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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

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clearsky · 3 years

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My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

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painted-crow · 3 years

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Submission time #22

I was hopping between Burned Badger and Burned Snake but now I retook the quiz and it opened up the possibility of a Gryffindor Primary and I really don't know. Whatever primary I am it's probably burned if I'm this lost.

As for my secondary, I'm pretty positive I'm a Courtier Badger. I was confused before about how Badger-like my secondary seemed except for the matching people which seemed very Slytherin but Courtier Badger fits that.

Okay, let's get started then!

Anyways,

PRIMARY

Would you lie to an acquaintance to save their peace of mind? Would it make you feel grimy to do it?

No. They need to know the truth so that they can make the next choice. It would be immoral of me to withhold the choice from them - essentially to think I know better than them what is good or right for them. If I didn’t care much about them and lying made my life easier I’d do it, though. It depends on the question, I guess.

Sounds like you really care about letting people make their own choices. This "you need to know the truth so you can decide" is interesting; it reads as Bird, actually. Which doesn't help much if you're stuck between the Loyalist Houses, huh? xD

The most important things in my world and my life are the people I love.

I don’t know. I can’t protect them, and if I can’t do that how can I say that they’re the most important thing to me. Of course I’d save them over a stranger if I had to make that choice but that's in extreme circumstances and in the day to day that isn’t (and I’m glad it isn’t) relevant.

*whistles* okay, this reads burned Snake. Sometimes Snakes Burn because they feel they're not capable of living up to the responsibility of being Snakes.

Bean in Ender's Shadow is my pet example of this: he has a whole lot of guilt over failing to protect the people he cares about, so he spends a lot of the book trying to be a Bird instead, and rationalizing himself in circles when his slowly unburning Snake wants to attach to people and prioritize them.

Does someone being part of your community or world mean you owe them something?

I don’t know that I owe them, but the people of the world deserve kindness and compassion and when they’ve acted in a way that doesn’t deserve that they still deserve fairness.

This has a really Idealist ring to it. Not just because you're like "owe? uhhh no?" but because you're answering this question, which is focused on personal obligation to others, with principles (ideals) about the way the world Should work and what people deserve. That's a very Idealist lens you're using here.

At the end of the day, some things are right and some things are wrong. You don't turn your back on the people you love.

This question is supposed to suss out Loyalists vs Idealists, but it's very possible to have loyalty coded as Right into Lion intuition or a Bird system.

If you get a chance to make the world a better place, you have to pursue it-- even at the expense of your happiness and personal relationships. Do you think this is a true statement?

I don’t think it’s possible to make the world a better place when you’re making it worse for you and your loved ones.

Fair. I'm not sure what House this reads. Seems like a logical reaction, though.

I'm not going to really go into the secondary cause like I said I'm pretty positive I'm a Courtier Badger; I just want to say something about shortcuts: I find them useful and they can make things fun if things are too difficult (though the opposite can also be true because things that are too easy aren't fun either), but I tend not to notice them. I'll often find myself banging at a wall until someone points out that I can go around.

Hmm, okay! Valid. I'd say maybe double check Snake just in case? but it really is up to you.

So, this has me kinda stumped, I'll admit. My guess is that you're a burned Snake with a loud Bird model you're running on in its place.

I think you give off more Snake than Badger, and more Bird than burned Lion (which I also briefly considered for your model).

It doesn't seem like you feel obligation to communities or humanity as a whole. You have principles about how people should be treated, but your morality doesn't seem to revolve around others the way a Badger's would.

You do have a tired Loyalist streak to you, and if you're unsatisfied with just Bird--if you feel the need to have important people at the center of your life, but don't trust yourself to live up to the responsibility of having them--that's a form of burned Snake.

You seem to have a pretty solid Bird model though. I wonder sometimes if I oversort into Bird, but it's not uncommon even for healthy Snakes to pick up a Bird model for decisions where their people aren't directly relevant.

Thing is, Birds often have a sound, like a rhythm to their thoughts that comes out in their writing. It's like a written accent. It's hard to describe, but there's this desire for completeness and self examination, and this particular structure, like a time signature... and then there's our tendency to ramble, especially if we think we haven't been clear enough xD

I get some of that from you, a little, but it doesn’t seem hard-wired the way full Birds are. You’re used to thinking this way, but it's not your native language.

The longer I write, the more certain I am of my guess. I'm having a hard time picking up burned Badger from you. Burned Snake fits, I think. It's up to you, of course, but that's what I've got for you.

#sortinghatchats #burned slytherin primary #ravenclaw primary model #submission #paint speaks #q

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parachutingkitten · 3 years

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Season 5 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Additional Disclaimer: This includes criticism of Nya’s arc, so if you’re the type of person to get catty about this subject, turn back now.

Mood for this season: It’s spoopy time.

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot - Season 1 - Season 2 - Season 3 - Season 4

You can also find all of these, and future installments, on my blog using the tag #analysis

Hey everyone! I’m still doing these things! Let’s see, when was my last one? Over two years ago...? Yikes, I owe y’all an apology. I really didn’t mean to put these off that long. Anyway, get ready to hate me, cuz although (for the most part) this seems to be the fandom favorite season… I think it’s overhyped. I know, don’t kill me. I’ll explain myself. I don’t think it’s bad or anything, it’s very well structured, but I definitely wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. First, for a little context, I am making a one second of every ninjago episode video right now, so I’ve been binging the series and all it’s shorts back to back, so I think I’ll have a bit more to say about connective tissue between seasons, and hopefully you guys can look forward to more of these analyses between now and the new year when I’m releasing that video. I’m also officially a film major now so… sorry if I come of as extra pretentious or get too deep. Anyway, let’s jump into the thick of it, shall we?

Plot

This is probably the area I have the fewest number of complaints about. This season has a breakneck pace and it keeps everyone busy. I think that’s why people like it. Everyone’s favorite has something to do. Which brings me to the question… which ninja’s season is this? Lloyd is on a lot of the promotional stuff, but he’s possessed and out of the picture for over half the season, so that can’t be right. Cole turns into a ghost, and the season is a ghost season, but that can’t be right cuz I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone claim it was his. Nya reaches her true potential, maybe it’s hers? Well, she does have a large b-plot, but she is consistently not a part of the a-plot. Kai has a whole thing with being protective of Lloyd, he has his fear of water, maybe it’s just another Kai season? Thing is, it’s no one’s. It is an ensemble season, and I think that’s a healthy thing for ninjago to keep doing. The more we label certain seasons for certain ninja, the more complaining we’ll get about who’s turn it is for screen time that we’ll miss out on telling a good story. Also, If the season is focused on a ninja you don’t like, you are less likely to like the season (see my next analysis for that can of worms). Again, this season tells it’s story really well. Morro directly ties into the ending of last season, and Nya’s getting water powers was foreshadowed the season before. That’s some cool connective tissue to start. The opening episode establishes the three different things the ninja will be looking for, and for once they’re actual tools instead of a series of weapons, blades, masks, whatever. I like that. Jay has some really good humor, Zane has his speech changes, Kai has his irrational fears and protective instincts, Cole has his ghost angst, Lloyd has to deal with his father’s passing, Nya is a new water ninja, Wu has a shop to run and a student to reconnect with, even Ronin has an arc about developing morals and gaining friends. There’s the mystery about how to deal with the ghosts, what the rules are, there’s the leader subplot, the ninja’s money situation, and lore of the different realms, they even worked in Skylor and Borg, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. This is a tightly woven script that manages to include a lot of new concepts that you get pretty quick. I don’t feel like there’s even that much fat to cut. The opening is a little slow and strange, and the cloud kingdom episode feels a little unnecessary, but I do like the idea of visiting a different realm early in the season so the audience isn’t caught off guard in the climax. Again, the plot all works for me, it’s the other stuff I find myself pretty meh on.

Characters

Ronin

I’m pretty sure Ronin is the only new (non villain) character introduced. I like him a lot. Ninjago needed a true wildcard to shake things up and be unpredictable. I also think he’s pretty nicely woven into the action of the plot. I think his introduction is a bit strange. Like, the ninja already know him, but we’ve never seen him before? Just the way they talk about him sounds like they’re quickly recapping who this guy is for those who missed previous episodes. It’s fine if the ninja already know him but either 1) Introduce or foreshadow him a season earlier or 2) Introduce their dynamic to the audience before it becomes plot relevant. Maybe the ninja are grumbling about him being a nuisance while tea shenanigans are going on or something. Or maybe you have a scene of him stealing the scroll and making snarky remarks about the ninja while he does it. Idk. just something so his sudden plot relevance isn’t out of nowhere. Also, I don’t hate his and Nya’s dynamic, but I know a lot of people love it, and I’m just not totally here for it. Is he supposed to be a father figure for her? Mentor? Frienemy? Just plain friend? (love interest???) it’s not super clear and I could have used some clarification. I also like his use and tie to the next season, so overall, well integrated character.

Nya

I’m adding in Nya here cuz she goes through a major character change, and how she’s handled is one of the things that rubs me the wrong way about the season. A lot of people will probably disagree and/or hate me for this section of the analysis so… here we go! The thing she has to get past to reach her true potential is fear of failure (supposedly) and the solution to that is to just… not care as much? First of all, I know this isn’t supper important, but the fun thing about the ninjago elements is that every elemental master matched up personality wise with their element. Jay is the energetic master of lightning, Kai is the hothead master of fire, Zane is the calm and calculating master of ice, Cole is the strong and dependable master of earth, Lloyd is the literal child master of energy. This especially goes for all the new season 4 masters. So what qualities are often associated with water personalities? Well, serenity, control, flexibility, elegance, patience… calm. You know, like a Zane type character (the element directly adjacent to hers). These are things that Nya isn’t - or at the very least don’t define her. (there’s also something to be said about water and its ties to more feminine qualities, which Nya has been actively shown to reject, but I won’t go into that rant here.) She was designed as the fire master’s sister, and when you try to fit a fire personality into a water shaped character mold… it doesn’t exactly mesh well. It doesn’t make sense. But, like I said, whatever. Maybe that’s the point? Like she has to change her personality to be more in tune with water? Sure. But let’s talk about this fear of failure thing. Because that’s the stated thing that dialogue tells us she needs to overcome. But when has Nya ever been afraid of failure? Fear of failure means avoiding doing something because of fear. Nya is ridiculously persistent, always has been (you know, fire personality). She tries training when no one tells her to, she makes her own alter ego to try and be a hero and save the people who would constantly tell her she wasn’t ready. Wu says she only wants things that come easy, but that’s never been her character before now, she has carried the team with her tech, research, and covert ops that no one forced her to do, all things which are not easy. Fear of failure is usually characterized by what if questions. If Nya is so afraid of failure, why don’t we hear her saying stuff like “but what if I’m not strong enough, what if I can’t save them in time, or worse, what if I lose control of my power and end up hurting people?” Cole shows much more of a fear of failure this season surrounding his insecurity about being a ghost. He wants to sit out from missions because he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it - he’s afraid of failure. But whatever, the writing isn’t clear at expressing her true setbacks, but she does display a real problem that a lot of people have and I think could have been well done if set up correctly. She shows an undying persistence that gets her too close, and makes her increasingly incapable. She lets her frustration hinder her progress (again, fire personality trait), and I think that’s interesting because I don’t think ninjago has done this character arc yet. The supposed solution to this problem is that she just needs to… care less? And yes, I kind of see where they were going with this, we sometimes cloud our natural potential by thinking about it too much, but saying “you need to stop caring” is the absolute wrong way to word it. Caring is not her problem, the problem is her control over the emotions that come from her caring. Caring is a good thing, and teaching kids that if you’re ambivalent about your problems, they’ll go away is not a good message. What she needs to do is take a step back. She needs to take a break, stop to think, and look at the big picture instead of hyper focusing on the roadblock directly in front of her. The usual and much better wording of the moral I think they were going for is “stop overthinking things”. Teaching kids to look at a problem from a different angle and give themselves time to cool down is a great thing. And just think of it, in the climax she could have this ah-ha moment where she steps back and looks at the bigger picture - the whole town, surrounded by the ocean - and gets the idea to sink the preeminent into the water, you could even easily tie that back into the bucket exercise, and that’s what triggers her true potential rather than the current… I’m honestly not sure what. Random flashbacks and the end of the season approaching quickly. Alternatively, you could tie it more directly into samurai x, and make her struggle with letting go of the past and allowing yourself to give up something good in your life to progress to something better. Anyway, I don’t think this was a bad decision long term, she needed to be solidified on the team as a full fledged ninja, I just think this season doesn’t handle the transition that well. Anyway, whatever, I’ll be waiting for your hate comments in the notes.

Romance

Um… there’s none this season? Like there’s a few Wusako moments that are still as weird as they were in season 2, but they’re really not prevalent. There’s also the Jay seeing the future thing which has some weird implications next season (again, some interesting connective tissue between seasons), but that’s about it. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t love this season? Like where’s the pixane? Lol, I’m kidding. But maybe that’s why a lot of people do like it. If you don’t like the canon ships… this is a nice little safe haven for you. Rare for a majority of the series.

Villains

So Morro is a good idea… in theory. I know he’s the fandom’s favorite edgy boy, but idk I think the brand of angsty teen they ended up with was more of an angsty 13 year old than 17 year old. His voice is really grating and I always want to yell at him to just… go get some cough drops. Stop throat screaming, use your diaphragm man! Also, everyone goes on about his last minute redemption, but as far as season 5 goes, he has like half a second of a change of heart. Literally, when Wu comes over and he’s drowning, he’s still being a persistent little idiot like “you never cared about me nooooo!” and it’s only at the last possible second that gives him the crystal, and even that he does it kind of saltily. The preeminent is pretty cool, I like her concept, her design, all that. All the other ghosts are fine I guess. Nothing super memorable out of them, although their aesthetic, especially when there’s a bunch of them swarming around is pretty cool. One last thing was I never understood how Morro “becoming the green ninja” worked and what exactly it was that… did for him? Like he didn’t actually get the power of energy, right? I don’t remember him using it. Did just him defeating Lloyd make him the green ninja? How does that transfer work? And why did he need it to take over the world or realms or whatever? Like I get that it’s supposed to give him more power and what not but idk, it wasn’t super clear. That’s a minor thing though.

Climax

Pretty cool. I like the ATMOSPHERE. Green light is a hard thing to use and justify correctly, but it works really well here, especially with the dark kinda gray blue sky complimenting it. When the preeminent starts walking into the ocean, it’s genuinely terrifying, but you understand exactly how it works and why she’s strong enough to do it. Nya’s true potential is again a little out of left field and could have had some better motivation put behind it. Like what is it Nya learned in that instant? To not be afraid to protect people? She’s… been doing that. Idk. I’ve hit on that enough for now. Overall, there was good variety. I like the green ninja fake out, I like the realm hopping, I even like the little Garmadon visit and Lloyd getting the robe. I feel like we didn’t need a part one and two, you could have had different titles. I mean come on. But hey, now we know, if Pix had only been there, the whole climax would have been wrapped up in like 10 minutes apparently. Pix for the win.

Humor

Really good. Like I’m surprised how much I laughed. Jay wasn’t annoying humor, it was good stuff, there were some good running gags, there’s a solid fourth wall joke about who the lead ninja is at the beginning of the season. Overall, I am pretty impressed. My favorite joke was perhaps the bit where Jay is sarcastically positive, the voice acting is just really solid. Then again, there’s also the whole Borg scene where he roasts half the ninja, that’s solid stuff right there. There’s just some really solid character interaction this season and the humor feels a lot more natural and less forced.

Drama

Okay, we’ve got a lot this season. Y’all know how I feel about Nya’s arc by now. It does not work for me. Ronin’s relationship with her is alright, but kind of comes out of nowhere. Ronin’s solo plot about kinda working for the ghosts works. Cole’s ghost angst works for the most part, although I wish he would have actually skipped a mission and then gone in to help save his friends once they can’t do it without him. That was probably the most solid drama of the season. The other main thing we have this season is Kai’s whole… fear/protective streak. This also doesn’t really work for me. Like, I get that Lloyd and Kai are friends and stuff, like his whole true potential was centered around Lloyd. But like, why does it have to be framed so weirdly? Sometimes in trying to make it seem like Kai is protective of him, it seems like the other ninja just like… don’t care about him? Not all the time, but there are some weird vibes. Also, it doesn’t really go anywhere. No one learns anything about themselves from this subplot, nothing comes of it, there isn’t really a payoff. Also, Kai has yet another irrational fear, this time of water, which really comes right the hell out of nowhere. They try to explain it away like “Oh, Kai feels powerless and so water can get to him” but like… what? That’s the exact situation he was in at the end of season 2 and he seemed perfectly content to literally swim across the ocean (which um… what do you mean the sworn protector of ninjago can’t swim?). Where is this coming from?! Again, it doesn’t really go anywhere, there’s not a point where he has to learn to confront it or he grows because of it. It’s just pointless stuff added cuz the writers like giving Kai vague trails to try and develop him. The cloud kingdom is kinda cool. That last minute twist about them working with Morro is… stupid and unnecessary though.

Spotlight Episode

I really like the Spinjitzu master tomb episode. Some cool riddles, I like the first two rooms a lot. I do think the third room is a bit strange. Like, the clue was “don’t look ahead” and the solution was to look beneath them, which is the exact same solution as the previous room. Like, you already have magic ice that shows the future, why not play into that? Don’t look ahead could maybe mean don’t look to the future, the opposite of that being the past. Maybe they have to draw on their past adventures to solve it somehow? Learning from the past is a good lesson, right? But overall, I really like it. Some real solid humor this episode. This episode has the sarcastic Jay optimism, Kai totally stalling for time, Zane dealing a pretty sick burn on Cole, just a lot of fun stuff. I like it. It just has great energy and nothing feels like it’s drawn out for too long.

Misc

The aesthetic this season… can be inconsistent, but the main ghost vibe displayed in the opening theme is really solid and I really like it

Speaking of the opening, Ghost wip is great and the opening in on par with last season’s (which is my fav) for sure

Ice age references… okay.

Chima references…. OKAY...

Okay, but like Deepstone can… kill ghosts? Or not? Is it just something ghosts can touch? It’s supposed to be like water in weapon form, right? Like that’s how I understood it when they first introduced it. Wouldn’t the deepstone bars kill Ghoultar then? And then like, Cole’s bike is made of deepstone. He uses it as a weapon. Wouldn’t it kill him? It kills other ghosts when they touch it. How… how does it work?! I need answers!!!

The captain of the steam boat says they’re going as fast as possible, but later Ronin comes in and cranks it up like twice as fast… that always bothered me like, why would he lie about that? Who is this captain and why is he so chill about everyone’s lives?! And then later Wu cranks it up yet again, like the ship had slowed down to it’s previous speed. What the hell is happening with the controls of this ship???

So pissed that the nasty CGI nightmare cloud monster that chases the ninja is named Nimbus. Totally forgot about that. I have an OC with a cat named Nimbus… I promise, there is not going to be a stupid twist bout the cat being the monster thing in Mists of Fate. That would be very stupid.

I was all excited that season 13 gave us minecart chases, but I totally forgot season 5 gave us one first. I really like the return to the caves of despair btw, good reuse of a known location.

How many times this season did we do the:

Kai: Oh, I don’t like water, I can’t do it uwu Cole: ...You serious?

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far… I don’t know. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have any! These are just my opinions, so don’t think too much of it if you disagree.

-Kitten

#ninjago #analysis #ns5 #ninjago possession #parachuterants

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danielletinybruiser · 3 years

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Two Years of Blue

It's been a bit since I updated here, since I suppose I mainly use my instagram account to talk about jiu jitsu. But hey, I have a few things to mull over, which tends to go better in writing, so here we are. Content warning for weight on this one.

I've been a blue belt for two years! And what a wild two years — I did change up my gym, and then, hey, there was this pandemic that ground the world to a halt (and is still doing so). I was very, very lucky, since I was able to train with Viki pretty much the whole time. We had access to mats, and were able to train, and they taught me a great deal: a lot of gi stuff, a ton of leg locks (I never went for them, or defended them well, until I basically just rolled with them for a year), and so much detail in passing and retaining guard.

Viki is a long, lanky blue belt, and I like to think I taught them a bit too. Maybe.

But of course, even with rolling during lockdown and tons of other cross-training, it took me awhile — really, a few months — to feel a bit more in the groove with jiu jitsu again. We started going back to limited, vaxxed sessions starting in March, and slowly started going back to the gym normally as everyone else got vaxxed up. I'm finally going 3-4 days per week, consistently. This past week, I think I trained grappling every day aside from Wednesday. It's mid-July, which means it's taken me that whole time to feel like I'm getting there.

I'm also competing again in just under two weeks, which has (as it typically does) lit a little fire under me to get my shit together. Or attempt to!

One thing that did help, certainly, was doing a lot of cardio the whole time, and focusing on getting that to a good place. All winter I did a lot of running, and yes, here it is... a lot of indoor cycling on a [cough, whisper] peleton. I know this makes me a bougie asshole. I know. But the workouts — on the bike and very much on the treadmill — are actually great. The running workouts with at least two of the coaches are appropriate for actual competitive runners. I've done workouts there that were extremely close to things I did as a competitive XC athlete in college. Back when I was actually fast. Fast-ish. I'm not fast anymore. Not even a tiny bit.

But my running is much improved, and the cycling has been an incredible, incredible base for me. I'm routinely doing longer or more challenging rides on non-BJJ days, and then often a shorter ride (or one of the functional strength routines) on days I roll at the gym. My whole thing with it is doing hard cardio when I'm already tired, so I get very used to pushing through. Endurance has never been my problem, but I know that I get slower physically — and, far worse, *super* discouraged mentally — when I get tired.

Doing this much cycling has had a hilarious and, uh, probably obvious side effect: I actually put on a little bit of muscle. I went into the whole Peleton thing thinking "yeah, I'll do cardio twice a day, and lose that stubborn couple of pounds that make competing at 125 dicey in like a month, easy!" and, HA. No.

What I did get, though, are leg muscles that don't fatigue as fast. I have much more power and energy than I used to, and, hand-to-heart, I don't think I was in bad shape before. It's just... better now.

That took a couple of weeks to accept, I'll be honest. I felt pretty dumb: of fucking course spending... let's say 8 hours a week doing HIIT or climb rides on a bike would build muscle. I’d gain some weight from that, naturally. But now, I'm honestly thrilled to feel comfortable and much stronger at 135 anyway.

That's where I was always going to be for grappling industries (where there's a 120 and a 135, nothing in between), and where there are 125 lb classes... it's honestly ok. I have a healthy diet, I stick to it rigorously (with the occasional cheat day, ofc), I do cardio almost every day, and I feel good. Will I be a little shortie in this weight class? Of course! But at least I feel like a stronger little shortie, and that's what counts.

As with all of this, let me be clear, I have no delusions of grandeur. This is an awesome hobby that I'm obsessed with! But I only want to compete to learn and get better and do it all on a pretty comfortable level. I'm probably never going to fuck with the open IBJJF tournaments, or anything like that. Give me a nice submission-only tournament for scrubs like me. (Honestly, I wish everything was just submission only. Forever.)

There are actual, legit athletes who use the baby tournaments for a tune-up, and young folks who may become legit athletes who are learning to compete and deal with pressure, probably just because this is NYC and there are world-class gyms here and all that. This 37-year-old goofy white bitch just wants to get as good as possible, given the obvious constraints. And enjoy myself.

To this end, my friends, coaches, and training partners deserve medals for dealing with me. Berto and Jaime (my friends and coaches) have been patiently leading me towards things I need to work on. Viki will roll with me and give me things I need to do based on our roll, and we'll drill them right then and there. And Caroline has been instrumental in me getting my head at least part of the way out of my ass, just going for things. For months, I was rolling, but just playing defense. Just talking to her about it helped, and now, every time we roll, I have that voice in my head telling me to go for things. It's helping.

I just hope I can keep that in mind in two weeks. I get nervous. Really, really nervous. I've competed... this might be nine times? This will be my third blue belt tournament, anyway, and it'll be the first since... January 2020. My head is usually so far up my ass — especially at first — that I will probably make some dumbass mistakes. But I'm working on accepting that I'll feel like an idiot and to just have fun with it and use it to LEARN and find some new things to work on. Embrace the doofus and enjoy.

Gym Feelings

I also got very, very excited about my gym yesterday. Right before going to a (fantastic) Women/trans/non-binary folks Judo class taught by a really great woman black belt, I went on about how much I love my gym. How inclusive it is, and how, just *not a toxic MMA culture* place it is. I'm just going to copy a bunch of that thread here, just absolutely gushing about Chop and Chops:

Today, in a couple of hours, I'm going to a women/trans/nonbinary grappling class at my gym, taught by a woman Judo black belt. I'm PUMPED.

It's really important to me that my MMA gym is an inclusive, positive environment for me and for everyone. MMA -- and especially Jiu Jitsu -- does NOT need to be a place dominated by bros with awful politics and horrific tattoos. It can be for anyone to enjoy.

The door to my gym has a trans-inclusive rainbow flag on it. The brothers who run it make sure that all women, trans folks, enbies, and any GNC folks feels especially comfortable and have dependable training partners for each class, especially if they are new.

Here's another thing -- its' an MMA gym, there are plenty of cis dudes! But said dudes are respectful and gracious. I feel safe training with them BECAUSE of the atmosphere and attitude of the place, that's certainly not true everywhere.

One of my favorite training partners rn is a very, very sweet bigger white belt due who wrestled at a high level. If you've done BJJ, "bigger white belt who wrestled" is typically the scariest thing. But he is an absolute gentleman, doesn't just throw his weight around...

he is conscientious and I am learning SO MUCH from rolling with him. Again, in another atmosphere, I might be intimidated. In our gym, people learn to train hard but modulate and always respect their training partners.

I know I'm gushing at this point, lol. But I really can't overstate how much that atmosphere of respect and inclusivity is important and makes a massive difference. I'm a small queer woman, training there simply feels great to me, and that's everything.

That's the thread! I can't say enough good things about this place. It's also honestly a refuge for me, a place where I see my friends (where we all hug very aggressively for a couple hours, then chitchat). I guess it all comes down to this: I'm so, so lucky to be a part of this community. I want everyone in the world to have something they love, and amazing people to support them in it/enjoy it with them.

#bjj #bjjwomen #grappling #mma

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autumnblogs · 3 years

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Day 13: Double Mobius Reacharound

https://homestuck.com/story/2073

Of all the characters in Homestuck, Sollux’s self-hatred is probably the most exaggerated, exacerbated no doubt by his role in the death of his girlfriend and his psychic brain. I like him, he’s an alright guy, and I wish I had more to say about him to be honest. I guess if there was one thing I was going to say about him, I think I said it already - Sollux serves as a mirror image of Dave, and Sollux’s decision to bow out early probably foreshadows the way that Dave will eventually decide that fighting is not for him.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/2082

How does Paradox Space know which angel to use? This is a bit of an odd moment. Maybe I’m missing the refrance, but I’ve never quite understood why Terezi reacts this way, with all of the additional periods. Sollux seems quizzical, but Terezi doesn’t react.

Also, this is the first in a serious of lines I’m going to be examining in relation to Aradia. Keep that on the back of your thinkpan.

https://homestuck.com/story/2085

Sollux and Aradia have a very sweet, tragic little relationship, and even though it doesn’t last into the longterm, I’ve always enjoyed these two together.

https://homestuck.com/story/2101

Whether retroactively, or intentionally, the sensual scantily clad fairies in Tavros’ room are a lot more noticeable on re-reads. Tavros has a pretty unassuming demeanor, and I’m not here to trash him pointlessly, but I think that Tavros has some pretty troubling patterns of behavior that can go unexamined because of the fact that he’s a victim. More on that as we go.

https://homestuck.com/story/2112

Far from a passing fancy, Tavros’ interest in animals does seem to be genuine. I wonder if he had a little farm with a bunch of these critters. We never get to see much of his other Fiduspawn if he has any.

https://homestuck.com/story/2114

Karkat and Tavros both do this, which I think is interesting because of the fact that they have opposite relationships with sleep and dreaming - Tavros spends most of his time in game asleep and dreaming of Prospit, Karkat has horrible insomnia.

https://homestuck.com/story/2122

Our very first conversation with Vriska has her tune in pretty much entirely to bully Tavros. The interesting thing is, while Vriska’s treatment of Tavros is pretty objectively bad, the way that she harasses him is actually pretty closely in line with the way that other trolls treat their friends, mutual aggression and nastiness. Vriska’s aggression isn’t addressed at someone who’s responding in kind though - Tavros is gentle where other trolls are vicious, deferential where other trolls are assertive. It’s this contrast that makes the shamefulness of Vriska’s behavior obvious to pretty much everyone but her.

https://homestuck.com/story/2123

Gamzee and Tavros are a ship tease that didn’t really end up going anywhere, but one of the things I think is interesting is the way Gamzee’s language goes from extremely lackadaisical and chill to kind of energetically violent around Tavros. Most of the time, Gamzee’s pretty laidback, but there’s a lot of language relating to murder in Gamzee’s enthusiasm here.

https://homestuck.com/story/2127

While Terezi’s Dragon doesn’t really have much of a choice in terms of its relative absence from her life, the sparse communication between the two and emotional distance is, I think, a parallel with Rose.

https://homestuck.com/story/2128

Because of the fact that we don’t get as much of a look into the Trolls’ home lives, it’s less easy to narrow down what their “finer” anxieties are, but it’s clear that they follow the same pattern of having their sleeping selves wake up as a result of internal synthesis of some kind - confronting their subconscious anxieties, and consciously accepting a part of their reality that they’ve been deliberately shutting out.

There’s probably a number of things that were instrumental to waking up for Terezi, not the least of which is accepting that Vriska is not the friend that Terezi thought she was - waking up to the fact that she was being used by an abuser in a co-dependent relationship. Coming to terms with her blindness could represent growth into a healthier sense of self, one where she finds validation internally and in healthy friend and family relationships. All that being said, her relationship with Vriska is still her most important relationship, and realizing that a problem exists is only the first step in solving it.

https://homestuck.com/story/2134

Time to stop being cagey about it, I guess. I have long viewed Aradia’s story as being one that is about surviving depression, which I say as a depression survivor. I relate heavily to the language that Homestuck uses to describe Aradia’s lack of passion and lack of enjoyment of things that she used to enjoy - especially the way that she lashes out destructively to try and alleviate her boredom and frustration.

https://homestuck.com/story/2137

On an unrelated note, Aradia has the Crosbytop. I believe I’m starting to remember how it got into her hands.

https://homestuck.com/story/2139

I’ve always thought that it’s interesting that Kanaya’s language directly mirrors Karkat’s from when he was harassing Jade, but their sentiment is almost precisely the opposite. She borrows another Karkatism almost immediately. So pretty much from the word go, we’re clued into the fact that Kanaya and Karkat have some relationship with each other that goes beyond the purely familiar, in the same way that Dave and John’s tendency to mirror each other’s language helps us to understand their friendship.

For a girl who doesn’t feel too many emotions, Aradia can be pretty sassy.

https://homestuck.com/story/2144

I have a friend who’s a bit of a Vriska kinnie (and feel like I’m pretty Vriska-esque myself), and one of the things that we both do that I’m seeing in Vriska here is fill dead air with chatter. I could be reading into it a little, but I think it should be a clue that Vriska is an intensely anxious kind of character.

https://homestuck.com/story/2145

In a parallel to Sollux’s introduction, we can’t immediately be Vriska. We couldn’t be Sollux because he was too busy stewing in his own self-criticism. There’s a push and pull going on between Vriska’s narcissism and her over-the-top self-deprecation.

https://homestuck.com/story/2150

I might be pulling this out of my ass, but I feel like there’s a case to be made for Aradia and Vriska actually being pretty strong parallels to each other - the only two trolls to get the tiger, faciliitators of destiny, devil-may-care grave-robbers. I don’t actually have a fully formed thought to really draw the two together, but I feel like there’s really something there. The way that Aradia puts Sollux to sleep here in order to ensure that the Right Disasters befall him is parallel to the way that Vriska puts people to sleep at clever points to make sure that Jack is created, and so on and so forth.

Maybe in the same way that Sollux serves as a parallel to Dave and helps us to understand what the right decision is for Dave, Aradia parallels Vriska and helps us to understand that roughly the same things are good for the two of them. Much later, (Vriska) basically chooses the same path of staying out of harm’s way and trying to enjoy the rest of her relatively eternal existence.

https://homestuck.com/story/2161

As soon as Karkat talks about Kanaya with anyone else, he further reinforces there is a friendship between the two of them.

Another quick note, as long as we’re here, I’ve kind of been putting this off, but I suppose with the one and only use of “autistic” as an insult in the comic, it’s finally time for me to bring this up:

Homestuck has a pretty problematic relationship with victims of abuse and people suffering from mental and physical disabilities. While on the one hand like, almost all of Homestuck’s main characters are disabled and abuse sufferers in some way or another, there are a lot of ways in which it’s not so charitable to them.

Some of it is stuff like this - early Homestuck uses the word retarded a lot as an insult, and has this single instance of autistic - all in all, that kind of language is problematic but in and of itself, not too egregious - Homestuck is a product of its time in that respect.

Stuff that I take issue with is more subtle - mostly stuff surrounding Jake and Tavros. I’ll have more to say on it later, but I wanted to find a good natural time to bring it up, and now seemed like a fine time.

https://homestuck.com/story/2162

Nepeta and Equius give us some information that helps grow our understanding of troll culture. We’ve already had some conversation about whose blood is better than whose from Sollux, but Equius starts to help us understand that some trolls take blood color extremely seriously.

These kids may not replicate the social anxieties of earthlings 1:1 but they still have plenty of things to be anxious about. The more I read Hiveswap the more I become convinced that most of these characters were never people we were meant to become terribly invested in - a lot of the function of the trolls, from a narrative perspective, is to give us parallels to the human main characters and insight into their lives, as well as to give us exposition on just how Sburb works exactly. And then most of them are pretty promptly killed off or put on a bus once their purpose is served (or in order to serve their purpose!)

Back to the subject of the social anxieties that the trolls have to deal with, Alternia is all about hierarchy baby.

https://homestuck.com/story/2173

Vriska may be a born cheater, but I’ve always sort of gotten the impression, based on the killer nature of FLARPING which is alluded to plenty in other situations, that if she’s cheating here, it may be the kind of cheating that is encouraged.

Between that and the way that Tavros and Aradia were discussing the “True Spirit of Flarping,” I can’t help but remember a description of the way propaganda works from some time ago. Propaganda doesn’t usually follow the story arc we are accustomed to, where we start with a character or characters who do not yet possess the tools or abilities they need to succeed, grow to overcome their weakness, and then overcome the problem that they couldn’t before.

Propaganda, instead, introduces us to characters who are already strong, facing enemies who are weak, or problems who are easy. They are strong because they are the heroes! Their enemies are weak. And the function of it is to intimidate the enemies of the person putting out the propaganda, and to rile up aggressive sentiment in those who are on the side of the propagandist.

We’ve already talked about how, in Homestuck “roleplaying” in both its more figurative and literal uses, is a way in which characters act out society’s expectations for them. In that way, I can’t help but view FLARPING as something of a propaganda tool itself, and one that’s pretty integral to Vriska’s way of thinking throughout the comic.

You’re either someone who is strong, or someone who is weak, and if you’re strong, you’re one of the victors, if you’re weak, you’re one of the losers, and you deserve whatever the victors decide what to do with you.

What I guess I’m building up to here is that there are real world societies that Troll Culture seems like an exaggerated parody of - particularly the more militaristic aspects of the Romans, and the Spartans. I’m going to wait for another time to write down all my thoughts about them, because this is turning into a bit of an essay, but suffice to say, it’s probably going to coincide with the one about Patriarchy whenever I get around to it.

https://homestuck.com/story/2175

There’s an interesting thing going on here between the way that Tavros is drawn (nearly identical to his imagine spot about flying around on Prospit), and the way that his erratic behavior isn’t actually all that different from the way characters normally do absurd and dangerous things here.

I’m by no means excusing what Vriska is doing here, but I think that between the fact that Tavros already wants to fly anyway, and the fact that again, characters do this kind of self-destructive thing in Homestuck all the time anyway, although to less of an exaggerated degree, Andrew is drawing a parallel between the narrative prompts from the Exiles, Vriska’s manipulations, and the intrusive thoughts that we already have on our own anyway.

Vriska manipulates Tavros the way that Doc Scratch manipulates her, although considerably clumsier, by getting him to do what he already wants to anyway.

https://homestuck.com/story/2177

That’s really all there is to say on the matter.

It’s like poetry, they rhyme.

In the same way that Bro manipulates Dave by imposing an idea of what it means to be a man on him - someone who can be beaten within an inch of his life, or beat someone else to within an inch of his life without batting an eye - Vriska tries to manipulate Tavros throughout his arc, and this kind of so-called “tough love” is just the start of it.

There’s a lot of supplementary material that delves deeper into Vriska’s rationale for her mistreatment of Tavros, but she makes it clear herself as we go through the comic that she at least justifies her mistreatment of Tavros by telling herself that the purpose of it is to toughen him up (so he can be one of the strong people, a winner who gets the girl.)

https://homestuck.com/story/2178

As he often is about what’s going on with other people when he’s distracted from thinking about himself by his own agitation, Karkat is probably right about Vriska - girls like her are a dime a dozen in the upper classes, and that’s the point. The point of troll society is to produce people like Vriska amongst the highbloods.

https://homestuck.com/story/2195

Let’s dig into Vriska’s self-stylization as an apocalypse buff for a second because it’s not something I think gets talked about a lot.

Apocalypticism is, in my estimation, kind of a form of generational narcissism. There are doomsayers in every generation, who claim that this is it - this new catastrophe, this new social situation, is the most important thing in the world to ever happen. The end is here. All of world history culminates in this.

I don’t mean to downplay the actual existential threats of our generation of course; climate change, late capitalism, that sort of thing. But I think Vriska’s Apocalypse Buffery fits pretty well into her need to be the most important person in Paradox Space all the time.

On another note, Luck in Homestuck is very closely related with a few concepts like Agency in Homestuck through the Aspect of Light. Terezi will later assert that luck doesn’t matter at all. What’s up with that?

Maybe Luck and Karma are two sides of the same coin (ha!) Both of them are pieces in the puzzle of Theodicy, that is to say, the metaphysics question of why there is bad in the world.

Someone like Vriska (at the beginning of her arc) would say that it’s happenstance - bad things and good things can happen to bad and good people, there’s no greater meaning behind it. Vriska has a hard time taking responsibility for her own actions - her locus of control is external, for the most part.

Terezi on the other hand mostly attributes everything to a person’s actions, hence the need to punish bad people, and reward good ones. Terezi would say that good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. Her locus of control is internal.

Maybe the answer is both motherfuckin’ things.

https://homestuck.com/story/2202

Just as Vriska’s introduction is through a conversation with her victim, so Doc Scratch’s introduction is through a conversation with his victim. Or at least, his most immediate victim.

It’s like poetry, they rhyme.

https://homestuck.com/story/2204

Kanaya pretty well sums up here what I was getting at when talking about Terezi and Vriska’s different locuses of control.

There’s no real good or bad luck here. Good luck for someone is bad luck for someone else, often enough. What “good luck” means to Vriska is that events go down the way that she personally wants them to.

And so, by seizing control and power in situations where she is helpless, the Thief of Light ensures that she always has all the luck.

Kanaya might not be right, by the way, not 100%. I’m not a stoic. You can’t just magically wish away suffering by deciding that actually, you’re 0k with it, anymore than Aradia can. Like I said, the truth probably lies somewhere between Luck and Karma.

https://homestuck.com/story/2207

While the terrifying violent monitor and the emotionally abusive manipulator are bifurcated, Vriska has a lot of the same emotional responses to her guardians as Dave does to his singular guardian - notice the similar, self-soothing language that Vriska’s narrative employs compared to the way that Dave self-sooths when trying to convince himself that the way Bro treats him is just fine and normal.

https://homestuck.com/story/2211

Equius to me is a super interesting character, because on the one hand, he’s a joke character Andrew uses to antagonize the audience by being gross but Andrew also uses him to say the quiet part loud - Homestuck is already, to begin with, a pretty lewd webcomic full of horny characters whose emotional hangups and destructive relationships with societal norms sabotage their chances at happiness. That’s all Equius is. His entire function from start to finish, aside from a source of ribald humor, is to draw attention to the fact that everyone in this comic is looking for comfort in someone else’s body, comfort from the way that unrealistic societal expectations and their attempts to live up to them don’t match up to what’s inside of their heart. Equius is a parody of Homestuck inside of Homestuck. Absurdly overpowered, ridiculously horny, all twisted up inside.

https://homestuck.com/story/2220

The language here that Equius uses - degenerate - is evocative of the sorts of right-wing authoritarian hate mongers that Equius’ ideology stands in for. Equius, of course, has doubts about said ideology, which he starts to express through transgressive relationships pretty much as soon as we meet him, like the one with Aradia. The fact that he can’t make sense of the warring ideas inside of him almost literally kills him.

https://homestuck.com/story/2221

Except that what kills him literally is a shitty clown.

I think what’s going on here is interesting, because if you want to read Equius as like, Homestuck in a nutshell, Equius’ ideological hangups are co-morbid with his sexual hangups, and resolving one set would probably go a long way toward resolving the other set. Equius is, for lack of a better term, a deviant. The sorts of things that excite him (here, viscerally) don’t match up with his idea of how troll society is supposed to be.

Equius and Gamzee are confronting each other with a different vision for what Troll Society is supposed to be like.

https://homestuck.com/story/2222

In stark contrast to the shallow and insincere hostility of Trolls who are actually friends with each other, Vriska and Equius maintain a veneer of social grace as they mutually plan to backstab each other.

https://homestuck.com/story/2237

Vriska is pretty clearly projecting here, but she’s also 100% right. I guess when you know somebody, you know them. Or it could be happenstance.

Her view of redemption is also transactional. “I will make things the way they were before, and things can go back to being the way that they were,” she seems to say. It’s a very legalistic view of it, and while it might have a place in a justice system, even the extremely legalistic Terezi can tell that that wouldn’t actually fix anything. Maybe the physical and emotional damage could be repaired in theory, but if the actors in the situation don’t change themselves in fundamental ways, this is all just going to recur in the future.

Forgiveness isn’t something an abuser can earn - nobody has the right to claim that they have restored a relationship that they destroyed in the first place by demonstrating token repentance.

https://homestuck.com/story/2238

If Andrew already had in mind that Equius should in some way be a part of the gestalt of souls that is Lord English, he’s foreshadowing it early here by comparing Equius’ voyeuristic habits to Scratch’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/2244

I’ll lay my cards on the table and say I think that Doc Scratch can present the facts 100% and still be dishonest. I’m a compatibilist - I think that Free Will and Accountability are compatible with the idea of a deterministic universe. Doc Scratch doesn’t have to talk anyone into anything, but the material conditions that led everyone to the decisions that they chose to make were orchestrated by Lord English. Scratch may not be making any decisions here that effect the outcomes, sure, but the game was rigged in his favor from the start.

Again, I’m not excusing Vriska’s actions here. But for the same reason that we wouldn’t blame Tavros for jumping off of a cliff just because trying to fly is something he already wanted to do to begin with, I think it’s clear to anyone with eyes that Doc Scratch is at least partially responsible for creating this little monster.

Vriska’s complicated. Let’s move on so this whole post doesn’t turn into more Vriskourse. That’s the last thing anyone needs.

https://homestuck.com/story/2258

You know you’re going to anyway.

I guess what intrigues me so much about this section is the gradation between manipulation and coercion.

https://homestuck.com/story/2263

Vriska might be a born cheater, but Doc Scratch is a sore loser.

She’s pretty easy to root for when she’s against him.

https://homestuck.com/story/2269

Man, Act 5 Act 1 is just absolutely lousy with conversation about choice and luck.

https://homestuck.com/story/2276

Part of what creates ambiguity in terms of how much Vriska’s choices are her nature versus the conditions that shaped it is on display here in her conversation with Aradia.

Vriska doesn’t really know how to interact with people positively, like, at all. Nobody’s ever taught her. She doesn’t know what it means to be a friend to someone. She doesn’t know what it means to help someone. She doesn’t know how to be loved or forgiven.

Is this like the scorpion and the frog? Or does she have free will? (I’ll give you a hint, it’s the second one.)

https://homestuck.com/story/2280

This whole sequence is just a delight. The trolls are really just such disaster people, and if I can be excused, it’s easy to put more emotional distance between myself and say, Equius, than it is between myself and Vriska and Terezi. Like I said, Equius says the quiet part out loud, so there’s really nothing much to analyze there.

Aradia’s inability to control the ribbits is part of a general mood of a lack of control that she has as a character. Vriska’s lack of control causes her to rage at the heavens and lash out at the people around her. Aradia is just 0k with it, and neither is a healthy coping strategy. The result is that the two of them break a lot of shit.

https://homestuck.com/story/2305

For the first time in his life, Karkat is not alone.

https://homestuck.com/story/2319

I could really be mistaken here, but the way this whole sequence is presented here really feels, on an archival reread, to be telling me, “You do not need to care about these characters.” Certainly they serve a function in the story, but with the exception of a few of them (literally only a third of them), they serve as tools in an authorial toolbox to help flesh out the setting - not so unlike the Carapacians actually, but with a lot more personality.

https://homestuck.com/story/2323

Kanaya is threefold one of the few of her kind, making her extra special. While she is closest with Rose, she’s a clear parallel to Jade, who if memory serves, suffered frequent accustations of being a Mary Sue early on. Kanaya’s level of specialness (in terms of combined rare factors) outcompetes even Jade’s. Probably a part of the playfully antagonistic style of Homestuck in general.

https://homestuck.com/story/2338

It slipped my mind earlier that the honey on Sollux’s hands was being directly juxtaposed with Dave’s blood on his own hands, and here Kanaya’s. All three of them are, to some extent or another, contemplating their mortality. As Kanaya said just a few panels ago though, death is confusing without the finality. Just another way that Homestuck plays with the nomenclature of endings and beginnings and intermissions and brings into question the usefulness of those categories.

https://homestuck.com/story/2343

I have always enjoyed the dynamic that Kanaya and Eridan share with each other, and I wish there were more conversations of her just dunking on him.

Also of note in this little conversation is the way that Kanaya and John mirror each other’s language. This is an example though where they could not possibly be mirroring it the way that Dave and John might be when they’re talking about Bec, or the way that she and Karkat might be. They have, it seems, the same penchant for mischief.

https://homestuck.com/story/2345

Like her counterparts from Universe B, Kanaya’s preoccupation with relationships and personal contact is made manifest through her Squiddle Lunchtop.

https://homestuck.com/story/2350

Both of the main Pages in Homestuck are characters whose primary usefulness is seen through their ability to make friends and broker alliances. I suspect that being a Page in Sburb is to some extent a bit like being an ADC in League of Legends.

The ADC or Attack Damage Carry, if you’re not familiar with the nomenclature, is a character who starts the game weak, and remains vulnerable throughout such that the whole team has to play babysitter. If you think that sounds unappealing to play, you’d be right - it can be pretty hard to find someone willing to play ADC, especially with the popularity of high-risk high-reward Asassins (not so unlike a thief!) who are their direct counter.

In spite of their relative vlunerability, the ADC has absolutely dominated the meta of League of Legends for the past ten years for the simple reason that there is absolutely no substitute when it comes to controlling objectives.

Maybe Pages are a little bit like that. Frustrating to be one, frustrating to have one around, but extremely rewarding to invest in. It’s too bad nobody can be arsed to give them the emotional support they need to flourish. Too bad they have such... intractible character flaws.

https://homestuck.com/story/2356

Kanaya’s inability to stop mothering people sabotages her chance at winning Vriska’s affection - no doubt because Vriska has misread the situation as Kanaya being her romantic rival for Tavros’s attention. For the better, I guess, since Rosemary is my shit.

Trolls sure are weird.

https://homestuck.com/story/2369

Vriska has already figured out the point of Sburb, and perhaps the ultimate riddle, although she clearly hasn’t figured out the ramifications of it yet.

In any case, it should be clear how she has interpreted Sburb’s directive - authenticate your own existence through reproduction.

Being a winner, having self-worth, being able to justify your own existence means being strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough to shape the rest of existence in your own image.

She’s missing a critical detail, and its absence means she has it completely backwards.

https://homestuck.com/story/2370

We already know what is on the other side of the portal. Vriska is making herself out to be the final boss.

The final boss and the treasure are the same thing, in her mind.

The struggle is the objective.

The fighting is the point.

https://homestuck.com/story/2374

Just wanted to take a second to say that this whole sequence is so unnerving and horrible that I was sure she was going to murder, violate, and/or eat him, not necessarily in that order, the first time I read through this.

The sad reality is, this is the fucked up courtship ritual of a girl who has no idea how to be intimate with other people.

https://homestuck.com/story/2391

And that’s where we’ll pause for the night, having finished nearly 300 pages as promised.

Hope I wasn’t getting too lazy there at the end.

I’m enjoying my weekend.

Hope that yinz enjoy yours once it rolls around.

For now, Alive and Not Sober, Cam signing off.

#commentary #liveblogging #luck #choice

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ineffably-good · 4 years

Text

It’s The Principality Of It

Summary: Principalities are made for fighting. Like it or not. Or, why not to invite Aziraphale to play laser tag.

Read it on AO3!

_____________

Aziraphale was an angel full of contradictions. He loved being an angel but wished he could be fully human. He believed in the core virtues but found it very hard to practice some of them, especially those involving temperance and keeping your celestial temple unsullied. He loved the Almighty completely and utterly but found many of her underlings quite tiresome.

And most interestingly, he hated violence in general and fighting in specific, but he was absolutely lethal with a sword.

It was a fact widely acknowledged in Heaven that Principalities were made for fighting. They were guardians, and not in the soft and fluffy sense of a personal guardian angel who appeared over your right shoulder and told you that perhaps you shouldn’t have that last bite of cheesecake or that maybe you should go apologize to your wife. No, Principalities were guardians in the sense of standing alone, flaming sword in hand, on a promontory in the north of Britain and single handedly fighting off the Viking fleet.

Not that that had happened, though. Aziraphale was pretty sure that there weren’t any witnesses to that event, and he intended to disavow it to his grave.

Shortly after Aziraphale was created, he found himself standing in a long line in front of Heaven’s quartermaster, who was a strange little man with curly mustaches and a piercing gaze.

“Let’s see, who’s next,” the man shouted to no one in particular. He consulted his clipboard. “Ah yes, Principality Aziraphale. Principality?”

Aziraphale stepped forward and gave the quartermaster a polite smile. “That would be me, I believe.”

“New, are you?” the Quartermaster asked, crisply. “Always good to meet a Principality. Have they decided what you’ll be protecting yet?”

“I believe it has something to do with Her new special project on Earth,” Aziraphale replied modestly. “I’m not quite clear on the details yet.”

The quartermaster looked him up and down. “Well,” he said, “you’ll probably want to make a few changes to your corporation before you head down. Toughen up a little bit. You look a little soft around the edges, yet. No matter though, let’s see what they’ve issued you for basic equipment, shall we?”

Aziraphale looked down at himself while the quartermaster checked his list. Was he soft? He didn’t see any problem with his corporation; it was healthy and strong and comfortable and he rather liked it. She had made him this way, after all, and he didn’t see any need to modify the Creator’s design. He examined his hands and fingernails, looking for flaws.

A snapping noise brought him back to reality. The quartermaster was snapping his fingers under Aziraphale’s nose, trying to get his attention.

“You are a bit of a strange one, aren’t you?” he asked, not waiting for an answer. “Well it’s your lucky day, because you’ve been issued a piece of rather special equipment. Genuine flaming sword.”

“Ah, well, that’s just lovely, isn’t it?” Aziraphale said, trying to look suitably impressed. He didn’t know too much about himself, being relatively new, but he could already tell he had very little interest in swords and what one did with them.

The quartermaster dug around in a cupboard for a moment and pulled out a large sword with a dramatic flourish. He handed it to Aziraphale, hilt first.

The moment his hand touched the hilt, Aziraphale felt a thrum through his body that he had never experienced before. The sword felt like a natural extension of his arm, and he found himself testing its balance and making a few sweeping movements just to get the feel of it. It felt, he found, very good.

“Isn’t she a beauty?” the quartermaster said. “Now to make it flame, you just –”

FWOMP.

“Ah, I see you already know how to do it,” the man said with a smile. “I should’ve known. You Principalities are made for war.”

Aziraphale widened his eyes and quickly extinguished the sword with a flicker of thought. He was made for what?

“Next!” called the quartermaster. Aziraphale tucked the sword away and tried to find his way back to the rather intriguing scroll room he’d found earlier in the day.

It was a relief, really, to give the sword away to Adam and Eve. Despite how good and true it felt in his hand, he’d never cared for the thing. Handling it made him deeply uncomfortable; something about having a weapon in his hand made him feel like his entire being was nothing more than a means to an end. It was true, what the quartermaster had told him so long ago – he was bred for fighting. What he didn’t understand, though, was why his loving creator would make a creature such as him, designed to fight and to decimate one’s enemies, and also instill in them such a deep distaste for the task. Why give him both an almost unbeatable set of fighting skills and a deep abhorrence for violence? It was… what was that word? Ineffable.

Aziraphale watched, long after the demon left, as the light of the flaming sword receded over the desert sands. Adam and Eve were making their way into the world, lit by the weapon he had never wanted. Perhaps it would be of more use to them than it ever had been to him.

It had felt like the right thing to do. He hoped he’d acted correctly.

Aziraphale managed to go many centuries without ever having to fight, but it occasionally came up. He couldn’t help but be involved in a war here, a skirmish there. Various kingdoms over the years valued prowess in battle over all else, and sometimes it was necessary to provide a demonstration of his skills to gain access to the people he needed to influence. Sometimes he had legitimate reasons to defend a people or a place he cared about, and he did it thoroughly, dispatching the job as quickly as possible and trying to cause as little harm as he could. He rarely lost a fight.

He didn’t know Crawly very well the first time they were called upon to fight each other. They’d been acquaintances and adversaries for quite some time, but only ran into each other every few centuries. This changed when they were both assigned to influence King Cyrus of the Persis empire in his attempt to overtake Babylon and India.

Being a warlike creature intent on conquering most of the known world, the king’s favorite past time was designating two of his men (or women) to fight each other for his amusement. Crawly did his best to stay out of sight during these interludes, but Aziraphale, having been seized upon immediately as someone who was perhaps not in the best trim, physically, had been squared off early against one of the king’s riders for an easy win.

The king was amused and pleased when Aziraphale unexpectedly wiped the floor with his first opponent, revealing himself to be a rather astute fighter despite his soft and fussy exterior.

After that, the king made a habit of pairing up the angel with increasingly challenging opponents – some with fists, some with weapons, some with just traditional wrestling. Aziraphale defeated each of them without barely breaking a sweat.

—

“You need to let them land a punch or two, angel,” Crawly warned him one evening after the fight had concluded in the usual way. “Bleed a little somewhere unobtrusive. People are beginning to talk. You’re making enemies.”

Aziraphale sighed heavily. “I don’t want to bleed! I don’t want to fight at all! This is most frustrating, having to pummel people for someone else’s amusement. How am I supposed to get my job done when all he wants is to see me beat people up?”

“Well you could, I dunno, lose?” Crawly suggested.

The angel pondered this. “I suppose I could,” he said. “How badly would I have to lose? I truly don’t enjoy pain.”

Crawly felt an idea come squirming up out of the depths.

“Angel,” he said. “What if I arrange to get myself nominated as your opponent? We’ll make sure it’s wrestling so no one has to seriously injure the other. And you can throw the match.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Oh, and just conveniently you get to win?”

Crawly rolled his eyes. “Seriously, angel, what’s going on with you? Yes, I get to win – because if it’s me, you know I’m not going to bash your head in or give you a concussion or do anything serious.”

“Just wrestling?” Aziraphale said, considering.

“Yeah. And since we both agree on the outcome, we can make it look really good so they think you went down fighting. Should get you out of the ring for a while.”

“All right, it’s worth a try,” the angel said. “How are you going to get yourself put into the arena?”

“Just leave that to me,” Crawly said.

Sure enough, a few nights later, when the wine was flowing heavily and the evening was growing increasingly rowdy, Aziraphale heard the king’s voice calling out for him in the hubbub.

“Yes, my lord?” Aziraphale said, bowing deeply before him.

“You’ve defeated most of my servants, and two of my secretaries, and even my youngest son,” the king said. “So tonight, I have a new challenge for you.”

Aziraphale looked up at him, waiting. The king motioned to his side and, unsurprisingly, Crawly stepped forward. Their eyes met and they both did their best to pretend to coolly assess the other. Good, Aziraphale thought. This was all going according to plan.

“Let’s see how you do against an opponent with less brawn but more cunning,” the king said.

“Wrestling, my lord?” Aziraphale said politely, trying to hide how much he enjoyed the “less brawn” comment.

The king took a moment to answer. “I don’t think that would be a very fair encounter,” he said. “You outweigh him by nearly half.”

Crawly snorted. Aziraphale glowered at him.

“I think we will have you fight with staffs tonight,” the king said.

Crawly frowned. He hadn’t been planning on encountering Aziraphale with a weapon in his hand. That was suicide. However, he reminded himself, this wasn’t an actual fight, just a simulated one. He could get through this. He trusted the angel.

It started as a fair fight. Crawly was fairly sure that only he could tell that Aziraphale was holding back; the angel made it look like he was convincingly testing Crawly’s defenses and finding chinks in his battle strategy that he could exploit. Determined to play his part, he set about making it look good by offering up a variety of jibes and insults.

That may, in retrospect, have been a miscalculation.

“C’mon, is that all you’ve got? I’d heard you know how to fight!” Crawly taunted him as they circled each other, feinting and drawing back. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow and spun his staff impressively and then settled into a highly defensive stance with his feet wider than his shoulders and his left hand holding the base of the staff in an easy grip. He smiled at Crawly in a way that was downright chilling.

Still playing at this, correct? the demon thought.

Crawly took the moment to begin what should have been a devastating downward blow with the upper end of his staff, but Aziraphale smoothly stepped towards him, missing most of the force of the blow, and swung the lower end of his staff in a smooth motion parallel to the ground, hitting Crawly in his flank.

The demon staggered back a step or two and reassessed, circling the angel widely while looking for a weakness. The angel was going to make it possible for him to win this, he knew, but he had to land a few blows first.

Aziraphale charged him and Crawly blocked him easily enough, criss-crossing their staffs expertly as he upended the intended blow and drove the angel back a step or two.

“Not so showy now, are you?” Crawly said, more to the observers than to the angel, although he did notice the angel grimacing in response. He pushed hard against the angel and their staffs disengaged as the angel dropped to one knee

Aziraphale pressed down on the ground with his staff and lumbered to his feet, clearly expecting Crawly to give him a moment to do so, but the demon decided to press his advantage, and surged ahead issuing a strong blow to the angel’s left side, knocking him backwards, and then a follow up blow to his right hip, which pushed him down to the ground.

An excited murmur arose among the crowd. Could the undefeated champion be facing someone worthy of him?

Crawly, holding the angel down by the force of both hands on his staff, locked eyes with Aziraphale for a tense moment and noted that he had a small trickle of blood rolling down his left temple. Had he hit him in the face? He hadn’t meant to. The angel met his eyes, legitimately struggling for a moment, and when the drop of blood hit his eye Crawly saw something snap in him.

No, angel, no, remember? Crawly shouted psychically. You’re supposed to let me win. I’m doing this because you told me to.

It was no use. Crawly watched the angel’s eyes ignite from their usual soft blue to a more fiery version and he knew, without a doubt, that he was in for it. Aziraphale had lost control of his fighting response and was moving into Principality mode, and before he even had time to move, the angel had sprung to his feet with superhuman strength and was beating him back to the opposite corner with a flurry of blows that landed more rapidly than he could block. Crawly dully heard the cheer of the crowd as their favorite champion beat the crap out of his opposition, but he was too busy trying to stay alive to do anything about it. He blocked, he parried, he ducked one particularly crushing blow, and he tried to keep his footing as the Angel of the Eastern Gate bore down on him in all of his avenging glory.

What may have been thirty seconds or thirty minutes later, Crawly came to his senses laid flat on the dusty ground, Aziraphale’s staff pressed into his solar plexus with such force that a human would not have been able to withstand it without serious injury.

“And we have a winner!” shouted the king, from his seat at the edge of the ring. “Counselor Aziraphale is again victorious!”

Loud whoops and cheers erupted from all sides, and the noise -- finally, thankfully – the noise seemed to wake Aziraphale from his hypnotic-like state. Crawly, fearing for his immortal life, watched as Aziraphale blinked and shook his head, looking around in confusion, and then looked down to find his ineffable adversary, bleeding and defeated at his feet, using all of the force of his will to keep a quarterstaff from breaking his ribs and possibly piercing a lung.

“What on earth?” Aziraphale said, moving his staff aside and offering a hand to help Crawly up.

The demon batted it away. He rolled to his side and carefully made his way to his feet, before meeting Aziraphale’s eyes with an intense glare. He dropped his staff at the angel’s feet in the traditional gesture of defeat, then limped off the combat field. Aziraphale watched as he accepted a flagon of ale from one of his mates and then stalked out of sight towards his tent without ever taking so much as another glance back at the angel.

“Oh dear,” the angel fretted.

Aziraphale waited until darkness had fallen and most of the camp was deeply intoxicated before he made his way to Crawly’s tent. He called out to alert the demon of his presence, and then opened the flap to enter.

Crawly was lying face down on the bundle of furs that served as his bedding. He waved a hand in recognition of the angel and then grunted something.

The angel found himself unsure of what to say. He sank down onto his knees next to Crawly and looked him over. “My dear, are you all right?” he asked.

“Fuck off, angel,” Crowley muttered. “I’m fine. Can take a beating, you know I can. Certainly have taken enough of them, over the years. Never from you before, though. Jerk.”

Aziraphale swallowed in dismay. “I’m so sorry, Crawly – I don’t know what happened, when you made me bleed I just – I just lost control of myself and went into battle mode…”

Crowley groaned and rolled onto his back, then eased himself up into a sitting position. “I noticed,” he said wryly.

“You must believe me that I didn’t intend to do this,” Aziraphale pleaded. “I meant to throw the fight like we discussed, I just found myself… physically unable to do so.”

Crawly looked at the angel. He looked a little green, as if he wanted desperately to be ill. Aziraphale, for all of his training and purpose as a Principality, as a guardian, hated to fight, hated to hurt anyone or anything. There had quite possibly never been anyone quite so at odds with their intended purpose as the angel, Crawly thought, feeling a surge of sympathy for him that almost overcame the deep amount of pissed off he was feeling.

“I know,” the demon hissed. “Back off a little, will you? I need to finish healing myself.”

“Oh, let me,” the angel said, readying to lay hands on him. “It’s the least I could do –”

“ANGEL!” the demon shouted. “You already nearly discorporated me with your staff. Are you truly going to complete the task now by showering me with angelic grace?”

“Oh,” Aziraphale said, falling back. “No of course not. What was I thinking?” He scooted back several yards and let Crawly get to work.

Aziraphale let the king know the next day that he was making a vow of peace to his gods and would no longer be fighting. The king, having heard the grumblings and discontent of some of his men, wisely accepted this. However, the legends of the counselor to the king who could not be defeated in battle lived on for centuries in stories and song.

“Laser tag?” Aziraphale said doubtfully. “I really don’t think…”

“It’s what Adam wants to do for his birthday,” Pepper said firmly, a look in her eye that could cow even an angel. “And he wants you two to come. If you say no, you’ll be the ones ruining his birthday and I know you don’t want to do that.”

Aziraphale looked helplessly at Crowley, who shrugged.

And so they came to find themselves strapping on sensor vests and being taught how to shoot a distressingly realistic-looking weapon the following Saturday, along with Adam, Brian, Wensleydale, and Pepper, as well as a few other parents who had decided to join the fun.

“Angel, a word,” Crowley said, pulling him aside as they made their final adjustments.

Aziraphale followed him back into the vestibule. “What is it?”

“I just wanted to be sure that we aren’t going to have any problems today.”

The angel frowned. “What do you mean?”

Crowley fixed him with a look. “Angel, you know how you get.”

“I most certainly do not!” The angel visibly bristled. “What are you referring to?”

“You know,” Crowley said, waving a hand. “Put you in a fight and you get all – Principalitied up. I don’t want you losing control in there because a twelve year old makes your target light up and taking out the entire place in a swath of angelic rage.”

“Oh I really don’t think…”

“Have you forgotten the quarterstaff fight?”

Aziraphale flushed. “My dear, that was over two thousand years ago.”

“Do you remember who it was that taught the Celts to paint themselves blue and scream so loudly as they ran into battle that some of their enemies dropped dead from fright?”

Aziraphale looked both a tiny bit proud of that one and a bit embarrassed. “Yes, I remember that.”

“How about that joust we no longer talk about in Henry’s court? The one where you were supposed to let the favored contender win but you just couldn’t stop yourself?”

Aziraphale looked deeply distressed. “I healed all of them! Immediately!”

“I could go on,” Crowley said. All signs to the contrary, he was not enjoying this conversation, but he needed to be sure the angel wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

“I didn’t go berserk the last time I held a sword, did I?” the angel muttered. “There have been plenty of times I’ve managed just fine.”

Crowley eyed him. “No, you didn’t,” he said. “But these are children, and it’s bad form to demolish the birthday boy at his own party. If I see you losing control, I’m taking you down.”

“Fine!” Aziraphale sighed. “Do what you must. I will be fine.”

He was secretly relieved as he followed Crowley into the arena, though. It was always good to have someone watching your back.

He cocked his weapon as they’d been shown, and surveyed the landscape, already taking in a few key strategic points. As the lights went out, he went into a tactical crouch, and instinctively headed for cover.

Oh, the humans were onto something with this one, he thought. This was going to be fun.

“That was WICKED, uncle Aziraphale,” Adam said, breathless, as they sat around later in the afternoon eating overly sugary cake off of paper plates. “You shot EVERYONE! You were like… like a superhero in there!”

Aziraphale blushed and fidgeted with his plate. “I suppose I got a little overenthusiastic,” he mumbled.

Wensleydale jumped in on the other side. “No way, man, you were the high shooter for the entire arena!” he shouted. “How many people were in there today?”

“Thirty five,” Crowley said dryly, from across the table. Aziraphale met his eyes and Crowley shoveled a large scoop of mostly frosting into his mouth and licked the fork clean, never dropping his gaze.

“And you hit thirty one of them,” Pepper said, grinning. “Everyone except us!”

“Yes,” Crowley said acerbically, “how did you manage it, angel?”

“Never mind him,” Adam said. “He’s just mad because you took him out first.”

Aziraphale coughed on his drink. “I truly didn’t mean to,” he said helplessly. “You surprised me, Crowley, when you popped out from behind that column and I just… got overexcited.”

Crowley continued to glare at him while shoveling cake into his mouth. “It takes three shots to knock a player out, angel,” he said. “You shot me seventeen times.”

“With a light beam,” Aziraphale pointed out. It wasn’t like it was bullets, after all.

“Lucky for you.”

“You can be on our team anytime you want, Uncle Z,” Adam said. “And you have to teach me some of your moves. I swear I saw you do a triple roll and come up shooting.”

Aziraphale took another large bite of the terrible cake and tried to block out the conversation. He was never going to hear the end of this from Crowley.

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #Aziraphale x crowley #ineffable idiots #Aziraphale is good with weapons #whether he wants to be or not

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laylacooke · 4 years

Text

Carry On || Evelyn & Layla

timing: monday night (6/15) after the bar fight with francesaca. parties: @thronesofshadows & @laylacooke summary: evelyn has a heart-to-heart with with a vain werewolf that just came from a bar fight.

The bar fight turned out to be more than she could handle. Layla was proud, but after a few swift punches, she had just gotten angry, and did things she probably shouldn’t have. But as she hobbled the streets of White Crest in the late-night hours, she held her head high in accomplishment. Plus, there’s nothing a little foundation and concealer couldn’t hide, if need be. But even as a wolf, who now fed on a healthy diet of whatever she wanted, she knew all the meat in the world couldn’t fix the fatigue, cuts, and bruised ribs in a jiff. And when a bench came up, she found herself sitting on it, needing to catch her breath.

She was out for a small walk. Evelyn knew that being out late could draw unwanted attention, but that had never been something she minded too much at all. She was not a fan of Soul on the Rocks. In the few times she’d been by, it had resulted in a lot of men looking at her in ways that made her track down where a few of them lived and give them nightmares. She wasn’t planning on going in tonight - just out for a walk when she spotted someone - a redhead who couldn’t have been even of legal age to drink (not that Evelyn was by any means expert in guessing ages, but she had a feeling she was correct in this case), who looked to be in very poor state. She could have just continued on her way, but she’d been spending enough time around people who seemed to genuinely care about others, and it was starting to get to her. She brushed her hands against the skirt of her dress and sat down next to the girl. At least she was wearing her contacts. “Are you quite alright? Do you need me to call a doctor?”

Layla could smell someone coming, and when they sat down next to her, she raised her head to address them, “Just peachy.” A doctor? A doctor was the last thing she needed. Although, the last time she was there, they had given her some pain meds that had made things interesting. But right now, she couldn’t even remember the contact information for the person that had reached out to her, and while every fiber in her being wanted to get up and blow off the kindness the lady was offering, she didn’t have it in her, “And no. No doctors. I’m not exactly in a position to be talking to doctors.” Which was true, considering doctors knew cops and cops could arrest people. And bar fights weren't exactly on the list for law abiding citizens, “Nice accent, by the way. I take it you’re not from around here?” In fact, the woman had looked familiar to Layla, now that she was getting a better look, but she couldn’t quite place her face.

“You do not,” seem peachy, Evelyn wanted to say, but it was not her place. “I only mean, you do not look especially ready for going for a late-night walk.” She raised an eyebrow. “No doctors then. That is fine.” For a moment she found herself wondering if the girl was supernatural, if she had physiology that, like Evelyn’s, made it difficult for her to see a doctor. “Not originally, not.” She let a soft smile cross her face. “I am from England. London, to be precise. I have been here for just over four years, but the accent is not something I believe I will ever be properly rid of. Not that I would wish to be.” Evelyn pulled out a small handkerchief from her bag and handed it to the girl. “This is not much, but perhaps it will help work on those cuts. Wait,” she paused, pulling out a small set of band aids from her bag (a habit she’d made herself have since she was little. Quick and easy repairs in case she got a cut, because explaining why there was blue when there should have been red was too much to worry about) and held one out to the girl. “Better than a doctor, hm?”

She listened, through the pain, as the woman explained her background. And then it hit Layla. She had seen this woman before. In magazines. Her hometown confirmed and connected random circuits in her mind, “The accent’s pretty amazing. I wouldn’t want to lose it either.” She noticed the handkerchief and took it. Evelyn’s command had stopped her, and when she saw the band aids, a smile slipped over her lips, “So much better.” Taking those in her hand, she slowly shifted her weight and began wiping the blood from the various wounds, “By the time I get done with all these band aids, people won’t recognize me.” She laid the handkerchief on her lap and took one of the small band aids to stick on her arm, “By the way, loved that spread in Vogue you did.” She took a slow breath as she continued to try and doctor herself up.

“Thank you.” Evelyn offered the girl another smile. “I will admit, I think it assists in getting what I want. Well, that and flashing a pretty smile.” The other girl accepted the band aids and Evelyn filed that bit of information away for later use. She knew the other girl wasn’t mara - her injuries gave a clear sign of that - but maybe there was something else. Or perhaps she just didn’t want to go to the doctor, which was valid enough in its own right. “Well, you have a lovely face, I should hope people will still recognize you.” She startled for a moment at the comment about Vogue. “That was ages ago. Also, small, nothing totally cover worthy.” It had been a nice story though - one of her birthdays, something her father had pulled. Multiple pages. Something he’d done that showed that he did care about her. “So, you have an interest in fashion?” Evelyn grabbed one of the band aids and made quick work of it, placing it on the girl’s arm. “Well, then I figure you know who I am. Evelyn Hoffman, pleasure to meet you. Would you mind telling me your name?”

“Yeah, no problem. I mean, let’s face it, you are hot.” She could say that. Layla may have had a slight crush on her growing up, but she had long since grown out of it. Frankie was her one and only, aside from an intoxicated kiss with Ariana. But even as dark as Layla’s heart was right now, it still only beat for one other person. “Thanks. Sometimes it gets me in trouble. Hence the bar fight.” She shifted, her ribs bothering her with each breath she took, “I liked it. And as embarrassing as this is going to sound, I had that photoshoot hanging on my wall at home. But yeah, I like fashion, when I can afford fashion.” She wasn’t exactly dressed to the nines. Honestly, she had stolen her current outfit from a nearby store earlier in the day knowing she wanted to go out on the town. Showing no emotion, as the band aid was placed on her arm, she continued to listen to Evelyn, “It’s nice to meet you, and you already know my name actually...It’s Layla. We’ve talked before, online.”

“I suppose looks do get you places,” Evelyn raised an eyebrow. “Thank you, your endorsement is appreciated, and I have learned that more Americans than I would have believed recognize me.” She nodded along briefly, a small giggle escaping her lips at the girl’s next comment. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Consider it a plus in my book.” She winked at the other girl. “I appreciate anyone who appreciates fashion, and it is sorely lacking in appreciation in this town. LL Bean makes good quality products but that is not exactly life changing, though they have a slightly nicer line, now.” She’d looked into it when she’d ordered clothing for Alain in the week that he was at her home. “Oh, Layla! My apologies, I do remember you. Also, though this is not an ideal way to meet, this town seems in favor of me meeting people in bizarre ways, so you are right in line with that.” Evelyn glanced around them - the sidewalk was relatively clear, all things considered. “Can I get you something? Something to eat, or anything? If nothing else, this area of town at night is less than ideal.” I can handle myself, but I am also not keen to out myself to you, no matter how nice you may seem.

“Uh yeah. Do you think they would have let me into a bar, underage, if I looked anything other than what I do?” Her vanity coming through, she straightened up her posture slightly, proud of herself, “Not to brag, but I’d say I’m pretty hot. At least my girlfriend thinks so.” This was far from who Layla was. Yes, she used to take pride in herself and how she looked, but it wasn’t a big deal. Evil!Layla, on the other hand, loved the way she looked and used it to her advantage. “You know, I think those pictures are still hanging up in my room, back in Tennessee. And LL Bean. Is that even still a thing?” A disgusted look came over her face, “Give me a nice pair of Louboutin’s or Red Bottoms any day.” She continued to doctor herself up while the conversation carried on, “Don’t apologize, and no, it’s really not, but I’m still glad to finally meet you in person.” She opened another band aid and stuck it on herself, “At least someone else thinks this town is totes messed up.” Looking herself over, she noticed one other cut she had missed, “But I think I’ve had enough drinking for one night. Call me crazy, but whatever it was I had tasted like gasoline. I went more for the chaos anyways.”

So, she’d been correct about the girl being young. Evelyn gave herself a small bit of internal congratulations. “You do have beautiful features. I am glad you have a girlfriend who appreciates it.” She offered the girl a small shake of her head. “Well then consider me doubly honored.” Evelyn gave a small shrug. “Yes. Practical clothing. I too prefer Chanel or Valentino, but we are in Maine and many like practicality, so I suppose they must find some way to stay in business.” She clicked her tongue against her teeth. Marley probably would have told her to feed on the girl - but, despite all her injuries, she hardly seemed scared, and Evelyn shrugged it off. This girl was barely over the age of eighteen if she was over that at all, and that was a no in Evelyn’s book. “I am pleased to meet you as well, Layla.” She knit her eyebrows together at the girl’s comment. “Oh, I was not offering to buy you alcohol. I meant more like a sandwich or something. I might be able to bribe the owner of a couple restaurants around here to open. However, it is not necessary. I would not recommend drinking something that tastes like gasoline - or petrol, if you would like me to highlight how English I am.” She winked at the other girl. “Regardless, I think we should avoid chaos for the evening and perhaps go for a walk. Have you seen the Common at night? It is beautiful.”

Evelyn was fluffing Layla’s feathers and it made her feel good about herself. She liked this woman. “I know.” Her smugness remained as they continued to discuss clothing, “Ugh, what I wouldn’t do for Chanel or Valentino. But you’re right. I mean even the name of the state sounds boring...Maine.” She finished doctoring herself up and passed the remainder of the band aids back to the woman next to her, “You’re a peach.” Standing up, Layla stretched and slowly popped her back and neck, “And thanks, but no thanks. Not really that hungry, but a walk would be nice, I suppose. Can’t commit robbery every second of every day, now can I?” She winked at Evelyn as she moved away from the bench. “

“I suppose it is a bit ordinary, but for all that it is small, I do find this town quite lovely.” It was true; it was not something that she would have ever believed possible, and even though this town had many more humans than Evelyn would have hoped for, she did find a certain comfort in it all. “Thank you…” her voice trailed off, eyes tracking the girl as she got up. Making jokes about robbery. Evelyn let a light giggle escape her lips. “Good one. Well, we can go for a walk, if you wish - particularly if it keeps you out of trouble.” She stood up and talked to where the girl was standing, holding out her arm. “Shall we?”

#para: carry on #thronesofshadows #saga: the dark side #wickedswriting

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an-annyeoing-writer · 5 years

Text

vampire!Xiumin x Reader: feeding habits.

Wordcount: 1 989

For @banaani-mins! It didn’t exactly go as the prompt said, but hope you enjoy nonetheless lmao

It was the sound of knocking to your door that woke you up from the nap.

You moved slowly; your limbs were a tad sore and you felt like you’ll fall back asleep if you don’t get a coffee ASAP. Although you knew it won’t work for long; you’ve been exhausted these days, but it’s not like you could help it. It’s alright, you can pull through, you’ll finish the college and then find a stable job and you won’t have to sell your health off anymore.

You glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and panicked instantly, and when the knocking echoed again, you shot up, running to the door, almost losing balance in the hallway, but getting there and opening the door quickly.

“Sorry, sorry! I was taking a nap and lost track of time” you explained yourself, before the man standing in front of you could even say anything.

Minseok tilted his head to the side, smiling politely.

“It’s alright” he announced calmly and you let out a sigh.

Even though the deal between the two of you was completely business-like at first, you found yourselves getting closer to each other as the time passed. Relationships like these often created friendships, if both parts were willing, of course; in the world where vampires lived among humans, there was nothing weird in it anymore. Although the deal wasn’t exactly legal, it was the most convenient for vampires, and for you – a college student – it was an easy way to get money to pay your tuition and rent a small flat.

“You don’t look too good today” Minseok spoke, once you invited him in. You only shrugged, as if there was nothing weird in it.

“I just didn’t sleep much lately. And doing groceries is a hassle” you murmured. “Want something to drink?” you asked, peeking into the kitchen; vampires could still eat or drink normal things, which made it only easier for them to accommodate.

“Well, yeah, I pretty much came here for that” he answered, amused, at which you only facepalmed, amazed with your own stupidity. “Your bedroom?”

“Yeah, make yourself at home, I’ll only grab some coffee.”

A few minutes later, coming into your room, you felt a bit better; even though you felt that the coffee you drank would make your body shake soon, especially with the smaller amount of blood in your veins. You learned to make the coffee weaker, but today you really didn’t feel well.

But then, you knew that if he noticed, he’d make it a big deal.

“What’s wrong?”

It was obvious you wouldn’t be able to hide much from him, though.

He sat on your bed, playing with your plushie; he had a habit of placing it on his stomach first thing after sitting there. For some reason, once you became more casual with each other, Minseok took a huge liking in your flat and the lifestyle, always asking you about your studies or what you were doing in your free time. It’s as if it was oriental thing for him, in a way – and it was, a vampire’s life was quite different, it was focused on different things, and his own apartment, as you came to find out not too long ago, was also way different than what people usually have. Despite the place being fairly spacious, his kitchen was small and unused, but scarily clean, as every other surface in the whole apartment.

You crossed your arms, using one of your hands to scratch your neck.

“I’m alright, just tired” you announced, sitting next to him. “How have you been these days?”

Minseok shrugged.

“Pretty busy, things were hectic at work.”

“You look tired.”

“I’ll be alright if I feed, it’s no big deal” he assured you.

“Go ahead then” you smiled, extending your hand in his direction. Minseok usually fed from your wrist, the same spot every time.

“You sure you can handle it?”

You nodded, using your other hand to rest your chin on, your elbow resting on your knee in a pose that could indicate boredom.

The man’s eyes didn’t leave yours, but you just let your eyelids drop, relaxing your muscles.

The pain you felt was plesantly familiar. It almost felt pleasant, your body experienced it so many times before that it didn’t bother you at all; you didn’t even flinch.

Warmth spread all over your body. Even despite loosing blood, a vampire’s bite had that ultimate effect, and the comfort of apathy enveloped you, making the intrusiveness of the injury almost completely blank.

And then, you felt like you were flying.

* * *

“.../n]. [F/n]!”

The sound of your name appeared somewhere far away, ripping through the darkness that surrounded you. But you pushed it away, easing yourself back into the sweet silence, as convenient as it was comfortable.

Something moved around you, pressing into your senses, waking up your numb limbs, pulling you out of this pleasurable state with more and more intensity, and you had no choice but to give in, a small sigh escaping your lips at the first indication that you, in fact, were not dead yet.

Your eyes fluttered open and the first thing you saw was Minseok’s face; a very, very worried face.

You gulped, staring back at him for a few painfully long moments.

And then you shut your eyes closed again.

Please, please, go away, yes, I lied to you, yes, I’m sorry, please, don’t be mad at m-

“[F/n].”

You breathed in shakily, and then forced your eyes open once more, your face – expressing the highest guilt as Minseok sighed deeply, shaking his head.

“You alright?”

You sat up; you were lying in your bed all along, you noted, and Minseok was sitting next to you, probably hovering above your unconscious frame until now, panicking his head off over the fact you fainted while feeding; it’s never happened before, he’d never took much enough from you to pass out, maybe feel dizzy for a few minutes, maybe needing a nap to recover, but it’d never been this bad.

He watched as you leaned against the cushions, breathing heavily. You still felt weak, and you didn’t even try to attempt to stand up. You didn’t really want to pass out again.

You slowly recovered. Being handed a bottle of water, you drank some of it, but it almost ended falling out of your grasp, that was when Minseok took it away and placed on the nightstand.

But once he assumed that you were in a relatively communicative shape, he cleared his throat and you glanced up, only to quickly look down again.

You messed up.

“You forgot my rules?”

You awkwardly scratched your arm, looking for a response for a few seconds, but no sensible words were there to assist you, and you pursed your lips, still avoiding the eye contact.

“I saw the marks” he spoke. “What am I supposed to do with you?”

Of course he saw. How long could you try to hide from him that you were selling your blood off to someone else, too? It only happened two times before; both were after the last time Minseok fed from you. But you just lost the small job your had, and feeding one vampire definitely didn’t provide you with enough money to live.

But Minseok had his rules. You established that the day you started the deal: you were not to let anyone else bite you. It was sensible; vampires that fed off God knows whom, could carry a variety of diseases that went from one to another. Minseok didn’t want to catch anything, for the sake of other people he fed on; he always made sure everyone’s healthy.

“He was clean, I checked” you announced quietly. The fact that you did, in fact, go as far as to check the vampire, meant you weren’t as irresponsible as he thought at first. Or that, at the very least, you sincerely didn’t mean any harm to him or any other people he fed from.

Minseok sighed yet again, and you’ve never wanted this badly to shrink into yourself.

“It’s not only about that, you know it.”

“Are you mad at me?” You finally raised your eyes.

“Yes.” You stared down again, wrapping arms around yourself. “But I’m also worried. And disappointed, that you didn’t tell me about it. Why did you do that? You can barely handle me alone, your blood isn’t an infinite source, you know?”

He tried to speak calmly, but his voice shook with emotions he tried to conceal.

“I lost job” you said simply, and you were sure that it was enough to explain everything.

And it must have, because Minseok only let out yet another of his sighs, rubbing his eyes tiredly. You supposed he didn’t get as much blood as he needed – he probably panicked when you fainted.

“Is that why you didn’t do the groceries?”

You nodded, defeated.

Minseok looked pretty done at this point; like a parent who just found out their kid spent last months hiding a sandwich under the bed, and said sandwich already started to grow life and convened its own government.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? I could have helped you out.”

You let out a dry laughter.

“I wouldn’t expect you to do that, Minseok. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I literally owe you your health.”

You reached to brush your hair with your fingers, bending your knees and leaning your chin on them.

“You already pay me enough” you said. “I’m thankful for that… You don’t owe me anything more.”

“You don’t understand, do you?”

His eyes bore through you, glistening with a red, dangerous hue for a brief moment before regaining their original color.

“I can’t just stand here and watch you kill yourself as if your blood was all I care about. And even if it was, I need you alive and well to feed. So accept at least this. If it means I’ll have to go do your groceries or make payments to your college myself, I’ll do it, even though I’d rather just help you find a new job. So stop acting as if you don’t see that there’s something more than just mere business between the two of us. Because to me, it seems like a friendship.”

Your breath hitched at his words and you stared at him with your eyes wide. Although you’d known about it for a while before, there was still a string of doubt, something that didn’t allow you to put your full trust in him.

“I’m sorry” your voice broke and you sniffled. The amount of emotion you felt at the moment started to flow out of you despite your exhaustion, and you wept quietly.

Minseok sighed, taking your wrist and gently pulling you into his chest. His arms wrapped themselves around your fragile frame, and he pet your head, as though you were a hurt animal, or a child that needed comfort. And for a few moments, none of you spoke, as he let you calm down, probably thinking himself what he wants to do with you.

“Shh, it’ll be alright” he whispered, finally pulling away and placing both hands on your shoulders. He’d never been the type to take any sort of offense lightly, and respect in a relationship was the most important thing to him. Yet, here he was, thoughtful and forgiving, easing you into a solution. “Just promise me to never do it again. And not lie to me. I’ll help you. But I need you to trust me, [F/n].”

Out of no other choice, you nodded.

Minseok smiled.

It was alright, you thought. The second chance you were given, would definitely help you out of your trouble. You’d become a better, stronger person, and your friendship would improve as well.

And maybe, one day, turn into something more.

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centuryofdean · 4 years

Text

When Lightning Strikes - Chapter 9

Author Disclaimer:: The Hobbit, Middle Earth and its characters are not mine. I take no credit. The story line and even some dialogue–also not mine. Instead I claim my Original Character Laurel and the adjustments to the story line.

Summary:: From when Laurel Took was small she dreamed of a man. Every time she dreamed of him, he could not see or hear her. Over time they are able to communicate–but he’s been dreaming about her too. Finally after years of anticipation Laurel takes the leap and kisses him. Only for her to wake up and dread the real world. Then lightning strikes and she finds herself in a familiar place, with a familiar face.

Rated:: M for Mature. Please do not read this story unless you are 18+ At this point in the story there isn’t much, but later on the M rating will come into effect.

Warnings:: Language and Violence

Pairing:: Kili x OC (Laurel)

Laurel

How was I supposed to tell him I was scared to love him? If something happened to him I would waste away like my mother. The ache in my chest was replaced with something more when he was kissing my neck. If it hasn't been for the fact that everyone was mere feet away I would have probably turned around and jumped on top of him, only to regret it later. No matter how much I tell myself I can't put myself in that position, I know deep down I am already there.

Once he finally fell asleep I threw the blanket he gave to me cover him and myself, curling into him. Almost as if he sensed my movement, he turned onto his side, letting me fit in the crook of his neck. He threw an arm over me and pulled me closer, sniffing my hair. A sigh of contentment filled me, this is where I was meant to be.

Suddenly he grasped my bottom and gave it a squeeze.

Oh Kili.

I was woken by someone kicking my leg. It wasn't a light kick either. With a rub to my eyes, I squinted against the rising sun to find Thorin standing above me. It was difficult to try and untangle myself from his nephew. Kili's leg was wrapped around me along with his arm. Surprisingly the prince was a heavy sleeper, as he did not wake when I pulled his arms and leg off of me to get up.

Thorin was still standing before me, watching intently.

"Did you need something," I asked somewhat bitterly.

"A word with you," he muttered with distaste.

I rose, stretching as I followed Thorin a little ways out away from everyone. We came upon the stream, where he bent down and splash water on his face and drink lightly. When he rose and wiped his hands on his pants I stood a little straighter. Even if I didn't care for him he was still a king, right?

"You are not of this world," he started as if it were a rehearsed speech. "You will come with us to the Lonely Mountain, so we can return you to your world. If it fails and you cannot be returned, you are to go stay with the Hobbit in the Shire. He has agreed it would be the best for you."

"Okay," I sighed.

"You are not to get close to Kili."

A harsh laugh left me, "It's already too late for that. He knows me better than anyone in my world, and now your's."

"I have seen how he looks upon you," Thorin spat. "He is infatuated. He is heir to be king if something happens to Fili. Dwarf kings do not mate with Halflings."

That jab didn't hurt at all. Halfling. If it weren't true I would have been insulted.

"Alright," I muttered, "anything else?"

"This journey will be long and hard. If something happens to you I will not lift a finger for your aide. I will not be stopped by some mere girl that cannot take care of herself."

A scoff left me as my arms crossed over my chest.

"King or not Thorin Oakenshield," I spat out, "I won't stand here and let you insult me just because you don't like that I'm not a dwarf. I can take care of myself plenty out in the woods. It seems you have forgotten, so let me refresh your memory. I saved your ass and everyone else's from three damn trolls just a few days ago. "

A look of disgust passed his face. "If it not for Kili I would leave you here," he muttered, "for if I left you, he would stay as well. Your words run wild and you speak of things you do not know. You have no place among us."

Did he seriously forget already? It was at least a day ago that I shot the trolls with arrows. At least a day ago I put out a fire lit under a spit of dwarves and cut half of them out of potato sacks. Things I did not know? What I knew is that he was a pretentious--

"Whatever. I didn't plan on trying to pursue Kili anyway, so don't get your trousers in a twist," I muttered.

Someone cleared their throat, making my attention flip over to see Gandalf standing. He gestured to his left, revealing the rest of the dwarves. It appeared everyone came to listen in on the thrashing I was receiving. Kili looked more furious than myself. None the less I passed by each of them and back to where my things were. I wasn't going to stay where I wasn't welcomed.

After all my things were gathered I went back to the castle of sorts that the elves lived in. I was welcomed politely, even offered food. As I sat at the small table eating fruit everyone else came in to start eating as well. The mood was very somber, no one really speaking. At least all the food was fresh and plentiful.

Elrond joined the hall at the larger table with Gandalf. "Morning guests," he stated. "Tonight the moon will be perfect for reading the map you have brought. This time tomorrow you will be able to continue on with your journey with new knowledge and purpose."

Most of the dwarves cheered, starting new conversation soon after.

"Tell me Laurel," Elrond continued lightly, "why do you feast on the flesh of nature?"

I wiped at my lips, ridding myself from the juices of an apple. "Animals? Well because it is food," I stated confused.

"Elves value all life," Kili offered, "they will not maim animals unless their lives are in danger. Eating creatures is absurd to the elves."

"In my world it is very common for us to eat meat. There are farms dedicated just for it. I don't make a lot of money, so I hunt for food mostly, even have a small vegetable garden," I replied.

"Do you like it," Elrond asked interested.

"Yes, especially deer. Very clean and healthy meat."

Throughout the day I practiced using my newly acquired bow. It was beautiful. The string was very flexible, but easy to pull. I could not really test the distance it could shoot, but it did pack quiet a wallop. Though I did not hit my target every time, I was able to come pretty close. As long as my target in the future was big enough I would be able to strike fatally until I could make my aim more acute.

Kili didn't speak to me at all, instead he just watched me and followed wherever I went. It was sort of annoying, but I did not say anything to him about it.

Occasionally another dwarf, usually Bofur or Nori, would sit with me in the clearing and tell me stories of other adventures they had gone on. I told them of different things in my world.

"They are called airplanes. Huge machines that travel people or things from far distances. They travel in the air like birds," I explained.

"Amazin'," Bofur seemed dumb founded.

As night started to fall, the dwarves gathered back to where they first had a fire the night before. I was contemplating on if I should ask if there was a room inside I could stay in. Obviously Kili wasn't in a good mood, so trying to sleep next to him again probably wasn't in my best interest. Food was brought out here this time. I don't know how much longer I could just eat bread, fruit, and vegetables. This night I did not share wine, instead I drank water and ate my food in silence. Thorin and Gandalf both were missing from the group once more.

After finishing my food I read from my book of herbs again. It was marvelous, holding drawings of the plants and a description of what they can help with. Only a fourth of it I already knew from my grandmother, the rest was new to me. Maybe my mom was an elf and so was grandmother, she did look quite young.

Kili whom sat next to me elbowed me lightly, offering me something that he had just bitten off of.

"What is it," I asked before accepting it.

"Dried meat, go ahead," he nodded, "you can have the rest."

The meat was spiced like jerky, but tasted good either way. I thanked him quietly and continued to read from my book.

"What is that," he asked, pointing to the writing I made out of wet charcoal.

"This is English writing."

"It looks confusing."

"The elvish writing was confusing," I stated, "this way I can study from it. This here is what we call California Poppy in my time. 'Infuse it with water and it will make the drinker fall asleep.'"

He leaned in closely to watch what I was pointing to. For a while we sat by the firelight reading from my book, his arm draped around me lightly. Slowly I found myself curling into him like it was story time. We went through all the pages together, coming to the end where blank pages were for me to add things if I wanted.

"Show me how you write your name," his voice was soft in my ear. I printed my name clearly so that he could see. "Write my name."

I did the same for his not really knowing how it was spelled. So I simply wrote Kili out for him to see. The conversation around us grew into a mess that I stopped paying attention too, just background noise. My face rose so that I could look up at him. I felt his hand raise and play with my braid. "I am sorry about what Thorin did this morning. It was not right," he stated.

"It's fine," I murmured letting my head fall back against his shoulder as I shut the book. "I understand what he's saying."

Kili didn't respond, instead he wrapped me up in his arms and gave a soft squeeze. We rose together and moved to where we slept the night before. Without question I settled down next to him and did not fight it when his arm was thrown over me and pulling me to his chest.

"I do not know why you fight me Laurel," he sighed into my hair, "but for now I will allow you to fight me. Soon I will grow tired and not allow it."

Without our horses we were due to walk the rest of the journey the next morning. I made it a habit to stick to the back of the troop so that I didn't have to be anywhere near Thorin. Bilbo tended to float back and forth between the front and back to talk to me. If what he said earlier was true, then he was probably a distant cousin of some sort. It was odd to think that this world I was in was actually the past. There was nothing of this written in any books that I knew of.

By time we stopped for our first break I had to sigh in contentment. Never have I walked that much before in my life. It was very tiring.

Placed between Kili and Fili I did more work going through my book and checking the herbs that were packed in my bag. Most of them were dried and folded into cloth and tied. Some of the more rare things were placed in small glass vials of water, wrapped in cloth so they would not break.

Kili rose to disappear into the woods for a while. Once he was out of sight Fili elbowed me, glancing around at everyone and their positions.

"Tell me Lady Laurel, what do you see in my brother," he asked quietly, blue eyes alive with wonder.

It was one of the first times I actually looked at Fili. It was odd how the brothers were like complete opposites. Here is Fili the older brother with his long blonde hair, and braided mustache and beard. Bright blue eyes that would make women weak at the knees. From what I have seen Fili was usually the more serious of the two.

Then there was Kili, the younger brother with long black hair and lack of actual beard. His light brown eyes were full of mirth and fun. His nose was formed perfectly with his cheeks to scream perfection. Just thinking of his scruff against my skin had me closing my knees as they quivered.

"I see a lot of things in him. Though he is usually in a light mood of fun and laughs, he can be serious. I always find he is kind and selfless," I thought aloud, "he is strong and fights well I've seen. He talks fondly of family and friends. Kili does have a way of charming me, and I do find him quite attractive."

Fili laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulder to pat my back. "Do not let him hear you say these things! He already thinks too highly of himself, you would only make it worse."

"Why doesn't he have a beard and mustache like you," I wondered.

"Ah, he was never fond of the longer hair. He is still young for a dwarf, as he grows older he will become accustomed to it and start his braiding."

I eyed the clasps that kept the braids of his mustache together, "I've seen men braid beards in my world, but never mustaches. Your clasps looks like the one Kili put in my hair."

"He braided your hair? Put one of his beads in it did he?"

My brows furrowed, I did know that braiding was very important to them. Braiding the hair of a dwarf woman surely meant something to them I figured. "Yes," I trailed off, fingering it once more.

In turn he pulled me closer, leaning in and whispering in my ear. It sent shivers down my spine unwillingly. It was just because of the fact that it was hot breathe on my ear, but startled me none the less.

"I'm sure you understand that braiding the hair of a dwarf maiden is meaningful," he started softly, "it shows that he is interested in you as a mate. Putting our family bead in the braid says he is very interested. It is bold considering Thorin forbade the relationship. You do look very lovely none the less."

A soft giggle left my lips, charming woman must run in the family. I looked up to see that Kili returned, he was standing next to Bilbo talking, starring daggers in my direction. Why on Earth would he be in a foul mood now? He was just fine this morning. The feeling of Fili retreating from my proximity sent off alarms in my head.

He thought Fili and I were probably flirting together. Shit.

Just as I was thinking of throwing off Fili's arm, he removed it himself, coughing and looking away awkwardly. Kili didn't return to us for the rest of our break and left for the front of the troop while we continued on towards what they called the Misty Mountains.

"Well," I sighed kicking a rock while Fili and I brought up the rear, "seems we've pissed him off."

"Nonsense," Fili waved away, playing with yet another knife I haven't seen on his person before, "he is just jealous at the moment. By the end of day he will be talking to you again."

"I hope so," I sighed, "he's one of the greater friends I have. Especially here. There is nothing to be jealous of."

The dwarf next to me nudged me with his elbow once more, pointing ahead of us, "I don't know about that. I find your company likable, Ori, I think has taken a small liking to you as well.

"If I hadn't known about your attachment with my brother I would find an attachment to you I think. Do not worry about Kili, he usually has always been the jealous type. Though it is only the second time I have been the one he was jealous of."

Previous Chapter << Chapter 8: Sweet Apple and Wine Dances

Next Chapter >> Chapter 10: Pruned Gardens Bring Curious Deer

#the hobbit #kili x oc #the hobbit fanfic #the hobbit fanfiction #kili x reader #kili durin #fanfic #fanfiction #when lightning strikes

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shinyrockalaska · 5 years

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Crush

Male!Rowan x Bill Weasley

Word count: 2k

Day 4 of @hphm-rarepair-week

The Celestial ball was fun, but now it was over and everything was boring again.

With your brother still missing, the cursed vaults still a mystery, and all the school work you still had to do- you felt tired. But you had your friends, and you were thankful for everything you had.

"Oh man I can't believe the Celestial ball had passed!" Tulip groaned as you, her and Rowan sat in your dormitory and talked.

"Seriously, by the fourth year I thought I would go to the ball with a date.. I mean we're almost fifteen! Isn't that what we're suppose to do?!"

You shrugged. "I used to imagine it too, I think, but I'm too stressed over my brother, the vaults, school work and my own confusion about everything to care about dating" you said, "besides, we're still young. I think society is wrong by pushing romance on teens"

Tulip rolled her eyes, "pfft, your the weirdest boy I ever met.. and that comes from me!"

You laughed a little. "We're all a little strange" you said with a smile, feeling at peace.

Then you noticed your friend Rowan has been awfully quiet. Tulip must've noticed it too since she asked him "what about you, Ro? What do you think about dating?" Rowan blushed immediately but only you knew why..

"Nothing!" He said loudly, panicking, "I don't like him I don't like anybody!" You felt bad for your friend that accidentally spilled his secret. You knew it from the second year but Rowan made you promise him you'll never talk about it to anyone so you just dropped the subject.

But it was too easy to know who Rowan's crush was since Everytime Rowan was in the same room with him he would sweat and blush and act weirder than usual.

Tulip got excited, "ooo didn't knew you were gay but I guess that's kind of makes sense"

Rowan blushed even more now "obviously I-I'm noT gAy..!" He shout, embarrassed.

"You're a boy who's having a crush on another boy, sounds pretty gay to me" Tulip respond and Rowan sight, "you got me there.."

"Tulip, Rowan obviously doesn't want to talk about it.." you tried to save him from Tulip but now she got even more curious

"You two! I would've never guessed it!" She Laughed as you blushed just like Rowan. "N-no! Stop!" You said, feeling embarrassed, "it's Bill! okay? Not me!"

The room got quiet for a moment until Rowan screamed, "How could you?? You promised to keep this a secret!!"

"I'm sorry!" You apologized, ",I was too embarrassed I didn't thought before I talked.." Rowan sight again while you said "and it's not like you were subtle about it.." he rolled his eyes, but you knew he would forgive you anyway.

"Wait hold on" Tulip suddenly said "Bill as Bill Weasley? Charlie's brother? That Grifindor in the sixth year? Our friend??"

"Yes, tulip. It's him" said Rowan, angrily, "are you going to make fun of me now? To tell everyone?" Tulip was surprised, "no of course not! You're my friend why would I do that?"

"sorry I was just scared for a moment.. I don't want anyone to know about this. Especially not Bill.."

Tulip put her hand on his shoulder, "your secret is safe with me. But perhaps you should ask him out?" The last sentence made Rowan laugh, "yeah, right.. like a guy as cool as Bill could ever like an awkward nerdy boy like me.." then he sight again, "I'm going to bed guys. Don't worry about me. It's okay, I'll be fine. Eventually..." And by that he left the room leaving you and Tulip both very confused.

"Poor boy" said Tulip, without any sense of moking in her voice.

"Yeah..." You sight and by that the conversation died and both you and Tulip went to sleep.

In the next day, you knew what you needed to do. Rowan has been crushing on Bill for years now and you really wanted to help him out. So as soon as transfiguration class ended you went searching for Bill. You found him in the training ground, studying on the ground.

"So, bill" you said as you sat next to him. He raised his head, "oh hello! What's up?"

You ignored his question and continued anyway. "Do you like guys?" You asked, making Bill confused about your intentions with this conversation. "Why are you asking? Do you think you like guys?"

"What? No! I'm just, eh, asking for a friend." That wasn't a lie. "Hmm well, you already know I'm bi" he answered and you suddenly remembered how he came out to your friends last year as bisexual.

"Ah, right. That's good." You answered and continued, "and what's your opinions about Rowan?"

"Rowan? Our friend?" He was surprised.

"Is there any other Rowans you know?" You asked, sarcastically.

"He's a nice guy" Bill responded after a while, "I don't really know what he talks about most of the times but he seems cool". in your mind you started to imagine your two close friends having a relationship. And he just called Rowan cool!

"Well..." You continued, "would you like to go on a date with him?" You asked, making Bill raise his eyebrow. "Why would you ask that...?" You just shrug, "no reason. No reason at all..." You knew you sound suspicious but you really wanted that to work. "Maybe" Bill suddenly said, "I guess I might just say yes". Hearing this answer you immediately jumped, "okay good bye!" You shouted while running back to your dorms, to meet Rowan.

"YOU DID WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU???" Rowan screamed at you after you told him what you've done. "Now he hates me.." he said, tears running down his cheeks. You hold his hand, trying to calm him down. "I'm sorry, Ro. I just hate seeing you so sad. I really want it to work for you. I don't even think it's healthy to have one sided crush for that long..." You said, "and besides.. he said he would agree! To go on a date with you! So all you need to do is just ask him!" Your last words made Rowan panick, "WeLL I caN'T dO thAt!" He shouted, panicking.

After almost ten minutes of calming him down you managed to convince him to go and ask Bill. You were waiting for them across the hallway, watching Rowan awkwardly, but happily, talking with Bill. You couldn't hear what they were saying but they both seemed pretty thrilled with the conversation.

"So... How did it go?" You asked when he came back to you, still blushing. "I'm meeting him tomorrow night at the courtyard" he said and you immediately yelled "woohoo" but than he continued and said "but I didn't mentioned it's a date..."

"Nooooo" you groaned, "why didn't you?" Rowan shrugged, "it was stressing me out just to talk to him.. be glad I at least done that!" You could tell that he was still very sweating and stressed but still smiling, too. "Don't worry", you then said, "I'm sure it's gonna turn out for the best".

The next day, you sat with Rowan in your room, trying to find the perfect cloths for him. He was a nervous wreck and couldn't stop rumbling on how much he loves bill. You couldn't not think how helpless he is. So love sick, so pure. At this point you just agreed with everything he said. "Yes he does have the most beautiful eyes. Yes he does have the body of a goddess". After trying on like thirteen different outfits, you finally decided what would be the best for him for a meeting with a friend, that could possibly be a date. "Are you sure? It's more fancy than casual, isn't it?" Rowan asked, stressed, looking in the mirror. You rolled your eyes, "seriously, Ro? This is literally almost the same clothes you wear everyday.."

"hey, I like to think myself as fancy!" He said while still looking at the mirror. He wore his usual pants and buttoned up shirt but with a dark bow tie, instead of his usual house tie. He also had a black jacket with him, in case he'll be cold. Simple but different.

Now it was almost time to meet Bill and you needed to calm down Rowan again. "You've got this, Rowan. I promise it'll end better than whatever you imagine" you said, "unless, of course, you imagine your wedding like I do, then that's definitely what's going to happen" you said with a wink, and Rowan just nod, embarrassed.

When it was time to leave you heard him whisper, "what if.. after all this years he'll just.. reject me..?" He said it with tears in his eyes. "Then.." you said, putting your hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him, "you'll be free and you'll be able to move on." He nod and you hugged him, then he left you to meet Bill.

When Rowan came to the courtyard it was empty so he walked around a few times, trying to calm himself down. When he sat down next to the fountain, he finally saw Bill. He wore his usual cloths but you could tell that he spent much more time doing his hair. And you could tell that he was as nervous as Rowan, which made Rowan less worried, knowing he wasn't the only one.

"Hey" said Bill with a shy smile, his hands in his pockets.

"H-hey" Rowan immediately stood up as his face becoming pink.

"Well, uh.. you wanted to see me, right?" He said while sitting down next to the place Rowan sat before. "I mean it's always nice to see you of course! I'm just wondering.."

"Y-yeah" Rowan sat back awkwardly next to bill, "it wasn't my idea actually" they said and then realized it was a mistake. "N-nevermind! Forget I said it!"

"It wasn't my idea as well" said Bill, smiling. "But I'm glad we did it"

Rowan felt his Face getting warm, "I-its so hot out here, isn't it?? N-not because of you o-of curse! Ohh I shouldn't have said that!" Rowan hos his face between his hands as Bill laugh.

"It's okay, I know you like me.."

Rowan immediately lift his face, surprised. "You do? But how? Since when? I, uh-"

"Well it was pretty obvious" Bill shrugged, "what about you?" He asked, confusing Rowan. "I- well- since uh.. my first year.." Rowan was almost whispering those last words but somehow Bill still heard them. "Really?? For that long?? Oh wow.."

"I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have said that please just- forget it.."

"No, it's okay.." Bill said, aware of Rowan embarrassment, "I think.. maybe.. I think I want to try it"

"Try what?" Rowan asked, confused.

"Try us" Bill answered with a shy smile on his face, "I'm not sure how I feel yet, but I do like you as a person and I wouldn't mind you being my boyfriend so... If you want to, of course, I think I'm ready to give it a try"

Rowan was wordless. This was something they never really considered. Mostly because they never succeed talking with Bill for more than a few seconds, but also because he considered himself out of Bill's league.

"Rowan, are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you or anything I'm--"

Bill's words cut off by Rowan's lips crushing on his.

It was Rowan's first kiss and all he could think was, 'i can't believe I'm kissing Bill Weasley!' he was very proud of himself for actually making the first move and being in control of the situation. And he could feel Bill kissing back.

The kiss was short but it was everything Rowan ever dreamed of. His eyes were still closed when he heard Bill saying "I'll take this as a yes". Even with his eyes closed he could tell Bill was smiling.

"Shall I walk you to your dormitory?" Bill asked and Rowan finally opened his eyes, smiling and nodding. And so they did. Rowan could feel Bill's hand on his shoulder the entire walk and couldn't help but think how he is the luckiest guy in the world.

~~~~

That's it! Not the best, but still something...

I kinda like them together and I imagine them having a relationship through Bill's 6-7 years at Hogwarts and then break up in good terms when he graduate (:

#hphm rarepair week 2019 #rowan x bill #bill x rowan #bill weasley #rowan khanna #hphm #hogwarts mystery #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hphm fanfiction #hphm fanfic #hphm fic #hogwarts mystery fanfiction #hogwarts mystery fanfic

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iplaydrake · 5 years

Text

FULL CIRCLE - CHAPTER 2 - HOW TO BREAK A MENDED HEART

Catch Up Here :

CHAPTER 1 - INTRODUCING THE BROTHERS BEAUMONT AND THEIR LITTLE SISTER

Author’s Note : This story is gonna get a little dark. Suicide, Assault (both physical and sexual), Gun Violence, Blood, Swearing. Please read with caution. Positive feedback, constructive criticism, and reblogging are always welcome. I own nothing except the storyline of my MC. Everything else belongs to Pixelberry.

Pairing : (Eventually) Drake x MC

Tag List : @likethetailofacomet @carabeth @rhymesmenagerie @speedyoperarascalparty @butindeed @wannabemc2 @client-327 @jovialyouthmusic @be-still-my-aching-heart @riseandshinelittleblossom @lodberg @drakesensworld @alj4890 @jlouise88

*** MANHATTAN, NY *** PRESENT DAY

She stood in her closet, smiling, as she put her phone down after reading Liam's last text. She'd kept every promise she made to him that day. She never called him, knowing that seeing her name come up on his caller ID would only make him worry, so she kept their communication to strictly texts. They'd never stuck to the once a month rule though, each sending random texts here and there, sometimes having conversations that would last days at a time. And after 3 long years of counseling, her therapist had officially cleared her, but she still continued to go once a month, feeling like she needed it to stay healthy, mentally. She'd managed to save a good portion of the money her parents had sent her over the years and now she had a beautiful apartment overlooking Central Park, a great job at an upscale bar, and with her continued hard work she'd be able to finish nursing school in a few months. After all this time, she was finally proud of herself and how far she'd come in her life.

The sound of Super Mario Brothers filled her room as she recognized the ringtone for her brother. 'That's weird, Liam just said it was 1:30. Maxwell must be drunk.' she chuckled to herself. She'd heard of tales of epic proportion regarding the parties her brothers would throw and as she answered her phone, she prepared herself for the loud music in the background, surprised when she heard nothing.

"Maxwell? Hey, I'm just getting ready for work. What's up?"

"Nothing! Why does something have to be up? Can't a guy just call his favorite sister from time to time?"

She chuckled again, "Ok, first of all, I'm your ONLY sister. And second, its the middle of the night where you are, so despite not actually seeing you in 6 years, I'd like to think I know you pretty well. Now spill it!"

"Well, I was just seeing if you wanted to hang out with me, but if you're too busy with work, well then..." he trailed off.

"Ha... Ha... Very funny. Where are you?" Before he could answer, there was a knock at her door. "Who the hell... Ugh, Maxwell, hold on..." She ran to the front door, her phone still at her ear and opened it to reveal him leaning against her doorframe, with a goofy grin on his face. She smiled back at him, widely. "I have to call you back." She joked as she clicked off her phone and jumped into his waiting arms. "MAXWELL, OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" She hugged him tight, not realizing just how much she had missed him until that moment.

"Man, I missed ya, kid!"

"I missed you too, Maxwell. So much!" She buried her face in his shoulder, tears coming to her eyes. After a couple minutes, she pulled away and put her back to him, wiping her tears before turning back to face him. She hated crying in front of anyone; in 6 years the only ones to see her cry were her therapist and Liam while she had been in the hospital. He knew why she did it and his heart sank a little, but he grabbed her hands pushing her back slightly.

"Wow, look at you! You're beautiful!" She blushed furiously, embarrassed by her brother's praise. "So, are you gonna invite me in or are we gonna catch up in the hallway?"

"Oh my god, of course!" She immediately let him walk past her, directing him in to her living room.

"Nice place you got here!" He let out a low whistle as he looked around.

"Thanks. Can I get you something to drink? Are you hungry? I'm not really home enough to go shopping but we could head to my bar and grab some food there. And I'll see if my boss will let me take the night off!"

"Um, actually, I... already spoke to your boss. He's giving you some time off!"

"Oh... I... Wait? What?"

"Rem, there actually IS a reason I'm here. Come on, let's sit." He grabbed her hands in his and walked them over to her couch and sat, pulling her down next to him. He hated that he had to get right into it but the funeral was in 2 days and their return flight was supposed to leave in the morning.

"Maxwell, what-"

"Rem, I'm so sorry. There's really no easy way to say this but... There was an accident. Mom and Dad were on their way back from some gala-"

"Maxwell..."

"It was raining and their driver must have lost control."

"Maxwell, stop."

"I'm so sorry, Remington. They're gone."

"MAXWELL STOP!" she shouted. She immediately let go of his hands, and stood up, trying to get some distance. "I, uh, I just... need some time... by myself." she whispered.

"Remi, please. Don't shut me out again. Let me-' She had already made it to her room, slamming the door behind her. '...help you..."

She grabbed her phone, typing furiously, not caring what time it was.

As she watched his responses flood her phone, she knew deep down, she wasn't thinking rationally. It wasn't Liam's place to tell her and Maxwell did come in person so she wouldn't be by herself when she found out. But irrationality won out and she turned her phone over, ignoring him. She headed into her bathroom, turned on the shower and laid on the cold tile floor, hoping the sound of the water would drown out her sobs.

*****

Maxwell rested his head on the back of the couch, waiting for her to come back out. After a little while, he felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket and was surprised to see that it was Liam who was calling given the time. "Li? Hey what's going on?"

"Hey Max, I just wanted to check in and see how she was doing?"

"Well, she locked herself in her room about 45 minutes ago, so I would say surprisingly well!" The sarcasm in his voice, evident.

"She's by herself? Maxwell, you should go check on her!"

"She said she just needed some time. She's understandably upset."

"She shouldn't be alone right -"

As Liam spoke, the door to her room finally opened. Her face looked freshly washed, her makeup now gone. If it weren't for her red, puffy eyes, you wouldn't have even been able to tell she'd been crying.

"I, uh, I gotta go, she's back. I'll talk to you later." He hung up without saying another word.

"Who was that?"

"How are you holding up?" She noticed the change in subject and thought better of arguing about it. Of course it was Liam checking on her.

"I'm ok."

"Listen, Rem. Our flight back leaves in the morning so-"

"Oh no, Maxwell! Don't you dare even think about it! Listen, I'm devastated about Mom and Dad I am, but if you think I'm going back there, you're sadly mistaken."

He knew it was going to be a fight to get her to agree to come home but he still wasn't prepared for it. He thought carefully about his next words, trying to think of the best way to go about convincing her.

"I know you, Rem. You won't be able to live with yourself if you don't say good-bye. Come on, it'll be good to see Bertrand and Savannah, even Bartie! You haven't met him yet. Plus you need your family around you right now."

"Maxwell, you are the only one I count as my family."

"Well then, come back for me. I need you just as much!... Please, Rem."

"I can't... I can't face everyone. I'm just now in a good place and if I have to go there and see people... It's too much, especially considering the circumstances. I-"

"I PROMISE I'LL PROTECT YOU." She had never heard such conviction and when she looked in his eyes, she knew he meant it. "I promise... You have more allies than you think, Liam and Drake, and -"

"Liam I would believe. Don't even mention Drake to me."

He'd never thought about her having a problem with Drake, but something clicked and he realized why she would. Drake was dating Kiara at the time of her birthday party and Kiara was best friends with Madeline. He'd witnessed Madeline's reign of terror and they all knew she was involved, if not the leader. "Rem, you can't possibly think Drake would-"

"Maxwell, I am NOT having that discussion with you!"

He let out a sigh and put his hands up in defeat, "Ok, ok... Well, either way, the flight leaves at 9 am... Just promise me you'll think about it. I mean REALLY think about it."

She hesitated, knowing once she said it, there was no way she could disappoint him. "I...promise."

They spent the rest of the night eating take out and catching up on all they missed since their last conversation. After showing Maxwell where he could sleep for the night, she headed back to her own room to contemplate what she was going to do. The next morning, as Maxwell walked out of his room, he smiled to himself as he saw her bags packed and waiting by the front door. 'Well this is gonna be interesting!'

Want to continue? Click below for the next chapter :

CHAPTER 3 - GOOD-BYE TO ALL THAT

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marvelousbirthdays · 5 years

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Happy Birthday, marvelfanuniverse

May 20-Jack Rollins/Beth the Waitress? With the prompt, “That’s an order. Obey.” With a healthy dose of both fluff and crack, for @marvelfanuniverse

Written by @iamartemisday

The fifth time Beth Jackson was almost kidnapped by a wanna-be supervillain, it was decided that she should have a bodyguard.

Jack Rollins did not volunteer for the job, no matter what the official report said. Very few within SHIELD were aware of the ‘HYDRA Rehabilitation Program’, as it had come to be known for lack of a suitable acronym. It was Coulson’s idea and Rogers backed it because it allowed him to simultaneously be a shining hero who saw the good in everyone and a sadist who could get off on the suffering of his enemies.

Asshole.

Granted, babysitting a waitress wasn’t the worst gig in the world. Somewhere out in the desert, Brock was chasing after Dr. Foster and her crew, trying to stop her from blasting herself into the sun. Sitwell had been given desk duty at a high security holding cell in Antartica, and he didn’t even want to think about where Ward was. The poor bastard.

Compared to all that, this was a cake walk.

His schedule with Beth was simple. Guard the door while she ate breakfast, guard the street while she worked her early afternoon shift at the diner, guard the halls while she attended evening classes, and guard the window while she caught a few hours of sleep in between.

She never tried to sneak away (at least not after the first time), she didn’t go out partying every night, and her wildest inclination in life was to walk past Central Park at sunset with her purse in hand.

It was easy, but by God, was it boring.

“So how long is he going to be following you?” asked one of Beth’s friends whose name he was supposed to know but hadn’t bothered to memorize.

“Until the bad guys realize I’m not dating Captain America.”

They were at a bar celebrating the end of midterms. Five or six students getting drunk and dancing. Jack must have been like them once. Sure, he never finished college, but when you get recruited at nineteen to be a part of the biggest intelligence agency in the world, who needs formal education?

“I don’t get it,” said Friend no. 2, who had taken three shots already but showed no signs of disorientation. “All you did was serve him coffee a few times. How does that translate to dating?”

“I’ve been asking myself that same question for weeks.”

Jack took a moment to assess the building one more time. So far, no suspicious activity, no unfriendlies barging in. Security threw some guy out for groping a waitress, but that was about it. Nothing for him to do but stare at Beth and her faceless posse until she was either too drunk to continue or as bored as he was.

“I mean, not that dating a superhero wouldn’t have its perks,” said Friend no. 1. “Especially that particular hero, am I right?”

Beth shrugged. “Steve’s a good guy and a great tipper, but to be honest, he’s not my type.”

“You have a type?”

“Of course I do. Everyone does.” Beth’s eyes flicked to Jack, or was he imagining it? “I’d prefer a… rougher sort of man.”

Yeah, definitely imagining it.

Jack took a walk around the perimeter, checking all the blind spots and calling in his hourly report. If Fury didn’t get one every sixty minutes to the letter, that fancy little brace around Jack’s ankle would send a ‘non-lethal but discomforting’ shock of electricity through him. Jack finished the message and gave it a read through, deleting all the expletives before hitting send.

When he went back to Beth, she was talking to a man.

“We’re performing on Saturday at this place on 6th Street. It’s our first gig with Bobby on bass.”

“You nervous?”

“Nah, I’ve been doing this for years. I just hope Bobby will be okay. Anyway, if you want to come-”

“Ms. Jackson,” Jack said, a little louder than necessary for how much distance he’d covered. “I’m afraid there is a slight situation. You have to come with me.”

He took Beth by the arm before she could protest and led her across the room. Only when there was a crowd of bargoers between them and whatshisface did he allow her to pull away. “What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to ‘maintain distance’ or whatever.”

“I’m supposed to keep you safe,” Jack grumbled. “Part of that is making sure you don’t get lured into potentially dangerous situations with strange men who only want one thing.”

That last part sounded like his dad with his little sister. Poor Mr. Rollins had tried so hard to instill good morals in his children and look where it got him. One was a former HYDRA agent and the other married a personal injury lawyer. There’s just no helping some people.

“You are not talking about Ethan.”

Jack glanced over her shoulder. Ethan was now on the phone and covering his free ear to hear whatever was being said. “Do you know him as well as you think you do?”

“He goes to my school.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. You can think you know a person for years, especially someone like him, and just when you think you’re safe and you can let your guard down-”

“He’s gay.”

“He’s gay,” Jack repeated unthinkingly. “Wait, what?”

Beth rolled her eyes. “Bobby is his boyfriend who just joined his band. He’s inviting everyone to come and see their first show together.”

Jack blinked. “Oh… but you still need to be careful. It’s not just supervillains, there’s a lot of creeps running around.”

“Trust me, I know,” said Beth. “I’ve been to all the seminars, had all the self-defense classes, and no offense to you, but I was doing just fine with a can of pepper spray before all this kidnapping stuff. I only ever had to use it once.”

“Sorry it’s not so effective anymore.”

“It’s okay. Paranoia aside, you’re not too bad to have around.” She let out a yawn which almost made Jack yawn in turn. He kept his jaw firmly shut as he checked her eyes for any sign of drugging. They were clear as ever (and a nice shade of brown). “I think I’m going to head home. Care to follow me in your car?”

“I’d rather just drive you.”

“What if I want to stretch my legs?”

“You can do it tomorrow at the gym. Indoors. With cameras.” Jack took her hand like they were some random uninteresting couple nobody would think twice about. “Now let’s go. I’m parked around back.”

“I don’t know…” she’d be more convincing with that coy little smile. This girl had the worst poker face ever.

“That’s an order. Obey.”

“And here I thought you worked for me.”

She sashayed out of the bar, not caring a wit about the three separate guys Jack caught eyeing her backside. He sent them running with a glare and stepped out to find her waiting by his car.

So she could listen after all.

‘Maybe she likes taking orders,’ said a voice which seemed to radiate from a spot much lower than his head. ‘You know, from rough sort of man.’

‘Shut up,’ he told it. ‘She was not talking about me.’

‘Would it be so bad if she was?’

Jack didn’t have an answer for that, and as the months passed, and the kidnapping attempts continued, and his assignment was extended to the end of the year ‘just in case,’ and he started spending every night in her apartment drinking coffee and making conversation like they really were just two people enjoying each other’s company… it actually sounded pretty nice.

#Jack Rollins/Beth the Waitress #jack rollins #Beth the waitress #fluff #crack

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katybelle83 · 5 years

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Ultimate Fantasy Come True

So here is a fanfic about Adrian Toomes. Whew that was a ton of writing. Note I haven’t written in nearly 10-15 years! I would appreciate feedback. Enjoy!!!

Pairing: Adrian Toomes x OC

The satin sheets surrounded me as I slept. I hadn't realised that I had fallen asleep until I felt a pair of strong arms around me and when a voice whispered in my ear, saying "What are you doing here?" I woke up startled and gasped as my assailant glared down at me with blazing familiar blue eyes. I stammered, unsure how to respond, "Well, uh--" and I didn't get to finish my sentence because a pair of soft lips crashed down onto my own with such quickness that I didn't know what had hit me.

"Don't talk," he whispered. "I want you and I am going to have you! Just lay back and enjoy the rest of the night while I make sweet love to you until the dawn!"

"Oh baby, bay-bee! KATE!!!" I sat up quickly and saw my coworker, Kelly, nudge my arm. "Frankie's gonna be mad if we don't get this inventory done by the time we're supposed to open tomorrow!"

"Sorry", I replied. "I drifted off into one of my infamous day dreams again." Kelly smiled, knowingly, "Oh, you mean about you know who?" I replied, sheepishly, "Yeah, about Adrian!"

I had an almost unhealthy obsession with this certain villain, Spiderman’s arch nemesis to be exact. And I had for a long, long time. And Kelly knew all about it too. My family was close to Peter Parker’s especially with Mae, whom my mother grew up with. I wasn’t really close to Peter as I was a bit older than him, but I knew his secret and Adrian Toomes’ secret. Kelly giggled, "man if only Liz Toomes’ dad knew about you and your crazy obsession. Man he would think you was loco or something!" Yeah right, I thought, he doesn't even know I exist. Well I did meet him and his family at a function. I had also tutored Liz on occasion before her parents divorced. "He would think you were mental and a stalker or something." She looked over at me and said, "Girl I was just playing. I mean maybe he would be flattered that you were into him. Who knows. I don't know how the man thinks!" She continued to shelve the movies by alphabetical order. Well, I brightened up a little, not because I thought I would actually have a chance or anything, but that maybe he would be flattered that a younger person was interested in him, in all sorts of ways. And even for an older man he was still very sexy and fine as hell!!! My parents, especially my dad, always chided me saying I needed to grow up and that this obsession with older men had gone way too far and that I was way too old to have posters of silver fox celebrities on my wall. Well, I never listened to him anyways. I didn't think it was all that bad. I wasn't a bad kid. I did fairly well in school and stayed out of trouble for the most part. And now I am in my thirties and still hot for older guys. Though since I am grown up now I can lust and obsess all I want without anyone nagging me. And when I fantasize about Adrian, it just gets my blood boiling hot and part of the reason is because he is an older man and a great looking one at that, With a twenty year old body. Yum Yum!! So maybe he would be flattered that someone nearly 20 years his junior would be lusting after him but I didn't share that thought with Kelly. Anyway, it is not like she would really understand even though we have become quite good friends. I mean she has the hots for Sandra Bullock and has a butch girlfriend. Yes, Kelly is a lesbian. But perhaps, maybe she would know how it felt to lust after someone she couldn't have. It just wouldn't be a guy in her case so I do take that back. I suppose that was unfair.

We continued to shelve the videos under the proper categories in silence for awhile. Tomorrow we would be re-opening the store after it was relocated, and revamped. It used to be sleazy and in a bad part of town but once it was taken under new management, we prayed that would change. With all the upgrades to the store, I was hoping and so was Frankie, that we would be getting a lot better mix of clientele. I suppose working at an adult XXX store had its advantages. I would get to see who is naughty. Would I see classmates, or neighbours or friends here? Well I would find out soon enough.

Kelly and I finally finished cataloguing the videos and then got ready to head home. It had already been a long day and I was ready to go home and relax. We said our goodbyes and left. It was a hot day so I went home and drew a long cool bath with scented candles. I turned on some slow music that got me into a horny mood. I leaned back and closed my eyes and began breathing deeply. I slowly began to massage myself with the bath oils (imagining someone else's hands instead of my own) and running them all over my body and concentrating on the places I liked to be touched, especially my nipples and clit. and I was once agian thinking of my fantasy man. After awhile I scolded myself for being silly. But why not. What the hell? What was wrong with a little harmless fantasy. It wasn't like I was stalking the man. I mean, I admit I downloaded a picture of Adrian from a local article. But that is about how far my obsession goes, really. In the big scheme of things, that is not all that bad. I mean, look at the crazed female fan of David Letterman's, who apparently broke into his house and told everyone she was Mrs. Letterman. She of course was apprehended. But that is way obsessive compulsive if you ask me. I guess you can say that Adrian Toomes is my little indulgence in life. Indulgences are different with each person. Sometimes it's ice cream, or a new pair of shoes or a foot massage. For me, it's my "man". Don't get me wrong. I am not mental or anything or so ugly that no one would ever go out with me. I have had several boyfriends, but they all turned out to be brainless dawgs!!!

The last one, Mark, I am pretty sure was cheating on me with his ex-wife, Loretta and tried to tell me he had nothing to do with her. Yeah I am that much of a drr drr drr. I ride the special bus to school!, No, I was not born yesterday and if he wanted to keep going out with that ugly hoe or screwing her, fine with me! I mean this bitch was so ugly. And she reeked of cigarettes all the time and he reeked of cigarettes all the time. And he doesn't even smoke but his car always did so that told me something right there. When I was "dating" him (if that is what you want to call it. We hardly went on any., It was more of come over to my place for a night of lousy fucking!) I always felt like he didn't want to do things with me. Like it was a forced effort. Like putting me on the back burner. I was angry at him for cheating on me for a moment, but it wasn't like it was the end of the world. I didn't go into a drastic state of depression or anything like that. I was more mad at myself for even attempting to go out with such a loser as Mark. And another thing that really bugged me about him and his attitude was that he avoided my family like the plague. If you want to be my boyfriend, then at least include my family in a fraction of our relationship. Come over for dinner or hang out at the house. Well I found out that he was avoiding my parents especially because he was a registered sex offender. And not that that really bothered me. He gave me the whole story and I don't think he should be on the list for what it was he supposedly did, but his fucking ex wife was involved so just because of sticking around that stupid bitch drug fiend woman, then he gets what he deserves. I cut it off there, the relationship, not his cock, though I should have. But to be honest there wasn't even anything really to cut off in the first place. Besides, he wasn't that cute anyways. I pride myself in not being hot but being satisfied with how I look and I know that I could have landed someone with much better looks and that wasn't such an asshole to begin with. I guess I just felt sorry for the poor bastard which is why I even considered going out with him.

So I told myself that I needed a break in the relationship area for awhile at least. But that didn't mean that I stopped thinking about men and sex in particular, considering I never really got any that was worthy to be called sex. I am still human and I do get horny and randy. Part of the reason I got the job at the store was so that I could somewhat experiment with my own sexuality and be around all sorts of people, straight, gay, lonely,, or taken and embrace all kinds of sexuality in the air. And one thing that many of my customers shared in common with me was fantasy. I firmly believe that fantasy is a healthy part of life like our dreams and if I wanted to fantasize about Adrian Toomes , then dammit I was going to fantasize about him. And that was easy to do.

After my bath, I wrapped myself in a satin robe and slipped on my slippers and walked into my room, There I flopped onto my bed and then kicked off my slippers once again and I looked at Adrian’s picture. My hands slowly undid my robe and my hand slipped between my legs and I slowly started to stroke myself while my other hand played with my tits, pinching and twisting them and imagining that Adrian was going to come out of the picture and have his way with me. I rubbed faster, pinched harder and worked myself into a frenzy. I grabbed my vibrator from under my pillow, rammed it into me and turned it on to the highest setting. I felt ripples of pleasure soaring through me. I felt the tidal waves getting higher and higher and was on the verge of a huge orgasm! And that is when the phone rang. Normally I would have just ignored the phone but sometimes something happens to just ruin the mood. So I decided to just get up and dressed, after I answered the phone. it ended up being a stupid ass recording about lowering your mortgage. I don't even have a fucking mortgage, stupid drr drr drr's!

Our re-opening was successful. And I got to see a lot of people who I know and that were really embarrassed when they approached the counter with their arms full of naughty items and seeing me there at the register. I tell them not to worry, it's natural. I do it too! Hell I work here. Don't be ashamed. But I have seen some people that I was not expecting to see here. My old boss and his wife were here the day after re-opening and that was a complete shocker. I always thought of my boss as a prude but I knew that wasn't the case when he came up to the counter with bondage items, and naughty DVD's and the strap on that his wife was going to use to fuck him in the ass with. And I have seen people here from school and church. I even saw my bestest friend here with her husband, Nadia and Kenjii. and many of them liked the arcade we had where for seven dollars you can watch a full length film. A lot of customers came in for that alone. I found myself enjoying my job more and more. I had lots of interesting chats with people there and not just about sex but about their kids, or friends or foes, troubles, or their jobs. I knew that I had found a happy niche in my life and I was pretty happy with where it was going. Soon I would have my degree and I could move on to better things, but at the moment I knew my life was a smooth ride. Nothing could have made me happier, or so I thought.

Kelly was sick so I was left closing the store by myself. We weren't too busy and most everything was done. It was just waiting for the clock to strike midnight so that I could lock up and go home, after a quick vacuum and counting out the drawer. The clock was dragging onto 11. Another long hour and there wasn't a customer for the last 20 minutes. I was trying not to let my head droop but I kept jerking my head up. The clock read 11. Droop. Jerk. 11:14. One couple came in and bought some magazines. Droop. Jerk. 11:36. No customers. Droop. Jerk. WIDE AWAKE! I I had not noticed him come in. A man was standing there, about to tap me on the shoulder but glancing at the floor. He wanted to watch the Big Bosomed Beauties DVD, already with the seven dollars in his hand, shoved towards me. He was trying to avoid my gaze, a ball cap pulled down over his eyes. I straightened up in my seat and took the money. "Don't be ashamed man. I watch dirty movies too." I said. 11:55. "Oh damn! I am closing in 5 minutes. Come back tomorrow. We are open until 2. I am so sorry. I drifted off" The man continued to stare at the floor and stammered. " oh-oh no I'm am sorry. I thought you were open until two tonight. I misread the time." this in a quiet voice. I handed back his money and thought gods why does he sound so familiar. He put the money back in his pocket and handed me the DVD. Then in a complete change of attitude, he looked up at me, took off the ball cap and winked. He said, "then I'll be back tomorrow sugar. Sure hope you are working then" and with a quick turn on his heel he was gone. I just sat there frozen, my heart stopped in my chest and I couldn't breathe. The man standing before me just now was....No it couldn't be. But it was. Dammit it was him. Come on and pull yourself together Kate, I told myself. I walked to the door to lock it in a daze. No activity in the parking lot. No cars but my own. The man was Adrian Toomes or his identical twin. That was why he sounded familiar to me. I just couldn't believe it. Nah, I was just hallucinating. It was just someone playing with my head. Someone that looked just like him and sounded like him. That's all. Remember, I was drifting in and out of sleep. Droop. Jerk. I probably wasn't even all the way awake. I must have been dreaming. I pinched myself really hard. 12:03. I was awake. The big bosomed Beauties DVD still in my hand. I just felt numb. I counted out the drawer, locked up and went home.

I dropped my keys on the hallway table, fed the kitten, let the dog out and prodded to my room. I kicked off my shoes, threw off my clothes and put on my bed t-shirt. I didn't even glance at Adrian’s photo as I turned off the light and climbed into bed. I couldn't. The only thing I could do was replay what had happened tonight. His eyes, those sexy blue eyes (with a hint of brown), that face, and that smile. God it looked like him. It did it did it did! I don't make stuff up like this in my daydreams; it was all too real. How else did that DVD end up in my hand. That guy was no one else. No one could have sounded or looked like him dead on. I had so much trouble falling asleep, those images of my man going through my head over and over again. .The man staring at the floor, looking up at me, winking. Smiling. Adrian Toomes....

The next day dragged on. I didn't have to show at work till 8 pm since I had the late shift. I kept myself busy during the day by finishing up my shopping, taking the dog out for a nice long walk/run, and I listened to some upbeat music. I told myself that I was really tired and that there was no way in hell that Adrian Toomes was in the store last night. It was just some guy and he was playing games with my head, whether it be intentional or unintentional.. The store was hopping that night, it being Friday. We had a good business and a lot of couples wanting to use the arcade. Since we were so busy, I soon forgot about the whole affair and the fact that "he" said he would be back. Like he would make an appearance at a place like this and avoid being seen. I could just see the headlines now. "The Vulture seen in the naughty store on Calypso Drive up in Falls Springs, California!" ha ha yeah right! No drooping or jerking tonight. Frankie had come in tonight to help with customers but he left around 12:30 because he promised his wife a good fucking so I bid him farewell and happy fucking! I started closing procedures. I closed the arcade since after 12:30 or one it was useless to get any use out of it since it wasn't enough time to watch a whole film by closing time. I left the light on in the arcade so that I could vacuum later after I locked the door. The last hour was deader than dead and I was glad that I may get to get home at a good time, before 3 at least. I went to lock the door and proceeded to count the drawer. Then I vacuumed the lobby and straightened all the displays.

I proceeded to the arcade to finish a quick clean. I gasped and stifled a near scream. There sitting in the front of the room by the screen was......him! "B-b-b-bu-tt, oh god this is not happening!" I stuttered and felt very faint. He smiled that sexy smile of his and laughed quietly. " I managed to slip in before you locked the door. Didn't I tell you I would be back?!" I shivered a little. “Well it's not like I m-m-mind but I don't know what game you are playing mister and we are closed so I am going to have to a-a-ask you to leave, p-p-p-l-ease." He stood up and walked towards me, leaving about two inches between us. Gods, it really was him!!!! My heart jumped to my throat and my mouth turned sandy dry. I started to perspire and my breathing came in short gasps. He continued, "Yes I am who you think I am and none other.. And I know how you feel about me as well.. I mean the looks you dropped at me during the Spring Gala and those times you came to tutor Liz. Thought I didn’t notice? Well sugar buns? I did notice. You probably think I am stalking you." He backed up for a minute, holding up his hands. "No that was just coincidence. I am actually visiting some good friends. On the way back to my hotel, I saw this place and decided to check it out since it looked almost empty and hopefully no one would recognise me and I wouldn't attract much attention. And yes we dads have urges too! Yeah it is like that. Anywhoo, that's when I recognised you as Liz’s tutor. So I thought I would drop by again tonight and well here I am!" and with that he came closer once again, his frame only inches from my body. His face was so close to mine I could feel him breathing and then he smile that wicked smile once again, his hot breath brushing my face. I think I only took in about half of what he just said. I then realised that my back was pressed into the wall behind me. Damn he smelled good, my head was swimming. He leaned closer and put his mouth to my ear and whispered, "You know, it's been a long time since I have been with a woman, and an even longer time since I have been with one as good looking as you." My breathing once again stopped right there. I felt the world go black and I think I fainted.

That's when I felt his arms catch me and bring me back up and he pushed me gently against the wall. He pressed his lips into mine then whispering against them, "Don't think that I don't know about all the things you fantasize about me. Well I do know and I am going to let you fulfill your wildest fantasies with me tonight, right here." He continued to kiss me. I slipped my arms around his neck and returned the kiss and he slipped his tongue into my mouth and slowly explored it. I slipped my arms around his neck and gripped at him hard, stroking his hair. He began to kiss his way to my neck while his hands started to explore my body in slow motion. He found my ass and cupped his palms around it and pushed me towards him. I could feel him getting hard. This was turning me on so badly. I wanted him inside of me. The fire was burning inside of me intensely. My legs got weak and I found myself moaning and saying "I want you now!".

He picked me up and carried me to the break room at the back of the store laid me down on the big leather couch we had back there. He just stared down at me for a minute with those drop dead gorgeous eyes. I stared back at him too, taking in his handsome features. Sure he was an older man and he had slight grey in his hair but he still had the nice firm body of a twenty-five year old that worked out and his smile was just so sexy and he felt so good leaning over me like that. "You have such beautiful eyes baby," he said softly. "And tonight it is all about you" and with that he started nibbling on my neck. His hands found my blouse and started to unbutton it, exposing my low cut bra. He undid the front clasps and my tits sprang free. He stopped with my neck, looked at my breasts hungrily and began feasting on them. Wrapping his mouth around one of my rock hard nipples, he began sucking nice and slow and hard while his hand was teasing my other nipple. My whole body was going into frenzy and started to tremble all over. I had to press my thighs together to try and stop the heating desire that had built up. I moaned loudly and threw my head back while I was blindly clawing at Adrian’s shirt, trying to tear it open. He quickened his pace and started to suck the other nipple just as hungrily as the first one. His other hand found its way up my skirt and my already dripping panties. His fingers crept in and found my love button and began to tease it, rubbing and rolling it between his fingers while I started to buck against his hand. My heart rate doubled and I was breathing like I had just finished running the marathon. I finally had managed to slip his shirt off, revealing a nicely toned chest with a soft layer of chest hair and nice looking nipples. I wanted to suck his nipples so badly. I have always been turned on by thinking about sucking a man's nipples. I could feel his hard on pressing into my thigh and after caressing his chest for a moment, my hands found their way to his jeans. He grabbed at my hand and said "No not yet and not here" He pulled me up and quickly threw me my shirt and grabbed my hand and said, "Let’s go to your place where we can finish our little tryst."

We went flying through the store, while Adrian grabbed some stuff hanging in the displays. I threw off the lights and locked the door. We got into my truck where he insisted that I drive like a maniac because he wanted to finish what he started and soon. He kept looking at me with hungry eyes and I couldn't concentrate on driving home very well. Luckily the roads were deserted at 3 o’clock in the morning. We made it to my house in record time, where I once again threw the keys on the hall table and Adrian picked me up while kicking the front door shut and locking it with his arms around me. "Where's your room, sugar?" I pointed to the left door at the end of the hall. As soon as we got there, he gently placed me on the bed while he got on top of me and ripped all my clothes off. His shirt was still off, not having put it on in the car. I fumbled with his fly, trying to get his huge erection out. “Not yet baby. I haven’t finished with you first!” Adrian began to kiss his way down my body. He started at my ears and nibbled his way down my neck, down between my breasts, gave each nipple a kiss and worked his way down my stomach. He lowered his head further and began to kiss my thighs. He was taking his time and whilst it felt good, I wanted to feel him inside of me. But he was purposely teasing me to make it all last longer. At this point my panties were completely soaked and dripping from my excitement. He ripped them off in one fell swoop. Some women would be mad at that, but I didn’t care. Hell he could rip up my entire fucking wardrobe I wouldn’t give a shit! This man is so fucking sexy and amazing that just being here with him was mind blowing.

Adrian wrapped his arms around my thighs and lowered his hot, wanting mouth to my pussy and began to kiss it softly. After a few seconds, he snaked his tongue between the folds of my hole and began to lick up and down. As soon as I felt his tongue touch my flesh, I went completely crazy and moaning out his name. “Oh, Adrian that feels so fucking good!” I murmured. I grabbed his head and pushed him harder against me as he continue to lap at me like a thirsty dog at his water bowl. I couldn’t contain myself longer and cummed on his face as he happily drank it all up. After a few more minutes of him licking and me squirting all over his face, Adrian finally came up for air. He proceeded to kiss me deeply, letting me taste myself on his lips. His cock was a raging hard on at this point. I reached down to squeeze it and a small moan escaped his lips. I pushed him onto the bed on his back and began my tour of his amazing body. I began by biting his earlobe and worked my way down his neck and chest. His hands were stroking my back. I continued south until I got to the crowning glory that was his huge cock. I started by kissing it up and down and then slowly licked the tip.

The Vulture was much endowed and I could only hope I could fit him into my watering mouth. I started by slipping the head into my mouth and slowly began working my way down and hoping I wouldn’t gag. This man made all of my ex boyfriends look teeny weeny. I inched slowly downwards until I could feel his head at the back of my throat and I had managed not to gag. Thank goodness. I quickened my pace and began to bob my head faster and faster. I used my hand in sync with my mouth to double the pleasure for Adrian . I knew he was enjoying it because I glanced up at him and his head was thrown back and his eyes closed; his face was twisted in pure bliss! He began to moan a little louder now and I knew any time he would be releasing his hot load into my hungry mouth. I looked up at him again and found his blue eyes staring back at me. My heart skipped a beat. He brought his hands to my hair and began to gently pull on it as he was nearing an orgasm. I felt him tense up and moan aloud right before splashing his love juice down my throat. He was loaded. Wave after wave of cum was pouring down my throat but I drank every last drop. He tasted wonderful and sweet. I lifted my head to regain my breath. We were both breathing quite heavily. He then said, “I want to taste your lips. Let me taste myself. I want to taste what you just did.” I was surprised. Every man I had been with refused to kiss me after going down on them. But not Adrian. More proof that he was a REAL man! I met his lips and we kissed deeply for several seconds. With our hearts still pounding, we lay there for a few minutes to catch our breath. I looked into his eyes as we lay side by side. His face was so gentle and loving. I always thought he had an amazing face. There was something especially special about his eyes and how he gazed lovingly at me. I stroked his face and snuggled close to him for a few more minutes.

But apparently Adrian wasn’t quite done with me yet. We began to kiss and touch each other once again and I felt him growing hard. He got on top of me and threw my legs over his shoulders and rammed his large cock into my burning up pussy. Oh, it felt so good. So big. I moaned and moaned. And he grunted as he thrust into me harder and harder. I couldn't hold back much longer. I knew I was on the verge of exploding and I needed satisfaction and NOW! The climatic waves kept getting higher and higher. Adrian’s moans started to get louder as well and we were moving to a passionate rhythm. I started to cry out, "oouuuu uhhhhhh Oh I'm coming. I'm Cummmmminnnng!" just as, with a low gutteral sound, he shot his load into me filling me up with his love jizz. He collapsed on top of me, both of our breathing heavily laboured. I could feel him sweating against my naked body, our hearts beating to a new drum. He rolled over and sighed and I leaned my head on his shoulder and put my arm around him. We were bathed in the faint light of the full moon shining in the window.

The sun started to come up and I woke with a start, feeling restrained somehow. I realised that someone had their arms around me and I looked over to see Adrian Toomes in my bed. That's when I remembered the previous night. I felt so warm and good knowing that my fantasy was right there with me in my bed!!! I couldn't resist. I leaned over and took one of his nipples into my mouth and started to softly suck on it. He stirred slightly then let out a soft moan and his arms came tighter around me. He said gently, "Oh that feels so good. I love when women play with my nipples. In fact you're the first woman who has done that. MMMmmmm." He moaned again. I lifted my head and met his gaze. "I have always wanted to suck a man off through his nipples, but my ex's were never too fond of it. I sure am glad you are" and I resumed my sucking. After awhile we just lay there in silence and I was thinking to myself that I just couldn't believe my luck. I still wondered if this was all a dream, and I pinched myself to check but so far this checked out to be reality. I knew it wouldn't last, it was only a one night stand, but one that I would remember for the rest of my life! We had both drifted off when Adrian whispered that he should be going now and so we both got up and he washed up and got dressed. I dropped him off at his car by the store. We stood in an awkward silence for a minute then he came over to me, put his arms around me and kissed me deeply and said, "Thanks for the wonderful time last night baby. You will always be in my dreams! Maybe we will cross paths again." And with that he was gone. I was shaking. I was happy but sad at the same time. He was such a gentleman and I think that overnight I had honestly fallen in love with him. I watched him drive away, probably getting on with his life once again. As I needed to with mine. I went back home and took a long bath, though not wanting to wash his scent off me. That was when I realised he had left his sweatshirt on the bed. I brought it up to my nose and breathed in his scent. I slept with it that night, and the night after that and so on. And my dreams were filled with Adrian Toomes. I was happy. I got to truly express my feelings for the man I had grown to love. My sexy silver-haired Vulture!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!..........................................................................

#michael keaton #adrian toomes #fan fiction #original character #omg I can’t believe I wrote this #no writers block

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rebelwheels-blog · 5 years

Text

You Are The Universe Experiencing Itself

January 30, 2018

Do not become / A “new you”. / This year, / Become / A better You.

Hello there, loyal readers. This update is going to have quite a quantity of information shared with you all, so be prepared not to be able to read all of this in one sitting. I’ll have headings as I usually do so that if there is something anyone wants to skip over, it’s easier to do so.

Hair and Color

More than two months ago, I decided that I needed a change. I’d had my red hair for so long, then ended up growing it out for various reasons, and I feel like having dyed hair makes it easier for strangers to come up to me and start a conversation. So, I booked an appointment with my hairdresser. Well, not my usual hairdresser, as he moved to another salon, but this one was friends with my trusted hairdresser. Plus, she did my dad’s hair, so I figured why not?

I wrote this a while back to post as another entry, but ended up not publishing it because, well, we’ll get to that later.

November 12, 2018

Got my hair cut and colored today. I have been deliberating on getting my hair cut lately as my hairdresser moved salons, and It’s about a half hour away… My hair has been kind of a touchy subject lately. But my dad convinced me that I was beginning to look a little too shaggy, or as he so eloquently put It, “homeless”. So, I booked an appointment with Annie, who cuts his hair and my grandmother’s, but today was our first time doing my hair. She’s a really cool individual plus she’s friends with my hairdresser so I figured I’d give her a try.

I’m really glad I did! She did an absolutely amazing job! My head fell only about three times and getting it colored was painless. Between her being careful but confident, and my Spinraza strengthened muscles, and Dad when he was needed, the three of us made a good team.

Originally, I was just going to do blue highlights. I’ve missed having my hair as a talking point for strangers, and I didn’t want to do red again, so I figured why not do something totally seemingly out of character?! I’ve thought about doing crazy colors before, but I have the confidence of a… Okay, everything has more confidence than I do when it comes to my appearance or personality. Anyway, I’ve been slowly trying to get back to my old cheerful self that did what she wanted to do because It made her happy, not because she wanted to Impress someone other than herself.

So that’s what I did.

When Annie showed me the shade of blue that I was thinking of doing, it was on a ring of other colors as well. In noticing this, an Idea was forming in my head, with the conversation that I had with my grandmother playing in the background.

“May I see the purple?” I asked with curiosity.

Who said I only had to have one color highlighted into my hair?

That’s how I ended up with glorious highlights of blue and purple.

It wasn’t until about two months later that I got to refresh my glorious cosmic hair, as my hairdresser had gotten sick the day I was originally going to redo it, and then I got sick on the day I rebooked with her. Which leads me into my next heading.

A Spin On Colds

Yes, that’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I got sick recently. Directly after Christmas, in fact. It was rather an interesting holiday this year as my grandfather came down with something right before my aunt flew in from New Jersey. So instead of spending Christmas with my grandparents like we have every year prior, my aunt and I slept over at my dad’s, so I wasn’t near germs. I have, I’m sorry, I had managed to stay healthy and not get sick for almost two years this coming February. However, after three late nights, and exhibiting much more energy than I have for quite a few years, my body ended up giving in to the sick life. This time, though, something was different. This time, I didn’t go downhill like I always do. This time, I got a regular old head cold.

Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. That first morning when my sore throat began to break, I coughed, and I sounded like I was drowning. Just like every sickness I’ve had to endure since I first started this seemingly endless battle with my own body back in 2015. My dad sounded more irritated than I can describe when he heard this cough first thing that morning, but nonetheless turned me on my side like I do every morning to get my glug out and set up my nebulizer to give me a treatment. Granted, I believe it may have been an hour that it took to get this stuff out, but the thing is, I got it out. And it stayed out. It would come back a bit every so often and if I didn’t keep up with my decongestants along with my nebulizer treatments, I’d end up getting really stuffy and would feel an allergy tickle in my sore throat, but it never went beyond this. One of the days, though, my throat hurt so much that I had to use my phone to communicate by having it read off the words I was typing. Luckily, that only lasted for one day. The day after that, it still didn’t feel great and I had to periodically have my phone talk for me, but this was all normal. No drowning in my own lungs, no wishing it would all just end, no epic depression after realizing I was sick again. Just felt… Sick.

Now, this is something absolutely huge in my life because I now know that if I do get sick, this is all that will happen. I now don’t have to live in constant paranoia that if I get sick, I might die. Why have I come to this conclusion? How could I possibly know that this wasn’t just a fluke and that this wasn’t just a coincidence? Well, first off, I don’t believe in coincidences. Secondly, I would have to have absolutely no knowledge of my own body to think that this situation will not replicate itself. Every single time I got sick before, it didn’t matter if it was from pain, stress, fatigue, whatever, I would end up going downhill and not being able to breathe without extreme fear of drowning without my Bipap. This time, I spent one full day with my breathing helper and I was actually able to eat. Which was absolutely amazing since my appetite has been rather small since my fifth Spinraza injection, resulting in me eating less and less which most likely did not help my body fight off this cold in the first place. Since I got over my sickness about a week and a half after coming down with it, my appetite has luckily increased. Dinner isn’t fun trying to get down still, but the rest of the day I am actually eating.

I cannot vocalize enough how grateful I am for being able to say that Spinraza has absolutely turned my life on its axis. If it weren’t for this incredible medication, I do not believe that my cold would have simply stayed as a cold the way it is supposed to.

A week ago, I did finally end up getting my hair redone and I am absolutely in love with it again as I actually went back to my pixie cut.

Cue cheesy smile

Written in the Stars

Even though Christmas was not at all what we had anticipated, there were a few good things that came out of it. I managed to send my friend in New Jersey a home made present created by yours truly, which in turn showed me that I can actually sew with a needle and thread now. I got photos with Santa and his wife who travel around my grandparent’s neighborhood with the fire department and a fireman came up to me with a hat saying I could come work for them any time I wished. I was buzzing by the end of that night even when I knew we couldn’t have our normal Christmas Eve dinner together. My family discovered that our long-time friends and neighbors were our secret Santa that did the 12 Days of Christmas with a gift waiting outside our front door every day from the fourteenth of December to the twenty-fifth. But what really made an impact on me this Christmas was what was in my stocking. A book. But not just any book, no, this book was a book of poetry. Light Filters In written by Caroline Kaufman was in my stocking and when I read the poem written on page eleven, I felt as though I was reading my own thoughts. For the first time, what I had been trying to explain to others, but mostly myself, was written down in this two-hundred poem book created by a female the same age as I am.

Poetry has been a fairly large interest of mine since I had to write my poem for class which I added to my video for the SMA Video Contest. Especially once my dad introduced me to The Doors when he made me watch the movie with Val Kilmer starring as Jim Morrison. That man made me want to write more poetry, then I read Ms. Kaufman’s poetry and I decide that I will follow in her footsteps, but with my own spin of my tires. So far, I have twenty-three poems written and I am not stopping there. Especially when all of this made me realize that I have been writing poetry for most of my life without even being conscious of it. I’ve always loved trying to write songs, but I could never figure out a chorus. I thought poetry had to rhyme, but I realized that this is a fallacy. Which has opened a portal that I never knew existed.

Which kind of brings me to my next topic, which is going to be under this heading because this is all pretty connected.

As I mentioned earlier, I entered a contest that was to explain what it is like living with SMA for me. I placed fourth, but I had and have absolutely no idea how to promote my creations. However, the first, second, and third place winners did. The reason why I am bringing this up is due to an email I received a few weeks back. Writing this down is not easy, even though I never knew him personally, he was and is a part of the SMA family and participated in the same contest I decided to partake in. Ryan Cotter, the third-place winner, passed away at the beginning of December due to complications caused by the disease we both endure. He was 17 years old and excited to attend college after he graduated this year and was accepted to Arizona State University’s Digital Culture degree program as he was fascinated by the creation of videos and luckily, he had the utilities to allow him to experiment and fulfill his want to create with technology.

Now, I have had this information in my possession for a few weeks now and I honestly have no idea where to pocket it. Hence this update being much later than I had intended. I am about to confess something that may or may not end up bringing hate mail in my comments or inbox, but I feel like this information needs to be out there. Ryan ended up impacting me in a way that I never imagined I could be impacted.

I never liked being around, associated with, or promoting the fact that I am apart of a disabled community. I never wanted to do the video contest as it ended up making me relive my darkest moments. I never made it all the way through each video that was also entered into the contest because I could not bare to see others like me. I never like the fact that I am disabled and never want anyone to acknowledge that I am unless it involves my limitations as I’ll end up beating myself up over something I cannot do if it is brought to my attention.

All of these things kept me from watching Ryan Cottor’s video before he passed. All of these things kept me from discovering that he and I had a lot in common and that we could have developed a friendship. All because I was selfish and did what I get angry at everyone else for doing. Judging someone before I get to know them. Due to this, I have been a big ball of guilty energy. I know that I cannot change the past, I know it’s a bit too late to ask for forgiveness, but I would give every injection I have had of Spinraza to him if it meant he could have lived the life he should have lived. However, this is only something that can happen in my imagination, so what I will do to try and set things right is to allow myself to become a better version of myself. Isn’t that what everyone else does this time of year? Make new years resolutions? Well this is mine.

I promise to become a better version of myself that has theories to suit facts instead of facts to suit theories. To know absolutely everything I can about a situation before believing I already do. To be an advocate for the disabled community that will not sugarcoat the truth to make it easier to swallow.

I may appear cynical at times, but the reality behind having such a debilitating disease is not a kind one. However, there are those like Ryan who would never allow that to be his reality, which allowed him to live life the way he wanted to. Not all of us are that fearless, but we can strive to be. The way I will strive to be fearless is to put together a book of poetry written by yours truly. Becoming an even better writer is what I will work on this year. I have taken my six months off, now it’s time to work. I don’t know if I will go to college, I don’t know if I will suddenly be able to walk with Spinraza leading the way like Venom does for Eddie when he heals him after his motorcycle accident, I don’t know if a celestial anomaly will hit the earth while I sleep and wipe out humanity’s only home, I don’t know if I will ever pluck up the courage to tell someone I love them, I don’t know if the next time I get sick that I will be able to get well again. None of us have any guarantees in this world, so we have to live it without fear and with an understanding that our lives are our own, to not let anyone else take anything away from it and only add to it.

I will be trying to add to this blog at least every week from now on. That way it will be easier to keep track of new advances in my strength and so forth.

I warned you this would be a long one. Thank you for reading until the end. If anyone has any questions, or just wants to chat, I will have all my contact information in my bio of my blog.

As this entry began with a poem, it will also end with one.

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