#mtap emily's farm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flannelepicurean · 8 months

Text

Xu & Me, Baby: Part 1

Okay. So…They’s gonna be spoilers ahead. And just. Buckle up. 😂

My Time at Portia is one of my new fave “little tasks in little towns” genre games. Like Stardew Valley and stuff, right? You move to a little town, you do a bunch of little tasks, you makes you some money, you meets some nice folks, you builds a life. Good times. And I’ve been having A BLAST playing it. It’s super cute. Looks a bit like an N64 Zelda game got a bit of an update and went a bit more cuddly. Love the gameplay. #NOPED the hell on out the first time I did a mission that had any real combat, though. 😂😂😂 But eventually learned that the combat system is VERY forgiving, and now I’m a certified BEAST. It’s not even fucking funny.

ANYHOW.

There’s a romance system, of course. And I ignored that for a good long while, because I had shit to do. My li’l guy was busy chopping trees and breaking rocks and building bookshelves and running a business and shit, and he already had his hands full fending off the thirsty-ass farm girl across the road who was I swear to GOD, for the THIRD FUCKING TIME, like, “Oh nooooo, my pesky chickens got out of the pen agaaaiiin, won’t some strapping Builder come help me round up these three baby chicks who are just bouncing innocently a mere ten feet away??? I’m just…sooooo tired, or…something…So out of breath, behold my heaving bosom…Farming, amirite??? Hahahaha…”

I FUCKING SEE YOUR GAMES, EMILY. But yeah, I’ll help you round up your fucking chickens, because I’m cool like that. Now here I go, casually jogging off to slay a dungeon because I still haven’t figured out there’s a button that makes me dash, and that probably has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that you want me to come plow your fields, sweetie.

But.

ANYHOW.

But.

Normally, I settle down with a nice emo boy or something. I have married SO MANY SEBASTIANS. There’s not really a Sebastian in Portia. There are some interesting folks, and I absolutely LOVE that there are some older candidates, and like SIX bachelors who are straight up fat guys who wear bucket hats and like…socks with sandals (they are six of a seven-brother set, and they’re pretty cool; most of them wear glasses, and a few of them have disabilities or sensory things and stuff, and I love seeing things like that in games). Not everybody is a twink or whatever. It’s just neat. There’s a cute doctor guy, and I was like, “Aw, he’s cute. I’d maybe be into him. He’s no Sebastian, though. SIGH.” And went about my business.

I thought about some of the ladies, even! Started contemplating a HETERO MARRIAGE, for the FIRST TIME EVER, in a little-tasks-little-towns game! (Wasn’t about to marry thirsty farm girl, though.) There’s a super-cool gal in the game who’s a member of the town’s Civil Corps, and comes and kicks ass on some of the dungeon missions with you, and I was like, “Damn, I respect her so much, and she’d be a hell of a partner, but I feel like we’d be better friends?” And there’s a GORGEOUS Black girl who’s a SCIENCE LADY, and has a…VOICE. Like…DAMN. Why does everything turn to garnet-red velvet and white chocolate fondue when she says, “Hi,” just LITERALLY, a casual greeting? Maybe it’s just me. But goddamn. She’s got the lady equivalent of a Barry White voice, and she just blesses homeboy with it when she talks about Data Discs. So that was off the table, and I didn’t want to take her away from her work, and I didn’t think she’d put up with his triflin’ ass anyway.

And then there’s Sonia.

Sonia is the waitress. Sonia is a Valley Girl. Sonia is into fashun, and it’s spelled fashun in her head when she talks about it. Sonia loves gossip, and makeup, and accessories. Sonia is a stereotype, except for the fact that she’s not, like…blonde. She’s fucking cute, but at first I found her kind of grating. But then I was like, “No. You know what? You’re living your best life. You’ve got it together. You’ve got a job that you are working and workin’, and you’re best friends with the flamboyantly gay guy who runs the front desk at the Commerce Guild, and y’all are gonna get what you want. You are right. Shoes, Sonia. Oh my god, shoes, girl. You’re right.” And then I was like, “…I’m gonna marry Sonia. Boom bam.”

‘Cause I could see her poppin’ her hip and sashaying around my house like, “Heeeyyy Sweetieeee!” except it would be spelled Sweaty in her head. And we would have the most ADORABLE babies, and they would be the best-dressed and weirdest-dressed babies in all of Portia and she would be like, “HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK WHAT I MADE!” when we introduced our baby to people. And my li’l guy would be like, “Well, hon, I helped a little,” and she’d be like, “Oh my gahhhh, you like…brought some supplies!” but she would laugh, too.

So I brought her a little giftie every now and again. I’d bring her a necklace and be like, “Yeah. Bitches love necklaces.” She loves necklaces. And I’d bring her a Small Satchel and be like, “Yeah. Bitches love handbags.” She loves Small Satchels. I’d bring her straight-up raw gemstones and be like, “Yeah. Bitches love sparkles.” She fuckin’ loves Topazes. She’d light up like, “Getting this on my birthday makes me feel like the richest girl in the world!” and I’d be like, “Ya goddamn right, baby. Get spoiled. You ‘bout to get u a man who don’t run to a dungeon.” We were gonna be the greatest. I knew we were gonna own that town and rule the world. Fucking look at us.

Boy howdy was I wrong.

Because. I started getting into some actual task and mission content. Doing some serious dungeon diving, building up the property, trying some areas of the game I hadn’t dug into. And next thing I know, in comes Dr. Xu. This fucking goober:

Look at this cutie. Just look at him. And he’s an absolute nerd. Real adult-Gohan of a li’l guy, but without all the superpowers. Just a goof. If you went to the Silly Goose Convention, everyone there would know him. He’d be the keynote speaker, and drop all his little notecards, and be like, “Uhh…er…guess I’m gonna have to wing it…” and get startled when everyone laughed, and then be like, “Oh! Hah...wing it…Ha, I get it now!”

DOCTOR. FUCKING. XU. Of whom, you may recall, I had earlier thought, “Oh he’s cute, but he’s no Sebastian.” Weeellllllllll, he popped up with some of his trademark, "Oh dear, oh goodness, oh—NOTHING! NEVER MIND," nonsense one day, and then his “Hell-o-o-oooooooooo, NURSE!” nurse sidekick, Phyllis, was like, “Haha, here’s the first step in a 10-step silly-goose chase storyline mission, enjoy the next week and a half!” and I was like, “Uhh, don’t you mean wild-goose chase?” and she was like, “Great! See ya later!”

So I spent the next damn near 11% of my fucking YEAR going to one townsperson after another, doing random-ass shit to gather and disperse MacGuffins, and then Sergeant Silly Goose was like, “Awesome! Cool, cool, cool. Now, just meet me across the bridge tomorrow night.” So, off I go, casually jogging across the bridge to get

SNEAK ATTACKED

by a

SURPRISE GODDAMN DATE

with

FUCKING FIREWORKS.

And I was LIVID. Seriously. Like, “OH MY GOD. REALLY? REALLY?! Ugh. You absolute menace. You adorable little try-hard. FINE. FINE!!! Guess I'll go rearrange my freakin' house, now, and maybe finally get around to decorating, because we’re OBVIOUSLY gonna GET MARRIED, you FUCKING LUNATIC!!! I can’t fucking believe you, literally unbelievable…”

Target audience nuked from orbit.

He is no Sebastian. He’s a shoujo manga hero who has breached containment.

He may have the upper hand now, but he better watch the fuck out. Somebody is leaving that clinic pregnant, and it’s not gonna be me.

5 notes · View notes

mtaportia · 6 years

Text

Update 9.0 / 21st of November, 2018

Most of you might’ve noticed (or even played) it already: The long-awaited 9.0 MTaP update has finally been released, and it features A LOT of new content! <3

THE CONTENT As always, here’s a compact and short (at least as short as possible) list of changes for those who want a quick overview! The entire summary of the update, featuring a huge changelog, can, as always, be found on the game’s official Steam news page!

★ A new main story quest has been added ('Finding the All Source'), as well as a new storyline for Emily and more side missions in general! ★ There's a completely new area (won't spoil the name for you) with new buildings AND, of course, new monsters! On top of that we also got three new dungeons! ★ Several changes have been made to existing areas: South Station now has a new shop where it's possible to exchange products for Gols, the Happy Apartments (on Peach Plaza) can now be entered and the appearance of AG construction company, the Portia news press and the homes of Gale, Alice and Arlo changed. If you need a little change yourself: A new workshop appearance has been added too! ★ Of course there are also a lot of new items, including two new outfits (and four new hairstyles, of course), advanced weapons, more furniture in the exchange store, new wallpapers and floorings, a feather duster (to pet your animals at once), a name change items for pets, a floor cleaner (dismiss all flooring & furniture in a certain area) - and, in the farming category: cornball and apple tree. ★ NPCS: ...can now ask you out on a date (by standing in front of your house), several characters now have their own facial expressions and fighting postures. Spouses will now help you pet your animals as an addition to their farming help. Also, did I mention that you can ask the Civil Corps to collect monster loot for you? ★ Festivals: The Martial Arts Tournament as well as the Snowball Fight have been added, which will provide you with some special items if you’re up for the challenge! Furthermore, there have been changes for the Day of Memories and the Land Race (read more about it in the news)! ★ To make things more fun & easy for minigames, a “play again” button has been added (dart, roping, shooting balloons, fishing). Fishing will finally increase your experience points! When you choose to ride the hot air balloon during a date, there’s now also a photoshoot event! ★ New monsters have been added, including some elite monsters! ★ Now for some handy little changes to make your gameplay in Portia more enjoyable: It is now possible to interact with NPCs while you’re walking, a search function for material sources has been added, and they included several new maps and guides to help anyone who’s as disoriented as me sometimes! :’) And even better: If you reached friend or above with an NPC, his or her location will show up on the map. ★ The system will automatically take screenshots during a cutscene, but if you skip it, you won’t be shown in the screenshot! ★ Other changes include new achievements, adjustments to prices, recipees,, attacks and buff timers more background music and sounds, settings for saturations, an on-and-off switch for rain and snow, adjustments to the UI when holding items (including the item’s name) as well as the factory UI and quest letter appearance - and many many bugfixes.

Of course that’s not everything in detail, but I tried to include all the relevant changes. Now get out there and have fun playing! :3c

#my time at portia #mtap #update #official #(official update)#yas talks #text post #9.0 #//#I HAVE TO ADMIT I HAD NO TIME TO PLAY YET!#But it's only because my birthday is tomorrow and I have so much planned <3

4 notes · View notes