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braunbakery · 3 years

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salvation, maybe (iv)

☞ reiner braun x reader [fem bodied] [chapter word count: 2.5k]

☞ sfw, angst, fluff, post-season 3 [after 4 year time jump], season 4 spoilers

☞ cross-posted on ao3 (very much ahead on ao3, just wanted to bring it to tumblr)

☞ fic plot: you have walked these streets many times before. you have passed this bench many times before. you have seen this man (lost in his thoughts, always drifting, always looking lost) many times before. but this time, this time you take a seat.

prev. next

iv. whisper

when reiner wakes up in the middle of the night, it’s not lurching forward from his bed in a cold sweat grasping at nothing. it’s not choking back a scream or scrambling up from under the covers. it’s because he can feel the weight of your head just below his shoulder, your head tilted up and to the side towards his chest and your nose pressing against his shirt.

his muscles tense before he can comprehend what’s happening. he’s frozen, stone still, watching your chest rise and fall in your sleep. your hands are tucked into yourself (thankfully) and your knees are bent towards your chest, like you’re trying to make yourself as small as possible (in an already small bed.) reiner considers slowly moving his arm from underneath you, but any movement might wake you up or end with him falling off the edge of the bed (or him no longer feeling the warmth of your breath against his shirt, or the weight of your head that somehow makes him feel lighter.)

so he stays still, trying to ignore how the hands currently bundled up to your chest would fit around his shoulders perfectly, or how this bed would fit both of you better if he could just hold you. (if you could hold him back.) he’s had sleepless nights before, he’s had restless nights before, but staying awake right now and watching you use his arm as a pillow doesn’t seem so bad. it doesn’t seem bad at all.

when you wake up in the middle of the night, it’s not jumping up from a dream where you’re falling endlessly into nothing. it’s not with a heart pounding so hard against your chest that you feel like it might just rip out of you or your legs trembling. it’s because you can feel reiner take a sharp breath. and then you realise that’s because you’re lying on his arm.

you don’t know if he can tell you’re awake, but you know by the way his body is practically a statue underneath you that he is. but your lids are heavy and you don’t have the energy to lift yourself off his arm, nor deal with the excuses already trying to bleed their way out of your mouth. and you also don’t want to.

you just want him to hold you. and you want to hold him.

you swear you can hear his racing heart from your position (slightly tucked into his side), and a part of you knows that he’s not going to dare to touch you unless you say something first. you both lie in silence for minutes that seem like hours, listening to each other breathe and unsure if the other knows that one of you is awake. reiner stares at the ceiling, chastising himself for not sleeping on the floor despite your protests. you would’ve had the whole bed to yourself, and he wouldn’t have to think about how much he wanted you to come closer. you stare into the white button-up shirt separating you from reiner’s chest, trying to lull yourself back to sleep by watching his stomach rise and fall. eventually, you give up.

“reiner?” you murmur, your voice thick with fatigue. you can feel him jolt under you. well, you think, he knows i’m awake now anyway.

“yeah?” reiner replies, raising the arm you aren’t lying on to rest his hand on his stomach. and even though he knows that logically, he should be lifting his other arm out from underneath you and telling you to go back to sleep, he doesn’t. he’s happy to hear you call his name in the dark, even if he’s so tired that he can barely tell whether or not this is a dream.

“are you…” you trail off. you don’t know where you’re going with this, or what elaborate excuse you can concoct for reiner to feel like he absolutely has to have you in his embrace. you’re just so tired and you just want to go back to sleep. but you can’t when reiner is lying like a rock underneath you. you won’t.

“hm?” reiner quizzes when he realises that the words he was waiting for never followed. he feels your head slowly tilt upwards to try and look at his face, your neck craning, then returning back to its original position when you realise it’s no use and you can’t see past his shirt. it feels like decades have passed when the words tumble out of your mouth, and relief washes over him when he hears your weary voice speak again.

“are you…are you going to put your arm around me?” you ask. and god, you’re just too tired to be mentally slapping yourself for being so forward and pathetic. you don’t want to tiptoe around each other anymore; you just want to get to sleep. and you want him to get to sleep as well. and you want him to be happy to be in your arms, and be happy to have you in his arms, and be happy when he wakes up in the morning and realises he wants the same for the next night and the night after that and the night after that. it seems so stupidly idealistic and optimistic, but you find yourself still hoping and waiting.

moments pass.

reiner is acutely aware of every rustle around him. he feels like he can hear the footsteps of particularly no one from the other side of the street, and the blood being pumped through his veins, and your lungs expanding and deflating. and he’s elated to hear you say that you want him to be with you for the night. and he’s elated to hear you still awake when you slightly shift in the silence that is yet to pass. but it hurts.

it hurts so, so bad.

he doesn’t deserve this. he doesn’t deserve someone wanting him to hold them, or someone sitting next to him on a bench when he’s so obviously alone, or someone offering (insisting in your case) to walk him home, or someone lying about where they live for an excuse to spend more time with him. and he especially doesn’t deserve it if that someone is you.

what are you doing? he thinks, say something, idiot.

“no,” reiner whispers into the darkness. there really is no escape from this remorse. because even when he follows his own orders, he’s still consumed by such an overbearing stinging at knowing he’s rejecting you. but he can’t let himself do this. he can feel himself heating up minute by minute as the conflict inside him grows more and more violent and he hopes, prays, that you won’t notice and decide to go back to sleeping on your pillow.

instead, you’re thinking. you can’t lie to yourself and say that hearing him say that didn’t hurt, at least a bit, but you’re so drained that your thoughts are starting to fog together and you can feel every one of them begging to come out of your mouth. until, finally, one does.

“how come?” you quietly say. you don’t want him to do something he doesn’t want to do. you don’t. but if he didn’t want you here, why did he ask you to deliver a paper to him tomorrow? why did he let you come in? or tell you he was glad that you had asked to stay? or take the bed against his better judgement? or let you stay lying on his arm?

and you’re not an idiot. you know he’s hurt. you know that war has torn him apart. you can tell from the circles under his eyes, the way his fists are always clenched, the way his jaw always seems snapped shut, the way his gaze is always menacingly focused or drifting far away. the way he didn’t think he was a good person.

the way he was so shocked when you said that you thought there was more for him in life than death.

so the pang of hope still flutters on in your heart as you wait for some kind of response, both of you staring into the room basked in the glow of the moon.

how come? reiner asks himself like he doesn’t already know the answer. like he isn’t constantly stuck living through the answer.

“because…” because…because he’s a monster. because he doesn’t deserve it. because if he tries to spend one night in someone’s arms and pretend that the world doesn’t feel like it’s playing a sick joke on him, it will just hurt more when the sun rises again, and the days go on.

“because i’m…”

a murderer.

“…a murderer.”

a traitor.

“…a traitor.”

reiner wants to sink into the bed. he wants to go back in time and never sit on that bench. he wishes you never had to meet him and deal with this shell of a person, this husk of a man. he wishes it were someone else in his place being offered some kind of salvation. bertolt. annie. marcel. god, even fucking porco deserves this more than him. what is wrong with him? why can’t he just pick up his fucking arm and wrap it around you and have you in his arms and pretend everything was okay and wake up and have you still there beaming at him? why was everything always so…hard?

“because i’m…” there’s a pause. and another and another. you stop yourself from jerking upwards and checking if he’s okay. but before you can, his arm is shifting from underneath you and he pulls it back towards him, the back of your head now resting back on your own pillow.

“a coward.” he finishes. he can’t look at you. he can barely stand looking at his ceiling, knowing you’re gazing up at the same one. and you are, the feeling of the pillowcase beneath your head one that is unwelcome and missing the feeling of the warmth of his skin radiating through his shirt and comforting the back of your neck. you don’t know what to say. you don’t know if there’s anything that you should say, or if he just wants to lay in silence. your hands clasp each other across your stomach as you lay on your back.

you know you can’t bring him back from the things he’s done. you know you can’t bring him back from the things he’s had to be. but you don’t want to let him fall down this hole anymore. you want him to at least think that you thinking he deserves more in life (that he should hold you, that you really really want him to) is enough to keep him going. even if it’s just for a while.

even if it’s just for the time between falling asleep and waking up. and then you’d gladly do it all again.

so you turn to your side and face him, propping yourself up on an elbow and reaching for his shoulder that’s closest to you. you lightly rest your hand on it and reiner instinctively turns his head to you and locks eyes with you momentarily, then quickly glances away. you look at his face, really look at the way the moonlight is hitting his cheekbones, the way his sharp jaw is casting a shadow over his neck, the way his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows quietly, the way his eyebrows furrow at your touch.

“i don’t care about that,” you say, shamelessly. his eyebrows slightly raise in shock at your candor, but you don’t care. you don’t care if this makes you a horrible person. you don’t care if you should be taken aback by his confession, or if you’re excusing crimes beyond exoneration. you move the hand resting on his shoulder to the space between his eyebrows, instinctively trying to soften out the tenseness without thinking, “i’m asking you to just…” reiner finally makes eye contact with you, watching as your hand trails down from his forehead to his cheek, “just. let me be with you? for tonight? …for both of us?”

maybe it’s the late hour that’s letting both of your guards down, or the moonlight streaming through the window, or the slight creak of the bed every time one of you shifts, but that’s all it takes for reiner to place his hand over your hand that’s now cupping his jaw. he watches as a tired smile makes its way across your face as you look down at him through half lids, and you watch as his face softens out and the storm brewing in his eyes fades away bit by bit.

before you know it, you’re pulling him to you and he’s pulling you to him. you both meet in the middle of the bed and reiner wraps one arm over your waist and buries himself in the crook of your neck. your legs tangle together and you reach the arm currently in the tight space between his neck and the pillow to the nape of his neck, brushing your fingers over the short hair and pushing him closer towards you until his breath practically passes through the fabric of your shirt and the barrier of your skin.

reiner reciprocates, the arm slung over your waist now pulling you towards him until he’s all you can smell and touch and see. your other free arm grips his shirt at his upper back like at any moment, he could evaporate. he lets out a deep breath into your neck and you run your fingers over the skin behind his ear, pressing your lips onto the side of his neck momentarily and resting your chin on his shoulder. you can feel him relax under your grasp, but the hand snaked underneath you and lightly holding the back of your neck doesn’t fall, and his hold on your waist doesn’t falter.

even though this mismatched bundle of limbs and the constant attempts to pull each other closer and closer, like you’re trying to climb into each other (fall into each other), is going to eventually end up with reiner’s arm that’s underneath you being completely dead when he wakes up, and your arm that’s tucked into the space between his neck and pillow with your hand running your fingers through his scalp ending up in the same state...you can't bring yourself to care. you can't bring yourself to think of anywhere else you'd rather be.

just as you’re about to drift into sleep, reiner’s head lifts up from the crook of your neck and moves backward until you’re both looking directly at each other. the hand that was slung around your waist is brought up to your cheek, and his thumb lightly caresses it. his fingers are calloused, but you don’t mind. you could never mind.

“thanks,” he whispers, before returning the hand on your cheek to its tight grip at the back of your waist and pressing a chaste kiss your jaw. he returns his head back to where it belongs, the space between your neck and your shoulder.

“thanks,” you whisper back into his ear before returning your head to rest on his shoulder and feeling it rise and fall with every breath reiner takes.

and you think, no, you hope, that you can feel him smile into your shirt.

#aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot fluff #reiner braun fluff #reiner fluff #reiner x reader #reiner braun x reader #aot fic #snk fic #reiner brainrot #reiner braun #aot x reader #sfw

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heycaricari · 3 years

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Well here we go. My first ask. Tagged by the inimitable @mortifyingideal Behold, Tumblr, the inner workings of my soul...

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1. How many works do you have on AO3?

27 under this name 😬

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

476,208

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Ho boy... Ok. I am probably forgetting a few but the big ones were LOTR, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Trek TOS & VOY, Spooks, Silence of the Lambs, and of course Good Omens!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Top, Anthony, Silk, Saltwater, and Any Other Way.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really truly try to. When I'm in a place where I'm actively creating content and happy with what I'm putting out, responding is easy. There's nothing I want to talk about more. When I'm in one of the troughs, not so much.

The appreciation is always there though. ❤️ I love that people care about what happens to my characters. The idea of my thoughts coming alive in someone else's imagination makes me feel like an ALL POWERFUL WIZARD.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It will surprise no one to hear that I'm not a big angst writer. Ive tried but apparently I'm not a pessimist but a depressed optimist in disguise. Who knew.

Ive got a few dark chapters - especially in PL - but I think the endings make up for them.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No. I barely manage continuity in one fandom.

8. have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes.

9. do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yes. The wholesome kind.

10. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Not in this fandom but in one of my previous incarnations. I always used to wonder how well the Scottish idioms came across...

11. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I would love to give it a go someday. Preferably with someone who has a loose grasp of deadlines. And endless stores of patience.

13. What's your all time favourite ship?

It's hard to choose. All the pairings I wrote about had a very different dynamic.

I guess, as I got older, characters like Aziraphale and Crowley became more appealing to me. (It was probably that realisation that it's easy to fall instantly and dramatically in love, but finding someone who can also be your friend, who you can trust... well, that's a whole thing).

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Cold War human spy AU. It's research heavy and pretty dark.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Output. I have periods of time (usually days but occasionally weeks) when I can churn out copy like a room full of monkeys on typewriters. I have days where everything clicks. Sentences flow. Dialogue writes itself. Dangling plot threads find one another.

My good days are really good days - so I can double down and get a lot done.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I also have really bad days. They come from nowhere and, when they do, I avoid writing out of some weird fear that I've "lost" my flow and I'll never get it back. I put off working on things for weeks and, when I finally manage to sit down, I end up picking over what I've already got rather than working on something new. I overwork and lose confidence and end up screaming into the void. It's a whole cycle.

I am also not concise. I ramble and then resist cutting on edit.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I hadn't thought about it until this moment in time.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings. Me and my sister used to write glorious (😂) epic romances which I would then type up and print off in the dead of night.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Fave multichap - "Cold". Not my most popular or polished (it's from before I met my wonderful beta) but I wrote as I posted - over the 12 days of Christmas - so I feel it's less filtered than my other work. I am really proud of some of the imagery I managed to get across. And I'd like to go back and spell-check it one day.

Fave one shot - probably New Life. It felt more real than the others. Maybe because it was from an outside POV. (Adam's).

----

This was fun - thanks mort !!

#good omens #ask memes #tldr

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jazzfordshire · 5 years

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2018 Fic-Writing Roundup

I was tagged by @whythinktoomuch and @bossbeth, and I’ve really only been writing since mid-December of 2017 so this year has been like, 95% of my writing experience - this is a cool way to see my progress in a year!

Total 2018 Word Count: 319,786

Total 2018 Hits: 516,827

Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos (39,857), Comment Threads (3050), Bookmarks (7564), Subscriptions (1608).

Links & Titles to 2018 Works:

your sunday best (looks best on my floor): Second fic in my Wardrobe Thirst series - Kara wears suits and Lena gets increasingly thirsty.

i have to confess (you look so good in that dress): Wardrobe Thirst part 3 - the first off-the-shoulders dress. Kara bends Lena over her desk at Catco.

when I think about you (well, you know the rest): Lena figures out that Kara is Supergirl while she’s masturbating in the bathtub - Kara accidentally sends a Snapchat video while she’s jacking off. They’re both messes who finally come together at the end (hehehe)

all dressed up (but only for you): Wardrobe Thirst part 4 - the Edge gala dress. Lena is a lil exhibitionist

touch me (tell me what you want me to do): Wardrobe thirst part 5 - this one is less about clothes and more about Kara seeing a princess plug in Lena’s drawer and being CONSUMED WITH CURIOSITY

lost and (almost) found: Kara and Lena hook up in a club, and a few months later Kara moves in next door. Lena doesn’t remember Kara because of the glasses and ponytail. They fall in love.

these feelings I can’t fight: MY VIRTUE/MOIR INSPIRED SKATING AU!

Making It Count: One-shots in the universe of my Titanic AU.

it feels like the first time: Lena has never had an orgasm. Kara teaches her how good sex can be. Based on this tumblr post

of piercings and x-ray vision: One by one, Kara discovers Lena’s hidden piercings and tattoos. She becomes obsessed. Lena is perfectly happy with that.

sky rockets in flight (afternoon delight): The thesis of this was basically ‘Sex at the DEO’

two heroes are better than one: Two Karas. Two straps. One set of Sango drawings as inspiration. The recipe for a perfect sandwich

love the player (hate the game): My Polo AU, based on those pictures of Katie looking like a snack at the polo game this summer.

lena luthor vs. the outdoors: Kara convinces Lena to go camping. They confess their secret feelings and have sweaty tent sex.

Lena and the Worldkillers: My magnum opus. I swear to god, I WILL UPDATE SOON. Lena, Sam, Alex, and Kara are in a gay band together and none of them can keep it in their pants (or their hearts)

she loves control (sometimes): Lena has a stressful day at work, and Kara helps her vent the pressure. Fisting is involved.

the best kind of apology: Coming-out angst, and then total, unrepentant smut. Go read the tags for a description, but it’s likely the filthiest and yet the softest thing I’ve posted all year.

i keep my distance (but you still catch my eye): My Christmas/Hanukkah AU based on The Holiday!

Favorite Fic: My favourite plot-driven fic is probably my skating AU? It was the most fun to write, and I still have SO many feelings about Lena as a repressed figure skater. My favourite pure-smut fic is touch me (tell me what you want me to do).

Hardest Fic: Lena and the Worldkillers is absolutely killing me atm. This coming chapter is the angst-heavy bit just before the happy ending, and I am 1. bad at writing angst and 2. ALSO JUST REALLY DISLIKE WRITING IT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SAD so it’s coming out at a snail’s pace.

Do you plan on taking prompts in 2019? I never PLAN on taking prompts. People throw them at me and a few of them stick unintentionally, even when I have 50 unfinished WIPs and 100 fic ideas.

What was the best thing about 2018? THE FRIENDS WE MADE ALONG THE WAY

But actually, interacting with people I had looked up to for so long and being considered sort of an equal? It still absolutely blows my mind that anyone wants to read what I write, let alone people who I consider to be my favourite authors and creators. It’s been amazing exchanging ideas and becoming part of the weird little community here.

What was the worst thing about 2018? TUMBLR KNEECAPPING SANGO TAKES THE CAKE, approximately 25% of my inspiration came from her art and it’s a loss of international proportions

Any last thoughts for 2018? Holy shit, i wrote almost 2 Goblet of Fire’s worth of the same two idiots falling in love????? WHERE DID IT ALL COME FROM

Goals for 2019:

Finish! Worldkillers!!!

Finish and post the Chef AU that I’ve had planned since literally a year ago

Get the Practical Magic AU done before next Halloween

Finish the teachers AU and set Cassie free from her torment in waiting for it

Basically, clear out everything that is currently in my WIP folder, and bring in a batch of new ones from my Ideas list

Keep on growin’!

Everyone I would tag has already been tagged, so just go ahead and do it if you want to! Anyone who sees this, consider yourself tagged

#writing tag #my god i wrote a lot

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carterashofficial · 6 years

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Thanks, Aearyn

@aearyn was so unbelievably kind to tag me for this

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (ahaha no i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy this took forever)

— what was your last…

1. drink: water. from the fridge. there might’ve been a dog hair in it because Scout and Abbey show their love through shedding. I didn’t care. 2. phone call: my old internship asking why I never got my w-2 form 3. text message: a coupon from World Market, if that counts. If not, i texted myself a spoiler for the kotfe fic so i don’t forget 4. song you listened to: Champion by Carrie Underwood b/c i love it and I NEED THE POSITIVITY 5. time you cried: UH... writing the kotfe fic. But i wasn’t actually crying. it was more like “im tearing up at this one scene b/c its breaking my heart”. Actual crying? been... so long i can’t remember.

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: ahahahhahahahahahaha.... ahahahhaha..... ahahahhahahahaha despite my best intentions, i’ve never dated anyone. I’ve been trying to change that. I want romance in my life. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: That would imply i’ve had my first kiss, and im 22 years old and still haven’t had it. APHRODITE WHY AM I SINGLE. I’M READY TO MINGLE 8. been cheated on: see above. Can’t be cheated on if you’ve never HAD A DATE 9. lost someone special: i would rather not consider this question, but Domino, Jewel, and my Grandma (all were very, very sudden and hit me like a bag of bricks). 10. been depressed: ha ha ha apparently i’ve had depression since i was 15. I was officially diagnoses in January of 2017 and have been on medication since. ahahaha 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no I can barely get drunk even when i try, let alone enough for a damn hangover. Seriously. I can drink like Carmadda and not get drunk.

— fave colours

12. soft eggshell green 13. the blue at the edge of the horizon 14. metallic anything

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: ........yes? i think? 16. fallen out of love: ahahahahaha no b/c i’ve never been in love (in the romantic sense and that’s how im taking this) 17. laughed until you cried: always 18. found out someone was talking about you: in the worst of ways 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: oooooh yes 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: never been kisses

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all? how else do people find you on there? 23. do you have any pets: many. Scout, Abbey, the neon tetras (named the Heralds of Zildrog), my various shrimp, and Corypheus and Valkorian the golden inca snails 24. do you want to change your name: no, but i used to 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went bowling 26. what time did you wake up today: i woke up 3 times, once to Bug getting ready for school, then my mom asking if i opened the vitamins, then... i think 9 was when i finally crawled out 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: playing swtor or looking up some fresh and funky memes 28. what is something you can’t wait for: finished the next kotfe fic chapter and breaking everyone’s hearts. Or the next major expansion of SWTOR. I NEED ANOTHER CINEMATIC TRAILER LIKE GODDAMN 30. what are you listening to right now: nothing my house is silent and in the far, far distance, sometimes i can hear cars on the toll road 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i have an uncle named Tom. I have spoken with him. So Yes. 32. something that’s getting on your nerves: socialization. I can only take so much around others. If I was a Sim i’d have the lonely trait. 33. most visited website: Tumblr or my school’s student login page 34. hair colour: blonde/brown im really smack in-between and i just dye it lighter to make it blonde enough for me to be blonde 35. long or short hair: long. so long. down to my butt long 36. do you have a crush on someone: not sure. i like him, he’s funny and thinks im funny, and teases me back, but im shit at reading signs and far too much a coward to ask him out. I’m not sure. I had a major crush in high school that resulted in me falling in love with a guy but we never offically dated and then he crushed my heart. Long story. So i try to avoid crushes lest i break my heart again. 37. what do you like about yourself: bitch im fabulous 38. want any piercings: i got 3 in the lobes of each ear and cartilage in the left. If i get any more I think my mom would have a heart attack 39. blood type: ??????? no idea. I know my sister is O 40. nicknames: Milky (only drank milk as a kid, but this nickname has sorta phased away). Other nicknames give away my real name. But I do respond to my sister’s name. 41. relationship status: single and ready to flamingle 42. sign: Aquarius 43. pronouns: she/her 44. fave tv show: i literally can’t pick one b/c ive watched nearly every cop show on Netflix, including some that aren’t in english. All the cooking competitions i can find on Netflix and youtube, and im running out of TV to watch when i do art. Halp. 45. tattoos: Zero because my fatal fear is needles. 46. right or left handed: Left. left left left seriously i can.... maybe dip a french fry in ketchup with my right but that’s it 47: ever had surgery: wisdom teeth removed count? 48. piercings: 7 total in the ears and nothing else. 49. sport: I watch baseball and hockey (SPEAKING OF WHICH, GO DUCKS!). Used to play softball and some soccer. 50. vacation: if i can graduate a quarter early I want to go visit my family in florida and michigan 51. trainers: is... this british for shoes? i wear berkenstocks. only berkenstocks. because crocs are so comfortable but people judge. I also have hella wide feet where ever ‘wide’ shoes are too narrow. I can get by in Vans or my old old Nikes that i hardly ever wear

— more general

52. eating: whether or not if ketchup should go on it, ketchup is going on it. Unless if it’s breakfast food or desert. Breakfast food is my favorite and i could happily live off it it. 53. drinking: water, tea, juice, milk, Mike’s black cherry hard lemonade, monster energy drinks, RC Cola.... i drink a variety of things. Mostly water and tea. 54. i’m about to watch: i dont know I’VE RAN OUT OF THINGS TO WATCH ON NETFLIX 55. waiting for: myself to go out on a date and/or meet The Guy 56. want: many things. 57. get married: One day. 58. career: ssssssssttttttttttuuuuuuuuuudddddddeeeeeeennnnnnntttttttt

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: i want both but maybe not from the same people. 60. lips or eyes: depends what each are doing tbh 61. shorter or taller: taller b/c im short and can’t reach the top shelf 62. older or younger: older but at this point im 22 and a lot of my classmates are 21 so like.... my generation. 63. nice arms or stomach: arms 64. hookup or relationships: relationships 65. troublemaker or hesitant: depends. like really depends. I’ll probalby go with troublemaker b/c they tend to be funny and on-the-spot and im a planner.

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: never kissed anyone..... ha ha ha 67. drank hard liquor: so yes. 68. turned someone down: ahahahhahahahaahaha haha ha. Actually yes I got asked to homecoming my senior year by this one dude who still gives me the creeps jsut tihnking about him. I politely said no. 69. sex on first date: never been on a date, never kissed anyone. Never ‘done the deed’. Would not do on the first date. 70: broken someone’s heart: uh my mom’s when I told her I had Depression and wanted to kill myself all throughout sophomore year highschool 71. had your heart broken: oh. Yes. 72. been arrested: no 73. cried when someone died: more like wailed loud enough that half the dorm floor heard 74. fallen for a friend: *side-eyes my sister* yeeees

— do you believe in

75. yourself: it varies over what. 76. miracles: I mean.... to an extent. 77. love at first sight: no 78. santa claus: I AM 22 YEARS OLD of course 79. angels: its complicated. my mom found a dead rat in our old house’s garage when i was 4-ish and all i remember crying for the dead rat when my dad tossed it in the garbage. My mom explained that an angel had already taken the rat’s soul to heaven. What did I picture the angel as? A carrot, wearing a tie, with mickey mouse-esque white gloves carrying a rat dramatically. This still haunts me.

— misc

80. eye colour: blue enough that you might drown in the ocean 81. best friend’s name: @athenascrown 82. favourite movie: if you think I can pick only one you’ve got another thing coming. but.... any star wars movie. If i had to pick one, Empire Strikes Back or Phantom Menace or The Last Jedi.... or Rogue One.... or Revenge of the Sith... 83. favourite actor: The guy who played the stormtrooper who hits his head on the door in Ep 4 84. favourite cartoon: the old Ducktales was a childhood favorite 85. favourite teacher’s name: I don’t want to put her name out here but she was my art teacher all through high school and she is one of the kindest souls ive ever met and if it wasn’t for her, i wouldn’t have gotten back into art

because this post took 5ever im not tagging anyone but if you want to do it, just say I tagged you and I’ll say i did

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