#maybe i’ll be able to today

[starsphaeart]

Various headcanons about my versions of Stan and Narry! Crap, I forgot to explain Stanley’s voice in the images. Basically his model wasn’t designed to speak, and though Narrator could modify his model to be capable of speaking, Stanley doesn’t like the idea of speaking. He is capable of making sounds though, explaining how he can hum and stuff like that.

#I’ve got some for tiny/giant entity Narry on the way too #And im trying to work on a ref page for the curator #Just finished class today for the semester so maybe I’ll be able to draw more? Hopefully?? #tsp stanley #tsp narrator #tsp fanart #the stanley parable

[jounosparticles]

jouno finding out tetchou put off saving the world to find him and tetchou expects him to get mad but instead he starts crying because he didn’t know he meant so much to another person.

#“This Is Ooc” i dont care. #maybe maybe just maybe i’ll havr to write a oneshot #but it’s thanksgiving today so i have to go eat dinner with people so maybe i don’t be able to tn #i also gotta get writing slowburn oh i have so many ideas #suegiku #saigiku jouno #tetchou suehiro #bsd jouno #bsd tetchou #bsd tecchou

[send-me-a-puffalope]

why did my teachers think it was okay to give us like one single weekend to finish all of our midterm projects and study for our tests.

#slight vent #i have 3 projects and 3 tests #i’m halfway through my lit/history project and halfway through my psych project #and maybe a quarter done with my programming project #which is fucking insane btw cause how tf am i supposed to code a whole video game in like 3 days on top of everything else 😭😭😭 #and some things he hasn’t taught us and just thinks that we should just be able to figure out like HELLO???/?/// #I DONT HAVE TIME TO TEACH MYSELF NEW CODE #ITS THE MIDTERM/FINAL FOR THE CLASS?????? #and once the weekend starts i’ll have no one to trouble shoot my stuff and fix my bugs so literally i’ll be hopeless so 😭😭😭 #my calc teacher JUST finished teaching us everything we need for the midterm TODAY. THE MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY. BRO. #my physics teacher doesn’t let us copy down any of our idk test questions or take our old assessments home to study #*old #so we get to look em over for like 20 mins and hand em back. which doesn’t exact fucking help me when i’m studying for the midterm. #WITH NO STUDY GUIDE. #my teachers even said that this years midterms are worse than previous years cause they’re all in a row instead of split by a weekend #we’ve had 2 delayed openings and 1 early dismissal this week which means we have less time to work on our midterm projects in class 😭😭😭😭 #i’m so overwhelmed i’m gonna explode #by the time i finish these projects i’m not gonna have anymore energy/time to study for my tests. WHICH IS THE HARD SHIT BTW.

[hanasnx]

nothing like going to bed at 5am, waking up at 7am to go to breakfast, get the biggest most unfinishable meal, go home to take a nap until 2pm, wake up, and finish that meal.

#it was truly the best i love going to breakfast and we haven’t been able to go for a while #also i got hair dye so maybe i’ll do that today and give myself a haircut #i had strawberry butter waffles to fuel me and by god. it fuels. #indy overshares

[elliesbelle]

i’ve got so much shit lined up for y’all, y’all better get hypedddddddddddd

#i’ve been writing so much the past few days #maybe if i work on this one thing more rn i’ll be able to publish it today #it’s not something y’all know about just yet tho #belle speaks

[spocksgotemotions]

oh my god it’s one am BUT I’ve discovered that they make little paper tea cups for little kids birthday parties!! Do you know what this means??? I can throw a tea party for my babies at work without having to spend a bajillion dollarsss! Oh my goddd I’m so excited to talk to my coworker about this tomorrowww

#captain’s own #dumb bitch hours #personal logs #honestly it’s gonna be me and Cassidy having a tea party and the babies making a mess but it’ll be so cuuuuute #and maybe I can ask my boss if I can bend the rules and make little allergen free tea cakes #(it would be bending the rules because technically we’re only supposed to bring in store bought food #BUT one of my babies is allergic to peanuts and eggs and there’s no way I’ll be able to find little vegan cakes for an affordable price) #I started thinking about this earlier cause it was so nice out today

[wundrousarts]

At the end of the year I said I’d allow myself at least one day a week to draw Nevermoor stuff, because I have too much energy and love in my brain / heart / hands that I need to get out, and then proceeded to not process that the new year had started until today. Three weeks in 😅

#a sort of ‘fanart friday’ type vibe just. sporadically. and random. lol. #and maybe not even on friday! #the idea is that if I ‘let myself’ draw nevermoor stuff once a week even if it’s just doodles then I’ll be able to draw other stuff more lol #I’ll try to get to smthn today. just in my defense I have a job now for once (snooze) and other nevermoor things I’m working on (yay) #I’ve got a late straggler from mogtober I’ve been trying not to abandon + nevermoor silverborn countdown challenge #and then next month I’ve got smthn I’ve been planning for nevermoorian new years. yayyy. #also sorry to the christmas themed request I didn’t get to once again 🫶 next year will be your year

[transmechanicus]

“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha

#my stuff #dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day #bc i skipped lab to take a nap #and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates #like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em #or at least not as much as they seem to without me #it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space #and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl #idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism #it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work #bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter #i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit #i want it to stop #i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work. #i want to cry and scream and #like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here #i don’t wanna wuss out #but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself #why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much?? #like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get #i’m tired of being tough #i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure

[whentherewerebicycles]

therapy was “helpful” and I “liked it” and sigh I’ll “keep going”

#I like my therapist a lot #the one point where we disagreed today is she feels it’s probably not ideal to read every single book available on a topic #so as to be able to make informed decisions #I was like ok MAYBE it’s a way of exerting control but ALSO I can just have a scholarly interest in mapping the critical landscape ok #it’s fine no one agrees with me on this point lol liz is always like not another rabbithole #but idk I am always trying to explain that like #having more information actually makes me feel more free to do whatever #because instead of having one fixed idea about the ‘right’ way to do something #I can explore/evaluate a ton of different ways of doing something #and see that they all basically lead to the same decent outcomes even if by different routes #and so then I can be like well I’ll just do what feels best/works best for me and not worry so much about if it’s the ‘right’ way #I feel like maybe it’s an anxiety behavior but the outcome is significantly less anxiety over day to day decisions #🤷‍♀️ #however maybe this is one of my ‘cognitive distortions’ lol #I did start getting really panicked at the thought of being told I couldn’t research stuff lol

[artblueminecraftorchid]

Saturday Morning Confessional

Hell lingers behind every shadow;

I leave the lights on, yet they stay.

Electricity bills climb higher,

Nights get longer,

Temperatures colder.

You’d think Hell could pay a heating bill

Once in a while, but in spite,

The nickels and dimes stack up.

I miss the sun.

This daughter of God thrives on routine,

But the clock shifts back and forth;

The government’s grasping attempt

At brighter mornings. Bitter as I may be,

I am grasping with them.

Light, light, God grant me more light;

Even if it casts shadows, at least

I’m not in the dark.

For all the scrambling to daylight,

I sleep longer, frittering away

Morning hours. Shorter days chopped

Ever slimmer. I used to sleep

When the sun went down; beat the

Dark to my bedrest and

Flee from the fear. Now, it’s 6:30PM,

The night already creeping, dinner

Not yet made. I stay awake,

Forget time, shiver in the gloom.

It does not bode well for winter.

Thanks be to God, who turns the planets on their axes

My alarms went off on a Saturday, and

I could not get back to sleep. Thanks be

To God, from whom the sunrays burst

In helium-synthesis glory; the day was

Majesty’s declaration, cool and bright and joyful.

Thanks be to God, I got up early, amen.

The laundry’s in the dryer, the food bought

For the week, the carpets are all vacuumed;

I’m resting, not asleep. May every chore I do

Be prayer and praise together:

Thanks be to God, I’m having a good day.

Hell lingers behind every shadow;

May God’s angels clear them away.

#orchids write poetry #I’m not sure if it’s really sufficient to call it seasonal affective disorder #but I do get more sad and tired as the days get shorter #I miss the sun #and this fall I’ve had a lot of change. wresting w roommate troubles #wrestling with my faith. trying to find God without being consumed with fear or anger. #and tbh I’m kinda at the point where most days I’m Goin Through It a little bit #but last night I called my friends and talked about a lotta stuff #and had a real good sleep and dreamed about visiting them irl #and today I woke up early and thanks to some encouragement was able to get a lot done #(by a lot I mean grocery shopping. laundry. vacuuming. and taking out the trash) #for me that’s a lot of chores to do. but I did them! and now I can rest while I wait for my clothes to dry. #and then fold them and put them away #and maybe if I’m feeling so brave about it #I’ll change the sheets on my bed.

[sucrose-soymilk]

hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better

#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow #Seven’s Small Thoughts #not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary #and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much #i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know #i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else #which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways #and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog #i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t #nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty #anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic! #anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah #i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently #it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy #maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get #i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller #and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!! #so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available #which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless #that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine #trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip #i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly #eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it

[reinanova]

hmm i wonder if the fact that i’m in a really bad reading slump and can only read fanfics or reread favorite books (where i’m consuming media with familiar and comforting characters and worlds) says something about my mental state

#my reading slump has been BAD #i haven’t touched a book since january. it’s may rn #and like the book i was reading was good! #but either i just got too busy with school or i could not emotionally/physically handle something new #but i’ve been reading fanfics like mad #and i’ve been listening to the six of crows and crooked kingdom audiobooks #but i kinda miss reading a physical book #and there are so many unread books on my shelf and so many books that sound really good that i want to read at some point #and i’m maybe a bit overwhelmed by it all #bcuz there will always be new books coming out and i’ll never be able to read them all #and that makes me really sad honestly #i love books and stories so much #but i haven’t been in the headspace to dive into a new world and get to know new characters #hence the fanfics and rereads of comfort books #yes six of crows is my comfort read #also red white and royal blue #and reading my silly little fanfics where i know my blorbos in love will end up together bcuz that’s what i want to happen #idk if i’m making sense #it’s midnight and i’m tired #i drove approximately five hours today #i should go to sleep now #reinanova rambles #fanfics #fanfiction #reader struggles

[bbunnyboyy]

I want to hug his tiny waist again but today might not be the day

#he’s probably gonna be pissed off #understandable #I’ll just have to fantasize till I’m able to hug him #I’ll try my best not to bother him with stupid questions today and just let him do his job #I hope he knows how much he means to me #I feel so bad for him #I just want him to love his job and love his students (me) #maybe a hug will help but I might have to see #teacher crush #tc community #teacher attachment

[canarydarity]

Who else up overanalyzying the tone of voice of one gtws in third life

#I’m just thinking too much about what being a constant performance costs #the price of playing up your silly mistakes and weaponizing your incompetence #who knows ! maybe later I’ll think about what happens to the guy who gets away with things by hiding behind the fact that people #think hes incapable after he wins !!!! #there’s only five victors and you are one of them. how will you be able to pull off the act now :))) !!!! #oh well. I’m sure you’ll come up with something. the show must go on after all. #worm says #so birdie and I watched 3L in one sitting today #if you couldn’t tell

[arthur-r]

what’s really embarrassing is my roommate on the phone with his mom saying “yeah i’ve been getting really sloppy i haven’t cleaned in a week it’s terrible” and my side of the room is just like that. all of the time. and i feel guilty but he also hasn’t ever said anything to my face he moved my stuff some at the beginning of the year but has never talked to me about it and i’m also so fucking ill that i just cant really handle adding that to my list while trying to also not fail school. so here i am being a terrible person i guess. did i tell you guys about turtle-person. have i showed my bracelets. i’m gonna go to sleep but in the morning i need to show my bracelets

#help i have work tomorrow. i also feel sick and strange. wish me luck #the sun was around today which was incredible but also i think it gave me too much mental energy #cause for the first time in forever i had the brightness of spirit to go for a walk. but that’s not the same as having the blood flow for it #so i think i overexerted myself cause of being finally happy and mentally energized i forgot about being physically disabled #i also had to explain POTS to somebody today and she was literally like ‘oh is that the thing where you need to have salt’ and NO like #i do have a really high salt intake to cope with POTS. but that’s not the fucking thing yknow?? like no that’s not what the thing i have is #it has nothing to do with salt. salt is a fun little coincidence that it can help with water retention which in turn helps with POTS #and it raises blood pressure is i think the other reason? but anyway idk i would honestly rather she just not know about it than have like #that very particular tiktok version of it like i am so glad for internet knowledge being spread and stuff and i mean. i guess even the posts #that i’m about to complain about are good for making people feel like they’re not alone. so maybe it’s fine. but i was going to complain of #the videos that are like ‘‘that one POTS friend’’ and it’s just like. salty food. instead of like. having to sit down?? BEING FATIGUED?? #and like whatever. whatEVER but i wish it wasn’t getting conflated with one particular little way of treating it. even though i use that way #i don’t have needs-a-lot-of-salt-disease. like that’s not the point. that’s not the issue. it’s not a salt deficiency. salt just helps #and it doesn’t FIX it. it just helps. that’s all #ANYWAY EVERYTHING IS FINE. i feel sick though. but i’m gonna sleep and i’ll be fine #i miss before i had a job cause then i could sleep all day if i skipped class and it would be really nice. but now i have a job i would be #missing on my responsibilities for. and I don’t actually have accommodations. but im gonna sleep i’ll be fine #and library book cart is actually so rollator. like as far as being able to walk the library situation is such a win #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep now. but yeah idk i’m sick and a mess what else is new. but i have something whatever i’m good theres something #unrequited love for life or something like that. ok im gonna go to bed sorry for being weird and strange all the time!!!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[mothxart]

Aughhh im out for a few days, out of towns, yeah anyway I won’t be able to draw nor post because yk, I’m seeing my family n’ stuff, which I’ve been waiting to see them for a long time now haha!

So yeah I should be back Monday, and I should be able to finish some WIPS I showed previously

Don’t worry guys about me leaving the lethal company fandom to switch for Spooky Month, I’ve always switch to a fandom to an other, but like lethal company is veryyyy special and I care about it a lot lol (I might drop some doodle or screenshot redraw of Spooky month tho I don’t promise anything)

I don’t think I’ll be leaving this fandom soon hahhaaha!!

#meih mothxart talks #so yeah I’ll be back soon! #i won’t ba able to watch the new spooky month episode today so I’ll watch it like maybe Sunday or monday #i hope i won’t be spoiled too much of it aaaaa I hate spoilersss