrs. Hennigan, we believe your father was murdered. Do you know anyone that would want your father dead? Did your father have any enemies?” He asked her.

I couldn’t even begin to process all of this. I felt like I was going to throw up. “Rickey....” i said getting out as the detective wrote that down. “And what’s his last name?” He asked.

“Rickey... Satchel...” I said feeling myself go numb as they wrote it down.

“What relation did they have to each other?”

“Rickey use to intern for my father when we were in high school... Things were starting to get bad ... I know he killed him” I said. The detectives looked at each other as I continue to stare at the photos of my fathers body.

If they don’t catch him I’m gonna kill him myself.

They let us go and Claire continued to cry her eyes out. I had no more tears left to cry. I got into the car not saying a word. Jason wiped the tears that finally came out. I needed to be open with him about everything.

“Rickey killed my father” I mumbled. Jason nodded clenching his jaw. “I know...” he said tapping the steering wheel.

“I have to tell you something” I started gaining his attention. “I hated my dad for what he made do... I should’ve just told you”

“Tell me what Mel?” He asked looking confused.

“Remember the very first time i was pregnant?” I asked making him nod his yes. “That night you came to see me and you were asking about the baby and I told you I lost it. You asked me how... and I lied to you. I didn’t miscarry....” I said feeling myself starting to cry again. Jason sat back and licked his lips.

“What do you mean you didn’t miscarry” he asked.

“Please don’t hate me” I said feeling my chest get tighter. “I-I got an abortion because my dad told he was gonna cut me off if I didn’t. I also didn’t know if it was yours or Rickeys since it wasn’t long after he raped and it freaked me out” I rambled. Jason was quiet as he looked straight ahead not looking at me which broke me more than I realized. I cried hard clenching my chest.

“Mel...” he started. “I don’t hate you. If I’m being honest with you. I was scared that the baby wasn’t mine became of what he did to you. I just kept my head up speaking it into existence that the baby was mine. Even if it ended up being his I still would’ve supported you because that wasn’t your fault. I still would’ve been with you and my love for you wouldn’t have changed” he said.

I wiped my eyes as he spoke. “I know to pops hated my guts and didn’t want us to be together but I’m glad you stuck with me. You gave me beautiful son and you’re carrying my second child and you’ll be the one to carry our whole football team” he said making us both chuckle. “I’ll always have your back” he said making me smile through my tears.

“You handle the arrangements for your father and I’ll deal with Rickey”

#aaliyah fanfiction #trey songz #aaliyah #aaliyah fanfic #trey songz fanfiction #trey songz fanfic

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kanasmusings · 5 years

Text

[Translation] TsukiPro Special CD - Starry Sky Collection Track 2

Yay~! This time, it’s VAZZROCK!! Next one is Mamoru and Koki’s and then the rest of the Yaminabe series dramas ww

Thank you once again to Deea for the files~! Please don’t ask her as per her request, thank you!

Also, Sho briefly mentions the story behind Lyra the constellation so, please do give it a read to understand it completely ^^

※ Please don’t re-post these translations without permission. Instead of reposting, please just like/reblog instead ^^

Under the cut, enjoy~!

Track 02: [心揺さぶる音楽を -こと座ベガ-] “Music that Shakes the Heart – from the Constellation of Lyra – Vega”

Mamiya Takaaki, Kira Ouka, Onoda Sho, and Nadumi Ruka

[0:00]

MAMIYA: Everyone, thank you very much. We’ll leave the rest to you.

SHO: We’ll leave it in your care.

SHO: We’ll be taking our leave now.

OUKA: Thank you very much for today.

RUKA: Thank you~!

SHO: Now then, thank you for the hard work once again.

MAMIYA: Good work.

OUKA: Great job.

RUKA: Yay~! We all did well!

SHO: With this, VazzRaji’s first season recording is now finished.

SHO: Our party with the staff is over as well and now all we need to do is return to the dorms.

SHO: I heard that if we go straight home from here, it’s not that far but…

SHO: Takaaki, do you want to call a taxi?

MAMIYA: Ah, that’s right. Let’s call for one by the main street.

MAMIYA: But, uh… Can I ride a different one (from yours)?

OUKA: A different one? Where do you plan on going?

MAMIYA: Don’t look at me with such cold eyes~ I just feel like going for a little walk.

MAMIYA: If I walk from here to the dorm…

RUKA: If we’ll trust the map application, it’d take about 10 minutes!

MAMIYA: See? That’s what he said. It’s not really that far.

MAMIYA: I was just thinking of walking around to feel a bit refreshed.

MAMIYA: That much is fine, isn’t it?

RUKA: Ah! Then, I’ll do the same~! I don’t really like the smell of taxis and I try avoiding them as much as possible.

RUKA: Also, I ate a looooott of meat and rice so I wanna exercise a bit!

RUKA: And so~ Takaaki-kun, can I go with you~?

MAMIYA: Of course, you’re welcome to~! Let’s take it easy together, ‘kay?

RUKA: Alrighty~!

OUKA: (sighs) Ruka, if you walk back to the dorms from here, won’t it override your calorie intake?

RUKA: Non, non, non, Ouka-kun~ Doing things when you feel like doing them is important, too!

RUKA: In other words, there’d be no feelings of guilt lingering!

OUKA: Is it like that?

RUKA: Yes, it is! It’s kinda the same as when women go shopping.

RUKA: “Oh, I might find some use for this,” they say and then they end up buying more than intended~

RUKA: In my case, I say “I’ll lose it all in practice tomorrow” and then I eat as much as I can!

RUKA: If you say that, you won’t feel as guilty! Doing the things you love sometimes is important, too~

RUKA: It’s essential, right~?

OUKA: I see… That’s deep.

MAMIYA: By the way, I only want to walk, okay?

SHO: Yes~ I don’t really have any feelings of guilt but, can I join you for your night walk?

MAMIYA: Oh~ Sho, you wanna walk, too?

SHO: Yes, I’m the same as you, Takaaki.

SHO: Heading straight back to the dorms feels like a waste and somehow, I’m in the mood to walk, too.

SHO: I had so much fun a while ago that I feel like wanting to enjoy your company for a while longer.

MAMIYA: In Sho’s case, isn’t it just because you had too much to drink?

MAMIYA: You’re looking quite pale, y’know~? See? (Mamiya touches Sho’s hand) Your hand’s a bit warm, too.

SHO: (chuckles) Is that so? Well, maybe it is, since Takaaki’s hand feels cool and nice.

RUKA: Were you bad at handling your alcohol, Sho-kun?

RUKA: Like, your head feels floaty whenever you drink?

SHO: Hmm… I don’t think I’m particularly bad or good.

SHO: Though, it’s true that my head feels kind of floaty but, it doesn’t really go beyond that.

RUKA: Heh~ I’ll remember that~

SHO: Hm? Why would you want to remember that?

RUKA: When I know what my friends’ limits are, I can help them when they’re troubled about what to drink next or when they’re about to pass out, right~?

RUKA: I can handle my alcohol well so don’t hesitate to rely on me, ‘kay~

SHO: Thank you. Ruka’s very kind and reliable, huh?

MAMIYA: ROCK DOWN’s bonds are so dazzling~

MAMIYA: Alright! Then, Ouka will go home first in a taxi and then—

OUKA: Wait. Do you really think I’m that much of a loner to go home by taxi when you’re all walking?

MAMIYA: Yeah.

OUKA: (Ouka grabs Mamiya by the necktie) You should at least lie in a situation like this.

MAMIYA: (with a pained voice) O-O-Ouka-kun… Ouka-kun? Don’t pull my necktie…! My neck’s gonna fall off…!

MAMIYA: My neck’s gonna snap…!

RUKA: (smiles) VAZZY’s bonds are so tight, huh~!?

SHO: Ouka, calm down~

OUKA: Tch.

RUKA: So, that means~ Ouka-kun’s gonna walk with us?

OUKA: I am. Now that that’s decided, let’s get going.

OUKA: Let’s go. Hurry up and go.

RUKA: Yes sir~

MAMIYA: Y-yes…

[05:00]

RUKA: (singing) ♪ Let’s go on a walk, let’s go on a walk~! ♪

RUKA: (singing) ♪ I am the great Ruka-kun~! ♪

SHO: (chuckles) Ruka’s in a good mood, huh?

OUKA: I’d understand if that was his energy after drinking but, I’m surprised that he’s naturally like that.

OUKA: In a way, he’s pretty energetic.

MAMIYA: That’s to be expected. Ruka’s a stage actor after all.

MAMIYA: I think he’s got more energy than a certain someone here~ He’s got pretty great stamina.

OUKA: I see.

SHO: I’m so sorry, Ouka. We ended up going home by walking.

OUKA: Ah, no. If I’m being honest, I was the same as everyone else. I felt like going for a walk.

OUKA: That’s why you don’t have to mind it.

MAMIYA: Oh my~! You’re quite honest with Sho, aren’t you, Ouka?

OUKA: If someone tells me something directly, I answer as honestly as I can.

OUKA: That’s all there is to it.

MAMIYA: In other words, you’re rebellious when it comes to me?

RUKA: (smiles) Walking like this together with everyone feels kinda nice, huh~?

RUKA: The food and alcohol during the staff party was great, too! I’m extremely satisfied~

RUKA: I’m super happy!

OUKA: Ruka, your voice is too loud.

RUKA: (laughs) I’m sorry, Ouka-kun.

RUKA: I’m feeling good and the wind feels so nice~ I just got taken in by the atmosphere. (to Sho) Right~?

SHO: Hm? Yes~ (to Mamiya) Right?

MAMIYA: (to Ouka) Right~?

OUKA: Ruka and Sho aside, when Takaaki does it, it’s disgusting.

MAMIYA: So mean!

RUKA: Alright~! Sho-kun and I passed!

MAMIYA: Discrimination is not good, Ouka.

OUKA: Don’t hold on to me, you drunk.

MAMIYA: I didn’t drink any though~

MAMIYA: I only drank like, one beer and about two or three ciders.

RUKA: Me, too! Normally, I’d drink so much more but, I have to wake up early tomorrow.

RUKA: Hm… But, Takaaki-kun, Ouka-kun, Sho-kun, and I are kinda a rare combi so—

RUKA: Going home so early just kinda feels like a waste…

SHO: Even though you say that Ruka, Gaku asked me to take you home safely.

RUKA: Ack! That bastard…!

MAMIYA: As expected from his partner! He can read you like a book~

OUKA: You laugh at him and all that but, you need to wake up early for filming tomorrow, too.

OUKA: Walk properly, get home, and then go to sleep.

OUKA: Don’t tell me, “let me watch one video before going to sleep,” got it?

MAMIYA: (groans)

SHO: (laughs) Looks like he can read you well, too~

SHO: Although Takaaki takes his work seriously, there are times when he indulges himself, huh?

SHO: Just like me~

RUKA: I-I don’t think that’s something you should be smiling about, Sho-kun… (laughs nervously)

OUKA: Good grief… So, our leaders have the same weird tendencies.

SHO: Please don’t abandon me.

[08:19]

SHO: (gasps)

RUKA: Hm, what’s wrong, Sho-kun?

SHO: Look, Ruka. Since there are no buildings around, you can see the stars properly.

RUKA: Ah! It’s true!

RUKA: Woah~! Since when did I last see the stars like this~?

OUKA: We might have seen them but didn’t really notice them much.

MAMIYA: So, they can be seen properly even in the city, huh~!

OUKA: The stars I saw from my relative’s house when I was younger were even more amazing.

MAMIYA: Heh~ In the countryside?

OUKA: In Okayama Prefecture’s prefectural border.

OUKA: I was in elementary school back then probably. I went there about 2 or 3 times during summer vacation.

OUKA: In any case, the stars were so beautiful that I’d lay down and look up at them until my mother came to scold me.

OUKA: It’s such a vivid memory that when I close my eyes sometimes, I feel like I can still see them.

OUKA: The scent of incense, the squeaking of the wooden floorboards, the sound of the wind chimes, and the starry sky spreading from the night sky.

RUKA: When I imagine Ouka-kun with stars, it makes for such a perfect picture that I get scared~

RUKA: Ouka-kun, you really love stars, huh?

OUKA: I guess. I love them.

OUKA: Not just the stars but the universe in general. When it’s shown on T.V. I end up watching it completely.

MAMIYA: This is my first time hearing that~

OUKA: Have I not told you…?

OUKA: Don’t you generally prefer conversations where you can talk of anything compared to half-hearted ones that don’t fit your interests?

OUKA: It feels good to be able to talk about what you love, doesn’t it?

MAMIYA: I see~ That’s such a great reason that’s so fitting of you, Ouka.

RUKA: I love stars too but, not on a realistic scale, I guess.

RUKA: I love things with star designs! They can be cute or cool~!

RUKA: Oh, and they’re good luck~!

MAMIYA: Oh! Now that you mention it, I feel like a lot of your t-shirts and bags have star designs on them!

MAMIYA: Don’t you have shoes like that, too? Ya know, the ones designed with stars for buckles and stuff?

RUKA: As expected from Takaaki-kun! You’ve observed well, huh~? Those are my favorite~

RUKA: It’s the one I decorated with the make-up artist backstage! It’s the only one of its kind in the world~

RUKA: I wear them to feel in the mood before a play!

SHO: You really take acting seriously, huh~ Leaving it to luck is not manly, was it?

SHO: Though, you give me the impression that you would leave it to your own abilities.

RUKA: (laughs) That’s correct! That’s exactly it!

RUKA: Whether it’s luck or abilities, the one that wins in the end is the me who practiced a lot.

RUKA: The only superstition I believe are good luck charms, I guess.

RUKA: I usually feel like giving it my all when I’m acting since I can~

RUKA: Though, there are a lot of people on stage who believe in superstitions.

SHO: True. I think I have the same way of thinking. The world is not so simple that we can win on luck alone.

SHO: But, we can’t completely undermine luck and being lucky. That’s about it, I guess~

RUKA: Yep~! Samesies~

[11:43]

SHO: (chuckles) Hey, does everyone know the legend of Vega from the Lyra constellation? It’s one of the brightest stars in the Summer Triangle.

MAMIYA: That’s pretty sudden~ The Summer Triangle constellation is uh… Altair, Vega, and… Ah, Deneb! It’s that one, right?

MAMIYA: The only thing I know about it are the stars’ names.

OUKA: I’m the same.

RUKA: Wow, you’re amazing! I didn’t even know the stars’ names!

RUKA: I only know the words “Summer Triangle”.

SHO: (chuckles) That’s exactly it.

SHO: Lyra is the constellation that’s shaped like a musical instrument. It’s the lyre that appears in Greek mythology.

SHO: The story goes is that it’s Orpheus’s lyre up in the sky.

SHO: The legend says that Orpheus went to the Underworld to reclaim his departed wife.

SHO: He offered his music to the King of the Underworld and managed to charm him.

SHO: Though, it seems like he failed with his initial plans of bringing his beloved back.

SHO: I’ve been told this story when I was young and I remember admiring the music that was supposed to have swayed even the King of the Underworld’s heart.

SHO: I just remembered that suddenly.

RUKA: I feel like Sho-kun’s violin can shake the heart of the King of the Underworld, too~

SHO: No, no. I still have ways to go.

SHO: I think that the violin is something that I still have to learn for quite a long time.

SHO: It’s never-ending and it makes me feel a bit scared but, it has its own charm, too.

OUKA: It might be quite similar to the reason why I admire the universe.

OUKA: Something that we want to chase for an eternity.

RUKA: Ah, that kind of phrasing is perfect for my ideal stars!

RUKA: Something that we admire for eternity is something that we’d yearn for for a long time!

RUKA: Isn’t that cool~?

MAMIYA: I feel you. Though, it’d be a plus if I can make mine shorter.

MAMIYA: See? Just like those stars spreading above our heads right now.

MAMIYA: I can see them all the time and I feel like I can reach my hand out to them. They’re always watching over us.

MAMIYA: I was just thinking that it’d be nice if the fans thought of us like that, too.

OUKA: “Watching over” is so like you.

MAMIYA: Right?

SHO: Right now, we are the ones being watched over by the stars, huh?

SHO: Let’s continue to do our best so that we can become those kinds of admirable people~

RUKA: Yeah!

RUKA: (singing) ♪ Let’s go home, let’s go home~! I am the great Ruka-kun~! ♪

OUKA: Like I said, your voice is too loud.

MAMIYA: Alright, let’s sing together in a moderate tone then~

MAMIYA: Alright, Ouka, you too~!

OUKA: I won’t sing.

SHO: (chuckles) We’ll continue to make music that will shake your heart one day.

SHO: Beautiful and dazzling music just like the stars that’s dedicated for you.

==END==

※ Please don’t re-post the English translations without permission.

If you like this, please consider buying me a ko-fi here to support my work. (o^▽^o)Thank you!!

#tsukipro #vazzrock #rock down #vazzy #mamiya takaaki #kira ouka #onoda sho #nadumi ruka #drama cd #vazzrock translations #my translations #ouka and stars apparently make for a perfect image~!#if only i could draw i would draw it lol #queued post

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flickerofcalum · 5 years

Text

once bitten, twice shy | part two

part 1 // shoot me a message if you wanna be added to a taglist!

The worst part of it all was, despite the changes, Luke could still see all the parts of Brinley that he’d fallen in love with. The parts of her he was still in love with, if he was being honest with himself. He was more fucked than he’d previously realized.

“It was the craziest thing, bro. One minute she was throwing a drink in my face and the next thing I know, she’s got her hand down my pants and her tongue down my throat. I mean, I’m not complaining, but it was confusing as hell.”

Luke rolled his eyes from where he sat on Michael’s couch, listening to him recount the previous evening’s events to Ashton and Calum, Michael hadn’t stopped talking about hooking up with Olivia since they stumbled into his parents’ home early that morning, but thankfully, he’d mostly been too distracted to really pay close attention to his friend anyway. He was unable to stop thinking about his run-in with Brinley the night before.

When he’d decided to come home for Christmas, he’d prepared himself for the worst. He’d known immediately that she wouldn’t want to seem him and honestly, he couldn’t blame her. The two of them had been together for such a long time, had their whole lives planned out with each other, and Luke had selfishly flipped the script on her at the very last minute. He hated himself for it every day.

And god, he had missed her the entire time he’d been gone, but it felt even worse now that he’d laid eyes on her. Brinley had changed so much in their time apart – she was even more gorgeous, which he really hadn’t ever thought would be possible. Though it may have been a little creepy, he’d spent half the night watching her from across the room. He couldn’t stop picturing her long legs in the red dress, the cute way her lips curved up into a smile whenever she’d teased Calum, the delicate blush on her pale cheeks whenever someone gave her a compliment.

“Earth to Luke,” Ashton’s fingers snapped in front of his face, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Are you alive in there?”

Luke blinked a few times. “Sorry. I was just…thinking.”

“About Brinley?” Calum questioned bluntly, raising a dark eyebrow at him. Luke had never really been comfortable discussing Brinley with Calum, and since their break up, he’d tried to avoid the topic all together. While the dark-haired man was one of his best friends, he knew that Calum’s history with his ex went back further than Luke’s history with either of them.

Luke chewed on his bottom lip, scratching his fingers along his stubbled jaw nervously. “I just didn’t think that seeing her again was gonna be so hard, you know?” He sighed a bit. “And she wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Well, you did abandon her right before the two of you were supposed to go off to college together, mate. Can you really blame her?” Michael pointed out, barely looking up from his phone. Luke shot him a glare. He didn’t really need a reminder of what he’d done to Brinley. It was already on his mind more than he would ever admit out loud.

Ashton reached over to pinch Michael’s thigh, eliciting a shriek from red-haired boy. “Not helping, Mike.” He looked back at Luke, his eyes soft and pitying. “She probably just needs some time.”

Luke shrugged sadly. At the party, Brinley hadn’t been able to get away from him fast enough – the chances of her changing her mind about wanting to speak to him were probably slim. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that Brinley was still in love with him. Not only was she beautiful, but she also was incredibly smart, talented, funny, and had the kindest soul out of anyone Luke had ever met. If they hadn’t already, it was only a matter of time before someone else came into her life and swept her off her feet, treated her the way she deserved to be treated. Luke was afraid that he was too late.

“She looked good, though, right? Like…she looks like she’s happy,” Luke said finally. Even if she was never his again, that was all he wanted for her.

He watched as Calum shared a look with Ashton he couldn’t quite read before he reached over to pat Luke’s thigh. “Yeah, man. She’s happy.”

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

The cold air stung his skin as he walked outside, causing him to curse under his breath. When he’d promised his mother he’d come home for the holidays, he’d forgotten how goddamn cold it got there. He didn’t have a lot of warm clothes since he lived in Los Angeles, so he wrapped himself up in one of Jack’s old winter coats. There was a gap between the sleeve and the gloves he was wearing, but it was better than nothing.

Normally, Luke avoided going outside at all costs in the winter, but after being locked up in his childhood bedroom for nearly a week, his mother forced him out of the house with a grocery list. Worst of all, he was without a car, so he had no choice but to make the small trek to the store on foot. It was only about a ten-minute walk, but the frigid weather made it feel like hours.

His cheeks and the tips of his ears were red by the time he arrived at the store. The heat was blasting, something he was grateful for when he walked inside. He grabbed a cart and furrowed his brows as he looked at his mother’s list. It occurred to him that he hadn’t been grocery shopping since he moved to Los Angeles. Most of the time, Ashton took care of that sort of thing or they ate take out. “Milk, egg whites, cereal…” he mumbled to himself underneath his breath as he wandered down the aisles, putting the items in the cart. He was pretty sure he had grabbed the wrong brand of cereal, but it was his mother’s own fault for sending him here.

He stood in front of the milk, thoughtfully looking between all the different types. His mother had been on a health kick lately, so would she want almond milk instead? Was he supposed to buy the store’s off brand version since it was cheaper? Luke had been standing there for far too long whenever he heard his name called out by a sweet little voice.

Brinley turned the corner, an exasperated look on her face as she tried to stop her little sister who was barreling towards Luke. He took in a sharp breath as he saw her. She was only in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, her hair thrown messily on top of her head, but she still looked as beautiful as ever to him. “Mallory, no running! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

The man grinned as he bent down to Mallory’s level, catching her when she launched herself into his arms. Luke had always had a soft spot for the younger girl, partly because she was the spitting image of her sister. He was a little amazed at how much she’d grown since he’d last seen her, a heavier weight against him than he was used to.

“There is no way you’re Mallory,” He said teasingly. “You are far too big to Mallory.”

Mallory rolled her eyes, propping a hand on her hip as she looked at him. “That’s ‘cause I grew up, dummy.”

“Mallory, be polite,” Brinley chastised. She locked eyes with Luke for a moment before she looked away with flushed cheeks.

Luke turned his attention back to the younger girl. “My apologies, Ms. All Grown Up. Who said you could grow up while I was gone, hm?”

His smile only grew as the little girl giggled, revealing her missing tooth. “I can’t help it!” She insisted, gripping Luke’s hand once he stood up.

Looking at Brinley again, he dared to speak. “It’s good to see you. It’s a shame we didn’t get to talk at the party.”

Brinley tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, looking up at him through her long eyelashes. “Oh, well… you know, Olivia kind of loses her mind when Michael’s around. I had to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid.”

“Right,” Luke said with a nod, looking back down as Mallory started tugging on his sleeve.

“Luke, Luke! I’m in a Christmas play at my school. I play an angel!” She said excitedly.

Luke grinned. “An angel, huh? How fitting,” he teased, smoothing down her hair.

Mallory rose up on her tiptoes to speak to him. “Will you come see it?”

Brinley coughed. “Mal, I’m sure Luke is really busy…”

Although he knew Brinley didn’t really want him around, he hated the idea of disappointing Mallory by saying no. “I’m actually really not that busy,” he blurted out, chewing on his lip again. “I’d love to come, Mallory. If it’s okay with your sister.”

He felt only slightly guilty as Mallory turned towards her older sister with big eyes, a small pout forming on her lips. “Can he come? Pleaseeee?”

The older girl let out a sigh, giving Luke an exasperated look. “I guess so. Can you let me talk to Luke alone for a second?”

Mallory’s smile was wide as she hugged Luke around his legs for a moment. “Bye Lukey!”

“Bye, petal,” Luke said fondly.

He bit his lip as Mallory ran back over to their nearby cart, pulling the doll she’d left inside out. He’d gotten enough lectures from Brinley to know when she was about to chastise him about something, so he prepared himself as he looked at her. “Brin, look…”

“Don’t call me that,” Brinley snapped, holding one finger up to cut his sentence off. Her gaze felt like it was piercing right through him and he had never felt quite so vulnerable in his life. “I know we’re going to be seeing each other a lot over the next few weeks, but I want to make it clear that I’m not interested in reconciling with you. You can come to her play, and we can be civil when we’re with our friends, but I don’t want anything to do with you other than that?”

At her words, Luke felt his heart jump into his throat. While he didn’t necessarily expect her to jump back into his arms, he at least thought she’d be willing to talk things out. “Can’t you just give me a chance to explain?” He said, a bit more pleadingly than he would’ve liked. “There’s so many things I have to say to you if you’d just give me five minutes.”

Brinley let out a humorless laugh. “If you wanted to explain yourself that bad, you would’ve done it by now. You can’t just show up here after all of this time and expect me to just bend to your will and listen to you.” She insisted. “I just… I just want to forget everything that happened between us. I’m done, I’ve moved on. And I suggest you do the same.”

Luke gaped after her as she stalked back over to Mallory. He’d been on the receiving end Brinley’s anger before, but he had never experienced her being so outwardly harsh. He felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest as he watched her walk away.

As he finished up the rest of his shopping, he felt numb, like he was on autopilot. The wind blew the cold air harshly around him as he walked, but it barely affected him. He’d always known that he’d fucked things up with Brinley, but it was starting to hit him that things between them were messed up beyond repair. The girl he loved wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and it hurt.

So, when Luke got home, he quickly put away the groceries before retiring to his room to deal with his feelings the only way he knew how. He locked his door, grabbed a notebook, and started writing.

#luke hemmings blurb #luke blurb #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings fic #5sos fic #5sos blog #luke 5sos #5sos #obts #kelly writes #this got so long #pls reblog if u read sfjdsdk

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crafiet · 5 years

Note

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

#writing #this was really helpful actually!!!!#i realise how much of my flaws and traumas i project onto her #love a self-insert/emotional support character #cloudybookash

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asknightqueendany · 5 years

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The Big Five (Bran, Arya, Jon, Dany, Tyrion) who will survive is only something that George R. R. Martin wrote in a letter about the upcoming series in 199-fucking-3. It was supposed to be a trilogy. There was supposed to be a love triangle between Tyrion, Arya and Jon. Also dany wasn’t supposed to have dragons in that outline so STOP using the big 5 to justify that Sansa isn’t an important character! It’s getting old and transparent.

I’m cracking up. Have you people even READ the original outline? No? I highly suggest you check it out before sending me asks on it again. You can see the original photos and transcribed texts HERE.

But let’s go through it because it’s a glorious Friday afternoon and I feel like taking some people down a notch.

The things I seem most about GRRM’s original outline as reasons why it shouldn’t be taken seriously are: 1) it was supposed to be a trilogy and 2) there was supposed to be a love triangle between Jon, Arya, and Tyrion. I don’t know where you got the whole, “Dany wasn’t supposed to have dragons” thing anon because according to the outline, there be dragons:

But let’s take a look at the letter. George states, “There are three major conflicts set in motion in the chapters enclosed. These will form the major plot threads of the trilogy, intertwining each other in what should be a complex but exciting (I hope) narrative tapestry. Each of the conflicts presents a major threat to the peace of my imaginary realm, the Seven Kingdoms, and to the lives of my principal characters.”

The first threat, George says, is the Lannister/Stark conflict.

The second threat is the Dothraki invasion, led by Daenerys in what George thought would be his second novel - A Dance With Dragons.

And the Third and final threat to Westeros would be the Others in his presumed last novel - The Winds of Winter.

Now, right off the bat, George has already used all the book titles, with TWOW in progress. On the show, we’ve already seen the play out and conclusion of the Lannister/Stark war. Daenerys/Dothraki invasion of Westeros has happened in the show. And the Others had begun invading the Seven Kingdoms at the end of Season 7.

So all of what George first said has come to pass, just eight seasons and seven books, not a trilogy.

In AGOT, things George said would happen was that Ned and Cat were doomed (✓), things for the Starks would get worse before they got better (✓), Ned would find out what happened to Jon Arryn (✓), Robert would have an accident and the throne would pass to Joffrey (✓), Ned would be accused of treason (✓), and Ned would help Arya and Catelyn escape to Winterfell (did not happen). HOWEVER - Cat never needed escaping from King’s Landing AND Arya did escape King’s Landing after Ned’s beheading - she just didn’t receive help from him.

George says of Sansa: she will wed Joffrey (no) and bear him a son (no), “and when the crunch comes she will choose her husband and child over her parents and siblings, a choice she will later bitterly rue” (✓ - Sansa DOES choose Joffrey over her family in the Riverlands and then again in King’s Landing by going behind Ned’s back to tell Cersei of his plan to send them back to Winterfell and willingly volunteers to write the letter to Robb so that she can still marry Joffrey (not because Cersei made her write it, she did it for Joffrey). Tyrion befriends Sansa (✓) and Arya (no) and becomes disillusioned with his own family (✓).

I’m just going to quote the whole letter from now on because I’m too lazy to type…

“Young Bran will come out of his coma (✓), after a strange prophetic dream (✓), only to discover that he will never walk again (✓). He will turn to magic, at first in the hope of restoring his legs, but later for its own sake (✓). When his father Eddard Stark is executed, Bran will see the shape of doom descending on all of them, but nothing he can say will stop his brother Robb from calling the banners in rebellion (✓) . All the north will be inflamed by war (✓). Robb will win several splendid victories (✓), and maim Joffrey Baratheon on the battlefield (no), but in the end he will not be able to stand against Jaime and Tyrion Lannister and their allies. Robb Stark will die in battle (no), and Tyrion Lannister will besiege and burn Winterfell (no - kinda).” - Winterfell does get besieged and burned, only not by Tyrion, by Theon and Ramsay. And of course, Robb will die during his war against the Lannisters, just not in battle.

“Jon Snow, the bastard, will remain in the far north (✓). He will mature into a ranger of great daring (✓ - kinda), and ultimately will succeed his uncle as the commander of the Night’s Watch(✓ - kinda). When Winterfell burns, Catelyn Stark will be forced to flee north with her son Bran and her daughter Arya (no - kinda). Wounded by Lannister riders, they will seek refuge at the Wall, but the men of the Night’s Watch give up their families when they take the black, and Jon and Benjen will not be able to help, to Jon’s anguish (no). It will lead to a bitter estrangement between Jon and Bran (no). Arya will be more forgiving … until she realizes, with terror, that she has fallen in love with Jon, who is not only her half-brother but a man of the Night’s Watch, sworn to celibacy (no - kinda). Their passion will continue to torment Jon and Arya throughout the trilogy, until the secret of Jon’s true parentage is finally revealed in the last book (no - kinda).” - though Jon isn’t a ranger, he goes on a ranging and is pretty daring. He does become LC but not succeeding Benjen, succeeding Mormont. Bran does flee to the Wall, but to go beyond it. Arya tries to flee North/to the Wall but doesn’t make it. Jon is tormented by a love because of his NW vows of celibacy - Ygritte - and does develop feelings for his kin - Daenerys.

“Abandoned by the Night’s Watch, Catelyn and her children will find their only hope of safety lies even further north, beyond the Wall (no - kinda), where they fall into the hands of Mance Rayder, the King-beyond-the-Wall, and get a dreadful glimpse of the inhuman others as they attack the wildling encampment (no - kinda). Bran’s magic, Arya’s sword Needle, and the savagery of their direwolves will help them survive, but their mother Catelyn will die at the hands of the others (no - kinda).” - as stated, Bran does go beyond the Wall, Jon is the one who falls into the hands of Mance Rayder, Jon does get a glimpse of an Other attack on a wildling encampment (Hardhome), and Bran’s magic and direwolf do save him from the Others (The Door - Hodor).

“Over across the narrow sea, Daenerys Targaryen will discover that her new husband, the Dothraki Khal Drogo, has little interest in invading the Seven Kingdoms, much to her brother’s frustration(✓). When Viserys presses his claims past the point of tact or wisdom, Khal Drogo will finally grow annoyed and kill him out of hand, eliminating the Targaryen pretender and leaving Daenerys as the last of her line (✓). Danerys [sic] will bide her time, but she will not forget (✓). When the moment is right, she will kill her husband (✓) to avenge her brother (no), and then flee with a trusted friend into the wilderness beyond Vaes Dothrak (✓ - kinda). There, hunted by Dothraki bloodriders (✓) [unclear] of her life, she stumbles on a cach***e of dragon’***s eggs (✓ - kinda) [unclear] of a young dragon will give Daenerys the power to bend the Dothraki to her will (✓). Then she begins to plan for her invasion of the Seven Kingdoms (✓). - Daenerys does wander the wilderness beyond Vaes Dothrak (after she hatches her dragons) with her Khalasar in the Red Waste. She does get dragons eggs, just given to her at her wedding instead of stumbling upon them (really, that’s just better storytelling on George’s part. If she had just randomly found them, it would feel too coincidental). Dany did kill Drogo but not to avenge Viserys; it was to put him out of his misery. Dany does use her powers to bend the Dothraki to her will (burning the Khals to become TSWMTW).

“Tyrion Lannister will continue to travel, to plot, and to play the game of thrones (✓), finally removing his nephew Joffrey in disgust at the boy king’s brutality (no - kinda). Jaime Lannister will follow Joffrey on the throne of the Seven Kingdoms (no - kinda), by the simple expedient of killing everyone ahead of him in the line of succession and blaming his brother Tyrion for the murders (no - kinda). Exiled (✓), Tyrion will change sides (✓), making common cause with the surviving Starks to bring his brother down (✓ - kinda), and falling helplessly in love with Arya Stark (✓ - kinda) while he’s at it. His passion is, alas, unreciprocated (✓ - kinda), but no less intense for that, and it will lead to a deadly rivalry between Tyrion and Jon Snow (yet to be seen).” - Joffrey is killed and Tyrion is accused though he wasn’t guilty. Cersei follows her son to the throne after Tommen’s death (which was her fault so she essentially killed him), Tyrion joins Daenerys to bring down Cersei, he falls in love with Dany (according to all of Peter’s interviews about his feelings for Daenerys), as Dany is in love with Jon, it seems Tyrion’s affections are reciprocated, and we don’t yet know if Tyrion and Jon will fight to the death. It’s possible.

So anon, I’d say so far as George’s predictions go for the entire series, he’s gotten it closer to his original outline than not. So please, for the last goddamn time, leave me alone with this bullshit that the Original outline doesn’t mean anything so far as Sansa’s character and I should stop referring to it. Almost everything George predicted he’d write, has come to pass. Perhaps not how he originally thought…but largely, it’s all happened.

Wanna know why Sansa’s a “major character” in the show? Look:

And it’s because of Turner’s strength, Benioff continued, that it made sense to give Sansa a dramatic storyline this season and to use Ramsay’s engagement for that very purpose. In fact, the showrunners first thought about putting Sansa and Ramsay together back when they were writing season 2. “We really wanted Sansa to play a major part this season,” Benioff said. “If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that.

D&D wanted it. It’s not George’s story or George’s plan. Dan and Dave like Sophie’s acting and wanted her to play a more major role. So they gave her that. It has absolutely nothing to do with the series as a whole or the endgame. Sansa is not a main character and she will matter very little to the endgame.

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arcenergy · 7 years

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1 to 50 for arcetri bab

HOO BOY HERE WE GO

1. What do they smell like? cinnamon, sugar, probably wine. if it’s during the blight then mix in blood and dirt.

2. What is their voice like? ive always kind of headcanoned that arcetri sounds a bit like 2B from nier: automata (you can listen to her voice here)

3. What is their biggest motivator? keeping her friends and family safe

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? her most embarrassing memory is when she was trying to impress some friends of red jenny by making a jump over a few crates and she fell directly on her face and got a bad bloody nose and a small cut on her jaw. they never let it down.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain? arcetri always always always bottles up her emotions, and that includes pain. she bites her lip or her cheek and shuts her eyes tight and tries to get through it as best as possible

6. What do they like to wear? casual clothes that are comfortable

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively? honestly i genuinely think alistair and arcetri’s relationship is the most positive relationship she ever has. alistair appreciates arcetri entirely despite her flaws and wants her to improve as a person and to forgive herself more.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten? antivan wine poured into a cream potato soup. (two shots of vodka.mp4)

9. Describe the way that they sleep. she usually sleeps on her side and she kind of curls up almost like into a ball and is probably being the little spoon

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food? sugary stuff!!

11. What do they feel most insecure about? her past mistakes/regrets.

12. How do they like to dress? hair up in a bun, big poofy shirt, boots, and pants.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt? once again, attempts to bottle it up. but guilt very quickly eats away at her. if she genuinely did do something wrong she’ll apologize immediately. if she didnt do anything wrong but still feels guilty about it she probably wont talk about it but will apologize too much for small tiny accidents that she creates and is more prone to blowing up/getting extremely upset

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? she tries to find the reason why someone betrayed her and see if she can understand why they betrayed her. that’s why she didnt particularly care when anders left the wardens. she understood.

15. What is their greatest achievement? killing the archdemon

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep? god when doesnt she get barely enough sleep? anyway you can pretty much see her ‘nervous behaviors’ because it’s hard for her to contain her emotions when she’s half awake. she’ll pace around, tap her fingers on anything, and rock on her heels. she’ll also probably fall asleep wherever she’s sitting

17. What are they like when they’re drunk? a riot. sometimes she’s the sad, crying, sobbing drunk or the “I LOVE EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM AND IM GONNA KICK ALL YOUR ASSES”

18. What kind of music do they enjoy? in a modern au she’d like alternative stuff but she loves like those popular tavern songs

19. Are they right or left handed? both, but right dominant.

20. Fears? her biggest fear is loneliness/abandonment (i always felt like those went hand in hand)

21. Favorite kind of weather? sunny!

22. Favorite color? red.

23. Do they collect anything? books and flowers!

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more? hot

25. What is their eye color? brown

26. What is their race/ethnicity? biracial

27. Hair color? once again, brown!

28. Are they happy where they are currently? honestly id say that she’s happy.

29. Are they a morning person? hell no

30. Sunrise or sunset? sunset

31. Are they more messy or more organized? messyyyyy

32. Pet peeves? do snooty nobles count?

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance? she owns dalish jewelry from her mother.

34. Least favorite food? pineapple. too sour for her.

35. Least favorite color? yellow.

36. Least favorite smell? sweat.

37. When was the last time they cried? the latest point in time i have arcetri’s story is about a few months after she returns with the cure to the blight, so id say that the last time she cried was with alistair over the guilt of being possessed

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried? ye

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured? she got scratched by one of the arl’s sons mabari’s and has a big ol claw scratch scar on her shoulder

40. Do they have any scars? ^^^

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues? anxiety, for sure.

42. Do they have any bad habits? biting her lip. sometimes she bites too hard and it bleeds.

43. Why might someone dislike them? she’s incredibly stubborn and dismissive

44. Why might someone love them? she’s also very willing to sacrifice anything for someone she cares about, and is very generous and just all around kind.

45. Do they believe in ghosts? not particularly, no.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives? anders, zevran, and alistair.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone? alistair!!

48. Are they dating/married to anyone? ALISTAIR!!!!!!!!!!!

49. Do they like surprises? she doesnt really get the point of surprises unless if it’s a prank

50. When is their birthday? she born in 9:09 dragon, making her 21 when the blight started i think

thanks so much for sending! i apologize for any spelling errors and junk

#misc #asks #arcetri tabris #da #sadelvenmage

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the-little-red-noodle · 7 years

Text

4/22/17 10:25pm a letter to my writing teacher about callum

you’ve probably gotten the email by now, so why haven’t you said anything? Well that’s tough, because you haven’t said anything for months, not since that night when, I guess, you thought you’d said everything you needed to.

I want to hear your side of the story

I never thought I’d have to defend myself so much to you, especially considering you were the one who fucked up between us. You abandoned me when I reached out for friends. You told me “If you ever need support, just ask for it. I want to be there for you always.” Well I was asking.

Hey where are you? I need a friend right now

You never responded that night. I saw a half assed text the next morning of, “Hope it all worked out.” But that was bullshit and you should have known that. As your self-described best friend on campus, I would have expected a little more warmth, but I knew where you were. I knew you were with the problem, and you’d take her side because god forbid you risk blue balls helping your friend.

I wasn’t even mad that you two were getting to know each other, you never would have met without me. I hope it gives you both hell that I set you up. Me, this 'disgusting racist, stupid bitch.’

White people don’t talk about politics

The catalyst for this clusterfuck of my sophomore year was her, ranting about how white people are all inherently racist because they don’t talk about political issues at family events. I wasn’t even the first one to call her out on this. The whole room seemed on my side that there are a lot of reasons why people wouldn’t want to start fights over politics with older relatives. It seemed so strange to me how mad she was that people were challenging her. She scoffed and glared and sent huge angry rant texts to you about how the whole room called her out. Eventually the conversation lost the topic and it just sat with me.

Hey I don’t mean to start fights, but this thing you said yesterday kind of rubbed me the wrong way so I was wondering if we could clear it up? I just don’t feel like its fair to say that ALL white people avoid political discussion ALL the time. Its not appropriate to debate grandma on your differing views on politics at christmas because fighting at christmas just isn’t cool to do. You think I wouldn’t like to talk to those relative that i disagree with and argue my side? You don’t do that at thanksgiving.

Im not going to defend white people. You dont talk about politics because you don’t need to, racial issues don’t affect you.

Ryan’s thanksgiving had the same parameters to not talk about politics.. His extended family is all japanese, but they still don’t agree on political issues that aren’t about race, like money and women’s rights..

*ignores my point* if they disagree with you then you should cut them out of your life. you shouldnt sit idly by while your family is racist.

there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t cut yourself off from relatives.. money reasons, or the fact that they’re family...

*scoffs*

I never meant to get her angry at me. I hate confrontation as much as the next introvert, I just didn’t like feeling like things were unsolved. I never expected her to blow up. That night after we parted from a her screaming at me for 2 hours, I texted you for help. I reached out. you were the one who abandoned me, but that didn’t matter. You only heard her side of the story when she was angry and getting high off aggression. That didn’t mean that you had to defend her and ask for my side in a nasty way. I thought you knew me better than to think I was such an awful person, or believe the lies she was telling you.

You weren’t even there, you don’t know what I said

You’re disgusting. You’re a racist. You deserve what’s happening.

I would expect a fight from the problem girl, but not from you. Did you forget about every night you came to my door to cry on my shoulder? Did you forget that I made you dinner every other night for the past two years? Did you forget every time that you said you needed a friend, and I was there? Apparently none of your previous memories of me were as fact as what she was telling you. Forget about the years of our friendship built on honesty, and support, even when you messed up. I took your side in your first breakup, I believed you. I held your head in my lap as you sobbed about how she hurt you. That was me being there for you, not Ms. Problem. but i guess i’m happy i could secure you a side chick for the rest of the year, my parting gift. But through our whole fight, past you calling me a disgusting racist, was calling me stupid. You knew my weak spot. Years of being the dumb blonde and bullied in middle school to eventually dyeing my hair; things you knew. Thus you sculpted your flawless argument of attacking my intelligence

Use your fucking pea sized brain you idiot and read what i just fucking wrote you. Are you really that dumb?

I just want to know what I did wrong.. what did i even do to you?

You are impossibly dense, fucking retard

When you only hear one side of the story, you believe it. That’s true of you, along with the rest of my now ex friend group. I was the only one who didn’t live in this house. The whole lot of 10 people who I thought i was friendly with took the same side you did, blind hate for me. I don’t know what I expected from the rest of this group. Gossip and berating other students was just their way of bonding, and i was the next target wheeled out.

It feels like my feet are drilled to the floor as this gang takes an archery class. None of them heard my side, and they never would. instead, they collectively shunned me. Ms. Problem kicked me out of the musical crew for Cabaret. Both relieved to not see them anymore and angry at her, I didn’t come back. The whole crew blocked me on social media and would avoid my gaze as I passed by. Some openly glare at me and give me death stares. There is nothing more isolating than your only friend group one day deciding to hate you, and you never get to defend yourself. You’re just screaming under water, no one can hear you, or rather bothers to listen.

Do you feel good harboring this much hate inside you?

No, but I’d rather keep it to myself and you fucking stop trying to talk to me

This is ridiculous.. I’m just gunna go cuz I can’t take you attacking me like this.

Good, finally you’ll leave me the fuck alone

I never thought our friendship would end like this. that was the last conversation we ever had. Those will always be your famous last words to me. A text fight ending with ‘Finally you’ll leave me the fuck alone.’

You used me for 2 years. Convinced me that you valued our friendship, pretended to care when i was broken, and lapped up my generosity.

you always preferred your significant other to your friendships. you would ditch me in a heartbeat if she said she missed you. ironically, i hope you treat Ms. Problem better than that and don’t run back to your ex. Despite being my bully, I still believe she deserves better. No one wants to be someones second choice, like i apparently was for years. It’s such a disappointing feeling when you learn the hard way that you cared way more than the other person.

I feel too soft to stand up for myself, I am so easily steam rolled and affected. Like stepping on gum, I stick to all the hate and can’t let it go. “Kids can be mean”, my mother would tell me. I feel guilty for complaining and for taking everything so personally. i was just trying to have a civil conversation. i never said anything about race, or racially fueled. I wasn’t trying to defend white people either, I just didn’t want to sit idly by while my friend said a pretty prejudiced statement. I just wanted to hear her out more and speak civilly and have a conversation like grown ups, and from that sparked two huge fights that cost me my two closest friendships on campus and an entire friend group

sometimes i dont even have the strength to be angry, i just curl up and cry. i’ll get glared at and cry, or get another nasty message and cry. i feel haunted and terrorized and bullied but also guilty for saying anything at all.

something that had been eating at me was the brown paper bag of your things that you’d left in my apartment. a constant reminder of the friendship no longer. a red bowl and a red spoon, followed by your owl mug. id cook you dinner every night in that bowl and hot chocolate in that mug and we’d eat on my cardboard box table on the floor of this room and talk about the little things. that was then. now i was haunted by your little napsack of memories. you’ve probably already gotten the email. i went running around campus to student affairs and westlands desk to finally have the purple door accept it as a lost and found item.

Hi i have this bag of stuff that belongs to a student, but i dont feel safe continuing communication with him, can you take it? its just some kitchen stuff but the other places wont hold it..

we can email him that we have it

thank you

#samiswriting

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sparkleemojiii · 5 years

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thanks mum for making me sob in bed!!!! :)))

#i wanted to move in with mary whos one of her friends #she has two teenage daughters #i grew up with them and mary was a mum to me in a way when i was a teenager cause me and my mum didnt get on #like id spend a lot of time at her house #and i recently went to marys and she has a spare room so i was like yo ill rent it off you #and it seemed like a perfect opputunity cause mary and her girls are family to me #but mum absolutley lost it and said i was abandoning her to be in their family #and made me feel so guilty that im no longer gonna move in #even though it would of made me so happy and would of been perfect for me right now #and i can understand where my mum is coming from but also feel angry at her for stopping me doing something that would make me so happy #in a way i think it was jealousy on her part which is totally unfair #im 22 fucking years old if i wanna move somewhere i should be able to even if it is her friend #but i guess shes my mum and she doesnt want to see me go off and join her best mates family

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exhalethatbullshit-blog1 · 6 years

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The question of ‘Did quitting my job cause this to happen?’ was kind of put in my brain today.

I’ve thought about it. I loved my job, the functionality of it, the reminisce of when I had a voice in a place I considered home, surrounded by people who just were the same to me, home. Pseudo moms who took care of me in ways that will bring me to tears, strong and beautiful woman who mentored me through so many hard times, both professionally and personally. I miss the feeling of pulling up somewhere knowing that one of those women were going to give me a smile - whether a surprise on my desk, a note, or just a nice chat on down time. One of those woman is someone who couldn’t logically be my mom, and often wonder if she even knows how strongly her voice in my life meant to me. Maybe one day I’ll tell her, but then again, she likes emotion as much as I do. 😉😘

Or the feeling of being so good at something. Maybe not all the times, you kicked a horse, good Ol Bessy gunna limp for awhile. I wish I had an actual Jake saying to be there that doesn’t involve dicks.

Or the feeling of loyalty. A brotherhood (even though I’m a girl, I think I’ve earned my bro card over the years in the warehouse) between some people that made me feel like, decades down the road, I know that they’d be at my funeral. It’s weird that I once had that feeling of someone I’ve held such a grudge for. Previous or future posts will talk about abandonment issues and maybe how I react to certain situations that make my heartbeat and vision blur when I feel threatened of harm...Im coming to realize that those are my problems, my reactions to handle. But even in a professional world, there should be a way to deal with that. Handling any kind of ‘hostile’ situation is so muted and diluted that what could set someone off balance is just another day at the office. Is that bad management? And no, not from my brother, this is not a blame game here. I know who tries their best - but from corporate level? Owner? President? HR?

And I’m not just talking smack on the company here, although I’ve thought a couple of times of writing some guy with a cool dog a letter offering some insight of how things play out, some advice - because shit trickles down hill...and when we are down, we get shit on because we don’t matter...and when it comes down to it, that’s just bullshit. But this has to happen in other companies, other humans go through shit, shit happens in the work place that triggers things....but then that employee is a nuisance. Or that mental health, in general, or warning signs aren’t a thing to take seriously.

And I’m just as guilty...but just something to think about in your general work lives. People are people, their own people with their own lives, their own past, their own problems - when you forget that, you really lose your ability to be a good manager, boss, coworker, regional (coughcoughsweatpants).

But back to the original point, do I think I’m in a downward spiral of whatever because I am missing my life calling to be a retail manager. No. I do not think that I’m suffering withdrawal symptoms...well, too much anymore, I miss inventory more than I probably ever should...but I think the lessons I learned there, the hurt, the feeling of betrayal, of being a nuisance, of losing my voice, of backing out of a fight I should’ve never been put in have cycled in and out of my head a few things.

Again, not the blame game, through dropping my exterior and actually working through my feelings, I would still like to think I am a pretty decent judge of character, and I know - and Bowie strike me dead if I’m wrong - nobody intentionally made me feel those things. I don’t think a brotherhood could go that direction. Or maybe it was one sided.

I don’t need answers, I just needed to release some scattered feelings of the things I should’ve said when I could’ve said them. Just how do you explain things in the sense of...hey, I was beat for years and certain situations might affect me differently than you? Or hey, I’m a female and that does make me different than you so what you say does offend me, or the things I can’t physically do shouldn’t hold me back from being an ‘actual opinion’.

That’s not fair, that’s a burden to think of when dealing with situations, right? It seems like it anymore in the world. Now I’m a snowflake, right?

Maybe it’s true, I’m a pansy snowflake who needs to shrink her heart back down to size and stop thinking this world is as perfect as it should be.

And not that wasn’t directed towards the original ‘work theme’ - just a general statement to maybe reflect back on.

But grudges gone, they were stupid in the first place, betrayal on top of embarrassment on top of failure. That’s never going to make a pretty face.

I’ve sent this to some, Id like it to not be a good work conversation because this blog holds things that I do want to work through before the feeling of paranoia...but just like my other posts, it goes to those who deserve it, who I trust, who I love, who will always be a piece of home. I mean no harm or guilt, I ask for no reply, I don’t want apologies or explanations, I don’t want to understand anyone’s side because time machines don’t exist to me, but I just want to get those feelings out, express my love and apologies for being so absense especially being at that place to switch Kyann more times than not and not knowing how to walk in those doors and offer nothing but what I am right now.

I’ll be around soon for hugs - I got a new Bowie shirt I have to show off. 😘

Over and out

Xoxo

-D

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whyamisomiserable · 7 years

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A different perspective.

I’ve always been wildly drawn in by blue eyes, not exactly sure what its meant to do for me but I guess the stereotype is that blue eyes = innocence and “good”. I never did this on purpose but looking back I’ve only ever ever dated people with blue eyes. Why was I attracted to them? Again I’m guessing the stereotype of me supposedly seeing good, light and truth through them. But I can tell you now it is all false. //Trigger Warning// At a week before I was 13 years old, I was sexually assaulted by a man 6 years older than me, he just so happened to be my first kiss too. He had blue eyes. Icey. Cold. Emotionless. I’ll never forget the look on his face. At 14 years old my first “real” boyfriend, who was 22, had blue eyes. He always reminded me of how mature I was. We never really went out together, I was always in his bedroom. That didbt last much longer than a few months, then i started dating a guy a little younger than me, with blue eyes, who constantly, constantly cried. If i ever, ever dared to do anything he slightly didnt like he would cry, he would tell me i was ruining his life if i went out in a skirt/dress thigh high or shorter. At 16 years old I met someone closer to my age. He had blue eyes. He cheated on me a total of 4 times, that he confess to. Each time me not being able to stay mad at those watering oceans of his. He had a personality disorder and flipped sometimes, one time he pinned me down to the concrete by my throat and spat in my face. He would cry again moment after. I learned to ajust and turn this attitude into something I got enjoyment out of because I was made to feel guilty for wanting to escape the situation because he couldn’t help it. At a few months before I was 18 I met a slightly older guy than him, who was an alcoholic, with a low key slight addiction to cocaine. I thought this was cool because he would buy alcohol for us, and even convince bar staff to serve me when I had no ID. He began to be very strict with me and even locked me in his attic for 48 hours in my underwear for displeasing him. He scared me a lot of the time but I thought to myself that looking into the purity of his blue eyes, it had to have made sense somewhere along the line. At 20 years of age I broke free from that with the assistance of a work friend, with blue eyes. He didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend. He got us drunk. I slept with him and the day after he said he had a girlfriend but broke up with her for me. I felt so disgusting. I’ve never been the ‘other’ girl. He would whisper sweet nothings of a future with me, being together forever with a happily ever after. Then he discovered ketamin and MDMA. The drinking only followed, paired with a physical punch when I woke him up for anything, mainly work, despite him sleeping a LOT. He didn’t care that I was pregnant. He was so distant. So distant in fact that it didn’t shock me when he abandoned me in this state, and laughed at me for ever believing what he said. Now, I’ve met someone with brown eyes. Brown eyes have always just been, well, brown eyes. Until now. He blows them all out of the water. Irrelevant. The stereotype of light blue eyes being “good” and dark eyes being “bad” is bullshit. He is the purest of souls. The warmth of my favorite coffee. The clarity and calmness of the earth around us. The pride and loyalty of a wild animal. The actual textbook definition of someone actually loving and caring. Even protecting. I shouldnt be so overwhelmed by these simple perks but for once its not paired with rage. Its not paired with drug fuelled distance. Its not biting my tongue when I need attention and reassurance. Its not paired with walking on eggshells not to make him angry and always being ready to flinch or hide. Hes just…. genuinely… good. No scary behind closed doors action. No tell tale early signs of abusive mannerisms. Brown eyes were always just brown eyes, but now, it’s his eyes and my favourite. I’ll never look into his eyes with any other impression but safety and breathlessness. Im so happy. I can actually breathe. Im safe. Safe feels good. Safe feels so fucking good.

#personal

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