#my finger was FULL of puss I mean f u l l

[academiccockroach]

it's 1 AM and I have a very specific bone to pick with a very specific thing I consume, enjoy and endorse wholeheartedly

here's the thing about vampire bites. they are depicted as this little unhinged and nasty but mostly sexy thing right. our guy (gender neutral) gets bitten and it's like ah! it hurts but also it hurts good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). and here im talking about like. proper vampire teeth, non of that twilight bullshit just two to four proper fangs nothing more nothing less

well clearly the person writing the sexy biting smut scene has never been bitten by a cat. I dont mean like 'ah no Scruffy bit me a little' i don't even mean 'oh no Sceuffy bit me a lot' i mean like a fully grown ass feral cat that has never been touched by human in its life and craves the taste of flesh biting thru skin muscle cartilage -even sometimes bone- whatever the fuck you got in your meat sack that tiny needle thin tooth is piercing right through it

and here's the thing. it doesn't hurt at first oh no. okay well it hurts but if doesn't hurt too much ya know what i mean. and it leaves a cute little mark nothing serious at all

but in a day that wound is gonna swell. and it's gunna. hurt like all fuck because it just directly injected about five gazillion bacteria directly into a neat little incubation pouch and then closed it right up. its gona swell its gonna ooze and throb and hurt and if that shits in your neck ur pretty much done for i mean an infection right next to the jugular is just easy mode for the bacteria

so unless your vampire boyfriend gargles with antiseptic beforehand you aint gotta worry about turning or bleeding out or developing a biting kink cus youre gonna be delirious from meningitis with a football sized phlegmone in your neck beggjng for the sweet sweet release of death thank you for coming to my ted talk please ensure your vampire boyfriend employs proper dental hygiene

#i also find the image of the morning after hilarious #no walk of shame but ambulance ride of shame to get the wound disinfected #and yea ive been bitten by a caf recently and reevaluated my stance on this issue #its been more than a week and my finger just stopped hurting #it legitimately looks like ive put it into a saw trap #i mean the cat had a right to bite me but man dod you have tk bite THROUGH the joint #i legitimately cried from pain four nights in a row there was no medication strong enough to stop the the trobbing #my finger was FULL of puss I mean f u l l #and I must add I got it properly cleaned right away antibiotics anti inflammatory drugs tbe whole package #i know what im doing alright but man i never want to experience thag again #one of the worst pains in my life and I've broken five bones and dislocated multiple joints #ive had thick ass meedles inserted directly into my knee no anaesthetic whatsoever and it don even come CLOSE #I HOPE THAT LITTLE SHIT IS HAPPY #roachrambles #vampires #tw biting

[fatbottombucky]

Thank You’s Go A Long Way *Steve Rogers x Reader*

@moonlight-mindfulness​ Requested: Steve working with a reader with intrusive thoughts (the depression/PTSD kind) and just giving her all the warmth and attention she needs whenever she feels bad, but also Reader being badass and just super sassy to him whenever she is in good spirits. I also just always like self care or someone helping the other w self care in fanfic. In case you want a steamy scene you could write her "Thank you" to him that evening 👀😏

Pairing: Steve Rogers x [F]Reader

Ratings: [+18] MATURE CONTENT

Warnings: Rough days and thoughts. Depression can be a bitch, tad angsty due to that. MAJOR F L U F F! Male Oral Receiving, cause lol

Notes: This... is way longer than I planned. Also, I haven’t written for Steve in a hot second. So, if this terrible... I apologise. - Rosalie 

Requests are still open; men and female requests welcomed. I do want some female marvel character requests, got a lot of dudes, so c’mon...

24 HOURS EARLIER

“Oh, this was a bad idea,” Steve muttered into your ear over the loud gun shots being fired in your direction. 

You don’t answer, so he looks towards you to see your cheeky smile. It almost makes him think this is perfectly fine, almost. You peek around the table you’re both behind, you almost get your head blown off and you have the audacity to laugh. 

This is exciting to you, exhilarating even and that’s always confused Steve, but he feeds off of your energy. You have this thrill seeking attitude towards missions. It’s both a gift and a cruse for him, because his reckless nature combined with your thrill seeking: it’s a deadly combo. 

But you are both always trying to outdo one another, it’s a sick challenge. 

“So, what’s the plan?” 

He looks down at you with raised eyebrows, wide eyes and a gobsmacked face, he’s meant to have a plan? For the shit you caused? The shit-eating grin you grace him with makes his heart flutter, but he’s not letting you off that easily. 

“You’re Captain America,” you state obviously, “so man with a plan, let’s get outta here.” 

He shakes his head dramatically, licking his lips as he looks over the table. There’s a drastic difference in bodies in this room, this whole operation was meant to be shutting down this organisation- collecting information too. Only it was shit from the get-go, for some reason instead of calling for back-up you both went further down in the bunker. 

Now you’re both stuck. 

“Still want to get that intel?” He asks you and you frown, tilting your head slightly, “I can hold them off, there’s a door just there,” he nods to behind you, “there’s a computer in there. You should be able to hack into them and get some kind of intel we can use.” 

You begin to shake your head, “no way. There’s like thirteen of them, Steven. You’re gonna get seriously hurt.” 

“Not if you’re quick, I’ve calculated the probability and it’s doable,” you roll your eyes, “better me than you, okay? We either go back empty handed or we get some type of information on these assholes.” 

You only nod once at him, turning towards the door and deeply breathing. You look over your shoulder and cheekily smile at him, adding a wink for extra flare. 

4 HOURS EARLIER 

“Will you quit squirming?” You scold the man-child before you, he huffs loudly and sulks as you clean his shoulder. 

He winces when you press the cloth to the wound, “It stings.” 

“Yeah, well that’s what happens when you get shot!” You exclaim and shake your head when he pouts. 

The Quinjet’s sink is covered in Steve’s blood and bloody gauzes, Steve watches as you use the small medkit to patch up his wound. Your eyebrows are knitted together, tongue poking out in concentration. 

The gunshot no longer hurts or stings, his body already healing it for him. It looked worse than it felt, he knew that, but that didn’t stop you from worrying about him. Honestly, it was a lucky shot and a fluke he even got hit. 

“Done.” You begin to close the sewing kit and smile at him, ruffling his golden hair. 

“Thank you,” he grabs your wrist and kisses it tenderly, it causes you to scrunch your nose and make a gagging noise at his tenderness. “You’re so fucking mean,” he playfully pinches your side, you flip him off before heading out of the small bathroom and back to the cockpit. 

PRESENT TIME

Your mind raced over yesterday’s events. How you managed to remain calm at the fact Steve got shot was a surprise, especially since your hands are shaking now. The same hands that masterfully sewed the bullet wound shut. Stopped the bleeding and cleaned him up. 

This is your normal. Why the hell are you crying now? Getting shot on a mission is basically a normal date night for you both... 

A soft knock is sounded through your apartment, you make no move to get out of bed, even when whoever it is knocks a couple more times. If they’re someone important or it’s serious they’d have a key... it seems they do. 

The front door creeks open, keys are thrown into the glass bowl with all your change and keychains. Shoes are toed off, a jacket is being hung up on the hooks and then soft padding of footsteps are echoing towards your bedroom. 

Door is pushed open, a tall figure is illuminated from the hallway lights. A sigh escapes you, it’s only Steve, your boyfriend, so it’s all okay.  He’s fine, he doesn’t look angry even. 

“You look snug,” He comments softly as he crawls onto your bed, laying over your covers and manoeuvring himself to laying beside you and facing you. 

You’re silent in response, staring at your hands that are pulling threads at your blanket. Steve doesn’t speak again, choosing to remain quiet but he lifts a hand to tentatively play with your hair- you look at him and he gives a questioning glance, you shrug softly and he continues. 

His fingers rub your scalp softly in circular motions, smiling when you scoot a little closer towards him. You don’t often let people touch your hair/head(head if you have a shaved head like me), but when you do it’s comforting and relaxing; could almost make you fall asleep. 

“How is your shoulder?” your voice is barley above a whisper. 

“Perfectly healed,” you nod once, “hey,” somehow his voice is even softer than before, “wanna do face-masks and eat chocolate?” 

You raised an eyebrow, you felt really lethargic but nod. Steve leans over and kisses you softly before getting off of the bed, he switches on the fairy lights twirled around your headboard. You watch as he walks towards the bathroom and rummaging around in your cabinets. 

It’s a full two minutes before he returns and puts the masks in his back pocket, he extends a hand out to you causing you to shake your head slightly. You didn’t want to leave the bed, you wanted to stay in bed. 

“We have to leave the bed, Y/N,” you sigh and sit up, he chuckles when you make grabby hands for him- no way are you going to walk. He lifts you up effortlessly in his arms, “the bed is where monsters lie and you can’t listen to those.” 

He sits you on the sofa and then settles beside you, silent as he crosses his legs and opens the packet of face-mask. A bag of snacks are on the coffee table. Between sitting up and looking through the contents of food the Netflix theme startles you, you faintly smile as he searches for Brooklyn Nine Nine. 

He tells you that he’s going to put your face-mask on for you, your heart swells as he gently pats the cold paste around your face. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells you sincerely. 

Normally you’d roll your eyes at his cheesiness, but you don’t have it in you. 

“Even with a cucumber mask on making me look like Shrek?” 

He nods sweetly, “You’re the Fiona to my Shrek,” as you put his on for him. “Sam is Donkey,” he mutters faintly and you giggle. 

“Who is Buck?”

“Puss in Boots,” you frown and huff a laugh, “he’s always been the cool cat and the one ladies fawn after.” 

You smile softly, “but Shrek gets the princess. Not always about looks, Steven.” He nods with a shy grin, a blush forming on his cheeks at your implication. 

Sitting in silence and watching Brooklyn Nine Nine with snacks, you couldn’t ask for a better distraction. Steve keeps a hand on your thigh, softly drawing patterns on your skin. Everything about this is perfect. 

After twenty minutes Steve helps wash your mask off in the kitchen sink, laughing when you wipe your wet face on his shirt. 

“I didn’t bring spare clothes with me,” he whines. 

“I have shirts I stole from you in my room,” he gasps in mock shock at you, following you back to the bedroom where you show him your stash of his clothing. 

It’s almost comical at how many shirts and joggers you have of his. Not that he minds, of course. You wearing his clothes is a favourite of his, he loves seeing you randomly in his stuff.  *** After almost a whole season worth of Brooklyn Nine Nine you’re both back in your bed, facing one another and talking aimlessly into the darkness. 

“Thank you.” 

“Hey,” he wraps an arm over your body and pulls you towards him, “I love you. I’m not going to let you suffer in silence, especially not alone. So if you need to lay in bed in silence all day, then we’ll do it together. But I know how the mind works, twists thing and being in bed can be damaging too. Those monsters lie to you, so I couldn’t let it keep talking.” 

You lean forward and press your lips to his gently, a surprise grunt rises from the back of his throat. Your hand settles on his jaw, stroking lightly as you deepen the kiss. 

After a few minutes of making-out you push on Steve’s shoulder forcing him to settle on his back, you slyly smile as you lay over him and push the covers down as you travel down his body too. 

“Y/N,” his breathless voice has you smirking, “you don’t have to.” 

Judging by his breathy voice and obvious reaction to the potential possibility has you curving an eyebrow, his shoulder shrug in response and you chuckle. 

“It’s a thank you,” you pull his briefs down, “you’ve been so good to me today, treated me so nicely.” 

Before he can respond you lick a broad strip up his length, a guttural groan leaves his lips loudly. You smile proudly before getting back to work, lapping at the tip teasingly before taking him into your throat. You can’t fit all of him in your mouth, a slight gagging sound emits from you when he lifts his hips up to meet your mouth. 

You pull back up, gasping slightly and working him with your hand. Licking at his length as you sped up your hand movements, smiling when he moans your name loudly, hand finding the back of your head; a silent plea for your mouth to replace your hand. 

Accepting that you take him down again, bobbing your head and hallowing your cheeks. “Fuck,” he grunts rather loudly, “stop!” He whines and you slowly pull off him, your tongue staying on the tip as you watch him clam down. “Can we-Do you wanna?” 

You climb up his body, hand still wrapped around his cock, “You don’t think my thank you was enough?” The question is paired with a coy smile. 

“More than enough, but I wanna express my gratitude for looking after me yesterday.” 

Please leave a nice comment/ like, maybe reblog? Any communication would be awesome :) I had my BETA help with the oral scene because... never sucked a dick lmao bye *peace sign* Let me know what you think! - Rosalie

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagines #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers x female reader #captain america imagines #captain america x reader