#most of these apply to me and ugh

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

DPxDC Prompt

Thinking back on it, Danny probably should have been more wary of being given the title ‘Ender Of Timelines’.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny phantom #dc x dp #dcxdp #I guess any crossover but it’s the one I was thinking of at the time #probably a summon fic? #they’re like Oh Fuck Who Have These Cultists Brought In?!?! #panic. mayhem. chaos. #meanwhile Danny is like. you put ONE alternate universe version of yourself into your own CLONE and SUDDENLY it’s a PROBLEM #he steadfast ignores the other times he fucked with time and then refucked with it to fix it #arguably it’s a title that should go to Dark Danny who I’m calling Dante because #chefs kiss ITS GREAT #maybe it applies to both so it’s like. a coin toss who shows up #Dante is like. ugh. community service says I CANT. let me give you the most bored speech on the planet about loving the earth and making… #the most of your timeline. #you know. up until he actually NEEDS to go light some fires. which he’s maybe a bit too quick to jump in on as soon as he can #meanwhile Danny is like. I can barely pass geometry and now I gotta help solve THIS problem TOO?! #they’re both good at it. just. different approaches #the timeline is capital f FUCKED if both show up tho #the mythos… you could have so much fun with it lol

[heavencasteel420]

I don’t ship R*nance, but, man, it’s wild seeing people go “um, why would you ship that, Nancy is so mean to Robin” when they ship H@rringrove. Shouldn’t they be bored because Nancy’s not mean enough? She doesn’t even pop up when Robin’s gazing longingly at Vickie to go “huh, guess your crush is getting porked by Mr. Mullet tonight,” let alone break crockery over her head.

#tbh my real hot take is that Steve’s stank attitude towards Eddie #(while not actually a big deal) #is less sympathetic than nancy being short with Robin right after seeing a dead body #st*ddie is fine to me #it’s a McDonald’s happy meal #unremarkable but good at the right moment #but I’ll be real with you all I don’t see what’s in it for Eddie based on the show dynamics #some people write it good though #I will be additionally real with y’all #the real reason I lost interest in r*nance #is that I read one too many fics where Nancy is disappointed in jonathan #for smoking weed when she taught him that poetry is just another way to rap #not literally but close to that #like. ugh. why make her so uncool and condescending #also—and I don’t think this applies to most people who ship it #just a subset of Steve stans #sometimes it feels like a way for Steve to win their breakup #it’s a bummer #okay. ship diss track over.

[musical-chick-13]

Regarding the whole "Fandom Is An Escape, so why should I have to care this much about misogyny/racism/ableism/transphobia/etc." thing. Idk about the rest of you, but it gets kind of hard for me to "escape" when I keep seeing people say the same vile things about characters who share aspects of my identity that I hear all the time in real life.

#gotta say: it doesn't make me feel any better getting ignored/disparaged on account of my gender irl and then seeing every fictional woman #also get ignored/disparaged when there is no material difference between her and popular male characters other than her gender #how do I escape from irl misogyny if y'all keep willfully ignoring and flinging gendered insults at 99% (<-lowball estimate) of #female characters? how do I put aside the ableism I face in real life when y'all discuss disabled/mentally ill characters in the most #absolutely out-of-pocket way? how do I forget about biphobia when the 'arguments' you make 'for fun' about bisexual characters #in fiction sound EXACTLY the same as the things people say about my bisexuality outside of the internet/fan culture? #and then obviously this gets compounded if you are trying to even simply EXIST in fandom as a poc or a trans person or an intersection of #any or all these varying identities/life experiences #like yes caring about fictional characters is not the same as caring about real people OBVIOUSLY I can't BELIEVE I have to keep clarifying #that. and at the same time!! because multiple things can be true at the same time!!!! engaging in behavior that enforces pre-ingrained #societal biases and prejudices!!!!!!!! does not help dismantle those biases and prejudices!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in a real-world way that DOES #involve caring about actual people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #it's also. interesting. when people go on & on about how some newest show about thin cis white (male) gays is So Important & Revolutionary #So We Must Do Everything To Keep It Relevant And Visible and then act this way about women/poc/trans people/disabled people/fat people #in media. so like. you DO agree that seeing a variety of life experiences represented in fiction is beneficial. you DO believe in the #value of depicting marginalized people. interesting that that only seems to apply to a VERY narrow and specific category of marginalization #(ugh remember when I talked about this and someone called me a straight person good times)

[toxooz]

maybe im projecting but i feel like Ollie would have a FUCKING HUGE monstera plant in his house thats taking over his living room

#ollie #anytime someone asks about it hes just ''good camouflage for me :]'' #in fact i feel like he would have a shit load of plants from his home continent that his mom keeps sending him #but again maybe im projecting AHA #like yeah he can forge weapons of war with his eyes closed and can maul a grown man to death but dammit that man knows his PLANTS #anyway i got a monstera over the winter bc ive wanted one for the longest time but i was sO scared of killing it #bc its higher maintenance than succulents and snake plants all that #and brother i aint got the remembrance or energy or executive function to be taknig care of high maintenance plants but luckily #my obsession has taken over and im doin pretty good keeping up with watering and i plan on getting it better soil for fertilization #it seems to be doing well and is even growing 3 new leaves AAOOOOO #one of the juvenile leaves even grew a lil hole in it and im :') #but i still gotta properly repot it and actually put poles in it to climb bc theyre kinda half ass put in there #but sPRING IS COMING i am ready #also have a monster adinsoniiiiiiihowever tf u spell it but same applies #i feel like just having 1 (or 2 kindof) that are high maintenance is goin good bc i can focus most of my energy on that like a pet PFFT #bc unfortunately i fear that if i had a shit load of high maintenance plants i would get overwhelmed and involuntarily make them all die #which SUCKS bc i want my house to be infested with so many plants sOOO BAD ugh maybe one day i wont be mentally ill lmfao 💗 #ANYWAY more pon ti comin soon

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

taking psychic damage from the looming threat of all the stuff i’ll have to do this year

#most of them center around graduating and deciding on what graduate degree i’ll need to get a job that will make me money and #won’t make me want to kill myself and then applying to schools and doing that whole song and dance again and figuring out #housing bc i don’t think i can stay here any longer and scholarships ugh i gotta apply for more scholarships and i need to #learn how to drive for real so i’m not completely helpless and oughhhhh the list goes on and on #i could solve like a few of these problems right now though by dropping out of school and becoming a professional clown #i think abt doing it often

[classicjdiesandgoestohell]

agh!!!! ive started getting calls from the places i applied to so like im glad but im really like..... Im just working retail/food service since thats what u get right out of highschool im ok with that. but i don't think places like that will want me to mask? i have heard stories from people working being told not to mask to be more "friendly" to the customers and like im not going to do that. that is a deal breaker entirely for me. i mask because my dad is extremely immunocompromised and if he gets covid, he is more likely to die than survive. /I/ am immunocompromised. even before i was vulnerable ive never stopped masking. ackkk

#ESPECIALLY BC the most likely job in every way so far seems to be chick fil a #i dont like their company but they pay significantly more than anything else ive applied for #and its the most convenient for me (near to both my home & college #+ on the bus route encase i need to get there from somewhere else #but that seems like a place that really wouldnt want me to mask and uughhhhhhh #ugh ugh ugh #i wish this wasn't something i care about so much but im literally not risking sickness working at a place hundreds/thousands of ppl go to!! #AGAHAAHHJJJJJJ #i hope im just makinf this issue up and ill get there and no one will ask me to take it off #lucky strike

[concerto-roblox]

i spend a bit of time on twitter for fandom stuff bc there are some really talented artists and writers but oh my god i have to limit my time on that app so much compared to tumblr bc one tiny thing will happen and suddenly there'll be the most despair-inducing discourse ever and i genuinely want to die

#honestly twitter definitely wants people to get angry bc angry people tweet more #this is mostly abt sttwt but ig it applies to other fandoms too #like one person will say one thing and suddenly everyone sees it on their timeline and everyone and their mother is talking about it #when it really isn't that deep #and also some people are just so rude?? like the ship wars are awful and people just make stuff up and say the most horrible shit #and it's so easy to find hate accounts like i'm not opposed to being a hater of things occasionally #but today i found an account called smth like 'why people hate st*ddies' (not censored) #and it was literally just someone screenshotting all the petty drama from one niche subset of the fandom #like i just don't understand how people can have fun on twitter if they use it like intended?? #i have to turn on notifs for people i like and use the notifs as a dashboard bc the timeline will randomly show you the most rancid shit #plus i feel like twitter is actively trying to make it hard to see anything older than a day #i hate the way it's all about new new new and content content content oh my god shut up shut up shut up- #obv tumblr can have awful people too but i feel like it's so much easier to avoid stuff like that if you curate ur own experience #like on tumblr i can just block someone bc i don't wanna see their posts but on twitter blocking someone is a personal attack #and someone will write a thread about how you're a toxic bitch making the fandom worse and you hated them bc they drew b*lly h*rgrove once #and that means you're against discussing harmful topics in media and are pro censorship or smth idk #girl maybe i just don't like him and don't wanna see fanart of him ugh #i feel like maybe i'm really sensitive bc seeing people argue abt things really upsets me?? but idk i thought that was universal #but apparently people love being mad?? #anyways uh. steve/eddie nation 4 eva yass #how to be cringe 101 #i feel like i need a tag for my beef with twitter uuh #twitter hate #there

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#god. ok. so i should really b reading papers rn but my lab mate called me needy today and it just keeps cycling in my head #like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes #basically been exposed to a scattershot of anxious thoughts in my head idk wtf he must think of me but today he said #the more i learn abt u the more i realize ur needy in these v specific ways #and i think it bothers me a lot bc needy isnt the right word. im not needy. i dont plead for help. im just a semi non functional person. #i just lay here not dealing with all these problems i have. but i generally try just make it my own problem. im just a bit pathetic like #that. do i need help? maybe but im not like needy. im just semi nonfunctional and rather compulsive and controling over myself. i live in a #world full of invisible walls as dictated by my stupid brain. but its all internal control i can put up with a lot as long as i have ctrl #over myself. its not especially healthy but it makes me pretty easy going i suppose. ugh! needy! he obviously hit a nerve how annoying #whatever im exhausted bc i had to b a scribe all day and i had a phd meeting this morning. the project sounds v cool and apparently im the #most qualified person to approach them so far but idk itll be v competitive and do i really want a uk phd? idk idk #at least this guy conducted it like an actual interview. i was like fuck finally some structure! and he said i talk well lol thanks dude #so he thinks id do ok getting grilled by a pannel. idk i kinda wanna apply just to see how far id get into the process #unrelated #i was also having harrowing nightmares last night abt climbing mt everest. at least i got 8hrs sleep lol fml i leave for sampling again #tomorrow afternoon. this is what i get for trying to have even a tiny bit of a social life rip

[oh-mother-i-cannot-weave]

Its so fucked up how having a mental illness makes you feel like a horrible person for having it

#Obviously this applies to most if not all mental illnesses but #Im talking about EDs #And how you just feel like a terrible person for having it especially after recovering #Because looking back on the timr when my ed was at its worst it really made me a bad person #And that wasnt really my fault!! That was bound to happen!! #But it made me so angry and i wasnt the nicest person #And also that #I was literally dying because of my own actions and peoplr had to watch that slowly happen #And i still wanted to get worse #It must have been horrible to watch someone you care about just #Wither away and (mostly) by their own will #Just get worse and worse #Just. Augh #It really does make you an awful person even if it is out of your control #Ugh

[genderjester]

The "not all men we must care abt men's fweelings" type of bitches are so annoying to me. We must care abt the women and trans ppl that suffer under the patriarchy idgaf if some guy feels a little bad bc someone made an "ugh.men." vent post on their tumblr blog bc they once again got catcalled or spoken over or invalidated or physically hurt by one.

Do more to stop ur fellow men from behaving like dickheads

#im so sick of the coddling #i thought we fucking learned years ago that ugh men. doesnt mean literally every single man on this planet #so if it doesnt apply. scroll on #and if it does apply. reflect on urself and do better in the future #anyways im frustrated #random cis men are consistently the group of ppl most likely to just touch and in some instances grab me unasked #or lecture me on shit i know more abt #and just feel fucking entitled to my time #and it's soooo aggravating fr #friend in middle school got catcalled starting at fucking 14 #im so over it im so fucking over it #sel talks

[mothric]

how is it that every person i have ever had a crush on is either the most contrarian motherfucker alive or the flakiest motherfucker alive

#and all of them hella avoidant #it's probably the illusion of independence. like here is a person who won't make me feel smothered or controlled. yay freedom! #but the catch is they also will not feel anything for me and/or won't care for me in the way i need #ironically the ONE person i dated had an anxious attachment style and it made ME feel avoidant #anyway it'd be nice to fall for people who are more like my fictional crushes but you see . they are fictional for a reason #it'd also be nice to fukin. be able to afford therapy again UGH #also before anyone calls me out i will call out myself - i am also a contrarian and a flake. so perhaps i am just an egoist #sept 2022 #on further reflection this does not apply to EVERY person i've had feelings for but it's most of them for sure #two of the not-like-that ones ended up dating each other 💀 i sure know how to pick them

[sxcret-garden-archive]

,

#rant incoming.... ugh #so i need a letter of recommendation for my application to study in korea #and basically i haven't had the teacher i asked for it in class for a while so she said she doesn't remember too well how i was doing #so basically i sent her an email in korean for her to see but the thing is #i not confident in my korean at all #like i know i can say simple stuff #but the real problem is that i also know i still make many mistakes but I CANT TELL WHAT THE MISTAKES ARE #and that's such a horrible feeling to me #plus i keep feeling like i'm not good enough to even deserve to apply ???? #and i can't even calm myself down by saying i've been studying hard and so if my skills aren't good enough i did everything i could #because i don't #i can't motivate myself unless i'm super stressed #and i keep trying to start studying but i know after a few weeks at most i #i'll lose interest and stop #i know i'm still doing my best in a way because i can't change the way my brain works and that it refuses to do stuff that's not fun enough #unless i'm under pressure #but on the outside it looks like i'm being lazy and not even doing the bare minimum and it's very hard to unlearn these patterns #of internalizing what i've learnt growing up is expected of me #and unlearning expectations i simply can't meet

[youremyonlyhope]

Me at 2am last night: I’m gonna wake up at like 10am, maybe earlier, and then immediately start sewing some projects at 11am! I have iced coffee waiting in my fridge. I will get so much done!

6am: *Still awake, mad at the world.*

7:30am: *Wakes up, gets water, goes back to bed.*

12:30pm *Wakes up and gets confused at the time*

Me: Ok, this isn’t that bad. I’ll drink the coffee and have breakfast, then start sewing only two hours later than planned.

1pm-2pm: *Youtube and Tumblr*

Me at 3pm: ...Hmm... maybe I’ll just sew tomorrow...

#god i'm the worst #my therapist wants me to create a better sleep schedule and a schedule of getting up and out of the house #while i'm unemployed and applying to jobs and not having a normal human schedule at all #and i was SO READY to do that. #especially since i have some sewing to do for a community theater and i'm using the sewing machine at my late grandma's apartment #so i am leaving my apartment to do it and being productive in some way while unemployed #and yet. still no motivation to actually get up and leave and go sew #i have to go to a birthday party at like 7-ish so now at most i'll only be able to sew for 3 hours before i need to shower and leave #but 2 days ago i got a LOT done in only two hours of sewing. so. maybe i can do that again today... #ugh. ok. 3:30. i will get up. get dressed. go to my grandma's. at the very least sew the skirt that is a personal project of mine. #ideally sew that and part of one of the pieces i need to make for the theater #ok now that i've written out this plan i gotta stick to it

[yakamozarda]

I think i should like. Talk to my therapist about taking a gap year bc i feel like i need a proper rest that wont be related to anything i wanna do in long term and just Chill but at the same time idk how to. Rest. Like it is legit something im bad at i cant fucking rest more than a week and i feel like i need more than a week to fucking unmentally ill myself or some shit. I dont fucking know man

#cecil.txt #I know im experiencing some sort of burn out? Or whatever the fuck it is #Idk it feels. Too luxurious to take a gap year even tho i know i will probably at least find a part time job for it #Idek #Yesterday while talking to my therapist i realised how i didnt wanna do anything at all #So idk if it is healthy to push myself to find a paid phd program or a job next year right after graduation #Esp since i can like. Afford to take a gap year. My mom is more than okay with me staying with her during that time but i fucking hate the #Idea of moving back in. I love my mom but my hometown is boring af #Working in istanbul would be great as a gap year but holy shit. The fucking economy. Idek man it doesnt sound uuhh hashtag relaxing to me #Idk #I fucking wish the jobs/internships i have applied so far would work out. I either keep getting rejected or ghosted #Yesterday i got rejected by a job i didnt even fucking want and i KNOW im fucking overqualified for it most likely. I fucking hate this #It was a fucking mobile dating sim writing. I have a degree in literature and i have done narrative design for fucks sake and worked in a #Game project with a way more complicated mechanic than a fucking lame dating sim #Got rejected bc 'they are looking for a more specific cv' #All my writings feel too niche or specific for me to get an entry level job and i fucking hate the idea of writing for a lame game to begin #With #And if i wanna get away with my weird af design ideas phd is the best way to go but. Im so tired of academia. But im also fucking terrified #Of getting a job. Ugh #There is this internship that would be PERFECT for me that im qualified for but ffs they ghosted me. Im gonna fucking go insane #Anyways #Negativity #Or whatever yall use to filter these bs

[mayonakano-archive]

i think its funny that i always had big dreams and now i'm like "what degree can i get without wanting to die"

#leoposting #vent in tags #not rly but just in case ksdghds #girl. i wanted to work at NASA for most of my life #now i can barely stomach the thought of GOING to college. ugh... #i still haven't written or even started my essay... i can't even apply... what if i died instead? #what if i go to a college campus and get hit by a bus. you get free tuition if you do that. then maybe they'll just let me in?

[tiny-feisty-gay]

it’s 5am, i’ve been up for an hour because body decided it’s time for Awake and now i’m just sad about my lack of sleep

[sad rambling in tags, feel free to ignore]

#it doesn't help that i'm also generally sad #moving into my own place is fine but fuck i miss being around people #the holiday season from october to january always feels so incredibly lonely to me #lack of family + past issues i guess #this is also going to be the first year i'm truly alone for any of the holidays and i just #i don't like it #i don't even celebrate most of them but i wanted to celebrate samhain with loved ones and that's not looking like something i can do #october is usually my favorite month but this year it just feels deserted #i have a few friends locally but they're either too broke or too busy to do anything #which is fine and fair it just sucks #ugh #still have my dog at least :') #and i'm going to an oddities expo tomorrow so maybe that'll help a little #i hate waking up like this #november is also the month my mom died several years ago #we hadn't spoken in years because i couldn't handle that abuse anymore #but i still mourn the what-ifs every year regardless #what if she had stopped drinking and applied herself #because when she passed i was just starting to think maybe i could forgive and bond with her instead of be mindlessly angry #and then i was hit by the realization there will never be reconcilliation #so the fact her death anniversary is in november and her birthday was early december and the combo of that with the holiday season is hard #might delete later idk #just venting to the void