#my dream job is to have no job etc

[stuckinapril]

#my dream job is to have no job etc #i

[cidnangarlond]

I definitely have some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder I am Not normal

#it's probably paranoid. tbh. cluster a at least #have forced myself to have some kind of filter bc if I posted all the shit I genuinely think u guys would Not want to be around me #me wearing a tshirt that says ASK ME ABOUT MY PARANOID DELUSIONS #cannot get into them all but it's standard fare I suppose. being watched hidden cameras being spied on etc etc you know how it goes #that's also not getting into my very strong belief about like. this whole potential serial killer thing Don't Ask it's years old now #but I went crazy w that one. don't worry about it tho #and then your typical self hatred and self loathing and seeing and hearing things on occasion #interpreting my dreams as having a greater meaning and thinking mundane things are signs. should probably bring this up to my psych #next month when I see her. I'll probably forget again though. oh well #there's also like. I know it's her job but I'm scared to bring any of these things up idk why but the idea of telling her all this scares me #idk though! cross that bridge when things get awful

[bsaka7]

sorry the funniest thing about hockey is that they really make these guys play in. des moines. st paul. loser ass sports cities.

#i can say this bc i have at various points in my life driven to both of these places once a week. #i mean i like st paul and i have gone to st paul sts games etc and tbh i like dsm too but it's soooo funny to me #dude living their professional sporting dream. lives in st paul. dude gets drafted to an nhl team. moves to DES MOINES #or rockford #god i don't even like Rockford but they have a banger off-season robotics comp #i can't even bear to go look at the full list of where these teams are. #mke is cool tho even tho i literally didn't know mke had a hockey team until like. last month #do u guys hate me i have strong opinions on Midwest geography. i can't believe im going to Boston for 6mo #im going to be eaten alive and then maybe move out west for one more winter OR im moving to the tc and getting a real job #hock.txt #'to the tc' I need to be an hour away or im killing myself #i worry these posts Will let u find out where I'm from but then i remember i post about it occasionally lol. if u know u know. #ALL THIS cuz i saw a pic of big dew and i was like wow he could have been one of the average-cute boys at my hs #So instead of making a mean post. I made this one.

[hawkeyedflame]

.

#my new job is like a damn dream btw #i'm not getting paid as much as my target was but it more than makes up for it in really good work culture #and tons of employee engagement/amenities that are just fucking Nice #not that i utilize most of this but: cafe with free food and drinks. 24/7 on-site gym access. very flexible work schedule. #frequent free food events #discounts on sport/concert tickets/ski resorts/etc #unlimited PTO. tuition reimbursement. volunteer support (can take time out of your work day to do volunteer work while still getting paid). #my manager's ethic is: don't care what hours you work as long as you're here at the morning meeting and get all your work done #basically as long as i communicate i can work 7-3 or 8-4 or 9-5 or whatever suits my personal schedule #and i am allowed to leave when my work is done. no sitting around twiddling my thumbs trying to look busy #if all i have left is data analysis i can leave early and do it from home if i want #i can set up my work so that i can work from home once or twice a month. something i never thought I'd be able to do as a bench scientist #its so amazing compared to anywhere else I've worked #i'm sure it's laughable compared to the super wealthy pharma companies but those are evil places so i'm happy with this #ALSO i get regular raises and a merit bonus every year #just...wow what a great place to settle down for a few years

[theflyingfeeling]

so I'm going through the course contents of the courses I'll be teaching in my new job (yesssss it hasn't been cancelled wohoo) and I'm equal parts scared scared oh so scared because I have no idea if I'm at all qualified to teach any of this stuff, but at the same time I'm ridiculously excited because I get to teach about e.g. phonetics and I fucking love phonetics?? 😭

#i know the students will likely be slightly less thrilled than i am because phonetics can be a pain in the ass #it takes a while to get used to the terminology etc. #also writing!! i get to teach writing!! 😭😭😭😭😭 #i mean yeah i got to teach writing to highschoolers in my previous job too but it was...not quite the same let's put it like that :) #i'm feeling super tired though from feeling sadsadsad all weekend and from staying up so late to write my new fic #but i'm having the time of my life reading through all the course materials for phonetics aaaaaaa #did you know assimilation affects alveolar consonants t d n s z more than other consonants? 🥰 #my absolute dream job would be to teach joel proper pronunciation of english lol

[blog--witch]

Okay!!!!!!!!! I watched GO2!!!!!!!!! I’m once again feeling insane

#good omens #I’ve been busy but I finally watched the whole season #screaming and cheering at the end lmao mean!!!!!! I was like ok based on how everyone’s being they’re gonna be separated at the end #and Christine and I were like ok is aziraphale gonna be offered a job. and is he gonna take it. 🤨 #but I did NOT think there was also gonna be a whole ass Crowley confessing his feelings scene where he Kissed Him On The Mouth #they’re insane for this #Christine: well we are in a post-ofmd world. me: I forgot about that. I’m still trapped in spn mindset hell #what do u mean the two pale coconuts actually jumped together on screen #*bumped #anyways. I get it guys #also tho I’m so excited lol are they gonna be nemeses next season???????? that’s my dream!!! I always want to see friends etc that then #become foes bc of Circumstances #but also tell me aziraphale wasn’t already like Oh I Fucked Up by the end of the ep #how long until he tries to go back to Crowley and this time I think he’ll actually have to do any amt of work to earn Crowleys forgiveness #which he rly has never had to do before lol #but that man Fucked Up “I forgive you shut up!!!!! 😭 #also the blatant amount of dr who references. yeah I remember he’s the doctor thank you for reminding me!!!!!! #I saw a tiktok that was like all my teenage girls in their 20s rn are like BARK BARK BARK WOOF MEOW about David Tennant rn and it’s soo true #The Eternal Tumblr Sexyman #ANYWAYS AGAIN #I’m just dispensing all my thoughts here bc I don’t have time to scroll through a tag and feel insane and I don’t need to barf all these #onto someone else’s post #so here we are #I need to find something else to think about today bc every time I remember crowleys face as he was trying to eek out an I Love You I feel #physically nauseous #what am I supposed to do after that! #sorry to anyone who read all these tags I didn’t mean to

[handsmotif]

gary i think i might need to kill my self

#i’m ok dw i’m just urggghhhhh #i know i’m on a path to making my life better rn but it’s going to take yearsssssss #i need to snap my fingers and i have my dream job dream house dream car etc.

[raven]

adults when they discouraged me from pursuing any of my dreams because they were unrealistic when i begin to not want to do anything ever for very rational reasons: 😱

#me: i cant be a teacher for (extremely reasonable explanation that ive thought about for literal years) #them: uh but.. you need to have a job ⁉️and if you want to do it⁉️ #i understand that being a teacher is way more useful to society than my first dream which was actor but still where was that energy #LOL. being 12 and being told 'good luck sleeping your way to the top' (also implying that i wasnt attractive enough either etc) #and now you wonder why i make massive lists of reasons why i cant do anything and dont tell anyone. whateverr

[spaceshipkat]

.

#look i have no idea where i stand on the idea of heaven (or indeed afterlives and whatnot) #as an agnostic person raised v v v lutheran #(aka my mom worked at our church and my first two jobs were w the church—first helping in the kitchen and then in the nursery w the babies) #(and i was also in the choir to sing and the bell choir playing the itty bitty handbells at the highest octaves) #(basically my siblings and i were at the church pretty much every day of the week) #BUT. TO CEASE WITH RAMBLING. #my eldest brother died eight years ago (we realized my older brother is now the age our eldest brother was when he died) #and it doesn’t really affect me much anymore. i still miss him but it’s not awful yknow? #you never stop missing them but it gets easier to live without them etc etc #however this morning i woke up w depression bc the brain chemistry said ‘ha fuck you’ #but i remember i had a dream last night about my eldest brother and the only thing from that dream that i remember #is him hugging me. like a huge fucking bear hug like i haven’t had since he died. #and i have been a Mess all day as a result bc fucking hell thats what i needed #just a huge fucking bear hug from him #ANYWAY. i have two thousand words to cut from this edit letter due tomorrow so byeee gonna go continue to be a Mess

[pechebeche]

steeples fingers over the triumphs and defeats. the epic highs (i am playing a gacha game and it is turning on my susceptible happy chemicals) and lows (emotional break over feeling slightly annoying) of high school football (high school football). my fellow shareholders. mayhaps. i am struggling a bit

#deleted the other vent post. too emotionally vulnerable #the fact that i have lots of stuff due in literally a week seemingly having no effect on my ability to accomplish tasks too #my dream job is 'burden on american taxpayers' etc etc #personally #going to buy some leetle chocolates 2morrow with my For Little Treats funds thank u everyone for thise #*those #disclaimer: not in high school football. am in fact 25

[gobbluthbutagirl]

one thing about me is i’m not going back to LA while the strike is going because there is absolutely no reason for me to be there

#literally that’s my dream job like that’s why i moved to la in the first place i wanted to break in #and then i literally got sidetracked by the triumphs and defeats the epic highs and lows of working at World’s Worst Target #absolute clown shoes existence i’m living 🤡 #i FAILED to take into consideration that the reason the stereotype is ‘aspiring actors/writers/etc take serving jobs’ #and NOT ‘aspiring actors/writers/etc take retail jobs’ is TIPS. you do NOT get tips working at World’s Worst Target!!! #you have to survive off $17.25 an hour when you pay $1425 a month for a shithole with no oven. and it wears you out. it wears you out. #and then you finally quit and you’re so mad about the shithole apartment that you literally just put in your notice #and return from whence you came #and then the same day you finally get your deposit back the WGA goes on strike and you’re like. oh perfect timing on my part actually

[iwantyoursexmp3]

the 'i want to do my masters in writing so i can teach writing at university level' to 'i'm starting to believe creative writing should not be a degree that you can get at all' pipeline

#not in a shaming individuals who have or plan to get writing degrees way. i mean im still considering it #like from an academisation of writing pov.... #i dont think a writing degree should have the weight that it does with the barriers it creates #the thing is my dream job/state of existence is things that would only be possible to keep me afloat #if i did writing postgrad and go the right connections at the right time #but i dont like anything that turns writing into an institution and creates barriers for access #i dont think writers esp vulnerable writers should be taught that to get certain levels of access they need #to put themselves through a system that is so sexist misogynistic homophobic transphobic racist ableist bigoted etc #and that's if they can even GET in the programs in the first place #i got offers for my dream MA two years in a row and the only thing that stopped me was costs #and now if i apply again i wont be able to use my writing teachers as references because they have to have taught me in the last two years #SO WHO TF DO I USE!!!! #i think there needs to be more cultivation in spaces that study and share writing theory and create workshop and connections without #the academic institution of it all #idk im starting to be like what will a writing MFA give me except connections and access #also i was wondering why im slower at writing short fiction than i was last year BITCH!! YOU WERE IN A CREATIVE WRITING CLASS #you literally HAD to write stories so you might as well submit them! #the only reason i have a pushcart nom and a writing grant is bc of the stories i had to write for that class

[swordsofsaturn]

the problem with having grown up poor is that you always spend your hard earned money as soon as you get it and you feel forever immensely guilty and like you're a failure for doing so except usually you're just buying. normal things

#i am having a full argument with myself over whether to spend 100+ on like. potting mix and pots for my plants that are still just #pathetically sitting in their original plastic shit i bought them in. and also fertiliser etc but like #it's normal to spend your money you earned at your job on something like plants. it is not stupidly and carelessly indulgent #and it's the knowledge that this is just. the smallest things really #god forbid i ever dream of being able to afford something CRAZY like a CAR. that would be insane to me #but it's just normal to have a car for most people. idk #whatever i'm rambling #when will i ever stop feeling guilty for spending money #when will i ever feel like i'm not by default a failure re finances

[celestefem]

oh, someone bought one of my zines on etsy!

#personal #honestly i’m so psyched! i put up some journals i made like a year ago and nothing happened at all #so i was expecting this to be the same… #edit: oh and i was looking the guy up and if it’s the same guy he might have a collection of lgbt books magazines pamphlets etc #that he dontated to a local college? and they have a fellowship where you can apply and they’ll pay for your transportation; living expenses #*donated #to go and read stuff from this collection of rare lgbt-related items and write a paper about it?? #even if it’s not the same guy that would be like my dream job…. i might actually apply next year

[liebelesbe]

hmmmmmmm

#been feeling pretty childish recently bc my anxiety makes it so I can't do.. casual grown up things very well? #phone calls. making doctor appointments. sending emails. etc etc. #and like I'm not doing anything. I know I'm starting a job in September but like. #who knows how long that'll last before I inevitably hate it & stop doing it & have to find something else #ANYWAYS. what I wanted to say is. #my. I want to say friend but I haven't talked to her in over 2 years so. person who used to be my friend I guess? #is a musician/singer and she's going on tour & it's sold out & she'll be on tv tomorrow on a pretty well known show and I just #I KNOW i shouldn't compare myself to others my age (and younger. she's 1 year younger than me) but still it's like. #I used to want to be a musician & I only stopped wanting that bc my anxiety got worse and seeing someone #I used to be close to living that dream is like.... ouch oof. hurts. #also the fact that we stopped talking which also was my anxiety I guess #can I beat my anxiety up?? therapy & working on it fucking sucks I want to beat it up. stab it maybe. #doddie redet

[artificial-horizon]

getting rejected from one ATC company while getting accepted to the next interview stage with another ATC company on the same day... why r u doing this to my emotions

#the sadness of the former definitely outweighed the happiness of the latter for a few days lol i was ANGSTYYYY #now gotta focus on the opportunity i have and try to ace it #i can apply to the first place again in a year anyway so i'm TRYING to get some sense of hope from that #at least the next interview stage at the second place means going abroad and doing tests in person aka i get to travel on a plane YAY :) #if i can get my adhd ass brain into shape i will actually be spending the next month preparing for the tests #somehow #i need to tame my rabid relentless chaotic obsession with getting my dream job #and turn it into a laser focused weapon of determination and drive #because i WILL do this no matter fucking what #i've also booked a flight lesson for next week (!!!) as a pick me up after all the bs going on recently :D #RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED for it cos who can be sad about life when you're flying thru the sky <3 #also wanna see if i can get any fun ATC-related insider info and nerdery from the instructor etc #i hope they can tell me how to get into the control tower... #atc